Wellness Influencers Are Cringe | Sad Boyz

[@sadikimcwhinnie9921]

A man being able to have genuine friendships with women is a big green flag. Someone reacting negatively to that is just a sign that they’re insecure and probably not a good match.

[@ritac9769]

I straight up will not date a man who doesn't have female friends. Treating women as humans first and potential partners second is a must, and I've never had a good experience with dating a guy who didn't have close female friends and/or sisters. My current boyfriend and my ex both have many close female friends and I've never felt threatened once. Even if they were attracted to some of those women, I don't care because I'm average looking enough to know that what I bring to the table is chemistry, intelligence, and fun that those women can't compete with. If they were an option for dating, then they would already be dating anyway, so why worry?

[@kazzoey9164]

@@katc2040 It definitely is possible lmao, it’s in fact very very normal to be able to be friends with women 💀

[@Chuckylarms777]

@@ritac9769 what if i only have 3 friends and one of them is my girlfriend. im not incapable of having friends who are women im just not capable of having friends fr

[@Liz-kj2jj]

@@Chuckylarms777 I think it’s more the attitude and willingness to see women platonically than the actual number of female friends. I have some male friends but we aren’t very close - I would really like to have a guy best friend who isn’t my boyfriend, but not having one rn doesn’t necessarily speak poorly on me

[@fighttheevilrobots3417]

​@@ritac9769 I started my 20s with this viewpoint. I'm now 38 and have been cheated on over and over and over, and spent more than a decade feeling ugly by comparison to these "just friends". I don't fit the dominant skinny beauty paradigm however, and that, is the real enemy.

[@amelie_does_stuff8041]

jarvis said 'can you read-' and my cat stepped on my keyboard and i was cleaning my room so for like 20 seconds i thought jarvis asked jordan can you read? and sat in silence and looked at each other

[@newsflashbuddy]

This is so funny to me

[@grace-4072]

I’m pissin myself at this omfg

[@dn-li7ww]

this made me laugh also tell ur cat i said hello

[@Maya-Hayden]

“Be insane but be polite” is powerful

[@urheehoo]

that's MY affirmation lmao

[@dreampigeon]

As someone who has autism, and because Im so used to so heavily masking so I fit in or get along with somebody that I unconsciously start picking up peoples accents really easily, trust me I hate that I do it too.

[@DiMagnolia]

I do it too ❤

[@TenderNoodle]

That’s a pretty common human thing in general actually. I’m not autistic but I also pick up peoples accents and lingo within a few hours of being around them, sometimes less. I do it so instantly I have to actively stop myself in order to not seem fake lol

[@clegs8356]

TOO REAL i feel this 😩

[@himbosuplex]

I have a friend who is autistic and does the same thing without realizing it.

[@lanceelliott2504]

@@TenderNoodle it's definitely more common in autistic people!!

[@dalesampson2662]

The reason self care feels behind a pay wall is that earning the right to live is still seen as the prerequisite to comfort.

[@_o6629]

THIS

[@breathoffreshair7795]

Not even just a prerequisite to comfort but fully a luxury by some people, the disconnection 😭

[@DiMagnolia]

Jarvis I’m just here to affirm that is a huge red flag. My ex isolated me from all my guy friends bc he felt threatened, and then when I started questioning whether I was bi he isolated me from girl and non-binary friends too. Eventually he isolated me from my own family and forced me to quit working and studying. Eventually this escalated but I’ll spare those details. I was young and I’m very glad to be away, but I now have severe PTSD. A good partner encourages you to have strong relationships outside of them and does the same for themselves. Glad you were able to identify that as a red flag and stopped seeing them so quickly ❤

[@katc2040]

Bruh it's not a red flag to not want you to hang out with people you're attracted to

[@lotus_dream]

​@@katc2040 soo. Bi/pan people will have no friend? Cool... u live a sad life

[@kazzoey9164]

@@katc2040 bruh quit outing yourself as a terrible partner, it’s embarrassing 💀

[@jessclaveria5104]

@@katc2040 So bisexual/pansexual people can’t have friends

[@siouiouioui]

@Kat C I have friends who are gorgeous, but im not attracted to them. you do know you're not gonna be attracted to everyone of the gender you're attracted to, right? as a bi person I'm not into everybody. That's not how attraction works lmao

[@xero1119]

“allowing space to be an imperfect partner” !!! yes! but also yes on the “i’m not your therapist” bit, such a good mix, always such well spoken takes

[@xero1119]

“you can be insane but be polite” HAHAHAHA YEAH

[@AngieeShipps]

Yes, definitely well said. 😊

[@sideways5153]

“I understand both that the person I love has issues and that it won’t be a good use of our time or energy for me to try and fix those problems” Recognizing the correct time for inaction in one of the most advanced techniques in relationships

[@ciciamanda.]

About the hair compliment thing: Compliments on looks can be sorted into two categories 1. Compliments on something the person cant control, such as figure, eye colour or breast size and 2. Choices the person made, such as their outfit or their hairstyle. Generally the second category are the best, while compliments from the first category are bland and non-personal at best, and creepy and objectifying at worst. The ladies compliment is teetering on the edge between them, because while your hair is a feature you can control and that can fit into category 2. your hair in this case wasn't styled or anything - so the lady compimented your hairtype rather than your specific head of hair, which makes it a category 1. compliment. So in short: It's a nice compliment, but it's on the edge of being objectifying and weird

[@ciciamanda.]

She didn't like _your_ hair, she liked hair like yours and it just happened to be on your head

[@brody_pierogi]

this makes a lot of sense, ty for putting this into words!

[@michellel9739]

"so exotic" It's not.

[@animeartist888]

Thank you for putting beautifully into clear and simple words what I've always struggled to explain to people. I always get compliments about the natural color of my hair (I'm a redhead), and it drives me insane because that's the one trait of my hair that I cannot control. A compliment about the length, style, straightness, the barrettes or ties I use, ANYTHING else would mean so much more. As is, a compliment about my hair color feels creepy, reminds me of the fetishists I've met who are obsessed with red hair. Yours is a good way to explain it to others, so thank you for sharing.

[@ciciamanda.]

