Questioning if You are Doing the Right Thing? Here is a Tip to Help You Find Your Compass!

[@marti7343]

I have been on HRT for two months, started laser hair removal, and hope to begin voice lessons soon. I have a number of reasons for stopping my transition - a good relationship with a loving wife, a nice home and interesting life, being almost seventy years old with good chances of never passing, never seeing my dog again, all the difficulties in coming out to family, friends, neighbors, my dysphoria being such that I can live with my genitals. Given my age I believe I will not ever want any surgeries except maybe hair transplantation. But, when I manage to put all that aside and ask myself who I am, I believe I am a women and know I want to be one. Regardless of past experience with cross dressing some years ago and struggling with a transphobic world, that feeling has been with me my entire life. That sense is what drives me to continue the transition with a lack of surety about where I may end up.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@KR-vc9ol]

I've been deliberately vague with the people I have come out to with regards to what the "endgame" looks like. I know I don't want to be "male" and being vague with everyone else makes me feel like i can plant my flag anywhere along the road that I find myself feeling comfortable. I've been really trying to view this as a journey of discovery as opposed to a journey from point A to point B. Also I have a tendency to hedge my bets. ;) Might not be a good strategy for everyone, but it's been working for me so far.

[@Androgynary]

This is what I’ve been doing. I’m non-binary so it’s very difficult to pinpoint when I should stop/continue hormones. I find it helpful viewing it as transitioning *away* from something rather than *to* something. That, and realizing that transition is a decision you make every single day; it’s never a one and done process. Like you said, it’s definitely a journey of exploration-wherever you decide to go is where you are meant to be (even if it wasn’t planned for).

[@DRZPHD]

@T R thanks for sharing and I think its a valid and great strategy because it is your path of evolution and only you know how far or deep you want to take it. When we often set end point and share it with others, pressures to reach it can arise. Great points thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

@L well said. Away from distress/dysphoria/incongruence to what feels right to YOU! Thanks for sharing.

[@loisjones4296]

One of the things that is helping me is something I learned from studying math. At school we had an expression: “ Let the math lead you, don’t try to lead the math.” It works the same for transitioning: “ Let the transition lead me, don’t lead the transition”

[@TemperanceL2]

A bit late to the party, but I very much relate entirely to that sentiment. So far, it's been a bit too much for me to say "yes, I'm a transgender woman, let's get going". I know I want to get away from "traditionnal masculinity". I know I enjoy multiple aspects of "femininity" (putting these in quotes, since, technically most of these are socially defined, and in some way, if the world was better, wouldn't have to fit in these boxes, but anyway). But I don't like to say "well then, guess I'm trans" just out of that. As you've said, tendency to hedge bets and all that. So in the same way, I prefer to see it as a journey currently. Let my hair get long. Try nail polish. Start including more and more feminine clothes to my life. Try make-up. Start voice training. All these, just steps I wanted to take. Where will they lead me, that's for me to decide. And if I want to say "I'm now comfortable with where I am" then I can do just that. So in the same way, to the close friends who know of my situation, I've openly said it's more about exploration than "I'm a transgender woman". Admittedly, I do feel like, while this let me keep my options open, this might also let me leave my doubts be, instead of facing them head on, and let me stay in that sort of "twilight zone". But well, that's gender identity for you. For me it's always been a bit of a road of questionning what I want. I do hope one day, I'll feel like I'd have found a situation where I can say "I'm comfortable here" at some point.

[@elsieparker8802]

Yes!!! This is exactly what I've done to be sure of my path. I ask, "Well, could I be comfortable going back to a fully male body?" The immediate response I feel every time is fear and disgust. The truth is I'm properly terrified of testosterone. I've also realized that when I'm feeling uncomfortable with my transition, it's always caused by the rejection of people I care about. That discomfort doesn't come from within, it comes from a desire to be accepted. It's been really helpful to learn that pattern so I can identify it and trust that the discomfort never lasts more than a day or so.

[@DRZPHD]

Great point about discomfort not lasting long. Often we forget that feelings tend to come and go.

[@Androgynary]

Whenever I doubt myself, I ask myself 2 questions: 1. Let’s say I’m not really trans. Can I see myself living as my gender assigned at birth? - if the answer is still no and it makes me physically cringe even thinking about it, I move on to the next question. 2. Would I feel comfortable or better if I stopped hormones right now? - even though HRT has been amazing at relieving dysphoria for me, I sometimes wonder if this means I should stop. But I have to remind myself that this means the hormones are doing their job. If I stopped now and I consider that the dysphoria would likely return, would I be okay with that? If not, I continue on my journey.

