Our Friend Is Demanding We Pay For A Dinner Party She Hosted r/Relationships

[@MarkNarrations]

Gooooood afternoon/morning where ever you are, hope all is good

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Yah I am great 🧇🧇🧇🧇

[@MarkNarrations]

@@Park-Kim_VMin That's what I like to hear!

[@inkdemon64mclemore57]

Good afternoon!!! Today is a good day!! It's my bday, my family is healthy and happy!!! Hope all is well for you as well lol!!!

[@MarkNarrations]

@@inkdemon64mclemore57 Oh wow ink! Happy Birthday to you!! :)

[@Imjustkendall]

A street cat chased me 😭😭😭😭

[@madambutterfly1997]

She has the audacity to demand money for labor she VOLUNTEERED to do, not labor that was forced onto her.

[@KCohere33]

As far as I’m concerned, she tricked them. They probably wouldn’t have been willing to pay if she told them upfront. They could go to a restaurant for that.

[@maryguokas8018]

I can understand if she said " hey it cost me a little more then I thought I would if anyone want to contribute I would appericte it and you can send it to me on xxx app" and would have probably got it from most people anyway .

[@tanasiacampos5836]

​@KCohere33 right and they helped clean up, she could have done that herself. Treat your friends like it's a restaurant get treated like one

[@jvangriend560]

​@@tanasiacampos5836 - LoL right? Maybe the "guests" should charge for drinks brought and clean-up duties performed... should break even...

[@stuffyouotterlistento1461]

I don't know. I agree that the approach wasn't the best, but if she had merely asked them to chip in, even if it was only afterwards, I would've said they were the a-holes for not doing it, unless there were extenuating circumstances, like they were short on cash or something. I mean, the relevant factors (like the stuff they brought) should obviously be taken into account, but they were provided with food, and even if they got blindsided by the bill, it's the decent thing to do to pay for stuff you receive when you are asked to do so.

[@mpmansell]

Story 3. NTA. For me the tipping point was when OP mentioned the adults 'shout-talking' in the hallways. That tells me that they really don't care about the noise. For the idiots saying 'this is apartment living', then I guess we have learned who the noisy aholes are.

[@WobblesandBean]

AITA is a total Mommy Cult. They'll always take the side of kids or moms, no matter what.

[@1kokokala10]

@@WobblesandBean Because it come from truth that most of the time Kids and moms aren't the problem. That doesn't mean there's aren't some entitled kids and moms on this reddit but most offenders/assholes seem to be guys.

[@akl2k7]

Yeah, I live in a bottom floor apartment, work overnights and haven't had to deal with noisy neighbors

[@akl2k7]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It wasn't sarcasm. I was agreeing with you.

[@mpmansell]

I also apologize. I realised a while ago that I'd misread your tone and deleted my response. I was in the process of typing an apology when minor 'disaster' occurred ( pet owner :) l and only now got back to the keyboard.

[@MizTameRumors]

No it's not normal to pay for dinner at a dinner party and sis charged 40 per guest for ribs, salad and chicken skewers? It doesn't cost 280 for that.

[@MarkNarrations]

I just couldn't imagine being the host in front of everyone and then standing there "Right, time to pay up!" 😬

[@mogulmade]

Exactly! And they did dishes and cleaned up 😂😂😂 She got them!

[@RWorley3sl]

When my friends did dinner every week we would put in some money as we were all poor collage students. We also did the dishes and bring desert most of the time.

[@srkh8966]

I wouldn’t have paid

[@renealee]

​@@RWorley3slBased on what you said, you all were pooling resources not one person hosting. My friends and I host in rotation, so everyone gets a chance to cover the cost at the level they could afford.

[@Bluefangs157]

What the friend did low-key feels like a scam. You can’t just pull a bait and switch on your friends like that. Screwing over people who care about you is the lowest of the low in my opinion.

[@Ifrit86]

it was absolutely a scam. from the sounds of how she handled it, she might've even gotten some or most of the food for free then turned around to charge them for it

[@susankaempfer8427]

Well, it’s an odd scam- I mean, it wouldn’t work more than once. Plus, I just wouldn’t pay. What’s she going to do? Sue? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Ifrit86]

@@susankaempfer8427 there's absolutely people who would pay just to not cause a scene and/or get angry at people who object because they hate confrontation. i also didn't mean it as a formal, organized scam like pyramids or ponzis

[@YourXavier]

Especially since it would have been so easy to avoid. If you can't afford to foot the bill, ask others to chip in; just do it ahead of time, so they know what they're signing up for.

[@LilChuunosuke]

It's definitely a scam. She made them pay restaurant-quality prices despite contributing to the food on the table & the cleanup afterwards. If it was *actually* that expensive, she still would've known ahead of time that the responsible thing to do is to tell your friends "hey this dinner cost me a couple hundred bucks to make. I didnt realize it would be this expensive. Would you all be willing to help cover the cost so I don't have to take any dishes off the menu?" But she didnt. Because she wanted to ensure that she got paid.

[@Nikephorus]

I've never heard of someone inviting you over to their house for dinner and then asking to be paid for it. That's weird.

[@ditzyhere3138]

This is more like someone inviting a bunch of people to your house for dinner then asking to be paid.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

And certainly not to spring it on people at the end of the meal. Def NTA. You guys even cleaned up and brought some extras. That is no good friend.

[@artistwithawanderingeye908]

I remember the transactional relationship story. It was OP's gf. She saw all her relationships as transactional, but whenever OP pointed out that he and her parents did things for her for free and she thought it was "different". She tried to charge OP for the ketchup he used🤡

[@MarkNarrations]

Maybe that was the story I was thinking of, the ketchup rings a bell! That was a mad one.

[@Tijggie82]

Yes I remember that too!

