Redditors Injured by Homemade "Toys" - Tales From the Internet

[@JustinWhangYt]

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[@Mattzombie6]

Will they promise no longer needing a poop knife?

[@localdumbass9355]

​@@Mattzombie6I forgot about that story until now lmao

[@Ol_Keefus]

never seen so many barriers to buying a damn fiber supplement, I'll just get some from the store

[@FenNick1994]

Damn, we're all growing old real fast aren't we? Next up you're gonna be advertising Life-Alert: "HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP" 😩

[@localdumbass9355]

@@FenNick1994 never thought of it that way

[@MotionlessKnight]

The first guy saying he was afraid to show the scar because someone might recognize his dick. I could just imagine, he gets a new gf. Things are getting hot and heavy one night, and then, to his shock, his gf screams "YOU'RE THE FORESKIN GUY!!!" 😂😂😂

[@husky0098]

Impossible, everyone knows there are no girls on reddit /s

[@GuerovaTheGreat]

Johnny No Foreskin, previously known as Johnny the foreskin.

[@psychopompous489]

@@husky0098 Actually girls are just a myth designed by the cia /gen

[@robocatssj3theofficial]

mf is never living that down i'm sorry

[@stargirl64811]

​@@husky0098I must be the only one then 😔

[@WineScrounger]

Why are Redditors so unhygienic and yet so confident in their own genius?

[@dannylamb456]

They're peak Dunning-Kruger effect.

[@ProbablyOnLSD69]

It’s honestly not Ike it’s just Redditors. There’s just a particular flavor of chronically online weirdos who don’t go outside and are just disgusting people. The state of mental healthcare in the US is not good, in case you haven’t noticed that by now. But you can find these fascinating weirdos all over. 4chan (obviously), Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter, etc. they’re everywhere.

[@ThePopo543]

@@ProbablyOnLSD69 ONLY the mental healthcare? More like ALL healthcare.

[@ThePopo543]

@@Blakbox92 true. If they do it on twitter or tumblr or facebook they'll get canceled, doxxed, witch-hunted into oblivion, and possibly have their lives (or lack thereof) ruined. On 4chan and reddit they just get downvoted and made fun of.

[@SergioLeonardoCornejo]

Because they're disconnected from reality

[@compatriot852]

Nothing creates disaster more than a man with too much free time on his hands figuratively and literally

[@JoeyJ0J0]

Idle hands are the devils playthings

[@compatriot852]

​@@JoeyJ0J0Probably the best phrase for these situations. Makes me wonder the crazy things guys in ancient times got into to pleasure themselves

[@zenon459]

​@@compatriot852i'm imagining some caveman just making a hole and fucking the ground

[@ericvandenavond8748]

Styx tried to warn us...

[@AlphaKnight-hg2jq]

@@zenon459 the old Irish kings had to do that to become king, it was to represent getting married to the land and you have to consummate a marriage after all, also to swear fealty instead of kissing a ring like with an english king you had to suck the kings nipple The Irish where fucking weird

[@GhostsGraveyard]

The most shocking part of this video is that in all of Whang's years of looking at horrifying stuff, he's never heard of the two sponges, glove, cup method

[@rebel6301]

now the two sponges, glove, and pringles can? everyone's heard of it. but the cup? must be an ancient relic of times long past.

[@saladman420]

I don’t even have a schlong myself and I’ve heard of this method

[@RoninCatholic]

I've never heard of this method you speak of. I just use a single disposable glove by itself.

[@hoonterofhoonters6588]

The advanced method is to give it two holes. Entry and exit. It would have saved our dear redditor a great deal of trouble.

[@eggsandbacon892]

The what???

[@U-Flame]

Props to Dude #1 for willing to get help and explain exactly what happened in front of other people. Not everyone has the mental fortitude to do that

[@Fo-Flats]

His self preservation skills kicked in after his common sense failed. 😬

[@jexxer]

I have to wonder if the second story was the _true_ origin of "instructions unclear, dick caught in ceiling fan," or if this was a case of life imitating art.

[@jexxer]

...I edited a typo and lost the heart...

[@wisemankugelmemicus1701]

Nah its actually a YT comment "The instructions weren’t clear enough. I got my dick caught in the ceiling fan."

[@LarryLycanthrope]

@@jexxer BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@Kablooey81]

RIP :(@@jexxer

[@CoRLex-jh5vx]

​@@jexxerand that's why you always proofread before posting, kids!

[@ninjabreadman8166]

Foreskin Destruction sounds like a pretty hardcore band, or an organization that gets you placed on a list

[@the-postal-dude]

that unironically sounds like a cannibal corpse song

[@elansleazebaganno]

Penile Mutilation

[@Sniperboy5551]

@komaeda-nagito You’re 110% right, I’m sure they have a song with a similar name somewhere

[@CamelliaFlingert]

well, not this but we already have a russian trash metal band called "abyss of anal oppression", and their music is actually cool aside from some joke-type tracks

[@drcatjailofficial3735]

Best unreal tournament song If you know you know

[@Yzerbruh]

Having an intimate moment with a contraption filled with black mold seems like a good reason to visit a doctor. Having such sensitive areas make direct contact with it sounds like a surefire way to get an infection or severe inflammation.

