tiktok is bad for women, actually

[@biljam972]

As 50 year old woman who was in 20s much before all this, I want just to say, please, people, life is short. Life is for living. Laugh as much as you want, frown when you want, eat and drink when you want with or without straw and don't let anyone tell you what type of beauty you are or what you need to "fix" to be "in trend" or how to drink or live so not to get wrinkles, and to spend all money on some procedures that may change your look in ways you may not like or will grow out of fashion in few years... life is short. You never know how much will you live. Go outside, do what you like (if it's legal and not hurting anyone, of course 😇), be happy, ... who cares about "being perfect beauty"... in my youth we didn't care about any of that and that is great. Yes, we will all get older like it or not. And no one ever will love or like you just for your beauty. If they do, that's not love. So why invest all your life into that impossible goal?

[@cyaneous227]

thank you

[@nogravitymom]

Thank you ❤

[@cronchyskull]

I’m a 27 year-old female and I look like Johnny Cash with the amount of wrinkles I got. I’m sure it means I’m wise and cerebral. 😌

[@tablelamp801]

I love this comment❤ All of this what she said❤

[@cheyennedunnyeeehaw4202]

Thiss

[@scottydog6713]

i think the fact that glam makeup with heavy contour is now considered "out" and baccal fat removal is rising in trend is absolutely insane. yall tellin me people are replacing the notably TEMPORARY usage of contouring for an irreversible plastic surgery????? JUST USE CONTOUR!!!!! THATS WHAT ITS FOR!!!!!

[@Jaaaannnneeee]

It kinda reminds me of how like, the slim thick look is the same as the 19th century wasp waist, but back then it was achieved by padding and (only rarely) tightlacing, where in the 2010s you just… had to look like that. Like WHAT (I suppose a better 20 year cycle example would be the 80s, but again, that was also mostly padding and illusion)

[@samanthazhu1234]

@@teoleno4019 like skylar said, you missed the entire point of the video. Not every woman thinks looking “feminine” is peak beauty, nor do they think youth is peak beauty. Beauty is subjective. And the problem with buccal fat removal is not because it looks unattractive to some, but rather because it is a very dangerous and expensive procedure.

[@espeon871]

@@teoleno4019 BRUH THIS VIDEOS ISNT THESE ARE UGLY ITS NO ONE SHLD BE FORCED TO FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO CHANGE THEMSELVES TO BE PRETTY YOURE DOING THE SAME AS THOSE PRO BUCCAL FAT REMOVAL PEOPLE

[@espeon871]

@@samanthazhu1234 exactly! Also women shld not always have to look like the new trend or just be feminine and soft or anything, women and femmes have always been socialised to be valued only our looks more than mascs and men in comparison, and its not fair that women and femmes have to constantly care about one's looks

[@mookinbabysealfurmittens]

@@espeon871 Exactly! It's so _literally_ objectifying. It makes the bodies of women and femmes the trend. Not just makeup & fashion looks, but inherent parts of human bodies, often fighting against genetic characteristics. And we see it everywhere; it's not subtle: I see people talk of "successful men" - whether positively/admiringly or negatively /preaching against - as "guys with the power to have whatever they want: money, a big house, beautiful [& 'feminine'] women, sports car, a nice watch..." Women are literally just an item on a list of OBJECTS for men, a thing to be prized & strived to get! The transactional aspect to dating & relationships is a whole other can of worms... It's no wonder that bodies are so commodified. But decade after decade passes and no real ground is gained for the population majority yet social minority. I know it's extremely complex. Sorry. This is just frustration. Cheers.

[@stephanieblakley3549]

saw a tweet that said “Your existence is proof that generations of your face has been loved” and that really helped me stop comparing myself against these impossible standards. great video as always jordan💖

[@pokeelyy15]

Awwww I love this

[@hyacinthue]

that's so beautiful :') thank you for sharing!

[@ultimategameredits]

That’s beautiful ❤️

[@cupidream9702]

I saw that tweet as well but bc it’s twitter ofc ppl had negative things to say about it. It’s a really beautiful quote

[@roses.9181]

What a beautiful quote

[@HatandTie]

“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.” There’s nothing wrong with looking your age.

[@magnarcreed3801]

This. My only complaint will be the final symptoms XD

[@emmahilburn1732]

@@magnarcreed3801 I was gonna say the same thing. While I believe that being old is a sign of surpassing nature's expectations for you and is something to be appreciated and not shamed, I also take care of a lot of old people and their biggest advice is "don't get old" because of all their medical issues and healthcare being unaffordable. So I really don't know what to do now lmao

[@Fudu-yd7vr]

@@emmahilburn1732how do you “not get old” it is natural 💀 and u can get Botox all u want but it’s not permanent u have to keep going back and it will look awful later …

[@emmahilburn1732]

@@Fudu-yd7vr What I meant is that at my job I see horrible things go wrong all day long with the older section of the population, which in turn scares the shit out of me; that could very well be my future. You missed the point of my comment. Maybe I phrased it weird, but when you see this shit day in day out, it starts to scare the shit out of you and make you worry about it for yourself and your loved ones. I want to age without being shamed or guilted for natural processes but I'm also scared of the health outcomes that I see so often. I think that is completely fair to say. I don't know why you think botox had anything to do with what I said.

[@Fudu-yd7vr]

@@emmahilburn1732 So what do you want to do about it lol? You’re gonna age regardless like it’s not about how u “rephrased your comment” but it’s just about how your comment makes no sense whatsoever. You’re scared of getting old and you don’t think you’d want that future and then you proceed to say your comment didn’t have anything to do with Botox which I was thinking maybe you’re trying to say that looking young is better but your comment just makes NO sense. You’re going to age no matter what like what are you planning to do about it and what is your comments conclusion?

[@shai2121]

personally aging is actually kind of special to me because i grew up very depressed and convinced i would die young. the more signs of aging i see, the more i know my recovery is real, my happiness and laughter are real and somehow I've made it to where i am today even though i thought i never would. not saying I'm immune to insecurity or anything - but ultimately I do think i want my age to show. every new wrinkle just proves i've made it all this way and I've survived longer than i ever used to expect :)

[@biancasadventure]

This! I guess that’s why i see this so differently. Bc there was a point in my life where I truly believed I wouldn’t make it to my 20’s but I’m now turning 26 this year 🥲

[@crystalcantoran9494]

Couldn’t have said it better 🙏🏽🥺🥺🥺

[@ha_des]

that's so cute actually, I hope I can see it this way

[@ItsOKtobeNormal]

​@@biancasadventuresame, I'm 29 now. Life is hard, once I accepted that fact things got easier.

[@Lanai50]

As someone who almost died multiple times from childhood abuse. It is a miracle I am alive. I grew up believing I would never live to see 18. And now I’m luckily 27 gonna be 28 now. I will try to think of this when I feel old as fuck. Thank you.

[@lisakimchis]

whenever i feel bad about my forehead lines, i remind myself that aging is a privilege. so many people never live long enough to see the signs of “aging”. the lines on your face are a testament to a long life, which not everyone gets to experience. 💔 so be proud of your wrinkles, because it means you are alive.

[@Inkinhart]

This is exactly my perspective - throughout history, the majority of people haven't reached 20. I've somehow managed to buck the trend despite infections and autoimmune disease, and every wrinkle and grey hair is proof of that.

[@aijou1606]

this is such a great perspective to have ❤️ thank you

[@lilmerlilmer7203]

Thank you for writing this. Gonna keep this with me

[@charisalockley1022]

Yes, what a great view in life to have. We are very lucky to live in a time where the average life is 70-80 years.

[@batdruul]

hits so close to home. i have a friend who will never get to wrinkle and it hurts to know they'll be forever young

[@je55777]

There's also this weird obsession with always wanting to be the best looking person in the room. Like, just stop. Just be the best looking version of yourself. Not only is it degrading to yourself to put yourself in some sort of hierarchy based on your looks, it's degrading to those around you. Who wants to be around someone who's looking around the room and thinking "at least I look better than her and her".

[@MMK-vq7tq]

Exactly! No one wants to be around a soul sucking judgmental person who can’t live in the moment and enjoy the people around them for who they are! It’s boring, pointless, excruciating, and sad. There is so much more to life

[@je55777]

@@MMK-vq7tq You said it! It's just such a low vibration behaviour. But I know it's easy to get stuck in it if one has low self esteem and places a lot of importance on their looks, as they may feel that's all they have going for them.

[@loverrlee]

Exactly 💯💯💯

[@Tessy29k]

It's pathetic and screams inferiority complex. Many of these people have absolutely no accomplishments in life so all they can obsess about is their face because they have absolutely nothing else going for them in their lives.

[@sin3358]

The thing about this is that, even if I wanted to be the prettiest, I wouldn't be able to because there are people richer than me who can afford looking pretty. Having a pretty face isn't enough. You need good makeup skills and very very fashionable clothes. Looking beautiful is expensive, and I don't see why I should bother looking even better when I already think I look cute enough. Being pansexual has helped a ton, if I see another girl prettier than me I just find her attractive 😂

[@Princess-Lavender]

Jokes on me, the real “self care” was throwing away my full body mirror and deleting my tiktok.

[@SaraPsycheAphrodite]

You're so pretty

[@Princess-Lavender]

@@SaraPsycheAphrodite thank you babe!

[@acornautumn9927]

I covered my full body mirror with a bedsheet and just looked at it for a good ten minutes, enjoying the fact that there was nothing but a bedsheet and a wall now

[@angel-fk6rn]

so happy for you!! 💗 deleting all of my tiktok accounts was truly the best decision i’ve ever made. i feel so happy and free. ✨

[@zaragottem]

Same! Deleting TikTok nfl made me much happier and mentally better!

[@ianw.7897]

I hate that TikTok removed the not interested button so that we can’t even tell them that people don’t want all of this stuff shoved down their throats

[@shonaalannah]

it's still there, you have to click the share arrow button, and then it's the second option on the pop-up, I've had to use it so many times lol

[@ItsOKtobeNormal]

The "not interested" button is the "delete my account" button.

[@jinxieunlucky]

I've found that the Not Interested button only feeds me more of the thing I don't like. I think the algorithm takes it as engagement and the only thing that seems to make a difference is just scrolling past stuff enough times. But this could just be confirmation bias on my part.

[@raingirlalison]

I've given up and gone straight to blocking for stuff I don't want to see. It (somewhat) works!

