I'm REFUSING To Pay For My Daughters Degree Even Though I Paid For Her Brothers r/Relationships

[@j.graham8068]

Story 2: Let me guess. As soon as the so-called-friend found out OP's BF was a photographer, a spot for him at the wedding miraculously manifested itself.

[@WobblesandBean]

Yuuuuuup

[@faeangel7649]

Except really it didn't, since the both of them were banished to another room and had to ask to even be fed...

[@okyep]

​@@faeangel7649 you're easily manipulated. The spot became available and the slight was intentional op was being used.

[@faeangel7649]

@@okyep I wasn't saying op wasn't being used? I was saying the spot didn't really open up even if they were told it did, because there ended up not being a spot for either of them

[@GMAMEC]

I question the event coordinator. In order to avoid embarrassing situations, the bride and groom normally add a few extra seats for guests. This woman was a jerk.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm too old for antics like in story 2. I would've taken my dessert and my man and gone home. Everyone is giving the bride too much credit. There was no mixup. She intended from the start to scam OP. Not sure if OP can try to get the funds after that wasn't the initial agreement. Worth a try. Even if she pays, I'd be done with this person. They're no one's friend

[@CircusoftheMoon]

Honestly. My wife would’ve been sending me for the car as soon as we were put in a side room. Lol

[@WobblesandBean]

Same. Or I'd have told the bf to not give her any of her photos, and sent one photoshopped with a big sign covering it saying "congrats on the inevitable divorce".

[@wessexdruid7598]

DO NOT PASS ON THE BOYFRIENDS VID/PHOTOS until this is resolved - and services paid for. Edit - the vid should have included them sitting in their solitary room, outside. It was part of the wedding, after all.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 1: YTA. Imagine getting into Oxford and your dad is still disappointed.

[@Guitarbarella]

I know! When it got to Oxford I am like wtf? Ggggeeeebus, all i can think of OP must be a bit asbergers like a lot of surgeons can be and can’t shift focus on a goal due to change very well, they can be pedantic, great for work and surgery, not so much for everyday life.

[@simac8396]

​@Guitarbarella it might also be cultural if they are Indian then not becoming a doctor is seen as a great shame.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️LMAO what about that girl a couple days ago who had $250,000 in student loans for a job where she only made 30,000 a year 😂 And ALL of you said that guy was in the right because she was dumb to spend that much money to get a useless degree. Same situation.

[@JustEli007]

Oxford isn't for ppl who want to study English. My cousin went to Harvard to study French 🥴....she ended up having to go back and studied law.... why? Because she couldn't even find a job, which I thought was pretty obvious.... now she's a lawyer and has finished paying all loans she took out. No matter what.... you shouldn't go broke over a degree that doesn't pay much.

[@freshasfebreeze7621]

What if its Oxford Brooks though??

[@Russman67]

Story 2: That "apology" was as bad as the action. She might as well have said, "OP, We both know that I used you but I'm not going to apologize for it. Now would you be so kind as to send us that video your boyfriend shot? That's the only thing you're worth now". Call this a lesson learned.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Lesson learned, and time for different friends.

[@MorgsMaintenance]

Years ago I had a friend who borrowed $150 for her first tattoo. She couldn’t pay me back in the timeframe we agreed to because she was saving to go to America. She couldn’t pay when she got back because she was too broke. It’s been 8 years and I never saw that money. As far as I’m concerned, it was a small price to pay to find out who my friends are.

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 1: Thinking your daughter wants an English degree to "rebel" against you is a pretty narcissistic remark. What's so inherently wrong with her wanting to be herself? "My sons think I'm being too harsh" They're right, you are. After Update: Wow, a rare "Let's turn things around" update.

[@dcg590]

Nope he can choose what he wants to spend his money on. An English degree is a waste of money. Only a small percentage of people actually use it and make good money. The few exceptions do not make the rule.

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

@@dcg590That’s right, and his daughter can choose whether to have a relationship with her dad. Controlling behaviour has consequences.

[@dragb9284]

@@dcg590you realize it’s Oxford right, like a degree from there will be values far more than from most other places and networking can do wonders for people’s careers.

[@dune3001]

The daughter was going to freaking OXFORD?! And he was so dismissive?! Wow, I'm glad he changed his mind, good for both him and his daughter. I wish them the best.

[@ronniec427]

Story 2 is one of those situations where it's hard to see what's happening until it's over and you have time to reflect while. Just sad how much people suck sometimes.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

I would’ve sent the invoice

[@PrincessAfrica3]

True

[@Gumbier_Than]

Yeah that's why I don't have friends.

[@alexanderhenby1362]

It sounds like bride (or more likely one of the wedding party) told the coordinator to fix it, and she didnt want to, but she had a seat.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "We made her promise to apply for a degree that was worth it" understandable "She started going through a weird phase where she wanted to be a bunch of things that leaned towards the creative side" Where are you going with this Op "She went behind our back and got an English degree. Our sons took medical degrees and are now very good, well paid doctors." Op is this going where I think it's going? "One would think this would motivate Jane to go on the same path, but instead she has decided to be "herself"" _Op-_

[@kentario1610]

The way this went downhill so fast. (Also, always fun to see your comments!)

[@Vida7354]

So in short he refuses to support her in beein herself instead of little programed robot

[@owl7072]

@@kentario1610 Heading downhill and picking up speed with every sentence 🚶🏻 (🥰)

[@dulcilass]

@@Vida7354 I think he is trying to protect his pocketbook and avoid the possibility that she'll go to college and then want to come back home to live if she can't get a good paying job with the degree she's chosen. I know a couple that literally sold their home to get away from the kids that wanted to come back home. The bought an RV and left town. They seemed to feel that the kids had made their choices and needed to stand on their own feet.

[@packergeek10]

@@dulcilass Exactly. The daughter will think twice before wasting her money on somes tupid degree. She's eager to spend his money to try and be "creative".

