Dr. Shawn T. SMITH (Relationship Selection, Sexual Politics, and Feminism)

[@psychacks]

I'm happy to introduce "Deep dives": a new, long-form discussion format that I'll be experimenting with on the channel. And I'm even more pleased to announce that Dr. Shawn T. Smith is my first conversation partner. Dr. Smith is a clinician in private practice specializing in men's mental health, and he is the author of the excellent, "The tactical guide to women." In our discussion, we touch on vetting women, sexual politics, and ideological feminism. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #women #relationship

[@brianmeen2158]

Shawn Smith is great - please keep doing these.

[@toddmcdaniels1567]

This was fantastic.

[@RShaun]

0:00 Introduction 2:04 How is Dating Like the FBI? Vetting 5:42 Crisis of Disillusionment 7:36 Confabulation 9:00 Is Attraction a Choice? 12:00 Dating With v Without a Framework 15:44 Women as Savior - External Validation 18:20 Should Men Wait Longer to Date? 21:00 Were Feminists Wrong? Especially the Male Ones. 26:15 Dishonest Mating Signals of Male Feminists & Being Undermined 28:25 Survivor: Power v Manipulation 34:00 Competitive Warfare Within the Genders 36:30 Ideological Feminism & It’s Contradictions in Dating 45:45 Lysistrata and Weaponized Withholding 51:10 Men Have to Learn How to Choose 54:20 The Luxury of Men Having Standards 57:20 Male Biological Clock? 59:50 Why is “Failure to Launch” so Prevalent? 1:04:50 Book Suggestions

[@aeggeska1]

thanks man

[@DrBilly90210]

My vetting criteria for a relationship: 1) Mutual attraction. Desire is non-negotiable. 2) Kindness. 3) Clarity 4) Maturity 5) Stability 6) Bring joy and beauty into my life.

[@3leutheros]

Shawn Smith is the man.

[@DamianSzajnowski]

Or, at the very least, a man.

[@DC-1773]

Excellent. My two favorite psychologists talking about masculinity. Thank you!

[@K9amilo90]

Second that

[@Jai2ez]

I'm liking the expansion to long form content!

[@fluentinoverthinking]

I like a quote “A man should find a purpose in a life. A woman should find a man with a purpose”. I 100% agree with this. It doesn’t mean that women shouldn’t have their own goals and desires. But this system works well 99% of the time. When a man doesn’t know what to do in life he is more prone to choose the wrong partner just because he has no clue if they both are in alignment. Women, being more fragile, need protection. They’d rather stick to a man and his goals. Obviously, not to the first man they encounter, but the one whom they respect and admire. So men should first figure out what they want from life in order to attract the right woman. Chasing women just to have one leads to misery. I’ve witnessed it 1000000 times.

[@anthonyr6286]

I feel like that was my 20's, really thought that I needed a woman to "complete" things. As time passed, it became more about my own journey and what I could do and can do for myself

[@Firstname03825]

57:00 talking about plumbers. I’m a refrigeration mechanic and whenever I bring that up with women on dating apps I get doughnuts afterwards, even when they are overweight don’t have a decent job or relative unattractive. This conversation is great this is so red pilled with so much data behind it love your work

[@Lulu-dc1yn]

You have no idea how much u are helping,thank you 😅.

[@philosophyze]

I love Dr Shawn T. Smith's books!

[@psychacks]

Every man should read "The tactical guide to women".

[@crazzzeeej]

Fantastic conglomeration of ideas, gentlemen! You guys are sincerely valued by the men's community. Thank you.

[@soulman888]

I love these interviews! They aren't just a "so, tell me about stuff...how do you know your stuff?" type of interviews. But actually healthy discussions where both people dig in and find stuff to learn and disagree with each other

[@xer1c-]

They both were throwing verbal gems at each other all the time through out the interview/podcast. Great job Orion, we need more of this. Thank you so much.

[@panamaanomalie8402]

Exactly right. Nothing to be added.

