Social Media, Natural Hair, And The Conversation That WON'T Go Away

This might be the roughest I've ever looked on camera...and this might be the most honest video I've ever made so you know...balance. This video is my response to a situation that exploded on social media in the last week surrounding a young content creator, her exploration of her natural hair, and social media's habit of invalidating people when they voice uncomfortable truths.
Content Sampled/Mentioned In Video:
Lip Gloss KZbin: / @lipgloss7535
Lip Gloss Tiktok: www.tiktok.com...
Kimberly Foster Video About The Situation: • Not y'all gaslighting ...
1973 Special Report: • 1973 SPECIAL REPORT: "...
Tiffany Ferguson: / tiffanyferg

[@strudelh]

The way grown black men (and women too) was trying to invalidate lipgloss's feelings and experiences while simultaneously proving her point. 😭

[@AnomalyBelleza]

Right. So idiotic. People are just loud and mad that she's telling the DAMN TRUTH. What an over complication of the matter lol. I can't wait to keep rocking my simple plain azz small shrunken fro.

[@tacrewgirl]

This part.

[@phillipsmith6704]

But why not just grow long hair (if you want to)? Black women focus on black men, but you zoom out and it's clear that practically all guys like long hair. So if you can, just grow it out.

[@PopLife-hb3ks]

@@phillipsmith6704 You missed the whole point

[@MeganAllen1738]

@@phillipsmith6704 who says black women aren't growing out our hair? The point is most of us have "type 4" hair, which, no matter what length it is, shrinks up to considerably shorter than our actual length & there's nothing wrong with that. It's not that it isn't long, it appears short which is why most black men don't prefer it.

[@calideeslife3224]

Black women spend so much energy pretending that nothing hurts us, that when one of us has the GALL to say "this hurts", many will jump up and scream "no! that's not true! you're not doing it right! you're LYING!" 🤦🏾‍♀️ Continue to stay vulnerable, my friend. Stay human. It's your superpower. 💕

[@justryingme]

That's so sad 😞 I'm scared to show my vulnerable side too.

[@calideeslife3224]

@@justryingme it’s so scary at first, but then it’s such a relief to not have to keep a tight grip all the time! And then, over time, being vulnerable is very empowering. I promise! ❤️❤️

[@marie-francoiset9402]

@@justryingme show it to ppl you trust irl. not all & sundry on social media. not everyone deserves your most vulnerable parts. i mean you can if you feel called to but that may have unintended consequences.

[@LaLa_856]

It does hurt but it also fuels my 🔥. I feel like a rebel in these European standard streets.🤣

[@diplovely72]

I use to hide my pain under anger, it always landed my ass in the hot seat. Whew chile my flip outs were a lot to unpack🤦🏽‍♀️ It was ego and pride for me. Once I started expressing when something hurt instead of getting angry. Life changed I felt heard around any and everyone nonblack🤣🤣🤣🤦🏽‍♀️

[@ChurchOfCiiku]

The way Lip Gloss didn't even mention black men but a hit dog will holler.

[@joannamarieart]

The fact that men thought dating profile matches meant ANYTHING is just hilarious 🙄 Most men will smash literally any grown female human, and most are on dating apps to sleep with as many women as possible - NOT actually find a real relationship.

[@nosphosfer]

That's so damn true!!! All i have to do is say i'm looking for a relationship and i legit try and get to know them and i get ghosted harder then a gravyard at midnight! They arent about all that relationship crap! They complain about women being for the streets, these dudes are the streets!!!

[@nosphosfer]

They also complain about how women hit the "wall" i can't tell you how many guys look like they escaped the balding pig farm, lol!

[@sweetpeaj1952]

@@nosphosfer Preach.

[@joll_d1303]

@@nosphosfer dang.. I wasnt even on those things for a relationship and still got played... Dude actually offered to take me out on a date got my snap and everything... And then orbited me.. So i basically had to get rid of him... Still traumatize me till this day

[@raisaa1537]

@@joll_d1303 they orbit you in the hopes that one day you’ll cave and sleep with them. You did the right thing.

[@NurseLisaD]

It’s crazy because so many men say they are tired of women wearing wigs and makeup and nails, but that is what they actually go after.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

Right.

[@brieannachillious7123]

I would call this comic, but tragic irony. 😄

[@jessicascreenwritingservices]

Yep the gaslighting is ridiculous 🙄

[@sofiaguerrero0969]

They love wigs, makeup and nails. They just like natural looking wigs, makeup and nails. Which is annoying

[@TIAOFNEBULA]

dont listen or belive men ever

[@mylishahurt9717]

This is just sad...so many men will say women are insurcure by wearing makeup and hair but literally think that thier blackness is too ugly to pass down...it's so 😔 sad

[@WarmSun_MGM]

I really hate that they try to associate makeup and hair with wanting to be white. Like i wear makeup when i want my skin to look smoother in photos, add some highlight and glow, thicker brows. Not to look like the Wayne brothers on white chicks. And i straighten my hair because when i got sick and was working full time while in school full time my natural hair just wasn’t working for me as your health shows through your hair first. But men are so quick to judge and say we all wanna be white.

[@Goddess_Infinity]

@@WarmSun_MGM yep !!! My manager(BM) at one of the many restaurants I worked at . Asked me one day why am I trying to be white , I was like huh ? He said you were makeup and straight your hair . I said I didn’t realize that that translates into me wanting to be white but okay sir .

[@WarmSun_MGM]

@@Goddess_Infinity but if we didn’t put in effort they’d be asking “are you okay, you look sick today?” “What are you gonna do with your hair?”

[@sensimania]

I don't understand that mentality of men. why does it always boil down to complexion? My dad has the complexion of a biracial person and he told me that he only dated darker skinned women. He said "I'm already light skinned, what would I want with a light skinned woman?!" So when he met my mum, he said that he couldnt resist her dark complexion and beautiful features. I would've perceived his testament as a "fairytale" love story if he hadn't cheated on his wife with my mum and lied to my mum by telling her he was single. 🙄

[@WarmSun_MGM]

@@sensimania lol my dad was the opposite. He’s Darkskin and married my mom whose Lightskin. But he would always cheat with Darkskin girls including his current fiancé is Darkskin. He never spoke highly of Lightskin people. And even said he thought his kids were gonna be darker like him and i would’ve been perfect if i came out darker.

[@kaydenevideo]

“As a black woman, transformation is my birthright.” - Oh Steph Co

[@sunnyj7424]

I loved it when she said that!

[@kitty4107]

i had to screen record that moment- exactly what i’ve been feeling!!

[@StayGOALden]

🔥🔥🔥

[@Hintedbymarina]

THIS IS IT❣

[@juliealexis7438]

Always, always, always felt that

[@ebonyb6603]

I dated black men my whole life . I ended up marrying a Peruvian man . The only men that ever put me on a marriage track was a Dominican man and my now Peruvian husband . I was not looking for him. He came after me and was the only one that actually got on bended knee . But black men online criticize me for not being married to a black man . It was not intentional. the Latino loved me and I loved him and he actually asked for me to marry him . So… what do u want me to do?

[@Cwade14]

Good for you girl!My mother is Peruvian my dad is biracial….Peru has a beautiful culture!!My boyfriend is Indian,we want to get married…go where you are appreciated!

[@PScott-yh2cs]

Happy for you! The majority of BM don't "do" marriage with ANYONE, including BW, so its' not personal. BM aren't marriage minded men. So, live your BEST life with a man who values you!!!

[@dejalanae3329]

@@PScott-yh2cs this is a lie

[@creolekween]

I want you to keep being great sis! This is a great success example.

[@SeveredEverlastingWorldLore]

As long as you're not with a wyt man or any other non-Israelite man.

[@4mydearlady]

My daughter has a Korean boyfriend and, in the past, she had a half-White/half Taiwanese boyfriend. They both have seen her Beyoncé-looking wigs and her shrunken Afros. They have complimented both and didn’t treat her any differently without the wigs. Wish I could say the same for Black teenaged boys.

[@missdesireindependance5194]

The black community still has a lot of ant- blackness. This is why it’s this way.

[@jahleda8937]

Wtf kinda comment is dis smh

[@ebonymurphy-root9564]

@@jahleda8937 The truth

[@rsbslimsmom]

Ma'am, I am a 58 year old black woman 🖤. I was absolutely mesmerized by EVERYTHING you said. I wish I was 30 years younger or you were 30 years older. Your thoughts are SO insightful. Thank you daughter for this message.