@@hmmm............... if you press the ... menu you can click "don't recommend this channel" and then it won't get recommended to you anymore :)

[@punkrckr6889]

I agree with the take about how being cheated on in the past doesn't justify that kind of behavior in the present. Like it's valid to be anxious, and your partner should be sensitive to and respectful of that anxiety, but if that anxiety is so bad that you can't handle your partner being around other people, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship right now.

[@anonymixx8106]

This is heartbreakingly true. I was groomed and serial abused in my home and now I'm caed-romantic bc due to my trauma I may genuinely never realistically be able to trust anyone again to any healthy extent.

[@thetoongrump9801]

I appreciate this podcast going from fun gaming jokes straight to poop talk without any hesitation. That’s the kind of hard hitting stuff we come to Sad Boys for

[@Perepeteia]

Sad Boys: a podcast about shitting and other things also🙃 srsly though, the best podcast, I normally prefer more topical, very structured podcasts that focus on just one subject but this I can listen to for hours and it doesn't matter what the topic of the conversation is.

[@DyingBobby]

I'm a shy pooper like sly Cooper, right in front of your eyes, stupor

[@urheehoo]

all the podcasts i've been listening to lately just love their poop talk lmao

[@saggguy7]

i’m a trans guy and pre-transition i always wondered how, in a house with only adults who were generally clean, pee always ended up dripping on the outside of the toilet bowl. then i started standing to pee and i found out how gross standing to pee is. now i’m team shallow toilet

[@TurbopropPuppy]

i mean not to get explicit but as a trans girl, sausage-havers are capable of manual aim, and cleaning up after themselves cis men simply choose not to because touch weeny become homo

[@techne360]

As a girl I'm still confused 😭 We need to redesign toilets to be better for all LOL

[@ciciamanda.]

I don't tend to ask people how they piss, but i had a question about the penis experience and you seem to be well versed in dickin around: Can't yall sit down and pee? Or does the bowl get in the way? If it does then what happens if you're shitting and suddenly feel the need to piss as well?

[@thenikoo]

@@techne360 Honestly, the answer is just to sit down. It's not that much trouble tbh.

[@cdw2468]

it just be like that sometimes, no matter where you aim, where you stand, etc

[@Ambarfing]

the amount of topics yall went over this episode is incredible lmao, 10/10

[@badger6882]

speedrunning Society

[@Lady-Lilith]

I've inspected and designed sewer conveyance systems and part of the problem with "flushable" wipes is that sewers are designed with minimum slopes for a specific type of fluid, and re-building all sewer pipes is not feasible. They also tend to clump together then when they hit a pump stations, the combo of regular sewage flows on top of wipes, tampons, and all the other stuff you shouldn't flush just destroys pump stations. The impellers in sewer pumps are basically like a blender that's grind up stuff while ejecting it into the force main, so you can imagine an overworked blender fed materials that are harder to process will result in more frequent repairs and replacements.

[@LanaAndJen]

“Flushable” wipes are absolutely not flushable. Those companies are only legally allowed to call them flushable because, technically, anything is flushable if you make it small enough.

[@migoreng7789]

regarding pissing, in high school i had this classmate who would always ask if we can start peeing at the same time... she even would yell the 1 2 3 countdown from her stall but i just... couldn't 😭 i think about this whenever i have to use public toilet

[@Unseen_Fiend]

😂😂😂😂

[@lamibonxd]

did she follow u ever time u peed? 😭😭

[@migoreng7789]

@@lamibonxd lmao, i was the pad dealer in my class so sometimes people actually followed me to bathroom to ask for a pad 😭 i used to use this one particular brand (comfy cotton pads that had nice, not bulky shape) and i always carried extras, public service i guess

[@nicoprem8720]

love the phrase "regarding pissing" as an opener

[@nicoprem8720]

@@migoreng7789 the way you are carrying society

[@bananaboatcharlie]

Wellness is like the capitalist rebrand of health. We're not trying to be healthy we're "pursuing wellness". Just like we're not working and trying to succeed, we're "rising and grinding". It also has major sci-fi dystopia vibes. "Are you sad? Unfulfilled? Tired? Never made sense of what you are, who you were, who you will be? Unfulfilled? Feel things? Too many things? We can make you well."

[@FrumiousMing8]

I'm bad at finishing other people's sentences, especially with people I'm comfortable with. I just have an unstoppable thought train and I'm thinking through the conversation in my head and where it's leading. I'm trying hard not to do that but it's difficult because it feels like a moment of connection and understanding when you try to verbalize a thought and the other person just knows immediately what you mean. I love people bouncing ideas off each other. And conversations where you're in sync with the other person can be so great.

[@ReeseGegax]

I’m like that with my boss it’s awesome

[@indigodovesss]

There’s so many ppl who do this me included ur not alone

[@j_me]

I've heard that women tend to do this a lot more, and that a lot of us see it as a good thing bc it shows that the other person is really listening to what you're saying. I think I started doing it bc I'm terrified of people thinking that I'm not into the conversation, but I've been trying to stop since I know it can be annoying for a lot of people

[@josefinarivia]

The thing is though, I didnt agree with them at all on this and I, personally dont mind at all when people I know do that. so i dont think you need to feel bad unless someone has specifically asked you to refrain from doing this. it's really new to me though to hear that others might find this annoying so i might be wrong :p

[@Slawter5590]

So this is called co-talking. It’s a way that speakers can demonstrate that they are really “on the same page,” or “getting you.” Also, it is almost exclusively used by women, btw. I had a guy friend that told me he thought I was rude for “talking over him.” It was a really baffling conversation because to me it felt like the conversation was super good. The next day I learned about co-talking in a literature class, and the light bulb went on. Since then I’ve tried to not do it with men, that seems to work pretty well.

[@MrEmbryonicjones]

gwyneth's wellness routine is like my diet when my brain tumor was strangling my apetite (it was killing me, too) yoinked that shit out and i inflated. maybe she needs an mri?????

[@CureSmileful]

I really like your choice of words for everything you said

[@josefinarivia]

I have a masters in nutrition science and I think it could also be the fact that she's very hyperfocused on being healthy which for some people means zero diseases or problems. She brought up the fact that she has something "chronic" and most chronic diseases can only be managed to have zero side effects since it's well.. chronic. It can be very stressful if healthcare gives you a "this cant be fixed but we can manage it" so she might be trying to fix it on her own by talking to that quack doctor, which could be messing up her diet completely and possibly making her symptoms worse. I'm of course only speculating.

