Reactive Abuse | was is it your fault?

[@narcabusecoach]

Link to all my resources: linktr.ee/narcabusecoach

[@ArtemisSilverBow]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Your channel is amazing. You're saving lives!

[@Jenifer_R_]

Was the video acted? If not, please tell me you reached out to this woman.

[@Duchovnílekárnička]

@@Jenifer_R_ the woman is the abuser the man broke up with her as she cheated. The story I. This video is different . The man is the victim and the woman is the abuser.

[@Jenifer_R_]

@@Duchovnílekárnička I honestly can't remember what this video was about.

[@Atarahkingseal]

@DanishBashir may I ask your permission to use short clips of your videos?? I am a minister, but a new one and have been suffering nder the heavy hand of narcissitic abuse all my life even now and am finally coming out of the F.O.G. thanks to you and 2 other incredible expertts who have experienced this and been set free like you!

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

Yes!!! They remain calm in a patronizing manner!!!!! It's insidious!!!!!

[@juliefisk8066]

My soon to be ex-husband did this ALL THE FREAKING TIME! it was absolutely maddening. He would just sit there, tell me he's no longer talking about it, Then he would say, "I don't understand why you're so angry, why are you yelling, why do you always get so mad?" Now that I've left, he's acting like he's always been the victim of me!

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

@juliefisk8066 Oh, yes! They are all that way and will continue to tell you how you were broken or even worse will tell you how you've improved!!!! OMG! That really ammeter me! He even told others how I had improved when we began dating again for a while, but he still emotionally abused me the entire time! He even got worse, and those smirks and evil looks for worse!!! I dated one guy who would just scream at me that I was paranoid as I was getting out of the shower or as I woke up for NO reason!!!! And laughed at me constantly then say, "Oh, calm down, it's just a joke!"

[@ElizzzaB]

And maje sure to record it for "proof. " Funny they don't record what happened immediately before.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

@judithbarrett1660 Well, no, they want everyone to think the abused person is the abuser! That's part of the abuse! The victim becomes victimized by others again, and often by the police!

[@joseenoel8093]

There's a word, insidious, when would one use it unless they were describing a narc attack! They'll even mirror you in the calm calculated voice and then complain you're yelling "Oh this isn't yelling..." And I will let it rip!

[@chxwv]

Exactly , In a condescending tone they will continue to provoke you even more until you end up with a stroke

[@nicholecornes1915]

I KNOW! F that!

[@paulinecamillo7045]

Weird you said that about a stroke. I’ve had scary moments I thought I was having a stroke. Where did these monsters come from?

[@sssttt2211]

Narcissist abuse is hidden abuse, scars are not seen but you are blamed. Once you give narc their own taste of nedicine, your soul becomes peaceful as if you won kurukshetra fight.... 😊😅

[@lucialuciferion6720]

And not believed (like by my own mom).

[@TuerlingsTim]

Yes I know , my first experience was in the family where my brother told all terrible things about me and the whole family except 1 niece was on his side. When he died all the truth came out and the whole family become quiet 😉 during the whole time I was able to be calm and not rude to anyone

[@princesscarlet1]

Yes it's death by a thousand paper cuts.....

[@nicoleowens2318]

Even with scars (and welts, and blood, and lumps all over your face and head, and rug burn, and measurable brain damage, etc.,) can all be ignored too if people don't want to see them. That was my family and his. They all thought I was lying and "trying to ruin his life" (his mother). It's mind-boggling how people can be this way.

[@nicoleowens2318]

​​@@lucialuciferion6720my mom didn't believe me either! She literally called me 6 years into my marriage to tell me she finally believed I was being abused because a psychic told her I was being abused badly. What???? She didn't even apologize, it was like "oh guess what, I believe you now." WHAT?!? (She's a narc too)

[@lennie1703]

I know my crying hysterically, throwing plates against the wall and running barefoot after him etc were reactive abuse. NEVER ONCE have I behaved like this, in all the hundreds of situations I've lived through since, or before. It is the actual opposite of my character, the most dangerous and mortifying situation I was ever in.

[@bekindpeas]

Oh I've been there. Just awful.

