She Won’t Take My Last Name (Is That a Dealbreaker?)

She Won’t Take My Last Name (Is That a Dealbreaker?)
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[@TLPWRlifter]

She has every right to keep her last name but if that's a deal breaker for him that's fine too. It just means they aren't compatible.

[@MRUNIVERSE111-k1r]

but ancestory follows male lineage , bcz of xy chr . and she should change her name for one family and one time.

[@Dean543-cc3fd]

Shes a feminist control freak

[@Opinions-galore24]

E X A C T L Y!!

[@Veeravaara]

​@@MRUNIVERSE111-k1r no it does not. Everyone inherits 50% of their genes from their mom and 50% from their dad. Lineage doesn't follow the male. It would make more sense to name all the children after the mother, bacause she is the only one you can be sure is a parent because she gives birth

[@RUN_IT_UP_]

A name is everything in this world ​@@Veeravaara

[@sunshinesmile94]

I am a surgeon. My 6 year medical degree, my 5 year surgical speciality degree, my 3 international fellowships and 36 scientific journal publications are under my maiden name. Keeping my surname and not taking on my husband’s has got nothing to do with not honouring and respecting him. Or being any less of a unit. It is simply logical and practical. If a man feels emasculated by that, he has serious confidence and self esteem issues and I would be well off steering clear of that.

[@vancomycinb1193]

but that's not why SHE'S doing this. Your situation? Completely understandable, and this guy probably wouldn't have an issue. HER reason, "because of the 'PATRIARCHY'!!! (I can almost hear the high pitched screeching as I type it), and his reaction to it is an indication of a problem with values.

[@sunshinesmile94]

@@vancomycinb1193I had not gotten to that part of the video yet, was just going through the comment section are reading about all these declarations of “honour” and “unity”. Although your snippet commentary of the video is sufficiently insightful. “Patriarchy”… pffft! sounds self righteous and whiny already.😊

[@user-cl5st1oy1i]

​@@vancomycinb1193 Any reason a woman chooses is understandable.

[@Mdmeskywlkr007]

@@vancomycinb1193thats her reason according to him. There may (most likely is) more to her reasoning, but we are only getting his perspective. Don't be so quick to judge

[@pinkchilldivestmentor]

100% of the women I know who didn’t take their husbands names weren’t into him. One married an ethnic dude, and she didn’t want his last name because she was embarrassed. Speaking from my direct experience, as I’m not speaking for anybody else

[@alltheravens1873]

My ex and I were discussing marriage and he assumed I would change my religion to marry him, even though it was not necessary to make our marriage legal. I said no and requested he changed to mine instead. He was appalled I would even suggest it! I broke it up since our values and expectations did not align. I hope this caller and his girlfriend really think things through.

[@georgemubanga1878]

Neither you or your ex was a bad person. You just had different values

[@erinfriesen5087]

Unequally yoked!! Never works

[@Max_G43]

What religion was he and you ?

[@Imzadi]

Yes 🙌🏻 I had a similar experience with a guy I dated in college. I think as a society we need to agree that when it comes to marriage - marry someone with the same values/culture/religion. This whole “opposites attract” is foolishness at best dangerous at worst.

[@milumav]

Clearly they did not align, only a morally deficient person with absolutely ZERO integrity would ever INSIST on perpetuating injustice and inequality. We are supposed to be fighting to END those things, not to continue them. You did the right thing, you do not want that kind of depraved man near you or your possible future children, (if you had decided to have any, that is).

[@richerDiLefto]

Many cultures don’t do the “wife takes the male last name” thing. There are more important things to worry about.

[@amandahugenkiss]

Well our culture does and if a woman turns a man down, he's gonna feel like a failure. That is unless she has a good reason like her career or something.

[@ephajanke3242]

@@amandahugenkiss Maybe that´s his problem if he feels like a failure. And a good reason to keep your name as a woman is just to want to keep your name.

[@amandahugenkiss]

@@ephajanke3242 You must not have listened to the entire clip because I was proven right. She belongs to the streets!

[@ephajanke3242]

@@amandahugenkiss It only gets funnier. Let´s just leave it at that and have different opinions on what you call proven.

[@marshmallowsmars]

I think the culture should change and not be like this … see to have a family name ; just to have a family name …we should also be seeing men taking women surname as well that too become common so that we wouldn’t have a norm or a tradition. Pick a name for the family and oneness . Kids having mother surname makes more sense. It’s toxic to indoctrinate men and women with toxic beliefs like “men supposed to be the breadwinners “…no in reality he ain’t supposed to be the head or breadwinner anyway. So getting rid of this tradition not only removes the harmful patriarchal beliefs in society. Also naming system can become more flexible. Imagine how many reasons are there a man to take his partners name ?? Maybe he has abandoned family or has bad relationship with his parents , or his wife name sounds better has more prestige, maybe his name sounds bad and wants to get rid of it. There are so many other logical reasons as to why a man can take his partner surname and so many other logical reasons names can be chosen for a family. So we should get away with this illogical by default fathers and husband surname system. Because it’s not only hold toxic beliefs, socially engineering spiel in a bad way, we shouldn’t be having a norm /one way doing things anyway. A man taking woman’s surname is also sweet . It’s not a bad or a wrong thing. As a woman , Kids getting my surname makes the most sense Biologically speaking. I wish to see these types of videos not to exists .

[@erikaparker6469]

I will never forget my high school English teacher telling us why she didn’t take her husband’s name. His last name was Rhodunt (pronounced like rodent) and she was like, honey I love you but I teach high school kids, I can’t be Mrs. Rhodunt lol. They were happily married but she was always Ms. Smith .

[@appletree6898]

😂

[@xAmaya13x]

Love it lol

[@vazlet]

I can't stop laughing, this is awesome! Good for her. Totally understandable.

[@ceelothatmane9421]

Sounds like a pansy of a husband

[@Egress00]

He probably never heard the end of it while he was in school himself Kids are brutal 😭

[@lucillespider]

what stood out to me was the way he said “maybe she can change” in regard to his girlfriend. THAT IS THE BIGGEST NOPE. you can’t force anyone to change, and you shouldn’t marry someone hoping they will become someone else. you shouldn’t even date them if you don’t accept who they are.

[@LittleMonkey425]

I was thinking the same thing, what he should’ve said is “I hope I can change”

[@DropBearClaire]

My mum didn't take my dad's last name, he didn't take her's. They got married and have been together happily for 35yrs. I didn't take my husband's last name and he didn't take mine. We are happily together. She is asking for such a small thing and he is making this a big deal like it's a personal attack.

[@NeuroSeasoned]

He stated that his pastor and his friends are coming at him hard on this. So she's not attacking him ... His community is! Yikes

[@MizGizma]

I had an 8 letter last name and even before I met my husband decided that I would take whatever name was shorter. The guy I fell in love with and ended up marrying had a 5 letter last name so I did change my name to his. It wasn't because of tradition or religion ... I just was tired that I had such a long signature.

[@liverfailure1597]

You both agreed to that going in. This is a whole 'nother ballgame

[@marshmallowsmars]

You were stating he didn’t take yours. When was it ever on the man socially to change names ? Even women don’t even ask them to. Some do but majority of men and women brainwashed with toxic patriarchal beliefs to follow a patriarchal tradition. There shouldn’t be a norm or a tradition in a society nor there be toxic beliefs like “men supposed to be the leaders or breadwinners “ shouldn’t exist!!! Why do People still want to live in this box ?? That’s how it was for centuries is very poorly answered question. Why do people want to live in this type of culture still?? Will we able to see a society where the name change assumption is not the woman , where she can also expect name change from a man socially too??? see to have a family name ; just to have a family name …we should also be seeing men taking women surname as well that too become common so that we wouldn’t have a norm or a tradition. Pick a name for the family and oneness . Kids having mother surname makes more sense. It’s toxic to indoctrinate men and women with toxic beliefs like “men supposed to be the breadwinners “…no in reality he ain’t supposed to be the head or breadwinner anyway. So getting rid of this tradition not only removes the harmful patriarchal beliefs in society. Also naming system can become more flexible. Imagine how many reasons are there a man to take his partners name ?? Maybe he has abandoned family or has bad relationship with his parents , or his wife name sounds better has more prestige, maybe his name sounds bad and wants to get rid of it. There are so many other logical reasons as to why a man can take his partner surname and so many other logical reasons names can be chosen for a family. So we should get away with this illogical by default fathers and husband surname system. Because it’s not only hold toxic beliefs, socially engineering people a bad way, we shouldn’t be having a norm /one way doing things anyway. A man taking woman’s surname is also sweet . It’s not a bad or a wrong thing. As a woman , Kids getting my surname makes the most sense Biologically speaking. I wish to see these types of videos not to exists .

[@romancewriter6296]

Same here. I didn't take his name and my mom didn't either. I've been married 18 years and my parents 43. What makes a marriage works is to respect each other and this man is not ready to put his wife above all other people, which is the only way a marriage works.

[@evelynfrederick]

This young man is not ready for marriage. He's not even listening to the criticism. And he's offended by a small truth. Bless him

[@xxx0ox0]

Well he's trying to marry a feminist, he obviously has growing to do

[@SweetEssie]

He is not. He's with a feminist and he doesn't have any convictions. He's listening to his buddies about his marriage instead of what he feels because it doesn't even seem like he has any feelings towards it until his friends and pastors tell him it's emasculating.

[@SweetEssie]

@happystarhappystar1477 And he's not a man asking all his buddies what to do instead of having thoughts in his brain. He doesn't sound like a leader, which is probably why he got with her. What's he gonna do when they have more problems, hold a meeting with more of his buddies? This is minor.

[@lloydlagera6621]

Nope. Not a man ready to take the lead in the house.

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

Neither is she. If they are both stuck on a name, they won't be able to handle the big issues that come with marriage. Call it off and both can take time to finish growing up.

[@sarahw5906]

It is false that this is somehow mandatory when you are Christian. Many predominantly christian countries do not have this tradition.

[@stephengallagher2209]

False. There is no Christian country where matronymic surnames are the norm. Why lie?

