Projecting Your Personal Shadow | Dr. Steve Mortenson | TEDxUniversityofDelaware

Dr. Mortenson takes us from unskillful behavior to skillful behavior in this talk focusing on the Personal Shadow and projecting it on to other people. Steve Mortenson is a professor of Communication at the University of Delaware. His teaching and research focus on skillful communication, emotional management, and effective leadership. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@MichaelEisbrener]

I was taught, from earliest memories, 'what you like least in others, you like least in yourself.' My dad said it to me almost daily... I was upset often... and it was always true for me. It was a long time before I recognized what I LIKED about others was in me as well. Great talk.

[@MadameWesker]

Wish somebody would've told me that growing up.

[@high_tash709]

This is something I've found out myself in my late 20s, would of been useful if I knew it before. But better ever then never :)

[@lyfisgud6984]

Wow! I just realised ds a year ago in my early 30s... Nd it has changed d way I used to look at pple

[@theonewhosthere]

We are all connected and often when we look at others it’s like looking into a reflection

[@sayusayme7729]

Nice 🌬

[@wonder7798]

I realized after my entanglement with the narcissistic bf that where I complained at him about his irresponsibility, selfish, apathetic, spontaneous too often, just didn't care, I was the extreme on the other side. Unconditional positive regard for others, give give give, super responsible, share share share, communication...he was the sucker punch that made me reflect that I needed to balance these extreme areas.

[@xxxPLoads]

Isn't it a wonderful thing when we can be grateful for what for a time seemed purely harmful and a curse. 🤕 and we can be truly grateful that even the blows that seemed to knock out and threatened to overwhelm us were in fact OK and we not only survived the worst, we somehow by divine grace found fresh meaning, could share our harrowing horror as a story of hope and authentic insight and love, forgive and be forgiven for not seeing the darkness. The light is so bright and of course it is drawn to shine into the darkest and wildest of places whilst we finally come to see truly into the darkest places we perceive how there is nothing more than love to be seen. He showed you what a divine gift you had on your side in being kind and what a kindness you are to everyone for learning to love and take responsibility for yourself for the world with such transcendent kindness U shine fresh hope and insight and grace. Wishing u love, joy and peace on your way, godspeed and kind regards. 😌🙏🏼

[@videowatcher315]

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

[@milestegg869]

So I need to look at my fear of not being the the good guy by being helpful and not being kind to myself and respecting myself,my desires,and my needs by setting boundaries and giving my self the right to say no. Also to admit that I alllow myself to be with people who hate me and want to hurt me by being polite. By acting passively and wanting to respect others over myself I am self-harming-sabotaging my joy.

[@iamchannelll]

your not alone bro i have similar issues

[@jcronin3155]

That's the best description of shadow work and projection I've come across online. I really appreciate this talk.

[@evolvingthedarknesstarot6177]

We learn from everyone we cross paths with. Be open minded to everyone because you might miss a wonderful lesson.

[@xxxPLoads]

For your life is your own, each life is a vessel. We each have a purpose to share that is special.

[@DansEarway]

“The shadow is a defense for children.. it’s a place to put things we pretend are not there.” translation: peek-a-boo

[@MidnightCrow928]

Mind. Blown.

[@MadameWesker]

When he said learn to break a few rules I laughed but I get what he means. Touched my heart.

[@tsvetclips]

One of the best projection explanations on this platform. Thank you, sir.

[@kale8417]

Thank you for this, I've had trouble understanding the shadow and this was the most helpful video I've seen on this topic.

[@boxeriain]

No problem, Max 😜

[@winsomecohall2250]

Kale please check out Manly P Hall on the personality and Dr Gabor Mate

[@pinkkcandiee12]

Honestly I need more content like this, I am a child who suffered from mental abuse from my father, and his type a Personailty. I project so much of his negative energy but it makes me too cry like it is so unintentional. But hearing this is going to be part of my journey to help break the mental block. I want to destroy it. More why don’t I learn how to relax and be less type a and more of the person and, understand it’s fear.

[@rebeccagreen7241]

Thank you for the clear and interesting explanation. I've heard and read a lot about the shadow but it's mostly been either clear OR interesting and it's really nice to have both. The part about paying special attention when we find ourselves both irritated and jealous of someone was particularly helpful. Great talk in general

[@Gloroxsocks]

I love this it makes me feel better about feeling judged by others, people often say to just not take it personally but it’s far easier to not take it personally when you understand why

[@PersephoneRising333]

I highly recommend “The Four Agreements” for additional guidance on that aspect (and more) 💕🕊

[@jswawr]

Best explanation I've ever heard of this concept. Extremely insightful and helpful. Thank-you, Professor.

