r/AmiTheA**Hole For BREAKING My Marriage Over Husband's Selfishness?

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#AITA #funnyredditposts #reddit

[@BlueSkyBS]

"Husbane". When your husband is the bane of your existence.

[@wmdkitty]

Brilliant!

[@keepdancingmaria]

@Jacquelin Sainte I'm so sorry.

[@keepdancingmaria]

I love your definition. Extremely clever.

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

Husbane vs batwife

[@reme001]

Dear single mom, stay strong. Help him be strong. Ban that controlling teenage witch.

[@ladyv5655]

So a husband thinks that his career takes priority, even though she is earning 3 times as much and was the bread winner? Why are women always expected to make all the sacrifices?

[@jamiehorne1173]

I don't know part of me thinks the first story everybody's with the the Opie and nobody everybody is against a husband. You know people have jobs that are sensitive and don't think she could actually do is just make sure she locks everything up and look at that she acts like he can't be trusted. Part of me thinks Opie the little bit selfish you know she can open up her own freaking company but is it fair that she's depriving him from his dream job is it fair that she doesn't trust him enough to not tell her company's business. Thirsty you know people work in different companies people working hospital to have to keep it quiet with their patients are they working government documents and a matters to work with their spouses. Trust him that's why the marriage failed she put up with her with her company now I feel like it's his turn to find a dream job that he can be happy with so no I'm against the poster I want the husband if she can't trust them for not keeping things a secret then they shouldn't even be in a marriage. she does not trust him.

[@fabiocandelori9163]

@@jamiehorne1173 So let's start with your example: it does not work, for the simple fact that there is not a company that directly opposes what hospitals do, so people working in a hospital do not have a partner whose career would benefit from them stealing the patients' informations. She does. Regarding the trust, it is not relevant. She can trust him all she wants, but it's her job that will not trust him, o her anymore, for that matter: even if she locks the information in her laptop, just the fact that the husband could have a reason to steal them would make her a liability in her job, which she has explained is the only thing she is qualified. Could some arrangements be made to protect their customers' data frome the husband? Perhaps, but the best arrangement would then be to not give OP access to those data, which means no work for OP, no 200K paycheck, and she has said they cannot afford to live in their town with the money the husband would make by throwing OP to the wolf. So, I am more willing to side with the person who was reasonably afraid for their future, rather that the person who was willing to sacrifice their partner's job and lifestyle for a job that, possibly, could have thrown him out once they found out that the appeal of the husband, that is, the access to the opposition's data through OP, is no longer present.

[@295Phoenix]

@@jamiehorne1173 The problem is her skills are very specialized so she can't just get a new job, this is her dream career as opposed to dream job and she'll lose said dream career forever if husband goes for his job, and once she gets fired their combined income plummets meaning financial problems that are the bane of marriage is on the way. Mind you, I think it's husband's attitude calling OP cold, heartless, saying the wife should support him that makes him the asshole. If he talked it over without insults and said he can't pass up on this job and they need to go their separate ways then NAH. I suspect husband was insecure that his wife was earning so much more.

[@fabiocandelori9163]

@@295Phoenix Let's be real, though, would the husband still have the job if the wife was fired? As many commenters have pointed out, with the security that OP has shown there being in the industry, it could well be that Op's job appeared in the husband background check and that was what Organization X really wants, not the husband. If that were the case, OP being fired would result in the husband being let go, since there would no longer be a point for them to keep him around, which would result in them having absolutely no income in the middle of a pandemic. The fact that the husband either was to blind to realize that, or actually realized it was the case and did not care, shows that OP really did the right choice in dropping him.

[@295Phoenix]

@@fabiocandelori9163 Yep, good point.

[@p1nnysk3n1s]

“My son is 16. His girlfriend is 2.” HOLD UP- *checks screen* oh lmao

[@dakotasan8719]

So glad I wasn’t the only one XD

[@sunnishae5047]

Same I was like WTF who says that so nonchalantly and go on like that lol.

[@tinkrebelle]

I mean tbf she does kinda sound like a toddler by the way she needs to get her way all the time lmao

[@uljie1967]

Too as in also

[@lorirobinson7357]

Chili fiasco...you are NTA If daughter doesn't want to "contaminate" her vegan food, tell her to use her funds to buy a mini fridge to keep in her bedroom. Making her cook the meat was not being the AH. Mom made enough to have a weekend free of cooking. When daughter threw out the chili, she made more work for Mom. So Mom had every right to make her buy and cook the meat.

[@LadyJuse]

*Story 2* "She threw out all his drawings" He needs to dump her ass. That awoke primal rage in me.

[@tabithadearth7507]

It did with me as well. I don't care what gender my future children are I will protect them from abuse.

[@melaniescribbles]

As an artist... Same. If someone messed with my artwork like that, then it's time to call them an ambulance.

[@Gabitronia]

For real! That was so disrespectful, and his mom needs to go with her gut. She knows what's going on, but is too afraid of being wrong. Multiple red flags are happening. It's literally happening in front of her. Take care of it! Lol

[@franl155]

I'm a writer. I'd murder anyone who destroyed my dreams.

[@moonstruck8245]

SAME.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

I think that it was good that the step mom talked to the 14yr about health foods, that she doesn't have to finish the plate when she is full. Food potions and all that. Step mom is answering questions and not shaming or forcing the changes.

[@nicolasdelucchi2720]

She was very tactful about it. The suggestions were very small things that add up and can be managed with time and effort. Step mom is awesome.

