Professor Pwnage

[@donlennios7139]

"I have also contacted the avengers"

[@northstar4601]

This is an avengers level threat.

[@WhatTheHe11isTHAT]

Burst out laughing so much just now

[@Nightlightz-ug1vj]

Assemble!

[@elegantcat1496]

@@yoda301 yes, the fact that your tastes are of a superior kind is being noted.

[@TonyCT7567]

yoda Says the guy named Yoda

[@ll_Assassino_ll]

"I've also informed Batman of the situation."

[@ianm3262]

“And even the joker himself was disgusted by this foul play”

[@frankcabanski9409]

Batman: "Alfred, I'm calling in the whole JLA for this."

[@AaronSumner606]

😂

[@adammead8197]

😂

[@njuren2768]

😁🙏

[@aaronthomas8834]

Anybody else on a “professor outburst/threatening students” video spree because KZbin put the video about Professor Accuses Class of Cheating video in your suggestions?

[@cavestoryking8761]

Yes

[@someperson3549]

H o w d I d y o u k n o w

[@Hoxt]

Yep

[@etiennecauty6250]

@@JinnaiT holly I GOT BENNNNN TOO ?!?

[@teamnatejohnson7482]

Yes

[@evan6963]

As an IT guy. I can say with 100% confidence that this teacher is bluffing.

[@alextilson9741]

Exactly Laptops do not have transponders You can only tell when a file was last accessed, not necessarily copied. If these secrets are that important, this man would be held liable for negligence for not taking adequate steps to secure them.

[@marvtomson574]

yeah same here. He was spounting a lot of gibberish. However, I learned C++ programming and wrote my own phone home app, should my laptop ever get stolen. If the laptop should ever go beyond its GPS boundry the add-in hardware activates. I've already had 2 computers stolen from me.

[@c.l.368]

tell us more...

[@c.l.368]

@@alextilson9741 Laptops don't have transponders until you install one because you have very important data in it lol

[@jadedplover1851]

Well it worked, because he came back next lecture saying it was handed in.

[@jackbarry8847]

1st rule of cybersecurity: don't be the guy who left his million dollar laptop unattended and logged in

[@mika2666]

Yup, or atleast have a second form of security for accessing files that are extremely valuable

[@trat1x]

Seriously you would think this guy’s data is a bit more secure, say, a password?? What the fuck is he doing hahaha...

[@DJSteezy]

It’s an obvious bluff. Any company I’ve worked for with proprietary data or PHI comes with pin security and passwords. It’s very easy for them to track the device and even easier to disable access immediately. The FBI would not get involved! It’s your responsibility to take care of your device!

[@LucasRodmo]

Hey guys he made out the whole thing

[@wednesdaysmith922]

Damn that's what I was thinking. He was probably just panicking because he realizes that ultimately he's the one who was responsible for this information and will probably never get a high level consultation again. Lmfao leaving sensitive information laying around so some random person can take it is pretty negligent. He even had the foresight to record him making a bunch of shit up threatening the students with legal charges while admitting his negligence. Also let the thief know that hes in possession of sensitive data that he might be able to leverage. China would love to get whatever trade secrets/data you had in your laptop. I worked for a fortune 500 company and was aware of people who got fired for forgetting their company laptop for less 30 minutes in a conference room you have to badge in to open. Personally had to go threw multiple corporate classes on information security, turns out major companies are crazy about proprietary information... Not like a startup could totally be ruined if proprietary info was leaked before they even entered the market. Had to wipe computer and work phone of all images and documents daily. Maybe a little extreme but damn if someone got access to company info with my devices I would be terminated with an orbital laser beam with extreme prejudice. Doesn't matter if someone broke into your car to steal work phone... It still got stolen under your responsibility, due to your negligence.

[@DNFUT-dh7nd]

“In addition you’re disrespecting a future US Army soldier”

[@samiamohamed683]

Gold

[@grahamsmith5975]

win

[@diljot6482]

*Fortunate son* playing in the background

[@zooso3785]

@@diljot6482 *Fortnite son*

[@Tag-ux5eb]

Diljot Singh nah, “AMERICA, FUCK YEA”

[@Julian-yh9fd]

"You're in possession of the krabby patty secret formula"

[@KonElKent]

Is nothing sacred?!?!

[@kimberlydelrey]

😂

[@jakebulette6485]

The ingredient is crab meat

[@Jason_Reis]

Jake Bulette I thought it was crack cocaine??

[@SmashMan94]

Ravioli ravioli. Give me the Formioli

[@marshmelows]

Even if it was a bluff, he did a pretty good job on giving that 3 minute speech while not breaking character. The mad lad

[@xxxuselesspricksxxx1481]

The exact moment he turned Heisenberg

[@Clone-up2ge]

@@xxxuselesspricksxxx1481 Jesse, we need to get my laptop back Jesse

[@kishascape]

@@Clone-up2ge it was in his trunk the whole the time.

[@michaeln.2383]

The thief cares more about people than him.

[@robjackson5245]

​@@xxxuselesspricksxxx1481dumbass more like Stalin. Nazis were not Nordicist.

[@michellegodwin6567]

Next class: "sorry guys, I left it on my desk at home"

[@mobili2]

LMAO

[@Jonas-kr3on]

hahahahaha

[@christophermaine4085]

More like “I left it at home. Good luck getting an apology from me.”

[@rickrick5041]

lol very funny

[@Hgh38]

l wonder why did the woman stole it

[@ashchaya7676]

Professor, I am the one who took your laptop. I'm Chris Hanson. Why don't you have a seat over there...

[@mftripz8445]

LMFAO nahhh

[@Bulskee]

🤣🤣🤣

[@BobbyValenzuela]

Police? We'll get to that in a second

[@matthewwoelfle5533]

You know what? I don't even want this laptop. I'm just trying to go to the beach.

[@rukascool]

Can I just leave sir?

