Parasocial relationships in East Asia: A look into obsession

From idol obsession to simping for fictional characters, why do we form one sided, parasocial relationships, and how does this manifest in East Asia?
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro + infamous parasocial cases
2:38 What are parasocial relationships?
6:14 China pt 1: Parakin fans exerting pressure
13:17 China pt 2: Parasocial relationships in escaping pressure
21:52 Korea: Cultivating parasocial relationships
29:24 Japan: Creating lasting parasocial bonds
37:56 Conclusion
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Sources referenced
Academic papers
Derrick, J. L, et al. (2008). Parasocial relationships and self-discrepancies: Faux relationships have benefits for low self-esteem individuals. Personal Relationships, 15(2), 261-280. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2008.00197.x
Jung, S. (2011). Fan activism, cybervigilantism, and Othering mechanisms in K-pop fandom. Transformative Works and Cultures, 10. doi:doi.org/10.3983/twc.2012.0300.
Lax, G. and Mackenzie, M. (2019). Against All Odds: Desire and Monetisation in Japanese Mobile Games. [online] Available at: digraa.org/wp-content/uploads....
Reysen, S. et al. (2021). Transported to another world : the psychology of anime fans. Commerce, Texas: International Anime Research Project.
Shibuya, A. et al. (2019). Male and Female Game Players’ Preferences for Game Characters and Real-world Personalities in Japan. [online] Available at: www.digra.org/wp-content/uploa....
Tukachinsky, R. H. (2011). Para-romantic love and para-friendships: Development and assessment of a multiple-parasocial relationships scale. American Journal of Media Psychology, 3(1/2), 73-94.
Weru, J. (2023). You Don’t Know Me, but I Love You: Parasocial Relationships and Their Impacts. Emerging Writers, [online] 6, p.10. Available at: digitalcommons.kennesaw.edu/c... [Accessed 15 Jul. 2023].
Zhou, N. (2021). Parasocial Relationships in Social Contexts: Why do Players View a Game Character as Their Child? Game Studies, [online] 21(2). Available at: gamestudies.org/2102/articles...
Zhuang, L. (2019). The Influences of Idol Effect on the Purchasing Decisions of Their Fans. [online] www.atlantis-press.com. doi:doi.org/10.2991/ssmi-18.2019.31.
Web articles
[Anon.] (2022). K-pop is being trashed: the waste behind it. [online] Novasia. Available at: novasiagsis.com/k-pop-is-being...
[Anon.] (2020). 9 Of EXO’s Worst Experiences With Sasaeng Fans. [online] Available at: www.koreaboo.com/lists/9-exos....
Dong, X. (2016). Elder Rights in China. JAMA internal medicine, [online] 176(10), pp.1429-1430. doi:doi.org/10.1001/jamainternmed....
Fany et al. (2022). The K-pop fans economy: emotional bond, endless support and overconsumption. TFR. [online] Available at: tfr.news/articles/2022/2/10/t....
Wang, L. (2021). Chinese Idol Show Shut Down Over Spilled Milk. [online] SixthTone. Available at: www.sixthtone.com/news/1007386.
BGM references
EXO - Obsession, cover by Johnny: • EXO (엑소) - OBSESSIO...
Demongummies - Zero (lofi mix) • newjeans zero but lofi...
Massobeats - midnight • massobeats - midnight ...
Music Unlimited - documentary BGM • No Copyright Documenta...
Anime used for transitions: Perfect blue
Thanks for watching :) and wow, if you're still here, look here's an otter: 🦦
tags: video essay, cultural commentary, social commentary, internet analysis, analysis video, parasocial relationships, parasocial interactions, one sided relationship, societal pressure, china, korea, japan, east asia, asian expectation, asian family, obligation, family expectation, filial piety, kpop, jpop, cpop, fans, fandom, bts, bts army, fan culture, obsession, sasaeng, parakin, kpop fans, idol, korean idol, celebrity, celebrity culture, obsessed fans, dedicated fans, fandom power, control, youth with you, idol reality show, anime, fictional characters, genshin impact, gacha, otome games, dating simulation, online, online friends, madisyn brown, salem tovar, shanspeare, kidology, accented cinema, stephanie soo, olisunvia, kookielit, edvasian, aini

[@philipsalama8083]

The thing that interests me is that celebrity stalking in the West tends to be perpetrated by loners, while in Asia, it's a communal activity.

[@electricfishfan7159]

Yes. Western Christian influence grooms lone wolves to progress more quickly to the highest overreaches of sexual predation and violence, while the Asian template seems to encourage stalling in the psychological enmeshment/engulfment phase, which can be done publicly with reward.

[@en2336]

@@electricfishfan7159 can you elaborate on this process

[@adu1991]

America is more of an individualistic country....perhaps TOO individualistic. There are perks to living here and there's certain freedoms that other countries don't have, but America is also too individualistic in that it's overly patriotic, and at times the country can be extremely selfish, as if everything revolves around the US.

[@f4be1]

teamwork!

[@filleswe91]

​@@electricfishfan7159the Western culture (including Japan) is barely religious nowadays. In my case it's alot of simply everyone living alone and slowly losing our minds while also fueling our minds with self grooming/gaslighting into false promises/lies of a fantasy life with someone who doesn't exist. I have to look up "parasocial" now

[@lizzfrmhon]

NEVER idolize another human. We’re all human. Flawed and all with emotions, problems and fears. I really don’t get this.

[@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245]

it's not wrong to idolize someone, the wrong if it's too much that is unhealthy that they think they are Gods. If it's because they are amaze by their work and inspirational to be better and someone to look up to then it's healthy

[@rdr.erased]

​@@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245 you can take qualities of a person or use someone as inspiration. But the point that you make someone your idol doesnt make sense to me, since the other person dont even know you exist

[@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245]

@@rdr.erased there's different meaning of idol on each person. Some God, some inspiration, some someone to, or some simple idolization, some just as famous asian pop star that have talents. For me i idolize them because they are amazing people, i adore their discipline so I'm inspired to be decipline too. And i really like their unique talents i don't or can never have. So i look up to them as an art Sometimes i admit i get to do some things so i can meet them or be notice cause i really like them. It's like having a crush but the problem is they don't know me. But having a crush doesn't limited to a person that knows you. And most people dont choose to be attach to someone they find adorable. I know people might not knew everything about them or who they are in reality but What's the different of having a crush in reality. that's also the case. So i just find these cases same as having a crush The problem is people have different ways to handle having a crush. It's just there's a lot of them become so obsessive cause these people they idolize esp kpop are perfect looking and so different from all stars.

[@rdr.erased]

@@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245 as soon as their values are the same as yours and you are not being manipulated I dont think its wrong. You see, when you doing things to meet or see someone you like, you are not doing for then you are doing for you(I dont know if that makes sense to you). I just will never go against my values and opinions because of someone. I know when you idolize someone you create a false image of a person (since you really dont know her), and with that you can be hurt. But like always thats what I think and do myself, Im will never say what other people should be doing or not, just giving my opinion. Also imo the more you love something/someone less critical you are about them. (Thats why people get angry when discussing religion or their favorite team for example, and I think that could be applied to people since we see some "idols" making bad stuff and getting blindly defended anyways).

[@rdr.erased]

@@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245 And again I think we should see the best in people and take the good things for ourselves. But I will only "idolize" those who cares about me, cause I do the same for them. People that I dont know Im not putting my hand on the fire for them, no matter how good and perfect they look. Cause we never know anybody, just some more than others. I know its a selfish mentality but thats how we are, for me the least you get hurt the better. I will idolize ideas but not people

[@roseadiaz]

As a former kpop fan, I realized the parasocial relationships I formed with idols was because I was lonely. I had no real friends in high school and received no romantic attention from boys, so I turned to kpop to fulfill the lack of irl relationships. I became emotionally attached to the groups and it became unhealthy. Looking back as an adult, I wish all of the time and money I spent on kpop I should have put into improving myself and developing real relationships with my peers.

[@pokorny1969]

It's good that you realized that. Growing up is a process, you can't turn back time but at least you focus on other things now.

[@armyshope]

You were just an outsider.

[@roseadiaz]

@@dayagilcore5010 if you don’t mind sharing what made you realize you needed to quit? For me, when I turned 19 I realized that k-pop just wasn’t my taste in music anymore and I didn’t want to be associated with the cringey fans. I was still very much emotionally attached to my fav idols and it was hard to move on. I sold all my stuff, deleted twitter, and made a new Spotify.

[@imwastingmytimeonthis677]

good for you I experienced the same thing and I’m completely done with that kind of stuff now so what are u planning to do with ur future? I’m asking since ur probably going to turn 20 soon

[@propertymanager9149]

this is the reality of many kpop boyband fans in korea they become obsessed and perpetually online female incels.

[@asmaalimi7367]

" Single women who played the game see the frog as their husband " is a sentence I never thought I would hear in my life

[@everglow-simp]

😂😂

[@geminimoonmadness]

RIGHT!? 😂😂😂 I was like, "HUH???? A *FROG* ???? A CUTE LITTLE CARTOON *FROG* ????

[@michelledawnette]

guys what about Nick Wilde? do you guys think he's hot? 😭 i find him attractive tho, probably it's just me lacking personal attachments and the voice actor did a really good job

[@hjpev6469]

Parasocial relationships suck. I've never descended to the full-on obsession phase, but the taste I've gotten is so weird. It's like a strange ache to experience a real connection with a person you only know through the screen. You get a taste of it by watching their content, but it's never actually fulfilled, so watching their stuff forms a kind of addictive tendency.

[@-Desire]

Ache is so a good word to use to describe it. I had that ache back when I was still very deep into kpop, I'd learn everything to know about them just to satisfy it but nothing ever really did. Luckily I never spent any money since I was broke :D

[@ririns]

i feel like the takeaway was more along the lines of: parasocial relationships *can* be very bad, but at the core of it that's the extreme cases. Everyone has parasocial relationships to some degree (through celebrities, sports players/teams, fictional characters, etc...). They're basically inescapable in this day and age. The worst cases are likely people who have addictive personalities falling in to the addictive tendency you mentioned. But aini highlighted some of the good things that come out of parasocial reltionships as well, such as charity work and social belonging. I don't think parasocial relationships suck, I think people just need to do things in moderation and have better awareness of toxic or dangerous behaviors. And that awareness begins with videos like these which explain and analyze the phenomenon ☺

[@sea_of_love]

i resonate with what you said so much. i'm a very lonely person, and sometimes i try to fill that hole somehow with a celebrity or an idol. it feels so weird. sometimes the ache makes me have kind of emotional reactions to them, like tearing up, feeling a sense of longing, etc. I certainly don't think this is healthy

[@sea_of_love]

@@ririns i also think it is very important to remember, that often parasocial relationships, especially the very toxic ones, are a symptom of a larger problem, rather than the issue itself. a person who's into drugs will probably have some deeper issue going on with them. i think this works in a similar way.

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

@@ririnsI wouldn’t say this is a parasocial relationship, but also before the internet when ppl would have a similar thing with a local person that they wish they knew. I don’t know the word 😭

[@00kaasan50]

The K-pop Industry perfected their marketing thru perpetuating Parasocial Relationships between fans and idols. I don’t think it will stop anytime soon. It brings in a lot of money.

[@anotheryoutubeuser]

Kim Jong Un has got a plan, don't worry.

[@surielcastillo5718]

This is the saddest reality for k-pop artists, they are slaves

[@befaithful3671]

​@@surielcastillo5718These so called slaves artists are earning money , name, fame success and all but what about these fans they are losing themselves because of these so called strategies of k-pop ..they are exploiting teenagers and all fan's emotionally, mentally and physically.

[@smartwater598]

⁠@@surielcastillo5718 nah it aint that bad stop demonizing what people enjoy lol y’all bunch of over sensitive self righteous people are more sad

[@hanatemonstas4485]

Idol industry in general.

[@DancingBearNamedChuck]

Not to mention that half an idol’s job is to get on live streaming apps, fan cafes, attend fan meets and constantly be “updating” their fans online. This, on top of heavy dating and social bans imposed by entertainment companies, creates an illusion that these fans “know” their idols personally. It’s a bit ridiculous!

[@Mighty.Matcha.]

It’s smth that is too normalised to tell your fans everything.If the shift is more on the art and not the artist’s selling of their comfort and personality- it might create a change. Right now everybody thinks it’s only natural for idols to tell them everything about themselves

[@emilythestrange2024]

​@@Mighty.Matcha.But that's their job. Idols have to sell a persona and have a relationship with their fans. If they wanted artistic freedom and the focus to be mainly on music they wouldn't have chosen that path. Artists are not in the same category of idols for a reason and I think some international fans still are confused with the distinction.

[@3ama4life]

The problem with the Asian entertainment system in my view is the fact that the parasocial relationships between the idols/actors and their fandoms is NOT necessarily always one sided. I would call it 1.5 sided. I think the entertainment industry is fashioned in such a way that the idols especially "reciprocate" just enough to give the fans something to latch on to. Also, in many ways, because of the expectations and lonely lifestyle that results from being an idol, these stars end up somewhat having an emotional reliance on the fandoms as well. These things blur the lines significantly of what the fan and the idol are supposed to mean to each other. It's the ultimate unhealthy scenario. The unwavering adulation probably motivates the idols in many situations when they feel so down and worn, but unfortunately, it also causes entitlement on the part of the fandom. The stars treating fans like they are truly part of their circle, and the fans spending money, time, etc etc to ensure the success of these stars causes a tangled mess of delusions, false expectations, and addiction. I mean from the fans' perspective, who doesn't want to feel like they are truly part of something magnificent, and for the stars, who doesn't want to feel like there is a place you can go where you will always be validated. It's this false sense of "deep" love that can become harmful to both parties. It's not that the affection isn't real, it's just the "value" placed on that type of affection is overestimated/exaggerated.