[@BL-sd2qw]

I have also done things that I never did or imagined doing 😭🫂

[@twovirginiacats3753]

Ours liked to provoke other people to violence and then call the police and have them put in jail. He did it to our teenage son one too many times and it backfired. By that time the police were on to his game and arrested him instead.

[@Joseph-fc6ll]

​@@BL-sd2qw Yes me too , in fact I am in the process of getting some legal help because I overreacted very badly and now I have some minor legal troubles. Good luck to you and everyone else . ❤ .

[@BirdhouseCottage]

I just found you and I am so grateful, I am actually in the process of packing and leaving after 30 years of this insanity, and I am leaving. He finally told me he wants something different, so when I agreed to leave, he thought I was bluffing, but NO! I am so done with it, over done! He is in extreme NPD MODE in every sense of it. This is a serious battle, he is trying to break me, but it's not working this time. I have been watching you all week and it's been an absolute blessing! Thank you for helping heal my mind and soul, no more can he crush me.

[@denisedevoto5703]

I am so happy for you! It is the beginning of the rest of your life, and it is so beautiful without the abusers.I left when I was 55. I love Danish but I also listen to The Little Shaman and Dr. Ramani. They really helped me during my divorce. I wish you every happiness.

[@BirdhouseCottage]

@denisedevoto5703 thank you, I too have listened to Dr. Ramani.

[@peachesandpoets]

You can do this. Be safe and never look back. Rememeber EVERYTHING he says is a lie

[@BirdhouseCottage]

@peachesandpoets oh my goodness yes. He has now started the whole telling people I'm abandoning him thing. 🙄

[@francesbernard2445]

Sounds like you may benefit from the services of both police if there was any physical violence involved too and a paralegal professional who could help you make decisions. Authoritarian minded people tend to stick together when the stakes are high in order to maintain their delusions and illusions of superiorty and over develped sense of entitlement.

[@nikkinoo3034]

After a while i stopped defending myself (he would have me arrested by lying.. I lost it once and cut chunks of my hair out, of course he pulled out his phone, promising to put it on KZbin. To anyone going thru this now.. You have the strength to leave, it took me 14yrs... Dont be me! ❤

[@photina262]

❤

[@carmenneves9250]

I did the same. Left pieces of my hair everywhere and he took pictures. It was a breakdown, but we are hurting ourselves and never hurt anyone else. We are not abusers.

[@sushmayen]

Many times over the years I reacted in the same way shown in the video, not understanding the reason and feeling guilty later. But you sir, made it perfectly clear and now I realize all the wasted years. But better late than never. Thank you for everything you do..

[@sarasays...850]

This is how my abusive spouse acted. He pushed me to a breakdown the took videos of me. Then would say if I tried to get help he’d show them the videos of me and have me arrested for abuse. I can’t explain how terrifying that is. Thinking you are literally trapped and almost held hostage in a relationship with this evil narcissist.

[@ArtemisSilverBow]

I'm so sorry you're going through that. I'm experiencing that too. Thank goodness for Danish bringing us all together so that we can support each other. I keep thinking I can respond calmly to the narcissist but I end up fighting back verbally, in kind (something I've never done with anyone else) thinking that would stop him. It doesn't. He just laughs. I've decided to start thinking of him as a cartoon monster and remain calm no matter what he does. Then I get in my car and take a drive and yell out what I would like to say to him that no one can hear. I significantly limit interaction. It is impossible to go no contact for a number of reasons legally... I'm working I'm boring him to tears so he chooses to leave me alone. I found that's the best way to get rid of a narcissist-let them think they chose to go :)

[@Chosenaire]

@ArtemisBeneGesserit ignore them. It works! Act as if they are a ghost.

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

ignoring them makes them pursue you by being nice for a few days until they have your energy back, then resume the abuse again

[@rhondadavis4285]

I’ve been through that fire come out on the other side and reclaimed my empathy and peace.

[@runeblade6596]

This may be one of the most important things survivors need to hear. Many of them likely have moments they can recall (both because they are capable of shame and also because the narcissist would hold it over them as much as possible) where they blew up at the narcissist and it backfired on them later, trapping them then in the cycle of abuse further. This recognition is incredibly valuable thank you very much!

