What if You Decide Not to Transition?

[@DrayseSchneider]

After my marriage dissolved I tried living as a trans woman without transitioning for a while and gave myself until the age of 50 to decide if I actually needed to transition. I was really hurting inside, was trying to get my career back on track, and at the time I didn't feel I could also take on the challenge of transitioning. Not to mention the remaining internalized transphobia I was still struggling with. But I found that, at least for me, trying to be trans without transitioning didn't work. I'd forget sometimes that I didn't appear as a woman and be surprised when other women thought I was being a typical man, I'd forget that I'm actually a woman and act more typically male, weird emotional responses from trying to supress my dysphoria, cycles of purging my feminine clothing and so on. Finally, I reached a point that I knew that I couldn't continue the way I was. I was suppressing too many things about myself, my gender primarily, and I realized that I had to come out. To maybe explore my option to transition. Now here I am, almost 5 months on HRT and I am so glad I made that decision.

[@DRZPHD]

SO glad to hear you did too! The thing about trying to live as a woman without transition is exactly the type of issues one runs into that you described. Hormones are especially essential to help psychologically reduce dysphoria. I wish you all the best!

[@smcsmc4209]

Good for you I have been fight for the last 30 years I had started HRT for a while then stop. Became a man again for 2 years now all kinds of thoughts are coming back and thinking about HRT again. The one thing I didn't like was giving myself the shot is there another option.

[@DrayseSchneider]

@@smcsmc4209 I don't know if your question about an alternative to shots is directed at me or the Dr., but I'm using dermal patches if that answers your question.

[@rosaline4369]

@@smcsmc4209 yes there is oral estrogen which can be less feminising for some people as it gets processed by your liver before it reaches the rest of your body, there are also dermal patches or dermal gel another option would be sub dermal implants if they are available in your country

[@a.k.a8992]

I am a trans woman that just cant take the risk of losing my entire family .. i feel horrible about it .. i love my wife dearly so i just keep telling myself that i made it 41 yrs old i have coped ..I’m not always happy and yes if there were non consequences I would transition in a heartbeat .. i hate knowing this.. but as a married man with kids who loves his wife and cant lose it at all.. i would rather live in a box than lose them to go on to HRT and do full transition. I pray an do therapy daily and weekly and take antidepressants and monitor everything with a team of dr support but they all worry on these decisions i have come to. But none of them have been divorced an felt the pain of kids being taken away. Not sure why i am evening ranting on.. just hoping you read this one day Dr Z .. and if you pray for me and my family.

[@beedwarf]

I've observed trans women on KZbin who have expressed losing faith in transitioning from male to female; which is unfortunate; as a traditional male, I am really attracted, fascinated & curious about them. I listen to each & every trans lady's every word; try to be supportive because these unique individuals go through a lot of emotional issues. I don't believe in dating apps to meet them; I really want to hear what they have to say about themselves because I strongly believe trans people deserve to live without malice and should have rights equal to any human. Dr. Z, you have a very informative channel on KZbin. Keep going, you're doing great! :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I completely agree that everyone should be able to live without malice or hatred to be who they are.

[@lizsavage1178]

#Dwarf@Dwarf, I don’t know if I’m posting this correctly and whether you will see it or not, but briefly I’m a transgender woman who watches Dr. Z and saw your comment. I’m pleased that you feel that we deserve to live without malice and should have equal rights and that you appreciate our uniqueness. I don’t have any problems with my transition and in fact I’ve completed it. If you’d like to chat I’d like to hear from you.

[@marisa_nyaa]

I really look forward to your videos each week, thanks for everything you do! My experiences are that for the longest time I really felt like I'd never be pretty enough, that I'd never really pass, that it would all be so much of a challenge that I couldn't manage it all. That may still be true, but I realize that it doesn't really matter to me like I thought it would. I'm happy with who I am and I feel loved and supported like never before by the people around me. But I do realize how incredibly lucky I am to be in a position to transition. And paradoxically I've found that by putting myself in what felt like the most uncomfortable position of my life that now I feel the most content and comfortable I've ever felt in my life.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. You know that's the thing that most don't realize, is that down the line, you become a different person and things that mattered at the start, don't matter as much. The perspective shifts and you find that what matters is your true happiness.

[@michellekccd56]

My feelings are like being on a swing. At times I just could pack up and disappear forever and start my transition. I would love to go 'all the way', especially since I have very strong feelings towards 'eliminating' my genitals. At other times, especially when I get super busy my mind is completely void of the thought of transition. However, since I always go back 'to transition' I feel very strong that eventually I need to start the journey. I do not really enjoy my 'guy life', and I feel like cross-dressing when I am in guy clothes. I only really feel happy and content when I am as close to my feminine side as I can be right now. It is manageable, but not ideal.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@Pj-ey5fl]

I am so glad to hear someone say this. Seems like most people in the trans community are pushing hard for people like me to transition. I have spent decades trying many different things to manage my dysphoria, and I will say that the older I get the worse it becomes. I have my reasons why I do not wish to transition, although to be honest, I second guess myself all the time. I appreciate your nuanced position on this topic and on many other topics. Thanks

[@kentalwinweaver]

I am with Dr Z all the way. Take a walk on the wild side, but always take care of yourself.