[@darkshadowrule2952]

Why would he not think to wash it first after leaving it for so long? 🤮🤮🤮

[@blackhawkz2499]

@@darkshadowrule2952 he's a redditor lol

[@Crypticmudkip]

no straight up sepsis...

[@dr.altoclef9255]

Honestly if you're doing that, you're seconds away from making a doctor invent an entirely new procedure.

[@sydneykloba7827]

@@dr.altoclef9255medical emasculation (which would also be metal as a band name)

[@ulawan5]

as soon as he started describing the "allergies localized to his room" I was immediately slammed back into the memory of the beautiful historic dorm I lived in that was slowly killing us with black mold for about two months before we were moved, and the building was then condemned and demolished it was EVERYWHERE, the place had been built in the 40s and there must have been over a decade of just literally whitewashing the walls and painting over the mold spots and damage. But they could not hide the spots in the AC grates and on the light switches Black mold is no joke, I was miserable and exhausted for weeks and then devastated when this prime dorm location was stolen from my roommates and I by circumstance

[@professoroak1920]

remember kids, temporary embarrassment in front of strangers is way better than surgery at home

[@Gun5hip]

Instructions unclear masturbated in the mall.

[@herrdrizzt9547]

By temporary embarrassment you mean talking to a woman?

[@saladman420]

@@herrdrizzt9547it’s telling the doctors the truth about what really happened

[@Vase94]

​​@@herrdrizzt9547😂😂 Funny, but what a weak troll attempt 😂😂

[@herrdrizzt9547]

@@Vase94 i ain't trolling nobody

[@eruis3139]

stories like these are why people NEED to learn about how the human body works

[@yanamilenova4518]

or maybe just common sense

[@ob2kenobi388]

This is what happens when you have abstinence-only sex ed, people.

[@cowbraiin]

​@@yanamilenova4518both is good

[@ulawan5]

Also hygeine standards, like my god how do these people not get super-infections from these shenanigans

[@dragos1239]

But.. learn what exactly? Not to put a drill anywhere near their dick? Bot to tape themselves to a fan? That cum rots over time (like every other biological thing)?

[@therewasanattempt7092]

I can’t believe whang didn’t talk about the guy who tried to make a fleshlight with an M&Ms tube and microwaved banana and subsequently got his weewee stuck in it

[@ThomasOwOD]

It was a cylinder idk why you'd think it's his dick

[@s942]

Tame compared to the stuff in this video

[@toribug1899]

isn’t that the ‘cylinder’ guy?

[@Mwothyman]

I don't think that guy's hypothetical 'cylinder' would be too happy about that /joking

[@TheFantasticJoe]

That was a cylinder, totally different.

[@grosezero8834]

That ceiling fan one is straight up like a saw trap

[@DONKFORTRESS6956]

"you never appreciated your penis"

[@reviewpanda3125]

"There will be blood" - John Kramer

[@koollazy]

exactly what i was thinking

[@Flesh_Wizard]

"do you want to play a little game"

[@digdug2507]

@@Flesh_Wizard”about motion and no lotion?”

[@Frellyouall]

Last story reminded me of the day before I had open heart surgery 6 years ago. I threw away all of my tex toys. Including the expensive Fleshlight. I threw them away because if anything had gone majorly wrong on the operating table...I didn't want anyone finding them hidden away in my room.

[@Fo-Flats]

A logical and sensible decision to make. 👍 Glad you lived to tell the tale.

[@willd.4808]

I think about this ALL THE TIME. Like, way more than a sane person. I'm mortified at the idea that I might die in an accident and my parents will find my toys. I would've absolutely done the same in your situation

[@Ottophil]

@@willd.4808if you’re dead it won’t matter

[@Kirb_0]

​@@Ottophilno it matters if you're dead because you will not be able to explain anything tho also they will think that you were a weirdo all this time along and they will remember you as a weirdo forever

[@LiterallyAllNamesAreTaken]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@Kirb_0 having [real, and not DIY] toys doesn’t make anyone weird. it’s completely normal. if something like that makes people forget everything else about you, stuff that’s far more memorable, then it’s obvious that they never thought highly of you to begin with. your mindset is toxic. I’ve gotta hope you’re a child or something because as adults, this stuff shouldn’t weird.

[@captainweekend5276]

My favourite reddit "toy" thread is probably the one where the guy was incredibly adamant that he did not get himself stuck in a plastic M&M tube, and rather it was his "cylinder" he had put in as part of an experiment, and did not want to cut open the M&M tube in risk of damaging it, nor could he cut it off what it was attached to. That was of course until a comment told him to go to the hospital to "get his tiny penis unstuck", which triggered the guy to finally admit it was his penis but it wasn't small and instead average.

[@kodomoshawn6729]

I'm pretty sure in the initial post he described the "cylinder" as small but then denied it when people started putting two and two together that he meant his dick.

