RESPECT means DIFFERENT things to MEN and WOMEN, or: where have all the real men gone?

[@kylecurryyt]

Very clear explanation of the issue of “respect” for women. As a young man (teenager) I thought being respectful meant making it very clear that I valued my girlfriend as a person and not just as a sex object. I expressed this by holding back on sexual pressure and letting the girl decide when to make the next move. Well guess what? Most girls did not find that attractive at all. They did desire consideration, as you mentioned, but they did not want to be “respected.” They wanted to be pursued, taken and ravished. Or at least they wanted me to attempt that. Some of them had religious values that prevented them from having premarital sex, but they at least wanted me to try to seduce them, even if they had to say no on religious grounds. Respectful behavior was a big turn off for most women I dated. I think when they felt too “respected” they didn’t feel desired.

[@dustybryan91]

Except women also get angry if you are masculine and try to lead them. 😂 You literally can't win with them. Clowns. All of them

[@reginasemenenko148]

That would be a complete turnoff for me. I wanted to be respected and valued. My husband treated me very well and he was willing to move slowly and build a friendship before anything else. That made me respect him. I was never interested in bad boys and I can't imagine dating a man without good character. because I saw many examples of men who treated their wives very well and that means more than earning 100,000 annually and being 6 feet tall.

[@20thcentury_toy]

@@reginasemenenko148 so you know you are kind of the exception right ?

[@ker_at6814]

@Dave Bieleveld what i concluded is that when women desire men sexually they do not necessarily atop respecting the man, unlike a man desiring his woman?

[@ker_at6814]

@Dave Bieleveld sometimes ignorance is a bless, but I’m stupid and curious at the same time.

[@idlehourlinda6476]

I like this way of differentiating between respect and consideration. You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.

[@steamer2k319]

There seems to be a lot of confusion in broader society around the difference between "respect" and "courtesy".

[@ryder8646]

@@steamer2k319 so very true no one who spouts "I deserve respect", does

[@doloresaquines1529]

​@@steamer2k319Exactly!! Yes!! A lot of confused thinking anyhow.

[@nuthintoprove]

Well said!

[@hellobello2249]

Yeah, you can refuse, but it won’t stop. You have to leave

[@Moss_XO]

“ oh yeah you respected the shit outta me “ 😂😂😂

[@MotorBorg]

I completely lost it at that point, liked and subdcribed.

[@kenyanicholas6809]

Lol

[@kirksway1]

I enjoyed the shit outta that line 😆

[@TeatimewithVeron]

I’ve felt like that with my husband. When we are intimate and he is serving me and making sure I’m comfortable and enjoying myself. Having sex that is respectful (considerate, affectionate, attentive is better than the alternative)

[@mikejames9642]

I definitely lol

[@Britton_Thompson]

Dead on the money. I was always told to "respect women" growing up, and I always assumed it meant *never pursue sex.* That the most attractive man will always be the one who let's the female make that decision. All the boys in my generation were having this drilled into us beginning in our youth

[@jepb6990]

I thought it was the same thing.

[@Action_Savage_]

Yup. Same.

[@biteyoueatyou9391]

same, what a big lie

[@michaellamont2605]

My mum used to tell me how great the suffragettes were. She also HATES Trump and was a teacher.... My dad is a Communists/Narcissists - he treats her like CRAP😂 Look at what they do, not what they say!

[@anotherrandomguy8871]

Agreed, I’m 19, and it is urgently drilled in our heads to always respect women as kids, but I’m not sure if the reverse ever happens. Have you ever been told by your own mother “I’ll always love you unless you become a rapist or beat women” because I have, and again it’s another way to drill that into your head, but a little extreme don’t you think? It’s fine to teach your son to respect women, but I also find that some women also do not respect men either, in some serous ways such as how some women treat assault, abuse, rape, etc of a male from a female, and see it as ok and something wrong that the male must’ve done to deserve it if a woman harms you in any way. or how some women will harass and assault you and treat it as a joke in my personal experience, and these are women within my teen youth too, but some adult women will do the same. Sometimes women don’t respect men in way less extreme scales, but I wish the demand and output of respect was mutual between us all.

[@jwbrooks55]

As I once heard: “if you treat her like a queen, she will treat you like a subject.”

[@Jdb63]

You should treat your woman like a Queen but from the King's perspective, not the peasants. That's what the simps get wrong

[@warriorson7979]

100%. When modern women say "A man that knows how to treat a woman." They mean "A man that serves, obeys and worships a woman while she only exists and has absolutely no responsibilities or functions in the relationship."

[@damianholmes3049]

@@Jdb63 When has any king anywhere in human history been under the threat of his queen taking his heirs and half of his kingdom if she “just isn’t happy?” We can have a king’s “perspective” all we want. Without the king’s ‘position,’ the perspective is irrelevant to reality.

[@Jdb63]

@@damianholmes3049 Interesting point, society does give them that power and there is that risk. The alternative of not taking that risk though is spending the rest of your life alone without a cohesive family unit or continuously going in and out of unsatisfying relationships. Anything worthwhile in life involves risk, it's all about gaining the knowledge and doing what you can to mitigate those risks while still achieving the desired outcome. For relationships, that'd be learning how to vet for women that know their role and treat you like a king among many other things. It also means knowing how to keep frame as a man and learning how to handle women and keep them enamored with you. I choose to take the risk and it's payed off in dividends so far

[@ranman7688]

Another one is, if you treat her like a celebrity, she'll treat you like a fan.