[@nicoleowens2318]

It's so important. Many of us (myself included) carry immense shame like a coat every day because they convinced us we were monsters. I replay those few moments that I mildly returned his treatment endlessly, asking myself how I could have done that, I've been convinced I was the narc/abuser for 15 years even though he gave me brain damage!! Thank God for people like Danish. When you hear for so long that you're the problem, it's amazing what a (slow) relief it is to start to see through the fog.

[@yellowdayz1800]

I blew up at mine so many times.. Looking back now.. I can see how sometimes he was just enjoying it. He used many head games to lead me to nervous breakdowns etc he is one sick sociopath/pschopath

[@bhoomaa]

The more we remain silent , the more the narc thinks and makes us believe we don't care... They think they are the one that care , giving us money, giving us time, and we are not greatful of it, sometimes it seems very confusing, like am i using them for their resources, sometimes it is very difficult to seperate the wrong and right, do i deserve to experience love, respect or commitment, somedays these questions control me..

[@valerielongmore5040]

Danish i cant thank you enough for this insight. It literally frees the portion of trauma on my head by the frank description that you suffered because my experience was so similar except he tried to literally kill me. That was the end of the end and i ran away. Its such a horrible horrible thing to experience your whole world has just gone. Some considerable time has passed but its a recovery road that is full of sharp bolders. Thank you Danish thank you.

[@katcihealer]

I hope people learn from your videos. Don't let abuse change who you are. Run!

[@heatherparker6452]

Yes this resonated with me. They love to make people appear off balance and out of control.

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

especially before a party. I find he does and says small things that are designed to push me either into not going , or being on edge. Either works for him,because both make me look anti social. He them comes back later with tales of great things I missed, and how much everyone was impressed, or how horrified everyone was at what I did/did not do. So tiring I stopped going out, but now I've realized that that is not helping me break free.

[@norcal1009]

This is a very important point to demonstrate, as in the video clip that reactive abuse is more proof of a narcissist's evil actions towards you. 😢 There is NO GOOD to come from a narcissistic relationship, no matter how much GOOD you put into it. 🤨😩❤️‍🩹

[@KatWoodland]

@norcal1009 Nicely said.

[@norcal1009]

@@KatWoodland thank you. Peace and ❤️ to you.

[@Barcar8888]

Wow this one triggered me a lot. To see it played out. Tears in my eyes. They always made me feel like I'm the crazy one. They became so calm indeed and sometimes then 'the smirk' came, the devil's smile.

[@Barcar8888]

@@jbrown2908 yes indeed! So evil

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

also the twisting your words into crazy statements and calmly telling you you said or did things you did not.

[@CrystalMouse1]

Yup. My abuser threatened to get people to take me to a Psych ward because I was pushed to screaming and collapsing on the floor in pure terror. Then labeled 'crazy' by the abuser

[@BL-sd2qw]

I'm so sorry 🫂😭 Same happened with my parents

[@PolinaB.G]

My narc mom threatened the same. F sickos

[@BL-sd2qw]

@@PolinaB.G My mother caused me brain atrophy with those pills and she wants me to take them still. How am I supposed to remain calm with these psychopaths?

[@SuperGingerBickies]

Thank you, Danish, for covering this issue of reactive abuse. It brought back some painful memories, especially as I did not know then that I was autistic, and my reactions to their attitude were particularly awful, as they seemed to enjoy watching me have meltdowns from their gaslighting, shouting, hitting, name-calling, cursing, and accusing me of the very things they were doing and saying. They did the same to my dad, and when he reacted to her screaming banshee impressions, my narc mum rang the mental hospital to take him away! He was happier in the mental hospital than at home, but the doctors weren't convinced by my mum's account of what happened, and he was soon back home with support on hand. But my narc mother and grandmother just carried on with their shenanigans regardless. I've poured hot rice on their heads, stuck my foot out to trip them up, pushed them against sharp corners when they were physically abusing me, smashed my fist into a table, and pulled the telephone wire out of the socket when they wanted their flying monkeys to rescue them - the list goes on. I'm not proud of it. It isn't me. In fact, writing about it isn't easy. However, there comes a time when matters go beyond the pale and BANG! It's the mother of all meltdowns, I'd end up being the one to apologize, and for the next few days at school and/or at work, I'd have a bruise or swollen eyes from crying. And, yes, the narcs would be calm and sane, just as you said, and they would be standing on their moral high ground (made of sand). Once, they called the police on me ... but the police reprimanded them, which surprised me. The toxic atmosphere changed for the first time in my life, and they shrank into their armchairs, not looking in my direction once. They lived to be narcs for another day, though, with the total lack of self-awareness that made them oblivious.