[@sarahgooey]

obsessed with the way you say things king, glad ur doing better

[@xSwordLilyx]

​@@josefinarivia I was thinking new age 'health' mixed with an ED and the means to 'eat' intravenously and mask how terrible what she is doing is for her

[@LanaAndJen]

I think she has an ED honestly

[@migoreng7789]

i'm sooo deeply invested in the wellness/life "guru" snark discourse it's embarassing. like that brianna madia lady doxing her "haters" because she decided a reddit thread 'went too far' (fair tbh) but she had no problem sharing people's personal information in her grand expose youtube video. the weird part is all those people are all connected to each other, like rachel hollis wanted to be female tony robbins? they are all buddies that guest on each other's podcasts. and they all get paid to do speeches during mlm conventions 🤢

[@haleymist09]

Same. I know so much about people I've never actually followed or heard of before lol.

[@nicholewarren4229]

Imani Barber (crutchesandspice is her handle across social media) made some REALLY great points about how much wellness influencers are terrified of disability and how much of their actions are led by internalized ableism (esp re: Gwyneth Paltrow revealing that her hyperlimited diet is intended to treat her long covid) and it really made me super uncomfortable

[@bellasheehan]

What’s the time stamp for this part of the convo? That’s what I came for based on the thumbnail lol.

[@imaginekudryavka9485]

I still can hardly believe we are getting new _in-person_ Sad Boyz every week. It feels too good to be true. I keep expecting it to just end, so it puts a big smile on my face every time a new episode drops. You guys are my emotional support KZbinrs.

[@DonnieLouis]

Samsies

[@veronicahall889]

it's so refreshing to hear healthy takes on relationships, jealousy, and communication. jarvis and jordan are so well spoken about boundaries and calling out manipulation. i put this on to do dishes, shower, and do my nightly routine. so relaxing also im glad jarvis said something about fans shipping creators. it needs to stay in the past and we should all be ashamed of trying to assert ourselves on the love lives of people we don't know

[@emocado99]

Shipping real people together is one thing that I never could understand. It's so weird, okay if it is fictional characters, but real-life people are not here for your own amusement. And to have the gut to voice it out loud is beyond me.

[@stellarae8257]

Ladies let me remind you: you absolutely WANT a guy who has healthy female friendships. Men who have no female friends are a huge red flag in general. I totally understand the feelings of anxiety or jealousy, but honestly just talk to your partner about it or don’t tell them until you’ve known them awhile. I’ve struggled with codependency, didn’t really have a problem with my boyfriend having female friends, but I still felt insecure sometimes. You need to be able to recognize though when your feelings are based in truth and valid concern and when it’s just your brain being mean to you because of the bad experiences you’ve had in the past. It’s okay to tell your partner you get insecure about this sometimes, I think seeking a bit of reassurance is fine, but over time if you don’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be with them. And the last thing you should do is be accusatory of them for something as small as taking a regular picture with a female friend. It can be hard to overcome these instincts, but if you want your relationship to work, you must build trust. Consider seeing a therapist and reading books on codependency if you are having a hard time with this ❤

[@sheria117]

not everyone’s boundaries are the same, though. Doesn’t mean it’s not healthy.

[@stellarae8257]

@@sheria117 everyone’s boundaries can be different and that’s fine. Having a problem with the guy youre dating simply because he was in a picture that a friend of his posted along with like ten other people of all genders isn’t healthy though. There is no way that can be healthy. “You are obviously cheating/dating other people because a female friend of yours had you in one of her photos along with a whole group of people” is not a healthy mindset. Not to mention again that they weren’t even a couple. Again I said if you’re insecure about it then that’s fine, but to act as though he did something wrong is crazy. If she had the same concern she could of instead phrased it as “hey btw I’m dating only you and I’m not talking to anyone else right now. I’m not sure where you are at? but I wanted to make that clear”. It opens a conversation for him to confirm or deny your suspicions anyways without being accusatory. If he says “nope I’m only seeing you” then you could still respond with “ah good. I admit your friend posted that post and while I knew it was probably nothing I just got a little bit worried”. That type of speech is an open form of communication where no one is being passive aggressive and yet everyone is still getting their feelings and thoughts across and heard. Men can have female friends it’s not a healthy boundary to say they can’t imo. It means you think he’s gonna cheat on you with a friend of his and that’s not trust. You Cant have a healthy relationship without trust.

[@fiery_scream]

@@sheria117 "you're not allowed to have friends that love and support you" is always unhealthy.

[@urheehoo]

@@sheria117 found the abuser

[@yagirl177]

@@urheehoo you don’t know everybody’s story. I didn’t let my ex have female “friends” cuz he kept cheating on me with them. Am I an abuser for noticing a pattern?

[@lindenm.9149]

So diagnosed BP II, and the Kanye thing is wild. I was alt right as a teen because I’m susceptible to those influences rather easily. But through personal development I’ve learned how wild and awful I was. Even NT people fall down this pipeline. He’s bipolar…and racist for the time being. It’s a personal choice to grow and learn from his lunacy independent of getting help. Thanks for being kind❤

[@zulal9926]

Those extremely calm and practiced speeches of influencers give me the " there is no war at ba sing se" vibes

[@eeee026]

oh it's politician-speak haha no wonder i get so irrationally angered by these clips

[@bellac6311]

there is no scandal in ba sing se

[@ritac9769]

When I was a kid at summer camp I was such a shy pooper I wouldn't go in the community bathrooms and held it for a week. When it came to our cabin's one single night of camping in the woods, I was unable to sleep because I needed to go so bad. Around 3 am when I was sure everyone was asleep and there were no monsters about, I couldn't hold it any longer and went in the campsite potty spot right near the campfire area because I was too scared to go in the woods alone. When we woke the next morning, the camp counselor got really mad at all of us about it, rightly so, and I felt so bad that I admitted to doing it. They made me carry the group garbage bag all the way to camp, and the smell of it even today makes me want to vomit (no the poop was not in the bag, it just smelled like rotten food). The sheer terror and humiliation of that camping trip was my first step to shy pooper recovery. I still refuse to poop in other people's homes unless I can be completely undetected, but I have still come a long way from that anxious, constipated little girl in the woods.