[@ronnym.7501]

I've been there. I came to the conclusion that I need to take my transition as far as I'm able. Right now it seems transitioning is making my life more difficult, but I feel so much better the farther I get, I can't help but feel it's worth it.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear you are doing what’s right for you.

[@apocalypse12345]

I feel you are a very good person ❤ you are helping many people struggling 😊

[@abbeyhall4624]

Thank you for saying this, it needed to be said. I needed to hear this, it does say much to be to hear someone saying it.

[@DRZPHD]

Absolutely! Glad you enjoyed it.

[@Drag_on_king]

As a non-binary person with a family history of badly healing scars. Videos like this, help me cope better with my gender dysphoria. Thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear of your pain and glad it was helpful.

[@CyushiMusic]

This was a super interesting video. I have been considering the risks of each step transition, and comparing it against my current feelings. Sometimes I feel that I can live a functional life in my current state, since I've made it this far. Transition would take a lot of time and money, which would seriously impact my life. I can evaluate how the commitment of time and money would make my current situation harder, but I do not feel so certain about the outcome of transition. Following you advice from previous videos, I am taking very small steps, such as exploring clothing styles, styling hair, and planning hair removal. Then I evaluate how I feel after each potentially affirming step.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and glad it was helpful.

[@juliamiller2299]

I have unconsciously coped with gender dysphoria my whole life, even when I didn't realize I was transgender. I just always had the feeling that I wasn't authentic or a real man like other guys I knew. I was gay and wasn't married, but even when I had a gay partner, he told me that he didn't understand why I was so hard on myself and didn't like myself. I couldn't answer that question either. My partner died from cancer in 2016, and I have been on my own since. I have been aloof, never opening myself up to others, but when I really started to look at myself, I knew there was something that wasn't right about me. I eventually realized that I am and have always been transgender. But after realizing that, I have to transition since the gender dysphoria is even worse once I understood it was dysphoria. I now feel I don't have a choice to not transition. I am still waiting to get on HRT, as public health in Canada is really slow. But I feel better about myself already since I know the direction which I am moving toward is the correct one. My only doubts were if an older man who is tall and masculine looking, would pass as a woman, but then Caitlyn Jenner came along, and she has helped me overcome those fears as well.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. You know passibility comes in all shapes and sizes. I actually think height is an asset. I wish you all the best.

[@floria9565]

I identify a lot with how you described your feelings: unconsciously coping with dysphoria my whole life, feeling like not being a real man, never opening to others, feeling that something isn't right with me, dysphoria becoming worse once I've pinpointed it and feeling like I have no other choice but to transition. Hey that's me! I hope that you get your medication soon. Being forced to wait to get HRT is the worst. Stay strong.

[@DrayseSchneider]

I think Informed Consent is practiced in Canada, at least I had to sign an Informed Consent form when I saw the actual doctor who put me on HRT. Within 3 months of sessions with my gender therapist I had a diagnosis of dysphoria and within 4 months I was on HRT. The Informed Consent form made me wonder if I could have side-stepped the therapy sessions altogether, but they've been immeasurably helpful in other ways.

[@Jymnopolis]

Great points! Age, health and marriage are all factors for the degree I transition externally and physically. Emotionally and mentally I have already “changed” so dramatically. My physical changes are of the self care and minor feminization of Spiro and a phytoestrogen supplementation for heart health. That may end up enough. That the person I have spent three decades loving is acknowledging my duality has been sobering in how it has eased my “ pressure”. At 63 I am trying to enjoy my life and be the best me I can be. That means at this point I change within the comfort of my partner as well as myself. That I am changing at all is beyond any dreams I entertained in the past. Thank you Dr Z for yet another very relevant video. PS. My spouse thinks you are fantastic. Your open honesty has helped us both the last year Besos 💐

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much and I am glad you found what works for you as well as your partner. Tell your spouse I appreciate their support.

[@KR-vc9ol]

I wondered as well at 44. lots of question marks involving family, work, and so on. However I also felt like I was circling the drain a bit, withdrawing from the family, hating my work, constant distraction and some substance abuse, basically just withdrawing from life. I felt some degree of transition was necessary because just acknowledging my gender issues just wasn't enough to bring me out of the spiral. 7 months later I am in a much better place. I may not ever fully transition and some things may still fall apart at some point, but doing the small amount that I have has made me actually participate in and enjoy my life again.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

I understand how you feel.

[@bradleyvanderwesthuizen4271]

I'm 46 and this is so pertinent in my situation. Thank you once again for all your great content Dr Z!! Love you lots🙏🌻🌈

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!

[@berf9445]

Sometimes I want to and sometimes I don't. Im 33, but I live on disability with my parents and I am very afraid of their reaction... so I just freeze and don't do anything. Ive done some appearance stuff, cut my hair male like, wear binder and only male clothes, but my family just says Im a tomboy. I dont want to uproot my life, but also I don't want to feel dysphoric.Sometimes its really bad... I feel trapped in my situation. I wish I wasn't trans... it's so hard and painful.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@rcarlsen8114]

It’s relieving to know that transitioning is not the only way to calm the gd

[@DRZPHD]

No its not. While it works for most, it may not be best for others.

[@bbyy8827]

Thank you for giving us different options anf explaining them. Even couple of weeks ago, my thought was like transitioning is mandayory for a trans person but I still need to learn more about being trans. My therapies will start on 17th of May, too excited for it.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear you got a therapist to work with. Yes, transition is not mandatory by any means.

