Out on Accident: Navigating Being Outed (with Kristi Gramlich)

This week, Mal is joined by her friend Kristi Gramlich who shares her story of being outed in her sorority while coping with the loss of a parent. Kristi discusses how the public outing experience shaped her and her relationship at the time, and where she's at with her sexuality today. Kristi also opens up about her lifelong struggle with OCD and how she copes with it as an adult.
*Content Warning: This episode contains content that may be challenging to some listeners.*
Follow our guest at:
Instagram: / kristigramlich
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@kristigramlic...
Follow the podcast:
Instagram: / madeitoutpodcast
TikTok: / madeitoutpodcast
Website: www.madeitoutpodcast.com
Follow Mal:
Instagram: / malglowenke
TikTok: / malglow
For all other inquiries, please email [e-mail]

[@tomatosoup4641]

I really dislike this narrative of lying or hiding. Ppl aren’t obligated to tell anyone else anything about themselves they don’t want to. We are allowed to have boundaries and another persons boundaries of telling me everything doesn’t automatically mean I have to have the exact same boundaries as them. Each person has the right to choose their own. This narrative of “you were lying to everyone” “you’re hiding something from us” gives me a deep, deep ick. No one owes that info to others.

[@sulagreen5792]

I agree. It feels like it comes from homophobia. Like they would have thought differently about you if they had known you were gay and wouldn't have been so comfortable and free around you, and that's why they wish they had known from the start, because now they see you differently.

[@uscitizen3252]

I love your laugh, Mal! Keep laughing! The world needs more of it.

[@vi07]

The difference between this podcast and some other lesbian podcasts is that this humanises rather than objectifies us. Real conversation, real connection. Thank you for being open and vulnerable. Host would make an excellent therapist! Well done Mal & team X

[@hiportugal]

❤❤❤❤

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

🥹🥹 i actually considered being a therapist- but didn’t want to go back to school, so i said i’ll podcast instead lol. thank you for listening🫶🏼

[@erikareyes2848]

Mel's bust out laugh is so funny and adorable ❤

[@mizzmatrix]

Don't listen to the haters, Mal, your laugh is one of the reasons I stayed here ❤

[@JohnRobinson-km4kt]

I am male, 61 and somewhat queer, fem and very tough though very perceptive. I came out to my daughter when she said she was bisexual… she gave me the courage to out myself to her… I watch your channel because I relate in a deep way to you and your guests/subjects❤❤❤John

[@ninewojcik9669]

Just wanted to say Mal that this podcast means so much to me. Currently I am in college, for years I am struggling with my orientation and this makes me feel seen and safe. I lacked this space so much when I desperately search for any support and representation in junior high. Thank you so much

[@jackletlisa1302]

Love your laugh Mal it’s so genuine

[@JennSarracenia]

Mal you have a GREAT laugh! I look forward to hearing it every week.

[@PatEleonore]

It’s adorbs

[@JennSarracenia]

Learning that people printed off copies makes me aggressively angry!

[@neanight222]

Hi Mal and Made It Out Team, I am so glad I found you around 3 weeks ago and I'm now finally almost caught up on all episodes. I can't even tell you how much this podcast is helping me in my own journey of self-love and acceptance and getting comfortable with my own sexuality. I found something I could relate to in every single episode so far, in every single guest's story, some more than others of course. There have been episodes that made me cry because I related so much and made me take endless notes, because so many great points were made and such great advice was given. ❤ I could say so many more things I love about this project, but basically I just want to tell you that you really help so many of us out there with what you do, by showing up and giving so many different people with such diverse life experiences a platform. It's truly incredible and I am so thankful for each new episode. 🙏✨ You're inspiring and empowering! And Mal, you are such an empathic host, you ask the greatest and most important and impactful questions in such a sensitive way. Also, your laugh is infectious and I love it! Don't listen to the people who tell you otherwise. 😁 Long story short: thank you for what you do, you are amazing! Greetings to LA from Germany. 🤗🏳️‍🌈

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

wow. this comment makes me so happy! truly so honored to be a part of your journey. thank you so much for listening and for sharing🫶🏼🥹

[@Pookieboo2]

The email version of sexting is Hotmail

[@barnaliadhikary9421]

😅😅

[@hiportugal]

love this hahahah

[@olivest509]

