Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes

Host becomes curiously pushy, sweaty in this roundtable discussion about loopholes in manslaughter law in the US.

[@SanderDoesThings]

"Failure to call 911 saves 4 firefighters' lives" WHY AIN'T PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE OF A LINE?

[@Ensensu2]

The cops, only having firearms, would have shot wildly because that's what they understand 'firefighting' to be. The only people the bullets would have impacted were the actual firefighters and if an oxygen tank ruptured on their SCBA gear or a line got shot, that could make the fire worse.

[@shalltear159]

when was this said

[@user-md2ds2qh5i]

​@@shalltear159 watch till the very end

[@SanderDoesThings]

@@shalltear159 at the end

[@goatbut29]

Don't forget in the ticker scroll: "Airlines institute new landing fees"!!!

[@duyhua9088]

This dude is the representative for the "asking for a friend" association.

[@BrownBrown270]

The only thing that would make this clip better wouldve been the host saying, "dont worry guys, I'm just asking for a friend."

[@swimperson8768]

Someone who isn’t me asked about this

[@nabinoorshahil2715]

But what if he was actually asking for a friend.

[@thundy9124]

@@nabinoorshahil2715 your friends ask for detailed manslaughter loopholes ? If yes your friends maybe sus

[@keynesianeconomics4113]

@@thundy9124 May be*

[@ettu357]

"Those scumbag lawyers can get their clients out of absolutely anything" *"Great, Great"* LMAO I didn't notice this till now

[@kevinmathiasen7334]

I feel like the fat lady litterally has build her character on the face she makes when she says "aNyThAaNg". And I absolutely love her for it. Imagine her saying "Mike masowskiii" 🤣

[@MA-yu2ss]

@@kevinmathiasen7334 lol

[@iwantmybed3090]

@@ameliasv222 Can anyone tell me what that profile picture actually IS? I’ve seen it everywhere for years now and I still have zero idea help

[@iwantmybed3090]

@@ameliasv222 THANK YOU!!

[@TCt83067695]

I didn't even notice that until you pointed it out and I've watched the clip several times over the years

[@dylandugan76]

I'm less concerned about the alleged manslaughter and more concerned by whatever chain of events led to being in an Applebee's parking lot at 1:30 on a Tuesday morning with a nine-year-old in the car.

[@QuidamByMoonlight]

Yeah, good catch! This is sounding very “Road to Perdition”. Definitely makes you wonder!

[@gible2330]

It’s only hypothetical

[@Hungryman97sCollectibles]

I had to pick up my kid from his mother's house on my way home. Why so many questions??

[@oliverseoliverse]

Great question... That certainly requires further investigation.

[@gerhardsmith7892]

@@Hungryman97sCollectibles The mother lives in an Applebees? She told you to pick them up at 1:30 in the morning of a thursday? Mmm

[@MoHimdi]

They need the onion as a radio station in GTA 6

[@ChartreuseDan]

That would be the greatest crossover event in history

[@jakobc.2558]

It would fit in perfectly.

[@starliner2498]

They could make the topical into one of the radio stations

[@hukama6911]

Oh yeas please that be legendary

[@drollfurball2863]

Totally should!

[@Just_Some_Guy_with_a_Mustache]

"They should turn their daddy in." "Ok, moving on. Does anybody own a hacksaw?" Good work, Nancy. You just killed that metaphorical child!

[@0Clewi0]

only if someone has a hacksaw

[@Dimmary]

You again

[@AudieHolland]

Nah, I guess he put the body in the back of his car and is keeping it in his basement. If he can disappear it before his kid's starts talking about it, the police will have no case. You need a hacksaw only if you deal with adult corpses (in theory of course). The femur, or thy bone, is incredibly thick and resilient. I'd recommend using a sledge hammer first to break up the bones a bit first. But then I'm not an expert.

[@diamondsam]

@@AudieHolland Using a collection of acids is easier as some, which you can even find is school science labs can break down the entire body in a short enough time so that if no one ever checks say a school cctv which lets say hypothetically updates every couple of days then you can get away with having used those chemicals and having disposed of the body completely and as acid are liquids they can be washed away easier. Not that I would know of course.

