Therapist REVEALS Why Finding Love Is SO HARD...| Lori Gottlieb & Lewis Howes

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Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold over a million copies and is currently being adapted as a television series for ABC.
In addition to her clinical practice, she is co-host of the popular “Dear Therapists” podcast produced by Katie Couric and writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column. She is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, CNN, and NPR’s “Fresh Air” and her recent TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year.
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No matter if you’re currently in a relationship, still searching to find the right partner, or just curious about the topic, I think you’ll find value in Lori and I’s discussion. If you’re ready to get one step closer to finding the love you want in your life, then I encourage you to listen to it. Please join me for Episode 1,190 of The School of Greatness!
You can follow me at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
Instagram: / lewishowes
Tiktok: / lewis
Linkedin: / lewishowes

[@lewishowes]

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE for more #Greatness in your life and let me know what your biggest takeaways are from this video! IMPORTANT: There are many accounts impersonating me. I will NEVER ask you to contact me through KZbin comments. All comments coming from me will have a checkmark and be highlighted like this comment here. Please be aware of fake accounts trying to scam others using my name and picture!

[@pearltaylor7883]

This is an excellent article, Listen carefully.

[@govindakubal]

YFC t BH

[@spookmoney6903]

Ass

[@Satillite1111]

In my current life, I've had to gravitate towards relearning my belief system and going on a journey within myself. Know thy self first then my reality is not to stress, rather bring logic in, as this will help to be more open minded and not be too emotional. It's being a good listener and communicator showing one's vunerability... Be authentic and speak from the heart without getting defensive... It takes practice ❤️

[@soulnurse3833]

Lewis has the "Best Content" Ever! -

[@terrigodfrey8260]

Wonderful teachers, both of you. My husband of 50 years died recently and we had a great marriage. We both had passion and patience and loved each other all those years. No regrets. We had love and chemistry from the beginning to the end. Just wish we had more time.

[@888hereandnow]

🙏💞

[@jimbo1027]

Very endearing and inspirational.

[@taralilarose1]

You're grateful but want more? I never had that for 1 year.

[@taralilarose1]

@@linak7155 I AM but at 63 it's getting harder....not easier. I have overwhelming issues and despite all the inner work and my relationship with Yeshua aka Jesus it doesn't seem to change my challenging circumstances.

[@janedoe1404]

You are lucky, because I am married to a lying, delusional psychopath, and worse of all I cannot divorce him!

[@avertthymortaleyes3460]

Some ppl remain in dead relationships out of convenience and fear of starting over by themselves. Never settle for someone you have lukewarm feelings for. That's another lesson I had to learn the hard way.

[@danielk348]

Man this is deep when you think about this wow so many people are afraid of being alone, they just hook up and hope for the best

[@cdl6953]

Yup. Agree. Learnt this lesson and been single for over 8 yrs

[@jamesnguyen7069]

love is just an emotion... you are over thinking it... too bad u are not that smart

[@Wanda_Jannette]

@@cdl6953 9 yrs here - feels great to me!

[@carbon251]

not some MANY

[@GR-xz1wf]

Happiness does not always mean having a partner in your life. I can honestly say, that I have never been so happy, in my adult life, since realising that. Nearly 7 years being single now and I wouldn't change a thing in my life right now. Good luck to those who are searching for their happy ever after,, be it, with someone else or, not.

[@mlouis7]

Keep lying to yourself.

[@VAPORFEELS]

@@mlouis7 keep pretending you’re happy with settling with someone out of fear. You die alone in this life with or without a partner.

[@tamgsmith8077]

@p i that sentence makes absolutely no sense at all. Exactly what are you trying to say? Are you trying to insult the person or what? Please explain

[@humanyoda]

@@tamgsmith8077 I think "p i" is a poorly programmed bot that threw disconnected words together into the sentence.

[@tamgsmith8077]

@@humanyoda that does make sense!!

[@Rowenawhite]

In a relationship right now, he wants to change everything about me but wont change anything about himself. it is time to end this.

[@SashaStreams]

"Okay, let's define trust" - "when you feel safe not knowing". Life changing. Thank you 🙏

[@colinesquire2480]

💯

[@Nah-ah]

I felt that! So accurate 🙏🏽

[@buddhaneosiddhananda8499]

Trust all life... not just other people...be open at all times... "being vulnerable is being woundable" The Love Guru (movie)

[@antoniosciara7322]

hahaha. Right. But real trust comes from just feeling solid in yourself. Then you are not as afraid to be betrayed anyway. I don't need to trust someone else 100%. Trust in yourself.