[@burntblonde2925]

The son is dating a narcissist. This is his formative years. He needs to get away from her, she is honing her skills of trauma bonding him.

[@lottiequirk9673]

💯. I hope he’s away from her now.

[@MissSasuKiss]

The wedding thing was not okay. The brother was the ahole that brought a tinder date he had never met before to his sisters wedding. What if this chick had turned out to be a Karen!! she could easily have ruined his sisters wedding. Just cause it went well doesn't make it less of an ahole thing to do. But seeing how it all went great it's nothing to hold a grudge about.

[@LadyJoolree]

Laze Caty I wouldn’t trust them with anything important in future either. If it was ok to do why lie for 3 years!

[@jwkittles]

LadyJoolree ... yeah, I’d let it go but the next time he says anything I’d say... “oh I’m not listening to/believing you... You LIE”

[@azadalamiq]

wedding invite isn't suppose to have a stipulation, should be able to bring anyone as a +1. if a guest ruinds a wedding, celebration wasn't that great. as long as they rsvp on time that what mastters.

[@MissSasuKiss]

@@azadalamiq that's the stupidest thing I've heard in a while. Ofc you cannot bring whomever you like. Unless you're the bride or the groom you don't have a say in who comes and not, the only input you have is whether you come or not. It's the same for any party/dinner invitation, you don't ask strangers to come without the hosts approval. And lying about the person to get approval is the same as not asking for it.

[@SilverMaychan]

This bride is a bridezilla. Weddings are not that important. At my wedding we had a couple that had been together for 10 years. Within a year they seperated.

[@D-me-dream-smp]

I think it’s great that people are taking the fact OP’s 16 yr old son is being abused in his relationship seriously. It’s time we appreciate that abuse and manipulative behaviour can occur regardless of gender and it is always harmful. The mother is right to be concerned as it would be a shame for her very young son to develop the wrong idea about how healthy relationships work. If she is worried about being overbearing then organise time with a cousellor or therapist for an objective viewpoint so she can’t be accused of interfering down the track.

[@agingophelia9812]

Anyone that really cares about the suffering of animals wouldn't throw out meat that has already been processed; now those animals have died and aren't even being used! I'm a vegetarian, & I would never do that.

[@silverkeys-nv2kj]

Story 1: OP is NTA. If you think of it, she's not just thinking about her career, she's thinking about their financial stability as a couple and by extension about her husband too. She clearly stated that they can survive on just her income, but not on just his. Plus, there is a high chance they'd lose her income if he accepts his new job offer. Good on OP for deciding rationally.

[@lorenbell5701]

YTA: HUSBAND HAS A RIGHT TO DO WHAT MAKES HIM HAPPY. THIS COMES DOWN TO HAPPINESS VS HAPPINESS. IF MONEY IS THE MAIN FACTOR FOR REASONING HE SHOULD NOT DO AS HE LIKES THAT IS A YOU THING.

[@savannahredding3849]

@@lorenbell5701 lol just no, its not even that, If you went to school for 9+ years to become a doctor but had to give up a whole decade+ of your life for someone and NEVER rejoin that field again MEANINg you’d have to go get another education elsewhere, would you????

[@anyabobo2986]

@@savannahredding3849 Preach. If you spent your whole career dedicated to this job, there is no way u are going to give that up. She's also potentially revealing herself to financial abuse, considering she won't have any job and will have to rely on his income. Even then so, she will still make more than him, even if takes the job. So it is even wise to make the decision to give up her job? No it isnt.

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@lorenbell5701 He's free to take the job, just not as her husband Actions have consequences 🤷‍♀️

[@carolyngrayston6889]

Felt sick at reception - re-read She did tell her son she felt sick and that's why hey were leaving early. ...if they chose not to believe, that's there issue. If you're immediately being called a liar then why should you clear it up. It wasn't as if the first text was, how are you, are you feeling any better - just assumed. And no you don't text your child right away especially on their wedding night.

[@carolinem.5044]

Exactly. The only point of sending them the proof would be to repair the relationship - however, why should one drag a sunken ship out of an endless sea? OP's experience of pain and suffering wasn't considered valid enough when she expressed it. Why should anyone want a relationship where normal calm communication is met with the opposite?

[@syrusorelio2309]

Yes, what's with the your the ah claims? Even if op doesn't share she's not the ah 1 she told them she wasn't feeling well 2 they immediately called her a lier(who the f immediately assumes someone is letting when they say they're sick? I never claim sickness to get out of going to something I don't want to go to.) 3 health is a private matter to be shared with those you care about and who care about you in turn AT your discretion Would it have been better to ruin the wedding night by informing them immediately about the surgery? Also if they don't care enough to be concerned for someone claiming to be ill without cause for disbelief(person goes out partying after claim and are caught for instance) why should the sick person need to justify themselves the couple could claim she falsified proof which would make things worse

[@cheallaigh]

that mom worried about her son and the controlling gf- it's a situation similar to this, which had a teen kill himself in his garage while she(gf) was texting him to do it. he needs counselling

[@venatic1581]

yeah I've heard of this it's a very sad story because she just wanted to play the grieving girlfriend and he wanted to get out but she told him to get back in his truck. god people suck

[@bellaangus1213]

@@venatic1581 that girl was psychotic and needed more time. Heartbreaking

[@martinrusev3502]

35:32 Update from me: Basically, Tony and Matt are still in love with each other. Those "boys trips" were to cover up the fact that they were having an affair. Tony and Anna cut contact with OP. OP and Matt probably got divorced (99% sure of it). Smoking inside the house - so let me understand this. The pregnant friend doesn't pay rent, lives for free in someone else's house and tries to dictate the rules? Yeah...no.This is going to fly in my house. Of course, I usually go outside or go on the balcony because smoking inside is not something I like.

