SPONSORED: New Video Game's Second-Person Shooter Mode Features Someone Just Describing Game To You

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The revolutionary second-person mode presents players with an authoritative voice describing the players' actions without any of the hassle of actual gameplay. (Brought to you by Bethesda)
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[@rcbif101]

I nearly lost it when they showed the multiplayer, lol

[@davemarx7856]

Rcbif I did. And then I laughed again, seeing this.

[@OllieWilliams-vd8ir]

Rcbif same

[@Martial_Autist]

hahaha ikr

[@obi-wankenobi9871]

I was sipping on a glass of water and spit the water on my shirt. Good job onion, now i gotta dry my shirt.

[@BigRed2]

Dave Marx No way people will play this way , why waste money on this second player crap?

[@chrisd5169]

“You get shot, you shoot back, You get shot again, you get shot again, YOU get shot Again” Sounds like my multiplayer experience in every game

[@g3neric108]

agane

[@ArcYT]

I hate when I get shot while I'm playing American mini golf 2014

[@Mi_Fa_Volare]

Sums up Grain Elevator in Red Orchestra 2.

[@NosDarkly]

Reminds me of that RPG where you play a villager standing around, waiting for the hero to show up and ask questions.

[@TheRadicalOneNG]

What game was that? I gotta know.

[@NosDarkly]

NPC: Turbo

[@pettanko6055]

That exists? Sweet!

[@lingonberriesofwrath1836]

Yeah, I remember how he came in to my store one day. He immediately walked towards one of the walls and stared into it for 22 hours, after which he started undressing and changed clothes 14 times. he then cast some fireball spells into the wall. No one else in the store seemed to mind. Then he proceeded to search every chest and shelf in the entire store, even behind the counter, where I was standing, and stole a lot of my stuff. He then walked up to me and tried to sell back to me the things he'd just stolen. I happily paid, of course. He then continued to stare at me in silence for about 45 minutes and then left the store. After about three weeks, he came back. All his clothes was now glowing with some strange light, and he held a huge sword, also glowing. He killed the town's strongest man, who happened to be in my store at the time, with one swift blow of his sword. He then looted the corpse and left to never return. The corpse is still there today, several years later, on the exact same spot where it fell. In all that time, I haven't moved one inch from my place behind the counter.

[@HiperTrax]

X Lightcameradeath Such a interesting life the one of a NPC

[@BobArctor]

The most expensive version doesn't even contain the game... LOL Onion being prophetic yet again.

[@daviddanielian9525]

@Hierophant Tons of collectors editions of games come with a bunch of knickknacks but not the game itself. Its a shitty practice done by most AAA punishers.

[@BobArctor]

@Hierophant We Happy Few did this recently.

[@JAnx01]

Prophetic? Corporate execs watch onion to gain new ideas.

[@ShitFuckPiss]

alien journalists

[@FraserSouris]

@@daviddanielian9525 Eh. I've heard some defence of it. Namely that some players actually buy the collector's edition seperatly later after the playing the game. In that case, including the game may be redundant.

[@0xlamon]

First person - camera from character's eyes. Third person - camera behind character's back. Second person - camera from enemy's eyes?

[@gamesfornobs]

2nd person is I and you

[@shiftur2308]

+gamesfornobs 1st person is I and Me, 2nd person is You, 3rd person is He, She and It. Some people also use "they" as a gender-neutralhe/she

[@lordshardik]

I would say a direct front-facing view, as if you are talking to the person you are controlling.

[@jacobstaten2366]

lordshardik so 2d fighting games?

[@Benjicmm]

lordshardik this guy gets it

[@kangjj1]

DLC voicepacks pls I'd pay 15 bucks for Morgan Freeman narrating

[@compellingpeople]

I'd pay the guy that is not Lawrence Fishburne to narrate.

[@kangjj1]

I'd pay the old onion week in review narrator too

[@compellingpeople]

oh yeah, oh yeah, OH...YEeeah.

[@LWolf12]

I'd pay for Betty White to narrate it. Though Morgan Freeman is good as well.

[@syafiqjabar]

Bryan Blessed and Gilbert Gottfried DLCs coming soon.

[@louisjameson7257]

I do not know why, but the passive voice joke was hilarious.

[@QwertyCaesar]

When do I get my $80 monocle DLC to put on the old guy? Without a monocle to add some class, you might as well be narrated to by some street hobo, like its some sort of cheap CoD knockoff.

[@wildcard9010]

@Pentex Sucks he even smokes from time to time!

[@ITPalGame]

Play Eve Online and get a monocle.

[@Redem10]

I heard they want to get Morgan Freeman for the sequel

[@SimonClarkstone]

Kevan Brighting (from _The Stanley Parable_) would be a better choice IMO.

[@thehonestorange713]

the funny thing is text based rpgs are super emersive. this could be a good idea

[@reapzer]

"So, what book did you bring today?" "Wolfenstein"

[@mista_fur3346]

I did a book report on the video game I played all summer one year...it worked.