[@FellDownTheCornHole]

@@stephengallagher2209In Latin America at least (Much more culturally and traditionally Catholic/Christian than The United States) it’s normal for parents to not take each others names but actually hyphenate it to honor both family’s. I doubt you (Probably American) actually knows much about cultures outside of your own tho so I don’t think you’d know that.

[@tamarat9735]

In Spain and Latin America they add the surname and then the kids have both last names, and in italy women don't change their last names, but the kids get the father's or both. both are very catholic countries. When you say it's customary in christian countries you clearly think of just America.

[@MizGizma]

Seems to me that this guy is more worried about what other people will think than anything else. The name itself doesn't matter.

[@loganfignewton]

If he feels it matters, then it matters.

[@Bav92]

yep, he has no backbone and if she has one at all, this relationship will fail anyhow. women don't want that

[@MizGizma]

@@loganfignewton - He said himself that it didn't.

[@sarahrobertson634]

​@@loganfignewtonIt doesn't matter. It's just his ego.

[@Nazareneprotestant]

​@@loganfignewton"I feel something is true, so it must be!" Lol😂

[@JohnWilliams-cx3ip]

I like that Dr. John didn't take a position on the issue, he focused on this young man's convictions and whether he is entering into a healthy relationship. I think the caller needs to develop himself more and grow his confidence.

[@arreola891]

He also needs to ask God for discernment because he actually believes a Christian woman can be a feminist.

[@YouMissedBro]

​@@arreola891 "I'm a Christian, now let's go fight for the right to terminate late term pregnancies" - his wife, most likely

[@JohnLopez-gt6og]

​@arreola891 it doesn't get much more feministic that the reasons she gave for not wanting his last name what are u talking about? I wouldn't even waste time on that chick once she said she wouldn't take my last name then we would be on our separate ways...

[@slothisasin8240]

​@@YouMissedBro You know that a lot of non christian feminist women actually are pro-life? It's not what is shown online, but it's actually not that uncommon.

[@jgholster5029]

@@YouMissedBro irrelevant and unfounded point

[@kierad1794]

he doesn’t even know why it bothers him. he needs to grow up A LOT before he can ever expect to be anyone’s “head of household.” save her the trouble!

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

Why is it just his problem and not hers as well? They should both move on and find somebody else if this is that important to both of them.

[@Swizzles89]

​@@MichaelJones-rn2pq I agree with you. It's actually mostly her problem. It sounds like her idea of marriage is telling him to jump and him asking her how high. At least he sounds like he's 75% there. He wants shared opinions and a shared life. It doesn't sound like she wants that. He just needs to work on developing himself into the person he wants to be and having the confidence to tell others to mind their own business when necessary.

[@kierad1794]

@@Swizzles89 i think he feels steamrolled because he has no sense of direction and internal compass. how can he expect to be equal or superior to her when he lacks values?

[@Swizzles89]

@@kierad1794 true but if he is painting an accurate picture of her then it sounds like she doesn't want to be his equal. She wants to be in charge. In a Christian marriage he needs to be the head of the household or they need to at least be equals. It doesn't sound like she's looking to submit to anyone anytime soon. But he could be distorting the story too. We'd have to hear her side as well.

[@TonyCox1351]

@@Swizzles89If he's painting an accurate picture, then he isnt ready to be the head of household. He's a follower not a leader.

[@NeeNee_B.]

So her name--thats identified her her ENTIRE existence--should mean nothing to her and she should readily rid of it, but it's MANDATORY that you keep yours? Where does that make sense? Would you readily take her last name? No? So why doesnt that freedom work both ways, when other options exist? Do you want a wife, or a possession?

[@fatbastard51]

what did you even watch the video?

[@broetchenahoi6524]

Agreed!

[@themuse11]

He wants a possession.

[@LIFEINSOUTHFLORIDA]

A man is the leader, protector and provider of the household. This is the way God designed marriage. A wife is a helpmate. When you get these roles reversed you have chaos. All women desire strong, masculine, attentive men because it lets them feel safe and they naturally want to follow a man's lead who is a man like this. If you have not met a man you would feel safe following and submitting to. You have not found the right one.

[@andreeaameliaganu5876]

My husband wanted that we have the same name, but he agreed easly to combine... And this in a very conservative country. He knew that is important to me and honored that.

[@privacyplease1556]

Guy isn’t ready to lead a home. He wants the validation of being viewed as masculine without actually being a strong man. He has no backbone. He just goes with the wind and cares too much about what other people think.

[@Jazz4Jesus]

This is false and incorrect. Nobody's ready for marriage - you do your best to prepare. He's bringing up a valid red flag. Great covert feminist comment by the way!

[@Himmiefan]

Only weak men demand to be the leader. Good, strong men want partberships.

[@lisasalcedo8508]

@@Himmiefan, based on the caller’s “religious” background, his “role” would be to lead his family. That’s not a bad thing unless you’re a staunch feminist 🤔😏

[@sameerajafri747]

​@@lisasalcedo8508it's a bad thing when he's not even kind of ready to do that. That's his parents' fault. They and him expect being a Christian and a man was enough😅

[@MizGizma]

@@lisasalcedo8508 - But he's not leading ... he wants everyone else around him to decide for him. His family, his pastor ... a guy he's never met talking on the phone.

[@tommygirl123able]

As a happily married Christian woman, there is no where in the Bible where it says the wife has to take the husbands name. What is important is that you are both equally yoked. What your last name is will be the least of your problems when you are in a marriage.

[@christopherroot1603]

Your feminism is a huge part of what's wrong with Christian woman

[@kianricharddasilva9575]

Read genesis, god said a man shall over his wife. That is unequivocal.

[@VV-er3zg]

@@kianricharddasilva9575and you’re incurring in a fallacy. Head of household ≠ surname. Look at most of the Christian world, you don’t take the husband’s surnames, nor do you in the biggest Christian churches

[@MultiPlexiglas]

When my husband and I talked about marriage I said I don t want to take his, because it’s the name of his stepfather, who he is not even legally adopted to. They have a complicated relationship and so it never felt right for me to take that name. For us the name conversation ended there. On our wedding day, when the officiant checked all data she mentioned then that he is going to take my name. It was his surprise to me on our wedding day. ❤

[@wintercame]

❤❤

[@yuppers1]

❤❤❤

[@sopranosd]

Cool!

[@mikejack257]

Eww

[@Helios_Edits]

Yikes

[@coffeecake1803]

They are not a Match!

[@Dansyoung]

It will work temporarily, she says jump he asks how high?

[@scratch57]

she doesn't want a match. she wants a human wallet.

[@user-cl5st1oy1i]

Exactly! She has a brain and her own opinions......gasp

[@missfranniepants]

Exactly @@user-cl5st1oy1i they're in the comments acting like she's a horrible person just because she speaks up for herself. Yikes

[@rosamaundallen1035]

@@missfranniepantsThere is a difference between speaking up for yourself and being domineering. That is what was projected based on what the caller said. This guy and this feminist are not a match. They need to go their separate ways.

[@TheFriendlyGee]

I already have a name. Period.

[@serenafisherart]

I get a really bad feeling about this situation. From the sounds of his church leaders "advice" this does not sound like a safe church for women with opinions.

[@user-cl5st1oy1i]

Church is rarely safe for women

[@trianglesandsquares420]

It doesn't sound unsafe, but it certainly sounds depressing.

[@bignickenergy723]

1 Timothy 2:11-12

[@SnifferSock]

"Unsafe" you sound pathetic 😂

[@jeep19]

He sounds like those closeted, religious guys 😂

[@josephmbimbi]

Commenting 2 minutes in may be premature, but even as a guy, i get the "feminist" point on last name. It is a 100% legit point, there is 0 need to mock it, or feel rejected for it. Men often make fun of women for "being sensitive", feminists being "triggered", the irony. What really surprises me is that you got this far into the relationship with such divergent values, despite claiming to be both christians.

[@cathyl7944]

I’m a woman and I find the objection to taking his last name ridiculous.

[@christyzeeaquarianated2600]

I'm also a woman and find the objection to taking his last name completely reasonable. It's almost as if women are free to choose! Crazy, right? 🤯

[@danyaabdou9402]

Whyyy??? I grew up with my last name it represents my family, it’s also ethnically different to my partners so it would be sad to lose this part of my culture. Why is it so ridiculous to keep the name you have lived with for the better part of your life ?

[@nathanriver1556]

Different Christian denominations have very different ideas on the topic. A Roman Catholic (especially someone who isn’t a convert xD ) and a Southern Baptist are going to have very different religious beliefs despite both being Christians.

[@_Amarin]

​@@cathyl7944 By that logic you should find his potential objection to taking her last name ridiculous as well, right?

[@Nightshade1881]

I’ve been married 10 years and my wife didn’t take my last name, I haven’t worried about it once In 10 years! I feel like I don’t own her like that! But she is my life partner and we are extremely happy together.

[@MaleahsDiary]

Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope that some men don't think women are inferior.

[@socku5850]

My mom didn't change her last name to my dad last name. They are still married they never thought about it as a issue. They are still married after 45 years. But, the kids last name was all my dad last name . Including me. They fought on parenting issue not on the patriarchy.

[@Nightshade1881]

@@MaleahsDiary I can’t understand how any man could feel like that toward any woman or another human being. I had people around me telling me how it wasn’t normal for my Wife to take my last name 🤦🏻‍♂️ I didn’t let those Words bother one bit. My wife is my life and she’s proud to be my wife But she’s also proud to still have her last name. 😊

[@Nightshade1881]

@@socku5850 🙏🏼👏🏻 that’s awesome I’m almost positive marriages like this are the ones who last the longest! My younger sister took my moms maiden name and my brother when he joined the Marine corps blended both last names together 🤣 I just kept my dads. But never once thought even before proposing to my wife that she would take my last name It would always be her choice.

[@bigpoppa851]

It's not a matter of superiority vs inferiority or ownership etc. It's about humility. And if both partners can't take a back seat to the other at times, NGMI. And if you really are a Christian and follow the writings of Paul, you'd believe that the man rides shotgun on this one.

