Russia Wants A "Thank You" | Norway Wins The Winter Olympics

Although Putin appears to have ordered his troops to enter Ukraine, the Russian ambassador to the U.S. told "Face the Nation" host Margaret Brennan that the world owes his country a "thank you." In sporting news, Stephen has a point to make about the country that took home the most medals at the Winter Olympics. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@charlie5115]

As a Norwegian I really enjoyed this monologue. Btw, licorice is Finland and pickled herring is Sweden. We have fjords, oil and universal healthcare 🤡

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

Salmiak is everything from Belgium on up!

[@charlie5115]

@@lenawagenfuehr53 No.

[@catalinacurio]

I love the Finnish liquorice ice cream! 😊

[@paulrandig]

And you discovered America....

[@countdebleauchamp]

Licorice, ugh. Picked herring I haven't yet tried.

[@annasndl]

thanks for highlighting the importance of what's happening in Ukraine!

[@Kochybars]

Forget it. Just laughting

[@nikolabari68]

It's Stephen Colbert. He just says what they tell him to say. Choose your allies and who you thank carefully. Especially when it comes to American public space.

[@johnsmithe4656]

@@nikolabari68 Yes, you must make sure to ingratiate all the dictators of the world. You never know which one will conquer your country next. Not that it matters, they will steamroll you along with the rest of your compatriots.

[@dulcieparker7425]

@@nikolabari68 Silver Lining.

[@michalamuggiernst464]

No one boos Norway, they are so lovely and wholesome.

[@g.d.graham2446]

Agreed

[@johnsmithe4656]

Yes, Vikings are very lovely and wholesome.

[@peterpeterpeter6315]

@@johnsmithe4656 You are beeing prejudice against Norwegians, which is cruel. Being the whitest people on the planet, we really are not used to such hurt. Have to ease us into it.

[@michalamuggiernst464]

@@johnsmithe4656 😸🤺🏹⚓️🏰= 🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏼🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏼

[@birbluv9595]

You haven’t met my sister-in-law who has 100% Norwegian heritage.

[@ignacioriosjr603]

“I wish I’d have a whistle…” also LOVE the “Tanks for not invading” card!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@submarinewahoo238]

I appreciate that the "tank you" card uses a pretty nice rendition of a T-34 tank. Tank you, artist.

[@luckcharlie1]

不像T34，像IS-2， T34炮身管短。

[@submarinewahoo238]

@@luckcharlie1 Looking at the T-34's cannon is not going to be a good indicator for the drawing because it is obviously a cartoony representation. The reason why it is a T-34 is because it shows the driver's vision port to the left of the vehicle while a machine gun port is to the right. The IS-2 places the driver's vision port in the center and does not have the machine gun in the hull.

[@ericbrammer2245]

I had, a former Student of mine (in Snowboarding), win 2 of those GOLD Medals for the USA! Lindsey, You ROCKED IT!! It took over 2 Decades for her to get-there, but, SHE NEVER QUIT TRYING!!! "PSR"

[@tbunting22]

Hope you didn’t teach her English.

[@sirjer73]

@@tbunting22 LOL probably PE!!!!!

[@aish125]

Congratulations!! I know no one personally,some people are from my Alma mater including Hanyu who had hard time on this Olympic.Hopefully he will keep going if he physically can.

[@bencoomer2000]

Tell her congrats for me!

[@jackgraham5342]

Well done

[@kaylamrock8723]

"Nobody said thank you." 😂 Would you like an edible arrangement? 🤣

[@kathymullins6770]

@Prigiyan Short GO AWAY!! GET A REAL JOB

[@McLKeith]

Don’t forget Norway only has 5.4 million people. We Canucks have a lot of respect for Norwegians.

[@rimehoarfrost3059]

truth

[@kalletheowner]

The respect is mutual my friend.

[@thexalon]

That Russian ambassador is saying "We don't threaten anyone, we just keep our forces on sovereign Russian territory ... like the middle of Kyiv".

[@sleepysera]

Well, based on Putin's speech, he basically considers Ukraine part of Russia, so...x_X

[@gregorypoe6180]

Did any of you learn a history at school? Russia was baptized over 1000 years ago and it start with Kiev. Like 900 years before the word Ukraine been ever used. Its nice to laugh about something you have no idea...

[@reviewiaid6432]

@@gregorypoe6180 whatever youre saying doesnt justify anything they did now.

[@Willskull]

"Yes, ah, Russia doesn't-a threat anyone" (0.o) Said in extreme threatening tone and menacing looking stares

[@g.d.graham2446]

Classic Russia

[@nancygodsey8312]

Didn't Russia just say a few days ago that Western countries were being hysterical because Russia wasn't going to invade. Well...

[@dulcieparker7425]

There's no middle. It's either act like NOTHING'S going on or this. Ya know.. there was no pounding fist on the table. Guess he''s saving that for the next interview!

[@ВикторМорев-в2ы]

​@@g.d.graham2446. The Age of Space for All Mankind - Began according to Moscow Time. according to the Time of the Country with the Capital in Moscow. Gagarin - The First Earthman who Made a Manned Flight into Space. Titov - The First Earthling who Made a Manned Daily Flight into Space. Leonov - The First Earthling who Made the Entrance into the Open Space. The First artificial satellite of the Planet Earth 🌏 - Russian Sputnik 1. The First stable Signal from Space (which Mankind managed to receive) was Sent to Planet Earth - Russian Sputnik 1. Russians are Pioneers in the Sphere of Space.

[@TheBoogyBoggy]

Watching from Lithuania. Tanks for not invading.

[@alaric_]

Well, baltic states were never in any danger since joining NATO. I just hope our dumb dumb finnish leaders would do the same thing so we wouldn't have to be politically correct with Russia all the time.