[@CT-9904-Crosshair]

Funny how I see that now, only a few days ago my friend showed me a video of this exact thread, but with the Star Wars opening theme playing over the entire conversation in a Star Wars like crawl! 😂😂

[@dr.altoclef9255]

@@CT-9904-CrosshairSaw that one too- And now I can’t un-imagine the idea that this wasn’t a fleshlight thing and in fact it as a really specific geometry homework question.

[@heerkitten6085]

If this is the same cylinder thing I'm familiar with, I'm unaware the OP of that post ever admitted to it being a dick or got triggered

[@rebel6301]

"It's a cylinder."

[@hughanon]

Hearing about and seeing Redditors being humiliated and made fun of never gets old

[@sageofspace]

Fr

[@TellYouHwaet]

"Redditor schadenfreude is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Ben Franklin

[@WineScrounger]

Preach 🙌

[@givemeham2301]

​@@TellYouHwaetactually sun tzu said that

[@Dalek59862]

​@@givemeham2301and I'd say he knows a little more about humiliation because he invented it.

[@Killbayne]

> 3 year old light filled with nut > begins having breathing problems ONLY in the room > symptoms consistent with allergy > not allergic to the dog oh no.

[@DONKFORTRESS6956]

bro about to become a clicker

[@Mike_Oxlong07]

Been nice knowing ya homie

[@rebel6301]

the fungus consumes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@whitepumpkinenthusiast27]

dude i read that first one so horribly

[@LouisianaPaleHorse]

​@@whitepumpkinenthusiast27 😂😂😂

[@whitebread3872]

This reminds me of a story my mom told me, she works as an X-ray technician and once she told me a story about a girl who shoved a giant cucumber up her you know what and couldn’t get it out my mom always tells me stories from work but that one has to be my favorite, then she gave me advice “if you ever want to try that there’s stuff made for it don’t use a homemade object” glad to have a mom who’s chill about that kind of stuff and teaching me how to be safe

[@ourword3112]

Cool mom story bro

[@growingoaks]

For real! Its wild how many hospital visits could be prevented if people at least knew to have a flared base aka a base that wont allow it to slip up inside you. I thought that’d be common sense tbh

[@joeshabado1431]

When in doubt, tie a string to it.

[@pringlebatch]

I wish my mother had given me such a talk. Nothing actually happened to me with what *I* improvised, but I was bloody lucky

[@treeaboo]

@@joeshabado1431 At least that way you get a little tail!

[@SquirmieWormington]

He should be sponsored by a sex toy company so his fans can get real and safe sex toys so this shit doesn’t happen. Perfect way to convince somebody to splurge on a good body safe toy, and maybe some toy cleaner too.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

amen. Though the fact that unsafe toys are allowed to be sold (by big name suppliers, too, cough cough adam&eve) as long as "for novelty purposes" is in fine print somewhere on the box boils my blood. It'd be great to see a sponsorship from one of the brands that uses actual medical or food grade silicone

[@user-sg4ov7ng4h]

​@@Romanticoutlawwait what?

[@slitheen3]

​@@user-sg4ov7ng4h any toy made of PVC plastic is porous and therefore impossible to thoroughly clean. They absorb smells, bacteria, and even deform or 'melt' over time, and probably leech chemicals into you. Its an extremely common material though. Most toys advertised as "real feel" are PVC plastic, as are most cheaper toys in general, ESPECIALLY cheap fleshlights. I like to think of them as single use because they're ok initially but as you use them more, the nastier they'll get. Like a less extreme version of the last guy's homemade toy You want something made of a nonporous material like glass, titanium, silicone, or hard plastic. Unfortunately the only soft material there suitable for fleshlights is silicone, the rest are used for dildos, or hard plastic for vibrators. There used to be a very narrow selection of products but there's a lot more variety of body safe masturbators now than there were even a few years ago. Especially from indie sex toy shops who make creative molds and hand pour silicone toys. A lot of them will even do custome colors

[@joannamysluk8623]

He got sponsored by Adam&Eve at one point.

[@evil1by1]

Pfft safe sex toys are everywhere on the internet. Im not buying that a young internet savvy person couldnt figure out or afford a cheap pocket rocket on Amazon.

[@AFarmerCalledChicken]

My grandma’s words (I’m just sitting on the porch with her) during the ceiling fan one: “I hope he tore it right off”

[@JJAB91]

Seems like a strange video to watch with your grandma.

[@tony_starch]

Your grandma sounds wonderful

[@pseudoruu]

i have some concerns

[@masterklaw4527]

Whang is to Cr1tikal what Shadow the Hedgehog is to Sonic. Cr1tikal Video Titles: "We need to talk about this guy", Whang! Video Titles: "The Fortnite KZbinr who ate a Rare Fungus and Shot Himself in the Balls."

[@gudmansal3468]

@sarcasticdude2320 update on the x situlation the child abuser recreator who invented facebook ai and then turned himself into the police and fucking died

[@whitepumpkinenthusiast27]

​@sarcasticdude2320WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

[@jkee9760]

Whang is like the internet's cool older cousin who says "hey lets go for a walk" then tells you the crazy stories

[@rcfp2006]

Should the internet one day die and society collapse. Children will gather around old man Whang to hear his mystical stories of a far off place called 'Innanet'

[@AnotherCamilo]

"Uncle Whang: Can you tell us the story of the man who recorded himself sitting on a jar and went to work with is butt bleeding?"