[@AudieHolland]

@@diamondsam Sure, but as with all methods, it comes down to: how thorough is one, in theory? The NKVD or whatever came before the KGB did a pretty good job with the Romanov's.

[@ilmu011]

Another topic. Can you trust dashcam footage? I mean what if someone deepfaked me running over a pedestrian at night

[@aviralsood8141]

Easy enough to verify that

[@lordpumpkinhead265]

Well, dashcam footage needs to be unloaded from the recorder and inserted onto a computer, but depending on how long ago a vehicular manslaughter occurred, the footage might have been edited to incriminate someone or to prove someone innocent unless it was transferred to a computer directly by authorities. *Another question, does anyone know an easy-to-use editing software?*

[@felipecosta-kv2fx]

@@lordpumpkinhead265 why would you want to know that?

[@lordpumpkinhead265]

@@felipecosta-kv2fx I'm planning on learning how to edit videos, specifically dashcam videos that DEFINITELY do not hold a mountain of evidence.

[@felipecosta-kv2fx]

@@lordpumpkinhead265 well, in theory, as Op Said, why would you need to know that if you know It's not you and It's a deep fake used against you?

[@silversamurai0267]

"New topic: Children - are they trustworthy?" This is how I'm going to change topics in literally every conversation for the rest of my life. 🤣

[@zapkvr]

Theres only one answer to that question.

[@sarii_p1697]

I mean jokes aside I wonder if you can get sentenced if the only witnesses are children. Like, you very well could've done it, and let's say there's some evidence, but not enough, so a witness would change everything. In that case can a child be considered a trustworthy source of information?

[@thegoat5141]

We need a new study to determine how safe are American nine-year olds whose daddies have access to hacksaws.

[@bearmarco1944]

@@sarii_p1697 Legally speaking, yes. Although their faculties for memory are reduced, an argument can be made that they are less likely to make up lies that fly through the courts, as children are far more likely to make up lies which are impracticable or impossible, so if their story fits the evidence it's probably true.

[@sarii_p1697]

@@bearmarco1944 I forgot about this but I guess that makes sense. Also probably would depend on the kids age as well

[@VM-bx8jn]

"Anyone who does that should get the chair!" "New topic: Children - are they trustworthy?"

[@jackperson2236]

yep thats what the video said, thanks for reiterating for us.

[@xd-os7jl]

@@jackperson2236 shut up

[@justustherighteous371]

@jackperson2 shut up

[@solidus784]

@@jackperson2236 Just to reiterate what the other commenters are saying shut the fuck up.

[@jasonbrewer6714]

@@jackperson2236 for a fourth time just to make sure you got it: shut up

[@HSMiyamoto]

The host should have asked for phone numbers of some of those slimeball defense attorneys. For follow-up research.

[@SunflowerSpotlight]

Hannah Miyamoto YESS! 😂

[@soulreaverable]

“Oh my god! Those slimeball defense attorneys! Which one tho? There’s so many! Which one?!”

[@ComradeHellas]

Hahaha indeed

[@DominicJGomez]

"yeah those slimeball attornies. Would anybody happen to have one of their numbers?"

[@lazyperfectionist9843]

you better call Saul 🤣

[@iconian1387]

"They can use legal loopholes to get their scumbag clients out of ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING." "Great, great." Just what he wanted to hear.

[@seantaggart7382]

Me: Yeah like the Legal killing zone in Idaho yellowstone

[@godbloodspilla7154]

@@seantaggart7382 that was a very unnecessary use of the “Me:” format but ok.

[@seantaggart7382]

@@godbloodspilla7154 sorry it's a habit I do it Alot

[@Cheezy_Bunz]

@@seantaggart7382 Stop it, get some help.

[@seantaggart7382]

@@Cheezy_Bunz Awww Btw you know that doesn't work that way You can't tell someone to just stop

[@mohammadqadri5065]

"Your honor, my client pleads oopsies..."