[@julie-zmb]

@@ItsOKtobeNormalreal

[@milkytales]

We need to redefine “self care.” As a disabled woman who often has “ugly” symptoms, I feel self care should be genuinely looking after yourself, having a shower, dressing up (even if your at home), listening to music, hugging a stuffed animal and reminding oneself that “you are enough.”❤

[@clairecj1116]

self affirmations really do help! especially if you write it down :)

[@Ikinsyntheticpeople]

@@clairecj1116 Kaeya pfp win

[@mirandarinconnn]

Thank you for sharing this. My mom has similar issues as you described and I hate how she feels about herself due to the messaging out there. I 1000%

[@victoriahope8371]

This is a positive way to view self care. Self care isn't about yoga and makeup or anything like that. It's not something you buy. It's something you do. You do buy soap for your showers but that's a whole other can of worms to talk about. George Carlin said something similar about there's no such thing as a free lunch. The food is not the lunch. It's the concept of doing, not buying.

[@danieller.2067]

Yes, I'm sick of these people saying self-care, specially to women, is about take care of our looks to, at the end, being in beauty standards and pretending we are doing it for ouselves and not to fit in.

[@youknownothingjonsnow01]

The obsession with women looking as young as possible their whole lives realy got to me. I'm terrified of aging now, and I'm only 22. Even typing in "aging is beautiful" on youtube will get you videos like "how I aged backwards" and "this woman looks the same age as her daughter". It's so sad.

[@Babyblue115]

We need an aging positivity revolution

[@natalieoliveira578]

It screams pedophilia

[@hashtagmate]

Sad and kind of pedophilic isn't it lol

[@Inkinhart]

I'm 26, and I get baffled reactions when I say I'm looking forward to my 30s. Being a teenager/in your early 20s is just so fraught, and I honestly feel better and more centered in myself with every year I get further away from all that

[@peachdumpling9053]

The amount of kids sad that they’re turning 20 actually makes me sick to my stomach…..

[@mushroomiez_]

deleting tiktok has literally been the best thing I've done for my mental health in YEARS

[@Georgiahh22]

Same, and Instagram

[@botanicalitus4194]

For me it was twitter. Ive thankfully never downloaded Tiktok because I know that if I did I would be miserable

[@7nviie]

SAME

[@tylerthompson7461]

Same, I've been Ticktok free for 2 years and Instagram free for 4 months

[@lov-db5ez]

Congrats!! I just feel so upset that I started using tiktok again and it sucks idk how to break the cycle I want to quit too it’s so addicting

[@tyrreloneal5178]

This whole video is EXACTLY why I got on board with body neutrality AND why I hate TikTok! And far as solutions go, I HIGHLY recommend following disabled content creators, pro body neutrality creators, creators actively fighting against these toxic beauty standards!

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

Are there any body-neutrality KZbinrs that you would recommend?

[@tyrreloneal5178]

@@pb_pb_pb_pb I don't personally know of any... yet, but Tee Noir did a video about a similar topic to this, and her video featured a body neutrality TikToker

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

@@tyrreloneal5178 thanks!

[@TheUhaya]

JESSICA KELGREN-FOZARD!!!!!

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

@Sarah Granger thank you very very much

[@meeriharma8343]

My mom and I both have really expressive faces, so she has lots of wrinkles at 50. I noticed my first permanent forehead wrinkles when I was maybe 16-17, and at the time I wondered how I could already be aging so fast. Luckily my mom has always spoken very nicely about her own face, and emphasized that her "fast" aging face is a result of her smiling and crying and showing lots of emotion every day. I saw that and decided I would embrace my eventually aging face :) now at 20 I have a few visible lines on my forehead and smile lines on my eyes as well as on the sides of my mouth. I really wouldn't trade them for the world. Thanks mom!

[@sparklysapphic2556]

that’s so lovely! also, I really admire how you’re talking about all emotions as something positive, I am trying to learn how to do that myself

[@elisamaza8909]

My mom told me that I as a kid referred to wrinkles around the eyes of other people, especially women as „beautiful beams“ 😄

[@sin3358]

I'm probably going to be a very wrinkly woman because of this and I've come to think that that is so lovely. When I'm older and see women who haven't wrinkled much I'll either think they have good genetics or had a very unfulfilling life

[@clairecj1116]

this is so cute omg! thank you for sharing this!! it made me think of my smile lines a lot different, it means i’m smiling a lot :)

[@blessedunoo]

@@elisamaza8909 okay, I really like “beautiful beams” lol.

[@cabbette2935]

doesnt help nobody can talk about it now without being accused of infringing upon people's "personal choices" bc beauty standards come from nowhere and are perpetuated by nothing. we're doomed

[@JasminMiettunen]

Yes, plastic surgery is only for yourself and not affected by how other people treat you, you would totally get it done even if you lived alone in the woods and nobody was there to see you. It’s a personal choice to spends thousands of dollars, weeks or months of recovery time and risk your health, and it’s not a societal problem with beauty standards or influenced by any outside pressures at all.

[@Jaesdaes]

This!! It's never just for you.

[@hivemindgoblin8540]

@@JasminMiettunen The only outside case being, in my opinion, when it’s done in order to relieve pain/discomfort, or to help someone look like themselves due to gender identity or after an injury. Such as how Botox is sometimes used as a treatment for people who suffer greatly from migraines. Otherwise, completely agree!

[@hello-l4n]

choice feminism is a sham

[@ciciamanda.]

@@hivemindgoblin8540 yes, a medical treatment is different thing. Whether that is to relieve pain, to restore an injured body part, or because you were born in the body of the opposite sex, it's a totally different situation than cosmetic surgery to fit the current beauty standard

[@liisaky]

It is so insane how I now just casually consider INJECTIONS AND SURGERY for "beauty" reasons, like wtf

[@sumpplug]

You should listen to "Dr John Campbell" on KZbin as i think he could definitely change your mind on the first point.

[@kellygreengables3936]

IDK how old you are but if you are under the age of 30 unless you have some kind of health issue (cleft lip, deviated septum, etc.) you do not need surgery or filler. If you're under 30 you're probably still growing into your face and body so it's better to wait. Just make sure you're aware of the potential risks and make sure it's something you really want. Not something you feel like you have to do because of social media!!

[@GwendolynnBY]

@@kellygreengables3936 if you're over thirty you also don't need cosmetic procedures because aging is a normal thing that happens. (not accusing you of saying people over thirty should get procedures done, I'm just pushing back at the idea that people need to get procedures at all to match misogynistic and capitalist ideals)

[@teoleno4019]

I'm not putting ish in my body. I will age regardless.

[@anishinaabae]

for real! i think this is what largely prevented me from ever getting on board with plastic surgery. i've always thought it was insanity, the way that cutting yourself open and carving off pieces of yourself was so normalized in society! so much so that you can't really talk "negatively" about it without other women jumping down your throat, because we shouldn't be thinking critically about why women feel pressured to stay "young and hot" forever, i guess! all choices exist within a vacuum and nothing else matters as long as it makes them happy, apparently!! (even tho aging is inevitable so all they're doing is spending tens of thousands of dollars for a temporary, ultimately meaningless form of "happiness" when they could've spent the same amount on something more permanent and useful like idk THERAPY?? /end rant) i'm never going to judge someone as less than for getting plastic surgery, but i'm never not going to find plastic surgery completely fucking dystopian. especially considering how violently transphobic most civilizations are, and yet cis women and men getting what are essentially gender-affirming surgeries lmao is totally acceptable.

[@melodyhaviland9393]

based on the title i already agree

[@reemia]

yep

[@jaqsre]

yeah, same. i’ve seen so much bs on that app..

[@thevelveteentreeline]

absolutely, sometimes after spending so much time online i go outside am reminded again and again that i'm not ugly, my insecurities just keep on being fed by the almost exclusively gorgeous ppl on my fyp. in reality, very few people look like that and many more are pressured to. idk 🫶

[@kellygreengables3936]

@@jaqsre I feel like it all started on Instagram and then move to TikTok. It's almost unavoidable depending on what apps and website you use.

[@miaraehn]

Stopped using tiktok 2 years ago and never looked back, agreed!

[@mauve9266]

Honestly there’s something kind of comforting about how extensive and absurd beauty standards are nowadays. I just feel no need to bother or worry or partake in any of it cos it’s all so absurdly unattainable and just hard to keep up with I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

[@froggywithaheart]

that's a very glass half full attitude and i love that for u!!!❤️

[@cordeliabowers9636]

and they change every 2 months! if i was younger it might be different for me but i don’t feel the pressure - they have caught me with skincare though lol. also interacting with real women in their 30s+ who are aging naturally is really grounding

[@wisconsieee]

I feel the same!!

[@honk42069]

@@froggywithaheart I love u

[@froggywithaheart]

@@honk42069 i love you too kind stranger❤️

[@arachne4070]

I found a white hair last night, and I'm honestly glad. I struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and I'm so glad I made it through it and I'm so happy to have lived long enough to see these signs of aging

[@pine8839]

I’m proud of you! I’m young but I feel that way about my birthdays

[@lalalalalalalala8558]

that is amazing and i am so glad you have lived through it all :) you survived 100% of your worst days you can survive anything :)

[@ameliaschulte]

I’m so proud and happy you’re here❤

[@Bbybunn]

Ahhh this made me cry! This is such a beautiful way of putting it and I’m so happy you’re here❤

[@sbeautiful6133]

So happy for you ♥️ ♥️

[@NIKSEEN]

As a 29-yr old man who’s recently become a dad, I feel it’s really important for me to watch this kind of content to understand how social media can influence you when you’re in a more impressionable age (granted, I’m sure that I also get manipulated by social media all the time). And to see what kind of content there’s apparently more and more of these days.. I don’t use Tiktok so I’m completely in the dark about most of that stuff. Thank you for what you do and speaking out on these topics!!

[@furuyakeifu]

Thank you for putting in the work to be a good parent! ❤

[@SuperStella1111]

❤ yes

[@lalalalalalalala8558]

you sound like a great father :)

[@jenniferibarra7737]

I wish my dad would have been like that

[@jeannerose1970]

your kid is lucky to have you

[@SamRabbitx]

As a woman in her 30s, who has never had tiktok (and never will), this whole video is so depressing lmao. Don't get me wrong, she did an amazing job getting the information across! But the thought that KZbin is "overwhelming" because the user has to think for themselves is so dystopian.

[@rowceo]

She means it’s fast to consume since it has such an intrusive algorithm (tiktok) it’s constantly feeding you content based on all your other actions on your phone, searches, likes, etc. KZbin is slower than these reel apps and in that way much better for our attention spans/ concentration. Also that’s amazing you’ve never had tiktok! I had it for a year and it is the worst.