[@ChoklitFrekelz]

My natural hair journey started in 1995 when my then husband (black) and I decided to conceive. I researched possible causes on why we had previously miscarried and hair perms/dyes were on that list. So I decided that if a baby couldn't ingest a food or use a product, then I wouldn't. We eventually had a beautiful, healthy daughter in March '97 and a handsome, healthy son in March '99. Never went back to perms, kept my hair in its natural state. I wash, condition, blue magic on my scalp, olive oil and a cream on my ends, silk pillow cases/scarves and that's it. Been doing twists and wash and go's for YEARS. Now it's hip length when stretched. To this day, I literally just let it exist on its own.

[@godsfavor6939]

That’s beautiful 💜

[@caseyjakemorris]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@naemack1441]

Yes! I have a hairdresser friend that said our hair grows best in its natural state with no chemicals. I stopped doing perms about 8 years ago and have noticed a positive difference ..

[@FiddleYourTiddle666]

Beautiful hair!!!! Like a beautiful cloud ☁️

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you for sharing🙏🏾🤎

[@JessicaLanear]

Stephco, You said this is the closest that you’re going to get to an actual media career. Let me tell you honey, this is your springboard!! You’re career in media is about to grow by leaps and bounds and everything you ever wanted is about to come to you. Even better than the media career that you thought you wanted years ago. I’m manifesting for you🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@tinamenon1593]

She deserves an Oprah style topical discussion show......anyone know if Harpo productions is listening.....

[@B1EbonyinLDN]

🙏🏾💕

[@SmallBobby]

Me too. Manifesting right along with you 🙏🏾

[@Lorinski]

Right!

[@cvzdez]

I agree

[@rebashley]

Yasss!! “ As a Black woman transformation is our birthright” Come on bald Steph!! You served that look 😍

[@mercyadegoke9958]

Wow I was literally telling myself this the other day. We can literally do any and everything.

[@marcasino3117]

@@mercyadegoke9958 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@brandcoachangel]

I loved that part.

[@robm8067]

Yes! 🔥💯 I’m a black man from New York. I prefer black women especially with short Afros and minimal or no makeup.

[@hurlscoutss]

She looks stunning with a shaved head, it made me smile

[@Charmmesilly1000]

That part about men are men no matter the race is SO true lmao. I had a “friend” in high school (blonde hair blue eyes as well) who said he thought i was beautiful with my braids in but would pester me BAD whenever i came to school with my natural hair out. He would constantly ask when i was putting my braids back in. It’s insane to look back on cuz literally why should the way my hair is styled bother you that much??? Best believe my self esteem took a hit with how many micro aggressions i faced as a young black girl lmao.

[@Arian-vf6jo]

So true I live in North East England and got told this by white people I work with a lot. I don't know what it is about but now I am wearing my own hair exclusively and I was with another black girl who had braids in and this White woman said to her infront of me, 'I like your hair like that' which was so wierd. I think that it is more of a race issue, BM suffer from internalised racism.

[@caladaley5248]

literally don't know how people tolerate this effeminate nagging from any race of man

[@justcallmebon2684]

There weren’t mad at her saying that BM don’t like her with that hair. They’ve heard that many times before and don’t care that most BW are hurting for their approval. What they were mad at was her saying she pulls WM with that hair AND SHE’S NOT MAD AT THAT. No she’s supposed to be distraught that BM aren’t paying her attention and sit there in her pity. She’s on to the next one and they’re MAD

[@Goddess_Infinity]

This!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🎯

[@animeghost888]

Exactly. If you aren’t there, who will they triangulate you with? Who will pedastalise BM? Who will be “bitter/jealous” of their relationship? 🥺

[@yoloti9993]

THANK YOU. she is not supposed to move to the man they deem to be superior than them. she was supposed to cry, be miserable , mule and accept the "fall back" place (baby mama, come up woman, ghetto stereotype , welfare queen and social justice warrior that always jumps in defense of her 'kang') that women who look like her are usually forced to be in when it comes to the BC. people need to understand that BM want BW to be loyal to them (even when there's no benefit) and to do that they need to keep on telling us that because they don't find our features attractive no other race of men on earth will. in order to control a woman, target her self esteem and only than she would be broken enough to believe she is nothing . i am so excited that these conversations are being had and that finally BW are starting to choose themselves.

[@abzda1700]

No if you look at the response it was more like white men in general like black hair when we know that ain’t true

[@puppyprincess2822]

@@abzda1700 It's not too far fetched. Look at it this way..How many BM will choose a DSBW with shrunken/4c hair over biracial, WW, non BW? And that's the point

[@kayp2311]

I’ve dated a young man, dark like me, and his mom told him to stop dating such dark women or he’d have dark babies. I was so stunned to even hear that. It’s sad.

[@jazdj04]

What?!? Wooooooowwwwwww

[@TheSomethingnew1]

Yes and the other part of this conversation is how older women carry this same ideology and will look down on natural hair. Really the older generation.

[@ayelefit]

Was his mother dark skin? This is why I am done with black folks. Black folks are intentionally breeding for preferred phenotypes (skin, eye color, and hair texture) and still call themselves "black" and say "we come in all shades."

[@anisaskcirmoht57]

We really are our own worst enemy

[@JulianSteve]

That’s gross and sad. Smhhhhhhhhhh🤦🏾‍♂️‼️

[@lechatnoir7062]

It makes me sad how much we care about what men think of us.

[@zypher1990]

Here it is!

[@JasminelovesIndycar]

All of this.

[@cc6546]

Why wouldn't we? Love, sex, relationships are core to humanity. Since the beginning of time. We're social animals. We crave them and thrive in them. Of course women will care what men think

[@Opinionatedcancer]

@@cc6546 look at how they treat and talk about women. Wanting their validation is the last thing you need

[@lalittl]

Also, i feel like the message behind encouraging interracial dating for black women is to be open to dating outside of your race. Almost every black woman in my circle is not open to dating any other race except black men. I think the message I have heard from other camps is "stop being loyal to black men, love can come in any color, be open". Especially because that level of loyalty is not reciprocated in the black community at all. When i went to woodstock high, i remember the black boys being more racist against black women than the white boys. I had a black male friend tell me "the ugliest white woman is more beautiful than the most attractive black woman" we can't deny that level of self hatred exists and so we should all be open to finding love anywhere imo

[@janelleguild3866]

Wow just wow!

[@missysmithy25]

Ok. A bm 👨🏿 like that obviously has self hate issues. He is extreme. Even most YT ppl wouldn’t say that 😑

[@ClowneryAtItsFinest]

@@missysmithy25 From what I’ve seen…White men don’t date ugly White women, they leave them for the Black men. White men want Black women with banging bodies and pretty faces. Usually the Erykah Badu-Lauryn Hill-India Arie type.

[@paris40359]

I understand that message to be more open. A lot of people are wary of it because it's been co-opted by the divestor's movement and it gets to a weird place of fetishising non-blk but mostly wyt men. They use stories like what happened with Liogloss to say things like "see, this is why you need to get yourself a wyt man". As though that is the answer and they will save us from mysogynoir. Even though wyt men as a group perpetrate and benefit from wyt supremacy like no one else. They are the same people self-hating Blk men are trying to emulate. They want their money, their access, their status, their privilege and their women. The women in these divest or spaces struggle to acknowledge that there are lots of good Blk men. What we see in media is the baddest engines being the loudest - tho it's enough Blk men that this is a notable problem and I won't dare minimize that and it's very real effects. They can get to places where they start using the same language as wyt racists to put Blk men down. Saying things like they're lazy, can't hold jobs or leave trails of baby mamas and that's why wyt men are supposedly "better". I get that these women have strong dating trauma from experiences with Blk men but the answer is not to become like those very men and idolize proximity to whiteness as a saviour. Especially when we as Blk women face mistreatment and fetishisation from all angles. Blk men just have closer proximity so the anti-blk ones know the difference between things like a weave and a silk press and that's how their mysogynoir can manifest in this particular way. I saw someone comment that wyt men's priviledge puts them in a place where theyve never had to care about these things and don't know the nuances of how they've been perceived (even while perpetrating things historically like making Blk women cover their hair during slavery times, not hiring certain ppl because their hair looks "unkempt", wyt institutions kicking kids out of school for not cutting or taming their "wild hair"), so that's why they care less specifically about these differences in hair. Still there's no shortage of stories about why ppl trying to touch on Blk women's hair, Blk kids getting kicked out of schools for not cutting or taming their 'unruly' hair, Blk ppl being refused jobs by wyts because their hair is "unprofessional", or wyt ppl fetishising Blk hair because of the novelty of seeing it or racist ideas about how it's exciting because it's wild and exotically ethic etc. But yeah that's basically, why Blk women aren't receptive to phrases that remind them of that rhetoric. And many, myself included, find value in being with someone who understands the nuances of the Blk experience and can support them through it without having to have gbeirngs explained to them. My best friend is half asian/half white, i feel like they get me when it comes to everything. If that story about people once being joined together and having their should split in to and scattered were true, they would be the other half of mine BUT I assumed they'd be able to learn to understand black issues if I explained them well enough. I needed someone to understand and comfort me when I was experiencing a bunch of mysogynoir at a specific time in my life and bless them, they tried and they cared. Theyre so intelligent and did their best but there are some things other people will never be able to get the way another Blk person does. And when you're dating and intertwining your lives, many things that affect even the little things are tied into race. So I can understand needing that connection with a partner. Not all people do, some are fine with getting that from other people in their life. But for the ones that do. I 100% get it. I agree with Blk women using their energy within the community more intentionally and spending less on those that wouldn't do the same for them. But it historically has been skewed by a lot of extreme people to mean, cut out all Blk men in every way.

