Pervert DM Has Players Roll For Dick Size In DnD | r/rpghorrorstories

[@Vahktang]

“Roll dong size.” “I’m playing a lizard kin. My kind do not have external dongs. And I am not attracted to any mammals.”

[@RoninCatholic]

"Actually you have two of them, so roll twice. Everyone knows you measure aroused size, not resting size; reptiles are growers, not showers."

[@JuicyBlueWill]

I was against rolling for penis size until the one time I was told to by the metric of d20 inches. I then got a 16 as a gnome and that was powerful enough that everyone moved on.

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

That's hilarious. Ahahahahahaha!

[@borderlands10]

There's a proper D100 chart for it with size modifiers, and it's pretty damn good. Fun Fact: Gnomes get a -2 to size.

[@TheFuriousScribbles]

I love the Bard and Barbarian making a travelling circus. It's genuinely a cute idea. If only the GM was onboard with it.

[@jasonrustmann7535]

I once had a group play a whole family that all shared a dad, that was a traveling circus, and the best part? Only one was an actual bard lol the rest were pretty much everything that didn't usually rely on performance or charisma (other than a paladin that was also the family lawyer to deal with the inevitable lawsuits due to their shoddy circus) that game was an absolute sht show. And still one of my favorite campaigns I ever ran lol

[@tylerarmstrong2855]

That six intelligence person reminds of a one shot my cousin ran. Later on my other cousin joined so he says "you encounter a Goliath on the side of the road seeming to be lost" we find out he has about 5 intelligence so we made a joke about stealing his money and then hiring him with it and the dm told us to roll which my brother does and rolls a nat 20 was a pretty fun moment

[@krystlvines]

The second dm wanted to run FATAL

[@stopanimationproject]

My group did that to one player as a joke by his own suggestion. He was the dm's brother and the one constantly trying to score with any NPC. He rolled a 2. No, it did not stop him. It was merely an inconvenience.

[@peger]

Hey you know what they say " it's the motion of the ocean" xD LOL

[@jefthereaper]

DM: Roll for pen size. "Nat 1" DM: Erm, its allright, roll again with advantage. "Both are Nat 1" DM: Its so small that even casting enlarge on it would not make it visible to the human eye.

[@shadenox8164]

Sounds like Jim should have taken two levels of exhaustion since he didn't sleep AND was doing that all night.

[@vegetin01]

Immediately what I thought

[@paulman34340]

Jim an insert Sue of the DM. I'm sure the Loser would have made SOME type of BS excuse for how he got a perfect comfortable full night's sleep after all that! Looking at the complaints and that story though "JIM" (As in the DM) seems to be one of those assholes who want to DISPLAY their fetish to everyone and I'm sure that wasn't the last time or his first he got banned. He likely only asked age to avoid LEGAL trouble so he can ENJOY griefing unsuspecting players like OP and if they complain and he gets in trouble! He'll just move on! Hopefully he finally became well known enough that he is AUTO-BANNED before he can harass more unsuspecting players like what OP use to be. Eventually that scenario will make his type RAGE QUIT out of frustration and he can move on to prank calling someone to disturb them (one more stop to ending up on a LIST! The poor victims that will be made BEFORE he finally ends up on that "LIST")

[@DFProuctions]

As a rule in my games, we have a system for sexual situations, they are fade to black but for sake of humor, we have a roll for Performance and Constitution. A crit results in a level of exhaustion, a crit on both rolls results in two levels of exhaustion.

[@nnickplays9713]

I remember in a old game we all rolled sizes as a joke. My Sorcesses's fiance rolled max and we all laughed. Immature? Yes Amusing? Very much so.

[@shadiafifi54]

yeah, but it was mostly done as a joke, while here, it was done so the DMPC could boast the biggest dick size and do disruptive sex scenes (note the +16, which I suspect is the dick size since it's the max roll on 4d4)

[@squidfromtheloft7894]

@@shadiafifi54 Dm: I rolled a 16 to my size! Players: "Presses 'X' to doubt."

[@shadowpyre]

Yeah, rolling as a joke is fine. Some of my groups have done that, too. We use 2d6 to decide when we do. But you can't force it on people and shouldn't do it everywhere.

[@ginathecookie]

Rolling as a joke or when whole party agrees and consents is fine.. outside of that, nope.

[@TaurusTheCrazyBull]

That happened In a One Piece DnD game I'm listening to, and I was dying of laughter already, then I hear "Louis Le Clock has a 7 Inch d*ck" and then I lost It even more

[@Karmasu_L]

I'm not sure what eldritch invocation the cat just recited. But i suddenly feel the irresistible urge to leave a like. 😵‍💫

[@Sigilstone17]

Charm Person

[@SOGAUAAA]

​@@Sigilstone17nah that's just his pure charisma

[@DFProuctions]

Well shit, I failed my CHA save...

[@dwaynejackson551]

I played a game where the entire party rolled for breasts size after we all individually decided to play female characters. We all agreed to it since no one wanted to decide on breast size but one of the group was going to draw the party and wanted to not have to guess and offend someone. Only one person got overly huge breasts and we had to do the first quest for a wonder bra of holding.