[@Opus313]

You would think a cross-country skier would take more precautions to avoid their junk freezing... for a second time!

[@brothermine2292]

Speaking from experience, it helps to have one's girlfriend to welcome you when you come in from the cold.

[@mathewserrano2262]

At this point it has to be a kink

[@wildflower1397]

Ikr? Isn't there a tiny winter coat he can wrap it up in?

[@chriscorbin6980]

He should invent a heated jock strap or use a heated sock.

[@nowhereknowhow3348]

The solution is a wool codpiece. clearly this man forgot his or omitted it to save weight.

[@MsRollingstone11]

Holy crap, the Russian ambassador is straight outta Central Casting

[@Sjalabais]

Ikr, what a bizarre choice of ambassador. It's like they want to play into a hollywoodized world view...wait!

[@erichancock6815]

Fitting since it is all laughably predictable political theaters between two known global liars: him swearing he isn't killing anyone & us claiming he's a threat.. like we did about Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, etc.. I see Vlad has now even taken a page from the Israelites by claiming Eastern Ukraine are ancient Russian lands. It's all been done before & none of them can be trusted..

[@g.d.graham2446]

Oof

[@charlie-obrien]

He is the natural follow up to "Baghdad Bob"

[@hanoc101]

And Putin is right out of a James Bond movie

[@Stella-vj6sx]

"We have no intention to invade anyone. Our troops are on Russian sovereign territory, we are not threatening anyone." That remark already aged badly and it isn't even 24 h old.

[@masterroshen841]

Agreed, and sadly, as a war historian and veteran, I am watching Putin repeat history. He is just following in Hitler's footsteps. Crimea taken without a shot, Rhineland taken without a shot by Hitler. Annexations continued until Poland when World War II started. Is Ukraine the proverbial Poland in this situation? It's obvious Putin has enough nationalist support. Hitler claimed to be helping the majority German regions of Europe, Putin claims to be helping Russians. Furthermore, look into Russian history and you will see a founding in the Viking era that shows that the majority of Russian lands were developed and added through conquest of the neighbors. If the ideology of, "I'm only reclaiming old territory," was valid then the US has a real problem. Aside from the Native Americans who could claim to retake the whole of America, you would also have the French, Spanish, and British looking to reclaim territory(See Louisiana Purchase, 13 original colonies, and Spanish-American War), but don't forget that we bought Alaska from Russia for cheap. They could just claim, "It was a bad deal and we want it back." FYI, we border them by sea in the Bering Strait. You don't see 190,000 U.S. troops on Alaska's west coast to ensure our sovereign territory. Point is Putin is full of shit and his buddy Xi is picking fights alongside him.

[@artbargra]

Strong "I'm not touching you!" vibes there.

[@lactoseintolerantgaming2711]

@@masterroshen841 Ukraine is not Poland. Remember that allied nations signed mutual defense treaties with Poland to hopefully curtail Hitler's expansion. NATO has not signed mutual defense with Ukraine. Ukraine is Czechoslovakia, where Hitler annexed parts that had "native Germans" on it, then invaded those parts in the name of "freeing them". He also kind of did that with Austria first, but Czechoslovakia is closer to how Putin is doing it as we speak. Good to know that only Putin seems to be the world leader that has learned from history and all our guys are letting it repeat. Or they decided that eastern Europe isn't worth it...

[@walleyperch]

Another lying politician? I'm shocked...

[@samiam4544]

That was the equivalent of a pro football coach getting a vote of confidence from the owner.

[@toveirenbecker2471]

Greetings from Norway🇳🇴 😆🤣😂🤣

[@ВикторМорев-в2ы]

The Olympic Games took place in the United States of America. 1960 Squaw Valley Olympics. - Victory of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings. 1980 Lake Placid Olympics. - Victory of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings. The 1960 Winter Olympics in Squaw Valley, USA. The Best Athletes of those games - Evgeny Grishin. won two (2) individual Gold medals. and Lidia Skoblikova also won two (2) individual Gold medals. The 1996 Summer Olympics, held in the United States, in Atlanta. The Best Athlete of those games - Alexey Nemov. won five (5) Individual medals, and one (1) team medal. and in Men's Swimming at the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, Alexander Popov became the Best Athlete.

[@ВикторМорев-в2ы]

The Olympic Games took place in Lillehammer in 1994, Norway🇳🇴. - Victory🇷🇺 of Russian Athletes in the overall medal standings.

[@NewMessage]

I grew up in Northern Ontario... we call a frozen peen 'Coming home with more ice fishing bait than you left with'.

[@M0oranshi]

Oh my god

[@1hawtMetz]

Ahahahahaha I'm sore-y but that's just 🤘 I grew up in Southern Ontario and I guess we were safe from the peen-freeze...or maybe I was just a juene fille et j'ignorais just quel était le terme approprié 😅🤷🏼‍♀️

[@mariag.8242]

@@1hawtMetz Men’s junk is such a design fail. Why isn’t it neatly tucked inside, all warm and safe like ours, then emerge when called on? 😂

[@shermanculbertson6244]

During these crazy and uncertain times, Stephen always finds a way to make me smile and laugh.

[@heyheytaytay]

I envy you. Oh, to be a simpleton.

[@abb0tt]

@@heyheytaytay …and yet, here you are…lol!

[@urlond9371]

@@heyheytaytay How does it feel to be a Sheep?

[@AA-jg7xm]

Check my video clip... The Libos are even more ridiculous

[@kir8379]

cuz it does not take much, you are a shallow simpleton for sure 😄

[@gamepapa1211]

I just had a visual of Biden, Putin, and Macron in a menage-a-trois, and now I need therapy. So, so much therapy.

[@danburnes722]

At least he didn’t add T****** to the mix to make the visual even more disturbing

[@grmpEqweer]

@@danburnes722 🤮

[@Washougalite1]

😂😂😂

[@Washougalite1]

No shit!