Listen, I went until the ripe old age of 38 before I FINALLY acknowledged what I already knew, that I was gay. I was basically just celibate for over a decade after the one relationship where I had sex with a man. There were a few times over that decade when I actually thought “maybe I’m gay”, but I quickly pushed it away and told myself it wasn’t true. I kind of always knew I was, though. I had a huge crush on a straight girl in college and everybody thought I hated her because every time she would show up to a function I was at, I would leave and go home. It wasn’t hate, it was fear that everybody would realize that I was in love with her. She made me weak at the knees, everything about her turned me on so hard, I wanted so desperately to get to know her, but I never allowed myself to even be in the same room as her. I was so gay and I still managed to go another 18 years before I accepted it.

[@lyssasletters3232]

Nooooooooo i was literally thinking about how jealous I am of your ability to laugh with such joy and freedom RIGHT BEFORE you mentioned that people criticize your laugh. I wish I were able to connect with people the way you do!

[@NordicFireDKK]

The sorority pipe line xD love it

[@helenlawson8426]

Still one of my favourite podcast. x I have similar regrets of not coming out to my mum. Although as trans in my case. Likewise I was in my twenties and emotionally finally in a space where I could finally come out, then my mum had her cervical cancer diagnosis. She was worried about me and I couldn't add to that. So I watched and cared for her as she faded away over the next few years. The trauma of it all hit home in my thirties but pulled myself back together to transition at forty. When upset I still say sorry, although in my case it is not just mum and not trusting her to be the person I knew her to be, it's a teacher in junior school who tried to find out what was effecting me so badly. I couldn't talk to her and have been saying sorry for five decades. I may come back and delete this later, not sure. Going out.

[@emmapichl8896]

idk if you’ve ever mowed 😂😂😂

[@dayers9257]

I was born and raised just outside of Emporia, Kansas, I get it. I was dealing with my identity just as the AIDS epidemic was devastating the gay community. After years of struggles, at 23, I finally said those words. Eventually, I told my best friend, and he turned his back on me. It took another 4 years to come out to my family. I never planned to tell them, but my dad was having another heart surgery, and I was asked the question. My step-mom asked me as we sat in the hospital waiting room, surrounded by some of my siblings and a host of other people. I finally said the words, and while I felt loved, I didn't always feel supported. All of this to say, eventually, things got better. Both of my parents are now gone, but my step-mom is still here and very supporting. In my mid-30s, I met the love of my life. We will be married 22 years in a few days. And together, 23, she had a son when we got together and we adopted 3 more, they are all teenagers now. I am close with all, but one of my siblings and my nieces and nephews love my wife. While difficult, coming out gave me the life and love I dreamed of, I live it every day. Self truth and understanding while difficult is necessary. 29:38

[@athanott]

I love your laugh! It's like a warm hug 🥰

[@isabellarussosavoldi1702]

mal i love the podcast but it would be great to have longer episodes! half an hour goes by too fast😢

[@naturenut7695]

Ok. Once again your laugh is great. This cut deep. Another great pod cast!

[@PetraDivjak]

Oohh this brings me back...I was outed to my mom by my sister, who read my texts (a lot of which were sexts ahem😅) with my first long distance gf. It was an absolute shitshow...I was 16 and my life basically became hell after that, my family could never accept it and most of them would never have guessed it, though I was a tomboy as a kid, running around with boys playing war😂 I was still feminine presenting, though sporty and into "typical boy stuff", so one of my sister always joked I was half boy half girl, but then she would go on to tell me: " I wish you were at least bi" and though it was coming from a place where she couldn't relate to me anymore, it still hurt like hell. Still does. Love this podcast,the name, the message, the host, the guests, KEEP UP THE GREAT (and SUPER IMPORTANT) WORK there, fam 🎉

[@zoyaroya]

I should have been in a sorority

[@FM-tx5es]

Outstanding episode. The vulnerability and emotions are palpable. Well done Mal and Kristi!!!

[@mommyissuesmusic]

“Do we have to chug it?” I LOVE this girl! 😂

[@Alessamusic]

I’m new to your channel, but already watched about 5 episodes, this one is by far the one that I liked the most. As an outed person as well, many feelings came back as I was watching. Thanks so much for sharing.

