6 Signs You are with a Covert Narcissist

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If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivat...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivat...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
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KZbin - / rawmotivations
#covertnarcissist #narcissism #narcissist #npd

[@christinagipperich2780]

Silent rage is when you feel an enormous amount of tension in the room but they deny being angry. They may not know they are angry because this behavior is so automatic. My ex would tell me I’m “reading too much into his behavior…basically gaslight me so he wouldn’t need to acknowledge his behavior. Meanwhile friends and family would feel it too and ask me what is wrong with him.

[@acd1168]

It’s so palpable! It always made me feel nauseous.

[@donishianesby176]

Omg! This made me want to pull my hair out and cry just now. I never understood it, and I always second guessed my feelings when this action took place.

[@kellithomas9080]

Took me so long to understand what was happening! I mean like 10 years!! Another 3 to finally stay away! He convinced me I was the problem, until I started doing extensive therapy and realized I was only reacting to his abuse and holding him accountable! It was crazy making! We have a 7 year old and he’s being nice again, but he will never fool me again. I totally understand his disorder! Not having it anymore!!!

[@christinagipperich2780]

@@donishianesby176 No, it is definitely not you. When you know what you’re looking at, you will be able to pinpoint the action or event that brought on them silent treatment. Once you recognize those things, you’ll probably see the whole situation differently. Narcissists are very childish and nothing displays it more than their silent rage.

[@katherinemccoy5376]

This right here! Mine would tell me he isn't yelling when he in fact was in his own way.

[@sambam9129]

narc asked my love language then slowly starting withholding it.

[@kristenyergin3397]

Me toooo! 🤦

[@2009baglady]

😮

[@lysabelle3990]

The asking what is wrong and they are saying nothing then you keep asking because you clearly feel something is off and they get mad and blame you asking on why they are mad suddenly

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks for watching, i hope this video continue to spread awareness!

[@fallonkennedy4290]

I stopped asking what's wrong when I feel and know something is brewing. I learned not to engage. Now he silently stews on whatever it is waiting for me to notice and ask. Then when I don't he starts his blow up by asking me what my problem is and whats wrong with me . ( aka how dare you not acknowledge that I've been pouting over some made up thing you did that I'm a victim of 🙄)

[@angelakeely5859]

@@fallonkennedy4290 More B.S from the Narc, it gets boring 😏

[@mandeetee71218]

Most everyone I know does that

[@Ninabeana13]

OmG I cannot believe this is a covert thing! I’ve never seen this brought up. So I’ve been researching for years about his behaviors and it led me to narcissism. I am fully convinced he at least is high on the spectrum of narcissistic tendencies. We actually will have fights when I ask “hey are you ok, is something wrong?” Because he’ll sit there either ignoring me, staring at the floor, or staring right thru me. I’ve never been able to explain but something is very off and I can sense it. When I ask him, he’ll say “nothing” but continue the behavior and I’ll ask a second time and he snaps at me and says “stop trying to control or read my emotions “ and I’m like appalled. Then he’ll start picking at me because I asked twice. He say mind my business, why am I always guessing his emotions, why do I always try to be right. And none of this is true at all. I’m just asking if he’s OK because his mood is completely off. I mean it’s like night and day. The more I research about this disorder I am 99.9% sure this is what he has. I’m an intelligent person and have researched for almost a decade, I can’t be completely wrong about this. There’s definitely something there!

[@katherinemccoy5376]

This describes my life! If I wanted something, he didn't. If I didn't want something, he did. He also silent raged with me and would yell and claim he wasn't. IF he apologized, he'd say "I'm sorry that you" or he would flat out refuse to apologize.

[@FluWorldOrder]

The silent rage was palpable, such envy emanated from her when I visited friends.

[@peterbuilttough3406]

Sometimes I see comments in the comment section about how their ex ruined them because of their narcissism and I wonder how many that comment are actually the narcissist

[@fionahawkes1758]

😂😂 This is a very interesting comment lol...