[@nyambubeauty2130]

Please let me know the title

[@fantasticmrfox9291]

Pretty sure it was soy sauce and she wanted him to venmo, i would have taken the rest of the bottle home with me dammit 😂

[@Tijggie82]

@@fantasticmrfox9291 yes it was soy sauce. Flippin ridiculous.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "No you don't need to bring anything 😊 I'm gonna be the one making the food 😊" "Ummm, excuse you, where's my money 🤨 I didn't spend hours shopping and cooking to do this for free 🤨" Honey you can't invite people to your house and tell them not to worry about bringing anything because you're gonna take care of it then try to charge them for something you specifically said that you didn't need their help with at the last minute. I wouldn't have any issues with someone asking for a bit of money to pitch in for a dinner party _if I was told ahead of time,_ not after everything is already done and we're about to walk out the door 🤨

[@onepieceisking5493]

Exactly, she demanded when she should have asked before hand. To demand "payment" after everyone ate even after saying that she was cooking and no one needed to bring anything. That's a good way to burn bridges and no longer have friends or family.

[@mracula1667]

Story 1: NTA. When I get invited to a dinner party, I assume it’s because I’m the host’s friend, not a customer. Also $40 per plate makes me wonder how much profit the friend made.

[@amandasunshine2]

Ikr, like depending on the food and how many guests I could possibly see she spent up to $10 per person on raw ingredients 😭

[@carrissa8867]

7 guests I think that's $280 no way she spent that much

[@k3upikachu]

The only time I've been asked to chip in for a dinner party was in college when we were broke, and it was always discussed/understood before we arrived. Haven't done that since I was 20. If you're inviting someone over for dinner, you're hosting and therefore responsible for prep/costs. What she did is just bad form and really odd lol

[@JK-sh8rc]

Completely agree with you! I'd never dream of charging anyone I invited into my home for dinner. She'd be an ex-friend asap if it was me.

[@fragglegoth]

Exactly what I was thinking. I think she thinks she's found an easy way to make a quick buck!

[@maggpiprime954]

There's normal kid playing noise, teething/colicky/feverish baby noise, there's bday party kid noise... And then there's whatever tf this story was 😬

[@GoldDragonJewelry]

That last story with the screaming toddler, I feel bad for anyone in that complex who gets migraines easy because holy crap oww. Glad the op doesn't have to deal with that anymore x.x

[@thegamingcomrades1669]

That would be hell as I speak from experience of having chronic migraines back in public school, Minimum had at least one every single day of the week except weekends.

[@dizzysdoings]

Or, anyone that's sensitive to noise. I have an inner ear disorder. I'm extremely sensitive to noise. It can actually cause me pain.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Call cps, it does not have anything to do with childabuse but cps can also help with other problems with the kid.

[@WobblesandBean]

I get chronic migraines, and a neighbor with a screaming baby sounds like my personal hell. Crap like this is why I wish there were apartments that were childfree only.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

Last story: the way the family disappeared after that final warning feels suspicious to me. I think they were worried that CPS may take an interest in them so they hit the road before anyone could ask too many more questions

[@myrabeth77]

Agreed. Given that they got the noise violation notice the day after a 4 hour long tantrum, that's very likely the reason for the rapid exit. Even overly permissive parents who allow loud noises and furniture hopping in places of business know that "I let a screaming tantrum go on so long the kid's probably got temporary throat damage" is potentially problematic to the authorities.

[@TiaNichole17]

Story 3: As a preschool teacher, a teacher that worked with toddlers for 7 years on top of the almost 10 years, I’m telling you there is appropriate ways to tell a toddler to be respectful of the people around them such as when you scream it disrupts the people around you. It was not describe the child was just laughing loudly or having an occasional tantrum, it’s normal for a toddler to have tantrums but it’s your job as a parent to teach them how to deal with there emotions

[@kelleygreengrass]

Obviously not an English teacher

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

The only time my friends have ever paid me back for dinner was when I bought around $100 worth of pizza, and I didn’t even ask them too. How do you just retroactively tell people they need to pay for the food they ate.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I can’t fathom it lol I’ve never ever heard of this before 😂

[@yamairad1]

I'm more astonished OP paid $40. I am way too old to be peer pressured into giving up $40.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

@@yamairad1 yeah fuck that lol I’m buying pizza with that $40 😂

[@anwarpine6797]

She should have mentioned everyone would pitch in cash when op asked if they should bring food. But damn, I could spend that at a restaurant and not have to do the dishes

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Should have but as pointed out she does nothing for anyone and people let her get away with it so she entitled

[@bellama920]

You're exactly right! The issue isn't that she asked them to pitch in financially, it's that she asked for it after the fact. When planning a party, asking for a small contribution is totally fine. But asking after the party, after already telling them they didn't have to bring anything? Lol bad move.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3: first complaint to the parents should have been a wake up call to better their parenting and see why their kid is screaming so much cause it’s not healthy or normal. The second complaint they still didn’t even try to help the kid calm down despite knowing the third complaint meant they could face eviction. They are either clueless, don’t care about their neighbors, or don’t care about their kid to actually help her Edit: Then they just abandoned their lease? That poor child could live in severe poverty without getting the help she obviously needs because her parents would be in debt if the apartment complex sues them for abandoning the lease like that if they just up and left without paying to break the lease

[@SkiesOfYellow]

When my twins were born, we lived in an upstairs apartment in a building with 8 other apartments. We were the only ones with kids at the time. As my kids got older, we were really careful to explain to the kids that screaming was something that we didn't do unless absolutely necessary (something we're still trying to teach them). Our kids also had a propensity for running into the walls or hitting them with things, so we always tried to curb that as well. We tried to instill in our kids from the very beginning that we weren't the only people that lived there, and not only did we need to respect our property (please don't break the changing table by shaking it until it bangs into the wall), we needed to respect that other people wanted quiet in their homes and we needed to do what we could to be good neighbors. Most of the time it worked, though I can't say that I didn't apologize profusely to my neighbors dozens of times over the 4 years we lived there. Also, they got baked goods from me several times a year as additional apologies.

[@alexisgrunden1556]

Doing so with baked goods is the only appropriate way to play ding-dong-dash, imo~😆

[@myrabeth77]

As a fellow apartment dweller, thank you. This is exactly how you do apartment living with little ones right.