[@stoicfreediver]

Long-form, deep dives 👍👍👍 Excellent! ✨ Not just interviews, but simply your own monologues 10-20+ minutes. I hope that this is the first of many 🤞🤓

[@PersianPal]

Yes, "deep dives" are very beneficial, I hope we will have these more often on this channel.

[@Darknight526]

Thank you for this discussion! Definitely loved the last parts of the video talking about the failure to launch. I can definitely empathize with those guys, 100%.

[@ThrashThrakis]

Thanks for this Dr. It's so refreshing to see red pill content without the toxicity that's so prevalent on other channels.

[@tel5690]

Powerful podcast here...I have Shawn book

[@brianmeen2158]

This great! I’ve been wanting to see DR Shawn Smith back in the podcast arena! Great collab! 👍

[@Moosh538]

Tolerating ..understanding ...reconciling your own discomfort in face of your partners distress... incredible.. an episode expanding exploring this would be very helpful... even Shawn appreciated it...

[@bigspence6898]

Shawn’s book on tactics is very helpful!! Much respect for having him on.

[@MarkCarwyn]

Much Respect to Shawn. Wow, what a great first guest. New Relationship Energy, Infatuation. Crisis of Disillusionment. My retort to this ideology is, We only know what we are exposed to. After exposure to similar personality traits, can we see comparisons in a more discerning perspective. We tend to beat ourselves up for not seeing, what we had no knowledge of at that time. It was consequences of those events, that we acquired more awareness to experiences in our life. We did the best we could, with the knowledge we had at the time. Rather than the victim-stance of, Why did this happen to me, and why didn't I see it happening? Appearances are more important, despite the warning that they can be deceiving. Depending upon previous mental preparation, depends on the individuals trained attraction. (IE. Adverse affects of Corn addiction. Changing ethnic, or cultural areas. And many other environmental factors.) Only got 10 minutes in, and will have to watch the rest later. Wow. What a great first guest.

[@matthewnorris203]

I enjoyed this.

[@sholaide]

Orion! I ALWAYS feel a little bit smarter after listening to your "lectures" lol! I'll be getting a copy of Shawn Smith's book too!

[@findinglela]

You're going hard, Doc!

[@HustleHabit]

This feels like more of a discussion than an interview... Very interesting.

[@ARdave311]

This was right in alignment from what I knew as a young man with older friends, it BLEW MY MIND at 15/16 years old when my 19/20 yo friends would get married after 7/8 months. I was like man that’s like a blip in time and they thought it was an eternity. EVERY single marriage failed and the sad thing was some failed after limping it along for 12 years

[@markaurelius61]

Wow, what a life lesson.

[@mysterio1570]

The Marriages failed because the men went along with the women. Who are wish washy in their early 20’s at best.

[@Aspencalm]

big fan of Mr Smith!

[@ScottKlajicPHD]

This was fantastic to watch. Thanks guys. Dr. Klajic.

[@dawnfmEnthusiast]

Looking forward to this - and hopefully more interviews going forward

[@baus.brings.the.party.]

Loving the long-form discussion format! Keep them coming! Great talk today.

[@trambeleios]

Shawn should speak his audio books! He has such a relaxing voice!

[@derrickh7869]

Excellent!

[@primozmokorel3589]

You to guys make so much sense. Too bad I have got this understanding at 47.

[@michaeljosephmarino]

Love the format and talk. In my opinion as men we need to be able to temporarily animate our feminine to heal emotionally so that we may return to a place of masculine direction and authority without blind spots and traumas that would make our power untrustworthy. Can’t be John Wayne stoic for real unless we’ve processed our BS. Gotta be willing to cry but don’t do that in public or stay there for too long.

[@Mage64]

Great interview, thank you guys!

[@willclouded]

Great conversation loved this episode.

[@jonlucmottl2299]

Stoked for this! Thanks for this collaboration

[@AnAussieinNorway]

Loved this, thanks

[@bsdiceman]

Nice thanks for the intro to Dr. Smith

[@Royster931]

So good to see Shawn again, thanks Orion

[@Appleloucious]

One Love! Always forward, never ever backward!! ☀️☀️☀️ 💚💛❤️ 🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼

[@jbdsvld8175]

Good discussion, thanks! Happy to hear knowledgeable men talk about subjects, among others revolving feminism. I almost fell for the radical feminist position that men are to blame for everything in this world. Not like the reasonable feminist movement striving for equality but rather the one only striving to subjugate men. Living with a belief that is forced onto you that you're guilty whatever the case doesn't help men nor does it help women. Happy that I can now easily discard this way of thinking and how some parts of society are insidiously trying to force it on men.