[@kirillnadtochiy5039]

Ignorance is bliss.

[@kirillnadtochiy5039]

The longer i live, the more i realize that the kinder and more understanding I am the crueler the world gets towards me. People closest to me take advantage of my time, energy and resources and give nothing back.

[@macseagle5968]

Dude, you just described my entire life.

[@DnVFMVs]

Beta vibes

[@kirillnadtochiy5039]

@@DnVFMVs Yea, I know what you mean about the vibes. I'm getting some cunt vibes from you as well. Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway ;)

[@danielmcdonald1145]

Too feel others so deeply is a superpower and a curse at the same time.

[@lyndasacks5612]

💥

[@latinaalma1947]

It is SUCH A RELIEF when you meet a person who loves you in a healthy way and cherishes you. I had that for 41 years until my mate died last year. He was like my beloved grandfather cuddly,.warm,.strong emotionally and practically he wanted to take care of me in the way I needed he handled the more practical male things...car maintenance scheduling, reaching the high things in our house. We were sailboat cruisers for years never once did I feel in danger even in a hurricane at anchor. It was like nothing bad could ever happen to me ..we were even robbed at gunpoint once, not on the boat ,my mate had a pistol beside him,but we had been surprised and one of the men was at the foot of the bed had my late mate gone for the gun he would have been shot...likely me too. We both could have died. He was very very controlled, gave the robbers enough to get.rid of them and we were safe. I trusted him completely in every possible way the exact way my grandfather made me feel. I knew very early on we had the same background, values,.character and personality traits. I was the luckiest of women....what a miracle he was in my life.

[@ezbless100]

it takes 2 relatively healthy people to come together successfully, what I mean by that is people who are willing to learn, grow, change, own their stuff, have empathy, understanding, not perfect but be able to make concessions

[@Zen-cx5tc]

💯

[@varnishyourboard]

I thought I would be single forever and I accepted it and was used to it. I finally found intimacy and vulnerability with someone in my 40s and now, after her ending it (because of my emotional immaturity and inexperience), I FINALLY realize the magic of connection. I crave it now more than I ever thought I would before.

[@samanthathompson9812]

I'm glad I don't know what I'm missing.

[@lewishowes]

😊

[@DJRenee]

Now that you understand do what you need to do to grow those areas

[@varnishyourboard]

@@DJRenee I'm trying. I'm reading everything I can. The lessons from the past will always be with me too. I do know just because I now crave a mutual, reciprocal, loving relationship finally, it isn't the same as deserving one without the work involved. Maybe again some day 🤞

[@dana102083]

@@varnishyourboard listening to experts and talking about it is definitely in a positive direction! I'm in my first emotionally vulnerable relationship in my late 30s and it feels strange but amazing.🙏

[@newleaf4732]

Thank-you for articulating how WEIRD it feels to finally have healthy relationships when you're not used to it. I've done enough healing that my mind is blown on a regular basis.

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@dana102083]

Im in a weirdly amazing relationship, both parties very open and vulnerable. I've been reflecting and openly share it with my partner. My past is full of emotional neglect and trust issues but a very giving person. I've always wanted to be really heard. I accept getting what I need is scary.💕🙏

[@thehilaryglow]

These days it's more difficult to find someone who even wants a relationship, let alone someone who's willing to work to maintain it.

[@Leonhart_93]

It's likely you aren't looking in the right places then. I would say it's a self-evident thing if for example you only consider the popular guys as potential partners.

[@emmawanjiku1358]

@@Leonhart_93 That's exactly what I have been hearing from my own son that, the girls are only looking at well buffed guys with money and ignoring the regular guy with a degree and working towards his Masters .

[@doughartley3513]

I gather that finding women in the America is easy.

[@goldenparachute392]

@@emmawanjiku1358 and those are the drop dead beautiful and popular girls that your son is going after.

[@lamentate07]

@@goldenparachute392 No. It's average women too.

[@Concojone5]

I'm amazed at how good this woman is at what she does, and at how well she teaches us! When I opened this video I never thought I was going to listen through the whole 2 hours! Lori Gottlieb is a name to remember.

[@lindav1189]

what? that was TWO HOURS???? she is delightful

[@pamelajasper4128]

If you're with a narc, get the out quickly.

[@SuLawn]

She must know Oprah Winfrey.

[@lindav1189]

@@pamelajasper4128 ABSOLUTELY! Its all about them, you don't get any positive feedback from them.