[@lalittl]

@@paris40359 I’m marrying a black man, but not because he is black. I’m marrying him because he is good to me. I dated a white man all four years of college and that was also great. I never had an instance with my interracial relationship where he didn’t understand me because he wasn’t black. Just like no other race needs to be reminded that there are good men in their community, we shouldn’t either. All black women need to focus on is who the best man for the job is. Nothing more. We don’t need to hear statistics about why we shouldn’t consider other races, or reasons why we are less compatible with other races. We just need to vet and be open to all types of men equally and find the best man for the job. Stop sending us your dissertations on why, unlike every other human on the earth, we should only date within our race. Because it’s BS.

[@missysmithy25]

Tony Gaskins, a black man, said flat out that most interracial relationships (between BM and nonBW) are not based on the right things. I have a black male friend who said most of the time it’s based on ego, inferiority and insecurity. That’s probably why the rates of interracial marriage and divorce with BM are so abysmally bad.

[@anniemartina6767]

It's facts and only a blind or delusional person can say otherwise. Most bm and non-bw is based off hatred of black women or something else very toxic. Worst pairing usually.

[@nimbusdreamz8238]

I feel in a way..Hear me out..alot of interracial relationships progressed after interracial corn (Replace P with

[@SeveredEverlastingWorldLore]

BW and non BM also stems from self hate. It's a culture problem. The reason is because our people don't follow the Bible. It clearly tells you to love your brethren as a commandment. But our people have a hard time doing so. 1st john 4:20. We are cursed. Deutoronomy 28:54-57.

[@mynameispeaches]

A BM in a relationship with a WW is the inferior as far as social standing within the larger society. They claim that WW are submissive while ignoring that their WW has the full force of white supremacy at her fingertips that she can use against him any time. They have all the power in the relationship. It's impossible for a BW to dominate a BM like a WW can. That's why I really don't respect most BM. Too many of them actually have no problem being inferior as long as they can stunt for clout.

[@drnstjhn]

or maybe they're bad because we still live in a world that highly condemns such a union and they assume it's based off of something not so good. that's very taxing on a relationship

[@Pagesandperfumes]

The fact that so many black people tried to gaslight this young lady as if her experiences weren't valid is just ridiculous. I love that she laughed in their faces and stood ten toes down in what she said. Can you link where you got the hair love it 💕

[@beautifuldreamer8803]

I preferred your comments on this topic. I have had a compliment from a Black, White and Asian men on my 4c hair. I have also had frowns / laughter at my 4c hair from Black, White and Asian men. So I don't put any of them on a pedal stool. I just want to be happy with me.

[@michalovesanime]

At the end of the day, this whole thing started with a joke.. An offhand sentence. No where did lipgloss say white men were better lol. She just said PULL white men. Doesn't mean those are quality men or the men she wants. It's just a joke, a somewhat true joke without disparaging anyone. It's wild how big far people go with this, on both sides.

[@Rachelllllll2024]

Pedestal*

[@sweetpeaj1952]

Exactly

[@dylanmiller1256]

@Beautiful Dreamer Who’s given you the most insults about your hair? Most BW will tell you that the most insults come from men who share their same hair texture & skin color. These stories about bm criticizing BW’s natural hair are the same all across the diaspora. Everybody can’t be lying!!

[@puppyprincess2822]

@@dylanmiller1256 Exactly. I had a discussion with a BM online about this. It's not about WM vs BM, rather it's BM "preference" between DSBW with natural *shurken* 4c hair and Non BW.

[@faithful2myfreedom934]

I’m a dark skinned BW and I was down in New Orleans one summer and a BM came up to me outside the bar (unprovoked and unwarranted btw) and said “you’re very pretty, very cute girl. But I like ‘em red”. That’s a light skinned person for anyone unaware. He was pretty loud and obnoxious about it too. Still one of the most outrageous things said to me til this day. I was so confused and annoyed bc I said nothing to this person; didn’t come on to him or anything. I say that to say, people who aren’t black women try to invalidate our experiences bc certain things don’t happen to them so it cant be true or real. Or they think we just want to complain. I have stories for days but the bs unambiguous black women face only the daily is legitimate. People need to stop trying to silence us.

[@rdkirk3834]

I have not been able to understand this situation, and my daughter can't even explain it to me. When I grew my 'fro out in 1968, I thought natural hair was a done thing. It was established. It was beautiful. I cannot understand for the life of me how it became controversial in the black community again. I just can't understand it. It mystifies me. But my daughter, coincidentally, mentioned to me about six months ago that when she went natural, white men started paying attention to her...not black men.

[@princessm8977]

I absolutely LOVE Lipglosssssssssssss!! She is SUCH a breath of fresh air. Her level of IDGAF is what I strive for, and I think that's why she has so many followers not necessarily because of favoritism. Imagine if she wasn't as confident as she is and came on here so sad about struggling with not being deemed beautiful? It wouldn't be as revolutionary. People WANT black women and girls to need their validation, they can't stand us being OKAY with ourselves. I'm 30 and learning so much from her. The world wasn't set up for unambiguous black girls with 4c hair to thrive, maybe it's time we stop fighting to be seen. And just be. As always, love the video Steph!

[@GaylynLareese]

Honestly I look at men who think that way as simpletons. You hit it on the head Steph. They have taken the beliefs of society and accepted them without actually analyzing their validity. I want a man that’s smarter that that who is driven by their own values, not society’s. Their preference IS prejudice based on their lack of self education. I don’t want em🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Lynn.B.]

Well said!

[@heathers432]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@SmallBobby]

"I don't want em" *drops mic 🎤*

[@eshadiva6600]

Yes! You finally said it "I went natural because it was the best decision for my hair" period lol for hair health and ease honestly.

[@LM-qc3vt]

Black men are also the only ones who feel the need to constantly ANNOUNCE their racial preferences. Like who you like, prefer who you prefer, but the need to announce it and make it so known is weird as fuck.

[@Yawn54]

And then they turn around and bully and harass those who aren’t their preference.

[@e.l.lucychiron]

They're announcing because they have internal complexes around the issue. They feel more important and successful when they "conquer" women of other races. They think other people will see them in this more favorable light & think they are announcing their own "strength" by saying they only want these "exotic" women. Other people watching them who don't share that complex, however, are off-put by it. Or they see the psychological weakness in it, and sometimes manipulate that. Refer to the vid of the leaked group SC of white women dragging black men for their over-the-top simping.

[@gensai93]

It's because they feel self conscious and want to distance themselves from their own race, they think it will gain them approval or something.

[@sabrinathewitchh]

Random white man: “loving the hair!”😂

[@cmg25]

A lot to be said here, but I’ll just say this: it is both enlightening and disheartening to realize what you thought was a solitary, adolescent experience is actually a pervasive, global disease.

[@catflon2388]

Great commentary as usual. I no longer engage with people who gaslight us in our experiences. I have realized that they don't like these experiences discussed in the open because. They know they exist but you have to keep it quiet. They'd have to hold up a mirror. Introspection is difficult for all and impossible for most. It is what it is... Be well☺️☺️

[@marquistf1996]

Difficult for all and impossible for most. 💯

[@sedi2066]

I love lipgloss lol she's so intelligent and funny. It's unfortunate that this is still a conversation and that there are still black people who take their self hate so far. I hope and trust she'll keep her head up and in terms of those weirdos they clearly have alot of time on their hands

[@dnh31tlg10too]

Regarding my natural hair: I am natural because I’m cheap and lazy. I refuse (don’t have the money nor desire) to pay thousands of dollars to upkeep my hair. I also have a hard time up keeping any routine; cue depression and life struggles. The ‘Miss Celie’ braids are more forgiving (easier to detangle/dematte in smaller sections) for my purposes. I’m a work in progress and my hair is a quick indicator of my success or setback.