[@MelHyde]

This was super relatable thank you for this episode

[@mtwsz]

One episode a week is just not enough 😂

[@cocainekeiko]

Low key was waiting patiently for this video, I'm always looking forward to your videos. Keep up the good work!!!

[@Dani.P.F.]

Love your podcast! It's really helpful and comforting to listen to all these different stories.

[@roomofkale788]

Wow. I also currently have a parent with Glioblastoma, and it's sparked this urgency in me to come out and live authentically as a lesbian. Thank you for sharing this story! Love the pod

[@RachaelCuculino]

Wow, my mother passed away in 2021 from a stage 4 glioblastoma multi forum and I experienced a pressure to come out to her and my family during the last 6 months of her life. Thank you for sharing this comment as well as the pod here!❤️

[@roomofkale788]

@@RachaelCuculino it's amazing to realize we're not alone in this experience. it feels so singular and world-shattering ♥

[@susanacruz2446]

Here again just to say I love your channel ❤ and thanks to bring all this beautiful women to share their stories. I loved your guest today, she looks so genuine and gentle 😊 keep doing this amazing job. Btw I definitely love your laugh 😂

[@JulesLern]

Big topics! As always thank you for sharing 💗💗

[@pridetherapy]

Great podcast. Thanks for this episode.

[@mommyissuesmusic]

I love love love your laugh! Hearing it makes me happy.

[@someonesomehow379]

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS PODCAST it’s so comforting and gives me a sense of community with all the different backgrounds and stories.. keep going mal

[@liamclarke64]

Mel, you know some amazing people, such an interesting podcast!!

[@haiewill]

I somehow relate to every one of your episodes. Mal you seem like the sweetest human and you are always so warm and engaging with your guests/ask amazing questions. I feel like you were meant for podcasting!!! also shocked but not at kristi’s experience being outed as someone who was in a sorority. what disgusting entitlement that those girls held. thank you for sharing your story!

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

this is so sweet. thank you for saying that!! & for listening!

[@gingaj87]

This episode reminded me of being outed by my sister after I had accidentally left my phone at home. I was 24 at the time and it really devastated me. Love this podcast! It’s nice to hear real experiences from other queer ladies.

[@clairhamill5804]

Outing someone is purely a power-play by the person doing it. It is their attempt to have Power and to have power over the person they are outing. So 1) that makes that person a Sh$tty human being. Then 2) the person has a (not easy) choice ... let it affect/control them, or as Kristi said, take the control and own it. Power can only affect you if You choose to allow it. Not as easy as that I know, but that is the concept. Blessings to you both.

[@susiebernal1367]

I am loving this podcast but still feel like an outsider due to the age range. Im 37, finally left my marriage 3 years ago and came out to everyone. Still its hard to find community as I feel everyone is so young. I've only dated 1 person very shortly as they were not out yet and I didn't want to hide any more. Since then even the bar scene is outdated and I don't know where to start. Dating apps feel like dumpster fires. Any advice anyone?

[@JennSarracenia]

Depending on where you are, meetup groups! Even if you make 1 gay friend, they may have a group of gay friends :)

[@san-yup]

If I had the money to go, I would have been at the same university at the same time as Kristi. Her story is giving me a new perspective that the life I could have led wouldn't have been as easy and open as I thought it would have. A decade later and it's not any easier since I still live in the same small town. I've lived scared of being outed, which has made my life pretty lonely. This podcast lets us hear the challenges so many women face, but ultimately it lead to happiness, which is very encouraging. I've been loving this channel from the beginning, and I'm happy to see it going so strong. Well deserved.

[@hiportugal]

I love Kristi! Poppers are life!!!!

[@Wavedancerone]

I love your laugh 💯😹It’s perfect 👏🏽🙌🏽😅

[@giuliamoscoso665]

loved it!

[@pottertardis9706]

I love your laugh Mal

[@emmapichl8896]

I love this girl!

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

Another amazing episode ❤🌈

[@sylviaszmigiel466]

I love this show ❤️❤️

[@drnasrinnik6771]

I love your laugh ❤

[@juliavasquez4079]

I love your laugh 😂 so how dare anyone say otherwise lol ❤... Hooked on this podcast!

[@thegirlwhoknows2892]

We need to see Matilda on the pod

[@kristiemars7747]

Thank You.