[@Crantick]

Professor - “My dad works for Microsoft”

[@john.stolec]

"and he'll cancel your XBOX Live subscription and block Minecraft for you"

[@Deader-Than-Dead]

@@john.stolec *Block*

[@jackbarry8847]

Professor - "I am Bill Gates. I am Microsoft."

[@marshaul]

His brother works for steam.

[@bobkin611]

He is the dad that works for microsoft lmao

[@ace7467]

Best bluff I’ve heard. There’s no way he tells his customers that 100 million dollar data has been stolen by a student. Nobody will ever hire him and he’ll get sued and embarrassed

[@pizzamoviez2]

"You are also in possession of the Death Star plans. The Galactic Empire is very interested in this"

[@theevildrummingsithlord1492]

"Lord Vader has dispatched the 501st Legion and several Inquisitors to hunt you down. If you do not willingly submit, we will take everything from you...by force."

[@pizzamoviez2]

Manthan Shah I’m dead😂😂😂he’s also employed boba fett and his team to take u down

[@theevildrummingsithlord1492]

@@pizzamoviez2 Can't forget them! I was actually playing the Battlefront 2 (2005) storyline when I saw this comment, so I decided to have some fun.

[@rorycalhoun6484]

so THEY'RE the inspiration for ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY!!! 🤔🤔🤔

[@theevildrummingsithlord1492]

@@rorycalhoun6484 Indeed.

[@matth3002]

We've pinpointed your location! So please kindly point yourself out.

[@vuk8623]

Elias Håkansson 😂

[@ocpofficialrep7026]

oldest trick in the book

[@TurkMovement]

It's all a bluff ahaha! A lecturer wouldn't need to threaten someone that much 🤣

[@beebacheeba]

Hahaha, exactly, proving they haven't pinpointed jack sh!t LOL

[@Gerox566]

@Elias Håkansson 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@bharris010486]

Professors name is Jasper Rine. This was a bluff, that didn’t work. They later recovered his computer from a man in San Fran and arrested him.

[@theprez98]

This comment should be rated higher.

[@KantFromEC]

@@theprez98 Agreed but its more fun to think of all the wild shit without wider context. In my own head cannon this dude had illegal pornography on their and tried to bluff his way out of it.

[@hamzamahmood9565]

Wait really? Why hasn't anyone mentioned it so far?

[@bharris010486]

@@hamzamahmood9565 give it a goog. I don’t even remember posting this comment, but if I know me, I’d assume I had researched it.

[@bh8199]

@@bharris010486 You don't remember posting a comment from 10 months ago?

[@revengeancer2.019]

This is like when the police say, "Look, we already have all the evidence, so please turn yourself over" when they have absolutely no idea who did what.

[@rdaws73]

That's why you never talk to cops

[@damontan4749]

@Patrick Schmalstig nope, interrogation is about keeping your mouth shut until your lawyer appears, dummy

[@steviewolfeofficial]

This is literally what a detectives job is

[@revengeancer2.019]

@@steviewolfeofficial Thanks, Shaggy. Say hi to Scooby for me.

[@revengeancer2.019]

@@steviewolfeofficial You look like you just stepped out of a Time Machine from the 90’s, where nobody let you play bass for their band.

[@travisjones9071]

Teacher: “This man, this young boy actually...” Girl who stole the computer: *N O I C E*

[@TehmasKhan]

😂

[@0123-y5i]

@ "this gay duck..."

[@jamesgentry13]

Travis you fail

[@LoveIncest]

😂😂😂

[@kylem1112]

@Alex Snowden did you must ASSUME the Thief's gender?! *Head explodes

[@rd_films8064]

"The computer also contains the plans for the Death Star, which Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire are actively searching for. You are in possession of data for an Imperial weapon that has the ability to destroy an entire planet."

[@captainantilles9094]

“I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan!”

[@Racc00nR1ck]

“Just so you know...you are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor!”

[@jorgearnoldson3107]

"And YOU, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!"

[@peetjepurple6408]

So funny

[@AlejandroGonzalez-rw9kt]

Yes, but keep in mind that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force.

[@js5584]

I can just imagine him thinking that some programmer at Microsoft HQ is picking up some red emergency phone and saying "Sir, patch me through to Mr. Gates, we have located a duplicate copy of Windows." 🤣 The entire monologue is so ridiculous and he is making absolutely everything up. Some kid working in the IT department basically told him "yeah, you're screwed boss."

[@larion2336]

Lmfao, right? I have been using hacked windows copies for the last 2 decades. Never paid them a dime.

[@FranktheDachshund]

Microsoft definitely went to defcon 2 after that second Windows login.

[@Q-Bits8]

most copies of windows can also be used on 3 computers simultaniously

[@Ben82077]

“There is a tactical UAV looking down on us right now.”

[@6996-n3f]

Ben Geiger lol

[@itbelikethat-]

Underrated

[@neoneherefrom5836]

When you play too much video games.

[@dcard228]

Predator missile inbound

[@ianturley8791]

Smile and wave, all cute and fluffy like. And it might drop some cake for you...

[@FourthDerivative]

"In addition to this, I will have you know that I am trained in gorilla warfare and have over 300 confirmed kills"

[@confucamus3536]

@@cuteface88 the copypastais gorilla

[@ashchaya7676]

@@cuteface88 THAT'S (one of) THE JOKES

[@ashchaya7676]

@@cuteface88 The 'that's the joke' meme has always been in all caps. How's your first day on the internet going? You liking it?

[@ashchaya7676]

@@cuteface88 Lol :)

[@cowboyanimal_1]

@@cuteface88 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH?

[@toddeubanks802]

“You are in possession of all 6 infinity stones, the Avengers are very interested in this”

[@billabong9215]

I really want to like your comment but its at 666...

[@frankcabanski9409]

This is your last chance. You can't go back a second time...or, at least you can't go back a 12th time...er...OK, yes, you can go back as many times as you want.