[@SamRabbitx]

@77bubblegumpink I worked with 18 year Olds last year and how aggressively tiktok dominated our conversations was enough to dissuade me (after all the tiktok preditor allegations and market proven mental health issues it caused lmao of course)

[@rowceo]

@@SamRabbitx that’s awesome! You’re not missing out haha

[@Tamaraniac]

I must be old, because the thing I dislike about tiktok is not getting to choose what to watch! I have a tiktok because of a handful of creators I like to watch, but I just go straight to their pages.

[@tashateacup]

I’m the same!! Could never download it. It’s bad enough that it crosses over through other apps

[@deusexmachina8984]

honestly tiktok in general is terrible for society regardless of how much it predates on insecurities, particularly women and teens. the sheer amount of misinformation, scams by both large brands and individuals, hatred, and flat-out bigotry there is insane!

[@grinsRwins]

Totally agree

[@awtumn]

I agree. Especially the amount of bullying I've heard about on that app. It's disgusting.

[@malteser4666]

I actually think if your tiktok is full of this then you're part of the problem because you're subscribing to it

[@Juju-nr7cb]

Lots of misinformation but also lots of actual information that you can’t find on YT because they said so

[@autumnpoe4612]

The only thing that ever comes up on my TikTok is art and music and stuff like that. Weird

[@liisaky]

Gotta love the moisturizer ads where the women are putting the cream on a full face of makeup

[@sinestesianestesia9079]

Lmaooo I had actually never thought of that 😂

[@Joannefibracs9994]

Honestly Julia’s words really spoke to me. I’m getting into my 30s now, and it’s true. I’m going to age whether i use $500 serums or not. And after losing some people extremely close to me, I see aging as something to not take for granted. I’d love to have my friend call me stressing about her crow’s feet-but she’s gone, gone too young, and never will get those. I’d absolutely do anything to have my family member tell me his hair is graying, but it won’t. Aging is a gift. It’s a shame people can’t see it that way unless something terrible happens.

[@biancasadventure]

It is a shame. I work w the elderly and they always tell me that getting old can suck sometimes but it’s better than the alternative (death) And for me I struggled w depression so there was a time I believed I wouldn’t make it to my 20’s but here I am turning 26 I’m sorry for your losses, I know how hard that can be, hope you’re doing well

[@-VoDkAsVengeance-]

Even as a kid, I was always uncomfortable with how beauty for a female either means to look "young and innocent" or "matronly and sexual" but _always,_ without fail, _to look vulnerable._ My mother is tall and masculine (angular face and long, not very curvy body) while I'm short and feminine (round/heart shaped face, slight curves) and I'd be hit on more than her even if we were wearing the same thing. A tall woman who's friends with a group of men will typically be seen as and treated like "one of a guys" from both outside and the group, while a short woman who's friends with a group of men will typically be seen as "definitely sleeping with at _least_ one of them" from the outside and will be treated like a potential romantic option by the group, even if both women treat the group of men exactly the same. If you're deemed "masculine" in any way, aka _not vulnerable-looking enough,_ you're immediately treated like you may as well actually be a man. If you're feminine in any way you're sexy or cute or some kind of extreme that you weren't trying for at all.

[@iheartjbgccb]

The terms baby and sweetie were always weird to me

[@Marina-zg9vp]

lol I'm sorry but do you think us tall women don't get hit on? I love how this comment is just a bug humble brag lol

[@catwetterau8273]

@Marina you completely missed the point. It’s not about who gets the most compliments, that’s just evidence that the female beauty standard is to be vulnerable. Also, you might come off as a feminine tall woman. She specifically said “masculine.” Not just tall 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@lils7818]

Thank you so much for this comment! You explained it perfectly. I'm a tall and rather outspoken woman and have often been told that I'm just not sweet and approachable enough, aka vulnerable enough, to be attractive. It's disturbing.

[@sugah_redd]

Your moms body being less curvy than yours doesn’t make her body “masculine” wtf

[@nicholasjacobson3712]

I remember complimenting my grandma's wrinkles when I was a kid and everyone's reactions were so weird, aging is beautiful

[@b8376]

i volunteered at a nursing home and when i told a woman that aging is beautiful, she hit me

[@yuniaaniza5120]

@@b8376 I'm sorry but i laughed lmaoo

[@elvis4868]

@@b8376 yoooo omggg

[@namkia205]

@@b8376 I would do too tbh lol! But not because I think it's ugly, but it means you're closer to dead...

[@b8376]

@@yuniaaniza5120 it’s chill. i did not know that michelle could swing😭

[@kellygreengables3936]

I'm glad more people are speaking about this issue! The amount of youth who get major plastic surgery and fillers to look like airbrushed filters is dangerous. Obsessing over makeup, skin care, etc. to a point where you use an anti wrinkle straw or put tape on your mouth while you sleep is so unhealthy. TikTok wants us to believe that it's all "self care". But it becomes dangerous when we start modeling ourselves after people who are paid to curate/edit having a "perfect" look and image to their life. There's so much misinformation and fear-mongering around looking HUMAN or aging and it needs to stop!

[@mysteriousastrolabe]

Girl. Bffr. Aging is a disease and Ion gon let it consume me without fighting back🧍🏾‍♀️

[@Kaybye555]

Reading people say botox is self-care has been insane!

[@dani-888]

!!!

[@kellygreengables3936]

@@Kaybye555 Yes!! And it's not even like Botox for health reasons (migraines and stuff). People will see a normal smile/expression line and freak out.

[@aspannas]

Tape over the mouth has nothing do with this discussion, it’s to stop mouth breathing which is extremely bad for you. I struggle a lot with it

[@mfuentes4961]

This is one of the many reasons why I refuse to use or get the Tik Tok app. I don’t want to use another app that has so much power to kill one’s self confidence and mental health…

[@tyrreloneal5178]

Same here; TikTok will NEVER know me!

[@Orlagh]

As someone who was born in '89 and lived through the 90s and 00s I feel so sorry for teens nowadays because it's what my peers and I experienced x 1000. Just remember the only real alternative to aging is death and we don't want that.

[@Mavuika_Gyaru]

Nah nothing is worse than when women ate cotton balls and went bulimic to be size 0

[@MahimaDondapati]

Today's version of that is skin care

[@ainecurran8580]

I became extremely addicted to TikTok to the point I would spend hours at a time on it without feeling the time pass. I felt so low, unproductive and insecure. I deleted it for lent and I can’t imagine going back. I have found my old self again. It’s scary how addictive it can be.

[@mss-eclipse]

As a teen girl it's sad to see so many people being afraid of getting old, I like the idea of gray hair, and wrinkles because then I'll be like a cool old witch of the woods or a wise woman I've always seen being old as something that is quite ethereal because of that, because of that mind set I've escaped the insecurities that would come with old age, only thing I'm scared for is back pain 💀

[@LionMil1]

I have back pain and I'm 26 lmao this shit will come sooner than you think 😂😂

[@mss-eclipse]

@@LionMil1 I've been getting slight back pain here and there and it sucks 😭

[@sazabi8187]

Grey hair is so fucking cool

[@fireandsugar2625]

I love white or grey hair! One of the reasons I'm excited to get older 😍 I'm gonna be Daenerys 🔥

[@Giraffe27]

@@LionMil1same lmao. I started stretching my thigh/hip muscles every night before bed and it’s all gone now. The nights when I get lazy I wake up with awful back pain. I didn’t expect the pain to get here soon🥲

[@emmanema12]

I used to get bullied for having a “fat ass” and I was always self conscious about my hips but it was crazy to see how differently I was treated when those became a trend.

[@DestinyHopeLou]

I got bullied for my big lips as the only POC in my white bread high school. Then big lips got trendy and everyone got lip filler. 🙄

[@AW-xc1xc]

Honestly. I used to walk around like a plank in the bulkiest clothes because I was insecure about my developing curves, and now they're suddenly in for a moment before it's not trendy again

[@moonbun690]

Me too. People used to call me "fat" in the late 2000s because I have wide hips and a big butt in proportion to the rest of my body. Then early 2010s I hit high school and it became attractive. 🤷‍♀️

[@parkchimmin7913]

Same with my “Asian eyes”. 😭 Having “fox eyes” is a trend now I guess. But back then, people would make fun of others with “Asian eyes” and pull them back to mock us. Now they’re tightening their skin and getting face lifts to achieve those same eyes. Oh how the tables have turned. Although, I’m still conscious of my nose. I hate how wide it is, but I think I would feel more uncomfortable with a nose I wasn’t born with. So I’ll keep it.

[@doodoodoodle]

Same. I have a pear shaped body (so I have those "birthing hips", hate that term lol) I'm still learning how to dress for my body shape after covering up for so long lol My give a fucks are running low!

[@awtumn]

One of my close friends wants to get plastic surgery to look like a woman they've seen on TikTok because they don't believe they're pretty enough. Mind you, my friend is fourteen. It honestly breaks my heart that beauty standards can effect us so much. Especially us women of color.

[@55El5]

It's already hard enough being fourteen. When I was your friend's age I was the most insecure person I've ever been. Looking back, I'm glad I only had those horrible teen magazines (the same magazines that told me to skip all snacks and taught me to overpluck my eyebrows). I can't imagine having something like tiktok at that age. I don't exactly know where I'm going with this story but I just want to say that you have to stay strong and not give in to these beauty trends. You will feel better about yourself when you grow older. You, your friend (and anyone, for that matter) are worth way more than your beauty.

[@rue6914]

Being 14 sucked. I wasn't confident at all. I'm so glad I'm not a vulnerable kid/preteen in 2023. Shit's rough. Tiktok is unhealthy but a social norm. If I could speak to your friend, I'd just tell her: Every feature of your body is proof that hundreds of generations of humans fell in love with someone who looked like you. Not to say that falling in love or being attractive is the end goal of life, especially for a 14 year old. What personally helped me when I was 14 was getting into avant garde makeup. Not to cover up pimples, but to look as "unnatural" as possible. Lavender lipstick, green lipstick, I tried those crazy colors, and I loved it! Crazy eyeliner- not to make your eyes more sireney, but to look like a yassified Cthulhu. It was therapeutic. That helped me get through those days.

[@espeon871]

Literally!! Esp if u have darker skin the standard is so much higher esp if youre femme or a woman who's super feminine

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

like the other comments said, it sucks being 14 for a lot of people, I remember using tumblr and instagram as a reason for me and my friends being massively insecure (ie. our waists had to be a certain size despite out heights, we would compare skin tones with each other to see who's the "palest" while the rest of us would try and "out pale" one another, focusing on how much we can get our collarbones to show, wishing for a thigh gap, etc.). Not to mention, highschool education is already pretty tough for a lot of teenagers, and we got bullying, home issues, hormones, sexuality, and several other stuff piled on top of one another. Learning to not treat our sTILL DEVELOPING bodies as a problem is the least y'all can do to minimize the amount of $h!t y'all deal with, and i say this from experience.