[@wereyouinadream]

sooo true

[@sandygonsalves4646]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is something about parasocial relationships and the way some idols purposefully feed into it that feels exploitive and morally questionable. Even if the idols themselves are truly grateful for the support, at the end of the day the more they spend time purposefully feeding into that parasocial dynamic, the more profitable it is for their company and themselves. It's emotional capitalism. The fact that some fans go as far as to buy billboard ads just to celebrate some idols bday? And that some idols would actually take selfies with those ads to say thank you? Nah. This whole parasocial game is not for me. I see it for what it is.

[@3ama4life]

@@sandygonsalves4646 its definitely questionable. The intent may not be all bad, but the result is kind of.......It just changes the dynamic of what an entertainer/consumer is supposed to be. It's ensured success through loyalty. Get fans attached enough, and whatever you do will be successful bcos the fans will ensure it. The output actually doesn't matter, it becomes only about proving you like who put it out.

[@soogist]

This comment gave me a lot to think about. I think as an idol, you don't think of that and push it down in your head, as it's your job. After all, you could technically tell yourself it isn't your fault that your fans are deluded because it's not like you asked them to be unhinged and emotionally vulnerable. And thinking about it, idols themselves can be just as exploited and not mature enough to deal with this as they are mostly in training since a very young age. It makes me sad to see idols such as BangChan struggle so much due to this early training. I'm only playing devil's advocate saying this btw, you raise some chillingly good points. Wow. @@sandygonsalves4646

[@chirpychurpchurp]

I like your "1.5 sided" nuanced take on this. I'm a gen-X so I arrived in K-pop with "music first, hotness second" pov, and I have no illusion about the physical attraction part of the deal. Yet I was like OMG WTF thing when I first encountered my fav vocalist king pulling a 101% sleepy lover boy in bed live stream. That was 1 years ago, and since then I noticed a pattern with the 1.5 sided parasocial relationship type idols: very ambitious solo phase, entered the biz during early teens, went from shy introverts to big live stream flirts, but will "ethically" go meta sometimes and remind the fans that it's a role-play, but may also pull "out of character" live stunts that shock the fans... So yeah, my conclusion is, the idols are consciously exploiting emotions but are also suffering the consequence, because they too are pawns of a far larger system of colder, 100X more powerful masterminds.

[@Grace-mb8tb]

As an Aussie when I first got into kdrama and kpop I was so confused by the scandals there. So many were them just dating another adult and it was so weird to me. The idea that these singers/actors who often sing love songs and act in romantic dramas are ‘not allowed’ to date people still blows my mind. In the west that ownership level is mostly uncommon.

[@xRahzel]

Truly not to mention the "scandals" where one celebrity gets cancelled forever and it's just like "they cheated on their partner!" like dude tf why should I care just let them WORK I like their JOB I ain't their wives I have the right to not care lol

[@HudaefCares]

It happens in the west too, but the craziness is on a different tangent imo. I remember a story of a French man who committed unalive after his parents did not allow him to get plastic surgery to look more like Michael Jackson. One Direction fans hacking airport cctv, (iirc there were lots of similar instances in that fandom) that thing about Bieber, his wife and Selena Gomez, etc. People forget, but fan is short for fanatic. The "bigger fan" you are the more likely there's something off about your psyche.

[@NihongoWakannai]

Lots of crazy ass stuff has happened over the decades because of celebrities in the west. It's just easier to think that the craziness we're not used to is worse than the craziness we are used to.

[@Snow-xd4rv]

​@@xRahzelYou can still listen to their music, but you still have to realize at the end of the day that they're a terrible person. Is this an excuse you make when idols are racist? Cause there's a lot of racism in kpop too, video montages of it, is one click away.

[@tasneemahmed5821]

@@xRahzel hm....not the best take.

[@Groinattack1]

Interesting but scary topic. My students often ask me which idols I like... they are disappointed when I say I don't care about any of them at all haha

[@roggonval]

In Wich county do you work?

[@Groinattack1]

@@roggonval Australia

[@AngryGrape1337]

I'd just tell them Ihsahn or Dead, maybe Samoth.

[@musical.theory]

Why do they ask you? Do you have Korean roots (or any other reason) or it's a totally random question? Im from Poland and liking kpop is kinda taboo, so Im interested :-)

[@Groinattack1]

@@musical.theory Where I live has a huge Asian population. They love Korean and Japanese culture :D

[@KristenKras]

Okay, fictional characters, to some degree, its harmless to be attached. However, to be attached to celebrities who you don't even know, you have nothing to do with, that is crazy.

[@Setixir]

It's really not that harmless even if they're fictional. You're still trying to fill a hole in a pretty unhealthy way.

[@vminhope3040]

@@Setixir sex fills a hole too.

[@LukeHartman-ro7hl]

It can still be damaging to be attached to a fictional character.

[@pssssssssssssssssssssst]

​@@LukeHartman-ro7hl true but still not as harmful as celebrities. You don't see them dating and you don't get disappointed when they get into all sorts of scandal and act like humans who make mistakes 😭

[@novastarburst3939]

It's not harmless at all. Instead of the character, when the author does something they don't like, it's them they will target. I know she wasn't a pro, more like a casual fan artist, but I remember steven universe fans pushing an artist to suicide. She is alive, but when you know they did that for a cartoon character... And if I'm not wrong, some voice of popular characters received threats because they said they didn't like a popular non canon ship. People can be crazy even for fictional characters.

[@Elizabeth-vp7ek]

I got dog piled when I said it’s a wee bit risky/dicey for Jungkook to say or do certain things with his fans on live. Never said it was inappropriate or he can’t do it, I’m just saying with the genre he’s in, I’m already seeing plenty of people go “see we ARE family, omg this feels like I’m on call with my boyfriend, I love that he trusts me, I’m his friend!”. I wish I can 100% explain why this feels off, but when the artist is also going “yes you are! You’re my friend, you’re sleeping next to me!”, it feels like such an odd roleplay in a way where hopefully the fans don’t try to exploit or get a different perception of his genuine care for them. Edit: I think I know why it feels weird: I had an ex boyfriend, and the lives, the talking, viewing of jungkook doing normal things feels so intimate on the level of what you’d do with a partner. That’s why I couldn’t watch certain lives, because I feel like I’m having an intimate relationship with a grown man that will never actually know me, no matter how much he says he does or will. And I feel a lot of fans are getting that same feeling, except they love it. They love the fact it’s parasocial and they see him as a boyfriend, while also saying “JK trusts me…” as if it’s their own boyfriend.

[@handlecannotbeblank]

I agree, I think consciously or unconsciously he's enabling the marketing because most people now see him (or the image of him) as something that's theirs, that's easily attainable, that's *almost* in their grasp

[@Urmi35]

And the recent weverse live he did 2 days ago it was way too intimate and he was not wearing any clothes. These idols are equally responsible for these parasocial relationships

[@minteabee]

This! I tried to post about this on Weverse but people don't see the problem.. Why does Jungkook not see the problem? He is so vague with his boundaries. He's too dependent on his fans and too attached to them.. Him doing that entire 1 hour long delusional live (from his side) where he was saying how he wants to be as honest as he can and for us to feel closer and more comfortable with him to the point where we can say "he's my friend". He was telling fans that if we ever run into him on the streets we have to greet him like a friend and he will take us out for a meal so we can chat... that is as unrealistic as it gets. He's actually telling fans to be delusional now.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Just like you said, that shirtless sleep live he did, a fan said "I want to sleep next to you" and he's like "You're next to me right now, doesn't it feel like that?".. he keeps talks about how we are his comfort and bigger than anyone else, like more than his *own parents* . Why isn't anyone concerned?? Jungkook is such an interesting case too because he seems to be genuinely attached to army and actually honest. He might say some stuff for marketing but I think the line is extremely blurry for him too. It seems like he's genuinely lonely or something..

[@saveena8035]

@@minteabee100% agree. I’m not sure if he is consciously doing this or unconsciously because he himself has a parasocial relationship with ARMY but it’s so sad. I can’t believe he said he talks to the fans more than he talks to his parents like it was a good thing. He definitely needs to take a step back and reflect on how this industry is influencing him :(

[@saveena8035]

I wonder if it can be both at the same time? Subconsciously it is him wanting to be known to the world and he knows this is how he will get attention. And consciously he is talking to the fanbase like it is one person, one person who is his safe space when in reality it's made of a bunch of people. Some who care about him as a person and some who are creepily obsessed with him as an idol. @@rocktothebone91

[@supermonkeyyyyyy]

That clip of "perfect blue" where the stalker is holding the idol in his hand is so perfect for this video. That entire movie actually, which at that time in 1997 when it came out, was supposed to be a cautionary tale, but now it's reality holy crap

[@myathegrandma]

One of my all time favorite movies, it has aged like fine wine which is so terrifying

[@McSnezzly]

Wasn’t it an 80s movie?

[@TailsGuy72]

@@McSnezzly Nah man, late '90s

[@Ashley-vs8nu]

By the time it came out idol culture in Japan was all ready intense..it still is

[@kuroshi_anaki]

ah yes, perfect blue. ahead of it's time, oshi no ko's predecessor, if you will

[@minareddy9895]

The horrible part is when the idol themselves engage fully in the parasocial relationship. Distance between celebrity and fan is required to not be completely delusional. It’s not healthy and unfortunately technology has facilitated this strange dynamic.

[@annabelconstantine1241]

I aint mad at it

[@bluomi4040]

It's usually the companies that tell them to do that, so the fans feel that they're closer. Thus, making more revenue for the group and company.

[@oliviairaheta4367]

Totally agree!!

[@Lola34672]

​@@annabelconstantine1241u should be. It's harmful in the long run

[@lolas.7024]

​@@annabelconstantine1241ew you're basically supporting how the industry takes advantage of fans obsessions and the abuse of idols.

[@marineo7184]

Damn I cringed so hard at the anime and game part because of how relatable it was. The reason for me not wanting to get married is because I know in reality that a good marriage is hard to come by and I’ve seen many of my friends ending up divorcing even though they were so in love before. And the fact that even my parents almost divorced because my father cheated on her and the amount of suffering my mom had made me scared that if I ever fall in love and get married, the same thing could happen. That’s why I doubled down on just loving a fictional character. I know it’s not real, there are no expectations on him to love me, no chance of getting hurt. I’m a coward in a sense. Afraid of being hurt just like my mom and friends, even if I know that not all marriage are bad. I really didn’t want to watch the video until the end but I wanted to further understand myself so thank you for this video.

[@ToastedBread14]

youre very brave friend. much love

[@allinworldwillfadeawaysome4245]

that's true. it's because we still to the ideal that didn't exist in our reality is the reason why where hooked to them. no expectation in each part that they will disappoint us because they don't know us. But still we expect them to meet our ideals we can't see in our reality. Because the reality of people in our life is dissapointing, we want someone to look up to that meet our ideals. And when we find someone that meet our ideals but not exist in our reality hurts cause they dont exist in our reality but still we give us comfort that there is someone meeting our ideals. So that why when for example this idols become dissapointed fans are wild

[@IfYouInsist]

Most people would never admit this to themselves. Powerful stuff.

[@barnumcapote8215]

At the same time maybe getting married is kinda bullshit that we just idealize due to society, culture, religion, and/or media. As I get older I don’t feel like I’m missing much tbh

[@The3rd411]

@@barnumcapote8215 hmmmm maybe but i gues thats solely up to you i feel like everyone will reach a certain point in their life where they need companionship

[@angiee1603]

One angle of parasocial relationships that I haven't seen explored is the celebrity perspective. How do these relationships effect them? They are definitely touched by the love and support of their fans. They do so much to maintain that relationship. They are the ones constantly interacting with fans. I've seen idols get genuinely emotional at the thought of losing that fan devotion. I think it's a hell of a thing to have millions of people around the world love you and then have that love fade if your popularity goes down.

[@brunettemouse3265]

I would love to know this too but for obvious reasons, to not ruin the illusion, celebs don't talk about it (that I'm aware of)

[@SharonVeeLee]

I'm willing to bet that while they care, they don't care as much as you think. It's probably in their contracts to give audiences crumbs so fans keep buying into the illusion and shelling out money. People are much more likely to stick around when someone SEEMS empathetic and kind.

[@angiee1603]

@@SharonVeeLee I'm sure it's part of the contract implicitly if not explicitly. I still think it has a psychological effect though. I don't think you can go as deep as some idols go with instagram, bubble, fan call/meetings, letters, and comments without getting touched. I don't think it necessarily effects them the same way. They aren't out there looking at fans like their girlfriend/boyfriend, but I think they would come to expect and rely on that fan interaction.

[@cassualtea2040]

I think you can see a sliver of it from some livestreamers since they can be more candid about it but their relationship with fans are far and away from the intensity of idol worship

[@MichellaneousMe]

Okay I had no concept of parasocial relationships until my son started watching Ryan’s toy reviews. This was around the time when he was 6 and we allowed 30 minutes of screen time a day. It was to the point that Ryan was all he watched in those 30 minutes. After a few weeks he asked if we could go to Ryan’s house. We asked if that was a classmate and he said “no my best friend who has the same toys as me”. He thought Ryan from KZbin was his friend, wanted to play with him, and thought he was allowed to be in his house. We had to explain to him the difference between what Ryan does on the internet and what being an actual friend meant. It took him quite a while to understand. It was the same as his older sister who had a huge crush on BTS who thought she literally had a chance at being a girlfriend to one of them.

