Relationship OCD (ROCD) Why do the thoughts feel so real?

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Hi there, we are Eva & Sean Harrison.
A married couple that has overcome retroactive jealousy, ROCD and general relationship anxiety. The first few years together we really struggled with these issues and today we work together to help individuals and couples who feel overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated and stuck due to intrusive thoughts and mental movies regarding their partner’s past and/or doubts about their relationship today.
Whether you suffer from Retroactive Jealousy, ROCD, Relationship Anxiety or just want some invaluable relationship advice we hope our content helps you.
If you’re an individual or couple suffering with anxiety, confusion, anger, disgust, judgement, intrusive thoughts, trust issues, numbness, uncertainty in your relationship and are trying to keep it together on the outside but are suffering daily on the inside or if you’ve Googled or looked up “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy”, “Overcoming ROCD”, “Relationship Anxiety symptoms”, “ROCD / Retroactive Jealousy why do the thoughts feel so real?”, “How to stop wishing your partner's past was different”, “How to treat ROCD”, “Intrusive thoughts and compulsions in relationships”, “Feeling doubt/questioning my relationship”, “Cure for Retroactive Jealousy?”, “How to overcome Retroactive Jealousy”, “ROCD / Relationship Anxiety or wrong relationship?”, “Relationship OCD urge to break up”, “ Retroactive Jealousy symptoms”, “ROCD symptoms” you’ve come to the right place.
The people we have worked with have experienced and processed how and why these things showed up in their relationships. As well as how it lead to them having intrusive thoughts, feeling angry, sad, anxious and like they are self sabotaging their relationship.
DISCLAIMER: Any information or advice we give is purely based on our own experience, learning and research as well as the methods utilised in Rapid Transformational Therapy, NLP and Hypnotherapy. These methods can be used to get to the root cause of any issue but are not for everyone. There is no guarantee as there are many variables that will impact your success. We are not doctors and always encourage you to work with your doctor for your medical care. If you are in a life threatening situation or contemplating suicide, please seek appropriate medical and professional help.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Are you ready to overcome this? Book your one on one discovery call here: calendly.com/overcomingrelationshipanxiety/45min

[@aguy559]

I can go from feeling that things are right and I’m happy with her to thinking that I should end it NOW all within a matter of HOURS. It has happened multiple times.

[@jaquelineverberg4988]

Same. And it is SO frustrating :(

[@jaquelineverberg4988]

Did you find a way to go forward, or are you still struggling with it?

[@aguy559]

@@jaquelineverberg4988 It’s still a struggle, but I’m gaining ground, moving forward. My best strategy has been to just make analyzing the relationship off limits except for at predetermined times. So when I’m with her and the thoughts enter my mind, I say to myself, “I cannot think about it right now because it’s not “X” time. It’s a strategy I got from my therapist.

[@jaquelineverberg4988]

@@aguy559 glad to hear you are gaining ground. I also made analyzing the relationship off limits. I got the advise to just commit to the relationship for a period of six months and to agree with / ignore / laugh away any obsessive thoughts and/or doubts. After six months I can evaluate and decide if I want commit to another six months. It is a struggle for sure :( For some reason it is comforting to know I am not the only one though, allthough I do not wish this upon anyone. Thnx for replying

[@aguy559]

@@jaquelineverberg4988 You’re welcome.

[@thatgirl5630]

It sucks when I’m genuinely having a nice time with him and then I think “is this happiness real?” And I feel a pit in my heart and I feel so guilty and bad and I feel weird. It sucks bc I know I love him. Hes amazing :(

[@d_no_allyn_86]

Right. I'm with someone that even reassures me sometimes. Good to me. Tells me and shows me they love me and that they think of me. By doing things for me. Bringing me a salad they made at work or baking me cookies. Wearing a surprise sexy outfit for me.. but I still will be like..I wonder if they actually love me, do I actually love them? Maybe they want or will leave me for one of their cool exes. So stupid.

[@briannegeier5239]

I totally understand this. This happens to me also.

[@chrisobrien6254]

@@d_no_allyn_86 sometimes when you have thoughts like that the best thing you can do is tell them to “Fuck off!”🤷‍♂️

[@suryasingh425]

Every relationship is beautiful in its own way. Social media has spoiled us or ruined us. I have started to question every bloody damn thing. Every emotion, every action.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

I completely agree with you! I will be making a video about this later this week.

[@suryasingh425]

@@overcomingrelationshipanxiety thank you, i'd be glad if you could make a video about worrying or stressing about marrying my girlfriend. Thank you.

[@rebekahokelley3981]

Exactly! I constantly am comparing my relationship with others on Instagram and it can trigger a downward spiral where I begin to question every single detail of my marriage.