[@natashadickson4819]

This was the realest comment ever. ❤️

[@nikkiq5124]

You know what I also find interesting about black men is that while some may be colorist in their "preferences" it's a completely different thing when women show interest in mixed or light skin black men. Black men treat light skin/mixed guys so bad and make so many derogatory jokes about them. It's almost like they recognize the threat those guys have to their own desirability and bash those guys. It's just interesting because you'll have them bash light skin men and insult black women for desiring them all while trying to date light skin women themselves.

[@canwebehonest4once740]

Yeah the ironic thing is now a days there creating nothing but Light skin sons!!! When they call lightskin soft and punks for decades !!! Lol another mental warp 😇

[@nikkiq5124]

@@canwebehonest4once740 lol exactly

[@videofan1010]

I may be biased as a Black woman who dates men, is not light skinned but is lighter than Steph, but I feel like the reason the two issues are being treated differently is because of the number of men who think this way, the levels bm will go to to date outside their race and the levels of distrespect they level at their Black counterparts is the reason why the tone of this conversation is different. All 4 years of my undergraduate experience were FULL of experiences like the one Steph described in the video. Some even more graphic. I've even been pushed because I was standing near a white woman and the Black men in the siting wanted to remove me from the area. And I know many a Black woman both lighter and darker than me with similar experiences. Song after song glorifies dating "foreign broads" or "hitting the girl because she's Spanish." I'm not saying colorism is right from women but your comment is neither educational nor does it make sense because the aggregation of women's behavior doesn't even come close to Black male behavior. You've raised a false equivalency.

[@nikkiq5124]

@@videofan1010 I'm a little confused what your point is. My comment is about how odd it is some black men find light skin women desirable yet hate on light skin men as if it's not two sides of the same coin. Your comment sounds like you're upset about something else. Maybe you replied to the wrong thread? I wasn't saying black women were being colorist, I was pointing out how some black men insult black women because of their beef with light skins. It's odd how when it comes to light skin men, black men are colorist in the opposite direction. I wasn't denying or rebutting anything Steph said. I was adding to it.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

A dark skinned bm I know told me that since Michael Jordan made dsbm popular that they were *never* going to let lsbm reign again. I was like what? he said yeah, we clown the shit outta them to keep them quiet and in their place. we ain't going back. That convo reminded me of how my older sis and her friends loved lsbm back in the day! It was always 'he has light skin and a big fro! he's so cute!' So I think at one time dsbm were very frowned upon. think of dennis rodman's experience or that clown in the supreme court. they have both spoken of their hard experiences growing up as dsbm. Possibly back in the day, a dsbm *HAD* to get a yt girl! I think because the focus has been on bw more recently in the colorism discussion the dynamic between bm and skin tone is often overlooked and rendered invisible. But you hit the nail on the head. dsbm know they have the advantage (due to celebrities) now and they aren't giving it up. interesting.

[@shreehill9641]

I don’t think it’s favoritism. Lipgloss is inspiring bc she has reached the level of Idgaf about what y’all got to say that many of us strive for. Sis was drug relentless on twitter and laughed in their face. She didn’t apologize she didn’t come on saying how it hurt her feelings. Sis laughed at them and kept it pushing. You two are in different places on this journey to self love is all.

[@strudelh]

No because twitter is brutal, on tiktok it was fine, but on Twitter it was just a bunch of grown bm AND bw picking apart a 19 for her... armpit hair?? and the fact she said, as a joke, she only pulls white men with her hair. Also the hinge profile was veryy creepy, people will do anything with their time but get a job. 😭 I'm glad she didn't let it phase her because she's still posting, if she left the platform I wouldn't have blamed her lol.

[@brib6046]

@@strudelh you are exactly right! The fact that people blew it up on another platform is weird to me but the man who was so insane to take photos of this young woman and make multiple paid dating profiles of her is disgusting. She didn’t even say anything about Black men!

[@ellegmye]

@@strudelh she's actually 21, not that that makes what they did to her any more okay, but I keep seeing people say she's 19

[@normalgirlbim]

Yeah, I agree with what you're saying. I think the big difference between Steph and Lipgloss is that Lipgloss talks about how she doesn't let those systems define us unlike Steph who just accepts how things are

[@pricklypear1111]

agree! LipGloss doesn't ruminate on who wronged her and how. She doesn't beat the drum of victimhood/woe is me. She's just a baddie. Confidence goes such a long way

[@alyssab.9994]

“As a Black woman, transformation is my birthright.” I love that so much! I’m actually doing 2 strand twists as I watch this lol. ☺️

[@anhserc3534]

I’m a lighter completed Black woman but my daughters father is darker skinned…when our daughter was born we were DELIGHTED to see that she had her fathers skin…I can’t fathom looking at your own damn skin and deciding that it’s not worthy of genetically passing on. What level of self hate is THAT?

[@hellothere8347]

A lot of black men is still brainwashed and still stuck under that spell where light skin girls are prettier than dark skin girls no matter the beauty.

[@JulianSteve]

Exactly…. I do not understand Black people who hate themselves that much. It’s so sad💯

[@ladybug3380]

It’s interesting, whenever I see a very dark black man they’re always with lighter/white women. I guess people are attracted to what they don’t have.

[@JulianSteve]

@@ladybug3380 It’s sad when you put it that way. Thank goodness I love my blackness🙌🏾🤎‼️

[@phdgirl2016]

@@ladybug3380 That part! When I see darker skinned men with lighter complected women - I can’t help but wonder if colorism is at play.

[@Ceceee21]

I’m a dark skin 22 year old woman, and I can’t tell you how much this video resonates with me. Although a lot of people do find me attractive.. it’s never really for the right reasons. Not to mention that there are only so many guys out there that are attracted to dark skin black women.. I have always been oversexualized by men, even as a kid. And up until now.. men show me time and time again with their actions that I am nothing special to them. That I am not someone to be in a relationship with and that I’m only good for one thing to them. When I try to talk about my experiences I’ve had other black men and people in general tell me that it’s not about race and this and that.. but how else should I feel when I get cheated on and left for lighter and brighter women frequently? I can take accountability for the things I would accept in the past, I was still learning to navigate back then.. but ever since raising my standards and enforcing my boundaries.. i still run into the same issues.. something that may happen to other races of women, but not on the large scale or intensity that it does for us. It’s depressing and discouraging to say the least. It’s just gotten to the point where I’m literally mentally preparing myself to be at peace with being alone for the rest of my life because it’s just that difficult, traumatizing, and draining to date for me.

[@heathers432]

My daughter has darker skin and I am so afraid that this world will take her well developed self esteem and drag her into the dirt with their hate and prejudice. And I will literally be out here fighting any man that tries to destroy and degrade her and make her feel less than. It makes me so mad to imagine. I say to you, young sis, please don’t sell yourself short. You are very young and you can manifest the love you DESERVE. You have much time. You dodged a bullet with those idiots. You will be loved by a man who appreciates and sees you for you, I speak that for you as long as you want to receive it. 💜

[@rutho.6282]

Fuck. It's too much

[@PrincessJewels08]

I understand where you are coming from. I was ready to give up on love and relationships by the time I was 19. I already saw how toxic dating can be. I’m 29 now and it’s not easy navigating the dating pool, sometimes you need breaks just to not get overwhelmed. Just focus on bettering yourself and reaching the goals that you have. Keep a strong sense of self worth, take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Put what’s best for you first and protect your peace.

[@hourexodus5204]

@@heathers432 my advice would be to encourage your daughter to focus more on her god given gifts. Musical instruments, dance, painting, sports, etc. having purpose outside of beauty aspirations and male or societal validation is so important for our self esteem and our confidence. Let her light shine and she will not have a problem attracting a mate or need to diminish herself to be accepted.