[@yaurfeiussystuhncc]

oh my gwod…

[@poproporpo]

Wow, thanks for your story! When I think about parasocial relationships I tend to think of romantic/sexual appeal and adolescents, but in reality as you said parasocial relationships extend way beyond the stuff we tend to see.

[@onedinew1116]

The brain of a child up to the age of 12 does not distinguish what is fantasy and what is real life. For a child, emotions flowing from a movie or fairy tale are the same as emotions from the real world.

[@tshiditee509]

Oh my gosh this is so interesting to hear because my little sister, aged 7, is going through the same thing. Your comment actually brought some awareness to me. She also watches Ryan, and she watches Adley from "A for Adley". She talks about like they're her friends and honestly, I didn't see an issue with it until now. She always talks about visiting them and one time she even said that Adley had invited her to Utah. I honestly didn't realise children this young could also form parasocial relationships.

[@user-yh2bp8yp3k]

Parents who allowed their kids to be on internet are shit parents.

[@doda9ilovegackt]

Like you said, being a fan is fun, but being part of a fandom really looks like a (very demanding) job. Recently the kpop group i like had a comeback, and the amount of people on twitter saying that they had not slept or ate properly because of the voting for music shows had me in complete shock, like...i don't judge this people cause i get where it comes from, but honestly as much as i like this group the idea of putting myself into literal hunger for them to win a show is just...too much. Spending tons of money and energy on a kpop group is something i literally can't afford to do, if i want to pay my rent and survive :'D . Sometimes the fandom really makes you feel like if u are not donating/paying for something, voting or streaming 24hrs you don't "love" your faves enough.

[@galaxytraveler546]

It feels like it’s been comeback season for everyone this summer! My only 2 groups i stan had comebacks within a week of each other and i was only able to take in the amount of content that they produced because Im on summer vacation. I definitely had, and maybe still do a little, an obsessive phase for the first few months, but NEVER to the point that I didn’t sleep or eat so that I could vote or watch lives or airport arrival streams? 😭 idk how these fans are doing all of this and maintaining real life relationships and obligations like work or school

[@seekittycat]

So much of fandom behavior is shaped by marketing. Full grown adults who knows exactly what they're doing. Like these ideas of bigger money is bigger love, real fans buy multiples and do work for free, we must defeat other groups, your idols need you, don't just appear from no where. If you ever look back and think "why did I do that" it's really because the industry is pushing the standard of fandom "normal". What used to be "hardcore fans" isn't hardcore anymore. The profit line must go up every year.

[@ladansemakabre]

i used to be a huge kpop fan and ended up "leaving" the fandom because people (on twitter especially) would literally guilt-trip you into streaming MVs and songs. like you said, they really think that if you don't spend ALL day streaming, you don't love that kpop group enough. it's truly sickening. i'm so glad i can enjoy kpop music in a casual way now. i would never wanna go through that shit again.

[@askformore9293]

@@ladansemakabre This is literally why I stopped being an army and ultimately lost interest in the group as a whole.. It turned an activity that I loved and helped me escape from my troubles into another element of stress in my life. I still am into kpop after like a two years break and I dont do any voting or streaming etc.

[@ladansemakabre]

@@askformore9293 same as me then! i wish fans weren't so intense... it's a pity we both lost interest because of that. but i'm glad we get to enjoy kpop again now!

[@azraelcorinth921]

It's the same as the phrase "You fall for the idea of them but not exactly them as a person," because all we see and know is what they only show in front of the cameras and then with that, we make up viewpoints or an outlook about them in our heads and we fall for it then it just links to getting attached to them.

[@charondolls]

Parasocial relationships mixed with capitalism can be extremely exploitative... especially for those who lack a sense of meaning and confidence. There's also a concept of 'limerence' in psychology which often a result of not being present either through trauma or certain childhood development issues.

[@youcanchangereality]

So what? Exploit it while you can. Make some serious money.

[@vminhope3040]

True! I had books or movies I liked before BTS. Then it was only BTS. I was 17 and I’m 27. I haven’t listened to their music. Since 2019 tbh. But yes, I had some childhood trauma and that made me take shelter with a parasocial relationship. I spent too much money on them.😅 I still go to their concerts even if I don’t know the new songs. And I don’t care because I’ve been there since their debut. I remember how obsessed I used to be omg and how cringe I was… I am now a grown up with multiple jobs so no time for that anymore. Just vibes. I probably need therapy. My bro is going to be my therapist… literally. Hes in school for it and I can’t wait.

[@boopdoop2251]

Mixed with greed, not capitalism. They are not synonymous.

[@dzm7443]

I think one of the worst parts about parasocial relationships, besides obsessive fans, is that the people in them are only 'friends' with the image you present online. It's a very one dimensional way of interaction, where you create an image in your head of how they act when not making content. This is why many fans take to online ranting after they find out the image in their head of their favourite content creator isn't correct because the creator did something they disapprove of.

[@JustWhattaRuLookinAt]

That’s also why there are people who put their favs on such high pedestals that they don’t put them down no matter what. It’s as if these fans completely forget they only see the image of celebs shown on camera and don’t actually KNOW them. Part of me think that many believe there’s a bit of truth to that side of their fav celebs’ persona shown online that they just want to believe that image altogether. Prolly because it’s easier to believe things shown on the surface. Still, the idea of overly idolizing someone is scary.

[@samojede6776]

Well actually you also don't know the inner life of ppl which you "know personally" so many ppl are shocked hearing that a friend killed himself, raped sb etc.

[@dzm7443]

@@samojede6776 I agree, but I feel that content creators keep even their outer life shielded behind their online persona

[@akita_inu-il6em]

@@dzm7443 of course that's only selected stuff which they want to show

[@mirrorwaves6612]

and not just the image of the creators. In fandom specifically, that often also applies to the other people you meet in said fandom. You can be "friends" with 50 other fandom people on twitter, but you barely know them. Imho, fandom friendships cultivate an atmosphere of fake-ness and presenting a persona, just like actually famous people do. Like, even the things that feel like genuine friendships, in truth, are often just parasocial relationships

[@proggaparomita281]

The first 2007's story where the dad went to so many lengths for the daughter. This broke my heart completely. Imagine watching your daughter delve deeper and deeper into such an obssession, and what compelled him to actually support his daughter's obssession. Makes me wonder what the daughter's relationship was like with her parents, considering she was so obssessed that she quit school. In real life, we condemn and punish people that obssess, stalk, and prey on their past loved ones. So why not the same for idols?

[@joelman1989]

My guess is he knew if he didn’t do it, she would. Not so much that he was compelled to do it for her out of his own desires. It was a sacrifice. I think he thought if she got what she wanted, just a small conversation, she could move on. Though, of course she wouldn’t have.

[@nadastic]

exactly what i was thinking!!! going as far as to selling their house and her dad even wanting to sell his kidney really goes to show they just care and love their daughter but because of all that happened and how obsessed his daughter was to the point that seeing the actor wasn’t enough he just ended his life 🙁🙁

[@kingslead8369]

In real life, all of this is condemned. It's just the case that only those involved directly would be the only people to know about it. Often, these obsessions become so big that their essentially unstoppable, as when an individual literally has nothing left they value, including their life, what's to stop them from doing the worst things imaginable to even leave an impression on their idol.

[@en2336]

My mom woulda spanked me, given me lecture, or thrown me out of the house until I came out of my senses. Thank god I had good parents who care about my long term well-being and future

[@kezia8027]

@@en2336 ah yes, homelessness, the well-known cure for mental health issues

[@lorainejones41]

The only fandom you didn't discuss is sports. Men especially are absolutely obsessed with all the rituals and absolute gut wrenching pain when they lose. Fanantic is where the word Fan came from. You could do a whole show on sports fans who've been around since when the Greeks and Romans ruled.😊 It's easier to be a Kpop fan than to be a sports fan, I can guarantee that.😅

[@dickottel]

sports fans are so funny getting upset because some strangers lost a game 😅

[@user-3w9jf4r5qz]

​@@ladyyeetus754I don't think sports fans are as deep as entertainment fans esp the kpop ones. never seen a sports fan care about the players outside of the game. they mostly don't care about who the players are dating or sleeping with, whether they are smoking or drinking, unlike kpop stans. this is a major difference.

[@ohh771]

​@@user-3w9jf4r5qzoh yes. Sports fans have never committed heinous crimes ! They have never rioted, stalked players, or m*rdered over games ! So true king !

[@koolvein_klein]

​@@ladyyeetus754you're so right

[@Brain_Kandi]

My favorite part of sports fanatics is watching them lose their paychecks to gambling and then the epic meltdown and panic that ensues when the team loses..... then it's the teams fault that the fan made poor life choices.... 😂

[@ghostinlovewithaflower]

Great video! I grew up in Korea and went to an all- girls school. I saw every kind of obsession in my friends about k pop first hand and often it was almost impossible to deal with. (I’ve never been a fan of K pop personally but never forced it on anyone) They ONLY talked about their biases like they were their spouses or smt, so it felt genuinely weird and unnatural. For me anyways. They were so convinced that they were going to somehow end up with their biases and it was soo normalized to the point where I was the weird one. And I just put up with it. One time I told my mom about the obsessions and how I didn’t get any of it no matter how hard I tried to. (I was like 10.) And I still remember to this day the conversation that went because it sums up the whole relationship I had with my mother. I asked “Why do you think they’re so invested in giving their full attention when in reality, they’re not going to end up with them anyway? Like my friend __ isn’t going to be the future wife of one of the BTS members. It’s not healthy!” and honestly I was 10 like I said and it’s a pretty dumb question to begin with but I needed someone to agree and comfort me and give me the validation bc I was highly alienated. Instead my mom said, “How do you know that? They COULD be couples one day, or get married” “HUH? Are you fucking fr” “I mean as an example BTS does consist 7 members” and I’m still stunned to this day. WHY THE HELL did she feel the need to defend other people against her 10 year old daughter who was clearly just complaining because she didn’t fit in?/??? Like -

[@otomeng5230]

Same girl, same. My classmates were just like you said, and mind you, we weren't even in Korea, yet they talked about being their girlfriends!? I was like, WTF are you talking about? You don't even speak the same language as them? I felt weird that I was the only one feeling that way, but now I know I'm not the only one.

[@valse6195]

Was it just in a sort of joking manner, or did she genuinely believe in what she said? If so, then you, a ten year old, was being more logical than she was.

[@ghostinlovewithaflower]

@@valse6195 I kid you not, she was legit serious and looking at me like I was the weird one and too pessimistic lol

[@hridanjalneupane1903]

​@@ghostinlovewithafloweri understand getting angry at your parents because they didnt give you validation soooo much , it took me a whole year to come to terms that they won't change now

[@hridanjalneupane1903]

​@@ghostinlovewithafloweri understand getting angry at your parents because they didnt give you validation soooo much , it took me a whole year to come to terms that they won't change now

[@ruminumi6105]

I think the biggest factor in active parasocial relationship is the lack of deeply meaningful real-life relationships. I have experienced it and without realising it I was relying on the connection and contents of the idol. It’s only when I started self-reflecting, I realised it was because of spending significant time alone and not having the fulfilment of meaningful f2f relationships.

[@hannahstefanina5264]

totally agree. i'm personally going through loneliness in that i don't really have any deep or meaningful friendships/relationships. i want to get out of this loneliness but it's not easy to find or make these kinds of relationships so i've been getting myself more involved in contents and keeping up with my favorite idols. i realized it really didn't help my loneliness and in the end it only did more harm than good, because i am disatisified with my life rn i started comparing my life to theirs and how they have what i want in life. i guess i just have to be patient and continue trying my best to make meaningful relationships and accomplish what i want in life

[@honeymoon7292]

I totally agree. I have no friends and I’m afraid to go down this rabbit hole and always stop myself before it gets to extreme. But it’s hard when you just don’t have any other meaningful connections. Especially over the summer when you’re spending most of your time alone.

[@pkhaloobonaccio9883]

did everyone graduate high school?

[@ash-dl8ff]

I think being deep into the parasocial Kpop fan culture had a negative effect on my mental health. I stan several groups, but my ult is BTS. I thought about the members every day. I fantasized about what it would be like to meet them because I thought I knew everything about each individual member. I almost saw them all as psuedo-boyfriends, and joined Weverse feeling like that app was a special place where fans and the guys could all talk like real friends. One day I was on Weverse and V posted a selfie in bed. He was sleepy-eyed and it felt almost like the type of selfie you’d send to someone you’re just starting to date. It was real intimate. And when I saw that selfie something in me CLICKED. Idk, I just suddenly felt horrified. That app was just another cog in the machine to make me feel like I had real friendships and relationships with 7 men across the planet who I will never meet. It was marketing. I immediately deleted the app and decided to only stan celebrities from a distance. I never want to feel like I know someone so intimately because of their marketing team ever again. Edit: wtf I did not think my comment would cause this level of discourse.

[@minteabee]

i have been a bts fan for about 7 months now and i got this same feeling watching jungkook's sleeping live last month. i felt so weird, like.. i'm not supposed to be watching this. it's way too personal and intimate. they share so much with us, things that we shouldn't even be seeing or knowing :\

[@Holly-xq5hk]

(Except for the "saw them as boyfriends part) literally same. I can't care anymore. It's so sick how kpop teams or even idols use their intimate moments to make fans so attached and dependent.