[@DRZPHD]

These are great and important questions! Thank you for sharing.

[@kingcaballero1411]

This is super helpful I find myself asking myself these same questions. But understanding that doubt is natural and challenging those thoughts/feelings to know if it’s how I really feel or if it is form of fear centers me.

[@theentirepopulationofaustr6046]

I imagine myself on a desert island, without anyone else around. Would I still want surgery? I imagine myself as an old person. What gender is that old person? I feel a lot of doubts about my gender when I'm around other people, how they see me and treat me. But imagining these two things helps.

[@guilhermemello553]

@@theentirepopulationofaustr6046 loved that feeling.

[@memiuszow]

These questions are good but the problem starts when I obsessively ask myself them (mostly the first one since I couldn't start hrt yet since the procedures in my country are quite complicated and I'm only maybe half way through them). It just becomes painful at this point, constantly checking if "maybe this time deadname will fit, maybe this time the body will feel okay" (and the answer is "no" everytime).

[@That_dark_ranger]

Great video. This is why therapy is so important before thinking about hormones

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you.

[@DrayseSchneider]

This video was very timely, thank you. I've had some doubts about my transition, going onto five months of HRT now, off and on the past week or so. But every now and then something would occur that reaffirmed my choice to begin transitioning. For example, this past Sunday I was in the local drugstore buying some makeup, when the teller rung me in she wished me a happy woman's day and gave me a small gift bag for the occasion. The feeling of affirmation almost made me burst into tears. Or a couple I helped out at work called me "dear" when they thanked me for my assistance. Going back to "square one," as you call it, seems like a good idea. I would depend less on external validation and hopefully find some more intrinsic that I can use to validate myself.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. Its often a combo of internally checking in as well as external validation or cues. If both feel affirming, that's a sign you are moving in the right direction. If not, its a sign to pause and investigate.

[@lomparti]

I think I’m questioning it and still in the denial phase cause I know it’s going to be a hard process to go through.

[@johnlipsey5986]

Yes! You are so right going back in forth.

[@gameragedad8953]

You know, sometimes I feel like you're a guardian angel or something because so many times that I have been struggling with my gender identity in the past year you seem to have a video that answers my specific questions as if you were some kind of oracle talking to just me about my anxiety and fears. Today I am starting HRT (MtF this youtube account is old) and I have been freaking out about the reality of it all hitting me like a brick that I am really about to go through this kind of metamorphosis. Then there is your video, there to help me realize I am making the right decision and that I still feel incongruent with my gender.

[@obsidianjane4413]

You can edit your screen name to be something less... gendered(?) . And yeah, it is great that Dr. Z warns everyone that its not all roses even if you don't have literal obstacles to transition. This is why a therapist is so important. There is a reason depression, drug use, and suicide is so common with the TG peeps. :+(

[@DRZPHD]

@GameRage Dad fear is common and normal. After all, transition is not a walk in the park so its natural to be afraid. I wish you all the best.

[@DRZPHD]

@Obsidian Jane thank you. Sometimes I get slammed by some people as "transphobic" because of some warning I give out, however, its important to keep in mind that a "cheerleading" approach to transition is also not mindful or safe.

[@MarzMunRogue]

🙏🙏

[@obsidianjane4413]

@@DRZPHD I have a FTM friend who got "pushed" by their therapist into transition to soon, perhaps maybe incorrectly as he has been expressing doubt as you have illustrated in your videos. My own therapist is very affirmative, which honestly is such a welcome change from my normal feedback, that I can barely believe it. But. If I weren't entirely sure of what I am/want/wish to be, then I can see how that affirmation that gender therapists are taught to give can easily become cheerleading. Esp. because its what the patient wants to hear and is less stressful/risky than giving an honest assessment that might be taken as rejection/criticism. Thank you very much for laying out the honest truth.

[@Prence]

D. Z PHD, 6 months ago after I started seeing a therapist, I realized that I was transgender and not just a crossdresser. After I realized that the depression and sadness I was always feeling was because I was trying to be who I knew deep inside wasn't me, I came out as transgender and started to live full time as Holly. I'm so much more happier than I ever was, I still have the thoughts that maybe I'm making a mistake but they are starting to come less and less. My therapist says that starting out, I would have those feelings and that as time went on I would have fewer of them. She says that most of her trans clients have felt that way from time to time and that since I feel so much better being Holly than I ever did as *dead name*, she feels I've made the right decision. And shes right, my depression and sadness is all but gone and I'm so much more happier than I was 6 months ago. I know I am on the right track, I feel better being Holly than I ever did as *dead name*. My therapist has told me that if someone else has an issue with the new me, it's their problem. I can't fix their issues, I can only work on mine! And shes right.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. Glad to hear you have a supportive therapist.