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 you were the unpaid help. You and BF. This wasn't an accident. You thought too highly of this ex-friend. She intended to fleece you the entire time. Like there was no room sounds like there was individual chairs and not 2 for OP and BF. Issa scam.

[@drea4195]

Story 2: I would definitely advise OP to send that letter with a bill for services rendered, just as one commenter posted. If that didn't get a response, I would send a copy of that email/bill to the groom, then to their parents, etc. eventually to all known friends in the circle, until SOMEONE shames that "friend" into paying it. People like that bridezilla care more about what everyone else thinks of them than doing the right thing or being a good person.

[@shells500tutubo]

That is a great idea, especially since everyone loved the dessert setup and knew ow professional it was. They would know that NO ONE would do something like that for free who was not a guest at the wedding. If the bride said it was a gift they would all snort and say she's lying. ANd what's with her bf not wanting to put a watermark on the video? All professionals do that when they send a gratis copy before the bill is paid. Neither of these two have a head for business.

[@GBunnyG]

Final comment on the final story is spot on. A lot of people have that knee jerk reaction of "Just because I'm trashing my family doesn't mean I won't take you out for doing it."

[@magma1lord]

As a kid in school, i was mainly venting about life and my mum. A girl piped up and said, wow she must be a realy crap mom (stronger explative) I stood up and screamed at her to stfu and that i had the kindest and best mother ever. I was going through a lot as a kid.

[@thecrebain6760]

Story 2: I feel so sorry for OP and her partner.. this one made me so annoyed, these so called 'friends' who only want to benefit from you : (

[@PrincessAfrica3]

Indeed! The speech angered me

[@sephiroth661]

Change the bride full price and add a charge

[@ambrosiathames9505]

Story 1: He's complaining that she's going to get an English degree AT OXFORD??? That's super difficult to do!! I'm just. w o w

[@jessicamarshall1975]

S2: 100% not a mistake. Neither the Bride nor Coordinator could fix it? I get it’s the bride (and grooms) big day but if this happened at my wedding, I would make it a priority to figure out how to seat them in the room with everyone else. I think any person with any decency would.

[@GIChiyo]

Story 2: Yeah the bride 100% wanted you out of that room and used you

[@dorakarys]

Story 1: It's so satisfying to see someone take the advise given and have a "happy ending" yet so rare to see at reddit

[@packergeek10]

What advice? Go piss money down a drain for useless degree? How much money will her degree cost dad? She doesn't have to get a medical degree but how much you want to bet that degree won't pay for itself?

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yeah he got bullied into probably spending as much on the daughters"vacation" and english degree as for one of his sons medical degree. The daughters pay will be pennies on the dollar compared to the sons.

[@maeahem]

@@juliearmfield2634 okay, and? He’s a parent he can choose whether or not to pay for his child’s degree. He wasn’t bullied. If the daughter did a medical degree and couldn’t complete it because she wasn’t interested, then it would be that she was STILL wasting his money. We don’t know what she’s going to do with her degree or life, as long she is is happy, can support herself, then nothing wrong with the Dad paying as he did for the others. We don’t know that it’s definitely going to be useless and she should have the chance. Medicine isn’t for everyone. I was also “creative” and went to medschool at 17 “because” and was miserable and quit after 3 years. Work in psychology and education now, but also write and do art. He had the wrong attitude towards his daughter regardless of paying tuition and I’m glad he changed his mind.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@maeahem did i say anything about her choosing med school? It doesn't make financial sense to spend 200,000 on a degree that will only make you 40,000 a year.

[@maeahem]

@@juliearmfield2634 maybe I misread you. Should no one do any degrees they aren’t sure will make them equivalent or more in financial gain? Even some medical doctors struggle, and in other ways like mentally and socially which is why I said it’s not suited to everyone. My point is the Dad wasn’t bullied, he changed his outlook. He’s spending the money because it’s his daughters degree. It could be a one off, or she can pay back, or do another degree that isn’t medicine or English. The father in the Reddit story was super focused on medicine in particular, I did not mean you in that sense.

[@ronniec427]

Story 1: If OPs daughter is intending to go to post-secondary school, it doesn't matter what she majors in so long as she meets the pre-reqs if England is like the US in that aspect. My classmate majored in English and now he's a doctor. As long as she has a plan beyond starving artist she is probably good.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- I laughed so hard when that commentor corrected his spelling! Because English degrees are useful! Too perfect! Chef's kiss*

[@rickraber1249]

Re the wedding story: you and your boyfriend were taken advantage of. You were asked to do the dessert table, and that could not have been cheap for you. Your boyfriend got something for his portfolio out of the deal, but SHE thought she was getting a free professional wedding video. Let her get the short version off his website and nothing more. As far as sticking you off in a separate room like a pair of domestic servants? That is absolutely vile. Who raised that woman, a pack of wolves? Almost seems like she was out to humiliate you, demoting you from the head table to being locked out of the whole thing. The coordinator and the hotel staff could have easily brought in a small table and 2 more chairs for the 2 of you. I would drop this non-friend like a hot rock, and if, and only if, anyone asks about the wedding and your 2 parts in it, would I give a brief version of how it went down. This was disgraceful.

[@saldiven2009]

Is there anyone that can explain to me why so many women think that getting married is a license to treat other people like crap?

[@Grace_x68]

Also wondering when that started to be the fashion

[@zitronentee]

@@Grace_x68 'THIS IS MY DAY!!! '

[@Grace_x68]

@@zitronentee to be mad woman?

[@sandracox4341]

Advice: if you get engaged and your fiancee starts acting like this, run. This is who she is, not just a "bridezilla "

[@Grace_x68]

@@sandracox4341 excellent advice. This is só true

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2 i just love how everyone is so generous with other peoples money.

