Religious Upbringing | S4 E3 | Couch Conversations

Does growing up Christian shape the way we see love and marriage? After 17 years of marriage, Neasel & Clarence let us know how they navigated the "purity culture" at a young age while couple Lindsey & Aaron learned how to "unlearn" tradition and expectation to create new boundaries that work for them.
#couchconversations #kevonstage #melissafredericks #religiousupbringing
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[@avaholloway32]

Man! I wish I would've had shows like this when I was younger...another exceptional episode!!🎬🦋

[@onewilmore]

100%

[@RichmamaTy]

SAME

[@alexisthom6927]

I second that but at least our kids will have all these resources to help them and we can be happy watching them do it the “right way”

[@nayego4]

​@@alexisthom6927 and we can unlearn and relearn to pull better and draw better from us and significant others😊

[@Reeses710]

From beginning to end, this episode was much needed & absolutely amazing!

[@AriWaters29]

I'm so happy y'all carried on this conversation as publicly as you have. I believe this will bless so many people, including myself.

[@christianwatkins7185]

This was such a great conversation!! Yes, we need to be teaching our children the "why"! Alot of us are just going through life doing what our parents/church said and don't even know why smh

[@kimchikimchi1251]

I love hearing Lev and Melissa talk about things like this. They are so thoughtful.

[@mrsblackson1]

I immediately sent this to my daughter who I, as a single mom, raised in the church. I have 3 daughters who were very much impacted by the purity movement. I hated the fear-based approach to sex, but wanted them to avoid my missteps. I pray they learn to have healthy sex lives with their husbands.

[@patd869]

Our generation needs to continue to have these conversations. I'm trying to re-learn somethings from my childhood.

[@reginawheeler966]

I love that he honored her goals. It's good to have goals and a mission.

[@shalewaa]

Not Aaron bringing up the documentary analogy. 😭😭😭😂 I burst out laughing. 😂 Great episode - again. And this is just my second 'unplanned' episode.

[@melbaknowlton]

This is so needed in our community! Great episode!! I love both couples experiences it was great listening to them. It’s definitely different when you grow up in the church. I like the fact one couple said they were going to raise there children in the church for that foundation! That is what’s lacking in these young children lives that solid foundation period!!

[@texasgoddess323]

Great conversation! Our parents taught celibacy through the lens of life and everyday happenings. For example, when a TV show came on about a girl getting pregnant, it would showcase her life. Our family would have conversations about how much her actions affected her life.

[@td7868]

This reminds me of the age old conflict of religion vs relationship. Religion focuses on a list of rules (which provides structure), but it can also manifest shame and fear without the correct perspective. However, when religion is coupled with a God-centered relationship the fear dissipates as the focus shifts to following God (in faith), which yields masterful results. I love this content!

[@julietoneill1268]

This is the best one yet, lol! Lindsey and Aaron 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌

[@philakilTV]

Conversation got so good that they forgot it was a show episode. Nice discussion!

[@Sheherhis]

Wow, I like these couple couch episodes. Thank you all for sharing these. They are light hearted and leave you thinking!!!

[@SOI-wl2lo]

Melissa dropping *GEMS* at the end there 👌👌👌

[@t.j.8891]

Thank yall so much for this session! So many resonating truths!!

[@DrKesha]

This is a much needed conversation.

[@LifeInGrandeur]

This was such a great conversation! Aaron & Lindsey I’m so proud of y’all!!

[@bonbonsongbird5650]

This episode was excellent! I have young adults and I want them to watch this. This is a great teach if only the church felt they could be teachable in this area. At 20:20 when he starts breaking down how he was protecting her🔥🙌🏽! I was like woww..beautiful. I loved what all three couples shared.🎊👏🏽

[@AfroMillennialMomma]

Story of my freakin life!! I was 28 when i got married and i wanted to have sex and felt all the urges but my mental was like this is not you, this is so wrong. After the 1st time I felt like I wasn't myself anymore, like I didn't have anything to be proud of myself for. My poor husband waiting a few months just to put the h$%d in lol. Even though I enjoyed it, it took years for me to do certain things just because of the mental block from all those years of trying to be "good"

[@thriftstorescoffeeshops]

This was so great!!!!! I loved the South Central couple (🤣🤣hilarious) the transparency is so great. Especially comin from church kids. Appreciate this Black Love, thanks for having them all on!