[@heathers432]

@@hourexodus5204 Great advice! I have 4 daughters (no sons) and that is exactly the way I see it and exactly how I raise them. To love themselves and each other. It is so important to find our beauty within so that others don’t have to define it for us. Thanks for that word! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@jalondradavis1565]

My first serious boyfriend, who was a very dark chocolate, very handsome young man, told me he would never marry me because he was already too black and would have to marry a light-skinned or non-black woman to get lighter kids. He ended up having a daughter my same color and hair texture hopefully for her sake he has evolved those views. During a period of time when I was competing in beauty pageants and my hair was always straightened a guy I was dating told me that what he loved about me was that he could run his hands through my hair and not hit tracks or braids. I told him he wasn't going to like me when I put my braids back in, then. When I was competing in pageants wearing long straight hair and heels and performing more hyperfemininity, definitely attracted more what people would call "high status" men then when I was in natural hair and braids and no makeup and more casual. Now that my locks have grown pretty long I am getting more attention across the gamut again, but I'm married to the man who has loved me through every possible iteration of Black girl hair transformations. I have found that the sweet spot is highly intelligent Black men that are really comfortable in and conscious of their Black identity (but aren't Noteps, cause they get weird about what they're actually attracted to). Self-secure men would never harass a young woman online who said exactly what they know, because of their peers and friends like, to be true. I don't think white men necessarily love Black women's natural looks more, but because they are operating from a privileged position in white supremacy they don't have the same kind of conditioning (like the desire to have lighter, curly-haired women as a status symbol or to breed lighter children) that many Black men do. Like Kim said in her video on this, intraracially we have our own very particular traumas and class and color and texture and status distinctions that come out in our dating politics. The men who are attracted to unambiguously Black women (who I do believe there are plenty of) know that and wouldn't trip off of what this young woman said. It's the hit dogs who holler.

[@heygirlhey9363]

“Transformation is my birth right.” I felt that in my spirit ! So beautiful 🥰🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Leslie46765]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@amalita4691]

The depth and maturity of this take (and your takes in general) really do help your KZbin content feel fresh and stimulating compared to most. You are not just summarizing the "flavor of the week" like most of the gen zers who are just getting their feet wet and publicly forming fresh and budding ideas about age-old social tensions. You intertwine your years of experience, storytelling ability and nuanced opinions in a way that really gives your "media" an original and valuable highlight. I'm light skinned. I fit the beauty standard. My dad is white, my mom is dark skinned. You actually look very similar to my mother (both stunning btw :) and that's why your stories are so valuable to me. Being a "light skin" who fits the beauty standard with a dark skinned mother who didn't was painful to navigate especially because, as you articulate, nobody wants to hear our woes and I totally understand. I remember feeling shame and guilt even around age 4-5 because I knew me and my mother were having two completely different experiences because of influences outside of our control. It never made sense. How can I be "beautiful" but the literal source/mother of my "beauty" isn't? I've experienced some of those ugly stories of both black and white men as well. Some brag that they only date light skin women like I'm supposed to be flattered. One had the nerve to say my curl pattern is just right but if it were any kinkier he wouldn't like it -_- I am turned off by men who only date light skin women and see it as a BIG red flag. I need proof that the men I date have dated dark skin women (or at least different shades than JUST light) out of respect to my mother and myself honestly. I know it sounds a little weird. It's like half-white guilt (which is a real thing if you ask me). It's hard to look like you are genuinely rooting for dark skin women as a light skin woman without giving cringey white privilege/white savior energy. Like the way the internet tore Thandiwe Newton up for sharing her half-white guilt. It can EASILY look like we either pity you or embarrassingly reveal any of our blind spots because we've never experienced it firsthand. That's why I mostly shut up and just do as much as I can to prepare how my future daughters will have different experiences than me and do the most to help them understand how beautiful they are. I also tell my mom she is beautiful all the time (but she knows that lol) she always had great confidence in her beauty. Anyway, thanks OhStephCo! I agree with the comments, you looked gorge in all the different hair phases. :)

[@Richard-lh3te]

You have to be on another level of weird to take someone else’s pictures and make a dating profile without their permission for a “social experiment”

[@noirefit5954]

And Lip Gloss is a teen. That man should be sued

[@Gabster1990]

I have had 2 people use my photo as their own. It was disturbing.

[@venomousbluefrog]

That was the whole premise of that crazy series "Hello Cupid" -- check the Black&Sexy channel; it might still be up after all these years.

[@Deanna0456]

@@venomousbluefrog ahhh someone who watched black and sexy… hey boo!!!

[@theonlyessence]

@@Deanna0456 Hello Cupid, That Guy, Sexless, Chef Julian, Becoming Nia...I could go on but I was proud to pay my little $5 and would have gladly given more. I loved seeing "US" on the screen and giving such quality content; sad that it kind of fell apart....

[@Kelema86]

The dark skin man in the Vlad interview is so sad. His self hate is so strong and he can’t even word it. He can’t even say “I don’t like how I look, I think lighter skin looks better”. It’s like he never really thought about it, he just knows he doesn’t want his children to look like him.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

he's thought about it. His daddy taught him this. he's not a victim.

[@trishonya]

He was probably teased as a kid but it’s no excuse

[@emmaphilo4049]

Yes very sad. This world is crap and colourist!

[@tropicalstormxox9444]

@@marie-francoiset9402 his mom is brown skin tho isnt she

[@marie-francoiset9402]

@@tropicalstormxox9444 Having a mom that is brown skinned doesn't seem to matter much, though logically speaking it should. It's what has many bw scratching their heads. Like is he mad at his mom? also, did his father marry his mom?

[@teeknight4142]

I'm married, however had I not been, a man who spends his time on the internet policing ppl for their own lived experiences thoughts and opinions would not even be on my radar. As another commentor said "simpletons ". My husband is black he loves I means loves my nature hair. And also to agree with most I've gotten the most compliments from white ppl kids women etc about my hair. Brought my daughter to a restaurant with an afro n as she stepped in, she is 5yrs old a white man complimented her on her hair. Ladies go forth and live ur beautiful natural lives, God bless!

[@briannacarter7997]

Amazing video Steph. I grew up in a predominantly white area and went to a PWI for college. I didn’t even know that black men liked me or could like me until I was in my twenties. Growing up I was too dark too nappy or too skinny for the black men in my area. Only non black men liked me or gave me compliments. It’s definitely different now but this narrative DOES exist and is true!! We are not guaranteed to be chosen first by our counterparts (blk men) and that is REAL

[@honeybee2919]

There was a BM in my old job and I remember he used to call me regularly for a chat. He asked me if I was dating anyone and at the time I was dating a WM. He was really shocked and although he didn't come right out and say it, he basically called me a traitor. Then he explained that he only dated black women, that he was pro black, that he couldn't see himself being a traitor, but he eventually admitted (once he'd finished ranting) that he had struggled for years to accept the dark skin and hair texture of black women but that he had 'got used to it'. This man is dark skin with 4c hair 👀. I asked him why he struggled to accept something he already he was. He didn't have an answer. Because of the virus, we hadn't met in person (we were in different departments), so he had no idea what I looked like....one day I went into the office and met a colleague of his. his colleague who is white later told me later, that he had asked about me, he seemed embaressed to tell me that he had asked if I was pretty but ALSO what my skin tone was. In the next call he asked me out. it seems he needed to know I wasn't dark skin first. The truth is, I have never dated black men, I have also never had this kind of conversation with any other race of men other than black men.

[@DawnOfKelly]

The age old adage that rings true here, “they can dish it out but they can’t take it”. Men and people in general who don’t want other people to “prosper and be in health” so to speak, especially people they see as competition and feel the need to conquer, will never give you time space and opportunity to heal yourself. When we go on these public campaigns to “heal ourselves“ and even to help others heal, know that the enemies of your healing will be right there to try to stop you. In this case, you have to decide which one is more important, a personal peaceful healing journey or a public combative healing journey. Unfortunately, because of the unfortunate human condition, I believe it’s one or the other. With that being said, if you do choose a public means of speaking out for healing and purpose, then do what you can to protect yourself, rake in the spoils; the money, the fame, the opportunities and realize that there will be opposition to healing ourselves and even more when we endeavor to help others heal. ✨💫✨

[@kayanclarke5216]

💯 this is my view. If we do this healing process publicly be prepared for the demons.

[@hope3067]

It's actually pretty sad to see "Glokknine" hate himself and his skin color live. The way he was twitching. The way he was looking around. That nonverbal communication was LOUD and idk it hurts my feelings. I bet he doesn't even look at himself in the mirror any longer than he needs to to get ready in the morning.

[@SapphicSis]

it’s really sad. i hate that for dark skin black men. i think their skin is beautiful. i hate that they hate themselves and they can’t hold themselves up more than the world knocks them down.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

I guess i don't feel sorry for him though. He has the opportunity today (unlike earlier generations) to do the work of unpacking the messages he has internalized about himself. Obviously its not coming from his mom. I wonder if the interviewer asked if it was coming from his father. Wherever he got those messages he needs to do the work. Otherwise the issue will just perpetuate. He's not a victim. He has agency. And BW cannot sacrifice themselves anymore to save him (or bm with his similar mentality) and prove to him how beautiful his skin is. He only can do that for himself. Not saying you said you would do that to be clear. I just think that he's the kind of guy bw think they can love him enough into loving himself. It rarely works imo.