[@jamescoler866]

Yep, stopped HRT and after a month or 6 weeks started to feel horrible again. I got back on it and I feel better again. I can't imagine going back ...so... moving forward again. You are right about feeling disphoria even worse. So now I am saying 'darn I am trans!' I don't want to be trans because of society not because I don't want to be trans. So fear is on one side of it and dysphoria is on the other side. I have not transitioned socially but I keep creeping up on it. At 68 it is freakin difficult. My kids are ok with it but my siblings are not. Some of my friends are ok with it and others are already gone.

[@DRZPHD]

Arrghh so hear you about being ok on being trans but finding it challenging in todays world. Huge hug to you.

[@ronnym.7501]

Cw: self harm. I was suicidal, and did things that exposed that self loathing. When I started hormones a few months ago, my dysphoria all but disappeared. And I did start having doubts. What got me back on track was knowing that if I stop transition, there would be a next time, and I might not be lucky enough to survive it again. Starting this journey has saved my life.

[@DRZPHD]

Firstly, thank you for putting out a warning about self harm. I am sorry to hear of how severe your dysphoria was and HRT had such a positive effect. It is absolutely life saving. I wish you all the best.

[@donaldhollingsworth3875]

I have lost my compass several times. Then the wanting to transition comes back even stronger. Unfortunately I can't come out again to my father & cousins because the first time I came out they don't want to hear about it or want to try to understand what I was feeling & I why wanted to transition. My brother, on the other hand, when I came out to him the 1st time, he didn't speak to me for about 3 years. So now I'm starting to transition again, but also have to present my self as male to all of my family members. Also, when I came out the first time to people in the neighborhood they didn't want anything to do with from that point on. All of that rejection was very hurtful, damaging, & destructive to my self esteem. I thought that at least some of family & friends were going to be supportive. So this time I have not told anyone. I know that I'll never be able to completely pass as a female & that is okay with me at this stage of my life of being 57 years old. Yet I struggle every day with my inner self that I wished that I would have been born female because deep down that is who I am. My gender therapist is, I feel, pushing me too fast into getting my birth certificate &other legal documents changed to my feminine name & gender. For me, I think that that would be more appropriate to start doing just before gender reassignment & breast surgery or shortly thereafter. The reason being is that some point in the the I happen to decide to stop my transition, it will another ordeal to deal with in getting everything changed back to my male name. But I have had my eyebrows arched, next month will be permanent eyeliner, & starting laser hair removal again. Then the next 2 major steps is to get a wig & help with makeup. I just want to be me. I want to be able to wear the clothes I like such as dresses, skirts, nylons, heels, pants, makeup, & so forth when I go to the grocery store or any other errands I have to do. Unfortunately, I can't take hormones due to medical reasons of blood clots in my lungs from the last time I was on hormones. All I really want is the gender reassignment & small breast surgeries sometime next fall if possible because the sooner the better, for me, for my outer self to be in line with my inner self that I have struggling with since I was 10 years old. I hate my male genitals with a passion. My family wouldn't notice if I had gender reassignment surgery anyway, but they may notice my breast which I can cover up by wearing loose fitting t-shirts.There is so much more to say but I just find the words to express myself correctly.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@saraannefay2196]

You described exactly my process exactly. For my first 3 years in transition, I frequently had doubts, some quite serious. When that happened, I would always go back to the beginning, and ask the question, why am I here? How did I get here. What would I do differently? Am I on the right path? Each time I concluded that my fear of transitioning was far less than my fear of what would happen to my mental health, if I stopped transitioning or detransitioned. I was in a serious mental health crisis just prior to transitioning. My dysphoria was literally driving me crazy. Once I went full time all the doubts went away.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. Loosing our way is very common and it’s important to combat this fears with why we are doing what we are doing to begin with.

[@sandycastillo5778]

I really needed these words! Gender roles and expression can play a big part in the identity as a whole. Thank you so much for the advice.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful.

[@theresem8496]

I just started Spiro and in a month will be starting Estrodial. I am both excited, nervous, and scared. I have always hated being on pills or medicine, and the idea of being on them forever sucks to me even though the results make me happy. My second guessing has revolved around that and wondering if its worth it and if I can just continue to hide like I did for all of those years. My answer came when I noticed that my beard and body hair hasn't grown all that much in three days. It made me very happy and I felt better in my body.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@mrtmop1]

Only problem for me is i blew my life up to transition. I rushed into it and lost everything. The therapist that i had meant well but i should've stayed on 'square one' longer. Now there is no longer a square one for me. My advice is don't move too fast. Use your square one right the first time.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry you feel you made some choices you are not happy with.