[@bertieborough]

Yep, I'm OCD and the older you get the less it worries you. I guess it's just part of my identity now. So much so that I don't even notice my repetitive little routines until someone else points it out to me. The fact that I don't really understand emotions and have been caught out a couple of times trying to fake them doesn't help either.

[@lovelymelly29]

Kristi, contact the OCD Center of LA! Contact Linny, she’s amazing and LGBTQ!

[@mariar4725]

Would love to see Becky Missal as a guest soon 💛

[@ELEVATED888]

Shows... Fire🔥

[@erniesandoval9669]

Just found your channel and I love it ❤.

[@lesliepless2939]

Cheers!

[@DJMetzler337]

I thought only gay guys did poppers and not women. I learned something today. LOL.

[@Frenchised]

Mal your laugh is so fun and totally contagious! Got me hooked immediately from Shannon’s pod 🫶🏼

[@chack4845]

Everyone has unique and interesting stories and its great to hear all this, it even therapeutic in some ways, i wonder if Mathilde your gf has a stories as well Mal#madeitoutpotcast 😆.

[@hiportugal]

omg I love you!!!! One day I will be on! For you - my #1 fan!!!!!

[@chack4845]

@@hiportugal thank you for acknowledging, 😀. I will annoy you both until you're on the show. 🤞😀

[@rachelmeling3138]

Mal has a gorgeous laugh, what are those nasty people on? (Probably poppers 😂)

[@sambradley3179]

hey!! Rock chalk!! I love to see another queer jayhawk 💙❤ also, so sorry that your college experience was so homophobic… college was where I felt comfortable to explore, and I wish you had that experience as well.

[@elisa_vega]

I can relate 2:00 I went to catholic school k-12 also. I couldn’t hug my female friends

[@farleyandrews7269]

Mal, I worship the "laughing Buddha", and you ! You conduct a quite awesome interview, and those who give you negative critiques require greater understanding of the learning process, what informs it, and intricacies of human interaction ! I am olde with great amount of experience, un-physically-transitioned "trans female" who has decided I've a great many things which require "work", without having to share, explain, or deal with the negative critiques from those with failed understanding. Though perceived as "male" to the World while understanding women to be best most enlightened communicators, with far superior intelligence/understanding (to men), there is a great need for "men" as advocates for "female equality"/ratification of ERA (to the U.S. Constitution), for global reason: All the problems, causes of "Climate Change", weather anomaly, will find NO solutions without women, and have come about as result of unrestricted activities of "Men". Your series of interviews are extraordinary/invaluable ! Please find and do more ! love to you, - Farley Andrews, Atascadero, CA.

[@lalacameron170]

What are poppers?

[@lexidussi6552]

Thank you for your vulnerability about using poppers ❤

[@nnajimiller2506]

❤❤❤

[@esmekeepsitreal]

Why didn't anyone tell me there were lesbians in sororities? Lol, my college experience was trying to find the gayssssss. Plus being a baby gay out in college was pretty adventurous. Shout out to all the girlies not out yet, your time is coming . Much Love, Esme. (:

[@Ferx68]

Mal, you should invite Casey Tanner for one episode 🤩

[@user-un5ch8hq1y]

❤️❤️

[@cryptochrome3090]

26:18 this is unrelated but I used to be an embalmer and “the prep room” is what we call the room where we embalm and do other preparation of the bodies and when I heard that I was like omfg that’s disgusting lmao

[@noseynelly8487]

Real

[@Nowthisisliving2]

i wanna see matild and mal together

[@NancyCooper-mw2hp]

Please move the plant so your guests heads are touching it.😂

[@poochkie2258]

Did she have pandas?

[@britpoppansy]

I wish that Mal could interview me as a trans man who was a lesbian until they were 27. This doesn't really fit the channel theme, but..maybe make an exception?? 😅

[@laurenstrasser]

K so I'm older...WTF are poppers?

[@LiveLaughLaux]

I outed myself with a copy/paste message saying my chosen name and pronouns 🥲

[@hiportugal]

oh no!!! how did it go over?

[@MaprilZyrup]

What are poppers?

[@MaprilZyrup]

Never mind, looked it up. . . getting old here haha

[@trnesi]

@@MaprilZyrup I had the same question LOL