[@user-rx7uh9mg4f]

Good for you. I stopped when I realized I was LITERALLY tutoring myself. I felt like I disrespected my heart, time and energy by investing in someone I can never have. Not to mention my friendships and personal life kept getting worst. Everything changed when I deleted all my accounts and focused on people in real life. I felt loved because real people loved me back and I could actually HAVE them. Talk to them and express to them how much they meant to me. I felt I gave myself - and my heart - respect it deserved.

[@SM-ky6pb]

Yeah.. Marketing teams and sometimes idols themselves tolerating this kind of parasocial relationship worsens fans' delusions. It's concerning how much personal life they share in social media now (i mean it's definitely not new but it did get worse) there's no problem sharing moments in your personal lives but i do think there's a boundary idols shouldn't treat their fans like intimate friends and vice versa

[@ash-dl8ff]

@@user-rx7uh9mg4f yes exactly! Me deleting Weverse and spending less time on Kpop Twitter did wonders for my mental health. I was able to reconnect with the real people around me and it made me so much happier. I’m glad you did the same!

[@WatermelonIsBetterThanRice]

Hot take: The para-social dynamic is just as unhealthy for Kpop idols as it is for the fans. I feel like this needs to be talked about from the other side too. It’s no secret how seclusive the idol life can be and it likely inflicts that celebrity-specific loneliness, so it only makes sense that they would try to find friendship and familial loyalty through the fans. But when they refuse to set a certain boundary, they start to mistake the high that they get from the fans' superficial validation for a personal connection. The problem is, it literally can’t be personal because we don’t know them personally. Any connection they feel is entirely conditional - conditional on them staying relevant by putting out good content, putting up a good on-screen persona, putting on a good concert performance, providing good fan service, and as much as you won’t admit it, conditional on them staying attractive. As fans, we have the choice to do other things in our lives and are more in touch with the real world, so we can walk away any time because there’s nothing really binding us to them. Idols can’t. Like they literally can't; they have contracts to abide by. But, also because they've dedicated their lives to this - so much so that some even drop out of school meaning that they have no other skills. And if they fail to deliver, the fans will lose interest and they’ll move on to whomever is next behind the constantly revolving door of K-pop groups. Then the idols might think, “I did so much for them and gave them everything, how could they do this to me?” They’ll feel betrayed and take it personally because they put so much emotional investment into the fans which is what makes the criticisms and insults cut far deeper as well. But again, it can't be personal because neither of us actually know each other. We've all heard idols say something among the lines of, “I love you guys, you guys mean everything to me,” without realizing how problematic this is. Fans CANNOT be "everything" to them. We should NEVER have that sort of value put on us in their lives. Pretty soon, they start to lose their identity in a nameless, faceless collective of people they don't even know.

[@detectivehan5717]

Personally i don't think that the idols care about the fans. if anything, they're nothing but a walking atm in their eyes.

[@WatermelonIsBetterThanRice]

​@@detectivehan5717 That wasn't really where I was going. I don't disagree with what you're saying though, I just think that's part of a different conversation. What I meant is that they care more about the feeling they get from the "community" of fans more than they care ABOUT the fans if that makes sense.

[@soogist]

You're right. I think some idols fall into this, especially the ones who became idols at very young ages. I do think, however, just as many (or many more) kpop idols may have healthier relationships with fans and keep boundaries due to their general disinterest in their fans/lack of attachment (which you can't blame them for duh). But this is a very good comment. I was watching a TXT variety show episode the other day was shocked to hear hueningkai talk about how he had no friends. My first thought was "he has a great personality and is fun, why doesn't he have any friends?" And then it hit me, this is probably how most idols are. When your job is to constantly be on call and to always update your fans and you are most likely emotionally stunted, you must lead a very lonely life... I know this is an over-generalisation, but it really hit me. Your comment is great.

[@iftesamhasan7583]

Yes so true.. sometimes parasocial relationships go both ways..and in your last para when you said when some Idols often say to their fans "I love you.. you're everything to me" it reminds me of BangChan of Stray Kids.. I've always seen him saying things like that which is not wrong..but sometimes it feels like he's very lonely and we fans are everything to him..the way he always says "I'll be your happiness" it seems like sometimes he wants to be the protector of the fans..to be one who protects..and sometimes it makes me so sad that in this way..maybe he's reflecting his loneliness and lack of social interaction!! Maybe I'm wrong but your comment really reminded me of him!

[@WatermelonIsBetterThanRice]

@@soogist I agree. There's a lot of damage that comes with stardom at such a young age and this isn't exclusive to Kpop. They have no time to improve their emotional and mental maturity or improve interpersonal relationships because all they know is work. I also agree that the majority of idols do have healthy relationships and know where to draw the line. It's just the ones who go on a live stream and are like "hey, miss you guys!" because no you don't lol. Whenever I see those, so many of them are sitting alone in a dimly lit or dark room (hotel, studio, bedroom) with this very stoic, tired look on their face and it just makes me sad. They don't do these to spend time with fans, they're just bored or lonely and want something to distract themselves. In other words, it's not for the fans, it's for themselves.

[@user-qh4il3ov6r]

im honestly impressed like how tf you extract that info from a glimmer in someone's eye? 😭

[@stephsteph4503]

I lived in Japan for nearly six years and idol fandom helped me make friends, find a fun way to study, but also helped me with escapism. For four of the years, I was married to an abusive Japanese guy. I still worked semi full time, took care of the home, but almost all of my free time was idol-related-- translating content, going to shows and events, consuming content, voting, spending my extra money on goods, etc. As soon as I found the willpower to divorce and came back to the US, covid hit, and the next year, my mother passed. It pulled me into reality, and I am not really into idols anymore. This year, I did get married to someone much kinder and I am expecting my first child. It is keeping me grounded in reality.

[@tessy28]

Yes most of these stalkers have shitty lives in reality. No surprise

[@monochromicornthetuna4256]

I'm sorry you went through all that and sorry for your loss. Glad you got through it alive and well! Safe delivery!

[@stephsteph4503]

@@tessy28 I wasn't a sasaeng, if that is what you're implying??? I just used participating in the fandom to forget I was being beaten at home, but go off.

[@joyh8382]

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I'm glad you got some relief from the negatives of reality through your fandom, but I'm more glad you got out of the "rabbit" hole and got to live out a much more fulfilling reality over a supplementary fantasy or "fake reality" (best words I can find to describe it in this case, hope you get what I mean.) All my Support for you, your new husband and your baby ✌❤

[@makesmewannadie647]

Stuff like that makes someone realize the true matter is indeed wealth, health and family im so sorry i hope u got better now🧡

[@real.jonghyun90]

Having lived in Seoul for about 4 months now and observing parasocial relationships in real time as I slowly get back into K-pop. One aspect that's overlooked regarding idols feeding into parasocial relationships is how young they were when they started training and when they debuted. Becoming a star becomes the majority of their life, especially when you're training for 5 years? Your social awareness and capabilities is limited by what the people around you advise you to do, rather than what you actually want to do. So naturally as an idol you feel a sense of understanding that your stans understand you, the problem becomes is when boundaries aren't enforced and the evolution in your character becomes disoriented. I noticed this when I was watching Johnny on DIVE studios podcast talking about how he wished his problems aligned with the problems his friends had back in Chicago about growing older and figuring out their identities. That's why I noticed it takes a while for idols to really come into their own as a person and as an artist because they're emotionally stunted.

[@gudinesangelicau]

thats deep 😢

[@elafila6883]

something i noticed also is that a lot of idols have pets especially if they're introverted like i'm probably stretching it but isn't that because they're really lonely and want to have something/someone to go back to once they start living alone.

[@real.jonghyun90]

@@elafila6883 Yes, since the majority of the time most K-pop idols are business colleagues not really friends.

[@amidala1485]

It's the same with Changmin of TVXQ. When they were in a variety show with Super Junior he said he's a bit sad he never get to experience normal things like going on school field trips because he started training early.

[@sofia-ju8pj]

not the majority@@real.jonghyun90

[@sydneybaldwin3514]

I’m so glad I’m at an age and in a place where I’m comfortable with my life that I can enjoy music and film etc without obsession. As long as you have fun and appreciate art I don’t see a problem, don’t blur boundaries and you should be okay. ❤

[@fayqlise]

I live the use of Perfect Blue! That movie is a great example of how unhealthy parasocial relationships can get and the reality of being an idol. Also I'm already in love with your content

[@glowtz]

A friend of mine who was an active fan in a certain kpop group fandom had to juggle the shit out of their college duties and fandom volunteering work. They would tell me about how every time an award event happened, things got super busy, the dedicated fans who often talk with each other & group up would coordinate job tasks in making multiple emails & multiple accounts to vote multiple times each day. There was one time when I helped my friend because of how hectic it had gotten for them. The experience ended up tiring them out & they had to step out from that particular fandom for a quite a while & after that they would only casually enjoy fandoms.

[@Josuh]

wtf

[@mewmew6158]

Fandoms are really a job, if you let them be. Jobs without pay.

[@JustWhattaRuLookinAt]

@@mewmew6158It’s basically a job of consuming. You spend money on their stuff, while they make millions off of you.

[@elizarayuputri5638]

@@mewmew6158 That's exactly how I felt on the first month after getting into the fandom culture. I personally feel like fans are being exploited not only by the artists' companies, but also the music shows and awards.

[@commenteroftruth9790]

@@elizarayuputri5638 they arent though. It is a product of existing. there are people who won't wake up to the world. and if they won't waste there time one place, they will waste it in another.

[@anszjaa]

I think the appeal of fictional characters also comes from the fact we see them in the most extreme and life changing situations. A good written story usually reveals depths of the characters and their improvement. We rarely have a chance to experience something like this in everyday life

[@j1nnienchrist]

Exactly and fan fics too, which some ppl don’t talk about. Way back when I used to be obsessed with anime/anime fanfics I found myself in parasocial relationships with the characters and I thought I was there gfs fr

[@timmyc9915]

A lot of stories always put the characters through tough situations; think of any popular superhero story, or the Marvel movies. They have to go through hell to achieve their goal, and a lot of things always big (and small) things happen, good or bad. Now, compare that to most of our lives, and ours seem pretty lame and almost boring. We pretty much wake up, eat breakfast, go to school/do work, go home, maybe eat dinner, and sleep. No wonder we like certain fictional characters, because our lives are so (woefully) mundane at times that watching them on shows alleviates some of the mundaneness (if that's even a word) of our own lives. I do find myself imagining situations where I'm doing something huge and will change the world, for the better (pretty cliche, I know), and I think that's a coping mechanism, maybe because I myself love to travel and am quite adventurous; but I've always felt that thing in my head where it's telling me to not overdo my daydreaming because I have to be content with my life as it is. Tying this long comment back to the above video, the kpop industry seems to prey on people's loneliness, by giving the fans a sense of worth, meaning, and purpose. Unfortunately, as seen in this video, the effects can end up harming the fans more than not. If I actually knew someone who was _this_ obsessed with some kpop group, I'd seriously want to help them and be their friend, because they need one for obvious reasons. (I apologize for the wall of text)

[@violetcurran5086]

I've always been highly empathetic (all of my stuffed animals had names and I would talk to them and worry about them getting lonely, for example), and so I form parasocial relationships VERY easily. I'm concious of it and honestly scare myself with how invested I get in TV shows, movies, or actors/idols. It seems like whenever I start having a hard time in the real world I fall into a new obsession. I never understand though how people can be so invasive/creepy towards people they have parasocial relationships with (mostly kpop because that's what i see the most). Like I might be a bit obsessed with an idol for a while, but I would never say or do anything directly to their face because they're real, normal people.

[@soogist]

Agree! I so easily form parasocial relationships or obsessions with things due to my ADHD, hyperfixation problem, and addictive personality, and I honestly scare myself with it.

[@spring7643]

You have a good sense of boundaries idk why some people don't

[@The3rd411]

OMG samee im so scared of that thats why i try not to hyper fixate on one thing its really hard tho im honestly so scared ill fuck up my life getting stuck on the internet instead of living my life and doing productive things

[@astraynaught9343]

Parasocial relationships, much like real life ones, can easily become toxic or manipulative. The moment people understand and accept this, the moment we can understand as a whole how to navigate this type of relationship.

[@nezukochan86]

I recently got into the kpop fandom and when I see the amount of time and money some fans spend for their idols I really just think to myself "Don't these people have jobs or studies? Or laundry/cooking to do?" Like how do they afford to spend this much time streaming or buying albums just to follow their idols to airports? Its crazy how deep this stuff runs and if I was a parent, I'd be very worried.

[@befaithful3671]

Same dude ...they are wasting precious money and time on useless things .

[@akiko7298]

Do laundry or follow *kpop idol* to the Incheon airport? I'd take do laundry. I'd choose laundry even if it was Gimpo airport which is a lot closer to Seoul!

[@fairycubeswitch]

10 year old kids my dude, they all 10 year old kids that have allowance money from their parents and they have more time to stream online for the favs; for bigger fan site admins, they usually come from rich families, or get donations or sometimes even “force donations” from members… we are functional everyday adults with jobs and responsibilities so we don’t have time to stream or spend thousands for an idol, it’s just insane to me even when I was in my 10s, never understood why that dedicated to idols

[@devraajmoran5969]

​​@@fairycubeswitchhy would parents allow their 10 yr olds to buy albums instead of books? At this point i think you are totally generalising These are grown adults with jobs who have money , Content creators, Collectors etc but stuff because it's their job . And i don't understand how listening to an album is obsessive and buying an album doens't takes time , Listening to music doens't takes time , You do the household works and put the earphones, Done , Literally everyone does that , Even if you aren't in a parasocial relationship, You can still listen to music while doing the laundry, So the point the above commenter made doesn't makes sense at all.

