QAC 55 - Older Asexuals: Coming Out Later In Life | Questioning | Trauma

[@jaymel4691]

Thank you for this! I am an "older ace" myself, age 44 this year, and I have never been married or had kids. I have never had any sexual feelings or attraction to anyone. I get so sick of people getting that weird, awkward look on their face when they ask me about my "sig other" or my kids (I have neither, I am an aromantic ace). It's like they have nothing else to talk about with people other than spouses or children! And then they always want to set me up on a blind date with someone they know or they assume I am a lesbian in denial or something... sigh. For a long time I just thought I was somehow broken until I found the term "asexual" about 2 years ago. Thank you, thank you!

[@spacecat6022]

I'm 42 and aromantic ace as well. I'm lucky that people are not annoying like that now. My father sometimes asks me if I have finally decided to have a boyfriend and I tell him I'm not interested and he says I will soon, I have to since I'm getting old and then changes the subject, but my worst time was when I was in high school. Many guys asked me to date but I refused them all. I think the fact that I was so unreachable made them run after me (I don't like Shakespeare's Much ado about nothing or 10 things I hate about you since the unreachable girl always falls for someone finally) but in the last year they began to say that I was a lesbian and teased me on this. I wondered and I would have felt more normal if I had been, but I never felt attracted to girls either so I was just weird. I felt weird for so many years, I just found out about asexuality about 3 or 4 years ago.

[@jayquillberry4972]

OMG! Same! I'm not in my 40s, I'm 22, but I only figured this out recently, but the church I go to is full of young couples where all they talk about are babies and relationships. Marriage is like the ultimate goal in life or something.

[@Jaya-ce8qb]

As an older ace, I feel that I have really suffered. Now that I know who I am, I feel I can relax and enjoy my life. The pressure is off.

[@paulinevd3086]

Late reply, but... you're so right. It is so hard going through so much of your life forced to look for things you don't actually want. And so needless, we were perfectly normal all along. At least we know that now. I hope you have peace and joy every day from here on!

[@janrobnettwordweaver2227]

Hi, Hon. I'm 54 and just came out a month ago as discovering my Asexuality. I've never had a relationship with a man, but I would be considered a Heteroromantic Ace. For over 40 some-odd years I thought I was broken because I had no desire for sex. A few weeks before discovering even the possibility of Asexuality I kept wondering, "Wouldn't it be awesome if I could just find a guy and have a relationship... without the sex?" I've always wanted the romance, but 'sex' made such a scenario abhorrent to me. Thank you for this video. I do feel alone due to my age, so this was extremely encouraging. It's coming up on Asexual Awareness Week for 2017 and this video was sorely needed in my spirit. I appreciate your gentle nature in discussing this and your words. Thank you, again. Many hugs to you.

[@mOnocularJohn]

I've always known, but didn't have the word back in 1988. I went through some traumatic events in the 80s and I needed therapy for it, and when I told therapists I didn't have sexual attraction they acted like I was lying or confused... Really screwed with my head. Now I'm 47 and out, and my attitude is, if somebody doesn't believe me, they can go to hell. Went through too many years of hell to figure out my sexuality to deal with that crap anymore. I'm 47, ace and proud!

[@DuckBuddy]

Good for you! Now I know what to tell people when they question my asexuality.

[@lisaschaeffer]

I am 62 and a year ago I found out I am ace from online sources. I never married and have no kids and did not feel attracted to anyone, and tried dating but felt nothing for them. I just like friends, not interested in sex.

[@whiteladymorgan6780]

I finally came out at 56 after a lifetime of confusion. I just never "fancied" anyone I met including both of my husbands. I have never experienced romantic or sexual attraction, I think I was born without the ability like being born deaf. It helps a lot having a name for it and knowing that I am not weird or unnatural and I am now allowing myself to be happy and have mad the decision to live the rest of my life alone. I'm finally free to be me.