[@paulblack8887]

Fuck, kill, marry?

[@kuldas9299]

“Get ready for higher prices on bleak.” Lol

[@debramurphy4295]

Give it six months see how this to must pass

[@bunzeebear2973]

Picture taken in front of T* tower. Black & white really shows it off...like Xray pictures.

[@jc.1191]

Seems it's the most affordable item 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@tungurahua8257]

The biathlon is just the Norwegian version of a drive-by.

[@peterpeterpeter6315]

Bad ass Norwegian drive by.

[@madyjules06]

🤣

[@sharonmullins1957]

Hahahaha! Live in Detroit.............they haven't seen anything.

[@diazinth]

@@sharonmullins1957 when the winter forests go "steikje før non fine gardine"

[@sheridan7475]

Tanks for not invading! lmao

[@katiehettinger7857]

No, they're just shelling civilians.

[@alwaysuseless]

Any body part that freezes will hurt like hell when it recovers. Don't ask me how I know.

[@voidblack1706]

we don't have to. hands get really cold all the time and hurt like hell

[@cybercat29]

I know what you mean as I grew up on the family farm in Manitoba, Canada. With me, it was more frozen toes.

[@bolderyman6089]

Henceforth, I petition that all of Colbert’s Putin impressions be in the voice of Doofenshmirtz…so close already 🤣

[@Wild_Card69]

Or he could get Dan Povenmire, the voice of Doof, to do so...

[@denbrice]

9:43 Norway (5.3 M), Sweden (10.3 M) and Germany (83.3 M) Whooped US (329.5M)+China (1.400M). Europe FTW 😀 . Universal Healthcare and love your neighbor FTW !

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"We withdraw a _lot_ of troops from Kaliningrad area and nobody even sent us a 'Thank You.'" Yeah. You know, _we_ withdrew a lot of troops from the _Afghanistan_ area. Nobody even sent _us_ a "Thank you," _either._ 🤷

[@chrissiek8706]

Yeah, withdrew them troop how and how many? Planes? Sea? Cause definitely not land, we kinda would have noticed, being over the river neighbors...

[@maddii34u]

JFC 😬😬😬😬

[@puzzled012]

you do realize Kaliningrad is part of Russia, and (last time i checked) Afghanistan is not part of USA?

[@kylestubbs8867]

It’s almost like they’re asking to be rewarded for basic human decency.

[@gregorypoe6180]

Nobody ask you to come to Afghanistan in the first place, don't you learn anything from Russian mistake? Russians are in their territory, can do with their troops what ever they want.

[@sebastiannemeth-ramirez2160]

Writers: "How many dick jokes do you want to make in this monologue?" Stephen: "Yes."

[@1hawtMetz]

Hahahaha

[@DARWINZOO]

Love

[@gspeth]

In the case of the Finnish athlete’s frozen 🥶 penis, they write themselves.

[@paladonis]

Writers :"Are you sure? He could get mad" Stephen: "C'mon. It couldn't more then a little prick in the arm"

[@autumnskyes5633]

Chilly willy... 😂😂 I can't imagine. Gives blue balls a different meaning for sure.

[@lexslate2476]

Putin talks like a mob boss. That's another thing he has in common with Agent Orange.

[@toniclark6029]

US is a mob country.

[@granttierney4384]

LEX SLATE kgb yOU HAVE BEEN PILACED ON INTERPOL SERVER NSA WAVE TO YOUR WEB CAM .... /////99 .....1.1..1..2..2. 1,1,1,...1.1.1.......3.5.76.L7.. LOCATE TRANMS,,,,,,,, WE FIND YOU MAKE YOU teLLL VLAD WHAT YOU SAY ...

[@ibrahimal-waheed9963]

typical yank

[@JulieeEliz]

Putin IS a mob boss! 2nd only to Simeon Mogilevich.

[@Mr.Monta77]

Except Putin is a cunning and dangerous adversary. And Trump being just dumb but also dangerous.

[@d.t.8465]

Metals of Freedom for all of the nighttime comedians hosts, for keeping us sane these past 6 years! 🥇

[@beateeberhard415]

Reminds me of the Beginning of World war II. Official language at that time - September 1, 1939: 'Seit 5:45 wird zurückgeschossen' (since 5:45 AM we are shooting back) alleging that Poland started an attack on Germany. Which was a pre fabricated lie. Watching a documentary about the time from before the start of the war (1938 - 1939) and how political leaders of other countries willingly or unkowingly played into the hands of a powerdrunken man, gives you the chills. It is frightening to see history repeating itself.

[@shannehilleman2712]

Yes, very.

[@cal2780]

Maybe Mexico would like to take back the territory ceded to the U.S., in 1848. Starting with Texas......please. For those of you who don't know history: Fun fact, Mexico 'owned' California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, part of Colorado and New Mexico.😎

[@boomxmilizexpathacks9440]

They said he shelled, He said they shelled. What the shell?!

[@dulcieparker7425]

Ya coulda started with.. "In a nut shell.." haha

[@ImNorman]

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "cold-cocked"

[@kylestubbs8867]

What was the original meaning?

[@trekkienzl2862]

4:48 As someone who's Ukrainian (by parents), if a Russian boy surrounded my house with tanks, I'd assume he'd be wanting to invade my southern regions, so yeah, I'd still be weary of that.

[@MrStolboy]

Ukcrop

[@dulcieparker7425]

yup

[@sion8]

*+*

[@alexlandherr]

At 9:50; I wouldn’t be so bold, we Swedes can make your IKEA experience even worse [MANIACAL LAUGHTER]…

[@shauniebnaturalista6672]

Russia: if I attack you, the bloodshed is wholly and completely your fault. Wow 😳

[@hercules8879]

I NEVER watch this show .. but somehow got referred this. And it's fking HILARIOUSSSSS 🤣🤣🤣

[@rickkey4226]

Welcome!