[@hilarymurray8741]

Wedding story: I am highly suspicious too, Mark. Bride gets a beautiful dessert table at very low price plus a free wedding video but conveniently 'forgets' to see that there are seats for the 'friends she invited to provide them for her. Weddings are not planned in five minutes and there was plenty of time for the bride to check on arrangements. Hmm. Lesson to be learned and 'friend' to be jettisoned. NTA

[@alyzu4755]

All true. And add to the fact that OP wasn't invited to any of the pre-wedding events. With more bad excuses.

[@BruinPhD2009]

If by “jettisoned” you mean “pushed out an airlock,” I’m all for it. Heck, I’ll help. 😂

[@firstnamelastname6202]

Story 1: Definitely YTA. If it had been about how her gap year costs had been the same as tuition costs, I would have understood OP being unwilling to finance a degree on top of that, but because it was purely about her degree choice and how he didn't agree with it, he's TA.

[@aname4681]

His daughter got accepted to Oxford for English, how was he ever upset???? That’s absolutely amazing!

[@MuDkipzCHancelLOr]

Because your local uncertified mechanic has a better standard of living. Having a degree from a reputable school is nice but not renting a home is better.

[@paulastiles5507]

I know, right? It's pretty damned hard to get into either Oxford or Cambridge.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@MuDkipzCHancelLOr If OP is paying up front for two medical degrees and willing to pony up for a third, he is financially so far beyond even a garage-owning mechanic that I'm embarrassed for you, making that analogy.

[@MountainPearls]

That was my dream school. Gap Years are common now! English degrees are the top degrees for law and med schools (amongst many others)! He needs to educate himself! (Source: I have an English Degree). I am a useful human being, ask the hundreds of students I’ve had. “All goes onwards and outwards and nothing collapses”-Walt Whitman (Oh-and I’m going to be published). What an *controlling* Asshole! I’m glad he changed his mind. She got into Oxford thought…talk about clueless!

[@drako8343]

@@paulastiles5507 but OP specifically said he wants his daughter to be able to support herself and not depend on his money her whole life, so that was a very apt analogy.

[@jameslyons6655]

The wedding story. OP needs to ask herself if she actually received an apology. “I’m sorry I was scatterbrained” doesn’t cut it. A real apology has a heartfelt expression of contrition, a demonstration that they understand the harm done, an attempt to repair the damage and a declaration of changed behavior moving forward that is followed through. Real apologies are rare things. Looking at this story you have to believe that the most likely explanation is the bride knowingly manipulated OP to take the utmost advantage of her and her BF. That theory neatly explains away all the known facts. Any other explanation requires multiple theories to explain each element separately.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Hell, the bride should have helped to remedy the problem when it was first addressed to her by the event coordinator! But she brushed it off as “oh well…just a tick them in the other room!” She is not a friend but a USER!

[@katie6731]

I absolutely *love* your description of everything required for a real apology! It's very close to my own criteria for a sincere apology. 💙

[@MsTemptation]

S2: The fact that op hadn’t received an official invitation should have been a red flag. Her “friend” has blown her off on many occasions but op still needed to really see her friendship as one-sided under the harshest circumstances and the wedding was her final clue.

[@TraceyBoyland]

Yep

[@tgbedini]

First of all, for a certain amount of the job market, BAs are pretty much equivalent. Simply having any degree will improve your income, believe me, being a HS grad, it's been pounded into me for half a century. (I did go to tech school, among other things) But to give an example, my friend has a BA in English. That has made him a whole lot of money as a tech writer, a magazine publisher, a teacher of college courses, a published poet, an author of several books on entrepreneur start ups. I had another friend who had a law degree, and earned considerably less. (and had a great life with many friends and much respect) What you do after college is often not connected to the field you studied. It has a lot to do with what you want to do with your life. The wedding story; I'm a musician, and played many a wedding reception, and I was always treated immensely better by strangers than this bride treated her friend.

[@tokonunya8301]

I think the issue for some of these commenters is that they don't really understand what an English degree is. They just immediately assume "wants to be a novelist" and jump straight to the starving artist stereotype. They don't realize that studying for an English degree is just perfecting your communication skills to a professional degree and that, much like a business degree, this can be applied to a broad range of VERY well paying jobs.

[@alma5147]

That ain't a friend, that's a mooch.

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

Technical writing, editing jobs, etc sometimes require a degree if not a certificate (depending on the state). It’s a basic ass degree but it can be flexible for a lot of careers much like a business degree. It just depends on what you minor in.

[@champslim]

Yea. I just learned about technical writing this year. At my company, they write all the learning materials for our clients and for coworkers. They also write the press releases for our new products and case studies.

[@paulastiles5507]

Peace Corps generally favors Humanities degrees (especially linguistic ones) because applicants tend to be more well-rounded than, say, STEM students. Peace Corps, btw, is a major route to working in the federal government.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I'm pretty sure the daughter isn't going to be a technical writer or anything else that an English Degree would be useful in. She is a slacker and that is because Mommy and Daddy gave her everything she wanted growing up. I would deduct the world trip from the amount they gave the boys for their schooling and give it to her and tell her, "That's it, the gravy train is over after this amount is gone, do what you want with it". Problem solved and everyone is treated fairly. It is now up to the daughter to make her life work out and happen. OP and his wife need to move on with their lives and wait for grandkids now. If the daughter fails, then it is ALL on her.

[@tokonunya8301]

Exactly. With an English degree, some work, and a bit of luck, she could land a PR or marketing job that makes as much (if not more) than her brothers. I think the issue with the commenters who are saying "she's just gonna mooch off her parents for the rest of theirs lives" is that they don't actually understand what an English degree entails or what it can be used for. It's like their brains just go "English -> writing -> writing fiction -> there is literally no other use for communication skills -> starving artist stereotype" and refuse to consider anything different. Also . . . an English degree from OXFORD! HE'S BITCHING ABOUT OXFORD! He clearly has no idea how impressive that looks on a CV.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

@@thomasjoseph5876 Where the hell did you get THAT pile of steaming horsecrap from? LMAO Tell me you're a sexist snob without telling me you're a sexist snob...!

