Should I Feel Guilty?

[@NintendoCapriSun]

Feeling guilty is like my forte. I feel guilty about all sorts of things that I probably shouldn't. Like if I'm that one car that causes someone to have to wait to turn left, I feel guilty about that. The odds of me being in that exact spot at that exact minute were probably 1 in 100,000, yet there I am overcoming those odds so that they have to wait. Likewise, if I'm the person waiting to turn left, then I feel guilty for making THEM feel guilty. Like I wish there was some way I could convey to them that I'm not hating them for just so happening to be there and overcoming those odds and making ME wait. I wish i could say I was making this up.

[@account1307]

You are an incredibly sensitive person and that has good merits :)

[@account1307]

Gòod on you!

[@stephanieparrish9059]

I know these feelings too well, and they can be exhausting. I learned from Brené Brown to trust in your fellow humans that they are giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are not in their way on purpose. Just like you don't mind, trust that they don't mind either. You deserve to take up space in this world.

[@45640uberfreak]

This doesn't really sound like a healthy mindset. If you feel guilt so often over trivial things and it's affecting your life so heavily, you might benefit from some therapy to figure out why you value your own person so much less than others. Just my 2 cents :).

[@HannahAgra]

I suffer from this aswell. Along with it I feel a lof of shame.

[@nachiketbhanushali7832]

He said see you on Tuesday instead of Friday.... Come on Hank, it's pizzamas!!

[@vlogbrothers]

DANGIT!!!! It's Pizzamas! Mistakes will be made!!

[@jennahj_]

To be fair, you’ll also see John on Tuesday.

[@OriginalPiMan]

I forget, is getting that wrong a punishable offense? If not, what are the punishable offenses these days? Having a noneducational video over 4 minutes and missing a video entirely are the only ones I can think of.

[@hyackley]

But now they also get vacation time (I think two videos a year?) sooo yeah it's much harder to get punished these days haha

[@untappedinkwell]

The rules for punishments as I understand them: 1-videos must be under 4 minutes. Exceptions: Educational content OR contains a nerdfighter montage. (the nerdfighter montage exception has largely fallen into disuse, but it is there). This includes accidental uploads, which is why Hank now owes us a punishment from last week. 2- videos that have a time code of 4:01 are exempt b/c youtube adds a second upon upload. 3-A vlogbrother cannot miss a video. Exceptions: Paternity leave, with guests to fill in, and in 2018, nerdfighteria voted to allow each vlogbrother two weeks of vacation per annum (per year). Discussion of guest johns and hanks were proposed, but no hard rule was established. The vote passed. The only other rule for punishments was back in Brotherhood 2.0 where Hank and John were not allowed to communicate via text/email, and that was a punishable offense. That was dissolved at the end of the Brotherhood 2.0 experiment.

[@livingbeings]

It's as if existence is complex...

[@ProjectMATHEW]

Living Beings Existence maybe not, co-existence possibly.

[@epbrown01]

It's as if we *make* existence complex.

[@Smirknewmedia]

Acknowledging privilege vs. feeling guilty. Nice conclusion.

[@mariavictoriagelvez7193]

A good video, with a good message. "Started with a discussion between candy bars" God I love this community

[@mikoparolanto]

Yeah definitely, it's typical liberal ideology about individualism and ignoring societal problems. Yeah don't feel guilty about coming from a petty bourgeoise background. But yet you don't feel motivated enough to have solidarity with more precarious working class people you grew up with. Capitalism is a terrible system that exploits workers and feeds parasites in society. It must be overthrown. Don't feel guilty. But do something. Join a socialist organization and see what they're doing to spread class consciousness.

[@Nivexity]

@@mikoparolanto "class consciousness" It's as if people haven't learned from the millions of corpses that the word "class" in your ideologically driven opinion has stacked.

[@stephenmaher4690]

I've felt the exact same way... Guilt about not having to struggle as hard as folks less fortunate that are at college with me. For the same reason the idea of "feserving something" has always been a struggle for me to fully qualify. Thank you for this, it articulated a lot of ideas I had floating around so eloquently.

[@corhydron111]

I have had a good, middle-class upbringing and I live in a country in which I need not worry about student debt. I don't feel guilty about it because I don't think it's a bad thing that I had these privileges. I think it's a bad thing that others *don't* have them. I think it's very helpful to reframe it that way - from there, you just have to conclude that it's essential to help others.

[@alisonlaett9625]

Exactly my thoughts, thank you.

[@im.empimp]

I certain feel bad, sad, & mad that others have not had many of the privileges that I have had, and I've also felt bad, sad, & mad when others have had privileges that I have not had. I can't say that I've ever felt guilty about the privileges that I've had, and I've gone out of my way not to make others feel guilt for privileges that they've had. I actively try to be aware and grateful of my own privileges. I do actively try to make others aware of their privileges. And I actively try to improve the situations of people who have lacked privileges.