[@liaczz]

@@rebekahokelley3981 hey! how do you feel now? 🥺

[@rebekahokelley3981]

@@liaczz Soooo….I actually am now divorced. My marriage ended up being not what I thought it was, so it wasn’t just from my ROCD, but just an overall deterioration of my marriage. But I will say, I am so much happier now. I feel free and like all the anxiety I had was a warning sign that I wanted to get out. So I’m sorry no good news on this end…

[@SparklesNJazz]

i’m 25 and have been experiencing this for as long as i can remember… i can’t believe i didn’t figure it out til now. i just thought i was overly picky or scared of vulnerability. the weird thing is i can fall in love with people who don’t reciprocate no problem, but when someone actually likes me back all the intrusive thoughts start, so i’ve never really had a legitimate relationship 😞

[@babsball4743]

This has been my same exact situation and only today at 31 and I’m finding out about relationship ocd

[@googoolars]

Are you into attachment theory? I feel how you do and I am fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment as well

[@lustury5656]

Its so confusing because in the past i thought being overly atached was me being in love and now being in a healthy state where im not so overly attached i keep asking myself if i really love him because im not experiencing that crazy atachment and idk if thats what im supposed to feel for it to be love im so confused and i dont want to hurt his feelings i likes him alot and when im with him im so comfortable and i dont worry as much but once im by myself the intrusive thoughts starts coming at me and make me question what i feel i hate it.

[@herraa21]

@@lustury5656 this is exactly how i feel too...but i feel like we wouldn't be stressing about it the way we are ..if we didn't love them

[@afterallthistime__8676]

lol, I’m 32 and legit just finding out about ROCD now after years and years of torture and then 7 full years of being single for fear of my “thoughts” occurring 🙈

[@bread.7544]

Okay so I’m not crazy. I just have ROCD. Its so weird tho. My ROCD is like I love my partner more than anything, but then the thoughts flow in and I start to doubt myself. It kept getting worse. At this point I get the thoughts of just letting my partner go because I feel like I can never fall in love and I was never in love. My partner is the nicest and the kindest person I’ve ever met. They love me a lot and genuinely care about me. But my ROCD keeps on hurting me and them too. I can’t focus on the happy memories because the thoughts take over them. I thought I was just an ungrateful piece of shit who doesn’t even deserves to be loved. Thank you so much I feel much better now that I know what’s wrong and how to fix it❤️

[@MiguelPerez-cc4pe]

I feel you!

[@wesley6442]

omg, this describes my relationship to a T, I feel very undervalued and unappreciated for all my efforts, it feels there's no reciprocity. It really does hurt to keep giving and loving to someone and getting nothing back. I feel very inadequate, or forgotten most of the time, I have to distract, keep busy, achieve in order to feel good about myself, the whole thing really triggers core insecurities

[@laticiaargus2875]

@@wesley6442 I 100% agree

[@alejandrorodriguez4391]

”i cant focus on the happy memories because the thoughts take them over” i felt that damn

[@miramare1991]

My bf is worth the risk. I just want the thoughts to stop. I will have 10 days of peace and feeling nothing but love but then a triger happens.. His beard looks messy and weird and then we go again. My rocd is focused on his looks. He could be the biggest asshole but if my brain finds him perfect on the outside I would be in a bad relationship.

[@lotto.2618]

saaaame

[@laticiaargus2875]

This is very relatable

[@brandifjoy]

I feel so alone in this it isn’t funny. I’m so sorry you struggle too but damn, thank you for sharing 🥹

[@IrishMexican]

I wonder if our society’s obsession with always feeling good and being happy has anything to do with why ppl tend to overthink their relationships. Not to say we shouldn’t feel happy or good, but I think we should realize that life is about accepting the fact there are constantly highs and lows and that’s okay.

[@taghazoutmoon5031]

Exactly 💯 I hate people saying the reason they broke up is they are not happy

[@markbrown8666]

Thank for this Eva. I've been dealing with OCD since I was 13 but didn't understand how it impacted my romantic relationships until I was about 40. The combination of OCD and "Hollywood love logic" has had an extremely detrimental effect on my love life to the point that Ive all but given up on finding a partner. I'm glad ROCD has been recognized and is being talked about more and more.

[@chrisobrien6254]

Thank you for this great video! I almost wonder how many good relationships were unnecessarily ended because people had this ROCD condition and didn’t know it

[@diko834]

It was the main thing that drove me to ask for a divorce and walk away fro my wife, If only i had known

[@enricotempestini3380]

I broke up with my partner because I didn't know this desease

[@chrisobrien6254]

@@enricotempestini3380 sorry to hear that. I know it sucks, especially in todays society where you are almost encouraged to break up with anyone unless you’re constantly deliriously happy

[@angelaroberts2882]

😢 I suffered with this for years and I finally have accepted the fact that I have control. Thank you beautiful for making this video. My relationship is more than worth it.❤️

[@insightmetal]

That helps!!! 9 minutes of pure wisdom. Thanks a lot!