[@vic2097]

hmn

[@joeyv2083]

LMFFAAOOOOO

[@BashTagg]

So this guy has: One "Transponder" that provided exact locations One "partial image" of the boy 2 eye witnesses But still has Zero thief...

[@BloominOnion1]

In middle school somebody stole something from the teacher. The next day, she gave this impassioned speech about doing the right thing and returning it. Then she closed her eyes, turned her back, and gave us 1 minute for the guilty person to return it to her desk anonymously. Some kid went up and mooned everybody, then retook his seat.

[@quakeIVreal]

this is the greatest story ever told

[@MissSakumiU]

Chad

[@hamzamahmood9565]

Sigma grindset

[@TimeTravelingFetus]

And then the whole bus clapped?

[@linearmemories]

Bro that is sigma

[@logandogan272]

Guy in the back who accidentally grabbed the wrong computer yesterday: sweats heavily.

[@yeetdatcodeboi]

the sweating jordan peele meme

[@yeetdatcodeboi]

the sweating jordan peele meme

[@ThaWhiteKnight777]

lol

[@Xdeadlyxphantom]

haha

[@Scorch1028]

Professor: “You have until 11:55 pm tonight to give me back my laptop - otherwise, I’m going to off myself!”

[@drmayday0015]

"Uh, professor your class is nextdoor." "Yeah, I know, I wanted your opinions on how scary that sounded."

[@primarchkhas726]

Not scary at all lol?

[@joelpark3075]

Anyways.... check out @daily_discourse on Instagram for debates and such! Won’t disappoint 👍👑

[@Meeminator]

@@primarchkhas726 wow you’re so brave and cool

[@primarchkhas726]

@@Meeminator how so? Not everyone gets scared of something dumb like that lmao. Not even a majority. Id say its not brave or cool. If anything the ones getting scared r babies. Dont assume so much from so little. Cause you obviously got the meaning wrong. Idiot

[@Meeminator]

@@primarchkhas726 nice

[@stanknight9159]

The main lesson here is: 1. Never store your porn on a laptop 2. Never have that laptop unsecure in a place that it can be loss/stolen 3. This guy is worse at lying than he is at not losing things.

[@het314]

When you forget to delete your browsing history...

[@hawapxwa]

This. This. This.!!!!

[@JoeyLutes]

i almost choked on my noodles 🤣🤣🤣

[@jonnyjib]

Ahhhhh me thinks you're on to something?! Lol

[@akashgoyal2313]

"You're in possession of the forensic analysis data that tells the names of those 1/3rd students that cheated in midterm, That UCF professor is very interested in this".

[@robertpaulson6036]

Lmao we attend the same college 👀

[@umang1737]

LMAO THIS IS THE BEST COMMENT

[@loganmozingo7162]

Lol I came from that video

[@peterrinderer4382]

@@loganmozingo7162 SAME XD

[@someone-cs1ix]

You already know

[@veggiebad2087]

This is the IRL, tech version of the navy seal copypasta

[@duvipearson6251]

kek

[@cavestoryking8761]

Hahaha

[@ashchaya7676]

With a side order of "backtracing" and "the consequences will never be the same!"

[@AZ-123]

*GORILLA* WARFARE

[@nigeriancrowbar6584]

I have a message for one person in this audience, I'm sorry the rest of you have to sit through this. As you know, my computer was stolen in my last lecture. The thief clearly wanted to betray everyone's trust and was after the exam. The thief was smart not to plug the computer into the campus network... but the thief was not smart enough to do three things: He was not smart enough to immediately remove Windows. I installed the same version of Windows on another computer within fifteen minutes. The people in Redmond, Washington were very interested to know why it was that the same version of Windows was being signaled to them from two different computers. The thief also did not inactivate either the wireless card or the transponder that's in that computer. Within about an hour, there was a signal from various places on campus that's allowed us to track exactly where that computer went at every time that it was turned on. I'm not particularly concerned about the computer, but the thief, who thought he was only stealing an exam, is presently, we think, probably still in possession of three different kinds of data, any one of which can send this man... this young boy, actually, to federal prison. Not a good place for a young boy to be. You are in possession of data from a hundred million dollar trial sponsored by the NIH, to which I am a consultant. This involves some of the largest companies on the planet. The NIH investigates these things through the FBI. They have been notified about this problem. You are in possession of trade secrets from a Fortune 1000 biotech company, the largest one in the country, which I consult for. The Federal Trade Communication is very interested in this. Federal martials are the people who handle that. You are in possession of proprietary data from a pre-public company planning an IPO. The Securities and Exchange Commission is very interested in this, and I don't even know what branch of law enforcement they use. Your academic career is about to come to an end. You are facing very serious charges, with a probability of very serious time. At this point, there is very little anybody can do for you. The one thing that you can do for yourself is to somehow prove that the integrity of the data which you possess has not been corrupted or copied. Ironically, I am the only person on the planet that can come to your aid, because I am the only person that can tell whether the data that was on that computer are still on that computer. You will have to find a way of hoping that if you've copied anything, you can prove that you have only one copy of whatever was made. I am tied up all this afternoon, I am out of town all of next week. You have until 11:55 to return the computer and whatever copies you've made to my office, 'cause I'm the only hope you've got of staying out of deeper trouble than you, or any student that I've ever known, has ever been in. I apologize to the rest of you to have to bring up this tasteful matter, but I will point out that we have a partial image of this person, we have two eyewitnesses. With the transponder data, we're going to get this person. Thank you. Just realized I typed all this out but there's one online someone already made, oof

[@shadynumbers8561]

this guy has, "I'm faculty" vibes written all over him Also sounds like he has incriminating evidence stored on that computer and is more worried that his secret is out

[@somnuswaltz5586]

he reportedly had illegal and very offensive porn on it

[@thecaynuck]

I never saw anything about illegal/offensive porn. Apparently his computer had the database for graduate students with all of their SIN numbers and information.@@somnuswaltz5586

[@Tyler-le6ry]

I went to the comments to see if I could find any information about what happened after and here is what I found. He did an interview about a week after saying he made it all up (obviously) in an attempt to scare the thief into returning it. No one ever came forward for stealing it.

