r/AITA I Refuse To Let Grandfather's First Family To Enter His Funeral

[@frankhooper7871]

I don't understand people who feel they _must_ attend a funeral for someone they wouldn't visit before they died. The twins had 50 years to "make up for their mistake"

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Money usually.

[@paden1865able]

"My child isn't yours and you have no input to how I raise them. Keep your advice to yourself, I don't want it." That's how my mother replied to people about her children. I use it to this day.

[@alexafuqua8727]

I've said this to so many people in the last 7 years. If I had a dollar for each person I said this to I would be rich Also it's horrendous of how many people give unsolicited advice that are on a line of physical/ emotional abuse

[@dandotvid]

Mark, about the nursing home bit, it's not that putting a parent in a nursing home is only done by children who hate their parents, but children who do will definitely just decide to throw their parents in a nursing home asap rather than deal with caring for them themselves. The situation with your grandmother is different. She required special care and yes, nursing home employees would be able to give her the care she needed more so than your dad. Also, someone who dislikes their parent would probably pick the cheapest, worst option just to get them out of the way. Your father likely put a lot of thought into where his mother went to make sure she had good care.

[@toysruskid5074]

Also, quality of life for someone who is visited vs someone who isn't is vastly different.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@toysruskid5074 Excellent point.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

You’re absolutely right.

[@lunanight2151]

Exactly this, my family has been warned that if something ever happens to all of them and I am the only one left to care for my dad's mom she will receive the exact treatment she gave her husband. A cheap government funded nursing home unvisited. For my moms mom I would help care for her for as long as I could and if she had to go to a nursing home I know exactly where I would send her. I may not be able to. Vist as often as I would like but it's a nursing home she's volunteered at for years and absolutely loves. If I can't send her there then I would pick somewhere close to me close to being like the one she already loves.

[@marymasavage8986]

Exactly, Grumble. Another point is those that don't care won't visit those parents in the homes while those that care will visit. Mark, you and your family cared about your grandma so you visited as often as possible and when the dementia didn't have full control. Those who didn't care wouldn't or even call them.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA For the parents saying OP overstepped, where were they when the other lady Criticized OP's parenting? Its OK for her to do that, but not for OP to defend herself? Is this general hypocrisy or not wanting to rock the boat.. I say Op was right to defend herself and tell exactly what her future holds. After all, she doesn't care if they hate her right? Edit: OP made it personal? Lol

[@saratronus]

I completely agree with you OP in the 2nd story stood up for herself that is one of the most important lessons you could teach to a child when someone's Being shitty to you stand up for yourself And what the fuck is with the last comment The child was doing a tension before she parented (If that makes sense) And part of me wishes my parents taught me you emotions are OK with the way you're acting with them is not because now whenever I have a lot of emotions I just bottle them up which isn't healthy.

[@joycevelazquez2833]

Thank you! That's exactly what I thought. This biatch is stepping up to me in front of everyone and I'm going to bow my head and be the bigger person, yeah no. No need to scream or shriek and maybe OP reacted to being attacked so maybe wasn't the best response but I ain't hating her for it lol

[@robertx8020]

Yes "be the bigger person" only applies for the person being attacked NEVER for the attacker because most of them would be afraid of being the next 'victim'

[@TarisLuna]

I think she overstepped with by mentioning nursery homes as something inherently bad / a place for unloved elderly people. My grandparents (and a lot of others) had to go to one because nobody was able to insure their safety as their dementia got worse. They were loved, but we as a family simply weren't able to assure they got the 24h care they needed. It's perfectly fine for OP to go after the other mom's way to raise her children, but not by tearing down a useful and needed branch of medical care. A better way would have been to say "And that's why your kids will resent you for the rest of your life and might break contact with you as soon as they get out from under your thumb."

[@diarradunlap9337]

I absolutely agree with OP in story #2. The offender was the woman criticizing OP's parenting style, and hence, invited OP's brutal response.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA What? This was a straight scam. He asked OP to go to another gym and then for coffee, didn't coach her and asked her formate money than normal. This was an absolute scam.

[@saratronus]

Yeah the 3rd one got me so confused And the worst part is he did it all verbally so there's like no "evidence" So it's gonna end up being a he said she said kind of thing when you fucking sucks

[@hack117]

Story 2: Reddit's catchphrase "play stupid games win stupid prizes" Also reddit: ESH for giving away stupid prizes

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

humanity is full of pretensious hypocrites and reddit proves that.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 honestly. Human nature is inherently contradictory, but at least have the self awareness to correct yourself when called out in it. Definitely NTA

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@thedestroyasystem i agree its both but most people most time and most of them least opbstacles can better themselves but dont.

[@benjamincharlton1388]

They just love calling others idiots

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3: OP give your side of the story. Tell them he asked to work out with you for an hour and get coffee afterwards, making it sound like a date rather than being a professional personal trainer. Then demanded more than the amount he usually charges an hour. You felt uncomfortable with it and refused to pay. See what the gym does, because more likely or not the personal trainer twisted the story to meet in his favor. Manipulators do that. He manipulated the date into something it wasn’t and demanded money and when he didn’t get his way, he manipulated the story to fit his victim narrative

[@JadenYukifan28]

Problem here is is that the trainer's Boss might back up his claims, the best thing she could have done was record the conversation and report it to the Police

[@SorenPenrose]

The gym IS NOT in on it. He took her to another gym and demanded more money. The first gym doesn't get a cut from that payment. He was skirting his dues to the first gym, and he did not inform the second gym that he was a trainer so he wouldn't have to pay them either. That's why he wasn't coaching you. He didn't want the second gym to know he was training. My family owns a gym, we know how this shit works. Report the fact that he went to another gym and demanded a direct payment afterwards. First gym will see that he's trying to avoid paying them. Also, most trainers are contract labor and not technically employees.