[@shydog7276]

Child-free apartment dweller here; you sound like a A+ parent and neighbor ❤️ that's apartment living with little ones done right.

[@sadisticrainbow9689]

Thats how I am with my kiddo. We ended up living above a family with two smaller children and I swear they encouraged their kids to bang on the walls. My kiddo was beyond annoyed by them and never yelled or anything after that. 😂

[@WobblesandBean]

Neighbors with kids is my personal nightmare. I wish more parents were like you, but you seem to be the exception.

[@a.l.finkbeiner8253]

Last story re: loud neighbors: when I first lived in my current area, I moved in with friends who rented half a duplex. The neighbors in the other side of the house changed several times, and one couple often fought loudly. During one such fight, we decided to put stereo speakers right up against the shared wall and play music at max volume (...songs from Animaniacs, if I recall correctly). It worked pretty fast!

[@bartvansliedregt5482]

Mark casually naili the Dutch pronunciation of 'Gouda'. Gotta appreciate it!

[@Iflie]

Yups! Though I also don't mind if people pronounce it differently.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Cheating is bad enough, but unprotected sex?? Not immediately detailing that info and potentially having sex with your spouse/partner and exposing him. Uggh that's just horrible. How can you say you love someone and do that

[@sicilianboy27]

last year i hosted a dinner for some friends. i spent about $350 on meats, veggies, shellfish, drinks, etc... they asked if they needed to bring anything and i said "just an appetite" like OP they volunteered to do my dishes (ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for that btw) and that was that. you host you pay. The End.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: *NTA* If she was trying to use this dinner party as a means to get money from people, she should’ve been upfront about it. Because normally when people hose dinner parties and insist on it, not being a potluck, they don’t expect everyone to pay them on the way out like it’s a restaurant. OP was right. She should’ve said that she was expecting payment for cooking dinner for everybody because like OP said no one asked her to cook. She planned this dinner party, she invited all those people, and she chose what to serve. Literally this dinner party was a surprise catering.

[@gerrymichaud3851]

According to the Etiquette School of America, in general, when hosting a party, the host should always pay for party expenses “for the same reason we don't ask people to buy tickets to our wedding or our children's birthday parties”.

[@fhuber7507]

Just from the title: That's not a friend, that's a leach.

[@fhuber7507]

Post party springing on the "guests" that they are expected to pay is total A$$hattery. If it's a pay per plate, you tell that in the invitation so the CLIENTS can decide not to come. The leach didn't HOST the party... they CATERED it.

[@debbymccormack6525]

Story #1 reminds me of something that actually happened in my life. When I was married, my mother-in-law invited us all over for Christmas dinner. It was lobster and it was delicious! A couple of days later, we received a bill in the mail from her for our dinners. We were shocked! Nothing was discussed about us paying for our dinner. My husband thought his mom was wanting her kids and their SO's over to her house for the holidays. Nothing was discussed ahead of time about us paying. Her defense was that lobster was expensive. THEN DON'T SERVE LOBSTER AND ASSAULT YOUR FAMILY WITH A BILL FOR IT!

[@artemishallihan8973]

If I ever run into the transactional type of 'friend' I'd literally start keeping records. No unprompted generosity and any favours or gifts they request would be recorded so I could collect in kind... then see how long they think im a friend

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: NTA. Honestly the real problem is that she asked for money after the event. Me and friends often meet up, where we pay for food, but that is something we have agreed before meeting up.

[@SilverKingGary]

Story 3: NTA and any comments that voted OP the AH need to realize that that family was gonna get another compliant from someone even if OP didn't file it and "apartment life" has a limit on noise, That is literally the reason noise complaints exist.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Not to mention it's also generally stated in the lease itself what the expectations of quiet are, so there's no excuse of being "blindsided".

[@Deergon]

Story 1: They lost a friend, but they gained a BOMB inside joke that they can use for YEARS.

[@Lestaticate]

1st Story: I remember someone telling a childhood story about hanging out with a neighborhood friend, and the friend’s mom kept tabs on everything OP ate and drank there. She made OP work off what he couldn’t pay. Needless to say OP never stayed over at that friend’s house again. - This is Venmo Chick’s future

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 2 if she did abort then she knew that it wasn't his. Plus this is why mandatory paternity test should be legal. As well as mandatory maternity test. Because babies get mixed up at hospitals.

[@Lillireify]

Yeah but those tests would be at what point? You can have paperwork confirming that it's your baby (straight after birth) yet it can get mix up later. :( You'd have to do those tests once you leave the hospital lol (which would be extremely dangerous for cheating mother)

[@carrissa8867]

In my country the baby doesn't leave the mothers side I don't understand why they do that in other countries and risk them getting mixed up

[@juanhaines7295]

@Lilireify fair point.

[@johnmelon45]

@Lillireify who cares if its dangerous for someone who is cheating?

[@amandarusso7808]

@@johnmelon45 Because you dump someone for cheating on you. You don't murder them you psycho. And before you MRMs start making up crap men should also not be murdered for cheating.

[@shebakoby]

story 3: there is a parenting style where a very young child is allowed to do what they want, up to a certain age. THEN they crack down (preteens/teens) on misbehavior. It's a concept that is found around the world (not limited to any particular group). Problem is, this kind of lassiez-faire parenting can result in ingrained bad habits and behaviors that lead to problems down the road because they took too long teaching children how to behave, because the truth is, the sooner you teach your child how to behave, the better.

[@DoritoBot9000]

That would explain a lot of extreme behaviours from small children that I’ve seen in public in contrast to what I thought were merely neglectful parents. Turns out it’s an actual thought out parenting style?

[@wmdkitty]

@@DoritoBot9000 Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist. We're doomed.

[@shebakoby]

@@DoritoBot9000 yeah, the rationale is, they're kids, let them enjoy 'being kids' when they're young. I think there's a sliver of "they're too young to understand" BS in there too. I'd argue it's STILL neglectful, though.