[@dr.altoclef9255]

We will chisel these stories into stone blocks to leave for future archaeological digs.

[@Flesh_Wizard]

I like to think it would be more like a dark souls boss fight with the grossest attacks you can imagine

[@pennyforyourthots]

​@@Flesh_Wizardyou know how every dark souls game has a swamp level? The swamp level in whangs game is the swamps of dagobah.

[@thethrashyone]

As someone who recently went through a nightmare having to do with a dying refrigerator and about 6 lbs. of ground beef which ended up spoiling in the freezer, I know all about horrible smells that would give just about anyone the urge to projectile vomit on the spot. And let me just say, there's no amount of money you could pay me to willingly subject myself to whatever cthulean stench that last guy must have smelt.

[@ARCHIVED9610]

dear god that sounds nightmarish. the only thing i’ve encountered that was awful awful was expired homemade vegetable soup, the moment the jar opened something left me as the entire kitchen had to be aired out for the rest of the dayy 😭

[@leaflitter-rp5wu]

I was sprayed with Rat Puss and necrotic tissue once while cleaning Up my pet rats surgery wound that got infected...Had the Texture of Cottage Cheese and the smell of weeks old rotting Chicken breast and Piss.

[@blob5907]

it smells good

[@Mizzybelle.]

That last guy was literally breeding a new bioweapon 💀

[@CMM47]

Bro was manufacturing semenide and lotion gas 💀

[@verierii]

I giggle and kick my feet when whangy uploads

[@cigarettes_and_petrichor3190]

Unfathomably real

[@wigglypfff]

Unfathomably real

[@newxenesis]

Unfathomably real

[@holvingar4375]

Unfathomably real

[@em5345-]

Really unfathomably real.

[@krillmenow3951]

The Cuphead ost playing in the background while Whang semi-graphically describes desperate horny people mishaps makes this Even funnier to me

[@haleywilson520]

It always gets me when he plays the Neverhood music

[@medijate]

Watching this while not 100% paying attention(in another window) is absolutely destroying my mind. I have to be 100% tuned in to figure out what the hell these things are made of.

[@Adam-kn3tv]

Yeah I stop paying attention for two seconds and I'm lost. The details are insane.

[@loli_cvnt5622]

The ceiling fan duct tape thing? Dude, I replayed that like 5 times, I have no idea.

[@DarkOverlord96]

I'm honestly surprised Whang didn't know about the "Two sponges, rubber glove and cup" fleshlight, I was under the impression that was the most well-known "homemade" fleshlight.

[@RoninCatholic]

I'd never heard of it.

[@From_A_Diverging_Timeline]

I'm not familiar with any home made flashlight recipes. I'm sure lots of guys seek it out.. but not all.

[@melloncollie3321]

I'm a chick and the thought of that texture is making me cringe. I don't want to think that that's what the actual texture is like 😅

[@RoninCatholic]

@@melloncollie3321 Rubber gloves are used because they're easy to dispose of. They give the same feeling as wearing a condom, but are cheaper. With things like sponges and towels, it's just about getting a certain amount of softness/resistance. Nothing's going to ever actually feel like the real thing other than the real thing. And for me, whether using a toy or not, it always just feels lonely and sad because it reminds me I don't have anybody to actually _love_ - no hugging, no kissing, no talking, just my own imagination.

[@RoninCatholic]

@uglyahhdog Not entirely, but I do feel a bit better the longer I stay away from pornography and masturbation. It doesn't and never really has done anything but remind me of how alone I am and in the latter's case, some minor chemical stress relief.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

the lack of survival instinct when it comes to dudes sticking their pool noodle in things is kind of impressive. Like... your quality of life might get worse if you lose a finger or a toe, but you got nine more of the things. You just got the one of your little fella

[@-sevda]

"this is the venom origin story they don't want you to know about." i was already dying of laughter throughout the entire video; however, this part caused me to absolutely lose it. thank you for the laughs, whang. you never disappoint. 😹

[@richardlionerheart1945]

Spiderman venom or venom snake

[@whazzup_teacup]

"The man was dying of cumpoisoning" Yet another sentence I never expected to hear

[@sodashiira1894]

thank you whang for being our most reliable source of reddit-born trauma 👍👍

[@Wistin20]

🎷🐛

[@DinittaLawson]

Redditor butt trauma

[@jamesedwardladislazerrudo1378]

Girls: Why boys live short? Also Boys:

[@_V.Va_]

​@@jamesedwardladislazerrudo1378Living short isnt always a choice. 😞

[@jamesedwardladislazerrudo1378]

@@_V.Va_ We boys have always childish behavior sometimes

[@traumgeist]

There is an old emergency room doctors case file about a man who would pleasure himself on the drive belts of the various pieces of shop equipment in his factory after hours. His nutsack got entangled in the belt and one of his nuts was ripped out and flung up onto the rafters and was found later. He recovered but the nut couldn't be reattached. This one was confirmed by Snopes.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

talk about busting a nut

[@namflashback]

Brooooooooooooooooo

[@rebel6301]

is THIS how a certain austrian painter lost one of his balls?