[@AmbyJeans]

I’ve wondered this often

[@djmandyland]

They change and morph into the person they think you want then they get pissed at you and say YOU are trying to control them 🤦‍♀️ I literally told my ex constantly PLEASE do what makes YOU happy, what do YOU want to do? He'd always want ME to make decision about everything because he was so indecisive and never knew what he wanted so if I made a choice out of practically being forced to, a few days later I'm getting yelled at saying I'm controlling him and everything always has to be MY way 🤯🤯🤯

[@Predictable1]

Same girl? Except for the yelling.

[@Seraphim7]

Shapeshifting!!!! That was a gaslighting tool,- to act like you’re controlling them, but, they’re trying to change kinda- like people pleasing -to be what you want. I’m Thankful for this comment it’s Confirmation!

[@djmandyland]

@@Seraphim7 It was maddening!

[@Proposal12]

Even though 6 months later there´s brief phrases you can use for that. If they say your controlling, ask the question for example "what makes you say that?" or "Why do you say that"...The reason I mention brief is because although he/she is accusing you of being controlling, there´s no explanation needed, except from that person who said it.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Omg! I've been saying this about my covert narc husband for years. He can't make a friggin decision. So when I take the reigns of decision making he feels controlled. You literally cannot win with these miserable people.

[@tigereye517]

This explains ALOT. The part about ruining holidays and birthdays. Thank you.

[@user-kz7dh5tv7j]

Turn to the lord and pray for wisdom and direction. Idid he did.after 34 years of hell.The lord set me free.

[@lacithedog5506]

No contact from my narc except through her lawyer. She's been giving me the silent treatment since she broke it off. No problem, I had a great Christmas and am looking forward to a better, narc free new year.

[@phoenixrising2671]

Congrats. Great feeling, isn't it? I am 1 year no contact as of 12/27/22.

[@tonyconnor5691]

How long has it been

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

My dad would rage, my ex was so perfect he never got angry. No fight whatsoever so you have to read body language. Then watch your back. Never an apology, never an explanation and never ever couple counseling.

[@mirandadiers6090]

The silent rage!! I never knew what to call it!

[@DrPatil.]

Omg every point you mentioned, I have experienced it all. So accurate. He always hold back his praise.

[@kristenyergin3397]

I have been watching videos by various people for about 2 years now. I have never ever heard someone describe the silent range with such accuracy and clarity! Perfect!

[@RawMotivations]

Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

[@angelakeely5859]

My ex Narc always ruined my birthday, I would make a big deal of his and spoil him, then I would'nt even get a birthday present on mine, horrible.

[@wosentemliso7504]

The same thing for me too for 14 years, but after I left him when I rent apartment i get flowers for my birthday 😂😂😂😂

[@Jackmcars12]

I noticed mine started getting jealous if I told him success, 2 birthdays in a row didn’t even call this year. Plus, found out the Christian Dior bag he said was $2,500 is counterfeit from eBay earlier. Nice!

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks for sharing, I hope you are doing better now ! Healing may take time . I hope some of the other videos will be helpful to you.

[@Jackmcars12]

@@RawMotivations love your videos thank you. I refer Narcissists videos because you know the condition best. Cannot wait until my song Superstar comes out. You won’t believe the stories from his evil label. I shared some on this KZbin. I think he’s every dark triad disorder definitely a sociopath abused by his mom. I read his thoughts in his mind at the W Lakeshore Hotel. I told him goodbye forever during a fight, he reached, didn’t open his mouth I heard his thoughts say don’t go! I definitely have weird gifts, I immediately can write whole songs too. Angry at myself because I felt strong fear & impulse radiating thru him when we 1st met, I didn’t heed my own warning. :/

[@sambam9129]

the silent rage is the passive aggressiveness??

[@tim7971]

Never knew until about 6 months ago in a 29 year marriage. Disrespectful, defiant, sneaky, silent treatment for months, projecting, withholding for months/years. Blew up every holiday and special event over nothing. Finally found evidence of cheating. We live in the same house while going through divorce that I filed and they are doing every cruel thing they would have throughout the marriage that would have worked but I told them they need to be 180 from what they were. They don't learn. She even brought her flying monkey GF into the house and I can't get rid of her. I have been finding docs, phone logs, secret bank accounts, etc. They play you for a fool. BTW she blew up the marriage at XMAS and I said NO MORE.

