She Left Me for a Woman

She Left Me for a Woman
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[@rodneyperry7940]

My wife did this to me after 20 years and six kids from 6 to 14. She refuses to move out because she thinks the children will hate her. The only person she doesn’t worry about her decision affected is me. It takes a special kind of narcissism to try to live an openly double life. She justifies her actions by saying she’s being her true self, totally unaware of how hurtful that is to her partner of 20 years. A cheater is a cheater.

[@kiki11974]

U need to move out

[@amandakay789]

Put her out!! No matter how devastating she tries to convince you it will be on your children & that it will be YOUR FAULT bc you told them/ put her out. Absolutely not, she done this. Your children will hate you for lying & she will only do more damage in the long run bc eventually they’ll catch on & it’s 100 times better to prevent it than to try and fix it afterwards. I’ve been married 21 years & we have a 17 yr old & a 19 yr old so I get it but even if I woke up tomo & decided all of a sudden I played for the other team, my family would never know it. I would carry that cross alone. What she’s doing is extremely selfish & can have devastating consequences on her children. Im sorry but she no longer gets the say of how things are going to go, she made her choice. She can either leave & we can pretend it’s just a separation or we can just put it all out on the table & the children will hate her so if she’s smart she’d go quietly. Not only that but she’s controlling YOUR FUTURE wether you want to admit it or not. So many women do this, they manipulate the entire situation and family in order to make sure you cannot move on & be happy. So while she’s out living her best life she’s making sure you don’t have one. I’d bet my entire bank acct she’s using the kids hating her as an excuse not to leave when in reality She knows as long as she’s there you can’t move on to better things.

[@smustipher]

Trying to live a double life is greedy and selfish. Just focused on what you want and not thinking about how your behavior affects other people - much less your SPOUSE and children. Some people are cold as ice and once their cover is blown, it's best to just wash your hands of them and move on.

[@rhettfreeman8186]

Dang is her nickname Martin Luther King Boulevard because she belongs to the streets

[@rachelgee7894]

Time to move her out. Enough is enough

[@liveinms9949]

best advice I got was when my attorney said"Its worse than you know. dont look. Thats my job" I wish I could telll this man he is living my life 7 years ago. He will get through it

[@cptfreeman8966]

Imma remember that for the rest of my life lol

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

Kind of sounds like your lawyer was just messing with you for money and that they didn't want you being nosy.

[@margo3367]

It sounds like the caller would have preferred it if his wife left him for another man. It threatens his manhood to think she left him for a woman.

[@vaska1999]

He needs to talk to a therapist who will explain that his wife's bisexuality has no bearing on his masculinity.

[@roymercer22]

Or...you know his wife left him and his children high and dry.

[@kaylee200210]

My husband left me after 20 years and two kids It still hurts 8 years later.

[@talyahr3302]

I'm sorry that happened. If he revealed himself to be trash by doing so, then be glad he saved you the trouble by taking himself out to the garbage.

[@aelh123]

My dad did this and after 15 years the other shoe has dropped. My dad was left by the other woman (surprise surprise) My mother has a spot in our life my father will never have as she’s been there for us through everything . You’re a good mom ❤️ you deserve everything that’s coming your way ❤️

[@chrissyellem7397]

My ex-husband had an affair 20 years ago. It's crazy how much time has gone by but the hurt always lingers.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah I learned that my husband of 23 years and father of our 9 kids, cheated with my sister, his sister in law for 15-23 years. Can't be certain what to believe anymore. But yeah men doing this sort of thing is basically the norm.

[@vaska1999]

​@@sarahalderman3126 I'm so sorry for the double betrayals you had dealt to you. They're both scum, your sister and your husband. I hope you'll muster the wherewithal to divorce him and walk away from those two with your head held high.

[@talyahr3302]

As a lesbian myself, I do NOT approve... She was a cheater so regardless of any details, it's a good riddance. Take your time and move on.

[@strikeforcealpha9343]

No one's replied, so I will simply say thank you. This does mean something to us guys, to know that not all lesbians are like this and that a majority of them have some self respect. This woman obviously did not.

[@marymccann6110]

@talyahr3302 very beautifully said!

[@danerichards7280]

Women don't care about men let alone lesbians your were all calling us perverts so I wouldn't be the least surprise if you get off on hearinging men pain

[@AgentCathy]

That is true, however, there is added grief to deal with because as the straight spouse, you’re left with questions about the entire relationship. Did they ever love you? When did they realize, or have they always known? Was your entire life a lie? It’s like a death. Some of them like getting away with it and enjoy making fools out of their straight spouses. And some have the nerve to fight the divorce and vilify the straight spouse as a homophobe. The gay spouse is living their best life while the straight spouse is picking up the pieces of a shattered life.

[@emrk6517]

@@AgentCathy And the other side of the coin is that families and society judge homosexuality and LGBTQ+ people so hard, it's easy to bury such an identity so deep, you are in complete denial about yourself. Even when you are aware of your non-straight orientation, it can feel completely impossible to live an authentic life. Also, you might realize later in life that you have the capacity to like the same sex. Not to mention the religious folk that think gay people can and should just fix themselves and so those folk literally expect you live a lie. So it can all create a horrible mess even if you are not trying to be a messy person. I agree that the man here probably needs help, specifically because he might question his masculinity and become nuclear.

[@gabztuh]

I totally understand not wanting to focus on the little contexts that shape something as unearthing as being the victim of an extramarital affair, but I feel like in this particular instance the fact that she left him for another woman deserved more attention. If you find out your spouse is cheating, you have one set of lies on your lap. To find out that your spouse of 23 years is cheating with someone of the same sex dumps a whole new set of lies for him to untangle in his grief. God bless this man and his kids.

[@semosancus5506]

he could just transition? problem solved....

[@2daFull]

John probably doesn't want to be cancelled by that community, so avoid that altogether lol

[@gabztuh]

@@2daFull I considered this too lol

[@grreeeeee]

It’s only more complicated if you’re a bigot and have to work through your feelings about ‘those people.’ How does their sexuality, which presumably was also hidden from themselves, add another set of lies?

[@gabztuh]

@@thebeegood1731 Actually, I remember a friend of a friend’s girlfriend left him for another woman. We ran into him once, and someone asked him, “hey is it true you turned your girlfriend gay” to make light of it. I still remember how he winced. Cheating messes anyone up, and it’s particularly emasculating when it’s done to a man, so I’m not sure if the fact that it’s with another woman would make it easier, especially not socially.

[@bobsacamano49]

The comments trying to justify this women’s actions because she may have been “closeted” are absolutely disgusting. She could have left that marriage at anytime but chose to live a double life and the desert her children and husband. That woman is a vile human being.

[@grreeeeee]

Desert her grown children?

[@bloomingale7868]

She’s gross and nasty wanting to have her cake too living off his money.

[@greenAbbot]

I’m not denying that cheating on her husband was a completely unethical way to deal with this situation. But we as a society need to stop putting gay people in the situation of having to choose between their sexuality on one hand, and marriage, children, and acceptance by their community on the other hand. Too many people choose the second one, and it takes decades for them to realize they can’t give up the first one.

[@neisci]

Exactly, what does her lesbian persona has to do with her character? She's a liar,cheater, manipulative.

[@manifest2203]

He should have chosen better. It is his fault and he should be held accountable.

[@DrJaredNelson]

I have been the child in a similar situation. The anger is real. What a devastating scenario.

[@ryancohen5580]

She gaslit and lied to him for years. She sacrificed his heart and mental health for her own desires and protection

[@EmpDDD]

There is A LOT more going on in this whole situation than can be addressed in a 20 minute phone call.

[@nonita87]

Great call Dr John! The caller was redirected to focus on himself and his emotions. I’m learning a lot from these brave callers sharing their experiences.

[@annaadams326]

46 (he’s still young), kids are grown (freedom), glad he found out now!!! He will hurt for a season. His heart will heal. And hopefully he will find someone to love and that will love him properly. Sounds like he was just “convenient” for her lifestyle and now she’s bitter bc he knows his value and she ain’t it!!! Good for him. I pray for him and his kids to find peace in it all. And for them to find forgiveness. She doesn’t deserve to live a lie either (could’ve been handled much differently). We can only control our actions. Not the actions of others. I hope the kids can see that.

[@contrarian9999]

Yeah if he was a woman his life would've been over lol.

[@KP-us5pq]

This happened to my parents except it wasn’t leaving for a particular person but just being with literally everyone. This kind of thing destroys families. The best thing this guy can do is get out of the marriage and take the high road. Go on and live the best life you can! Definitely don’t trash mom!

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah the stats that 90+% of men cheat at some point. Women are catching up quickly though, from the looks of it.

[@MG-px1ch]

The best revenge is to move on and lead a happy life...at the end, everybody pays the piper.

[@aelh123]

She’s gonna get what she deserves. She was a coward and used someone to leave a relationship instead of being an adult and exiting the relationship herself.

[@stephenwishburne1034]

5:49 For many people in this world, laying in your bed in a quiet house is the definition of a vacation.

[@aelh123]

14:37 nah Delony, even if he has stuff to work on, you don’t intentionally Live a double life and then try to destroy your husband because he found out about your affair . He got sucker punched. PERIOD•

[@BassBwoy3]

Can we just try and understand how destroying this is from a man's perspective? I have heard another man say how broken he was to find out his wife 'went to the other team' and it made him feel like he wasn't enough of a man to keep her straight. Also, to get that far into a relationship and think you're gonna spend the rest of your life with a person and they're plotting to 'destroy you' divorce-wise just to get what they want...that's just heartless.

[@omgurheadsgone]

Or she had just been in the closet her entire life, got married to a man and had kids to make her parents happy and be “normal”, and then finally decided to, in older age caring less about what people think, finally coming out of the closet and living as their authentic self, actually having relationships with the people they are sexually and emotionally attracted to… other woman in this case. Really often has NOTHING to do with the man, and how “much of a man” they were. EDIT: And just to make it clear, this doesn’t make it okay or right, it’s absolutely wrong to “use” a person as your public cover or “beard” I believe the term is in the lesbian community, because of your own struggles with your true sexuality. Because it’s completely taking advantage of that person and they are then blindsided by a painful lie down the line.

[@NeccoWecco]

The flaw is believing that we have any ownership over another person or that we can somehow control who they are. Many, if not majority of people have to mask who they truly are to fit societal norms and expectations. Societal pressure to be a good mother/father, a loving wife/husband, be a good parishioner, have a successful career, good children, and above all, be in a heteronormative nuclear family... many people don't even get a chance to ask themselves, "Is this truly what I want?"

[@mozerm]

@@omgurheadsgone I agree with this take but none of what you said justifies the behavior. It's a reason for it but that doesn't mean it's a good reason.

[@omgurheadsgone]

@@wordsalad01 not saying it justifies her behaviour at all, just explaining what the situation often is and the reasoning it occurs

[@omgurheadsgone]

@@mozerm not saying it justifies her behaviour at all, just explaining what the situation often is and the reasoning it occurs

[@Debora.14]

I'm sorry man! My heart aches for you. Grieving the loss of a relarionship blows!!! May God help you through this hard season.

[@glai5752]

Regardless with whom his spouse cheated with, man or woman, it’s good riddance. Who showed up with a new girl friend to collect their stuff? She was incredibly cruel and had no class.

[@l-train7876]

I hope the caller heals and finds a woman who adores him and treats him like he deserves. And I hope he ends up being so happy that he’s glad his wife left him🙏🏼❤

[@Dahmer_Jeff]

He needs to work on self live so he can stop being concerned with how others treat him. You will never win anyone's validation by conforming to their ideals. Find what you need within yourself.

[@l-train7876]

@@Dahmer_Jeff who says he’s “concerned with how others treat him”? He’s experiencing grief and loss of a 25 year relationship, this is what it looks like.

[@Dahmer_Jeff]

@l-train7876 you said it. You said for him to find a woman who adores him and treats him like he deserves. I simply said that's not what he should want and then i offered the better alternative. Keep up.

[@l-train7876]

@@Dahmer_Jeff he’s in pain, I’m wishing him comfort and healing. Relax.

[@RachelSemeson]

Just giving you a heads up… KZbin randomly asked me to rate your comment. I don’t know why

[@jh26pt2]

After listening to this call, I keep flashing back to Chandler talking to Ross. “Wait a second, you split with Carol because you had ‘different interests’? I think you split with Carol because you had one *very similar* interest.” (H/T to Matthew Perry, gone too soon)

[@helloworldwhatshappenin]

John, I rented your book from the public library. Beyond this truth, I'm very grateful for you, your #1 podcast & your wonderful team. You help people everyday. Bless you.

[@laurabrizendine1256]

God bless this man. I'm praying for you

[@robinleavitt7919]

This seems to be an ongoing problem that has been going on after 20 or 30 year marriages. Because this just happened to me and it is extremely difficulting to put one foot in front of the other one. Just keep your head clear and keep going forward. I'm sorry for your pain

[@joanneferriera6893]

Soooooo true in what you are saying but its so hard going through a separation and eventually getting a divorce we all end up homeless my daughter went to her Grandmothers and and told her she didn’t want to live at home any more got information from other family members and took our life down 😭all I do is cry and my family added their emotions in stead of us as a family myself my husband and daughter to work it out

[@distorbia20]

Stop making excuses for this horrible lady for ruining everyone life but not being honest with herself. So disgusting. I feel so sorry for this man and his kids. Just because she is lesbian don’t mean we have to muddle cuddle her.

[@nt3833]

I don’t even think she’s a lesbian. She just wants to “try something new”.

[@jasminebaby3375]

I’m sorry for laughing about her search history. 😅😅😂 If you have to google how to dress up as a lesbian or what to you do with other woman? Maybe just maybe you are not a lesbian 😂😂

[@cynthianolder3557]

How naiive is she? Lesbians don't all dress the same. Some are very butch, some in between, & some are feminine (lipstick)

[@kevinb8881]

You took the words right out of my mouth, she's still straight regardless!!!

[@boysRcute15]

As a lesbian myself, those searches made me laugh out loud!! Isn’t this supposed to be a grown woman?? If she’s been secretly gay her whole life, she definitely wouldn’t suddenly be looking up “how do women do xyz-“ at the ripe age of 48 or what have you 😂

[@abark]

Most lesbian behavior is learned and performative.

[@gdaymates431]

It's narcissistic traits. She is trying on a new costume.

[@mynamemeanssweet]

This happened to my uncle, and his wife moved her girlfriend in the house with them because she new he couldn’t do anything about it because he was dying of cancer.

[@lauren4078]

Absolutely horrible. Vile, vile woman.

[@dhritikapoor2897]

My goodness

[@smustipher]

When you are sick and or dying, that's when people's true colors come out, and sometimes it's downright UGLY.

[@daniellenothmann7534]

That's just evil

[@andreeaameliaganu5876]

😢

[@sds6303]

On behalf of all lesbians: We do not claim her.

[@liveloveresell2886]

It’s unfair for someone to find themselves or figure out what they really want at the cost of someone else’s life, time, energy etc. She probably always was gay, but maybe now that all the kids are gone, she felt like she wants to her live her life a certain way. His life is more than half over and he can’t get that time back. So sad❤

[@t-pain3343]

My 36F ex wife cheated on me with a guy she met on Bumble. Then, at the same time, was hooking up with our 22F kinda ghetto daycare worker. They live in my old house together and raising my 2 young kids, we have a 50/50 split. True story

[@elliottd6556]

I just dropped my gum on the floor from just reading the title! 😅

[@jeffreyrose4913]

She was a cake eater. Let her go and show the lawyer everything and hope

[@ZoKitchen]

I feel so bad for the guy being left behind

[@ronbabcock4671]

Went through a similar situation 11 years ago. 21 years of marriage and 5 children. Thought for a long time I wasn’t man enough for her then realized I was too much man for her! On a similar note, I also thought I was abandoned by God. Turns out, I realized after some time, that it was me that walked away from him. Still working on repairing that relationship but so much better now than it was. Prayers are with you and your children!

[@jamyengland8895]

Hugs this is NOT ok. I hope and pray that you peace.

[@territ1231]

I have heard you say the phrase "Divorce is a business transaction after it's filed".

[@vaska1999]

It is.

[@beckychristiansen8954]

Making an assumption - in Utah. Perhaps they are Mormon and felt pressured her whole marriage to keep up this charade and is mad her husband outed her? Sounds like he knew for a long time. Still doesn’t excuse her behavior.

[@LSSYLondon]

Mormons being morons. Bingo.

[@cashway0420]

I'm sure there was signs, I bet she was listening to Sinead O'Connor in the kitchen while angrily chopping up sausages on the cutting board...

[@gabyaeberli7057]

😂

[@j.j2846]

I feel bad for laughing 😂

[@smustipher]

😂😂😂😢😢😢

[@SaystheTruth3]

😂😂 🌭

[@2okaycola]

Lmao

[@itsme-notyou]

Selfish woman. Best wishes to this gentleman. Only one side of the story but he doesn't sound like someone who exaggerates. Hit that online dating and you'll move past her pretty quick.

[@AgentCathy]

He said she was looking up things on the web about “how to be a lesbian.” That is a big bunch of BS. People don’t change to “become” a lesbian. She always was one.

[@turkeytrotproductions4582]

Real life friends episode!

[@lorettacollins3061]

My ex did this to me but he attempted to tell me that I was crazy.

[@energeticsoulhealer888]

A book is a stupid analogy. This woman has lied to him for years, out of extreme selfishness. She's changed the dynamics of your whole family. Wifey deserves consequences. Give her the bare minimum.

[@l-train7876]

He used the book analogy to pull the caller off the ledge before he loses his mind (which is completely understandable).

[@joeriveracomedy]

Telling the caller it was essentially his fault in so many words was classic dj. Shocked he didn't ask if the wife was safe. Making this comment from yt jail too! Haha!🧠

[@MonicaD444]

Agreed! What a stupid thing to say. Just like saying the man doesn’t trust himself 🤷🏼‍♀️ no, he doesn’t trust the woman who cheated.

[@strikeforcealpha9343]

Happened to a guy I know at work, he had forked out thousands of dollars, to go to Las Vegas with her, thousands of dollars. A week before, she came out as openly gay, the guy was crushed. If you know the TV show friends, where Ross allows an open relationship with his first gay wife, yeah, almost exactly like that

[@RussellD11]

Easy, Invite the friend home!

[@Ian-fb6er]

I think the only way you can see this coming is if you build a strong personal connection with your partner so you can communicate really well and understand when and where these feelings come from. Poor dude

[@nehemiahcornelius086]

Yes I have to agree with john about this gentlemen losing trust in himself. I feel for this guy I do, but his wife was definitely dropping signs and he got caught lacking. I dont believe in people being blindsided by something like this. Somewhere in their 20 something years of marriage they stopped connecting with each other, and when that happens you dont pay attention to signs. When a man and women are emotionally connected, one of the partners will know when their lover is acting strange. But i do hope this guy finds healing and peace and a woman that will love him for him.

[@lepolhart3242]

I agree that there would have been red flags all over the place even when they were dating - there would have been signs she is a lesbian as your sexuality is not something you switch on or off but it is who you are.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@lepolhart3242 ever since the LDBTQRXYZ thing became trendy, there are MANY cases of people "dipping their toes" into homosexuality and back to heterosexuality. It is very plausible that many people experiment with homosexuality but are not "born that way"

[@vaska1999]

He wasn't blindsided. He suspected she was cheating on him but she continuously denied it, for years, until he finally obtained proof of it. She gaslit him for many years because she wanted her double life, with him supporting her financially and her running around behind his back.

[@meechumm3186]

This my life. We were together almost 9 years with 3 young children and she decided she was gay really suddenly. Wrote me a letter before leaving on a trip and cheated on me on said trip. It’s been the hardest thing in my life

[@TurquoiseInk]

I agree with Dr John about everything he said, except for not suggesting to get a therapist. This man needs the psychological tools and guidance to rebuild his life. His kids need help to process all of this. What I learned from being in therapy helped me move on with my life. Also agree with Dr. John, it doesn't matter who the spouse cheated with. Man. Woman. Martian. What is important is to let the lawyer do the lawyer things and focus on rebuilding one's life.

[@highereducation3028]

Can i watch?

[@ashleysalazar2012]

Not sure if that's worse than with another man or not

[@Gabster1990]

Religion meses people up. She is a lesbian but I'm sure she was taught to supress her feelings and marry a man.

[@IndependentUnited25]

Definitely worse with a women

[@Itsjrob_]

Definitely worse with a woman 100 percent

[@fauxbro1983]

Whats worst is the wife leaving the husband out of that 3 way action

[@Mral236d]

It’s way worse. Either one is unacceptable and would end a marriage but sleeping with the same gender is disgusting no matter how you look at it

[@lisamarieharmon8585]

I'm so sorry. :(

[@meikiyab2332]

Sir you will be fine you’re in your 40s with grown kids. Once you get over the divorce you will do great in the dating market

[@contrarian9999]

Unless he's really wealthy or attractive, no he will not lol Especially as older men do not like older women.

[@rebeccamcelhaney]

At least this guy is young enough to find true love at 46 yrs old. It seems she gaslighted him from the start if she’s been having a lesbian affair for that long. I sure feel for this guy & pray he heals quickly and finds a respectable woman that can give him loyalty in a relationship if that’s what he so chooses.

[@jasmin2052]

my husband after 20 years i am 46 says he is gay started dating people and refuse to move out because he had no where to go say he staying because of our one child who is 12 really hurtful just expect your to understand that is how he is now.

[@kendrascorner]

1. The lying to her husband, cheating on him, and trying to sabotage him is all awful. The fact that she abandoned her children is absolutely terrible. 2. The fact that it's with a woman DOES make it worse.

[@orangesplaylist]

I'm bi so I guess I don't understand how who the sex of who your partner leaves you for can make it worse. Is it a hit to the pride thing? Genuinely asking because I don't really understand

[@kendrascorner]

@@orangesplaylist usually, when you marry someone, you have chosen to pledge your life to that person not only because you enjoy each other's company, but also because you ascribe to the same or a similar set of values. Based on the way this person was talking, he was very hurt that she was cheating on him with a woman. Not just that she cheated. But the fact that it was with a woman was an added pain point for him. I think the fact that he feels that way is valid, and shouldn't be dismissed as an insignificant detail. Now there are a myriad of reasons why someone may feel hurt by this. I don't know this man's reasons, but I can tell you why I would feel hurt if I were in his shoes. 1. I am a Christian. Part of the Christian faith includes sexual ethics, which include no sex outside of marriage (no sex with someone you are not married to, not before marriage, and not in the form of cheating on your spouse), no sex with someone of the same sex, no sex with a relative, no sex with animals, and no sex when a woman is on her period. Now I understand that not everyone is a Christian, and not everyone holds to those values, but I wouldn't marry someone unless they held to the same sexual ethics I did! I can be friends with someone of vastly different beliefs than me, but I would never pledge my life to someone of vastly different beliefs than me. So from my perspective, for my spouse to cheat on me with someone of the same sex, that would not only be a violation of our marriage vows, but it would also mean either that my spouse 1. Had violated one of their own core values and that their soul is in jeopardy, which is heartbreaking 2. That they had been lying to and deceiving me from the beginning, so this person that I thought I knew never really was who I thought they were. Again, I understand not everyone is a Christian. But I think many people share values with the person they marry, and so to them find out that one of those core beliefs you may hold together is not a core belief of theirs (anymore, or maybe never was) is hurtful. 2. The deception feels deeper. Like they weren't just hiding the fact they were cheating... They were hiding part of their identity from you. Whether recently discovered or from the beginning, this person lied about who they are. Not just lying about a thing they are doing randomly because they got tempted... They've accepted an entire identity for themselves and left you out of it completely. 3. There's a whole new web of untangling lies, trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't throughout the entire relationship (when she went to hang out with her best friend when we were still engaged, was she a lesbian then, or was that really just a bachelorette party?). When our kids were born and she FaceTime her friend... Were they romantically involved already? That time she went to sleep over at her friend's house and I thought it was COMPLETELY NORMAL... Which leads me to my next point. There is a level of security with same sex friends. Most husbands have no problem with their wife calling a female friend to vent and cry and go get drinks with or whatever. But they wouldn't be okay with her doing that with a guy friend. Why? Because the relationship is different, because if she is straight, then she's not going to cheat on you with her female friend... And then you find out she's a lesbian. Sense of security pulled out from under you. 4. Self esteem. Was she ever even attracted to me at all if she is now identifying as a lesbian? 5. Was I just being used this entire time as a cover up? And/or did she ever love me? I'm sure there are more reasons, but these are ones that instantly come to mind for me. Maybe for some people it makes no difference, but I think for many, and for this guy for sure, it does.

[@orangesplaylist]

@kendrascorner ooh OK I kinda see what you mean. I'm also a Christian but there's many kinds and I guess you need to be on the same page on your values and what you both expect out of the relationship. I can understand if he felt deceived if she never revealed her interest in women. Thank you for answering!

[@kendrascorner]

@@orangesplaylist yes of course! How did you become a Christian? I ask because I'm curious what you mean when you say there are different kinds. The word Christian means Christ follower. Since Christ is a person, and we know what He stands for, following Him means following what He stands for too.

[@orangesplaylist]

@@kendrascorner I was raised Christian and it stuck lol When I meant different kinds, I meant moreso the level of strictness they want to adhere to. For example, I had a friend who was Christian but didn't believe in abstaining from sex out of wedlock. So I guess I misspoke when I said different kinds exactly

[@freedomfan4272]

One of our neighbors daughters got married at a young age to a guy, had two kids with him and after a few years left him for a woman. Why put someone through all that just to leave them?

[@vaska1999]

She put herself through it, too.

[@LSSYLondon]

My guess based on the hatred of lesbianism by this guy is... religion. He uses terms only a conservative abrahamic religious person would use.

[@nt3833]

This woman is disgusting and a narcissist. And also, I feel like Dr. John was dismissive of the fact that she cheated on him with another woman. That adds another layer to the situation and John shouldn’t tell him how to feel. Being left for someone of the same sex causes confusion and many other emotions. It’s ok if he needs to work through that!

[@cptfreeman8966]

Ex girlfriend did something similar to me. I'm just glad that i didn't get her pregnant like she wanted

[@distorbia20]

Phew glad she never trapped you

[@vaska1999]

Lesbians do that deliberately. Way back in graduate school, I knew a bisexual woman and her lesbian friend. The lesbian openly spoke about using a hetero guy to impregnate her so she'd have a child. A total narcissist, btw -- she was already a lousy mother to that toddler.

[@Godzilla00X]

The pain in this mans voice. If it destroyed him like this i cant even fathom what the kids are feeling. Guarantee that woman will cry and complain about how her kids dont talk to her any more.

[@T-CainesZR1]

Ouch the women is a horrible person. She cheated. If she doesn't wanna be with him she should have left.

[@swordready8553]

Trust and believe, Mom will be back. They always come back.

[@marthacastillo6937]

Worse in my opinion. Just like if a guy to have a whole family with a woman just to use her as a beard

[@marchosch3876]

I feel so bad for this man. If you read this, Randy, please know I am praying for you AND for your soon-to-be-ex-wife. I have a feeling once the newness of it wears off (and it will wear off), she'll be in for a rude awakening when her kids don't want to talk with her. But she'll say it's "hOMopHobiA" instead of looking in the mirror to see who's at fault. Praying for everyone involved.

[@sophiaiswisdom1]

I'm actually surprised to see this in my updates because it always is more often on this show a man and a woman married with kids and the man is cheating. 23 years is a long time. I do feel bad that he is having a hard time.

[@gdaymates431]

I know a girl who is very much like this. Some people are dead inside. They really dont care about anyone but themselves and the things that make them "happy." I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you meet someone else who is kind and warm.

[@santafilipina9020]

She's mad because Randy ruined her cunning plan.

[@kekejefferson9219]

File.

[@FrankS111]

Nice try John. He already said he had a DEEP feeling she was being unfaithful but she just would gaslight him and say he’s crazy. He knew it and she just denied it and turned it on him. This was all her fault, end of story. He trusts himself because he was right…..he doesn’t trust others and rightfully so. This poor man needs to talk to a strong man not someone who removes accountability from women.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

That’s the key he knew and didn’t do anything about it until he found out with cold hard evidence. John asked him that because he didn’t go with his gut instead and allowed his wife to gaslight him!

[@mozerm]

I don't think he was removing accountability from her at all. He was just saying that focusing on the 'why' of it (i.e. her being bi or gay) isn't productive. She cheated, got caught, and is now acting abhorrently because she can't have her cake and eat it to. That makes her a bad person not the fact she's with another woman.

[@bloomingale7868]

Exactly Frank. He’s trying to gaslight this caller too about how sordid, confusing and unethical this woman’s behavior is. He’s lucky she wasn’t planning to take him out the picture for good and move that woman in.

[@MonicaD444]

Well stated! Dude is way off in his counseling

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@MonicaD444Not really most people who get cheated on do struggle trusting themselves because in their gut they knew and didn’t act. You can listen to any call Delony’s taken and most callers will tell him they’ve lost trust in themselves. Especially in this case because he knew deep down but let his wife gaslight himself instead!

[@john1425]

JACKPOT!

[@antonglas7488]

Every which way this guy loses especially with the divorce legal system on his wife`s side. My first wife dumped me for a lover after 7 years of marriage and put me through hell when she filed for divorce and I still lost everything. I tell you, these women can be evil and wreck your life. What this guy should do is get the divorce over with, move on and never marry again. The only good part for him that he`s only 46 and still young enough to make a fresh start.

[@harundaniel7705]

I hope anyone whose in his situation sees my comment: I was the other women when I found out the girl I was seeing was still in a relationship with her boyfriend. There is nothing the boyfriend did to make her “change” her sexual preference or cheat on you. I would constantly hear from her how her ex’s didn’t treat her right and was “lazy”. Come to find out, they were indeed not at all. She just went around spreading lies to guys/girls she found attractive to get them to give her attention (a sob story). I wasn’t the only one she did this with. So please, never blame yourself. The cheater knows what they’re doing and it has nothing to do with who you are. She could have broken things with you properly and moved to another relationship but she didn’t…so let that be your closure. Your closure is the cheating, disrespect, lack of honesty, disloyalty etc etc. Don’t lose hope, you will always find someone better.

[@lw1814]

If my partner cheated on me with the same sex as me, I would be mad. But if they cheated with the opposite, I’d be mad but not as mad as if it was the same sex as me. Regardless tho, cheating is cheating no matter what way you look at it

[@random-nz7dy]

Why in the hell would you not be as mad about somebody cheating because of the sex of who they cheated with?

[@lw1814]

@@random-nz7dy because it’s probably of the shock value of it for me. Honestly, I don’t truly know what my reaction would be as I’ve never experienced it and I pray that I don’t ever have to. I’m just going on my present thought process regarding this video.

[@random-nz7dy]

@@lw1814 I mean to me it's pretty obvious that it's worse to have this situation, because not only are you grappling with the fact that they are choosing to leave you for somebody else, but you're also grappling with the fact that they probably want your entire marriage not only not really being attracted to you, but literally being attracted to people of the opposite sex. It's awful either way, but in this situation the entire marriage was a lie including anything that predated any infidelity

[@vaska1999]

I'd feel betrayed and angry/disgusted either way, with a bit more disgust for the long-term deception involved in him actually desiring men but making me believe he desired me as a woman.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

I see nobody is asking the question in the comment section so I'll do it: is this Ross Geller? 😂😂😂

[@kaitlinobrien243]

A business transaction with the mother of your children ❤ I am so sorry ❤

[@leaveittothediva]

Let her go....bye....

[@mgw4205]

Your advice was not to try and take everything away from her for which I agree but the sisterhood of the traveling pants would tell her to screw him over for everything he’s got if it was the other way around. My wife cheated on me after 18yrs with another man. I’m gonna tell you how to get over this. Step 1. She’ll blame her actions on you. Accept what has happened and don’t try and win her back. 2. Help her pack her bags and don’t look back. 3. You’ll have to work through the stages of grief. 4. Find a gym and exercise. Fill your days with activity to take your mind off of the situation 5. Eventually you’ll get over it and the pain will go. 6. There’s plenty of poonanny out there.

[@summerbrz7461]

And he should do what??????? where is your advice?

[@vaska1999]

Let the lawyer handle the divorce. Mourn and then, when he's through that, move on.

[@mirabella2154]

Poor man.

[@barbaratankersley7117]

Total destruction. One little sin leads to BIGGER SINS THE DEVIL AND HIS DEMONS ARE ON THE GO

[@lsf71]

Dr John...you Didn't have to constantly remind this guy how quiet his house will be, how alone he'll be etc etc. I'm sure he knows!

