How to Help Your Elderly Parent Who Refuses Assisted Living

[@darleneh608]

My concern isn't how to help them. It's how to make them understand that they can't make decisions about themselves and assume that everyone else has to cater to those decisions. They think that making the decision to stay in their own home obligates me to do everything for them that they can no longer do for themselves. I've been trying to set firm boundaries, but everything is an emergency for them and they refuse to see how they're creating their own bad situation.

[@ljbishop11]

I hear you I’m in same boat

[@culturematters4157]

Same here. Nintey-one-year-old MIL refuses to move into assisted living. Says she would rather crawl around on the floor. However, she expects others to subsidize her decision by bringing her groceries, providing free handyman services and vehicle repairs!

[@LeGeND-12]

Same boat. FIL - falls, stroke risk , senile but that’s not the worst … he’s entitled and expects mother of three working part time nursing school to be his caretaker ‘round the clock. His attitude is a huge problem.

[@dizzyfingers7180]

My dad was trying to take care of my mom. We begged him to get her into a facility for palliative care, which are doctors recommended. Unfortunately, he misunderstood palliative care, refused to allow her to have palliative care, and she ended up getting a UTI which developed into sepsis. My mother was also a diabetic, so, she spent six weeks and I see you before she died. She would probably still be alive if she had gotten the proper care, but my siblings and I respected my father’s uninformed wishes. We were never going to go to court to get my mother into palliative care. Besides, it would’ve been too late. My message: understand the difference between assisted-living, palliative, care, and hospice care. You don’t want yourself or your loved ones to suffer needlessly.

[@ursulasmith6402]

If elderly care would be free, there would not be a problem. AI, looking like people, have them programmed being a caregiver, costs will go way down. No one wants to do this anyway.

[@sunray8136]

My mom is now a fall risk. Her greatest phobia is moving. It's her house and I'm the only sibling that helps her. I also live with her. She'd rather suffer pain from falling...a broken foot and sore back this time around. It's not a matter of just being stubborn with her. She's been a hermit. No friends. I'm her only person. I have to work too. She's still able minded. Completely clear.

[@Robinsonandhenry]

This is a tough position to be in, Sun, and we're sorry you're struggling with it. We're a Colorado-based firm, so if you're located here, you're welcome to call us for a case assessment about what your options may be to help your elderly mom. Our phone number is 303-688-0944. Wishing you and your mom all the best.

[@LucysMom64]

Sun, I am in the exact Same boat. My mom keeps falling at her apt and I'm the only child and only one who is around to help (other than my husband whom I need to lift her). She doesn't leave her Independent Living apt or see anyone.

[@sunray8136]

@@Robinsonandhenry thanks for the response. She's in a big hospital right now. She ended up breaking one of her vertebrae. They're trying to stabilize her blood sodium levels. It keeps falling to dangerous levels. Why she fell in first place. No I'm in Minnesota. But thank you. Doesn't look good for her. I'm my gut feeling opinion

[@lorimiller4301]

Wow, I feel so alone but I see others are in the same boat. My father fell and hurt his hand. It's two days later and now he's saying I pushed him into the nighttable when they truth is I found him on the floor in a puddle of blood. I cleaned it up but never again. Next time I'm taking pictures first. What a jerk, after all I've done for him. I'm furious.

[@hannnazus]

What about kids who are insisting their parent go into assisted living when they can perform all aspects of daily living?? There's unending info about a parent who is incapable, but NOTHING when the parent can look after their meals, housework, gardening, yardwork, entertaining, walking, swimming, dressing, laundry, driving, errands, shopping, toileting, medical and dental appointments, finances, etc. etc. Who do we turn to then?

[@maineweddingdestinations8659]

They don't need a nursing home.

[@Friskyhorton]

Con them into spending a while in respite. Some love it, so e you say they need more time there.