[@wallybeagle]

My dear Dr. Z, thank you so very much for this video. I am 59, know I am a transwoman, and this question is the part of my transgender life I am working on now,. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience, knowledge, and kindness.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear it was helpful.

[@pollyannie3269]

Accepted, embraced, and loved. It's about the heart. Middle age can be a wonderful time for exposing our transitions, of all kinds. Even at 70, I love my transitions. We still grow. We still taste the future.

[@DRZPHD]

Well said!

[@That_dark_ranger]

I think the most important thing to do before anything else is getting that diagnosis of gender dysphoria . For me since starting HRT and taking other steps towards transition , I honestly haven't had any thoughts about killing myself , it's freeing just to be able to live life that feels right to me. I actually just had a consult with facial team , wonderful people

[@DRZPHD]

Yes, getting the diagnosis is also important as it can eradicate any doubts. FacialTeam are amazing. Highly highly recommend.

[@jessalynanne5825]

Omg you are spot on, I live this lie everday every waking moment I try to out run it I really need your help Dr Z

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing. Suggest seeking therapist in your area.

[@Genericusername74]

I started transition during the covid pandemic. Trying to deal with these unusual circumstances on top of the massive rise of transphobia is a big part of why I have been questioning if it's worth it lately.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear. The pandemic has been brutal for so many.

[@skychavis392]

I just wanted to say that I love you and appreciate you! What an amazing resource you are for us trans folks - and for free too! We love you, we thank you, and we appreciate you. You’re doing great work in the world, and it’s much needed too! Inspiring. 🙏🏽🤍

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much! Knowing I am helpful keeps me going with the content.

[@charleslurio8881]

Thank you thank you for this commentary. I am 62 years old and just coming to grips with a long suppressed desire to express myself as female. I say coming to grips but really I haven’t yet figured out a satisfactory solution. I am used to a male life even if it isn’t adequate and afraid of all the challenges of being female in public. So I am seeing another therapist who specializes in trans issues soon and we’ll see if anything changes.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@daphneallyn9386]

Exactly! One size does not fit all. This is a journey as unique as the individual.

[@DRZPHD]

A 100%.

[@stacifurey4003]

For me absolutely positivity I have to have complete surgery without a doubt that is my number one priority and I'm 59 years old

[@DRZPHD]

Its important that you know what your priorities are! Good for you.

[@sandycastillo5778]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your videos!

[@DRZPHD]

You are most welcome.

[@declan-kayodekeegan1598]

Thanks Dr. Z! I have gone through all phases imaginable in trying to define who I am in terms of my gender and sexuality while trying to deny my gender dysphoria which I've been aware of all my life. In my teens I thought I was just a fem gay boy and in my 20s I started to realise there was more to it and started to define myself as androgynous even though I knew I preferred to be referred to with female pronouns. In my early 30s I thought I was simply just a non binary but more fem gay man. The older I got though the more incongruity I felt with my assigned sex. I eventually accepted myself as a transgender female and suddenly everything started to make more sense. I began to feel happier with myself especially with more expressions of my true gender and when I eventually came out as trans and began my social transition. This only made my dysphoria stronger and I started find out more. Now I know I want medical intervention but also I know I don't necessarily want to undergo bottom surgery. Thank you for all your helpful videos ❤️

[@DRZPHD]

That’s great that you know what you want and what you don’t want. Always listen to yourself.

[@idgieoh]

As always, hitting the nail on its head. 👌

[@DRZPHD]

Sitting here with 🔨🙋‍♀️

[@OfficiallySarabi]

This is so important! I think of it like listening to your heart versus listening to your mind. Your mind might say "oh you need to do [this], [this], and [this] to be transgender" but your heart might say "you need [this] but not [that]." If you don't trust your heart/instinct and transition even when you really feel it's not quite right for you, you might regret it. It's better to wait until you're reasonably comfortable with the idea. This applies to a lot of things in life, too! My heart says I should go to another city, my mind says I shouldn't. I've been listening to my mind the past year and I'm STILL thinking about living in that other city so I should have followed my heart, haha. Now I'm looking for a job in the new place so I can move there.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and hope you'll get the job you want so that you can move!

[@Tokalotapotseeds]

One of the things I believe is helping me throughout this social transition as I'm mtf no hrt or anything just I am who I am. Going to a therapist and also not linking dysphoria with transgender. I mean the negative feelings of self worthlessness ect isn't part of being transgender. To me being transgender is a beautiful thing as it makes me more aware of my daughters feelings, self balanced, when I'm me fully dressed now every day and not hiding It. I am so much happier.i can feel again! If that makes sense. Because I feel more like an empath, able to feel the energy around me when I'm truly balanced.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@johnsexton7621]

I let time be my guide

[@DRZPHD]

Time is always a great guide.

[@johnsexton7621]

I look at my evolution into female hood like being a monarch butterfly. You start like this worm which would be me being male. Now I'm in the chrysalis stage. Then I will blossom

[@caomunistadoggo4129]

I'm binge watching your videos

[@l.j.walker8549]

This video is right on my stage of transition. I’m in my 70s, on max HRT for a year after a dozen years on half as much and my body is reacting wonderfully. I expect to go full time on Independence Day and get FFS and orchie as I can afford it. But I am still wrestling with whether it is all worth it. If I don’t, I may allow myself to not thrive and die early. If I do, I will live at least a few years as myself, but with many challenges. Decisions, decisions.