[@weirdbutloved]

Last story: I have lived in apartments most of my adult life. While yes, other people living is a part of apartment living, there is a limit. My previous upstairs neighbors had a sweet kid, but the father was an awful human being. I ended up telling the office that I heard what sounded like DV and CA going on. They called for a wellness check. I didn't get personally involved because I've read that it can make it worse. I was scared for that child and I think of her daily. I have new upstairs neighbors who have a 2 year old. I hear her running around amd laughing, while her parents chase after her. Sweetest family I've met in a while. They apologize about the noise and I wave it off. There's a difference between child neglect/abuse and a family living their life.

[@maddy8328]

Story 3, don't feel bad for people who won't control their children. Them not knowing English is not your fault, and is a lack of learning on their part. They rightfully get evicted for noise complains. Good riddance.

[@wildblue0]

Story 3: I had 2 noisy neighbors. I used to work nights at a University medical center and live in University grad student housing. The neighbor below was a schizophrenic PhD candidate who had weekly fights with an invisible roommate (around 9-10pm) including throwing objects and kicking furniture. (I think she flipped a table once.) The other was my next door neighbor . Our bathrooms and bedrooms shared a wall. They kept blocking the drain to their bathtub and maintenance would keep needing access to my apartment to clear the drain.😡 Anyway, it was a foreign grad student and his wife and he sounded like a massive AH. He'd come home at 6pm like clockwork and start screaming at her about dinner not being done or her housekeeping being inadequate, then the make-up sex would start around 6:30pm. If all three happened on the same day, I was miserable at work that night. It was hell.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Not gonna lie, the first story made me gape a bit. She VOLUNTEERED to host and do this all on her own volition without openly admitting she was to be paid upfront. I’ve made meals for family and NEVER expected anyone to pay even if I bought pizza because I felt too unwell to cook. I’ve just mentioned needing help because I have a chronic illness that causes me pain and makes me a bit lethargic if I’m not too careful. One or both of my friends will keep an eye on me while I’m cooking if I mention feeling unwell that day (I’ve told them a lot about my illnesses and one is actually a nurse who I’ve told a lot of my medical information which she asked about to help with future patients and to help me as well). My family and friends know I love to cook and want to spoil them when I can, so they love it lol. If they end up liking it, I’ll give them extra to take home and ask for the recipe I use. They love me experimenting with foods and trying new things (tried making some Asian foods and my family loves my Japanese curry-off topic but my dad says he’s going to teach me how to make fried rice and lasagna when I come to visit him next and I’m so excited lol. He got trained by professional chefs so I’m gonna learn from scratch and am super eager). I show love by buying things for those I care about and by cooking food. I grew up in a paycheck to paycheck household where it wasn’t certain when we would get a full meal and my mum just couldn’t afford for me to have many things. I’m a minimalist due to my circumstances because I’ve had to sell my things more than once to prevent me from being homeless, so me giving food and gifts is my way of saying “I don’t want you to go home empty handed or hungry. I bought you this because I know you love this and I could afford it.” I still have some food insecurities but I’m working on it as well.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I know current year most of these pre-natal tests are pretty safe, but I don't know if they're safe at 2 months. OP just needs a divorce regardless. He seems pretty checked out and done with her. A child shouldn't live in a house like that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Apartment living sucks. That's why I opted to live with my parents until I can get a house. I mean the screaming by adults in the hallway definitely unacceptable. We don't know if the child is just poorly behaved or she is neurodivergent. Things like the adults being loud in the hallway prove these people suck and are just bad neighbors, if it was just the child I'd be more conflicted, but file the report and they need to try to get a house in the country or something. They're disrupting people to the point of getting nearly evicted. So NTA

[@sarahhapka3647]

I have NEVER been invited to someone else's home for dinner where they cooked and then they demanded money from me to pay for their labor and groceries. This is fricken ridiculous, my God!

[@GreenKnight1982]

The last apartment complex I lived in (was in 2007) the couple that lived above me had a young child that wouldn't stop screaming and they ended up getting evicted over it. Anytime anybody confronted them they just got upset and never gave any reason why the kid wouldn't stop screaming such as on the Spectrum or colic or anything like that and apparently did the same thing to the rental office who ended up evicting them.

[@JK-sh8rc]

I get that the couple didn't speak English but how could they be so inconsiderate of their neighbors? My husband and I raised 3 very noisy sons (including one who had EXTREME tantrums as a toddler) but it never got to the level where our neighbors complained.

[@alma5147]

Damn those neighbors sound exhausting. Had a loud neighbor with music banging constantly and be rude as hell if someone asked him to quiet down. Mark is now part of my morning routine, having some coffee and listening to a cheeky story. Absolutely love it.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I am 51 years old and I have NEVER charged friend to come to a dinner party I hosted, nor have I been to one where I was charged. I've been to dinner parties where we share the bill at a restaurant. But, even then if I invite friends out to a restaurant to celebrate something in my or my family's life, I pay because I invited them to join us. Also, the english pronunciation is goo_duh. This cheese comes from Dutch, and with their alpha, they pronounce it How-duh. So, technically the proprer way to say it would be How-duh. But, I say Goo-duh.

[@MarkNarrations]

Cheese is yummy

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

@@MarkNarrations Indeed, I love cheese, as does my hubby and kids!

[@fhuber7507]

3... report the neighbors to CPS. They are bad parents.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

“I didn’t do this for free” Oh. So she’s one of these people who only do “nice” things for something in return. That’s not a friend. Interactions with friends aren’t transactions. Also lmao 🤣. She said she didn’t have to pay for the stuff they brought because she didn’t ask. Yet refuses to acknowledge that they didn’t ask for her to cook. Story 2: She admitted to cheating around the time she got pregnant. She should do a paternity test. Pretty simple. I’m glad he’s thinking about divorcing her regardless of the result. She cheated and refuses to do anything to make up for it. Story 3: Other people have called noise complaints. For the sake of OP’s conscious, she should do nothing. Someone else would likely fill a complaint. That way, you don’t have to be the one responsible.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Exactly

[@sfsin3380]

Story 3: Problem with that plan is if everyone is doing the same no one complains and nothing ever changes.