[@haleymist09]

Aw. That's awful. They shouldn't have shamed you like that. Such a weird thing for them to do.

[@Em.wild7]

I’m with u with being a shy pooper. If you don’t already, you should carry a bottle of poo-pourri with you. It’s made me a more confident public pooper!

[@Sile-na-gcioch]

Why was your counselor getting mad justified? It sounds like you just used the bathroom in a designated bathroom location? Regardless congrats on your progress 😄

[@xandermin]

Just wanna say how grateful I am for this podcast. I have chronic fatigue, ADHD, and insomnia (truly the devil's combo), and you guys' vibes are really soothing. It doesn't make me fall asleep, but it helps calm down my hyperactive brain, which sets me up for a decent night's sleep 💛

[@terribleflower555]

same, they are a mental safe space

[@pintsizedchaos]

Swap the ADHD with Autism and Fibromyalgia and that's me😩I relate so much and agree (Chronic Fatigue + insomnia is HELL, so exhausted but can't sleep rip)

[@foxbuns]

im in the same boat 💙 stay strong spoonies

[@swordlock8322]

Ok HONESTLY, that little bit about how to not interrupt people while being an active listener was very helpful. I kind of struggle with that and I can tell when it happens and I just run over someone's thoughts. Thanks for the tips and stuff!

[@JayNebulaHead]

As someone who grew up in a very mixed family that has multiple dialogues I tend to pick up the accents of the people I am talking with subconsciously and now this will be another thing I hyperfixate on thanks boys 😭

[@badger6882]

kind of the opposite for me?? Parents had big accents and I just... never noticed for 10 years, then had to be like "Oh yeah, not only do they have strong non-regional accents, it influenced my own accent a bit"

[@mariaguglielmo1532]

same, i come back using little stop phrases when i come home from visiting family in other countries.

[@eeee026]

for me it's growing up speaking mandarin the way I thought was "normal" and turns out I have good pronunciation but an obvious accent that I can't really get rid of unless I try to speak radically different. But me speaking, say, Taiwanese Mandarin instead of whatever I grew up speaking, or even lightly imitating someone else's southern accent in favor of my California mannerisms (when I first moved to Utah I wasn't aware of how many people seemed to have a southern or southern-adjacent accent) is more of a CONSCIOUS code-switching thing. It's interesting nonetheless. I'm gonna go see if someone smarter than me has written a paper on this or something.

[@Angie753]

Personally, coming from a small country town with like no black people (although I had two black adopted cousins), I had not seen in person the variety of hair styles black people do & even recently getting thrown into wig-tok and braid-tok somehow has given me a new appreciation for black women’s protective hairstyles. I absolutely complimented a few girls on their hair when they may have thought it looked bad, but to me it was a new experience and I found it beautiful. That being said, I don’t think I ever came across fetish-y (or at least I hope I didn’t)! Now I’m more used to it and it’s normalized for me, so I don’t feel like it’s a new experience every time I see a black hairstyle. That is odd that a woman in California would do that tho yuck

[@synthiandrakon]

Like you have to consider how this diet is being presented, she isn't like "this is the weird shit my doctor has me eating because im not well", its her wellness lifestyle that she markets to others, she is implicitly saying this is a healthy way for people to live.

[@writeonshell]

I'm so bad with the finishing sentences thing - it's something I actively have to concentrate on *not* doing. I also have a certain amount of latent echolalia that comes out in the same situations. They can both be symptoms of ADHD and autism, so I try to be gentle on myself when I find myself doing it and try to be gentle on people who do it to me.

[@josefinarivia]

i didn't really agree with them at all on that point, ive both friends and family who finish my sentences and it has never annoyed me. ive never heard of this being a source of annoyance but i could be wrong, but i dont think you should be too hard on yourself!

[@komos3719]

My buddy does this and to be frank, it did annoy me initially but once I understood that it was just something he did it was chill. Tbf though, I originally thought he was just fucking with me

[@bishielurfer]

Honestly it bothers me because, from my perspective, they're just interrupting me. It's one thing if I'm struggling to figure out how to phrase something or I'm trying to remember a term, and I don't mind if I'm referring to something and someone is like "oh, yes!" to indicate they know what I'm talking about. But if someone starts talking while I'm talking just so they can what they _think_ I'm going to say, that bugs me (especially since they're usually wrong about what I was saying anyway). I will admit that I am somewhat sensitive to being talked over and interrupted, so it probably bugs me more than others. I tend to be pretty quiet and have a lot of social anxiety, so if I'm making the effort to actually engage in a conversation and someone talks over me, it doesn't feel great. It also tends to derail my thoughts so I sometimes just completely forget what I was even saying.

[@HighFiveTheHorizon]

Another problem with too active listeners is that there's a point where you get the feeling you have to deliver something that is worth that much attention. When you tell people something interesting but rather mundane and they seem like you are telling the greatest story in the world, that can put you off because you know/think the story isn't THAT good

[@christywillis1707]

Regarding the white woman brand of health feeling strange and exclusionary - as a white woman who is neurodivergent I also feel this way when I see that type of content. Partially because it's usually made by the type of women who were popular in middle school and high school and don't really have a lot of things they're struggling with. When people who have really struggled with mental health talk about it the conversation is much more nuanced and so with the "granola lady" wellness stuff it just ends up feeling performative. Like the cool girls at school noticed that mental health is super fashionable so they need to jump on the trend. Obviously that's a bit of a generalization since I know that everyone has their own struggles, but typically when I open up and tell people like this what's been going on for me there is this moment of stunned silence where they don't really know how to react because they're not used to having conversations about death, depression etc. One way a lot of people like this respond funnily enough is to tell me I should write a book or start a podcast about my life. 😂 When I compare that type of content to your podcast or other media I consume related to mental health there is a good bit of discussion about the low points and acknowledgement of weaknesses we have inside ourselves along. This makes any discussion about doing things to show care to yourself feel like a victory instead of like trivia. Anyway - sorry to be a wall of text alert. 😉 Thanks for the lovely podcast and great KZbin channels, I really appreciate listening to the funny and thought provoking content!