[@ganjagangja]

More is this please, it was great!

[@travelsauras4704]

Thank you for a great collaboration of minds.

[@mik7062]

This is great content

[@Jonasdelrey]

Amazing episode, very valuable!

[@curzy3]

Love this.

[@aleterra]

Amazing content!!!!

[@tclapson]

Talk of the well-mannered heavyweights in the realm of understanding being a man navigating through life's little challenges often brought on by the complication from the simple want of a woman.

[@kingdingaling9756]

Great video man Only thing I would say is to limit the amount of ads you placed throughout...it's literally like every 3 min

[@funicon3689]

this is great

[@laurysuzin5625]

Great collaboration !

[@peterdelacruz8270]

Thanks!

[@ignatu]

This was f ing amazing. Im a fan already.😮

[@terryrustad1800]

Bravo 👏

[@peterudl]

The long-form discussion was good, but please keep the short-form format, they’re also great and invaluable. The discussion about the female manipulation in the men versus women episode of Survivor was mind blowing! That episode is a metaphor for the age-old collaboration between women and beta men to corral the alpha men’s options. Also, Dr. Smith makes an excellent point about men and women having different conflict resolution strengths and men unilaterally giving up their male physical dominance “gun” without any reciprocity from sharp-tongued women. Fascinating discussion. However, I disagree with the advice that all a man has to do is improve his value to attract women. One must also learn interpersonal dynamics, “game” if you will. Otherwise, a high value man just becomes a sheep led to slaughter.

[@BobbyMasteria]

which episode is it exactly ?

[@Damesanglante]

They see the world as a market and people as merchandises. It is very sad.

[@Adrian_Estando]

The ads in this video could not be timed more annoyingly. They pop-up right when an important point is about to be made. Something i noticed on Jordan Peterson'sbchannel is that the ads seem ro be placed at the end of an idea or when theres a lull. That method is much more agreeable. Outside of that excellent interview and for me a keeper in my self-help playlist!💯👌🏼

[@jennajewert]

Great talk. I wonder if some of the male feminists might just have more feminine energy than the average man? Maybe they are intrinsically more passive, yielding, softer, etc and that makes it easier for them to genuinely advocate for women.

[@psychacks]

I've noticed that to be the case.

[@SA-vz7qi]

Re: "can you choose to be attracted?" It seems rather like the: "Do we have free will?" Issue In the short term probably not, but in the longer term, much more so. Provided you are working with the biological hard wiring. The associations we make in our heads determine how we react. In martial arts, they teach the need to practice techniques under stress because it creates a path that your brain will follow. This is how blank slate believiers get confused. They see women finding different dress in men changing over time and think that is the cause of attraction, when it is message those were saying g about an underlying priority.

[@neoreign]

16:36 This was me, I thought if I had a g/f in highschool/college that my depression would lift which is the wrong attitude. All you'll do is attract that which you're so desperately trying to run away from.

[@colinh9294]

Maybe it's not the smartest mindset, but I believe men have always used women as a reason to self improve. If one didn't have to become wealthier, and dress more aesthetically pleasing, to attract an overall more attractive mate, I don't think many men would have the desire to better one's self. Honestly, I believe this is the reason why many Gen Z males do not put so much effort into working, and improving their financial situation. Rightly, or wrongly they feel like the odds are up against them to get a relationship with a woman that they desire, therefore there is less reason to self improve.

[@jackdeniston59]

not a ´feeling´ Definite, cold equations. Combine with destructive public education, entirely rational. What is needed, is selfish men. Look to do what we want, and pursue that.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@jackdeniston59but selfish men(if there’s enough of them) will eventually break society in different ways. For a society to be high functioning - people need to be pairing up ..