[@Wtahc]

This should be the top comment. Not all these stupid memes.

[@MDMA-w9l]

Wait, so the thief returned laptop to professor?

[@klittlet]

@@MDMA-w9l are you stupid?

[@khyzoo]

@@MDMA-w9l Bruh can u read

[@danbam465]

Hahahah dude just went back eating pizza bites

[@therealHogmaNtheIntruder]

“The screen was forged from a single diamond on loan from North Korea. Right now I’m the only thing standing between you and Kim Jong Un.”

[@lk-py6iz]

😂😂 this is an underrated comment

[@kmartnintendork]

As old as this video is, it would have been Kim Jong Il, though.

[@melr.5492]

"The computer you stole holds the location from where Cotton-Eye Joe came from, as well as that of where he went."

[@PWNasaurusREX48]

best one

[@Wurstfinger-rl1zi]

Clearly underrated xD

[@henrahmagix]

Yep, best one!!

[@Eckalicious]

Rumour has it it also contains the information on who put the bomp in the bomp-de-bomp-de-bomp.

[@PWNasaurusREX48]

@@Eckalicious youll never be Chris R.

[@fuelknightmare]

You can feel the desperation in his voice. The moment he said "transponder" and "bio tech company" I Immediately knew he does not have any idea who stole the laptop. My professors do this all the time when they think someone cheats on an exam. Plus if he really knew he would not wait for the student to confess because what he said is on that laptop is some top-secret shit, there should be a SWAT team to arrest that student at that moment 🤣🤣🤣.

[@Badlevhusky37]

“There are 17 Russian snipers aimed at our heads right now”

[@qadir1626]

@@joelpark3075 Go fuck yourself

[@darthmaul7477]

Lmao

[@atimy]

Lmao

[@vlz.matthew]

@@qadir1626 what happened bro he deleted his comment

[@qadir1626]

@@vlz.matthewDamn, that was a year ago. I sadly don't remember. I'm curious to know what he said now too lmao.

[@avigdormoon]

"With a sin of this magnitude, the Pope has also contacted us."

[@theMatch111]

Pope heard young boy n sent someone to personally investigate.

[@Ludwig1625]

If you don't want a life in excommunication then I suggest you repent for your wrongdoings, the Pope has also begun gathering a Crusader army

[@neuvocastezero1838]

@@Ludwig1625 When are you coming out with a new album?

[@thornzcarson9233]

The Match lmao that’s really not fair XD. I’m not religious, but the current pope seems like a badass and not a pedo lol

[@LoJahn]

hahahahaha

[@johnlowell5833]

Fun fact: This was at UC Berkeley. The students knew he was bullshitting and the thief called him on his bluff. Never got his laptop back.

[@KonFry]

I want to believe you

[@Bb-xq7gk]

@@johnlowell5833 Yo wtf seriously? Puts a whole new spin on this video

[@stephenledford3808]

@@Bb-xq7gk I knew he was full of shit when said he installed the same copy of windows ,10 mins later and said the people at Microsoft contacted him lol

[@Slazors]

There was no thief you little liar. He misplaced the laptop and found it later. Fake news spreading moron.

[@samleaf7882]

stephen ledford gold

[@gldmj55]

The countless hours of lectures, presentations, and public speeches he gave over the decades were merely all in preparation for this very moment.

[@JerryHatrickShorts]

The kid is like, I don’t need an academic career anymore - I have trade secrets and proprietary biotech data!

[@bostonrailfan2427]

yep: he knows now, he’ll sell it to the highest bidder

[@nikushim6665]

"proprietary biotech data!" by that he means his coed nude collection and browser history.

[@caseykruger5357]

But they know who it is… And the FBI’s after them… And their a college kid probably with little resources…

[@spen425]

@@caseykruger5357 it’s a joke

[@typoking]

what part of "we know who you are, we have partial photo's and eye-witnesses" do you not understand? If he hasn't turned it in, he's going to federal prison for a ~Long~ time, you stupid genius.

[@coltgun876]

This man is the human embodiment of an anti piracy warning screen in a video game.

[@jk-474]

DRM in human form 🤣🤣🤣

[@ABCEasyas--]

Or the FBI warning in VHS tapes.

[@johnnycripplestar5167]

I say it's proper for small indie games. These are ambitious projects and deserve money unlike the modern triple A scene with shit like... Forspoken or Gollum..

[@manictiger]

I ripped the tag off a mattress once.

[@geoculus5606]

I'm afraid it's the rope for you.@@manictiger

[@nukingjapanwasok6265]

He's obviously bluffing to scare the kid to give the laptop back. He most likely has anime and furry art on it instead.

[@unbreakablefootage]

Yeah true. how can he have data worth millions of $ on his computer and not properly secure it.

[@Diditallforthexp]

lol "art"

[@thatnormalguy9]

@@unbreakablefootage maybe because students are expected to be adults and not steal/ cheat. teacher computers have future lessons and test Q'S&A that can be important to pass the class in order to get a degree in whatever they doing. that could be a reason. no one wants their stuff stolen anyways.

[@marcusrosales3344]

@@thatnormalguy9 Pretty sure it turned out the professor left the computer in his car or something. Yeah, this was all a bluff.

[@thatnormalguy9]

@@marcusrosales3344 if that's how it went down, idk what to say. other than he's an idiot lol

[@davis4555]

Just so everyone knows, when they threaten you the most, they have the least. If he had all this info, there'd be no need to threaten anyone; they'd just go pick the suspect up and get the laptop back. The fact that he has such important data on it, but still hasn't recovered it, means he is out of luck. It's a time sensitive matter.

