Painful Emotions and Complex Trauma - Part 2/8 - Guilt

[@rochellebroglen4155]

I've really struggled with both guilt and shame. I wanted to share something that is helpful for me; As the limbic brain is triggered, you receive a cascade of stress hormones. These stressful thoughts are always accompanied by feelings (physical sensations). You may feel smaller or get hot, or feel pressure in the chest or back, the stomach might tighten, etc. I used to compartmentalize. In the past, the next step was to try to push the thought away, to stop feeling the feeling. It doesn't feel good. Sometimes I'd succeed and other times I'd go down the shame spiral. What I learned to do instead was to actually allow the physical sensations. Don't resist and instead, really focus on and explore them. I used to be very mind-centric and dissociated. So at first, I had to mentally narrate and describe them to myself. I'd get as detailed and specific as I could (Now, I just explore and feel without the narration). As I do that, I gently return my posture and breathing to a balanced state (straighten up, unclench muscles, elongate breathing, etc). The goal isn't to describe it well, but rather, to be fully present with, and aware of the feelings. To not disconnect. By utilizing the analytical part of your brain and not "fleeing" or "hiding", your system realizes that you're safe. Because your attention is on / in the body, you're no longer putting thoughts in and creating a feedback loop. It takes about 90 seconds for the hormonal surge to metabolize. I also think this actually processes the feelings, because we don't stuff it down. By allowing it, the energy moves. There are several subjects that used to instantly trigger waves of guilt and shame. Since I've been doing this, when those subjects come up, I can actually stay present. I had to repeat the process multiple times, but each time, it was easier and less intense. Eventually, they no longer triggered my limbic system. The other thing is, you'll realize that the feelings (sensations) aren't actually that "bad". Allowing them doesn't hurt. I hope this is helpful for someone. You deserve your compassion and forgiveness. You are loved. Mr. Fletcher, I recently found your channel and am so thankful for the awareness you're sharing. I can't even imagine the ripple effect of your message. May you, and your work, be blessed.

[@leahflower9924]

Yes guilt shame and fear are the 3 tools to control kids and adults and entire societies even

[@rochellebroglen4155]

@@leahflower9924 I was just talking about the tools of manipulation on another post. They are: Fear, Obligation, Guilt, and Shame (FOGS). I agree with your assessment about control. I stayed with a partner, in a relationship I didn't want to be in, for over a year because of those factors. Finally, one day I recognized that my feelings were relevant too. It was a total mind shift. That's when I first started learning about C-PTSD and how thoroughly it had impacted me.

[@hippiechickie5320]

Thank you so much I'm going to try these techniques

[@HisBelovedSon70x7]

That was a beautiful reply. Thoughtful, educational, reflective and thankful. Thank you for sharing your personal insights with the rest of us. God bless you

[@monicaciobanu204]

❤

[@storm4515]

Tim really hits the nail on the head in every vid. The level of accuracy gives me goosebumps

[@Boxing_Kangaroo]

From all the years I spent seeing psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors, even other healing and deliverance ministries in churches etc.., all these videos you have is the best teaching I've ever heard on identifying the problems I've had from my upbringing, even the ones I never knew I had until watching these videos! I never heard of complex trauma until I came across your ministry. These videos have been a huge blessing in helping me heal, I hope you guys can come and set up shop also in Australia one day soon too as it's also desperately needed here and of course everywhere around the world, thank you so much! When I was in Teen Challenges 12 years ago all your videos would of been a huge help as well to all of us there so hopefully God can open up a door there too to get these teachings into all rehabs worldwide! God bless you and all your team for what you do 🙏 your teachings and teaching style is excellent!

[@MichaelRyanEpley]

The system wants to deny folks like us exist. They'd rather lock us in the nuthouse rather than admit shame or even guilt. The system depends on us. It thinks it cannot function without our abuse. I'm going to prove to it, all of it, how wrong it is.