[@MiguelPerez-cc4pe]

Don't stop to make videos Eva, I love them. It's helping people, like me. Cheers from México :)

[@taylormeecha]

I loved this video so much. It made me feel seen. I’m starting work with an OCD therapist Wednesday and I’m so excited to find ways to work through these intrusive thoughts 🤍

[@briannegeier5239]

I have never felt more understood by a video. This has helped me through a super rough night with a really bad panic attack. Thank you❤️

[@sineadprice6521]

My thoughts start with dating and do I fancy them and when I start to like their personality and get serious my mind tells me that my initial gut instinct of not fancying them is true and to end it and that i should try meet someone I’m more attracted to

[@sophiawardhk]

Eva thank you so much for taking the time to put this video out there. I've been experiencing similar things recently that I've never dealt with until now so it all feels shocking. I'm in an incredible and passionate relationship with my partner and it is a very healthy relationship, and I love her more than anything. Although, I was in a very toxic, manipulative relationship in high school that really fucked up my attachment style, so now I am very anxiously attached because that person taught me the only way to love is to be completely and entirely obsessed with the other. All red flags! Therefore, with my current relationship, I feel very attached to the point where I discard myself. I find it very hard to prioritize me and my needs, and that I even have needs! My intrusive, ROCD (inner-critic) thoughts stemmed from finding someone else attractive recently. I thought this was the worst possible thing even though it's so normal. I convinced myself that I hurt my partner when I didn't and it developed into all these insane shame-based, self-hating intrusive thoughts that I did something bad when I know I didn't and it was so hurtful towards myself. It has been so hard to move on from this because I have a deep fear of hurting and losing her. Because of this whole thing, I've recently been experiencing obsessive intrusive thoughts that I don't want to be with her and what if I don't love her enough, especially if I found someone else attractive (means I dont really love her). It feels like I don't deserve her, that I'm not good enough and that I don't deserve happiness and a healthy relationship. These are all thoughts I don't identity with at all, they are the exact opposite of how I feel, but they feel so scary and convincing and I don't know what to do because it's what I fear most happening. This feels like it could be what's going on.

[@yumicoy349]

This was very enlightening! I'm coming from a very sticky situation where for the first time in my life I left a long term relationship that wasn't toxic but didn't make me feel happy, and now being in a new relationship has me so worried that I'm making the wrong decisions. Knowing that these thoughts are driven by my need for safety/stability and knowing that no matter how much I worry or search for answers there is no guarantee that I am in "the right" relationship. Great video and great explanation of ROCD!

[@rebekahokelley3981]

Love this video, you really helped me feel heard. It’s so hard to explain to others how I’m feeling because my thoughts are not always logically, but they fuel a genuine fear. I am so afraid of losing my spouse that my ROCD convinces me that he is cheating on me. And I have to seek reassurance or constantly look through his things to convince myself he is cheating. I hate what my ROCD puts him through, and every day I wish I could just feel “normal.” I miss being able to just enjoy time with him rather than analyze everything he says and does.

[@somilmehta2141]

Congrats Eva for 100 subscribers... 😍🎊🎉 You are doing a great job. Thank you so much for your work ❤️😘

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Thank you Somil!! I really appreciate it 😊

[@user-nl7ju8gu6n]

Your video is so clear, I understand it very well. it’s really one of the best I have seen thank you so much 🙏🏻

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

So glad to hear, thank you for your comment:)

[@Toopalaylay]

I remember when My mom would always tell me to keep dating, and never “settle.” Even when I told her my ex (boyfriend at the time) was a good person,very kind and fun and sweet to me and there was no reason to break up and look elsewhere, she’d ask me in mean tone, “so what, you’re just gonna keep dating him and marry him?” Just Because she didn’t like that he was a person of a darker skin tone. And She would try to tell me to not move forward with the relationship, and feed me crap about grass is greener on the other side…… no wonder I suffer from rOCD right now…

[@Sally.C]

What made you break up?

[@diko834]

I wouldn't blame this on anyone. You have a say in what you let in.