[@wolfie-wr9rf]

could you send the link?

[@kismetcaffet9862]

Someone is so deep in their addiction they can't see that their 10 year old requesting that her dad not drink at her birthday party as concerning rather than controlling. In this story, the dad isn't able to have a logical basis because alcoholism isn't logical. Someone who can't go two hours without a beer needs help. Yelling at him and arguing with him is not going to make him realize the alcohol is the problem. The mom had an understandable, but unhelpful response. Until he gets the help he needs and has sobriety supports in place, that 1p year old should not be forced to spend time with an alcoholic. It is a disease and dad doesn't deserve to be punished for it, but not being allowed to spend time with his daughter wouldn't be to punish him. It would be to protect the 10 year old who has already been so hurt by the alcoholism of her father, she had the foresight to ask for a dry birthday party.

[@catherineervin2630]

The one about the dad that refused not to drink at his daughters birthday party...he is an ALCOHOLIC! He needs help, but he has to be willing to accept that help first. It's an all-around devastating situation honestly, that poor girl and her mother.

[@snarkback]

Making a child take accountability for their actions isn't wrong. 💁‍♂️💁‍♂️

[@amyjorgensen2876]

I love the step-dad’s approach. It’s our responsibility as parents (step or biological) to teach our kids healthy eating habits. He wasn’t judgemental of her, he was supportive and I love him for it. Discussing diet with a 14 year old is like a minefield of possible screw ups but he navigated it well.

[@amandasundwall4171]

Step Mom Not Step dad

[@prismosas]

Story two. Wtf. I have a daughter and a younger sister and brother. If their significant others acted like this with them i would definitely not be okay with that kind of behavior. Gender should have absolutely nothing to do with it. Toxic behavior is never okay.

[@alana.dyer.author]

If ANYONE treated my niece or nephew like this, I'd beat the crap out of them. Idc if i am an adult and they are a "teen", I'd go "aunty bear" on that person.

[@dannyroosenboom3640]

a cook has to cook all kinds of food , even if he/she doesn't eat it !

[@jwkittles]

First story... whew! I thought you were gonna say she is TAH and I’d have to hate you!! Some people on Reddit were awful. Most figured out that she might work in some SERIOUSLY stealth kinda work and it means deep deep background checks and security clearances that she would LOSE if this happens. No security clearance equals no job. She also mentioned this wasn’t his dream job in... I always wanted to work in X field... it was more all the people he liked and a huge amount of perks they were giving him. A guy on Reddit who does high level security checks on people said if the company is a direct competitor or a direct opposite of her company (tmz vs celeb secrecy) that they DID a check on him and they know EXACTLY who he is. Hence, they gave him a job hoping to get info from him about her clients. if that’s the case, he will lose the job when he tells them they are divorcing. Idiot selfish man.

[@_Fizel_]

Yeah I went to find the comments from OP and they full out said if he worked there, she would lose clearance. Aka no job anymore. For sure this is what happened and I can't wait for an update post whenever that they divorced and husband 'mysteriously' lost the job offer... Edited to add the exact comment from OP: I would’ve preferred separation over divorce, but my company has told me that if I am still legally married to him while he works at that organization, I would not be allowed to interact with any higher clearance material...which is my entire job.

[@personman8734]

I can put my carrier over yours but You can’t do the same. I get to destroy your entire carrier but you can’t leave because that would destroy my opportunities. Doubt he’s gonna get the job when they find out his wife is divorcing him. Hypocrisy hypocrisy we all love hypocrisy This is full of hypocrisy I’ll take you but don’t take me This sub is full of hypocrisy.

[@BrokenDiety1]

@@_Fizel_ sounds like her marriage was already in the toilet. She basically said she didn't trust him. This job is just a flimsy excuse to get out.

[@katwiltz1134]

@@BrokenDiety1 no she didn't trust him because he went behind her back and applied for a job that could get her fired that's where the trust died okay the damn story

[@BrokenDiety1]

@@katwiltz1134 I got the impression she didn't trust him before this.

[@minelliabrissiaud2321]

The edit where the girlfriend doesn't want a cat becaues they kill birds is kind of hilarious to hear. There's a video on the internet where a dog gobbles up a live bird in one bite. If the OP really doesn't want his girlfriend to have a dog, he should show her that video.

[@ladyj.9350]

My adorable fluffy little lapdog cocker spaniel murdered a squirrel without hesitation and played with its corpse

[@minelliabrissiaud2321]

@@ladyj.9350 That's because your dog doesn't know any better. If you teach your pet to respect smaller animals they will, be they dogs or cats. The OP's girlfriend is really naive if she thinks the cat is the issue.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Right came to say this, huskys are trained hunters. In the artic the pull the sled in the summer, in winter they have to find their own food. My dog is a husky 6 months, his kills, 5 mouses, 1 Hedgehog (realy how???), 2 birds. He never can walk offlease because of his huntinginstinct. I adore my dog but he has killerinstinct and op's girlfriend only looks at this adorable face. Yeah my dog is also a people Magnet because of it. But a husky is not a dog for beginners. He needs a lot of fur treatment, needs a lot of excercise, if he gets bored it break down your whole house, a fence don't help they are escape artist. DON'T DO IT.