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

@@rue6914 also a bit unrelated, but I loved the way you worded the feeling of accepting yourself, and I also wanted to say that I'm another person who loves to look like a yassified cthulhu in public lmao

[@LordWay]

As a dude who doesn't use tiktok it's honestly wild how prevalent this is on the app. I know how instagram culture can enforce body standards but there's really no escape for women when they are online tbh.

[@cupidream9702]

I’m so happy my 50 year old mother has never pushed these things on me. Even though she’s literally what these women want, she’s 50 but constantly gets told she looks way younger. My mom always tells me to not fall for the beauty industries tricks and to not spend time worrying about wrinkles because aging is something natural. Love her so much.

[@when2wordscollide]

For me the biggest part about learning about hip dips wasn't the moment I realized I had them, but that I was expected to be ashamed of them

[@Jenny-vm3yu]

The hip dip thing is wild! You literally can’t change your bone structure. I’ve lost a large amount of weight (40lbs) and I still have hip dips. They aren’t as pronounced now but they are still there. Literally nothing can change this, unless maybe some sort of fat transfer plastic surgery? No thank you! Besides, they were celebrated in renaissance paintings, and in ancient statues. Suddenly we should now be ashamed of them? 😂

[@Funeral_Mannequin]

Same with strawberry legs and eyebags. I remember googling these features and the first results to pop up were surgery websites and they called them “deformities”.

[@when2wordscollide]

@@Jenny-vm3yu I didnt know thet celebrated in renaissance painting but that's made me really happy :)

[@shefalee9882]

Someone called hipdips "violin hips" and tbh I find it kinda cute 💕

[@Little_Sidhe]

Same 😄

[@honeyjam9593]

this would be my advice to anyone who is struggling: delete tiktok and go out in the real world, where no one looks like that, real people are the most beautiful. yes, enjoy putting makeup and cute outfits on yourself ofc, but remember that looks isn't everything. you shouldn't hate yourself into a version of yourself that you like.

[@kileymackenzie]

Period!!

[@hivemindgoblin8540]

Agreed! Finally deleted tiktok a couple of years ago after being totally addicted (like scrolling for whole days lol) and I feel so much better for it! I feel like my attention span is better, I’m not as self conscious and I’ve really connected with myself and what being human looks like😅😊 Engaging in hobbies or with other people (or not people. Maybe a pet. Maybe a tree. Sometimes seeing other people is just not it😉) is so much more rewarding than scrolling~

[@jeanetterava2296]

Yes I agree! I have started spending less time online myself and I instantly felt better. Real people are very beautiful.

[@waldi7080]

I have super tiny lips and I managed to survive the "full lips trend" without getting anything done. I wish everybody would accept themselves the way they are avoid platforms like Insta and TikTok since they cause lots of insecurities.

[@limorose]

Same 🤝 Also small lips are super cute too 🥹

[@Marie-mj8ng]

Small lips team here ! Almost had lip filler but then fuck it I won’t spent that much on a trend 😅

[@jalapeno1119]

I have heavy brows and got made fun of for them all my childhood. Then Instagram brows came in, and I was suddenly very trendy without having to do anything at all. People online without seeing what I looked like would give out the blanket advice to use brow makeup and I'd be like "I don't use it" and they'd be like "you should though" it was so annoying.

[@loverrlee]

Me too! I prefer “dainty” or “delicate” lipped myself. No hate to big lips, but I always liked the shape of my small lips. They resemble Renascence paintings.

[@loverrlee]

@@jalapeno1119 I have thick eyebrows too! I was so relieved I no longer “needed” to pluck them pencil thin anymore!

[@Muppetpixiedreamgirl]

Man. I’m only 24, I remember the height of tumblr girl tiny thighs, pro-ana blogs. And being curvy and having tummy fat that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I followed my 17-magazine diets and workout regimes. By the time I got to college I truly thought things were getting better, but now I dunno. My younger siblings talk about plastic surgery like it’s a given, I just feel so sad. It feels like we regressed so much so quickly and now if you even try to say that people are like LET WOMEN LIVEEEE OMG. And I’m like yeah, let women live without the constant fear of looking old or fat or “out of style”? It’s not a fair argument to say that it’s healthy to want plastic surgery and that “if it makes you happy it’s okay.” Sometimes things that ultimately don’t help you heal can make you happy, and plastic surgery and Botox definitely fall under that to me. I find myself feeling like a teenager again, when just a couple years ago I felt finally kind of free from that mindset, all because I’m getting trapped in these terrible online circles where women try to control everything about their bodies. It’s not healthy and ultimately, you are helping companies profit. At the end of the day you’re being SOLD these products, procedures, face wraps, all of it is a BUSINESS. And I think we’ve truly lost sight of that in trying to argue some weird feminist thing that it’s a woman’s “choice” to want to look this way. I’m. Fucking. Tired.

[@mirandarinconnn]

Thissssss!!!!! It never ends and it feels like women (even I’ve been guilty of it) saying it’s ok it’s a woman’s choice is in a way trying to make ourselves feel better about a toxic choice /:

[@Sugarypop13]

As a 20-something year old women who attracts alot of attention for my looks, im scared of aging, so i spend so much on skin scare and anti-aging, going to the gym, etc .This video makes me feel seen. I need to embrace my youth and embrace myself when i age. Its normal and we are all beautiful.

[@biancasadventure]

Yes girl go live your life! Life’s too short

[@ttthecat]

You are gorgeous! But remember to put all that energy you use on strengthening and beautifying your outside on your inside, too! Let me tell you, when you hit 35, that attention evaporates no matter how tight moisturized and toned you keep yourself. If you focus on strengthening and broadening your intellect and spirit, you will always have a valuable commodity for your community, the lover you may want to attract, or most importantly for yourself! I have been in the same place as you and the pressure for me is intense because part of my job is to be on camera and interact with the public-- but what continues to give me value and job security is expanding my mind not ab crunches. (Although I do those too!) It's difficult to navigate, but eventually, you will find a way to love yourself at every age I have faith in you! You will find this strength and inner peace you were already blessed with the beauty and brains! I wish you the best! 🙏🏽

[@bitchfightme2259]

ik you may feel pretty , but in you're pfp , you have on a face full of makeup and possibly the hair you have isnt you're natural hair ... i'm all for you feeling beautiful , but saying you're beautiful with a full face of makeup just seems like you're only confident wearing makeup

[@remytherat2929]

@@bitchfightme2259 wtf who says things like this??

[@bitchfightme2259]

@@remytherat2929 me

[@mollylashley2336]

you’re so right - i’m 17 and i deleted tiktok a few weeks ago because i was literally being inundated with workout, skincare, and anti-aging content. it’s scary how much it was beginning to effect me and how i saw myself (as a 17 year old?? thinking about anti-aging???) and i definitely think just removing yourself from that area of the internet helps and allows you to gain way more perspective on how pathetic and obsessive that side of the internet is. would love a wagatha christie video x

[@seaurchinted]

i’m 19 and i literally went through the same thing you did; i’ve had tiktok deleted for the past two and a half months. i didnt realize that as i’d go down rabbit holes of beauty videos, i’d be changing my algorithm to constantly feed me (and my body dysmorphia disorder) these videos of strangers who i thought “looked better” than me. i think it contributed to one of my worst mental health spirals yet where i stopped taking my SSRIs and i’m glad i deleted it because even though i may not look as good as the models on tik tok, i at least can go about my day without something feeding my mental illness and telling myself i deserve to take medicine that makes me feel better.

[@nicolen3146]

Good for you girl. You’re wise beyond your years.

[@FabalociousDee]

Seeing this gives me hope. Good on you for seeing through the BS.

[@mynamo12]

@@seaurchinteddid you mean “don’t deserve?”

[@miaka123ify]

Its true I get away from sociol media and when I cameback it seem I was in a different world, full of hate and pushing shit

[@rnuriels]

i rly appreciate the “not our fault but our responsibility” approach to womens insecurity that u take. like theres no use pointing fingers at each other, but we all have a responsibility to be mindful about beauty and the content we share w the world!!!

[@jay1603]

finally a video essay that actually SAYS something!! I'm getting so tired of 30 minute videos that are just nothing, it's nice to see an interesting video with examples, research and an actual 'take'. Great work Jordan & editor!

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

there are many essayists who are fetch as fuck

[@abrielle13]

There's a ton of video essays that "say something," lol.

[@cigaretteparfum]

ngl, sounds like you either dont know how to pick the essayist, or you fell victim into the thinking of "any videos with 20-40+ minutes runtime is a video essay" which unfortunately seems to be very popular right now. maybe what you watched were just rant videos, vlogs, or opinion pieces marketed as "essays". there are at least half a dozen (a very, very low estimate tbh) of good video essayists with clear thesis and arguments backed up with research, all in various topics: pop culture, music, games, socpol, etc. edit: adding to the list of "stuff people wantonly mark as video essay" also see: investigative journalism and detailed reviews. i see this one a looooottt.

[@goosewithagibus]

*me being scared my 50 minute videos don't say anything* 👀

[@steff6146]

There are so many amazing video essayists out there! You might also like Tara Mooknee, Tee Noir, Tiffany Ferg and Fab Socialism :]

[@Cinnogirl]

As an 18 year old, videos like these help me not feel so negative about getting old. I see my mom and how she embraces her aging now and it's lovely.

[@rainghostly]

I'm 23 and have a panic disorder. Tiktok gives me anxiety and overwhelms me when I use it. I tried to get over it because so many people recommend Tiktok creators to me, but the more I hear about it, the happier I am this whole culture is moving past me.

[@pollypocket2743]

I feel the same way. I have an account but rarely go on it for that reason. Every so often, a friend will send me a funny or interesting tiktok and I'll think 'maybe I should try it out again' but I always end up feeling stressed out and deleting the app

[@IneptRat]

same, i found that instagrams algorithm is way worse so all i get are monkey and cat videos and i am doing much better! ofc it does recommend the occasional concerning misogynistic man content but i can simply say im not interested:D reels may be worse but thats a good thing to me 👍

[@emmerald]

since i started working at an assisted living facility for old people, it's so drastically changed my perspective on getting old. i used to be terrified of the idea of getting past like age 40, but now seeing the thriving social lives and overall happiness of many of the people at the facility, im like almost looking forward to it? like they are having such a good time playing bingo and seeing their friends everyday!! it just makes me less scared of becoming old and all of the things that go along with it, and i think that's really cool

[@RabbitTeacup]

Same, working in healthcare gives you such a different perspective, 40-50 is still fairly young, 60 is still pretty young too, 70 is elderly but young for elderly, plenty of 80 year olds are thriving! 90 is the age I really think of as "elderly" at this point, it's such a different and refreshing perspective compared to how it feels a lot of people see age.