[@claudiamanta1943]

Exactly. Nothing to worry about.

[@Raining345]

I have also contacted Professor Richard Quinn, and he is interested to have found out that 1/3 of the class has actually stolen 2/3 of the computer.

[@palmerstubbs4067]

OHH SHITTT THIS IS A GOOD COMMENT! actually makes sense and connected to the other professor who claimed 1/3 of his class cheated! wowowwwoow

[@user-ki4jc7il1n]

😂😂😂😂😂 Good one!!!!

[@mike5556]

@@palmerstubbs4067 Yea "cheated" by using the same test bank that lazy professor used

[@yanava]

Professor Jasper can prove with 95% of certainty that from everyone in that room at least one person could have stolen the computer. What he cannot guarantee is that 100% of the people in that room have aced the test because Federal marshalls helped them. That will require further forensic analysis.

[@cflo1386]

Lmao

[@Luketochkin]

Plot Twist: This is a third grade class

[@timothyalan34]

😂

[@samleaf7882]

Gold

[@UnknownUser-cn3rv]

By far the best comment

[@erichuang7524]

That made me laugh (:

[@rufus5208]

Stolen comment.

[@guanqiaowang7586]

That man has something illegal on his computer

[@vilts]

Probably browser history

[@dougfoster445]

bingo

[@f.f5771]

CP

[@AinSoph73]

Well he’s fantasizing out in the open about a young boy in federal prison...

[@robg4472]

Yep

[@zenoohshit5498]

Literally the first thing I learned in my cyber security class was to *NEVER* leave your computer or work station unattended without logging out. This guy is utterly incompetent

[@shum8104]

>my cyber security class maybe you should have just listened more when your parents were teaching you basic right and wrong i.e. not to steal things. maybe you also should have thought harder about why, as a child, you stole something, got found out and it was you who was punished instead of whoever you stole from. retards talking about incompetence then go on the internet to embarrass themselves and their parents

[@fortesfortunaadiuvat2181]

“I have also contacted PawPatrol and tasked them with finding and bringing you in.”

[@jshepard152]

No job's too big...

[@solobaricsrock]

Paw patrol is on a roll!! 🤣🤣

[@dogtags2010]

Best comment. Lol

[@scottshepke669]

Chase and Marshall Ain’t nothing to fuck with they mean business

[@dewnfps]

LMAOO

[@leonandrews7180]

The guy traded the computer for a bag of weed.

[@BobGymlan]

Leon Andrews you win.

[@devofreqo]

* Louis Ck

[@Ben-vt8ne]

Worth it.

[@bahaxeldeen]

Leon Andrews W

[@cesaralcaraz3589]

You would know, COMPUTER THIEF!!!!

[@tommyv4980]

Legend has it, the thief is using the computer to watch this video on youtube.

[@nvcool1]

on pornhub you mean

[@zageri]

Tommy V damn, they found me ._.

[@PenisMcWhirtar]

2:03 - the professor predicts his own arrest for what was found on that laptop LOL!!!

[@natertater4024]

It twas' the legend27

[@bensosnowski1128]

SteinbrecherBack really?

[@TheGreekGodOfWallStreet]

I put pens in my pocket after I’m finished using them. One time I accidentally did this with a teacher’s pen that was provided so students could sign up for something. The teacher acted about the same way as this professor. After the speech, but before the class ended, I realized my mistake. Instead of getting crucified I dropped the pen on the floor, the teacher found it and was still convinced someone had stolen it to mess with her. Thank god it was a Friday.

[@user-mr3eq3bj5e]

"My friend, Jason Bourne has been alerted of this as well"

[@TheAcer4666]

As well as the student's academic career coming to an end, I feel like this professor's consulting side hussle is also coming to an end

[@Runner2959]

I hope it did because this guy genuinely sucks!

[@silverdrillpickle7596]

🤣🤣🤣

[@noahmcdarby5417]

Yup

[@mrfarts5176]

What a dumb professor. I do engineering work and am more secure than this moron.

[@jdheatmag]

I wouldn't call it a side hussle. He probably made twice his professor salary as a consultant. And I'm guessing he was at the principal level or higher. He probably had to attend a data security class then got a slap on the wrist for leaving it logged in. You have to do some seriously terrible shit to get fired as a consultant. Like not using the correct pronouns.

[@liamfergie]

1:02 “I’m not particularly concerned about the computer” It was at this moment I knew. He was only concerned about getting his computer back.

[@bornaasi8734]

I feel his pain, he could have years or personal info on that laptop, it would be no different to losing a photo album with old family photos. Still funny watching him make up this story

[@niignastii]

Remember, when someone threatens you with evidence proving you did something but still want a confession. They have nothing.

[@georgebrantley776]

@@Keep701 He could just have the person anonymously mail/drop the laptop somewhere

[@georgebrantley776]

@@Keep701 I would suspect he was namedropping. It doesn't make much sense to warn the guy about it. Not to mention, the guy probably had no clue he had all this stuff anyway. This is a bit like, instead of just saying: Please return my book, you say "please return my book because the password to my google drive is written inside and my drive is full of top secret info" It's a security folly of utmost proportion. I may have believed him, but the part about dowwnloading 2 windows versions triggering a MSFT investigation makes me disbelieve him. Millions of computers are running windows, and there are so many illegal copies going around all over the place. I expect the same windows key being active on 2 devices happens several times across the world every day. It is rather unlikely that the "folks in Redmond" have nothing better to do than to chase after pirated Windows intances. Also, idk what he is talking about with the "transponder." He must've installed that himself, and if so, it would be very easy to have campus police simply walk right over and seize the laptop.