[@mrtmop1]

@@DRZPHD Thank you Dr. Z. Sadly my transition, even though it felt wonderfull for awile, has been been nothing but pain.

[@Gear_rack]

Wow exactly what im goin thru, took step back, held back from anything feminine bout month 1/2 stopd and told myself why am I doin this hurting myself inside from things I like . Started dressing fem again goin to support group, being me what feels more comfortable around family so ya getting back on track to posibly hrt again.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@ocean7132]

your content keeps me going, ily

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and I am glad to be of help.

[@VladaDudak]

Awsome. Thank you. This is exactly what I need to hear, go back to initial stage. If I go back, there is always the certainity I'm on the right track.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@FabianPFrank]

Thank you, Dr. Z PhD! Perfect timing. Just recently, I discovered how hurtful and energy consuming my gender dysphoria, the background noise, has been all my life. I'm not yet outed at work, so I'm pressing it back so hardly most of the day that I need hours to feel myself again at home. That's when I doubt whether it's the right path for me. But at the time I feel myself again, it's crystal clear, that it was the best decision to transition. I look forward to feel like myself all day and have the energy for the good things in life.. Thanks again for your videos. They help a lot!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and I am glad the content is helpful.

[@cameron1371]

So incredibly helpful thank you. This is the exact topic I've wanted to discuss. The doubt can be terrifying, sometimes even scarier than the dysphoria because it makes me lose my sense of self and question who exactly I am. But when I take a step back and remember what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, and step away from what the people around me think, it has helped put me back on my path. Thank you so much.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear it was helpful and I agree, the feelings of doubt often are more challenging than dysphoria.

[@danib2944]

Hi Dr Z. Another great video! I feel like this one was made just for me. There is so much to unpack in this topic. I’m constantly full of self-doubt while I fight to accept the truth I know and confront the fear of the unknown. It’s a struggle to understand if I’m just scared of something I’ve never had or if transition is not for me.... yet whenever I stop, the noise that quieted always comes back. Thank you for never shying away from the tough topics that we always need to hear.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you and glad it was helpful. It is important to try to quite the noise, as headspace tends to spin it own blockbusters, and to go back to how one feels about their body and gender.

[@wendyvance5144]

This video was so helpful and your timing is impeccable! I have been on HRT for a little over three years and I have been stuck in self-doubt. With a little introspection I discovered that my body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria are the culprits causing my doubt. Going back to square as reassured me that I'm on the correct path, even though self-doubt persists. Thank you!

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful.

[@brynl-k4118]

Can you talk more about gender expression and gender role? I feel as non binary, this gets incredibly complicated to process, then try to communicate to those, sometimes to those who are allies!! This video has a lot of great advice as always. :)

[@DRZPHD]

Great topic. Will def do!

[@chasewhitmer3084]

I have noticed that I've been doubting myself but I did exactly what you said and found my true north before watching this video. Also, the few people I have come out to were very supportive of what I found ☺️. I'm still going to ease coming out

[@DRZPHD]

Thats great to hear!

[@stacifurey4003]

The more I listen to you ,the more I know I'm doing the right thing, thank you

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear it was helpful.

[@charliebarre5116]

I've been on T for almost a month and I've been oscillating everyday multiple times between wanting to continue and stop hormones. I know I need to get top surgery not matter what I do or identify as, but I guess I've unconsciously assimilated top surgery + t, and the fact that I can't do top surgery without t. Maybe I'll stop T for now and get top surgery first, you're a life saver!

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Not sure what you mean you need to be on T to get top surgery? In US, that is not a requirement per WPATH guidelines.

[@marisa_nyaa]

Great video as always! For me doubt has so far only come at really hard moments so I'm probably not there yet. But in a way, knowing how common doubt is makes me think that feeling doubt would further convince me that I'm on the right path. So far I have really been struck by how universal all of these worries and concerns seem to be for everyone transitioning so when I encounter them in my own life it actually feels validating.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I agree, realizing also how common and universal this experiences are is a helpful realization.

[@lewishamilton414]

love your content! so helpful ❤️

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much!!