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: It sucks to find out that someone you considered a close friend used you and is fine with discarding you. Leave Bridezilla in your dust, OP.

[@WolframKKM]

Story 1: An English degree, much like a business or science degree, is what you make of it. I have one and I own my own place, my own car, have healthy savings, etc. The important part is teaching new grads career skills and financial responsibility.

[@LotusBloom0309]

My wife and I both have English degrees, and we make more than anyone else in our families. English skills can be applied in many ways. My wife and I ended up in the corporate world, and we succeed largely as a result of our oral and written communication skills. OP is a total AH.

[@dcg590]

You are the exception which does not make the rule

[@Midnight0Mistress]

​@@dcg590 no, but an English degree can be applied to editing skills and a minor study in medical terminology which is how all those medical textbooks and doctors transcriptions are produced.

[@sfsin3380]

@@dcg590 Do you have any idea how many lucrative careers an English degree opens put. It's one if those open degrees that like a business degree branch but unlike business people don't seem to be aware of that. Dispute the stereotype the number of people in doing an actual English degree to planing to write is incredibly low, Technical writing, Librarian teaching/academia, grant writer, editor, marketing, PR, social media management are just a few off the top of my head and often require at least a degree. Now those are normal lucrative not Doctor/Lawyer lucrative but when you account for the costs of getting one it evens out. Remember there is zero chance that an English degree even adding in the cost of her previous travel will cost more than a medical degree. Full Medical degree's are one the most expensive type of degree you can earn.

[@sfsin3380]

@@Midnight0Mistress I have had a conversion about this post with a cousin who lives/grew up in England and been informed OP must either be an idiot or lying. Apparently they specialized way earlier than in other countries (after taking there GCSE's at 15/16) where you can finish school or go on to take your A levels the test that let you get into collage. In A levels your only taking about 4 subjects and cousins says there is no way daughter had the prerequisites subjects to get into both an English degree (especially at Oxford) and a medical one. What collage course your applying to is decided long long before you get to the point OP says they're at.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Depends on the reason. Nevermind. They’re not paying for it because they don’t value her degree. And is upset that she didn’t do medicine like her brothers. At least her brothers seem nice. He literally stated that her “being herself” was a flaw. At least OP actually learnt from this and made the right choice in the end. Story 2: OP and her boyfriend helped them massively. Basically worked either for free, or at reduced prices. At they weren’t even allowed sit in the same room as the bride. The bride took advantage of them. Like I can see how the mistake was made. But this was a big mess up on their part.

[@christineoneal666]

She didn't have to do medicine...but maybe Business or Education...I saw some comments saying they got a job as a librarian but they were lucky...English is better than a gender studies degree but not by a huge amount. She better learn to make a good coffee working at Starbucks.

[@yonghominale8884]

@@christineoneal666 It's not the degree, it's where she gets it. Going to Oxford is the same as going to Harvard or the University of Paris. The networking potential and mentorship possibility alone is worth the money. She must have done something amazing to even be considered.

[@yonghominale8884]

@@christineoneal666 BTW starting salaries for someone with Gender studies can go up to 6 figures and that's in the education field. You need an advance degree but that's no different than some in a STEM field.

[@loganblackwood2922]

​​​@@yonghominale8884 I'm not sure why you're saying that. Gender studies degree holders start off at the bottom 10% of earners with the degrees are at around 30k to 40k, with the median for grads averaging out at 50k.. the highest 10% of people *in the field* earn over 100k (practically zero of which will be those that have just finished a degree.) It is also worth noting of those with said degrees, the average earnings are around 50k to 60k... indicating a lack of scaling for people with the degree, expecting to earn at best a 10k rise if you're lucky enough to start off at 50k. Gender study *professors* earn around 77k or so. If you adjust for the *locations* these jobs tend to exist, they're in highly Liberal, highly expensive to live in areas. Which unfortunately means that 50k-80k is nowhere near as substantial as it appears to be. The idea that graduates will be entering 100k a year arenas is just ludicrous. And finally, the sheer volume of jobs in STEM, vastly and massively disproportionately outweigh jobs in gender related study fields. Something close to about 100,000 to 1 is probably a Conservative estimate.

[@packergeek10]

@@christineoneal666 Exactly. Getting an English degree is a waste of money. She will think twice now because it's not her money anymore.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

2- WTH! the two friends that helped my sister with hair and makeup were the first to be invited. my sister and BIL made sure that both the photographer and DJ were added to the meal head count so they can eat dinner. They even joined us post cake cutting to the dessert bar to get a break and eat dessert.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: YTA It’s really be as hell. Parents will refuse to pay for one child schooling because they disapprove of what they’re going to school for because it’s not with the parents want them to study. Mark has read a lot of stories like this. Psychology, gem, Ology, tech analyst. It seems like it doesn’t matter if it’s technology, science, something medical, or creative there’s always a parent that disapproves of what their child is going to school for, and refused to fund their college.

[@dcg590]

Parents are allowed to decide what to spend their money on. College is not required to be paid by parents. Everyone is so entitled.

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

@@dcg590And children are allowed to decide whether to have a relationship with their parents. Controlling behaviour has consequences.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

@@dcg590 you’re right everyone is so entitled. Imagine being so entitled to demand what degree your child studies to get in college and you’re quick to punish them because they are disobedient to your entitle demands.

[@calvinatdrifterstudio8438]

The daughter agreed to the terms. Why can’t we hold her accountable?