[@isthiscereallife]

Granola lady wellness is... incredibly ableist, too. I don't mean ableist as in sanist, I just mean straight up "if you do something that makes your body hurt, it'll help you build a tolerance to it

[@christywillis1707]

@@isthiscereallife yeah, I think you're right, but I also hear this from mainstream society a lot as well, so I never necessarily thought of it as distinctly belonging to the granola ladies. Another thing worth saying is how closely linked a lot of the "wellness" industry is to anorexia in general. For a long time in college I didn't understand why I was gaining weight eating the same food as other people who were losing weight until we had ED awareness week on campus that talked about the prevalence on campus. It puts a shiny new veneer on a sad old problem.

[@leighhelesia]

Yes this is so true! People who’ve never struggled with mental health issues exist in another universe entirely.

[@mirawinemiller1081]

It’s all mental health matters from them unless you have an illness that isn’t depression or anxiety

[@unclespeck]

I'm also white and quite seriously mentally ill and I absolutely second the sentiment about a lot of "wellness" type shit, bc it's usually done by people who seem to have had minimal struggle growing up and into their 20s even, just feeling insincere. in all honesty, that's partially why I hold the semi-controversial view that I think that, especially for the more severe, stigmatized, and treatment-resistent forms of mental illness, most mental health professionals actually SHOULD be people who have these issues and have successfully managed them. marsha linehan and kay redfield jamison are two big name psychs who have the illnesses they specialize in (and that I share) and hearing them speak about it is so so so soothing bc yes! yes, you get it! you've felt it! you know where I'm starting from so you can better see the hurdles and help work around them! yes!! it's really just hard to convey to somebody something like a mixed mood state or a psychotic episode or compulsions or even suicidal thoughts in a meaningful and visceral way. without managing to convey that, figuring out effective ways to deal with it and predicting obstacles to recovery or healing is that much harder, imo. I'm also an extremely open book with my psych problems and largely for the reason that I think (if it's feasible for somebody, ofc) it's just a very good thing to do in terms of making people feel less... lonely? ostracized? a lot of the issues I've seen and had with very ugly parts of mental illness such as suicidality is closely linked to the taboo nature of it all; if I can say "yeah, I have latent non-crisis feelings of suicidality that I just have to manage and come to terms with", maybe for the person who hears it, the admission of suicidal thoughts will feel less heavy or "burdensome" or maybe the notion that you have to be in crisis to "count" will waver. sorry for also being a wall of text 😅I really do just have such an investment in this topic! hearing jarvis and jordan talk about it is always so damn refreshing and part of why I like this podcast so much

[@scoobdoobert]

Thank you for making these videos! I have severe anxiety, and they help me relax.

[@jasminhabib5065]

Omg same! Hope you're okay💗

[@aimemaggie]

On the hair thing, I also sometimes get strange vibes when people compliment my hair (especially when it's not at its best). It sometimes feels like they're doing it to feel like a good person. When someone says they like my hair and it's genuine I can feel that. It's hard to explain but I understand.

[@hollandoats5376]

Bro when you said your friend wanted to take a picture my stomach dropped bc I knew EXACTLY where it was going 😭. My ex was cheated on in most previous relationship so like yall said I understood his anxiety and was as patient and open as I could be but he'd still flip out if a male friend sent a meme and would do shit like stalk my snapscore to see if it went up too high?? He had pressured me into dating, I got out after a few months but it still fucked with my head so bad, people like that baffle me. Trust should be the base of any and every relationship, why would you want to start dating someone you don't trust?

[@podenco]

Just a heads up that NO sewage system can handle flushing wipes. The pipes of your house cannot handle flushing wipes every day. The pipes of city cannot handle them. They WILL cause a problem eventually, it's just a matter of time Get a bidet, there are really cheap ones out there, there are portable ones. Even the fancy one I got with a heated seat was under $200. The environment, your city, your plumber, and your behind will thank you

[@coco604]

THIS. Flushable wipes are the devil for plumbing and often just make your butt unseasonably wet (yuck). I’m still baffled that America doesn’t have bidets on all their toilets! It’s as common as toilet paper where I’m from and apparently very rare here.

[@jamtime4395]

I know this was like,, sort of alluded to but I think an important thing to consider is a lot of verbal acknowledgements during conversations are something that autistic children get taught to do in ABA therapy often with repercussions if they do not do it. Like for example for years in (sometimes daily) therapy if you do not actively show you are engaged with the conversation in very direct ways the conversation stops and you are ignored until you show you are engaged again in the way you are being told to.

[@Shuang_Shuang]

The wellness cultural appropriation part was so true - there's a reason why airports in Thailand have signs telling tourists that it's disrespectful to get a tattoo of Buddha

[@Smonsequenses]

The active listening things is so funny to me as I at one point realized that not only does my mom do this a lot, she this does it the exact same way as my grandmother. Which makes their conversations just really funny as it's a lot of very intense nodding and repeating the last word of everything someone says. On both sides of the conversation, in the exact same way.

[@emptyb00b]

thankyou guys so much for talking about trust issues in relationships i just had my first one and i decided to break up because their trust issues were so terrible and were wanting to monitor me so thankyou so much for deciding to share this.

[@kymbredwyeryoga]

You did the absolute best and right thing for yourself. I've also had partners who were like this, and I had to end it. It was way too much and it's not fair or right.

[@marialloyd1346]

With all the Tate stuff going on, it makes me so happy to see two chill guys who can discuss things. So thank you so much 😁

[@Samstrinkets]

Y'all are doing great, I'm listening to y'all while I do dishes and just realized how much it helps me keep from bumming myself out with my inner dialogue, and I'm v thankful for yalls casual (and purposeful) and helpful banter

[@princessaria]

The “finishing sentences” thing is a really common ADHD symptom unfortunately. My sister struggles a lot with it.