[@ivnehaas]

Both people love their last names. Why does HIS last name wishes supercede hers?? The same way he has emotions and meaning attached to his name, she has emotions and meaning attached to hers. But his emotions matter more than hers!? If her not taking your name is a deal breaker, it better end right now because life is long and you will have much bigger fish to fry.

[@yankeefederer1994]

Agreed, it should end in that scenario. All things are negotiations, and in this case both can't get what they want. They can both decide if they want to die on this hill, or compromise. That's life in a nutshell

[@aisherwasher6959]

It doesn't sound like this is about loving their names. It's about "society" and what they represent ✨️ I joke, but either way, if they can't work through the last names they want as husband and wife, they're in for a rough marriage

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

If my wife even hesitated regarding taking my last name I would have broken the engagement in a heartbeat. It is about her willingness to forsake self for her new family we are starting. Both men and women sacrifice many things when they get married, as it should be. Both need to demonstrate that they are willing to give all for the family they are starting. Men are expected to risk all of his wealth (his house, savings account, investments, other assets), forsake any friends or family that might harm his marriage, forsake any aspect of single life, forsake many recreational activities, and vow to make his bride his number one priority. Generally, women still have college debt and credit card debt when entering a marriage (not all, but many). Many women get married with very few assets (don't own a house, don't own their car, etc) Many women also expect holidays and other events to be over at HER parents house, which requires the man to see his family much less. To me, the last name issue is in the "least she can do for him" category, regarding the sacrifices she should be expected to make for the marriage. If she refuses that small sacrifice, it is red flag that you are about to marry a combative and selfish woman and you should get out before it's too late.

[@jackwatt8988]

You might want to actually watch the video and listen to the conversation before you comment. He expressly says in the video that it isn't a deal breaker for him. You are reacting to the title of the video and not the things he said on the call.

[@jackwatt8988]

@paolofan5948 I feel sorry for your wife that she's married to you. You sound like an entitled asshat. "Generally, women still have college debt and credit card debt when entering a marriage (not all, but many). Many women get married with very few assets (don't own a house, don't own their car, etc) Many women also expect holidays and other events to be over at HER parents house, which requires the man to see his family much less. " What are you even going on about? With your "many women" and "generally". Where did you get these outdated ideas about women? This same nonsense you are talking about applies to men and women. Have you considered that maybe you are the problem and that not all women or even not even most women fit this description?

[@sarahw768]

I really hate how the girl is being villainized here (by Seth and in some of the comments). She has every right to keep her last name if she wants to and he's mad bc that makes him feel less masculine and insecure. It's obviously a dealbreaker for him if this makes him THAT uncomfortable. Plus, he kept saying oh so and so will talk about it if he just goes along with taking her last name, bc he obviously cares about what people think. Just work on yourself first and when you're ready you'll find someone who aligns with the same beliefs and values.

[@marshmallowsmars]

Why do people want to live in this type of culture still?? see to have a family name ; just to have a family name …we should also be seeing men taking women surname as well that too become common so that we wouldn’t have a norm or a tradition. Pick a name for the family and oneness . Kids having mother surname makes more sense. It’s toxic to indoctrinate men and women with toxic beliefs like “men supposed to be the breadwinners “…no in reality he ain’t supposed to be the head or breadwinner anyway. So getting rid of this tradition not only removes the harmful patriarchal beliefs in society. Also naming system can become more flexible. Imagine how many reasons are there a man to take his partners name ?? Maybe he has abandoned family or has bad relationship with his parents , or his wife name sounds better has more prestige, maybe his name sounds bad and wants to get rid of it. There are so many other logical reasons as to why a man can take his partner surname and so many other logical reasons names can be chosen for a family. So we should get away with this illogical by default fathers and husband surname system. Because it’s not only hold toxic beliefs, socially engineering people a bad way, we shouldn’t be having a norm /one way doing things anyway. A man taking woman’s surname is also sweet . It’s not a bad or a wrong thing. As a woman , Kids getting my surname makes the most sense Biologically speaking. I wish to see these types of videos not to exists .

[@justanotherhomosapian5101]

​@@marshmallowsmars yeah it makes more logical sense that the kids take the wife's name coz she is the one that birthed them, is gonna be their primary caregiver and in case of a divorce the kids will go to her more often than not. Anyways, I like the new idea of coming up with your own new name for the both of you, a couple chose the street where they first kissed.

[@Dean543-cc3fd]

By your logic its making her insecure that he wants her to take his last name

[@marshmallowsmars]

@@Dean543-cc3fd I was asking the same thing, why people feel insecure about a man taking woman’s name?? If she the leading the household , let it be. That’s fine .

[@marshmallowsmars]

@@Dean543-cc3fd see me and the society had different values. For me I should be the dominant one in the relationship as a woman. So I do want to take my surname . Here the wants the man to be the head. Fine. I think we shouldn’t fix things. You can’t fix a whole institution of marriage in one dynamic . That’s The problem because not every human being a same , not all men are dominant. Not all women are submissive. You can’t make a whole society into only men leading and women submitting. Indoctrinate or force them into it. People should be picking roles accordingly. There are submissive men and dominant women. So values change and differ. Here the values are not the same. He has been indoctrinated forced into thinking men lead by religion. Idk what kind of woman she is…dominant or what.. it’s kind of like he starting a war with her too In her point of view?? Right. She should marry someone , submissive to her , a man. He should marry someone that of from his religion.

[@libertyna933]

People who are academics do not take each other's names. They have a body of work in their last name and can't give that up. Also, people with a strong ethnic backgrounds don't give up their last names either. You don't really need the same last names.

[@shawnlove4502]

Exactly

[@Britty0189]

I took my husband’s last name because I love and honor him. Not because of society, but I have that last name almost like a badge of honor. I’m proud he’s my husband and I’m proud to be his wife. We’re a unit.

[@greenAbbot]

I’m glad that worked for you. But I loved and honored my wife, and I didn’t take her last name. And not one day in my life did I doubt that she loved and honored me. I didn’t need her to give up her last name to prove it.

[@desertcountryliving2357]

This! ❤

[@lebumjames1373]

You took his last name because you were taught by society that taking a man's last name is the standard and is honoring him lol. Two things can be true.

[@a.r.8954]

'Society'---patriarchy---did tell you that taking a man's name is how to love and honour him. It is absolutely the invention of the patriarchal and patrilineal system that women should subsume their identities into a man's family so a man will have the name as his legacy. This system has been around for thousands of years but it has nothing to do with nature and nothing to do with honour or love. If it was really about love and honour and sex had nothing to do with it, men would be taking women's last names just as frequently. Please don't pretend your decision happened in a political vacuum.

[@sydguitar99]

So does that mean he's not proud to be your husband bc he didnt take your last name?

[@reneeladouceur]

I live in Quebec, Canada. Under the civil code, each partner keeps their respective name, thereby protecting a woman's identity. Name changes are only granted under exceptional situations, religious reasons don't apply.

[@MrJimmy3459]

Canada is a progressive hell hole, who cares about their laws

[@Dansyoung]

Hahaha you guys must love the Trudeau Koolaid over there

[@reneeladouceur]

​@@Dansyoung😂 This was put in place by the provincial government in the early 80s. It has nothing to do with the Feds and nothing to do with Trudeau. Also, this is the only place in Canada that has this law in place.

[@lilylittlemonster5]

@@reneeladouceur The commies started their work over 100 years ago. So yes Trudeau and his ilk are involved.

[@alexb7799]

And the children?

[@KR-ue1gd]

In the modern age, with your name on hundreds of legal documents, changing it can be a nightmare. I know women who still have name problems decades after marriage. One friend graduated college under her maiden name, then a decade later got married and took her husband's name. She never thought to call her college's alumni association to make the change with them, because who thinks about their alma mater after so long away? Another decade or so passed, and one day she applied for a job using her married name. The company made her an offer contingent on all her references and such checking out... but when they called her college to verify her degree, the college had "no record of her". That''s because the company asked for her by one name, and she got her degree under another! By the time it was sorted out, the job had gone to a different candidate.

[@dalentoews3418]

This is why my wife uses my last name socially but legally its all her maiden name.

[@lquispe1]

John Delony is assuming this woman will dictate everything else in this couple’s life based on the fact she wants to keep her last name. The caller does come across very passive, and seems to know himself to be, so of course he’s afraid his voice won’t be heard in the relationship down the line. Those are all problems on HIS end though. All she has done is state a value that’s very important to her, as one does in a healthy relationship. Unless the caller can state other examples where she has disregarded his values, it seems a bit much to assume she’s the kind of person who doesn’t care what he thinks. He clearly states that he thinks it would be stupid to break up with her for keeping her last name. The last name is not the issue. It’s his fear about himself being comfortable being passive. That’s something that he’s got to work on.

[@missfranniepants]

Exactly and as a result of that people are in the comments completely attacking her and that's not cool. If she ever sees this, it's going to hurt her and she doesn't deserve these attacks. Seth is young and doesn't quite know his way, that's where it should have stayed. Not about how unagreeable she is just because she's a feminist. Yikes.

[@brocasimp8320]

​​@@missfranniepants plus this is the only thing he mentioned in regards to her being a feminist. I don't know why people think that wanting to keep the last name you were born with and lived your whole life with means that you just hate men and you just want to control their life. I mean hey if this issue is what makes him not want to marry her he can totally do that. It's his choice. Just makes me think he didn't love her as much as he thought he did. (Not that feminists hate men but that there is a vocal minority of women who do make it look bad to be a woman who is proud of herself and just wants to live their own life)

[@rosiemackenzie5976]

Past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour. Failure to grasp this about human nature is a painful pill you eventually have to swallow. Swallow it now or swallow it later, up to you.

[@elainenilsson5472]

Amen.

[@Himmiefan]

Thank you, I was wondering where this idea that she wants to control everything comes from. Sounds like the host has some woman issues of his own.

[@caracoates4834]

I did not take my husband's name. We have been together 25 and having different last names has made no difference to our devotion to each other. Relationships that last are built around friendship, mutual respect and love whether you have the same last name really doesn't matter. Just because most people do it doesn't mean it is a requirement.