[@adam.muzzik]

Thank you for your video. Im 33 y/o, never in a relationship and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I judged myself enormously. I've gotten backlash from people interested in sex and even people who aren't. It's frustrating and it's lonely, but it is what it is. The community is definitely a new concept for me. I've never known anyone who could identity. I'll be honest, IMO, some of what I've seen on YT feels a bit too over complicated, contrived and convoluted, but that's just me. It could absolutely be an age thing. I don't say that to discount anyone, just my personal observation. Again, wonderful and encouraging video.

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you for watching and sharing your own thoughts and experiences. i'm really glad that you were able to learn about asexuality and hopefully be able to judge yourself less than you might have before. imho, it's totally understandable that this new found community would feel really overwhelming, overcomplicated, etc to you (as well as others). it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea and even for those who embrace the community, it can still feel overwhelming and even convoluted at times. either way, it's nice to know that you're not alone, i think.

[@adam.muzzik]

QueerAsCat It is. I finally feel a bit more "settled" within myself, sexually and in general. Kind of like the end of a chapter of wondering, and moving beyond it to another experience. I still have my own personal reservations about micro categorization, but, it is helpful to know because it's lends to the diversity of asexuality. Anyway, I love your videos and it's nice to see such an articulate and knowledgeable person who is able to effectively educate people on these types of subjects.

[@MissE832]

Thank you for this! As an over-40 Ace, our narrative has been invisible until now. Thank you again!

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you for watching and commenting. :)

[@PinkyZAce]

Very very well said! Thanks for speaking specifically to us older people. I'm 62 and was first aware of the term asexual about 2 years ago. Just recently, I have delved more deeply into my sexual, romantic and gender identity. Just knowing and understanding is so empowering, even if I never come out!

[@SashikuChan]

I'm 35. Thanks for the video! I never knew what I was till a few years ago. :o Its nice to know and understand. I came out last year. Everyone asked me for years if I was ever going to get married and have kids. It annoyed the crud out of me, not to mention I've lost more friends to marriage than to disagreements. It really is hard to grow up feeling so different and never knowing why till you're older.

[@QueerAsCat]

yeah, it really is hard not knowing until you're older, isn't it? but i'm glad that you were able to eventually learn of asexuality and discover the asexual community. better late than never. :)

[@SashikuChan]

QueerAsCat Me too. Thank you. :D

[@MaryanaMaskar]

Yeah, I'm also 35 and only just started identifying as asexual

[@erinrogers983]

After a very traumatic previous relationship and divorce, as well as childhood abuse that I have never completely dealt with, I am at a point where I have no desire for a sexual relationship. I fit so many of these scenarios you have described, and have been struggling with the fact that I am just complacent in my singleness. As I am struggling with that, I am realizing that it’s not complacency, but contentment. In coming to this realization, I am also accepting that my orientation has changed. Hi, I’m Erin. I am 31 years old.. I have two kids, I am divorced, and I am asexual. THANK YOU for this video.

[@vibrissasotto]

As a 33 y o ace, thank you so much for making this video. 🐾

[@QueerAsCat]

thank you for watching and commenting. :)

[@ChrisDragon531]

