How to Stay EVEN KEELED When Triggered or Emotionally HURT | Tom and Lisa Bilyeu

[@RelationshipTheory]

What tactics do you use to calm your emotions?

[@citaprevia9833]

the SEX is not better after the tigger (S&M) it is better with the safeword! reclaim the *Scapegoat* or be lost in fake is.Real and Love is not pretending!

[@petachin6587]

Music

[@roisinevans6263]

I write music, Watch my favourite program Do some writing about my in the moment feelings and be my own best friend. Some journaling by Andrea Hayes books, There’s so much I do to remain cool, calm and collected

[@Firuzeh]

Remembering it’s all an illusion:)

[@LuanaKoch]

I do Honest sharing in groups (Honest Sharing Group Gopal)

[@sarad.2305]

Some precious tips: avoid the red bar on the thumbnails, it gives people the impression that they already seen the video 😊

[@talesreis]

*Woah, amazing episode!! 😄🔥 Here's my summary of it:* 🕹️ *Avoiding Triggering* _"Give over your vulnerability so much that they could use it as a wapon, and trust them that they're not going to"_ It's important that both partners recognize the triggers of each other _"If you've to guess what the other person's triggers are, it's like stabbing in the dark"_ - Lisa Bilyeu Discuss with each other what your triggers are, and look for how not to trigger that. 🤔 *What if you've already triggered the other person?* *# Idea 01:* Give each other time and space During moments of stress, nothing that you say will register *# Idea 02:* Pull the person out of that neurochemical state 💖 *Love token:* Establishing, at a time where you both are in a 'loving' emotional state and feeling connected: _let's create a love token. If I ever give you a love token, no matter how angry you are, yo'ure going to remember that we love each other and we will stop being angry_ 🧠 *You're having a biological experience* ◉ When the other person is upset, whatever you do it better be designed to change their neurochemestry. If you can't do that, the conflict is going to just keep going up. ◉ It isn't until you can help them into a new space that yo'ure going to be able to resolve the conflict. You've to shift them into a softer, more open and more connected space

[@maggieobrien3354]

I hope that when Lisa is finished with her book that the two of them write a book based on their tools and techniques they use in their relationship.

[@SS-in1ts]

They both have very open honest and kind personalities, rare to see couples like this.

[@lnaph]

@@SS-in1ts + an intentional, and reflective growth mindset.

[@amandabarrett2472]

We need more people to hear this stuff. My spouse only wants to convince . And he HATES giving space to calm down.

[@shellshelly5552]

I love the two of you together. You’re both REAL. Very special, power couple.

[@spiritedamanda23]

Ugh this is too fuckin true! My partner & I triggered each other so much but we learned each other's triggers as well as our own triggers & now we know how to navigate arguments better. My partner is like Tom, wanting to convince me why I am wrong or shouldn't be upset & I am Lisa, usually needing space to change my neurochemistry lmao! I will literally meditate at times 2-8 mins before returning back to finish the conversation 💗

[@paula-elizabeth]

Wow Lisa and Tom - I Love Your Guys openness and vulnerability. 👍🏽👏🏽👏🏽😃🌟🌈 I think you’re both Incredible and send you both Blessings of the Highest Good of Every Kind - Thank-you! 💗🌈💗

[@hayleyduckworth9779]

This is so helpful cause soamy times peoples egos get involved and it suits the proper conversation to happen and as well as triggers but at the end of the day to try remember it's all about love connecting as well

[@user371-p7r]

Dear person, who reads it. Yes, I mean exactly you! Maybe we don't know each other. Still, I want to say, that I believe in you! You will certainly achieve your dreams and your happiness! Just don't give up and be honest with yourself! Now you have at least one person who constantly believes in you, which means you are fated to realize your dreams! No doubts here ^) *Best wishes for you ❤️ from a small KZbinr*

[@paula-elizabeth]

How kind, thank-you. 😃🌈

[@LetzzzK]

Yeah. Really kind!

[@BooBearuser-bk8gz4ku3w]

Thank you 😊

[@AhmetKaan]

🙏 *5 Things to Never Do in Rush:* *1) Giving away your trust* *2) Making big desicions* *3) Judging someone's character* *4) Falling in love* *5) Eating your food*

[@missmolly5129]

It would be amazing if you interviewed Chris Voss on this subject.