[@ttthecat]

That is beautiful!🥹

[@ttthecat]

And bless you for helping to take care of our elders!

[@emmerald]

@@ttthecat thank you! ❤️

[@jenniferibarra7737]

That’s why I at age 21 eat really healthy not for vanity but for energy . I want to be a fun old grandma in the future I want to nurture and help souls all I can until my time comes to be with The Lord.

[@TheArchiTenshi]

I was always bullied at school for having ‘fat’ lips. Little did I realise that it was a desirable feature as I got older. Moral of the story, don’t let others tell you what is beautiful. You just are.

[@vivii__]

Same, I got badly bullied because of my looks and because I'm half black. I wasn't allowed to hang out with certain girls because I wasn't beautiful enough, they called me fat, ugly, useless, n-word etc... They also made fun of me for starting puberty at a really young age (7-8). Their words affected me a lot, to the point where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, take a photo etc.. I was also refusing to take care of myself because I thought it was useless since I was already really "ugly". I'm starting to love myself and trust myself, it really is one of the best feeling ever 🙌 Sorry if there's any mistakes, english isn't my first language

[@loverrlee]

Amen! I was made fun of all my childhood for being “fat” (aka naturally curvy with a pair shaped figure) but the joke is on those bullies because BBLs were super desirable when I was a young adult. Even now that the BBL body type is no longer “trendy” I have learned to love my natural curves and I wouldn’t change them for anything.

[@Joee003]

Yeah, and tbh, you might not be, and that doesn't mean you're less of a person. Some people are not and will never be considered "beautiful" by society, and they still have value.

[@justalostlocal]

@@vivii__ Yup, similar experience to mine. You were bullied by racists kids for not fitting the beauty standards, meanwhile now the racially ambiguous/ mixed look is mainstream. It's all so silly. We were fine and pretty to begin with.

[@artcowboy]

“You just are” … damn fuck yeah

[@tiffanyferg]

I don’t have a lot of these beauty trends / insecurity mining types on my FYP (so far 😬) but like you said, I can’t imagine how overwhelming it would be if this was the majority of what content tiktok was serving me. It’s so so hard to resist this messaging, especially if it’s being relentlessly delivered straight to you

[@eliceosei6443]

@igglepiggle13 wow that is honestly evil 😞

[@shamedgeeky]

The buccal fat removal thing makes everyone look so austere. It’s wild to see that kind of thinness and austerity swing back into fashion because it really highlights how much money you have to have to participate in that kind of public posturing. The ripple effects are terrifying especially when ppl like the kardashians are sourcing their body trends from other ethnic identities and then can just turn around and drop it when it’s convenient. I’ve always been super broke so I never felt like I could participate. I like to watch the more fantastical beauty content instead. Let’s go, it’s 2023 let’s all turn into magical forest creatures and mushrooms and shit.

[@KatieLeyden]

This stuff makes me so sad, purely out of love for literally women as they are. My lil sister has had sooo many ‘beauty procedures’ , spends a fucking fortune on tan and whitener and filler and nails and injections and I just ache for her health and headspace.. not to mention £££.. she looks beautiful but always did, but now she literally looks like the epitome of an ig model and still always wants something else… it’s addictive and highly morphes how you see yourself

[@jaqsre]

still can’t believe i saw “earlobe surgery” where they cut off part of an elderly woman’s earlobe to make it look more youthful. sure, that wasn’t on tiktok, but it wouldnt surprise me if i see it on there soon 🤦🏻

[@zanderisamazing5043]

Someone once mocked me for my dainty, as they suggested non existent but enough for a row of earrings earlobes. It gave me reason to look at their earlobes which were the size of a man's thumb pad. They would make me consider earlobe surgery if they were mine but it demonstrates the innate confidence that men have in themselves that they could think such ugliness superior

[@cigaretteparfum]

the only other reason i can think of for earlobe surgeries aside from actual medical necessity is for stretched lobes from piercings. how does the size or shape of lobes even contribute to how "youthful" someone looks???

[@jaqsre]

@@cigaretteparfum if it’s to close big stretched ears or to correct something (like if a dog accidentally ripped your earring out) that’s completely fine, but i so highly doubt any of us has ever looked at an earlobe and thought “it looks old” 😭

[@jungjaehyuns]

omg did you see that on twitter too? 😭 i was so surprised when i saw it it’s crazy how literally any potential insecurity is being preyed upon for surgery’s to make money

[@jaqsre]

@@jungjaehyuns YES it was so weird 😭 like if that made the person happy that’s great but ..

[@KittySnicker]

I was obsessed with anti-aging skincare when I was 24 and got diagnosed with OCD. It was a terrible time. I’m 31 now and thankfully have a much more balanced relationship with skincare.

[@bm5_5_5]

Oh wow same here! 28 now and my relationship with myself fis much better thank god.

[@KittySnicker]

@user-ds1nt3ty1g I’m really glad I came of age before tiktok and that you’re doing better! ❤️

[@KittySnicker]

@@bm5_5_5 Good to hear you’re doing better! I’m glad I’m not the only one with aging dysphoria!

[@bm5_5_5]

@@KittySnicker Thanks so much ☺️Yeah back when I hated everything about myself at the tender age of 26 I was actually terrified to be 30. Used to breakdown and cry in front of the mirror about my forehead which I realise now was actually expression lines or dehydration 🤦🏻‍♀️I’m now a year off 30 and life has never been better to be honest. I was really unhappy back then and I am much more healed and healthy now. I’d go so far as to say I truly love the person I am. Amen to that 🙏❤️

[@bm5_5_5]

@@KittySnicker Same here. It’s a cesspool it seems to me.

[@hew619]

It’s so interesting that we say TikTok has shortened our attention span considering that KZbin video essays are sooooo popular rn!!! ETA: I agree, both things can be true! I sometimes find 3 minute TikToks to be too long even for topics I’m interested in. I love video essays and I rarely watch the whole thing in one sitting.

[@abbyz13]

different attentions spans for different fans, man.

[@kellygreengables3936]

I think I think both things can be true. It's just about who's watching and what the content is about. Like a makeup review on KZbin is going to be more in depth than one on TikTok. But one on TikTok will give me the basics about a product in a short amount of time. Both have merit!

[@jhaneyhamlett]

it takes me a long time to get through hour long video essays because i can’t pay attention the whole time

[@SoftLawenda]

I personally love longer videos, but I lose attention like 100 times watching one and I forget what was just said. I think bc of the shorter attention span people are craving sth that may "repair" that??? And also watching an hour long video essay is easier than reading on a subject, so that also kinda plays into the short attention span.. idk

[@natasa3412]

Video essays have a large amount of information and content in themselves (especially if they comment on or include other videos and tiktoks). So I think that they actually keep your attention easily as you constantly have to engage with the content…

[@sprinkleofsuga7186]

Thank you for bringing more awareness to such an important issue!! I deleted tiktok last year (I wasn't on the insecurity mining/disguised "self care" side of tiktok, but I noticed that the way the content is served to me made me really overwhelmed and irritable) and I've noticed such a huge difference in my mental health! I wanted to say how I notice the same things from a different perspective! I'm an artist and I notice there is SO much ageism (along with all kinds of bigotry of course) in art and in the artist community. I noticed I would not draw my characters with genuinely emotional expressions because it made them look "old" or "ugly". I would not give them a single blemish. I wouldn't draw any body hair. I would give every character the same small, button nose. I would not draw any smile lines beyond a small dimple. God forbid they look UGLY like a REAL PERSON would!! (/s) So I took a step back and thought about why I'm afraid of drawing normal features, and have committed myself to drawing more kinds of people with all kinds of features! Because everyone deserves to be able to see themselves represented in beautiful art as their true selves!! Bodies are not trends!!

[@briannaolivares1596]

I actually had to delete tiktok because my sense of self was getting so bad, you know it’s terrible when you look in the mirror and nitpick at everything single bump and line on your face.

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

I deleted TikTok a year or so because I felt that it was making me feel really insular and limiting my world view (even though it portrays to do the opposite as you mentioned), and comparing myself to people I’ve never met (probably with edits on), rather than realising I rarely feel that way in person unless I’m on the app. I identify as he/they, so I imagine this is pushed much harder for/to women. Your montage of all of the beauty trends around the 3-4 minute mark just shows how wild it is. I find it fairly cruel how apps like TikTok will use the algorithm to feed you negative things like that. Obvs I think there are benefits of algorithms, such as finding your channel from watching similar videos, but i TikTok feels like a very very intense version of that which limits other positive worldviews. I’m in full support of cosmetic surgery and all surgeries, but not if the person is solely being influenced by something to change an aspect of themselves they didn’t previously see as an “issue”. P.S. Obvs interested in Wagatha

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

As you say, “algorithmic traps”

[@espeon871]

I just changed my tiktok feed to be abt like general things and wld skip and say im not interested to stuff which i know will hurt my self esteem but yeah good points

[@GaryHighFruit]

" I felt that it was making me feel really insular and limiting my world view " Yeah, like seeing all problems as the result of a society that is patriarchal. Reminder that KZbin is social media. And the US isn't a patriarchy.

[@kittikoko]

I swear this would've messed with my head if I were a teenager right now. I'm genuinely, objectively ugly and as a woman that's FORBIDDEN.

[@milkythoughts9500]

I FEEL you. Men are allowed to be ugly but we are not. People have to grimace and say "nooo ur prettyyyy" just because we're women and god forbid we're not pleasing to look at.

[@ninawth]

Objectively ugly women unite! I'm quite happy with how I look regardless, and at least it gives me hope that creepy misogynists will leave me alone, especially now that I'm starting to get "too old" for them (nearly 30) ✌

[@jalapeno1119]

I remember feeling this a decade ago, it must be 10x worse now.

[@xm7ld]

Similar here 🤚. I also hate that, as a woman, just about my entire value is down to the looks that I (don't) have. Character, self improvement, how I treat other people - all nothing, as a woman, against the genetic lottery of birth

[@Jillberto]

I had a talk about this with my friend. If you're "ugly" as a women, you're pretty much done. Everything gets 10x harder to achieve, which sucks. Noone cares about how a man looks, they will do their Job and noone will question it. Its different for a lot of women, you're either pretty and people automaticly treat you better, or you have to put in 3x as much work as your male coworkers. But, a women also cant be pretty and smart at the same time. Its just dumb. But if you dont look good, noone will even care about you or how smart you actually are. You just lost.