[@mariainespuigchinet]

I am not a religious follower of any buda christ god or whoever but I recognize great human souls as Tim FLetcher who without any interest , and high understanding spend his time to teach people in how to deal with sever trauma...My respects to this beautiful man

[@staciehulm4595]

My parents messed me up with discipline. They were too lazy and wrapped up in their own heads to be able to parent properly. I was doing poorly in school so, instead of trying to figure out why, they grounded me for 2 years (Freshman/Sophomore year). My grades went up, but the emotional damage I had sustained from early childhood remained unaddressed. I got a job in my Junior year and bought my own car for $1200. I promised myself I'd never let them ground me again. One night, I came home late from work (I worked at a movie theater for the closing shift). They tried to ground me again and take away my car keys. So, I said, "Give me $1200 and I'll give you my car keys." The next day I took off and stayed with a friend for a few days. I love my mom but she never should have had me. My real father rejected me and my step-dad was a great guy, but he didn't really know what he was doing as far as raising me. I'm 50 years old now and still trying to make sense out of life. One lesson I've learned is that people shouldn't have children unless they're capable of developing a relationship with them.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

I was thinking the same until recently. I now think we have the gift of life. The gift of listening to the waves of the sea, the wind, experiencing nature, the love of a child. This is priceless. I realised that only when I turned to God and He filled the void and healed me. Is life worth the abuse? With God all is possible. I was only surviving before, now I m learning to live

[@justinmulchinock-roche5589]

I'm not a believer in christ; but I do believe in higher powers, and this guy is ticking a lot of boxes

[@funkyklunky.]

Believing in your own version of Christ is powerful. Believing the story's the church presents based astrological significances adopted from paganism. That's is suspect. The truth doesn't need proped up marketed or sold. It speaks for it self. Perhaps the second coming of Christ is a collective awamess of higher power and our alignment with its vibration.... To over come darkness... Again as the war of dark and light Carry's on here on earth and ' abroad' across the universe. Think about it

[@rylang2628]

This doesn’t make sense, considering the whole bible is based upon once man walked with God in harmony. Man disobeyed God and lost harmony In the garden. God promises a saviour to regain relationship with God. Jesus that promised saviour. He is God that wrote himself into the story and came down to earth and lived as a human and fulfilled the law. He lived the perfect life we couldn’t live. Now when we put our faith Jesus as our saviours God sees our lives as his perfect life when we are judged. We are seen as perfect and can now gain access to heaven, where we will become perfect. No one can enter heaven if they aren’t cleaned and perfect. Otherwise we would make heaven blemished and it would no longer be perfect. Anyway what I’m trying to say is it’s not a higher consciousness, or vibration it’s a person, Jesus. He proved it by coming down to earth dying and rising again which can be historically verified. Find God, don’t put your trust in vibrations. That’s new age deception

[@ElyJane]

🙏AMEN🙏

[@justmadeit2]

Guilt over things I’ve done wrong are literally destroying me and I dot feel I deserve to live. I’m so tired of everything

[@shinkamui]

something i just realized about the 18:00 thing, after having spent a few days with a christmas family gathering, watching my dysfunctional aunt and her child. Children are so gullible. Its not easy to gaslight, rationalize, shift blame etc when you hurt an adult. But when someone hurts emotionally a child, its so easy to brush it off to them, and its so easy to get them on your side against themselves, to convince them they’re bad. Its like the one ring in lord of the rings in a way, a way out of guilt that is so easy so available, so tempting. Its hard to do the right thing, to be present for the child, to suffer your triggers and filter them out to not pass on generational trauma. And most of us watching this had parents that took the easy way out, and it destroyed us in the process. And probably destroyed them as well, out of so much pain and guilt avoidance that they missed so many opportunities to grow

[@beateaskerlund6123]

Blessings...YOUR programs are helping, healing giving hope...PRAISE JESUS

[@missheather4487]

Brilliant talks thankyou.. Step 4 is not about harm done to others...its about finding out what makes you tick...an inventory of yourself..yes you see your own behaviour and ways you think feel and react...a vital empowering step It's not a scary confessional as people seem to think

[@yazanasad7811]

I like the idea of living amends (actions are essential over words). Also your parents reactions to their own guilt is similar to how you manifest your own guilt

[@wendi2819]

Tim Fletcher is such a great communicator/teacher. I could listen to him for hours! He cuts through the b.s. and helps people heal!

[@marykennedysherin3330]

Tim is the best recovery teacher! I wish he would talk about false guilt. My mom parents always dumped guilt on me for not being perfect, and just being human. Not doing anything wrong, but not being able to do anything right, look right… So I have always struggled with guilt for not doing enough or being enough. I was a great student, had a great career, family, home … but always made to be responsible for dysfunctional family 💔

[@JaneHobby-zm3fg]

Suddenly i do not feel so alone. Fear, shame and guilt were my mothers biggest weapons

[@marcelvandermeulen2219]

These presentations are really helpful for me in my discovery and healing process. Thank you so much for posting!