[@DRZPHD]

Those are big decisions. Remember, feeling happier with who you are goes miles away.

[@sevinmonroe9311]

Thank you Dr. Z. This is a very sensible video. Our bodies are private property, and everyone should rule their personal domain as they see fit.

[@DRZPHD]

A 💯

[@claudioabado3317]

I do not experience gender dysphoria and I *love* crossdressing. Than you, Doctor, for donating your help so generously here and 'counseling us' so openly. If ever I'd visit you, we'd have a lot to go through :-)

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and its great to hear you love it and don't experience discomfort.

[@claudioabado3317]

@@DRZPHD I wish I could express everything about my crossdressing experience with you. I really do. But I would be reluctant to do it? Shame? Guilt? It's not something I'm "proud" of because of the reasons I do it, sexual release.

[@nunyabizz7345]

I'm younger, but I'm doing the math and I don't think it's worth it. I had asked people to start calling me what I want, couldn't keep up with the constant corrections, and when they called me my chosen name, it backfired with she pronouns. An inverse. The reason they do that is because they still see a female when they look at me. So that's why people do the transition. But that comes with its own problems. You have to leave everything you know, build a new identity, it may make you feel fake. This is a damned if you do damned if you don't thing.

[@DRZPHD]

This is why one has to think it through vs jumping into it.

[@amyleblanc224]

Always love your video's Dr. Z. I know with myself, I have always disliked my bottom birth defect. I have always since I was little wished it was gone or have tried to get rid of it. I just never really felt comfortable with my bottom area and I am glad that I am doing what makes me feel better and what will help me out to lessen my dysphoria to a point where I just dont even notice it. I know that dysphoria will always be with me, but want to lessen it to the point that I just dont pay attention to it. I am happy that before thinking I was Trans that for a while when growing up I thought that I was a crossdresser and when I was dressing like myself, it felt so good and yet felt uncomfortable cause of my bottom birth defect. But crossdressing did help me out to see if I am a cross dresser or Trans and when my dysphoria was just so strong about wanting to get rid of my birth defect that I have tried to DIY it in the past, I knew then that I was more than a cross dresser and more Trans and that I needed to not harm myself but find the proper way to remove my birth defect and allow me to have the correct part. Here I am being a little over 3 year on hormones and 21 days tills April 21st for my surgery.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I am glad you are always doing what feels right to you.

[@SG-zp4fz]

One of my biggest concerns would be related to health- I'm very prone to UTIs as it is, I don't know how going on T is not gonna make that situation worse

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and wish you well.

[@ThomasCKserves]

Really appreciate your perspective on this.

[@DRZPHD]

I appreciate that!

[@maymay195]

It's hard for me to want to Medically Transition from FtM when some of My Family is not supportive!

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear that. Family support for many is essential.

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

I am trying, but I am filled with guilt and shame.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear. I wish you all the best.

[@davidcarroll2946]

Drjay I have been searching for a I have been searching for a transgender doctor but in this area it is unlikely to find so I don't know what to do

[@DRZPHD]

I am so sorry to hear. See if there are online therapist in your location or in another country that are able to see you.

[@myflyingkidney]

Okay, so here is my story. One night around 3am a girl who is 12 gets awaken by secret services banging on the door of her appartment and looking for her parents. She has no idea what is going on, she is terrified. Three or four men burst into the apartment and start searching through books and papers looking for foreign propaganda and illegal books. The parents are taken to the police station and the girl doesn't know if she will ever see them again, because that's how things are and she knows it. Even though she is twelve, she isn't a child anymore. She can't afford to be. They come back the next morning exhausted (probably beaten, but they hide it) and terrified if they will survive. This is only the first time they will be taken away in this manner. It always happens at night, and is always followed by ruthless searches for the illegal books and any material that is against the government. Sometimes they are kept for days, sometimes only for a few hours. No one knows what happens to them because they won't talk about it to anyone, they only talk to each other. The girl's mother falls ill during this torture, gets cancer and dies within two years. The girl is 14 when she looses her mom. The reason her parents avoided prison is the cancer. The communist party didn't want her to die in prison and end up being a martyr. The girl in the story is my mom. Her parents "crime" was journalism. Illegal thinking and writing. Authenticity was punished. I come from an ex communist country. It was the mildest communist federation in the eastern block. Despite it, people were prosecuted on political grounds, sent to prisons, concentration camps, fired or forced to cooperate with secret services, which was the most common thing. That way everyone you knew might have been a spy, and you couldn't trust anyone. It was one of the methods of controlling people. So I had four grand parents, three of them have been prosecuted on political grounds during either WW2 or later during communism. My grandfather from the story at the beginning was Jewish, he spent entire WW2 in concentration camp as our country was siding with Nazis, and later during communism was prosecuted by communists, same as his wife, my grandma. They were political journalists who were part of a political movement that wanted changes and were punished for it. So both sides betrayed my grandfather. The other grandfather was prosecuted and put to jail by both sides as well. And for no reason at all. He was an ordinary family doctor who had no strong political opinions, and was prosecuted only because he was from a certain village. Many years after communism fell and we supposedly gained the right to free speech my mother was a political journalist and she got fired from the newspaper she was working for, again for her political opinions. Later in court she proved it was illegal but who cares any more, no one would hire her and her career was ruined. My father was a film director and after one film he made during communism, he was not allowed to make films by communist government, and in a very insidious way, not to go into too much detail. When I was I child my country was at war, and people were loosing everything just for being this or that nationality or religion. They were killed, raped, their homes were burned, entire cities were completely wiped from the face of the earth. And this is baked into me. This questioning of someones religion for example. Or their surname. Anyone could loose anything overnight. Now, today, 65 years after all of this, I discover I am transgender. But what has life thought me? If you ever try to be authentic to yourself, if you try to say anything that's on your mind out loud, if you are honest- you get punished. I very rarely share my honest opinions with anyone, I am always at distance from people and I don't trust anyone. I fear of I am now almost 35 years old, I have known I am a transgender man for the last 8 years, and in those 8 years I have not moved one inch in any direction because I am petrified I will get somehow punished, socially excluded, poor, I fear my film career will be ruined, I fear my family will suffer, I fear I will not be able to continue living. I fear history will repeat itself. All the usual fears trans people have from discrimination, I actually know what it is like, my family is living this for my entire life. I know what it means when you loose everything. Even now in democracy I don't trust the government, I don't trust the police, I don't trust anyone. Even if things are now better for trans people, or if the society is changing. No one can guarantee me that political climate will not change overnight and I won't end up like my grandparents. Except if it is your political opinion you can in theory change it, there is redemption. But if you have transitioned, it is very hard to go back. I have been stuck in the same place for almost 8 years until i realised very recently why am I so afraid. I lived through the suffering of generations of my family, and I don't know if I will ever stop being afraid. Yes, I am living now in a democracy, in a modern society, all the tragedies, prisons and wars, death and suffering is in the past. But the fear remains. My family is almost used to things going bad. People dying, getting sick, loosing money and loosing careers. It will always be a part of me. When my father passed away he had this smirk on his face. I remember standing there and looking at his face and thinking what was he smiling at when he passed. Now I thing it was a smile of relief. He knew he was finally free.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@IrisRainbowHeart]