[@Lucy-qc9qk]

"Wonder bra of holding"😂

[@OverstuffedDragon]

Yeah, so going to use that idea ... that's freaking hilarious...

[@pLanetstarBerry]

Aw, I wish I could go on a quest for a Bra of Holding, bra shopping is the worst. Also, this is equal parts the funniest and most wholesome reason to roll for breast size.

[@rozegunn]

See, entirely different when everyone is asked and is okay for it. Probably mentioned in a session 0. Also, absoLUTELY stealing Wonder Bra of Holding.

[@destroyerinazuma96]

I can also picture some kind of Push-up Bra of Warding. Like in a gritty realism game, if your character gets hit smack in the chest, they gain 1 AC. Warforged could optimise the heck out of this.

[@JKevinCarrier]

In that last story, sure the OP could've handled it better (and they admit as much), but I think the DM is at fault also. Locking the players' progress behind a puzzle, and not allowing for any alternate solutions, is generally a bad idea -- especially at a convention one-shot where time is limited. Recognize when your game is hopelessly stalled, adjust your plans, and move things along.

[@MTLion3]

I agree. DM sounds frustratingly rigid and equally as uncommunicative.

[@rynowatcher]

Some people like puzzles. It is a less popular style of game, but I know some players that would look at a puzzle dungeon as fun. This by itself was not a problem, and the dm was open to them trying any dumb thing they wanted, even grinding for a level to learn the spell. OP and barbarian never really try anything in the story other than hitting it, hitting it harder, and making something to hit it even harder. They could have tried digging under the door (had all mundane equitment), working through the puzzle, climbing to the roof and trying to tear a hole in the roof, breaking through the back wall with a pick ax, breaking a window with a rock with a note, setting the house of fire, the knock spell, or any number of utility spells. The problem is the op and barbarian made combat characters for a non-combat game. Gm's that use puzzles usually just want to see players interacting with the puzzle, too; might have been more generous with clues if he saw the players trying to solve the puzzle as it then becomes a back and forth.

[@JKevinCarrier]

@@rynowatcher I like puzzles too, but you have to have a plan in place in case the players get stuck. When you get to the point where half the table walks out in frustration, and the rest are sitting there poking numbers into Google, it's time to acknowledge that your puzzle was a dud, let it go, and let the game progress.

[@rynowatcher]

@@JKevinCarrier I disagree; two players are still engaged in solving the puzzle and the three that left never tried to solve the puzzle aside from "we hit it." The players were not frustrated at the puzzle, they were frustrated there was a puzzle they could not roll dice to get past. The fact there is a puzzle at all seems to be OP's problem. They also had two players actually engaging with the puzzle; they wanted to solve it. We also do not know how puzzle heavy this adventure was, so if they failed the first one it might have been turtles all the way down. Puzzle dungeons were a thing a while back; no monsters or fighting, just puzzles. This was just not the game for op and the others, I think. I would also say that failing to solve a riddle/riddle should have the same consiquence as any other part of the game, if that is the focus. Ie, if I make a murder investigation adventure, I should not give them the answers the first time they are stumped because that ends the scenario. That is the same as not keeping track of hp but saying the monsters die when everyone is looking bored or frustrated. Failure or frustration can make eventual success better or make the times you do win feel better. I know folks that work on puzzles for days or weeks for fun; there is a curve of appreciation for this sort of thing. Not every game style is for everyone.

[@JKevinCarrier]

​@@rynowatcher A single failure shouldn't completely derail the game. If the PCs can't beat a monster outright, they usually have other options -- they can try to sneak past it, or negotiate with it, or come back with reinforcements. In a murder mystery scenario, there's going to be many different lines of investigation -- examining the crime scene, interviewing the suspects, researching the victim, etc. Setting up a scenario where failing to solve one puzzle effectively ends the game is bad design (and no, those last two players were not "engaging with the puzzle", they were trying to look up the answer on Google so they didn't have to solve it themselves).

[@Gormfeld]

Congratulations to Eric the fighter for shattering stereotypes by proving that it isn't only paladins who can be lawful stupid! Not the hero we want, but definitely the one we need.

[@MechaG]

Sounds like the DM wanted to play FATAL

[@ajvanbreen]

Sounds like the DM from story 2 might’ve been happier playing FATAL.

[@iantaran2843]

Lol damnit You beat me to it

[@EvilDeath66X]

The last story there was entirely on OP. They were a problem. It was a fair puzzle game and the dm offered them alternatives when they asked. And when the player came up with something else, he obliged. He wasn't as rigid as OP makes them sound. And even other players who go on their phone to cheat at the puzzle... just hearing a problem player honestly not get it pisses me off.

[@JacobL228]

The DM was the problem in the last story. He hand-waved away the circus the players spent a ton of time creating because he didn't want to have to deal with that many characters instead of letting the players know that it wouldn't be okay, so they ended up wasting their time and starting gold (there was no reason besides fear and laziness that he couldn't have allowed them to buy a few simple magic items instead), he couldn't be bothered to create decent combat encounters, so he just threw a bunch of one particular weak monster at them in waves, and he gave his players a super difficult math puzzle to solve, which they were effectively railroaded into having to solve.