[@brianmeen2158]

Btw I’ve least wondered how a man on an island by himself would function…? He will never see another person in his entire life. Would he work out to look better? Would he try to build a nice structure as a home? What would he do?

[@joseph6243]

​@@brianmeen2158 I would argue that we need to be selfish in a benevolent way where we avoid validating and interacting with gender ideologues, but also operate from a higher state of being and consciousness amongst healthy people. I'll reframe "selfishness" and suggest that instead we actually need to become less tolerant of certain things.

[@chadhayag9171]

@Penderyn many things that people do appear outwardly altruistic but are ultimately egoistic. Take friendships for example. I help you in your time of need in the hopes that when the time comes that I'm the one who needs you, you will come to help me. There's a reason why sharing can feel good, you just have to look further under your emotions, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

[@hassanmd4732]

Maybe a different name would be better suited as Ali Abdaal's podcast is already called Deep Dive. Appreciate your content a lot.

[@KTXF_ACE]

YESS PLZ MORE LONG VIDEOS

[@JoMama123451234]

I think men must earn the right to have standards. As with any goal, it's a multistep process. If you want a good woman, you neer to earn the right to attact one.

[@masonreilly2446]

Wow, I liked the Religious community example. Sadly the best one dumped me. Now I have time to become the best person I can be.

[@LittleMew133]

Am I the only one that almost never fantasize? My brain doesn't fill in the gaps with fantasies, but almost like ... logic. People (who are interesting enough) are like puzzles to me, and I want to put the pieces together. Completely disregarding what I want or don't want in that person. I guess this is why I'm decent at reading people?

[@bsdiceman]

interesting

[@kerri5595]

At around 36 min in. The key here is past tense about what marriage USED to mean. Yes, in the past women were property. Marriage doesn't mean that anymore. The interviewer has a lot of trauma with women and that's too bad but it's definitely showing in this interview.

[@realist1641]

Of course instead of tackling the issues put forward in the interview- you typically go for a personality attack - “who hurt you?!” “You have trauma” blah blah blah!

[@JS-mw2nf]

RE: requiring another for one to feel that set of positive emotions (18:00+/-5min):how one can feel whatever one wants about oneself, but it isn't true unless acknowledged by another could be the root of such a need without all the pathologies implied by the discussed assessment.

[@edwardyoutube]

1-1.5 years to see the other person clearly in my experience. However that doesn't mean fully knowing the person, it just means you see them without a filter given by infatuation. The problem is, typically by then you either have been slowly pushed into a relationship or you have been left for opposing resistance to it.

[@zensvlognotapro]

I have a question why some men don't want the idea of a man is provider and a protector of the family? Why some men don't want that? Are they scared of responsibility?

[@Damesanglante]

Not everyone see people as merchandise and the world as a competitive market. People are so deep into ideology, tbey don't even see other avenues.

[@canelareina3795]

They lack inspiration

[@TalonDeKarrde]

🙏🏻

[@leelybuckwheatjr]

About those six to eighteen months when infatuation puts "beer-goggles" on us: Aren't we here today partly because those "beer goggles" lowered our ancestors' critical guard, helping keep them pair-bonded at least during a child's infancy? (That doesn't mean we should just let infatuation distort our judgment. What helps pass genes from generation to generation doesn't necessarily also help individuals live better lives.)

[@arashghanbari5907]

Fantastic talk guys, question: You mentioned that as guys it's very useful and beneficial to learn Emotional intelligence. How would you reccomend we learn that? I've been trying to read lots of books on the topic but just wanted to ask how you reccomend one approaches learning this subject.

[@dimetriwatt7334]

Would love an answer to this as well. Any men who have done this?

[@stochasticxalid9853]

Here i am watching my two favorite shrinks. Two heros. Keep up the good work you guys. You are the very best...