[@georgesos]

I fall in love with you at "I think it's a bad thing that others don't have them"

[@epsereth]

This resonates with me pretty hard. I grew up super poor - my bedroom was originally the laundry room, and we had to get our drinking water from a neighbor because our well wasn't clean and we couldn't afford to have it fixed. I'm now married and my spouse's parents gifted us with a down payment on a house. It's not huge as far as houses go, but it's still so much nicer than any place I've ever lived, and I feel like I don't deserve or am not allowed to live here. We're both gay and I'm trans, and it's frustrating seeing other LGBT+ people in such dire situations while we have this beautiful house in a wonderful area. My spouse agrees that we should use our advantages to help others, so we've decided that we'll use the guest bedroom to help struggling LGBT+ folk get on their feet, find a steady job, and build some savings without having to worry about rent. We hopefully have our first person coming to stay with us in a few months, and we hope to help many more in the coming years.

[@kateh7484]

You, Hank, are one of the best people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing even though I only actually know you on the internet. You are good people.

[@SuviTuuliAllan]

How many people is he?

[@vathek5958]

4 at least, based on work output.

[@joshuaadamstithakayoutubel2490]

His surface-level platitudes help catalyze casual reformation. I, on the otherhand, help catalyze hardcore reformation.

[@Mehrnooshb]

This was a helpful video. I struggled a lot with guilt when I was a teenager because I knew that I was not what my parents wanted me to be and I always felt like by not doing what they wanted me to do I was disappointing them and they didn’t deserve to be disappointed when they had done so much for me. But I eventually did realize it’s not about deserving at all. This is life, it’s not supposed to be fair, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do your best to enjoy it. In the wise words of Mick Jagger, you can’t always get what you want!

[@Mehrnooshb]

Malou Lewin I think understand where you’re coming from. Life isn’t fair and I think we need to accept that but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to create equal opportunities for as many people as possible, which is why justice is important. Nevertheless I think understanding that we as humans will always have very different circumstances is important. We can’t really ever make things perfectly fair, you know?

[@georgesos]

pls read my post..:)

[@Mehrnooshb]

george soilis sure! What post?:)

[@zoyafatima9874]

This helps so much. Thank you!!

[@Mehrnooshb]

Zoya Fatima omg really?? I’m so glad! :)

[@johnyboz]

Lady shover is a great insult

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

The instigator of the Eaker vs. Hamilton duel of 1801 was because of Eaker calling Philip Hamilton and his friend "Rascals". "Old Lady Shover" is what I imagined that would amount to in modern times.

[@fraidarahbaran6076]

+

[@ChristopherCurtis]

I immediately reacted to the phrase Old Lady Shover - am I the only one old enough to remember the terrible secret of space? kzbin.info/www/bejne/bXaToKdvnq-glc0

[@eaterdrinker000]

@@ChristopherCurtis : I can't believe I never watched that in the ancient times! It reminds me of the "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" song/remix.

[@carriechameleon]

I think there's a key difference between guilt and shame. Guilt motivates us to do better, shame motivates us to never interact so as to stay away from the bad feelings.

[@lockedwhisper5433]

Thanks for processing through this , Hank. Helps a lot of us. I think it's important to note that there's a difference between guilt and shame, and while they're both unpleasant, the shame is harder to work through. So to my fellow people who are working through shame, you are not a bad person for what you've done or the advantages you have. Much love ❤

[@vlogbrothers]

This is a great point. I have plenty of handle-able guilt, I have very little shame.

[@KatrinaEames]

I think that also brings up a distinct and interesting difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is saying, "It was a mistake to do that specific gardening" whereas shame is "I am a bad person because of the gardening I did"

[@goddessoftheslide]

I've recently decided to let go of the guilt I've been carrying around with me. In exchange for carrying guilt, I have decided to acknowledge the things causing a cognitive dissonance between my body and my soul. I act in accordance. I have found there is often no point in carrying around a feeling of guilt, which oftentimes comes along with a pang of shame. Rather, I am living my life in a way that encourages and uplifts those around me by whatever means I posses at the time. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message.

[@estrellacasias]

I wanna throw in there that I was traveling and found my first nerdfighter due to her pizza john shirt. She was so happy someone noticed and I was so happy someone was wearing one

[@annatucci7631]

I was having a bit of a meltdown once because I felt so guilty for being born with certain privileges, and my friend who was consoling me (bless her) told me "no one deserves anything." I don't know if I completely agree with the statement; like, certain people deserve Nobel peace prizes, I think. BUT it's been a really helpful phrase when I get caught up in whether or not something is "fair" or whatever. No one deserves anything, life just is what it is, what matters is how you act given what you have.

[@zackmazzone]

When you've heard this story before because of SourceFed but appreciate it in a totally different way years later.

[@TheMaplestrip]

No idea what SourceFed is, but I know this story from Dear Hank & John :p

[@shakibzz]

@@TheMaplestrip same!