[@zaarongaming8174]

"Acquitted." "Really?" "Sike! You ran over a man and trampled him for 6 minutes, but despite him miraculously surviving without any fatal injuries, you stepped on his neck until he passed out and choked to death on his own blood, all while your nine-year-old watched."

[@referencepoint1042]

Fair nuff

[@101jir]

Translate to English: "Your honor, my client pleads options."

[@maazkalim]

I know, riiigghht? I auto-corrected very intuitively, "@@101jir".

[@brandonhughes4076]

Your honour, my client was in a silly goofy mood

[@benjy6868]

The way the host says "Murder." at 1:48 is freaking amazing. He's so confident, but you can tell he's terrified.

[@momookus5409]

ikr literally that single line brings me back to this video like once a week lmao its so funny and perfectly delivered

[@user-zy8cy6hn6o]

Every Onion video is mind blowing with the caliber of actors it has.

[@derpdiggler7413]

The subtlest inquisitive inflection shows the internal dialogue along the lines of :"Are they serious? Wait don't ask it's too suspicious"

[@Catalina-Winemixer]

@@derpdiggler7413 And then old girl pops in and slams him to the ground with THE CHAIR comment. 😭

[@1marcelfilms]

*MURDER?*

[@lietenantstorks2789]

"stepping on their neck until they die" yikes that aged

[@frederickjones3723]

They should get the chair... Unless they're cops then maybe a paid suspension

[@ashwynverma699]

Bikaner wale ka khana mast hai bhailogo

[@gamestopbutiaintplayingame5667]

yeah they matter, but also #blacklivesbladder

[@bluebod2264]

Oh god, and a dude on the ground bleeding out of one ear. What the hell.

[@twixter0]

@@lolerie stop being so ignorant lmao. Noone said white lives didnt matter, but the lives that are in jeopardy currently are those of minorities and people belonging to marginalized races. Dont get it twisted

[@samchen9951]

I love how Clifford Bane's excuses to skip work keep getting better and better. This time he becomes the 'Mayor of Baltimore'. Previously he had more valid excuses like 'autobiography is due today'.

[@barbieblue3336]

Well, Baltimore is the worst city

[@Blade.5786]

My favorite one is "fighting his arch nemesis atop an abandoned watch tower"

[@nmgscp]

He's not the mayor of Baltimore?

[@gabrielgonzales5907]

My favorite was when Clifford Baines was busy hunting down the scumbag who killed his father.

[@stevewhite7084]

Good to see a journalist really dissecting this issue with complete impartiality.

[@maazkalim]

Bwahahahahah! It's the ONN®, finally the magic of impartiality can be realised.°

[@explosiveaddict6939]

I love how everyone else looks at him with disbelief-- except for the old black lady. She looks like she's seen crazier shit than this and is just thinking "Ah shit, here we go again..."

[@pabloevuu5232]

Hahahahhaha

[@zekeram129]

She knows

[@gordonf5553]

She looks more like she sees through it

[@Theology.101]

Nancy is having another night terror. At least this one is better than the dead baby one

[@daviclemons6910]

Fr. 😂

[@HandlelessTML]

I love how he changes the subject every time Nancy says what should happen to him LOL

[@barbieblue3336]

Nancy only did that twice, I think. And I watched this at least 6 times lol

[@DeathnoteBB]

@@barbieblue3336 And he changed the subject every time

[@DaniSlot]

@@DeathnoteBB counter facts, there're no arguments.

[@Doomp4330]

happen to the metaphorical man in this example and the studies that indicate it*

[@llptg1016]

Nancy is the best thing about this skit

[@taciturn1290]

At first I thought every “hypothetical” he gave was a different instance of hitting someone with his car so when he said “New topic. Uh, children-“ I instantly thought oh my god he ran over a child😂

[@mr.cauliflower3536]

Yes, he actual wanted to make sure his kid keeps his/hers little mouth shut.

[@ThornForTheWynn]

Well now that the metaphorical children might not keep their mouths shut, he might. Metaphorically, of course.