[@crystalmorgan8039]

I like that one comment: "would you allow this to happen if it was a daughter with a boyfriend treating her this way?" Do what you need to do to protect your child, because he still is a child. I think mom was hoping the boy would snap out of it. Now she needs to teach him about healthy relationships and give him tools to recognize redflags. This will help with the current situation and help him protect himself in future situations.

[@dark-marauderc6735]

"haha broke back mountain, buddy" lol loved that part markee

[@marybean2231]

I understand the "no new partners" rule though. My mother's wedding photos almost all have my stepsisters ex in them, which sucks.

[@annegrey6447]

About the pregnant woman & smoking, if they both smoked in the house before she arrived the house is coated in it so her just being there is endangering the baby. Anecdotal - I have many smokers in my family & even if they don't smoke around me I still end up coughing if I'm in their house for more than a few minutes ( I'm asthmatic).

[@meowtitslovelost7034]

1:24 i disagree, its not just the cost of the food the child wasted but the time spent making it originally, if the kid truly doesn't want to buy or cook meat then thy have learned a very valuable lesson by being forced to do exactly that after having wasted it the first time. i get that she is vegan but how would that child feel if her family trough out all the vegetables and refused to make her special meals every night??

[@Kati_P]

I'm sorry but I don't want someone in my life who thinks it's ok to go to a complete strangers house and try to ruin their lives because they feel they have the "right" to police everyone, even in their own homes. The misunderstanding of the flags has nothing to do with it. The frankly f-ed up thinking behind it does. 😡

[@BriarPatchNyra]

I don’t have nor approve of the confederate flag but it’s so effed up. You have no right to destroy someone’s life over a flag. This lack of empathy is insane.

[@dakotasan8719]

She’s a bitch who thinks the whole world is like Twitter, OP was right to show her ass the door

[@moonstruck8245]

The alcoholic dad needs to be in rehab and kept away from his kids until he grows the hell up and handles his addiction like an adult.

[@sandrabrogdon3784]

What does it matter if dad's dropping off his daughter everyday maybe it's on his way to work or maybe he's a stay-at-home dad so he takes her to school.

[@teslagirl1]

The uncle who taught his niece lockpicking...well...it's a useful skill. My grandpa was kind and let travelers(or gypsies or rom, whatever word folks understand) camp on his land unmolested during a time of illness outbreak in their band. He supplemented their provisions from his own garden produce and orchard. In return and at their own insistence, they helped get his land in the best shape it had ever been in, planted some grape vines for him, helped with the animals he had always rescued. Not sure what the illnesses was...he didn't say...but there was a lengthy rehab period and it took some time for the band to recoup their health, strength and resources. Grand da and his pal David helped them market their crafts and wares and my grandparents' family friend, the local doctor, bartered his own services and arranged for them to acquire any needed medications the same way(though I suspect he paid for at least some of it himself. He was a good man). During this time they also taught grand da's small daughter (my future mom) how to pick locks. This turned out to be a very good thing...mom was always losing her keys and many times in our lives Mom's skill came in handy. Though the townsfolk were NOT happy with Grand da's kindness, they dared not do anything...family members were well represented in local gov and law enforcement and Grand da was well thought of in the town and the county, so this was pretty much the only place the gypsies could have been safe to stay while so many of them were helpless. The stay was long but Grand da said everyone was on their best behavior and there were NO incidents that could have made trouble for him. I asked if my mom ever got into trouble with her new skill and he just laughed and said that severe overindulgence in sweets and rich foods tends to be self regulating...mom only did it a couple of times, was wretchedly nauseous and never overindulged again.

[@markedwards3647]

Union Jack: The first thing Ashley did was try to get you fired and evicted. This is not a joke. It was not a misunderstanding. It was an expression of hate based on Ashley's laziness, and decision to become a warrior to protect the downtrodden. From a decoration in her host's livingroom. She decided to try to ruin people's lives for her justice boner.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Is anyone else trying to Google what OP #1 does for a living? My nosey ass is dying to know! 😂😂

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Ooof, even without the trauma, a husky is NOT a breed for a first time dog owner, especially when she doesn't seem to have a history of commitment!

[@pcmulkey]

This. I suggest the two of them volunteer at a rescue center to experience the responsibility of pet companionship, him to see if he can overcome his trauma and her to experience life with a big dog. Too many people go into pet parenting blind only to cause harm to the pet. "Bless the beasts and the children, for in this world they have no voice. They have no choice. "

[@carolroberts4614]

She was concentrating on the puppy aspect too! Puppies grow up!

[@sandragarner2912]

Story one; it's highly possible that the spouse chose his potential job based on his wife's job as a way to climb the ladder quickly. Perhaps he planned all alone to miss his wife over to make a name for himself.

[@LadyDragon11135]

Markee, the mum with appendicitis at around an hour DID tell the son she wasn’t feeling okay. She didn’t leave without any explanation. They straight up called her a liar with the accusations before they asked. Like, your mother leaves your wedding telling you she isn’t feeling well and you attack her instead of asking how she was feeling? Sure, she should have cleared it up, but no way she is the only one in the wrong

[@frst78]

First story: She did not choose her job over her marriage, HE did. He knew full well the ramifications of taking that job to both his wife and the marriage as a whole. The first shot fired was his. She did what she had to do since he put his paltry career and own wants ahead of what was best for both of them.

[@amyyaku5022]

S3: NTA. I find it irritating that people expect OP to just get over it and not be mad because it happened years ago. Her brother lied to her and tricked her and her groom to pay for a stranger's seat and plate. He had no respect for her or her wedding.