[@flojolee5387]

I ended up deleting tiktok at the start of November as I noticed even when I said not interested to ED videos they kept coming up on my FYP. As someone with past ED issues I found the videos were starting to affect my eating and deleting tiktok was my only solution.

[@SuburbanPrincess]

Good for you for deleting the app. It’s not worth it if it harms your mental health

[@renl9893]

I deleted tiktok ab a year ago but before i did they had started showing me ED content. I was regrettably active on ED tumblr in 2013 so from the very first ED vid on tiktok i was hooked but i did make a separate acct for it so it wouldnt fuck up my fyp. i didnt go on the other acct often and i deleted it before i deleted the app entirely but knowing that content is out there and will be probably pushed to me again deterred me enough to not redownload it

[@coldkittens]

can we talk about how julia fox said aging is hot?? it feels like she was so close to the point then jumped over it lol. everything a woman does, does not have to be hot, perfect, beautiful etc. aging is *normal and it’s something we all go through and there’s literally no way of preventing it. i see her intention, but it kinda takes us back to square one

[@ananditasaxena1411]

@coldestbaby Yes aging is a normal body process that we all go through but it can also be hot. like so many people find dad bods and silver hair attractive in men but not in women. Julia fox is right aging is hot and beautiful. Beautiful doesnt mean perfection , there is beauty in uniqueness

[@saulgoodgrrrl]

It was the same shit with "body positivity" too. It couldn't just be "hey some people are fat and still deserve to be treated like human beings," now it's "morbidly obese women are sexxxy and if you don't want to have sex with fat people you're a BIGOT." people are obsessed with treating dating and sex as the epicenters of activism and it's fucking annoying

[@lunarae1946]

I agree, I would love to be myself with my clothes, makeup etc but I feel like it's a crime for a woman to leave the house without trying to look 'hot'

[@ashleysbored6710]

Can we please stop calling skinny people "heroin chic"? I know it's not the norm for most people but some people have a hard time gaining weight and associating a body type with drug addiction is hurtful.

[@andpeg]

I understand why you feel this way, but the term was mostly used because the main models for the beauty standard were all using the drug to keep their body. Like it was so extreme that naturally skinny people had to use it to be “beautiful.”

[@guinevere788]

My 14 year old sister told me she wants a nose job the other night and I can’t prove it but I know she feels this way because of tiktok. She spends so much time on there and before I went cold-turkey on the app about a year ago I would ALWAYS see really insidious side profile challenges and nose job before-and-afters. It made me so deeply sad that she brought surgery up in the same way you’d mention you want to get highlights in your hair or something. Influencers can tell us to just do what makes us feel beautiful until they’re blue in the face, but until we step back and examine why cutting up and removing parts of our face makes us feel better we will never escape the grips of patriarchy.

[@kkuudandere]

I'm so worried for REALLY young kids feeling this way, because they don't even know how their bodies will continue growing in the future. Your sister might reach 25 or 30 and realize she definitely wants that surgery, or that she really loves her nose the way it is. Could go either way but I hope kids will wait a little while and see what happens. (I mean, I'm 30 and there are things about my body that I've come to realize really suit me lol)

[@rachelhallie7483]

Someone told me I needed a nose job when I was a kid, and I was self-concious for years. Now my nose shape is "in" and some college kids told me I had a "perfect" nose. This shit is absurd.

[@aleccino]

Send her this video! That's awful that she's insecure about her nose at such a young age.

[@oliviatann588]

I think there's also a problem when it comes to pretty privilege in regards to ageing. I feel like a lot of woman find it hard to ignore the urge to prevent ageing in fear of being discriminated against in the future for looking much older than their peers who began anti-ageing at a young age. It's like a very dangerous cycle.

[@bubblebubbleblip]

This is so true, like we want to divest from the narrative that aging is a bad thing, but society isn’t on the same page and there will likely be actual consequences for us down the line if we don’t comply. Women would have to abstain from adherence to beauty standards en masse in order to make any sort of dent in the culture. If we organized and chose like a week or month where all women wear no makeup, don’t buy any beauty products, etc. *that* might do something.

[@jbtfp]

this. i feel this way whenever i see women/people online obsessively reminding other people to wear sunscreen. yes, i know that wearing sunscreen is objectively good because it prevents skin cancer. but wearing sunscreen also prevents your skin from ageing faster as compared to being exposed to the sun. so whenever i hear people talk about wearing sunscreen, i do wonder if people are saying it truly to prevent skin cancer or if it’s because they’re scared of ageing/looking older. i sometimes feel terrible about it because i’m not the best at keeping to skincare in general and of course, i’m scared that i’ll look older than my peers who do wear sunscreen religiously. (in fact the whole “make sure you wear sunscreen!!!” can also apply to skincare in general, yes it’s a form of self care, but again i truly wonder if SOME people- especially the ones with extensive skincare routines- only do it because they’re scared of looking older than their peers if they don’t do it, because i’ve definitely felt that same pressure myself)

[@kit-nt1vb]

i am 18 and just 2 months ago i finally started to accept my european nose and nose bump. for 17 years straight i cried so much because i desperately wanted a small and feminine nose, i started to even get depressed because i felt that my nose ruined my whole face and i couldnt show myself to anyone, nobody would want to date me. ive started my self love journey and i love my nose. its strong, unique, FEMININE and gorgeous. my nose makes me different from everyone else and thats what i love about myself

[@CutiePieSally__]

It’s beautiful, your features are passed down through generations onto you :>

[@_voyageuse]

I understand you completely, I'm 25 now and I've kind of started accepting my nose the way it is, cause it's a part of what makes me me.

[@ThatOneUglyLightskin]

Girrrrl imagine how my black ass feels😂

[@AamuAurora]

I support you but as a European, what's a European nose?

[@kit-nt1vb]

@@AamuAurora i mainly used that terminology to make my comment more understandable to the wider audience hehe :> but what i mean is a stronger nose with a tougher nose bridge and bump on the bridge xx

[@storageheater]

Something that absolutely fascinates me as a guy is that, regardless of *where* I got my (weird) body aspirations from or what my body did, once gotten they literally never changed. The idea that I might want to change my body to follow a trend is so wild to me - it's not that I don't understand the urge to change, or the urge to be the hot centre of attention or whatever, but the idea of having a BBL and then removing it because it wasn't popular anymore is so deeply strange that I can't quite believe that's precisely what's happening.

[@rjeanne4683]

I feel like its the difference between 'be the best version of yourself' (aka take care of yourself, be healthy and take care of how you look) and 'be something else because you aren't good enough.' I feel like beauty industries have been eating women alive for so long that it's completely normal to absolutely hate how you look and believe you can never be attractive because you are YOU. Although I honestly see it creeping towards men too, these days. A LOT of body building content and sometimes I wonder what that does to a guy to see all these guys on their cut posing perfectly and going to the gym 6 days a week.... like that's not really good either but at least it's related to building muscle and eating healthy. Idk.

[@kattleyaygat]

Not having a Tiktok account might be the best decision I have ever done in my life.

[@beatricehart5614]

I'm 32 and downloaded tiktok for the first time last year. I deleted it after a month because of how quickly it altered my self-image. I can't imagine what it does to young girls' minds. Please be careful out there.

[@codingiswhyicryatnight]

TW: Discussions of ED & mental health struggles I'm Gen-Z but don't have TikTok, and all of my friends hate on me about it. I got on Instagram in 2012 when I was 10, and it straight up gave me an eating disorder. Just the sheer amount of beautiful people who look nothing like me was immense, and even my own mom bought me a waist training belt at 13. I watched her get incredibly 'noticeable' plastic surgery when I was 15, and watched as she struggled with an eating disorder in the name of health herself. I spent so much time unlearning beauty standards, working on my mental health, and dedicating my life to non-profit work and recovering from my C-PTSD. Literally developed 2 apps related to mental health and mental illnesses, and worked with therapists to give those tools to the general public. But whenever I saw the TikTok's that my ex (bf at the time) showed me of beautiful tiny, surgically enhanced women doing dances to jokes, it just brought me straight down. Even if the content is not directly about person's attractiveness, their beauty is what gets the content seen in the first place. Not only did I recover from my eating disorder, go to therapy, get into mental health advocacy, but I also worked with therapists to develop 2x mental health related apps and am regularly asked to advise companies on their mental health projects. And it still isn't enough to make me not feel like shit on TikTok. If that doesn't tell you about what repetition of beauty standards does to your brain, I don't know what will. I see what they did to my mom, what they did to me, and my heart absolutely shatters beyond recognition knowing young kids are seeing this as their new standard of beauty. The #1 predictor of plastic surgery is social media usage, and this is why.

[@ldive]

Are your apps available to the general public?

[@soaphi7069]

I’ve had forehead wrinkles since I was like 16 cuz I’m anxious and very expressive lmfao ITS NOT EVEN AN AGING THING ITS JUST USING UR FACE! Edit: yeah I also have eczema + chronically dry skin which def contributes but it’s not a big deal I’m chillin

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

damn, same.

[@VintageBabyOx]

There is hope, I had them in my teens but realised it was caused by dehydration and facial expressions. They've disappeared now I'm in 20's by staying hydrated, a good moisturiser and sunscreen.

[@moelli0]

@@VintageBabyOx girl did you not even watch the video or read the comment

[@dean1111]

@@VintageBabyOx maybe watch the vid again

[@fitzyfitz95]

@@VintageBabyOx damn you really missed the point of the whole vid

[@aylenny115]

im 22 and ive recently become hyper-aware of my looks because of im constantly bombarded with tons of selfies on my feed. if this is the social norm, it means ill have a long way to go to look THAT good. its awful and now i cant stop comparing myself to beautiful women

[@kaseynicole8965]

Honestly I think the solution is to avoid participating in practices that contribute to harmful beauty standards as much as we can. I know we like to take the ‘but don’t blame her for her personal decisions’ approach, but at some point, we have to accept that the amount of women participating in these trends adds to the pressure for others to. Because in reality, simply by getting Botox & plastic surgery, you are adding to the amount of women who have done such things, and therefore making those who HAVEN’T feel more alienated and insecure, and pressured to because suddenly ‘everyone else is doing it’.