[@keywestfan2503]

“ Where are all the men that know how to treat a woman?” In the Friendzone, right where you put them

[@MuantanamoMobile]

Lol. Nope, quality people don't remain in "friend zones" pretending to be friends when they want something else. She rejects your open offer, you leave, move on and go on with your life not wait in the shadows pretending. Either is is your friend with no hidden strings or not. Anything else is sleazy and dishonourable.

[@keywestfan2503]

@@MuantanamoMobile But, who’s going to cut her grass and change lightbulbs???

[@MuantanamoMobile]

@@keywestfan2503 😂A brother, husband or simp?

[@ricardopaez1034]

That's exactly the problem fam. This friendzone guys don't know how to treat a woman and put them on a pedestal

[@lisathuban8969]

@@keywestfan2503 She will do it for herself, thanks.

[@melodymac1]

I feel like women want men to fulfill a traditional male role that has largely remained unchanged at the same time that women, in a pretty much completely new paradigm, want to be treated in both a traditional and contemporary/ more modern manner. I can see the disconnect and confusion there.

[@NewtralHuman]

If you mean to say that women want to be treated "equally" to reap the free benefits but want to assume tradition when they are supposed to "equally" contribute, then you are absolutely spot on, damn right! Women want to embrace both feminism and a traditional role. Many Muslim women are actually *abusing* this idea and getting away with it. Many Muslim "scholars" have taken the hook line and sinker on this as well!

[@melodymac1]

@@NewtralHuman I don’t know about the Muslim part, I’m not familiar with the nuances there as I’m not Muslim. But yes, precisely what you said. They want modernity where it pleases them and tradition where it doesn’t. So the conveniences of no responsibility in some areas, at the same time that they are taking more responsibility in others. It is too much to try to sort out. I do see a trend in younger men and women towards embracing traditional roles and values and I am glad it is shifting at the same time that I feel that I missed out on so much and was duped by a whole generation of brainwashing I wasn’t even aware I had. It started with the boomers and their stupid ideas ( which weren’t even their own- that’s a whole larger conversation about subversion and Cold War era psyops). Anyway, whatever the cause my generation suffered under it as their latchkey kids, with broken homes, no direction, no role models, and the latent messaging that wanting a family or tradition was wrong. So here we are today, in the aftermath, as birth rates plunge, no one is getting what they want or need, etc.

[@FilthyCasual-np7yk]

I think females should be forced to take on the responsibility of contemporary roles; they've lost their traditional privileges. While men should just do whatever, just as long as they're not listening to women, then they'll be fine.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

⁠My thoughts exactly! 💯

[@marcasino3117]

The paradigm has not changed. The only thing that has changed is women's desire to play their role. Everything else is the same.

[@Dustinplays4keeps]

This is 8 minutes of pure gold and wisdom. The way you explained that the masculine understanding and expression of respect is to defer and submit to the authority of the one we respect, which is the opposite of what women want from us, literally choked me up and explains the miscommunication my wife and i have been having lately. Thank you.

[@AgJae]

I’m curious if you could provide a definition of what a woman would like; I am having a hard time understanding the inverse. If you were to make a definition of female “respect” I am curious in what that would be or if we could find the actual word for it by what you come up with.

[@Dustinplays4keeps]

@@AgJae I for sure can't define something like that clearly because I am far from a psychologist or researcher, but what I interpret from what he describes in the video says to me that women generally want their opinion to be heard and considered in the decision making, but that the man should take a masculine/leadership stance in decision making rather than just saying whatever the woman wants goes and putting the responsibility on her.

[@tomasarakaki4597]

@@Dustinplays4keeps thats a pretty good summarization

[@Modelmom925]

You are dead on the money. Hear my opinion and consider my perspective, but in the end, because I respect and value your position as my man, knowing that you’ve done those things first whatever decision you make, I know will be in the best interest of not just you but me as well and I trust youand depend on you for effective leadership, so we both feel respected valued and cared for across time

[@MaryCollin]

Where have you been? Can’t believe I’ve only just found your channel. I absolutely LOVE the distinctions you make between a) respect and b) consideration. This video is a complete revelation and makes perfect sense. I know my partner loves me and I love him. Your explanation of respect is an eye opener. I do NOT want to be ‘put on a pedestal’, nor does he want to put me up on one. I’ve been confusing respect with consideration in your explanations - thank you for going deep on the distinctions!

[@dereksteneman9657]

My wife is brutally honest here. She wants/needs me to pursue and ravish her. She wants to “resist” while I pursue. When she “resists” I was taught to stop pursuing out of respect. Not the way it works! Again… spot on! Very helpful…keep it coming.

[@thes.t.a.gprince9952]

Yeah taking the initiative and being assertive. Is the goal

[@carlosdixan112]

🤡🤡

[@carlospita6442]

She needs a physiologist

[@joygibbons5482]

@@carlospita6442 yes, that sounds creepy as hell!. I hate men pursuing me, it’s rapey

[@generalshepherd457]

You have to be a mind reader. If she did not want anything you end up in jail.

[@catherinem4130]

Listen gentlemen, I read a lot of your comments on this talk. Listening to Dr. Orion and you guys, my heart goes out to you all. I sorta understand now what you are going through. I feel grateful to gain a little more understanding. Women are Responders, Men are Pursuers. If it gets out of whack, smooth it out. If it can't be corrected, just have to let go and move on. We just have to learn by "the school of hard knocks" (no pun).......the bigger the errors the harder we fall. Respect EACH OTHER'S boundaries. Women definitely want men to continue to lead THE WAY.... it's NORMAL💗

[@interestingtimes6242]

It's also called nice guy syndrome. See "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. I think it goes much deeper than a simple misunderstanding. It's a complex issue involving lowering testosterone rates in men, men being raised by single mothers, men raised by feminists, men raised by women who despise their son's father and mothers who form a romantic bond with their sons.