[@lustertone8587]

Yes... I reach my limit and let off steam and I am labeled by the narcissist as the scary person that is unstable and abusive.

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Excellent. Excellent topic. That's how I lived through my childhood. Scary as hell. Thank Danish

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you Danish for This extremely inmportant and supportive video. Narcisists torture other people and they drive you to the point of despair and losing it which is a natural human defensive reaction to a predator. We did what we had to do to protect ourselves. Thank you❤

[@KatWoodland]

“a natural human defense mechanism against a predator” EXACTLY

[@KatWoodland]

Meant to say “reaction”

[@lynylyecatillina1224]

15 years ago my ex-husband put me throught this. All those years I have felt shame about my violent behavior back then. Thank you so much about the video! Now I don't feel so lonely anymore after knowing, many other people are also gone throught this.

[@crushynn90]

I really like how you show examples instead of just using vague psychological language.

[@monicarai1497]

Frankly if u wanna really destroy a narcissist? Just go silent. That's what I did in court. He was hurling all these vulgarities at me and I didn't react. Kept a calm smile on my face. And thinking in my heart..."that's karma for you d head". He eventually lost his cool and people saw him for who he really was. Trust me it's a proven method. Ignore ignore ignore 😊

[@seamusmcmanus3089]

What was he mad at? Something you had done? Hmmm... you tell this story like HE was reacting to your shit.

[@nicholecornes1915]

I will sooo rember that!

[@ruhibanu1270]

Thnks bro, very few understand the pain we go through.

[@mariacrochet8379]

I'm so sorry you had a father that hit you. I feel especially sorry for kids with parents like this because they didn't choose to invite this person into their life. It's much easier to walk away from a friend or lover, but when a parent is the offender it's especially sad. So bravo to you.

[@justreviewedForYou]

Tysm For Existing.....May Almighty Bless You Always Danish Sir

[@spiritcat77]

I discovered my narc was cheating after years of devaluation. When I confronted him with the evidence he smirked at me. I lost it by crying and shouting at him. His response? He picked up his phone and recorded my pain. He was so happy because he now had evidence I was the "crazy one".

[@vijitgarg]

When you shout at them or cry in front of them, it makes no difference to them. It feel like they are made of stone wall.

[@maiashaver9272]

I am learning so much from your KZbin channel! So logical and reasonable. It helps one to take a breath and think reasonably. Then react reasonably.

[@goodquestion8064]

My ex would secretly record me whilst sitting there calmly .. she would hit all my triggers knowing the reaction she would get .. and then blame me for me reactions .. she also told me very early on “ no matter what I do , don’t react “. I had no idea what abuse was , no idea what manipulative behaviour was , no idea what narcissistic abuse was … I do now !!! But it broke me finding outv

[@nancyhjort5348]

I learned to stuff it inside, not a healthy choice. Then I learned to immediately push back in a calm, strong stance, unintimidated, unafraid, and unamused by their rant and threats. I reminded myself, "not my anger; not my issues." I boldly interrupted them and then walked away. It was that moment of shock in them that gave me the upper hand. But of course, they then started an international smear campaign with anyone who might volunteer to become their flying monkey. I felt secure about myself by speaking and leaving. They often fly out from under the carpet and the element of surprise is one of their favorite tactics that disarms my composure. It is a journey!

[@lbusyliz797]

It's so energy draining leaves you with a lot of anxiety,feeling like you can catch depression. It's sooooo exhausting. Oh God, help me.

[@Joshuaoutoftheforest]

My last night with her, I decided to take a stand. I had broken. I had given so much and she even pretended I hadn't and said I had given nothing. She laughed as I cursed her. She said, "wait, wait, let me get my camera. " She enjoyed it. I will never be able to get that out of my head.