[@kit2060]

im so glad you brought up that some of the backlash against buccal fat surgery is basically just upholding similar standards and body shaming lol. it gives me 'real women have curves' vibes, like we can say pressuring ppl to look a certain way is bad without slandering the look. i'll give a tensy bit of credit that it is interesting a surgery that will likely age you is popular while anti-aging is also super big, but there are better ways to express that and saying lol these women will look like shit at 60 is not helping anyone.

[@tropezando]

I never looked better than when I was sickest. Porcelain skin from being indoors and sleeping constantly, lost a lot of weight from being unable to eat, and my hair stopped falling out as much thanks to finally getting my kidney failure treated with dialysis. I was 23 when I was diagnosed with kidney failure and lupus, though symptoms of the disease go back to my high school years and it was likely that I had it unknowingly for years. It was such a privilege to get my transplant and be able to spend time (gasp!) aging my skin in the sun, finally having enough energy to walk my dog outside and celebrate the fact that I even had the chance to be able to age at all. My hair has continued to fall out because of my lupus and the drugs I take for immunosuppression, and my forehead has 14 additional years of wrinkles and sunspots on it, but they're proof of the time that I was here. I can't bring myself to hate my aging face. (My failing body is a whole other subject tho heh)

[@nimrahm1211]

get well soon!

[@rowceo]

Love this! And love your username, hope you are doing well

[@aijou1606]

so glad youre here❤️ youre so strong for facing all of that at such a young age. stay healthy and happy!

[@sparksfly715]

I think the first thing I ever remember seeing that came about from this social media era was the discussion about the thigh gap. It preceded tiktok but I remember being like 12 years old in middle school and suddenly thinking about if I had a gap between my thighs. It was literally never on my mind before but everyone online was talking about it (whether they talked about it as good or bad) and I could not get it off my mind even if I wanted to.

[@abnormalusername]

I can't seem to remember where online I started hearing about thigh gaps but whether or not people had one was all I noticed on myself and other girls once it was pointed out to me.

[@RedDeadReverie]

Same. The insecurity is still with me to this day 😓 Crazy how the media tells us how our body is supposed to look and we subconsciously believe it all our lives 🫤

[@aeoligarlic4024]

Oh that's tumblr era

[@lyn3158]

I still don't get what's special or attractive about having a thigh gap!?

[@tj-s6328]

I'm 30, and for a minute I wanted to be terrified of aging. But tbh I've never had an issue with it before. I've always anticipated life's milestones. The patriarchy really wants women to hate ourselves until our dying breath, but you know what? I really do love myself as I'm aging. I'm only improving and becoming better than ever within myself in a way I struggled with when I was 20. Do I still want to impress? Of course. I'm working on age and looking youthful not be the defining thing about me. If that is how others are measuring me, that's on them and it has nothing to do with me.

[@GaryHighFruit]

"I really do love myself as I'm aging. I'm only improving and becoming better " The Patriarchy says You're welcome. (You feminists are really easy to make fun of)

[@rahabintemotiul]

I think instead of saying things like "everybody is beautiful" we should ask ourselves why do we even need to be beautiful? Like women with different goals, interests and motivations are constantly compared to celebs and models whose job is to look pretty. It has especially taken a toll on teenage girls. Tiktok and social media in general is enforcing the idea that they MUST have hour long skincare routines to 'fix' their acnes, blemishes etc and have flawless skin instead of focusing on their studies/arts/sports(or whatever their hobby is). Teenage life is a really short time in life and teens have to balance school, work, hobbies etc and social media makes them compare themselves to women in their late 20s who've gotten their life together, its super depressing .

[@sophiekuhn5342]

I’m 25 and feel this deeply. A 19 year old called me old :(

[@na3vah917]

They will be your age one day😂

[@laurenrose6939]

28 and found my first silver hair. It's front and center where I part my hair and I kinda love it😊 I actually kind of want the hair around it to turn silver too so I can have a little natural silver streak in my hair. My youngest sister said the hair is my wisdom showing, which is such a cute thought

[@parisuniverse]

I’m 19 and 25 is young af girl

[@littleforest7696]

I’m 19 too and honestly babes you are growing into something beautiful regardless of the age you’re at. One day I hope to make it to 100 and find out more about myself and learn how to release the harsh judgements that have been put on us to separate us from love. Every age is older or younger than another age. That’s just life and I wish being older than someone wasn’t a taboo.

[@icravedeath.1200]

@@na3vah917 not if they die before that point.

[@sineadohickey6596]

Deciding to delete tik tok has been a HUGE step in improving my mental health

[@gabiimar5655]

Honestly

[@rinapop2681]

As someone with genetic dark undereye circles I no longer bother to hide them. However it's so hard to not give in to the pressure to cover them up or think about expensive treatments

[@meg0769]

I feel this. Everyone in my family has dark under eyes - I have been told my whole life that I look “tired”. I wish I could embrace my dark circles.

[@PugandOwn]

ahah, same here... :( I spent a lot of my time as a teen worrying about looking tired (and I did get a lot of concern about it, which is annoying when it's literally just the way your face is) and for a long time concealer was the only makeup I would wear. more recently I have largely given the insecurity the boot, and how I actually managed it was just kinda looking at my face and recontextualising how I saw it. so yes my eyes look perpetually dark and sunken, but at the same time, when paired with my dark hair and pale skin (the joys of being a shut-in -_-) I realised I wouldn't look out of place among the cast of some black and white gothic horror film from the early twentieth century. and like, as far as I'm concerned, that's infinitely cooler than whatever beauty standards are in this week. I'm gonna live my life like any moment I will be stranded in a remote castle to have UST with a vampire!

[@plavalisica57]

I personally find under dark eyes so beautiful and attractive! I'm not even trying to be nice I really like them.

[@fieldmouse8910]

is that possible? because I can't get rid of mine. I've been applying Vaseline to my undereye circles but they don't go away 😣

[@PugandOwn]

@@fieldmouse8910 yeah if your skin's in good condition and you aren't tired/ill, then you might just have naturally dark undereyes. maybe it's just how shadows are cast on your face, or that you just have thinner skin around there, or any of the miriad of reasons the body can hyperpigment an area. it's all just a part of the weird and wacky world of human diversity. (also, be careful putting vaseline near your eyes. as someone who used to need paraffin-based ointment for facial eczema, not only do you REALLY not want that on your eyeball, but also it can trap your own body heat which can irritate particularly delicate skin.)

[@SolivagantJules]

At 9:30 you talk about the uncertain reward - in dog training we don't always reward the pup with a treat when they sit or stay, or whatever trick we teach them. Sometimes all they get is a pet and a "good dog!!!" This strengthens their training because they are hoping that next time they will still get the treat because they know their actions are connected to the treat. Exactly what you explained is what happens in the dogs brain too which is pretty early studied psych and its cool, but dangerous when connected to something so toxic like tik tok

[@b.851]

I loved this video and the most ironic part is that every time I reached an ad break, it would show me some sort of serum that would help in age prevention or “change my entire makeup routine”. I’ve noticed that even with younger children have fallen trap to this type of content and an uptick in retinoids even for people younger than I. The small “trends” hurt almost every single girl and it has lead to a generation of self loathing girls, even more so than years past :(. I hope these systems slow down, if not for us but for those after us.

[@lanilynn1227]

I am SO glad that tiktok/reels-style videos overstimulate the living fuck out of me because I don't even so far as have a throw-away tiktok account. The more I see people around me scroll tf away aimlessly, the toxicity, etc, the more thankful I am. EXHAUSTING.

[@ally939]

Saaammeee!

[@limorose]

Same i get the worst headaches from it

[@tammzy65]

Same here. Absolutely can’t stand it, even when Vine was about it used give me a migraine. I don’t get how people scroll for hours

[@akaErma]

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Some trends from Y2K don't need to be revived, especially the wildly unhealthy body ideal. The only difference I can see between this and the magazine/MTV culture of the 90s/early 2000s is the wide acceptance of cosmetic surgical intervention for the average person and the ubiquity of social media. I'm glad I unlearned that shit eventually. I can't imagine how damaging seeing that all over social media would be to me now if I was still young and insecure. I don't use TikTok, but I'm not their demographic being that I'm a haggard old crone now.

[@Muffin7899]

AHHHHHH IM READY FOR THIS ONE!! I deleted tiktok and twitter before the new year and icl im so glad. I think Tiktok was really adversely impacting my perspective on the world, heightening existing anxieties while implanting new ones. I couldn't go on that app without being convinced my bf was cheating on me and that I needed to 'aestheticise' myself. I was so anxious from being bombarded with other people's stories and viewpoints. I've started to think it's not so normal to have access to people's inner dialogue so freely... its so draining and the constant babbling overwhelms my mind. Can't wait to watch this Jordan, you are a breath of fresh air!!!!

[@Muffin7899]

p.s your hair and makeup is looking unreal prinny💅

[@zldq.s]

I didn't have Tiktok but did the same for Twitter back in August and DAAAAMN was it a good decision

[@astrid4381]

I definitely relate to this and I saw this video on TikTok a while back, and the person was saying that it’s not normal to be consuming so much information in one sitting. Like one moment you’re consuming fashion content, then content about a crisis in the world and then someone’s sexual assault story. It can get overwhelming.

[@angelatorres8179]

I desperately need to live with all the girls in the forest, talking about what we think, how we feel, finding out that we are all seeking for love, but we are all too afraid of not being worthy of it. Then we discover that sisterhood can fill that void in our souls and we all work together towards each other’s happiness and our own.

[@boatsnsunsets]

i’m 20 and have more stress from social media than anything. when i wake up and before bed it’s all i consume my time into. it’s so true when they say out of sight out of mind. i’ve deleted the app the redownloaded so many times i think it’s time to full on delete forever. im sick of watching other peoples lives when i actually don’t care.

[@pb_pb_pb_pb]

100% agree with “insecurity mining”, that’s the best phrase I’ve heard for it

[@tashiw2913]

Surprisingly the speed at which beauty standards are changing and how crazy a lot of them are has actually made me feel more secure in my appearance and features. But i have been seeing a lot of the anti aging stuff recently and sadly I think its been getting to me a bit.

[@youtubename7819]

I lived through the extremes of heroine chic and literally shaved off eyebrows in the 90s to thicckkkk ass brows and BBLs… It gave me a lot of anxiety as a young teenager but now I am impenetrable. Ya just can’t fool me with this bullshit.