[@gudmansal3468]

@@rebel6301 hitler lost his other ball in ww1 so probably not

[@rebel6301]

@@gudmansal3468 you never know, time travelling belt sanders could get anyone at any moment

[@haleyb4023]

Once, I had a drill skid across a piece of wood and slice into my finger. I couldn't bend my finger for a week or I'd be in blinding pain. The wound was deep and jagged. Somehow, a laceration from machinery was WAY harder to look at then like, an accident with a non-tool like broken glass or sharp rocks. Knowing someone did that to their pee hole...I'm really torn between laughing and having to lie down.

[@sarahmelody9366]

Before we got together my husband had a pocket friend that he dropped one single load into and it ruined the whole thing for him because of the residual smell....This is just beyond insane... If he hadn't washed it into the sink it would have morphed into his jacked up humanoid typed creature.

[@youngskatina]

One time?????

[@sarahmelody9366]

@@youngskatina Well he used it more then once, on the seventh or so go though he got lazy and didn't pull out or clean up left it for a long period of time and organic material did what it does.

[@notoriousgoblin83]

​@@sarahmelody9366rotten cum sounds hellish

[@Barbaroossa]

@@sarahmelody9366 he was trying to make his own pet homunculus

[@sarahmelody9366]

@@Barbaroossa holy shit that's how you spell that? lol That's actually the exact word I wanted to use but I couldnt figure it out and was too lazy to look it up. So thank you.

[@dhgodzilla1]

I know a girl from school who had a mis-adventure with a frozen hotdog, the hot dog became unfrozen & broke off inside her. She had to go to the doctor to have it removed...

[@Yukari_Yakumo]

If I had a nickel for every time I read a story about a frozen sausage breaking off inside a person and getting stuck, I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice.

[@nonfungiblebroken]

"I'm gonna pretend you're the New York Knicks"

[@Fo-Flats]

Did anyone eat it afterwards?

[@greenbeans9748]

​@@Fo-FlatsKinky!

[@TheDigitalApple]

Redditors trying to turn everything into a toy doesn’t sound surprising at this point considering all the weird sexual stuff that happens on that website.

[@cooldud7071]

This is some shit any random teen would have done, these are just the dumb ones sharing their stories.

[@AL-lh2ht]

Reddit is no less sexual then the rest of the internet

[@Im-BAD-at-satire]

Sexual excitement is a primitive feature of the brain, even asexuals have a libido, hypersexual asexuals exist even for example. It's just inevitable.

[@ThePopo543]

@@AL-lh2ht idk about you, but neither tumblr nor twitter nor facebook have such wonders as the jolly rancher story, broken arms, the c- m box/sock/mirror/drawer/coconut/whatever, Colby the dog, Dave the Divorced, and Blowfly Girl.

[@yanamilenova4518]

@@ThePopo543 isn't blowfly girl a copypasta tho?

[@Nerdtendo6366]

“Mr Bean Didn’t say that” hits weirdly hard since Paul Ruben died the same day this released

[@xpireddripz5934]

the phantom pain ive felt throughout the whole video is beyond me

[@partlycloudy7707]

Bruh I don't even have a dick and I'm squirming for most of these stories

[@truemori6700]

14:05 he literally invented bacteria that eats through plastic that is how bad this was

[@Romanticoutlaw]

he should have sold a petri dish of it to the scientists trying to develop a bacteria that will eat the plastic free-floating in the ocean 😂

[@partlycloudy7707]

There are bacteria that can break down hydrocarbons, they are natural found in the environment. Id bet this dude found a mold, they like to drill through anything

[@sirflimflam]

God, when I was a kid, I remember running out of lotion and making the terrible decision to use shampoo as lube. You know, it's got that kinda slimy feeling to it? Seemed like a match made in heaven if we're honest. Never made that mistake again. The inside burned for at least a day. No more tears, my ass. Sure was clean though. Then there was the time I developed a rash and I freaked out about potentially getting an STD somehow (was a virgin at the time, smh) and I decided to clean it for a few days with 70% isopropyl. Dried it out and it looked like a shriveled sausage. Told the nurse at the ER what happened and she had the biggest grin on her face explaining to me why that was a stupid idea. Loved her attitude about it honestly. Had she been more serious about it I probably would have been even more mentally devastated.

[@stinker6784]

weve all been there man. well, except for the fucking isopropyl 💀

[@Calvin_Coolage]

​@@stinker6784I used hand sanitizer once, that's kinda close.

[@Rayvn7]

Yes, putting any hazardous substance, such as "lotion" or most brands of shampoo, anywhere on your body, is obviously a terrible and unsafe idea. Putting any sort of soap or cleaner on the inside of the foreskin is also very stupid.

[@allier1867]

Alcohol and vulva and vaginas dont mix too. I remember when i was starting my very first period ( mom and sex ed didnt warn me) and i was so scared i was bleeding i grabbed alcohol, poured it on tissue and decided to clean myself with that... INSTANT EXCRUCIATING PAIN oh my gosh

[@cosmicmuffin322]

​@@allier1867Damn I'm sorry

[@uraalice]

I don't have a penis and I can never wrap my head around these stories. Like the complex contraptions and not understanding that leaving a constant mess of bodily fluids could cause problems down the line. There has to be a better way to get your rocks off, right?