[@sandychandra3222]

@pamela jasper after researching his behavior then I realized what a narc is it’s over but his words wound deep

[@tj4624]

There are so many gems in this conversation. I'm still processing it all. I feel these are important conversations to have with your significant other.

[@lewishowes]

👍

[@Select993]

Yes ,I'm the same, their conversation is deep, before getting into any kind of relationship be sure that you are ready .very important subject.

[@russ9921]

‘Your partner can handle the truth of who you are’. Some of the most profound words I’ve ever listened to. The ‘difference between secrecy and privacy’ discussion was fascinating too. Superb session, Lewis.

[@Star-Mac10]

This woman is so articulate in putting precise words to feelings, emotions and resolutions. Bravo!

[@thereisnopandemic]

And that’s the problem, she chooses feelings, emotions over logic and reason

[@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488]

She has horrific vocal fry.

[@Star-Mac10]

@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 You would too if you spoke as much as she does. This video alone was a vocal marathon.

[@flawlessstrategy9972]

@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 "She has horrific vocal fry" Was just gonna add this... Intolerable.

[@connierosecoaching]

Omg I had no idea women didn’t hug men when they cry! That’s what I’ve always done! I’ve had quite a few men weep in my arms, I found my love for them deepen. Vulnerability is sexy. The female just wants to know you can be strong for her if she ever needed, and releasing emotion will grow your strength.

[@SpicyChikenDlux]

Some people want others to have emotional intelligence so THEY can be understood. They will keep explaining to you how bad they want to be understood…… but that same person does not make that same effort in exchange.

[@lewishowes]

👍

[@jellyrcw12]

Absolutely excellent interview. "If we don't grieve it, we repeat it." Wow. I have been feeling that SO much lately

[@megnelli]

Relationship trauma is like when you get really bad food poisoning and then don't want to eat that food again.

[@lesliehodgson8355]

Lori and Lewis this is the best, most practical and clear relationship guide I have ever seen! Wonderful work, thankyou

[@lewishowes]

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

[@Concojone5]

I couldn't have said it any better

[@colleenpec121]

This is so helpful I admire you so much Lewis, so Inspiring thank you for bringing us superb guidance🙌♥️

[@lhogan7111]

Some of this can really work between two people who want to fix and enhance a relationship….but none of this works with abusive people.

[@olivegoddess1]

Yes, I agree. As much as I am enjoying much of what she offers in this conversation, I really don't agree with her on many points because I see that she has an underlying assumption that all people are rational. Not all people are rational because their judgement is clouded by trauma and how their personality and behavior have developed based upon what happened during their formative years. Abusive people DON'T WANT TO CARE about how their partner feels and will not want to work with their partner as a team, even if they may pretend to toward their therapist. She is mostly speaking to rational people who simply misunderstand each other from poor communication or lack therof. But this doesn't apply to people who are abusive, including those who AREN'T AWARE that they are abusive.

[@paramadas1174]

I really like how the host is co ordinating with the guest..he is not pushy with his questions and the interview looks balanced. The guest is also able to talk in relaxed and free manner as she is not constantly interrupted or bombarded with questions..

[@LIBqueen]

Yes, he is a great interviewer

[@lindagonino4486]

I wasted many years doing all these things and all it did was enable and encourage the narcissist to become more abusive

[@kimba7567]

I simply want peace. If your relationship gives you peace and enjoyment great! My experience with relationships have brought me more grief then peace. The energy I have invested left me very unhappy, stressed, and tired. The thousands of people with mental health disorders etc. make it especially challenging. Someone who is simply unhappy that wants to operate their life in a toxic way will only wreak havoc on anyone they have personal relationships with. It takes two really emotionally healthy successfully single people to have a loving and peaceful relationship.

[@karalianisthmus8548]

Omg me too! I obsess lately and I’m single now. But I need the peace first! And hopefully I’ll find a man again but we need the serenity first and it’s a process

[@dennispacelli1007]

very well said! People are not emotionally available and are lazy about working at relationships....1 narcissist can bring down a 100 people BUT a 100 people cannot bring up 1 narcissist!

[@jazminerenee4077]

There so many down low, insecure, misogynistic men. And most us like she said don’t know how to properly love because we have not been shown.

[@karalianisthmus8548]

I agree with you, however at 50 years old a man (or woman) should know how to love or at the very least make their intentions known before hurting another person.

[@EllieM_Travels]

Relationships require you to be introspective and admit your faults. Too many people today think they can do no wrong.