[@danieljohnson4418]

This call was great until he mentioned her moving out.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

The issue here is that people change overtime but relationships don’t necessarily do. Some people grow apart with time. So 23 years doesn’t really mean anything if there wasn’t a deep connection and trust to begin with.

[@rhettfreeman8186]

Spoken from the mouth of a monkey brancher

[@addiskassa5165]

Very true!

[@vaska1999]

She didn't change. She was bisexual all the time, with an actual preference for women. She deceived this man from get-go.

[@cheeks300zx]

When you find your spouse having an affair TELL EVERYONE !!! THAT PERSON IS NOW YOUR ENEMY!!

[@devkergirl2025]

honestly as much as it sucks for anyone to be cheated on or to lose that much time to someone... the guys talks in a way where you can tell these people are in really homophobic religious community. hopefully both of them can move on and be happy.

[@hello9945]

Join in!

[@marcusarelius]

I have no words for this level of evil.

[@Catchyalater_Fishing_Co]

"I'm going to destroy you..." what an evil evil person. She'll reap what she sows

[@hehasrisen1990]

She’s gonna regret leaving him when she realizes she was in the wrong and will owe HIM marital support for her stupid decisions. Sorry this happened to this guy, but honestly, it just reveals what’s in her heart, and that’s not the kind of woman he deserves. She did him a favor by leaving

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

I find it funny how hard to Doc desperately trys to get away from the gay angle lol. I almost expected him to tell the guy "well, she is just being true to herself and we can't hate someone for that, can we?

[@Gabster1990]

Darn, sorry the wife wasn't honest about her orientation.

[@mikenelson8377]

Yep! Deep down inside she was always into women. She needs to be cleaned out in court for lying and cheating. Sorry ladies, but you’re also very capable of lying. 🤨

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@mikenelson8377 I don't buy into the narrative that most people who choose to have homosexual relationships were born that way and just suppressed it their entire lives. Too many cases people with the pattern of abuse that wind up experimenting with homosexuality. Especially women. So many lesbians, if you talk to them, have a similar story of something abusive happening to them from a man (father, uncle, etc). Most lesbians seem to hate men more than be attracted to women.

[@kathyb1011]

@@wordsalad01 Sure it does. People don't just "become lesbians". She's been cheating on him since the first day he met her.

[@blueravenchick]

@@kathyb1011 men love girl on girl action until the women don't want them involved lol

[@uscitizen3252]

​@@nickdipaolofan5948 yeah, thats not how lesbianism works lol

[@RussellD11]

He outed her is what he did lool

[@heatherschramm]

What she did was despicable, no doubt, but two things stand out to me: she “left us”, when the kids are grown and out of the home is a bit misleading. If she chose to sever her relationship with her kids that’s separate from leaving their dad. Those are individual relationships and if they don’t want to talk to her because of what she did that’s fine, but she left him. It bothers me when someone chooses to get divorced and it’s painted as they’re leaving the kids, putting that on kids is not ok. Second thing is the cause of her vitriol being simplified to him not letting her have a double life doesn’t vibe for me. She’s the one that left, he didn’t kick her out right? So why would she want to destroy him? I feel like there’s something missing from the story. It seemed like John noticed that as well but if the caller won’t fess up he just has to take it as presented, but just doesn’t pass the sniff test for me.

[@kat8234]

She sounds like a narcissist. Randy - I'm sorry this happened to you and your children.

[@lionheart93]

wow

[@chrissyellem7397]

I don't get why he is always pushing to let your friends know your deepest pain and hurt. That's not what man friends are for. Try a therapist instead. Your male friends don't want to hear about this crap.

[@cptfreeman8966]

You sound like a shallow “friend”

[@chrissyellem7397]

I'm a woman did you not actual READ what I wrote? I said MAN friends.@@cptfreeman8966

[@pixel6878]

I'm just gonna say that his wife is for the streets.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Dang, as a bisexual married woman this situation sucks! I can't imagine doing something so heartless to another person let alone the other parent of my own children, regardless of our relationship. I can imagine the scenario that drove her to it though as it nearly ruined my own marriage for a time. Thankfully my husband listened to me and together we made the changes necessary. However it was not until his infidelity had been revealed and addressed, which led to a LOT of resentment, confusion, and anger on my part. It hurts to have your needs ignored or rejected but even then cheating is never the "answer", it will just result in further devastation.

[@chocovanille5809]

Damn the world is depressing man. How do people like this exist yall

[@90charim]

Nooo waaayyyy! If she wanted to live a double life she would have left her as a friend and mess around in his face as they have for years!! I believe It’s alot missing to the story😊

[@AgentCathy]

He sounds extremely judgmental and probably a Mormon.