[@sagesaria]

Story 2: Wtf are the comments on about accusing OP of 'only raising her kid to be a caretaker?' I interpreted her comment as "if you continue treating your kids like that, they're going to cut you out of their lives." The last person claiming that there were problems with OP's parenting because the kid threw a tantrum? Sometimes kids throw tantrums!!! And according to OP's description of the story, her style WORKED. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a gentler, empathetic approach to children's issues because they often can't help it and a lot of disciplinary methods are basically punishing the child for not knowing how to handle their lives or for just being children! I'll agree with ESH for OP's comment being overly harsh, but tbh the other mother started it.

[@zerobolt9506]

Same

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

i dont agree with ESH as those people ignore one big factor and it red flags of abuse. if parent is too harsh on little mistakes then even says they prefer no snoflakes over having good relationship with kids plus is intrusive on other less strict parenting like insecure weakling implies preety bad abuse.

[@Arylwren1]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 the kids could just have been tired or sulking because they were told they could get McDonald's on the way home. You can't automatically assume abuse off this little info.

[@sagesaria]

@@Arylwren1 I can see how the behavior could be worrying, from both the mother and the kids. Their aversion to their mother could be read as fear. Doesn't necessarily mean it's the right assumption, but it's an understandable one. Though on that note, how would strict, extreme punishments be acceptable for just being tired and sulking? Unless those were two different thoughts, hard to parse through text.

[@sagesaria]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 I mainly say ESH because of OP's comment. I don't necessarily think they were wrong to tell the mother to fuck off, but I think the nursing home comment was a low blow, especially from what Mark said about nursing homes and the decisions that go into putting family in a home.

[@BruinPhD2009]

In the Parenting Style story, holy cow but some of those comments are nuts. I don’t think OP gave birth to and is raising a child for the sole reason of having someplace to live when she’s older. That’s a gamble no sane person would take. Is it an old trope/joke that is probably best left in the past? I’ll buy that. But, while nursing home may not be on the table, ALL of us should remember that the same kids we raise may very well be the same adults who have to make decisions on our health, finances, etc., when we lose the ability to do so for ourselves. Raising functioning adults might MIGHT be important in someone’s ability to make sound decisions. Also, I wish I were like some of the Reddit Rangers who always seem to know exactly what to say when placed in a provocative situation. Try as I might, I’m not that good. And for what it’s worth, the petty side of me thinks that other mother got what she deserved. Don’t start none? Won’t be none.

[@soxxeri2202]

thank you. kinda enraged me at the yta and esh comments

[@saratronus]

Same here And plus she's teaching her kid how to stand up for herself. When someone treats you like shit treat them like shit back

[@louellacharlton4425]

yes THIS

[@robertx8020]

I wonder how many of those Reddit 'holier than thou ' people actually do what they preach? I bet most of them would explode, when what happened to OP would happen to them but from behind their KB they can act all mighty ..while ignoring their kids because their opinion NEEDS to be on Reddit :)

[@maddy8328]

Ikr, where did they get that from?

[@n7hughesgaming223]

Story 2: “YTA/ ESH because you weren’t being a good little doormat” is basically what I got from those last few comments on story 2. OP is definitely NTA.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

basicly what school makes think with zero tolerance rule/policy and later we have doormats as adults.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 That’s not true at all.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@RuminatingRaptor actually it is as it not dumb to assume if attack victim of bullying they will behave as school did to them to others. Its common sense because insecurities work (most dont adress it if you dont get it.) this way so admit im right and i forgive for your mistake.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 You’re absolutely, 100% wrong, to the degree that one is left wondering if you’ve even been right in your entire existence. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about. The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong with you.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@RuminatingRaptor blah blah blah, you just got destroyed by own response being denialism of own failure. now shut up or i will be antagonistic only and ignore the reply. Choose wisely you insufferable bully enabler!! I win now and you lose ha ha ha! Also admit defeat as you literally began fight you lost before replied as i was spitting facts from my experience plus my knowledge of history(i am student in collegue and almost done with first level aka diploma (mainly on philosophy as diploma).

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: the children and grandchildren of the old set of twins needs to reread what they said. It is not a “mistake” they cut off their dad for more than 50 years. It is not the person they “loved the most” if they cut them off more than 50 years. The twins had more than 50 years to talk to their dad, but they didn’t because they couldn’t be happy that he moved on from their mother after they got divorced. OP isn’t an asshole at all for protecting his grandma and grandpa. NTA

[@moimeself1088]

Maybe they think there's a will 🤭

[@pippo17173]

@@moimeself1088 Wouldn't be surprise. Bonus points if the ex wife poison them to think grandpa owns them something for "Screwing the family up."

[@Carla_Valjeta]

I would have just responded with. "the person they loved the most? that's funny, they didn't talk to him for a long long long time and when he tried to reach out to them, they treated him like shit."

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@moimeself1088 The fact that they are claiming that he’s “the person they loved the most” I’m willing to bet they are only interested in his will.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@pippo17173 I’m willing to bet she poisoned them against the father. It would be interesting to find out if the ex ever remarried and how they treated her spouse. I think it’s reasonable to assume she did move on.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 2: NTA. What the hell was that last person on about? OP’s parenting was disrespected, and she rightfully called out the woman’s own parenting. The last commenters went on about being the bigger person and setting an example for her daughter, but what example would that set? If people disrespect you, just take it and don’t say anything? Yeah, that’ll totally work. OP should have resolved it more civilly, but speaking back to being disrespected is not what people should be criticizing. OP also never mentioned her daughter taking care of her as an old woman, she was telling the other lady that her kids will get rid of her the first chance they get. Reddit’s reading comprehension is nonexistent sometimes. Also, I find that the idea of “mind your own business” does NOT apply to parenting styles. To me, parenting styles should be openly discussed. Should they be civil? Of course. But letting people’s parenting styles go unchecked even if kids show signs of trauma is how kids end up abused with no one bothering to help. The kids’ safety and health takes priority over the parents’ pride.