[@JustRaine97]

💯🎯

[@joycef8443]

We have been married more than 35 years, we each kept our last names.

[@ILLWill1027]

My children and Wife all have my last name because outside of tradition honestly it just looks better and is easier as a unit. It would be crazy if my Wife wants her maden name kept because of her own personal reasons but me and my children all have the same last name. Collectively it just isn’t right. Marriage is about selflessness and sacrifice so that’s the first step. I’m the man who’s leading the family so it’s nothing wrong with me wanting my Wife to take my last name. We didn’t fight about that though at all and why BECAUSE guess what SHE WAS HONORED TO DO SO😌

[@christinetorres8075]

My husband is not from the US and where he is from no one changes their last name when they get married. He didn’t understand why I wanted to take his last name and, in fact, didn’t want me to. I did it anyway, but it was so odd to me to encounter that as it was not something that I expected could come up.

[@anneshirley9560]

Where's he from?

[@themurderbotfeed7688]

@@anneshirley9560latin american country or spain probably would be my guess. The way it works here is ppl keep their names and the children have 2 surnames, traditionally the fathers first anf the mothers second. Which I think is great because it allows the parents to keep and carry their family name forward while acknowledging the creation of a new unique family in the next gen

[@kendrascorner]

Same situation. My husband is Arabic, and they don't even have a "last name" that gets passed down... They take the first name of the paternal grandfather as the last name. I told my husband I wanted to take his last name and he was surprised and didn't want me to feel like I was losing my identity or something, but I told him it's important to me that we are a family and all share the same last name, explained my cultural and religious views on it, etc, and then he was honored by the fact I wanted to take his last name (I did love my maiden name too, and had a lot of pride in it, so that wasn't the issue). Our son will be the first generation to continue on with the same last name as his father, and I think it's beautiful that in many ways our family is a first generation ____ (last name). ❤️

[@christinetorres8075]

@@themurderbotfeed7688 that’s exactly it

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@themurderbotfeed7688what happen to children of those children. You have Gonzales Lopez Rodriguez Mueres as a last name

[@Nora-jt9zy]

I’m from Europe, and to me this has nothing to do with religion. This has more to do with practicality. If you have been working for a while, it’s not always a good idea to change your last name because your business network knows you by your maiden name. And if you feel that your “manhood” or manliness is compromised if your wife does not have your last name, then I think the problem is somewhere else completely. I got married just as I entered my career, so I chose to take my husband’s last name.

[@minichi2]

I personally asked this question during a pre cana class when I was getting married (was genuinely curious lol) and the instructors made it clear that the Church does not have a position on this issue. Not about religion.

[@avvery8593]

@@minichi2 The church may not but the bible is clear.

[@rosemarie5489]

@@avvery8593show us the page where it is stated in the bible.

[@em77775]

@@avvery8593 I don't think the Bible mentions changing last name at all, but people have incorporated this into the whole wife submitting to husband kind of thing. Women refusing their husband's last name is more of a recent feminist thing.

[@Sparkle132]

My last name changed on all legal things when I got married but, in my career I always used my middle name so that it wouldn’t have to change if I ever got married

[@mollysmom-bf1yi]

In French culture women often keep their own names. In Spanish culture hyphenation is common. Both are western. He needs to broaden his world. This is the tip of the iceberg. Not ready for the compromises marriage brings.

[@Mentally_Hilarious]

And in American culture women often takes the mans name. They don't live in a French or Spanish culture. Just because someplace else operates differently doesn't mean his culture and tradition is irrelevant. As it sits these people aren't going to be compatible. This guy has no backbone and is expecting a traditional woman which she is clearly not if she is already putting up a feminist stink about the last name.

[@xx_sanic_da_heg_hoge_xx420]

hyphenation is dumb. people don't think it through at all. should every subsequent generation hyphenate and just continue tacking on names at an exponential rate? your great-great grandchildren will have 16 last names.

[@ursamustaine4050]

​​​​​​@@xx_sanic_da_heg_hoge_xx420No, it's not dumb, it's actually nice and considerate of BOTH families when a couple marries. In Spain, we don't take our partner's surnames, either man or woman; children do take both parents surnames. We all have 2 surnames. When a couple has children, they get one surname from the father and one from the mother... Of course we all know both surnames from each of our parents and we enjoy remembering as many surnames from our family as we can, although legally we only take one surname from each of our parents

[@SnifferSock]

And if neither of them are French or Spanish what does that matter???

[@mollysmom-bf1yi]

@@SnifferSockit matters b/c there are more ways to approach this than he expects. He needs to broaden his mind -and mature a bit

[@greenAbbot]

Does she want you to be the leader of the household? Do you want that? Or do you both want to be partners? Those are the real questions. Don’t make the name fight a proxy for that; talk about the real issue.

[@sydguitar99]

I think it's sad how brainwashed we have become by Society to believe that a woman deciding to keep her own last name is somehow bad.

[@dawnelder9046]

Marriage were both are partners last the longest.

[@abrahamflores2566]

I think he used the name thing as a proxy as well. Just say your girlfriend was consumed by feminism and wants counter all traditions.

[@SamJohnson-wl1mw]

The man should be the leader of the household. That’s what has worked for all of human history until the last 40 years. Look at how divorce rates have skyrocketed with feminism in the west

[@gillespaling7039]

@@dawnelder9046 the weird hetero adaptation of the LGBTQZYZ lexicon is a recent phenomenon.

[@AshleyLebedev]

It’s not a deal breaker. We women have our own ancestry & want to honor our ancestors and ancestral lines too. This has nothing to do with love. Nobody should be forced to delete their name and replace it unless they want to. This is a romantic notion but it’s not about loving you & if you are this insecure & shallow over this issue, please reconsider if you are able to be in a marriage.

[@coxrocks25]

A marriage should not be primarily focused on honoring ancestry. It does do that and there are plenty of ways to honor your fathers last name without causing a divide in the new family that is to be. That's where the focus should be in a marriage. What is the avenue that will be best for the kids. That's where my wife and landed in this same topic. We felt it would provide better congruence and less cognitive dissonance if we had one united last name. Other families can make it work in different ways but the solution of what last name to take is less important than the focus of the conversation to get there

[@BonazaiGirl]

@@coxrocks25 If that’s the case of it being of lesser importance, than what is the problem of the husband taking the wife’s last name or just combining the last names, as often done in Hispanic households? The last name may not be an issue for some, and it’s their prerogative if they choose to change it or keep it. And for those who change the last names, there is a lot that goes into redocumentation and registry adjustments. There’s a lot in a name, and many women want to keep their maiden name; so a compromise can be arranged.

[@coxrocks25]

@@BonazaiGirl read my whole comment and then try again...

[@TheSlb1984]

100%! If I had not given my son my last name the name would’ve “died”. My father felt so proud when we kept it because it honors him and my grandfather. There are only 6 of us left with the last name and my son is the only one who will carry it on.

[@kimberlyl2622]

Absolutely.

[@StrongBalloonChris]

Don’t know if I’m just a man of weird stock, but if I ever get married and I like my spouse’s surname more, I’m taking it in a heartbeat 😂

[@traetrae11]

I’m a woman and feel the same. If I like his last name and it fits well with mine I’ll take it. If it doesn’t, I won’t. I like my last name (simple for everyone to say and spell) but am not overly attached to it.

[@meggold3422]

I kind of agree with that. If someone had the last name of Snodgrass, Butkiss, or Longbottom, I wouldn't be at all offended if they'd prefer my last name instead, and it would, in fact, be a relief that they wouldn't expect me to take theirs in that case. :0)

[@yuppers1]

❤❤❤

[@zebnemma]

Same. As a woman, if I get married I feel like it's down to which name I like better. If the guys name is decent or cool I might take it, but if he objectively have a worse name then mine then I'm leaning towards just keeping mine. Also why can't a man take the womans name??? Why does it have to be such a big deal anyway? If a guy makes me feel forced to take his name then I think that's a red flag tbh. If his self worth is so easily shattered just because of her not wanting his name then I don't know if he's worth much tbh... The kind of guy who is gonna imagine people think he's a cuck now because she didn't take his name or whatever. Let people talk trash if they want. Why should you care? Idiots talk trash about anything and everything, their opinions hold no weight.

[@sheridanvance7426]

❤

[@rn2787]

If he can't proudly tell everyone that she isn't changing her last name and support her than they are not ready for marriage. She said no and he can't stand up for anyone including himself. He needs to figure out who he is and what he believes before being in a serious relationship with anyone.

[@sarahrobertson634]

Very true!!

[@sallylara1102]

💯🎯

[@liverfailure1597]

He knows what he believes. The problem is he's seeking validation from too many people, and is confused. He's gotta cut ties with this girl. Their values are at opposite ends of the spectrum

[@LLB1122]

This is a completely cultural matter. I’m too latina to understand that this is even a discussion in some countries. I’m getting married to a EU citizen and I am speechless when people ask me if I’m taking his name because where I come from we are born, we live and die with our parents last names 😄 Edit: I see some confused in the comments. I was born and raised in South America (Colombia to be precise). We have 2 last names in the Hispanic culture (my father’s and my mother’s), so my family was [father’s name] [mother’s name]. My children would also have both last names [my husband’s and mine] in Colombia. Now I’m in a European country where this is not the case (in Spain it’s the same and in other countries such as Portugal, France and Italy, it’s not a discussion either).

[@akinyiomer4589]

​@@mic_keycreates Uh ... that *is* the compromise. The compromise is inherent. Both peoples' families are honoured when both get to keep their last name. What's great about the Latin American/Iberian system is that children get both father and mothers names in their surnames. Two people made those children, and two people are recognised in the naming convention. Sounds perfect to me. I'm not from either culture but that's definitely the route I'm taking when the time comes.

[@kateluck1555]

@@mic_keycreatesno compromise would be a “you take my last name or we don’t get married” ultimatum from either one of them. A compromise would be that they both keep their own last name.