[@dangerxcom]

I saw it as he ran over a person wearing dark clothes as night, went outside and heard the person screaming so hit him til he was dead. All the while his children were in the car.

[@dangerxcom]

And now re-reading what I wrote, oh my thats so dark lol

[@chenxiongxiong6778]

@@dangerxcom he dragged him under the car for 6 seconds, not knowing it was the victim's scream and not the sound from the car. He stopped the car, Then he stepped outside, looking at the victim grasping for air, he stepped on the victim's neck (the euthanasia part) to put him outta missery all the while his child was looking from the car. Ahahah

[@shantanuchoukikar]

Heartiest congratulations to Clifford Banes for becoming a Mayor!

[@rsrt6910]

I got the impression that the dude on the right and the lady on the left were at odds over a previous discussion about euthanasia, but they came together on the whole "stepping on someones neck" thing.

[@SP-qi8ur]

How did you get that impression?

[@brycerichardson3687]

@@dadeee7776 or he was talking about the look the woman gave the man and the slanted eye looked the man gave in response at 1:35. Instead of whatever ego trip you're on.

[@cleitonoliveira932]

Thank you, now I've imagined they "coming" together.

[@ryanhernandez1877]

@@cleitonoliveira932 You're horrible

[@BirdieImagineeBCH]

Holy shit this comment is so relevant now

[@Skinnymarks]

Haha, the onions humor is so surreal. I always feel like i stepped into a different universe with them.

[@carl3710]

You don't need to step into another universe if you have inter-dimensional cable!

[@Loli_lover206]

@@carl3710 agreed, got mine last week

[@s0ulshot]

World was so innocent year ago..

[@joaolucasfraga9147]

A DIFFERENT one?

[@ridhosamudro2199]

Maybe you should get out of your house once in a while

[@i.minpayne2561]

i adore how nervous he sounds as he goes on, after he says "Murder?" you can tell he's almost crapping himself in fear

[@pauluspaul127]

“Those slimy attorneys. They could use legal loopholes to get their scumbag clients out of absolutely anything.” “Great, great.” 💀💀💀

[@ns2443]

"Since 1896" Truly the best news source.

[@Oxxyjoe]

Like, the year 1896 or the number 1896? Because the number 1896 only came into existence in 1975

[@nyeoncolors6949]

OxxyJoe let me get a little of what you got

[@st_orlie]

@Thomas Cusack it's not a joke, the onion has been making satirical news for almost a century and a quarter.

[@thaliaviolet5344]

Hahaha...

[@user-pr6ed3ri2k]

1986

[@merdufer]

Clifford Banes still not showing up because he is the mayor of Baltimore now lol Best running joke ever.

[@succuled1969]

*It's been 10 years*

[@HiddenGully]

It’s been 10 years and 3 weeks

[@daniellipko710]

*10 years and 3 weeks and 5 days*

[@HiddenGully]

Daniel Lipko it’s been 10 years 3 weeks 5 days and 11 hours.

[@Blade.5786]

Wasn't he fighting his nemesis at the top of an abandoned watch tower last time? I wonder how he got from that to the mayor of Baltimore.

[@Thecrazymerio]

As a fellow wood-working enthusiast, him asking for a hacksaw at the end is very relatable! It’s always fun to compare and play around with other people’s tools. And you’ve always got your mind on the shop, even in stressful work place situations like this. I just love that The Onion has such relatable personalities on air!

[@SixxThirtyFive]

Lol!

[@marcus6332]

Why is this funnier than any skit SNL has produced in the last 10 years?

[@zacharyrollick6169]

Because this was over ten years ago.

[@marcus6332]

@@zacharyrollick6169 Why is this funnier than any skit SNL has produced in the last 20 years?

[@bomt6259]

@@marcus6332 Why is this funnier than any skit SNL has produced.

[@tenlegdragon]

It's not. If you think it is, you've probably just been watching the bad ones.

[@kirbydied2875]

@@tenlegdragon personally, the humor snl does isn't my cup of tea, so I think this is way funnier

[@janzacharias3680]

"New topic! Children. Are they trustworthy?"