[@cookingkurry4384]

I really hate the phrase "be the bigger person" (which I bet you anything most people would clap back) to me it sounds like "yes, be a doormat", then the saying "if you can't take it then don't dish it" comes to mind for that story.

[@sagesaria]

@@cookingkurry4384 Agreed. I hate being told to 'be the bigger person' because it's ONLY ever said to the victims, never to the bullies. Why should I respect somebody who clearly doesn't respect me? If you're rude to me, I don't see how me being nice is supposed to help and frankly, you don't deserve my being nice if you're rude.

[@lily-zg6io]

Like a parenting style is someone's business but when I see a parent yell at their kid for relatively small things then it becomes a public thing (yelling for no reason is a trait very common in emotional abuse, and other parents need to be in tune and observant for signs of emotional and mental abuse because it's such a discrete and hard to prove form of abuse that leaves long-lasting scars in the victims, especially when the victims are kids)

[@zerobolt9506]

I 1000% believe they wouldn't have been the bigger person either & would have done similar to OP.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@cookingkurry4384 same

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA she abandoned OP and is demanding OP keep her name? Nope. The hypocrisy of the social media updates is ridiculous.

[@zerobolt9506]

Ah crap I should have just finished the video before reading the comments, I just wanted to know what people thought of story 2 😅

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 2: NTA. In the heat of the moment, when someone abusive tries to tell you how to parent, I think everyone would be pissed and lash out. That's probably one of the more tame ways to lash out. If we all had the patience of a saint, it would be more like "I'd rather teach my child through understanding emotions over brutish authority. Thanks, but no thanks." It's not an asshole move to leave an abuser feeling insecure of the way they treat their children when you want to protect yours. That's mama-bear mode. But seriously, I hope this "mother" divorces, and leaves her children to a hopefully better husband. She has no business giving parenting advice.

[@lsmmoore1]

And the thing about that "patience of a saint" remark is that the person on the receiving end of it would perceive THAT remark as aggression too.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

@@lsmmoore1 True, but they'd assume anything besides "Yes your highness" is aggressive, and it's not her you're trying to keep calm for.

[@lsmmoore1]

@@strawberrysangria1474 No, which is why "keep calm" isn't an option in this case, because the child won't actually see the lesson you're thinking of, they'll see the calm as acquiescence and assume that it means that the parent agrees with the mean lady. This has happened with a lot of kids who are sent into a situation by Mom and Dad in which Mom and Dad never speak out - kids naturally assume the parents agree unless the parents clearly state otherwise. And I mean clearly, in so many words - kids don't pick up on implications to the contrary. Nor do they have the frame of reference to understand what this type of calm means, especially at that age. So the mom should either stand up to the other mom immediately (which she did), go No Contact, or, if she DOES choose calm, tell the child in no uncertain terms, later, that she doesn't agree with what the mean lady said, but believes that sometimes you need to not say things in the moment to smooth things over (and she should only do that if she believes it to be the right thing - too many issues escalate in society because people keep quiet to "keep the peace").

[@ineedhoez]

She threw a tantrum like her child😂

[@ZyphoraVasilios]

I can't imagine refusing to help with the care of your mother in law in life, but feeling entitled to her assets after she dies. What trash.

[@panicattheanimationstudio5673]

Story 5: even if she doesn't divorce him she needs to keep that shit separate. Those properties are going insurance in case she needs to get away.

[@lokisgodhi]

RE: Trainer I'd go further still. Sue the gym in small claims court for everything you've paid them for so far, since they took his side. The worst that happens is the judge doesn't agree. So it costs you the filing fee and some time.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: tell them that the twins had _decades_ to contact him and make up for their mistakes to the "person they loved the most" but they actively chose not to, and even rejected his attempts to reach out. They're only going to "make peace" because he's _dead_ and can't say anything about it. If he were still alive, they wouldn't have bothered. Story 2: Imagine thinking OP is raising her daughter with gentle parenting so that daughter will take care of her later and not because, you know, that's how you should be raising your kids anyway. Being harsh towards your kids is going to potentially lead to exactly what OP said. "I don't care if they like me or not, at least I'm not raising snowflakes." Well I hope you're not expecting them to call often once they leave. I _wish_ my parents took the approach Op did, maybe then I wouldn't be anxious and stumbling over my words when I so much as ask for a drink at a restaurant or try to schedule a doctor's appointment. Also, why did that one comment use a _4 year old_ having a fit as a sign that OP isn't a good parent? She's _4. They do that._ Story 5: "You can return the money he spent on you" They're.... they're _married._ I would sure hope he's spending at least a _little bit_ of money on Op, _especially_ since she's a SAHM.

[@jennstewart3003]

I agree on story one. It's not making things right if the person you needed to apologize to is dead. They showed up to make a scene. If they wanted to make things right with their stepmother or father, they should have done so alone and ideally before he was dead.

[@brothersgt.grauwolff6716]

I'm wondering if they were even there to pay respect I'm sure they were just there to gatecrash the funeral and ruining their day

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@jennstewart3003 I agree with you. The fact that they wouldn’t come back when the grandmother was gone, tells me they were there to make a scene. Bringing the whole family, who are strangers, makes me believe they wanted to publicly blame the grandmother for the other family never knowing the grandfather.