[@NN57143]

After 23 years in a 12-Step program, I HAVE to say--it was very detrimental to me finding the kind of help that I truly needed. I wasted 23 years that I'll never get back. I appreciate Tim's work in general, but the conflation of complex trauma treatment and recovery is very problematic.

[@asdzxcz1360]

Yeah, especially that he is saying that guilt is a huge problem in C-PTSD, yet he's using program that resolves around Christianity which is all about ingraining guilt for stuff you didn't do at early age as a way of control...

[@gavinchrist8307]

Maybe I’m misunderstanding - but how was it detrimental finding the help that you needed? Are you saying that you didn’t find any relief in your 12-step program? And if not, what did finally help?

[@frizzyrascal1493]

@@asdzxcz1360That’s a wrong teaching.

[@mobilityproject3485]

​@@asdzxcz1360 Listen to his spiritual abuse series.

[@Lauryn_games1]

@@asdzxcz1360please don’t take this as a rude or offensive comment, but anyone who tells you Christian beliefs are guilt ridden or teaches you to feel guilty about ANYTHING, is confused and wrong teaching…Christ is Grace, forgiveness and compassion. We are all sinful in nature, not a human alive who is without sin…& that’s why Jesus came to be our savior ❤️

[@PursueAndObtainKnowledge]

I totally respect your work. After 22 years of studying psychology I have come to the conclusion that people can change they just won't. And one of the most prevalent factors is that people stay abound the environment that caused their trauma

[@SueLeigh-pr8vy]

It came to me, as I listened to Tim helping us see all the parts of the puzzle pieces in us, and as we try to get the pieces to fit: in my own case and maybe yours, I know I am powerless and have to have my Savior’s help to let go of old, toxic puzzle pieces because the wounds were so deep and relentless I can’t process and work to heal and to be able to be honest with myself and others, on my own. (I don’t know if I expressed myself adequately but I hope you can get the gist. I pray for all of us to find our way despite so many rocks on our road. God bless Tim.

[@cjennings6179]

Everything requires & TAKES SO MUCH HARD WORK ENERGY STAMINA TO WIN & BE REGULAR. EVERY TIME. BE ON TIME. FAILURE HAPPENS. GRIEF.

[@davidmurphy619]

Listening to you dozens of hours now ... And knowing myself pretty well now I think I am justified in bailing out the window ... Thank you for waking me up to this ... Bottom of the barrel and waiting for it to break too.. thanks a lot

[@robinrainwater6852]

I am a believer and I do believe in spiritual warfare. I really appreciate these teachings.

[@olivermahon9509]

Thanks so much, Tim.

[@bluebonbon22]

I was a failure as an infant, my mother kept my younger sister but gave me away(also my older 1/2 brother). I was a failure in foster care, they got a second child, and of course as a. toddler I was jealous. Then I was sent away to be adopted. So by age 4 I had failed to get any adult to love me, to cherish me. My adopted parents adopted another younger child( they had their own bio child too) and I failed as a sibling, couldn't get along with other children. Failed the first day of kindergarten, got in a fight and bite another child. At age 10 my adopted parents sent me away to another foster home. I was to be returned to the adopted home after a year, but by now I really hated them, but I probably hated myself even more. I started running away by age 14. High school drop out, 2 children out of wedlock, one had cancer as an infant. My son died in a house fire he set at age 4, I managed to get 3 out of 4 children out, but he didn't survive his injuries. I failed at my 1st marriage. and the list goes on.....

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

U did mot fail. The adults failed you and they failed to realise your inherent value and love you. U did not fail bc God created you and God does not create failures bc He does not fail. He know what He s doing. If He says you are worthy it means this is the truth

[@manuelag2128]

PRAISE GOD 🙌🏻✨✝️ Thank You Sir. In Progress and Not stopping. Jesus makes our weakness to strength 💪🏻.

[@justmadeit2]

Feeling guilty is a destroyer of mental health

[@troybusch]

Amen… thank you for releasing this word. It is exactly what I needed to hear.

[@annamc8228]

This was extremely helpful, thank you.