[@Paxchi]

I'm going to have to disagree with our D&D doggo on the last story. If the point of the game was to teach new players how to roll characters for Pathfinder, then that should have been explicitly stated. The GM had numerous opportunities to get that point across during the hour+ character creation time, and then shouldn't have had a math problem as the solution if said problem was so difficult that extended Googling didnt reveal a solution. OP and the Barbarian didn't do anything disruptive. They used their resources in a completely fair way, they didn't distract the other players, and they weren't even the first to bail. Their only solutions to a puzzel was a math problem they couldn't solve and a spell they didn't have. I think the only thing wrong they did was not let the GM know they were leaving and why, so he could use that constructive criticism to improve. But I can also understand just wanting to get out of a terrible game and taking the path of least resistance.

[@Kyzoren]

That DM: "Roll for dong size" Me: "It's non-negotiablly massive, and how dare you assume otherwise!"

[@TheMightyBattleSquid]

6 INT IRL, guy's AC with plate mail that he dodged every explanation of what the word literally means. 😂

[@brynne7738]

My friends and I (their PCs and my DMPC) rolled for dick size, during a game of what we called "bastard's DnD". I asked if they wanted to, both gave an enthusiastic yes, and we ended the night by chanting "Two foot dick!" down the dorm hall, laughing.

[@dracone4370]

Halloween is drawing ever closer, and it could be fun to see Doge dressed up as an Aralez for the Halloween and Christmas seasons.

[@LVRBOYBBY]

I know it’s a player preference, but at my table, every new campaign we do our Roll For Dick Size Ritual we’re we must all simultaneously roll 2D6. Then we clown on everyone for their rolls :D it’s great for our camaraderie and it establishes who has BDE lol

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

That's great.

[@NemoThundersong]

From the title. Had this happen once, but he was a good friend and he was doing it for shits and giggles.

[@Gormfeld]

The "roll for penis size" thing isn't inherently awful in and of itself. It's one of those things that some groups will find funny, and others will dislike. For example: The "Die of Laughter" comedic DnD podcast rolled for endowment, but they're fans of crude humor, so it worked. Meanwhile, such a thing would be inappropriate in Critical Role ( or so I assume, never actually watched it). This story is yet another case of the DM not communicating with the players about expectations.

[@rynowatcher]

Not sure that would be inappropriate on CR; they joked about Scanlin's member on season 1 a lot and Jestor drew dicks on everything and made Matt describe erotica they found. They like a good dick joke as much as the next group. I do not think rolling for organ size would be beyond the humor of critical roll, but the erp is probably not something they would do. I think everyone buried the lead by not talking about the rolling for anatomies when there is graphic erp with a minor.

[@Metalchefkiwi]

My old group did it as a dumb joke but then the dm made it mandatory for his next game and had a system for different dice for different races depending on size, and him being that serious about it and making it mandatory made it weird as heck and not funny anymore

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Mission Impossible Story. I think we have found a player whose IRL INT score is a 3.

[@AaronCarterHD13]

"His Adventure Completely Sucked" 😂 Lmao....that was great...lol

[@StellaDraco]

Math/overly complicated puzzles can be a problem. I have a long campaign that I initially wrote for a group of friends who were mostly math teachers... the solution was setting numbered tiles to a sequence of happy prime numbers. I reran this game years later for a group that was not good at math at all... and I completely forgot the happy numbers puzzle. My players were baffled and I came up with a much easier puzzle instead, but they still won't let me live down the happy numbers puzle and they bring it up often. XD

[@sethstorm]

I have to admit I have done the roll for penis size before, but the players were behind it, everyone found it funny, especially when the player that wanted to do it rolled a 2 on 2d6 it became a running joke for that character. and well as long as everyone is having fun mission accomplished right?

[@keybladewizard49]

Lots of people here sharing their "roll for size" stories, but I want to point out the main difference between the one in this video and the amusing anecdotes below: consent. Everybody in the comments who enjoyed that was consenting beforehand. It's a table ritual, an in-joke, or something they all decided on. This was an impromptu roll that nobody agreed to beforehand and when the player was uncomfortable with it, the DM told them to just deal basically. It's totally cool to roll for tht if you want to; making someone who doesn't want to is a horror story.

[@DVZ000]

NGL, rolling for anatomy was common back in the 80s and 90s. It started falling away in the 2000s. IE: The more main stream it became, the more normal it became. XD

[@draconicfeline6177]

I remember rolling for comeliness. It did nothing

[@TheMightyBattleSquid]

8:22 Why would I expect any different? If it's not that, it's always a ninja tortle 🙄 "DnD players come up with a single joke past the first one ever made about a thing challenge (impossible)"

[@mr7oclock346]

In my personal experience, having an DMPC is extremely difficult if you are doing everything you're supposed to as a DM. I won't lie, I have a DMPC that is a dog that helps the party find clues by sniffing them out, but that was sort of a side effect of having a player character that used speak with animals. I guess the players enjoyed my portrayal of the dog, because they requested to keep him in the party. Rolling for pee pee size is funny if you're playing with friends though. It's always a laugh when somebody rolls a 1. If you really want to troll someone set the roll a 1d4

[@elrick44]

I feel that last story comes down to a breakdown in communication.