[@MrsBrittanyGold]

I love the conversation about consent and how early they had it. Because if you don’t , someone will. You definitely want them to come from you.

[@brittanyfigaro]

These conversations matter! Thank you

[@reginawheeler966]

The same rules should be the same across the board for our boys as well. I have a son. Sadly he's been sexually active. However I'm consistently reminding him how important his purity, his body is and the same for the young lady he's pursuing.🙏🏾

[@onewilmore]

Kev's last words..."get into it!" 🤣

[@shalewaa]

Nah, it's Aaron's energy for me. Love it!

[@joannapilgrim]

This is an excellent, intelligent, mature conversation. Thank you

[@lynnpearson4933]

Great insight and tools to help those of us STILL unlearning…

[@jordanduff-gordon2390]

I absolutely loved this episode as I do all the others. I would like to ask though that you guys do another episode on the same topic, however with other perspectives. For example how they deal with differences, and agreements, marital roles, friendships, etc when God is a main focus in the relationship. Thank y’all for these conversations!

[@t.j.8891]

That feeling that church folks do everything the "right way" but have to still struggle into having a good sexual relationship with their spouses and/or deal with infertility issues can be really heartbreaking.

[@PJ-hs5gl]

Well said, so true! As if we as Christians aren’t allowed to go through and feel weak. We can’t be strong all the time.

[@Sheherhis]

Yes true!!!

[@smilesometimes3102]

Church are not church being taught to not have sex before marriage is a good lesson However I think if you are a virgin once you get married you should not have to watch porn to teach you how to have sex Some of those things on porn is not normal and you should not bring things like that into a marriage .

[@Tolaqha]

Yessss! Can’t even wait till after work to watch this!!! Kev and Lis, my faves 🥰

[@yolandalcheek462]

I wish my story was their's 🥺 but unfortunately, I grew up where purity wasn't heard of. I always knew Jesus (God) existed, but my mom never talked about Jesus to me! She never forced us to go to church, I never heard about sex, she never talked about diseases. All she said to me is "Get pregnant, you on your own!" But I'm thankful that God's hand was still on me. I'm the youngest of 5 with 3 older sisters. All were pregnant or had babies before the age of 18. The oldest had twins at 15 years old I knew that wasn't going to happen to me. I watched their actions and I refused to follow that path. I didn't have my daughter until 27! But I wished I would have waited until marriage.

[@musclegurl8302]

Absolutely love the conversation, being able to commune with you all within this conversation because church is my upbringing. Now having these types of conversations, that it would have been great to have then, nevertheless, I appreciate these conversations being talked about now, as opposed to never. Thank you. There can be more of these talks, survey says, yessssss please (👍😌), 👏.

[@Tolaqha]

Wish these were daily episodes…can’t wait for the next!

[@beybey4282]

MELISSA IS AMAZING FOR TEACHING HER CHILDREN..ABT CONSENT IN A ROOM W/A GROUP OF MEN..YOUNG. OR OLD..I DEFINITELY REPECT THAT..🤩💯🙏😇

[@lolingthornton8189]

The key word "FEAR BASED".

[@renewarren3242]

Love this whole conversation (yep I grew up churchy too) but that Finding Nemo story is a good one 😂😂😂😂

[@reginawheeler966]

Sex is good. Marriage is good. The wait is good. God is good. Purity is good. Being pure is good.

[@alistu4237]

Say that!

[@Nyjaburkett]

Yup this one is for the books 📚 ✅. Look at me taking 📝!

[@clementine4133]

Great show, people!!! I agree with all of the 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️🙈🙊🙉. Now, Kevin explained the parents ' position so well. They do with what is effective at the time: fear, pain. Then, as adult, we need to look into ourselves, remove layer after layer of taboo... and so it again, bodymind work.

[@topnotch6901]

So proud of Black Love! ❤️ 🤎🖤

[@JBrazill09]

Such a great conversation!

[@oneof7billion627]

Aaron looks like Nipsey!