This is really hard for me as a nonbinary person I do not want to appear as a man or as a woman I would like to appear more androgynous I actually am somewhat androgynous and I do grow a lot of facial hair so when I had my hair short and my facial hair grown out and I was thinner I had that androgynous appearance and I did not have much dysmorphia or dysphoria but then I gained weight and I lost some teeth so I lost the mustache and now I appear much more feminine and I don't want to transition to being male so it's very difficult to know like what appropriate transition is as a nonbinary person there a lot of male characteristics I would not be happy with such as having hair all over my body that's a big no for me and other masculine characteristics that I don't find attractive if anything I want to be fit androgynous and beautiful

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@LeahT6317]

In my case it's worth taking the steps to transition in my mid-50's. After trying to do other things to relieve my dysphoria it got to a point where I was mentally breaking down and ending in deep depression. I did the "be more male" thing and after two fail marriages I knew that trying to be someone who I wasn't wasn't working. I try the dressing on the weekends or wearing articles of female clothing and while they worked at first the dysphoria would come back evening stronger. Between the relationships and dysphoria I developed cluster headaches so my life was a nightmare. It wasn't until mid 2019 I decided to get help and began talking to a therapist. While it was great to express my feelings the lack of experience in dealing with transgenderism showed. I began looking for other sources on KZbin and because of my algorithms your videos showed up in my feed. One video really hit home about taking small steps and building your roots and another one about going on your own time frame. So I started medical transition in 2019 and while I when trough three medical providers and various medical dosages on HRT a clinic that catered to the trans community open up in in the summer of 2020 and it's been a life saver. The things I'm most happy about is since starting HRT I haven't had a cluster headache since 2019 and the fact HRT is working very well on my 50+ body. Because I'm in the right frame of mind I'm making healthy life style changes. While I'm slowly coming out,(my body's way ahead of me!) maybe too slow for others I'm in a very good place in life so while I wish I would have transitioned earlier in life I feel it's better now because people are more aware and acceptance of trans people. Also your one of the greatest resources on the internet. While I wish I had you as a therapist the information you posted have been a goldmine in making my therapist more aware and serves as a template in helping her and me get to were I'm on the right path and not regretting anything! Please keep posting videos as long as you can!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and so glad I can be of help! I’ll keep posting as long as I have ideas to discuss!

[@jamescoler866]

Thanks again! as a 66 yo I just don't see an upside to transitioning. I will never pass for many reasons and why tear up all my family relationships this late in life. I would be a cis female if I could hit the switch but I can't do that. I have no money and no insurance so for now dressing in women's jeans and some gender neutral tops works. I may be entering van life and when alone I may try wearing some dresses but I am not going the makeup and wig route because surgery is out...The big question is can I achieve some level of happiness and comfort? I think I can. I am gender queer and not fully MTF so this may work.

[@DRZPHD]

Everyone needs to do what feels right to them. Always.

[@carolinagonzalez8494]

Excellent advice!

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for watching!

[@gwendolinegoetz9224]

For my point of view, I prefer using the word "evolution" rather than "transition". My life has not really changed, same family, same colleagues, ... but has evolved. I made what was necessary when it became inevitable. I hit what you called the plateau. I didn't have the feeling that anything else will be helpful in my gender evolution. I didn't have the feeling that I had gender dysphoria (or I used to denied it).