[@phillee427]

In the million hands story, I put the blame on the GM. If as the doge assumed, this was a game for newby's, the GM should have clearly stated that. And, to give them a small fortune And not allow them to spend it as a first desired would put off anyone. And then to take it a step further to allow the OP and friend to build a traveling circus with an elaborate backstory knowing full well, that he was not gonna allow them to use it indicates to me that nothing the players intended on doing was ever gonna matter more than what the GM wanted. This theory is solidified by killing the NPC without any chance of a save. This was just a bad GM, not necessarily a bad person. I find no fault with OP or barbarian. Could they have aired their grievances with the GM of course, they could, but to what end? This was not a family member or a friend or even a mild acquaintance. This was a dude that convention, who'd already had his mind made up about how this game was going to play out. But that's my two cents.

[@AmazingAutist]

I disagree entirely with your opinion on the last story. From the very beginning the DM was being obtuse and uncommunicative- if he didn't want them to have an Entourage, why would he allow them to have an Entourage? Only for them to lose it once the campaign started after working so hard on it? On top of that, he knew that players were getting frustrated and instead of being the one to mention something - as the leader of the game - he just decided to... What? Making impossible puzzle that's difficult for people without a solid grasp on map to get? Be completely obtuse and give no hands whatsoever? Watch as people continually leave the game? This is entirely the DM's fault. Your players are not having fun and you sit back and wait for your players to say something instead of you being proactive. The narrator and the Barbarian player aren't the problem players - they are players, trying to play a game, and getting increasingly frustrated by the badly-designed game- justifiably so.

[@JacobL228]

He didn't refuse to give them a hand. He gave them nothing but hands, and that was another problem (lol).

[@rynowatcher]

I see the followers as a munchkin move to screw with the gm because they did not let them pick magic items. You are having a dozen npc's on two players' turn is going to be a nightmare to run and make their turns take forever. For a pathfinder game, starting off with level appropriate wealth would make the character creation 3x longer if you let them buy magic items, but giving them starting wealth for level without magic items makes it to where they can have any mundane item they wanted, so your fighter can start with plate mail, a great ax and a mount without having to worry if you can afford it. Not allowing magic items also makes sense so players do not pool their money to get a scroll of Magic Jar, Plane Shift, or Summon Greater Demon or some broken magical item that the pc's would not be able to afford if they started at level 1. OP pooling money with their friend to buy a circus is a troll move, like buying 1,000 horses to take into a dungeon crawl and being mad because they could not drive the horses ahead of them to kill the monsters in a stampede.

[@AmazingAutist]

@@rynowatcher how was that to screw the Gamemaster? They all thought it was a genuinely good idea, they all came up with the idea together, the GM was aware of that, and still let it happen. That's not a munchkin move, that's a creative idea. And again, if you feel that way as a DM, voice that opinion instead of passive aggressively doing whatever the fuck this is.

[@AmazingAutist]

@@rynowatcher the narrator barely mention anything about magic items, and clearly wasn't upset about them.

[@rynowatcher]

@@AmazingAutist he was not truely upset because he got to troll by bringing every mundane object, pack animals, and a troop of npc's for what he thought was a one shot dungeon crawl. OP never tried to engage with the game from the start and used a loop hole to disrupt the game and made a character that they knew would not fit into the adventure. Like I said, it is like buying 1,000 horses and getting mad at the gm for not letting you stampede them through a dungeon crawl. OP was trying to disrupt the game from character creation onward, and they admit that they were "that guy" by trying to topeado this gm's game rather than leave when they knew the game was not for them.

[@mitchhaelann9215]

Ehh. Standard assumption at most of the tables I've played at is that it's equal to 5+ your CON mod in inches

[@vortega472]

Hey! Ziggy deserves more than string - where is his treat??? Kidding, I know you play your employees well Doge. For me a DMPC is always an issue - I've done a more enhanced NPC at times - but they are just place setting or the augment the party and I get rid of them ASAP.

[@scottharrop6720]

The second story: So, GM creates an entire world to have personal sexual fantasies in. Hmmm... Maybe it was a bit important to mention that in Session 0. I agree about the third story. It was just a beginner session. The OP and the DM could have communicated better to voice expectations.

[@mrosskne]

that fighter was actually a really good strategy for distraction

[@dscottplays4700]

The first story had to be Eric just trolling... lol

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Convention Horror Story. I have to disagree with Doge a little on this one. True the Barbarian and Bard were not doing it right, but on the other hand if this was a game set up to teach character creation and basic game play like combat, why did the DM not start them at level 1? Baby steps is just that, small steps, starting off at the start. Not a full yard stride to a higher level as the first step. But also I now have an idea for an adventure. After a great battle near a village, the defending army took the hands of the dead enemies as proof of kills. After these were counted and the rewards handed out, these were discarded on the battle field. Now a few days later, these hands have reanimated and seek revenge on the living.

[@philipwagner9169]

Story 1: The answer to all the OP's questions and puzzlement is five simple words: "Because the player's a twat."