[@jazzminegoddess7968]

I’ve seen several videos on shadow work as of late and this with the exception of 1 other video has been the best explanation of this very important process. I swear I avoided doing this for years because of the videos I would watch and they were incredibly confusing and did not recognize it’s importance. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU 🙏🏽 it feels like I found a pot of gold and can now truly obtain the life, spirit, and energy I’ve always wanted.

[@gaurav3290]

Read Debbie Ford's books for shadow work. Her books have practical steps.

[@YogaPinay]

What is the "1 other video"? Could be of help to many. Thanks in advance.

[@phoebusapollo4865]

Are you a goddess? If so who?

[@jeraldbaxter3532]

Like you, I watch a fair number of videos about psychology \ philosophy \ self - help (and it seems that "the shadow" is a popular, if not trendy, topic lately.) Also like you, I feel confusion about the varying messages that these videos send out, and feel very frustrated, at times. Watching this video has helped me understand the shadow better than many others; it's not a "quick fix", I don't think there is such a thing (" take this one pill \ watch this one video and you will be healed!); it takes work; as Vita, duchesse de Boheme once said, " Life is the ultimate, do it yourself \ self- help project." My theory is that there are so many different philosophies \ religions \ political parties \ self-help theories, all trying to get our attention (think of that eager 10 year old, the one who knows the answer to teachers question, waving their arms and shouting "I know! I know!"; now picture a roomful of those kids. That's my analogy of life.) No wonder so many people avoid self-examination - it's too confusing, with no guarantee that we will "get it right," and life is the one subject that we definitely, desperately want to get right. Ever been at a large, all you can eat buffet and feeling so overwhelmed that you take only a small portion of one dish? Any way, to finally get to some kind of point : I wonder if it's not always a question of making the right, but that we make a decision. Search, study, examine, yes, but in the end, choose what appears to work and proceed from there. Back in the '90's the phrase " Jump and the net will appear" was popular; it always sound a little to glib. I said this to a "New Age" friend one day, and they replied, "Well, who says that you can't jump back?" Put things in perspective for me. Thank you for reading this rambling dissertation; I will close by wishing you joy in your journey through life.

[@fabiocaetanofigueiredo1353]

One of the best lectures I have EVER watched 👏👏👏

[@terrymoran3705]

So I must be afraid of being serious because I laughed throughout your lecture simply because it hit home. Makes perfect sense. Wonderful talk. Thank you

[@frosty.berlin]

Wonderful talk Dr. Mortenson, I have been waiting for this talk for a long time now. You're just one of the few professors ever to seem to understand all people surrounding you and try your best to add value to their lives by helping them overcome their biggest fears. I'm really proud that I was one of your students.

[@sterlingsilver3694]

@@theantsaretakingover who cares?

[@anthonythompson12]

Thanks for Sharing... I care...

[@floaterfilms1976]

@@sterlingsilver3694 And i'm the Professor's son, you mind not back handing my cousin like that.

[@mariasergheevici4577]

This man just gave me the answer I was looking for soooo long. Literally, made a shift into my conciseness. Thank you so much Sir! ☺️🙏❤️

[@Dshatila1983]

Congratulations🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Fire-Queen]

@MariaSergheevici what was your question?

[@coppermoon4747]

Great examples and clarity on this subject! I recognize my own struggles with this and have found it requires regular maintenance. I stopped asking for help when I found myself being punished for it in a toxic family structure. It's tough to navigate sometimes.

[@rinadror]

All the insights you brought up in the lecture on the subject of the shadow I saw in me. You helped me a lot to understand the way I need to drive to improve myself. I must watch the lecture again. Thanks

[@mistybabcock9548]

I have learned more from this video about myself in a few minutes than in a lifetime. Thank you for explaining this so well. I took notes.

[@elizabethblush3332]

This was amazing! Thank you for sharing a great explanation. Very helpful.

[@chrisclevenger1582]

I needed to watch this today. It clears much for me.

[@nickheyer]

Well said, Dr. Mortenson. I really enjoyed this!

[@sboychev1]

Great session! So easily explained with examples. Thank you very much!

[@dezmond100]

Incredible talk on the shadow, thank you so much

[@TheOlgaKay]

The best explanation of shadow work out there. Thank you!

[@bodycenteredwisdom]

This was truly excellent - clear, practical, and concise. Thank you 🌸

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

This has just helped me with some abuse that has caused severe C-PTSD

[@Steph-hk7ik]

Just a suggestion...perhaps read The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford for more insight on this subject.

[@winsomecohall2250]

Queen of the Butterflies please check out Manley P Hall on the personality and Gabor Mate .. you will be able to help yourself

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

@@winsomecohall2250 @Steph 🙏 Bless you both, thankyou Xx

[@winsomecohall2250]

Queen of the butterflies I was diagnosed with schizophrenia bipolar ptsd depression..mental breakdown and here I AM totally free but it’s long work to get to this place .. Liberated ..I valued all that happened to me .. I made it my friend and value it .. fear guilt shame anxiety etc all became my friend.. Dr Gabor Mate open my eyes to childhood truama .. Carl Jung showed me my shadow self .. Robert Sapolsky showed me how my brain works , Manly P Hall showed me how personality works ..