[@ajzephyros7454]

Story 2 they were so using OP

[@jay2thaudy]

It's crazy how some people just can't perceive that they're being used as a doormat. It was painfully obvious.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2- I'd drop the boyfriend too. He's more concerned about his portfolio than what was done to his girlfriend

[@gigga143]

S2: The bride just wanted to use OP and her boyfriend for their services. I wouldn’t have given her the dessert favors. I would have taken the desserts back from the table, brought the refrigerated stuff back to my car and then dropped the items off at a homeless shelter, and her boyfriend should not give them any footage. The one commenter is right OP should send her a bill as since she wasn’t a guest, there is no reason to have gifted her services.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Medical school isn't for everyone. There's a lot of incompetent and/or AH doctors who shouldn't be in the procession. You can do pretty much anything with an English degree. You can do whatever you want with your money so technically NTA, but in spirit definitely AH behavior. A lot of people go into fields not at all related to their major. Some writers are way wealthier than any doctor out there.

[@pee74332]

It is OP's money and he can dictate what he wants to do with it. He has valid concerns regarding how his daughter is going to take care of herself due his own up bringing. The reservations people have regarding English degrees holds some water, but you hit the nail on the head, not everyone is fit for a career in medicine. The burn out is real. It can be a soul sucking even if you are passionate about what you are doing. A person with half hearted or coerced interest is not the person you want diagnosing your conditions or providing you with care. A degree in English can be viewed similarly to getting a business degree. It's a gateway degree. It's really about knowing yourself and where your strengths sit. It's a matter of forming talent into marketable skills. It's also sad that the ability to create often is undervalued and trivialized by those who only consume. The final product that a person takes in and enjoys does not manifest from thin air. It takes instruction, mentoring, critque, and application before it is fit for consumption.

[@1911odisea]

Some writers are richer then doctors, sure, but it is retarded to think like this. Vast majority of doctors are richer then a vast majority of writers and to boot, most writers don't have an English degree, so it's kinda irrelevant. Like, it's fine to get an English degree, sure, but your reasoning is extremely flawed.

[@MrBizteck]

Story 1 ... she got into OXFORD !!! Bloody hell.

[@GBunnyG]

Just had an adult meltdown over 1st grade homework. Was so so so glad to see this when I stepped outside to breathe.

[@damien678]

Well now I'm curious...

[@GBunnyG]

@@damien678 You know that scene from The Incredibles 2 where Bob yells about math being math and they can't change it? That starts in 1st grade.

[@damien678]

@@GBunnyG as if maths isn't a tool we created... Yeah I get mad over that too

[@GBunnyG]

@@damien678 I can explain old school math. I'm 23 years post high school math but can still manage basics. It is INFURIATING to make a 6 year old "show his work" with new math. Rage smash.

[@damien678]

@@GBunnyG I'm crying at the concept of trying to get a 6 y.o. to show his work on 2+2 ffs 😂💀

[@AmukaAkuma]

Story 1: She could go to Oxford and study basket weaving, that name alone will open many doors that are closed for most others. While not "useless" the degree will see you earn significantly less compared to other degrees. US statistics is $51K Annually, with $60K being the median for all degrees. I can understand OP, he doesn't want the daughter to depend on them for the rest of their lives, but the $50K in tuition for 4 years should be chump change for them. It's a very first world problem.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

Yeah, this isn't the US though. And seriously, if you can afford to pay your bills and keep food on the table, who cares? Money isn't everything and the US's obsession with it is kinda gross.

[@sfsin3380]

You need a relevant degree to teach a subject in England and where you got that degree really matters there. This is an English degree from Oxford. She's most likely is planing to get into teaching at one of the really fancy really high paying private schools. (yes it has to be Oxford or and equivalent University for you to be even considered by those schools). I know the pay for teachers in the US is low but that's not the case everywhere she can make really good money in England and the prestige of having Oxford educated English teacher on staff can get her a lot out in places like Abu Dabi and Dubai TL:DR This is in England so daughter isn't setting her self up for the low paying job people from the USA think she is.

[@rmhartman]

"vendor table"? What wedding has a vendor table?

[@nela3986]

Regarding the last story: if you don't want anyone trash talk your parents, don't you do it in front of them. It's just human to be upset for your friend and say things accordingly. To say "only me and my siblings are allowed to badmouth my parents" ... Well then don't open your mouth about them in front of others. The only one thing I don't tolerate from no one is me telling stuff about my childhood and other jumping in defending them. No way they get away with that.

[@jessig.6791]

But the blind friend wasn't even trash talking about his parents, he was just telling what happened to him and she immediately went to say his mom was horrible and that she would be a better mother than his.

[@nela3986]

@@jessig.6791 I was referring to was OP later said. I thought I was clear about it since I almost quoted him.

[@nightcorelucario2218]

​@Nela that was a commentor who said that

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: YTA - Imagine being disappointed your daughter got into one of the best universities in the world. I'm pretty sure it's in the global top 5, actually. Just... Wow.

[@monarchminnie5827]

#6 I think

[@JayeEllis]

@@monarchminnie5827 It seems it depends on the survey and the discipline. More than once, I've seen Oxford's Arts & Humanities department (including language studies) ranked #1.

[@WobblesandBean]

I don't believe for one second that OP 1 has actually changed. He just wants to get Reddit off his back.

[@sfsin3380]

Oh I'm sure he really did. I had a conversation with a cousin who lives/grew up in England about this post and I got a rant about how stupid and ignorant OP was being (apparently so so much wrong, Op knows nothing about the English education system) based on her reaction I'd imagine he got a simpler responses from any friends/coworkers he talked to about this.

[@karendaniel620]

Artists and poets dream the future; engineers and mathematicians make it the present. So many great creative thinkers envisioned what must have seemed fantastical during their time, like Michelangelo. Society needs to stop diminishing the arts.

[@Hajiyt]

I'm pretty sure engineers and mathematicians would create the present even without artists and poets. Arts are fun, they are a great way to entertain oneself, but they have limited actual use. The degree is just a waste of money.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 1: Oxford is not cheap. This degree is going to cost a good chuck of money, and hopefully it gets her a job she can live off of because I don't think he'll be willing to pay for a second degree.