[@anndavis2920]

true 12-28-21

[@T-KRD]

"The person who is going to heal us is ourselves". So true, healing ourselves is our business and our responsibility and mature individuals recognize this, discipline your mind and your actions, there's a path to peace, do the work, because noone else can do it for you.

[@lewishowes]

Absolutely!

[@HabitualLover]

My late partner was a macho man who felt comfortable crying. He would share his emotions with me and be so open and supportive when I was emotional. In contrast, an ex I had before him who once in a while would cry- but in a way that made me uncomfortable because he would express an entitled outlook just for having showed vulnerability, and on top of that, was never supportive in my vulnerable moments. I rue the day my hon passed- he was such a solid guyk. It’s taking me a long time to grieve him, but looking for the good he showed me in new men has made my way better. Because I’ve never again accepted a man who uses masculinity as the excuse to be manipulative with his own or others emotional vulnerability. I love love love a guy who doesn’t do that.

[@TheVillageBeast]

Hope everyone is chasing their purpose 🙏🏿

[@helendelatorre5919]

I'm all about the purpose! Focused on me! Self-love!

[@esmelouise9046]

“i understand you” is more powerful than “i love you”.

[@TheHunnyBeee]

Most people have a fear of being alone when everyone is typically alone at the end. Having financial stability keeps women from wanting toxic relationships with toxic men. I remember when I was financially unstable i was a dating machine. Once i became financially solid I stopped dating losers and was actually happier

[@jillsinanan6777]

People keep looking for love as if they are looking for an item....love has to be natural/organic. Sadly many women especially feel the need to conform to society and do the get married have kids thing, and in their search they come across men in clubs, dating sites etc., and try to make these men into what their dream man would be like, and that is where the disagreement...marriage and quick divorce and the search continues. Not every soul came in this world to experience marriage/kids/family life....some of us come to experience childlessness, living alone and we need to be still and let our inside voice guide us and not force a love relationship.

[@lanitaykelley8838]

J I L L yes ma'am, you said it! Admittedly having a hard time grasping it as being fact.

[@beulahmills6344]

This woman is awesome ! she thoroughly covers all the angles and is spot on

[@wonderwoman1199]

She sounds genuine. And I like her practicality.

[@wonderwoman1199]

The more I listen to her, the more I learn. I'm in love with Lori. So grateful to have stumbled on this video. ❤️

[@sarablack6676]

I’ve been with a lot of terrible people and also people who just were stuck in their own heads. My current partner though is so considerate, he’s just always aware of small things to make me more comfortable. We sleep with a fan, but if he isn’t in bed I get cold so when he wakes up early he moves the fan so it isn’t directly on me and I won’t get cold. It’s just one small little thing, but he’s aware of it. He is considerate and that’s so important, to be considerate and thoughtful of your partner.

[@dennispacelli1007]

Damn right! That is me to a T! That is why I became a doctor to patients and a school teacher. I'm a care taker and my 3 daughter's were well raised .....single now though. "Its the little things he does he does for me yeah!" Beatles

[@ishmael_03]

"I'm saying if you truly forgive that person, great but that not necessarily the goal. It doesn't make you less of a person, it doesn't make you less evolved because you can have compassion and not forgiveness." "I that could do more damage than good when you tell yourself you forgive someone when you actually don't. That force forgiveness can be a trap and it could leave you in a stuck position for much longer then you would be if you just acknowledged I don't actually forgive them" This certainly isn't the case with the world today: there is so much forced forgiveness and coddling people's bad behavior especially the court system. 🤦

[@bauhausoffice]

All of this talk. I am halfway through this video almost and I have to say it makes you want to just move to the middle of nowhere, live alone off the land and find peace and happiness. I just realized maybe I want to be a monk…

[@Zen-cx5tc]

Agreed

[@johnhazlett3711]

The sources of hurting one another is important. Since we all make mistakes, have idiosyncrasies, have character flaws, hurting the other is inevitable. Then comes the real challenge, if the situation is not a moral or ethical failure, one really needs to avoid overreacting.

[@Pheonix1111]

An excellent interview full of a wealth of wisdom to heal oneself and relationships that is truly worth watching multiple times. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@jadecovehealing5636]

Dang she's good!! Less than 10 minutes in and Lori Gottlieb has already thrown out several really straight to the essence insights that immediately help you get it.