[@cathybaldry7822]

This called how to be a dishrag and spineless. Take responsibility and speak up. Silence favours the oppressor

[@ILJ68]

I hate people like this. I’ve hosted dinner parties for and go all out for them. I do it to make them happy. I’ve never asked for compensation. I mean WTF? This person is not a friend.

[@MarkNarrations]

I just found it strange that it seem to come from nowhere but perhaps they were like it all along.

[@immapotato1]

@@MarkNarrations based on the arguments OP and her friends used in the update she seems to always have been like that. she just had never hosted before so they never noticed this particular side before.

[@ILJ68]

@@MarkNarrations usually they are. It likely worried her that no-one would come if they knew they needed to pay. But doing after brings guilt. She’s a narcissist. Basking in the glow of compliments on her cooking then gaslighting for the money.

[@FriedaMMartin]

We’ll wish me luck today has been bad, between my car breaking down, my moms surgery, and the dog needing a bevy visit I’ve had better days

[@paden1865able]

I really hope that things improve and go well for you today! Best wishes and good luck to you!

[@roowyrm9576]

Banshee toddler - I live in a converted house, 4 flats (UK apartments). Above me is a family with 2 toddlers, directly across the hall from me is a single mother with a toddler. From the upstairs family I often hear galloping footsteps, jumping etc, but nothing really too much. From across the hallway I rarely hear anything, and I know he can be loud, because I know them well. But nothing like described, so I believe OP must be experiencing an exceptionally loud child with exceptionally negligent parents. Oh, and just to drive my point home, I am the mother if 2, step mother of 2, and grandmother of 2, so I know what it's like when kids throw a screaming fit.

[@ILJ68]

I WAS the noisy neighbour. My son is GDD and autistic with beyond perfect hearing. He hears so much background noise he makes himself loud so he can hear himself over all other noise. The first thing I did when I moved to my current location was write a letter explaining all of this to everyone in the close. Everyone was appreciative and worked to work with him. Made life so much easier. He is much better now with regulating himself as a result.

[@TheBre1491]

I think the key is that the neighbors weren’t trying to explain anything, they also clearly weren’t trying to quite their child. I’m guessing that you still tried to keep your son down or didn’t let it go on for four hours. I’m sure you also worked with your son to help him learn how to regulate the noise. It also doesn’t sound like he was full on screaming just yelling when he talked or played. The fact that you reached out to your neighbors I’m sure really helped too. You sound like a good parent. 😊

[@dizzysdoings]

What is GDD?

[@sakitonightmarefan]

@@dizzysdoings global developmental delay

[@fuzzylittlespider]

You at least were considerate and explained things to your neighbors. These buttcrack parents were raising a wild animal. The difference is that you worked with your child and your neighbors. And those people ignored their child and just let them run loose.

[@ILJ68]

@@dizzysdoings global developmental delay

[@TI3RU]

story 1: as someone who hosts friends a lot, i can picture asking for help pitching in on supply costs if ur like my friend group and generally budgets are tight, but that's something you agree on before hand, not throw onto someone after. also, i would never make people cover "labor costs", that's just part of hosting.

[@fantasticmrfox9291]

That first one has visa commercial written all over it ..."losing a group of good friends because you thought you were clever....priceless"

[@_letstartariot]

I’ve never gone to a dinner party and paid, not have I ever held a dinner party and expected payment. Buying food and cooking for my friends and family is something I do because I love them. And I know they feel the same.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I had a neighbor overhead who used to have late parties in the middle of the week ALL the time. One night at around 2 am, I got a call. The person on the line hemmed and hawed and said he was my upstairs neighbor and had gotten locked out (huge complex, so I didn’t know him). He asked if I would buzz him in. I assume he tried a bunch of other neighbors first. I said, “OH! You’re my neighbor who ALWAYS has LOUD parties in the middle of the week so I can’t sleep!!” He said, “Oh. Sorry.” I made a deal with him that I’d buzz him in if he kept the noise level down. He sounded embarrassed and agreed. I can’t believe that actually worked, but it made a _huge_ difference! Guess I was lucky…

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

I have a 3 and 5 year old; and while toddlers can be loud, they are not that constantly out of control unless they are ignored and not allowed to appropriately get their energy out. There are bad days but it's not an every day and all day issue if the kids are being looked after well.

[@pris1378]

growing up neighbours just wouldn't respond to their kids. ever. when they were little and crying? possibly because of a wet diaper? no reaction. when they were toddlers and were crying because they fell over and scraped a knee or something? no reaction. and when they were older, there was that afternoon in the summer. i was doing homework, it was warm, so i was in the garden. one of the kids was going 'mommy, look!' like little kids do. for two hours straight. i was VERY tempted to just holler 'fucking look already, mommy!'

[@saldiven2009]

Second story: I agree with one of the comments. All births should have mandatory paternity tests. They are cheap, fast, and incredibly reliable; it should be a standard part of all the regular tests done on a newborn. Some people have complained about cost when I have brought this up elsewhere. The average cost for giving birth in a hospital in the USA is around $18,000.00. A paternity test costs about $100 (unless courts are involved, where they inflate the cost to around $300 for no good reason). There is no reason for there to be a stigma associated with getting one. Edit: Oh, and he got F'd over in the divorce. She gave him half of the equity? That's only fair if she was immediately selling the house. If she's keeping it, she's coming out way ahead in the long run.

[@wmdkitty]

It's only fair if the mother is tested, too, and Mom and Baby are matched _by DNA_ before they leave the hospital.

[@saldiven2009]

@@wmdkitty That's one way to make sure they don't foul up and send the wrong baby home. Mistakenly switched babies are pretty rate, but cases still happen.