[@Hypn0tyque]

I KNEW I had heard that story before! Thank you!

[@SplitSniper7]

The fact that there are people out here that don't know what SourceFed is hurts my soul but at the same time I realize it's inevitable.

[@shakibzz]

@@SplitSniper7 I knew about sourcefednerd but only because I found their game of thrones analysing shows. I realized they're related to nerdfighteria after. Did Hank and John ever promote them through their KZbin?

[@gnarlish]

To me, the idea that people must always prove themselves "deserving" of everything they get is harmful to us. All children are entitled to happiness, to safety, to love and life's possibilities. I also believe as adults we are entitled to be fallible. It's important to remember that sometimes a gift is just a gift. Much of my guilt and shame surrounding my illness started when I began adding up the numbers in my head. How much did my parents pay for my education? All those activities? That food? The hours my teachers put into me? My doctors? My friends? How will I possibly be *deserving* of all that I was given if now my organs aren't functioning properly and I don't know when or if I will ever be okay. My parents told me, it's all a gift and sometimes just a thank you is enough.

[@sylviaodhner]

I don't think there's any case in which a person "should" feel guilty. I think guilt is a natural consequence of realizing the impacts of one's actions, and it's the understanding that we need to foster, not the guilt. If it seems like a small amount of guilt is a good thing, I think that's only because the mechanism that triggers the guilt (the understanding) is useful. But as many people know, guilt can overwhelm and cripple someone if it grows out of control.

[@bayesian0.0]

Sylvia Odhner This is almost entirely true. However, since the Guilt mecanism has been selected for over the millenia, this is a hint that something else is at play. It turns out that feeling gilty, uncounsciously, will make your brain remember the event more. Unless you don’t find memory being a problem, feeling guilt after a mistake can be the utilitarian ‘right’ thing to do... it overwelms the dissadvantage of the ‘suffering’ when we feel guilty or whatever. P.s.: i sounded very preachy but thats just my opinion and my understanding of it. If my facts/resoning is wrong, than i probably am as well.

[@sylviaodhner]

​@@bayesian0.0 It seems likely that you're right about guilt and memory. Maybe the guilt itself does serve a purpose as well. But I don't think externally-imposed guilt, as in "I should feel guilty, therefore I will" is any better than guilt as a natural consequence. Also guilt can play a huge part in traumatic events, so the effects on memory may be negative in some situations.

[@bayesian0.0]

Sylvia Odhner thats an interesting point. It goes to show that this isn’t an easy and clear cut subject

[@kyosthetrash9055]

i stole something but i dont feel guilty and im scared ill grow up and steal more things how do i be guilty

[@DineLade]

One advantage I didn't know I was having for the longest time is being able to choose what I want to study. For me, it is normal that I have a friend who studies archeology but when I told my friend from Bulgaria about it, she was so stunned that anybody would study that. And I realized that there are a lot of countries where a lot of people do study but not what they want to but what they think they have to in order to find a job and make enough money later. I grew up in my country and I myself am studying business, so even though I went abroad for longer periods, this topic never came up before. I feel guilty about taking it for granted. I feel guilty about having that privilege, about being born in a more wealthy and economically stable country where even the people with obscure degrees can still find jobs and don't have to worry about their future.

[@JulianKruger]

gratitude is the antidote to that last kind of guilt.

[@cam_like_ham]

Thank you so so so much for putting this out in the air. Anxiety has given me a very guilty conscience and I constantly feel more guilty than I probably should about things ranging from having parents that financially support me in my adulthood to anxiety-induced overreactions. Being able to put that kind of guilt into perspective as you did was a big help and will help me ground myself down the line.

[@kateh7484]

Apologize and learn from it, in the snickers heath situation.

[@Zecronym]

But how do you learn from that situation?

[@hayleyoesch1313]

Hank, thank you so much for this! It was a great reminder for me, because oddly enough, I often feel guilty about the exact same thing you do - I've had a safety net for several years due to my family's strategic financial planning. I didn't have any student loans, nor did I have to live at home to go to university, while all of my friends will be in debt for a while. I learned to deal with it in the same way you mentioned: instead of feeling guilty (which still happens sometimes), I try to use my advantages to help others. Great video!

[@mrtalos]

Don't feel guilty for being fortunate. Likewise don't hate people for being lucky or unlucky. Instead, try to help others because you have been fortunate. You do this, you have nothing to be guilty about.

[@UsagiOhkami]

Guilt is my primary emotion, it seems, and the source of much of my anxiety. I try to use it for good, to be a better person, but when I fail it hits me back so much harder. It's something I'm actively working on. Thanks for putting this out there.

[@allisonpenner6313]

I really like this topic. Like you, I try to use my guilt more as compassion, but even that has its limits. I can't truly understand on a moment by moment basis what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from or how it feels to be judged on the colour of your skin on a daily basis. But I can listen and try to understand what people who have not received what I have need based on their own experience. I worry this isn't enough, but so far it's the best I've found.