[@angelakaiwi7445]

Lewis you are so genuine in all your interviews. Your questions are always spot on. This interview with Lori has been so influential for me. I love her definition of greatness. Thank you

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@semaaral2498]

Agree with your comments Liked to send my congrats 🤗Wish him the best in his life with his family🤗

[@claudinedaley4415]

So thats why its soo important that premarital counselling be done. Its VERY important to know how your partner wants to be loved and to know if you can keep up. Dont fool yourself. Loving someone shouldnt drain you in ANY way. It should be as close to natural for you, as possible, and REALLY Beautiful. GREAT interview...

[@Atip4eva]

"we marry our unfinished business" that hits home 34:16

[@sarahtaavetti]

Letting go of the idea of “winning”, “being better”, “being right” or even “being in more pain” can make the biggest difference in a relationship. If you don’t run, there won’t be a race. If you don’t give it air, it won’t rise. The ego can be a fickle thing… Get to know your ego, train it or it will take the reign in your life.

[@dennispacelli1007]

Easing God Out:EGO

[@dorothycassity9658]

I like him saying, is there a way of getting in a relationship without hurting each other? It shows he cares. If only he could find a way.

[@WhiteBirdMustFly1]

Finding anyone equally yoked with you is no easy task! Isolating doesn't help, for loners. Sometimes there is no repairing the assault, battery or mental emotional, physical, financial and other abuses. So moving on, is the best choice, no matter how many months it took to find a clever, charming abuser. They lacked empathy, and that alone when I discovered their mask slips and words didn't match their deeds, and flew away. It's a painful lesson to learn, however less painful than accepting and allowing abuse. Even the officer who protected me one time, expressed that I deserve better than that. He also said I hope you divorce the sick man who did this to you.

[@dushisoundsmeditationmusic]

Once you fall in love with the person you are life becomes so much brighter and better. And eventually, a partner will come into your life not to complete it but to share it with you💖

[@deebaker9199]

Imagine if we learned this stuff at school...what an amazing love story I could have had lol, if only I had known how selfish and self centred I was in relationships. Thankyou for this Lori, true gold 💛 namaste 🙏 ❤

[@lewishowes]

🙌

[@liliandepaulapsicologaonline]

I’ts so cool that he takes notes while she’s talking. I feel like he’s learning just as us.

[@cindihunter9119]

Why does it appear as if Lewis doesn't really get this? "Seek first to understand, then be understood." Steven Covey Also, lacking understanding or interest in what the other person is needing is also key! Many people don't want to actually "work", things out! Relationships take interest, empathy, work, patience, trust etc to work...

[@RojitaCali]

Why wasn’t I enough? You were enough!. This really resonated with me as I’ve had a few guys tell me… You’re too good for me… So hurtful but we all got to work on our wounds!

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@ChandanaCTV]

same with my recent ex, this is the first time someone who told me i am enough. But what they said in the video, they haven't dealt their wounds of having someone who is enough. it's very healing to my broken heart right now. I couldn't believe him when he said actually i am enough, it was a him problem. It's my wounded idea of i am not enough not matter how much i did with my parents. i think i need to know i am enough my parents dint give me that validation. i need to heal this before i enter a new relationship. ❤

[@youshouldmovetochina7308]

This woman is so amazing at what she does.

[@lewishowes]

👍

[@jillschmieding]

This is more valuable than years worth of personal talk therapy. She gives so many real life applications. I love the questions asked and so many nuggets to take into my real life relationships. Thank you!!

[@lewishowes]

So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499

[@teanguyen6778]

Lewis! I always love 💗how you ask the right questions! You always ask the right questions!!! “It’s not Asking the question. It’s asking the Right questions.” It takes a lot of emotional intelligence to be able know how to ask the questions.🙏👏🏻🥂

[@lewishowes]

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

[@VictoriaSakurova]

Lewis, I love how u usually open up about your personal experiences, especially about romantic relationships. I'm sure that by doing this, u bring peace to men who think that showing their vulnarabilities was a mistake. I'm sure ur videos and u opening up to a huge audience like us will change their perspective about men.

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@gregmason8150]

His vulnerability doesn't create peace for Us. That is just your emotional response as a Woman. The vulnerability thing sounds great, but in practice it will never work. Worldwide in places where Men behave "feminine" by being vulnerable, The Matriarchal Women think the Men are worthless. They still want a strong Man emotionally, and as a Man, in those Cultures, listening and understanding is held in a much higher regard. As a Man being vulnerable in Society IS weakness and all of the wishful thinking will never change that. You can't simply make a statement that being vulnerable is strength in this modern day and have it be true. We are hard wired to see vulnerability in Men as being a Pussy.