[@elafila6883]

if you start realizing a lot of the "important" fans are older and slightly mentally unstable it makes sense how they're able to pour so much into an idol's career let's not forget this is entertainment industry they have even richer fans who are willing to spend unthinkable amounts

[@folkiethetea]

this is a really interesting topic to examine! as a taylor swift fan on twitter, i noticed that a lot of fan groups in Asia recently paid for billboards to promote Speak Now Taylor’s Version when it came out, and a group of fans in Indonesia literally had a parade in honor of the album. as someone from the west, it’s really interesting to see how fans from different parts of the world interact with the same media.

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

I had no clue they had a parade, not gonna lie, I kinda like that idea. 😭

[@conquistadorrocket]

@@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024 jesus christ you're literally part of the problem

[@ProfessionalMusician74]

😭no fucking way

[@roggonval]

In the Philippines they would also make "concerts" in big malls and other places

[@parkchimmin7913]

There was a fan club in Dubai that paid to have BTS’ V’s face shown on the Burj Khalifa (it also included a happy birthday message) edit: Also, it’s funny how protest trucks are a common occurrence in Korea. Like, they have trucks that are made to hold giant electronic boards and they have them parked in front of buildings. Fans would have protest trucks parked outside company buildings (whenever it’s protesting against an idol dating or protesting against wrongful treatment of idols).

[@skyering4070]

Thank you for this video really. It kinda made me come to my senses. I also want to thank the people who commented and shared their own experiences. It really helped me realize that I have also fallen victim to being completely obsessive over kpop. I've been a kpop fan for almost 5 years but it has never caused me any mental health issues until recently. A new group debuted just a few months ago and I absolutely fell in love with the members and their music. I got way too emotionally attached to the group. I started getting more involved in the fandom in social media, and bought multiple versions of their album (which ive never done before). This was not necessarily a problem until my anxiety started acting up from it. If anything negative or something I disliked would be brought up about my faves I'd go into an overthinking spiral. This caused a cycle of anxiety which often happens. I acknowledged that this is not good but did not realize that I really should step back. I had very bad internal struggles 'cause I realized that I should not be thinking this obsessively but I could not understand why I was being this way. This video made me realize, that I was just getting way too emotionally attached to the group to the point of it getting unhealthy. It made me realize that I am certainly not alone in this. I encourage everyone to consume kpop or any media responsibly. It is scarily easy to become attached without even realizing it. Please re-evaluate your values in life and make sure that kpop does not consume your mind and life. You don't have to completely quit everything related to kpop to recover, but set your own boundaries and be mindful of your own mental health. Kpop is much more enjoyable when youre not unhealthily obsessed with it.

[@cdub1059]

I still can't prcoess how this happens. I had my favorite bands and all when growing up but never have I experienced such obsession like what you and this video just described...

[@skyering4070]

@@cdub1059 i feel like mental health has a big affect on it aswell. If you're struggling mentally it's easier to fall into an obsession as a form of escapism. Especially the kpop industry profits off of fans obsessiveness and parasocial relationships so it isn't that uncommon.

[@cresscentless]

Can I know the name of the band you are talking about?

[@skyering4070]

@@cresscentless zerobaseone. I still absolutely love them and keep up with them actively but i'm keeping a distance to the fandom (especially twitter) since it seems to be pretty bad for me to get involved in. (It seems to have worked since i havent really sturggled like this since I made my original comment)

[@cresscentless]

Oh I see, I went through a similar situation and that's why I was curious about the band. I understand you very well, dude.@@skyering4070

[@angelynfloranda7206]

this has been a very informative video for me. this created a clear explanation of why, just why i feel like i have such a deep connection with the idols that i like. parasocial relationship is a crazy concept for me, where i FEEL like personally know my idols even though i havent met them irl. adding to my obssession that they are my "friends" are apps like weverse and bubble where idols can post updates about their daily lives and ask fans if they have eaten yet. these feels like a casual chat that you have with your friend except that as a fan, you are PAYING to have access to reply to them.

[@nisemono1625]

Obsession with any celebrity or even a person you know is so creepy. Especially when you put yourself or others near you in awkward or harmful situations

[@adu1991]

Yeah. Don't get too attached to anyone....not even your own family. When it seems like nobody wants to talk or pay attention, sometimes it's good to be your own role model.

[@tientruong2007]

It's desperation for social connection because they are extremely lonely. It's sad.

[@nisemono1625]

@@tientruong2007 it’s not always that. I’ve seen many girls who have friends but still choose to follow this pattern of behaviour.

[@reshell7338]

@@nisemono1625that’s not because you have friends that u can’t feel lonely? Sometimes people have friends but no genuine connection with them

[@nisemono1625]

@@reshell7338 and sometimes people have friends and also have connections with them but still indulge in this weird behaviour

[@anastasiagraham2418]

22:30 “Being a fan is fun but being a part of fandom is work” So true. I find being in a fandom, kpop specifically can be so exhausting especially with streaming culture being so prevalent

[@purpleeyebrows19]

Hence why i tend to stay away from fandoms for the most part and support my favourite groups how i want to. Being a fan should not feel like a job and if it does then there's a problem

[@BELIEVER78989]

One piece of advice If you are exhausted in a particular fandom just leave, its not worth it to lose your time and health over people who doesn't even know you exist.

[@anastasiagraham2418]

@@BELIEVER78989 agreed. I actually have distanced myself a lot from fandom culture. Not that I was super active in the first place lol. The emotional labour that goes on in fandoms just aint for me. I just can’t imagine being THAT attached and dedicated to people you only see on the internet for the most part

[@BELIEVER78989]

@@anastasiagraham2418 👍

[@makesmewannadie647]

Thats why i love the rock/metal community there are only like 1% of losers whonsay stream! But no one likes that so their impact is basically 0 hahahahah

[@anakadmon6606]

Wow this is actually so important.. people really miss out on a lot by getting sucked into this.. they miss out on real relationships, getting to know who they truly are as a person and their own gifts and uniqueness and beauty, or real experiences... so many priceless things in life are tossed away due to attachments like these.

[@chosoistryinghisbest]

i think something to mention is that for a lot of kpop groups, there's this whole thing about bragging about your faves as if their achievements are YOUR achievements. and it's just really irritating to hear the entitlement. Not to mention the idea that their faves worked hard on their own and it was their own effort that made them famous. But that's not completely true because your faves success is due to them, their company, and all of the tireless & countless staff who work extremely hard to support them. I especially hate fans who only think about the hard work of the idols, but never stop to think about the sheer amount of staff behind them. because truly without their hair stylists, makeup artist, costume designers, choreographers, producers, lyricists, managers, CEOs, and etc, your faves would not stand where they are. Kpop carries the effort of hundreds of people and thousands of hours behind what we get to see in a 4 minute long stage performance. Most of the people who work in the kpop industry are not the idols themselves, but rather the minimum wage workers who make every single stage possible. but people are so absorbed into just the idols that they take for granted all the work the staff do. which comes in the form of entitlement demanding comebacks, more online content, more appearences, etc and etc. those are all possible because of the staff who have to schedule all of those things.

[@42Psyche]

As a teen in the early 2000’s I had a deep parasocial relationship with a musician. Now nearing my 30’s, I look back I see my clear cry for help and how desperate I was to know someone who felt the way I felt, but being too scared to bare my soul to anyone. I can’t even imagine how far down that rabbit hole can go with social media now.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah I feel I have that attachment to a fictional character because it's safe! I really think stan attachments are a psychological protection mechanism. Fictional character will never hurt me or leave me or laugh at me. Never disappoint me or let me down. And I feel that applies to idols and celebrities as well. You don't really know who they are, so they can be anyone you need them to be in your mind. But the problem is those are real people. So when they do something in real life that hurts you,by dating someone else or behaving in a way that disappoints you, even though they don't even know you exist it still hurts. And I think that's why fans lash out and put so much pressure on idols. In the fans mind they've created a whole personality and had a bunch of fantasy conversations and projected a fantasy onto this real-life person. And no one is perfect irl. And I think that causes some fans to turn toxic. But at the end of the day the attachment feels so real to them. It's much easier and safer to love someone you don't know. Real relationships take work. Even people who you truly love you still are going to have arguments with, you're still going to have day-to-day conflicts, they're going to hurt you accidentally. Just because no one's perfect. Real relationships are risky and painful and difficult sometimes.

[@Just.Kidding]

@@WhitneyDahlin You're right, and that's all the more reason why it's unhealthy. Humans _are_ social creatures, and things like that, that disincentivise real relationships, are just flat-out unhealthy.

[@sandygonsalves4646]

​@@WhitneyDahlinhey I know you wrote this months ago but I wanted to add to what you've said because I think it's interesting. Personally I feel as though, as a society we've moved too far on the side agreeableness to the point where normal, everyday conflicts are becoming increasingly difficult to handle. People allow their differences to separate them way too easily when in reality conflict is needed to bring people closer together. If you only looked at people who are reflections of yourself, can you really say that you know who that person is? Of course not. You're only seeing yourself reflected in that person, therefore there is no sense that they are really separate from you. I believe people come to that realization that this person - and what they think they know about them- is simply a reflection, it only causes them to feel even more lonely. Instead of dealing with and coming to terms with those difficult feelings, they will instead latch on to whatever gives them a false, artificial connection with that person.

[@ragtimegals]

@@sandygonsalves4646just wanted to say you’re sooo right. It is so refreshing when you stop being afraid of being offended and just open yourself to listening to everyone and deciding that you’re going to be reasonable no matter what

[@hanatemonstas4485]

The first story is so devastating. Its rare for parents to be that supportive on “leisure” or consumed based hobbies. While I dont blame the actor not meeting them or think the request is reasonable, seeing parents going far for a kid, its tragic.

[@nadastic]

definitely!! the fact they sold their own house and her dad was planning on selling his kidney….that instead of her parents refusing to let her go and ridiculing it shows how much they cared ahh its very sad indeed

[@avo5499]

​@@nadasticthey cared, sure. But also just have no sense of what's reasonable. Its the classic parent who thought giving the kid whatever she wants is the definition of good parenting, and unsurprisingly ended up raising an entitled brat.

[@garmtpug]

@@nadastic I understand you feeling this way about her parents but they were enabling her type of very sick behavior. They should have sent her to a mental health specialist who could help her with this real problem. And begging the star to meet her! No! That was foolish to say the least! It would only have made her more obsessive regarding this man. It's really too bad her parents didn't act like parents and direct her to the help she desperately needed. I really hope she is better now and realizes how deluded she was.

[@nadastic]

@@avo5499 yeah thats true too!

[@nadastic]

@@garmtpug Definitely begging the star to meet her was so so bad, they ended up encouraging it. i mentioned in another comment reply thread how its sad how her obsession went this far to the point that just seeing him wasn’t enough and how her dad took his own life to guilt trip, its really twisted i do not deny that fact, sorry if it seems i did

[@nightappple]

This video just made me realize that when they say 'idol' they actually mean an 'idol' like a mini god

[@JuJusue]

This is such a great video. I’m a Kpop fan, and I’ve always been a little confused and uncomfortable when I found myself developing an emotional attachment to a certain group, to the point where I’d just stop consuming their content all together because I was terrified of the idea of becoming a ‘crazy’ fan who’s happiness relied on an idol group. Having this vid spell out the many reasons and ways people enter parasocial relationships and the intricacies that come with it answered a lot of the questions I had and eased a lot of my anxiety about consuming idol content, so thank you!

[@xiuminsmarshmallow3375]

I love that your videos focus on all of east Asia and especially China. I’m a Chinese adoptee so I grew up with a large disconnect from East Asian culture and while I’ve gotten to know Korean and Japanese pop culture quite well, I’ve always found it hard to find resources that talk about Chinese pop culture. It’s often hard to find people talking about Chinese culture in a positive light. I always learn so much from your videos and I love your videos so much! Keep it up ❤️

[@honklerfinkelstein2113]

Just watch stuff on the chinese internet

[@anny8720]

@@honklerfinkelstein2113they said they're a Chinese adoptee and feel disconnected to their culture so they may not be fluent in Chinese? I'm a Chinese American with immigrant parents and even I'm not confident enough to delve into Chinese internet culture so I also appreciate this channel's videos!

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

@@anny8720Thank you for using common sense. 💀

[@ruthanne1741]

i relate to this so much

[@yin_xing]

那你知道臺灣欸？😅

[@Nikkles5247]

I never considered how the one child policy would affect society socially. Sometimes I wonder if the growth of parasocial relationships is due to a lack of fulfilling relationships in real life. Like, if more people had more deep friendships, would anime and idols still be as popular as they are now? Interesting thoughts. Thanks for sharing the East Asian perspective on this topic.

[@corycianangel6321]

In my experience, I’ve gained some long-lasting friendships because of anime and idols. Fangirling together is ideal, even though there will be some that see other fans as competition.

[@Nikkles5247]

Oh so like a shared interest bonding type thing. Cool

[@liben5052]

yeah, same! the lack of siblings one was something i totally didn't think about. thinking about it now, i kinda see why there's so many "little sister" tropes as well as borderline incestuous relationships being portrayed in asian/chinese media (not trying to talk badly about it, but the fact a generation grew up not knowing what it's like to have siblings could absolutely play a part in not understanding the reason other people find it distasteful) i know the one child policy is only in china, but much of asia's child birthrate has dropped due to the hyper-capitalist model keeping their economy afloat, hence more single children perhaps fantasizing what a sibling would be like.