[@angelesruiz7067]

I needed to hear this !! Thank you so much for making this video 🧡

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

I'm glad it helped ❣️

[@lustury5656]

This is really making me sad ive finally found someone that likes me for me and i like them too weve been falling for each other and every time i hear his voice or when im with him i feel amazing but once im away i doubt everything and start to worry if i like him or not or if this is gonna work out and what if i break his hurt or his feelings because in my mind i keep getting thoughts of will i dont like him and that its not right for me to fall in love with him but the connection we have so real and so beautiful i dont want to listen to thoghts but im starting to belive them. And we just got together im afraid to say i want to be with him because im afraid of hurting his feelings because of the thoughts of what if i dont really have feelings for him. Its so confusing as im also not experiencing the unhealthy atachment and im used to that so i think being in something healthy and ive never been in before is making me question everything

[@Santiago-im1ne]

I get it, I’m 19 and I know a perfect girl, that’s what I’ve always dreamed of. However, when she confessed to me that she liked me I started to doubt, I like it? I’m in love? This will last? Is it the woman of my life? I am missing something? , it is horrible to think so because I love her, but the thoughts do not let me move.

[@marcelobravo7719]

Thank you for the video. Very helpful. Reminds me of David Hawkings on living in the now. Good stuff, thank you

[@phruitshnack7176]

I’ve struggled with what I think is OCD since I was 12. I’ve never ever wanted to let go of control. I’ve struggled with hair pulling, health anxiety, eating disorders, etc. I never had this part of me attach to my partner of three years until a month ago, I admit there were moments where I’d have an attack about him leaving me, and seek and gain reassurance that would last a long while, but then a month ago, I was irritated and then I fell into a hole of- why am I irritated, does this mean Something about our relationship? And then it went down hill from there, constantly questioning myself and my relationship and everything, feeling incredibly intense discomfort and physical anxiety, vibrating from the inside at just the idea of this thoughts existing in my head. I am so willing and ready to tackle this beast that has eaten up so many parts of my life, my partner is so worth it. Some part of me, and I don’t know if it’s a compulsive reaction, believes that I’m with my partner for more than love, and that the reason may be to finally come to terms with my obsessive need for control. I already fed into the compulsion of talking about ROCD and told three people right away- the reassurance just felt too good. I hope, I know, I Will putting in the work to not figure out, but accept this part of me exists and embrace uncertainty head on.

[@Aaronarea52]

How did it go?

[@LaMokie_]

Hi Eva, I found your video very interesting. Do you think it’s better to talk with my partner regarding this? He already knows that I suffer from ROCD and when I have “attacks” I always tell him but it feels to me that he suffers a lot and he close himself and detached from the relationship because he is hurt. He doesn’t want me to know so he acts like everything is ok and he tells me that is better for him if I tell him because otherwise he doesn’t understand what’s going on but maybe is not the right thing to do? Thank you in advance

[@16_cynthia20]

Okay so I’ve done my research I definitely have rocd and have had ocd for YEARS now and I’m currently 20 years old. My relationship is good and I have no complaints and I am usually so excited to see my boyfriend because I know when I’m with him I feel free from anxiety and so on but recently along with my rocd thoughts is it normal to feel less excited to see them and feel more anxious to see them?

[@Eyeless_00]

Yes that’s 100% normal. I do this exact same thing.

[@ashiq9995]

Same here🥲🚶🏻‍♂️

[@laurenshelley8274]

Yes it is a horrible side effect x sending u strength x

[@d_no_allyn_86]

Or anxiety that you're not feeling that. Not every day is going to be amazing. But maybe this weekend you'll have an incredible day.. even just being in bed talking, having sex and watchin shows. That's how you know they're good for you. But sometimes they're not super warm and super into you every moment so you tell yourself oh no, they don't love me! Or, maybe we don't have a connection or chemistry. But if you didn't care about them.. you wouldn't keep caring, thinkin about it, wondering. You'd just me apathetic. But these circling thoughts are rocd. Heh..

[@josepdarnes]

Thank you so much for this video. Cheers.

[@PH-pq3vq]

Thanks for making this

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

My pleasure, hope it helps!!

[@eryildiz11]

I’m 28 years old and only just realising I suffer from this but it’s more the retrospective jealousy side of things that get to me. I can deal with the normal relationship side of things. But the RJ goes straight to the heart and is so painful 😔

[@itstiaamia]

The happy hour podcast did an episode on retroactive jealousy and it was actually very insightful. Might be worth checking it out 💜

[@janeapproximately]

Oh my god. I thought maybe I had bpd but something about that never seemed right. I always used numbers to assure me that my relationship is good. It's 1234, 333, and if I don't see them for one day I think the relationship is falling apart. I always feel like I'm being manipulated, even though my boyfriend is nice. I can't discern thoughts from "gut feelings"... the knowledge shared in this video will be utterly life changing for me

[@brandifjoy]

The number thing Omg. I have to stop my microwave on even numbers otherwise my brain is like “you guys aren’t meant to be, and you’re going to break up” or I’ll associate 11:11, 2:22, 777, like you! any numbers in unison like that and I’m like “ok great! my relationship is on the right track”

[@dupkaibisza]

Is this normal to be free from this thougths for couple days? Like, when I have no intrusive thoughts I think 'Oh no, I stopped loving them, because I'm not anxious right now!'. The video is great, thank you so much for this!