[@emilys7979]

My whole life is a guilty consciounse for being born disabled but i didnt even remember the nasty things said to make me feel so helpless about it

[@fl7210]

Emily, you are worth the world. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

[@bryannicholas2130]

It wasn’t your fault

[@bernardfraser2114]

Thank Tim for all your dedication to helping amd clarifying on Cptsd. You help make sense of the hellscape in my mind, heart and soul.❤❤❤

[@cherylm5002]

Great talk, to the point

[@lioness7522]

I’m loving these talks - they are so helpful - thanks SO much. However, I’m concerned that Tim is always straining his voice to ensure he’s being heard - can you provide him with a microphone to make it easier on his voice - and easier to listen to as his voice sounds sore.

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

This a great talk, I'm listening with my journal, thank you

[@InvestStrategyWire]

Brilliant stuff. Thank you

[@AllIn1Studio]

@TimFletcher Tim, I am following your wonderful courses. I have gained an understanding of why I behaved the way I did all my life. You are so enlightening. I am very concerned about your voice ......it is getting more and more strained. Do you have a small P.A.system? Are you using a mic here plus voice projection? I would like to offer helping you invest in a system to save your voice. You need it and we need you!! Please let me know if I can help. (I’m a composer and audio engineer) Thank you and take care x

[@ivanasimic2072]

God bless you Tim

[@wirelessunday9897]

Thanks!

[@CalinAndreiToni]

God bless you sir!

[@faithkoschnitzke7708]

Loved that about king Solomon and his wisdom and owning it thanks for that

[@Bar_Bar27]

I relate so much, but this triggers me

[@adambranch8692]

11:54 - I hope to find peace

[@iamnottheone9765]

I wish that for you

[@covert_warrior]

My mother still shames me to others including strangers for things I did in my childhand I am 41 years old. It's so embarrassing. I wish she would get it.

[@despicabledavidshort3806]

I get it. Sounds like my mom and I'm 60

[@SowhtTV]

It’s so annoying when they do that. But That’s a reflection of who they are.

[@davidnorman2134]

Anger guilt Shame and fear are the only emotions I've ever known l. But it's guilt for being alive guilt for needing to be loved guilt for never getting things right guilt for being unliveable or simply not feeling feelings for someone who feels love for me. I've been a total failure as a parent and failure as a husband. I've been accused of being born without a conscious

[@Rara-c4d7n]

Eye opener

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

hi I was listening about ancestral drama or about Mom and Dad and processing my life up to my mid-40s I'm almost 50 thank you so much for being here. What do I do when I have memories of things that I know I regret like the time I forgot to help my cat and the cat later died? I didn't know my cat ate a poisonous plant and it died, those are examples of the guilt that I go through. And I'm certain I failed my mom and dad in every conceivable way I feel so terrible from a confusion of endless guilt or endless blame. I feel guilty all the time I take my medication and everything but I just feel unending grief and guilt.

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

Your parents tricked u into believing u failed them . This doe not align with the truth. We have a right to make mistakes, we learn from them. We should be allowed to make mistakes without ignorant adults guilt tripping us. Usually they r not even mistakes, it s the perception of ignorant adults that see them as such

[@mores5780]

Thank you, Tim. Is this "thought stopping"? I did this myself when I knew I had to leave my abusive Narc husband and I always would cave because I felt sorry for him. Had to figure out a way to go or not survive. I even stayed awake all night the day before I left because iI would have the most doubts when I woke up.

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅ good video

[@kasspriscilla9350]

you know what's really bad is when your father is always treating you like your failure even when you didn't fail at some things even when you succeeded and when you succeed your father still tries to make you feel like a failure and dismisses you for your successes and when you are a failure then he Ransom raves at you and gets mad and sometimes even get a spanking or you get emotionally abused or hurt so that's the thing that you grow up with and I've grown up with that

[@stefaniakonstantinidou981]

Watch Tim fletcher about narcissists

[@traymcginnz1945]

This guy knows his shit

[@leahflower9924]

Kind of wishing I could stop being human and turn into a whale or something lol

[@despicabledavidshort3806]

A dolphin would be nice 🐬😊❤

[@suzannegermroth2968]

I saw your comment while watching this morning...haha, I feel the same way! Thank you for a much needed laugh!! It helped diffuse some of my anxiety at the moment, with all this CT stuff.

[@fl7210]

What’s wrong with being a human?

[@JennyJeanRazzle]

Perfect.

[@rascallyrabbit]

doesnt a good counselor, friend,pastor,KZbin video help us get out of the limbic into the adult, rational, Godly, loving brain. helps us Not to return to our vomit...slowly, little by little

[@OliveWeitzel]

MY Parents did not call me names, but there was NO WAY to say "NO".