[@psychacks]

Yes -- it's a complex, multidetermined issue. My goal in an eight-minute video is not to provide a comprehensive treatment on a subject, but to help people see one thing in a slightly different way. I would also argue that the power of an idea (over and above one's hormonal levels or childhood history) is not to be underestimated.

[@mrsimo7144]

Ah, toxic masculinity. Males being too male. We must back down.

[@bov5020]

@@psychacks that last sentence needs to spoken about more.

[@vidard9863]

personally i have come to the conclusion that the problem is schools teach children that men and women are equal, pronounced "the same". nice guys are setting out to be the wives they are looking for, while "boss babes" are setting out to be the husbands they are looking for. edit: the fact the men are still looking for wives, and the women for husbands proves this probably isn't a change in hormone levels.

[@patrickday4206]

@@psychacks your a good man Charlie brown. Lol. Your videos are very much helping me not doubt many things I've believed but questioned because of society! And helping me learn new things!

[@benclark3457]

This video hasnt changed my life, but it answers questions I've had for 15 years or more and at least one from childhood. Thank you.

[@lsporter88]

"Consideration", that is indeed the best word. Damn good point Doc. Thank you for that much needed clarification. Brilliant insight. Powerful commentary.

[@Onlooker71]

As an older man, I can completely validate his second point. You can’t be respected if you always defer to her whims. You need to set the agenda, take the initiative, pick the restaurant, make date plans, etc…The best way I’ve heard this described recently is, “You can do anything to a woman except bore her.” If you always defer to her whims - thinking you’re showing her respect - you’re really appearing weak and boring.

[@ryder8646]

that's a great line and a very true insight

[@aaronsinspirationdaily4896]

Neither approaches are ideal and have any appeal to me. There’s a middle, and vastly superior relationship path. My lovely wife and I had it, and it was amazing. It involved communication and a genuine interest always having or creating common mutual purpose. For me, it’s that or it’s just friends with benefits. It’s that or there’s no commitment. And both partners know how to do it and it’s just who they are. Or they don’t have it at all. You can’t teach it to a partner, they’re not emotionally developed enough to have a real relationship.

[@doloresaquines1529]

Yes Reid! Well stated! As a woman I agree.

[@a-a-day]

💯

[@burgersuperking]

I've been in women-dominated circles and I'm always shocked how disrespectful women are to each other. They talk over each other, constantly talk behind each other back, no one holds anyone accountable, and it somehow works among them, and they see no issue with that at all. Acting like that among men would cause constant physical fights.

[@robbytheartist3997]

Man let me tell you. You have some really high end quality content that is always on point. I have applied much of it to my life and have made great strides. Thank you so much!

[@ompabaletserametse8643]

same here

[@ARdave311]

Man this was amazing, the topic of disrespect vs respect for sexual charisma blew my mind and just answered so many questions. I am 31 and never heard this idea anywhere. I worked with a guy who was 5’4 his hairline was receding very bad and he only had a few teeth in his head. He was not conventionally good looking at all but he had sex with a ton of beautiful woman in our age bracket and it just blew my mind. I could not understand what he had that I did not have that made him so great with woman to have sex with him. This explains it. This guy was edgy and somtimes just down right disrespectful to woman. I was the text book nice guy that never said anything to “stir the pot” avoided conflict and would break my back for people, in other words zero sexual charisma. Man I still can’t believe this info, wish I knew it years ago. It issue now is, how do I change a life time of nice guy tendency’s that are so hard wired?

[@MrBoxofplastic]

2 things: read the book Not Nice and the book No More Mr Nice guy.. find a local men's group or No More Mr Nice Guy group.

[@yomomshouse100]

Figure it out.

[@vidard9863]

the journey of a thousand miles is made by small steps over a long time. start by the part that is most meaningful to you. for me it was demanding she respect my time, for you it may simply be pushing for the sex.

[@TetsuoTakayamaCyberpunk]

He was lying

[@annabanzon313]

That guy doesn't sound like good example.

[@brianallen140]

You give common courtesy freely. You give respect when it is earned or deserved.

[@domenicoscarangella5375]

Hey Doc I need to express my gratitude for all this high quality content you put out. Actually this has become a problem for me because I keep watching your videos and not get other things done. You are a pro

[@davisandotube]

I love this guy. Always (unintentionally) validation most of the “red pill” community guidelines from a real professional argument, science

[@stxrynn]

Literally a mind reader. I needed this illumination decades ago.

[@grantwithers]

This is actually one of the better talks right here. Love it. Will save this talk. It would be nice to have this expounded upon for an hour or 10 to explore why a lot of these things are in excruciating detail for people that don't understand or don't believe.

[@albertodeulofeu5277]

FACTS. I’m so glad this guy exists.

[@adiosmiamigo]

I’ve explained this before. Glad to see you break it down so well. For a man to respect you he has to look up to you and that is earned through accomplishments and competency, so when women scream “respect me” all men hear is entitlement because they are demanding to be pedestalized without earning it.

[@autarko]

That's it, and when women are disgusted by a man they will normally accuse him of acting like a woman, i.e. in a way she can't respect, yet women themselves demand to be respected for being illogical, throwing tantrums, changing their minds e.t.c.

[@adiosmiamigo]

@@autarko exactly, this is why a woman must respect her man / look up to her man for the relationship to work. When women scream “respect me” typically what they are complaining about is that they want their feelings to matter more or be considered more

[@ashoka4327]

My father always told me women cannot love a man they do not respect. I found it impossible to believe in my youth, I now know what he meant.