[@peterbuilttough3406]

Hindsight is always 20/20

[@manuelagoncalves1535]

the first part reminds me of the guy I saw when he was in a relationship telling me that he didn't like being in a relationship, I thought it made no sense

[@marryjane1684]

I'm a super EMPATH but I love my Narcissistic love bombing I'm addicted to this , but as soon as I feel it going away I ghost him !! I know EXACTLY what he is about but for some reason I love it 🥺😫 There's nothing that I WILL EVER give him . I knew it was something wrong with before the love bombing ended so he's never been able to discard me . I can smell when it's coming !!!! I GUESS I Love that fact that everybody else can be trick by them and I CAN NOT , sometimes I wonder 🤔 if I'm one .

[@jasonsenior4318]

So you are still in the relationship? Serious question

[@straykittsco.950]

So true.... My ex was very shallow and also a conspiracy theorist. At Thanksgiving at his aunt's in law's house we got to meet his cousin's gf and she was really into horoscopes. We all got into listening to see what she was looking up abt us and what it meant even though I clearly am not into horoscopes it was fun to have that engagement together but he walked away to smoke a cigarette cause he cannot be bothered with it. Hates it. Fast forward 2 yrs from that Thanksgiving and I end up finding out he was emotionally cheating on me with a bartender/waitress that was really into horoscopes and crystals and he was just eating it up and telling her how smart and great she was and he wanted to talk more abt his horoscope in person. I should have seen the red flags from the begging, he told me that when him and his ex were having issues and she got into line dancing he asked to go with her. I found it weird that he would do something he could careless abt (he likes rap, r&b, and heavy metal, never listened to country), but instead I took it as him putting her needs first.

[@lejci38]

This is probably a variant of stealing ideas - when I say something...can be very trivial, about the weather or similar and he repeats the same after me and acts as if he didn't hear me say the exactly same thing a moment ago. ANd I'm like...wth?! P.S. Oh, my gosh...withholding the praise!...this one was hard for me to notice, since I was so used to it and it is a passive way to act ...its the lack of. When I begun to pay more attention...boom,there it was.

[@stephthecreative6312]

Same!

[@marysupernova7780]

Is road rage common among covert narcissists? If anybody has had really out there road rage experiences with the covert and Arc in their life, please talk to me about them... There's something that happened that really changed how I see him. It's bad, I can't imagine lowering my internal threat levels.. we have a child together, and our nonverbal autistic 4 yr old had a pretty intense meltdown. We all got in the car for a ride in the county to try to turn the day around & reduce the odds of it happening again, that usually really helps him relax & cheer up. It was working, things were good, then narc starts doing dabs behind the wheel with us in the car, which I've told him I'm not ok with. I'm not ok with my only child being strapped in behind him while he's ingesting anything that interferes with his reaction time & general awareness, as his default rate of speed is typically flying between 55-70 mph. I get random migraines from the byproducts of his dabs too, but I don't want to be in a car with a driver who's impaired on anything- and he knows it, but anyway... He's flying down this back road actively getting high- & now there's a huge truck coming towards us. A small house sized truck on a country back road in the hills just outside of Appalachia. & since he's unaware of his speed (& I'm not allowed to tell him when I'm afraid of his driving, unless I want to be punished repeatedly after being ignored) he lost control of the Jeep & got extremely stuck in a muddy ditch. He couldn't slow down enough to safely pass an "oversized load" sign truck that's hauling a small trailer home in a safe and responsible manner. His fury after was based on the principles of: "How dare they not move over even a little for him!", "they just ran a family off the road and didn't even stop to make sure we were okay!" A truck that's pulling an actual trailer that's big enough for a small family to live in it. When he got unstuck, he turned around and drove at nearly double the speed limit until he found the oversized load truck in another village. He followed that truck yelling for 2 hours. He made me call the sheriff's office on my cell phone repeatedly, & I put the call on speaker phone, but he made me give them my name and repeat his words? He heard them, he'd say something & glare at me to tell me I need to say exactly what he just said. When I use different words, he'd loudly correct me. Kept getting angry that the sheriff wouldn't prioritize the truck that "ran him off the road... And he has a kid in his car!" (Yeah, and "the kid" got in the car to try to feel better, not to be locked into a seat for hours while his dad yells.) My poor son instantly loses it now if he hears his dad yell or he hears me start crying. So as I'm with the sheriff's on speakerphone, my son's father is yelling things that he wants me to repeat even though the sheriff dispatch can hear him just fine lol... & They can also hear my poor little boy, and hear me trying to calm him down while his other parent has fully tuned us out to focus on going after this truck. My son was scared, and so was I, but if I start showing it he will only get more upset... We don't know who those people were! What if somebody in there has some PTSD issues from being attacked before, has a gun, and feels like their life is being threatened by this unstable man that sped himself off another road in another county hours ago? Cuz yes, by the time I was allowed to stop calling the sheriff, it was because we crossed county lines lol... What if my child is shot by accident, or I'm shot and he's left with only that fool to rely on? My disabled preschooler depending on the guy who needed to yell and swear at people, instead of just being grateful that nobody was hurt, we didn't need help getting out of that ditch, & the car wasn't damaged? The only reason dude gave up was, the truck was about to enter the reservation, where ppl can do wherever tf they want as long as it's not being done to people or property of their tribe, or any other local native tribes.

