ROCD Series Part 1 - How to Know if You Have ROCD | HealingFa.com

[@Locut0s]

Love all of this. Recognize almost all of it within myself. As someone who clearly also deals with OCD in other areas of my life I'd say that one key thing to focus on is the checking that you mentioned. We check our feelings but as insecurely attached people we often will have checking compulsions all through our entire life. Checking the tones of emails, checking response times to texts, checking how many emoji's someone left in response to something, checking if changes in posture or facial expression or tone means something bad, checking our own communications with other people, the list goes on forever. And then I'd say to it's really important to become honest with ourselves about our own motives for getting reassurance about a lot of these checking things. We will often message people to try to covertly get reassurance on stuff. We will know asking outright isn't secure but we will fool ourselves and be in denial of the fact that a lot of the communicating we do will be about trying to get covert reassurances about so many of our fears. And so much of this all leads back to the little hurt inner child that doesn't feel worthy.

[@danielmower8801]

Yes please add an ROCD module in English! This is definitely a part of my experience.

[@vickihaddock7827]

I feel these say type of feelings in other areas of my life also ~ career and work choices. I love to hear you talk more about how all things FA impact all the areas of life not just romantic relationships. I spot the patterns of it in so many subtle areas of life.

[@sugs.]

Thank you so much ur channel brings me a lot of comfort and keeps me going I didn’t know I was a FA or that I had ROCD and being in my now relationship I’ve struggled a lot but finding you and planning to do your program has helped me learn a lot about myself and feel less alone i appreciate you so much

[@SummitMan165]

Very good stuff ! I’m just realizing I have lots of FA in me. You touch a point with ROCD

[@dl4037]

Srsly, how can anyone want to be together with someone, who has these uncertainties? Who has these thoughts? Who is constantly questioning the relationship? That's my big thing, I have these thoughts and I feel like everyday I am not breaking up with them I am lying to them. I told myself "the next time I will stop ruminating and just let go", but I can't. I just continue to hurt people. One thing really resonated with me from the vid...the thoughts that devalue my partner are the same that devalue myself. Maybe I have to look at them like that...not a sign of missing love, but an echo of my experienced devaluation by my parents. My inner critic not only lashing out against myself, but also against others. Great video als always.

[@jodiebrown1962]

Absolutely inner critics lash out at other people too! Especially partners. Mine does. There's a thing in the (jungian) idea of the shadow that the thing we hate/find annoying n others is often something we are trying to not see in ourself or that we already hate in ourself. Quite often our parents (or our bullies) unwittingly taught us to dislike these things in ourselves.

[@nicolesheehan1298]

This could not have come at a better time! Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@jod9874]

My husband tells me you are my fearful avoidant twin. Thank you Paulien for all of your videos. You saved my marriage and me. ❤

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

So happy you are here!

[@prithviraj7322]

hey pauline, love your work, it would be great if you spoke about struggles with sleep and how you deal with it.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Tell me more about the struggles, I will make a video about it!

[@prithviraj7322]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 as a fearful avoidant ( male, 27), I have had struggles sleeping my entire childhood. I have this fear at night that what if i stay awake the entire night and end up not being able to go to office on time, and in most cases i do end up being sleeping late and waking up late. night time is the time when i feel i am weak and susceptible to becoming quite active, and order food and eat, which i feel i end up being quite guilty about. I wanted to know if other FA have similar experiences

[@linesyverinsen9215]

ROCD has definitely affected my sleep negatively a lot. I've had trouble falling asleep or woken up 4-7 times in a night, and needed to use the bathroom. What has kept me from falling asleep is: anger, obsessive thoughts and fears, self criticism, need for reassurance or 'resolve', inability to soothe myself. Fight-or-flight mode. In other videos Paulien has mentioned that what helps isn't necessarily to get the reassurance we think we need from outside. What seems to help, is to begin to create more of an internal sense of safety, to increase the ability/tolerance to be with the uncomfortable feelings. To de-activate the fight-or-flight. By understanding what is really going on and having awareness. That makes it easier to give ourselves what we need, which is a lot of self-compassion and self-nurture.

[@prithviraj7322]

Iam a FA male/27. and I’ve been struggling with delayed sleep onset and frequent nighttime food cravings, which often keep me up late. I also tend to oversleep during naps, which disrupts my overall sleep pattern. It feels like a cycle of exhaustion and irregular sleep, and I thought this might be an interesting topic for one of your videos.

[@breemarie9393]

YES PLEASE ADD THAT MODULE!!!!!!!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I definitely will!!

[@AnnaK-k8s]

Hi Paulien. I just found you after discovering I have a Fear Avoidant Attachment style. I'm learning more and more about it through you. This video has brought me a lot of insight and hope that my ROCD of over a decade can heal because you are proof. You are so right about it jumping around from one thing to another. What started with checking my feelings about my love, if he was the one, if I was in love with my partner (all prior to marriage) to a completely different animal know regarding intimacy and if I am attracted. it is terrifying but you are giving me so much hope in such a dark time. I want to heal and I want to enjoy my marriage because this is my person. I'll be looking into your program.

[@krandly8]

this is great content but what about those who are single and who when trying to find someone finds flaws quickly and feels put off and never gets anywhere because of this fear.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

It could be the same situation! What you describe can also be healed. Anything that is a pattern can be healed if it isn't serving you anymore :)

[@hanaz1220]

I had really difficult experience during my childhood. I am 30y.o. and hoping from relationship to relationship thinking that I just didn't find the one still. When I am single everything is great I don't have ocd etc. As soon as I get to relationship or even dating my mind turns so negative, especially if something about the partner is not "perfect" for example his height, lack of education etc. So I keep telling myself I just don't like them and that there is someone out there better, even if the current one is great guy etc. This makes me depressed so much and I don't see the way out except to just breakup and keep searching for that one

[@Apollothekid]

Ye, I have this as well. I thought this was part of the FA attachment style but it’s separate. I do this all the fcking time like I can’t even explain it. I analyze the girls I talk to or the girl I’m in a relationship with. I think so far as could I have children with this girl. And I just met her. Not that I’m whipped just don’t want to waste time if she doesn’t fit. And it’s like my standards are so fcking high that if they fall short I start going okay well I have to leave now because she’s not the one. And also what you were saying about constantly working. I feel im always working towards a goal. If I feel something uncomfortable I find I fall into trying to figure out the cause for why it’s happening and then how to fix it. Rather than just experience it sometimes. Thank you so much Pauline. Your videos help me more than you could understand. God bless you 🙏

[@Locut0s]

To further comment. What you say at the end here about coming round to healing from a different route that's more about acceptance I think and letting go of trauma is so true. It's so difficult to. I find it triggering within myself so much to try to let go of a lot of stuff. Especially when we are identified with our own trauma. But it's so true that we often seem to feel that we need to FIX everything ourselves most of all, but the path is almost the opposite of this.

[@mariab.gonzalez6130]

Hi Pauline I am considering if I should enroll in your program, but what I struggle the most is with being in a relationship. I heard you have ROCD programs but in Dutch . Can I heal my romantic relationships with the regular program without the ROCD content?