[@avig8334]

@@adiosmiamigowell said. I totally understand this now. Many women want their boundaries and feels honored. Not dismissed , gaslit or mocked . Just being plain rude .

[@adiosmiamigo]

@@avig8334 People want a lot of things that they never get. In short, it doesn't matter what you want, what matters is what you earn and what you can afford so to speak. The same way a woman WANTS their feelings honored all the time, one could argue that they WANT to be able to commit crimes without consequence. Both are unrealistic wants / expectations. In other words, reality does not align with peoples wants majority of the time. The point is, using "want" as the rationale for why you should have something, especially when another person is involved, is surface level at best, it ignores context and it doesn't take into account the real factors that dictates outcomes.

[@NobodyHere115]

Thanks!

[@sandrosadhukhan]

Dignity should be given to everyone, respect has to be earned.

[@chrislim7976]

Respect doesn't have to be "earned" but it can certainly be lost. You're not part of a motorcycle gang are you? 😂

[@sandrosadhukhan]

@@chrislim7976 No, I'm from a culture where work and behaviour gains you respect, what culture are you from? 🤨

[@chrislim7976]

@@sandrosadhukhan This is not about a work culture. This is about your potential partner. She's not applying to be part of a gang. 😂

[@sandrosadhukhan]

@@chrislim7976 you must not have been with a woman, your statements are a give away, work on yourself and when you have respect you'll pull a woman, good luck. For starters put a face to that name, shows you have some confidence to stand behind your statements...😂

[@chrislim7976]

@@sandrosadhukhan Lol I have lots of good women. Sorry you are in a place where no one trusts anyone. Maybe your in jail. 😂

[@elyaguara]

Amazing how you articulate these things. Like I know that things are like that, but your videos really explain the why they're like that part

[@JJ-ps9xe]

My late father, Rip, told me several times that woman are never happy, no matter what. Btw, 57 here. His advise will stay with me forever, it was, only give them a fraction of what they complain about, then stop it completely, wait and she will complain, do same again. Works for me, but results will vary.

[@yank31]

Hahahaha your comment is gold mate :-)

[@Willie_Wahzoo]

He was right. They are constantly miserable and make up things to be offended by. They do not know peace and don't want you to know it either.

[@colmpullen4702]

Thanks for the video. My father told me to "Respect all people unless they show they did not merit my respect". I was also told "Women and men are different. You will find women expect/desire to be 'shown respect' in different ways than men." And I was told by both parents, "If you are honest with yourself you will find people at all levels deserve your respect. And there are not deserving respect at all levels too." My mother told me, "Son, you will find that women consider your failure to respond to their subtle hints and invitations as disrespectful. The trick is to pay attention and be subtle in your responses, let things build a tit at a time."

[@jdee8407]

Its very rare that women give their sons actual practical advice like your mom did, most just tell you what they are expected to tell you.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

Wow, so your parents actually taught you important life lessons? My impression is that parenting is usually reduced to expectations, performance, discipline, staying out of trouble, smalltalk and gossip, with the occasional "I love you". I really wonder if most parents EVER have a quick talk about "the wisdoms of life". So, congratulations for having such awesome parents! I agree with everything they said, except the very last part (be mosdest with your responses and let it develop slowly). Or should I say: I agree, but hundreds of relationship advice videos and women in the comments would tell me that I would appear uninterested, and not masculine enough because of not pushing early, fast and hard enough, not making enough effort, not taking enough initiative etc. Damn, folks always said women are complicated. I began to think it was an exaggeration. But now that I consider maybe quitting single life in the foreseeable future and watching quite a few flirting/dating/relationship videos, and reading the comments, it seems like an understatement! The way I would instinctively handle some things would get me nowhere it seems. So it's time to stop being myself and pretend. . The biggest eye opener today was a commenter who said something like "we were taught that men and women are the same, full stop. So now, men think about what they expect from a woman and act like that themselves (because you can only expect what you give, right? And because you should "be the person that you would want to be with", right?). And women think about what they expect from a man, and act like that themselves too. Doesn't work apparently.

[@edmundlubega9647]

You have explained in the clearest way possible

[@wizardadmin]

"where are all the man who know how to treat a woman?" is a question those women ask who don't know how to treat a man 🤣

[@marianotorrespico2975]

CORRECT. | Somehow, they, the "modern women", behave as always: The MEAN-GIRL double standard of "my way or the highway" whilst pretending to like equality.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

Women (apparently?): "That guy is too nice and treats me too well. He also seems to hold some modern views about men and women that he was indoctrinated with all his life. Booooring! I prefer to be treated like I would never admit to anyone. But *shhhhht*! Officially I want to be treated like feminists proclaim. But that just doesn't get me wet, so..."

[@jamemule5326]

​@@allesdurchprobiertwhat??? Femaless😂😂😂

[@TadanoCandy]

I don’t know if it’s a man vs woman thing. I believe the most balanced dynamics in a couple is of a leader + a supporter, because a leader + leader will have both being annoyed that they can’t lead freely, and a supporter + supporter will have nothing getting done. In a leader + supporter relationship, the leader can do what they want to do 90% of the time, while the supporter will be happy to enjoy with them something they didn’t have to come up with. However, neither of them should feel lesser than the other, and that’s where respect comes in. A good leader will listen to the supporter’s suggestions if they have any, and a good supporter will not leave the whole job of planning up to the leader. That way neither is having their opinions undervalued, or having their personality or time exploited.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

Now that's a good way to look at it! Agreed! 👍 So I'm usually more a supporter, now that I think about it. As a man that can be problematic unfortunately.