[@aishahsiddeeqa8311]

Allison Penner it is enough. The world needs people who acknowledge their own privilege and don’t let it become a barrier to empathising with another human.

[@cynacist1823]

Allison Penner you've made an excellent start. You believe the word of those most affected, and that's more than most. The only thing that I would add, is that you will never completely understand what it's like to be a person of colour, and that's OK. You're not a PoC. That said, you are (I assume, please correct me) a woman. And that, presumably, has shown you how illogical hatred is. So, if someone who grew up without, or a person of colour says something that seems illogical to you: remember that hatred is illogical. Racism is consistent in its inconsistency. I was never poor, so I cannot speak on what that is like, so I assume that same same principle applies :illogical does not mean untrue, it means unjust.

[@kiyahforever]

The most important thing I've ever learned: guilt is just information. Guilt is a feeling sent to our brains to help us realize we need to change in some way. Thanks for this, Hank.

[@jonathankrauss4169]

“The bruises go away, and so does how you hate, and so does the feeling that everything you receive in life is something you have earned.” Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

[@vlogbrothers]

That's beautiful, but I said it with CANDY BARS.

[@ChaosRayZero]

@@vlogbrothers Lol, that response is beautiful for _an entirely different reason!_ X^D

[@sarahritter9369]

Your story about your grandfather resonates deeply and I am currently going to college under oddly the same circumstances. Your perspective really helps with my guilt. Thank you!

[@Nhoj31neirbo47]

As you alluded to, guilt is a mechanism for change. Feeling guilt for a day or two is good and normal. Then it’s time to accept the lesson learned, let it make you a better person and get on with life.

[@CJ_McK]

I started watching vlogbrothers in 2011 back when i was a depressed 15 year old looking for dopamine kicks from internet videos about giraffe sex... I ended up finding 2 brothers a generation ahead of me, sharing their experiences on things i was experiencing for the first time. I'm 22 now, not so depressed anymore, and only just started thinking about myself in terms of what i can do, rather than what i cant. I' just want to give my sincerest thanks to you and your brother, for being the never ending words of wisdom in my young adult life. Thank you for helping me understand the feelings I'm having, simply by sharing yours.

[@AllisonDeVoe]

You are speaking to my privileged ass on a spiritual level. I try to do the same with my similar kinds of privilege and let myself feel the guilt without letting it hold me back or down.

[@mentalbarf655]

I've never thought about undeserved guilt that way. That's actually really helpful, as it's something I struggle with a lot. Hank you are a wonderful human.

[@irri3191]

Guilt should Inspire introspection. So to create better patterns.

[@dina3998]

This is very timely. I always felt some amount of guilt for what I had but recently it had skyrocketed. I’m a med student and I had to take a brief medical history from a patient and he obviously was struggling emotionally and financially. It wasn’t even like complaining. He just said if matter-of-factly. It felt like the first encounter with the “real world” when all along I’d been in a bubble. I hated myself for ever being secure. I couldn’t sleep well. I was very aware of what I wore and what I ate. I felt like I couldn’t enjoy anything. I tried talking to people about this without coming off as arrogant but... anyways thank you. I needed this reassurance and advice.

[@LDTG]

Hank - the student loan solution obviously requires a DFTBA scholarship

[@lahtidahful]

I actually do really like this solution. I also really like all of the discussion re: guilt and shame, and I also like all of the stuff Hank said around guilt, and I don't think the idea of a DFTBA scholarship would in any way negate that, but actually would rather be really in line with all of the ways Hank seems to do things and live life.

[@jawanshen]

Your awareness is admirable. Thinking about one's privilege or having a concept of guilt and how it all relates does not even cross a lot of other people's minds.

[@GarrettRobinson]

Oh look it’s literally my entire life philosophy and corporate structure.

[@AwkwardCheeseIsAwkward]

What is your "corporate structure" what is your relevance to anything remotely corporate?

[@corhydron111]

If you have a corporate structure it means that you don't get it. Please stop stealing your employees' money and get your shit together.

[@nomad_geek]

@@corhydron111 I mean? Hank has a corporate structure. He runs his company by the values he talked about in this video. John and Hank both do. It's essentially how and why Complexly started in the first place. Which is why I support their effort even though I'm paying into a for-profit company. Sure, I support their philanthropic causes with FtDWS, but I support Crash Course and buy murch from Complexly too. It's a much healthier form of capitalism than the unregulated cut-throat capitalism you seem to be referring to. Understand your robot suit and try not to bump into anyone too hard while you make it bigger and make the world better.

[@HalOBrien]

@@AwkwardCheeseIsAwkward I'm guessing he inherited some wealth, and has non-profit philanthropic corporations to help people by using that wealth.

[@HalOBrien]

@@corhydron111 It's true you can take the completely anonymous route to philanthropy (thus, no corporate structure). But, odds are, there are non-profit corporations involved. And it may well be he's his only employee, though you never know (National Geographic and the College Board come to mind as non-profits with lots of employees.)