[@egg3274]

20:30 bit of a suggestion as well if you want to support local businesses, almost every retro game store/board game store that i’ve ever been to sells single cards for ridiculously cheap or have cards in a glass case etc, that’s how i got into card collecting pokemon initially just collecting the ones that i personally liked the art for and i found it a lot more accessible/cheaper than resellers and ebay

[@chuckmcluckin6082]

Incredibly based take. Most specialty game stores are independently owned, and I'm certain that no amount of support goes unnoticed, especially in an incredibly digital age. As somebody who considers myself a fan of tabletop gaming and the relationships that can be formed by participating in such communally, it can be disheartening to see game stores struggling to stay afloat.

[@bryna7]

I'm getting sick of people using beauty filters trying to make me feel like I'm a gross pos.

[@zenleeparadise]

Amen

[@chiariscuro]

I get what youre saying but most people arent trying to make others feel bad. We make ourselves feel bad

[@zenleeparadise]

@@chiariscuro well when you make yourself feel bad, you make other people feel bad too. We're all connected to one another. Because if you think your own cellulite and body hair and acne scars and body fat are gross, it stands to reason that you think those things are gross in general, not just on you. So when you're mean to yourself you're also mean to others. When you judge yourself, you judge others whether you mean to or not.

[@Pappyeggs]

@@zenleeparadise damn… so true. Denial is difficult but like… you can’t claim to not be bothered by something on someone else when you yourself would be extremely bothered by that something if it happened to you. Like people just expose themselves when they say shit like that.

[@zenleeparadise]

@@Pappyeggs well-put

[@Yessica13]

If you want to dive deeper into the wealth-ification of wellness, I recommend the podcasts: The Dream (S2) and Maintenance Phase.

[@OffOnATangent180]

YESS MAINTENANCE PHASE. When she mentioned paleo I immediately flashed back to their investigation into it. Unpleasant but not surprising that it’s a eugenics thing.

[@squid7855]

As someone who is nearly halfway to getting my doctor of pharmacy degree (not an MD, but still a doctorate) and consistently learns about physiology and health, your takes on alternative medicine and totally legit. It may work for some people to a degree, but alternative medicine is highly unregulated and unmeasurable.

[@aprilharmon9172]

Okay, I know I'm late to the game on this video, but THANK YOU for pointing out the importance and the actual purpose of the toilet lid!! I can't tell you how many arguments I've gotten into explaining why you need to put the lid down before flushing! Hahaha, I appreciate the topic 😂

[@lyavain2764]

As an awkward person with social anxiety I always worry I do that waaaay too much. I think I learned it from my mom but it's my automatic people pleasing thing 😂 just trying to make people feel like I'm present in the conversation even though my mind drifts all the time.

[@Unseen_Fiend]

11 of us like before even watching

[@emilym.556]

It'd be my luck that this would be the episode where they start right wing grifting lol

[@ChelseaGraczol-qy6dy]

Fr💀

[@TheKateconner]

i’ve been trained well it’s instinct now

[@SadBoyzPod]

y'all rock

[@duckydo]

@@SadBoyzPod this was to me directly btw

[@howperfectlycurious1440]

The convo at the end is so affirming. You can never really fail if you don’t give up. Bingeing the pods now, and loving it. 🥰

[@ginger_nspice]

Pooping is extra cringe when you're also on your period 😬 iykyk

[@TheNDofUO]

It's so grim right? Especially because period poos are bigger

[@CureSmileful]

I love it, I feel cleansed after visiting the toilet

[@zenleeparadise]

​@@CureSmileful I like your attitude lol

[@soggyfroggy22]

It’s the worse😫

[@sukai121]

I always feel like I have to take a shower afterwards 😂

[@lisavictoria1606]

my god, jordan looks especially lovely in this episode and is just such an adorable human being :,)

[@fullyfluke]

I feel like they probably plan these out to some extent, but they always just feel like 2 friends having a casual conversation, and it’s very pleasant.

[@starsINSPACE]

I used to think I just couldn't focus on speech that was slower just because I was too distractible, but actually I speed up things because I literally have problems understanding what people are saying if I feel like they are "talking too slow" and I don't really know why....I know there are auditory language processing disorders that involve not understanding when people talk too fast, but too slow doesn't seem to be a thing anybody has studied...and yes I sometimes ask people to talk faster when I am talking to them and nobody really gets it...

[@CureSmileful]

ohh same, I can't sustain my focus in situations like that

[@zenleeparadise]

I'm the opposite lol I need people to slow down and repeat themselves like 3 times to understand them sometimes And I work in a kitchen so it really annoys my coworkers I think 😅

[@xandermin]

I struggle with that too, and my therapist says it might have to do with my ADHD because my brain is so hyperactive and runs at 1000 mph, so when someone is speaking slowly it's more difficult for my brain to process it.

[@tired1923]

the relationship thing really hits. I think we’ve done a lot in terms of normalize having feelings and being hurt, but not enough talk about how to handle these feelings and process the hurt in a way that’s healthy for yourself and those around you. it’s a tough pill to swallow that your feelings validity cannot excuse your behaviour,. I think some people also approach relationships with self sabotage in mind, maybe unconsciously sometimes. like they’ve been cheated on before and they expect it to happen again, so they see signs of it everywhere and accuse their partner because that validates their negative self image. they feel hurt and worthless and don’t believe they deserve a good loving partner, so they make up or cause issues to make the relationship go bad.

[@cheesygoblin]

It’s bizarre for Gwen to describe the diet she’s “prescribed” as a wellness routine

[@someonecalledmomo]

Boys, I love and appreciate you so much. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, and still managing to make us laugh. The blanket on the couch looks like it's made of noodles 😂

[@hysterical-queer]

All I can think about now is how crunchy and hard that blanket would be bc how would you make a ramen blanket with cooked noodles? Thanks for the content of my hyperfixation this morning lmao 😅

[@kait.5437]

I totally unconsciously finish people’s sentences all the time. I’ve been told about it and I can’t stop. I try so hard but it just happens constantly

[@NerdFighterNation]

The finishing the last word of your sentence is called collaborative overlap, and I’m very conscious of doing it. I think it’s an east coast/Jewish conversation style that is meant to convey enthusiasm and understanding, but I’m working on doing it less because it is read as interrupting or dismissive.