[@mumof3androcking]

Just finished errands with the toddler. Putting up groceries and snuggling down to enjoy the drizzly fall weather

[@jas1007]

Story 2: I was ready to judge YTA, because, absent clear signs of abuse, criticising anothers parenting style isnt polite. But the other parent criticised the OP first. Could OP have been more polite? Maybe. NTA or a soft, justified A.

[@geraldgrenier8132]

It's a case of the two extreams meet, the old school of limit enforment only setting vs new wave positive reformence only. the problem is, actual answer is both is actually needed. Both of the extremes see the faults of the other extreme to dismiss the mix.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

there are actual signs of abuse sadly i have to say here are listed: too harsh punishment foir little mistake, caring more on toughness of kid not bond you have with them and being insecure intrusive weakling attacking better stlye by long shot compare to theirs.

[@Benjami.n567]

As someone that's gone no contact with my dad, you couldn't pay me enough to attend his funeral

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - RJ is the one who started it; commenting about OP's parenting style first. OP is NTA for firing back. If she didn't like it, she should shut her damn mouth about how other people parent.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

i agree but as reddit is known there those who based and agree with self-defense and weaklings who live by misery loves company by using be the bigger person.

[@onlyget1]

Story 1: 50 years of no contact and now they want to make amends when he’s in a coffin?? Seriously?? Also knowing how grandpa tried to reach out them over the years and they never responded and not to mention when they were in contact how horribly they treat your grandmother and they think you’ll let them enter?? Hell No!! You did the right thing!!

[@lancerevell5979]

Story one.... Their only possible reasons for trying to get in were to cause a big scene, disrupt the funeral and cause Grandma more grief. Screw them.

[@gaxalee7392]

I really hate when SAHPs get treated like lazy mooches(although there are some but the majority are good). They have the job of several house chores, cooking, and childcare all day, everyday unless the breadwinner is a good spouse/parent. SAHPs deserve more respect and dignity.

[@saratronus]

And what this sister said oh that got my blood boiling I think OP should run for the hills with the kids Obviously

[@nicolasv6031]

story 1: NTA. grandpa's sons had YEARS, DECADES, to make amends with their father. at his funeral is far, far too late. OP was right to protect their grandmother, as she is here, now, and mourning, and doesn't need their toxicity

[@melanieanne6762]

Gosh, your reaction to the first story hit me harder than I thought it would! My family was in the same situation, my paternal gram had dementia and we wanted her to live with us but she needed 24/7 care. Nursing homes can be miserable but they are often a necessity.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Story 5) Inheritance is NOT a marital asset.

[@LillyianPuppy]

That family waited 50 years. They could have waited 3 more hours if it actually mattered to them.

[@jlady4110]

Story 5: that is a definite case of financial abuse - run while you can.

[@mbyerly9680]

I hope the OP with the inheritance puts the money where her husband can't touch it and use it as escape money from this financially abusive relationship.

[@hello93617]

Story 1: NTA This decision shouldn't have been left up to a 19 year old.

[@Cel3ere5]

It wasn't left to him. He took it upon himself.

[@zerobolt9506]

Story 2: all the your the YTA & some of the ESH commenters are dumb, OP never said nor hinted that their way of raising their kid would get their kid to keep th around forever, also 1000% believe that not a single one of them would respond in kind to that lady, I bet they'd respond similarly to how OP did.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

great point that they are pretensious hypocrites.

[@bangeryun94]

The OP meant when RJ goes to a nursing home she'll not see her children again. They'll leave her and forget about her.

[@Chaoticbunnii]

All the people in the second story’s comments that called OP an AH took what she said and overthought what was said. OP never said that she had her daughter to have someone take care of her when she’s old. She never even mentions it. She just makes the remark to RJ. NTA, and good on her for standing up for herself against a woman who clearly only cares about their own opinions over others’ feelings.

[@fufufuaru]

story 1: can't make amends with a dead person

[@fcold9402]

Why is sister complaining OP is not giving her husband her own inheritance? The money is OPs, get a lawyer and protect it.

[@adrijanzahner9819]

man the ESH comments on story 2 are really bad. Everyone is allowed to parent how they want but abuse is not parenting

[@CocoCece08]

"I never asked your opinion." That's all OP should have said and walked away.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@CocoCece08 Shut up weakling RJ is abusive if you observe mothers behaviour so it was fitting comment considering reddit stories where abused kids say that to own parents. Here are 3 red flags impling abusive parenting: 1:) being too harsh punishment for little mistakes, 2.) caring more about toughness of own kids than their bond to parent, 3.) intrusive not minding own bussiness on other parental stlyes. Smells like insecure abusive person self-projecting own weakness to me.

[@littleolmee]

S1: NTA. OP gave them the opportunity to pay respects at a later time. They were hateful people to OP's grandmother. Those two had a long time to make things right in OP's grandfather. I'd block them all after telling them they had half a century to make things right when he was alive now wasn't the time when his actual family who were with him that whole time were grieving. S2: ESH. First, elderly going to nursing homes are not dumping grounds for the unwanted or unloved & that is just an AH comment on its own. 2nd, while RJ did start it & she is an AH for being judgy & giving unwanted advice, OP is no better than RJ in that instance. OP is being judgy about her parenting style, too. Both of them need to go to their own corners & leave one another alone. They both are setting horrible examples for their kids. S3: NTA. Sounds like this trainer was looking for a sugar mama. Instead of being a host in a bar he's doing the flirt & exercise routine to make his cash & when OP didn't fall for it now he's going to get her banned. I'd go talk to the manager & tell them what happened. S4: NTA. OP's aunt & uncle are the guardians, they would be the only ones OP needed to ask if she is underage. OP can legally change her name if she wants. OP's mom abandoned OP for her marriage, OP's husband was cruel to a child. I agree with the one poster who said check into adult adoption. S5: NTA. This sounds like financial abuse. Being a SAHM doesn't mean OP's husband is owed money back for supporting his family when he wanted OP to stay at home. His sister needs to step off too.