[@annemettefrederiksen7751]

Congratulations and hello 🤘

[@elmerfudd5193]

Hay Steve and those responsible for posting the show on You Tube. Thank You from one of the poor people who can’t afford cable during this Great , prosperous time in the U.S. 😘

[@Stevenisbelieven]

You are very welcome. 🤔...I guess that wasn't a blanket "thank you" for people named "Steve"? 🤔 ...FYI, 'The Late Show' is on CBS, it's broadcast for free every weeknight after the local news.

[@astilealavatica1404]

I don't haz a television. My phone is my only key to this lovely program. Dripping sarcasm looming. It's a great time to be in such a rich, prosperous America. But grateful for simple pleasures. Mitch McConnell is Emperor Palpatine Some of you will die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make! - Lord Trump @Justin Y. Trump is evil. He ignored this virus until he couldn't ignore it...the steps taken have been deliberately slow to contain this virus, as the government has made huge financial gains in allowing particularly older, retired people to die...no more pay outs each month...voting, if still valid in this country...is our only peaceful, legal recourse...voting 3rd party is the ONLY WAY to get real humans in power, rather than dynasty families and career politicians. When we realize the 2 parties we are divided over LOVE the division among us...then and only then may America be great again... @Justin Y. Lack of knowledge of the deep state? I just accused our government of mass murder...I understand deep state...fact that you refuse to listen, only attack, says too much about you...clearly you haven't known hardship. Clearly none of this has impacted you negatively...you are part of the problem, offering zero solutions. @Justin Y. Calling me stupid really helps your case...Trump has very limited brain power, as evidenced by his rambling, generally repetitive, toddler talks...although most of us are sorely undereducated, Trump really amazes me every time i listen to his banter. Trump did not close the borders in time, many flights to the USA brought sick folk here. Action wasn't taken until very late February, and by then 15 confirmed cases were more than enough to basically allow what amounts to airborn, quickly lethal AIDS《why this? (Because this virus mutates too fast to create an effective vaccine, which may never get made), upon the world. This is dangerous because common behaviors of common folk, such as shoulder to shoulder events, shopping and sardine packed working conditions, helped this virus along...even as people died in China daily...America went forward 2 full months wothout any concerns...then...rather than force the hands of state officials, and put the population through a 2 month quarantine, we've been seeing states react, rather than prepare...and all at the natural stages this virus thrives on...complacency among enough of us to allow the spread to continue. You refusing to see this logic isn't a blight on my mental capacity, just proves you are as simple as our Lord Trump...and likely among those very few, who like many elites, don't even understand the plight of the masses, whom I speak for, in this contrived crisis...Trump is calm about the virus because he exists outside the bounds of common folk...Trump and other powerful people would never have to take the risk of infection seriously as they are all well protected by expendable servants or can at the least afford to continue living lavishly and distanced from peons such as myself. 9/11 was an inside job and this proves what I've feared since then...that the government can perform mass murder and the people will always just accept it, hire the next sociopath in line, whichever of the 2 evil divisionary parties they aspire to dwell in... Our educational system is archaic. We could be educating everyone from home...there are no valid excuses for our current broken schooling, and no teachers need lose jobs...as the internet is an amazing communication device... Taxes are broken. Your dollar earned gets hit so many times...and we all just accept that blindly. Medicine is broken. My grandmother died because her selfish daughter needed cable tv more than grandma needed diabetes medicine...and millions suffer from the inability to afford insulin, despite that drug initially starting out as a gift to humanity from a generous genius, privatized by evil and greed, priced beyond reality for most. Our 2 party system is designed to keep us bickering...division keeps us docile enough to accept our own government conspiring to murder us, with our acceptance. 3rd party candidates are generally real humans...that care about other humans, even, gasp, total strangers and foreigners... We are all on the same damn spaceship...Earth. I judge character...not race, not whatever religion folks are born into. I am old...I am tired of seeing disaster after disaster get slow attention from government, as poor people die in thousands due to delayed or nonexistent help. It's about time the many take control, with votes, to dethrone the sociopaths that control us, play games with our very lives... When there are only voluntary homeless, when the janitor is paid living wage, when a high school graduate can earn enough in food service, or retail, to support a modest home and essentials, while creating a nest egg...when veterans are given the same care as Congress, Senate and other positions of highest power, rather than left to suffer and die, when the lowest paying jobs are enough to survive on, then and only then, can America boast of being great... As it stands...I feel most of us are born into lies we have no control over...It's well orchestrated, as my points are made clear in every satirical broadcast about the plight of the expendable masses, world wide... Do I want peace, equity and kumbaya? Yeah...I do...are there sociopaths in power oppressing the common folk...yeah...there are...have good Democrats and Republicans existed? Yes...they get blocked by evil at every turn, often resigning due to unbeatable corruption. Do I pity the very people I label simple? You bet I do...I want this planet to be a better place for most...not some...for all...if ever possible... This covid virus isn't done. It mutates too fast to pin it down with a vaccine...and we haven't seen the end of it because we, as a planet, would have to agree on a few ground rules to consider being a functional society. That's my 2 cents...some of it...take it or leave it. Most of us just exist and watch, lazily, rather than get directly involved in change. @soaringvulture We don't seem to take note...we, the expendable masses, are being told to push through life ignoring this virus...it took ONE infection to start a Planet Wide Pandemic...and because we didn't quarantine from January 1st to February, we get to watch innocent and otherwise lives lost, daily...who are "we", in "we're in it together"? Certainly not the elite...they step on us to avoid harm...I'm furious with humanity as a whole...I'm furious we accept all this death and Trump's toddler talks...like a Ted talk without useful insight... Those of us suffering are many...while the privileged watch the show They created...when...when will the common folk unite against tyranny, through the only peaceful means we have...vote out career politicians and dynasty families in favor of fellow human beings, with consciousness and compassion for the lowest among us. We won't stop the cycle of abuse by trading Democrats and Republicans, two sides of the same evil, corrupt coin. Vote 3rd party...vote for real people, with flaws, that understand what struggle is...that have put time behind any of these so called essential, yet minimum wage jobs... This economy is screwed...always has been. The vast majority of work available is menial labor...food service, retail, janitors, grocers...a great many take their wages in government...which is far too big, complex and unsustainable... Until any job can offer a modest secure household, until the only homeless are those who volunteer to live "free"...until the pill giants are mandated to make life saving medicine reasonably priced...we are a selfish, horrid nation, divided by the very people that oppress us, yet too busy fighting amongst ourselves to take any useful action towards a better tomorrow for the MANY, not the FEW......