[@areyousureyouenteredyourna85]

No.

[@TheSmurfboard]

never trust a short person

[@TheBlahGerm]

Why bring up the Youth In Asia?

[@hemipemi]

They keep killing themselves, apparently.

[@olliestone5549]

@@hemipemi better than taking people with them. Euthinamerica

[@olliestone5549]

@Da Thuth I was talking about high-school shootings but that could work too.

[@willmosse3684]

Ali G in da house

[@balegda]

Simple joke but a pretty good one

[@Aatell764]

"Anybody who does that should get the chair" I've said that so many times, no one gets the reference but that's what makes it so funny. It's just an extremely bold statement to make.

[@Aatell764]

I came back to revisit the onion and found this post, it was my post I just recently changed my name. I was about to comment on it. 😂😂😂 I'm insane what can I say?

[@SootyPhoenix]

It certainly is suspicious a talk show host would be so interested in man's laughter.

[@babyyoda4052]

The acting, the script, the directing, the editing... this is all top of the line. The Onion is just amazing.

[@creepercraft100]

This is acting...?

[@Dr.Nilesh_Shukla]

​@@creepercraft100 No Sir, this is a very specific art that was mastered in ancient china and it is called "plumbing".

[@AndJusticeForAll1231]

Was*

[@beloved-child]

@AndJusticeForAll1231 was it woke? Wtf happened? I agree but what killed it? My only theory is woke but I don't know alot about the onion till recently

[@biconditionals]

​@@beloved-childthe onion has always been "woke", they're talking about the discontinuation of their amazing videos which happened like a decade ago

[@Darkmatter105]

I'm not sure, but I THINK the host MIGHT have a problem.

[@likeabunnie]

Depends on how good 9 year old girls are at keeping their mouth shut

[@chugiron4698]

@@likeabunnie good comment

[@Jack-rk7jc]

Ikr. She was so judgemental! Sometimes it's necessary to step on people's necks until their life slips away, I mean just imagine the hospital bill if they were rescued! It's mercy

[@fulcrum2951]

666 likes

[@davidturner1641]

@@likeabunnie the hacksaw solves that problem....

[@cliffordbanes1548]

Thank you, Greg! I'd have made it, but you know how these mayor duties are...

[@HanTheProphet]

Failure to call 911 saves 4 fire fighters' lives LOL

[@cropathfinder]

this is still one of the funniest pieces from onion

[@eleanorclub]

cropathfinder Agreed - I wish there were more of these panel skits. They're very clever.

[@carolynmmitchell2240]

I think the one where they blamed the black guy for the bear mauling was funnier

[@crazybieberchic]

carolyn mmitchell That was hilarious! My favorite is the road rage talk show bit

[@dirtydan179]

you clearly haven't heard their radio. Check out their coverage of the dog in Iceland, funniest shxt ever Check out the Guatamala plane crash vid too

[@dirtydan179]

the wallmart robbery was funny as fuck too

[@NameNotAlreadyTaken2]

the main host's reactions really made this video

[@erikweiss9453]

My God, this video is quite literally one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

[@Kspice9000]

I like how you can see it on all their faces the realization that this is way past hypothetical. Onion come back, the internet needs you.

[@brokenwave6125]

The Onion didn't go anywhere.

[@ryanjung4416]

@@brokenwave6125 yeah they did

[@YeetSpace]

I feel like the only reason they haven't posted anything in a while, is because the world itself has become so surreal with the horrible shit that's been going on, that they can't make anything like they used to, because things like that are just genuinely happening now

[@j4a99]

It hasn't been good for about a decade unfortunately, but the 2007-2011 Onion videos are some of the best comedy ever

[@maazkalim]

Onion® News Network* There! FTFY 😑 And “needs you” how, exactly?

[@Nayte08]

The way the host says “Murder?” made me lose it

[@None-Trick_Pony]

I love how Lauralee is just stunned halfway through and stops giving input.