[@Koji-Alistair]

You people love saying dumb things, don't you?

[@notoriousd.i.g.87]

Story 2: To explain what OP meant and how it's different from Mark's experience, Mark's father loved his mother and likely did as much research as possible to make sure that if he can't take care of his mother, she'll be taken well care of. Mark's father and family visited the grandma and spent time with her. What OP is referencing is that when your kids don't really hold any love or care for their parents, they'll drop them off at the first home they see and never look back, abandoning their parents to be looked after by others. This is particularly bad if a home ends up being abusive towards the old people, stealing their things, not feeding them enough, etc. And the home can just say the person is old and senile if anyone investigates, leaving bad parents abandoned and abused by the people they abused, with no real way out except through death.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

most on yt comments here understand but clearly reddit doesnt. I will add that story has NTA but there many of other less popular judgements.

[@perlamedrano3637]

Story 3 NTA That is a major red flag! He is the one acting inappropriately flirting with you and inviting you out on dates. If he invited you to workout on an off day is not a lesson.

[@wplains]

There’s a huge difference between not abusing your kids and raising snowflakes. Thankfully, there is a much saner (and happier) middle ground.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#4 - good on OP for embracing - and being embraced - aunt and uncle as parents. They really stepped up with her own mom could not be bothered. Screw her mother or anyone else who wants to bitch about anything OP does! Congrats to OP - go on and live your best life with a great last name!

[@jussinawaydeanamortl5680]

My comment is about the second story I don’t think people really understand where OP is coming from in her statement. I think she is talking about loving support like even if They had to means to take care of their mother they wouldn’t and just stick her in a home no contact. There is a difference between caring for and caring about. I agree with OP in the story that possibly is high the children will do neither in the future. My mom was “soft” with all of us and now we take care of her because we can and we want to! If we couldn’t we would put her in assisted living but we would be there as much as we could for her.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

reddit post about ops whos parents are abusive show this yet redditors didnt compare that to op this story comment.

[@dsm4462]

Mark, your Grandma sounds lovely. Take joy in those memories 💕

[@200yearsago]

Wow that final story is such a "What's mine is mine and whats yours is ours" that's awful!

[@cv8167]

Story 1: What I want to know is how did they find out about the funeral in the first place if they were no contact for half a century.

[@carlrood4457]

The will thing doesn't really fly. They don't read a will at a funeral and it's not like it could be changed once the person is dead.

[@annanas9122]

10:45 commenter clearly misunderstood OP's words. It seems like OP doesn't have a goal of their daughter not sending them in a nursing home later in the future. The whole OP's comment about the nursing home is about getting back at the c**t by using words that would most likely hurt her.

[@TheKennethECarper]

Story 1: I think people are a little too willing to assume ill intent from the twins. I think there's probably a lot of family history that we aren't privy to, because OP is either leaving it out to make his grandparents look good, or more likely, OP doesn't know because he's just a kid. Most normal people don't cut off a parent just because that parent remarried. Has it ever occurred to any of you that Grandpa may have been banging Grandma behind first wife's back, and that the twins cut off their father out of loyalty to their mother, the wronged party? Doesn't that better explain why the twins hate Grandma? Because she destroyed their parents marriage? It makes a lot more sense than two grown men hating their stepmother for no good reason. I could see OP leaving that out in order to preserve his image of Grandma as Saint Grandma. As far as the speculation of the twins going to the funeral because they thought there was a will? Well, I think that's farfetched. It was a funeral. They don't do will readings at funerals. And let us remember, Grandpa is dead, it's not like he's going to hear that the twins showed up at his funeral and amend his will to include them. Here's an idea, maybe, just maybe upon learning that their father had died, the twins felt a rush of guilt that they let so many decades pass, and the chance of a reconciliation with their father die, because they couldn't let go of their grudge? And maybe this was an attempt to be there for him in death, in a way that they refused to be in life? Let's face it, death changes the way we look at things. Death can change somebody from, "That guy I never want to see again," to, "The one we loved the most." We can't assume 100% ill intent of people 100% of the time. People are more complex than that. Families are more complex than that.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

If he cheated, he destroyed his marriage, not the grandmother. He’s the one who took vows. You’re forgetting that he offered for them to come back, he didn’t deny them completely. He is being reasonable.

[@aishu3086]

Finally! I was looking for a wise comment. Too many people are being cynical.

[@christianvacchelli1953]

story 1:"he was the person that we loved the most,but we went no contact with him for half a century". now try to say that with a straight face . NTA.

[@dianasmith8248]

You can love someone but not be around them because it can be for the best.

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: the twins were LOOKING for something like this to happen, they wanted to hurt the grandmother or make themselves martyrs

[@heathermcdougall8023]

I get the feeling there's a lot more to this story than we are being told.

[@user-pi3hd2bt3f]

@@heathermcdougall8023 i had the same feeling Maybe the grandfather cheated with OPs grandmother and the twins mom brainwashed them to hate him

[@edwardlarsen1254]

Thanks for being Mark. World is better for it.

[@badkitty4922]

14 minutes?! I think it's the earliest I've ever been for a story upload. BUT, I only JUST got the Notification. Wtf, YT?! ETA: Sorry, everyone! Hello, all! Hope you're well! Much Love!😘😘😘💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍

[@kayasmith9789]

You can't "make up for your mistake" when someone's already dead in all honesty it's for their own guilty conscience

[@z0mb1egutzz]

Story 1: NTA you gave them options. Story 2: NTA, you are an amazing parent and called out RJ's bullshit. You aren't on a "high horse" because you believe in not abusing your children and treating your kids like human beings instead of property.