[@zensvlognotapro]

Hi! Good morning 🌄☕ 🌱 Great discussion so much learnings. On attraction I think it's not a choice it happens naturally once we see someone who's attractive. Internally and or physically. Me physically I'm attracted with nice eyes 👀 and clean nails 😊. Character is very important. God fearing and loving person . Responsible, discipline and gentleman 😊. Some women want all 😁 . I have story of when I was working we usually ride in a train and once I enter in the train full of passengers there's young man offering a seat hehehe feeling beautiful lady😅 . Maybe he offers a seat because I smiled wide when entering in a train😅 .I'm jolly person😊. Great if once a week you have this kind of collaboration with great men 👍 just a suggestion. I like the term Deep Dives 😊 Love , Peace, Joy, Wisdom and Abundance to All 🙏

[@bolt-dbtfg]

Even after the lengthy vetting, the FBI have a probation period. The option to remove the person should their behaviour not be satisfactory. People change, and no amount of vetting will help you with that. Vetting is not too be relied upon. It's better to shape your life so the probation period lasts a lifetime. Don't put yourself in a situation that you cannot easily walk away from with minimum consequences to you. Learn the laws where you live, don't sign a marriage(divorce) agreement that massively benefits the woman,, don't cohabitate where the laws treat that similar to marriage, move to a state or country where the laws don't limit your ability to get out of a bad situation. Create a life where the only reason, when you wake up each morning and chose to stay with a woman is because she is bringing enough value into your life that she is incentivising and motivating you to Willing stay.

[@mitchs0]

Get a windscreen like his

[@Lizjr02723]

I'm thinking that the young men who are feeling inept and staying pessimistic unable to influence their environment could be related to the lack of family structure around how a child should contribute at home and or not being acknowledged for their contributions during the younger years. They have minimal value added habits because maybe nothing they did was enough or didn't get the attention it merited.

[@markaurelius61]

So, ideally the parents would have a system where the children do their share of the chores, and thus learn that they are useful and have responsibilities.

[@WildMidwest1]

I am heartened to see Dr Smith thriving, and glad he separated from the narcissist band of Rollo et al. While those guys make some excellent points, they are as toxic as a recent former POTUS.

[@thebrowithnoname1703]

I was wondering what happened to his weekly pairing with Richard Cooper. I often wondered if they had a falling out?

[@WildMidwest1]

@@thebrowithnoname1703 I don't know. I stopped watching those RP videos because they became so redundant. I couldn't stand Rollo's monologues and cutting everybody off. Cooper was better behaved, but I am guessing Dr. Smith reached his breaking point. He probably felt he was being played and took appropriate action to remove himself. I don't know how he lasted as long as he did.

[@thebrowithnoname1703]

@@WildMidwest1 - I found the red pill was becoming too toxic for me. It helped me realize the error of my ways but I never overcame my “red pill rage” so I backed off.

[@WildMidwest1]

@@thebrowithnoname1703 Same. I don’t care if Cooper and others call me purple-pill or whatever. RP was adversely affecting me at work where the wokies could feel it. Purple pill lets one make better decisions without the toxic aftereffects, especially vs black pill or MGTOW.

[@thebrowithnoname1703]

@@WildMidwest1 The red pill possibly, maybe, cost me what might have been a decent relationship with a woman I was head over heels for, but I’ll never know for sure. I was too determined not to be a push-over and rely on red pill theory to guide me, but I’ve learned a lot about myself since then. Oh well.

[@LittleMew133]

The whole universal "ideal" image is BS. My Mom and grandma specifically wanted soft men, who are emotionally available and family oriented. Just imagine golden retriever puppies with good reading skills. But if my Dad and grandpa had pretended to be someone they weren't, those unions wouldn't have happened. When you are yourself, you risk not appealing to certain demographics. AND IT IS FREAKING WORTH IT 100%.

[@jefesalsero]

Appears that the impact of many young men being raised by single mothers was not adequately addressed in this conversation. Lack of fathers is a significant factor. Perhaps I missed something here?