[@nobrainsnoheadache2434]

Not really the place to pour my heart out, but I have been directly confronted and challenged by your very straight forward way of speaking, and you hit several nails pretty hard in some of your other videos. I have all the usual issues in addition to advanced age, but I really don't care, I am getting more and more confident with the person I want to be; the spirit is definitely there but I have so many fears over the form. I have been wanting to call my doctor and start looking at counselling and therapy, and I think this set of videos has been the impetus I needed, so wish me luck I guess. I also think that as I start this journey for real this is going to be a vital resource, so I am subbing too. Thank you :) Edit: also just out of curiosity, what are the 'New York' books behind you, the big black ones with numbers? I noticed your subway cars too :)

[@DRZPHD]

I think you are ready to challenge yourself and when we challenge ourselves, we grow! The books are Robert A.M Stern series on NY architecture. Yes I used to live in NYC so the subway is close to my heart.

[@rogerdeacon3431]

Dr Z. You are simply amazing, period. I don’t know how I would survive without all your knowledge and support as I do not have any money to spend on therapy. I’ve been on HRT for 20 months , MtoF. It’s been a bumpy journey for me but I have stuck with it and in times of fear, doubt and worry you are there like an angel. I would like to thank you with every fibre of my body for your passion and support to our community. I would nominate you for the highest award for your service. 🌟🌈🌟

[@DRZPHD]

So glad to hear the content is helpful. The goal of the channel is to help those who are unable to get access to services.

[@AkikoMakiOfficial]

I don’t have a lot of time to comment out here right now but, I wanted to thank you so much for making these videos, the information in them has been very helpful for me. I have been out for over 10 years and am now taking steps(Non medical.) to transition, I like the “little by little” approach to things, so far, so well. I cannot say enough how the information you put out here has helped me. I want you to know that I am a lifelong subscriber and look forward to all the content you make. Thank you once again. 😊

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much for support and I am so happy the content reaches those who need it and most importantly, resonates and helps.

[@cuddlewiffoli]

There is so much powerful information here. Thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

Most welcome.

[@Starmander]

Your advice to think about whether I feel comfortable with my body as is (for me, my secondary sexual characteristics) is really confirming to me that I am on the right path. I decided to start hormones a few weeks ago and honestly I haven't noticed any magic boost of mood or anything, and I'm a little nervous about how things will go in the future. But I am excited for the changes.

[@KR-vc9ol]

If it's any consolation, I didnt notice mood/emotional changes until about 9-10 weeks of hrt. Even then they seem relatively mild to me. My dosage started low and we are building it up slowly, so maybe that's the difference between my experience and the folks online who say they felt so differently after starting hrt.

[@Starmander]

@@KR-vc9ol It's really good to hear your experience with it! I'm also starting at age 35, so I wonder if that's part of this.

[@KR-vc9ol]

@@Starmander possibly, I started at 44

[@Starmander]

@@KR-vc9ol I'm really happy to talk to another person starting later! I'm also kinda vague with people about what my endpoints are btw. Right now I'm just hoping for a more feminine feeling, is all.

[@DRZPHD]

@John Gibbons as T R mentioned, it is common not to noice affects immediately. Take each step and continue to ask yourself if things feel affirming.

[@floria9565]

TW. Thank you for this video. Reading the comments I think your community really appreciated it too. Although I don't doubt I sometimes question. I've found myself instinctively asking myself the "go back to square one" question. I would ask myself how I would feel if I didn't start social and hormonal transition or if I would stop them. I get my answer by actually not getting an answer and noticing that my mind kinda hits a wall when trying to picture my previous self/life. It just doesn't want to go there. If I try to force it, it's mentally hard and painful. I already know what I'll find there and I think my subconscious is somehow trying to protect me from that. This intense aversion that I feel is my non-answer answer. I am not happy right now but I know that going back is going to be much much worse. If there is any hope for me, it's by moving forward and only forward.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and yes, sometimes its not so much doubt as questioning yourself and where you at.

[@JuanAndresHPerez]

Thursdays. This is the day!

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear 🙋‍♀️

[@OfficiallySarabi]

Am I Really Trans or Am I Just Trying to Be Difficult/Different/Special: A Memoir Usually the story goes something like this- new name and pronouns feel good. New voice and facial hair feel good. Wait but maybe I'm fake? I'm convincing myself to like these things? I don't hate my chest or waistline.... *Checks below my belt* mmmm nope don't like what's going on down there 😂 the imposter syndrome is vicious

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and yes, the imposter is brutal. Important to check in with your body and feel overall. Considering how challenging/painful/costly transition is, I have yet to see ppl who are faking it as all this challenges force one to evaluate their choices.

[@OfficiallySarabi]

@@DRZPHD that is usually what i tell people who deny the existence of trans people-- transitioning is expensive and difficult. People aren't just doing it "for fun," as the transphobes seem to think.