[@itstiaamia]

I think this is called the backdoor spike. Essentially anxious for not being anxious and it’s basically OCDs response to your body’s success I believe 🙂

[@derekabrat9825]

Hey Eva, I have seen in the comments how everyone is somehow going through ROCD when in relationship, and that sucks. But in my case, I just really really like this person and I'm already seeing so many symptoms of ROCD. The up and down of the feelings and thoughts, without even being in a relationship, and I can't even tell it to anyone, not even him, feels worst.

[@kristen2271]

i have the same problem!! i think i really like this person but my ROCD is scaring me so much! i really want to be with this person but my ROCD is terrifying me and i wish i could talk about it with this person.

[@derekabrat9825]

@@kristen2271 😓

[@afterallthistime__8676]

Snap! I’m literally just dating someone and I’m having soooo many ROCD symptoms to the point I’ve had to cool it off (I’m also suffering from anxiety and depression and started meds which have made me worse)

[@derekabrat9825]

@@afterallthistime__8676 damn, that sucks🙁I think meds just won't help, I mean mental stuff needs some mental treatments not just having some pills. Take care dear

[@haileysing6543]

You truly saved my life. I have been depressed and read a few books that I’ve ordered from Amazon . They didn’t help but your videos do !!! Wish you were my therapist

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Thank you so much it means a lot!!

[@crystalslade8056]

How r u now

[@crystalslade8056]

How r u now

[@samanthasnyder2944]

I just broke things off with him because i always doubt things and him. now i’m learning the next day that i probably have ROCD. It was my first relationship and i just thought he wasn’t meant for me because i would go back and forth in my mind “i like him” “im bored and he’s annoying”. Now i’m more confused than ever. Did i make a mistake? Should i just move on? What if i won’t find anyone that’s as good as he was.

[@trishamaezuniga5359]

Hi! Im going through something similar and wanted to see how you are now??? Do you feel like you made the right choice now??

[@gilly_5123]

@@trishamaezuniga5359 these thoughts have led to me making many mistakes. I can tell you now, she most likely regretted it. Sit with the feelings and dont try to react to thoughts as much as you can. I know it was a month ago so i hope you havent made a decision but if you have i hope whichever one you made has gone well at least

[@theredbeard6333]

What happens to me I take the memory of my girlfriend Her voice and everything she was doing and put it into another person and then I check do I feel the same about it, I am worried that I can feel the same feelings for someone else as well, which OCD tries to tricks me that I feel the same.

[@zoefoster1050]

Thank you so much 🌟

[@Vizzo69s]

Where do you draw the line and understand the difference between ROCD and a real need? What’s trivial and a small flaw to be ignored, and what’s a truth and red flag that a relationship is being forced?

[@MO1234161]

Good morning Eva, my name is Beatriz. My question is: how do you stop emotionally carrying those thoughts so that the mind stops interpreting them as important (especially when you've been doing it for years)? What techniques can be used? ERP? Thank you, I look forward to your response. It would be very interesting if you could make a video addressing this content. Please, if you have a video related to this on your channel, provide me with the link. Thank you. :)

[@sm0g-810]

How do I know the difference between real doubts and rocd? I have been experiencing dissatisfaction with my relationship, which started with jealousy of my best friends new relationship. I have every now and then found myself asking if I really want to be with my partner but usually have been able to dismiss these thoughts. But since I started feeling jealous of my friend in his relationship, I have found myself feeling strongly about it. I start thinking about one off situations that pissed me off in the relationship that I never spoke up about and thinking about her flaws. There is one real problem relating to her financial attitudes which I will be speaking with her about before we move in together. I feel like its something that could be worked through. The other day, she was with me and my mind was on whether I really want to be with her. I found myself wincing at her figure which has never bothered me that much. I've thought about it a few times while Ive been with her but it never bothered me that much until now. Do I care that much about her figure? I suffered with OCD a while ago but I don't find myself seeking reassurance. I guess this is reassurance seeking though. Also I just remember I was googling signs I should break up.