[@Tabicat96]

This is a really helpful concept to process and talk through, so thanks! I think that 'undeserved' guilt can be replaced with, or at least held alongside, gratitude. Being grateful turns the negative feeling of guilt into the positive feeling of thankfulness, and keeps you humble! Plus, doing good things as a result of a guilty conscience isn't a great approach - we should do good things out of a grateful heart for all that's been done for us.

[@Razbeariez]

I have been fortunate enough to also have certain advantages. But I don't feel guilty, I feel lucky and grateful. So, SO grateful. And I use that to remind me that helping other people whenever possible could make other people feel similar positive emotions. They might feel it briefly, it may not be something groundbreaking, but making someone else's life suck a little less when possible is something I strive to do because I know how much it can mean.

[@ilknure.6261]

If I found about this channel couple years ago, most of my sufferings would have not happened. Now after watching the videos, I am like... YEAH IKR!!! I'VE BEEN THERE TOO!! THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO DEAL WITH IT!!! Etc. I am sure your words make a difference in people's life. And for me, this channel is the shoulder I can lean on whenever I feel sad or hopeless. So.... Thanks for what you have done "with" your advantages!!

[@juliasutter6996]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you Hank!

[@amiablehacker]

What a great topic. I've met people who seem to enjoy making others feel guilty about the privilege they have ("when I was younger I had no money" "you should appreciate everything because I didn't have it"). That always bothered me. Trying to appreciate every moment in your life is impossible. So, maybe try and let some of the guilt go. Acknowledging privilege is important, but it doesn't make sense to feel overwhelmingly bad about it. Great video. Totally agree. 😁

[@samanthakim1975]

"I don't deserve really funny internet memes"

[@vlogbrothers]

I don't...I was just given them by the grace of the universe.

[@KevinTurner-aka-keturn]

Alternately: Everyone deserves funny memes. Put it in the Internet Bill of Rights.

[@jennymagana8521]

Kevin Turner +++++++++

[@danielenemark3344]

This is so good! It would be cool if you did a follow-up on the differences between guilt and shame. Often when someone thinks they're feeling guilty ("I did something bad") they're actually feeling shame ("I am bad"). Guilt motivates prosocial behavior, whereas shame motivates counterproductive defensive behavior like denial and avoidance.

[@lawrencecalablaster568]

My brother's name is Heath, which made this weird.

[@vlogbrothers]

And here I was thinking that your name was Lawrence Calablaster...

[@thegreentak]

I've been thinking about this recently too, in a way where sometimes I feel guilty for being so lucky. Like, I'm really lucky that I grew up in a loving environment, with amazing parents, and that there was always food on our table or hot water to shower with. I don't think that we should necessarily be guilty about our luckiness, but rather grateful for our fortune. The guilt part helps us to see and realize how good our lives can be, and it puts a lot of things into perspective for us, and I think that that's always important, because the fact that I can watch this video on my laptop in college and comment on it is a privilege (in a way), in itself. I think instead of feeling guilty, we should try and turn that emotion into being grateful.

[@Chef_PC]

I love you Hank. (Edit). I should clarify. In a fully platonic, human to human way. I feel a direct connection to the way you speak about certain topics such as this, yet also your inadequacies which mirror my own inadequacies. So, yes, this is either a WAY-early, or WAY-late Esther Day proclamation, but I love you.

[@graymayhem2410]

‘Deserving’ is such a silly concept. We don’t think of children or animals being deserving of love or suffering, or of getting their needs met, perhaps because they are innocent. I used to struggle with the type of guilt Hank is talking about.. I didn’t *do* anything to get my disease, yet I felt like I deserved to be in pain everyday because I was ‘a bad person’. Years ago I struck the word deserve from my vocabulary. I realized I had never stopped being that innocent child. I think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for my mental health.

[@celestemoss1141]

Actually won't you see John tomorrow? @vlogbrothers

[@minergmaingx2000]

Tomorrow's Saturday. He'll see John on Monday.

[@celestemoss1141]

MenexGaming But Friday’s video isn’t out yet ???

[@minergmaingx2000]

@@celestemoss1141 I didn't read the description :/.

[@GilgameshEthics]

Sometimes i'm just down. Then I watch a vlog brothers video. And my perspective shifts in a way that is very relieving. I've been subbed for years. And these moments of down come less and less as I get older. But they still hit me from time to time. And these videos still help to raise me out of it. Somethings don't change much while others are constantly shifting.

[@ChinmaiNaregal]

I'm feeling guilty that I didn't watch this earlier

[@AlexMarie522]

I really appreciated this video. As a recent college grad, I spent the last 4 years feeling guilty that my parents were able to pay for my education. It was always an awkward conversation when friends would discuss student loans and ask me about them. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to tell them the truth that I was graduating without loans because I felt so guilty that they were borrowing thousands of dollars while I got to attend college without worrying about money at all

[@mariewikiwaka3851]

Hank, you’ll see John tomorrow, not on Tuesday.