[@philipe7937]

You are incredibly helpful Dr. Z. You are giving me strength and hope. Thank you so much.

[@DRZPHD]

SO glad to hear!

[@Genericusername74]

I just started HRT 4 months ago and have been doubting. Not about being trans, but about if it's worth it. Transitioning doesn't seem to be helping me feel better, but it is creating new problems. I am sure I'm trans, I'm just uncertain if I can handle the reality of what it means.

[@DRZPHD]

@A Rooks thank you for sharing. You are not alone. I have had a number of clients who while truly struggled with gender dysphoria and where transgender, did feel that transition was for them at this point in their lives. Often this people tend to be older. My motto is that transition is not mandatory if one struggles with GD. It is a decision one undergoes if one feels it will help alleviate much distress that cannot be otherwise alleviated and also a decision to get closer to authentic self. I am sorry you are feeling this and its OK to decided what's best for you. Not transitioning does not in any way make you less of a transgender person.

[@rainbowreflections5892]

For me square one is the realization that I am actually at peace when I can express my gender. Probably my dysphoria has a trauma related origin and not genetical nevertheless it feels real nonetheless. War or peace, and the choice is made.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry about the dysphoria being present.

[@MarzMunRogue]

Omg dr .i try not to comment everytime lol..We love you. But definitely this is where im at. (FTM nonbinary) on the lowest of T 25mg..i find myself sad on losing the girl i once was but realizing she was never happy...Also just seeing the changes so quick lol confusing.. But the male traits makes me more at home...I guess its the " oh this is really happening " stage.. But yes thanks for all your content . Always on time.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you. It can be scary for a nonbinary person to suddenly see some physical changes. Remember you can always stop for some time or all together and see how you feel regarding the changes you have already achieved.

[@MarzMunRogue]

Thank you dr. We couldnt complete our journeys without you . 🙏🙏

[@bradleyvanderwesthuizen4271]

Thank you Dr Z. This video has just come at the right time as I lost my way due to some nasty life experiences. Many thanks once again🌈🙏🌻

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@obsidianjane4413]

The "square one" metaphor is a great one. Everyone is 100% certain... right up to the point they have their first negative reaction from someone or your first freakout over body morphology. "Yo-yoing" is very common as dysphoria seems to come in waves. Maybe because the different parts of your mind are fighting for who controls the monkey? If you are unable to pursue transition, that yo-yoing feels a lot more like hitting your head against a wall most of the time. We should play the "caption this thumbnail animation" game. Hehe. ;+)

[@DRZPHD]

Yes, yo-yoing is very accurate and actually not the best way to go as it can continuously regress transition.

[@obsidianjane4413]

@@DRZPHD In my case, it is sadly the desired outcome.

[@bobbylee9727]

Dr. Alexis Ungerer of the Transition Channel said it best: "the tide comes in and the tide goes out." for me, i get this need to begin HRT every six months. finally, i am asking my provider to help me start as I need to know the answer to the burning feelings deep within: am I non-binary, transfem, transwoman, or what?

[@obsidianjane4413]

@@bobbylee9727 I don't know about your situation but I wouldn't get to hung up on categories and labels. That just leads you into the trap of expectations and constraints on expression.

[@soschtur]

A LT MORE THAN DR, GREAT IQ

[@ArielCivicClassicalGuitar]

most recently, i changed my name and pronouns (from they/he to she/her, and from the masculine name aaron to the gender neutral name ariel). i also went out and bought more tightly-fitted clothing, and started getting used to wearing makeup. all of this was due to a major dysphoric episode i had two weeks ago which pushed me to transition more, at least before i inquire about hrt. i fell into a depression over the past week due to fear and self-doubt, especially because of the name change. it felt like a lot to get used to, but hopefully i’m on the way out of the depressive stage. i did have to go back to step 1 and ask myself what brought me to this point and what being trans would mean for me, knowing how bad the gender dysphoria can be from time to time. if i really need to, i’ll take a step back with the name change and/or pronouns and re-assess it.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@MathewRainTranslife101]

I have been on T for 6 weeks and am out socially and at work. I'm on a low dose and have been feeling in the past 2 weeks that I want to increase the dose as the changes are too slow but today I have been wondering if I should be medically transitioning because it's so hard. Socially I know I am not a woman and I don't want to be in that role. I do however love to wear women's clothes sometimes and dream of wearing a pretty blouse with a flat and hairy chest. At the moment I am free to wear what I want but I get read as a woman. If I look more masculine I will give up the freedom I currently have to wear women's clothes in public and not be mocked, stared at or abused. I like women's clothes, I am attracted to men so why not keep being "a woman"? Because I know in my heart it is not who I am. Transition is complicated. I identify as a gay, queer (or non-conforming) man. Sometimes I just hate myself for being so complex and for not being able to live a simple life and I try to convince myself that I am just complicating things but then it starts to feel like abuse because I literally want to be sick when I call myself a woman or someone else does, it is so uncomfortable. Thank you for your video. It is hard but I think, for my own sake, I need to persist.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it helps to take a step back, even for a few days or a week and to re assess. That is ok.