[@DRZPHD]

You know I been hearing more people using word "evolution" vs transition and I agree because its not a beginning and end point. Its an ongoing evolution of Self.

[@transmasccat8267]

It is almost impossible for FtM. Low pay for more work the entire life of AFABs. No access to 6 figures for surgery.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear.

[@IkariLoona]

I'm questioning, but steps toward androginy that don't overstep points of no return seem like a possible compromise - on the MtF side of things, that's mostly facial hair removal, but for HRT I recently read that SERMs like Raloxifene can inhibit breast growth, which sounds like a reasonable precaution to avoid regrets - I'm not sure if it's something most doctors covering transgender cases are even aware of.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and its important to do what feels right to you. I haven't heard of the medical contraindications you mention but I am also not a medical doctor.

[@IkariLoona]

@@DRZPHD I came across this on transfemscience.org and r/TransDIY_NonBinary - it could probably benefit from more awareness and investigation, but I figure the investigation won't get more robust if the awareness isn't even there, so I figure I can do my part and pitch in on that front, at least. Keep up the good work.

[@MidnightEkaki]

I have trouble telling the difference between what I really want and what I'm afraid of. When I was a kid I really wanted to go skydiving and made it a dream of mine. As I got older and became more anxious the only thing I think of when thinking about going skydiving is the parachute not working and falling to my death, so I've abandoned this dream I had. But I wonder if I got rid of all those fears and anxieties about it, would I still want to do it? Part of me feels like I would still want to do it, and part of me feels like I just no longer have the desire and still wouldn't really want to do it. I feel very similar about the idea of transitioning medically (and socially). I might fantasise about doing it, but faced with reality, would it really be worth it? Or is it a just another case of thinking the grass is greener on the other side? The fact I only experience very little amounts of gender dysphoria on a daily basis that I can manage pretty well, with occasional spikes in stronger dysphoria every once in a while when something triggers it, makes me think it might be the case. Still, the only way to ever truly know is to actually go through with it.

[@DRZPHD]

I hear you on challenges of distinguishing the two. It can be tricky. Sometimes, its all about just taking a risk.

[@thebatcollector1460]

About five years ago was the first time I recognized that there was an incongruence with my brain and my body. It was during that time when I first discovered about gender dysphoria and when I looked at myself I started realizing that I had signs of gender dysphoria. Also during this time I had a desire to become a woman and be identified as a woman. I started looking in to transitioning and seeing what types of things I could do that wouldn’t be permanent. I started by buying some women’s socks and deodorant and some feminine smelling shampoo and body wash. My ex-wife even gave me some of her underwear. Doing these things was helping me with my dysphoric feelings and I felt like I was making steps towards my transition. This only lasted for months though as there was this fear in me of fully transitioning. I started thinking to myself that I either have to full transition or not at all and I got scared and didn’t go through with it. I also was married at the time it’s going through a divorce but realized also that I didn’t wanna lose my wife and I knew she wouldn’t be with me if I was a woman. So me and my wife got back together and we stayed married for almost 5 more years. We recently got divorced and I’ve learned through talking with her and doing more research that transition doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I’m also learning that I have total control over my transition and this time I’m starting out slow and doing things that can be reversed in case I decide I don’t want a full transition. I’ve started out buying make up/perfume women’s clothes and I started growing out my hair as a way to explore being more feminine. I’m also trying to think like a woman and act like a woman when I do this stuff and it is helping a lot. I am even working on the things that make me feel dysphoric and trying to alleviate some of these symptoms while not making permanent changes. I am just glad this time that I am realizing that my transition can be as much or as little as I want to be and I’m working towards alleviating the dysphoric feelings.I have told myself that the goal is to alleviate the dysphoric feelings and to be comfortable with who I am. I don’t know how much I want to transition but I am enjoying the journey as a discover who I am inside and out and I know that I will reach the part of my transition where I feel the most happiest when I am ready. I just have to remind myself at all times that I am in control. Anytime I start to feel uncomfortable saying to me that I’m moving too fast or maybe I’m reaching the point where I no longer want to go further with transition.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@VladaDudak]

In my case the coping with gender dysphoria without medical intervention has hit the limits. After 30 years of managing this to some extent I cannot see other option than to really go thru the medical transition and start hormones. I have issues with my genitalia since puberty and it's not going away. There is anxienty because of that even I've partialy compensate everything with female clothes in my daily live to really demonstrate my real self. The hormones and maybe also bottom surgery will be the final solution.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I hear you. There is often only so much coping you can do.

[@visaman]

Well for me it was the health risks associated with HRT. I am 56 and was on patches for several weeks, then I would go on and off for awhile, I didn't have a true support system, and then my physician dropped me during the height of the Pandemic, and my new health worker is glad I stopped taking them, so no support there, but better to have a GP than not. Then I developed skin Cancer. I'm not saying that there is any relationship between HRT and skin Cancer, I am fine now, but, I just don't want to take any more risks than I have to, still there are times I long for a feminine body.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear. Glad you are doing what feels right for you.