[@snowqueen24]

💔😞

[@jacklimcortez7660]

When you fight they win if you reaction comes to fighting back take it as a lesson and learn from it

[@coach_amy]

Thank you. What I learned from relationships with narcs is if I react to a person in a way that isn't in line with who I want to be, that is a massive red flag. If I'm sure that it's not my problem (impatient, irritable, bad mood, unappreciative, etc.), then I need to end the relationship then and there, ideally before I react. Leave instead of react.

[@crushynn90]

Good point.

[@hope46sf]

This is such needed information!! Thanks so much!

[@eed___]

Thank you for this defence of the innocence of a child's reaction to an unsafe environment. Made it much more clear how narcissists deactivate the naturally biological fight response into the fawn and make you internalize that you are weak and powerless. Especially covert/vulnerable ones, who make this so twisted and subtly 🙄.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

So demonic

[@saskiaehlers5273]

This reminds of Johnny Depp and amber heard. It was his idea to record their conversations. I'm still convinced he was the main abuser and she reacted to b him.

[@sophiasweet7351]

I ended up in the same situation you become a person you don’t like in those kind of relationship 😢 you as a person will definitely have remorse feel guilty sad they won’t feel anything they stay calm as they provoke you with their evil words until they break you thank you Dr Danish it’s really help a lot of people seeing clearly 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@angelakeely5859]

I can completly relate to this as I did the same with a Parent, as I had reached my limit, I let them have it., thank you for sharing your story Danish, as we all know they have a way of constantly pushing our buttons, and then expect us to not react, and are surprised when we do, these people are scum of the earth, they should come with a warning.😏🚩🏃‍♀️

[@jacklimcortez7660]

Very helpful thank you 😊❤️

[@99nanan]

Danish you have spot on pin pointed my life. This is the very very true reality of my life. Still living with this narcissist yet. 😢😢😭

[@pleasantsville]

It became so bad in my home a counseling team asked if they could record a family counseling session. My ex lied and lied and had triangulated the children. I couldn’t take it because i knew all of it was false. I busted out in tears and ran away. Not in embarrassment, but because I didn’t have a voice. Nothing I said was believed. It was in the worst time (end realization) of my marriage. It took these outbreaks for me to wake up, leave my ex and begin healing. I’ve not been mentally unstable since I left and went no contact with my ex. I don’t allow it in my life anymore….I can see the red flags now, but that’s 8 years later and I’m still learning.

[@SharkE747]

I cried. I never wanted to act like that. My daughter only saw me, never heard the things that her mother would say, and now she refuses to talk to me. That's the worst part about it all.

[@rabiaadnan5948]

Danish dear you are doing a great job helped me alot i was tangled with these thoughts of guilt and self blame since years you answerd all my quires

[@mistyblue2917]

6:10 I tried to inform my mom abt the contents of ur video posted yesterday bc ive started having panic attacks the past year, and after denying everything, she told me that I'm the narcissist (typical lol). I wanted to respond that, no, my reaction was justified.. like, a righteous/Godly anger at wrongdoing. But i didnt say that, bc i knew she would just think/take that as further 'evidence' that * I'm* the delusional grandiose narcissist. So you calling it similarly here as a "sacred rage" really resonated and validated exactly what i felt/thought and wanted to say yesterday. Your videos lately have been really aligned to my daily life.. including finding out that narcissists always instantly get sleepy/so irritated when it's your turn to talk.. and remembering so many ppl from my past (family/relatives/strangers) who did this to me lol. When it's their turn to talk again, they amazingly suddenly wake up and come alive again lol. Very bizarre.

[@AliciaGuitar]

Oh no! NEVER let the narcissist know you know!

[@timefoolery]

Omg I thought that was just me! But that’s my covert Narc husband’s thing. He’s always pushing me until I’m about to destroy everything. He literally drives me up the wall and he plays games like pretending not to understand me, or deliberately contradicts things I know to be true. Now you’ve opened my eyes. Im going to be a grey stone from now on!!

[@amitad1390]

Yes, absolutely true, thanks.

[@monicarai1497]

Major reactive abuse. I was a victim of this all my life. Esp by my ex husband. He used to smile when I got provoked.The joke came when I finally woke up and started ignoring and staying calm. Then HE Started acting crazy

[@mrunalshah6743]

Those words... Give me "SUKOON" ... I am always afraid of whether I'm being like him??.... Though i never reached to that point yet.... But as you pointed... he is always calm... Which make me more furious

[@user-hn1sw4cf7x]

What phenomenal insight. Thank you for sharing.