[@jjc2323]

@@gregmason8150 she wasn’t saying being vulnerable in society - she was saying being vulnerable in a relationship. Fear of being hurt keeps folks from opening up - especially men. And usually those men were hurt by someone they loved in their past so they say never again! If you cannot let your guard down for your woman once in awhile - then live will never grow. That woman will go on to find a mate who will. We don’t want soy boys - but we don’t want hard rocks either. A balance is needed. This is coming from someone who respects men and likes manly men. Occasional vulnerability is key to keeping her hooked for life.

[@inyouall]

MY OPINION: 1- FEAR 2- STUCK BETWEEN REALITY AND BELIEVES 3- NO TRUST 4- ALWAYS ASKING FOR MORE 5- LOOKING FOR DADY AND MOMY IN A PARTNER 6- A TOTAL SLAVERY FOR DESIRES 7-...

[@jermo1213]

What about Instagram Facebook Snapchat Twitter Tinder and tick tock? That's number 1.

[@inyouall]

@@jermo1213 what about them?

[@sayusayme7729]

Timing is perfect, thank you. Mother & adult ♥️🦉🦋

[@jermo1213]

@@inyouall social media has destroyed relationships, moreso than anything on your list.

[@inyouall]

@@jermo1213 You are totally right. number 2: Stuck between reality and believes. BELIEVES that have been built from social media or religion or society... so I totally agree my friend.

[@Joy-mm3cz]

This podcast really resonated with me on so many issues. I spent 20+ years in an unhealthy & abusive relationship. I always thought my expectations were to high. After all marriage is supposed to be hard. That’s what all of my family & grandparents would tell me growing up. FALSE. Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, it’s an easy as a walk in the park. I basically did the complete opposite of what I did in my marriage. I know have a standard that I don’t waver on. I have boundaries that can’t ever be crossed. We aligned on having the same values, lifestyles, ways we communicate and a true equal partnership. Our words match our actions and we both can be flexible. Our love languages line up perfectly as well. Life is better than I ever thought possible.

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@fauziakhan9954]

How lovely. Stay blessed ❤️

[@moniquesmith5186]

LEWIS…I’ve said it before…I absolutely LOVE ❤️ this channel! What you are doing here is absolutely INCREDIBLE! There’s so much negativity in KZbin and SM in general. Your channel is an oasis in the desert 🐪 🌵 . Thank You 🙏🏽

[@lewishowes]

Thank you so much 😀

[@fauziakhan9954]

So true

[@erikahyman8611]

I’ve been in a healthy relationship for 13 years & some days I still don’t believe it. It’s weird to feel safe when you always wanted it, but never had it. You always think you’re going to be blindsided. Like, it’s too good to be true.

[@JonathonAslay]

This is by far one of the best interviews I've heard...

[@SaeedAcronia]

But I WANNA be single. It's a superpower

[@annbrodie9523]

So true. Being single is a superpower

[@barbarataylor2258]

Agree!

[@SaeedAcronia]

@@chillie000 Freedom

[@girl123boy456]

@@chillie000 - because we already “KNOW” that we don’t have the agency or “ENERGY” to fix everyone who want Us to “HEAL” the unaddressed hurt they mask with love bombing, easy sexual access, flattery ect... Trauma VICS always attempt to trap stronger Personalities into fixing them, when what they need, is long term “THERAPY” under the care of a qualified “PROFESSIONAL” who possibly is a healed trauma vic themselves. 👈 ...Superpower Single Empaths have learned to say, NOoooo....I can’t HELP YOU....but I won’t “SHAME YOU” for being a broken, neurotic... Mess! 👈

[@melgreen5927]

I love her term 'curiosity versus criticism'. Ive always tried to figure the other side without judgement. This clarifies my intent! Thank you. Ive learned so much today

[@Shamilt3]

The premise that is overlooked is, one person wants to make and work towards making things better, and the other person doesn't give a shit. Whether it's laziness, or plain old apathy. There are predators in this world

[@Shamilt3]

@@chillie000 sometimes those things are not readily apparent, or you've stepped into a relationship with someone who is mentally/emotionally ill. Agreed, that having higher standards cures most things. Just saying it has been my experience, that there isn't a mutual effort on saving or improving. And those chicks all got tossed out, so yes I did leave, however the premise of this speaker is coming from is assuming that every relationship is working to improve.