[@mothrone]

But then won't John see Hank on Monday, and then Hank will ultimately see John on Tuesday?

[@mariewikiwaka3851]

Matthew McPherson Unfortunately it’s not Friday. At least not in the US. So I guess technically it would be Monday but they always just go with the other’s upload days which for a normal week would indeed be Tuesday.

[@faithbryant5657]

Thank you! My grandfather was wealthy, he had 6 grandchildren. 4 are my siblings and 1 is my cousin, due to no fault of my own; his ranch was left to my cousin and I. Lots of things happened, my husband I ended up owning the ranch, selling it, and buying our own home in a much more favorable location for us. I feel guilty because although he only had 2 children (my aunt that passed, and my mother) I was the one that ended up with most of his valuable things. This pur me ahead of my family and although I help them out a lot, I feel guilty that I was given a hand up early in life.

[@irri3191]

Encouragement the anti guilt. PS I love you guys. Keep up the great work.

[@untappedinkwell]

I really appreciate that this comment doesn't deny anyone's feelings, but still encourages a positive message. Well said. DFTBA!

[@thewittygeek6770]

I struggle with guilt a lot. I have a 504 plan for my ulcerative colitis (you mentioning it in the video made me smile Hank) and arthritis, and I find myself feeling guilty for using it and not turning in all work on time. My arthritis and mental health are both very bad right now, and I feel guilty for having this safety-net other people don't, however I have realized that I don't deserve UC or arthritis or my mental health issues and it helps me. Thank you Hank for giving me a boost of self esteem, and DFTBA.

[@Roxydude626]

Pizzamas Week is the best week!

[@mineola_]

I'm about to make it even better, it's 2 weeks!

[@dragonsandwaffles258]

+

[@mariebrock6716]

This is an AMAZING explanation of guilt (and other things)! I especially love that you said “deserving is the wrong frame.” That makes so much sense! Because SO MUCH of our own existence is out of our control. I used to be stuck in this unhealthy mindset of, if it isn’t my fault then I am not responsible to deal with it. Which like, isn’t a thing at all. So you just summed up several years of my own personal growth into four minutes. 👍

[@Segkee]

The problem with guilt is that it derives from superiority. This is also a problem, at least semantically, with charity. People view charity as giving vs. empowering or sharing what is equally everyones, but because of our systems (of property, politics, economics) are concentrated in the hands of few. These few might feel guilty for their position and this might lead to them being philanthropic (see Bill Gates) but it does not stop them from seeing themselves as better than those that receive their charity. This means that their charity arises from their own concept of superiority and by performing charitable acts (at least from this perspective) maintains and supports the power imbalance that led to the guilt in the first place.

[@JanniGuldeIversen]

Thanks for processing this. I needed to hear it. I feel guilty so much, both for being privilidged in the areas where I am... But so far that has lead more to unproductive feelings of shame abd overwhelm rather than productive using that privilige to make a difference for someone. I also feel guilty for not doing all the things for all the people I would like to help. Which is not very productive. Better to do tje best I can, acknowledge the guilt, and then also acknowledge that I am doing the best I can. This is going on my "How to better life" playlist, as I will probably need to hear it again :)

[@gitoshrisen7687]

Should'nt it be "John I will see you tomorrow" ?? I mean I am really enjoying the everyday videos in pizzamas!! No pressure though....

[@hexyoutubeaccount]

THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. I can't tell you how many times i've tried to explain power and privilege to someone and they've countered with "what do you just want me to feel guilty about it forever?". Of course then I have to explain no...but also maybe yes? a little bit? You've packaged that thought into this neat little four-minute video in a way that expresses it in a really clear and compassionate way. (i mean, that's your whole schtick so it's not like I'm surprised) Thanks dude

[@svvv977]

Ill email you my bank details so you'll be able to pay off some of your guilt to me, happy to help Hank!

[@CassidyNP]

I’ve struggled with this a lot lately, especially between my college roommates (they are very wealthy, i am very not) but mainly I’ve been struggling with how to articulate all of it. Sometimes they forget that buying a pair of shoes or chipping in for a group purchase isn’t possible for me, and similarly sometimes I have to consciously remind myself living a wealthy lifestyle does NOT equal an easy one. This video really helped me to articulate why it’s something that’s so hard to navigate, because I, as well as my roommates, have been looking at it through the wrong frame. TL;DR- Thanks Hank (: also I chortled when you slid in the Milk Duds

[@irri3191]

Why am I now guilty I ate both Heath and Snickers??

[@fromscratchauntybindy9743]

Welllll, at least you didn't eat the Milk Duds!

[@irri3191]

@@fromscratchauntybindy9743 I thought they were Tootsie Rolls. Uh-oh.