[@JulianSteve]

I agree with you💯

[@purplelove3666]

@@SapphicSis the world is not knocking black men down. I thought they were kings, the heck hAppened to that?

[@phylliewilly]

Society is reinforcing the message that dark skin is ugly and worthless and he is (like many bm unfortunately) too dumb to decode why and how that false notion had come about. He's not even thought about it. I'm losing sympathy for these illiterates bcoz they are weaponizing their ignorance to be malicious towards black women while they ignore and continue to worship their real enemy - wm and ww.

[@tamayahenry1149]

Okay so I'm obsessed with this video cause this is my current reality as a young black women where I've been natural my whole life and I'm only now starting to experiment with my look while also just recently getting into like dating and deadass you could have stopped the video with that one question "why are we still pretending like thats not true" cause the differences in attention depending on which photos of me are on a dating app already drastic and I'm tired of men pretending like they don't see each other acting thos way

[@saraeatsmovies]

Can I just say I’m literally stunned by your beauty ? Like is that weird to say? When I opened the video I was just amazed ur skin so so beautiful and ur hair as well

[@jasmines.2829]

Yes she looks lovely like this

[@SharonIfe]

She really is beautiful with her full features and pretty eyes. I was shocked hearing her bring up memories as far back as 2002 lol. Black don't crack fr

[@nerlinelaurore2387]

The “go **** yourself” at the end made me clap my hands and say yes!!!!!

[@theblessedblackwoman]

I've not watched all of the video but I wanted to just say I love the natural look. I'm so glad women and beginning to embrace our natural beauty. I'm the same on my Instagram. No make up is the new make up (at least occasionally).🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@AshleyMorgan]

I remember when I was on a dating app years ago I swiped a BM the first question he asked me was my hair natural or is it straight. I explained they are both my hair but I wear it mostly natural … at the time. He stopped responding 😂😂😂 I thought it was funny but in hind sight it’s actually pretty sad. I am not attached to hair in that way so I didn’t get it! Literally just hair!

[@larabraver]

You dodged a bullet, thank God. Imagine how backward-thinking he'd be in other areas.

[@natashadickson4819]

It's not sad that he stopped communicating. Be happy that he granted you freedom from the stress he would have brought into your life. I recently saw comments by women who are happy their natural hair repells colorist black men. 🙂

[@natrelletyson]

Lipgloss has inspired me to not be sad about people not picking me because I’m being my most authentic self. I was doing it before I found her on TikTok but now I’m never stopping! She truly does articulate all my bottled up experiences of being a black women in a beautiful way and really puts it in perspective!

[@yungaterror]

As mothers it's so important to teach our children the importance of loving themselves and loving those that look just like them.

[@Samantha.S.S]

I wear my natural hair really short. Its about half an inch with a fade. Its been 2 years since i cut it. I love it. I was thinking about how i suddenly realized i have no prospects and get way less attention from men especially men in my age range(I'm 24) the only thing that changed was my hair. I felt bad about it initially but now i know whoever i end up with likes me for me because without hair I'm all face.

[@Lolzadoodle8484]

A lot of these sentiments are pervasive in the South Asian community as well. A lot of brown women grew up being told natural wavy/curly hair was "jungli" and were forced to tie/braid it up or blow dry it straight. It's not the same and doesn't come from the same place (though it is connected to colonialism), or play into the internalized racism South Asian men push onto fellow South Asian women. Straight hair as "good" hasn't infiltrated gendered interactions yet in our communities, but curly hair is seldom seen in media. Not to mention the complete erasure of black Indian people who are just as indigenous to the subcontinent as anyone else. And I don't mean just Indians with deeper skin tones - there are a couple of ethnicities/cultural groups in India whose features are more similar to some East African ethnicities that are completely ignored by South Asians as a whole.

[@melikaaziminia9522]

It’s the same in the Middle East. Most of us have wavy/curly/Quaily hair but you never see that in media because we’ve all internalized that straight there is the best. There are even dark skin people in the middle east who are mixed with the east African but you never see them in the media. My grandmother was forced to marry a light skin man because my great grandmother would come out like in. Guess what? They did it. All of my grandmothers children come out dark like her. My own mother never learn to take care of my crew here.

[@jenniferlacorazza1575]

Steph its so nice to see you with a natural clean beautiful face 💕

[@CNJL1]

how can we think they don’t hate us when they are always angry when we tell our stories. I went natural because I had no access to my stylist, I liked the natural hair I was seeing on campus, and I just didn’t want a relaxer anymore. However I do know that hair discrimination against bp is real and I know how bp discuss natural hair, so it’s not a stretch to believe that a bp choosing not to wear their natural hair has internalized something but that’s also none of my business especially regarding strangers online. I think it’s a problem when people demand others perform to show them they are above something. We have to believe people are making the best decision for themselves and not assume they aren’t doing what’s right. I’ve had mixed comments from different races and genders as well regarding my natural hair but it didn’t make her comment less funny or less true.

[@hellodiamonds]

I believe you intentionally didn’t wear makeup for this vid and the kinky hair! I’m here for it! Good job! I love you, you look perfect! Serving natural black queen 💯💯💯

[@SuperSlindz]

334 views in 14 minutes is impressive 👏you are loved Steph ❤️

[@eshadiva6600]

Actually Chrissie's video re lipgloss is really insightful.

[@MadisonPettway_]

You unlocked a college memory when you mentioned the pain of a Charlotte Russe shoe 😭🤣

[@gravityclarity]

The clip of the black guy saying he didn't want to have kids the same skin color as him was very, very sad! It's devastating how plagued we are by white supremacy. I also love what you said at the end! It's so easy for people to try to invalidate your own lived experiences and I don't know *why* that is some people's knee jerk reaction. People need to just listen to us rather than question our reality!

[@diandriasmith889]

Girl, I had some FUN times with my hair pre-locs. I used to run and was told that it didn't make sense for my hair to be so nappy at all times (I was constantly sweating out perms). And the climax of my processed hair journey came soon after that when my cousin glued in tracks and left me to be "cute" for 2 months. Then, to touch it up, she removed that hair, "washed" that glue out and PERMED my hair, AND glued in more tracks. Then, 2 months after that, she again "washed" that glue out and did a quick weave (a bad one where I could see the tracks). As a high schooler who knew nothing about hair, I did not realize my hair was breaking, breaking, breaking underneath all this stress. But I did know that quick weave was bad. So I got some baby oil and decided to remove the hair. That's when I realized my chin-length bob was coming out by the chunks and my hair was damn near gone lol. I cried and cried and cried. Had to have a professional wash my hair for about an hour to remove all of the glue and residue. After that, my hair never was the same. So I got it chopped and started over, finally deciding to get locs. It was the best decision I ever made for my hair. So I completely understand when you say you took the natural hair journey because it was healthy for your hair. That's not everyone's story, but it sure was mine 🤣

[@seeia1673]

And also I think lipgloss was talking about her experience with black men in her age group (18-23) let’s be honest boys that age don’t really like short 4c hair. A lot of them prefer the looser curl look. It is what it is 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Yawn54]

I’m 27 and there are many black men that still think like this. My friend wears her 4C fro loud and proud, and she stays having black men clown her unprovoked or telling her to straighten her hair. Something is wrong with a lot of black men.

[@mitsukislife]

So many people need to heal, that clip with Glocknine was incredibly sad

[@sarahjames4358]

You don't look rough at all! You look great!

[@debbiebrown381]

I went natural in the late 90’s. I did it because the cost for getting a relaxer began to be too much not because of a “black” statement. However, when I did go natural, I did feel a sense of freedom. I think everyone ought be able to wear their hair whatever way they want. I do remember two black men making fun of my hair when I transitioned. It was in the middle of the weave trend.

[@creolekween]

Yes! Cost was the only factor in my decision to go natural. Even a wig is cheaper and lasts longer than these expensive hairstyles. My favorite wigs are the natural looking ones.

[@SunshineJoleen]

They try to gaslight us into thinking we're wrong about their 'preferences'... but they forget that the same girl who talks about her experience with 4c natural hair can ALSO talk about her experience with long straight hair or mixed-girl curls... because HELLO wigs and weaves! I can have one look today and a totally different one tomorrow so when I say people treat me differently, that's empirical! I actually had a guy once look at my ID badge while I was wearing a curly weave. In my ID photo my hair was natural. He laughingly asked if I was having a bad hair day in the picture. We are not idiots guys. And yes, natural or not we'll get matches because men swipe right on almost everyone! He will show up in sweats, forget his wallet, and he may sleep with you but it doesn't mean there will be a second date! 🙄

[@niax782]

Well said!

[@Mnds-b4f]

This was such a great video. I live in Brazil and I can say this kind of mindset is common around here too. It’s sad!

