Re-Parenting - Part 15 - Gifts

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Giving and receiving gifts in a healthy way is very important for a child's development. But Complex Trauma messes up most of this. Re-parenting ourselves requires learning to give and receive gifts in a healthy way; and it has many, many benefits.
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Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.
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[@agas5313]

Oh my God, only lestening to you opens my eyes so wide. Thank you! It is literally changing my life, my marriage and my parenting... God bless you fully and forever

[@annekary6190]

❤ amen 🙏 this is a special man

[@007Tinkins]

Gifts can be given to show off. They can be out of proportion to the relationship or the occasion. Or they can be a way to appease someone who is angry with them. Manipulative gifts are intended to control the other person by taking them emotionally hostage. Gift giving can be used as a way of keeping score. It can be competitive.

[@mequable]

I am not religious, but I really wanted to share in relation to the story at the end the following. In Bulgaria Jews were saved from going to the concentration camps, even though the government was pro-Nazi. This happened through the efforts of some people, most notably Dimitar Peshev. He was a prominent politician that prevented the deportation of 48000 Jews from Bulgaria (including some of my family). What's interesting about that is what I remember reading about how the story went, how it developed. A number of people were involved and each did his share of personal action. For example, an orthodox church official saw a train with Jews who were being deported. He shared with a friend, who got concerned and wrote to another official, and so on. A number of people got involved to eventually reach Peshev and trigger his efforts. Like a chain of events, everyone contributed to make Bulgaria the only country in Europe to spare her Jews from the horrible death camp faith. Each person contributing on their own, according to their beliefs. This is all about being human.

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@ilovesamyo]

My goodness this is such a gut punch due to its truth and poignancy

[@DarthTwilight]

With my family, it was always some kind of superficial gift. Nothing was ever truly thought out, and if you didn't pretend to really like it, you were just ungrateful. Usually there was another set of sub texts in there that involved, "I got you this gift, so unless you want to be seen as ungrateful and a bad person, you will do what I want you to do for the indefinite future." It was all about control, particularly with my mother. If you pissed her off, she would just give your gift to somebody else, or take a gift that you had planned for somebody else, and then do what she wanted to do with it like give it to her sister, if the gift was actually meant for your sister. Christmas and birthdays are pretty much off limits for me.

[@kurt6410]

I kinda disagree with what you say at 13:30 that parents who aren't there emotionally but give lots of gifts to make it look like they love the kids. I think the vast majority do love the kids but they don't have the skills to connect emotionally. My parents did not connect emotionally with me at all. In fact the emotional side completely non existent. But I got lots of girls. But I don't think they did to make it look like they loved me. I think they did love me but they either didn't have the skills to connect or know they were supposed to.

[@alexcpedals]

You are intellectualizing and rationalizing their behaviour.

[@katiemiller676]

Very reflective of you to understand your parents. I too have a emotionally absent mother, but I now understand how she herself was parented. She did not have the skills or even realize what a healthy connected family looked like until she was much older and I was already grown. Our relationship now is connected, loving, and supportive. It was not until we both understood the love of God that we were able to walk through the grace of sanctification while understanding our experience and for that we are great full to God.

[@ilovesamyo]

Is girls a typo for gifts or a Freudian slip?

[@Lulicious300]

I want to know when u lost your shame can u become a full person and feel emotions? I wanted to comment on the lasted video to get a answer.

[@kevinbissinger]

you can do that while you still struggle with shame as well

[@robertafierro5592]

Can a sincere Compliment be a gift? I always had trouble accepting compliments. I would become Self Deprecating. By that, I mean, someone would say Wow! You look great! Id say NO I don't. Look at my Teeth. At the time, my teeth were bad, I had no health coverage and some folks joked about me and called me Mr. Ed. Anyway, in those days, my Self Esteem was at an all time low. FF to 2024. I had a BIG problem giving nice things and thoughtful presents to my friends and neighbors. I would get these items at rock bottom prices, so it was no sweat, and I told them that. The idea was that I thought of them. I think.looking back at it now, I think, perhaps, I felt deep down that I didn't deserve beautiful things. I also discovered that I got a really good feeling when I make people happy and I show them love. It's almost like a rush of pleasure. I'm not sure exactly how to describe this..anyway, Gifts is a Fantastic Topic. Thank You, Tim and Co. for all you do!