[@jjw6961]

7:51 BRUH what a deep cut. That Incredible Machine reference just unlocked so many memories that have been buried away since like first grade circa 1996.

[@MerchantKane]

with the fan one i can physically picture exactly how the mechanics of that event worked out and i find it extra funny.

[@JK-gm6kk]

Oh god. Heres something i don't think of too often. When I was a kid, I was really self conscious about being, well, uncut. So, i had the procedure done, on good friday 1999, at the age of 12. The pain was absolutely excruciating.

[@mfyuq]

Oh. OH! oh. oh….

[@JK-gm6kk]

​@mafuyuirl6831 it didn't occur to me that there would be stitches after the fact

[@cooldud7071]

They let kids do that?

[@FlorianFranklinArt]

@@cooldud7071 pretty sure he DIY it

[@loganstroganoff1284]

​@@cooldud7071hell adults do it

[@DjDeadpig]

Redditors and the word story have really changed the course of internet humour multiple times, to the point where it’s almost embarrassing that most OG internet humour is just redditors doing crazy shit with objects like the cumbox.

[@strippinheat]

Your ability to tell these stories as well as your use of stock footage and sound effects are what make them palatable.

The guy who did the ceiling fan thing was genuinely comfortable setting up something which sounds exactly like a demented saw trap that John Kramer would use on his worst enemy.

[@darrelldog5]

He actually says the "Ceiling Fan Machine" has potential... After all he went through? Wow!

[@ByteDeity]

I got to give it to him. He is determined.

[@wettoaster34]

and yet redditors think they’re the next albert einstein

[@lexiwexiwoo]

I mean, as a woman we tend to find crazy stuff that gets us off (usually it's accidental, like sliding down the banister or having a pair of jeans with a crotch seem that was rigid enough that moving side to side is all it takes) but I gotta say that I'm amazed at some of I've ingenuity (albeit, dangerous and clearly not always effective) y'all well go to just for the big o.

[@mildly_miffed_man1414]

As a man I’m also amazed at the ingenuity and dangerous effort put into this because it’s way too much effort when you can just use a hand

[@ashleyelizabeth6094]

Play station 2 controller on the vibration setting menu of Katamari Damacy

[@glorygloryholeallelujah]

Or an old school Nokia brick cellphone on vibrate mode-and use the house phone to repeatedly call yourself.😂

[@VictorTwo2]

​@@ashleyelizabeth6094every man tried that one too but it doesn't work well

[@CoRLex-jh5vx]

​@@ashleyelizabeth6094ha, mine was the opening scene of Skyrim where Alduin crashes through a bunch of stuff. Never got me very far but I do have a strong 'obsession' with him to this day so there was definitely some sort of conditioning going on

[@Orcus.Arcana]

This is the first time I have ever legit cried watching your videos. The first story was so horrific i felt little tears come out. I love your channel btw.

[@thighmeat6034]

100 or so little tears on the glove😭

[@Orcus.Arcana]

😭

[@kalobhunt9001]

Holy crap the incredible machine was a deep cut for me. Played it so damn much.

[@JustinWhangYt]

Such an addictive series but largely forgotten about

[@WineScrounger]

@@JustinWhangYtI love contraption games. Bad Piggies took a year of my life istg

[@Cooe.]

Incredible Toon Machine was the best of the IM games, IMO.

[@rebel6301]

i've never heard of incredible machine before until today, and now i want to learn more. educate me fellowship of the whangers

[@StarfieldDisarray]

This video truly solves the circumcision argument; If you're circumcised you don't have a foreskin to obliterate with these Saw traps.

[@ZarHakkar]

Actually, the opposite. The foreskin is like a layer of armor. It takes the beating so your glans doesn't have to.

[@bnashee]

videos like this about redditors being nasty little weirdos is enough to motivate me to clean my house. thanks whang

[@ericguillot6402]

My first long term girlfriends mom, had an adventure in pleasure that got her a trip to the er. Just to give a little color to this painting, I grew up in a rual south Lousiana village. Yeah wasn't enough to make it to the town level. So there wasn't a lot of big spenders needing her services. She was more of a whatever you got kind of service. She's told of that whatever being a handful of change, milk, or on a good day some crack. The diy sex toy was a frozen link of smoked sausage (Savoies if I remember correctly). It was one of those times that she couldn't quite get there so she kept chugging along. All that friction and heat buildup caused some defrosting and a weak spot appeared, causing it to break over half of it inside her. Every time she'd try it would get pushed further in. Said from the sausage grease and other juices present it had a serious scent that filled the room in the er. Her daughter, who she didn't raise, was mortified that sue decided to regale us with tales of a poverty prostitute of the 1970s. Very strange dinner topic of conversation. Last time we visited for supper.

[@brokenfoxproductions]

..... Why did I keep reading?

[@sniedendepoes]

Is this AI generated? I … huh?

[@richardsanchez5444]

Did she serve sausages for dinner?