[@TheNDofUO]

It can also be Echolalia. My best friend does it particularly when I'm saying something funny. She'll join in on my last word or two. Most of the time she's not aware she's doing it. I think it's cute

[@livelifeincolour]

I do it too, and I hate myself as soon as I've done it. I think it is what Jordan says, about wanting to prove the conversation is going well, that I'm attempting to accelerate it to prove we're on the same page... Definitely from a position of self-consciousness.

[@chiariscuro]

I do it and im brazilian. Most of my family and friends do it too

[@eliyahs7002]

This is a Jewish thing? That's crazy and explains a lot in my family

[@Chewbarta]

1:29:59 I love Jordan’s deadpan humor. Always makes me laugh out loud.

[@partywoodchuck]

"If you're a LIZARD under HUMAN SKIN you have to tell me!" *under his breath* "if I'm wrong, I apologize"

[@lukecrossley]

43:50 "if im wrong i apologise" gives "im sorry if you feel offended" vibes ugh

[@editrin7005]

I had such a paragraph written out since I had so many things to say about the things you were saying. I love you both, I love this podcast, I so happy I stumbled into this Gold mine.

[@ameliavelasco8602]

Reminder that you can use flushable wipes and throw them away instead of flushing them 😅 I feel like this is a more novel concept for men since menstruating people do it all the time!

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

Wipes as it wet wipes? I feel so out of the loop with this comment.

[@ameliavelasco8602]

@@TheDanishGuyReviews yes lol they call them flushable wipes. No one refers to toilet paper as wipes 😂

[@hexlart8481]

My mom was a pretty angry person growing up and she is the sort of driver who would immediately turn to you and say f*ck you. In fact the list of expletives and slurs she would call people was pretty impressive. Nothing like super bad or racist or anything but still. It made me very uncomfortable even as a child who didn't know better. At least for her I know its a product of stress, anger management issues, and a sort of controlling mindset she applies to the world.

[@Bottomsupyours]

This is me. Am I your mother?

[@sweetie9672]

what slurs aren't super bad or racist I'm confused 😭

[@hexlart8481]

@@sweetie9672 "b*tch" "dumb*ss" "f*ckwad" etc like they're offensive sure but much more acceptable than like full blown bigoted slurs.

[@therisingsun888]

My mom did Not say slurs, but she is a pretty strong cusser on the road. We always found it funny, not really uncomfortable

[@wogimmmm]

seeing them talk about "wellness" was soooo cathartic, I grew up in a new age spiritualism cult with a huge amount of that weird capitalist icky "wellness" overlap. a lot of my experiences were way more extreme than the average person, but even at its most innocent its still a space rampant with anti-intellectualism and racism.

[@wogimmmm]

there's also a lot of toxic positivity and this often unspoken rhetoric that if you're struggling (financially, healthwise, literally any way any being affected by it) it's because you aren't working hard enough on your wellness. Because it can fix you if you work hard, so if youre not fixed its because you're not working hard. Its a very mlm style mentality. Like I said my experience was very extreme, but still at its best its this toxic positivity, stuff your emotions down and be in denial rise and grind mindset. (at worst it was stuff like an 80 year old spiritual leader telling a 17 year old me that if i passed from a severe condition that it was from lack of wellness prayers) it really is wild out there

[@baby.yogurt]

I think Jordan made a good point that the term "wellness" is generally used to signify something else, like self optimization. it's more about constant body maintenance than about actually focusing on health/wellbeing. also when miss Gwenny was talking about her routine it reminded me so much of myself years ago when I had my eating disorder. I used intermittent fasting to essentially skip meals, and focused on lots of liquids (coffee, broth) and low calorie/high volume foods (vegetables). like I would have said almost what she said if you asked me about my "wellness routine" during that time, I would hardly have said anything about substantial meals, focusing mostly on low cal stuff and lots of exercise. idk it makes me concerned to hear anyone talking like that. plus during that podcast gwenyth also talked about how she likes to do IVs of random unnecessary stuff which in combination w everything else really makes me think that she might have some unhealthy fixation on getting "healthy". she's doing things that are at the very least not necessary/evidence based, and could potentially be doing harmful things with her diet. I used to have orthorexia and I see a lot of my past self reflected in miss gwen so it just makes me concerned for her and her audience as well (obv I don't know her personally so I could definitely be off base and wrong here, this is just how I personally feel about this situation). anyways to whoever is reading this, it's always good to eat when ur hungry, and move ur body in ways that feel enjoyable! it doesn't have to be complicated to be well

[@LanaAndJen]

Gwyneth Paltrow absolutely has an ED

[@urheehoo]

i can't bring myself to be concerned about a cult leader who got rich hurting people with her scams lol

[@maya-ze6gm]

My favorite Sad Boyz!! So excited I came home to a fresh pod ✨️

[@545reptar]

As someone with ADHD who has issues interrupting people and subconsciously pick accents out I'm sorry lol. I try my best to be aware and not interrupt but sometimes I just feel like I'm gunna explode if I don't

[@wishingwell_333]

i have been WAITING for anyone to talk about this gwenyth paltrow video more

[@A_damn_triceratops]

Made my day better seeing a new episode of the pod

[@petersparkers9775]

i love this podcast, i've been on a recent binge of eps after a really bad anxiety period. i appreciate the open conversations and jokes in between deeper conversations. you guys are great :)

[@greytgreytx]

Literally no sewage systems can "handle" flushable wipes. "Flushable" literally only means that it will go down the drain. They have to be fished out of somewhere down the line. If you have to use wipes, just put them in a trash can lined with a plastic/disposable liner. If you think that's gross, think about the person whose job it is to have to clear wipes out of the sewage system. You really should get a bidet. It will pay for itself in about six months of buying flushable wipes. For a regular-shaped toilet seat, you can get one for about $40 (you don't need heated water, you don't need bells and whistles); for an elongated seat, they're closer to $100. Then you use way less toilet paper and zero wipes. Everybody wins.

[@vikkumari]

I pick up accents and I used to have a lot of foreign coworkers (from all around) so for a few years I just sounded vaguely foreign and people would ask where I'm from (but I'm a local) It's definitely not a fun trait and I'm super self conscious about it 😅 I sound local now cause all my current coworkers are locals so I'm just picking up local accent. But I'm moving soon and my partner's family is Taiwanese so I'm trying to be really aware of not picking up their accent 🙏🏻

[@thehex3791]

I just wanted to point out what Jordan said at 52:57. That's actually a common trait amongst nuerodivergent people, and they usually won't notice they're doing it.