[@dd470_]

Low lowkey

[@Passion84GodAlways]

CANNOT WAIT to watch this!!! 🍿🎬🦋

[@Carrrnversations]

This conversation was gold

[@drunkoffjuiceboxes]

I need a part 2!!! Such good conversation.

[@jasonnelson316]

Great conversation. Great evolution of the couples in their mindsets vs religion.

[@tishataray]

Aaron cracked me up 😁....great vid

[@opraha1113]

Liked before I even watched. I just know it’s going to be good 😊

[@DerrickStricklandMinistries]

Stage Krew in the Building 🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬🎬

[@busybawdee]

Melissa where is the cookie recipe you got from skill share 😂💞

[@beechannel27]

Great convo!

[@wrightkeisha]

This was good

[@thenitty-grittyhosea4875]

This is so needed!

[@kenyacwilson]

I appreciate this conversation, because there is absolutely not enough honest and frank discussion in the Body of Christ about these things...hence, minimal to no preparation. I have to keep reminding myself that this particular Couch Conversation is about religion/church culture (per se) and not about relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I'm not hearing about staying pure out of the fear of the Lord and obedience to His word, I'm hearing it's because the church folk said so and/or scared me into it. That needs to change...like now.

[@elishacreekmur5747]

Such a good conversation!!!!

[@MsHJones]

Good convo. Are the Fredericks hosting the entire season?

[@aieshadaniels6104]

Hey, all respect goes out especially to the blue couple the Jacksons. If only the world had no double standards in raising both their girls and boys to stay pure. Because it should be proud for one and shame for the other!!!

[@yolandalcheek462]

I would have love to have a purity testimony

[@SOI-wl2lo]

This!

[@carolynlong8701]

Great conversation

[@QueenZsWorld]

I'm curious to hear how the Frederick boys being on Arts & Raps when they were younger affected their comfortability with asking "taboo" questions at home. Cause after you ask a rapper "what does [explicit inuendo]" mean enough times on camera, you learn that adults have secrets. I'm glad their parents were honest with them & gave them good instructions

[@TamiaPeach]

I really enjoyed this episode. I’m not even a church kid, but shame around sex is something that’s prevalent in the black community, which is why so much marriage-less sex happens.

[@VashtiPerry]

Sex education has to be body and consent focused and not faith based. I used to want to teach purity classes in my church when I was young but I was told I couldn’t teach body parts etc. So I just gave up… felt like I was going to be teaching bondage

[@ejefferson7554]

My church didn’t talk about sex at all. Nothing. No purity rings or nothing. We had a big youth population and everyone was doing it. It’s interesting how churches are different.

[@MsKISS6]

Great episode!!

[@reginawheeler966]

Its good to wait. Selah. However I understand the need to understand it's okay to be intimate. Within the proper context. Love is Beautiful, Sex is Beautiful. 🌺❤️ Adults shouldn't make things scary...but bring a healthy understanding to the table.

[@nadinebelongstojesuschrist2319]

I like this. learning

[@love2brass1]

great convo

[@sxyteesa0890]

Let’s be real even if you don’t wait you go through the same exact thing tbh you just like sex was okay but what made it better was both parties taking time to explore and learn each other both partners aiming to please

[@manifestation.mamacita9785]

Religions really has a lot of black folk in a chokehold and it is so saddening

[@sharioden5853]

I say that all the time

[@sparkly10286]

There is a lot of unlearning that has to be done

[@wanjirukuria593]

Sadly.

[@dd470_]

Facts

[@gcatalina800]

I concur!

[@la23bank]

Church kids are different... we can not help it with the guilt and shame ....

[@lateishaclement]

So what is the purpose of the Purity Message and abstinence? I am Christian and I am not speaking against the church. I just have questions.