[@sarahp6512]

I literally can't thank you enough for this, it's exactly what I needed to hear. I've felt guilty for my privileges my whole life, and I hate talking about things like money because it stirs up those feelings and makes me uncomfortable. I've just kept the guilt to myself because talking about it made me feel like I was being ungrateful. This is a much healthier perspective, so thank you for opening my eyes to that.

[@goober7810]

I have a question. Similar yet so different from the video. If a person forced to study a subject that they’re not interested in but their parents want them to and they’re privileged enough to be able to afford an education in the field they actually want to pursue a career in. So now that student if ofcourse not interested in the subject and hence doesn’t do well at all. Is it justified feeling guilty of not making use of the education you’re given? Because so may people don’t even get that. But those subjects aren’t what you care about. So is feeling guilty justified?

[@kuroshii6922]

Does it matter if it’s justified? If you are feeling guilty, you are feeling guilty. Whether it’s justified or not isn’t going to make you feel better or worse. If you don’t feel it’s right and feel guilty, try to make some changes. If you can’t make any changes then do the best you can. Life is short and it sucks so just try to be kind to others and yourself. Do your best to live. If your best isn’t perfect that’s okay.

[@goober7810]

Kuroshikat C here’s the thing right I’ve spent 18 years trying to fit in and please others and make everyone around me happy even if it cost me my mental health or my physical health. Yet happiness is a far fetched idea. Don’t you think I’d be happier if I were doing something I cared about? But on the other hand I know none of my family will support that

[@kuroshii6922]

Riya I wasn’t trying to say you should give up your happiness for the sake of making your family happy. I was just suggesting you use your time to try and help people, but not at the cost of your health. I apologize if I made it seem that way. I do hope you take care of yourself and that things will be able to work out

[@ilknure.6261]

For me, in this advantage you have a major "disadvantage": You do not want it. So you don't have the privilage to dream about your future career, you don't get to be enthusiastic, because of that your learning skills will be effected badly etc. So you are not all "privilaged" Even if you feel guilty and force yourself, it wouldn't solve your problem. I think it's a way to avoid from making a change. Even tho you are not happy there, it is still your safe zone. Change is always scary and of course generally comes with a price. But in the way to become adult, it's important to leave comfort zone.

[@goober7810]

Kuroshikat C oh I must have misunderstood what you were trying to say. No need to apologise. We all fight our demons and learn to live with them someday. I too strive to find that middle ground. Hopefully I will someday :)

[@ingcoba]

I totally understand that feeling, it happened to me when I was in high school and this girl that was talking with a friend told her about her family problems and I was like "calm down, everything it's gonna be right" and my friend looked at me and said that I couldn't understand because my parents were together and I felt guilty... But I realized that I had no reason to feel like that.

[@samanthakim1975]

Is that Jonh in your shirt?

[@FlyKiwi]

Yes! This week is Pizzamas, a time where shirts with John's face and the word PIZZA are sold in several designs on a limited run. After Pizzamas, these designs will never be sold again! Viva la Pizza John!

[@carlaafonso6194]

@@FlyKiwi Viva la pizza should be on a shirt

[@FlyKiwi]

@@carlaafonso6194 A design for next year, perhaps.

[@eustacia03]

I also got through school with no loans due to having money from a grandparent. When I feel guilt about it I find it helpful to focus on gratitude because at least some of the guilt is about not appreciating what I have as much as I should. I also find that gratitude for what I have propels me to do good for others.

[@sackclothandashes998]

Hank Green, Old Lady Shover

[@katrinasutton8906]

There's a big difference between guilt and shame which my therapist has helped me understand immensely. Guilt is the feeling when we feel bad about something we did. But shame is the feeling when we feel bad about ourselves. Shame is "I am bad" and guilt is "I did something bad." It may be that you're feeling more shame than guilt but it's great to be aware of that!

[@samanthakim1975]

I wonder what make you feel so guilty that made you make this video.

[@Nhoj31neirbo47]

Hank knowing that he has more ‘candy’ then some people.

[@theintrospective]

I think this is hands down the best messaging you've had in a while, as far as addressing the subtitles of our internal emotional dialogue goes. There's a reason I pay attention to you guys, and it is well represented in this one.

[@qwertyuoip1234]

Tuesday?

[@cynacist1823]

It's Pizzamas! there's really no way to explain this, so just search "vlogbrother's Pizzamas" and figure it out. DFTBA.

[@qwertyuoip1234]

Yeah, but Tuesday?

[@cynacist1823]

@@qwertyuoip1234 They make videos everyday during pizzamas *shrug*

[@qwertyuoip1234]

Yes, but Tuesday?