[@TadanoCandy]

@@allesdurchprobiert I think there’s more women that want to be leaders in this day and age so don’t be discouraged! Besides even though I gave what I thought was the ideal balance in a relationship, my own isn’t exactly like that either. My bf is neither a full leader nor a supporter, so I’ll usually give him some options and he does the choosing (because he’s more particular about the things he wants to do, and I’m more the type to be down for anything really) 😛

[@allesdurchprobiert]

@@TadanoCandy Thanks! I hope for the best. I generally find, that letting the pickier person choose, makes the most sense, regardless of the context/topic. How you deal with your bf sounds awesome! Damn lucky bastard! 😁 Things could be so easy!

[@jamemule5326]

Good comment

[@J3110M]

Very interesting. So we should define the word respect and tell our partners we want them to be considerate and talk about when to turn these off at times

[@oEXTRA]

Very good points and it makes a lot of sense. The TLDR for how women want to be respected by men (imo), is "treat me as a person and not as a body/slave". In other words, much like how men want their leader/boss to treat them as more than a body/number/etc., this is how women want their men to treat them.

[@forddreamsdofly546]

What a profound explanation. I honestly have never thought of it this way. The most respectful F bomb I’ve ever heard lol

[@rianacabello1935]

O my goodness. In the world we live in today, even if I thought your content was garbage I would still absolutely give you "props" for speaking such a raw truth. The saying "truth rings a bell" reasonates here but man, it grates a nerve!

[@lorelaiperrin]

This might just be the best video on this particular subject I have ever heard. Masterful.

[@hahanicnic818]

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

[@xavierg8985]

Very interesting. I have never respected nor disrespected a woman outside of the sex. And what you said is absolutely true about the respect for men in my case : I will respect skills that i dont have or people better than me to achieve something but it's not applicable in a couple because i will treat the other with logic and fairness. To respect or asking for disrespect implies a posture of submission. I'm happily married and my wife NEEDS to be disrespected in the sex topic.

[@mia.oros.realtor28]

Agree but a woman can't love a man who doesn't respect, also to listen or to be submissive. And here I would add, a woman is submissive because she think alike, she knows that that's the best way also if in need can put some questions or to have an opinion, maybe the same maybe a little different. Nobody said is wrong, but came from different perspective. Also I don't find that video with the prototypes. Have to say if you take out the age outside from the equation what are the likes and dislikes? I think that is important for men, the age gap, also a man feels powerful and validated with a younger woman corect? The mentality, after the preference. Is better to know what other person prefer or sees because can be different than yours. That's why people ,,should come with instructions" or ,, a trailer" like a movie. Also a woman feels in power when feels loved a man maybe when somebody listen or somebody makes him feel important. I don't know but is not a rule that works for all. That's why before a discussion is good to know other person opinion and to be able to see from other person shoes and not just assuming

[@Xirrious]

Dude, the f bomb you dropped out of no where was perfect. I've never heard that word used to effectively. Good job.

[@nickpoz]

There was something bugging me for a long time about respecting women. Now I see that this makes sense. I have not respected women in relationships and I have also not disrespected them. Consideration is really key. Put them on a pedestal and you as a man will not get the woman or if you have her, you're gonna lose her to chad.

[@RR35592]

Consideration. I think you are on to something. It’s a great quality. Maybe best to be capable of consideration and respect depending on circumstance? Something to ponder.

[@hahanicnic818]

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

[@jamemule5326]

​@@hahanicnic818are you a bot

[@poppyflower9003]

Can you do a video on what men and women deem as loyalty in a relationship?

[@corneliahartmann6188]

This is so true, and it's really painful. If I am interested in a man and he only respects me, he gives up all initiative, makes no plans. He is even not aware that he hurts me by this treatment. Thanks for this sympathy from a man's perspective.

[@mendesnicolas06]

Wonderful explanation!!! You perfectly described the conflicts that beset me for years!

[@jorn0142]

Your channel should be bigger than it is. You produce very valuable content.

[@Don_Porfirio]

6:35 “wow you respected the sh*t out of me last night” 🤣 Golden

[@simon-fk2ye]

Honestly mate, this is the most enlightening, well thought out and precise channel on KZbin

[@Cantbuyathrill]

"You respected the shit out of me last night!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jeanmorin3247]

It works with gay sex, does it?

[@prof.puggle1631]

I've watched many of your vids and I like most of them, but I like this one a bunch! The nuance btwn respect, neutral, and disrespect is crucial ! Cheers

[@srikrishnavasanth3895]

This is the doubt that runs in my head that Men had to respect and Lead at the sametime was difficult but later I came to a conclusion to consider their opinion and still thought better to take decision out of responsibility and that worked but confused me at the sametime. You made my doubts clear bro.

[@joeshmoe7899]

If relationships are chemistry, this was all decided billions of years ago. "You" will just live through the process.

[@tomquagliata9381]

“You respected the shit out of me last night.” Most entertaining quote ever on your channel!

[@alfonso8843]

Very helpful. I was thought to respect everyone which made me a people pleaser. I never thought about it as if I was looking up to people but seeing them as equal. Your explanation of setting women on pedestals by respecting them makes so much sense. Thank you!

[@alfonso8843]

@shamonagetonup exactly my friend, women think with their feelings and so they are more present and cannot adequately contemplate future consequences around such matters. My mom raised me by herself so I had to find my masculinity somewhere else

[@justincapable]

I must be an exception because I differentiate admiration and respect. Respect doesn't mean I defer to the decision of the person I admire. It means I value their opinion.

[@rrozoff1]

?