[@bristlebum2422]

Funny enough there's an unofficial book for lewd d&d, the book of erotic fantasy. Funniest part of it is the section on magic rings that dont go on your finger lol

[@gimok2k5]

Heard of it. Spoony - when he still did content - did cover it alongside a second, similar book. Apparently some of the adventure hooks that book covered had quite a few good ideas for possible adventures even without any kink-related content. Like a whole village getting gender-flipped over night.

[@draconicfeline6177]

​@@gimok2k5or a lich making a half demon child to serve him as second in command... Or someone seeking a gods blessing only to have a half angel child.

[@phobiawitch835]

Saw thumbnail, gonna start video in a few seconds. Only experience with “Rolling for it” was honestly joke stuff that wasn’t taken seriously. It’s a chart I still have just for the heck of it, though I don’t talk to the person who showed the initial one cuz of all the red flags they had. I don’t bring those charts out like, at all. The one time I did with a group was for a short game that honestly, even in session 0, we were all joking about Hook Ups and such (which did happen. Werebears, man, lmao. I was the only Ace character so I just sat with the unlucky party members for a short rest). Point is, if that thing is something EVERYONE has said is okay, is discussed early on, remains okay with when it happens, and is more played for jokes than for serious facts, then go for it. If even one person is a No in regards to it, keep it private. Honestly, only horror I ever had with someone rolling about my character for me was during a Reincarnate spell. We had to use a homebrew table woth everything from potted plants to Adult Dragons as an option. I was a merfolk after (in a land based campaign). But that wasn’t the horror. The horror was, like 2 hours after the reincarnation, the DM decided out of no where “Oh, we should roll for your gender too” and I was IMMEDIATELY saying no, because we already had a HUGE endeavor just to get me a pair of legs again (either turning me back to my Og race, finding a spell, or finding a magic item specifically for merfolk). He ignored me even as I was saying LOUDLY, MULTIPLE TIMES, I do not want to roll for my gender! I was playing a Gay Cis-Male. I didn’t want to play a woman. If I did, I would have made one. Honestly I think the DM was a creep for stuff like that, and multiple cases of trying to have female npcs (INCLUDING A SAME AGE STEP MOTHER) flirt with my cleric, and havjng to be reminded “hey, I’m gay, not into women at all”. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had ever actually gotten a One Night Stand or even a full on In Game romance with that DM. On a brighter note to end off on, the game I’m in now is absolutely amazing, and the Druid asked out my Fighter/Rogue, so they have a date next session. We make some, rather Adult jokes out of character about it, but we also all see just how cute this dynamic is.

[@TheKingofDreamz]

Oh my goodness I think I'm in that DND server that the guy ID'ed the anon 😂

[@sharkinator7819]

Couldn’t these weirdos just play FATAL?

[@Nikodraws149]

So i actually have done thoughts about dmpcs and dms feeling like they are playing the game with everyone else. My boyfriend is the primary gm of the channel we stream or games to plus another KZbin channel. And he was the one who originally popularized the idea of having a gmpc in our group. More most of our gms will have them and it's literally never been a problem. The reason he plays these characters is because he doesn't have as much fun without a character who is interesting with and growing and learning alongside the party in a meaningful way. He describes it as just "being a life guard." The dmpcs are basically just. Also player characters and we all love them a lot and him and another of our gms say it does, infact, make them feel more included to play these characters alongside ours. So even those i feel like that gm did indeed have poor intentions with their dmpc. I 100% understand that sentiment of the dm also wanting to play in world.

[@lessoriginal]

ah idunno. That last story. If the GM had set the game up specifically to teach new players about the system basics then when he realised that his "problem" players were experienced he definitely should have said something to them. Or I mean, even before the game began, just as people are coming up to join, let them know this game is going to be geared towards new players. Nah this DM didn't make this game for newbies. He was lazy. Probably not even as good a DM as OP thought he might be from previous conversations. No doubt OP and Barbarian were acting the fool and maybe should have asked questions and excused themselves instead of remaining at the table, but ultimately I think it's at the very least EVERYONE's fault. Except the new players of course. They are collateral damage :(

[@ShyBiiteVT]

Anyone else think of Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy when the fighter character was described in the first story?

[@CooperAATE]

DMing is absolutely NOT the same as running a PC. I agree with you on the last story, though. They were playing at the wrong table; it was for newbs, and they came in expecting Adventure Zone?

[@mrosskne]

It's actually quite similar.

[@AmazingAutist]

The game wasn't advertised for new players.

[@jeydomo]

Jim story, I'd argue he should have suffered 2 levels of exhaustion. 1 for no sleep either, and 1for over exertion for several hours vs the player who was laying in bed who couldn't sleep.

[@alanbear6505]

Sounds like the hands from the third story are a great match for the DMPC from the second.

[@Ken-mj4rg]

Why do I think the DM in the convention story was just trying to trick people into doing his math homework?

[@WTFisTingispingis]

On a lark I rolled 4d4 and got an 11. I'm walkin' around with an 11 incher, fellas.