[@corycianangel6321]

@@Nikkles5247 Yes. And it’s so fun!

[@hawshimagical]

oh, i can answer that. think: if "more" people had friendships, what happens to the people who dont? they would feel much more pressure than they already do. they would be a topical demographic. other people would gain interest. then that demographic would grow. it all balances out. got it now?

[@clouds7934]

Lets talk about idols who encourage this behaviour until they finally start making money. Kpop idols will make alarms, voicemails pretending to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. There's a messaging service where idols will wish you goodnight/good morning.They'll say things like 'I only have eyes for my fans, I'm too busy to date'. And then, when the idol reaches stardom, begins publicly dating. THAT is why many fans feel betrayed. If idols set boundaries from the start (like western celebs do), this wouldn't be a problem. But let's pretend my fans have a chance with me, because they buy thousands of my albums, to get a 1 minute call with me! Some people might blame it on the company, but there are idols who refuse to play pretend. These are usually idols who have become rich enough to do so!

[@hentainin87]

I still cant fathom how that one guy from Japan able to find that idol's address just from the eye reflection of a picture, like wow dude....thats actually pretty impressive

[@adamlopez2275]

As a fan of vtubers, it’s been really interesting to seen how parasocial relationships in that scene can be even stronger when combining real and fictional aspects. They are reall people that you can interact with, but also benefit from the suspension of disbelief and kayfabe from their fictional persona. And then seeing the flip side as well where it’s not uncommon for the entertainer to become parasocial with their fans as well

[@ItsMallyce]

What you mean ? That's so interesting bcuz im à vtuber myself

[@sateayamkremes]

please explain the last part

[@adamlopez2275]

Explanation of last part: this isn’t limited to vtubers because it can happen with other content creators, but they can become parasocial with their fans. This is especially more common for vtubers under the menhera trope, but can happen to anyone who crosses the line and starts seeing their fans as friends or more. It can manifest differently based on circumstances and can lead to both good and poor outcomes. One example would be Vox Akuma from Nijisanji EN back in 2022. Vox leaned heavily into the boyfriend-experience and lines started to blur between him and his chat. Things came to a head when his fans started harassing one of his female friends/colleague, Reimu, and he didn’t initially come to her defence due to not wanting to stain his relationship with his fans. He later set firm boundaries with his chat, patched things up with reimu, and I don’t believe there’s been any issues on that front since but that is just one example of a poor outcome with a vtuber becoming parasocial with their chat. On the other hand, sometimes that parasocial relationship is a boon to the streamer. A common reason for someone to become a vtuber is because they have issues socializing with people in general. Using an avatar and talking to people they can’t see can help them overcome some hurdles hand help ease anxiety/build confidence/decrease their loneliness,or whatever the need to help them grow as a person. That said they tend to form very strong, parasocial relationships with their community. Ironmouse from VShoujo would be a really good example here, especially like pre-2021ish. Iirc, I think Usada Pekora from Hololive Gen 4 may have also fell in this category in her early career, but I’d have to double check old clips to confirm that. From the fans side, it’s generally hard to tell exactly how they feel unless they comment on it themselves, but sometimes you can.

[@legacymse7095]

Vtuber fans... Some of them are really fucking disturbing. How many times have I seen: "Yo this para social relationship is bad, stop it... Btw did you know she has a bf, is 33 and she lives here?” How the fuck would you know and why did you search for that? Vtuber fans that claim to be "just curious" are worse than actual weirdos

[@HudaefCares]

​@@ItsMallyceWhen you have people that support you no matter what, especially if your mental state is on the delicate side, you will want to make sure they don't leave you. Parasocial fans cling to a vtuber because of their desire for a connection, for some vtubers they want the same thing.

[@sweatybabypowderhands843]

This is what I've done my WHOLE online life since like 6 years old. I've been obsessed with KZbinrs, checking multiple times a day if they released their next let's play, checking what they post on social media, and making art about them. Now that I'm 23 I don't do it so much but during the pandemic I definitely went down the parasocial wormhole. Looking back it feels like a blur, and I remember actually having a blast. You basically get all the benefits of fame, pursuit of passion, amazing lifestyles without putting in any effort. you can just enjoy it on the sideline, self-insert yourself into your favorite Idol or in my case vtuber and you truly start feeling attached to them, but also for some become controlling, like when they do something you don't like it really messes with your day, like the person I inserted myself into is doing something I DON'T like therefore they are basically hurting me. Obsessed fans are the most selfish people you will meet, they don't care about their idol they care about how the idol makes them feel, and they need their idols to fill a hole in their life that they don't have the confidence or determination to do themselves. I'm in a much better place then I was back then mentally, psyhically and I'm putting time and effort into things that are meaningful. There's is nothing wrong watching a show, or a KZbinr and using them as a substitue when you feel lonely at times, but you also have to put in the time in the next logical step which is to not be lonely, or be more confident in yourself, your purpose, and finding real relationships. Have these idealistic figures be a direction for where you should strive to be in life, and make life easier by taking the hard choices. Thank you for putting light into this topic that is becoming more prevelant as life for most people truly, is getting more peaceful but also under-stimulating and boring, and how escapism thru social media have sadly become the norm.

[@DawnsWorld]

THIS! I got out of it and then the pandemic happened and I got obsessed with Kpop again etc. now this time, putting a lot of money into them and I regret it so bad. I’ve dropped almost every group and got rid of most of my albums.

[@miriamwatchingyoutube]

Just after Covid lockdown I got into K-pop, which started because I really liked the music. Most people in my area were very against K-pop and often even blunt racist so I looked online to find other people who would like the same music and the same groups (in particular Stray Kids). At the beginning it was so much fun to find people who have similar interests etc. But the more I got into it, the more I noticed how obsessed and weird a lot of fans are in the community. People forcing themselves to watch every single live even though they cant understand the language. A girl saying she cried every night thinking of her favorite idol, because she will never be his girlfriend. People buying absurd amount of albums. Fans spending so much of their time fantasizing about and sexualizing idols. I even got called-out by a fan-page (thousands of followers) because I said that one song of an album wasn't really my vibe. It felt as though common sense and normal behavior was seen as something weird. And so much fetishizing and glorification of Korean men. After about half a year I left these groups chats, because it got too bad. I still listen to K-pop, but decided for myself to stay away from (online) (obsessive) fanbases. And the weirdest thing I found is that when I told them I planned to study in Korea for a semester (decided this even before I listened to K-pop, because of my major and a general interest for Korean culture, planning and politics) and was studying Korean for that reason, I was made to be the "Koreaboo"?! So yea, overall I also had a lot of good interactions with fans, and I'm still good friends with a few of them, but the majority I encountered was very toxic and obsessed.

[@pessimisticallypositive285]

Are we not gonna talk about the agency company that "sells" intimacy of these idols for money? Having idol's selling "wedding rings" and initimate voiceline while be surprised when someone took it seriously, to say their hands are clean and fan should know the difference while deliberately manipulate them for money is just wrong.

[@beasttitanofficial3768]

The other day I saw a post somewhere of someone saying they miss Bang Chan's live streams and they've been so anxious lately because he hasn't been streaming, as he's probably very busy with the comeback and his schedules. She continued to say she needs to watch him in order to get over her anxiety and depression. That was painful to read, I can't lie. I like him too, but if the only thing that helps you feel alright is an idol streaming... girl, you need help.

[@akiko7298]

I've seen a LOT people saying stuff like that, in a serious manner too, not like a joke, about idol livestreams or just being in the fandom. A couple scandals I've heard about of fans like trauma dumping in letters or whatnot to idols about how the idol basically existing saved them from depression and anxiety and if it wasn't for them, the fan would be gone now. Like that's for your therapist, not the person you're a fan of and even though you feel better, you need to seek professional help...but it almost feels like its so normalized now to be like this in kpop.

[@fortyandfandomous8081]

I saw that too 😔 I thought to myself Chan has his own sh*t to deal with I'm sure. Don't guilt him or any idol for that matter to give more. They already have to over share to the point that it's uncomfortable 😢 And still people want more. They're never satisfied. I feel bad for idols man.

[@makesmewannadie647]

I actually feel really sad reading stuff like this....

[@daradee5446]

I heard Bang Chan answer a 'what can I do without you' question with "you gonna live. I mean live life to the fullest" that's when I knew this is my Bias apart from his Thunderous outfit. I mean why on earth would you give an Artist(hate the word idol) so much power over you. No. Enjoy the music, if you're a foreigner like me find out the meaning, and enjoy Life. Why should music control Humans when Humans created it in the first place

[@itsnlee]

Her channel is gold for video essays. Whenever she posts, I drop everything to watch because it's so well structured, thought provoking and informative. It won't be long before she gains more recognition for these researched topics (she even linked her sources in the description!). I'm learning a lot, thank you.

[@jasonshih3633]

@@CheapSushi lol was about to say this, but yeah this video is lowkey self aware

[@filippetrovic845]

Literally my thoughts. She rarely posts too so when i see new vid i instantly drop anything else and watch barely blinking. She covers all the most interesting topics that none talks about in almost scientific way.

[@magentafox1657]

This is the first video I've seen from her. It's well structured and consise. I like how she briefly recapped past bits of the video. It's very useful in helping a viewer make connections between complex ideas.

[@Sheena000]

@@CheapSushiI’m glad I wasn’t the only one to think that. I’ve started noticing comments sections under videos become a kind of compliment competition towards the KZbinr. While it’s nice to see supportive comments sometimes it’s a lot and derails conversation.

[@aenorist2431]

Here's the thing: You cannot reasonably complain about the downside of an industry, if that downside is also the entire point of the industry. The only way to remove obsession from an industry based entirely around created obsession is to remove the industry whole cloth.

[@nontandotembe353]

I found that the more I consumed fanfiction-there are many other mediums, I just mention fanfiction because it related to me the most-the more it fed into the parasocial relationship that I had with ‘said celebrity’

[@-_--bp6nf]

I actually used to write fanfiction as well as consume it for hours on the daily. It was a great outlet for creativity because I've always loved writing but it definitely wasn't the best way. The way I would plan them out would be to daydream about myself in the situation with that idol (doesn't help everything I read and wrote were self inserts). It becomes crazily unhealthy, and the way people around me encouraged it and said it was completely normal was actually scary when I think about it.

[@lang2921]

This is going to get worse when AI is put into these characters in the future so that fans can have full on unique conversations with the fake character making the parasocial relationships even worse. Nice Video this was interesting

[@mr.andrew7820]

Blade runner 2049 be like

[@m.a.749]

Yeah- even now I see people around me talking to fictional characters using AI. Romance, sexual encounters, and things along those lines are becoming more common sadly.

[@hawshimagical]

i saw an artist on twitter one day. he had a link to his girlfriend's profile in his info. i clicked and she seemed normal enough until i saw her image posts: many months of nonstop screenshots of her talking to an AI boyfriend, saying very passionate and obsessive things. and she was NOT joking around. the future is now!

[@hypothalapotamus5293]

Flashes back to futurama: "So, do you want go to school?" "No. I'm going to make out with my monroebot." "Do you want to start a family with a real human woman?" "No. I'm going to make out with my monroebot." Thus, the human race ended.

[@Jackie-gr5bw]

I think part of the fun is that you're parasocializing with a real human. Ai can't replace human connection, it would just be like a Hatsune Miku dating sim. Which I would play ngl, love that crazy bitch and her leek. But it's just a toy and would get boring. That's the reason I'm not too scared of the metaverse turning literal matrix. Also more people become critical of capitalism and politics. Maybe I'm delusional, I just hope you're wrong

[@jasonshih3633]

Never had such a phase, but I always found it a bit cringe or creepy that people did it. People always talk about waifus, and I know it's all a joke to most people, but out there, there are people who are truly obsessed with these fictional characters, and it's probably eating them alive from the inside. Similarly, there are also guys or girls who keep reposting pictures of their favorite idols (maybe im overthinking here but who actually cares about these reposts?) In a sense, it's a pretty big problem. Taking a step back, it's actually sad in a way. There is a void inside these people that they think only their favorite idol or fictional character can fill.

[@liben5052]

its kind of scary, bts fans will immediately open up if you say you like the group, but one time i told a fan i lost interest and the look she gave me was one of betrayal. i didn't even have the heart to tell her i was tired of seeing their pictures everywhere

[@immkk1125]

true, i also found it creepy since i never truly understood what drives someone to be THAT obsessed, i liked anime (mainly manga) but never thought of the characters as anything other than that, characters. tools to explore a different world setting and gain new insight depending on how serious the story is. i do have to admit that i had been very mean to other people who liked different things that i didn’t particularly like and failed to recognize that i have also had my own cringe moments, so i ended up justifying my own hypocrisy with the fact that « i at least have never spent money on stupid stuff » i don’t think that it’s bad to find a niche community but those who take it too far really do need help and more than just a fandom.

[@BELIEVER78989]

Liking and learning from Idols and fictional characters is not wrong at all but yeah extreme obsession with anything is dangerous

[@ithinkiwoulddie9196]

@@liben5052they see it as you’re “betraying bts/ army” or you’re abandoning bts. psychos.

[@adu1991]

It's good to be a fan of something. It isn't entirely *bad* and it's part of what makes us human. Everyone wants to be accepted by somebody and like what they're into. The video is talking about that being taken too far, which can end up being bad and the walls being pulled up higher between celebrities and fans.