[@leroyMXII]

What to do if you can't figure out your dysphoria... It's hard to explain, but, dependably in where and whom i am with i feel differently. And at this point, after years of denying , starting transition them stopping due to health issues, i am not sure about anything. I want to continue t, but some of the days i find it so scary , because i still am not fully comfortable of being perceived as male by others... I just wish that it dissolved as a thing in the world completely. I feel like i hate gender as a concept ))) anyhow.maybe there is some exercise you have from your practice, how to figure out how much of a dysphoria you truly have for those of us who are prone to deflect, deny, belittle personal discomfort in general. Love your chanel, been here from the very beginning) thank you for your amazing work, as a fellow psychologist and counselor i appreciate it even more)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing. You know when one is uncertain or goes back and forth with dysphoria and not sure if its severe enough to warrant transition, it is always best to engage in gender exploration and role exploration without medical intervention.

[@leroyMXII]

@@DRZPHD well, I already had one) for 3 months, the only reason I stopped is due to health issues. However, since I stopped, I am scared to go back. And sometimes if I delete everyone from my head - I don't doubt much that this is what I want) Thank you!

[@ws16-19]

I can relate that a while ago I figured out I hate gender as a whole.

[@dinahnicest6525]

It's early June and the hot weather is coming. I don't have a bikini body or boobs. I never completely passed anyway, but when it's cool enough to wear a coat or a long cardigan, I can pass at a distance, or when seen from the back or the sides. But when the temp and humidity are both in the 90s, I just can't wear enough clothes to feminize my body at all, and I feel both silly and ugly when I fail so badly in my presentation as a woman. For those other 8 or 9 months I feel reasonably pretty, and even beautiful at times. Even though I know I never really look quite that good, I still feel pretty when I'm confident that my dresses and skirts look good on me. So until I get a better idea, I think that through the hot months, I should just let my exposed body dictate my presentation. My clothes are all female, so I still feel like a woman, and that's enough for me. Even during the colder months, there are occasions when I prefer to pretend to be a man than to be an ugly, masculine looking woman. If I could ever be an unquestionably female looking woman, I 'd transition without a second thought, but not with this body.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear.

[@dinahnicest6525]

@@DRZPHD Don't be sorry for me. My (B) cups are much more than half full. I'm a Dad and a Mom.

[@SC-jh9qp]

Dear Dr. Z, I have felt transgender inside most of of my life and I'm now 55. But recently I have had to concede that due to my neuroticism; self-doubt and lack of will power; poverty; fear of losing significant others; religious hang-ups and now age, that a transition for me is highly unlikely. However in this video you suggest that merely verbally revealing that you have an inner trans self to others can be beneficial and cathartic? This is appealing to me. Do you think that this could also lead to a platform of acceptance from others?

[@DRZPHD]

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes it can certainly help with dysphoria including HRT or small dose of it. I think it can lead to platform of acceptance but that really depends on people and their understanding of gender issues and overall humility toward others.

[@SC-jh9qp]

@@DRZPHD Thank You. ❤️

[@Kourtneywoods1]

I know this isn't with everyone who is transgender. But I feel testosterone levels very high in my body and I definitely feel like I do not align. As I have gotten older the urge to transition just got a lot more stronger, a much stronger urge to be who I am and feel more how I see myself. I think many of my years I was scared to show or be myself because the consequences or attention it would bring, so I wasn't confident enough but sometimes it does find a way to come out.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@hollyjollylollymolly3160]

Hello, I relate a lot to this video to the point i've decided to share the story of how I have been coping with my gender dysphoria while also getting by in this sexist masculine world of ours, through "compartimentalizing" my life dividing it in parts, way which i found to be the easiest to survive and not jut live where I am living at if you are socially recognized/pass as a masculine male. It wasn't something i figured out all by myself since that's also the reason women, cisgender or trasngender, especially sapphics, and non-binary people, for ages and especially in places like Arabia, adhered and still adhere to "cisplay" as fake masculine male personas for the outside reality to survive it. Curiously, after listening to the stories of many detransitioners, i also figured out that this also happen to be both the reason for cisgender women, especially sapphics and gender non-conforming women, to believe they are transgender even when they're not and to take steps towards transition; and for transgender women to live their lives closeted and not take steps towards transition. I am very thappy with this point in my life ever since i figured out how i can "have my cake and eat it too" as i get to experince the "both of both worlds". I don't feel ashamed any more to pretend to be be a masculine male for society in the outside world to live easier as long as i get to enjoy masculine privileges and people don't know about how gender variant I am unless i tell them and I only open up to a few persons i feel comfortable long enough with to "let down the walls to my inner personal life world, the part of my divided life where I can live an authentic life as the trans-gender variant person who I am shamelessly and safely secretly, my true "real" life. I learned to not feel guilt if who you appear to be in the sexist masculine outside world is not aligned to who your authentic true self is, it's okay if the outside world is not your "real world" and in turn your "real world" is the world of your personal closed doors life or your online virtual life.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad you are doing what feels right for you!

[@k.lambda4948]

OMG. TBH, sometimes I look at the cost of transition, and then my age, and think about pushing the reset button. But given that you can only do that once, and that it has questionable moral value, I'm not going there. But that's the core of the problem, isn't it? This thing of gender exists in society, not to the Self in isolation. SO what degree of imposing my will upon my body and relationships *is* The Right Thing (tm)? And why is it that the notion of forcing my will upon anything feels so totally masculine that it would invalidate the very thing I am trying to express in the world? I just can't even...and the clock ticks on

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear of your struggles. There are many ways to get in touch with your inner Self without transition. Often the challenge is that many of us are seeking external validation, a need to be seen.