[@aspirehigher6368]

There are a lot of books and teachers/preachers that explain it but I first recommend the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6 explains a lot about the purpose of not only purity and abstinence but of sex. It's about oneness/unity, so it's a sacred consummation reserved for a marriage...we are brothers and sisters until we are husband and wife, and when God as the Father blesses and honors you into marriage He's still the Father. And marriage in the Bible is always symbolic in relation to our relationship with the Lord also, like in the way that it says our Lord is the bridegroom and we are the Bride ('we' meaning the Church, the Body of Christ, who have died and been born again) and there will be a wedding and a feast at His return. We are one with Christ, crucified in flesh and alive in His resurrection by the power of the Spirit so we live by the spirit and die to the flesh daily, which includes resisting sexual immorality. Something cannot be a moral action if it is a cheap mockery that corrupts and perverts and cheats you of the purpose God intended to fulfill through His original design of the creations. It is not just because of premature pregnancies and STDs that we are supposed to be more responsible with sex. The spiritual legalities go far more deep than the physical ones even do. But according to their original purpose, all things He made are good.

[@chabridgettumusiime8994]

Thanks 👍💕💕💕 love from Kampala, Uganda, Africa ❤️. Question I have is how do I talk to my 14 year old boy about sexuality without being disrespectful or harsh and my 20 year old daughter.

[@AlieshiaTV]

Okay new host!!!

[@christinebryant8354]

Wow, it’s hard being a parent. At least you’ll are talking to your boys.

[@amam9015]

I don't know if any of them did it for God?

[@AngelaElikya]

They didn't.

[@Poundcakecuties]

As someone who gave us the goods at 40 to my now hubby. I tell people often...you guys hid a lot of truth

[@MyAfropuff]

What do you mean? Genuine question...😬

[@gcatalina800]

Can you elaborate? My ex was my one and only and we had three children. Now single after over 20 plus years 9 years now. I have healed with the help of meditation and therapy. But the dating pool has pee in it. Lmao/Smh! These guys are something else. I'm 47 and no time for lies or games.

[@Poundcakecuties]

People in the church weren't completely honest about there's more than keeping your legs closed. We should have spent time talking about how to communicate, the sacrifices you will have to make and the life after sex. Many of us were condemned for even saying we were horny, which was a natural thing. I would teach younger women so different now

[@Poundcakecuties]

@@MyAfropuff Hey Grace people were not complete honest about the more than sex. Marriage for Christians is so much more than keeping your legs closed

[@Poundcakecuties]

@@gcatalina800 Piss in the pool you are so right my single friends are having a rough time out here but our culture needs to heal so we can get back to.the desire of marriage and not thinking is always list a hard exhausting place to be

[@marie-e.dejean1093]

Their intentions were pure indeed. And, at the end of the day, salvation is about Christ!

[@reginawheeler966]

Why Boundaries?

[@pastephinetaylor5615]

💯

[@wildonez3076]

I was curious as to why more Christians don't allow God to give them a Godly view of sex and intimacy before they marry. Our minds have to be renewed in that area!! Sex and loving intimacy are two different things. Two people who are filled with God's Spirit should want more than a just a sexual experience ( or want more than just a bad girl in bed). People in the world can achieve that low standard!! But maybe that's all some people want!! But I asked God for more!! And He answered!!

[@matinajazmine]

am really terrified about the s word

[@cj10109]

I’m a PK so I was so scared of sex that I didn’t have it until I was 25. Religion can be a blessing and a curse. You have to practice to be good at it. Lol

[@reginawheeler966]

Do we need toys?👀

[@reginawheeler966]

I believe we have the wrong perspective about sex.

[@cortneywebb3741]

Sex is an act of worship -

[@Lee-oj3ro]

This is wrong on so many levels. They are depicting the church as having the wrong ideology on sex and marriage; so what if it is ackward with your new spouse. It is an experice you are to grow in together. Stop saying that you are Christains if you have a problem with the lifestyle. Also, when the church is speaking about obstaining it is directed at both sex, although majority of the times men ignore the fact that it applies to them as well. If they had so much of a problem with being inexperienced then they needed to just go on and have sex before marriage. Go on and be free like the people of the world and lose that special 1st time with your spouse. The ones that abide in God know the reason you are to wait and it does not have to be explained in depth to us.

[@Eby98194]

No I think there is a focus on women because there is a physical proof that she has had sex. Where as men there is no visible physical proof. But I think more importantly the effects are the same regardless. I think with things like the feminist movement and equality churches are starting to also focus on abstinence for men.

[@loveyb9090]

This comment is foolish is shows your ignorance. Teaching shouldn't involve shame nor name calling. And that's something problematic the church very much does.

[@elysemorris6559]

Great convo!