[@AsperTheGhost]

@@Keep701 My first thought exactly. A Uni Prof lying about being a consultant for companies, publicly and on record, would be a death-knell for his career. He *may* have been exaggerating a little to try and expadite the process, but you can't just say "I do all this important stuff" as a respected Uni Prof and expect no one to call you out.

[@danieljuno810]

Callejero3030 bingo

[@Wyllowisp]

@@AsperTheGhost Except it's already been confirmed that what he said was a bluff. They already recovered the computer and all it contained was information about students. Stop being so gullible, holyshit.

[@Luke-nc6em]

Janitor: *remembers he forgot to put the computer back after cleaning the table* Janitor: Oh Shit

[@jimothycurrie.5285]

I'm the 455th person who liked your comment and your welcome lol

[@ipodmaster2688]

@@jimothycurrie.5285 you're

[@jimothycurrie.5285]

@@ipodmaster2688 "you are"

[@ipodmaster2688]

@@jimothycurrie.5285 that's the same as you're. Your however isn't.

[@jimothycurrie.5285]

@@ipodmaster2688 there's many variation of ways in fact you've typed in the first place this isn't quiz.

[@elterrible00esb]

So the Professor just admitted that HE kept non public trial data and company trade secrets UNENCRYPTED on an UNSECURED laptop that anyone could swipe from his desk.... He was pretty snooty too talking about how the kid got caught when his own security practices are terrible.

[@pulsarsbeam6411]

A $10 laptop lock loop would of prevented the alleged theft.

[@Chomperoni23]

The real story is was his laptop got stolen and made up this scare story to try and get it back. Hopefully it worked Haha

[@markkennedy9767]

Completely agree

[@Catrik]

First thing on my mind too. It probably (hopefully) was crypted and was just scaring the thief, but if it wasn't he would probably face pretty serious concequences himself too for storing such valuable data so unsecurely.

[@IsaSaien]

He made it up bonzo

[@sese182]

Dude just wants his porn collection back.

[@ca4brandon378]

The second somebody says, "I'll give you one chance to admit what you did" is the second you know they have zero proof.

[@kene4151]

Nah not necessarily. I pulled that line on a student to give him a chance to avoid a suspension, because I already had video evidence of him committing the act

[@kene4151]

@Xyre154 heck even called the National Guard.

[@hereticsshallbecleansed7245]

@@kene4151 If you knew it was the student you would've pulled him aside and had a private conversation with him on what he did. The professor is bluffing. All this did was make the thief even more scared to turn it in/ or confident that he got away with it.

[@puchibamba4801]

That doesn't count for most mom/grandma > when they count down they meant it! In my grandmother's case, it meant she was giving a sandal or shoe a proper countdown before slapping you upside the head with it!

[@AD-ec3sm]

Heretics shall be cleansed what grade do you teach?

[@matthewleibfred760]

"whoever stole the computer, just know that its worth way more than you originally thought, so give it back"

[@KantFromEC]

"Dear criminal, just so you're aware what you stole is of extreme value and here is exactly how and where you should go to capitalise on this crime".

[@agent475816]

"You are in possession of the Krabby Patty secret formula. Plankton is very interested in this."

[@gioattax11]

You are in possession of the recipe for the everlasting gobstopper. Mr. Slugworth is very interested in this.

[@Gun1Up]

lmao

[@wickedprotos1937]

Someone who knows the real truth of the matter and memory of the most interesting non-entitled generation! Kudos!!!!!!!

[@shifty25_]

Hahahahhaahah

[@jeffridder4034]

That comment wins!

[@chlorophil545]

He stole the Fizzy Lifting Drink too, so he's out of the running to take over the factory too.

[@karlrobinson4887]

Sir, if there's a "transponder" in it, just go to where it is and get it.

[@Nas8y]

@@jakesllama Except the Professor was bullshitting the entire time.

[@pokemonmaster0079]

@@jakesllama What convinced me, personally, that the professor was BSing was the Windows thing. Accounts are saved on a computer-by-computer basis, and so there is no way for him to get into his account from a different computer, and even if he did so, the people in Redwood wouldn't really care too much about it.

[@dougfoster445]

@@jakesllama nah, you may not know...But I know....It was bullshit...

[@Pineapple0]

@@Stranger0736w7 I think the professor meant the same exact Windows license.

[@RayMysteryo]

@@Stranger0736w7 Window versions are unique you need a license to activate them

[@Slenderman454]

The computer had Obama’s last name in the files

[@zachsnyder4312]

Manny Dorsey found the person who had the computer

[@mwplaylist2890]

holup

[@user-uq4gr5nl5o]

@@dbe_manny No. It's Cur.

[@olympia5758]

@@dbe_manny His last name is Bin Laden

[@mitchderise]

I feel so dumb because I've heard this like 20 times and it gets me for a couple seconds everytime

[@markraby1665]

The fact that his mind races very quickly to "young boy in federal prison" makes me think he has more than just trade secrets on that laptop

[@muwuny]

"I installed the same version of windows" He's obviously bluffing tbh.

[@rje613]

yeah that was a big giveaway..."I installed the same version of windows and microsoft called me up saying "hey, two of you are using the same version of windows" haha fucking good one. He was clearly bluffing and that line blew it.

[@votaveri]

RJ he means same windows activation key, each key costs like 200 dollars. He wasn’t about to rebuy it

[@rje613]

@@votaveri but then he went on to say they were able to track the thief down because of it but thats not how it works. 1000 people could use the same registeration key if they wanted and microsoft wouldn't do shit. In fact, every version of windows I've ever owned was registered with some random persons key from the internet.

[@votaveri]

RJ Not the rebuttals I was expecting... the one you got from the internet as I have is a business key making it extremely cheap to get. If you activate 2 copies it will disable...