[@princecunningham840]

This is not said enough. I have never heard someone articulate this specific reality before so thank you. I love how you are giving us the power and reminding us that it's not mandatory and doesn't invalidate us. And yes that some of us have legitimately found other ways to cope and express our gender in non medical ways. YES! While I'm still considering some medical interventions, I have absolutely found coping skills and other means to alleviate the dysphoria. I do in fact put my masculine energy out there so much that my very female passing body doesn't bother me as much as some trans people. The fact is that very often I do feel seen. I am 40 years old and very non-binary. One issue has definitely been accusing myself of internalized transphobia or not being brave enough to medically transition when in reality I don't think that's it: it's a combination of being comfortable in my current body even though it doesn't "represent" my gender in its physical form, just its energy and mannerisms and my (very deep) voice! anddd.....also legitmately wanting multiple bodies and identifying with several things at once. This video helps me embody the reality of my trans body in its uniqueness. I want to thank you again for putting the nuance and complexity out there and not trying to just give the same old story of how trans works. Keep doing what you are doing. We are so grateful!

[@DRZPHD]

Very true! It is important to focus on what your needs are vs cookie cutter approach everyone is doing. It’s not an assembly line. It’s a personal evolution.

[@leeh.4453]

Very helpful. Thanksk.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad to hear.

[@thewildwolfl]

Where are you located? What is your business? Is there a way to get in contact if I decided to.... I’m trans and still figuring out wtf I’m doing...

[@DRZPHD]

You can find information about me and my practice at www.drzphd.com

[@thewildwolfl]

@@DRZPHD thanks so much!

[@michaelc1624]

I'm confused.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear. Its best to seek help of a therapist in your area.

[@excxmoody]

Trying to bring this up to you ex since a teen...now that isn't worth it.

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear that.

[@obsidianjane4413]

Ohhhhh you're gonna get crap from the trans activists on this one! I wish I were joking. But you are so right. For many of us it isn't even a choice to transition or not. Life circumstances make it impossible. Which rolls back around to the "well you're not trans enough then" thing.

[@DRZPHD]

Its important to be realistic about transition and not cheerleading anyone into it. This is not about transphobia or keeping ppl away from becoming who they are. As you know, for some people its just not feasible and that's a reality.

[@CC-qe1gq]

Do u know about cases of transgenders which mainly feel discomfort on your genitals?

[@DRZPHD]

Yes. it is common to have gender dysphoria center around particular body part.

[@luissonador]

Very informative video Dr. Z. 🙂🙂. Wanted to ask, is transanctional analysis a valid field, of psychology, in general? I dont get to ask many PhDs in clinical psychology this question🙂🙂Oh yes, im also transgender, how this all relates 🙂😎

[@DRZPHD]

HI. Yes it is absolutely a valid field of psychology. In general, psychology has many modalities, find the one that resonates with you most or makes the most sense of how you see human behavior.

[@geetarist08873]

Dr. Z : Can you please speak to the topic of Autogynephilia, please?

[@DRZPHD]

Yes I will once I gather adequate info on it to do it justice.

[@avalyn9060]

Hi Dr.! I was wondering if you could make a video about "autogynephilia" (the concept from Ray Blanchard) since I don't know much about it and even less have I seen someone who is a transgender expert like you talking about it. I would like to know everything you know about autogynephilia, and most importantly; if it exists or not, because I have seen several anti-trans groups like TERFs that use it as an argument to say that trans women aren't women, and I honestly think that it kinda exist because I have seen the pattern in some trans women and myself included. Please help me Dr., I have been kinda depressed these last months with this concept because I think that if autogynephilia exists and I have it, it might not be worth for me to transition =(

[@DRZPHD]

Yes I do plan once I re-read his book once again to give it full attention.

[@smcsmc4209]

Is it normal to have 2 people in one family to be trans.

[@DRZPHD]

Yes. Completely normal.

[@joivedhea331]

Yes, testosterone receptor variations and many other heritable conditions can trend towards gender dysphoria. Weirdly, 3 in my family

[@DrayseSchneider]

I have at least one nonbinary kid. I say "at least" because one of my daughters has lately been saying things that a nonbinary person might say, so I might have two.

[@ilmiramogensen1108]

Is it worth it to transition after age of 50? YES!!!!!!

[@DRZPHD]

I totally agree!!! While I respect people if they choose not to, I personally think its never too late.

[@lastround2357]

It's hard to feel safe about this topic with Jordan Peterson around😒

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear.

[@obsidianjane4413]

I don't worry about him or other conservatives. We know and can understand their perspective that they just don't like anything that isn't their "way it ought'a be". "Our people" are worse. The binary L, G, and Ts, along with the feminist TERFs who more than anyone should understand and advocate for manifold gender expression, but have developed this antipathy as they have gained acceptance and power within society. Its like a "devil's bargain" they made, where it was; "Okay, we'll let you into the tribe of society, but only if you don't like those other people who can't make up their minds about what they want to be."

[@lastround2357]

@@obsidianjane4413 I mean I just want to live peacefully can't they see that? Also do you know of any main debate on that topic? I'm curious

[@obsidianjane4413]

@@lastround2357 Power comes from being able get people to do what you want/tell them to. That is why when you boil it down, any sociopolitical argument is just groups struggling for dominance. And in this case, the ability to impose that dominance.

[@lastround2357]

@@obsidianjane4413 ik but still do you of any?