[@ineedhoez]

Permissive parenting is abuse.

[@AngieBae]

My dad has a staying: be nice to your kids, they will choose what kind of nursing home you are going. Could be a nice one, they might visit you often. Or not 🤷

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

thats good wisdom your father has.

[@Boom-in3nx]

Noooooo.. Not again ;-; The thumbnail of the video... the title... the improper grammar... whyyy ToT lol

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

Nursing homes aren't a punishment but yes her kids are going to run for the hills when they are older.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

considering reddit post about children saying they will give them in nursing home rather care for them for being abusive is enough evidence this op was right.

[@JUMALATION1]

Story 2 spinoff, just my two cents here: I grew up with a restrictive parenting style during my kindergarten/elementary school years, and that was a VERY good thing, looking back. It taught me manners and kind and polite behavior in the beginning. However, what I would have wished from my parents (especially my mom) growing up past my teens before taking the step moving out permanently would have been looser boundaries. The expression "the strictest parents make the sneakiest kids" is 100% true in my case. If I ever have kids, I'll raise them strictly to begin with but absolutely gradually loosen up later on. I would have "the talk" on multiple growing up subjects and don't be too angry if they fuck up, because by god, did I fuck up a lot too. Still childless to this day, but if I have some crotch goblins, I'll make sure they know what they did but not be as harsh on them as me ol' mum.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Thank you Mark. Was listening as I returned from Dr appt. Made the drive much better. Stay safe please.. Peace

[@jamestown8398]

STORY #1 NTA. OP tried to accommodate them so they could say goodbye without having a chance to harass the grandmother, yet they refused. Frankly what OP offered was more than they deserved. "The person they loved the most". What a lie! STORY #2 ESH. OP needs to call CPS on RJ. Emotional Abuse is still Abuse, and keeping quiet only serves to hurt her kids. STORY #3 NTA. If you want to do business with someone, tell them beforehand what it is. Apart from that, he was being inappropriate by flirting while on work duty. STORY #4 NTA. It's OP's name, and thus OP is the only one who gets to decide what her name is. Apart from that, mother and stepfather are both pretty gross. * Mother had an affair, wouldn't protect her daughter, and expects to be honored as a parent. * Mother's husband chose to stay with his cheating wife and to let OP live in his house, but still acted awfully towards her. STORY #5 NTA. Sam is a piece of work. He refused to help pay for his MIL's medical bills, and now he wants to control OP's inheritance.

[@stanmckinley764]

People are WAY too focused on the nursing home bit on story 2. Look, no nursing homes aren’t all bad and even good, beloved elders get sent there and I don’t think op is saying that having someone to depend on and take care of you is something you should strive for as a parent. All op meant was that if you’re cruel to your kids, they probably will want to be rid of you and not want to hang around you if you’re just going to be mean to them all the time. And rj had it coming. Telling someone they’re wrong for how they choose to parent their kids is just bound to rub them the wrong way and raise conflict. She should have just stayed out of it and minded her own business. Yes OP blew up at her, but if someone offered unwanted opinions about something that deeply personal, who wouldn’t? At least a little? So I’m going NTA

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

RJ has signs of abuse written on her: 1.)too harsh punishment for little mistakes, 2.)caring more about toughness of own kids than their bond to you, 3.)intrusive not minding own bussiness on other parental stlyes. Smells like insecure abusive person self-projecting own weakness to me.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@Josku2411]

Oop early but i'm currently rewatching Game of thrones while designing my friends halloween hoodie because the madman happily gave me a blank while hoodie(which btw is soft af) and told me go hamXD

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Oooooo

[@carolroberts4614]

You can have some fun with that, then!

[@anahid19]

In Germany we have a good saying: “ be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home”

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

good saying my dude.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Just finished my history midterm and I got a 97!!!!!!! I was listening to the waffle cast so imma say that was my lucky charm lol💜💜🤗🤗

[@carolroberts4614]

Well done Broken! That's great! 👍

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@carolroberts4614 aww thanks 💜💜🤗🤗

[@Grouchbox]

Congratulations! Very proud of you💜

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@Grouchbox aww thanks so much💜💜🤗🤗

[@indyfmw]

in america a lot of nursing homes aren't good. I feel horrible for some of them

[@midnightglow2461]

Story 3: Had something similar happen to me when I worked at my school and went to the gym often. Met a girl because my area had a little party to greet new students and she worked next door. We got to talking a bit, was cool but didn't think I'd see her again. Like 2 months later she shows back up during my shift, which she asked my coworkers when I was coming in (I found that a little creepy since I didn't really know her much) but she came into my cubicle, closed the little cut off area we had so much noise wouldn't get out, even though it was only us and the guy at the front desk. And well to my ears she was flirting some, I was flirting back, she asked if she could give me her number, put it into my phone. Was talking about possibly signing up for classes with me next semester, and eventually got to inviting me to the gym with her. I thought cool cause it was literally a 3 minute walk from my workplace and I go often between and after shifts. We meet up one day as planned, she takes me to a secluded area then I find out she's a personal trainer. I was half like still cool, but slowly realized "oh this isn't a hangout, she's looking for clients." I realized this when she was talking about payment plans and saying the first session was free. I was like nope, never contacted her again. Was crazy. Do not recommend.

[@MalachioftheForest]

Mark don't take the nursing home comment to heart. Your situation is different. My mom did the same thing, her mother had arthritis in her whole body and needed to be cared for. An elderly parent that needs professional care isn't the same thing. What OP said does happen. My mother worked at a nursing home for years and saw it happen all the time. OP likely means people who never visit their parents after putting them in a home.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

reddit stories are full of people telling own parents that who were abusive to op of those stories.