[@eshadiva6600]

Natural hair doesn't symbolize all this for all phenotypically black women who wear it natural. It's simply we accept our hair period. We don't want to be burdened by wearing wigs all the time lol its not a political symbol all the time and I wish people on both sides would stop saying this.

[@KC-ki9uj]

Yes we don't need the wig. But after 3 months I'm tired of styling my hair everyday and I need some braids...having locs would fix this

[@shreehill9641]

This. My natural hair isn’t a political statement. I just like it how I wear it.

[@noirefit5954]

@@KC-ki9uj I have locs after years of wearing my fro. I loved my fro but it was big and dense, it took hourrrrrrrrrrrrsssss to wash, condition, deep condition, hot oil treatment, DETANGLE, style and dry!!! I love my locs. Simplicity works better for me

[@eshadiva6600]

@@KC-ki9uj that's your experience lol I never had an issue with styling perhaps because my hair isn't that long and only hit like shoulder length? Either way it was manageable for me when I was a loose natural and now I have locks and this is probably it for me 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@carrington2949]

The problem is that it becomes political whether you want it to or not. As someone who got a great paying job right out of college in the tech sector, it has. I was told recently that I should get locs or go more traditional i.e. straight. In other words, my conservative braids in a discreet bun was too regular black girl. It is the woke racism that gets me. Down south in many private schools, there have been mandates to parents as to how their children can wear their hair. We don't get a say so as to whether or not it is political. To ignore that because it is not your struggle would be like putting your head in the sand.

[@GoGetFree]

It feels like black men desire offspring that don’t entirely look like them. Especially if they have a darker complexion. This was true in my native Nigerian culture (colonized by England), and my lived experiences; dark skin father and light skin mother.

[@suzettewilliams1758]

Just wanted to add something I've experienced as I've got older, pushing 50 years. I'd say my dating experience in my 20s and 30s was similar. As tall BW in a predominantly white UK City I was never super popular with men. The few BM I met all dated WW and to be fair they had to beat them off with a stick as the WW just wanted to sleep with BM. However now, I get more attention from all men as I look a lot younger than my non black contemporaries. I know other BW who have experienced the same. Obviously it's not all about looks, after a lot of grafting I have my act together job and finance wise so that helps. But still for BW, even us average ones getting older evens out the playing field.

[@animeghost888]

I’m a BW from the UK, and also from a yt majority area. I can assure you they don’t have to beat the women with a stick, it’s the opposite. They are desperate for WW. So much so, that there were whole studies in the 90’s dedicated to the majority of BM wanting WW as partners. It was a complete 360 with the WW participants. The only ones who “preferred” BM were the unattractive ones. They didn’t have options, so it is their last resort. Just wanted to clarify. There was a separate study dedicated to WW wanting to sleep with them, but definitely not marry (the percentage was below 10%).

[@abzda1700]

@@animeghost888 as a black man from the uk there is some truth to what you said when it comes to posh white girls from rich parts but most middle class white girls date black boys

[@animeghost888]

@@abzda1700 They absolutely don’t abs you are lying. Most BM have dated WW, that is backed up by statistics, but the numbers don’t add up. You don’t mean middle class at all. You mean lower class chavs. Chavs who are probably benefit scroungers, which is proven from a whole press announcement where the politicians urged the Black men to take care of their families because of the millions they were costing the government for their mixed race children left behind. You aren’t active fathers regardless of the race of the woman, and you are now an active menace to the government. Even of the lower class women, again the studies do show it is the unattractive ones who date you, not want you. This is dated back in the 80’s and now. They don’t desire to end up with you. By the way, I am in now way deterring you. I am just stating pure science. I prefer for BM to run to their preferences. The black femicide rate in the UK is too high anyways. Please keep dating WW, and thanks for your service ☺️ I’m rooting for you. Don’t give up on finding your yt queen!

[@marie-francoiset9402]

I'm hearing all of you speak in an English accent in my head! lol

[@suzettewilliams1758]

@@animeghost888 Well, definitely not my observation, maybe a mutual fan club. Just like in the US look at black footballer's WAGs. For the normal BM the women may not all be top draw, but they can certainly pull attractive WW. However, these women may not always stay with them once they get their kink off for BM. But BM was not really my point, let them do what they do. It was to say that personally as I've got older, but remain looking younger, as a BW my dating options have got better and the men are better calibre in all ethnicities. That's all.

[@itsqueendebae]

I’ve been natural for 4-5 years, not because I felt anything negative towards relaxers or because I was making a “statement”, but because I had health issues that were related to the chemicals in relaxer I personally prefer to wear my hair stretched out or in slicked buns or other protective styles, women should literally be able to do what they want and we need as a society to stop policing women’s expression

[@suziandchopstix]

Much love from Houston Texas!! I love the topics that you bring up because they just are not talked about and your transparency is everything.

[@lizjohnston1173]

I almost cried over that ending I was like YASSSSS!!!!!! It needed to be said. Idek you and I just felt so proud.

[@Entertain_Mehhh]

Yes your right! When I first went natural in highschool, it was the black boys who teased me for cutting my hair. But the mix, white, and Dominican boys were on me heavy. Fast forward some years I got lucky running into a black man who fell in love with me first time he saw me. I was wearing an old small Afro. He’s from New York and was use to only seeing perms or colorful weaves. He’s been the only black man to say anything positive about my hair. Even my brothers use to take me to go get sewins when I would come visit them

[@honey2desire]

Everything you said is true and I'm in my late 40s. Nothing has changed but how black women do their hair and makeup. It all becomes about attractiveness and competition. TBH our culture puts a lot of emphasis on vanity. Do what makes you happy and feel good because you're not going to be for everyone.

[@shreehill9641]

I also think Lipgloss embodies self confidence and has opted out of valuing herself by her attraction to men. I think you’re still working through wanting outside approval and she’s not affected by it all

[@teawatchtea9606]

Of course lipgloss embodies self confidence. In today’s world you have groups, communities of women, online chats, videos, and digital mentors that will be that force and shield for you. Back when Steph was growing up she didn’t have that type of community to stand with her, and it takes a toll on you into adulthood. In this new age you have ppl who will tell you black is beautiful but when Steph was growing up she didn’t have that force to back her up. Trust me I know! They attacked Lipgloss but she has a big following that can protect and show her support…unlike Steph growing up at 19…she didn’t have that support…and those things still mess with you into your mature years.

[@angel-qn6up]

@@teawatchtea9606 I completely agree with your comment!

[@pricklypear1111]

1000000% this. People sharing these opinions on Steph's videos will be accused of "invalidating her truth" or "Gaslighting" tho..

[@teawatchtea9606]

@@pricklypear1111 usually they are and plenty of ppl more often than not do it…the TONE is there, could you imagine someone saying “I think you’re still working through wanting outside approval” ??? ummmmm…when your searching for a mate, a belonging, a community, a companion, a job, or social acceptance to some sort of capacity you are.

[@teawatchtea9606]

@@angel-qn6up Thank you I appreciate that.

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

BW, I know u love BM. I know for SURE that we love ourselves too, but it’s time to walk away from BM. They don’t love u because they don’t love themselves. It has nothing to do with us. Time to start the stages of grief. Right now many BW are in the denial/disbelief stage. It’s shocking to see how many of them HATE themselves and project it unto us. NOTHING is wrong with most BW. And I stand by that. We have just loved the men that we are supposed to love too hard and haven’t received it in return. Keep growing and walk away. Arm yourselves because when they see that we realize who they are now and that this isn’t a game, they will choose MORE VIOLENCE against us. The more other races of men and woman side with us and praise us for our truth, the more BM will hate and harm us

[@nomihagan]

All facts. Thank you so much for writing this love letter to BW. I hope Steph & all the BW in this comment section follow through on exactly what you’ve stated here. Thank you SOOO much for this!

[@selfishgirlsgofirst]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 love you girl

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

@@nomihagan YW 😘

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

@@selfishgirlsgofirst I love all my sisters 😘

[@marie-francoiset9402]

you are sadly absolutely correct. Asé

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

Sis towards the end of your video u referred to black men as “Our Men”. Please try to break this habit.I know it’s hard but They have shown us and literally told us for centuries that they owe us nothing and don’t belong to us.

[@nomihagan]

💯 She needs to start the separation process ASAP. I’ve never seen them as men, far less mine (yikes!), so I had a different, much less difficult mental removal process. Hopefully she moves on…

[@selfishgirlsgofirst]

That's why I think she fails in relationship even with other races. I believe inside of her she still wants bm validation and a kang but bm don't want the same.