[@bobbylee9727]

I have always thought that a gay, queer man who likes and is attracted to men really need not go on hormones and/or SRS surgery. What's wrong with being an effeminate male?

[@Oldaccount-yb6pj]

I needed this today and probably will bookmark it for the future as well. Thank you for your content, it's so helpful especially when I can't afford to go to therapy right now due to the pandemic. I appreciate it so much. 🙏

[@DRZPHD]

So glad it was helpful.

[@lindavinningland3318]

thank you so much !

[@DRZPHD]

You are welcome.

[@veronicawest3749]

Thanks Doc Z Another great Video, this reinforces the need for the right therapist to go through this with.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@samanthajones7155]

Wow. Im 5 years into transition Srs Rapidly approaching. I've been experiencing so much anxiety lately with surgery. O know when I started my Epic Journey I knew all the confusion and struggles that go along. Somehow I've made it this far and I was just wondering is it completely normal to feel this way after all the progress that has been made

[@DRZPHD]

@Samantha Jones thank you for sharing. Transition as you know yourself is incredibly difficult and challenging. For many, it alleviates much distress, for others, it does not and often dysphoria may continue even with transition. Lessening of dysphoria depends on many things, not just transition, which is actually a misconception. IT also depends on support system, access to resources, and other things. IF you are feeling a lot of uncertainty about upcoming surgery, honestly I would suggest perhaps pushing it back and allowing yourself time to explore this feelings.

[@samanthajones7155]

@ Dr Z I fully understand what you're saying with regards to Transition The struggles are real. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Between the Physical Mental Emotional and last but not least the SOCIAL part of Transition is definitely the hardest part if it. For the most part we live and we operate in a cisgender world as members of the lbgt community. We have to be able to adopt in a world that doesn't really understand much about us in order to survive and go about our daily lives. And for those of you who live their life out and about I'm sure you all understand what I am talking about

[@harmalalkaloid]

Thank you this video is fantastic lam so grateful for this content

[@DRZPHD]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@zestzonertheoblivious5828]

I'm not questioning. i'm questioning how people question.

[@zestzonertheoblivious5828]

I'm turning 18 in less then 4 months. is it okay if i still watch your videos or should i wait those few months to?

[@surfygirl9662]

Transition has been rough on me because I quickly realised the limitations of HRT. I question if transition is a viable treatment for trans women who will never pass. I don't believe you can generally help dysphoria if you are not read by society in your desired gender role.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry to hear of your experience. HRT in general is limited and often people end up going for additional gender affirming surgeries.

[@surfygirl9662]

@@DRZPHD Thanks for the reply!! I meant to mention in my original comment that I did the go back to square 1 exercise, I found that passing was a key part of what i consider a successful transition, given that is out of reach at this point, it does make me wonder if I should pull back a little. Thanks so much for the amazing helpful content. Its super appreciated!

[@gwendolinegoetz9224]

"Passing" is highly relative. We have always a very critical view on ourselves. As I'm living with different groups of women, I can say that there are many different sort of woman figures. "Passing" is more a matter of soul.

[@surfygirl9662]

@@gwendolinegoetz9224 Thats a really nice thought but to me passing is simply not getting called the wrong gender. I feel that any attempt to genuinely pass or be perceived as female after male puberty is sadly somewhat futile . This is just from my own broken trans experience. The real problem for me at least, is that HRT cant undo a super dude skeleton. If I cant fix the frame its a bit hopeless trying fix anything else

[@kierandesu2857]

I feel like I *may* be okay with my AGAB when I imagine myself with a person that I like recently. But how do I know if I am *really* okay with it, or if I'm just wishing/hoping I can be cis?

[@DRZPHD]

If you are uncertain it is best to seek help of a professional in your area.

[@ZijnShayatanica]

I hope you're feeling more certain about yourself by now. I recently had this happen to me... In my case, it was me wishing I was cis & my codependent tendencies kicking in, trying to push me to deny my TransFeels™. So... As sad as I was to lose him, I've felt much more resolute abiut myself after we broke up.