[@xbabyyb]

So important and so effective. I love this video. Thank you guys!

[@alexandraescobar9852]

So intrigued by the love token idea! Can you please share more in this?

[@PaigeSquared]

At around 6:24; i do pretty much do always want to be soothed. 😅 There is not really a mood in which I would not appreciate a hug from someone i am close with. It is like a weighted blanket for me, calms me in under a minute. My toddler picked up on it. Sometimes i will be close to scolding him (raw batter will make you sick! 🤢), and all of the sudden there is a set of arms around my legs. I melt. Doesn't matter how upset I am. The hug also communicates acceptance, which helps counteract the abandonment melange, specifically with a partner figure. Typically when i need a timeout, a hug would resolve those feelings the fastest, because it is the abandonment fears making my heart race. But i know in those specific situations, the other is not often eager to show affection.

[@ThatNiravGuy]

Your set is amazing! Awesome content!

[@MichelleEstrada]

I think leaving the room or the situation really helps or even changing the subject temporarily which is also to apply that mentality that you can switch your state. As long as we come back to it later then it’s ok to leave the situation alone for now.

[@QuasarBaby]

Could you guys explain a bit more about what a love token/love chip is? Thx

[@MagicMakeover]

Also be sure to handle issues face to face never on text or a phone call.

[@roisinevans6263]

Really helps guys, amazing as always xxx

[@lotusinmud56]

Excellent! Thank you🙏🗝️

[@allysonf419]

Great stuff! So useful!!

[@ShinkaTV]

I really enjoyed this one (again) :)

[@Ilovesushi123456]

Can you share more about how you came up with the love token idea?

[@amberl3717]

What do you do when your partner is triggered with anything they interpret as an attack.. it could be anything that is not praise... they will get frustrated with almost every conversation trying to bail... then say they are done talking about the topic knowing that I will respectful say let me know when you want to finish the conversation... then they "get over it" (want it to go away) and ignore/refuse to even finish the conversation.... at all, ever... by all means necessary... what do you do...

[@BusyAcreHomestead]

Thank You

[@MC-eq7fl]

Triggers aren't excuses. Victims of abuse aren't guilty of having pTSD. And if one can never eliminate a trigger 100 that's ok

[@justinjohn8380]

Love love and love them both ❤ obsessed 💙💜🩵💚🤍❤️🩷🧡

[@drexel1976]

Love your outfit!

[@maryfraraccio2572]

Coping skills, I just love coping skills. God bless the coping skills. Amen, God, or Buddha, both.

[@ifyousays0]

I love you guys!

[@SilverSight92]

What is a love token? Please explain that

[@AhmetKaan]

*Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today.* *Jordan Peterson*

[@visionyouniversity]

It cracks me up to see you and Tom struggle with finding a sig out for the show! You guys always give it away that you haven’t gotten there yet!! 😂 WOI has “Be the hero of your own life!” IT has “Be legendary!” But RT is a work in progress!! LOL!!! Y’all are HILARIOUS!! 😂😂😂

[@markreynolds4176]

Word.

[@airflowautoparts3047]

Basically be adults.

[@jonreeder1419]

What do you do when their triggers are never the same because they suffer from ied

[@cristinreichmuth1684]

@7:10, the "love chip" is mentioned. What if it is infidelity or some other massive relationship violation?

[@blueseptember2174]

Wouldn't think it would work for toxic things. The person who was unfaithful would have to show years of service and changed behavior, not a token.

[@lydiahiby7543]

👏👏👏❤️

[@MightyistheRCGamer]

My wife has been cheating on me for my entire marriage. So I am the only one who was married Not Her. I should have left her but for some reason I feel really attached to her so I am really messed up. But I do plan on leaving her. But not for someone else No Way My Mom & Thought me better than that. Not to mention when you cheated on you husband and wife Jesus Christ will come to consume everything she has because I did this in my first marriage and o boy was I wrong. I lost everything

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

Actually I think you're man could be a right little shit at times to live with, I see him as a little self absorbed and punitive in his judgement. Great discussion though love your insights.

[@savdeb7973]

On the love token part when he was explaining and said “and you feel like you’re so right which you’re probably not” was like ???? Yikes. It’s never about right or wrong. Kinda turned me off from watching.