[@fc7alibi]

Lori Gottlieb is a treasure and her book is a must read for pretty much everyone!

[@lewishowes]

🧡

[@andythompson2009]

Awesome! Bit too late for my last relationship, 20 years. Finished a couple of weeks ago... but awesome show Lewis! At 56 I might do some learning!

[@karenbechelet1358]

Great discussion, thank you. It is a shame that we are born to converse with each other and yet when the excitement dims and there are problems to solve and a life to live, we start to mis-communicate and close ourselves off to dealing with these struggles together. Team work and conversations equally will ensure a happy marriage even if it's awkward to work through. The reason alot of these relationships don't work is often that one of the partners has a hidden agenda and is too comfortable or selfish to share their truth and leave the marriage. We only get one life on this earth and l would want it to be with someone who wholeheartedly wants to share it with me or set me free to live it the best way I can!

[@susanpalesto]

Same here. Tired. so scary when realized I should be happier than this. Drained by jealous partner. He’s never going to see there’s no reason to feel the way he does. Thought he’d see that theres no reason to worry. I am always accounted for n tired of proving myself. Too many sorries to count. Ufff dating seems scarier n don’t know how I’m going to do that bc so shy n men scare me if I don’t know them. Don’t know what I’m going to do. Great video.

[@axisludi]

An interview that's worth revisiting regularly. Great help!

[@mikebell2531]

This is maybe the best one yet! Touched on so many things that hit home! Thank you both and Lewis thank you for putting content like this out!

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜

[@PharmersConsulting]

I agree. It was really good

[@lewishowes]

Thank you 🙂

[@jjc2323]

Understanding the others person’s reality is most important. A person feels loved by you understanding them. The operators manual example is really good! We need to listen to others better. Pay attention to the other persons needs. Thank you for this advice.

[@LinYouToo]

I’m learning more and more every day that sometimes the person right in front of us may be triggering some thing from decades ago and it’s hard in the moment to see it for what it is. It’s not like they are doing anything wrong. It’s that they are stepping on a massive hot button. Imagine how much less friction there would be in relationships if we could pause in the moment and ask ourselves if what we are feeling is really as big in the moment or was big in the moment years ago and we can choose to deal with it differently. That’s not to say that people can never hurt us or upset us because they do. It’s knowing the difference.

[@TheVillageBeast]

Love how you talk about every topic here bruv. Keep it uo

[@MMK1986P]

Amazing!!! I'm gonna watch this video over and over again. I learned a lot about myself and I hope I can continue to improve my relationships. Thank you!! 🙏

[@citrinecasa]

Wow this was such a deep dive- I love he keeps getting more and more specific with his questions and her explanations are right on the mark and clear… think I just unraveled most of my childhood attachment issues that I’ve been dragging into all my relationships !

[@debcambria665]

She is very accurate and a wonderful educator

[@irenejag6717]

Your such a great interviewer Lewis! And what an intelligent guest. Thank you both!

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜

[@heart2listen1]

Mentioning repair, in the first few moments of the interview- then listening, then intention- then needs, really nailed it. All just so paramount for functioning relationships for all of us. Required listening for everyone wanting improved connections.

[@rebeccasanti4777]

So many wisdoms here from Lori and Lewis. Thank you so much for the enlightenment that a healthy relationship and positive connection takes a lot but not necessarily impossible to build. I love the way you highlight self love, self-healing (but beware of the trap of self medication), and be careful of having all this expectations based on personal and cultural values. Gold!!!

[@originalbeefman]

I really enjoyed this interview. Lots of wisdom here!

[@rosaliaolguin4723]

This was a great podcast. My partner and I were able to benefit from it. I'm so grateful it came across my feed. I would had not clicked on it because of the title. I taught to myself, "I'm not single, I don't need to hear this" but once I heard all of the couples therapy work, I was hooked! Thanks Lewis for making this possible!

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜

[@Yeniphur]

I LOVE Lewis’s videos, but I completely see what you’re saying- I learned to bypass the titles of his videos because the titles can sometimes be a little misleading or diminutive. The content of these interviews are priceless, but I wonder if adjusting titles would present the interview better?

[@fiorellaleveratto1013]

She is amazing, and he is asking the best questions. So much great content. Thank you!

[@susankimani9220]

It's amazing watching Lewis and Lori on this interview as I always listen whilst walking. Loving this after listening and watching several times 👌

[@lisanidog8178]

Being single isn't a crime.