[@AzuraFallen]

I was so proud of myself for not having parasocial bonds until you brought up characters and i realised i literally have Riku as my PFP and I love all of Idolish7 so dearly whoops 😭

[@LiziMimi19]

I was never a Kpop fan, but after recently having broken up with my ex, I found myself watching TXT videos all the time, luckily I found your video and now I can stop myself from becoming too obsessive. I would probably still buy 1 album though, just as an appreciation for their music.

[@-_--bp6nf]

txt is my demon too, the guys seem so genuine it's hard to not get attached. something that helps me is to think about things I don't like about them, like how untidy their dorm is, Soobin and Yeonjun never passing up the opportunity to act like a couple, the fact that a lot of them are friends with Jessi, etc. Their music is really good though, definitely one of the main reasons they're my favs

[@starsickkk]

i avoided kpop like the PLAGUE for the longest time because the parasocial aspect gave me the ick until i recently caved into stray kids (an accident) and the ick is as strong as i feared but the slope is more slippery than i was prepared for 😩

[@ghostlyvisitor]

Fr. I feel like I won't fall too deep into this parasocial thing since I do not have time but I don't really know

[@Ammmyyy5]

I felt the same way for a long time too. It was why, despite me liking some of BTS’s songs in 2017, I didn’t start becoming their fan. But as I started to like more BTS’s songs, I started to become a fan but with strong boundaries. The boundaries are: no weverse account so I cannot see a weverse in live time nor can I directly interact with the members. Therefore, I am a fan of BTS much like I would for a western artist.

[@sarah.05]

@@Ammmyyy5 thats so smart! Thats a really good idea, thank you.

[@karringtonbarnett1063]

Girl same but as long as you don’t get bubble and set firm boundaries you’ll be fine

[@sarah.05]

@@karringtonbarnett1063 honestly tho And while I like watching interviews and stuff- I think of them as talented artists rather than my ‘idols’

[@szaszm_]

Obsessive relationships are always bad and unhealthy, both IRL and online. I think there is an acceptable level of parasocial relationship, as long as both parties, but especially the viewer/fan can treat it appropriately, and not act like the celebrity is their friend when interacting. Fans should never have any power over the celeb's/idol's life, but unfortunately this is not the case: it's pretty well known especially among female twitch streamers that publicly exposing their relationship reduces viewer and sub count, so they often keep it a secret. Of course I'm also experiencing parasocial relationships, but have mostly managed to keep them in what I consider the healthy territory.

[@kingofnamek]

Tanjiro being 1st is so heartwarming. He's so intrinsically kind, it's amazing to know children want to be that way.

[@nexusruben137]

This is definitely one of the most underrated channels, and one of my favourites ! I really love how well-written, researched and structured your videos are, and the topics are always very interesting.

[@perriwinkleiii5361]

Your essays are always 10/10 in their research and composition. Nicely done!

[@LynetteMcGrath]

This is a fascinating video. I have often wondered about the obsessive behaviour of fans in China, and this explains a lot. There are so many instances of an actor like Wang Yibo being mobbed and stalked - he has had fans try to put GPS devices on his car, stand in front of his car so he can't leave a venue, being followed to his hotel, fans knocking on his door in the middle of the night etc. Back when The Untamed exploded, there was a case of a 'fan' hacking Xiao Zhan's travel bookings and cancelling his ticket so he had to travel on the same plane as them. This stuff is nuts. The way fans crowd around stars in airports and security does nothing is very concerning. It is not only these two actors, but lots of them. I had wondered what the 'netizens' got out of the fan wars and the sheer nastiness posted online sometimes. They really act as if the stars belong to them, not that they are real people with real lives. The West is not free of stalkers, but it is not to this extent, but sadly can be more violent. When you discuss the fans access to stars, this is very evident in Thailand with the production companies holding endless live events and concerts, and the fans are paying to go. This probably makes them more money than the actual dramas do, but the Thai fans seem to be getting more unruly too. Recently one of the young male stars was forcibly grabbed by the arm by a fan who wouldn't let go and he was assisted by a member of the public (I think, I don't think it was staff because it did not look like an official event) and of course it was filmed and put online.

[@goldenhourss]

horrifying...

[@nvk225]

The person who grabbed Phuwin was mainland Chinese, the bl shipping culture is so crazy in china they shifted their obsession to Thailand bc it’s close n less restricted

[@LynetteMcGrath]

@@nvk225 That's insane! Taking your crazy international is another level. These poor actors need to start using security all the time, and 'fans' have got to learn to respect boundaries.

[@AmusedGuitarPedals-pg9tk]

Moral of the story 99.999% of celebrities are gonna date in their social class any other impression is just a ploy to drain your pockets so try your best to never get attached and idolize anyone or go out of your way to fulfill delusions. While other idols or actors/actresses can shoot eat other a DM if you aren’t in that tax bracket you will be labeled a stalker. Going out of your way for someone who isn’t even aware of your existence is indeed crazy.

[@FernandaLima-cf6dg]

I love this social commentary on contemporary issues you make because it's engaging and it's about day-to-day life while being informative and yet not boring at all! Great work!

[@arriek.1375]

i think one of the scariest cases i remember was the tvxq situation, like why would you try to harm your favorite just for their attention. that is absolutely insane.

[@frogbabygrill]

Omg what was the situation?

[@22mae]

​@@frogbabygrillI think it was when they put something in the drink..

[@frogbabygrill]

@@22mae I looked it up and mf put super glue!!!!! Super glue in his orange juice, holy shit...

[@tosinolorunsola711]

What I've learned being a fan of K-pop as an adult (and finding it as an adult, no less) is the importance of setting ground rules and boundaries for yourself. I have to detach when it begins to rule my mind RIGHT BEFORE it gets debilitating. I agree that parasocial relationships are normal and I believe it is a spectrum thet everyone exists on. But, we the consumers have to manage it ourselves because the companies behind these things won't do it for us. You gotta check yourself periodically and ensure you're not losing yourself to this stuff, as fun as it is. I don't hold myself or anyone else to any standard of fandom that the internet has determined. Because it is not that deep, nor is it my job. And these idols know that, and I'm willing to bet that they are fine with it. The companies feed off of our obsession, fanwars, etc., and they encourage fanservice with this entire ecosystem they've created for fans. At the same time, I have a lot of respect for fans who decide to the extra mile and pretty much propel our faves to fame. I think it should be for fun and not forced on by fellow fans. Having fellow adult fans that I tend to stick to rather than big communities on Twitter/Reddit has been a big help, cuz we call each other in and have these hard, nuanced conversations (and we come from differing perspectives too, which I appreciate). Also, it may sound weird, but seeing my faves fall short can be grounding in a way. It's the ultimate reality check. So I end up living in two minds where I have love for what these folks do, but I also know they are not infallible and I do not know who they behind closed doors.

[@TakeTheStep10]

This is a great response. Checking oneself is the key. There is much fun to be had and as long as both parties are healthy and unhurt by it. You are so right when you say the fans must manage and set boundaries for themselves because yes the companies absolutely won’t do it for us. They will encourage everyone to go beyond the healthy limit for money. I like you approaching the topic with maturity and nuance, and not judging others. This definitely has a spectrum, and I believe it is important to treat it as such.

[@elsa7594]

yesss i set these boundaries very early when i got into kpop cuz i knew some very creepy fans. I was 15 so i was aware that i was very easy to influence at this age. It made the experience more fun and much healthier imo. I have a lot of respect and admiration for my idols, all i want for them is that they're happy and fulfilled. Having this stance is good i think cuz i'm not like unironically saying yeah they're my bf or gf . I was very alone bak when i got into kpop so i'm glad ididn't go down that dangerous slope

[@DiehardMechWarrior]

This was actually well thought out and incredibly well executed! I love the fact that you came at the concept of parasocial relationships not from a “thing is weird and therefore BAD” perspective but more “this is how these companies working within these cultures cultivate these relationships, sometimes accidentally but other times most certainly on purpose.” One particular gripe is that there’s no option to watch this with closed captions. As informative and entertaining as this is, I found it somewhat difficult to understand you at certain points in the video. Perhaps that’s something to work on towards the next video?

[@asjng]

this is so interesting. as a kpop fan, i had to fall bad into this dark hole to understand and get a clearer vision of what was happening to me. and, it helped me put limitations for my own mental health while still enjoying the groups that i love, by constantly reminding myself that it's not that deep and that i don't have to prove anything to anyone. this helped me to only take the best out of being a fan : appreciating and consuming their contents and their music in my daily life, the way i want to. and supporting them my own way, not the fandom way or anyone else's way.

[@mrbubbies_]

i had no idea how unique these types of parasocial relationships are. incredible essay, grateful for the knowledge

[@merefinl6914]

The otaku definition hit too close to home, I'm autistic and that's basically just a handful of externalized autism symptoms 😭 I'd love it if cultures around the world could talk more openly about how common neurodivergence is and how things like hyperfixations and special interests drive a lot of 'weird' cultural phenomena. Which isn't to excuse blatantly harmful or self-destructive behavior. For every person who dedicates their life to a specific fictional character, there's someone out there who dedicates their life to researching a specific disease. It's just kind of luck of the draw whether you end up as an obsessive outcast or a celebrated scientist depending on where your interests leads you, amongst many other possibilities.

[@anothercell]

my special interests are bts and ancient greek religion and the soviet union 😭 dunno which side i’m on

[@zaleost]

Its interesting that a lot of western Anime fans tend to use the term rather ironically for anyone whose in to Japanese Anime and culture in general, more or less as just a side hobby while being a more or less normal person beyond that. Partly as the term just doesn't really have the same level of weighting to them as it does to Japanese people so its applied much more lightly in the west.

[@merefinl6914]

@@anothercell we call you an all-rounder

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

@@merefinl6914Wait your comment was so real and really interesting. I want this conversation to be normalized and it needs to be DONE! 😭

[@klaraelisabeth]

@merefinl6914: Same! I'm autistic too and I talked about this exactly just two days ago that it really depends on where our special interest lands what will become of us.

[@jessicanoelle2012jp]

It's a shame that these companies know that parasocial relationships are profitable so they're exposing their artists constantly through fan meets and fan calls (by raffle of course). And these artists have to feed into fans fantasies otherwise they lose a customer and money, or worse. Their career I've met a kpop member before and I take every interaction as if he's being paid to do it. It may be genuine, but I know my boundaries in these conversations. It's definitely a pandemic that should be studied

[@kejoradini8612]

Correcto..as much as I love my bias I know he is just doing his job..he like to say cringey stuff like I am hungry but when I think about you I am not hungry anymore 😂 his fans are all melting but not me tho 😂😂

[@joyh8382]

This is such a seriously well thought out essay about parasocial relationships, especially in Asia and content like Jpop or Kpop. The other comments in this video are VERY interesting as well, and are somewhat relieving to see. I've had this subject on my mind for while. I love the healing possibility of Parasocial relationships (when the one experiencing it is reasonable and responsible for themselves, of course). For me, and many others, it helps me establish a feeling of being able to connect with someone with similar interests when I didn't have anyone I could feel that with (which I needed to get through very tough times), and helped me feel like I wasn't alone in my darkest moments... That being said, I knew from the start that I could easily get too caught up in it, get pulled by the crowd or get lost in the surface level stuff, so I went into it with a intention to recognize those triggers and learn to avoid or discourage them in my life. I tried to relate with only healthy things that the celebrity/character did, and saw them as a figure to help me reflect and find out what good qualities I want to encourage in myself and the people around me (EG using more popular Kpop idols: RM - someone who has a growth focused mindset and an open mind to other subjects, perspectives, concepts and interests, + learning how to balance or split leadership responcibilites and taking care of personal development, SUGA - an example of overcoming mental health struggles, under pressure, step by step and knowing how to let others help you through it + how to unplug and not let negative social pressure have control over your life, etc...) It has helped me a lot, I was able to become more understanding of who I was VS who I wanted to be as a person, and I went for that goal of development with the motivation and example these figures gave me. This mindset has always been a theme in my life. Since my parents had a lot of issues so I had to learn to filter out good and bad habits of theirs to either do myself or discourage in myself. When my father was too paranoid to let me go out a do much on my own but encourgaed me to just play games as a young teen (very unhealthy and I knew it but couldn't do anything), I started playing a realistic role play game that allowed me to actually simulate having a regular and somewhat realistic job that I could go to everyday and work hard to make more money to care for my character. Thanks to that I developed a very healthy and hard working worth ethic that has been praised by most my employers, and really helped me through life. I when it came to Kpop, I also made connections with and helped + was helped by people on Weverse on actual personal stuff like family or health issues, things that only people who had no where else to go would say NOT to idols but other fans- on an app meant to talk with idols. But there were definitely times I did not see toxic behavior in comment sections or videos or social media in general as what it was- toxic. I definitely had to learn through experince what that does to people: the idols, the fans, and everyone in their lives. *It's crazy.* As I told my friend: "Because it's so extreme, you can usually only find two kinds of people in the Kpop industry: VERY strong and mature people (who know how to filter through the toxicity and make something good out of it), or VERY weak and crazy people (who go with the toxic flow and don't care about what it doesn to them and others.)" I have found some of the most sane and somewhat *actually* intelligent people in these types of environments... Because they see the negative effects, choose to not exhibit the same extreme behavior, and after withstanding the effects of the extreme environment for a while it conditions them into VERY mentally and emotionally strong people. I have also met and seen some of the craziest people that can exist, because unless they are mentally and emotionally willing to become strong enough to resist, they fall into it and don't come out. They don't want to.