[@markeyap2537]

Yes and all the comments feeling bad for that self-hating rapper is exhausting.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

@@markeyap2537 ok right ! bw stay trying to rescue somebody who is making a conscious choice. i don't get it. maybe it's projection?

[@paris40359]

I hope you mean "removing oneself" in the sense of prioritizing our own well-being as Blk women and directing our energy away from those who wouldn't do the same. It's hard to tell because on the internet that idea has been co-opted by divestors who fetishise non-blk/wyt men as the answer to mysogynoir. Like, I've seen this situation produce responses like "see this is why you all must get a wyt man". As is wyt men aren't the primary perpetrators and beneficiaries of wyt supremacy and racism. They very men Blk men are trying to model themselves after. They want their wealth, access, privilege and women for status. They use the joke Liogloss told at fave value. Saying that it means wyt men are the ones that actually want us, ignoring how many fetishize Blk women just because some compliment some women's hair. As if the wyt women who fetushize Blk men never had any nice words for them and would be generally nice in relationshios until something big enough happened to make the anti-blackness jump out. The self-hating blks among us know how too fine point it because of proximity. They know the difference between blow outs and silk presses and weaves etc and it wyt ppl did too, trust, they'd also be on that shit. We got shit coming at us from all angles as Blk women and it's rough. It causes a lot of trauma. I get ppl search for answers but they are not to be found in seeking validation from non-blk men and uplifting them as some type of saviours for Blk women because mysogynoir lives everywhere. We gotta vet everybody and be strategic in our fight against racism. We can't altogether cut out Blk men but we can find the right Blk allies and people who we can get equal support from because at the end of the day we're all we've got and it's still very much a numbers game. We just need to cut the losses.

[@naturally_nica]

It's always the gremlins favoring men that go on these shows shaving off their ashy that we are forced to deal with it 😒 As someone who isn't American the idea of "blackness" with natural hair never hit me as deeply as those who are and that changes my approach. However, to this day with the progress I've made with my hair nubian men STILL tell me it's weave or I'm nappy headed as an insult. So none of us who are unambiguously African with coily hair is safe from the ashy... Too many people in this "community" believe that your truth is not truth if it challenges the box they have chosen to put you and themselves in.

[@luvasaur]

I understand your sentiment and what you’re saying but using the term ashy is like using the term nappy, it’s to degrade someone for just existing while black, yes it’s terrible how they live through these very narrow and self hating lends but to say ashy is lowering yourself to do the same. The reason they are policing black women for the these features is the same as you calling them ashy they feel low so only want women of another ethnicity so they don’t have to feel or pass on that ashy gene, I hope you get what I mean

[@trishonya]

Not a gremlin lol…it’s true tho!

[@nowwhat1434]

Second comment: it’s strange how black men LOVE to brag about liking non black women but get angry that they have a reputation for it. They are always violent when their preferences are acknowledged in any way. It’s very sick.

[@nowwhat1434]

@Blue bubbles duh

[@donnett3]

Round of applause! Thanks for giving us your take on it. I personally think it's the best commentary I've heard on this situation and I've watched several videos including Kim's, which was also well done but this video right here takes the cake. I don't usually comment but I had to say something this time to let you know that your voice is needed on KZbin. Keep going.

[@MF-pk2gf]

Wow. Thank you Steph for the commentary. All of the conversations we’re having have been had before. It doesn’t feel like it’s getting better but it makes me hopeful to see the sisters and (few) brothers being honest about this stuff.

[@kafi-monae3629]

I’m the darkest in my family and people always refer to me as little black one. It’s weird… even when trying to date my complexion and features are always a topic 🙄

[@hiefia8568]

I find really dark skin tones beautiful. Unique traits tend to come up in conversation. I know it is sometimes uncomfortable but sometimes it's cos the first thing people notice so be easy on yourself and them.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

you're probably stunning. I know you are. Sometimes that attention can make one uncomfortable. but don't let your self esteem be impacted in any way by their projections. Either positive or negative. Know the greatness that you are and live your best life!

[@RaesOfLight]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Stephanie, all I kept saying was Amen as you spoke about this. The guy interviewed on VLAD TV just broke my heart. I've heard this before and it used make me upset and feel ugly too... but I know my worth and that I am wonderfully made. He needs to see it too.

[@beewest5704]

Imagine hating yourself so much that you work for towards genetic annihilation.

[@gwendiit.9296]

Thank you for posting this 100% truth. I couldn't have said it better. You're beautiful with no make up (by the way). I was once told by my ex boyfriend, if I had a dark skinned baby that he would shove it back in me. I couldn't understand it being that he was (Is) of a darker complexion. I knew that I must get away from this type of ignorance. Such a sad truth!

[@firstbloodwarrior3868]

The way you ended this video… LOVED IT!!!! So much gaslighting going on everywhere.

[@kaydenevideo]

I love that you did this video with no makeup and with a natural hair style. I’m inspired by you and proud of you Steph.

[@merlene_k]

I love this video Steph 🥰 i wish people would just stop invalidating other peoples feelings and experiences and instead analyse why they're so triggered by someone else 's truth 🙄

[@annbaglion1630]

I am a white girl who's trying to understand black culture better after becoming close friends with a black girl and being brought into her circle of friends. I don't want to embarass myself or be inadvertedly insensitive when we hang out 😅and your channel is definitely helping me understand all of the nuances I was previously unaware of. Thanks, it's a lot more complex than I thought, no one is teaching us anything beyond the obvious, so I am kinda trying to pieace everything together by watching black youtubers. Things like going natural, texture, colorism,... my knowledge about this was extremely superficial, we need more popoular well spoken black youtubers like yourself (and more white people watching these type of videos) .

[@moniqueloomis9772]

Why?

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@moniqueloomis9772so she doesn’t look dumb.

[@jgee19]

I never understood people telling someone (especially if they don’t personally know them) what they live on a day to day. I have type 4 natural hair and I alway see the difference when my hair is defined vs my fro vs flat ironed style with all the “ I see you Beyoncé” comments. smh 🤦🏽‍♀️ So much so I decided to loc my hair.

[@whatsonhermindblog123]

I actually love your take because it's interesting to hear your experience as a black woman with natural hair in the early 2000s I'm gen z so I guess natural hair isn't as taboo or even as associated with black power or loving your blackness. I feel like it's more so associated with quirkiness or like lipgloss saying f society in general...but I guess it also depends what part of the US you live

[@suzettewilliams1758]

It's been said by others but preference or not they still get the same black man.

[@noirefit5954]

Ok Cynthia G lol. And you’re exactly right.

[@suzettewilliams1758]

@@noirefit5954She's not wrong.

[@ebonypeppers4527]

“ As a black women… transformation is my birthright.” Wow, that is deep! GREAT VIDEO👍🏾

[@bleeploughly6311]

It makes my day when you post ☺️

[@PullOverItsDaPopo]

I honestly feel like people are intimidated by black women especially black women with short 4c hair. It screams confidence & a lot of people are only on those apps to play games & they know who to play with. There’s something elegant about having short natural hair as a black woman & if you lack self confidence you would never approach someone like that. My boyfriend actually supported me & picked out my 4c fro & made me wear it out & feel beautiful & confident. It’s not all black men but they are the loudest because they want their ignorance to be heard to justify their self hate & lack of confidence in themselves. He was literally looking at his skin in disgust & it’s really about their self image, women will always be beautiful no matter what shade they are.

[@aimforlifenow]

I have two words for you: Thank. You. Yes, people (not just men btw) HATE confident women, and they hate them the most when they considering them not pretty or good enough to justify it. Some people are more willing to take a beating from someone they deem pretty/good enough than someone who might be considered unconventionally attractive. Which is crazy because most people don’t yet realize they consider someone ugly based on how far they are from the European beauty standard. This is a truly ghetto world we live in.

[@kilimanjaro5537]

“It screams confidence.” Yes, it does. To live in a society that diminishes your natural features daily and still wear them proudly, definitely takes a lot of self love and confidence.

[@keghina]

@@kilimanjaro5537 This is very true!

[@chemicalbromance1911]

I had a french black teacher and I remember every single class she had a different look. And I was curious about it, but afraid to ask. But now thanks to KZbin I can see how the magic of transformation is made :D

[@ondreatorrence4322]

I have had similar experiences. Use to wear my loose natural kinky fro and i got no play from black men , white dudes would sometimes compliment my hair . But when i wore a straight natural looking wig i could hardly go a block without some dude hootin and hollerin at me. I mean how am i supoose to feel confident with many experiqnces like that ... Now a days i have mid length locs and im pretty much invisible by any race. But i just deal with it. God is capable of bringing someone into my life that accepts me. And if not im okay too.