[@ObstaclestoOpportunities]

Great Convo but Dr Shawn Smith missed the point about men rejecting the request or demand of men giving up the man card. I tell men to give up the traditional man card. It focuses men to product more than they consume and also provide that extra productivity for other parties like the wife or girlfriend. Women have fought their way other of historical roles and it is mens turn to do the same. Men do not be protectors and providers or end up like men in Ukraine focus to fight for the country while the equal women run, drive, fly and swim away. It is a stupid gender box and choose life, this is coming from a veteran, someone which understands the consequences from sticking those gender roles. Evolutionary dating has been a lock and trap with men with the shorter stick, Now you can let this man trap you into this role but I will not allow this to happen. No man is going to force me into to circle class. The women have the right to leave their gender role but men must stay, most men are on a spectrum with this conversation. The are both beast of serving women they just do it in different ways. This Smith "Dr" is easy to grant women all the options they want but reduce men into this role, negative. Women also have consequences to their new found roles which is missing their window to having kids due to their timeline, but they are hacking and adjusting and as always we men are simps so we assist them by creating tech and laws to extend their windows of reproduction.

[@solomonherskowitz]

Ye the question for me is. Is it possible to have relationships without any entanglement at all

[@jonwatson7155]

You and Rollo Tamassi should team up

[@steflift5165]

36:00 is wrong. The man gives up his physical 'gun' because it is illegal to hit her or overpower her, there are not the same protections against psychological manipulations. Great content though, really enjoyed the podcast.

[@canelareina3795]

He meant that women should go easy when they argue

[@MLHunt]

Is there any bigger source of external validation for most people than a drive for professional and/or pecuniary success?

[@mcanu667]

I don't understand the reasoning behind 01:02:09 that "it has never been easier to be an extraordinary man". On the contrary, I think it is very difficult. One of the main reasons is that we don't have an example of an extraordinary man. I would argue that we cannot define this term. I think we live in a very nihilistic society, with no clear values and shared goals, eg. creating a family is not considered prestigious. Even having money is diminished, as evidence of character, but is more seen as a result of luck. We could argue that status itself is valuable, but it still feels more like an abstract value than a tangible thing we can obtain. It is all very obscure and clearly defined. Chaotic. I don't even want to mention religious ideals - a deep topic, but I think we can agree that Western culture is not favorable towards religious patterns and values. So, for me, if we cannot come up with a clear and common definition of extraordinary man, it is thus not achievable.

[@chadhayag9171]

How many guys do you know are good at making conversations? Are chasing their dreams? Are charismatic and hardworking? You're right about what the world is like right now, that is why you can be an extraordinary man by simply working and practicing enough so that your 100% now will simply be your 20% in the future. Because most men don't. Do you get what I mean?

[@adityajahagirdar96]

Someone add time stamps pls!

[@aek72]

The only way to know whether you’re being manipulated is: ask your self if what you’re being asked to do, you would if the one asking was a man.

[@Promet17]

The beginning is awkward (two guys being overly cautious not to step on each other's toes; basically neither of you led the conversation, so it ended up being a bit lethargic; you need more energy, more initiative, more leading on your part... perhaps it'd also be good to have a plan of the interview and share it with the other party so that they know what questions to expect and can consider how to respond in advance), but this long format has a lot of potential, and I look forward to new episodes.

[@tylerbrower246]

🐐

[@jonathankelly2655]

"[women] tend to mature faster emotionally." hahahaha that's a good one.

[@psychacks]

Well, they do. The average 12 year-old girl is light years ahead of the average 12 year-old boy emotionally. And this often continues into adulthood, where men are woefully unprepared to deal with women's emotions.

[@jonathankelly2655]

"men are woefully unprepared to deal with women's emotions." sounds like women are emotionally immature and need emotion regulation skills.

[@NattyGymBro]

As someone who was born and raised in the bay area and didn't buy into the leftist ideology, I love this.

[@joseph6243]

It strikes me as interesting that your short form videos tend to get hundreds, if not thousands, of views and comments, especially from female viewers, within hours. Meanwhile an invaluable discussion with a psychology/self-improvement legend is practically unwatched, comparatively speaking. I however, would like to see more content with Shawn T. Smith in future episodes as well as more long form content!

[@madness5693]

Add timestamps

[@lilbroomstick7914]

What book at 1:05:00????

[@alexwelts2553]

Haha!! I already saw this and told you that 😂