[@minagica]

Lock picking teaching auntie is absolutely NOT the AH, beautifully done!!!

[@diefenbaker7853]

Mom tried to give scrunchie away Tell your mom you lost one of your rings and since sentimental things have no meaning to her, you want her engagement ring, a piece of jewelry from her mother, grandmother, your father, etc as a replacement. When she says no tell her she is being selfish and two-faced because it's her belongings now that someone is demanding.

[@jdd9993]

The Indian woman is NOT the AH for avoiding conflict with her aging mother & protecting her daughter when she has her period. She is doing what her culture needs.

[@BriarPatchNyra]

But it’s no longer her culture in that way. She doesn’t believe any of that. She shouldn’t inflict it on her child. She doesn’t even want her mother there

[@kalinaphillips9779]

But her mother does. Indian mothers, especially if they were NOT westernised, will expect to have an ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE from their daughters/ daughters-in-law. Also, apart from love for her mother, if she evict her she will be disowned by everyone. It is rarely important in the western culture but for someone who grew up in OP's culture family is vital.

[@mcaeln7268]

@@kalinaphillips9779 thank you for understanding. I’m not Indian, but I’m Nigerian. Yesterday, while I was cashiering at Bed Bath and Beyond, I saw a medical student with her two Bangladeshi parents. Even though the girl was paying for everything herself, the parents forcibly took a lot of things out of her cart after they saw the prices. The parents went to go and get a microwave, so while I was ringing up all of the girl’s items, I had a heart to heart with her, about how old world parents act in a new world and all of that jazz, how they can talk your ear off, etc. Got the girl a 20% off discount pass she could use since she was a college student. It sucks dealing with such parents. We all love them unconditionally but they can be extremely annoying and they will die on EVERY hill.

[@starjumper]

Yeah, my grandma is a mexican catholic and very old and set in her ways (thinking tattoos are bad, against the lgbt etc). I hide my tattoo from her because when she found out my sister got a tattoo, she didn’t speak to her for months. Ik that she is wrong but I do it just to keep things civil. Hell, if I told her I was agnostic she’d disown me. My mom knows this stuff and knows that she is wrong, but also agrees that I should hide that stuff from her because she is stubborn and will never understand. I see it more as protecting the daughter than being against the daughter, because at some point you learn to understand that some people are so stubborn and set in their ways they could never understand. It’s easy to call the mom the AH when you’ve never had to deal with family like that. The mother explained to her daughter that she doesn’t agree with any of those things, but just encourages her to keep it from her since all hell could break loose. IK it’s not the best thing to have to hide such things, but certain people you can’t have civil debates with.

[@analety1326]

@@starjumper This is so truee, I think every culture deals with this kinda stuff except white people. 😭😭

[@ladytenor9876]

Thank you, Markee for stimulating our minds and fostering the need to pay attention and to find as much information before coming to judgement. Something I did too frequently. 🇦🇺

[@deeplyblue7299]

I don't know how to feel about my brother and my husband who had dated going away on boys weekend out , is the OP looking the other way ..is she like playing a game being the "beard" ...I personally would never touch anyone who had slept with my sibling .

[@valirelynndom6832]

Right! I can't wait for an update!

[@ladyj.9350]

Beyond all the sexuality and family issues, I don’t think I’d be chill with hubby routinely going on cosy little vacays with an exe without a lot of grilling and being a plus one a bunch of times until I’m comfortable with the situation. And I absolutely am not a jealous person

[@aniceherndon8426]

you have no idea the damage an entitled adult (especially a grandparent) can do to a family! this mom is protecting her child.

[@Chiisainyo]

The culture that you come from DOES matter! It is the foundation of your views, values, and lifestyle. Your formation, your ideals, sense of normalcy, concepts such as human, world, and life are all rooted there. You can change and evolve as a person, but it is impossible to get ride of all that or disregard it completely.

[@BriarPatchNyra]

Some beliefs need to die

[@analety1326]

The first thing I thought while he was saying it wasnt a factor!! Is a very important thing to consider, still mom is in the wrong for not talking with the granma even if is difficult.

[@MsElla415]

Plot twist from story 1. Once company x found out he was getting divorced, the job offer was recended because they only wanted him to be a spy.

[@jmarie9997]

I'm pretty sure that once the wife divorces her husband, or loses her special job that her husband's job offer will go down the toilet.

[@hugdispenser5627]

The abortion story: I agree with the commenter that said “I wonder how much of an accident it was if he was that happy about your pregnancy”. I know Reddit throws the word divorce like it’s hot potatoes but in whatever the truth is, it’s obvious these two don’t have the same plan or good communication. That woman has a genuine phobia of pregnancy. And not only did her husband not respect it and tried to coerce her into staying pregnant, he went and talked to his mom about it, when he didn’t after she kept pestering the poor woman. And I’ll tell you, men don’t really have a say on a woman’s body. Idc if it’s his baby or not. He’s not the one getting pregnant. A KZbinr I follow, Colleen Balinger had 3 pregnancies. One ended in an early miscarriage. The first one was so traumatic she swore she didn’t want another one. It was only the miscarriage that made her think “maybe I do want another kid”. She got pregnant and it was twins. They’re almost a month old premature and still in the NICU. She talked so much about how her pregnancy is so traumatizing and how she had soooo much issues with depression during her pregnancies. But through it all her husband was there by her side. He understood that it was hard and supported her. I’m sure that if she was to accidentally get pregnant and abort it, he’d be there to support her. Not sulk in his own sorrow. Having hard feelings go to a friend at worst but a therapist at best. A neutral third party that won’t pester your wife about her phobia. I don’t think OP is TA for lying. Lying is thing people do to survive or get away from toxic people. And the fact she had to reach that point shows how much they kept asking her. And he never said anything. But she gets an abortion and suddenly he’s all “woe is me. Mommy come get me”.