[@Kim.Miller]

@@Stevenisbelieven Not everywhere, Steve. I have to watch on Paramount on my Roku. There is no such icon for CBS.

[@FranP222]

@@astilealavatica1404 I read your comment in it’s entirety. You make many good points, but unfortunately the majority of them are not attainable. I agree that things must change. The small percenters at the top, those forming a 2 party system, have no idea, or don’t care about what the rest of the population wants or needs - better wages, affordable health care, affordable medicine, etc. I just spent 2 months in hospital and I can’t imagine what it would have cost me, even with insurance, if I was living in the USA. In Canada there are usually 5 parties running for election. The top 3 elected form the government. It’s the same for the provincial governments. It better represents the peoples’ wishes, and makes passing laws much easier as the third party, the second minority elected, can vote ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ on any proposed legislation that best represents the needs of their constituents. Overall, good comment. Lots to think about.

[@debnelson5522]

Cable is expensive

[@benjaminclark4030]

I started laughing as soon as I read, Russia wants a "Thank You". I don't even need to know any context. That's funny shit. 😂

[@reeferseasalt]

USA!! USA!! lol

[@ursaltydog]

Well.. since those separatists lived in Ukraine, modern and recognized borders, and were offered Russian passports long ago, like in Crimea, then they can FLY or cross the border to mother Russia, and stay the hell there where they should have went long ago. Just because they declare themselves Russians, doesn't mean the land goes with them..

[@chrissiek8706]

Ah, you're making mistake if thinking logically about Russia 😅 umom Rosiyu neponiat

[@ursaltydog]

@@chrissiek8706 Rather Putin cannot be understood with the normal mind.. ;)

[@davidedemurodominijanni9889]

The "Swedish assembling their own medals" and the "Chilly Willie" combo was... deadly!

[@stevesamora2986]

Stay safe y'all, this world is one crazy ball

[@masterwindu1234]

y'all

[@charlesmartin1121]

"We don't threaten anyone." Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sure.

[@matseporamaboli4275]

Congrats Norway👏🏾 Well done👍🏾

[@matseporamaboli4275]

@@Vedgitable...sister

[@alexanderpbyron]

Jon's facial expressions are always 10/10!

[@rcpmac]

Hair goes to 11

[@lesliemackay7853]

What do Norway have? Uh, Crown Funds that own about 1•5% of The World's markets, if cashed in makes every member of the population a $ multimillionaire. And they score at the top end of all surveys on quality of life, happiness etc.

[@DuchessofEarlGrey]

Shh, shhh, American's don't like being told they're not the greatest country in the world, let them have that fantasy or they throw a hissyfit, shhh

[@johnsmithe4656]

@@DuchessofEarlGrey AMERICA. BEST. ALL REST. WORST. AMERICA. GOD. REST. NO GOD. UGA BOOGA BOOGALOO.

[@Private_Idaho_1]

Pretty sure he was just making a joke

[@madyjules06]

@@DuchessofEarlGrey American here, your comment is sadly true (& hilarious) Think I’ll make myself feel a little bit better with a cup of Earl Grey tea…

[@Fay-el]

According to American right wings, Norway is a socialist commie country because of their benefits... Imagine that

[@stobe187]

as a finnish person it's always great to see our country in the penis-related headlines

[@transcrobesproject3625]

Well you have had to compete with the Danes recently, so definitely!

[@daemenoth]

in the southern states it's more related to the penis headlines :O

[@davidanderson_surrey_bc]

Putin's new military policy: Donetsk, don't tell.

[@rajeevgangal542]

Intelligent comment!

[@tomhossain2099]

Excellent wordplay

[@jonmcfarmer6954]

Russia: "We remove our troops from the Baltic borders and nobody thank us", Real reason! We need all our troops at the Ukraine border. 🤣😂🤣

[@granttierney4384]

UKRAINE AND RUSSIA WERE EXERCISING WAR GAMES TRICKED BIDEN INTO PROPING UP AN IMAGINARY WAR . THEY MADE THIER DEAL FOR POWER AND PROTECTION WITHOUT NEEDING TO CALL ON OR ADVISE THE UNITED STATES .. NO TO NATO IN UKRAINE UNSOLDSIERS HAVE DEVOLVED INTO STORMTREOOPERS $4000 EUROS / DAY TO BEAT UP PASSIVE NON VIOLENT PEOPLE THE SPONSORS OF THIS SHOW USED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE A NOISE NOW ITS BLABLABLA TRUMP BLA HILLARY BLAAA YTHE WALLLLL BLA ..................................................................L

[@jonmcfarmer6954]

@@granttierney4384 So Russia taking Crimea, was that a part of the war game too, comrade❓😂🤣😂

[@gnirolnamlerf593]

Funny about those troop withdrawals Amb. Antonov talked about. He mentioned where they were from -- the border with the Baltic States and the former East Prussia, but he didn't mention where the troops were withdrawn to. Could it be they went to Eastern Ukraine or Belarus rather than Siberia or the outskirts of Moscow? Inquiring minds want to know.