[@vickimerritt2832]

For many women, the loss of her seperate idenity begins at marriage, in taking his name, the old her ceases a great deal. What does the man lose or give to signify two become one symbolicly? Throughout history this signified a seal the deal of female persons as property, rather that a chosen covenant between two EQUAL in value persons. Not equal as in identical, or interchangable but equal in value. Many times records of a wife's family line was eradicated or lost based on the loss of her name. An example could be how hard it is to find lost high school friends as over time they married and you do not know that married name. I think many would be suprised how even today men DO see themselves as obtaining property or a non paid domestic servant sex provider and treat marriage as an ownership issue person that her father sold or passed to him to maintain economically in the same way former African slaves lost identity and took their masters last names when emancipated. In addition, prior to marriage women now have professions in which name changes could be expensive and complicate things for her. If this lady of the caller is reluctant to lose her identifying name and he can't see why, just look at how attached to his name he is, this feeling of "disappearring " seems troubling to him does it not? Agree, there is a good test of their ability to compromise, and that could indicate how well this marriage could go in the future.

[@cualter]

@@mic_keycreates Whose culture prevails in the above situation? She has a right to follow her culture and keep her birth name if she wants to. That's what's normal in her country. A proper 50-50 compromise would be a hyphenated surname, which means that her fiance is not compromising either.

[@mariatorres9789]

My abuello & padre went to the courthouse & demanded I put my maiden name, Torres, as my middle name. That's always been the way, even back to my Great great grandma Sébastiana from Gonzalez to Haro, & my great grandma from Haro to Torres, and my grandmother took my grandfather's last name & changed her middle to her last & took my grandfather's, & my mother again. And me. My son's wives will do the same. I'm not sure what Latino heritage you have? Everyone I've ever known, even after coming to USA, kept their madien name & changed it to their middle name, & added their husband's. That's why there are so many Hernandez, Gonzales, Rojas, Perez, long names. That's how the male heritage is passed down.

[@fela033]

I've been married for over 25 years. We kept our own name. Our girls have 2 last names. We're all perfectly fine.

[@georgemubanga1878]

It worked because that's what you both wanted. Problem comes in when you want different things.

[@clovemartin]

That's very different than him taking her last name.

[@liverfailure1597]

@@georgemubanga1878 Bingo. That's why she needs to find a guy whose values are aligned with hers.

[@georgemubanga1878]

@@liverfailure1597 That's very true, trouble comes in when you think your partners values are stupid and try to change them. Like No, people are very to want what they want, just look for someone with similar values as you

[@skeet0rz]

So a hyphenated last name? I'm curious - what happens when your children get married? Will it be a triple hyphenated last name?

[@neisci]

I don’t know, I have grown attached to my name. Would I change it yes (if i wanted to). would I change it if it was imposed to me? No.

[@shawnlove4502]

Yes same here

[@Enviro-Erin]

I did not want to change my last name when I got married, but my husband offered to hyphenate his last name if I did the same. We are now both carrying each other's family name. I prefer this, actually. It felt like a merging of our lives rather than me sacrificing my own. The question that is most important is "do you want kids?". My husband decided he wanted kids, I never wanted kids. We are still married, but it caused a lot of issues. Make sure you're both on the same page. If your spouse tells you at any point they don't want kids, believe them. Don't try to bank on them changing their minds, everyone will be disappointed.

[@marshmallowsmars]

Why do people want to live in this type of culture still?? Will we able to see a society where the name change assumption is not the woman , where she can also expect name change from a man socially too??? see to have a family name ; just to have a family name …we should also be seeing men taking women surname as well that too become common so that we wouldn’t have a norm or a tradition. Pick a name for the family and oneness . Kids having mother surname makes more sense. It’s toxic to indoctrinate men and women with toxic beliefs like “men supposed to be the breadwinners “…no in reality he ain’t supposed to be the head or breadwinner anyway. So getting rid of this tradition not only removes the harmful patriarchal beliefs in society. Also naming system can become more flexible. Imagine how many reasons are there a man to take his partners name ?? Maybe he has abandoned family or has bad relationship with his parents , or his wife name sounds better has more prestige, maybe his name sounds bad and wants to get rid of it. There are so many other logical reasons as to why a man can take his partner surname and so many other logical reasons names can be chosen for a family. So we should get away with this illogical by default fathers and husband surname system. Because it’s not only hold toxic beliefs, socially engineering people a bad way, we shouldn’t be having a norm /one way doing things anyway. A man taking woman’s surname is also sweet . It’s not a bad or a wrong thing. As a woman , Kids getting my surname makes the most sense Biologically speaking. I wish to see these types of videos not to exists .

[@parkermarsch646]

Wife and I have been married for 5 years with different last names, mainly due to immigration reasons (applications and paperwork are 100 times easier if you keep the same name the whole time). I couldn’t imagine not being with her just because of a last name. If you consider that a deal breaker, you don’t care about her as much as you think you do

[@wolfpackwarriors]

Semp🤣🤣🤣

[@parkermarsch646]

@@wolfpackwarriors I think you mean “simp,” you simp 😂😂😂

[@rokzane]

​@@wolfpackwarriors misogynist

[@AHKDM]

I agree. It was easier to keep my own name because if I changed it, I would have to go to every organization like national registry, banks, retirement fund office, etc. just to update my name. Changing names requires me to be present at all these different locations.

[@EspritsFantomes]

My partner was offended when I told him I’m not changing my name. I asked him why he was upset and he had zero reason. He just said that’s what everyone around him does so obviously I HAVE to do the same. I like the name I was born with. I like what it means. I like where it comes from. I like how it sounds. On top of that, It reminds me of my late father, I’m not throwing that away for anyone on Earth. I’m not erasing that. I am not property He understood. He knows I’m not changing my name. Our kids will have both our names.

[@slee2695]

Lmao emasculated husband

[@nathalyescobar2950]

This is exactly the reason why I kept my dad's last name, but I did hyphen my husband's. Worked out great for both of us.

[@mattwalmer6162]

I could alreay tell your stance as soon as you said the word Partner. Partner, is a leftist term designed to neuter men & devalue the sanctity of marriage. For men that term is cringe and absolute repulsive.

[@funicon3689]

so will your kids have 2 hyphens in their name when they get married? Johnson-Michaels-Dolney etc.?

[@nathalyescobar2950]

@@funicon3689 If we have children, they will have my husband's last name, and if they get married they can choose either to let go of their dad's last name or hyphen it. But, where I am from, children get their dad's last name first and then the moms, and when people get married they never change their names. I am the first of my family to ever change my name, and it was because I married into another culture. I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to do, and hyphening it made sense because it would honor my culture, and my husband's as well.

[@alluringbliss4165]

People create problems for themselves.

[@marmel4086]

I was overjoyed to take my Husband’s name…it was like a dream come true

[@IzabellaRequiem]

gross

[@MeatVessel]

@@IzabellaRequiem Jealous?

[@sloanelaker1130]

​​@@MeatVessel of what?! Lmao be serious. You guys really think you are the beginning and end of women's lives.

[@Himmiefan]

Not everyone is like you.

[@bleudiamondbleu]

@@meowpurrrrrno, women nowadays finally have enough self respect to recognize she shouldn’t be the only one self sacrificing. Women nowadays want a partnership rather than ownership.

[@sabias3932]

This is why young women are opting out of marriage. Men aren’t catching on to the reality that women aren’t blindly following patriarchal values anymore.

[@PremiumFuelOnly]

How are women opting out of marriage when they benefit from it financially in a divorce?

[@heyhey439]

@@PremiumFuelOnly Women take the biggest financial hit in divorce. wym? Like they step down a whole economic class to get divorced. Marriage is a huge risk to women.

[@council.of.fluffies]

​@@heyhey439seriously! These men are out here thinking divorced single moms are taking trips to the Bahamas and driving Lambos with shared assets and child support money 🙄

[@heyhey439]

@@council.of.fluffies Yeah they're mixing up the divorced single moms with the childfree women who are apparently so miserable without them... The delusion is unreal

[@dacarly1330]

I don’t wanna change my last name because It does feel like you lose your sense of identity

[@liverfailure1597]

You should stay single, that way you never lose your sense of identity. No kids screaming and hollering, no husband scratching his balls on the couch, no PTA meetings. Just do you

[@trianglesandsquares420]

@livehrfeiluhr1597 You're doing a good job making marriage sound unappealing.

[@liverfailure1597]

@@trianglesandsquares420 Thank you

[@FilthyMcNasty69]

You're selfish that's why

[@jennifersilves4195]

You do.

[@Deroliebe]

I feel like it’s annoying that he just “assumed” that should take his last name. I don’t feel like he sees her as a person. Also, no one would want to marry a man THIS insecure. I think it’s ironic that he’s mad that she wants him to do “whatever she wants” in a marriage but expects her to do “whatever he wants.”

[@wintercame]

Bingo.

[@mellogic]

and this is why your goofy ass is single

[@jasonb9394]

He wants her to take his name out of tradition not value, if they both value traditional, Christian marriage, they would likely be on the same page, not always with this issue but mostly. Feminism isn’t bad or wrong, hyperfemininizm is wrong just like hypermasculinity is wrong.

[@Deroliebe]

@@jasonb9394 Tell me the verse in the bible where it says a woman should take a husbands last name.

[@BlueDauntless]

Why is it annoying? My husband assumed, correctly, that I’d be taking his name.

[@farhana6913]

This is such a bizarre concept for me personally because in my culture when a woman gets married she keeps her last name because its her name that she was born with. My mother's last name was inherited from her mother and her brothers were from her dad (she got her fathets surname as a middle). She kept her surname at marriage. I think what hes feeling is insecurity, but he doesn't have to change his name either. Maybe do some inner work about how he values women vs the opinion of other men bc her name not changing shouldnt cause an identity crisis. Frankly they may not be right for each other if it upsets him that much

[@alicjaalvena1120]

"symbolism behind women taking men's last name" yeah, symbolism of wife belonging to a man as his property.

[@Catseye189]

1:30 yep, nail on the head! Hyphenate your last names is an option, let her keep her name as she wants. How would you feel if you had to take her name? Not happy, then why force her to take yours? Open your mind to new ideas!