[@keiramurphy863]

I met my partner just before the first Covid lockdown. First three months were the beginning of the falling in love phase. I was going through those feelings of intrigue and infatuation. Then after 3 months of working from home full time got unwell with depression, went numb. Had to go onto antidepressants. Kept going with my partner as we are so right for each other, he is kind, loving. We’ve grown close through the pandemic in terms of our friendship, companionship, affection. We’ve decided to move in together and recently got engaged. BUT because I still haven’t really finished that process of falling in love, this gut wrenching anxiety comes back saying the relationship is wrong, it’s not enough. Especially triggered when we decided to move in and he put his house on market, and more recently his proposal. I’m so fed up if this. I think I have ROCD, well I know I have as got diagnosis recently. BUT what is this obsession I have with having to “be in love?” Why can’t I be content with what I have. Even if I had fallen in love properly it would have faded over the course of time anyway. So why why why? I just want to live my life with him without needing to feel a certain way so I can be 100% certain. I find it so easy to fall in love with emotionally unavailable guys yet when a decent guy turns up I’m robbed of that chance due to my own emotional wounds. Just don’t want this anymore, it really sucks!

[@Penguin9796]

definitely sounds like ROCD, i'm trying to see a therapist about my ROCD, you should try that too. it sucks when your brain won't even let you be happy

[@itstiaamia]

Very similar thing happened to me. I’d been with my boyfriend for 4 months before the first lockdown and our honeymoon phase was sort of robbed but also extended because we didn’t see each other for nearly 3 months. Then when I started working from home full time my ROCD kicked in due to loneliness and boredom. I found that alongside therapists, podcasts can be pretty helpful ❤️

[@DeadExposureDF]

I did the classic thing. I look up crap on the internet like “how to know you’re not in love” or “how to know if you’re not with the one or it’s actually ROCD.” My biggest mind-screw is my last relationship was toxic and controlling. As I saw warning red flags manifest, I started to fantasize about leaving and then started feeling guilty not wanting to leave her. Then I started having constant intrusive thoughts. Hated it but I used ROCD and sought therapy. Deep down, I guess I knew that relationship was wrong given the ultimatums, control, and gaslighting. But I chose to stay thinking it was just ROCD. When I left the toxic relationship, my mindset was that of: I’m so damn happy to be single. I never want to go through such bad anxiety and questioning ever again, therefore, screw all relationships. Fast-forward one year. I meet someone who is the exact opposite of my ex. Kind, adventurous, loving, and caring. Wrote me a letter in the mail saying she loves me for who I am, and is not afraid of my anxiety and wants to hear about it whenever I want to talk. But of course, ROCD has presented itself again. I am so confused because I do not trust myself to make a decision. I’m having these crushing intrusive thoughts that did very much so serve as my warning and self preservation in the past toxic relationship…but here they are again completely and relentlessly picking apart a woman who does not deserve it. Who, I have gone to a therapist to who has confirmed there are all green flags and tried to help me search for the red and there was only one: that we never argue. My ROCD kicked in in the new relationship the MOMENT she asked me to be exclusive (even though I was going to bring it up to her). I have a phobic fear of relationships. I fear them despite wanting one. And when I find one that is potentially a great life partner, I get real creative at ways to torture myself and fuck it up. It’s great 😑

[@timar144]

It’s like reading my story

[@miguelmrs5783]

My therapists claims that these intrusive thoughts and the importance given to lack of controll on our minds has its origin on videogames. It is just in my case, but I completely agree that this anxiety may be related directly that im out of my confort zone with 0 control over my thoughts and exposed to new feelings. Videogames= control, happy-sad-anger emotions (just those 3)

[@letsgoonvacation8268]

I relate. What ended up happening?

[@zacharyhogan9625]

So, my ROCD is like do you like her. I've been ruminating for a month, it's gotten so real it feels like I have when I lost feelings, but I'm here. So, r u suggesting taking the risk, going foward, and not even acknolweging significance in any of those

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Hi, I have answered this exact question in this video :facebook.com/100060944179824/videos/111608660880606/ It is on my Facebook page. Hope it helps!

[@candycane0_]

thank you.

[@crystalslade8056]

I’m rly struggling with this now Why do they feel so real it’s horrible takes over my life at the moment , my husband is rly trying and I feel so detached This all started 3 weeks ago from a panic attack non related to my marriage No uk therapist seems to mention rocd I suffer with anxiety / depression And I think ocd so it’s tough rly tough right now

[@stargirl3972]

Love your videos!! I’m thinking about booking a 1 on 1 session with you. I am wondering if most of ur clients only do 1 session or go on to do several? Or does it depend person to person? Thanks 🤗

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Hi, there are two therapy programs we offer, we talk about both in the call and you choose the one you feel is best for you:)

[@stargirl3972]

@@overcomingrelationshipanxiety ok Thankyou! So is the first consultation call just talking about plans going forward?