[@ahoyturtle]

You know what they say: A charge is just a withdrawal in reverse...

[@dulcieparker7425]

To a "nicer" part of another country so they can get that much needed thank you note.

[@Orocnogu]

What do you even mean by "East Prussia"?

[@Svitojus]

Belarus-Ukrainian border.

[@Orocnogu]

Why not call the area "central Pangea" then

[@buddhacook1087]

Putin? A peace keeper?? For a part of Eastern Ukraine?? 🤣🤣🤣 A passing Aussie

[@chrissiek8706]

That's a prime Russian humor (pronounced yumour) for you!

[@buddhacook1087]

@@chrissiek8706 luv ur accent, spot on 👍🙂

[@wtf1185]

Slartibartfast won an award for Norway's coastline. He's going to be miffed you didn't mention that. Tuesday mornings are a real joy now because Stephen finally returns from his weekend hiatus. 🎉🎊🎈✨💖😎

[@LFTRnow]

Particularly the fiddly bits and nice crinkly edges.

[@esteemedmortal5917]

Yes, those are some fine fjords!

[@tdsims1963]

Great remark!!

[@chininhk]

I hope that you get 42 likes 😜

[@DeepThought420]

We are all on a rock floating through space! Our rock is so very small compared to just our solar system, and yet we are fighting over a small piece of land on this small rock... No wonder aliens won't talk to us...

[@DeepThought420]

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda Edited thank you I was going back and forth on it 😆

[@toadjiang7626]

True. Like that quote from Carl Sagan's famous 'Pale Blue Dot' speech "Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot."

[@1hawtMetz]

@@toadjiang7626 Ah love that. Carl Sagan, American hero. 💫

[@1hawtMetz]

@@toadjiang7626 edit: *Universal human hero

[@tyrant-den884]

Have you seen Ukraine? The place is huge.

[@OriginalBigThing]

That man is an ambassador? Holy Moley!

[@thedondeluxe6941]

Norway also won the Olympic Gold in beach volleyball, 400m hurdles, 1500m and triathlon 2 years ago, but yeah winter and stuff😁

[@lemonielala3080]

Solid bunch of scandi jokes tonight, applause to all the writers! 👏👏👏 Also, the finnish interview with frozen penis man was amazing, I feel like being a journalist you must have peaked when you ask an olympic athlete if he feels he will be able to ever procreate again and you just get a stonefaced NO for an answer. 😗👌 Greetings from Finland!🇫🇮

[@sylviamontaez3889]

its the worst case of blueballs ive ever seen

[@knyghtryder3599]

Tervetuloa!!

[@free2express08]

These jokes are LANDING tonight...! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ChrisAlbertH47]

_"Biden would meet Putin under any format..."_ - I suggest a dance-off. It worked in Guardians of the Galaxy 🤣

[@daemenoth]

have you seen putin dancing in the rasputin song video? that would not be a close competition

[@1hawtMetz]

@@daemenoth 😲😲 is this real??? I can't tell if you're joking or not but I'm looking it up just in case ha. I'm suddenly also reminded of that video of a Russian group of teen/20somethings performing a state sponsored smash hit over there, dancing & singing this "I want a man like Putin!" 🎵 hyper pop song. It's catchy 😬 the translated lyrics are hilarious though

[@ChrisAlbertH47]

@@daemenoth As long as it keeps people dancing instead of warring, I'm down for it 😁

[@dag_of_the_west5416]

Putin missed his chance to have them both having to ride horses while shirtless on a beach somewhere. 🐎🐎

[@daemenoth]

@@1hawtMetz it's a cartoon animated video but even so watching putin dance like napolean dynamite in nuclear boots to rasputin is amazing lol

[@NewMessage]

So why the heck aren't we sending dachshunds to Ukraine?

[@DevilTravels]

I think I have solved the Fermi Paradox. There's no other life in the universe because when life reached our level, it divides into 2 parts. The ones who die from doing stupid and the ones who die laughing at them.

[@rgwak]

Putin: "There are many Russians who need to be saved from the corrupt hands of the Ukraine government. This is a peace mission." republicans: **furiously take notes for 2024**

[@raptango_na6199]

I seem to remember that in 2019, the democrat controlled media paraded Vindman, Fiona Hill, and countless liberal media pundits on air for months declaring how important Ukraine security is to US national interests, and Trump threatening to delay "vital lethal aid" and a "coveted meeting in the oval office" until Zelenskyy publicly announced an investigation was such a threat to Ukraine national security. How is it that now none of them have one thing to say about how important Ukraine is to US interests?

[@raptango_na6199]

@@Dustinavollmar Hilary Clinton and the FBI perpetrated the entire Russia collusion hoax if you havent figured that out yet

[@rgwak]

@@raptango_na6199 👈 Should go read what Durham said about the losers on the right who don't actually understand what's in his report.

[@dulcieparker7425]

Ouch..I laughed so hard n loud, that I think i woke my napping husband up. oops! The best jokes r the ones that are truest. Oh I'm so weary of it all. Who'd a thunk.

[@kimp428]

@@raptango_na6199 Whew .... thanks for showing how well indoctrinated you are into false nonsense. Can't even spell "Hillary" ... but hey you must be so "SMART"! Hillary sure seems to have been busy .. masterminding this and that . So um ... what exactly does she get out of all of her world domination, masterminding and spying on the cheeto? Is she spying so that she can eat babies in peace (with her side of pizza?). I think that you can get yourself some therapy for your hatred of woman .... but most guys who are that way ... um ... well they are compensating for their own lack of success (SAD as the cheeto would say).