[@sunnybein1]

Yes I witnessed road rage many times..aggressive arguing with other drivers and his 'sense of entitlement' often came out in traffic jams or people who overtook.NPDs always have anger/rage simmering underneath because they are hypervigilant to 'slights' criticism to protect them from shame.They are deeply disgruntled disatisfied people who don't care about others including their safety (lack of empathy) and that includes your child..as you've just written.Please exit the relationship with him and protect your child.

[@tonyconnor5691]

Yes according Dr ramini lol she said this

[@Itsmeandthatsok2]

My birthday is one week apart from my narcissistic husband. I made him a homemade chocolate cake he requested to celebrate his big day. My birthday came along and I didn’t even get a Birthday greeting. I was told I ruined his birthday thats why. I Never even received a birthday gift in 40 years.

[@seeliekeely]

He sent me some of my things, shoved sloppily in a box, a few days before Christmas after no contact for almost 3 months with a very detached note 🙃

[@RawMotivations]

Narcs tend to ruin holiday kzbin.info/www/bejne/imSpiKSAZ6x1bdU

[@carmenmangion4652]

O my gosh disaster blame everthing and he do it

[@shoolbhritdarshan8244]

I was with a covert narcissist for 3 months.

[@Indian19931]

I was with a covert for six months.. It was horrible

[@GenXMusicMan]

Same here. Was with her for 3 months and didn’t realize she was a covert narcissist until weeks later. I just knew that something was off about her behavioral patterns and I had to get away

[@wendydaniel1110]

Coverts brains goes in the opposite direction from your needs. The main goal is to not give you what makes you satified, they want to inflict pain if they know you desire it.. If you don't want something, they will deliver it, again, always the opposite.. Get out, run fast away to save yourself or you'll fall down their slippery rabbit hole...

[@carmenmangion4652]

They like crazy. Devil

[@Lizditz]

Nailed it

[@marciaharris2104]

Regarding the holidays. My narcissistic experience was every Mother’s Day he plans for me with out including my children. Sane thing with my birthday. He never allowed them the opportunity to plan anything for me.

[@acd1168]

The claiming my idea. Yes! He would always do that but the weird thing is when I would carry out the idea, he would make fun of me first and then do it. It was so confusing. After he took my idea and got compliments for it, he would come and ask me for more ideas and I caught on.

[@garyrobinson8665]

My best friend passed away in September. My girlfriend never brought it up or asked me how I was coping with it. That was the beginning of the end. There were red flags from the start but they were subtle I just thought she was a bit strange I couldn't put my finger on it. I did notice she never told me she loved me and she lacked affection but she was sweet and was nice to me most of the time I thought she was shy that's all. She was asking for gifts and it was intensifying that was all she seemed interested in. I didnt dare say no. Eventually I did say no. That was the end of the relationship. I knew there was something up that I was being used. She's ghosted me ever since.

[@thelovely961]

Hey, do you think you could do a video on covert isolation? I realise that I had been dealing with a covert narcissist because what I have experienced with this person ticks off every box apart from the isolation part.. or is there something I'm not seeing. I noticed some of my friends were slipping away and I was not spending as much time but this particular person always encouraged me to spend time with my friends and family and told me that I don't enough. The only thing I would say though is that they took up a lot of my time.