[@lanoche]

@@votaveri Check the video's upload date. It was before or during the Windows Vista and 7 Era and a lot of people still used XP at this point. You can literally use the same key for a bunch of computers before it stopped working then you had to call Microsoft to BS your way into them giving you a new one for free. Learned this from being a coop student during my highschool to a very scummy and shady computer store back in 2008. We used the same key over and over till it stopped then I had to call their customer service and tell them my pc broke and I'm just trying to reinstall it and now the key doesn't work at all. When I worked as an IT at a big engineering firm in 2012, I was surprised that half of their system were still in XP and I was the guy they made everybody switch to Windows 7 whether they liked it or not.

[@PatrickPierceBateman]

The Marshalls found the thief, shot him in the legs 40 times, then watched him bleed out while they smoked cigarettes and made jokes about how stupid he was for not disabling the tracking device. It's harsh but fair.

[@lockandloadlikehell]

I loved yo movies

[@thearcanearcade4923]

Hey, I think I remember you. You are that guy who comments "nice" on newretrowave videos

[@pleaseenteranamelol711]

@We on a friday?

[@northstar4601]

an eye for an eye basically, I mean I see that as an absolute win

[@johnnymartinez2917]

Coca Koala hes too busy drinking cocktails in europe :)

[@GusFogle]

Plot twist: this video was filmed using the stolen computer.

[@mathewboyd903]

Lmfao

[@TheArsenalMan125]

he left the laptop at his girlfreinds house his wife was pissed

[@coasterking0]

It was.

[@Brandon1984mn]

LOL got me good 👌😂😂😂👌

[@jackfanning7952]

@@TheArsenalMan125 No, he loaned it to Hunter Biden.

[@arctos333]

“I’ve also contacted two of the best hitmen west of the Mississippi.”

[@noahmcdarby5417]

This professor literally just echoed everything that the IT kid told him.

[@happypercussionist1]

true

[@sugoi9680]

You mean the IT scammer? 🤣

[@DarkInception]

He went home that night and told his wife the same spiel at the dinner table. He was so proud of himself. She had no idea what the fuck he was on about.

[@herobrine1847]

@@DarkInceptionwhy do you assume so?

[@jonathanpotter8760]

FBI wants to know your location Robber:Deny FBI: damn he’s good

[@murtajaalramahy8280]

bahsbfqvy asbhuvqb agh dg

[@RMnRN-89]

lol

[@pratiktrivedi6986]

hahahahahaha

[@David-ls4qp]

This is a good comment

[@Muz710]

First comment ive actually laughed to in a while good job lol

[@casualriley]

"I installed the same version of Windows on another computer. Within 15 minutes people in Redmond were very interested to know why it was that the same version of Windows was being... uhh, signaled to them from two different computers." Yeah I got a call from the Microsoft police just the other day, they were very interested to know why my three computers all running the same ripped version of Windows were signalling them for the past two decades.

[@avigokuu]

this had me , lmao . and.. microsoft police just the other day were very interested to know why about half the globe is using the same windows. signaling the same time

[@mikewatkinson1996]

That's when I figured out this was bullshit. I've been doing that since I was 10.

[@testy462]

ROFL, no crap. Between friends at one point I think we had like 30+ computers going on the same windows ID. Microsoft doesn't even care, they only care about businesses because that's where the money is.

[@TortureBot]

UkogivA I'm really sorry, I wanted to buy fresh copies of Windows for all those computers I built over the years, but it was just too damned expensive and ate into my profit margin. I'm sorry!

[@ashishbhatt3467]

Half of asia runs pirated version of windows.

[@Altum8bit]

He knows where it's coming from because he backtraced it, and it's been reported to the cyber police. Consequences will never be the same!

[@sirhawkjames]

My favorite part is when he said “but the thief was not smart enough to” and proceeds to let thief know the next steps to take to get away with stealing the computer.

[@blueyedevil1531]

Or he set traps, gave suggestions of what to do that would flag a trackable response.

[@jamesong.a.7695]

@@blueyedevil1531 nothing he said would have done that. Any millennial with half a brain would have called BS on everything he said, let alone those at Berkeley. It was all nonsense.

[@Phyrre56]

I particularly enjoyed the notion that Microsoft would give half a shit that someone installed Windows twice with the same product key. As a PC hobbyist, I've installed my one product key of Windows onto 5 or 6 different sets of hardware at this point and Microsoft has never even blinked.

[@TheUltimateGC]

@@Phyrre56 lolololol

[@maritha9430]

That was my thoughts as well. Poor dude is freaked out

[@Bentami]

“Your academic career is about to end.” Kid: “Ah yes, plans are going as expected.”

[@hj2479]

It was a girl and her academic career did end.

[@es-ve5mj]

All I'm saying is....If i was a thief, and in the same class. The second he started his speech, i would have known i got away with it.

[@KayOScode]

Yep absolutely

[@lucabaumert7764]

@Garfield Logan Because you don't do a speech in front of the whole class if you know who did it or had a reasonable chance of finding it out.

[@derbigpr500]

@Garfield Logan If you know who's guilty, you simply go to that person. All these dramatic speeches that are meant to scare whoever is guilty is just proof that someone has no fucking idea who it is that's guilty.

[@lucabaumert7764]

@Garfield Logan Exactly. Basically, every teachers and policemans scare tactic.

[@RS-ek9dr]

@@lucabaumert7764 even tho in this case. He was lying. Dont steal someones property. Especially university proffessors.

[@stanknight9159]

*Finds the laptop, in his old computer bag, in the trunk of his other car, the next day.

[@yoloswaggins2161]

To the people who say Microsoft never calls you, that's not true! I once got a call from Microsoft too, it was a guy named "Peter" with a heavy Indian accent "Madam this is Microsoft support you have a virus on the computer" which he then helped me clean up. So that's proof they do call you some times.