[@tictactoe325]

Humanity degrees are seen in a very different light to say in Australia, where it’s seen as nothing better than to wrap fish and chips in. In the US, regardless of what degree they take, they have to do a Master’s or Post Graduate degree to be able to actually work in their chosen field.

[@Grace_x68]

​@@tictactoe325 in South Africa humanities are regarded the same as Australia.

[@terraguttierez2996]

@@Grace_x68 in the philippines, its pretty much the same. I dont see why you need to be an english major unless youre working on studying classics or something. Being a language major is usually looked down upon especially when someone majors in foreign languages they usually still dont know how to speak fluently.

[@Bleg94]

@@tictactoe325 I think they are seen that way everywhere and atleast in the university I did go to those degrees were basically build like this: they have A LOT modules, with every module giving few ECTS, but every module in itself is a joke many of them were basically "attend every week, pretend you are listening and then get a signature at the end of the semester", while the science degrees had few modules, but almost every module was a mind fuck (in comparison)

[@tictactoe325]

@@Bleg94 I worry that our Uni’s are going the same way to be honest. At the Uni’s I went to here in Australia, each unit had written assignments, tutorial presentations and attendance and exams. The majority of assessment was individual work. But now a lot of Uni’s are chasing the international student $ and the more indebted Uni’s have group work to carry the international students so that they can pass. The lack of government funding has degraded the quality of the education that Uni’s used to provide.

[@sharonparks1236]

The bride lied. She is not your friend. She used you and boyfriend's services

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, assuming your blind friend's blindness was due to a true accident and not the "He was sick and mom refused to take him to a doctor" type accident otherwise ESH (especially his mom)

[@adeletaylor6143]

"Dad I got into Oxford!!! Literally one of the best schools in the world" " Pre-med?" "No" "Doesn't count"

[@alyzu4755]

Story 2: Sad. OP's "friend" may one day regret throwing away a lifelong friend. One day she's going to use the wrong person.

[@mommieminnesota3108]

I have had this same exact thing happen and it was a family member that did it.after spending all day helping her and the bridal party get into their dresses then doing nine ppl hair and makeup I didn't get not one thank you neither in the bridal speech nor in private.needless to say I'm not longer in touch with this family member.

[@ondank]

The thing that really gets me about story 1 is that OP seems detached from reality. Lots of people get good jobs with all kinds of degrees. Often time, the thing that might hold them back is the student debt, so in paying for that he is ensuring that his daughter likely won't be dependant on him because she won't have that weight pulling her down. Secondly, and I can't stress this enough, OPs degree is going to be WAY cheaper then her brothers and much shorter then her brothers. So yes, she is getting less certainty of a higher income but she is asking for way less money. I really don't see where this is unreasonable. After the update - WHAT. SHE IS GOING TO OXFORD. AND YOU SAID NO. WHAT A DOUCHE

[@sfsin3380]

Even more detached from reality than you might initially think. I spoke to a cousin who lives/grew up in England and got a rant about how obviously little he understood the English Education system. The decision of what university courses she could take was made when she was 15/16 and applied for her A levels. It's way way too late for OP to be bring this up. Plus if she planing to get into teaching at one of the really fancy really high paying private schools. In one of those schools with an Oxford degree she really could wind up making as much as her brothers.

[@ondank]

@@sfsin3380 I didn't even think about it on that level (from the UK too) but yes, whilst she has some wiggle room, she is almost certainly going to be doing a humanity of some kind. It's worth pointing out as well that to become a lawyer in the UK you do a humanity first usually and then do a fourth year to convert to law. So the daughter still has plenty of high value careers open to her even starting out with an English degree, let alone an English degree from oxford

[@rf159a]

Second story: I think OP should send her a bill for the desserts and if she doesn't pay, sue her in small claims court!! Also OP's boyfriend should definitely watermark his video!!

[@amerlin388]

No contract, no liability... But this also means there is no obligation to give any portion of the video in any form. Of course maybe they could edit it into a 'blooper reel'. 😄

[@roelthas]

It's frustrating because they already took advantage of OP, can't do anything about that.

[@DezGrowSpot]

Story 1: NTA it's his money do its his choice to not support her bad decisions

[@str4yk1dsw0rldd0minati0n]

Story 1: he does know gap years are very normal right? Like he seems annoyed that she took a normal gap year. Also Oxford?! Is he dumb? That's an amazing school!

[@AnanyaAMenon]

Gap years are normal. But he is the one who spent money to support her lifestyle for the 3 years she took

[@LadyEleos]

Story 1: English degrees are actually more versatile than people think.

[@kaidrazarc8000]

but she didn't try to convince her dad of that just went back on her promised, lied to her family to get the money & when caught goes on the emotional attack........ Shes's clearly clever to be accepted so the fact she didn't even attempt to convince her dad leads me to assume she's not even looked into carrer options after uni only doing it cause its what she fancies doing

[@Midnight0Mistress]

​@@kaidrazarc8000 that depends, did they lay out which subjects would be okay or did she assume that English would be useful

[@kaidrazarc8000]

@@Midnight0Mistress that's a good point as OP only said a "degree that was worth it" so bit ambiguous along with "she went behind their backs" did she actually lie? or just apply for English without consulting her dad? OP glosses over it but you're right the daughter could have made innocent assumptions then had rug swept from under her feet

[@sfsin3380]

@@kaidrazarc8000 I've had a conversation about this post with a cousin who lives/grew up in England. She tells me Op is an idiot. Apparently the decision on what courses you can apply to is made way before the piont Op's daughter is at. According to cousin at 15/16 you do your GCSE at which piont you can leave school or if you want to go to college you go on to your A levels and pick around 4 specialized subjects suited to your planed future college course. The relevance of the subjects and your score in those subjects decides what colleges you can get into. If she got into Oxford her subjects would have been very specialised and she would have had to get amazing scores in them. Op was punishing for a decision long long since made and years too late to change.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Story 1: Send her the bill for your services, and if she doesn't pay, take her to court.