[@liverfailure1597]

That's not tradition. He wants to follow tradition, she doesn't. They are not aligned. They need to split.

[@Elle44289]

Do you support all traditions through history? Do you not know that traditions change within the context of culture and world events? Do you expect your partner to help pay the bills? @hrfeiluhr1597

[@liverfailure1597]

@@Elle44289 No, but my opinion on the tradition doesn't matter. Tradition is tradition. You either follow it, or you don't. Traditions that change are no longer traditions. I don't make the rules. I take care of all bills in my household

[@Elle44289]

@@liverfailure1597 that makes no sense. The traditions HAVE changed. Most of our mothers were homemakers and worked. Does that make them not traditions?

[@Elle44289]

@@liverfailure1597 also, it is not either you follow it or tou dont. It is not so black or white. Traditions are followed on a spectrum.

[@NoodlesEaton]

No it is not a dealbreaker. I kept my maiden name because all my professional certifications, diplomas, and research publications were in my last name. In my situation, it was a career decision. I am retired and now have not changed legally my last name but I don't care what people call me - his surname or mine. We are married 30 years and it has never been an issue between us at all. Seth, Dude, she isn't the woman for you. You want a little girl in a patriarchial society and to please your pastor.

[@Alex-qx4qw]

I don't think he's had an independent thought his entire life. He's never had to. The way he talks just screams insecurity. How he worries about being perceived in his little christian bubble where men rule and women placate so their little fefes don't get hurt. It's not his fault because he was raised like that but damn I wish he could just think critically for a sec about why she wouldn't want to.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Seth, be honest. This isnt the only red flag. Take your time before marriage.

[@sloanelaker1130]

This is why men are lonely lately, how is this a red flag?

[@GUITARTIME2024]

@sloanelaker1130 you can hear it. This guys a pushover and his wife is already spouting feminist dogma.

[@CodyseusRex]

@@sloanelaker1130shes a feminazi, biggest red flag there could be😂

[@Chet_24]

​@@sloanelaker1130 Men aren't the lonely ones. Women over 30 are.

[@claudiobeachball]

@@Chet_24marriage is statistically better for men than for women.

[@andydufresne5297]

Where in the Bible does it say that when a man and a woman get married, the woman must forsake her last name (because they must have a first and last name, per God's will?) and use her husband's? I find it telling that this young man has never heard of a woman keeping her last name; he must come from a Christian denomination that keeps to itself to a large degree. For any other couple, the logical solution would seem to be for the couple to use a hyphenated last name, like "Seth and Susan Smythe-Jones". Or to use his last name, but use _her_ last name as the middle name for their children, so that both last names can be passed down. But I think either of those choices might be a bridge to far for this young man, who sounds like he puts more weight on the opinions of other males in his faith tradition than on the opinions of his would-be wife.

[@claudiobeachball]

It doesn’t. There are deeply Christian cultures where wives keep their own names. It’s a cultural value but not a religious one. Unfortunately, it’s hard to divorce the two.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

They're young. She probably just heard something and is thinking about what her name means to her and wants to know she has a vote in her relationship with her to be husband and that she is respected as an equal. It's kind of sad the older adults in this guys life are putting ideas in his head to make him reconsider the entire relationship and her character. Unless there's more going on we don't know about, this seems over kill. Every young generation has their own thing to figure out.

[@WelshCorgi321]

Many women keep their maiden name for professional reasons. It also is a real pain in the but when you apply for a passport or get a real ID because your current name and your birth name do not match. Also if women get divorced or widowed and get remarried, they now have to deal with two prior names and have to change everything all over again.

[@jennifersilves4195]

It's tedious. I still can't access many personal accounts from before I was divorced.

[@jadek5822]

Please listen to your intuition & not anyone else’s opinions. Your intuition always has your best interest at heart. Best wishes.

[@IzabellaRequiem]

Why are men so emotional over this name issue? Comments are insane

[@chuckokoye2410]

It’s important to men. The kids will have the mans last name. if she won’t take your last name, you can find another woman who will

[@MeatVessel]

You replied “gross” to a woman that loves her husband and wanted to express her excitement in taking his last name. She wasn’t combative in her comment, she merely wanted to share her experience. You thought “gross” was a good reply. I think your comments are just as insane and also hypocritical. Take some time to reflect, maybe you’re projecting your emotions on other people.

[@IzabellaRequiem]

@@MeatVesselIf I replyed gross there must been much much more than just a woman loving her husand. Must have been some weird American pseudo religious stuff like submitting to a husband. Im Polish we are MOST religious in entie Europe and I never heard such nonsense like submitting. Gross

[@beckycaughel7557]

In the past a common way to honor the wife’s maiden name was to make it the middle name of the first son. I’m not sure if they did that with daughters as well or not

[@glenncase3659]

I know several older men whose middle name is like that.

[@sarahrobertson634]

That's lame.

[@liza6162]

I like that idea

[@OGA103]

That's what my parents did with one of my brothers.

[@cbtam4333]

It seems there was once somewhat of a tradition for the second son to have his mother’s maiden name as a middle name, while the oldest son was a junior or had his father’s first name as a first name. That’s how John Fitzgerald Kennedy was named (he was a second son whose mother’s maiden name was Fitzgerald and his older brother was a junior). The same happened with my father, who was a second son with his mother’s maiden name as his middle name. But sometimes it’s the first son. My (only) son has my maiden name as his middle name.

[@shirleytrenche7852]

Grateful that my boyfriend is happy for me to keep my last name. I’m Puerto Rican and wives do not take husband’s last name. Other Hispanics and Asians do not as well.

[@k.s.k.7721]

If a name change is all it takes to "emasculate" this young man, he's way too insecure to enter into a marriage as a full partner. If both people are equals, either can change their name or not, and it will be a non-issue to that couple.

[@manifest2203]

What’s wrong with having a different name? These dudes are s0 em0ti0nal about everything. Stop being sensitive dude. It’s just a name.

[@Himmiefan]

Evangelical Christian, that says it all. It doesn't attract the best quality men. I know, I finally came out of the movement.

[@slee2695]

Western women..you couldnt pay me to marry one

[@broney24]

It is proxy for proper Biblical submission in a woman. A women who has too much pride to take her husband's last name will try and usurp you.

[@user-cl5st1oy1i]

Uneducated, fundamentalists who think an appendage somehow grants them magical authoritarian powers😅

[@kf338]

Stupid issue. She can do what she wants with her name

[@ellencox8415]

If it's a stupid issue, why fight him on it? She smells weakness and this is her way of asserting dominance over him and keeping one foot out the door.

[@Lia-li3yc]

Agree!

[@kf338]

@@ellencox8415 because it is her name? I’m sure you would gladly take your wife’s name. It’s not her fault he is insecure and has hangups about it.

[@ellencox8415]

@@kf338 it's not insecurity to recognize she wants to keep her father's last name because she is not fully invested in him.

[@abrahamflores2566]

It's more than her last name. We can read in between the lines and see that this girl has been on Instagram too much watching feminism clips and wants to counter all traditions since watching the Barbie movie.

[@GolfDuff]

My wife does not have my last name, and honestly I don´t even want her to. Her name is beautiful and it honers her familiy. It is only a name!

[@denisekowalchuk1364]

Once children are born. Next debate will be.. will her father be honoured, or you?

[@MeatVessel]

@@denisekowalchuk1364 They should just give their children new last names. It’s only a name after all.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

If my wife even hesitated regarding taking my last name I would have broken the engagement in a heartbeat. It is about her willingness to forsake self for her new family we are starting. Both men and women sacrifice many things when they get married, as it should be. Both need to demonstrate that they are willing to give all for the family they are starting. Men are expected to risk all of his wealth (his house, savings account, investments, other assets), forsake any friends or family that might harm his marriage, forsake any aspect of single life, forsake many recreational activities, and vow to make his bride his number one priority. Generally, women still have college debt and credit card debt when entering a marriage (not all, but many). Many women get married with very few assets (don't own a house, don't own their car, etc) Many women also expect holidays and other events to be over at HER parents house, which requires the man to see his family much less. To me, the last name issue is in the "least she can do for him" category, regarding the sacrifices she should be expected to make for the marriage. If she refuses that small sacrifice, it is red flag that you are about to marry a combative and selfish woman and you should get out before it's too late.

[@jldp24]

what a loser..you wear panties?

[@antoniajuel9582]

@@denisekowalchuk1364 Double last names are possible, y'know. I have my mother's mother's mother's last name, and my father's father's father's last name. If I had any children, I would have wanted them to continue that tradition. My maternal line's name and their father's paternal line's name.

[@beverlyquinn9036]

I kept my last name. High school diploma, college degree, driver's license, medical records, plus my dad is my dad...

[@Peem_pom]

Well, your mom is your mom too

[@annav21]

Why get married if you want to keep your daddy's last name forever?

[@julissaperez4875]

​@@annav21Because marriage is a partnership, not ownership. I am married 8 years and never changed due to the amount of work it is to change your whole identity and it isn't normalized in my culture. It's just something you sign on documents, nothing more and nothing less.

[@kalaln323]

I didn’t change my last name, and my husband respected that. I still appreciate that.

[@EL-on4ll]

Your husband sees you as an equal. Small pool of men despite being in the 21st century sadly

[@kalaln323]

@@EL-on4ll Yep 👍

[@lucindabreeding]

I hyphenated mine because both of our families are important to me. Good LORD did people have a lot to say about it. You'd think I'd issued an edict that everyone refer to me by a Welsh word 20 letters long. I'll answer to my first name, my last name, my spouse's last name. Chiil the f out, weirdos!

[@elfascisto6549]

​@@EL-on4ll we aren't equals, not on that aspect

[@EL-on4ll]

@@elfascisto6549 this is exactly what I meant by a small pool of men having evolved. Thanks for the practical example.