[@thomaswaffle5121]

Most people aren't looking for love and most have no clue of what love is. If you fall in it. It's not love because you will eventually fall out of it. Teal Swan defined love as taking someone as a part of you and only wanting the best for them. I love all my exs even though I know someone wanted me dead. I still love them. The only place to find live is within yourself. There's only one love. Everything else us just an energetic/chemical response when you're attracted to someone. Everyone is scared to be themselves in the beginning of any relationship and hold that character until they have them hooked with a letter of ownership (marriage license). If you can't call them a best friend and love every second you're with them, they're not yours.

[@harleyr3735]

Thanks for this incredible interview. I just bought her book a few months ago… I definitely gonna start reading it immediately. She is so wise and well spoken.

[@majaradojkovic]

Amazing guest and great interview. 👌 Conversation is so inspiring, meaningful and factual, and this woman seems like a great therapist and radiates beautiful energy. I really like her. And love you Louis 💖. Thank you for another wonderful video 👌🙏❤️

[@lewishowes]

You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡

[@jakesdekker7503]

Excellent video; it had me nailed from beginning to end. Ironically, it confirmed for me how unstable and volatile relationships are, that solitude without all that “emotional noise” feels like pure bliss.

[@lewishowes]

👍

[@raratey]

This was so eye-opening.. I haven't finished yet as I bawled half way through. Thank you for sharing such insight! I found it so interesting that we don't need to achieve completed self-work and healing before we enter into a relationship, but it's actually THROUGH an intimate relationship that we can learn, see more clearly, and work on ourselves... and that a safe environment also helps us to heal. Makes sense! Looking forward to further introspection and what more you have to say.

[@vitabuonavita2565]

Thank you Lori . I needed to hear this....I went for the familiar all the Time. Thank you Thank you. Thank You 1000 times, heal yourself

[@Hail2MasterChief]

Lewis, thanks, really enjoying your interviews! Good content and you bring out the best info and let the speaker talk.

[@erichaynes8849]

I think I need a degree in psychology like her...in order to have another relationship, but usuallly its continuous misunderstandings, betrayal, control, money, sex, crazy emotions,etc.. Nah, I'll stayed settled for being single. Too many headaches to deal with and thats how it will go down ✌

[@Concojone5]

Dude, she just gave you the keys

[@christinee8353]

Again wow...I left my first love because I couldn't get him to listen or understand me..years later I wish that we had had a better therapist to guide us through our conversations.

[@annaritson2820]

This came up on my feed today, which is now 2 years later...hehe. It is absolutely brilliant. There's so many insights I've taken from it in my heeling journey of the past year. Thank you so much Lori & Lewis 👐🏻

[@dawnanderson9287]

You either have to change the person you are with....or change the person you are with! When someone is always the victim *often a narcissist* no matter what you do and how much you change yourself they will not change. However, we can heal after you leave the toxic relationship.

[@bjelfin]

All conflict between people comes down to one thing: one person wants the other person to think, or believe, or act like that person wants them to. That is the reality. So compromise is just a matter of one or both people giving up a little of what they want from the other person. Btw, this also applies to groups of people and even nations.

[@elizabethlavet7528]

I absolutely do not want a relationship with anyone, a romantic relationship or care taking relationship. It is just so much easier for me to take care of myself. I appreciate help from time to time but it is rare and I try to avoid it, usually strings attached.

[@PharmersConsulting]

Thats great while your still young & able but imagine when youre older or cant do everything anymore... we always need someone and its nicer when we want and like them too!

[@gonzowarburn7045]

I agree with you Elizabeth. Don't be in anyone's debt, especially to the opposite sex. I'll make my own sandwich thank you, I make it better anyways.

[@rakeshgaddala]

Then what about kids Elizabeth ?

[@Tarolyn17]

Lori is so cute! I bought her books and I love them!!! 😍

[@lewishowes]

👍

[@jaykaye562]

Lori talks such sense.. love this, thank you 🙏🏽💜

[@diana0620]

I found out I ended with a narcissist from this video. Thank you both. I had a hard time trusting a healthy relationship in the past

[@lewishowes]

So happy to hear we have supported you!

[@supremegoddessnani3584]

Thank you so much for sharing her with us!! This was simply amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed & took away so many jewels and gems from this session. I’m definitely going to get the book and workbook to add to my ongoing healing journey! Thank you again ❤️

[@lewishowes]

Appreciate you! 🙏

[@Select993]

Woohoo! Absolutely and outstanding conversation Thank you to both. Much love and respect