[@benaiahwright937]

Agree 100%...It took me 21-22 years to learn this.

[@collinslagat3458]

My life has been a lie.

[@talknight2]

Wow, that was eye opening! I'm definitely subscribing.

[@tammy6452]

Thank you so much. Very clear and concise. I am choosing my words carefully. 😁

[@addisontaylor5979]

This is great food for thought. I agree with the notion that sexuality and respect are not complimentary, but I do not see respect as an upward deference. I consider respect a regard of someone as a peer or higher. Looking up to someone however is incredibly rare because that would mean that they share values I care about and uphold those values better than I do. Very rare indeed.

[@psychacks]

Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. A common complaint that I hear from women in the dating market is that men don't seem to know what to do with them. They don't take initiative; they don't confidently lead the relationship; they don't know where to "put their hands" (both figuratively and literally). Where have all the real men gone? After giving it some thought, I realized that these issues may have an unlikely culprit: the concept of respect. Respect might mean different things to men than it does to women, and these differences might be impacting the dating game in ways we haven't yet fully appreciated as a culture. In this episode, I will discuss three of these potential differences. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com

[@mobydick3895]

Biologically, men should lead a long term relationship. But this requires the man to have some commensurate authority, something women and the government have stripped from men. This now means the only way a man can lead a relationship is for men to refuse to marry. This problem is not men's fault. It is not! The first thing I would do is immediately require DNA paternity tests for all babies. Men should be only financially responsible for their biological children.

[@stepanmakarov1842]

Thank you for this clarification. I've heard some of those points before, but you managed to put them in a sharp terms so now i can wrap up this topic in my head.

[@osbonoam]

The rated-R version of the doc 👍

[@fashionpoise]

😩😂 I had to go 🔙 and 👂. 🤭

[@mrsimo7144]

I respected the shit out of this upload.

[@annaka5000]

😂😂I was shocked...like I was drifting off while listening...then...did he just say that? 😊

[@dermaisknabe8917]

Is that StyxHexenHammer's statue / figure in your profile? lol.

[@yearofthegarden]

That makes ao much sense, I've caught onto this notion from watching a few relationships fail, the one I am currently in, she does anything I want even if she doesn't want to, but I need to read the room a little more because she works every day and is burning out. So less bike rides but more smoothies and naps in the sun

[@1Maklak]

Polite indifference is good enough for getting along without issues.

[@geraldgrogan]

Very enlightening. As an older man who grew up in a religious family nobody ever explained this the way you did in this video. IMHO All Men should see this video.

[@allthatforadropofclout3760]

You're making me love women again.

[@kirkas]

This is vital information that I have been missing, most men I respected told me that I have to respect women and that lead to me wasting all my energy trying to treat my love as I would be some random friendzone man. And u tell this stuff so well and funny way its so understandable and hits home. Love it

[@sargeb.cuttin6512]

Men, transcend this level of base desire; retain your seed and operate on a higher level of consciousness. The universe is ready to evolve through you.

[@alguem..]

Ok when I saw the title I was kinda suspicious about this video, but now I gotta admit this makes perfect sense. Subscribed.

[@carlosdixan112]

We realize that is not worth it. Men have to do and bring a lot of things to a relationship. But when you ask females what are they offering you they normally get upset and deflect

[@TFBNGHT]

you sad fool

[@georgeelder8415]

She provides the six, you provide the plan... She must follow the plan to have more six and a relationship!

[@gabbar51ngh]

Half of the guys accept that. Just finding a sane woman who's pretty is like hitting one a million now. While guys have to be top of the game.

[@toddpacker1015]

Even if you as a man go in with the correct psychological mindset... boss babes, damaged, masculine, hypergamous, cheating, seeing men as utilities, 0 empathy for men and so many other things. It's a losing game for men most of the time.

[@carlospita6442]

@@toddpacker1015 I agree fully with you

[@autarko]

This is excellent. Some of the best explanations of these topics. But I don't think you'd be welcome in modern university psychology departments!

[@idesel]

If you treat her like a celebrity she will treat you like a fan, rightfully so.

[@NewtralHuman]

You will have to explain what you mean by "rightfully so". If you say "rightfully so" to mean you deserve to be treated like a fan to take a little emotional abuse as a wake-up call to attain confidence in order to change the relationship to a healthy one, then "rightfully so" is appropriate. But if you say "rightfully so" to mean it is the correct manifestation of justice, then that is unfair. Why? Because of the girl had any sense of justice, then she would do something to change this kind of unhealthy relationship.

[@Onlooker71]

Lol. I’ve only heard this analogy used for dogs. “Treat your dog like a person, and he’ll treat you like a dog.” Hilarious to hear the same analogy applied to women, but it makes sense.

[@justinsellers9402]

That was quite enlightening about the issues I have had in dating and marriage.

[@rake483]

Well, this explains why im getting nowhere with being nice and polite. This video would have been very helpful 10 years ago when i was dating.

[@lex28lush10]

Luv the way you put it - so graphic but very articulate at the same time ( crack me up at times ) x

[@quibsbloch1088]

It may also be worth drawing a line between what it means to respect women in general vs women you're in a relationship with. With random women, or women you clearly are not in a position to and/or have no desire to pursue romantically, obviously there is no real harm in sticking to the typical male ideas around respect. In fact, it may save you from needless meetings with HR and miscommunications in general. In a relationship though, where there is clearly a desire or intent towards companionship, the meaning does change. If you treat her and the relationship like it's essentially dealing with another colleague, obviously that's not going to work out.