[@clavesseptem7223]

Pootie needs to realise that pissing on everything doesn't automatically make something his.

[@kenna163]

He pissed on Trump

[@Mona-so6wf]

You all rocked it tonight, I LOLd a lot. A faithful watcher.

[@milkan.8552]

You Sir are a national treasure! Thank you for the chuckles, Mr. Colbert!

[@rockykoast7065]

If my neighbor knocked down my door and installed himself in my lounge because he doesn't like my liberalist views, I'd be pretty pissed & want to do something about it..more especially if he declared my lounge was part of his house! 🤯

[@gretebremseth1622]

@Juragan Muda Can you please stop spamming everywhere?! Thanks!

[@Supernov4]

@@gretebremseth1622 It's a bot. Just report.

[@gretebremseth1622]

@@Supernov4 I have reported it. KZbin doesn't care. 😞

[@laalaa99stl]

Awww poor markets. When the shelling starts, the selling starts.

[@orlock20]

The dumb money sells. The smart money buys. Remember to buy low and sell high and not to buy high and try to sell higher.

[@mclark2709]

Hey Stephen, you fill the throne of Johnny Carson! THANK YOU, you have been my happy place for years😍

[@jamesjeanbaptiste6334]

Seriously! "Do not start a frickin war..."!!

[@loriandfaith]

This is one of the funniest clips ever. My neighbors a mile away could hear me non stop laughing out loud 😂🤣🤣

[@Turnpost2552]

Get Help

[@Svitojus]

Damn… I found this clip so dissapointing. If Colbert is any indication to what US is - its chilling to see this feast on a doorstep of Putin gaining momentum and almost unified approval to his actions. Remember: Hitler did not have nukes.

[@tdsims1963]

@@Svitojus I am curious and I hope you will answer me honestly: Do you think Russia should absorb the Ukraine even though the Ukrainians consider themselves to be a sovereign nation? Should the rest of the world turn aside and mind its own business? Would you feel the same way if China decided to invade the US? Would you understand if Russia and the rest of the world muttered "Not my problem" and refused to assist? Thanks in advance for your answer.

[@Svitojus]

@@tdsims1963 That is what I am trying to convey here: a madman is threatening with a loaded gun and we are telling him he will have to pay a fine if he shoots. That is how sadly the West is misjudging Putins motivation or drive. For him this is an act of vengeance, and West thinks that rational decisions will cool him down. Putin has unlimited money, because Russia is his pocket. His friends will just tax the people directly and indirectly. They will have that money back in no time. Putin fears time and his people only. He does not fear ruining his country, because he treats it as a tool to cause pain. A tiger who tastes human flash and blood will never be afraid to kill again, but rather gain a craving.

[@tdsims1963]

@@Svitojus A very interesting response. I have been watching this as much as I can and I sincerely hope that everyone involved will work to find the best solution possible. Putin has been gunning for The Ukraine for quite some time now and I know that it must due to the fact that he is not as a.) powerful as perceived and 2.) There are resources that he desperately needs. These are the usual reasons for such actions. He has never been secretive about his aims for a reunified Russia, be it Soviet or otherwise. I am certain that the Baltic nations are following his moves with great interest. Don't fault Stephen Colbert for his monologue, though. He is a comedian first with a deep interest in the world of politics. His job is to make amusing commentary, not to necessarily inform or make policy. It is a pity that our comedians are looked to for political and moral guidance because that is not their function. It is a sad commentary of the times we live in.

[@funface4]

Oh look Stephen, what have you done. You've brought out the subtle rivalry between the Swedes, Finns and Norwegians and one Dane. Let's just say they all have pickled herring, liquorice, expensive alcohol, and the best health care in the world. Despite pickled herrings and liquorice they're still the happiest countries in the world.✌🙌

[@Realbillball]

Our rivalry is rivalry for grown-ups. We roast each other all the time, but don't try to get between us.

[@funface4]

@@Realbillball I know. I have lived in the Nordic countries. It's a friendly rivalry.

[@bovibe]

Nice try Stephen, "pickled herring" that'd be Sweden, and "licorice", Finland.

[@GHinWI]

…ok, but “petroleum” isn’t very funny.

[@bovibe]

@@GHinWI I'd say “lye fish” is funnier than “pickled herring” though.

[@DansChan995]

Feels weird watching this knowing that since this aired, Russia has invaded.

[@m.ed.7444]

The jokes are crisp today!

[@pirobot668beta]

Overheard telephone conversation: "I like the garden gnomes in your back yard." "I formally declare that your gnomes are my allies, and the dirt they sit on used to belong to my granddad, too." "I will send my landscapers into my new back yard any day now, to protect my gnomes and do a little planting." "Don't call the Cops, seriously. Do. Not. Call. The. Police." "What? You called the Cops?" "I told you not to!" long pause "Yes, Officer, those are my gnomes in my new backyard." "They used to be my gnomes, and it used to be my granddads garden, but I can't find any receipts or deeds." Yes, Officer, I will tell my landscaping crew to go home, but I am not sure they will listen. They think of the garden as their new home." "No, Officer, I'm not the one starting a fight, it was my neighbor picking a fight with my peaceful landscapers!" long pause "Yes, officers, all my landscapers are back home; I don't care what any of my neighbors says." "No, Officer, I will never do this sort of thing again, since I never do that sort of thing." "Put my neighbor back on the phone..." "If you ever start a conflict like this again, I'll send in all my landscapers!"

[@petuniapop7819]

Colbert was so off the rails today 😂 😂

[@MichelleIbarraMHAEdD]

Tanks for not invading 😂😂😂🤣🤣

[@MrLordbubasith]

i am still waiting on the real result of the Superbowl, that thing ain't over till the recounts come in.