[@TNobody0214]

The last story I think op and barb were not a match for what the dm had planned. But the DM did not specify the type of game they were running which was important if he wanted to do a game for newbies. The fact DM also allowed op and barb to buy all this stuff then immediately in game remove it was kinda a d-bag move. He should've just explained he didn't want people to over use their gold in such a way. Then the hut puzzle being an overly complex math puzzle that required people to Google to solve was a bit to much. The fact the dm wouldn't allow another possible solution that the party could accomplish was also just bad espically for a convention game. Op and barb were disruptive but DM didn't communicate anything about what they wanted for the game and stalled the session himself.

[@theratking013]

The Guy in the first Story most likely had INT6 aswell, thats why he wanted to play the Fighter so much.

[@mrosskne]

based zero iq chad

[@WhirlyBeepBoops]

I thought bringing plate armor was bad, and then he just... wow, XD

[@VidelxSpopovich]

If you think rolling for dick size is weird then you’ve clearly never played in a regular 3.5 group. That kind of shit was practically ubiquitous.

[@RiveroftheWither]

I think I understand what happened in the first story, a mix of social ineptitude and petty revenge that's actually more common than people realize. Basically someone shy or otherwise adverse to communication doesn't want to speak out, expecting people to somehow know what they're thinking, getting upset that things are going against their wishes and again, instead of communicating this they lash out passive aggressively, try to manipulate things to be what they wanted or sometimes actively become a detriment and sabotaging. Pretty much they are projecting, they're insecure and angry with themselves for not saying anything but try desperately to displace the blame onto everyone else involved. Because that's easier than taking responsibility for ones actions or lack there of. I have had a lot of personal experience with people like that, from school projects to my own brother and mom doing this. TLDR: He didn't want a stealth game and instead of communicating, he purposefully made a character to disrupt and attempt to ruin the game, it didn't work out how he was hoping with only him getting in trouble and everyone else succeeding.

[@DanVerbatim]

I’ve as a joke had my players role for pp size lol 1d4+4

[@MinnesotaCouchpotato]

I wonder if the DM in the third story was a fan of the movie Manos the Hands of Fate?

[@oldhatAN]

I don't think this GM was familiar with this sort of timed game and how they work. He treated it like the first session of a regular home game and you can't do that. There's no time for character generation for a complicated system like Pathfinder. You have to use pregens or maybe offer people the option of using pre-existing Pathfinder Society characters in the correct level range. Once you start, you have to keep things moving. Things that slow down or stop play are the enemy. Doing a combat with a large number of weak enemies is a bad idea, It just becomes a boring slog. Having a complicated puzzle that the players (not the characters) must solve is a no-no especially if there is no other way forward. That's practically guaranteed to bring the game to a screeching halt while the players flail around looking for some way to progress. This stuff is a bad idea in a home game. In a convention game with limited time, it's the kiss of death.

[@oseuvelhoamigoTNT]

My DM did the same thing in a Cyberpunk session, maybe because I took a near max dice I thought it was fucking funny

[@AtelierGod]

Maxed out charisma and Wisdom, plus expertise and 3 levels of Fey Wanderer Ranger can give you a +16 at level 5 but that requires really good rolls on stat creation.

[@l0stndamned]

I'm going to have to disagree with you on the last one. While the individual elements of the game might not have been a sign of bad DMing, the combination of them and the failure to communicate intentions is why the DM is the one at fault. Also the comparatively stricter time limits at conventions means not having pregens when there's going to be things that might take a long time (such as puzzles) is asking for trouble,

[@unluckyone1655]

1st story; Im 100% with OP there at the end. 2nd story; i mean, i personally have no issue with that kind of stuff in an rpg, but not everyone does. Session 0s may not prevent all horror stories, but it can reduce the chance of one, also if theres someone underage, its just sort of an unwritten rule to not include NSFW content in campaigns, especially if most everyone else at the table are adults. Also im with doge there, the DM was totally going to turn this campaign into his own adventure of DMPCs escapades and sideline the party at some point 3rd story; well i guess its good that OP was able to look back and realize the error of their ways on that session. However i think maybe OP could have stayed and gave GM a few pointers on how to run the encounter better. Maybe add a few more level appropriate combat encounters so noobs learn how to do a proper combat encounter, ie taking actions/attacks, movement, half actions, reactions, etc (pathfinder is one of the few systems i have yet to play lol) instead of just focusing on making a super complex puzzle that probably requires trigonometry to solve.

[@teheles]

First story : always keep a second player along this caracter concept, for giving him orders and all. As in any media in which it appears.

[@Doodle1776]

I will never get why people do this with DMPCs. I run a DMPC in one of my two current games and he never talks unless spoken to. He is the same level range as everyone else. He is subject to being killed and has died once already. He never takes the lead nor votes in choices that the party will make. And to keep it fair when it comes to who creatures attack I roll a d20 for each PC and the highest number gets it, DMPC included. He's far more like a hireling with a character sheet to help the players with his full abilities. It's also why I ban sexual content outright. We're not all sitting around the table to live out your fetishes.