[@mauraorrell8766]

My ex husband did the same thing. He encouraged me to spend time with family and friends. Sometimes I did but most of the time I didn’t. I self isolated because I needed time to work on the projects he wanted me to complete (moving goal posts). I always thought that if I could meet his expectations, then the abuse would stop so I was motivated to keep working. Those invitations or words of encouragement to spend time with friends and family were not free. They allowed him to justify going out with his ‘friends’. They allowed him to justify leaving me home alone or justify prohibiting me from going with him. Also, if I did go out with my friends then that allowed him to do whatever he wanted with no accountability. Most of the time when I got home, he wasn’t there and then he wouldn’t respond to my texts asking him where he was.

[@erikavaleries]

Do you think covert narcissists feel everyone is attacking them, rather than praising them (like overt narc)?

[@srm47]

They seem to trust no one, mine believes everyone was lying, nothing could make him see this was not true, when the only toxic lying one is him.

[@sunnybein1]

They are hypervigilant to slights/criticism and paranoia is also often present.

[@sunnybein1]

@@srm47 that's because he's lying to everyone as they think everyone thinks like they do.

[@tonyconnor5691]

For sure they think the whole world is against them 24/7 and in my experience they feel sorry for themselves but God forbid you tell them that, that's world war 3

[@srm47]

@@sunnybein1 I have thought since he just judges people by his own poor standards.

[@sheilacash4779]

I almost married one. He used religion and said, "The man should come first in a marriage. Don't you agree?" I told him, "Um, no. It is an equal partnership. I am not a slave, and if there are guests, they get served first." Then, when my adult daughter and nephew were visiting, I took them out for a walk. He sat in the chair and pouted like I should have invited him along. I also took a vacation with my daughter for her 21st birthday to visit my son, and he got upset that he was not coming along. Another thing I got really tired of is his constantly having to show me affection every five minutes, expecting a kiss. And the sex? I got sick. I have Ulcerative colitis and couldn't have sex. He then said, "I will just let you initiate when you want it." I didn't because I was sick for two months and had to start a biologic infusion. He would sign very loudly when we lying in bed. I was sick! I was anemic and had no energy! I told him I was moving out, and he decided it was time for counseling. He told the counselor, "I am confident in myself, but I am not confident in a relationship." Red flag! I left. When I left, he said, "Who will take care of you if you get sick?" I told him, "I did it before I met you, and I am perfectly capable of doing so without you." I had my kids and friends. I was nice enough to leave the internet on and leave him the equipment with the agreement he would take the equipment back when he moved out. He didn't. I got a huge bill for the equipment that was never returned. I asked him why he didn't take it back, and he told me, "You might want to talk to your apartment manager. I dropped it off." BS! He didn't even know where I lived!! I told him, "You better take it back or pay the bill, or I will take you to small claims court. I blasted him on social media for what he did, and he agreed to pay the bill. He did pay the bill after that. Within less than six months, he was with someone else and married her. Lol! Funny thing? She was a therapist!!

[@flutterbyblue3639]

The your fault versus our fault scenario is something I do when he does something like emotionally cheat, I find out, he denies it and blameshifts to either myself and or the other party... I then try to placate the situation by taking accountability for not being good enough, and use the wording our behavior in place of your behavior. Does that mean I'm being narcissistic?

[@Elsie144k]

“It’s not narc day it’s a holiday” 😂 Bottom line: it’s all about control. Every day is narc day. And every day is Opposite Day. POV: me watching these vids realizing how controlled I was and didn’t even know it. My toxic covert ex narc single-handedly made me hate Christmas. He knew how much it meant to me. It was one of the few things I had of my childhood and my deceased father that made me happy. And he even took that away. He further poisoned and isolated me from friends and family til all I had left was him. Last he took my identity. It’s a miracle I ever got out. I noticed all of these signs he mentioned 11:29 at one point or another. It’s very subtle and makes you feel like you’re losing your mind. Eg taking credit for something you literally just said a minute ago. Now I know it was ALL intentional. The more confused and exasperated I felt the more he could control me. Must have been a fun game for him. I was the perfect supply 🤦‍♀️

[@alexiscormier7225]

this video makes me dizzy with the turning Ben

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks for the feedback!