Thank you for this video. I feel like an older Ace as well (almost 30), In the past I did feel broken or at least different. I noticed this back in Elementary School (Catholic school went from Kindergarten to 8th grade, I never wore the skirt or jumper uniform, always went for the pants or shorts uniforms) when all the kids in my class started talking about dating each other and kissing (about 7th or 8th grade). I would stay out of the conversation but when they brought me in asking me "Who do you like? You have to like somebody" I would tell them "Nobody" and go pack to my drawings or playing video games. When I was in 8th grade my religion teacher went around my class asking everyone "Do you want to become a nun or a priest or do you want to get married?" (although boys had a third option of "working the rest of their life" rather than become a priest or get married. Which I thought was unfair.). When she asked me the question (the one with the two options instead of three...) I answered "Neither" so she asked me "Don't you want children?" so I answered "I'll adopt a child if I want one" she then proceeds to scold me in front of the class about my answers and my classmates start laughing at me and making fun of me because of my answers. I went to Catholic Single Sex High School (because public schools where I was living were pretty bad when it came to education. My parents wanted me to have a good education). Again when my classmates would talk about dating and crushes and who they thought was "hot" or "sexy" I would be blocking out of the conversation and reading or concentrating on homework because I really just wasn't interested. Because of this some of those classmates were convinced that I was homosexual (which I'm not, but I have nothing against anyone who is. I have some friends who are and they are some of the coolest people) and would verbally bully me because of that. I didn't go to school dances either, but my mom and dad convinced me to at least go to senior prom. I did, and I went with a childhood friend of mine (who ended up giving me my first kiss because he had never been kissed either), and we just remained friends it was all we ever were which was fine by me. In college, I did date but only because I was trying so hard to be 'normal' because I didn't want to go through the teasing I put up with in Elementary School and High School. My one date would always whine and complain because I didn't want to... well...you know...and because of him telling our mutual friends this over and over, the teasing started up again. I gave in once, just so the teasing would stop. I found it boring and pointless and couldn't understand why college students were so obsessed with it. I hated it. I tried to avoid it as much as I could, and my date ended up breaking up with me for that reason (that I had no interest in it). After I got over it (literally took a day to stop crying about it and less than a month to get over my date, because I knew it was coming years before it happened, but I was stubborn). It was around that time that I started learning more about sexuality other than heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual. One day I came across a blog post (from one of my online, storywriting mates) about Asexuality the more I read it the more I could relate to what the poster was saying. I proceeded to ask her questions in private message about it. I mentioned that I was asking her the questions because I believed I was Asexual because I had never felt sexual attraction. Unfortunately, she responded with "You can't be asexual, you have been in a relationship" which was kind of disheartening. This had me questioning myself again and having multiple anxiety attacks over it because I couldn't figure it out. The past three years I have been learning as much as I could about Asexuality, this taught me that some Aces have been in relationships, a few of them even have children. Asexuality was just a lack of sexual attraction (which had always been true for me) and some Aces can and do have romantic attraction to other people. I consider myself to be Demiromantic (or is it Greyromantic? I'm not sure of the correct term, I've seen both). I won't form romantic feelings for anyone until I have formed a strong emotional bond with them (and I also have to find them Aesthetically attractive on top of that, I'm extremely picky). I came out to my parents and siblings as Asexual 18 months ago. They have all been very accepting of me and I'm glad for that. My mom actually stood up for me once with this information. I have an Aunt who I only see once or twice a year. One day she asked me if I was still Single. I told her "Yes I am and I'm perfectly fine with that" so then she proceeded with "oh honey, one day you will find a cute Asian guy and have adorable babies with him" before I could say anything in defense my mom (who was in the room with us) stepped in and said. "Chris said they were perfectly fine with being single and if Chris wants children they will adopt a child instead" (I already decided I would adopt a child once I am financially stable, my mom knows this). When I first told my English speaking classmates (when I was studying abroad in Japan, I attended a Japanese Language School so there were other Americans there and students who spoke English) I was Asexual a few of them told me "Oh that's so cool." and accepted me right away. Some of them were confused to what it meant but after I explained it to them they were supportive. Anyways, TL;DR I have been Asexual my whole life but didn't have a term for it until the past few years, glad I have a supportive family and a few awesome friends. This video was great! Thank you for making it!

[@aosagi79]

4 years late, but still: Thank you. I only recently figured out that i'm ace. It was an illuminating revelation to say the least, even if i haven't gotten the exact details down yet. (current working hypotheses: Asexual/Demiromantic) I think part of us "elders" only figuring it out later in life, or finally finding the words for what we knew but couldn't quantify, is the fact that the visibility on this was low to non existent for so long. For changing that, much like i thank my leather elders, i salute the younger (and older) ace trail blazers. Without you making enough noise about this being a thing, i would have gone to my grave thinking i was broken somehow. Thank you. All of you. My old punk self is now out, loud, and rocks the black ring for visibility, because to those who feel or felt alone: It makes a world of difference to know you aren't.

[@Astronomater]

wonderful video. keep up the good work. I always just thought I was strongly introverted and that was all I identified as for ages. Found out about asexuality when watching late night television at age 41. I just never thought about sex that often so never looked into finding my identity.