[@draconicfeline6177]

I make highly simplified dmpcs. My players pick who goes with and direct them in battle. They act in character but the players decide vaguely what they'll do. They come in handy for cutting down argument time or suggesting things. In my other game.... I'm just the voice of the setting

[@7thsealord888]

Story #1 - Sounds to me like, instead of voicing objections, Eric just decided to #### over the game right from the start. No idea where he was coming from. Story #2 - If the GM had given warning beforehand, it'd be OK(-ish). Definitely not a game I would opt for, but that's just me. Suddenly dropping all this on the party ........ yeah, reckon I'd just "Nope" the heck out of there. Having a talk afterwards was the right thing to do. Report and Block when this didn't work, no other choice really. Story #3 - I liked where the Characters took their set-up, given the limitations. That the Referee chose to have the entourage run away at the first hint of danger isn't surprising, but it's still a dick move. The entire puzzle thing was downright idiotic - any halfway intelligent Referee knows to allow for Players NOT being able to solve such things. These Players got frustrated and may have acted out somewhat, but I put this entire mess on the Referee, who very clearly did NOT think any of this out properly.

[@diego2112gaming]

I have a level 20 Bard (yes, you read that right, level 20), and with everything I've got, expertise, bonuses, literally *everything,* I just get a +18 to perform. So how in the 9 Circles of Hell with a stop off at Dis to see a pact demon did he have a +16? Like seriously, either he's OP leveled bullshit DMPC or the DM fudged it so he wouldn't "perform badly" for the... DM? Like what kind of masturbatory wank fetish bullshit is that anyway? 16... Fuckin' 16. Yeah, I bet he does. *Sods off to perform with Mage Hand, Dancing Lights, and Prestidigitation, with a couple of enchanted tokens to sing harmony with me via Magic Mouth, because I am THAT BADASS as a bard*

[@lemonbars1576]

In the first story if for some reason I did what the fighter did I would of rolled for bluff and try to fudge it so they'd think I'm lieing and or joking

[@DFProuctions]

So, the game I run has some romantic elements and adult situation, but it's mostly fade to black, anything the characters/players want to do can be handled privately. As a joke, one of my players rolled a d12 for the size of his junk, they rolled a 10. We all had a laugh and moved on. I should also mention that this player has a twin brother in game and the result also applied to that NPC as well. The NPC in question is with another player in game, she made the joke that, just like their faces, they are twins.

[@Elyseon]

Say what you want, but an inflexible DM is a bad DM.

[@EthanolAcid]

See, my old group did a Roll for Dick Size at the start of an old campaign. But we were all long time friends and all agreed to it, so.

[@cdcdrr]

I once played a game where I asked the DM for a roll on the Kinsey schale after a kiss, and ended up with a 69. Solidly lesbian. We did successfully spin it into a romance with an NPC, and a happy ending with the two characters marrying, raising a biological magical lesbian spawn child, and joining into the hivemind to become even closer. It was pretty wholesome... for someone surrendering all independent thought to be part of a collective.

[@jamcalx]

What is this? F.A.T.A.L?! 😱

[@iantaran2843]

I'm dying that so many of you know about it 😂

[@ZombieDireWolf]

The Dick size roll reminds me of a joke that happened in one of my dnd groups. Two of the PCs were having an in game metaphorical dick measuring contest [we were all laughing and having fun] The dm had them roll for the contest then everyone else did a roll for the dick measuring [including dm after everyone else] and the single female player got the highest roll and dm got the lowest. Lol

[@Isaygoodday5]

I gotta call some serious BS from the OP of the 2nd story. You can't say "oh I'm almost 18" to get into the game, then clutch your pearls and go "how could he dare to do sexual roleplay when i was a mere itty bitty baby 17 year old" like a minute later

[@shadiafifi54]

I wanna know what language Ziggy is speaking...

[@DnDDoge]

Everything accept English. It's his thing.

[@phatcavy98]

4d4 seems highly unbalance. You'll get anything from 4 inches to 16 inches..... What do you even do with a 16 inch monster. On a serious note, I hate the bad rep DMPCs get. I use them in all my games. They have purposes, you just can't let the party rely on them. A solid DMPC is useful in military related games for establishing the chain of command (players take orders from him, he's a competent leader, but poor fighter). The DMPC can be the child of prophecy and your players where sent to protect them and train them until they are old/skilled enough to fight the BBGE. The DMPC can be a filler for roles the party ignores to make your game balancing easier (a party without healing can have an acolyte from the church follow them. This acolyte can use up to 3rd level healing spells, and a handful of 1st and 2nd level buffs, but refuses to participate in combat). DMPCs also let the players attach to one of your characters and help them get into the world, if done well it's like the players adopting the kobold that surrendered with the funny name.

[@TigerW0lf]

Same, I use them because my players are only two, and they always play squishy classes, so they need a tank.

[@VadBlackwood]

Oh so PC gets a point of exhaustion for not sleeping that night? Does DM PC get one? Same reason?

[@draconicfeline6177]

And he's having a workout at that.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

'I didn't put all this work into a homebrew world just to not get to play in it' Right, that's why you're the GM. You get to explore the world vicariously through your pla- oh, that's not what you meant? You meant you're going to get in the way of your own enjoyment by soloing this homebrew world you worked so hard on in attract mode, so your attention is split between your investment in the world and your investment in your character who shouldn't be an active participant in the plot because you're definitely going to show them unfair preferential treatment, thus robbing your players of an authentic experience and yourself of the opportunity to see your world though their eyes?