[@vineethathomas799]

So true......not many people know NPD and it's action and reasons behind and it's reaction....no one ask why...that is the problem...

[@KateG-s8c]

Wow!!! I think i understand.... Thank you!

[@chosen1121]

Yes this is what they do They are nothing but creatures

[@jl9769]

Danish, thank you. The timing of your video to my situation is perfect!

[@arunima29]

That video clip really hit me hard. I have been there in the woman's position. And afterwards I would simply hate myself for reacting like that and won't be able to stop thinking how I got there. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. Watching that clip brought back the trauma I buried deep down and made me really anxious.

[@michellegeraci8224]

He tried to get me to hit him back many times… but I knew that would just be an excuse for him to really lay in and hurt me more to the point I knew it was a matter of life and death that I didn’t react directly to him. But it still resulted in me being crazy and screaming and crying. My heart breaks for the woman in the video… that cry is the one that comes from your soul gasping to live. The mental and emotional pain was so intense it blew my brain and my heart to smithereens. He sucked my soul away to hell. Its been three years and I’m just beginning to feel like I am me again.

[@queenwinning]

The other night, I lost it after my narcissist sister pushed and pushed me. She called our narcissist mother during my outrage. She was calmly talking as if she had no idea what happened to me. She allowed our mother to listen over speaker. My mother was in agreement that I'm crazy. I was actually standing up for myself.

[@Puppylove82-gv3gm]

Yup, my ex used to rile me up, poke at me, make me cry and as soon as I would get lash out, he'd put that phone in my face and record my pain. He would change his tone, laugh and say, "see! She's a lunatic! Look how she's being!" I lost hair from that relationship. Sad!

[@chthulhusmom8364]

This is so validating. My ex knew how to push every button and most of the time I would just take it, then every so often I'd snap and then he'd play the victim. Always the victim. So glad to know it wasn't me.

[@glitchy9437]

I believe he had hidden cameras streaming while controlling my devices including my TV.

[@labeenam1393]

Yes, exactly the same I am feeling,.now I get relieved. Thank you, thank you very much dear Danish for the light you have given through this video ❤

[@HR-bx3vj]

Thank you 🙏

[@melanieholmes3316]

Thank you Danish for taking your talks to a deeper and more complex level. You are 100% accurate in your insights. Sorry you had to experiemce abuse from your father and mother. I did too and and some so-called "spirtiual leaders." But you are the 'wounded-healer" for many people. I am not sure there is a cure for a narcissist so they just move on to greener pastures. i.e find a new bartender to get a drink. As you have said before: "evil is knowing fully what you are doing and you keep doing it anyway" As you know Asian religions and Hindu religions and Chrisitanity and Islam can teach a "turn the other cheek" and 'love your enemy" doctrine which can make you a push-over. Jesus did cleanse the Temple with a sacred rage to stop the abuse of power and protect people (thankfully). He taught that the abuse of power is the greatest sin. I have learned so much from your talks. Thank you for your labor of love to help people.

[@Varunshettyy]

Jai Jehovah, alleluia

[@Reed5016]

My mom just said something like that to me the other day. She told me I’m not spiritually right because I want to move away from my narcissistic father, and go to a different state. She’s the enabler from what I’ve seen, and she expects me to just put up with what my dad does. But what’s funny is that he always gives me the worst of it whenever she’s not around. I hate it when religion is used against me to tell me I’m unholy and not “Godly enough.” I’m not even a part of her religion, but her using her religious views to put down and de-legitimize my pain really makes me feel like shit.

[@cindihalkola4049]

So validating!

[@tracythorne3136]

Thank you so much for your clarity and honesty.

[@JackofWhitechapel]

Honestly, going to have to watch this one twice because i could feel myself disassociating at points and tuning out stimuli. Probably says something but what? Lol. Good luck to everyone else in their healing journey.

[@vishwanathtelo]

Thank you for this video. It helped me a lot. I was blaming myself for reactive abuse done by me. But still I don't want to react to her abuse.