[@shekkung]

Agree very much! As a feminine woman, I can say that I would want the male version of respect in my workplace from my male work colleagues (and I have theirs, thankfully), especially when I'm assuming my project manager role. But with the man I'm attracted to/ in a relationship with, I would not want the same kind of respect. That would make me feel like his "other bro". I would want him to pursue me in a healthy way and consider my perspectives through being an empathic listener. In return, I will respect him and it becomes much easier for me to even let him make decisions and submit.

[@VaronPlateando]

the latter shouldn't be taken as assurance that the mess would work out otherwise. any wreck now had been more of a ship once, presumably.

[@trailerwager8850]

Respect comes from this: One has beliefs and makes them evident

[@dougpatterson7494]

Thank you for this video. It makes a lot of sense. This was why I had trouble wrapping my head around the popularity of “Fifty Shades of Gray” seeming to occur at the same time as the “me too” movement. Like I don’t view BDSM as respectful of woman, even if they say they want it. Honestly one of the most sensual love making sessions with my former girlfriend was an instance that may have been considered assault had we not been in a steady, sexual relationship.

[@Willie_Wahzoo]

Whamin don't want to be respected. Your problem, and the problem of other naive guys, is that you think whamin speak truthfully and logically when they say they want this or that. Be wise. Watch their actions. Their actions will NOT line up with their words. Don't speak about this to them; they will hate you for it. Just act accordingly to what you find. They want to be dominated and f***ked like ragdolls. She has been with MANY "respectful" men who bored her to death in bed. When you treat her like an f**** doll, she will remember and fantasize about it forever. Just like she won't ask you out, she won't loosen up and become freaky unless you "okay" that behavior by showing your freaky side first. You're welcome, my son.

[@rey_nemaattori]

It wasn't respectful to women for me either, until I saw a play session in real life. At face value it's degrading and shocking(luckily I've been on the internet long enough to not be traumatized easily), but if you look deeper you see _a lot_ of sensuality, intimacy and uttermost respect of boundaries.

[@Vanessacsaint]

6:40 😂😂😂 the delivery was great!

[@jeannieneuser5316]

Very interesting! When I hear that "respect women" phrase, that's *exactly* what I always thought it meant -- "Be considerate." Also, in a relationship, feelings I want to feel include: special, safe, appreciated/valued. Those are my top 3; "respect" probably doesn't make the top 10. Respect is inherent in everything that comes before it (is, the list above). And, you're right, the romantic relationship is not the domain of respect for the feeling woman. I would a million times rather tell my partner, "I'm proud to be with you," than tell him, "I respect you." I bet he enjoys much more to hear the former, as well. I have always guessed, when men say they don't feel respected in the relationship, they are saying, "I don't feel heard or needed."

[@lesbo37]

Interesting perspective but as a man I'd much rather be respected than for you to have a feeling of pride. Respect to a man means considerably more than a temporary feeling because respect is earned and retained and necessary to the relationship being sustainable while a woman's feelings can and will change on a whim and are not a basis for anything sustainable. It's still nice to hear but I'd much prefer respect. I'd also add that you would not be proud to be with someone that you don't respect first and foremost. It's also quite illuminating that for you respect is right down the list but as a man it's definitely in the top few things that I would want from my partner in a relationship. Women are hypergamous by nature and the second that you lose her respect the relationship is on the path to ending.

[@ccgerrity]

Aren’t men also hypergamous by nature?

[@lesbo37]

​@@ccgerrity No they're not. Men choose partner's on completely different traits to women. We seek physical attraction and peace, if you can bring those two things you're golden. Plus, it wouldn't work if we were, it would just result in a snake eating itself situation with everyone trying to date up socially and economically. Basically there's a reason that successful men will marry the bartender, waitress or Starbucks employee and the opposite is exceedingly rare. Look at how common the male celebrity with the maid story is. The simple fact is most men, especially successful men, just don't care about a woman's job, education or social status/background, heck for many all of those things are more likely to be negatives than positives as they all come with potential baggage. We really are simple creatures, we just want an attractive, nice and feminine woman for our wife.

[@toddpacker1015]

Respect is the #1 men want from a women. If a woman respects us, that means you looks up to us, allows us to lead, trusts us and so many other things. If you don't respect us well... there really isn't much of a relationship.

[@ccgerrity]

@@toddpacker1015 I can appreciate this comment but it’s funny coming from Todd packer lol 😂

[@MnrBugi]

The third one really resonates with me, as a man. I guess it's one of the things where the thing we're talking about never gets defined, as with sooo man other concepts just like this

[@NomadicNight]

Wow ! - I'm finding this out at the age of 56, about 35 years too late ! - It explains a lot about why I've been getting nowhere with Women for all these years. However, now I know what the problem is, maybe I can still find a Woman to adore me.

[@micbetancur9131]

Can u expand on respect and what it means to a woman? Id love longer format content. I like your ideas

[@alisherakramov6232]

I am a man. Respect to me does not mean looking up to someone. For me, its about courtesy and consideration

[@girijajoshi3419]

You got this one right ! After listening to this, I feel that women wanted to be desired and needed more than respected... expecting a man to respect a woman, inherently distances him from her..

[@theguy4615]

Spot on. Been with more women than I can remember. When I treated them like hoes I got a lot more action than when I acted nice and respectful. It's messed up, but it's how it is.

[@faithomosor1744]

How do you treat them like hoes? Give examples

[@delmi864]

That might be becsuse you were dealing/attracted to easy women. Dont be fooled a good woman needs a balaced man.

[@bernardoaguilargt3763]

I was just like that and can confirm, but I was an emotional mess myself. After therapy the "fun" have decreased significantly, but the peace and better relationships with better people outdo the scenario before.