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for watching and commenting. :) it's really interesting to hear that you first heard about asexuality on late night tv. i hope it was something educational, but either way i'm glad it proved useful for you.

[@Astronomater]

certainly was. it was the asexuality documentary. it was shown on IFC after a movie i was watching.

[@camaldusclavatus3703]

Thank you for making this video. I wish there was an Asexuality Awareness Week years ago and I wish it was bigger than it is now. I learned that asexuality was a thing at age 34. At age 35 (9 months ago) I finally knew enough about the term and about myself that I was able to identify as such. Yes, I did identify as heterosexual before that, because... what else was there if you're a man who's attracted to girls? But I was HAPPY to shed that identity. I was HAPPY to shed the expectation that came with that identity that I could never live up to. I was HAPPY to realize that I wasn't failing in that department, it simply wasn't part of me. Maybe now I can find someone who doesn't have that expectation. If I want someone. Not quite sure, I'm still struggling with that one. Maybe a roommate that's more than a friend but not quite a soulmate? Do aces/aros do that? Also, not gonna lie, seeing everyone around me getting married and getting children was fucking scary. At some point you start to wonder, 'What am I doing with my life?' Now I'm more like, 'I'm glad I don't have a family. I can do whatever I want whenever I want!' Less drama? For me, yes!

[@garlicpasta183]

Look up "queerplatonic relationships"! After reading your comment I thought that those sorts of relationships fit what you described. Although, the independent life can certainly be just as fulfilling! Cheers

[@camaldusclavatus3703]

@@garlicpasta183 Thanks! I looked it up and it fits the description to a tee. And you're right. Either lifestyle is fine. I just can't help but wonder.

[@garlicpasta183]

No problem! It's never a bad thing to wonder :)

[@MoveStuff]

After 20 years thinking my wife has a low libido or low sex drive with a few question I now feel she is ASEXUAL. I really need someone to talk to

[@morgoth2001]

Thank you so much for this video! I am asexual and 35 and just recently came out to a couple of friends, both of whom were very supportive. However, due to my age I worried that I was too old but your video helped me overcome that. I knew I was asexual all my life, but as you said, I just didn't have a word for it. Thank you so much!

[@whiteladymorgan6780]

Thanks for the video, I'm a 56 year old asexual who spent a lifetime wondering what was "wrong" with me. i found out about asexuality only this year thatnks to the youngsters videos. I'd never hear of it previously.

[@krissymoore9452]

Ty for this I’m a 51 yr old ace with a daughter and I have always been asexual but have been in a few serious sexual relationships and after years of thinking I was broken I now know that I AM NOT ty ty ty ty

[@calonstanni]

At 55 and being post menopausal, I have NO sexual drive. However, unlike what you stated in your video, my male friends, my younger female friends and much of society insist that I need to still be sexual or else I'm missing out on life. I'm shown examples of other old women who are sexually active and I'm constantly counseled that if i get medical help, or if I screw the RIGHT people, I can be sexual too. YIPPEE!!! All of the information I find on the internet is geared towards making menopausal women be sexual (hormone therapy, sex therapy, other various injections and creams) and NONE of it validates my choice to honor my body's urge to remain non-sexual. Young men may want to think of old women as non-sexual, but I'm looked at as broken by men my age and by younger women . Interestingly, NONE of my 4 close female friends in their 50's want sex any more but they force themselves - and they fake orgasm - to keep their mates happy. They abhor it but it's a chore they must endure. They never told me this until I opened up to them how much I hated sex and how glad I am to be free from it. If they admitted this to their husbands or to their friends, they would be treated as broken and be coerced into trying to get FIXED.

[@dawntripp1974]

Thanks from this 47 year old Ace! It meant so much to me. Just confirmed my asexuality just last year.

