What the FANTASY relationship looks like for most Fearful Avoidants | HealingFa.com

[@pancakekoala]

The first point breaks everything, because it's unrealistic.. Everything other might be realistic, but without the first point (endless passion) it doesn't make sense, fearful avoidant is gonna sabotage this relationship too, they will feel bored or ick to this person.

[@littledevil8146]

4:32 ohhh that's so sad thing to realise... I used to think about people in the way, based on what I feel around them. "One message from this person makes me feel more excited than the tone of messages from another person. Maybe this person is really really nice" But then I realised... We love not people, but their unavailability!

[@DorMeles]

My ex kept saying this about me...but I did become available over time. Then she left...lol

[@littledevil8146]

@@DorMeles I'm sorry, I hope you will find a good healthy partner

[@fiction589]

Healing any insecure attachment style essentially means to learn these 2 things: learning to treat others respectfully. Taking accountability and responsibility for yourself. For your own actions, your life choices, your body, your relationships, ... everything. This means a lot of learning and maturing, it takes a few years to learn all this. But the results are so wonderful and amazing. You will feel free, happy, satisfied and authentic. It is soooo worth it. In one sentence: Healing is about taking responsibility and ownership.

[@diaoopshi4813]

unfortunately i relate with everything you said... it sounded right now so incredibly irrational, although in my head, it all makes sense. The confidence that tells you "this is what i MUST do" is so desperate and scary...

[@avrielpietsch]

Great video as always! 💕 One thing you said that really stuck with me was how you said you were just looking for a free pass to blurt anything out that came up, and to project all your pain onto your partner and not have to deal with it yourself. After realizing that I’m FA and reflecting on my relationship, I recognize that this is exactly what I’ve done to my partner for so long and I feel so awful about it! I would project my pain onto them to not have to deal with and process my own pain because my parents never did so I never learned the correct way to as a child :/ After discovering your videos, I’ve been working really hard to try and heal so that I can be the best version of myself and be better for my partner, who is very loving and kind and patient (like your husband was when you guys were dating!) Thanks so much for making these videos, I truly appreciate them!! ❤

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Wow, this is absolutely amazing and please know that what you are doing is incredibly brave. You are taking responsibility and I want you to give yourself a lot of credit for that, and a lot of grace for past behavior. You are worthy and you have always been worthy of love. I am so, so happy you are here!

[@MsTara007]

Waw...amazing video. I think only one who went through this can state these things with such simple clarity...and knowing how to articulate all the crazy ideas we carry 😅 Thank you!

[@garyr1934]

My second comment here after listening You’re SPOT ON And your presentation is so well thought through It describes my experience with a fearful avoidant Me as a secure attached But in this dynamic I was dis regulated You describe it so perfectly

[@luckyluey123]

this is SUCH an important video!!! ❤

[@gatorssbm]

This is a very helpful video on giving me insight why they acted the way they did over a year ago it all lines up and Im really thankful both of us have avoided a majority of these red flags. Really helps me feel safe in my relationship and continue to support my partner in a realistic way.

[@larigmello]

Can you please talk about social medias (the highs of attention, likes, stories views) for a FA, please? Im off socials for about 9 months and its been life changing for my addiction to highs/lows that it gave me

[@jdprettynails]

I told my avoidant he was special to me and he pushed me away.

[@garyr1934]

I am so effected by this video I ended my relationship with a fearful avoidant because of her ambivalence which was at first an I ge sky passionate and too good to be true romance Though I’m securely attached for the most part I became an anxious attached and therefore had to manage doubting my self after a brutal previous relationship So weak , I succumbed to ending it as she struggled with her push pull with me I now want to send her this video But I ended it wishing her well Abd don’t want to add to the confusion and pain of not knowing what she wants So I’ll be strong But damn I love her She is a wonderful and beautiful woman I am having a hard time after 4 months letting her go After watching this I’m regretting deciding for her Feeling she did not want the relationship All of which you describe so so so we’ll I’ll never know if I made a mistake

[@diana6824]

I thought secure people were a myth but here you are. I'm FA and FAs are not ready for secure people until they reach the point of suffering enough in relationships. Being accepted and loved might have scared her and made her feel trapped. Don't blame yourself. She needs to become more aware of her patterns and be ready for something healthy. You leaving her could help her with that. I think it shows strength that you left a relationship that damaged your security.