[@cjb2749]

I just don't think anybody can adequately judge story #1, including OP. It's a very sensitive, painful situation when somebody leaves their original family and starts a new one. It's very possible that the twins loved and missed their father very much, but were hurt by him, and waiting for him to make the first move toward reconciliation. Nobody but the twins, their mother, and their father truly know what happened within their family. Of course the secondary family thinks that they are in the right, and feels that their grandparents did nothing wrong, but they really have no idea. My daughter loves her father very much, but he has a tendency to abandon her whenever he "falls in love" with somebody new, and he often neglects her on holidays, birthdays, etc, and only contacts her very randomly while he's in a relationship. At the end of each relationship, he has a moment of "grabbing on to what's important" and maintains a regular- and very good- relationship with our daughter, until another new person comes along. Then he slowly disappears again, and repeats the cycle. If he were to die tomorrow, she would undoubtedly be destroyed by his passing, and would agonize over whether or not she should go to his funeral, knowing that whoever he's currently with will be there claiming ownership of him, and our daughter will be treated like an interloper. She is also a very strong person though, and I have no doubt that she would pull together a support system, and force herself to go because she'd regret it if she didn't. And she would belong there. No matter who else he's been with, or how many other kids he's produced, she is his daughter, and she has just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. Nobody has the right to interfere in a father's relationship with his children, especially when it involves a child's right to say goodbye and have closure when their parent dies. No matter how messy their relationship was. For that reason, I'm gonna go with YTA. Your grandmother is an adult, and should have been prepared to cope with ALL of her husband's children being at his funeral. They have as much of a right to be there as any of you. So nice of you to take the opportunity to remind them one more time that they have been replaced and don't belong, as if they haven't likely struggled with that for many years.

[@tinak2576]

Story 2: I damn near sprained my eyes when I rolled them over the “practice some comebacks at home” comment. Do they think the OP planned on having their parenting insulted in a very public way by someone who terrorized their kids? I loved what OP said. Everyone on that thread who said she could have delivered her message softer are ironically treating the other mom (dare we say the villain) of the story like a snow flake by suggesting she go easy on her. 😂

[@immasnakeee6460]

What the hell is up with the comments in the second story. That mother deserved every word treating those poor children that way

[@flamelily2086]

People with advanced dementia are very hard to care for. They can be exhausting. I worked in a care home where one lady would get dressed at 2am and ask us to unlock the door so she could go to church. We found out she had been a nun and nuns do have prayers in church through out the day and night. She was very confused but she retained the discipline to wake up for prayers every night.

[@NoOne-fo1di]

I can never take the side of a "parent" that abandons their child for no reason. special circumstances understandable but you don't get to make demands of a child you abandoned

[@RRW359]

Story 2 she's not saying she expects her kids to care for her, she's just saying her kids will resent her later in life. If she just saw her parenting wrongly she would be TA but it was a response and something the other mother will either brush off and have it not matter or remember and change her parenting style because of it.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

For the fourth story about the affair baby changing her last name. NTA ofc BUT it is NOT the victims (bio mom's husband) fault that he couldn't be around the affair baby. I can't believe how common it is to judge and pressure the victim of a terrible situation to get over their trauma and ignore it. It's total BS. It isn't the affair baby's fault but it's not his fault either. It's not his fault he was traumatized and the child is a source of trauma for him. Yes he should have just broken up with the mother but in the end It is the mother's fault and her fault ONLY. She shouldn't have had an affair at all and this wouldn't have happened AND she CHOSE to keep the affair baby, putting her victim in the baby and a toxic situation and then CHOSE to abandon her child rather than break up with her husband. She purposefully put her child in a terrible difficult situation that is traumatizing to the child and traumatizing to her victim. The mother is the ONLY one at fault here. At any point she could have chosen to take care of the child she CHOSE to have and break up with him. Stop pressuring victims to accept children that are sources of trauma for them. Period. It's not the child's fault but it's not the victim's fault either. You need to start placing the blame and judgement where it belongs, squarely on the cheating POS parent. It doesn't help the child to be forced to be around someone who dislikes them and who sees them as a source of pain and it's really messed up to tell a victim to just get over it. Stop pressuring victims to do that out of a sense of obligation. The victim is NOT a terrible person if they can't stand to be around a child that represents a very traumatizing situation. The cheater is the terrible person. Sorry rant over.

[@annanas9122]

10:18 I see the best reaction as saying the exact words OP said, but shoving no anger and smiling sickly sweet instead and then calmly walk away from the crap storm.

[@mcoyer08]

22:10 as someone with a screwed up childhood. It’s actually crazy easy to change info/names in school’s systems. About to start school and stepdad was going to adopt me, so mom told them sd’s last name. Then mom decided to stop the adoption, but never corrected my last name at school. Fast forward to 15 and needing to do driver’s ed. we had to correct my name ahead of time so the paperwork was good for the dmv. I brought in a note from my mom to get my name corrected. That was it. A note and they changed allllll my current records. (All previous state tests are under old name, but it’s never been an issue).

[@belladonnabudgets7362]

My interpretation of the "nursing home bit" is that the parents that have been emotionally abusive or not emotionally nurturing tend to end up in nursing home, not that all old people who end up in nursing homes are this type of people. There is an episode of What Would You Do? regarding Tiger Moms that the first story reminded me of, and the reactions of the bystanders caught on camera pretty much reacted to the actress playing the Tiger Mom in kind, and more.