[@TheNDofUO]

As is the finishing a sentence thing. My best friend does it

[@caycecarson]

You guys mentioning Lauren Shippen just unlocked a memory I had of listening to The College Tapes, hearing Jarvis as the barista that serves Caleb his coffee (maybe??? It’s been a while) and being like Ariana what are you doing here???? Anyway I’m going to listen to your podcasts with her now because The Infinite Noise is one of my favorite books and I also loved the Bright Sessions/College Tapes.

[@whoopsydaisy6389]

It isn't fair to drag your baggage from a former relationship along and then chuck it into the next person's lap. Get help offloading that baggage first, then date.

[@isthiscereallife]

On one hand, I understand that, on the other hand, therapy is unaffordable. I'd rather try to pursue happiness while trying to make sure my PTSD isn't too mu h of a burden on everyone else, imo

[@NightmareonKelpStreet]

The boyz!! Ive been using pod to power thru work ❤️🌈🥺 much love

[@shirin9452]

As an Indian-American girl, the thing about bindis made my ears perk up a bit 😮 where on earth was Jordan living

[@goldjoyproducer]

This steady stream of Sad Boyz episodes is everything ❤

[@evaf984]

rip jordan ❤ (he’s not dead, he’s just not in the thumbnail)

[@lucianh9465]

Thanks for another excellent episode, I really appreciate the topics you guys cover in this one, especially in regards to predatory wellness culture movements. This is a great episode and I enjoyed it a lot. I'm always glad for the time out of my day I get to spend listening to the squad when you guys post a new episode.

[@techne360]

As a lady, I felt it when you said "Compliments that make you feel like a piece of meat" Like obviously I've never had anyone talk about my hair from a racial perspective, but random men walking up to me and saying "You look great in those jeans!" (While checking out your ass) or "You'd be prettier if you smile" (not really a compliment) or when any creepy older man holds you verbally hostage and makes inappropriate jokes while you're at work

[@bishielurfer]

I _hate_ when people tell me to smile more or some variation of that. My response is usually "if you want me to smile maybe you should do something to make me want to smile." Like you could just say "You have a really nice smile" if you want to compliment someone that way.

[@jojol.2630]

“It takes more effort to frown than to smile!” It takes even LESS effort to have a rested face!

[@chuckmcluckin6082]

​@@jojol.2630"You'll have a much harder time smiling with a swollen lip, dude."

[@user-unfriendly_-o-]

I opened this episode in the morning and I don't know anything about the games you discussed so to me the first few minutes sound like a fever dream

[@yikes8322]

I started this podcast before work I’m finishing it now in the bath after work and when they got to the Gwenyth Paltrow part I started giggling because I’m sitting in a bath with cheap tea bags feeling that self love and care 😂😂 forget that spending money shit

[@milesarvy]

the way that i get much happier when i see they uploaded

[@elzydev]

I lost many friendships to a jealous girl when I was young. I would kill to go back in time and break up with her and erase it all.

[@dylandreisbach1986]

Some people are out here publicly tweeting a thought that most people would think about, google, clear their browser history, then take that thought they had to their death bed.

[@wurrow]

ngl the yellow blanket looks like a huge chunk of uncooked top ramen

[@wishingwell_333]

38:30 is so real im beyond happy to offer anyone like clarification or reassurance but 1. it so absolutely, in my opinion out of pocket to attack someone for a thing you perceived and no one actually did. like the distress of the accuser is something i understand deeply so im still really understanding of ppl who have those problems but when it feels like a personal reflection on me or like you jus decided to run w these negative feelings.... it sucks cus most ppl who do have no idea they're even wrong. like they truly think you're being an asshole or whatever the issue is so imo you have to bring that internal issue to their awareness for it to work out. it for me is weird to even call it inconsiderate bc it's more jus lacking self awareness i think. but yeah it can feel pretty hurtful actually sometimes. im kinda like what makes you think i would do that to you? even tho it has nothing to do with us and everything w their trauma or anxiety

[@lettersnstuff]

the hair thing, to me, reads as a white woman without any black friends that read about the military forcing specific haircuts on POC a while back, and has since decided to show her support for literally anyone that wears their hair natural because that’s how you be anti-racist, right?

[@himbosuplex]

The way Jordan, and as far as I know only Jordan, calls Jarvis "J" is super endearing. The cute like, longtime bud nickname. Also lol Jordan copying that person who is a SUPER active listener cracked me up but also those people stress me out SO MUCH bc I have bad ADHD so people being super active listeners give me anxiety bc the way my ADHD manifests I take a lot of pauses so I feel pressured not to when they keep interjecting.

[@kaninramone6365]

I'm not too deep but I'd actually like to hear Jarvis talk abt his PT. I'm someone who started PT due to boxing and skateboarding incidents. And alot of people don't talk about PT

[@zenleeparadise]

I'm about to start it because I have MS and I'm so nervous about it tbh

[@mikhahl]

I love the fact that you guys are just filming on a couch, it's so much comfier

[@jbone877]

I'm starting to catch some feelings, and other things also, for these fellas

[@lamibonxd]

no way i was watching y’all today n u uploaded!! hope u boys are well, can’t wait to watch the pod

[@Unseen_Fiend]

I'm a person who pees with the door open mostly because my dogs will barge in and I've given up trying to stop them

[@whoopsydaisy6389]

Me too. It's better than the scratching and whining. I also found out they're instinctively trying to protect you because you're vulnerable when you're pooping. They do it for each other and for us. If you have a single dog they prefer if you stand by while they poop so they can relax more too.

[@2small4theMall]

@ ashley, do you not have a lock

[@Unseen_Fiend]

@@2small4theMall it stopped working long ago

[@FirstLast-po8oz]

that just sounds like an eating disorder with extra steps.

[@linglingspacewhales1977]

I always second guess myself whenever I compliment a coworker’s or friends hair. They always have these beautiful intricate braided hairstyles that look so beautiful and look like they took a lot of time to get done…. But I don’t want to come across as fetishizing or giving a weird coded compliment. I know they get those kind of comments a lot and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable…