SHE IS BACK. “If He Wants To Split The Bill, WALK AWAY” - Therapist

[@muc_plays]

I feel personally attacked....I actually forgot my wallet in my car one time on a first date. I realized in the middle of the date and excused myself to go to the bathroom. I found the bartender and told him I forgot my wallet in my car and I'm on a first date...before I said anything else the dude was like: "You dumbf***...Just tell her you payed and bring me the money before we close." The girl didn't work out but I'm still friends with the bartender. Nice guy. EDIT: Holy...didn't expect the likes and replies. I can't answer them all. The most common I heard is "Why didn't I go to my car and get my wallet." It's because we parked outside of the city and my car was at least 20 minutes away in one direction. I couldn't really go for a jog in the middle of the date :D

[@mint_soup9743]

I love this story.

[@houseofhas9355]

I like this. You found true love with the bartender. HomieSexual love. 😂. (I'm only teasing you man)

[@pentrubarbati]

i never pay for women they are quuens they got it

[@AzureSteel]

What was so hard about running out to your car to retrieve your wallet?! It’s not that big of a deal.

[@zoesolanki961]

What a legend!

[@Badda_Bing]

Years ago, I went on three dates with this woman: First date - I drove 20 miles to pick her up, took her to dinner, went for drinks after dinner, paid for literally everything, drove her 20 miles back home. Second date - Drove 20 miles to pick her up. Took her to lunch. Paid for everything. Drove 20 miles again to drop her off. Third date - AGAIN picked her up 20 miles away. Went to a movie. Paid for the movie and all the snacks. Then went for dinner... When the check came she suggested she pay. I refused but agreed to go 50/50. Then took her for drinks after dinner and I paid for all the drinks. Drop her off at home (20 miles away). Next day - she blocked me. Months later I found out through a mutual friend that she blocked me because I "made her pay for her dinner".. Even though she offered. Absolutely mental shit. What I learned from that is some women expect the world and the one time you don't give them the world, they leave. They conveniently ignore all the positive and focus on one negative.

[@patrick05Morgan]

The crazy part is how some of them can completely fabricate stories that never happened to make themselves the victim no matter what.

[@rooseveltj.]

I have had similar situations like this but now I use that 3rd or so date as a test to see if she will split or pay for the check just to see if she is the one for me 😭

[@Lordamraphel]

Lol just the beginning of your story is funny, drove 20 miles haha I can't rationally comprehend what some of you guys do to get a woman. lol I'm so glad monk mode came naturally to me. 😂

[@MusMasi]

I am sorry you wasted your time and money.

[@noodleMoodle253]

That was really rude of her. I hope you’re able to still date without letting that one bad apple spoil your entire experience. My partner and I went 50/50 over dates and vacations all the time while dating at my insistence and I’ve never punished him for it 😅. Looks like you just avoided a shitty person 🧡

[@maxb2244]

Why are all these relationship "experts" perpetually single?

[@Diamondr11Blue]

Pearl Davis 😂

[@CLUBPERRICO]

Ppl do have wisdom.

[@pit3bull360]

That's the real question we need to asking here

[@AbigailStovall-jh4gl]

@@pit3bull360 cause they can afford to be and are much smarter than the rest of us lol

[@Kiwonfu]

Dating coach is a red flag for a relationship

[@sloklubolisen2577]

Ahhh yes, Schrödingers coffee. The coffee is cheap and insignificant enough that I should just pay it without question, yet significant enough to block me on all socials if I don’t.

[@jenserjenson4407]

this is gold haha

[@victorokeahialam8925]

😂

[@Cyber-Rain]

These schrodinger terms 😂

[@mosunshine9265]

😂

[@mattmyers1655]

He reads people at a collegiate level

[@daveblackman816]

I stopped doing the expensive dinner first dates a few months into my dating life. The best dates were the ones where we met at an activity like a bookstore or near a park that has vendors in it where we can talk. If we hit it off, then we’ll do a nicer dinner date for date 2 and I’ll pay. No need to waste money on someone I’m not interested in.

[@rumjhumgupta7137]

Yes!!! this is what I used to do as well, parks and lakes are great because even if the date doesn't work out I can always enjoy the view.

[@gemelwalters2942]

Exactly. Something they overlooked in this discussion. For a male this is 1 of 20 dates before he meets anyone long term... Maybe even more. Use that money to work on yourself

[@mr.duanesharpe]

I do libraries to talk. Going on lavish so called dates is foolish.

[@ItsDaJax]

A first date shouldn't be expensive anyway. It's a first date, not a one year marriage anniversary.

[@CoOlKyUbI96]

This is ideal. First two or three dates should always be on the more casual end precisely for the reasons mentioned above. Then if it seems like it’ll be a longer term relationship then that’s why you get fancier

[@imjustsaying5357]

If she wants to split the household chores, leave her. See how stupid that sounds.

[@av4781]

I agree. The man should do all the housework.

[@randomnobody9229]

​@av4781 that's true, all women can do is have babies everything else men do better so it only makes sense since he would do it better than you.

[@MusMasi]

@@av4781 If hes a stay at home dad yeah.

[@poopingwhilestanding5801]

@@av4781 Apart from sex (or a child for which he'd be financially responsible for) what exactly can you offer a man? Empathy? Don't make me laugh...look up Briffault's Law, Hypergamy, Solipisism or Hedontics....

[@imjustsaying5357]

@@av4781 Make over 6 figures, buy me anything i want, pay all the bills, and you got a deal 👍🏾

[@jaughnekow]

There's a lack of appreciation in relationships and some people feel so entitled that they think everything revolves around them?

[@janelleg597]

Yep

[@avivastudios2311]

I don't think so. I think you've just heard of a bunch of bad relationships.

[@houseofhas9355]

I think the culture breeds entitlement here in the US. I can only speak as a man. I have never dated a men, I will leave it up to the women to speak on male entitlement. But women in the US have so much entitlement, when they are dating, it's insane. Some will straight up tell a guy which restaurant he should take them 😮

[@jaughnekow]

@@avivastudios2311 that's a higher percentage

[@kward0321]

Stop saying 'people' and just say women

[@captainyakitori]

In the Netherlands, it's very common to split the bill. Which is both an equality thing AND a Scrooge-like.

[@thijsg8549]

Ja die gesprekken zijn echt bat shit crazy om naar te luisteren

[@mahamuud99]

Ik betaal voor alles :p

[@Ebtihus]

I mean, they call it "Going Dutch" for a reason

[@lazairance]

@@Ebtihuszeggen ze dat echt 😂😂😂

[@kyrohowe3156]

​@@Ebtihus I like that

[@maggot1111666]

"why would anybody be chivalrous to a fucking streetwalker" LOLOLOL

[@adriantbryan]

the real question is why are you going on a date with a streetwalker then have the audacity to throw shade here

[@vallano8970]

​@@adriantbryanprobably similar to the reasons why so many women go on dates with men they dislike to the point where they need him to pay to make up the "massiveeee" burden it was to go out with him in the first place.

[@Qs_Internet_Cafe]

Because they are also skinwalkers ! You never know how a person is until later on ! @@adriantbryan

[@nobodythenobody9779]

@@adriantbryanbecause sometimes we just want sex, without having to pay hundreds of $ to get to know an entitled woman who thinks her times worth more than mine

[@saint037]

​@@adriantbryaneven streetwalkers are useful for sex

[@ItsComplicatedChannel]

“Chivalry is DEAD & feminism killed it” Meanwhile men still have to approach women, ask them out, pick them up, pay for dates, make the first move… What part of the dating process isn’t CHIVALRY?

[@MusMasi]

sliding into the dms?

[@HeliosX28]

Love your video's my guy

[@NITR0NAGINOSS]

It's cause they ain't Elon Musk rich and the women they choose are gold diggers

[@poopingwhilestanding5801]

You should have well over a million subs given the content you create and show the double-standards that are inherent in Western women today!

[@yoogeo1]

Legend

[@WellRoundedFlower]

When my husband and I got together at 18, I was the one with the job so I paid for dates. His parents raised him to be the traditional male figure so he never wanted to go out. I didn't mind paying. My parents raised my brothers and I to have life skills not gender roles. We were raised to not accept things from people. I wanted to invest in him because we were together and I wanted to actually go on dates to see if we were good for each other. When he got a job, we went half or we rotated paying, it wasn't until we got engaged 3 years into our relationship that I let him pay. We're 26 now, married for 2 years.

[@NadellaVasishta]

After reading this comment, your username makes sense. You're a good person :)

[@ragtagboyrebel]

Either a woman like you, or I'm staying single. I have known my criteria for a while now.

[@Kagiso22]

I remember when my fiance started working before me while I was still in college. My masculinity was so fragile that I also didn’t want to go out much coz I was broke but she didn’t care, she wanted to go out with me and that’s all that mattered to her. It taught me a lot about myself and her. Now she’s my fiance because she’s of the woman she is. I now also have a job and I earn more than her but we still split the bills proportional to each persons earnings. So it’s not 50/50 but I also contribute to household chores and I’m the one that cooks so the chores are also split based on skill and effort needed. She likes to tidy up but when it’s time for a full on deep clean then it’s both hands on deck This dynamic really makes it feel like we are actually partners in this life thing and no one is burdening the other. She once was a victim to credit card fraud and suddenly had debt, that whole year I took up most of the bills so she could pay off the bank, then I also gave her my Christmas bonus to finally pay it off.

[@amberpasta9379]

I tried to do the same with my ex but he decided to buy video games and spend money of silly things and just expected me to pay for all the meals… and many of these meals I would have to pay for us, his brother, and it friend.. of course there was an issue and it made me upset needless to say he messed up in other ways and we broke up but I found a man who is willing to meet me halfway or take turns; I’m happy that we were able to find good rational men to marry and I wish your marriage well and happy for years to come

[@Hlonela100]

Thought you'd say you're 40 and been married 20 years, the way you're so far removed from women today

[@_..-.._..-.._]

She really said women don’t feel “safe” with a guy who doesn’t pay?!? I know women who don’t feel safe UNLESS they pay for their own meal or coffee, because they don’t want to owe the guy.

[@kellykelly4361]

That's what I said. I don't want to Owe the guy

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"I know women who don’t feel safe UNLESS they pay for their own meal or coffee, because they don’t want to owe the guy." Yeah, I'm one of them.

[@acutelilmint8035]

this.

[@carlosemiralonso7997]

The original I pay "from a man" It comes as: I choose who to take home. So as one pay, one get to say no without feeling he is stealing money. Or something like that. You need to pay, because you are taking time and effort (supposedly girls takes effort to date). And in return you can say no without feeling conflicted. Modify to tell more: in other times, men used to earn money, woman not. So you invite a girl to offer the life style and a secure home, that if, she is chosen. Thats why, a man pay the bill, because he doesnt need to felt bad for make a woman dream about a future.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

I noticed some women just default to that as a response to many things, and some of them are actually feeling unsafe and insecure quite often, but those are the types I’ve never liked and I’d stay away from them. Idk I’ve just always liked the ones who are confident in themselves and don’t need a man to be this and that for them. I swear some women just operate in a completely different frame of mind from each other, so fells know which is gonna be trouble.

[@MXMAP]

I split almost everything with my girl 50/50: rent, groceries, tickets, trips, accomodation, etc... We do buy each other food when we order, or buy little things as a supries. BUT above all the financial bs, what matters the most; we DO little things that makes the other person happy. I cook and she's greatful, she folds the laundry and I'm happy, you get the point. So sickening that everything is sooooo materialistic nowadays... Fck that shit honestly...

[@Owen-sx4jj]

Gender roles are guidelines and not something to be bound by. Men can be flexible when it calls for it. Women want it a certain way because of course it all benefits them, meanwhile they don't stick to their end of the arbitrary bargain

[@brumtownmiller6130]

Im similar bro. Not exactly 50/50 with everything but overall we do for each other. I cook and cleans the plates she will do the laundry and vacuum, I take the kids to school, she picks them up etc like you said it’s a give and take but equally and not tit for tat tho just fair. For most of our relationships I spent more money on her by choice and she would always offer to pay for stuff and I’d refuse unless she really insisted or I never had much money at the time. As you said it’s the little things we do for each other rather than just the material and monetary things that count. We are a team and team work makes the dream work, we been together for 12 years now and counting

[@tupactargaryen]

Yeah me and ex used to go “50/50” on dates. I would pay for dinner, she would pay for the drinks at the bar afterwards. Or I pay for the movie, she buys dinner afterwards. Or one week I pay and the next she pays. It was never a discussion either, we just did it.

[@brumtownmiller6130]

@@Owen-sx4jj maybe you need to pick better women or be the men that better women want. Me and the men in my family have women that hold to their roles in the relationship. How old are you that you haven’t experienced this?

[@Owen-sx4jj]

@@brumtownmiller6130 oh no I'm good my guy. I'm just speaking what I see in this current landscape. I personally, do the same, it's not something we fight about see.

[@BigJL]

Women have money, we have to stop pretending they don’t

[@brawndothethirstmutilator9848]

“We demand equality. We demand to make exactly as much money as men. We demand men pay for social interactions because they are the man.”

[@GLoLChibs]

But but she needs her money for a safety net when she leaves!

[@rooseveltj.]

Facts they really be making the same as you. Don’t let them act all helpless

[@Hardawayfits]

Yes I make more than most guys who want to take me on a date. 😅 Exactly why I dont date broke men. I like men on my level.

[@Laughing_Individual]

@@GLoLChibs And men don't? 😂

[@worldinperson]

I (female) usually pay my own stuff at the first date. Only when I am absoultely certain I want to meet the guy again and he insists on paying for me, I let him. And only if it isnt too much, like less than 12 Euros. Expecting the guy to pay everything, even a lavish dinner when you know you don't want to see him again is very characterless.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

Why would you want to see your partner as a bank account us my question to women who do this

[@TheReapersSon]

​@@Diamondr11BlueIt's a primitive "provider" mentality (man provides for tribe, village, etc.); but society has magnified it into "man drains bank account for proud village DNA dumpster"

[@Ash_Wen-li]

I don't know why this isn't common sense

[@ElysV135]

Depends on who ask to go on a date. Asking somebody out and then splitting a bill is just bad manners. Doesn't matter who that is, even with friends. If I ask my friend to go out for a coffee, I am paying. If I am asked out, I expect them to pay.

[@mr.duanesharpe]

The question you posed is because women want this traditional aspect of a man while being independent. Doesn’t work.

[@mariamadam3493]

My husband pays for everything and never let me pay for anything so I just try to bring him gifts as much as I can ...

[@saltycat662]

Same. You show appreciation however possible.

[@fkdkidie]

Lucky!

[@SimonBJJ]

Using the word ick is so over done, I've had someone ask me what my icks are and straight away I told them, I think icks are childish and if an ick puts you off dating me that's a red flag... especially as an adult

[@kinito992]

I guess i see that, but I always thought of an ick like it rubs you the wrong way but you cant say for certain yet. More like "this COULD be a red flag but idk if its a pattern"

[@SimonBJJ]

@kinito992 yeah thats a good way to look at it, but the way I've seen it used has just made me think its a ridiculous thing

[@ChaseFarrow]

​@@kinito992 I think that's called a yellow flag

[@Diamondr11Blue]

All the videos I've seen of the ick are men doing normal things like eating and going about their buisness. Crazy thing ia none of them are iIIegal tasks

[@Kiwonfu]

Using the word ick is so corny

[@Uncle_Apoc]

This entire video is a bar. Yes, the expectation is that men pay for dates. It is completely unrational and built on old norms. But we do it. But Chivalry should not exist without grace. Grace and chivalry come hand in hand. You cannot expect chivalry, an old school practice, when your entire mentality, behavior, and actions are modern and lacking grace. Nobody wants to open doors or pay bills or pay for dates for someone who's reaction is "that's what the fuck I thought". Chivalry is dying and the reason is a lack of grace from the same women posting lists of places not to go on a first date.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

That custom was back from times where women couldn't own property. Let's leave that shit in thr past

[@Kiwonfu]

2 days ago???

[@AlexanderSkinnerVids]

Entitled people are *DISGUSTING*

[@jleftwing9771]

Your comment is also a bar.

[@DadsCigaretteRun]

@@Kiwonfuposted from Patreon and then they release to public

[@madamesativa1319]

I think that a man paying for dates made a lot more sense back when women were not allowed to work and have their own financial stability. I think that in today’s day and age, especially with dating apps, and everything else it only makes sense to go 50-50 on a date, especially the first date. I don’t owe you anything you don’t owe me anything we are just getting to know each other and if we decide that we want to do a second date, then maybe you pay for that and we go from there third date will be on me. My fiancé pays for dates he walks by the street side. He opens my car door and I reach over the middle console and open the driver door for him from the inside. It’s all about an exchange of respect and understanding.

[@Laughing_Individual]

You're a diamond in the rough.

[@rob3rta_a]

EXACTLY!!! finally someone gets it... like ain t no way i m gonna go at 8-10 PM on a first date at a restaraunt with a stranger, even if i m a woman i still gonna pay for my shit. i like coffee dates sm because they are safe (its day light, people are around and if sum happens to u there is someone who saw that) and they can be even productive and playfull, as i said especially on first dates with people idk. people nowadays are too entitled and comfortable with people they don t even know and thats prey for predators usually, and sadly.

[@MusMasi]

maybe if she wants him to pay for dates when he gets married, her family can pay for the wedding and pay a dowry how bout that?

[@tupactargaryen]

@@MusMasi lol, they’re not ready to have that discussion. Or that she be a virgin when we marry, if we’re going back to traditional roles?

[@MusMasi]

@@tupactargaryen thats my point they want the best of both worlds, want a *Traditional* man while not being *traditional* women.

[@Double5tandards]

Back in the day when I was at university, I went on a date with a very toxic female, which was just coffee that I suggested... Immediately I was expected to pay for everything, which wasn't an issue, but her attitude was just off-putting. So I took her latte, asked the barista to put it in a takeaway cup and I went out and gave her non-dairy zero calorie latte to the homeless guy on the street and then bought him whatever lunch he wanted - and all he wanted was a subway sandwich, and that subway shop was right opposite the coffee shop I left her sat in, she was literally sat there watching me buy the homeless guy food, probably thinking to herself, wtf?!?!.. 😂😂😂

[@BrandNewAlien]

I bet that hobo was awfully grateful too 💀

[@ThePrototypler]

based and wholesome.

[@2FadeMusic]

sheesh i wouldve fallen for you then and there

[@leaellas8400]

LMAO ... Too bad dudes or males don't realize when their own attitudes are off-putting. Good for you bro!

[@moonknight4053]

I don’t care about traditional gender roles, I’m a 50/50 mfker…. It’s always the guy paying for a date or the guy asking the girl out i Oi b a date meaning “he has to pay”. Bunch of bollocks, it’s either a split bill or not…. There adults who work too

[@joaomota7796]

Happened to me recently, met a girl and went for a drink to get to know each other I picked her up and then we went to the bar, had 1/2 beers each and decided to do something after the drinks.. as we were leaving i was checking every pocket for my wallet, turns out i left it in my car, shamefully I told her about it, said I was really sorry but I happen to forgot it in the car Without a moment of hesitation, she pulls her Credit Card Off and says: I dont mind paying at all I felt like i struck gold, so far every Date is on me and im glad to do it As Aba said, if she wouldnt pay something small/indifferent its because there wasnt too much interest

[@joyandpeacefullaughter5307]

Didn't you hear many women have had bad experiences with men who claim they forgot their wallet to be phony?

[@daniellefarrow7956]

In the couple years prior to marriage that my husband & I dated, I always made the attempt to split dinners. He would decline. Our first date, he asked & he paid. Eventually I realized not to offer to split the bill, because he would just say No Thanks. Instead I started to ask if I could take care of the bill this time since he had it last time or the last 3 times…I told him it would make me feel good to return the favor because I’m enjoying his company as well. It’s not a 1-sided thing. He was good with that & I was happy to show him I appreciate his time & efforts. 💕

[@snapeinvader]

That's what always bugs me about this. If someone really likes you, they enjoy your time and don't need to be paid for to hang out with you.

[@pixotass]

🏆

[@MisterNightfish]

It's really ingrained in men that our company alone isn't "enough". I don't think it should be like that, but it is. The way you did it is really good. It probably sounds stupid, but it's good to hear that it's enough that you're just there. But maybe it's not that stupid. I bet women like hearing things that are obvious like "you look good in that dress" instead of going "well she has a mirror and it's obvious, why should i have to say it?"

[@GraveRave]

I wish more women had you're attitude. It's about showing that you care for the person, being a helpmate which shows you not only know how to recieve but also how to give. Respect to you.❤

[@michelleobrien6996]

I agree with what you came up with. If a man pays for me I would not follow that, next time, with offering to pay half because he has already started a pattern of being generous. I would say it's my turn. If he declined my offer and paid twice I would attend the third date knowing that it's definitely my turn to pay.

[@christopherdavis1012]

Dating seems incredibly over thought and under stimulating from the way it’s portrayed on social media.

[@simba8665]

Well, it is.

[@airfixx_8952]

@@rotimioyemade8179 - People should check out from social-media instead and live life by their own rules and standards; rather than those of completely unqualified (grifting) influencers.

[@davesmith826]

Indeed. The problem we have is that most women live their lives in and on social media, which warps their expectations and ruins their personalities. The internet needs to be shut down.

[@McBernes]

Because it's being played out on social media. On social media there is usually only the side of the persdon with a problem unless the other party speaks up, which people love because they get to watch a shitshow argument play out. Then there are the over exagerations, out right lies, drama hunting, rage farming,. Don't let social media control how you see things, it's a wretched hive of scum and villainy. And don't give up, I found some one very special and "statistically" I'm not "marketable". I'm 50yrs old, single father of a preteen, divorced, drive a kia rio, rent a 2 bedroom apt, 20lbs overweight, make less than 60k ( not to dump on myself, I am pretty cool).

[@dusanradojkovic8190]

I think this is a good way of putting it. I think whenever dating starts to be talked about in a broad cultural sense, it's often portrayed differently than how it is in reality, on an individual level (this all depends; obviously there's overlap to some extent).

[@maximilianrockefeller8854]

I went on a *lot* of first and second dates in my late 20s, and without fail, *all* the women never, ever, offered to pay for anything or split anything. None of them ever worked out. The last second date I went on, my wife insisted paying for at least the gasoline (we went on a couple hour motorcycle ride, dinner and a movie). We've been together for awesome years. While I often try to pay for everything she still often insists on at least paying for part if not all of what we do. It's an endearing quality that shows she cares, appreciates me, and wants to be a part of the relationship. They exist, good women of class and character, they're just unicorns. Good luck to the rest of you, the struggle is real.

[@JUDALATION]

Go where equality and fairness is taught to children...JAPAN, Norway, Australia...

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@JUDALATION You're not going to find that in Japan. Men still have a ritual where the women serve them. When the guy is finished his dinner, he holds his bowl up and waits for the wife to take it, to either fill it up again.

[@DTreatz]

still got married in this day? send your future self my *condolences*

[@moonknight4053]

Happy for u bro, I truly am! But u really don’t have to offer to pay for everything….. I am happier to hear that she declined those offers tho

[@nophone9311]

Expecting traditional treatment without acting traditional. Classic.

[@setmeplz1]

yep. Now women want traditional roles but don't realize they're not traditional. They want to dress how they want and do whatever they want but still want their bills paid for. Absurd

[@0bsmith0]

Women ☕

[@Justsomebodyelse235]

Men are not traditional either! So what the fuck are you smoking?

[@lobmob3235]

THIS the real issue. I believe as a guy that yes you should the first date. However they pick and choose when they want traditional treatment when they are anything but traditional themselves 💀and on top of that the entitlement is absolutely disgusting

[@randybobandy9828]

​@wardodoothey are the only ones that do matter

[@GregoryCarnegie]

So if you're on a date, and you find that you don't like the girl, but you don't wanna hurt her feelings You can just split the check and she gone lol

[@rasxiel2493]

yes

[@Hardawayfits]

Childish. Just speak up😅

[@jordannewsom3606]

​@@Hardawayfits And do the same thing

[@jashonwestbrook3362]

@@Hardawayfits nah

[@grgryocean]

Yeah, but also maybe don’t go on an expensive first date to begin with. Keep it casual with just drinks or coffee. It’s dumb that dinner is a standard for a lot of people

[@01man01truck]

6:00 I've said for a long time now that most women will identify what they want first and then walk backwards to try to find a moral justification for it after the fact. I once had a woman tell me that she wants a man to pay for the first date because it shows her his willingness and ability to provide. I then pointed out that an average first date may cost between $100 to $300 and that anyone working at McDonald's could save up a paycheck and pay that bill. That would tell you nothing about their ability to provide. And honestly, while I'm thinking about it, even if you knew their profession and knew that people in that profession are well paid, that's still doesn't tell you about their willingness and ability to provide because their debt to income ratio could be all out of whack. So there's that.

[@badwolf3618]

Omg your first paragraph is brilliant! I hadn't thought of it that way before!

[@MusMasi]

Them actually being stingy might actually show that they are better equipped to be able to provide. Some people I know waste all their money on flash things to appear rich yet are heavily in debt keeping a roof over their heads.

[@grgryocean]

Yeah, rationalizing things like that is lame. I also want to know a woman has realistic expectations and sees our potential relationship like a partnership where we’re doing things for the both of us and not just one person. I’m not trying to score a woman who is a prize object. Not to mention we’re definitely not supposed to be objectifying women now 😂

[@bos9824]

I would say knowing their profession is much better than using the first date to gauge their ability to provided

[@SkerikIsBae]

EXACTLY. i dont get why aba and preach were defending her in this video. Maybe im misunderstanding but they don't seem to see what she said as problematic in anyway, but i do: Maybe this is because I'm from a younger generation, but I took a really different tone from the therapist than the positive one you guys did, I have no respect for her at all...... That type of monetary chivalry comes from a time period and culture where women didn't work and men did, and more importantly, a couple could afford to live off of one wage. Things are different now. It is not a reasonable expectation amongst us poor folk for casual first dates to expect one party to pay for everything, man or woman - unless of course as you guys said its like a coffee. The fact that this therapist thinks its an "ick" inherently that a guy might want to split the bill i think is incredibly out of touch and makes her come across as an incredible conceited entitled and selfish bitch, and I'm honestly shocked she cares enough about people to be a therapist, because as someone intending to work in the same field, let me tell you some of the horror stories I've heard from mentors - people aren't doing well man. This is a ridiculous expectation. I agree with Aba that this is the type of thing i would want to and try to do whenever i could because i as an individual like being generous, but honestly id hope the person im dating has the same attitude, otherwise why would i want to be with them? Whatever happened to relationships being a team? Whatever happened to equality? Also, side tangent, I really hate it when people that are semi qualified in a field (like a therapist in psychology, a therapist/counsellor is a pretty easy degree to get and it doesn't require alot of scientific knowledge, its a much more hands on practical degree, ik bc im currently studying it) pretend that they know more about the science behind things than they do so that they can justify their own biases. In this instance, this therapist wants to justify her out of touch and unrealistic standard that men = bad and undateable if they don't pay for the first date regardless of the reason, so she goes on about some mumbo jumbo about the reason why women want this is because they are wired to want to feel protected. Ummmmm ok thats alot of hoops you've jumped through to get to that conclusion. How do you know that the physiological response that happens to a woman when a man pays for a coffee or a dinner is security? thats kinda dumb. Its just as if not more likely to be something along the lines of gratitude. Most people would like to have their meals paid for them, thats not just a woman thing, and by her presenting this dishonest analogy as to why women biologically want dinner to be paid for, she is setting up this rigid rulebook that all humans have to follow, which again is just absurd, and a toxic thing to promote, especially when she doesn't present any expectation on the woman's part for what she has to offer and how she should behave. Its incredibly one sided. She even admits in the start of the video men don't have many conditions. Soooo many instead of justifying your own bullshit with pseudo science you should take a look at yourself and reconsider whether or not as she said "10k conditions" women have, including this forced chilvary, is fair or reasonable. And SHE KNOWS IT ISN'T LOGICALLY. SHE KNOWS SHE IS BEING A BAD PERSON BY JUDGING PEOPLE FOR THIS. That's just insane. It'd be different if we lived in a world where this is economically viable for everyone. But it isnt. NOT BY A LONG SHOT. ahahaha rant over good video tho

[@sirsaltymcsaltertonjr.1428]

I am a black man. I live in Europe, and I haven't been back to the US over half a decade. Sometimes it's an insult to pay for the date depending in the country you are in. Definitely do not tip. It's an insult. Know where you are.

[@nonchalantnoah]

I would imagine the reason a lot of men are a bit cautious about paying fully for the first date is because we're literally living in the age now where women openly flex about using men for free meals/dates, then ghosting. I'd always offer to pay, but if they want to split the bill thats probably a good sign.

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Well it's also this: Let's say a man and a women go on 10 dates with different people The man has to pay for 10, while the woman dates for free. Why do we expect one gender to pay to play?

[@Laughing_Individual]

Men have every right to be cautious. I made the very same mistake a decade ago when I was in college. Real eye opener.

[@filimontemesgen9328]

@@Ash_Wen-li exactly 🙌🏽

[@Mrmghz1]

​@@Ash_Wen-lithose 10 dates are likely about $50/each so 10 dates drops $500 out of the guy's pocket and that could be in a month. The woman drops $50 on makeup for the same 10 dates.

[@sjejsj7615]

@@Mrmghz1are you stupid? Make up is not a necessity and majority of times women do not use that much especially for a guy they know they are going to ghost after a date

[@totallyjaded1658]

I’m in my late 50s. My husband was the breadwinner and paid the bills and gave me ‘spending money’ , I reciprocated by cooking and cleaning and having a meal on the table when he got home. He never expected that, he loved to cook and he did frequently. It’s a mutual respect dynamic that seems to be disappearing. When I went back to work when our kids were older he supported me in every way and didn’t want to accept any of my wages as that was mine. Edited to add, Abba you should never be without your wallet, even I have my cards on my phone 😂

[@78jujubs]

I've met guys that consider splitting the bill important, and some guys prefer paying for the date entirely. Aba hit the nail on the head when explaining that even if his girl was able to pay for everything, he'd still want to contribute. I'm in a relationship where my boyfriend is able to pay for dates, but I still try my best to provide in ways that I can. I do the majority of the cooking, and it makes me feel good because I made him a nice meal. That isn't to say that I never pay, and he never cooks, it's a give and take, depending on the different needs and expectations of the people in the relationship.

[@bos9824]

The key is "I'm in a relationship ". Women expect "we're in a relationship behavior" on the first date

[@78jujubs]

@@bos9824My boyfriend and I actually established this early on. It's incredibly easy to just communicate whether you're splitting the bill before even going on the date. Many men have done this before we went out together. It has nothing to do with "relationship behaviour", it has to do with communicating your wants and needs.

[@bigheadrhino]

It became clear to me what Chivalry is once I got my wife pregnant for the first time. It’s basically about taking care of your wife and unborn child by doing all the lifting, being overly protective, and keeping her emotional state as well regulated as possible. When you do those things with a woman, you’re letting her know that you will also do this things when she is pregnant. A woman would have to be stupid to choose a man that shows none of these traits and risk a miserable pregancy or being abandoned altogether.

[@Itsgivingdepression]

Thank you

[@SonamBewafaNahiHai]

@@bigheadrhino this! This is exactly the reason!

[@zachisebi]

You are half right. A similar argument could be made about health, financial or emotional issues a man might face during his life. If I left my wallet and my date is weird about having to pay, how is she gonna deal when we are married and I loose my job or have a heart attack...

[@bigheadrhino]

@@zachisebi I’m specifically talking about Chivalry. There are certainly unspoken traditional behavioral expectations for women as well but I wouldn’t say it’s the same. A woman wouldn’t be expected to lift a heavy object on behalf of a man. What you’re describing is just common courtesy and consideration.

[@PaulMCH]

I read a comment before and somehow it wont appear for me to reply but I'll just reply here: I would say as a response as to why therapists are perpetually single as you mentioned is due to reading into their significant other's behavioral patterns frequently, and therapizing their every action - it can be annoying to most and not appreciated in a relationship where the person is always telling you where you can improve or where you lack whereas your other relations, your partner just loved you for who you are and not every conversation had to feel like a therapy session.. I don't want to be in a relationship where I always feel like I'm the problem and I need to be exactly who you want me to be.

[@JohnnyAnderson-hl3jw]

Good point actually🤔

[@varunshivan9569]

Yeah, that's the whole point for people who seek relationship advice - you are not going to get everything you want, meaning "sacrifice". I don't know why western people find it this hard to understand this simple thing.

[@R3-wn1ti]

100% correct. I tried with a psychologist for YEARS and it was nothing but that- I am the problem, I need to change xyz, I dont do this that the next, but she is perfect, everything she does has some bs explanation. ALL of her peers in the field were similar, ALL had f'd relationships. I avoid ANY women in mental health fields bc they are all trained to treat ppl like problems to be solved, instead of people. This woman clearly is a nightmare in real life, good for nothing more than NSA.

[@alexandrobotelho9096]

The issue is that this one gesture is allowed to override the entirety of the rest of the experience with the other person. It should be taken as part and parcel, weighed equally against everything else. Instead it has become blown out of proportion. People think they're sifting through potential partners, checking boxes and eliminating bad matches. But they don't think of it from the other direction. i.e. you may be overvaluing one action and may have sifted out a good match. Just as bad, you may be inviting a bad match into your life because he/she checked the right overvalued box, causing you to ignore all the other red flags.

[@yuriajones]

Very well said.

[@DEichenberg]

That's kind of the point, cause if she can't split a dinner bill on the first date, she sure isn't gonna be a team player on anything really important.

[@U4ia28]

“I don’t feel safe if he doesn’t pay for the first date” All I heard was if my money ever takes a hit she’s going to leave.

[@leaellas8400]

And rightfully so. Men and males are pretty vain for the looks department, especially after old age or pregnancy.

[@U4ia28]

@@leaellas8400 and rightfully so if we’re still expected to pay for everything as if we’re still in the 50s and inflation isn’t a thing. 👀

[@mortvald]

@@leaellas8400 Who hurt you?

[@saltycat662]

@@mortvald she's not entirely wrong though.

[@mortvald]

@@saltycat662 I'll humor you, women and female are pretty vain too, even more so than men especially in their young age when they feel like they have all the attention in the world. Don't mean much though, not everyone is like that, so when you see that argument you just have to ask who hurt them? cause that's where this is coming from. ps: if I was a female I would respond by attacking you too, but hey i'm above that.

[@Sebastian-px3bl]

‘It feels insulting for a guy not to pay’ it sure is if your trying to use him for free dates absolutely

[@Growordecay]

She even mentioned a free meal in the beginning in the video. Which makes me think her perspective is not genuine. She likes taking advantage of the free meals.

[@YallahYah]

Nobody goes to the cemetery to take life advice from the dead. Do not take money advice from a broke person. Do not take dating/ relationship advice from the single, never married dating expert. Do acknowledge what they say, as there are things to learn from other's failures. But DO REMEMBER, their actions speak louder than their words.

[@zinhlekheswa5237]

Married people don't have advice

[@weinerglory]

you're better off talking to someone on the market for dating advice over someone whose been off it for 7 years in a happy marriage

[@_..-.._..-.._]

Advice from several married people: “Don’t get married” 😂

[@_..-.._..-.._]

@@weinerglory u sure? Would you take sales advice from a lifelong car salesman who gets by, or the former salesman who retired 10 years ago because he was so successful?

[@San-lh8us]

@@_..-.._..-.._ if the lifelong car salesman is still to this day selling every other day, then absolutely i would take his advices, the market may not even be the same from what the guy who retired 10 years ago was used to, his information might be outdated, and perhaps, just perhaps he may have some advice that the guy who is still selling doesn't know, but the guy who is active is always a better source than someone who used to be active

[@Ariakas22]

That's a two way street, if she doesnt want to help pull some weight , walk away.

[@MusMasi]

Its also a sign of respect and value. Someone who thinks of you as a free meal ticket will never respect you.

[@shawnbunch4872]

In college I dated a girl while my parents were divorced. Money was tight and my mom would give me about $50/week on my debit card. Naturally I had to be frugal but one specific week I spent more than I normally would so my balance was low. I went to McDonald's with my gf and couldn't afford her diet coke and snack wrap and I'll never forget the look of disgust on her face. After we broke up one of her friends posted the Scumbag Steve meme on her Facebook wall with the text "Takes date to Taco Bell...Makes her pay" 😭 Honestly killed me because I had paid for everything in the past, but this one specific moment in time was how she defined my character to her friends..I've been so cautious of dating ever since lmao

[@sporkybutterz]

You definitely dodged a bullet. If a girl did that at your low point that is an indicator of her true character. Zero emotional intelligence.

[@spacewhale4384]

job

[@Emily-xl2cr]

this is depressing. sorry it happened. i don't want be 'not like other girls' but i've never been this way on dates and feel there's a lot of women who aren't like this either.

[@kyrohowe3156]

And I thought evil would in dark places we wouldn't go. Even in safe places, we are never safe - especially in relationships

[@kwasiahenkora6583]

@@spacewhale4384 She could get one too.

[@cherryhazard8002]

Why do we love to overcomplicate things as humans? What happened to a walk in the park to get to know each other? I don't think it's men or women that are the problem with dating, it's the fact that we don't value raw human connection anymore.

[@killertofu3600]

We have always lacked the wisdom to make life better

[@MusMasi]

Look at some of the Mating Rituals of animals, Some even risk their lives to get a mate, spiders/preying mantis the female might eat the male, many mammals they get injured or even die fighting other males. Some Fish build massive stone nests to try and attract a mate, its not just Humans who make things really complicated and time/energy consuming.

[@vsperatos]

Dumb. I can get to know you over a plate of chicken pesto.

[@Nategodmafia]

The women and her patient in the video said why. Women would feel offended that he wasn't interested enough to buy her dinner. You can get to know someone almost any where. Women make assumptions about interest level based on where and how a man takes her on a first date. The women also said going to a park, hiking, walking the beach, etc makes her feel uneasy and predatory if you don't take her out for dinner first.

[@MP-kj6wk]

It's cultural. In Scandinavia is normal to split the bill or take turn paying. 🤷

[@dailymass4924]

My girlfriend paid for the first date. Though in fairness, I travelled 3 hours and she travelled like 30 minutes. I offered to pay, but she insisted.

[@polketex5043]

In 2010 The Guardian UK newspaper ran a story about Lori. She was, back then, a 43 year old single mother who, in her own words, "desperately wants to marry." In fact she had desperately wanted to marry for the previous 13 years. She is now 56. And unmarried. And she is giving young women relationship advice. LET THAT SINK IN😂😂

[@edipires15]

To be fair, her book is worth reading. She warns young women to avoid the same mistakes she made in the past, and backs it up with a lot of studies made by psychologists and economists.

[@ogbmt]

People who have failed often have more valuable advice than people who succeeded. If you succeed, you often don't know exactly why you succeeded, or in which ways you were closest to failure. When you fail, you typically know exactly why, when, where and how you failed.

[@MsDragonbal776]

Oh wow, that's all I needed to know about her lol. Now I'm not surprised about her hypocritical nature

[@moonknight4053]

Is that her book mr good enough? I might buy it aye, tho I disagree with some of her statements.. the book sounds pretty good

[@av4781]

​@@ogbmtThat's cap. The road to success is paved with failures. People who succeeded learned from their mistakes and made progress. They are more likely to give you better advice. But you should always exercise critical thinking no matter what you hear or read.

[@Misericorde451]

Your videos were the first time I heard people are arguing about who pay for the food/date/whatever Aba. Ever since I was a dumb-looking highschooler up until today (I'm 25 now), all the girls I ever dated always wanted to pay for stuff. Be it food, movie tickets, entrance tickets, whatever. We always ended up playing "Who's going to pull their wallet first". And it's not just me, but from what I heard other people too--my relatives, my friends, coworkers. Maybe because of where we live or I'm just lucky, Idk...

[@michaelperez2609]

I'm 30 and I have been with my wife now for almost 13 years. When we first started dating a couple of big things stood out for me. 1. She didn't care of the location of the date. Could be burgers and fries or a nice steakhouse. 2. At the beginning of our relationship I would be the one paying but she ALWAYS offered to split or to pay for the date all together. Now we do things differently but are living a happy life with kids.

[@aashilr]

Count yourself very lucky! I'm almost 30 & trying to find the right person has been a bit of a chore.

[@gerardoibanez4703]

Equality, until the bill gets there.

[@punkrockpro5062]

Facts

[@BS_Profile]

Preach.

[@Leaschronicle]

Equality for fair wage and being able to work and vote and have my own bank account, but I wanted to be treated like a woman, I want to be pampered

[@punkrockpro5062]

@hotheadlewis Well you have equal pay if you're willing to work as long as your male coworkers. You can get a job anywhere you want, you can also own property of any kind, and you've been able to vote since 1921. And yet despite demanding equality and then getting equality on every measurable metric you still demand to be given preferential treatment because you're a woman and somehow that means you are entitled and deserving of being made to feel special and like a princess. Women ☕️

[@gerardoibanez4703]

@@Leaschronicle wage gap has been debunked many times overs, but it's always brought up when it's illegal to pay less based on gender. Men had to go to war for your right to vote, what's your selective service number? And yes you have a bank account now but who holds the majority of the debt today. Pampered is for traditional men and women, not for ungrateful with high expectations.

[@Cheydow]

If it’s my first time meeting up with a guy for a “coffee date” there is no way I am expecting him to buy my coffee, nor want him to. This one time I got coffee with a guy I was very interested in, he was impressed and surprised that I bought my own coffee. I would never expect a date to pay for my coffee when we are just in the initial stages of getting to know each other. If there’s a spark after a few meetings he wants to “take me out to dinner” like a more official date, than that’s a different story, but still no matter what I always offer to split everything, and would really just prefer to split every dinner, even if it’s a date.

[@mvp4lyfateverything]

Raise your standards ma’am this is not good

[@mvp4lyfateverything]

Not only does a man not take you out to a restaurant but you are still paying?? Please, this kind of pick me flex is not it, there are women getting wined and dined at the finest restaurants and walking away with the high caliber men that others dream of because they are NOT PICK MES.

[@snapeinvader]

@@mvp4lyfateverything It's not a pick me if they respect each other's time equally. She doesn't feel entitled to a man paying for her time under the assumption she's more valuable. And that's not the attitude that has high caliber men walking away.

[@MrCLee94]

I remember going on a date with a woman like this, she was an amazing person, didn’t work out between us, but I know whoever ends up marrying her is one lucky man, consideration for others is a beautiful thing, your type is rare

[@gs2782]

@@mvp4lyfateverythingstop keeping women single with delusional standards. She knows her worth and where she stands. Also bet you’re single, in a situation-ship, or you have men after you only for sex. Such a poor man’s mindset with an attitude of a street walker. And please delight us, WHO are these women you speak of who have been wined and dined? Are they married? Is their relationship or marriage loyal to each other? Who cares about the material goods when you can find someone who has more than enough to happily grow old with you with the essentials.

[@sabrinasettimia]

As a woman, my personal view is that I’m never ok with the person I got out with paying for me. Personally, I don’t want to give anyone an excuse to think I owe them anything. Once we’ve seen each other enough to establish affection/ a relationship then I feel more safe with the idea of allowing them to pay if it makes them feel good and it’s important to them.

[@KrazyKat007]

That seems a sure fire method to filter any gentleman out of your life and open yourself to a variety of deadbeats

[@2FadeMusic]

@@KrazyKat007Just say you don't believe in equality 😂

[@2FadeMusic]

Respect :) hope you find someone who treats you well & makes you happy!

[@cleanmikeandtheboys3165]

This reminds me of something a girl told me once when we were much younger. She tried to rekindle, now that some years have gone by, but I just didn't feel comfortable with someone thinking anything nice I do for them comes from a machiavellian place in the void where my heart should be. Did we miss out on something meaningful? Anyone's guess.

[@KrazyKat007]

@@PainAmvs_ quiet woman!!! The men are conversing.

[@gpcarnage4881]

Did she really just say if a guy doesn't pay, the woman doesn't feel safe? God, I never knew pulling your own weight or being an adult was so traumatic for women...

[@1faithchick7]

It's not. I always payed for my own stuff the first few dates. She's being goofy.

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Which is ironic because many women feel safer when they pay because then they feel like they don't owe the guy anything

[@devinetaemidgett4647]

Not safe as in danger but safe as in secure.

[@MusMasi]

They don't like it when there is mansplaining but they then turn around and infantilize themselves?

[@ognjenradanovic1256]

Any bum can pay for 5 dollar Coffee how is that a Measure of Security ​@@devinetaemidgett4647

[@gimpinainteasy]

My first date was playing hide and seek in a book store. Walking over to the Edgar Allen Statue. He gave me a rose and he made homemade spaghetti. He didn't have a job. So we could only do things that were low cost or free. I ended up moving in with him and helping with the bills. He wanted to get a waiter job to help out. I told him " No. Spend your time on getting a better job and not waste it on being a waiter". Not that I am dissing waiters. I just know he wouldn't have been happy. We worked together and you know what? He got himself an IT job that was better for his career. I actually did have a guy who said he " left his wallet home." He was cheating on his gf and lied that he didn't have his wallet. So yea. You may get side eye.

[@MusMasi]

My first date involved hide and seek, it was a playdate though

[@gimpinainteasy]

@@MusMasi we were in our mid 20s.

[@MusMasi]

@@gimpinainteasy I am just making a tongue in cheek comment.

[@gimpinainteasy]

@@MusMasi I know. It was just me being amusing lol. More of a “grown people playing hide and seek for fun lol.

[@attilagabor535]

I think in a healthy relationship both you and your partner have to strive to make each other improve both financially and with personal growth. Its nice to see that you were with him when he was struggling financially and you helped him grow. He must be really lucky to find a person like you:D (sorry for my bad english)

[@gdesouza6264]

I know guys that make 200k and will purposely not pay for things to see their reaction. Girl broke the window of his Lamborghini after she ghosted him and found out that it was a test…

[@HeliosX28]

Hopefully he sued her

[@Chelseaaa626]

Do I just live in so cal or does 200k not sound like enough to afford a lambo? Unless you don’t have a house/ apartment

[@MusMasi]

Thats an expensive tantrum, I hope he sued her and she had to pay and now has a record.

[@GojosBackHand]

​@@Chelseaaa626lamb's are expensive but not that expensive

[@bos9824]

Yeah thats me. Ive even started calling them out mid date. I had a chick one time not say thank you ONCE when I paid the first two times (150$ dinner and 50$ wine). I told her it was her turn and she flipped out LOL.

[@IxxieNyx]

My husband pays for most things these days b/c I’m not working due to high risk pregnancy but when I was working thru our relationship I always liked to pay for our fast food since we were on the road a lot & I liked to pay for my own luxury items when we’d go shopping etc. It was just something I could do to feel better about myself. I was raised very independent & it makes me feel good to be able to buy what I want with my own money. Being so financially dependent on my husband due to my condition has been tough for me but he’s a gem, he doesn’t mind at all. His love language is giving gifts & things, it makes him feel good to spoil me. And I love that in the sense that I think it’s sweet he wants to take care of me, he makes me feel very secure about not being able to contribute financially, but it’s still a difficult adjustment for me.

[@RedrumZombies]

This Therapist needs their license revoked! The delusional can't help and lead the delusional... Let alone those with depression, anxiety, self-end tendencies.

[@maxpawa9282]

She going to destroy more women!

[@WOHM8274]

She admits that she doesn’t know why she feels that way for the guy to pay. That’s interesting. But it’s a traditional thing that’s embedded in most people.

[@thegamingkitchen8429]

It's called biology. There. Easy.b

[@dondiego1141]

​@@thegamingkitchen8429 not biology, just women entitlement.

[@MusMasi]

you have to bring her a prey item to distract her so she doesn't devour you.

[@artsho]

​@@dondiego1141 sorry the entitlement IS biological

[@smileytlj23]

​@thegamingkitchen8429, that's not biology. It's adaptive social conditioning. Paying for the date impresses upon the other person, commitment and reliability, as well as financial stability. All of which are traits that many find attractive regardless of their intent for accepting the date.

[@bela-sofia34]

The things that women these days consider red flags are delusional, petty and childish. An Austin Powers impersonation would be funny to me. Brown belt with black shoes? Who cares? Is he kind, engaged, generous of spirit? That is a yes to me.

[@moonknight4053]

Yeah I think once you can fully be yourself on a date then that’s where you have taken a load of your back. Little things like Austin powers impressions, impersonating a Jamaican accent, etc hahahaha yo…. I can’t sweat enough on how cool that shit is.

[@grgryocean]

Those are often the women who have mental issues like an avoidant personality. If you’re perpetually magnifying trivial things then you need help. Also a lot of women with trivial “icks” will overlook them if they think a man is attractive enough because often they’re excuses and don’t really matter.

[@madamedex5989]

When I was newly single, friends talked up their matches for me like "He's tall. He makes good money" I told them I was looking for smart, funny, and kind.' Been happily married for over 10 years now.

[@Nategodmafia]

I can see see how Austin Powers thing could be a deal breaker on a first date if it wasn't a great date. People have different tastes in comedy.

[@0bsmith0]

Meanwhile they're walking red flags themselves.

[@nicholasherman]

Gotta love this channel man Nuff Love from Jamaica 🇯🇲

[@mikelitorous5570]

Everytime I’ve been out with a girl and I’ve paid for everything, I’ve always realised that the girl wasn’t necessarily interested in me as much as the girls who were willing to split. So from now on if someone wants me to pay full or expects me too I’m going to refuse. Just off of my own experiences dating in this generation. Bare in mind as well one of the girls I paid for I worked with so we made the exact same amount of money.

[@AntonioCunningham]

I'm with Lewis Rossmann on this one. Womem claim they want to be equal to men, but when men actually treat them as equals, they're scary or a "safety" issue... And they wonder why so many men check out or trun to the hyper masculine content creators...

[@Toastergod44]

I understand and agree with the message of this video, but I've also seen the same Rossman vid you're referencing and I felt the short hairs furl up on the back of my neck when she used "unsafe" to describe a lukewarm emotional disconnect. That word is so loaded and could have easily been substituted out for "insecure"

[@MusMasi]

@@Toastergod44 A lot of the abusive relationships I have been around the abuser love bombed at the start, paid for everything, lied and misled to try and charm their way in, then once they were in, then the abuse really started. A dude paying for a date doesn't mean hes safe in anyway, sometimes the opposite, especially if hes lavishing gifts and attention well out of the norm.

[@chickenpotpie4045]

@@MusMasiHow did he Abuse you?

[@MusMasi]

@@chickenpotpie4045 I was not the one being abused, and I don't date or have sexual relations with men.

[@chickenpotpie4045]

@@MusMasi Then explain some of the abuse you witnessed.

[@Littlelikeme92]

I don’t go on dates if I’m broke. I never want to assume that a man is going to pay. Sometimes I enjoy paying. In my last relationship I would take my ex out about once a month to a nice restaurant and pay. Because I like going to nice restaurants, I don’t think forcing a man to pay for my expensive dinner because I have expensive taste is right. I prefer drinks at a quiet lounge or bar for a first date. Dinner is more of a second or third date type of situation. That’s just me personally. I definitely don’t mind paying for myself on a first date especially if I am the one initiating the date. HOWEVER if you’re begging me to go on a date with you, I probably will expect you to pay, especially if I’m clearly hesitant.

[@bos9824]

"HOWEVER if you’re begging me to go on a date with you, I probably will expect you to pay, especially if I’m clearly hesitant." - Modern Women

[@Lordamraphel]

@@bos9824 Yep. 👏

[@Littlelikeme92]

@@Lordamraphel Y’all are blatantly ignoring the part where I said I never assume the man is going to pay so I don’t go on dates unless I can afford to cover my cost of the date? Or the part where when I was in a relationship I would frequently treat my partner to nice dinners at fancy restaurants? Believe it or not, there are weird men out there that will beg and plead and bribe you to spend time with them. Typically I would not entertain that kind of behavior as I’d prefer to go on a date with someone that I’m genuinely interested in and just dish out the money. Hopefully I’ve explained myself a little better but for some reason I doubt it matters lol.

[@momothunder9544]

Why go on a date u not feeling lol

[@BusinessSkrub]

​@@momothunder9544free dinner when you're broke, lmao

[@kitashikaangel3020]

I'm a woman and I've never understood the expectation that men pay for dates. I've dated women and I've dated men. I always go in with the expectation that i will pay for my half (or whatever i ate). I've paid for dinner on dates in full multiple times (with men and women). And I've also been lucky enough to have my meals paid for me a couple of times (again both men and women have done that). I really haven't run into this attitude in people I've dated. Maybe it's cultural. I think a partner that expects you to pay for everything without making up for it elsewhere (not sex but like rxtra effort or something) is an entitled brat that doesn't deserve your time. Also normalise cheap poor people dates! Not everyone has money but that does not make them a bad partner.

[@Andrew-ms8md]

If I had a billionaire wife, I'd absolutely pay for the dates too....with my allowance.

[@b-spiral8314]

9:35 as a guy, i also get into my primal instincts where i just don't feel safe investing a lot of my time and resources into a potential partner that is actually just wasting my time and leading me on for free stuff. People have upped their games and started taking advantage of each other so much that now we all have to keep a more of a subtle suspicion of each other. Same result as me2 studies showing men being less likely to want to be alone with women coworkers from fear of allegations. We ALL need to feel "safe" with interactions with the opposite sex.

[@BleuReign13]

Yes a lot of you want chivalry but have the etiquette of a street walker!! 😂😂😂👏🏾👏🏾

[@MusMasi]

Less etiquette than a street walker.

[@BleuReign13]

That might be some cases , but i was more or less quoting what they said

[@godsangel67able]

this is def bars!!!!

[@MusMasi]

@@BleuReign13 as far as I know street walkers are upfront with costs. Thats a sight better than this silly song and dance.

[@BleuReign13]

@MusMasi 🤣🤣 idk I've never hired one

[@kiatalks555]

I was born in the 70s and therefore everyone I have dated was born in the 70s or before. There is no freaking way that a MAN of my generation would not pay on a date. It's the norm, its expected, and its fine with both of us. Younger generations of men and women may feel the need to be more equitable or independent. However, women over the age of 43 know how to graciously accept all gifts and favors from men. It's a beautiful skill, learn it ladies.

[@misskris117]

🎯

[@alexturner9571]

I was with my ex for 5 years. The one thing that stood out for me was on one trip we went on where I ordered a rental car for roughly $800. I asked for them to just pay for some meals and stuff in the in between of this venture. They said no, because they were saving for the holiday. That we were on. Together. Y'all I can't even begin to tell you the level of lack of trust and their competency in the relationship; and when I got proposed to years down the line they were flabbergasted that I said no. It genuinely put me off dating and I'm now nearly in my gd 30's

[@6feetunderpants]

This anecdote needs more specificity to be useful. 'They" and "Alex" is too vague.

[@verb0ze]

2:42 💯 with Aba here. Especially in a long term relationship. It's not about how much money either partner makes, it's about wanting to be a team, including in finances. And if my partner didn't want to do that just because she felt entitled because I make a lot of money, she's probably not the one for me

[@Aartisme]

I agree with Preach. That “Oh I forgot my wallet” has a lot more baggage. I understand Aba’s example but there’s stories of dudes saying they forgot their wallet because they don’t have the money or want to pay. While it can genuinely happen, it’s still considered a red flag.

[@jermainesaulsberry9781]

It’s crazy that married people will give you advice on how to get married and stay married. While single people will always give you advice on how to stay single.

[@wil404]

If the social expectations were that men paid on the first date, and women paid on the second, or at some point women were expected to invite the man over and cook for him, I wouldn't have a problem with paying on the first date. But, I don't know why any man would bear the burden of total upfront investment in a relationship in a world where women out perform men academically and single, childless women out earn single, childless men. The dating period is the easiest part of a relationship. If she isn't happy to contribute when it's easy, why would you expect her to help out when life gets difficult. So many women will go above and beyond to be with bums who treat them horribly if the men are attractive enough or if the woman has feelings for him. If a woman isn't willing to pay for herself on a date with a guy she likes, then she doesn't really like him.

[@LeBeanie]

The "I forgot my wallet" isn't really a thing with Apple Pay or Zelle but I get the point. Not trusting someone with 5 dollars might be a red flag. Still, I am leaning more toward Preach in that its such a meme that I kinda get if the girl is turned off by it.

[@Paputsza]

i’d feel so scammed if it happened on the second date too.

[@Denkima883]

I wouldn't since technically it did happen to me but it was ice cream. (3 years togehter now) Since it's 5 dollar coffee, I couldn't care less im not about to trip about 5 dollars, but the splitting 5 dollars is wild. I think first dates at nice restaurants are stupid anyway. No one should be doing that, really, because more girls use guys for free dinners than guys going "I forgot my wallet" if we are being real.

[@-Gax-]

I don't have Apple pay, and I don't know what Zelle is. I have a debit card and a credit card. If I forget them, then people are shit out of luck

[@need-to-know-]

Sounds like good communication should resolve this.

[@Keeki95]

Some of us don't like every company having our financial information on record and don't use those things. The fewer companies storing your data, the lower the probability of having it stolen when those companies have a security breach.

[@Ardante11]

Read her book called “Marry Him” when it came out I think almost a decade ago. Book got passed over and slept on by many women. She’s hated by many for showing the reality of aging and being realistic.

[@MusMasi]

thing is they even pass on men they do find attractive and do like, which to me is kind of wild what more do you want? Cute enough, self sufficient, makes enough money to be comfortable, you like him,?

[@cherryhazard8002]

I don't know if it's the culture of where I'm from, but plenty of women are in love with their boyfriends and husbands even if they are not a stud or make 6 figures...

[@123SuperBeast]

​@@cherryhazard8002and where is that? I'm sure there are plenty but I'm curious where you are personally seeing it

[@leeray9492]

I bought the book and I'm almost finished with it and it's a pure gem

[@cherryhazard8002]

@@123SuperBeast I'm originally from Panama, so...latin american country.

[@leahlevite1245]

My ex made me zelle him $7 for a popcorn we shared at a movie theater, and that's when I knew I would be dumping him.

[@mandandi]

Growing up with grandmothers and grandfathers in Africa, they ALL contributed to the family. Meat from hunted game(grandfather) was for the family; berries foraged by grandma was for the family; as kids we collected berries, identified honey-bees and others things too for the family; yields from the farm were for the family. This whole dynamic of what's-mine-is-mine and what's-yours-is-mine is very strange to me. A relationship that is one-sided sounds inadequate in many ways.

[@gemelwalters2942]

They also had multiple partners. So if these women want us to operate as if it's three centuries ago then they should agree to all the traditions from that era, not just the ones they like.

[@jerryjensen5700]

She said she doesn’t feel safe if the guy wants to split the bill. Not safe like the guy is a predator. That’s messed up. That’s really messed up.

[@MusMasi]

which is funny because many abusers often love bomb at the start.

[@bos9824]

When she says that, she means "I don't feel provided for therefore not secure". Absolutely mental

[@Anastazka00]

@jerryjensen5700: Thats obviously not how She meant it.

[@airfixx_8952]

"Not safe" could mean any number of things...... You're just strawmanning.

[@thezu9250]

I mean men openly say they only spend on women who they see as worthy or serious. So its the perception.

[@fyngolnoldor4891]

This is yet another example of how women want to be equal to men only when it benefits them. Personally I like to get to know people more organically, from an equal footing, before introducing the variable of money in the equation. Otherwise, I find that paying for stuff, especially if you go to more expensive restaurants/concerts/etc. tends to corrupt the experience by introducing a weird dynamic where I have to pay for her time and then that warps my perception of any small slight she could do (intentionally or not) at my expense.

[@Butterflyyyxoxo]

​@anonymousone6075😂😂😂 ok incel

[@etainvelorum5814]

As a woman, I like paying for dates, but only fully for people I'd love to see again or who I took out. If I don't think we're going to be compatible, I'll usually go half. If they take me out, though I prefer to take them out instead, I would expect the same etiquette even if it's a rare thing I accept outside of something I can prep food myself for. Personally, I like to take on bills.

[@SmilingDesperado]

Preach was right on the wallet part. It's not about the money, it's just not a good impression for a first date. I definitely can see how that would be a red flag unless you genuinely hit it off with the person on the date and could see it was legit. But It screams irresponsible, and it's just hard to believe that anyone "forgot" their wallet or other method to pay knowing they were going out with someone they don't even know. So now you're putting them in the position to pay for you. The dollar amount is secondary to just the carelessness of it.

[@jamesdebroy344]

I agree with Preach, no wallet is going to raise eye brows if it’s genuine or not due to people using that as an excuse in the past

[@Meli-1992]

On my first ever date with my husband I offered to pay half and it stuck with him because I truly never thought most women expected to have their meals paid for. I always had the mentality that I should always pay for half because it just felt normal to me. I was always able to take care of myself and if my date didn’t have enough to cover both our meals I wouldn’t take it personally. I have seen way too many scenarios from men that my sister has dated who paid for everything and then turned out to be POS. I care more about quality time and if we connect on a personal level.

[@ironwomen7]

"Both people need to be equally generous" - I agree 100%. However speaking for a first date you should always come wanting to make a good impression, something like paying shouldn't even be a topic and it's crazy that it is. In my culture it's common for people to fight for the bill and so would I. I know this isn't common in western society. But it's still crazy to think that you would think I'm going for a free meal....can't I take myself out? can't I cook for myself? For me, I wouldn't go on a 2nd date with someone that I feel is incompetent for basic date etiquette. You're just showing me what I'm in for.

[@theoverunderthinker]

you can set whatever criteria you want to determine who you will date and not date. once you set it, you will filter some people who would not be a good match and you will also filter out some who would other wise be a good match. so you decide what is more important to you: not wasting your time on someone who probably won't work out or not missing out on someone who might be worthy when taken as a whole. there is no right or wrong answer, it's just whatever you preference, because you will have to live your life based upon who you chose to get to know and who you did not. we don't have to all have the same criteria; it's not a requirement. if you end up happy, then it worked out, right?

[@wausjackbauer128]

This video triggered me. Women be wanting to keep customs from a time people where women couldn't work and 1 income was enough to pay off a house. It's wild.

[@__-bz7wh]

When they have biological instincts to be provided for, despite the fact that that treatment only made sense in a time where they couldn't vote and couldn't have bank accounts, then those are perfectly reasonable standards and demands. But if a man has a standard from that same time period, it's outdated and patriarchal and oppressive

[@__-bz7wh]

The answer is we need to take their rights away for everyone's good

[@ally-nb1cx]

same goes for men. men wants to be the provider then the minute a woman doesnt offer to share the bill "the auDAcity" see how ridiculous generalizing is. and the woman in the video clearly wants a traditional lifestyle no way near the boss lady youre projecting onto her so you can have something to complain ab

[@wausjackbauer128]

@@ally-nb1cx personally I don't feel that many men care a huge amount about wanting to be a provider. I think most men don't want their wife to make the big financial decisions though. Men just want a partnership, not to be a glorified sugar daddy.

[@ally-nb1cx]

​@@wausjackbauer128 ​a partnership would mean both partners would have say so in their respective domain of expertise. just because youre a man doesnt mean you can tell an accountant how to manage her bills. personally i dont think anyone wants to be burden with that much of responsibility especially if its out of their field of expertise. and women dont want to get the short end of the stick esp when they had no control over it in the first place

[@toji6952]

Why is the only way a man can show generosity on a date is only through payment, or some kind monetization? Like I find little stuff like this so frustrating for men bc if you flip the perspective or even just broaden your perspective on generosity as a whole you won’t take the non payment of the bill as the sole factor that determines whether a man is generous or not. Like a man on a date will probably pick the girl up, she not gonna touch a door knob the entire evening, and will keep her protected throughout the encounter, you telling me that if I don’t pay for your food I’m not generous now? Bc I didn’t do the one thing out of many that makes me traditional? I just don’t understand the cherry picking of traditionalism

[@drink.juice.]

it is dumb. if you mentally transpose the action into donations of a kind due to her suffering from bleeding cycles it makes it sympathetic and entertaining at least. the mental blocks are real but apparently we should swallow these pills

[@lestwins8114]

​@@drink.juice. Do you think us men we've been brainwashed and conditioned by society to believe that the only way we bring value to women is be a Atm machine ?

[@mikescherrer4923]

😂 The hell you protecting her from? Where are you going on dates, Compton? Who protects her when she goes to Walmart to buy tampons? Opening a door is generosity? My guy, you lost me here. Why am I supposed to be generous anyway? Her giving me brain in the car before we even eat would also be generous, I don't expect that. I'm trying to establish a connection, not impress anybody with my generosity, or buy sex with it.