[@tinycrab2702]

This was so nice to hear. I live in a fairly big house and have a lot of “stuff” and most of the time when I was younger didn’t think of it has my parents having the money for me and my siblings so have all that we have. We aren’t super wealthy, especially compared to a big portion of my small town, but we are still quite well off. Anyways I didn’t start to notice this until I started going to friends’ houses and started subconsciously comparing what I had to what my friends had. Comparative my house was so much bigger than my friends’ and over time I started feeling guilty about it like we had all this money and stuff that I always thought wasn’t that much. But now after hearing this I realized that the feeling should have been gratefulness because I’v got this opportunity so why not make the most of it and helps others along the way.

[@saintattilaofcaerbannog2612]

Yo

[@pepsiisdead]

sef

[@A.Mayflower127]

Yo

[@frozeneternity93]

Guilt is like shame. No one can make you feel it. You make the choice, either consciously or subconsciously, to feel it

[@nicolealexis4512]

Well I am quite early now aren’t I

[@Felishamois]

shlopdocked*no views*sglopdocjed

[@nik257]

Thank you Hank! I've been feeling this way for a while. It's great to hear how others have internalized this guilt from unequal advantages.

[@Pearl127]

Here at 360p

[@sls8830]

“What do with it” ❤️ this part is perfect. I also think people can not feel guilty about unearned advantages they have but still recognize they have it and use it to do good in the world.

[@lNFINlTEx]

Thank you for making this video. As a student in college this is something I think about very often. You've given me a new perspective on this and I appreciate that.

[@oliviaspreen5940]

This is literally how I feel all the time, and little did I know I needed this exact video today. But it is just what I needed. Thank You, Hank Green.

[@mikelabomusic7782]

Thanks for this great talk about the complicated emotions surrounding privileges. Gratitude is the answer, for me. It seems that you and your brother make the best of your privilege by promoting kindness, knowledge, and thoughtful striving. Guilt can be a motivator toward our best selves. When we’re ruled by it, with no change, we fall. When we’re shifted by it and motivated to change, then that guilt turns into understanding, gratitude, wisdom, and kindness.

[@kassie5779]

I've tried to ignore it, it usually creeps in when another student is talking about how they work 3 jobs. I suppress the guilt by reminding myself that I have a mood disorder & an anxiety disorder that would make working 3 jobs + attending classes pretty much impossible, money or not. The money that gets rid of the student loans kinda balances out the crappiness of having poor mental health. Guilt is such a strange thing, lol.

[@KayRaa1]

I can relate to this... Feeling bad for having options, feeling guilty for having more; and when I tell others, they'll think I'm just ungrateful... Thanks for making this video, Hank. Now I feel safe in my own guilt.

[@m.w.kaplan447]

2 days I submitted my early college applications and the ESSAY I wrote.... was about this very thing (deserving) and how one of Johns VB videos from May of 2014 completely shifted my worldview. So, wild timing and thanks for summing everything up again.

[@Wargames50]

My brothers and myself also don't have student loans and we sometimes talk about how that makes us feel awkward or guilty. Thank you Hank for making me see that guilt in a different way. Your whole statement on Deserving or Not Deserving something was well put

[@Gabriela-xd2di]

I love vlogbrothers content that makes you think. So much thought and analysis from just 4 mins of content. This is why I'm here. Thank you Hank for verbalizing struggles so many of us deal with. Bravo.

[@NotHPotter]

In my life, I've found the best way to address feelings of guilt is to take the time to truly appreciate the advantages I have. I suppose this ultimately goes along with "what do you do with them", but there's a qualitative difference in simply making use of the advantages, and deeply appreciating them: where they come from, why you have them, what is possible because of them, how you might feel without them. I guess this is also related to mindfulness and being present in the moment, but to me people who really appreciate their advantages are also more like to share them, while people who merely flee from the guilt they can cause may squander them or use them selfishly simply to assuage that guilt.

[@hattietaylor2548]

I have a friend who regularly tells me that I contemplate myself and the way I relate to the rest of the world a weird amount. Part of that is probably a natural tendency, but I think a big part is watching this channel for 10 years. Hank, John and the rest of nerdfighteria - thank you for shaping the way I think, encouraging deeper understanding, and constantly reminding me to imagine others complexly. DFTBA!

[@malikamckenney9792]

Hank, just want to say thank you so much for making this video. I've always struggled with immense feelings of guilt over my privilege, but your words provided me with a different perspective that is way more proactive and effective than being crippled by guilt. I'll try to do that in the future - remind myself that it's not what I deserve or not, but what I can do with what I have.

[@AlexisKende108]

As an adolescent who struggles with various amounts of guilt daily, I thank you Hank. Very insightful video.

[@isaacc7]

Can you feel grateful for the things you have and not feel guilt? Grateful is an emotion that is not talked about enough.

[@melissazabower339]

I agree completely. We should have a feeling of gratitude for what we have and act out of that gratitude.

[@AmeliaBell28]

This video is probably one I’m going to come back to frequently, considering how much I struggle with guilt as an emotion.

[@halahb4995]

YES you put it in words. I always avoid using the word 'deserve' because when I try to make sense of who deserves what its just all so confusing and I can't come up with an answer.