[@konety5008]

This aged poorly 😂

[@hugdispenser5627]

@@konety5008 haha yeah. I mean even though she’s a horrible person it was a real thing that happens so often. But yeah I don’t watch her anymore at all. I stopped immediately

[@Dohyden2]

she's not just prioritizing her career but her life style and future career prospects. She gave him every opportunity to reconsider working for a competitor and he declined, clearly he cares about his career more than her career or is just totally unaware of the implications. handling sensitive information and the rules that come with it are very very serious, and OP can not compromise her moral obligations in that field.

[@heididietrich9800]

That girl in the dating relationship needs to go. She's abusive and controlling. That mother is right to be concerned.

[@cchastant8251]

You're not being realistic, Markie. The Indian mother can lay down all the rules she wants. What I'm hearing about her own mother is that once she knows about her granddaughter's period, it will be a never ending battle over how the granddaughter is allowed to behave. If grandmother "gives in," she will snipe at the granddaughter at every opportunity, removing the safe haven of home. The only winning in this fight is to not allow it to begin. Honesty is usually the best way to go, but I think OP is making the best choice of those before her. It sounds as if you've never dealt with close family treading all over your needs and wants. Congratulations. You're blessed. For those of us who have... it's crushing. Far better to avoid the conflict. Not every woman has a period. Grandmother may lose track of time. Granddaughter may go off to school; that's a few years off, but she could always be a "late bloomer," and that's why it's never come up. People are trapped in their homes. Why should OP stir the pot when there's no need? Next year, things may be different. Lord, I sure hope so!

[@mcaeln7268]

Thank you so much for understanding

[@cchastant8251]

@@mcaeln7268 You're welcome. Most of my family is pretty understanding, but I've had issues I did NOT dare bring up with some. I know what it's like to know that if they find out, I'll be the one paying and paying for it, not them.

[@tabithadearth7507]

Oh that girlfriend would not like me, she sounds abusive and controlling. I would step in and possibly get a restraining order and press charges against her. No body will hurt my future children and get away with it.

[@jameswatson9338]

"Men aren't usually the spouse making career sacrifices for the greater good of the couple." Okay, but how does that attitude justify anything? Does that somehow mean OP should feel better because her husband holds sexist views against her and prioritizes himself simply because he has a penis? That's not okay at all. A woman's ability to have a career is what separates modern, love-based marriage from the misogynistic marriage traditions in which women are just their husband's property. If you have basic respect for your wife, you should also have basic respect for her ability to be financially independent and fulfilled. There's absolutely no reason that having a penis means your career should come first. I don't care if that's what our misogynistic culture teaches men, everyone has a responsibility to examine and reject biases like that.

[@lauraanderson8785]

I know that this is an old comment, but it makes my day to see men standing up to misogynistic bs 🙌🏻

[@lauraanderson8785]

How can people say YTA to the mom who made her vegan daughter recook the meat dish after she selfishly threw it away? I'm a vegetarian, I get that cooking meat can be difficult for vegans/vegetarians, but that daughter needs to learn the value of other people's work. The mom spent time, money, and effort on that dish. It's extremely selfish of her to throw it all away and rob other people from the enjoyment of eating it. It's a perfectly acceptable punishment for her to spend time, money, and effort recooking the dish. Vegans like her give them a bad name. It's not like she was forced to eat it herself. She did not only waste money, she wasted her mom's time and effort too so she should spend some of her own to make it up to her family. It's not cruel.

[@dawnfire5600]

Alcoholic Father: Document everything. When you have to pick up the children because of his drinking, ruining events with his drinking, etc. This will help in modifying his visitation.

[@venatic1581]

yeah my mom did this with my dad and I'm so glad that I don't have to see him very much if not at all

[@nomadicmomma2048]

Daughter can’t talk about her period: NTA! So very much not the ahole! Markee, you obviously have never dealt with an old world Indian woman. If her mother (child’s grandmother) were to find out she would NEVER shut up. It can be horrendous! I’ve witnessed it happen with a friend in secondary (jr high) school. The best thing is to just not mention it and when the grandmother starts making noises mom just needs to nod. Some things aren’t worth the drama.

[@mcaeln7268]

THANK YOU!!!! Someone who freaking gets it. I have old world Nigerian parents. The way they can endlessly talk and gaslight you saying that you made them talk and drain them of their energy is ridiculous. Doesn’t matter how old you are or anything. OP is NTA

[@Gabitronia]

I was looking for someone who possibly brought this up. I don't have much experience with old world folk, but I empathized with that mother wanting to protect her child, from her mother's views being shoved down her daughters throat. I don't understand how Markee thought what she was doing, was the same thing as what her mother did to her. Umm how dude? Lol It would be more damaging to her daughter if her mother found out, and it all began. Tension would be high, the stress would be too much, the child wouldn't have an outlet, because it goes against her grandmother's beliefs. You know she'd be monitoring it. I just don't get Markees logic here. NTA for OP

[@SamWeaving]

Markee you're so wrong 15:38. How is the op an asshole for thinking that bringing a literal stranger to a wedding as a first date isn't a "haha funny prank" as you put it. Your solution then was the guy could have just lied again if they'd broken up. Those are massive breaches of trust and op is not an asshole for being hurt by that

[@minagica]

Crafty live-in nanny: absolutely NOT the AH

[@dragonladyfink4685]

SMOKE HER OUT. ITS YOUR HOUSE.