[@anitamcdonald9629]

I'm 54 and had never heard of asexuality until a few years ago, but it explained exactly why I've felt the way I have my whole life. I'm very grateful and happy to know that I'm not broken, just asexual

[@minamesparkletits6714]

I think the reason why you might consider yourself an older ace, is because there is a lot of problems with people coming out who are older, in terms with sexuality or gender. Although, Caitlyn Jenner is problematic in some ways to the trans community, she is invalidated and her transition was considered a "publicity stunt". Family shit comes up sometimes, when you already have children, it can be messy to come out sometimes. It's like when I came out as pan, a few years after being an out bisexual, and it was really hard because many people don't know what pan is and it is confusing for friends and family. Thankyou for this, and this can be helpful for anyone in the not straight, cis, or not het normative community.

[@QueerAsCat]

without a doubt coming out later in life can be especially difficult and complicated and i'm sure that that does factor into many people's decisions about (not) coming out later in life. so as you said, it's also one of many factors at play as to why someone who's 31 would end up feeling like an "older ace" in the ace community. thanks for watching and commenting. :)

[@JennyverseLive]

Thank you! This is why visibility is needed - if I had known about it, I'd have got there a lot sooner.

[@sarahjr999]

Beautiful, thank you

[@alkirk1865]

hello,I realize this is a rather late entry considering the year and date of this video,however I am 40 and just came out.After spending the better part of my life trying to "fake it". I honestly belive my marraige failed primarily due to me being asexual/aromantic and trying to make a marriage work for the sake of the kids.

[@cazzle80]

Liked your vid :) I'm 36, until mid last year I had never heard the terms Asexual or Aromantic. I was wandering around youtube and came across Ashley Mardell's The ABC's of LGBT vid and out of curiosity clicked on and when she started talking about Aces & Aros a bell went off in my head and I was like "HEY THAT'S ME!". Looking back at younger me I realise now that i've always been Asexual, up until my discovery my answer for the "so why are you single" question has usually been "I just am and i'm quite happy that way". Thankfully my family has never been the "So when are you going to find a man and have kids"type of family. I've happily come across some awesome ace and aro people and groups on FB.

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for watching, liking and sharing your experience. i'm glad that you randomly stumbled across that video and were able to discover ace and aro communities thanks to. sounds like you have an understanding family, as well, which is also a great thing to have, especially as the holiday season comes around. wishing you all the best. :)

[@professorariel]

what a great video! one of the topics i wanna bring to my facebook page is about people who feel like they can judge someone's identity based on their past, on if they assume that person has experienced attraction, therefore they're lying, etc. i'm sure i'll be able to get inspiration to write about that based on your video. thanks!

[@QueerAsCat]

wow, that's sm awesome topic to talk about on Facebook! i hope it goes well for you and people take away important things from it because it really is a topic that people think they know more about than they usually do. thanks for watching and commenting. :)

[@cidevant002]

Just some months ago I learn what sexual attraction means and suddenly realized I almost never experienced it. I have, but the people towards I did I can count them with one hand and after that feeling is gone I can´t even remember how is like to feel it. The same things happened with romantic attraction. I still don´t know what that even means to me and I have been thinking that my crushes as a child may not be that. And all that can relate again to my relationship with my gender or lack off or whatever is happening there because, boy, let me tell you about things I don´t understand at all. In conclusion, the ace/aro and non binary communities are important to me because I can relate to that confusion, incertainty and idea that something everyone say it should be there is not so what the hell is happening with me.

[@QueerAsCat]

while i don't think i've ever experienced sexual attraction myself, i can very much relate to everything that you've said. it's great to finally have a community (or rather communities) of people who can i can relate to and who can relate to me about this like this. it really is important to me as well.

[@LadyEvildragonEX]

Its 2018, and this video is still giving me life. arigato gozaimasu Vesper-San

[@audreydugan9668]

Thank you

[@lori4iwp]

Thanks for the video. It's awesome! I'll be 43 this month and am ace/aro. I've been married for 20 years and just had a daughter last winter. I've always been asexual, but only learned about the term last year. My husband, who is allo, and I are friends first and are able to discuss anything. So, we've discussed my asexuality (before and after we had a term for it). He's still not convinced something medical can't "fix" me, but I am. Regardless of that, we're still close friends first, and he's otherwise supportive.