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

@@stargirl3972 yes, we will talk about your situation and establish if I can help and if we are the right fit to work together:)

[@cinamarmagedon]

Thank you

[@djukafox]

why is this labeled as OCD? I mean, isn't this just an obsession. It can be panic too.

[@jackpo6412]

Is retroactive jealousy a kind of ROCD?

[@hallierose87]

I would be really curious to see a video about the suppression of excitement - my partner and I BOTH seem to suffer from ROCD honestly... and one thing I notice is that we haven't been capable of giddiness or excitement surrounding milestones such as moving in together, just anxiety and fear. It feel so sad, I want to be able to relax and to get excited.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Sorry to hear. Could it be a protection mechanism ? Not wanting to get excited/get your hopes up so you don't get hurt or disappointed? I will make a video on this in the future thank you:)

[@arg09_20]

Has anyone with ROCD had an intrusive thought that they cheated on their partner sometime in the past, even though it’s completely against your character and everything you stand for?

[@honeykumar5448]

Make a video for harm ocd an how to cure permanently 😭😭😭 becouse i m sufring from this 😭😭

[@bjoolo2935]

I suddenly feelt nothing for my partner and still dont. This led me to feeling really anxious and guilty. I got anxiety because i felt fake and didnt want this to happend. Ive broke up and been really confused whether i love her or not, but as soon as i see her i feel nothing. I dont know if i have ROCD or im just being denial to what happend.

[@Beginica]

Similar to me, how are you now?

[@lizziemaughan7615]

This is probably a lot of anxiety and ocd playing with me but I need advice I’m scared , so last week I felt strange me and my boyfriend had a Chinese takeaway he made himself sick so every time I’d eat I’d have anxiety that omg what if I’m gonna make myself sick and have an eating disorder I was already anxious last week then I was talking to someone about the situation with my boyfriend been with him 6 months I’m not deeply attracted to him I don’t love him or have crazy feelings for him but I love how we are together I love him for who he is he treats me well I love what we have i don’t wanna be with anyone else I don’t want him to either but iv been crying pretty much everyday hardly can eat or sleep constantly getting anxiety because I feel that okay then if I had friends and a social life would I care about him but when I wanted to be friends with these girls I still wanted to be with him anyway before all this I was fine so was he I’d never hurt him but it’s like I’m getting anxiety is it fair staying with him bla bla when before all this I was fine iv told him everything we both wanna stay together but can u grow to love someone who your not deeply attracted too he’s not ugly he’s not my type but he’s cute I love how we are with r sex situation I lost my virginity to him in Oct 2021 and it just feels like somethings going in and out of me the only time I get pleasure is when I watch porn and rub my clit I always used to wanna have sex with him but I hardly do it as I don’t feel no pleasure I care about him I like him a lot obviously since iv been like this everything with us feels strange like iv lost feelings for him that’s obviously because my anxiety has been high but when everything calms down things will grow am I lying to myself am I a bad person I want things to go back to how they was with us last week I was anxious anyway so it took something to trigger ocd and get me all worked up I’m trying not to cry and after this I’m not talking to anyone about it cuz it’s feeding the anxiety if I can be okay today as I was yesterday then maybe this time next week I’ll be fine I just don’t wanna cry for anyone who’s had intrusive thoughts ocd or whatever you’ll understand what I’m talking about when u can eat or sleep constantly crying u feel like ur going insane it doesn’t matter what anyone says really it’s the same thing going on in my head

[@brandifjoy]

how are you??

[@bedadays1763]

Where do the feelings of sadness come from? Why are they there? Is it the brain bringing up past emotional files? Plus I’m willing to bet that their relationships aside there were other issues before the relationship got attacked,usually it’s money exercise and a job your not proud of

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

I'm not sure what you mean by money exercise but yes often the sadness stems from past trauma or experiences the individual has had previous to the relationship

[@amberhynes6445]

Hey Eva! I was wondering if there was any type of social media that I can contact you on and talk about rocd with you? Hoping that what I have is rocd.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Hi Amber, my Instagram is @relationshipanxiety_therapist

[@Penguin9796]

@@overcomingrelationshipanxiety are u a virtual therapist? & are u taking new clients?

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

@@Penguin9796 Hi Deja, yes I am trained in RTT (rapid transformational therapy) and currently have 3 more spaces open for March.

[@921ster]

I’m really struggling with ROCD, and I’ve been married for 17 years. These thoughts just creeped in and I can’t get rid of them. I want my marriage to work and for the thoughts to go away. Unfortunately that is too much to ask for. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Sorry to hear you feel this way. What have you tried so far to overcome this?