[@Blitznova2]

The brother wedding invite one and i think its an nta the only reason people thing its a esh or yta is due to the outcome being okay if it hadnt (e.g she was a bit of a crazy person) then it would be a clear nta not only that she has a right to be angry not only did the girlfriend blantedly lie but also her brother lied right to her face and for who knows long after the wedding (from the looks of it 3 years and what who knows what else they lied about)and then people saying shes overreacting and she hasnt done anything (e.g shes not cutting contact with them) other then have a bit of an arguement/fight with them which i think is justified its a clear nta

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

The dog story - DO NOT GET A HUSKY!!! Those are not first time dog owner dogs they are a ton of work even for experienced pet owners with big yards and lots of time to spend on training and exercise. OP needs to talk to her gf about her fears and see if they can compromise on something smaller, maybe a corgi. Or better yet, go to a rescue and find a small mix breed that they both get along with.

[@platinum_noelle]

Any job that jeopardizes my loved one's career is NOT my dream job. It can be perfect in every way, but the moment it hurts a loved one's life in any way, it's an automatic no. Story 2: oh no, OH NO NO NO NO! The MOMENT it said he was more withdrawn around her, I knew exactly where it was going. No, this is abusive, you can't leave this alone.

[@sardsvib]

That one about the son and his abusive girlfriend made me so angry. Like... Men's mental and physical health aren't taken seriously, and it shows here. I promise that if OP's son was a girl, and a man were doing these things, people would be praising her for stepping in and protecting her daughter. But because she has a son, she needs to "let him learn not to get his rocks off when a girl tells him what to do". That thought is disgusting and sexist, and it's why I fight for *all* voices to be heard.

[@WobblesandBean]

1:07:16 Dude....he betrayed her. He literally went and told his parents as a purely retaliatory move, knowing full well that they would scream at and bully his wife, to punish her for having an abortion. He is a MONSTER! If I were OP, I'd divorce him so fast it'd make his head spin.

[@carolinem.5044]

And a pushover. This whole thing just sounded like a no-no from the start.

[@markedwards3647]

Story #2: Son's GF is working as hard as she can to completely isolate Son, and eliminate his hobbies, making him completely dependent on her. This GF could not get any more toxic without physically attacking him. It is NOT true that she is not endangering him. She has largely destroyed his social life. When he starts resisting, he is in danger of suicide and of homicide. Get son therapy if you can.

[@minagica]

OP with the alcoholic ex whose daughter begged him not to drink at her birthday party for 2 hours: NOT the AH, the alcoholic ex is

[@ellyevick7229]

He's not listening to the s*** that he's reading. She did tell him that she wasn't feeling good. Then later that night she went to the hospital. Maybe she didn't want to say anything about the surgery to ruin their honeymoon.

[@minagica]

Never in the wrong to call out MLM huns

[@KazumiKiguma]

"I know eating meat is not healthy" Did that commenter's brother tell them that? That's beyond false, we're omnivores for a reason. There are vitamins and proteins you get from meat you cant get from fruits and vegetables, you'd have to switch to supplements to make up for them just like anyone that doesn't regularly eat seafood needs to take some omega-3 pills. Herbavores do not need to take in these through digestion, we are not like that and our bodies are made to take in both meat and plant for that reason. Veganism is supposed to be about being against the industrial treatment of animals, not eating meat or products from animals in general.

[@dethmetelchik]

imagine getting upset over the name of a baby pokemon LOL

[@tkherman7145]

“Standing up to your mom” is obviously not going to work with this grandmother. This is not controlling behavior this is protective behavior of the daughter. It is also a growing up experience, there will be people in life who you cannot deal with through “agree to disagree” and you have to come up with strategies that make your own life easier.

[@WobblesandBean]

What a shocker, a bunch of men are telling OP to allow her son to stay in an abusive relationship.....And when women say we are afraid of men, the men ask why.

[@VaBeachBeach2971]

Op needs to have a serious conversation with her sons gf’s parents.

[@sharonblevins3281]

The gf needs to be stopped. You did the right thing blocking the gf. She is abusive. I wish my mom would of helped me at that age. Instead she pushed me into a freak marriage. She hated me.

[@KaJEN01231990]

Your stepdaughter asked for your help. The mother is hurting her own daughter.

[@kristinewatson3702]

Re MLM "friend" when their social media feed is flooded and they don't know when to back off or have a normal conversation with you... just block them and walk away before you reach the snapping point. She's young and may not realize that these kind of "friends" don't need to stay in your life in any capacity.

[@shaystizzy]

Vegan daughter story: I'm going to say the OP is not the asshole. First of all, the daughter is lucky to have parents who have been catering to her choice of diet. When I was growing up, I didn't have a choice. You ate what was in front of you or you didn't eat. Second, it was disrespectful of her to throw away all that food. My folks would've whooped my ass for that. I honestly think OP's punishment will have the daughter thinking twice about doing that again. She needs to understand that just because she chooses certain things for herself, doesn't mean that everyone else has to do it too.