[@cherylsibson2529]

A "gratitude gathering" was held on Vancouver's Jack Poole Plaza on Monday night to thank healthcare workers and others working on the front lines during the COVID-19 pandemic. Thank you to all the front-line workers who work so hard for all of us.

[@granttierney4384]

DID THEY GIVE THOSE WORKER S BENEFITS OR A RAISE OR MAYBE 1K CASH BONUS OR JUST SOME PAID LEAVE ... FRONT LINE WORKERS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HEROES NEVER GIVEN ANYTHING AND RELIED UPON BY EVERYTHING ALLL JOBS ARE ESSSENTIEL WE ALL NEED TO SURVIVE

[@g.d.graham2446]

Absolutely

[@lorhay2522]

GO VANCOUVER! Despite all of the radicals trying to destroy our beautiful country, I am still a proud Canadian. ☺️

[@sebastiannemeth-ramirez2160]

@@lorhay2522 Ontario here. We have our problems, but there's still no other place I'd rather live than right here.

[@lorhay2522]

@@sebastiannemeth-ramirez2160 I’m also Ontario (Ottawa). 👊🏼

[@hra2290]

The writers had a field day with the frozen appendage bit

[@sealand000]

Trump would have thanked Russia.

[@catalinacurio]

I want to know what info trump gave Putin…

[@jeffeverhart8464]

Midterms soon 😁

[@democratresistance7847]

Bring back CONFESSIONS !!!

[@Chuck791]

Sooo glad you're back. Love watching your show. Thank you for the laughs its needed these days.

[@jonathanweiss8955]

It’s you’re

[@NiecieSavo]

@@jonathanweiss8955 who cares? You still know what it says

[@Tvensky86]

Its funny when its true.. sadly this show is as mainstream as main News.. and mostly misleading, so I hope we all have multiple sources of "jokes".

[@kenbrown2808]

it is really tempting to say we should send the kremlin a nice bouquet of Tomahawks as a thank you.

[@shaydowsith348]

no to nuclear war. nobody wins.

[@kenbrown2808]

@@shaydowsith348 tomahawks are usually conventional warheads. they are nuclear capable, but policy is against it.

[@waylonrhoads1897]

Booing Norway for winning the Winter Olympics?? That was a poor taste move.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

That's America!

[@dionringgold]

I absolutely adore Stephen Colbert. Favorite late night host.

[@Mark-oi9rf]

That’s like saying he’s your favorite kernel of unpopped popcorn…they all suck

[@dionringgold]

@@Mark-oi9rf you’re entitled to your own opinions. You are not entitled to your own facts. I hope you wake up tomorrow in a better mood and remember , it’s okay to be wrong. And yes, you’re wrong.

[@katrose5179]

Stephen. Not Steven.

[@AA-jg7xm]

He's a Kosher shill... Limited hangout

[@CheersNE]

Yes they do! Especially for those of us with no sense of humor, education or access to actual news sources.

[@genemccoy5402]

CHILLY WILLY HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That was much funnier than it should have been. I am a man child lol

[@emilydunbar8064]

10/10 on tonight’s monologue

[@hulaGUNZ]

"So did you win a gold medal or are you just glad to see me?" "I'm actually not kidding....I'm ROCK HARD!!"

[@MkE1121]

"no one even sent us a thank you." It is amazing how an immature, rude, crude, crass, and inept man managed to change the political discourse not only in his own country but with leaders around the world.

[@MK_ULTRA420]

Tbh that's the appropriate response to western journalists and media pundits like Colbert.

[@leavingitblank9363]

...and then there's Putin.

[@Vikotnick]

Swedish person here. Congratulations to all and especially Norway. Quite an achievement from Norway with its 5.4 Million people. This does NOT mean we like you Norway....

[@Justusson]

Another Swede here. What are you talking about? Of course we love Norway! 😊

[@kholdanstaalstorm6881]

Likewise sweet brother, the Nordic countries have a special relationship. Can't help feeling national pride in these days, as we are no 1!

[@jamesgoines7663]

You tell 'em Swede!

[@darkstorminc]

At least it wasn't Iceland or Greenland

[@Vikotnick]

@@Justusson Yes we love them... But don't tell them that.

[@JenMistress]

Hearing that story about that guy's frozen junk made me think of the meme of Christopher Lloyd screaming, "I was frozen today!" 😉😂🤣😂🤣

[@NewMessage]

2:21 A shell game, if you will.

[@KilledKenny01]

Congratulations to Norway. Sorry to the US. Came in only 4th.

[@user-uy8xf9tm5h]

I really loved the Russian nesting doll joke, that really got me! Very clever! 🤣

[@Opus313]

Anatoly looks like he has several Russians nesting inside him...

[@chazztreat8317]

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda is Putin really going to risk economic destruction over one country that hasn’t anything wrong?

[@chazztreat8317]

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda I mean I am not worried? Are we Ukraine’s keeper?

[@chazztreat8317]

@Niamh De Na Crainn Arda you’re right thanks

[@enviromental2565]

Russian puppet ambassador: We don' threaten anyone and we withdrew our troops away from Baltic States and they don' even tell us tank you!". I have no idea how the 60 minutes lady kept it together. I would have been rolling under the table with incredulous laughter.

[@WaitingForTheSubway]

I love Stephen

[@tdsims1963]

Front to back solid monologue, Stephen👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏!!

[@reeferseasalt]

It was amazing lol

[@jduitleiden5931]

The Netherlands also won 8 gold medals at these Olympics.

[@Slambam73]

5:12 Stephen and Jon's reactions after this statement have me 🤣🤣😂😅

[@lauraw.7008]

😂 I 💕 LOVE the way Stephen says “Macron”

[@juanitacamacho3690]

I always wait for the "ny" on Macron-"ny".