[@deepsea5348]

I never thought about feelings for fictional characters being parasocial! I try to avoid those extreme feelings for real people, but it’s easier to get really attached to fictional characters for me 😅 I’ve read and written fanfic about a lot of my fictional crushes, and have even made original characters to ship them with lol.

[@aishwaryapotdar1348]

Hey, I think it's still okay with the fictional ones, cause they aren't real, but fanfic about real people, even if they are idols, is scary. Cause with the fictional ones, they are from a book or a manwha, and that's a character, with its own character arc, but real-life people are another domain.

[@kaeyaswife926]

SAME. I came for some stalking drama but got exposed instead..I love fictional characters and all but I’m not THAT obsessed. I’ve read lots of fanfictions too but I think as long as you can focus on real life that’s not a problem.

[@Theoneandonly._.]

In My case, I never crush fully at a fictional character, admiration maybe, but to the point of deeply falling in love with them? Nah...that'll never happen. And yes, I have Even Made OCs to ship them with each other but I mainly do these things for fun

[@beijingbikinikill8608]

Aini doesn’t release videos often, but when she does they’re always top quality.

[@henryzhao4622]

It’s part of the game, if you get a bunch of fans who love you based on nothing you’ll get a lot who are obsessed and dangerous to you for nothing. Can’t have it both ways.

[@okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

I'm so glad a younger, less mentally well, much more obsessive me did not have access to money or self confidence to actually go too far with any of my parasocial relationships. Even now I collect a lot of prints and little figures and plushes of things and characters I like because looking at (and touching for the plushes and dolls) genuinely gives me bursts of serotonin - I genuinely consider them a sort of mental health product. But I know how to manage my finances and even if there's something I really want, if it's too expensive or something I'm well enough to go without it and it won't cause overwhelming distress. A younger, less well version of me would've been different. Also Kirby's been a favorite character since early childhood who I absolutely have a parasocial relationship with, I love keeping him near and listening to soundtrack music and looking at his little smile genuinely soothes something in me, so I set my phone theme to picture and icons of him and have a phone widget that's a little flipbook album of "happy" pictures that's full of him, and genuinely it helps me so often to look at him for a second. Yes he's fake but also he's my friend who roots for me and I sincirely love him.

[@Tf_22]

The groups and idols aren't "innocent angels" either, they know well to play their cards making fans obsessive with them to keep the fandom long going, these idols who literally even go to sleeping, bathroom with their lives on are exactly ppl who played their cards well

[@sloppyjellyshit]

Lmfao i can think of "JEON JUNGKOOK"

[@tiramisuuuuu]

i personally love a certain kpop group and have since i was 8 and watching this video made me realise that i have never actual had an intense parasocial relationship with any of the members. I love their music, love watching the members and their variety show and collecting their albums but above all else I think I really just enjoy being a fan of real people with other people. Being in a community and getting excited when a new song releases is so much fun but I know that I am simply just a fan and I am okay with that

[@sarah.05]

That is so true! Same. I love watching the interactions between members, love laughing over their funny moments, or watching their really cool mv's. However, I never struggled with this. I enjoy the excitement that comes with being a fan, but I am _simply just a fan_

[@yumna1783]

it’s like you’re describing me!! i enjoy being a fan with other people and i love watching performances and opening albums with other fans. i realised i subconsciously placed a “fan” boundary and get extremely uncomfortable with people who go all out and practically throw their morals and entire life just for the sake of supporting (?) the idol. and it’s so disturbing to see companies marketing young children to fulfil someone’s parasocial desires

[@PugCuber]

Some Real Talk: In this day and age, people seem to think that whoever their idol is, they know them personally, and that they literally would do anything, and I mean, ANYTHING, for their idol. (I won’t say anything about anyone, but some people can probably deduce who I’m referring to. PLEASE DON’T HURT ME) That’s not healthy, at all. Frankly, the person you idolize, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t care about you yourself, like, at all. They care about their fanbase as a whole, but not very many specific people in that fanbase in particular. This is a really well done video, and I wanna thank you for teaching me about what it’s like over in East Asia.

[@kalieslawson9068]

This was a really lovely, thoughtful, and informative video! I can’t wait to read some of the articles listed. I’ve been writing fanfic for years, so I definitely understand what it is to form paradoxical relationships with fictional characters. I can actually be really leery of becoming a fan of a real person, because I don’t like to think of real people the way I used to think of fictional character. I could feel safe knowing I couldn’t hurt the fictional character’s feelings or intrude on their privacy. Being a fan of non fictional people makes me nervous! But even fans of fictional characters can be toxic and controlling of real people. That said, I really liked your tone here! You stayed really positive, and it was interesting to think about parasocial relationships not necessarily being bad. Thanks for your perspective!

[@mooncakes23]

as someone who grew up struggling to form interpersonal relationships, parasocial one’s often felt like the only thing i could get a hold of. for me, it was something that actually kept me going, kept me, dare i say, living. it was the only sense of reason i had for a long time. i’ve since changed as a person (i do still have plenty of parasocial relationships but i’m not so dependent on them now) but sometimes i still find myself looking back on those times with a bittersweet gaze. it was awful, but nice in its own way. that’s why a lot of times i’ll sympathize with ppl abt these, but there is always a line that needs to be drawn. always be cautious of these things, and make sure to ground yourself in reality. trust me, it helps. but to those who struggle: it’ll be okay. you’ll find your person. just remember that these figures on your screen, in your book, in your game, etc., are simply characters. everyone has a person out there for them, so keep an open mind so you find them, okay? you’re loved! and you will be okay

[@brandonjablasone7544]

Stop being weird and you might meet actual people

[@ab76254]

You're a super skilled essayist and I genuinely learned a lot from this!

[@sunshineroth5937]

Loved that you used “perfect blue” as the transitional clips! Great movie but the message still stands and connects in this video

[@zixty_]

I really appreciated this essay. I find myself at odds with a lot of individualist aspects but its important to remember some of the positives. Thank you for your insight into things I don't know a lot about.

[@Thesilentvoice...]

We need to get back to being fans again. The internet has taken it too far with parasocial “relationships”. It’s a trick honestly to get fans to buy more merch/products for money. Whilst the artist can be sincere, the who truly knows if they are? They are human and may display times were they don’t want their fans being to inner/crazy about them. But in the same vain, they are the ones who push for these relationships in order to make a living/live their dreams. I do think the companies need to stop this, it’s honestly them and the artists who promote this culture and the fans eat it up. The Internet boyfriend/girlfriend, bias, ageyo, and ways to easily speak to the artist online is often pushed by the company.

[@simp2234]

Mirror is doing what they doing

[@oceanman7652]

This video really hit home. I have always been a shy girl. Also I admittedly spend a good portion of my time thinking or watching content from a fictional character. This character has helped me not only to aspire to better myself, but to also accept some of my own faults. I do not really participate or identify with the fandom in general, I mostly only like watching the interactions from afar. I definitely also do not like to picture myself in a relationship with this character, because it’s painfully clear to me that the character is not real, but it has helped me see what traits I like in peoples from the real world. However, the connection I have with this character is still deep enough that when they were eventually killed in the series, I felt it as though a real person close to me had passed away. It was a really tough situation, as I was so sad for a long time, but I could not explain to my family or friends why I was acting sadder than the usual. I constantly feel like I am a bit too isolated, which I guess is one of the reasons I identify with this character. I do have strong relationships with my family and friends, but due to situations outside of my control, mainly work and the place where I live, I am constantly isolated. This and the fact I do not thrive in places where I constantly have to socialize with unknown people are the main reasons I was driven to spending more time with the parasocial relationship. But even aside all that, I am constantly trying to better myself, and to aspire for my dreams. I truly think the ideals and way of acting from this character has helped me in becoming a better person, and to weave my way through life. Loved the video! I had never seen your channel before, but I’m definitely subscribing!! ❤😊

[@oonmm]

I feel you, I still cry myself to sleep since Molly died. Sonic should've saved her.

[@justmadethisaccount5404]

Hey just want to say thank you for making this video and also thankful for the comments in it. I got into kpop this summer and have noticed now I have been a little too obsessed with TWICE as a group (watching tons of their variety content, thinking up scenarios about meeting them etc). Definetly stems from it being a particularly lonely summer, as I"m away from college and my hometown. I plan on limiting myself to watching music videos and listening to music (no livestream clips, tv show clips, etc.). We will see how that goes but in any case, great job shedding light on this issue!

[@mystery1317]

Not related to this topic specifically, but I love how you recap the things discussed at the end of each section. It's very teacher-y, but in a good way because it helps the information sink in better! Every video I've seen of yours is so well done, love your work! ✨

[@yannikovsky7041]

as someone who has participated in parasocial relationships many times unknowingly and knowingly, the topic both intrigues and terrifies me. Many times its done in order to fill a certain psychological need. Im someone who self isolates a lot due to personal reasons so naturally i might feel quite lonely at times, as the result i have consumed a ton of podcasts and streamers to create the illusion of someone being there for me to laugh with and just enjoy a drink or two. Its fun and mostly harmless, could also be quite motivating to seek real life relationships, good learning experience too! But also there were times where i had to concisely stop myself from consuming certain content creators because i was falling way too deep in this relationship, i wouldnt even call it "love" but a certain feel of obsessiveness and addiction where they almost consumed me whole. and the knowledge that they dont even know of my existence and cant reciprocate it absolutely destroyed me mentally, when something that started as source of entertainment becomes something you despise/hate/shame yourself for is when i tap out immediately. It was absolutely WILD, for the life of me, i couldnt explain this stuff to normies no matter how much i tried and not come off as insane. but with rapid rise of technology this will only increase, especially with ai chatbots, oh boy we are just getting started with the whole parasocial relationships, what we have now it just the tip of the iceberg im afraid as the result im glad that i experienced two side of the same coin, parasociality can be deeply profound, at the same time if it isnt managed by yourself AND content creator you can find yourself in very upsetting predicament like me or even worse. look out for yourselves people and have you head in check. Be aware that you are participating in one and examine how it affects your life and mental health. Have fun in moderation

[@ipreferyoucallmesanlang8857]

I totally get you. I experienced this a few times and I think I'm going through it right now. At least I have the awareness about the issue, and I'm going to try to tone my obsession down. But it's really hard when that same obsession is your only source of happiness

[@yannikovsky7041]

@@ipreferyoucallmesanlang8857 yeah.. oh man it really sounds so close to home, especially when some sorta neurodivergency involved. Im not a psychologist by any means but maybe the obsessions appear because of unsatisfied hunger for some sorta need ( like loneliness for me for example)? i think it could be the case and wont make any assumptions about it. Also i heard that attachment styles play very heavy role in how you deal with parasocial relationships + how easily you fall into addictions. All of this is very complicated, i wish there would some sorta crash course about thsi stuff for fans especially on how to deal intense attachment towards distant figures. but knowing that this is how they make their money im not sure there ever will be.. its on us to manage it and do all the work so that it would less harmful. Complicated topic, i wish you all the best, it aint easy i really get it

[@ipreferyoucallmesanlang8857]

@yannikovsky7041 I get what you mean. Yeah, I could say I'm also lonely and feel the need to connect with someone deeply, so I seek that through fiction. Also, I have the anxious attachment style and I think you might be right about the way it affects our obsessions... Also, I crave romance so I consume a lot of it through fiction too... Idk man, this stuff is complicated haha I hope we can get through it someday 🙏 Sending lots of love to you 💓

[@noname-kx4cu]

I know those chat bots are so bad with this! Those ai chat bots now to go sexual places with out prompting because so many people have parasocial relationship with them and use the bots to get it not one sided

[@makesmewannadie647]

@@yannikovsky7041 you say exactly everything i would have said the same way! Youre a smart one and we both struggle the same...sending hugs

[@weepyazimuth]

Just started the video but my heart breaks for the father who took his own life. I can’t imagine losing my family like that, so very sad. Thanks for shedding light on this, I didn’t know it was so serious.

[@emilioreyes4159]

I just knew this channel a couple of days ago and I'm glad I did. I have been interested in East Asia (a little bit more about China) and founding content creators about tbese topics is something I really appreciate. Thank you for all these well-sourced videos you make, keep up the good work. Greetings from Mexico.

[@2000seoulsonyosound]

I have been a fan of things all my life but i've thankfully never fallen in *serious* parasocial relationships, i do look for music, bands, girl groups, for comfort but i've never crossed the line. I've also tried to join fandoms on twitter but exited fast when i realized they didn't feel the same casual way i did for these k-pop groups. Like you said, parasocial relationships can help you if you're generally a lonely and sad person but you have to be careful since it can overtake your whole life.

[@sarah.05]

YES SAME. I have tried to join groups under the impression that we could talk about our favourite songs, what we liked about the group(s) etc, but quickly backed away when I see the amount of obsession and hold the groups have over some people's lives. Its the same feeling I get when I watch a youtube live or a recent youtube video of a group and instead of the comments being about *THE ACTUAL VIDEO* they are just thousands of comments about members all typed in caps with hearts, like for example 'I LOVE YOU FELIX MARRY ME ♥💍'

[@otomeng5230]

OMG! Me, too. I've never been able to obsessively follow a certain idol or group like those fans. I tried to join fan groups, but I got out as fast as I got in, their obsessive behaviour just weird me out entirely.

[@CepellinGluglu]

Me too. I've not fallen into any sort of parasocial relationship with any celebrity or whatever. My mom always told me that they're human like us.