[@wambutu7679]

Story two- Send the invoice. Then she can write it off her taxes as a business loss when it is inevitably not paid. May as well get some good out of it.

[@AnanyaAMenon]

People here missed the fact that the daughter in story 1 applied for college at 21, she spent 3 Years going out with friends, traveling using her father's money, while her brothers didn't and went to college as liked

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

No, you're missing the fact that he didn't spend nearly as much on her (single) gap year as he did on their medical degrees which - for the record - take five or six years just to finish the medical degree plus at least 1-2 years after that basically earning nothing and working insane hours (so probably still getting support from daddy, the rich cardiologist), while an English degree takes 3 years. So it all adds up probably to FAR less. Just because she didn't apply right away, doesn't mean she was travelling for those whole three years. Comprehension skills FTW.

[@fhuber7507]

2... OP was used and abused.

[@yvonnefobbs6232]

Story #2: SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE!! You should have taken your dessert table, your man and went home!

[@simac8396]

She got in to Oxford University's English program, and the father called that a useless degree...ugh if I was the daughter, I would never speak to the father ever again.

[@rmhartman]

She never told the event coordinator that you were a guest?????

[@ThatsViews]

A cardiologist who, ironically, seems to lack a heart? Who would I want to be treated by? A Doctor who had a burning passion for medicine or a Doctor who was forced into becoming a Doctor by her father and who had no real aptitude or passion for medicine?

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, there never was a "vendor table". I can't say I have ever heard of a party having a "vendor table" that wasn't some influencer/celebrity "exposure" type event (and never a wedding).

[@briansmaller7443]

2nd story - WTF - just pull up a chair and fit in on another table, Nobody would mind. What is up with people?

[@shascircus]

Imagine saying "im disappointed because she wants to be herself instead of doing what i wanted" and still having doubts about being the AH

[@ladyv5655]

Story 2: if it were me, bf would stop filming, I would pack up the desserts and we would leave. I'd give the desserts to a local charity or friends and family not connected to the wedding.

[@CooperGal24]

Story One: YTA Your kids have the right to decide, ON THEIR OWN: WHEN to get a degree, HOW long they want a break and WHICH universities they want to attend at. Parents DO NOT have the right to make the decisions "On their adult kids' behalves". And the way OP explained in the story, he and his wife are just pushing their adult kids onto the paths THEY want them to go down, not their kids. The parents expected them to be doctors. WHY? So they can live comfortably while their adult kids works at a job in the medical field, working from the longest hours, with little or no breaks and being called in almost anytime they're needed? Uhhh no thanks. Also, OP's "Reasons" for not paying for his daughter's agree and the way they talked about her lifestyle and life choices are both disrespectful and controlling. It's making them sound like entitled toxic parents, something NO child would want! Sure, it's YOUR money to spend on your kids' future, but it's THEIR future that they're gonna live in. Give them the RIGHT to make THEIR own choices and decisions without you and your wife controlling their lives. "*GASP!!!!* HOW *DARE* you decide to choice the degree YOU want and to "Be YoUrSeLf!" YOU have to do what *WE* want because *WE SAY SO*! Yep, a couple of parents who degrades and disrespects their kids because of their choices, mostly against their daughter. OP, I HOPE your daughter cuts you out of her life for a while until you and your wife grows a heart, same goes for your sons. You two are pretty much just forcing and controlling your kids' lives by doing what YOU want them to do, not what THEY want to do.

[@jackiewepps4694]

Story 2: If you value a friendship, it can be very hard to see the signs that the other does not feel the same. Getting blown off constantly is a major sign, I feel. But I didn't see it either.

[@BlindZubat]

As someone who is now legally blind due to their mothers neglect; I find the last story hard to judge. It would depend on the blind person, their perception of the disability and the exact manner in which they became disabled. Is the mom really to blame? Is that lady just jumping to assumptions? Was it a freak accident that caused it? There are to many unknowns. Granted, I also may be biased due to how I became disabled and knowing my reaction to her would have been, "lol you think that's bad, let me tell you about bad.".

[@luke_at_my_art]

Maybe just depends how one copes with blindness. I feel like the only person who can truly judge is the blind friend. But at the same time, it's east to say someone could do better when they have never been in a situation to prevent the result. But I also can sympathize the situation because now you have to deal with the consequences of someone's neglect. I would say OP is NTA, because honestly they saw how upset their friend was over the comments

[@BlindZubat]

@@luke_at_my_art That's valid. I can see the blind friend getting upset at a few different things though. Si for me personally Its a I need more info. I hope the friend at least started a joke about wacking the girl with his cane by "accident". Thats a common joke amoung us visually disabled people. Not because we are trying to be mean. Its just....sometimes you run into people when you can't see. Cause people don't move.

[@theking-og4oe]

Story 1: NTA, even my English professor, who has a Doctorate in English, says that an English degree is useless nowadays

[@sfsin3380]

maybe in the US but this happened in England and it very much does open door there. It's a coarse you can do to get into law school and actually pays a living wage especially in the high paying private schools an Oxford English degree would open for her. It can open up jobs on publishing, marketing. Pr and more as well. And the prestige for getting into Oxford can open even more doors.

[@luvondarox]

S1 OP supplied all of the money for "her little rest." Her "little rest?" That's a telling statement right there.

[@hvymax]

Funding her Rest was your first mistake. That Doctorate Degree in Navel Gazing will really pay off.

[@_Tree_of_Life_]

Back up, you didn't say she'd got into flipping Oxford to read English!! Just having the word "Oxford" on her CV will open so many doors for her. So glad OP saw sense on this one.