[@leahflower9924]

That is very common that also sets us up for not knowing boundaries

[@despicabledavidshort3806]

How do you know every inch of my life???

[@iamnottheone9765]

Right?!?! Me too!

[@Rara-c4d7n]

Either I avoid failure or just get the case of the forget it's its frustrating

[@katebueno191]

Question is why would you plant false evidence and try to force someone to talk about something that did not even happened !! What does that make you ???

[@mikesmummy]

♥️😥❤️

[@SuzanaAi]

25:00

[@jordanlee8007]

I don’t know how to forgive myself

[@zanetahulist]

❤❤❤

[@starlightdaisy]

Growing up I was in a religion with no celebration birthdays Christmas anything and that hasnt helped . I remember wearing certain shoes with Ying Yang on which was seen as wrong. Ridiculous really

[@katebueno191]

Question is why do you feel the need to even plant false evidence !! And come up with made up stories !! Instead of the court date and time ???

[@katebueno191]

To the person in charge of this mess !! You been removed !! You were asked over 4 years ago for a court date and time !! To explain how a man with no jobs saves !! How a felon who is not allowed as a juror in a court much less to have access to computers with billing I formation ! Not only ends up with my information but also giving meetings !! And after all the theft this person here that stole thousands from my account has been asked for a court date and time for 4 years and instead !! Goes around getting my son to go out till late at night because they sit there watching me so that I can't sleep so the next day at work they can get place packed !! And then try to sabotage me into lying for their friends and family members !! This people have been asked 4 years court date and time anyone innocent !! Would not need to do any of this sorry !!!!! I need to move ?! I been asking very publicly for this show to stop !!

[@𦮙]

that were full grown adults doing this to a child.

[@katebueno191]

So again you not going to brain wash me !! And before this person kills me because I did said that this person has made all kinds of threats to shit me up all they were asked to do was to give a court date and time !!

[@katebueno191]

So the person in charge of this show that's been running for 4 years !! You are publicly invited to answer how a man without a job works !! As this was some of the same things this person did before !! They are used to by force breaking more laws then more criminals !! This person goes all over the place all you been asked is for a court date and time for your friends false allegations !!!!when adding to the fact he never worked !! There are other couple of facts here !! And I need this person in charge here with at because of them today I walk with a broken foot !! To stop lying denying and try to manipulate everyone's mind and answers !!!

[@ts3858]

He's losing his voice...so many videos..

[@katebueno191]

I seen what you can do not impressed. By it !! I'm seeing right through your lies ! I tell you I see right through your lies !! And this person is planting false evidence !!!!!

[@pwnedshift1]

Tim sounds drunk

[@CelestialSkies7]

This whole channel is amazing. I’m so grateful from the bottom of my heart! And for those like you who make it their life’s mission to help others heal. Thank you 🙏🏽(@Tim Fletcher)

[@FBomb-z3t]

This was good

[@lalaland3928]

I’m going to get better ❤️‍🩹 I am healing as we speak. I am recovering on my own but now I have help that I accept. I am so blessed to look for help and find help in these podcasts videos by this great man. It’s a great community of survivors I appreciate being here on a regular on a daily at least half of my day I’m listening 👂🏽 in even those around me or listening. This podcasts videos cover all aspects of my life then, now, and the future. God bless you

[@ZXXxxBLACKxWIDOWxxXZ]

What if my parents did 10/10 of all the things?

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

Listening here is good and I'm not struggling I think I'm just understanding it better in my forties and that's how it hurts a little bit differently but it's a growing pain and I'm processing it and I'm in a good place to do so. I feel confident that I can do it, and that's keep a hold of myself as I think about trauma, or another good example is to be at a peace of imperfection from inner conflict that blame, guilt and shame go thru. It's all part of being part of the human story. 👍👍⛑️

[@saffloweroyl3663]

Thanks!

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

hi I was listening about ancestral drama or about Mom and Dad and processing my life up to my mid-40s I'm almost 50 thank you so much for being here. What do I do when I have memories of things that I know I regret like the time I forgot to help my cat and the cat later died? I didn't know my cat ate a poisonous plant and it died, those are examples of the guilt that I go through. And I'm certain I failed my mom and dad in every conceivable way I feel so terrible from a confusion of endless guilt or endless blame. I feel guilty all the time I take my medication and everything but I just feel unending grief and guilt.