[@sage7287]

@@Ynh932 We all cherry pick tradtionalism... Traditionally, the womans parent have to ok the guysd before she dates them, she must give the guy a second chance, sex is expected on the second or third date, and we would get married 3 months to up to 2 years... that doesnt sound healthy to me. What do you think a man should be rightfully expecting a woman to do when on a first date thats traditional because their makeup? Because to you his money plays the biggest factor.

[@toji6952]

@@Ynh932 thank god someone pointed that out. The only difference is that people actually follow along with the paying of the bill notion, no one is saying what I’m saying I’m just wondering why we still follow these kinds of norms if we both know that it’s ridiculous

[@acedhj]

"Chivalry comes with grace" is a bar.

[@firdausansarifard]

i like the part where etiqutte was raised here. In the world today, I feel such is often underlooked

[@xicor4life]

Luis Rossman has the best take on this topic. In the video: You'll be safe if I don't pay for your panini Essentially the expectation that it is me plus money that makes my time as valuable as your time. There is a disconnect on whether you want to get to know someone or not. I and I think every guy out there wants to take care of their loved ones in every capacity they can, but that doesn't mean we want to give to strangers so we can get to know them.

[@238naenae]

😅😂I remember a guy that was interested in me. He kept pestering me to take me out. One day he called me and asked me what I was up to and I mentioned I was going cinema. He wanted to tag along but atrived so late we missed the film so we decided to go TGI Friday. I noticed he was ordering exactly what I ordered and when the bill came I was ready to split. He suddenly said he only had 5£ on him. I laughed and said keep your money and covered the bill then blocked him. Lol.

[@kgonepostl]

Now you know what men go through. Pretty shitty, right??

[@jayb1911]

​@@kgonepostlthey don't care about anyone's feelings except their own...and occasionally others with a vagina as well bro....thar argument is useless.

[@Mikirono23]

Huh? ​@@kgonepostl

[@Andre-im7eq]

Sounds like the average male experience to me …glad you learned from it

[@ruudvanderzanden8013]

"And then everybody clapped"

[@TheLizardlord23]

If she throws a hissy fit about splitting the bill, move on. Look for a partner, If she can't split responsibility in a first date how's the relationship gonna go? I was a single dad when I met my wife. I cooked burgers our first date and the second date something happened with my bank and my card was refused. She paid and didn't make me feel like a bum. Been together for 6 years. I pay for everything now but that's because I got a better paying job. Shes great and has been a great mom to my son too.

[@CribbzBoi]

Are u guys kinda traditional or modern?

[@ashenlion805]

​@@CribbzBoidoesn't matter. She isn't cleaning my house or washing my clothes on the first date now is she. None of you people even know what traditional even is.

[@CribbzBoi]

@@ashenlion805 i didn't say that was supposed to happen on first date. What do you define as traditional?

[@saltycat662]

@@ashenlion805 Apparently neither do you. You have to date traditionally if you want a traditional partner. You can't suddenly expect it after you marry. That's not how it works.

[@DaGgIrEn]

If she doesn't offer to pay on the first date she wasn't raised right. She will never have to pay on the first date, just the effort of wanting to.

[@seanl67]

Agreed. I personally would pay for the meal, but if my date didn't at least offer to split the bill, that would be a red flag to me.

[@cipherthevcuber]

I don't mind paying on the first date. hell all dates. the problem is like Aba said, when they demand it.

[@akilahbrooklyn8236]

EXACTLY.

[@theafflictionvhs17]

_Purple Aba is my favorite Aba._

[@liosns]

the problem is a 5 dollar coffee feels like a 100 dollar coffee nowadays..😂

[@jacqidollhouse]

As a woman I don’t feel comfortable with a man wanting to pay for everything…. It brings me pleasure to contribute also. Not the 1st date tho, I will offer to tip on the 1st date but if I have to split the bill it will be the last date. Thankfully it never happened to me.

[@blackwaldoduck159]

Can we take a minute about how being on a first date and if someone (the man in her case) didnt pay for the bill or asked to split she now feels unsafe aka not fully paying for a date makes women unsafe (the payment process is at the date the diner or restaurant or coffee shop) we are priming men to feel like they are creeps or harassers or even looking like a potential SAer for not paying for a date ....

[@HeliosX28]

Anything to make to make the guy look bad

[@blackwaldoduck159]

​@@HeliosX28 I appreciated her thought processes about if she was to get rational about it she would talk herself out of it, but contrasting that to not paying for a date would make her and in contrast most women unsfae is wild. Words have meaning and unsafe denotes a ton of negative aspects on someone that could jeporadize their image and livelihood

[@Bygoshposh]

She doesn’t mean unsafe in that way, she’s equating it to security.

[@eznosnopes5276]

She should have used a different word then.

[@blackwaldoduck159]

@@Bygoshposh unsafe equates it to security. If you don't feel secure in a public place which most dates are (in her own wording for paying for a date which happens in public settings meaning a restaurant or a diner or a coffee shop) if you don't feel secure and unsafe in those settings from not having your date pay, You are also instilling that men who don't pay are unsafe men and are creating a stigma that if you don't pay you are unsafe to be around

[@Brian-qt6su]

I think it’s hilarious that some women blow a gasket at the idea of having to pay even half of their bill, but never think that the guy is feeling exactly the same. They’ll call these dudes cheap without realizing the fact that they’re also cheap. They’ll dress to the nines for a date but then act like a bum busking on said date. .

[@davesmith826]

It stems from the idea - absurd though oft repeated - that they are 'the prize'. The problem with prizes is that there are only a few of them - or at least, there should be. The problem with the world we live in is that every woman is taught to view herself as 'the prize' even if she brings no prize-winning qualities to the table. If men were smarter and looked for more than looks when seeking and selecting partners, they wouldn't be manipulated so easily. Since most men are thick, they get played and there will always be a long line of suckers willing to break their backs to appease a woman who would dump them as soon as they can say 'ooops' if a better option walked around the corner.

[@MasterGhostf]

Why would i date someone i'm not attracted to? Should i just date uggos and ignore my own physical desires? I'm not asking for the most beautfiul people. I just want someone I can be attracted to. @@davesmith826

[@bernardohernandez5418]

17:14 Preach hitting those dad jokes really makes my day

[@Calyoon]

Getting an ad for therapy on this video was perfect

[@FOATE]

How does not paying for something make a woman feel unsafe? I really do not understand. My girlfriend wanted to pay for everything on our first date because she didn't want to feel like she owes me anything. That was her way of feeling safe.. But I used the same logic, told her I didn't want to feel like I owe her anything, so we ended up splitting everything on our first date. She's honestly a breath of fresh air, best relationship I've ever had.

[@carlosemiralonso7997]

Im guessing you are on your 20's, people, especially on more age, known the stories. Literally men works outside and earn money, and girls don't own anything. So they where invited to a date, where a man pays for everything. That's him saying: If i choose you, you get a life and a house, and every protections i can give. In the contrary, I already pay for your time and effort. Good bye. In the bible exist another thing: Salomon king of everything, used to get girls throwing at him. IF he choses to take a girl on bed, he give the girl a home of their own. So girls where to sleep with a man who in kind repays with a "department" Now the story is different. So makes sense the change.

[@kwasiahenkora6583]

@@carlosemiralonso7997 Brother... We are in the year 2024 - WOMEN CAN WORK JOBS TOO.

[@carlosemiralonso7997]

@@kwasiahenkora6583 They can do a lot more stuff, but people in mind live as we are on the prehistoric times. If you ever go to a restaurant, remember to check how everyone perceive you. I gonna bet, they look couples but expect the man to pay. So even society is conditioned to believe certain stuff. On the public transport too, if there is a woman or a disable person they tend to get "especial treatment". I would say "princess like" treatment. Just beware, even if logic is correct, people and specially women dont go by it.

[@kwasiahenkora6583]

@@carlosemiralonso7997 This is true. I just wanted to point that out.

[@ОксанаЧернохвостенко]

you seem to have no problem with her needing to feel that way. Men whine about relationships being transactional, but don't mind that women are 'expected' to give out goodies if man pays for the date. Men just don't do anything for women without expecting 'something' in return, it's a delayed prostitution and men in general don't mind. But then call women gold diggers because how dare we ask smth for sex. Just say you want everything for free, women work nowadays and all the crap you say.

[@kellykelly4361]

I'm a woman, I always insist on paying my part of the bill. If the guy accepts, I'm glad. If he pays for everything, I say thank you, but feel like I need to pay for something else. Once, the bill came, the date was horrible and the guy said "you pay for this, I'll get the next one". I froze.... and pay... then I felt like I was forced to stay on the date to get my money back 😅.

[@Mastikator]

That is a genius move to get a next date. 😂

[@Throwaway-ug5uq]

I've never had a problem paying for a 3rd or 4th date. Hell, I've bought my dates small gifts to show my appreciation and the guys would be genuinely surprised and happy. In return, I've been given flowers, candy, and one even bought me jewelry. These dating rules and expectations just kill the flow of relationships. What's the point in dating if you're not trying to make your partner happy?

[@nightfighter7452]

I don't think people consider each other "partners" on 3rd and 4th dates for one thing. Some people won't be going out of their way to buy all those gifts for someone they just met.

[@Xaixiu]

I just find it funny how that I main here this from women who say that they don’t need a man for anything, but want to be treated like a wife on the first date. Some of them don’t even realize that you gotta earn to be treated like that.