[@nunyabusiness164]

I noticed that I had a "forehead wrinkle' when I was 10 years old. I was obsessed with it - I cried and cried and told my mom I was terrified of getting "old"..... My perfectionistic tendencies lead me to depression and self-hatred if I leave them unchecked. I worked on my appearance-based issues as a teenager and became much happier -- but as an adult I've realized that I unconsciously transferred my perfectionism to my artwork and future career. As a painter, I can find flaws in my creative work as easily as I used to find "flaws" in my 15-year-old face. Long comment... all of this is to say: affirmations, correcting thought distortions, journalling, therapy, and a recognition that we need to accept ourselves to feel happy is so important. No amount of "fixing" will be enough to make you feel worthy if you start with the belief that you are unworthy fundamentally. If I am dedicated to hating my art, I could paint something to rival Caravaggio and still think, ah- well it's a bit dark isn't it? No amount of external validation or "objective" improvement will give you the feeling that everything is okay. It's something you have to practice believing, because it comes from inside your own mind in the end. Best of luck !

[@karlaitzelmx]

This hits so hard. I'm watching this on my birthday and I've been feeling bummed out, recently I deleted TikTok cause I felt like I didn't fell into those standards, yesterday I saw a KZbin video called "I wasted my early 20's so you don't have to" and it was the title alone that led me into a spiral of overthinking how I'm turning 24 and "life's going away" you know? I'm so against ageism yet I keep falling into this videos, as you say just causing me to go and consume more about the topic...

[@CrystalWong]

It's kinda of late but what my mom said to me when I turned 20 (i'm currently 27): When you hit 20, that's age 0 of being an adult. Once you turn 21, you're a 1 year old adult. When you're 25, you're a 5 year old adult. Changed my perspective about not "doing enough" as an adult.

[@emilia885]

i hate to be that person and sound like my mom but there are very simple solutions to this. don’t go on tiktok. don’t follow influencers. only follow people you know or people whose content is not body-centric. social media is so terrible for us. i’ve been on social media since i was twelve and only recently deleted all of my socials and oh my god. the relief is unbelievable. i feel less pressure, i feel happier with my appearance. before i deleted my apps i was also making an effort to only seek out people who looked like me or made me feel good about myself and even that helps. but never forget: social media is simply a marketing tool to sell you things. it is a scourge and we would do good to distance ourselves from it as much as possible

[@emelieerdbeere1689]

my face dismorphia started when we had to draw the side profile of the person next to us at school. it was the first time I realised I don’t have a jaw line. tiktok didn’t even exist back then. growing up with tiktok must be kinda horrible

[@AW-xc1xc]

Honestly, who's idea was it to make insecure pre-teens draw eachother's faces at school? A classmate drew my face (complete with acne and scarring) back when I was in middle school, rudely remarking that it was weird I looked like that, and I've had low self-esteem ever since. Why force other kid's perceptions of your looks to be what you see every day in the mirror?

[@emelieerdbeere1689]

@@AW-xc1xc Teachers learn basically nothing about pedagogy and psychology during their education at university (at least in germany where I‘m from). That and that some people who become teachers just don‘t have common sense might be the problem

[@LittleMissLounge]

@@emelieerdbeere1689 Most of them sure as shit suck with autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities in general, so that tracks.

[@mariya_tortilla]

i have a jewish and armenian nose and my friend (we were teens) decided drawing my profile was a good idea. You can imagine how HUUUUUGE he made my nose look lmao. I was scarred for life lmaooooo

[@Jillberto]

@@emelieerdbeere1689 oml we did the same thing! I was 6 or something and got sooo insecure about my side profile because of that! We did it with the Tageslichtprojektor and everyone watched but its somewhat sooo common to do these in germany. Almost everyone I know did those.

[@kyoyameganebereznoff]

I didn’t even know that people were insecure about their eyelashes and eyebrows and the fullness of their lips until I found that content online and, all of a sudden, I started paying attention to how those features looked on me. I feel like we made some progress against these beauty standards in the late 00’s, but then then social media started to claw it all back.

[@Funeral_Mannequin]

I miss remembering not knowing about my “strawberry” legs.

[@abrielle13]

I wasn't allowed online and had minimal access to things like video games and such as a child. I used to hate it, but now, looking back as an adult, I'm appreciative of my mom setting those rules In place. I was still exposed to a fair share of beauty standards and online culture through other kids and magazines and movies but I was way better off without full access all day every day. I had a phone for a couple months at 16 but it was too expensive so the next time I had a phone I was 18 and paid for it myself. It was a cheap prepaid phone. I hate seeing little kids with smart phone in their faces all day.

[@InnominateShadows]

I haven't watched the whole video yet, but can I just say...Your intro is EXACTLY what goes through my head EVERY TIME I have body issues. It's a never ending torrent of vomit-inducing beauty standards that are IMPOSSIBLE for anyone outside of A-LIst celebrities to adhere to. I'm gonna show everyone this because I don't think people quite understand how subliminal and damaging it is for women to see this shit everyday.

[@courtneys.7113]

i feel like the surgery trends never really got to me because it’s icky ewww needles lol but i feel myself sometimes slip into the “self care” trends because it comes out of a desire to treat my body better. as an example, i have scoliosis and so working out and strengthening your back muscles can help with the back pain but workout culture is so fatphobic that i actually started to feel more self conscious about my fat and workout culture so easily segues into skin care trends that promote anti aging and eurocentric beauty standards and so on and so on to where it ultimately ends up at surgeries again

[@discendos]

I've just turned 30 last year, and having lived through the juicy/low rise/playboy era I developed an eating disorder very young and it shaped my life completely. With the resurgence of Y2K fashion it hit hard because it was a reminder that women/girls who looked like me were still not welcome. Mood boards, inspo vids, and compilations of vintage looks on tiktok felt like they were swarming me so bad even though I wasn't engaging with the videos (but was watching them) that I had to delete the app. It was overwhelming and the app has definitely led to my ED coming back hard.

[@em6644]

I’m so sorry, that must be so difficult. I was really fortunate that the first y2k fashion content I saw was on ig from a plus size woman with a bigger tummy! I’d just put on weight and her posts made me feel really positive about it even though any change to my body involves some difficult sensory adjustments for me. It really suited her and I loved how she expressed her own personal style as well. So because of her my first impression was that it was way more positive and inclusive this time around. But I’ve also seen the content you’re talking about, the stuff about past “body trends” coming back really concerns me. Body trends shouldn’t exist. I think that’s why it’s always so important to be intentionally inclusive especially with trends that have historically had such fatphobic and misogynist ideals tied to them. I can imagine that would be so triggering!

[@hailymichael3863]

The way I felt this so hard, I just turned 30 and EDs plagued my entire youth, til I was about 28. The trends of the early 00s absolutely had a huge part in the development of my ED. Thankfully I don't really interact with people online outside of KZbin so I'm mostly insulated from this kind of negative stimulus but god, if I did, I know I'd be right back in the headspace to fall into unhealthy habits again. It's impossible to keep up.

[@arctic_desert]

I grew up before all this as well and next month I am getting my *front teeth* replaced because of a lifelong eating disorder. I wasted so much time (and tooth enamel) trying to be bones.

[@cyaneous227]

the anti aging/unrealistic standards around beauty is honestly really gross, i think human bodies being the way they naturally are wrinkles, stretch marks, scars, acne, hair, and all is so much more beautiful and unique instead of trying to be well ... not human and forcing yourself to push away completely normal qualities. i think worrying too much about how you look can steal life away from you. learning to normalize these traits and live in the moment is so so important.

[@Destiny-nz5yg]

I agree!!!!! There are so many young ppl who never got the chance to see wrinkles and gray hair, so I’m not gonna view aging as something to avoid. I wanna make it to 30,60, even 90!!!!

[@رزيئة]

Cap. I bet you'll never fuck someone with these attributes you just mentioned. They're all signs of something being wrong with that person (except body hair). We're naturally disposed to dislike it to avoid potential bad genes for our offspring, and we can't do anything about that. Whether we like it or not that's our nature. And I prefer it to stay that way. I don't want to see ugly people everywhere.

[@MissaBrevis]

Absolutely! Well... I do go pretty hard on acne prevention, but that's because I get deep painful zits, not because of the aesthetics of it.

[@carpools5434]

i also think on an interpersonal level we can do things to improve this problem. i’ve noticed how commonplace and almost expected it is for female friends to greet each other by saying they look amazing. not only does this feel flat and disingenuous after awhile, but it really reinforces this focus on the way a lot of female friend groups collectively value each other based on looks

[@amoureux6502]

On one hand I think compliments like that are meant to mean "I see the effort you put into your appearance and you did a good job" but on the other hand it does reinforce the idea of women needing to dedicate a large portion of their lives to their appearance

[@Isabelgg18]

I love the idea of saying things like “you look so happy” or “you look so healthy”, something about how their appearance looks great because of how they are (or seem to be) feeling within themselves. Sort of glowing from within. Still linked to appearance but with something deeper too.

[@TenderNoodle]

Idk if this is related at all, but I honestly find physical complements given to me by people who compliment everyone they meet disingenuous and almost condescending at times. It feels like they just had to find something about me to compliment for the sake of it rather than actually being impressed by the thing they decided to compliment. I know it’s a kind gesture, but I just don’t see the point in commenting someone for the sake of it when you don’t actually care about the thing you complemented:/

[@jadecoolness101]

@@amoureux6502 Yeah, but at the same time, men are not expected to go "omg bro you look so good!" whenever they meet... If you're complimenting something they DID, it might be different. For example: "did you do your hair? That's a good job" vs saying "omg your hair looks good." The former puts the focus on the effort and talent behind the good look, while the latter puts the focus on looking good.

[@wolfchild9998]

Okay your intro fully resonated with me. I’m only 23 and about 2 months ago I looked in the mirror one morning and noticed a forehead wrinkle. Very faint but it’s definitely there. I then started to panic and thought I was aging at super speed so decided to look through some of my old photos to see if it was there before. And lo and behold in photos as young as 14 (closeup selfies) you can still see the exact same forehead wrinkle, no more or less obvious than it is today. It’s not even noticeable to anyone else, I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he laughed saying I had no wrinkles yet at all. I think TikTok has just made everyone so hyper focused on the tiniest aspects of their appearance that we are actually noticing almost microscopic things that we never did before. And things we never notice on someone else unless we are comparing ourselves. I hate TikTok and try to avoid it as much as possible, cannot stand how filtered and fake everything is

[@andginisin]

currently recovering from a drug addiction and i just have to say; your ability to be autonomous, to choose what you want to engage with, is a privilege and is critical to your happiness. Don’t let drugs, social media, family, culture, religion, etc limit you in exploring how you truly want to spend your time. Take control and sit in the drivers seat and think critically about how you spend your time. it’s one of the few things we have some control over and it is key to self actualization.