[@misterbitey2107]

Regarding the title story: 4d4 means the average result is 10". I feel sorry for the women of that setting.

[@GodOfPlague]

Rolls crit fail well that sucks

[@matiskrawiec]

Wow, no remorse for the poor studs in the setting?

[@RayAkuma]

Somebody did the meme😂😂😂

[@cameronbulman654]

Me and my players roll for d almost every character and NPC it's fun with a table that's comfortable

[@GXrst64tlc]

That last story: ...Ok both parties are at fault here. while OP and his friend could've handled that problem better the DM is also at fault on this. 1.) If this campaign was set for new players, he should've said something. 2.) If any starting gold or preparations were either never going to be used or it worthless, then don't let them have them in the first place nor waste their time making them, 3.) If any Puzzle is too hard to the point that your players are using their smartphones/computers (aka metagaming) then either throw them a bone or just say something OOC, better that then stalling on an already limited time event. 4.) The story is inconsistent aka makes no sense (We could just chalk it up to it being a 1-shot), 5.) If some of your players are leaving due to the game, maybe that the time to actually change the game on the fly or just end the game right there.

[@deadzone4033]

Big F in the chat for anyone who rolled a Nat 1... But in all seriousness why the hell does something like that even matter in a team building game like this anyway? People play this game to make friends and have fun and come up with interesting stories! Not whatever that DM had planned!

[@draconicfeline6177]

Ive written erotic fanfiction but im still not sure how tf these guys describe detailed sex scenes

[@tefnutofhoney2832]

Roll for genitalia size? What is this? FATAL?

[@iantaran2843]

Lol damnit And I thought I was witty bringing it up 🤣

[@tefnutofhoney2832]

@@iantaran2843 i mean FATAL is THE nsfw rpg. There ARE other options in the modern era that ive had to see, but they thankfully dont have the same level of infamy (possibly because they dont mix in the p word, plus racism, antisemitism, etc)

[@LordRenegrade]

Errrrr, um... submitted IDENTIFICATION to some random DM online? Please tell me the important numbers were cropped out...

[@markfreenick]

They should play FATAL. There were much more interesting rolls.

[@shadiafifi54]

I rolled a negative on anal circumference. Am I doing something wrong? 😁

[@abbygleeson420]

aside from the obvious reasons its bad, i also dont like the idea of rolling for 'attributes' especially if its sprung on the players with no discussion/precedent first because it takes away player control, when they otherwise get to choose nearly everything about their characters appearances (with some ok exceptions or compromises to work within the dms worldbuilding, like 'all elves in my setting have markings on their skin' or something, but again you discuss it beforehand). like if ive already chosen my characters race, height, weight, etc, and have a clear idea in my mind of what i want them to look like, and now suddenly youre making me roll for part of it, that sucks, even if its something innocuous like hair color. also im in the middle of that story and i just now processed that he made them roll *4d4* for size, thats a minimum of 4 inches and an AVERAGE of *10*, holy *SHIT-*

[@thehowlinggamer5784]

Another great video from everyone's favorite hat wearing doge! Hope today finds you well and good health in the future!

[@ColtNomad]

4d4 what if you rolled all 4s? Would it be 16 inches long? Couldn't be centimeters since 16 would be about average. Now what about a small race, would they have one about half their height? I just want it to make sense but as a logical person I know it won't because it came from an illogical person. Also +16 is what like expertise at level 20 to get +12 and then an 18 or 19 in charisma to get a +4 totalling in at +16. What a weirdo this dm is.

[@ganmerlad]

With the first (stealth) story -- I'm more confused as to why they let the player make that character in the first place more than anything. "Ok, next we're playing a game set in a vast desert" "I'm going to be a mermaid!" ... There are times you absolutely wouldn't have a character in your party. The player saying "I don't really like stealth games" could also mean they don't understand what a stealth game is and have never played one before. Since there was no indication the fighter wanted to ruin the game, I think the fighter player was totally ignorant about what was expected, had no idea how absurd his character was for the situation, and just played like he was in a regular adventure. The second story, I would be very upset if I found myself in a a porno ttrpg. That should be fully opted into before beginning. Saying "adult players only" isn't enough because it doesn't tell you why. *I'd* assume it was so people could act normally instead of constantly trying to remember "there's a child in the room". Tricking unwitting players into detailed sexual fantasies is abusive, can feel like an assault, and can *really* mess with people's heads. It shouldn't be taken lightly. Third story, I'm glad OP said they didn't handle it well because I wasn't seeing exactly how the GM did wrong except for the math puzzle that was blocking their way. "Did you take calculus? No? Oh dear. We'll be here for awhile then." lol

[@Windkeeper11]

Did you really get flagged for the hair color of the anime girl on your thumbnail?

[@lamiahunter]

Its 1d6+cha mod its shrimple

[@patjacksonpodium]

Yeah that's fair lol

[@ellagrant6190]

I'd be OK with rolling for penis size, though I usually play female characters. Hey, I'm down if you want to turn my pc into a futa. I am probably going to make you regret it though. Lol. Hmm, I did have that idea for a centaur character..

[@marybdrake1472]

Why play in stealth game when you don't like them? I find this action baffling.