[@johnowen9349]

Nothing more hilarious than listening to people trying to defend an English degree. Op is just going to be proven right in the end, she's going to 90% do nothing of any real value with it.

[@dcg590]

Story 2- I would’ve removed all the desserts and left! No video either. Simple Bride did this on purpose

[@Grace_x68]

S1 OP =YTA BUT my daughter also studied English /German after I told her not to (in my country there is no job opportunities with her degree. I begged her to study to become a teacher and then she can study what she wants afterwards ). Well she didn't listen and studied untill she was busy with her masters, halfway through she decided she wanted to study for a teacher. She tried applying for jobs but to no avail. Long story short she is second year at university studying to be a teacher (she discovered that this is actually her mission in life ). While me and her dad previously had enough money to pay for this (we had our own business) he became ill and we had to sell our business and are now dependent on life insurance paying disability. He needs constant care due to life treating seizures. I must tell you I am sometimes angry that she didn't listen to me because it is a strain on us. She is a sweety though and try to help me where she can as she lives with us. She apologised about a 1000 times to us about the situation.

[@Silver103]

It's honestly your personality that keeps me listening. Your fun commentary between stories, even your serious commentary, it's all nice to listen to. I like your take on stories that I've heard from other channels. Keep being awesome and we'll stick around :)

[@scottluther6699]

I understand the whole concept of getting a useful degree and not just wasting your money. Friends son got a degree in geography, works at Lowe’s. Another got a degree in Italian, thinking he’d be an interpreter, not, they using Italians for that which have spent a lifetime learning English instead of 4 years in college. But English is a valid degree, sort of a useful catch all. All major companiex produce documentation that her degree sets her up for. Publishing companies and marketing firms accept these kind of degrees. And to completely shoot you in the foot, a survey done years ago by the Wall Street journey, survey what degrees cooperate CEOs had. English was the winner. Written communication in the corporate world sets you apart and above most other people.

[@gerrimilner9448]

oxford is the worlds most acclaimed university, the fact she got through the interview says they believe she will get a first, this is a major sign she is serious

[@ddavis8988]

Story 1: English degree, for the most part, is a dumb degree. Sorry, statistics and data proves this. But I would pay for it, but she would have to live with it.

[@hvymax]

Kids are quick, sneaky and agile. Parents can't keep a short leash on their kids 24-7!!!

[@TheShwear]

Honestly I feel like the English degree dad has good intentions. Especially considering his past it's only natural for him to want his daughter to study something that'll eventually pay well so she can be independent

[@sfsin3380]

Ya but he was being an idiot and I suspect it was less Reddit shaming him that changed he mind than it was he brought it up to friends/coworkers and they pointed out his ignorant stupidity here. I spoke to a cousin who lives/grew up in England and got a rant about how stupid OP was being here and how obviously little he understood the English Education system. The two major points. 1: The decision of what university courses she could take was made 3 years ago when daughter applied for her A levels. It's way way too late for OP to be bring this up. 2: You need a relevant degree to teach a subject in England and where you got that degree really matters there. This is an English degree from Oxford. She's most likely is planing to get into teaching at one of the really fancy really high paying private schools. (yes it has to be Oxford or and equivalent University for you to be even considered by those schools)

[@kaykay8855]

As an English major, there’s much you can do with it: translator, journalist, writer, researcher, librarian, teacher, etc.

[@Vallyrah]

Story 2: I would have grabbed a coupled chairs and sat us where there was room, or made room. F*** the mix up, fix it your self.

[@paulinejackson5861]

Story 1: Daughter should cut OP out of her life, he is clearly a misogynist. Fathers are not needed.

[@Grimangell135]

Story 2: How do you not see the writing on the wall? This was planned. They ripped free desserts and video from both of you. Im sorry but bridezilla is a toxic person and you shouldve called her out by removing your products and services from the event.

[@pamelajohnson6425]

Story 2: don't be a doormat, OP! Send her an email explaining that since she treated you like a vendor and not a friend, you will treat her as a customer. Therefore your services were not a gift, and include the full price invoice. Same thing goes for the boyfriend's video. Watermark it, and only remove the watermark if/when she pays for the service.

[@LAOCHPadre]

Story 1: All I can think of in response is that I know so many lawyers, teachers, editors, and writers personally who have very successful careers that started with an English degree, so maybe it's not as useless as he thinks.

[@acatnamedm4529]

She got into Oxford for in English & he thinks it's a trash degree? Is he mad???

[@whodywei]

He is not mad, he is being realistic. English degree from Oxford is same as English degree from community college, it will not land you a high paying job.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

The man slags an English degree while repeatedly writing, "me and my wife." Oi. At least he actually changed his mind.

[@tokonunya8301]

Please don't tell me you're one of those people who are convinced that it's always "whoever and I" regardless of the rest of the sentence.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

@@tokonunya8301 from a strictly grammatical standpoint, "me and [whoever]" is not correct. Yes, a lot of people use it colloquially, but that doesn't mean it's not wrong.

[@Qwerty95ish]

Story 1. Make her defend the value of the degree. If she can show it can support her you should pay, if she can't then you shouldn't.

[@whitneylivingston5706]

Story 1: If I was in OP's shoes, I would have her show me a career plan. Does she want to go into teaching, editing, or publishing? If she has a valid career plan and is willing to put in the work, then her English degree is a valid choice and he should support her in that degree. Degrees that lend to high-paying jobs don't always lead to happiness. Glad he agreed to eventually help fund her degree rather than lose a daughter. Story 2: I'm with Mark on the idea of a video of a room with no wedding going on. I would have also personally left, or tossed in a nice bill and told the Bride, "Oops, there was a mix-up in the billing and I forgot to tell the person doing the invoices that we were friends. It's already in the system and I can't undo it, you owe the bill."

[@madambutterfly1997]

Oh my goodness what is with people? stop telling your kids to only go after lucrative degrees