[@MortalOrder]

@@wmdkitty there may be an issue where the mother is chimerical, meaning that while she is still the mother, the dna wouldn’t match. I’ve heard of an instance of this happening

[@jpbaley2016]

Half the equity is half of what they paid into it. If they sold the house, chances are there wouldn’t be that much, if any, profit as the rest of the money goes to pay off the mortgage.

[@saldiven2009]

Not quite. Equity includes appreciation of the property beyond how much they paid into it. Likely, in the housing market prior to the last 12 months, this appreciation outstripped the principal reduction made by their mortgage payments. Additionally, the appreciation will continue into the future. It's this continued future appreciation that will result in his ex deriving far more benefit than he does from the situation.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

I don't understand people who shut down residents with noise complaints about kids with, "That's apartment life," "Kids are loud," "Deal with it," do these people not understand that we now live in a world where people's homes are now often their offices and they need to work without screaming neighbours? People work nontraditional schedules that might involve sleeping during 'normal' business hours? No one in OP's position is asking a kid to be muzzled and silenced, only that they are taught to use indoor voices.

[@GIChiyo]

Story 3: The people who are saying "just deal with it" and :it's apartment life" I am 99.99999% sure are people with loud children they don't want to actually parent...

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

1st Story: OP is NTA for not wanting to pay and she should charge the host for the dessert she brought. This was either a cashgrab OR a smaller group within the friend group conspired to extort money out of the secondary group of which OP is part. NO ONE hosts a party and invites people to end and doesn't let the invitees to know about the covercharge upfront. IMO, this is a friend breaker action and OP needs to realize they have user friends. Don't host a party if you can't afford it. OR, make it potluck and BYOB. Then take note of those who bring nothing or the cheapest shit they can get away with and then avoid inviting them in the future. This was definitely NOT acceptable host behavior and the fact that another friend said it was acceptable makes me think they were in cahoots.

[@MadameDanteInferno]

Story 1 blew my mind. I just bought my friends Loungefly bags just cause I want to and 100% DO NOT expect anything in return except for a giant ass smile on their faces.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Last story: thankfully, I live on the ground floor and it suits my late shift at work really well. I'm also a night owl anyway, so I don't disturb anyone when I'm walking about at 2 am 😅 I am usually wearing headphones though, so as not to disturb my neighbours. Where I live in Europe there's a law about noise that basically means you need to quiet down between 10pm and 6am. As far as I know other European countries have similar rules. It doesn't mean you can't watch TV or something, but that e.g. if you throw a party, you have to turn down the music volume and make less noise overall. It's also considered good etiquette to inform your neighbours if you plan to throw a noisy party, as simple as a letter on the notice board in the hallway a few days prior is enough to make life easier for everyone. I understand there are cultural differences on how noisy a convo can get and stuff, but I also think one needs to somewhat adjust to their surroundings. When I studied abroad in Asia I adjusted more to how life flowed there, but when I came home I fell back into my cultural norms. I think overall it's not a big deal if there's noise once and again and one loud convo in the hallway isn't the end of the world, but the level of noise in this story is something else. I'm surprised the child didn't cry themselves to a sore throat.

[@therealsugarbitzskelly9780]

Wow, I actually live with my 2yo cousin who screams just as loud as the kid in the third story, for even more than an hour straight at times. His mom just lets him scream because he's "just going to keep doing that anyway." I don't know what his aunt is doing differently exactly, he still screams a lot, but she manages to calm him down quickly. I'm just thankful we live next to equally loud neighbors who can't complain about the noise.

[@Rosethorn86]

While I was in college, my roommates and I hosted a murder mystery party for like 10 of our friends. We had a little sign where they could Venmo us like $12 to help cover food expenses since it was a fancy three course meal, but it was totally voluntarily. I think that anything requiring payment should be communicated prior to the event.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Your Dutch Gouda pronunciation is 😩👌🏻✨

[@MarkNarrations]

I can't tell if that's a crying face emoji, on my phone so I apologise if it was that bad haha

[@HobieInTheBox]

@@MarkNarrations LOL its the "weary" emoji but it was used in a positive context, don't worry 😂 ♥

[@rylashadow18]

S1) It'd be the last dinner I'd go to and the last I'd ever talk to her. I enjoy making meals for the holidays and for my family. I don't charge no one for nothing cause seeing their smiles is enough. S2) The relationship's over regardless of how you slice it. I'd suggest getting a court ordered one where you won't be signing anything until it's done. Distance yourself, send her off to her parents and make sure you look into what a divorce looks for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Once someone cheats they're meant for the streets. If the kids yours do your best to be a great father and co parent. If not count your blessings, get therapy, keep in contact with friends as well as family and focus on you. So either she knew the other guy would be a dead beat or she never was pregnant and was using that to keep you around longer. So glad you're rid of this toxic waste OP. Heal and move on. S3) They're the ones that'll get themselves evicted not you. They're doing nothing about this child behavior and you're not the only one complaining about it. Don't feel bad cause they can't even parent their child. I'm awaiting an appointment for some training to start soon then in a hour after that I got an interview. Then I have plans to hit up my twitch and do a stream before doing me some dinner and shopping. So it's going to be a busy day. I learned something wonderful and am sharing in that good news: Hope never gives up so I'm going to do my best to keep moving forward.

[@paulastiles5507]

That new snowy landscape animation is really cute.

[@MarkNarrations]

Glad you like it, I'm hoping to rotate through a few. I know it's not a big difference as it's about the stories but it makes me happy :)

[@paulastiles5507]

@@MarkNarrations Ooh, looking forward to seeing the others, then, too.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the second-story let's be real here she knew that you were not going to stop with the wanting of paternity test and she also knew that if she didn't give you a paternity test you were going to divorce her regardless. And let's be real here she most likely had termination because there are two things going on here that makes me feel like she wanted to tell you anyway either there was the possibility that the baby was most likely not yours or the baby was not yours and of A different race. You honestly let her keep the house when she only gave you half because she knew that if she took the equity in the full self-righteous of the house she will be basically looking like an even more a hole than what she already is. She knows her marriage is over the least she could do is give you half of the money from the sale of the house. And let's be real here she knew from the moment that pregnancy was coming and from the moment you ask for paternity test our marriage was over. I don't think she personally had a miscarriage because of the stress but I definitely believe that abortion was most likely a reason for that. And she was looking at you as the person who was going to get her out of it especially if the other guy was not going to have anything to do with it. So instead of you basically not submitting and playing happy family with her you want to hold her responsible and give her a chance if the baby was yours and when she wouldn't give you that test she decided it's best to terminate it.