[@Christobanistan]

"American's children, are they trustworthy?" This bit gets crazier and crazier! :)

[@eleanorclub]

Nancy cracks me up 😂 - They should turn their daddy in!

[@Estragon17]

HerHealthySelf Nancy was always the best. Duncan Birch a close second.

[@davidturner1641]

@Subliminal Power Hindi 9 year olds are expensive... And they don't keep their mouths shut

[@davidturner1641]

@Subliminal Power Hindi I hope this guy gets stopped on a minor traffic violation and he gets the chair.

[@terryvans1420]

The acting in these videos is astoundingly good.

[@miahmckinney3958]

The actor playing the host is an acting teacher at a college in New York City!

[@thundy9124]

Woman: "they can get their scumbag clients out of everything!" The Host: "great, great" He is sus

[@VQSeries]

The way host switches to "New Topic" after woman mentions the chair 🤣🤣🤣

[@michaelstegall2340]

"ok, moving on. Does anyone own a hacksaw?" Lolz

[@dvdjkaufmn]

"Ok moving on.. Does anyone own a hacksaw?" Seriously the funniest thing online.

[@waynee6042]

Well I, for one, am glad Clifford Banes has finally found somewhere to settle down

[@Music4AII]

Anyone own a hacksaw?

[@theodorebear6714]

Music4AII I got u fam.

[@BNK2442]

Hi, I AM from the Future.

[@nathanielcatan6657]

I got you fam

[@royjonzejr]

There was a real life case in Canada like this that happened in 1979. A guy named Robert Stewart didn't realize that he hit a woman with his car and dragged her for several minutes. His defence lawyer tried to argue that Stewart ran over somebody who was already dead because she was murdered by drug dealers who then tossed her corpse outside.

[@hansikelo]

Wow😰😯

[@Keolamation]

Annd, did he get off?

[@fist-of-doom487]

@@Keolamation I know good job leaving us hanging OP

[@thewayhobibrokeitdowninhan6083]

@@Keolamation No, he was convicted of a hit-and-run

[@cyberperson53]

My favourite subtle thread -- the way the guests seem to be gradually figuring out that the host's examples aren't entirely hypothetical... except for the lady who keeps shouting things like "THEY SHOULD GET THE CHAIR".

[@cmtg4471]

The Onion network is like the news that I would hear in GTA 😂

[@Ninjassassin119]

'Stepping on their neck and until they die' wait what. Is there a reason why this has come up in my recommended now of all days?

[@SPworld101]

The algorithm... working... it is....

[@radaldk]

Same here. This makes me rather uncomfortable.

[@Segagens]

Exactly. They've been predictive programming us for decades.

[@Ninjassassin119]

@smlaerv bro what rock you been living under because I wanna come join you

[@romasromas73]

@@Ninjassassin119 what does it mean? I don't get it

[@AlphaDavid66]

I love that lady “THEY SHOULD TURN THEY DADDY IN”

[@wolfsoul11]

There are so many good ones to choose from, but this has to be my favorite Onion video. Lauralee's facial expression at 1:18 is pure gold, and wonderful acting.

[@mark9294]

It gives me great satisfaction to see that these videos are finally having their moment and racking up views, albeit after more than 10 years. They really were far ahead of their time.

[@johnreese5739]

He seems trustworthy.

[@lnsflare1]

Unlike his kid.

[@jairosoto662]

"Those slimy attorneys. The can use legal loopholes to get their scumbag clients out of absolutely anything" OMG!! LOVE THAT LINE & HER FACE REACTIONS

[@FrogLehane]

The Onion used to be out of this world, I still can't believe it. And I still haven't gotten an answer to how they found so many fantastic actors (along with writers, editors, etc.). I'm starting to think all of this has actually happened in an alternative timeline and the tapes just leaked.

[@cynthiaholland13]

That's exactly what it feels like😂. People with this level of talent should still be known. We should have writers, actors, directors that say they used to be with the Onion. The fact that those associated with this brilliant work are largely unknown seems impossible

[@samueltarasewicz2514]

I’m so proud of Clifford Banes for being elected Mayor of Baltimore after getting hit by two cars. Way to rise to the challenge

[@thejoeker8439]

And after losing his father to that scumbag as well, stunning and brave

[@UltimateChance]

They need to fire that host, he needs to learn how to stay on topic without bothering the guests with irrelevant questions.