[@hekatsees9449]

1st Story: OP needs to completely cut contact with this man. OP is not selfish. OP is the provider and she can no longer trust her spouse ever again. They are over… Husband must realize there is a very good chance he is being hired because of OP’s job… And, I wouldn’t be surprised if husband blames OP for the salary reduction and lifestyle change once OP loses her job. Of course, that would probably be the end of husband’s job as well… Unfortunately, OP needs to run and play a game of information misdirection…

[@medchan5810]

I'm so tired of these people treating animals like they aren't a deal breaker. IF. YOU. CANNOT. AGREE. IN. REGARDS. TO. PETS. IT'S. A. DEAL. BREAKER. Fucking hell, all of you just need to stop. Stop getting in these relationships and dragging this shit out. Stop trying to make excuses or lie about shit. Just stop and leave it alone. The minute she insisted she wanted a dog and wouldn't let it go, you should have left.

[@minagica]

Not the stepmother is absolutely the AH, not her place to parent her husband's adult kids, wtf???

[@gummi2148]

Divorce is coming for the first story. That job the husband wants probably isn't all its cracked up to be

[@valirelynndom6832]

I just REALLY want an update to the married couple where the husband was in love with his best friend that dies 3 years ago but isnt gay. He just was in love with that one man but isnt sexually attracted to males.

[@melaniescribbles]

On the girlfriend story: NTA. Lady, I'm an artist who's been through some abusive experiences herself, and thats flat-out abuse if I've ever seen it. You're clearly protecting your son. Isolation, the switching between a honeymoon phase and an drama phase... And the fact that he's scared of her reaction added onto all of that tells me more then enough. It's almost a textbook example of an abusive situation! And what infuriates me more is these guys at work victim-blaming your son. Your coworker is right in asking his question: your son didn't enjoy being treated like that, and men CAN get abused. No, really, how can these jackasses have the goddamned nerve to be deciding exactly how someone else feels? Please don't forget to tell the toxic ex-girlfriend that you WILL start shit if she contacts your son again, and ask him to tell you immediately if she does. That's what my mom did to make sure a toxic friend wouldn't go after me behind her back: it might be the only way to make sure he can go no contact. Make a plan for if she does, and follow through if she does. In my personal experiences with adult versions of this girlfriend: the only way types like her learn is through consequences. Warnings might as well not exist to them, and they'll assume you're all bark and no bite. Make sure you can actually back up the bark with one hell of a nasty bite. Also, how did none of the teachers at school notice anything was up? I mean, you're the only one taking responsibility in the situation, and that's raising some questions on my side.

[@ramonasalden9926]

Abortion or not, it’s none of anyone else’s business! That was so disrespectful of him!

[@BriarPatchNyra]

It was as much his baby as hers. I’d have left immediately if my partner did this. She’s lucky he only complained to his mother

[@carolinem.5044]

@@BriarPatchNyra Fetus in her body. Then stay away from people who don't want to make biological babies.

[@Roedygr]

DROPOFF: NTA. These busybodies are berating you for not having two parents to drop off a kid. How many parents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? But are not they employing only one too?

[@Clairavoya]

44:34 You're right, the girls weight isn't her own fault, it's yours. The mom is the one who isn't teaching her how to eat right, so much so that the daughter had concern for her weight and went out of her own way to try and fix it

[@minagica]

Not the AH after days turned into a month, lol

[@rayblacksmith8738]

To the first op. You are doing the right thing. Even if it hurts now you will be better off.

[@devorothknight4420]

Appendicitis story- Its a matter of principle, she told the son she felt sick; son and DIL called her a liar while she was in surgery. Eeffff them. thats why

[@sandrabrogdon3784]

I wish someone would have taught me how to pick locks as a kid and things like that and even hot wire cars and all that stuff.

[@francinetitherington4060]

Left the wedding......she TOLD them she was SICK. It's not like a Mom would leave her Son's wedding regardless of not liking the DIL. Being called out and accused if lying is the issue. Mum doesn't feel the need to defend herself. If other family members want to tell the Son and DIL, let them.

[@Ace_AloneWolf]

That lock picking story always sends me over the moon😂😂😂😂

[@AndrewPureMI]

Story 1: leave your sorry ass husband you need to take care of your family

[@kakendrick62]

What the eff? She doesn’t owe them proof of hospitalization. Her son should be concerned for her welfare. WTH? NTA.

[@heartabduction]

I'm just trying to find which video had the "that went over like a turd in the punch bowl" line lmao, this is gonna be difficult

[@Fedrowreview]

2:08:36

[@rmhartman]

"... and you will give him half of your home and business" ??? wow. usually they aren't that obvious about it.

[@MazzaEliLi7406]

RE: The Plant Robber story: 24 year old Agricultural student got a bad grade because she did not plant, nurture & present her OWN plants. OP & OPs mother were right to resist cousins attempt to prevent fraudulent samples. Two spines here look bright & shiny. Way to go OP - & your mom.

[@emeraldqueen1994]

For the story where OP’s husband yelled at their Autistic son : I have MILD Autism and that story made my blood boil... I couldn’t even watch the rest of the video because of it!! Get the husband some disability awareness classes and the son some therapy... maybe a divorce too?

[@minagica]

I was gonna say OP with the niche career and husband wanting to get a job that would have caused her to lose her job was the AH until I understood her tough situation and his selfishness. OP is not the AH, her ex is

[@leeannafitzgerel8740]

For the 16 year old boyfriend! My grandson had a similar girlfriend. His parents encouraged him to break up with her due to a problem with another girl. That's when he finally said she was physically abusing him. Slapping him in the face every time she got upset. Our family was glad to get her out of our lives.

[@madelinewisner4717]

He did not decide to tell his sister. Rose let the cat out of the bag.