[@krysiawork4770]

My noisy neighbours were in the unit complex next door and used to argue in another language starting anywhere from 11pm at night. They would argue in the bathroom and the noise would come into both my loungeroom and bedroom. I would listen because I did not have a choice and to make sure that they were not getting physical. I did try and download an app to translate and so I could follow along, but alas, that did not work. There were several of us that caught each other several times listening in and someone called the police on them on night. Another couple in that unit complex would fight loud and make up louder. The joys or unit living.

[@tashasimmons747]

I have a horribly noisy adult neighbor. Screaming, fighting, throwing things, cursing, loud music, phone calls detailing all their private business, stomping, etc. IT SUCKS!

[@heckyesjess3394]

I couldn't imagine inviting people over then expecting them to just know I want compensation. But I love doing things for people, especially cooking and making things. Love listening to these videos while sewing, working, walking/jogging, and cleaning. Mark has definitely become my favorite reddit reader / KZbinr over the last few months, tbh. Pleasant voice, pleasant attitude, and I've only seen positives as far as the community

[@strandedinseattle9931]

UHG! We had a couple and one child move in above us on the 3rd floor, and while louder than previous tenants, it was not unreasonable. Then quarantine hit, and over the course of the next two years they squirted out two more babies and it seems that somewhere after child #2 that the mom just gave up. They never let the kids out to play or do anything - literally, their apartment was the jungle gym and you could hear them screaming and running and jumping and thumping from 10am until 1:30am when they put the kids to sleep. I think because the mother was heavy and not terribly active, she didn't want to walk around supervising them outdoors. The mom became nocturnal so she had her children become nocturnal with her. Example: squealing bath time was at 11:30pm just above our sleeping heads (my partner has to wake at 4am on weekdays to commute to work). The couple also fought all the time, and the babies would just scream and cry with no comfort while that was going on. They were from South Africa and did not speak English much, and would not answer the door if you knocked to ask them to keep it down - we tried many times. After years of this and management saying they could do nothing, we started phoning the police at night. After 10pm, if they make crazy noise, call the non-emergency number. We started calling every single day because of how awful they were. Like CRAZY amounts of noise daily and nightly. Within two weeks they had an eviction notice from management.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

what confuses me about the screaming tantrum toddler is that if the parent ignores her... why does she scream? She knows it doesn't change anything so it truly is odd that the toddler keeps on screaming without any reward for it. Like screaming is physically taxing. Very weird, and not okay that teh parents did nothing

[@coreymartin6486]

Im in the U.S as well. In my 40 years of life I've never heard of paying a "friend" for inviting me over for a meal, much less of money not being asked for before the meal.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I hope everyone is well. I've had a few cheeky so and so's I haven't had the pleasure of speaking to leave some kind comments recently and that was so lovely. I've been super stressed lately and that was so nice. I know I can be a little intense sometimes, but I am a nice person, so never hesitate to say hi. I love meeting all you lovelies, getting introduced, getting involved.

[@paden1865able]

Hello, hope you have a great day!

[@melissawitt3773]

Hello from East Texas. Your communication style is charming.

[@madhatter3994]

hi. hope your stress gets better! have a good day.

[@maggpiprime954]

Hey friend! Hallo! 🤗

[@Lillireify]

I wondered if something is going on, I've seen a lot of your comments lately with a lot of strong opinions which either weren't there before or I didn't notice them - I wish you all the best, cheers from Poland!

[@BbiBbii]

Story 3: NTA. Report them. I live in apartments now and EVERYONE in my building but me has a kid under 13 😅 The kid directly next door is on the spectrum as well, however we NEVER hear constant screaming that loud. Yes, we hear the occasional cry/scream or the thudding of footsteps but nothing THAT extreme.

[@nelly2958]

Last story: I felt bad for the parents until it turned out they didn’t even care about the kid’s behavior.

[@cathybaldry7822]

This Farley typical of Indian parents bringing up their entitled kids especially if the child is a boy. This sort of things happens throughout the middle east as well where men are considered more valuable then women..

[@LeggoMyGekko]

OP paying the $40 after the friend hounded her for it, will just teach her that she can. I would NOT give in in a situation like that, she can call the cops and tell them all about it. 😂

[@Wander85942]

In that case, I should’ve demanded payment when I cook for a dozen people at my sister’s birthday

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 1 - NTA. I have NEVER heard of this happening ever, I’ve thrown birthday parties as an adult and never asked my friends/guests to pay me for the food, booze, or anything else. I would never go over to her house again lest she start charging for everything else.

[@starbird3939]

Last Story I hate that we should accept noise as “part of apartment living”. Part of it is on the neighbors for bad volume management (shout talking in hallways and letting the toddler scream everyday) while the other will alway be on the building and apartment management for penny punching on better soundproofing. Every apartment complex should have the following: 1) Clean Water 2) Electricity 3) Pest Control 4) Sound proofed (or at the very least noise minimizing) rooms 5) A functioning elevator

[@fuzzylittlespider]

That last story yikes! I've done child care for over 15 years and that is not normal behavior. They sound like poop hole parents that are raising a wild animal. My dogs have better manners,they bark a little and only jump on furniture if invited.

[@mbyerly9680]

I ask that my dinner party guests bring a wine they like because I don't drink and know absolutely nothing about wines, but that's it. That's more for them than me. No one wants what I'd guess was a decent wine because it never is.

[@Zodikal]

I've been in the exact same situation as the OP in story 1. Cut contact for a year until the friend called and apologized. We're best friends again,

[@l.g.2888]

This is the wildest thing I've ever heard. WTF kind of friend charges you for hospitality??? My ancestors would roll in their graves and disown me from the afterlife.