[@921ster]

I’m trying to seek help for my OCD, I’ve been in touch with a facility in Utah where I live to try and deal with this situation. I feel like I want to leave my life, and I don’t mainly because I don’t want to hurt my wife. I’m in the battle of my life. It’s tearing me up, I feel so guilty. One day this thought came into my head and it was so powerful it knocked me down, and I haven’t been able to shake it. I’m truly scared that my whole life is going to fall apart by making a decision that may be wrong. I don’t know how I feel, I’m really empty inside. I suffer from clinical depression so that is probably part of the situation. Anyway I’m sorry for unloading all this on you. I appreciate your video, it did shed some light on ROCD.

[@crystalslade8056]

I’m the same your not alone married 6 years together 12 and the last 2 weeks I’ve been in a horrible place Seeing a counsellor tomorrow hoping they will help me

[@921ster]

I’m sorry you are dealing with this situation. One day your life is fairly normal and stable. I woke up one day and had this thought, and it changed my life. 2 years later I’m still feeling bad. I’m seeing a counselor as well. I hope you get the help that you need. Best of luck, don’t give up.

[@crystalslade8056]

How r u now

[@SatendraKumar-rd4oc]

Hey Eva!! I have this habit of comparing my relationship with every one's relationship around me. I just feel I don't love her anymore and i try to check how I feel while I do anything for her. If i don't feel it in a certain way as I had thought, then I start to feel as if i don't love her. I have started believing these thoughts as real. I am worried that I may lose my girl whom I don't know whether I love or not. These thoughts makes me so anxious that I am not able to concentrate on my work for past 3 months. I don't want to lose her. I want to enjoy my relationship with her without any negative things in my mind. Is this ROCD or have I lost love for my girl? I want to reassure whether I love her or not.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I can't know for sure but what you are describing sounds like ROCD. Have you tried reading a book or two on it? It could help you gain some clarity. The fact that you don't know if you love her or if it's just ROCD is a symptom of ROCD as well as the 'checking' how you feel or 'trying' to feel a certain way. Wishing you all the best!!

[@SatendraKumar-rd4oc]

@@overcomingrelationshipanxiety I haven't read any books yet. All i have done is going through a lot of videos on KZbin. Can you suggest me one? And is ROCD curable?

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

@@SatendraKumar-rd4oc the one by Sheva Rajaee is good I believe. Yes it is curable. There are also courses online like "Awaken in to love" that I have heard really helps people.

[@SatendraKumar-rd4oc]

@@overcomingrelationshipanxiety Thanks a lot!!

[@Beginica]

@@SatendraKumar-rd4oc hey, is the situation better, because im going thru same thing

[@derkollege2723]

I got one question… I dont ask myself „does this feel right ?“… It dont feel right … Is there a difference ?.. Or does this feeling come from ROCD ?

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Does it not feel right the entire time? If so maybe reflect on what is keeping you in the relationship.

[@derkollege2723]

⁠sometimes it feels right, but in the background there is a permanent feeling of unsecure

[@hannahowen1801]

I have this ridiculous idea that if I don't want to spend every waking minute of my day with him, constantly talking about the deepest most profound subjects, we're doomed. I do wonder if he has a bit of ROCD as well actually, but I'm not sure what to do about this because he's a victim of narcisstic abuse from a previous relationship and sensitive to perceived criticism.

[@overcomingrelationshipanxiety]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.. I would recommend seeking help if you have not already. Both individually but as a couple also. It can really make a difference.

[@bishandass2741]

I need consulting you

[@sianthompson8638]

I watched a tiktok compilation and one of the videos was where ppl were showing their girlfriends off and these girls were obviously very attractive and then I felt embarssed to post her and my brain was telling me not to post her coz she's not as attractive as these other girls...and not long after guilt crept in...i don't wanna think that about her like...she's so amazing...she's beautiful...i see beauty in her...it's not true that she's not beautiful...i know she is...Whenever I think about when i thought about it that same embarassed feeling I get anxious...and i ruminate about it and then I feel like i don't deserve her becoz of it...Am i losing physical attraction to her...? I feel like I'm wrong for her and don't appreciate her as much ...She is worth the risk...and I'm trying not to have this feeling/thought...I had rocd when her and I were still together...we broke up a few months ago...and i thought these thoughts would go away but now they're back...i have more than one ocd theme...and i really think that it's me...i also have the sudden urge to tell her about this...it just sucks becoz her and i r now working on stuff and now this happens...I wanna get her flowers for her upcoming birthday and when this happened i felt like I was lying and that i don't care about her when i do...i cry at the thought of her with someome else...why is this happening...i don't get it...is it rocd??🙈or me...

[@emilycarter2446]

Sounds like intrusive thoughts

[@brandifjoy]

Truly, truly it sounds 100% like ROCD in my opinion.

[@Someoneoutthere67]

Thank you