[@bengardener8928]

@@richardsanchez5444 Well they're the only thing she has in the freezer, and the oven!

[@richardsanchez5444]

@@bengardener8928 niceeee

[@psykomancer4420]

>clever guy >not clever enough to keep his jury rigged fleshlight clean

[@tarotsport1451]

I love how you can tell what’s going to go wrong just by hearing what their contraptions are made of. Flashlight and Rubber Band in the same sentence is a bad omen

[@Fo-Flats]

It's also a bit alarming how many require duct tape. Not me jack. 😑

[@nerdyninjatemptress]

3:44 so is that where JD Vance got the couch idea?

[@fahsky]

This video has made a terrible day end on a hilariously high note, thank you Whang! 'Nut putters' is a new phrase I will most definitely somehow use in the future.

[@SnagTheRabbit]

I'm a girl, so I don't have a ween, but even if I did, I could not imagine doing anywhere near the shit these guys allegedly did. Like, I don't even have one and I'm wincing at the thought of it.

[@emptyemptiness8372]

...and if you were a guy you could imagine it....and pretend you would never have done that when you were young....but only because you didn't think of it. Guy secrets, you are not meant to know.....just like we pretend while we did crap like this you weren't banging every older guy you could.

[@Fo-Flats]

But if you did have a wee wee then your brain would have also been put in backwards and upside down. Which would lead you to at least consider doing sketchy things with it. 😅

[@gunnstash]

Enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon getting drunk by myself and here comes Whang trying to snap my brain in half

[@darksu6947]

George Thorogood would be proud of you! 🎶 I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself 🎶

[@sherman1476]

Just found that my dog had just died today, watching this video just cheered me up lol. Love you Olive, you have been a good boy all these years ❤

[@JordanVanek]

R.I.P. Olive. The best boy.

[@astraldirectrix]

RIP Olive, run free in the afterlife 💚

[@Klausinator451]

Sorry to hear that. You name her after "Olive, the other reindeer?"

[@sherman1476]

@@Klausinator451 No I named my boy Olive because he was a black pug, cuz some olives are black I guess. A ton of people thought that he was named after Olive Oil from Popeye the Sailor Man haha.

[@husky0098]

You know you loved a dog when a video about people mutilating their genitals makes you happy after their passing

[@st4rm4st3r]

the ceiling fan one i just imagine that kid screaming like Sr. Pelo as he gets picked up by his shaft and swung around by the fan as it falls down on top of him...and i can't stop laughing... 😂😂😂

[@st4rm4st3r]

@OfficialWhang. I know this is a scam comment, but the timing to me was just too funny 🤣

[@Mushroomhead671]

I love how Whang’s current set is very classy. Really fits with the absurd stories he tells.

[@Mushroomhead671]

@OfficialWhang. REAL???

[@randomdudebro8892]

The one with the drill had me flatlining in agony.

[@xwolfiegreenwoodx]

Improvised pocket kitties? What could possibly go wrong?

[@Benjiroyoface]

especially of the high-powered variety

[@FrostyMantleM]

I don't like where this new Bubsy game is heading

[@rebel6301]

now i've heard of improvised explosive devices, but improvised pocket kitties are arguably scarier.

[@withertoneultraluxxx]

your choices of stock photos and footage for title cards are always a guaranteed laugh.

[@salacca2297]

I got a yeast infection in my foreskin from antibiotics that made it swell, itch, dry out and crack and bleed. I also didn't wash caulking from my hands before pissing and got an extreme rash/chemical burn on my foreskin which also made it swell, crack and bleed. Being uncircumcised sucks sometimes.

[@markveena9900]

Shoot, I'd rather have that choice myself then it forced on me. Sorry to hear that, man hope your doing better now.

[@humanchalk2835]

I've got a scar down there shaped like the number 5. didn't do it out of horniness or anything, I was doing some archery target practice in the backyard and my arm started getting tired because I'd been out there for a while. I started using improper form and resting the cam on my crotch while drawing the string, and that created a pinch point I was unaware of. I pulled back on the string, my shorts got pulled in, my underwear had a hole torn through it, and my weiner was missing a chunk of it's head, lots of blood. went to get it checked out and the doctor simply touching it to see what happened hurt so bad it made me start violently shaking on the exam table

[@IMortalNemesisI]

This was a difficult one to sit through for me. wtf is wrong with redditors?

[@AL-lh2ht]

Reddit is just a website of communities. Basically Reddit is just a nexus of the greater internet as a whole

[@sniedendepoes]

@@AL-lh2htNo, Redditors are very much the same neurotic moralists in every subreddit

[@littledreamerrem7021]

It's a good day when Whang uploads.

[@brokenfoxproductions]

I'm just laughing my ass off, eating Oreos, listening to Justin Wang talk about foreskins. 😂😂😂

[@joggernerd8148]

Thank you Justin for going east on the last story. I almost had to shut the video off because of the first two.

[@temporary_error_3264]

For whatever reason, I always listen to Whang! when I make pasta. Doesn’t matter what kind.