[@spacecat6022]

Thank you, very reassuring video! I felt so weird for years because I didn't know what I was. It doesn't change my life but somehow I was so happy when I discovered asexuality! And that so many cool people are asexuals!

[@DasPingu]

Loving them goggles, Vesper! Great vid as always 😎👍🏾

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks! undecided whether i dare make a video actually wearing them....

[@MsPoetrynmotion]

Thank you for this video! It is definitely needed for the community!

[@anthonyraymond2072]

your videos helped me understand about being ace 💯 I never knew it was even a thing or a community untell today thank you

[@DuckBuddy]

Thank you. We need more videos and support for older aces. I'm a 40 + female ace. I wish I had this in high school when everyone was pressuring us to have sex and get married. I have two kids but I have always been ace, I just didn't know there was a name for it until this year. I used to wish I could be in a relationship where I could hold hands with someone and not have sex with them ever. I've avoided relationships for the last 10 years because I didn't know being ace was an option until now.

[@gregcummings1836]

Great video topic!

[@QueerAsCat]

thanks for watching. :)

[@Lilah_Ninigigun_Belet-Eanna]

Im 40, been married/divorced and currently in an 8 year relationship with a hetero cis man. Still hard to balance my feelings about coming out as I dont haven't met ANY other asexuals F2F in my entire life so have no support network etc. When growing up 'Asexual' wasn't an option and now it seems its only a Gen Z thing not an Old Millennial +

[@paulinevd3086]

It's not, it's your thing. All the best of luck in the world!

[@riversong1]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! - 53 year old budding Ace

[@KrisHughes]

I'm in my 60s. Thanks for this. So glad that you're not going down the road of asexuality is always an inborn trait!

[@bonniewhy]

Oh my god. You are just absolutely amazing. Thank you. So much.

[@a.e.l.1448]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video!

[@tortiedove]

Thank you so much for this video! I feel validated and that feels good.

[@wordforger]

I feel like an "older Ace" even if I'm only 33. I celebrated my 10th anniversary (of accepting my Single, Aro-Ace self) this year after I realized it had been ten years. Got myself a cake and everything. ;) Next year, I'll set the date as April 6 because it's International Asexuality Day and it seems appropriate. There wasn't a single day I remember going "THAT'S ME" so much as it was a slow realization after I turned 23, (the age I'd always said I'd hold off on dating until).

[@secretsquirrel8590]

Thank you so much for this video ❤️

[@sunnytyler001]

I wish I had had that term growing up... So many conversations with my classmates & my mother could have been easier if I had known. Not sure if they would have understood or accepted it, but at least, I would have known it was OK not to feel sexual attraction or want to be in a romantic relationship. (aro/ace here ;) ).

[@tabiandro]

Good message.

[@lauraauroraofficial]

Thank you for making this

[@Solace_System]

Well - I think my profile photo says it all...

[@emanuelebaiocco6432]

WONDERFUL!!!

[@ohtricaerontops4781]

Another fantastic video. :)

[@QueerAsCat]

looking forward to yours if you do make any this AAW. :)

[@ohtricaerontops4781]

Thanks. I'm hoping to get a video up still about amatonormativity and I have a few other ideas but I don't know if they'll all go up this week. I have to get back into the swing of things video making wise.

[@kategleason6481]

All I cared about as a teenager was romantic, sexual love. Then I got married and had children. Romance wasn't real. Then came menopause. No longer interested at all in sex. Unromantic husband is unhappy. @61 I'm happy to find I'm not abnormal.

[@natalieknight8695]

Thanks for this!!!!

[@Aya..19]

Loved it!

[@OtakuGunsoNY]

My family often thinks I am gay. I've been in 2 relationships, can't they give me a break ...?

[@QueerAsCat]

...silly family and their incessant need to try and insert their opinions into your life.

[@OtakuGunsoNY]

Yea ... like I remember when my brother who lives across the US wished me a happy birthday a few months ago and his wife and my niece and nephew got on too. And the first time his wife asked me is if I was in a relationship yet ...