[@jacklimcortez7660]

Very helpful thank you 😊❤️

[@rhondadavis4285]

Ty I needed this confirmation ❤

[@pauline6005]

I remember screaming at my ex once . We were having a big argument. And then I remember going silent and withdrawing into myself . And I remember this happening before. So I could see it more and sense the feeling a lot more. This was the trigger warning I needed to end the relationship after only 4 months of coming back together

[@karnalsunita90]

Oh my God. Tears are in my eyes. Thank you for helping the people who have gone through this type of trauma. The tragic part is that nobody even the closest one can understand the trauma through which a person is going through. Your vedios are helping so many people 🙏💕

[@rosalynmoyle3766]

So very true Mr. Bashir. I like the quote "context always matters"

[@aliceheatherlogan]

They love it when you fight back, gives them ammo to say "see I told you he/she was crazy!"

[@ronandheather3079]

This is one of the most important and validating videos I have ever seen!!! These bastards are fv*King demons!!!

[@valerieelisebethcooper83]

Eventually I had to leave them, my own relatives and convent schoolfriends, and return to SA. I had 5 narcs surrounding me for 11 months. But I survived and am still standing. They were all predators. I was even married to one, well good riddence to them all. I won.

[@valerieelisebethcooper83]

@@jbrown2908 thank you. 😊 ❤️

[@saj4642]

Yes, I've been through this kind of turning me from the victim to the problem creator after such an attack.

[@sea.imagineering]

Omg that is hard to watch for me 😢 Im much stronger now, but 15 years ago I could also lose it, it feels sooo powerless 😔

[@jessicadixon9]

I am beyond elated that I have found your channel. I’ve been in a slump lately after accepting, after a year, being dropped by a covert narcissist that i experienced deep codependency with. My healing journey is still in progress and your videos that are helping to remind me I did not deserve the treatment I received. Everything that you are saying is freaking on point. This makes me both happy and sad to realized what I was experiencing and still flashback to was a true story.

[@jessicadixon9]

I have been feeling like I deserved the 5 year treatment I allowed in my life and the eventual being discarded.

[@cagellin2]

Hank you so much Danish. You are doing work we can not repay you for.

[@lovingsoulsministries3]

I saw this video. She found out he was cheating.

[@nonymousjones7204]

Ok thx for clearing that up.

[@mymelody444-w6j]

also though, reactivity with narc is deadly dangerous.. try to not do it

[@lindamoore9729]

Oh, that is SO right!! When thinking back of all the years of verbal abuse, it's sad. I'm still here because he's been smart and cunning and has spent all the money so there's none for me to leave, BUT, after all this time, I don't want to. I'll stay and watch him suffer the consequences of all his decisions. I would never be his friend again. I avoid him. He lives in his own miserable world. Closing in on his seventies, he has no real friends because I doubt most narcissists know how to BE a friend. They MUST control. Not controlling ME any more. No way. Thanks Danish for your super good videos. Sorry for your pain too!! Only someone who has been through the same thing can understand and you certainly do!! I've definitely reacted years ago like a complete unhinged nutcase, but he's paying now for all the crap he's put me through.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Just leave them be if you can. They generally don't change and nothing good comes out of it.

[@Yellowcarrot9442]

👍

[@embermurals]

I so appreciate all your insight and guidance on narcissism and the effects this abuse has on us who are their targets. This content and to understand has genuinely liberated me from soo much trauma, and as I continue to learn, it truly helps me find my strength and heal from a horrific recently ended narcissistic relationship in my life. Thank you for your work ❤ and thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your own personal experience 💕 I didn't know the term reactive abuse until recently, and to be able to have you share and talk about it and to be able to identify why this pushed me to react so out of my normal character after being put through so soooo much trauma and abuse from my ex and baited and discarded repeatedly so cold and harshly, helped me forgive myself for the anger it envoked and wortk to let it go 🤗

[@KatieSchutz]

OMG, thank you for this, was my life for 27 yrs. Then last 2 yrs, my health, physical/mental so bad I couldn't react at all I was so sick & exhausted....then I saw the truth of HIS craziness, then within 4 mo now I'm divorced & gone...I'm so done...done with trauma...ugh

[@judepeters5301]

And it’s so much worse in my particular situation with a malignant narcissist, because there are no ends to what he will go to to hurt you, and he’s stage is it up so perfectly it’s insane and then he’ll sit and laugh the sadistic smile and laugh and continue to say horrid cruel things after doing these horrible things to me and other people around me don’t know what’s going on they think it’s me And im just in pain. Like for example I have so many if I get to go anywhere with him he’s already calculating Lee and strategically got a plan and will be sitting in front of a whole group of people and he’ll start saying things that he did to me, but he saying that I did to him in front of all these people that don’t have a clue and don’t know us.TBC..