[@jaredletobestjoker]

I can't tell if this is a joke

[@matthewkasdorf]

Haha

[@matthewkasdorf]

@@jaredletobestjoker you are obviously a fucking idiot

[@vatsala6497]

What A Jerk you too. Rick Nan made another joke

[@Dev-zd3rx]

@@matthewkasdorf that was the joke lol, you're dumb

[@zoesdada8923]

"The computer actually belonged to the ancient God of destruction, Ba'al and if you do not return it we'll tell him where you live."

[@SirPentYT]

Sounds like a real ba'al buster.

[@cryogeneric]

I saw this video back in 2004-ish. As someone else said: the only truthful thing he said was that he lost his laptop.

[@noormuzahid9008]

For real??????

[@MiuXiu]

noor muzahid For real for real.

[@PathumAddarapathirana]

Yup, even if he consults for this "massive biotech firm" you would never keep that kind of sensitive info on a personal laptop. If it was pre IPO maybe the SEC will get involved but like wtf are they gonna do to a college student. Everything else was bs. The two eye witnesses who knows.

[@bilsid]

Prof3ssor: You are also in possession of my duck pics... Thief: Say no more, here you go boss

[@guccieyebags869]

“The laptop also contains the location of Waldo”

[@timfischer]

That is some USDA grade A choice BS right there. Best I've ever heard. "So we've located the computer in several places around campus with our 'transponder'. But we chose not to take it back" lol

[@SmokeymcJoint420]

Yup, absolute crock of shit.

[@realbobafettx6367]

“The National Guard is also pending an airstrike”

[@prykris]

From all of the comments, I found this hilarious. Thanks!

[@lotsaspaghettimamaluigi]

At least he didn't get the cyber police involved

[@harryrs7293]

Judge: you're still looking at 20 years 6ix 9ine: I know who stole the laptop

[@amelia396]

lmao

[@surge127]

he do be back doe😳

[@vis_6916]

😂

[@KOKOPIKOSS]

You all failed to realize this mans true plan...by this absurd monologue he was hoping to make the culprit laugh his or hers ass off thus pinpointing the identity of the thief....the genius.....

[@EmperorsNewWardrobe]

“And I will smite thee with great vengeance and fuuuurious anger...”

[@brolickscholar3083]

“And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my hands upon thee.”

[@EmperorsNewWardrobe]

*Click. Click click clickclick. Clickclick. Click.*

[@uncomfy5496]

Professor: "a young boy, actually" the girl who stole the computer: "yes of course"

[@farzein4002]

partial picture

[@hughmungus4979]

*meet the spy*

[@organizedchaos4559]

@@declansnyder2281 it’s a threat, when someone does have any proof they make up threats to make people nervous and admit yeh truth.

[@avory7938]

@@organizedchaos4559 Thing is, by the way the professor was speaking, he made it seem like whoever stole the computer will eventually and inevitably be caught, but if that was the case then it just doesn't make sense that he's speaking up in the first place, if all of what he was saying was true and if the computer really had all of that important data, then he would've simply waited for the person to get caught, because telling them about the importance of the computer might make them want to keep it even more. So yeah, bad bluff from his part i guess

[@cooldude2251]

@@avory7938 I don't think you know what you are talking about tbh. You are trying to sound smart but you make no sense.

[@turbostinky2978]

"The computer you are in possession of contains information regarding Obama's last name."

[@fb3798]

I personally hate Obama but the whole thing about his name is so pathetic and dark agish and reminds us about the horrible persecutions commit in the name of Christ who btw is the same "god" (according to Christian belief), or his god, that ordered the killing of women and children in the old testament! So anyone whith a Jewish/Christian name is more "worthy" to be persecuted

[@HazeAroundtheWorld]

@@fb3798 What the hell are you talking about?

[@MrJericho1100]

@@HazeAroundtheWorld lmao

[@Meeminator]

@@fb3798 lmao you are very confused, I assure you.

[@LovetheSource]

@@fb3798 this comment gave me the Wuhan

[@SawantSumeet]

Professor : you're going to jail Thief : No, you're going to lose that job with that million dollar company

[@gatsbee7]

“Perhaps the biggest mistake made by the thief was when he forgot that I have several large aquariums in my basement that are home to numerous angry sharks with lasers attached to their heads.” This is hands down the worst audition to play the next Bond Villain ever!!!!

[@MrThatOneGuy696]

No joke this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in all my time on earth

[@thomasbladen6019]

Imagine if it turns out he just misplaced his laptop

[@876r876rf]

haha

[@Komrad_Yuri]

F

[@joshmccollen700]

"I totally know who you are so you should just give yourself up."

[@spiderduckpig]

I've also contacted Darth Vader and the administration of the Galactic Empire and they are very interested the Death Star data that was located on my computer

[@sakibassplayer197]

The minute he said "transponder" I knew he was bullshiting. This guy has no clue who stole it lol

[@lilmike2710]

Just butthurt. Probably had some incriminating files on the hard drive. We've ascertained that people of his ilk tend to "like them young".

[@ajperry3063]

I knew it was bullshit the second he said that Microsoft wanted to know why the same version of Windows was on 2 computers

[@michael654]

Homing beacon

[@FFFan3445]

@@ajperry3063 He misspoke, it's a CD key or serial number or whatever. Pretty sure they were able to track activations and let you know IP addresses of the different copies, kind of an anti-theft thing mainly helpful to retailers.

[@rwbimbie5854]

Computer can be tracked by Transponder so the FAA and Airport Tower will be looking for it

[@SwaggerSonic]

“You are in procession of the location of the lamb sauce”

[@safiiyaa]

Gordon Ramsay:

[@rickh3512]

You win the comments 😂😂😂😂

[@aaahah9931]

Possession*

[@imperson1785]

Gordon Ramsey is very interested in this

[@SocratesAth]

Normal person: "damn, guess I shouldn't have left my laptop unattended" This guy: *creates the academic version of the Navy Seal copypasta*

[@MelodicTurtleMetal]

Panic mode was activated. I call child porn

[@kouroshington]

bro really thinks he's the main character