[@eowyn8340]

Story 3: Holy cow, that could have been me typing OPs story. I went through almost the exact same situation in my last apartment. I never heard my first neighbors above me, maybe some walking or vacuuming at regular hours. But then an Indian family moved in and the child was screaming and jumping off furniture. Also, they vacuumed after 11:00pm and Hulk stomped to the point my ceiling shook. I work at elementary school and was appalled at the kid’s behavior. When they made me mad enough, I threw dog toys at the ceiling and ran my coffee grinder at 5am. 😈 My parents had to stay with me briefly when their power went out during winter, and got to experience it. Afterwords, they encouraged me to break my lease and move back in. I did it gladly and saved up for a house.

[@purpleiguana208]

OMG that first story! The friend expected everyone to pay for dinner, but like, lots of the friends brought little dishes, one friend brought candles to set the mood. Do they get refunded/discounted for the money THEY put out? They helped clean up... do they get to present an invoice for their services? OMG, this story is crazy!

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 2: Staying because the kid might be his is the stupidest stuff. She cheated, you can't trust her. She ain't worth it.

[@Grimangell135]

Story 1: From the USA here. It has always been taught to me to offer up bringing a dish or help pay for the food for a dinner. This "friend" tried to pull a fast one however. All attempts at help from the friend circle were met with a no. When asked for the receipt, she couldn't find it. That tells me somethings fishy. Good on them for cutting out that toxicity. Story 2: OP is not the AH. The wife knew he wasnt the father and didnt want to lose the health care. She was hoping, banking on OP just submitting to the pregnancy and probably lived in a state that wouldve obligated him to be the father if a comment he said was any indication. It is a shame the child passed before its birth, but in all honesty it was fate. Ex-wife would've used the child as leverage, not given it real love as it deserved. Yes I know it sounds bad, however I would feel more pain and sorrow from a baby being mascarried from a family actively trying to be a family rather than a liar trying to hold together what is failing with the child as the linch pin. Story 3: NTA. Everyone saying "It's apartment living. Deal with it." Wouldve done the same thing and reported it. Had this situation happen this past winter where I walked my dog near an apartment and the child would always be screaming bloody murder. It wasn't till the child was quiet as the people moved out.

[@adamryan977]

I'm sure i heard a similar story to story 1 just last week, where some "friends" invited them to a party and demanded pay for their cocktails afterwards....what is going on in America, that people begin chargin their friends for a party in their own home.

[@waffleattack3347]

I had a noisy neighbours for a while below me. I only minded when the base on their music was so loud it caused my damaged brain to freak out so I couldn't stand. But her son was a fan of video games and not a fan of losing but we just laughed and called him the squeaky voiced kid.

[@fangchick93]

I used to have a neighbour that got into screaming matches at midnight for the stupidest reasons. It took him threatening someone with a knife for him to finally be evicted. I just called down to the front desk when he started and stayed inside

[@jeancarbonneau6966]

In story 1, OP isn't the asshole here. I've never heard of someone hosting dinner at their house and getting money for the meal. If this was the case, do you think that whenever your parents invite you for dinner, that you should have to pay them for hosting? The woman hosted the dinner and she cooked it all for her guests. Yes, there were 7 people who were invited to the meal, but requesting money for it at the end is a selfish reason from her. You shouldn't have hosted it by yourself and all of you should have gone to a restaurant instead. Your home is t a restaurant. OP isn't the asshole here.

[@tree1383]

NEVER in my life have I heard of paying the host that had a dinner party! Where are these people living that that's a thing???

[@nica1288]

What is wrong with this generation? I have never heard of hosting dinner party and charge guest for it, unreal! 🤦‍♀️

[@faeangel7649]

Reminds me of that news story a while back about the grandma who charged her entire family for Christmas every year, including the very small grandkids

[@milescoburn1845]

Story # 1 - No, guests to a dinner party DO NOT pay. This has NEVER been a tradition or social construct. Tell the host to pound sand and never deal with her again.

[@paperkay]

Paying for parties is like getting up to offer a seat to someone on the bus: you want to be kind and polite, but sometimes people get insanely offended. "You think I'm that old??".. Here, in Slovenija, it's sometimes offensive to bring ANYTHING to a party, because then it suggests the host(esse) isn't able to handle it on her/his own... People can really go all out with food here and love to see everyone get stuffed. Sometimes it's okay to bring home-baked bread or a small store-bought cake or something. But generally, if you are a guest, just enjoy and if you want to thank the hosts for the effort, throw a party of your own. That said, among the younger people, especially where there is going to be a shit ton of booze, it's sometimes suggested everyone donates something like 20 bucks or so. But that's at the invite, not at the end.

[@clrtwallace0116]

Thanks Mark! I have missed you!!! Work is crazy rn and I’m not able to listen as often as I would like. But im so happy to see you have been so successful! I knew you would be! ❤

[@bloonh8tr619]

I love my friends and I love to cook. My parents taught me that hosting the gathering means costs land on the host. You DO NOT ask for money after the fact as it is very rude and deceptive. If people offer to pay you should still say no, but can if you want but it would set a president that everyone should offer money

[@rf159a]

Story #3: It's not the same as OP's story but I have a neighbor with 2 dogs who just ties them up outside and lets them bark their heads off for hours. Sometimes even in the middle of the night. I live in a house so where they tie them up is about 30 feet from my bedroom so it feels like the dogs are right near my bedroom window. They never walk these dogs just tie them up outside to bark and try to go after anyone who is walking their dogs on the street. I wish I could do something about it but the cops won't help and I'm at a loss here.

[@xXDuskTilDawnXx]

I don't have children, but I do have a dog. I can't imagine that much noise every day. With my dog, she does get a bit barky for like a few seconds when she sees someone pass her window, but I just redirect her with her toy. At some point, she learned to ignore it. The parents just didn't want to parent. They were expecting all their neighbors to accommodate for the noise.