[@kimmonks116]

That was me...😢😢in the latter 6 yrs or so especially, getting extremely provoked..recorded on his phone a few times..29 yrs in the relationship..terrible things happened against me including a long smear campaign too 😢 I'm still not healed almost 5 yrs away now living on my own..soul crushing and extremely traumatic 😒😐

[@kokoBuSiLiCa]

Danish, sincerely thank you for this video. You have just articulated my daily battles with my mother. She would bait me to react, and then the question is all about my slight increase in voice instead of the things she said or did, which are 100% wrong. But she never could be wrong, she never hurt another person, she is the most peaceful and vulnareable person there is. This is what my mother thinks of her, while she's abusing me on a daily. I now came to the understanding that the escapism I was looking for in my life was due to my mother's behavior. But I can't leave, she is 82, I'm 32, we are alone from when I was the age of 9 when my father died in front of my eyes. Regardless of how aware I'm of her abuse, I just cant leave her alone. That would just stick in my mind for the rest of my life and affect me negatively. My mother is the most extreme case of covert narcissism, lying about being sick, feeling bad, faking feelings, thinking that everyone is talking about her and gossiping her, wanting me to stay home 24/7 and not having single ounce of care for my own personal life. And she is a Jehovah Witness, luckily I had a brain at the age of 13 and left that place. I'm also illegaly adopted (don't know anything about me really) and she never told me that, I found out on my own. But yeah, can't really leave. Your content is amazing Danish, your way of articulation is the best there is on YT regarding the questions of narcissism.

[@sksea]

Reactive abuse can also come from 'friends' or 'friend group'. After all these years i finally found the term used for it. They push exactly the right buttons to set you off, then you lash out and they remain silent. It always ends up looking like you're the one with the problem. Thank you for this video.🙏🏼

[@monicarai1497]

Yes story of my life.

[@annehinde9302]

Get out of an abusive situation no matter who they are ASAP and do not look back.You learn so much more when you get out and clear your head.The inner work makes you wise to pick up quickly abusive situations and manipulation.Takes years to heal.😢😢🙏💕👏👏

[@craftyhobbit7623]

I find that your videos explain the actions and feelings of the victims of narcissistic abuse much better than many of the other youtube channels out there because although they mean well, they do make you think at the back of your mind that you are deluding yourself by denying that there are times you have been abusive. (I hope that makes sense...) I have been in groups of people online where there have been abusers in the group that have been very good at making others think that they are victims when they have been heavily abusive towards others in the group. They have a way of making you mirror their behaviour and twisting your reactions to it. Sometimes it was so bad that I couldn't tell who was the abuser and victim - physically, it was mild compared to physical narcissistic abuse that happens in RL, but the mental impact is still bad.

[@pompabomba1]

💗

[@ArtemisSilverBow]

Your channel is the best channel for us victims of narcissists. Every attorney judge and police officer should watch your channel and stop retraumatizing victims. I wish the self defense wasn't titled reactive abuse; it should be titled self defense.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Thank you Danish for sharing your experience and thank you for moving forward and helping the rest of us. God Bless!❤🙏

[@my_screenname007]

Yup my narc mother actions have finally been seen by other family members towards me and her grandchildren as well. Recently I had to think quick, I hit the record button and put in my back pocket when she pulled her Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde routine when we are left alone in her company. Sad I had to grown my whole life like this and she used me to blame all her problems on, I was just a child.

[@paulinecamillo7045]

I agree. I’ve lost myself and I know anyone will say I am crazy. I know he sucked the life out of me. My soul is lost.

[@kaycampbell8532]

It's pretty disgusting how the guy was filming her after pushing her to react. There's no limit to how much they love to inflict pain. Only an evil person would do that.