[@the_infinexos]

UltimateChance 😂😂

[@robertli3600]

I swear if a 14 year old comes in and says r/woosh on this historic comment, I'm going to lose it

[@kaninchengaming-inactive-6529]

r/woosh

[@rsrt6910]

I know, right?

[@praketingrichraft6181]

Well, he is just filling in. Let's face it, he's no Clifford Baines.

[@doctoroesperanto3663]

Hahaha this is top humor. I still laughed, even though my mom died in a car crash before I was born, but that was a long time ago already

[@eltsennestle998]

hahahahahaha !

[@Greendalewitch]

She died in a car crash before you were born? Ok im gonna have to think deeply about this. Thats some quantum shit.

[@Stargazer1312]

It's possible, but he got out of there pretty soon after I'd imagine

[@taxfaberge]

So your adopted?

[@cavan7084]

Surrel Skeletons it's theoretically possible for someone to have a baby while braindead or on life support it has happened before.

[@benjaminwelkens8118]

This is sooooo good. The talking over each other and the stuttering and missteps so many subtle things. If i saw this on tv I'd swear it was real for a while.

[@chickenhouse2831]

"They can use legal loopholes to get their scumbag clients out of absolutely anything!" "Great. Great..."

[@kwakekamdivasi591]

Lol, Saul Goodman immediately sprung to mind.

[@drollfurball2863]

1:09 The others were looking at him like "that's VERY oddly specific of you...."

[@anonanon8974]

LOL!!! Great acting. That moment from normalcy to “wait a minute…” was terrific.

[@Cymricus]

the onion was better than SNL in its day fr

[@MysteriousMrL]

This is great, but the title basically just tells you what the joke is. The Onion is usually good at avoiding that.

[@zachb1706]

Honestly the acting was that good I wouldn’t have got it otherwise

[@markhenryramsey9132]

Smarmee I was unaware of this comedy, I read the title as being a bit 'click bait' maybe that's what they planned.

[@brokenwave6125]

The joke starts with the first sentence though... What's to give away? The bit isn't subtle.

[@cypherusuh]

It's actually next-level humor The title implies the "joke" but it's actually just the news editor suspecting something suspicious, so they used that title instead of the usual news topic

[@HiJack3r]

The title just adds to the surreal nature of their comedy, because real news articles try to use shocking titles to attract viewers.

[@WorthlessDeadEnd]

Dude, plead the 5th.

[@cmd1zz13]

Fif

[@BobGymlan]

ONN>SNL Not even on the same planet.

[@7grandnec]

Hello verified

[@Dc0sby]

SNL is really hurt by that host bullshit.

[@saniakshay12]

@@Dc0sby also being a show that has to be ready in one week to stay relevant. A lot of SNLs problems would go if you removed the host and reduced the length to 30 mins

[@zapkvr]

@@saniakshay12 or they hired decent writers

[@Dtitilator]

LMAO 🤣 He's using the panel to formulate a way out of manslaughter.

[@thatman64]

Thank god very few of these modern Onion videos have the ticker along the bottom. I used to have to watch each video 3 times: Once for the news story, once for the ticker, and once to mop up every other bit that I might've missed. They weren't bad videos, but the fact that it made the entire season 3 times longer meant I had some very late nights...

[@brendangarvin7787]

God doesn't exist. Your argument is invalid.

[@willchurch8376]

@@brendangarvin7787 Exist doesn't your God. Invalid is argument.

[@Wertsir]

​@@willchurch8376 Dog exists, your god is invalid.

[@auugh43546]

@@brendangarvin7787 I am God

[@connormccullough2226]

Guys... I think he killed someone

[@elephant_888]

LOL, you think?! He may have just been asking for a friend... a friend that borrowed his car, and brought it back with a bloody dent. 😂

[@felixgutierrez993]

@@elephant_888 y-yeah!