[@leyenda6149]

I struggled with understanding this episode. It was a lot to process that I could benefit from a supplemental episode. Did anyone else experience this? Doc, please consoling a follow up episode. Thank you

[@MrBoxofplastic]

So true. After 16 years of a nice guy marriage I got divorced and was asking women out. If I gave them options they would ghost me. Once I figured out how to lead I took a girl on a 5th date to axe throwing, which she hated, but we ended up having sex that night. I lost her later when I messed up and she lost respect for me.

[@oftenthisawesome2485]

Lmao

[@soviethammer645]

It's like we can't ever just relax.

[@agentsmidt3209]

@@soviethammer645 I think this is American/West heavy. I've observed relationships of people from the Iberian Peninsula, Latin America, and Africa. I think they still have that old school way, even when their women move to western countries...they want to maintain m/w dynamic that has existed since the first man crawled out of slime..

[@gideon9849]

How did you mess up? What happened?

[@mortalkomment8028]

@@gideon9849 He sent her flowers and told her he loves her and will be loyal to her.

[@MrCovi2955]

5:01 I always end up counting like that when I start with my thumb too.

[@dagwould]

Men want to be appreciated for what they do. Women want to be appreciated for who they are!

[@llGzUsll]

So true! Crazy. Spot on analysis!

[@MartialistKS]

I really like this but it leaves me with a question in my mind. If men are misunderstanding what is meant or what is desired when told "respect women" because they have a masculine understanding of respect, then what is the feminine understanding of respect?

[@onee]

He mentioned that "consideration" is a better word, I think that that's the feminine understanding of respect. You take her thoughts and feelings into account, but at the end of the day, you as a guy have to make the decision.

[@reginasemenenko148]

@@onee What decision?

[@allanluis3696]

@@reginasemenenko148 in the context he is talking about a man considering his partners wants but being the leader (making decisions)

[@devenherbert3579]

Dr. Orion is so funny 😂@ timestamp 6:42 but what he says is so true 🫡. I like the outspoken blunt moments as a part of your disections on relationship topics. The diverse rhetoric in your epressions make a good blend me as a listener of valuble content 👍🏽.

[@ragaashish33]

Whenever i say i love you she says i leave you. How can you tolerate someone whom you don't love but if you do tolerate out of love you will be brandished weak. No expectations no attachments is probably the only way to solve gender dynamics.

[@georgeelder8415]

The more you love her, the less she loves you...

[@brendangolledge8312]

I found a woman who responds positively to expressions of affection. But it took a long time to find her, and I eventually had to find her overseas. I still lead her though. I think dominance/submission between men/women is natural, but this stuff where the women immediately dump you if you use the L word is not natural. A person ought to want to repay good with good, or else they are messed up in the head. I think most western women can't tell the difference between kindness and weakness. And they suppress their natural desire to submit to a man, so it pops back up in weird and unexpected ways, like in 50 Shades of Grey. This combination I think is largely responsible for why women go out with jerks. From my experience overseas, I think women who grow up in healthy environments, and have had experience of real hardship, want a man who is BOTH strong and kind. If they've already got problems that they've got to tackle, they aren't going to be excited about committing themselves to someone who adds to these problems by being a jerk. But most western women are messed up in the head. They think being mean is the same as being strong, and they haven't had enough experience of real hardship to have an aversion to adding more of it to their lives, so they go out with the useless jerks.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

@@brendangolledge8312 I think you're on to something. Sounds plausible to me. Thank god I never felt lonely and am pretty good at being single! I have all the time in the world, and if the right one can't be found, I can just live on as usual, and get a dog some day 😅

[@brendangolledge8312]

@@allesdurchprobiert Good luck! It is good for you that you are okay with being alone. I was obsessed with getting married in the past, and I think it was psychologically bad for me, because it is not entirely within a person's control to get another person to commit to him.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

@@brendangolledge8312 Thank you! Being an introvert makes it too easy (and at times even necessary) to be alone, while feeling good. Funny, I had a similar experience. When I was still in school I was kinda obsessed with loosing my virginity "in due time" to avoid "being late". Which was the main reason why it failed miserably 😁 Too much pressure and no clue.

[@QueenAnon]

Incredible. Thank you for the knowledge i think it will shift my relationship for the better.

[@navp3452]

You should be invited on the Fresh & Fit podcast or Valuetainment or the Whatever podcast.

[@racheljohnson1356]

My husband does this, puts everything I say and on a pedestal. But to some weird extreme far beyond this. It is cringey, irritating beyond imagine. Like he has no Sense of who he is or what he wants. To anyone looking in it appears I'm so adored and so unappreciative. But I hate it. After 15 years I find it disgusting. I have never been able to explain it. This is the closest explanation I've ever heard. I appreciate you putting it out there for me to find!

[@HalfAsianDerp]

This is so interesting and explains a lot of my experiences. I'm a total horn dog and have a really hard time keeping my hands off a woman once we've consented to physical affection. I was always surprised that women didn't mind/enjoyed how physical/how much I initiated sex. Especially because they weren't always in the mood for it, but it usually didn't annoy them. In fact, they seemed to relish in my desire for them even when they weren't in the mood, and more often than not my desire would be enough to turn them on and get them going

[@catherinem4130]

good point:)

[@patfar392]

Mirroring

[@matthewchristensen9342]

Excellent discourse. I would be interested to hear a little more about the other side of this. I.e. the female definition of "respect" and how it interplays with relationship and sexual dynamics. Thanks for the content!

[@mortalkomment8028]

Woman: Where are all the good men? Sun Tsu: They're likely in your friendzone or in a marriage with the good women.