[@Ohmloud]

Whang is wearing saftyglases to protect his eyes, from his own moustache.. thats dedication! 😁

[@ClaireZhasa]

Somehow I accidentally set the playback speed to .75X right as the ad started playing and I was like "Man, Whang is really taking this sponsorship seriously."

[@jasper_serpent3099]

The titles all have me saying, "it can't be that bad" and then it's worse.

[@bubbafett4787]

12:58 I can just imagine, as the gout moves from his shaft, outboard across his body. Everything blacks out and suddenly, “where am I?” *cue Spider-Man three theme*

[@GhengisKhonsu]

I audibly screamed when the other shoe dropped during the telling of this last story! Love your vids man! You do such a great and thorough job with the recounting of these internet tales! lol

[@Sentient.A.I.]

the venom origin story they don't want you to know about. omg so gross

[@Slash27015]

Reminds me of once duct taping a fleshlight to a fan and thinking it'd be a good idea. It blew.

[@noanswer1864]

I will never understand people who's inhibitions about purchasing a pleasure device are stronger than their inhibitions against shoving some random thing up there. Even in the 90's you could go into a place like Spencer's and get yourself something, then pair it with a Simpsons t shirt or some other normal thing to throw on top of it if, you were really that embarrassed. These days when you can get whatever the hell you want up there delivered to your door by Amazon in a day, I've just got no sympathy.

[@CoRLex-jh5vx]

I think for teens, there are a lot of reasons why they can't just get the proper equipment. Limited access to those shops, not having money or having very tightly supervised money. With Amazon most of the time its a family account that is very easily tracked, and thats not even counting the risk of it being discovered by someone else once its delivered. 'Discrete packaging' only goes so far when your parents are nosy as hell Adults who live on their own don't have much of an excuse though imo

[@wolfetteplays8894]

It is about tradition lmap.

[@kristinecollier9155]

I LOVE the room you are in!! The nightstands/end tables are amazing! That chair is gorgeous! Is everything an antique in there? It's just a gorgeous room!!!

[@incrediblybored4787]

Oh my fucking god, the fan one had me dying with the music you turned on. I was laughing so hard I got a headache, my whole face turned red and I had to stop laughing because my chest felt like it was about to cave in. Incredible.

[@dud3655]

Whenever Whang uploads, I get myself a bag of popcorn to munch on, and make sure I am in the optimal spot in my room that allows me to reach the bathroom faster.

[@DwayneIsKing]

10:02 Whang. I REFUSE to believe that after all the stuff you've seen in the name of research for this channel that you didn't know the sponge, glove, and cup method 😭💀. I mean in terms of iceberg terminology, that homemade fleshlight is literally at the very top because I thought everyone knew about it 💀. That's like Penguinz0 not knowing what Moist meant 😂

[@DwayneIsKing]

@memesfromdeepspace1075 lol what? I'm sorry brotha I had a hard time reading that. What is beginilah?

[@theunderstatement6842]

​@memesfromdeepspace1075 my attempt at a translation: he obviously says that so he's not labeled as a pervert.. he knew from the beginning

[@DwayneIsKing]

@theunderstatement6842 mmmmmm. That's EXACTLY what he meant. Appreciate the help brotha 💪🏿

[@DwayneIsKing]

@theunderstatement6842 and tbh, lol I don't think that Whang would even fathom or care about that since he's talked about WAY worse stuff 🤣

[@theunderstatement6842]

@@DwayneIsKing yeah. it's odd to think that he wants to portray himself in this instance as being relatively innocent when he's recorded himself relaying incredibly disgusting stories portraying far worse things than a little self pleasure with a completely straight face

[@TellYouHwaet]

I read a title like that and I know Whang is about to describe a Fulci level of grotesquery

[@firemaker1258]

I’m calling that ceiling fan machine the Ceiling Fan Trap because that thing is basically a saw trap

[@maybenatalie2624]

The memory foam story gave me the WORST coconut flashbacks.

[@qwertydog9795]

this man having the name Whang while also uploading so much sex-mishap related content is god tier

[@ob2kenobi388]

I didn't even want this thing and I can't imagine someone being so reckless with it.

[@johnathan651]

The sound effect at 12:44 had me lmfao!

[@RobewhO]

You kickstarted a wave of memories I had totally forgotten about just by mentioning The Incredible Machine. Man I loved that game series so much.

[@souzikken]

7:55 thank you so much to remind me of the incredible machine, it was one of my first pc games when I was 10ish, I totally forgot it until now ! I finish the video (you deserve respect !.. even though I can't wait to play 😂) and I go check what I can find 👌🏻

[@HeisenbergFam]

Reddit: *exists* Whang: _"I can milk you"_

[@StanimalKingdom]

10:50 "try not to but sometimes nut into it, then stopped caring and did it every time" -(And as for matter not being created nor destroyed) i did this same thing with my girlfriend and that's why i now have a 6 year old

[@animatepokemonadventures7889]

10:11 should not have made me laugh as hard as it did

[@NIgHTMaReFortyTwo]

I dunno, your display pic and username kind of scream autism so I guess when you take that into consideration I can understand

[@UJCammy]

I listen to these videos in the background while I work and I just wanna say that your choice in sound effects makes me imagine all these scenarios as Ren & Stimpy scenes