[@divinegroundtantra]

Wonderful, clear video. Definitely deserves more views!

[@jalees]

he dropped so many gems. thank you!

[@Beccanator007]

This is so good!! Profound and simple conveyed. 🙏🙏🙏

[@julianwoodcock4309]

The clearest and most practical explanation of what the shadow is in the first place without it appearing as psychological gobbledygook.

[@karrieforsling3388]

Thanks for sharing! I loved the content and how it was delivered.

[@tubtub883]

Thankyou I needed to hear this ! Now I’m gonna try and be more aware of my behaviour 💐👍🏼☮️

[@dawndid5972]

Thank you for answering MY NEEDS when I demand your love.

[@Susanbeing]

I was told a lot i am rude, selfish, lazy, and inappropriate just being myself. Still am sometimes. I help when i want to but not when i cant or am not comfortable with what i am being asked to do. I suffer a lot for being me. But it's worth it

[@TheExcellentVideoChannel]

Very accessible description of the shadow. Nice work.

[@pragyakumar5601]

Omg, why don't KZbin and tedx highlight this talk. I guess Half of the other nonsense on KZbin won't be viewed then.. lmao.. Clearly in my top 10 tedx talks ever ❤️❤️🙏🙏

[@junce723]

That's was amazing 👏I will try to put it into perspective, thanks for your lesson.

[@JackFrishert]

Very enlightening specially the examples how helpfulness etc is working as a shadow self

[@tagaway6173]

I really enjoyed the talk.

[@chansingh6403]

Simple and POWERFUL truth💗🙌🙏

[@ildiphoenix]

This made me reflect about my self thank you 🙏

[@deeh5048]

Truly excellent! Thank you

[@melissoyaslanova1780]

wow maybe the best ted talk ever. really powerful.

[@winsomecohall2250]

Melis Soyaslanova please check out Dr Gabor mate on when the body says no and Manly P Hall on the personality

[@mikelisteral7863]

ted talk: everyone is insane.

[@micheleangelicadance742]

You are a great wisdom keeper in my mind.

[@alejandraquintana692]

My SO is the one who does this for me. He is always aggressive and over the top and it bothered me. I was never rude with him I just used to tell him what I thought. Later on I found myself saying similar things to what he was doing than what my sister used to tell me growing up… when I was about 7-13 years old. With this I realized how much I’ve changed myself due to the criticism I have received from others…

[@Reverie305]

So good! Thank you so much! ❤️

[@giselefont2548]

Wow! A real eye opener. I really needed to hear this. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions because of this pandemic. I have been short tempered, angry and emotional. This talk really helps me to understand a lot about my unmet needs as a child. Thank you and god bless everyone. ❤️🙏

[@winsomecohall2250]

Gisele Font please check out Dr Gabor on when the body says no and Manly P Hall on the personality these will help you

[@giselefont2548]

@@winsomecohall2250 thank you for the info. Is it on KZbin? I really appreciate your help. Have a blessed day. ❤️🙏

[@winsomecohall2250]

Gisele Font it’s all there on utube Dr Gabor is very good he talk about his life experience he is very open..

[@lamagiduneinstant76]

~”Never do anything that you don’t want to do.” -GOD (Think about why) “Conversations with God”

[@harshitasingh601]

Amazing talk! Thank you

[@brittanydollss]

this is ART. i’m happy i learned something new

[@mikelisteral7863]

ted talk: everyone is insane.

[@aprilrussell3673]

Thank you so much for sharing this video. I've been wanting and needing to work on my shadow self for quite some time and now after watching this i believe I'm confident enough to be able to do my shadow work today so excited thanks so much. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[@gaurav3290]

Hey, did you do shadow work for yourself? Share your experience please

[@kwpp7]

I'm in my early 40s now and have finally found my power to say no, how to set up boundaries, and to stop caring how people may judge me for it.

[@iamedey1232]

from my perspective this ties into what Alister Crowley said "Do As Thou Wilt" we are all different for a reason; the ALL expressing itself in various fashions

[@khatazamalate2433]

Brilliant 👏👏👏👏🔥💕✨ Meditating on this . Thank You 🙏

[@barbrawlings7923]

100% accurate. But it is a lesson that I have become aware of and now setting boundaries.

[@RecoverySoulfood]

Brilliantly Helpful 🙏👏🏻

[@alaaaaa4132]

That's a great video, thank you for sharing.