[@sacilexi231]

Nursing home have benefits and drawbacks. Every situation is different. Some people like nursing home and family comes as often as they can.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

What is up with that last reply on story 2? It really bother me, so I'mma break it down. "Be the bigger person." I hate this phrase, as it usually just means "sit there and take it." Not in all cases, but it looks like it in this case. Maybe walking away or saying "I'm not interested in your advice" would've been better, if you think OP was too harsh (I don't), but I think standing up for yourself is perfectly good behavior to model. Second, yes that is how you get respect. Give respect, get respect. The idea that a tantrum proves this wrong is absurd. 4-year-olds have tantrums, they can't control their emotions. Parenting styles that stop this are almost invariably abusive, and teach emotional repression, not control. And the third part, grasping at straws much? What OP said is a standard comeback, shorthand for "your kids won't care about you." The commenter is reading waaaaaaaaay too much into this. Absolute nut job.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

i also was angry at them and they will only stop thinking like this when they get hurt same or similar way.

[@ergotempusvernum]

It's teenagers attempting to sound more mature than what they actually are. They had been told their whole lives to not fight back against bullies and never thought to critically think about how detrimental for the long term it is on the mental health of a person. Faux maturity.

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@ergotempusvernum i like your naming of the insecurity akja faux maturity.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

@@ergotempusvernum Ikr. When I was a kid I was taught to just ignore them and not to fight back. It didn't work, and fighting back did. They just lied, because they didn't want to deal with fights, but they were happy to ignore one sided bullying. Still mad about did. Sad that so many people have internalised this "just be a victim" mentality.

[@Tammohawk1]

Mark, my grandma had a 1/2 acre garden that we used to help her with in the summer. She also had a nice sized walk-in pantry that she had filled with fruits and vegetables that she canned herself. Everytime we would go to visit, she would have a jar of my favorite berries in the fridge waiting for me. Grandpa was a dairy farmer and we would put fresh cream on our berries. Great memories.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Story 3 was wild. He knew what he was doing. Weirdo.

[@oakenshadow6763]

Kids have tantrums because they don't understand how to proccess or understand their emotions. The least you can do is understand and ask what is upsetting them. Straight up punishing them is just wrong.

[@meghanplayssims]

why do so many people get other people to complain for them? its so immature and i wish some of the people would say so to those people

[@sophiescott143]

Story 5: I feel like there's vital information missing. OP said that husband refused to help pay for MIL's medical bills, but didn't say why. I think the reason might be important to the verdict.

[@b-red9489]

You can't think that way lol.

[@sophiescott143]

@@b-red9489 Why not? If the MIL was abusive toward husband I could understand his refusal. If she was a nice lady and he just refused to help because it's his money and screw her and money money money then he's an asshole. The reason matters.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 2: Given the wave of permissive parenting and the entitled narcissistic sociopaths it creates, I will take strict parents any day the week. Your kid is regularly throwing tantrums in public? You have failed. Kids used to be taught how to act in public. I never threw a tantrum in public because I understood the consequences.

[@brandyb2931]

Why do you need to run security at a funeral for a man who was in his 90's? I'm sorry but I disagree, this was their father and unless they were being awful at the door, they should've been allowed inside to say goodbye to their father. These "children" were in their late 70's if he was correct about how long his grandparents were married and for all he knows, they may have been in contact with their father unbeknownst to the rest of the family and the grandfather kept it to himself because of the issues it caused. As far as a will, they don't read wills at a funeral and OP doesn't really know if all of these people were strangers because grandpa could've kept that to himself. We don't always know everything we think we do and I think there was probably some issues with grandma and these kids that may have been on her part and not completely on their end if she has people running security at her husbands funeral to keep unwanted people (aka his children) out of the service. I think it was a shit move. I get the feeling she was having an affair with him and when his children became adults he left his wife for her and probably left their mother in the lurch because that's what men did back then when they left their wives for a younger woman. I have a feeling grandma wasn't so innocent if it caused his children to cut contact. They shouldn't automatically be viewed as the bad guys, his grandparents I'm sure hold alot of the blame in that situation.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Last story: Run OP run! Honestly, that man is just... nope!

[@sarahclapp505]

My mum has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers

[@lina9535]

"Make up for their mistake"? To someone that's already passed away? Yeah there's no making up for that. You make up to a person while they're *ALIVE*. Unless they meant to sincerly apologize to the grandma, then they have no leg to stand on. And the "person they loved the most" is something they can shove so far up their arse that it comes out their nose.

[@lindak8664]

S1: The twins had decades to “make up for their mistake.” They were hoping to manipulate you to their ends. You couldn’t be less the AH if you tried. The way you protected your gran was outstanding. S3: he’s a gym trainer, not a gigolo. What does his ‘fee’ cover, i wonder? Does he have a street corner he likes to stand on? What a scammer, I’m glad you walked away.

[@franniefargo9454]

About the daycare. I was accused of spending too much time with my kids grandparents and should cut the apron strings. Well I didn’t. 20 years later those same parents are complaining about how they never see their kids/grandkids and how lucky I am. Well duh.

[@feiruznoxravenus2093]

Awww mark your story about your grsnd ma is so moving I'm crying 😭 i wanna give you a big hug now 🤗❤

[@NoOne-fo1di]

grrrrr i hate not getting updates to interesting stories lol but I know Mark will update them if they actually get updated but his full story videos have spoiled me

[@bloodycipher]

Story 2: My mom was the “turn the other cheek” every single time type of woman. she always was cool calm and collected in these types of situations. and as cool as that is, i ended up resenting the fact that she would never stand up for herself or me because her attitude is part of what allowed me to be taken advantage of. so be careful, parents who are trying to teach their kids the same philosophy.

[@princesssunshine874]

ah, no, he owes you money. What the bloody hell? What if you hired someone to cook, clean, and watch your child. If they were an in home care giver would you be like "yeah, you owe me money because you live in your home." No, that's illegal. Plus, you would be paying so much more to pay any one to do what you do.

[@carmenbarrera80]

Good morning everyone. Happy Wednesday

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hope your Wednesday is well m8🤗🤗💜💜