[@umutkara739]

My ex was also FA. And after one year I left her. In relationship lots of time I was anxious. But this is not being anxious attached. They behave so hurtful and this brings anxiaty which is very healty. This anxiety in not unhealty, it's very healty. It is showing you there is something wrong. It shows you must change something in your relationship or you must go. And I'm totally agree with @diana6824

[@traceykemple2768]

I never realized I was FA until my therapist told me and gave me just so many reasons to prove her point. The last point she made was something I told her a couple weeks ago when I said, "No man will ever be able to out love or out f*** me." I guess I wasn't wrong....

[@traceykemple2768]

I feel so called out 😂

[@s0me0nelse]

I desire a partner who can make me calm, laugh, will be immuned to my breakouts and will help me be emotionally managed by giving me emotional assurance, love and respect, and who i can admire and inspire me in the way he achieve things, living and percept the world

[@romancherednychenko]

Hey, I had in the past all attachment styles: FA, DA, Anxious preoccupied. And now I'm finally Secure. You know what - Only God through Jesus can heal you. I understand you really good, cause when one of your parents is a FA+( sometimes leaning Dismissive) and another one is Anxious - your brain starts coping both attachments on subconscious mind and use them as a role model. But how could they give you that, what they don't get too. All those thoughts about being worthless or not good enough, is because they raised the same without support and emotions and understanding. And all these things have long generation circles. If you want to break this circle and give love, receive love without fear being abandoned or not accepted - surrender yourself to God through Jesus Christ. Once u understand that people make mistakes of their own beliefs or actions, and not because of u and u stop take it personal - then u become peace inside of you. God bless your all 🙏🏻

[@muhyadindahir3188]

You just preaching lol

[@umutkara739]

🤣🤣🤣

[@LastRebel1978]

Worshipping a human is a good way to break them and you both. But when one million romance novels abound in women’s life, one might believe fantasy should be reality……..soul mate is bullshit, you can be a helpmate but that would require honesty humility and conscientiousness……..if we had those things in the majority and media then this country wouldn’t be in the sad shape it is……you cannot own another soul just share life with it. People do the same things with animals cause they can’t leave. I’ve grown up, nice glad you said it that way.

[@aciddiver1978]

Im too ugly and damaged to have a relationship or a good life.

[@DorMeles]

This sounds like love addiction....my ex suffers from this...it was a roller coaster. I still love her but I don't know what to do anymore

[@garyr1934]

You are suffering as a result I’d say let it go I have finally And I’m suffering in a big way but it’s temporary And if you stay it’ll be permanent

[@DorMeles]

@934 thanks dude...i also suffer from some insecurities (enmeshed mother) but nowhere near this level of extreme...

[@denisedavis-pierre6665]

Wow

[@cspace1234nz]

Stay away from these avoidant types, their behavior in relationships is extremely destructive. I just dodged a bullet and got rid of one after what was a near perfect 3 months together. The first time she shut down emotionally I ditched her sorry arse, I have zero tolerance for emotionally stunted people at the best of times.

[@sashas8568]

It’s a relationship with someone who has none of their own emotional needs…. isn’t it? Wow that just clicked.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Exactly! Which feels safe, because that means they can just fulfill your needs constantly, since they don't have any of their own. This doesn't come from trying to be mean, it comes from not having your needs met so much when you were a child that it is scary if other people have needs! (Also, it could literally be that the needs of one of your parents always were more important than your needs)

[@eleasemiguel8036]

Is it the same as a perfectionist?

[@wanjahe8749]

For my husband it was more like I was expected to have needs but he would decide what my needs were based on his ability to fulfill them and resent me for needing anything else than what he could give. But now that I'm writing this I'm kind of realizing that this is probably actually about his need to feel like the savior and not about my actual needs at all.