[@IndigoHazelnut]

This is a truly underrated Ted Talk. Very valuable

[@helenmcbreen727]

so beautiful, Thank you so much

[@gracecoachcorner5898]

thank youuuuu!!!! i am working my shadow and its hard ... being an assertive person also hard in convent so again, thank you

[@georginaburton6682]

So true So many people should watch this

[@edgreen8140]

They live unconsciously ; no intuition no self reflection. Thank you your identifying part of my shadow. I have an aggressive portion a rude portion sloppy portion. Angry part that needs to be displayed tactfully and maybe if they push further- the anger increases and I put a stronger boundary down. I ask as needed. Those who don't show social curtosies is part of my shadow. I take out the needed parts out of the shadow as needed. Conflict doesn't bother me. Shadow projection and unconscious communication is often seen in those who are unaware of their shadow. They project their shadow onto others. I'm gonna write a book but not now- this passive aggressive behavior is in my awareness. My father showed his unwillingness to help others paint wood by painting the brick. Someone cleaned it up. He was never asked by anyone to paint again. I understand why he felt he belonged on the golf course instead of painting. Those who criticize others criticize themselves exponentially.

[@charlesmiller945]

Beautiful talk thank you.

[@Tedpk9998]

This is awesome thank you

[@anahobintie]

An excellent talk. Thank you.

[@starksoldier9928]

This is FANTASTIC. Anyone have more resources? I'd love to learn more, especially about positive projection: like idealizing someone.

[@sterlingsilver3694]

Would love to share more information. Let me know the best way to give that to you

[@winsomecohall2250]

starksoldier please check out Dr Gabor Mate on when the body says no and Manly p Hall on the personality

[@raestar5451]

Awesome, that was great! At first your voice was annoying, but of course that was just my projection! Explained well, thankyou for sharing ♥🌈

[@lucylives348]

Thank you for this👍

[@SublimeLullaby]

aMAZING TALK

[@angiekrajewski6419]

The real down to the point with what your saying is « fear of the opinions of others. » and refusing to see what we really want or don’t want to do… And specially a huge lack of love for others.. Just being you is what count and either the others or best friend etc etc don’t agree it’s their way of perceiving what you really are … helping others should come from the heart without being forced to do so if you don’t feel it’s the right thing well it should come from your heart…

[@artazcona1422]

My God...You just changed my life.

[@queengoblin]

Dealing w this today in my own shadow work process. It's uncomfortable but gives me so much self compassion, which is what it turns out I was needing. The things I judge in others are things I have rejected in myself. Every time. The things I admire in others are things in me. Always.

[@machglass]

That is one good watch Love it 🥰

[@morganweidinger]

great & objective explanation

[@chaunceydumbuya3050]

Love this

[@johngrote8404]

Love ya my Brother!!! Great Stuff!!!

[@sixsicsixgod]

awesome talk !!!!!!!!!!

[@sc-ek6qz]

Yeah!

[@trafficcontrol2420]

5 mins in....incredible talk.

[@PB-mp7qt]

this is so helpful ha ha , but yeah its given me a total epiphany about myself ,amazing thanks.

[@sterlingsilver3694]

Thank you for sharing the word epiphany

[@PB-mp7qt]

Thanks for that, I didn't even notice.

[@vizzurd1]

thank you

[@tonyzamberlin]

Great video!

[@evolvingthedarknesstarot6177]

The shadow is all the aspects that we hate about ourselves. The answer in within yourself. Look within.

[@shayxo193]

Great talk thank u

[@sistergoodstuff]

Brilliant! 🥰

[@mixerD1-]

This guy is like a non comedy, non pervy version of Louis CK....real easy to listen to. Good talk dude. 👍👍

[@haleyhansen3655]

This dude's son makes GREAT ytps

[@amandeep-ss4ub]

Great great talk

[@sunshine23.141]

Now I understand psychologically why I identify people who make me annoyed with me. You know, the people who hold up that mirror to you while you secretly think, 'is THAT how I act?!' But they don't even know it. 😂😂 explains a lot.

[@AgentB333]

very powerful 🔥

[@Temperance10]

I think it's good to know what you want, sometimes you get it sometimes you don’t, If you don't know then other people decide for you mostly.

[@apacur]

Excellent

[@roiferreach100]

I am in this process now.

[@chrisegnatz3668]

You spot it you got it.Don't who said it but it's true.

[@sunshineandrain2278]

Signs/Sources of Shadow: When feel disapproving or envy: unmet needs or disowned parts of self When feel judged without hearinf words: self judgement

[@ScatFalcon]

Very Nice ❤

[@fatimadridi4659]

Merci

[@treyGivens1]

I understand personal relationships but I feel I have a lot of issues around institutions/school/work. I don’t feel I project my shadow onto people but as I have mentioned school/institutions of power/work and I have no clue how to go about reclaiming this power.