[@outoftheoven7388]

Dr. Z, I have a question for you if you're comfortable answering: What percentage of your clients who start hormones end up deciding that transition is not for them and stop?

[@DRZPHD]

Great question. Few things first. Keep in mind I work with adults only. As such, often the people who seek my services have been struggling with GD for many years. My job is to help clients clarify whether in fact it is a case of GD and if it is, what steps will help alleviate dysphoria. Hormones are often the first step. And in my practice, I have yet to see a patient stop completely. What I often see, is yo-yoing. Starting, getting scared, stopping, reming again type of cycle. But I have not seen anyone who started and realized they are not transgender in my scope of work. Hope this clarifies.

[@jimmyburglar5186]

What if Im afraid of being comfortable with my assigned gender. Like sometimes I have thoughts that I am and I making a huge mistake with transition and the thought makes me panic and i have to make myself feel good by maybe wearing my dress or saying to myself that Im a woman to make myself feel better. Like Im afraid of transition being a mistake and regetting it later. but sometimes I really wanna feel pretty and be a girl. I just feel like this is all too out there or special for me to be it. Like theres no way I could be this

[@jimmyburglar5186]

Im still early in this

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@guilhermemello553]

Thank you Dr. Z. If Im in the path but somehow feel that trasition is not or maybe too much for me. Does that mean I am not transgender? (Cause I really don't feel or don't want to be cisgender) Also what question should I ask myself to understand whether I don't need to trasition or just afraid (or maybe too lazy or even scared I won't look as a woman). I am MtF 41. Married with 2 children. Next step is to talk to my wife. But I don't know to say "where is this going".

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Not going through transition does not mean its not for you. I'll do next video on this topic as many do ask. If you are not sure if transition is for you, best to seek help of a professional in your area to clarify.

[@Zeldakostv]

ive been watching nonstop trans related videos for months now and i still feel like im telling myself im trans because its something i want rather than something i "need"... anyone have this problem?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Wants and needs are different. Often, wants tend to dissipative or go away if we stop thinking about it vs needs persist.

[@theentirepopulationofaustr6046]

I think about this a lot. I thought about this a lot as a teen when I was trying to figure out my sexuality. I ended up assuming that I would figure it out with more experience (turns out being gay makes me happiest). Try things out. Try different names and pronouns and clothes and haircuts. See if any of it makes you particularly happy. See if anything makes you particularly unhappy. I think not a lot of cis people want to be trans. (But maybe a lot of cis people want to escape gender roles and expressions).

[@SG-zp4fz]

What if I don't know what's comfortable or not comfortable since I have alexithymia and dissociation?

[@DRZPHD]

Suggesting working with a therapist in your local area to help you out.

[@stevedavenport2975]

Is makeup very important psychologically

[@DRZPHD]

Only in so much as it is important to you.

[@bianca1331]

Can you make a video about internalized Transphobia 🥺

[@DRZPHD]

Absolutely!

[@jessalynanne5825]

I an afraid to move forward

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear.

[@trailexploring2810]

Im questionning again because i cant seem to find any pronouns that really fits me. Growing up i always wanted to be born a girl but feminine pronous like she her still feels odd to me but i also dont like male figures names like son, father, boy, men etc I thought she her would bring euphoria but it doesnt 😐

[@obsidianjane4413]

u b enby me thinks.

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear that. The language we have to do is still very limiting.

[@trailexploring2810]

@@DRZPHD my main language is french everything is gendered only to make it worse🤣

[@obsidianjane4413]

'Merican texteze translation for clarity: You might be in the non-binary range of gender identity?

[@trailexploring2810]

@@obsidianjane4413 that is something i might have to consider in the future

[@dottiedurden8113]

What if your fear is judgement from God ?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Thats a big one if you are a spiritual and a religious person and to be honest I would suggest consulting with a good pastoral counselor. From my personal experience, a good pastoral counselor who truly knows how to read "word of God" has a far more open and supportive mindset. Wishing you all the best.

[@gabri3l259]

If I didn’t start my journey FTM I would be dead

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear you are safe! It is absolutely life saving for many.

[@msbelindapls]

If you are watching this.. you are certainly a tg to a certain degree.. because normal man/woman will not do research into this kinda topic especially when you wonder if you are a tg or not.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. Think that's a fair assessment just to clarify, one can be either struggling with gender identity as in severe gender dysphoria and one may also be exploring their gender expression or gender role. Just to clarify so that ppl reading it don't assume that they need to transition because they are searching for this topics.

[@sabetzero7715]

Wtf. Why do i always get from detrans videos to this kind of staff. No..

[@DRZPHD]

YT algorithm. Sorry.