[@edifyingartchannel6103]

you get those glasses at covent garden market

[@heidithechubbybunny8949]

ageism sucks. I hate having to reveal people my age like ohh, you're a bit old already.. anything over 26 seems to be considered old. I don't freaking know.

[@StephEWaterstram]

The Idea was posted to Me when I was having an issue with My Mojo when I was 21 but the idea petrified Me. I lived in My own belief that I could make something of My Life, Turned Out I was SO wrong. My "Sex Life" as it was was a Futile Demisexual experience. I'm 41 and I was about 32 the last time I had Sex. It wasn't and isn't by choice I don't anticipate Sex to be apart of My itinerary nor did I was Younger. When I was 21 I had started coming out as "Sexually Inexperienced" I told this to a JapanAmerican YW a couple of years older than Me and She Hit Me with the Golden Spike question "Do You Masturbate?" I timidly replied "Uh Yeah!" and She replied in a giddy manner, "That's all You really need to do" it was a little embarrassing but it was the beginning of something yet to come. So many years have gone by in My life without having Sex which drives those who are allosexual Mad if they go months without. Since I had explored this Avenue it makes Me realize How Different I am from the "Common Beast" I had sometimes thought I was addicted to Masturbation when I had actually reconfirmed it is merely a part of My orientation because I had never really been compelled to want Sex with someone just more of a Curiosity. I had then from that 21 y/o pivotal moment archived My Life then took all of the ACE totorials and came Up with because of Cisgender Male Hetero Aesthetic AutoChorisSexual with a BiDemi experience History.

[@milliedragon4418]

as a person, it took me a while to come around about I'm asexual even tho I always felt asexual since I was a teen. I feel kinda sad (not angry) tho because I always felt asexual.

[@milliedragon4418]

I already have seen this but thought a good rewatch was due.

[@rachelrosen5501]

I wish my relationship was an aftermath...I want to live my truth. My "sig other" has a high sex drive and it's all he focuses on. I was hoping he and I could be on a different level but it doesn't look like he values me beyond my sexuality. :(

[@OctoBox]

QueerCat great post -- 50yr old HerteroAce.....From my psychiatrists survey I'm open to kiss(yes), hugs(often), hand-holding (not in public), will gratify with toys / manually on request, but wants no to little reciprocation. Sex-proper maybe once per month or once every other month but sex is for pleasure is mostly about the partner (70/30) I had no idea I was on this spectrum -- in the 80's we didn't acknowledge the existence of bi-sexuals -- let alone ace's! Love this community (more please).

[@laurieberry4814]

Hi. I had a boyfriend and someone told me that I was lucky. I was unhappy. He blackmailed me to have sex with him. I didn’t. I had sex with this man once. It was the only time. I don’t think sex is for me. I have been called broken. I am fifty-three. My mom tells me that there are many unmarried women. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have children. I like kids, but I feel like people called me inadequate. Thank you

[@angelhn5308]

I have a boyfriend and I tell him that I'm asexual but he still talking me about sex and everything dirty thing that he thinks, I don't like that and I said to him that I don't like it but he continues, and one day he said, "well if you're asexual, why are you my girlfriend if you don't want others?" that happened some days ago and I'm really hurt about that.

[@QueerAsCat]

wow, i'm really sorry he said such an inconsiderate thing to you.... as if your feelings aren't genuine and you couldn't possibly want to be his girlfriend without being sexually attracted to him. i'm responding to this 3 days late, but i hope you're doing okay. :(

[@sammieboyd6348]

His actions and words are disrespectful, invalidating and not consenual. Show him the Thames police tea and consent video and some asexual videos. I think he is with you for what he thinks he can get from you (entitled selfish jerk). You can and will find someone who respects and loves you for you, not for what they want from you. They will love you the way you are and celebrate you for every part of who you are.

[@kruuuuune]

Ace survivors????? being Ace is not something you survive.

[@kruuuuune]

it is not something that kills you.

[@QueerAsCat]

..."ace survivors" is shorthand for asexual survivors of assault.