[@AtHost98]

Chose a girlfriend who makes all the decisions for him Ask everyone around him to help him form an opinion This really was about more than just the name and I’m glad he caught that and focused on it. If I was just chatting with this dude as a friend I wouldn’t have caught the underlining issue, I guess that’s why John is a pro

[@kbc1883]

I moved to Raleigh 25 years ago at the age of 25 after getting divorced. We didn't fight over last names, but many of the things that we did struggle with prior to marriage were definitely indicators of different values. Listen carefully to the things that are bothering you, to the things that indicate differences in how you view the marriage relationship, clues to differences in your ideas about partnership, how you see the world. Also, maybe give it a few more years, if you are both under 25. It is hard to know yourself and to become a leader in a marriage if you are not yet able to be a leader in your own life. am sure many a man became a leader through marriage, but if you are having issues, it is easier to slow your roll now than to marry a poor fit.

[@naca1553]

It's merely a custom that isn't followed everywhere in the world

[@droptozro]

Is that really so tho? Wasn't it how we knew the woman wasn't a whore and kids were actually his? If she keeps her name the kids have no cultural name connection to their father.

[@brianmcdonald7017]

Well this is America

[@yuppers1]

​​​@@brianmcdonald7017 Not 100%. Barley 80% of married couples in America take the husband's last name and getting lower. In 20 years it might be 50%, making that point useless as an argument

[@claudiobeachball]

@@brianmcdonald7017what does that have to do with the caller’s pastor erroneously claiming that his wife taking his last name is a religious mandate? American values and Christian values are not one and the same.

[@paulkersey7458]

Neither is foot binding and honor killings…

[@jazzad]

I wonder if men in the comments would trade their surname for their spouse's. I wouldn't want to.

[@elfascisto6549]

No way i would ever lol, that would be embarrassing

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

If my wife even hesitated regarding taking my last name I would have broken the engagement in a heartbeat. It is about her willingness to forsake self for her new family we are starting. Both men and women sacrifice many things when they get married, as it should be. Both need to demonstrate that they are willing to give all for the family they are starting. Men are expected to risk all of his wealth (his house, savings account, investments, other assets), forsake any friends or family that might harm his marriage, forsake any aspect of single life, forsake many recreational activities, and vow to make his bride his number one priority. Generally, women still have college debt and credit card debt when entering a marriage (not all, but many). Many women get married with very few assets (don't own a house, don't own their car, etc) Many women also expect holidays and other events to be over at HER parents house, which requires the man to see his family much less. To me, the last name issue is in the "least she can do for him" category, regarding the sacrifices she should be expected to make for the marriage. If she refuses that small sacrifice, it is red flag that you are about to marry a combative and selfish woman and you should get out before it's too late.

[@sydguitar99]

For some reason they would see that as a red flag 😂

[@elfascisto6549]

​​​@@sydguitar99 the reason is that a woman is supposed to take her husband's surname to show that he is the head of their family. If she is against taking it, that's a red flag.

[@sydguitar99]

@elfascisto6549 your statement is a red flag, it's not the 1960s anymore 😂. Most women on avg are starting to make the same, if not more than men. If you don't see your spouse as an equal enough to let her choose then you're part of the problem

[@ketobarbelle8051]

This guy is absolutely obsessed with being the boss and owner of this girl. She needs to run.

[@lisaloub]

He wants her to change so he doesn't become a shell of himself..... so the solution is she changes into something other than what she is so he can be happy. That's not loving her, or himself.

[@Himmiefan]

But that's what his evangelical culture teaches.

[@trianglesandsquares420]

@Himmiefan Maybe

[@joyt458]

Sounds like he’s more concerned about what other people think. I didn’t take my husband last name (we are christian) and while I know he wanted it, he understood my reasoning and has never given me a hard time about it. We are happily married and loving life. Sounds like he feels inferior regardless of the name situation. That’s his personal problem to solve first before he should marry or be able to lead as a man.

[@TheatreQueenVH]

I'm just about over all this masculine vs feminine energy bullcrap. Honestly, this episode feels a little sexist. The fiance isn't a dominating force just because she isn't conforming to social norms. Having opposing beliefs and values that don't line up with old beliefs isn't a problem. Be happy you're marrying a person who thinks for themselves. If you need to be with someone who inflates your ego and just goes with the flow, then take a look in the mirror at why that is important to you. And why is one person head of household? Isn't running a family/household a joint effort? I would never expect a man to always pay for dates because I would not want to be treated like that. It's too one sided, especially in this day and age when expenses are so crazy. This is all a little too old school for me.

[@broetchenahoi6524]

Agreed!

[@birsancristina9278]

But he's a moron. Some other moron (his pastor in this case) has to tell him what to say, think and feel. You're asking too much from this small minded little boy.

[@lucindabreeding]

Same - on the masculine and feminine energy. So dumb.

[@jd5368]

I hated how everyone is just taking the guy's word for it that she is domineering, when he straight up admits that he doesn't stand up for what he wants. He can't blame her for taking charge if he's not willing to express his needs.

[@funicon3689]

what organization has two leaders?

[@XXgamemaster]

This whole issue is pretty sexist tbh. This guy really needs to get over it.

[@Dean543-cc3fd]

Go cry about it

[@alexho9927]

It's her last name, a name she's had all her life, until potentially now. She is no longer considered property or chattel from old Brittish law. WHY would this even be an issue? Her last name is her birthright. It's hers, not a future spouse's to dictate. I'd sure like to know what this guy's religion is. I have a good guess it's strongly based on a patriarchal hierarchy. Her last name is her identity, why should she be pushed to adopt a new one? I do not believe it has anything to do with being a feminist. It has to do with fairness. Quid pro quo.

[@Isabella66Gracen]

I think this poor kid is trying to please both his parents and his future wife. It can be hard when you don't want anyone disappointed.

[@mfrance3834]

I kept my maiden name. It didn’t occur to me to change it. When I met my husband I had a successful career and was established with my name and my own credit, home, boat etc. Many women I knew kept their name. My husband was a successful, secure and confident man who came from a traditional family. His family thought women should of course take the man’s name. My husband was fine with me keeping my name. Again, he’s a SECURE man and the name had nothing to do with the commitment we made. Thirty years later all is well…we are partners in everything, as it should be in a healthy relationship. Equally yoked.

[@broetchenahoi6524]

I think this is a major point: Any truly secure man who respects his wife will be fine with her keeping her name. He regards her like his partner, no his property. Big difference.

[@mfrance3834]

Exactly.

[@gillespaling7039]

@@broetchenahoi6524 If you want a partner, start a law firm..

[@Altorac]

Im so glad i live in a country where everyone keeps their own name

[@Emptytopfloor]

Me too

[@jengoodwyn2715]

Can I ask where you are from? This is very interesting to me as is customary where I come from.

[@raspberrykissable]

I’m so glad I live in a country where you can choose.

[@Altorac]

@jengoodwyn2715 spain. It's so unheard of here that you couldn't even do it if you wanted to. Everyone has two last names, your fathers last name and your mother's last names. I think that if you have kids you can choose to put the mother's last name first and then the father's, but don't quote me on that. I grew up in florida but im spanish and people always messed up my last names.

[@jengoodwyn2715]

@Altorac Thank you! I love learning that. I changed my name because I wanted to as a young adult and my dad was devastated Bernstein he thought I would keep it until I got married. He took it very personally. I'm from Canada.

[@aanonidance]

For me personally, this is stupid, and the guy is petty. The need for women to change something about themselves to please the husband feels weird and very old fasioned to me. In my country it's not commen for women to change their name, and i like it that way. I know some put their names together or choose a new name as a family, and that seems nice. I just get the icky feeling of the wife "belonging" to the husband... But i know not everyone thinks this way.

[@vancomycinb1193]

and what he wants doesn't matter, right? They shouldn't get married. She doesn't respect him or his values. And he absolutely should find someone that would.

[@DayGrin_]

​@@vancomycinb1193You can say the same for her with this argument

[@gillespaling7039]

Stop commenting on things that don't concern you then foreigner.

[@heyhey439]

@@vancomycinb1193 They aren't HIS values. He is too caught up in everyone's influence to know what he really wants. He is young and passive and not ready to get married.

[@KidCity1985]

A confident man wouldn't care. Her name is who she is. She doesn't want to lose herself. This should not be a deal breaker. Love her for who she is.

[@SamJohnson-wl1mw]

Wrong

[@gillespaling7039]

Feminists don't deserve love.

[@DayGrin_]

​@@SamJohnson-wl1mwYou wouldn't want to lose your last name, and you easily expect someone else to? A name that has been apart of you your whole life and is apart of your identity

[@funicon3689]

less paperwork when they inevitably get divorced

[@NekoNerak]

I am Mexican, we don't do the name changes for marriages. I married a Canadian dude. Because of my immigration process, I didn't take my husband's name until all processes were finalized. The paperwork to change my whole identity is nightmarish, and my country doesn't legally change names like that at marriage. Colloquially, yes. In Mexico, children get two last names, first the dad's, then the mom's. So all siblings get the same last names. IMO, Last names have nothing to do with Religion, it is cultural.

[@priscilamaeli1]

As a Brazilian myself, married with a New Zealander, couldn't agree more👍

[@tedskins]

How does that work when the kids have kids of their own. How do you combine two sets of hyphenated names? Do the kids have four last names now? Just asking out of curiosity

[@NekoNerak]

@ns they are not hyphenated. Just two last names, one after the other. Only the dad's first last name (the one passed by his own dad) will be passed on to his kids, not his second last name (the one given by his mom). When a woman marries, her family name (her father's last name) will take the place of her child's second last name. Example: A man named Juan Lopez Perez marries a woman names Carla Hernandez Cruz. They have two children: Karina Lopez Hernandez. And Javier Lopez Hernandez. This is why Latin American last names are so long. In the end, unless the names are hyphenated, people only have two last names, as the last names of previous generations' mothers get dropped. This is why having a son is important in the culture, because he will be the one who will continue the family name. If a family only has women, their last name will die down when she marries someone and her last name will only be passed to her kids as their second last name.

[@jeanedarc]

I am so happy how John covered this, he guided the young man to make a decision that could have cost him dearly. I could tell he approached the advise like a dad advising a son. Guide not control ❤

[@ashleyc.6189]

The Bible doesn't say anything about wives taking their husband's names because people did not have last names in Biblical times as they do now. This is a Western tradition that comes from an English common law practice called coverture.