[@lukas11xxf2]

Now why would you come to such ludicrous conclusion?

[@HaoSci]

Or planning to kill someone.

[@elainaramirez8662]

Ugh, these conspiracy "theorists" always trying to look too deep into everything...

[@BirdGang6]

“Stepping on his neck until he does” I love how dark these skits get lol

[@MahiAviation]

“Does anyone own a hacksaw?”

[@conormcdaddyofficialdickri312]

Low key wanted to hear the responses to “Does anyone own a hacksaw?” LMAO

[@pizzasteve5825]

video: *talks about brutally murdering somebody in front of children* KZbin: -there is no mature content in this video- Other video: *says the word Coronavirus* KZbin: *NO*

[@pizzasteve5825]

@Jal Bean lmao

[@seankrkovich2869]

Pretty much

[@seantaggart7382]

Me: yeah hey onion you mind Turning that manually on?

[@seantaggart7382]

i know the onion aint bribing youtube

[@Maltatata]

You mean manslaughter?

[@reioni2143]

It's a miracle that these actors don't burst out laughing in every take.

[@dontspikemydrink9382]

actors? These are panel members and talk about important issues.

[@ryanjung4416]

@@dontspikemydrink9382 yeah these guys are devaluing crucial information from the public’s access

[@aaeve5676]

They risk their lives to bring out real news

[@Red_Ryan_Red]

The Onion actors are amazing, they need awards.

[@srbrant5391]

_(sweating profusely and hyperventilating)_ Does...does anyone here know a defense lawyer that specializes in negligence-related gas explosions?! It’s...it’s for a friend! Distant voice: SUSPECT IS ON FOOT!!

[@petergray2712]

I DO! And he has a flatulence issue and is quite a blowhard, so I think he is an expert. One question however: does the state you reside in have no problems with arcane matters like "misconduct" or "disbarment"?

[@grumpy8133]

This is far better than anything I’ve seen on SNL in the past 10 years.

[@184fish]

Plot twist, this video is also 10 years old. Maybe 2009 was the peak of satirical comedy, who knows.

[@Andratos95]

When he said the human screaming thing I was literally choking on my laughter

[@beepboop7071]

The title is just as good as the video itself🤣🤣🤣 oh my God I love the onion

[@TeaAtTwo2]

Now I'm worried about Clifford Baines' whereabouts.

[@Post-Truth_Cephalopod]

"By stepping in their neck until they die", that is was so insanely funny... the timing of the line and the pacing, it was rhythmical. Exceptional writing.

[@ianparmley1566]

1:31

[@mehrschwein7378]

oh well...

[@Dimmary]

Damn

[@griffiththechad9483]

I’m glad this got recommend to me after all these years, might be the funniest video I’ve seen🤣

[@muggo882]

Onion writing is so gooooooood!

[@coopergoss350]

*failure to call 911 saves 4 firefighters' lives*

[@danfulwiler6305]

Finally, something worth watching on you tube.

[@FansyBLK]

They have a time machine for sure

[@zeniththetoaster9712]

The way he delivers his lines is perfect!

[@caseypnw]

Can’t believe they got Dave Ramsey to do this skit

[@tluci]

😂😂😂

[@SuperSight]

It’s crazy that these videos are over 10 years old. 2019, still winning on the recommended. :)

[@AnimeButterfly211]

Well that was a timely suggestion from youtube.....

[@thermalwinter]

Only youtube channel that consistently scores 10% thumbs ups. You rule onion.

[@dontbeshady411]

Failure to call 911 saved 4 firefighters lives lol

[@Ryvucz]

I miss the old Onion.

[@carolynmmitchell2240]

Ryvucz wouldn't an old onion be rotten

[@pisse3000]

carolyn mmitchell You're asking the *real* question

[@srbrant5391]

The Onion has always been the Onion, _freebirth._

[@inspectorjavert8443]

Me too sometime around the election of Obama it went from skewering everyone, albeit with a small leftward tilt, to a full on Daily Show clone, albeit much funnier.