[@pablogomez631]

What a retrograde custom. Why wouldn’t he take her last name? Why are women’s identity supposed to be subjugated to their husbands? Utterly ridiculous.

[@meganparker8703]

I didn’t take my husband’s last name. Both my degrees have my maiden name printed on them. I am known professionally at work by MY last name. It’s part of my identity. And my husband isn’t butthurt about it because he’s a real man who doesn’t have an ego issue

[@GAFB1122]

I applaud you and your husband!! But since this is social media you will get lots of hate from the red pill brigade!!

[@rebecca4829]

​@@GAFB1122 The red pill, bitter, and lonely brigade

[@GAFB1122]

@rebecca4829 Yep!! I'm a guy but not bitter or lonely. A group rising up, such as women have done in the last 40 years, does not diminish me. Weak men are threatened by independent women. I am not a weak man, and I applaud independent women!

[@sarahrobertson634]

​@@GAFB1122Good for you, sir. You're a man among boys.

[@sarahrobertson634]

Good for your husband.

[@bahwickee]

A man literally gives his life to you, as a husband he cares for you and supports you. It is the least you can do as a woman, in my opinion.

[@heyhey439]

It is biblical for men to give their life for their wives. That's what Christ did for the church. It doesn't say anything about her changing her name. If they have children, she will be risking her life each time. She can do what she wants with her own name.

[@kimberlywright1389]

now flip it. a womean literally givers her life to you, cares and supports you as a wife. the least you can do as a man, is take her name.

[@SpongeBobSquarePantsNickJr]

The tradition of a woman changing her name was about male ownership of women. It was never about love; the romance aspect has been around for 100 yrs at most.

[@patisaurus4046]

He has no opinion on it and doesn't care, she does. Why should he insist then? Useless discussion creating problems where there arent any.

[@Emptytopfloor]

My mother was the first to keep her name after marriage in my family. I was given the choice to pick either of the surnames. Nearly All other young women in my family followed the trend she set. This is hilarious. America needs to wake up or it will be left behind.

[@slee2695]

Ah yes..the future of weak emasculated men

[@Nick-bd2yv]

Dealbreaker because this is just where it begins

[@Alvin-xs7db]

I think it definitely says she is not 100% sure it will work out. If you want a guy to make that leap and marry you, you should meet him halfway and take his last name. That has been a part of the deal for a very long time

[@godknowsimstupid7848]

​@Alvin-xs7db and that she needs to be a me, not an us. There are things man give up too. Same red flag when a man wont join his paycheck to a joint account, etc. Theyre not ready for marriage, theyre ready for a wedding....does not end well 99% of the time.

[@Alvin-xs7db]

@@godknowsimstupid7848 you get it 👍🏼

[@jgholster5029]

… it is where what begins?

[@NeeNee_B.]

This is why you discuss these things BEFORE marriage. Kudos to both of them for discussing it and not bending to the other if they dont agree

[@_Kayla_]

I love my name, it is so deeply entwined with who I am that I will never want to change it. I think a lot of people feel the same way. I don't think anyone is entitled to have someone change who they are, on a fundamental level, just to make you happy.

[@katwaugh1686]

What a genuine conversation. Love these people, love these men.

[@Beginningtopeak]

Her last name is just her dad's last name. So she's just choosing to keep a man's last name either way.

[@sydguitar99]

That's terrible logic, that's like saying "let's not improve on anything, it's already going on centuries, let's keep it going!" 😂

[@rikard.h]

🙄 One name she has held her entire life, the other is from another family.

[@denisekowalchuk1364]

Her last name is just her dad’s last name. If she took her mother’s last name, it would still be her mother’s last name. 😂.

[@og666]

it's her family name dude. it's her's. i'll be taking my fiancé's last name but your point's pretty dumb

[@sydguitar99]

@denisekowalchuk1364 it's not about Who's name it is but the choice and if some guy is willing to not marry you just because you domt want to brand yourself with his last name then that's weird on him

[@austyn5004]

I’m a woman, divorced. I didn’t take my ex husbands last name for a VERY particular reason. My whole entire name is so unique that I can bet you money that NO ONE has my name in the entire world. I won’t post it because of that alone. I didn’t change it to my husbands because of that reason. None of my children have my maiden name, no one in my family will be carrying it to the next Gen because my mother never had a boy. My sir name has been in America since 1663 with some of the original colonists. Its bittersweet that it dies with me.

[@nadiadavidsify]

As a muslim woman. In Islam the woman will always have her fathers name even when she gets married. Even if the woman takes her husbands name, the day we face God one day, God will still call us on our fathers name. Just shows it doesnt really matter whether you take the husbands name or keep your own.

[@sydguitar99]

The amount of butt hurt men in the comments is very troubling. Calling her a red flag bc she knows her self Worth and value

[@lucindabreeding]

It's hilarious!

[@vancomycinb1193]

The amount of horrible misandrists in the comments is concerning. Showing how little value they add to a relationship, and how they view men as "butt hurt". Lol. Sounds a lot like women are butt hurt that they're hearing, "this behavior is a red flag."

[@inkw4n-nd5iw]

The problem is most women dont know their value, they waaay OVER estimate it.

[@suzannemcvicker617]

​@@inkw4n-nd5iw 🚩

[@sydguitar99]

@@inkw4n-nd5iw what? How can you say that when most women settle guys who can't even do the bare minimum.

[@LittleMonkey425]

It kinda sounded like you were fighting against progress when you said tradition is something we shouldn’t break. Like black, women, lgbtq progress ☠️. Anywho, when he said “I hope she changes”, immediate red flag, what he should be saying is: “I hope I can change”. He is still holding onto to the idea that men have to ALWAYS be dominant.

[@jordantrujillo3324]

Traditions are meant to be broken ALL the time. We would never make any progress lol

[@niamarielove]

I didn't take my ex-husband's last name. He was livid. I told him to give me one reasonable explanation for why I should take his last name. He couldn't. Our kid's names are hyphenated. Everybody wins.

[@liverfailure1597]

Everyone but your husband.....

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@liverfailure1597 funny how when women don't compromise an inch, they think "everyone wins".......

[@lawrenceking4144]

Did he just tell the guy not to marry just because she didn't want to change her last name? And from that John accused the woman of running all over him. Are you for real? Ive watched a few of these and everyone leads with "I'm a Christian" , which i find disturbing because what does that have to do with the situation? Dr John just outright demonized this woman without knowing anything about her. These are the type of counselors to be avoided.

[@ultramarinewaters9325]

I think the caller and Dr. Deloney made some weird assumptions about the girlfriend with only the knowledge of her stance on last names. The caller only discussed her stance on last names. He gave no indication that she liked to abuse power in relationship. He never discussed that she made him feel as though he was insignificant or that his thoughts and emotions didn’t matter. Yet Dr. Deloney and the caller both immediately started Saying that she wished to wheel all the power in the relationship. I feel like we could’ve used more information before coming to that conclusion.

[@Alex-qx4qw]

Yes I thought that was odd too. I think it's just the christian perspective peeking through. Depending on the christian, anything that bucks tradition their hackles can get raised.

[@motheryuba57]

I'm wondering the same thing. It seems like a big jump to me too.

[@sameerajafri747]

Dr John was ragging on feminists pretty early on so you could tell he was making some strong assumptions on her character just based on this thing

[@sethwallace7666]

Hi there, I’m the guy who made the call. I wasn’t going to comment anything here, but after reading so many of these I want to clear something up. First of all, although it really hurts to hear the way some of the comments on this video make me out to be, yes, I do have a lot of self-development and reevaluation to work through. There’s a lot of emotional brokenness and hurt from my childhood and even my teenage years, and I’ve been conditioned to constantly looking to other people’s opinions because I don’t trust myself to make decisions. I’m afraid I’ll do something “wrong” because that’s how I was always made to feel as a child. I also deal with extreme people-pleasing issues because on some level I just really want to be loved and accepted and have never really felt that. Not by anyone except my grandmother, who passed away when I was young. Truth be told, I was really surprised Dr. John picked up so quickly on the whole ‘looking for other opinions’ thing but he was dead on it and I didn’t even realize it. I’m trying to reevaluate myself and find out who I am and who I want to be rather than what anyone else tells me I should be. It’s something I’m only just now really having an epiphany on, so naturally it’s gonna take some time to grow. As far as my girlfriend goes, I’m not sure what made Dr. John go on about how controlling she was, but the reason I went along with it in the call was because it’s true. She’s not trying to be malicious, but she is very controlling and essentially wants everything to be her decision unless she doesn’t care about the decision. She’s said as much herself, and has described this being how a marriage between us would be. That’s not my fragile Christian patriarchical ego talking; that is genuinely how she sees things. She also calls herself a feminist; that wasn’t meant to be an insult label against her when I said that, and I’m not calling her that because she doesn’t want my last name. I was just trying to describe the dynamics of our worldviews. The whole name thing is a very minor tip of the iceberg, and if anyone hears what I say in the actual call, I never said it was a deal-breaker. It may have that in the video title, but that’s not what I think. Ultimately it’s something I hadn’t thought about, hadn’t expected, felt some rejection as well as some self-contemplation from, then faced a barrage of backlash from my family, friends, and church community on. The point of the call was to discuss the religious and societal views on this and masculinity because the whole thing was something I hadn’t thought about a lot. The bigger and more important issues are these: 1) I need to grow more if I want to be a leader and I need to figure out what that looks like and who I am, and 2) I need to work and talk with her about decision making and find a way to make decisions together as a partnership and evaluate if that’s even possible. Anyway, I hope that clears some things up. I’m not a horrible person, just someone trying to heal from some deep wounds and hopefully figure life out along the way. Thanks for reading.

[@sameerajafri747]

@@sethwallace7666 I'd like to here her perspective. We're all talking about her in the third person and you're not a reliable narrator on what she says (just your perspective). Honestly it's your bad people here are dragging her (and really any woman who wants to make decisions about her life). You need to grow and you both need to decide in what is BOTH fundamentally important to your potential marriage