[@lichtishlogistics]

@@mista_fur3346 I've thought about doing something like that. Too bad I won't have that chance to do it.

[@ypsiminers]

I recently thought of a novel in second-person and future tense so it sounds like the narrator's trying to hypnotize you. "You will walk to your fridge and take out a bagel, which you will place in the toaster. Then, you will spread cream cheese on the bagel."

[@jacobstaten2366]

YpsiFang you could do it from the perspective of an amnesiac who is being told what happened by other people. You could really make it trippy if the people telling you what happened contradict each other and have different motives.

[@ReviloYaj]

Jacob Staten so memento?

[@jacobstaten2366]

ReviloYaj I was thinking from a hospital bed. Not complete amnesia, just the events ralavent to the story. Like maybe a several hour window of missing memories. Maybe a cop, wife, mistress (or is she), po faced brother in law. That kind of thing.

[@Super-wx6br]

YpsiFang I don't want a Jewish protagonist

[@jacobstaten2366]

superpenguin77664 what would be wrong with that?

[@DragonslayerProd]

Fake! What FPS from the last 3 generations uses the X button to shoot?

[@ricardoamendoeira3800]

Maybe a quicktime event, although it's still weird :p

[@jacobstaten2366]

A text based game.

[@iamthebasement6280]

Well its an sps so

[@TheRoyTeal96]

Hey, I know you!:O

[@montylemon9445]

Yeah yhey use left mouse button

[@professionalmemeenthusiast2117]

No joke I once played a second person flash game where you saw through your enemies eyes instead of your own while you were aiming at them. It was a weird experience.

[@snaiper195]

Name ? (

[@SushiCombo]

@@snaiper195 Still waiting for them to get back too

[@snaiper195]

@@SushiCombo yeah

[@danielmeech2418]

This is bullshit. I pre-ordered the game, but some of the adverb and noun content is locked on the disk, as downloadable content. Pay to play? Really? Not impressed.

[@Thrifty032781]

At least you got verbs.

[@steelrarebit7387]

They really phoned in the adjectives. Suckiest DLC evah.

[@QuesterPaul]

LMAO I fucking lost it at 2:09.

[@xOzymandias]

rofl me too.

[@ihavecrabs56]

LMAO ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@thefusilier1000]

Best part.

[@dontspikemydrink9382]

it has been years, did you all find it?

[@QuesterPaul]

@@dontspikemydrink9382 har har

[@pasquarielloanthony]

I can't wait for the 3rd person passive objective to come out! The way the narrator states matter-of-fact how events happen is thrilling

[@eastendthug]

Rather play this than CoD

[@MegamanXfan21xx]

I wonder what CoD's second-person mode would say.

[@TheWolver8]

MegamanXfan21xx . 1:26 - 1:32

[@imludwig]

jcrowley1985 We meet again!!

[@Scorp316]

You beat me to the punch.

[@aza091234]

You start playing a shitty game, you continue to play it, you are basking in its generic stupid bullshit. LULULULULU

[@Stuffnsuch736]

Second person shooter master race coming through

[@christianweibrecht6555]

And their leader is called pewdiepie

[@Stuffnsuch736]

Christian Weibrecht brofist from gayland !

[@christianweibrecht6555]

Julian Zhang ???, elaborate

[@Stuffnsuch736]

Christian Weibrecht pewdiepie sucks

[@SynthLizard8]

Wow...props to the onion for not portraying gamers with stereotypes.

[@andreassmed2255]

You just stereotyped how gamers are portrayed.

[@andreassmed2255]

@@SynthLizard8 Automatically assuming that gamers are gonna be portrayed in a stereotypical fashion, is stereotyping how people portray gamers :p Tis joke, nothing serious.

[@andreassmed2255]

@@SynthLizard8 Ok. But it's a stereotype :p

[@matthewjones39]

What andreassmed said

[@chankljp]

You know what? The way that the narrator talks actually reminds me a lot of the Stanley Parable.

[@gab_gallard]

Well, I would say that The Stanley Parable has some actual 2nd person elements, it's part of its quirkness.

[@rykerhall3523]

Isn't the Stanley Parable a second person game? (I'm not sure so please tell me)

[@gab_gallard]

@@rykerhall3523 It definitely has elements, but is not entirely a second person game because you break that perspective with your own agency over Stanley.

[@magottyk]

I hear that the next version of the 800 page manuscript includes a story mode that has better character depth, detailed environment description and multiple sub plots. They have coined a buzzword for it, it's called "novel".

[@uppishcub1617]

What a novel idea

[@TheMpo1986]

A novel? That will never work. Thousands of tiny words spread out over hundreds of pages? I could just have someone read it to me. Let me call morgan freeman.

[@NarfBLAST]

If they had Morgan Freeman do the second person mode I would buy this game.

[@Sir_Duckyweather]

This is innovative story-telling at its best. I eagerly await the multiplayer for this game; it should be chaotic as hell.

[@gameragodzilla]

Funnily enough, a lot of games are getting so scripted they might has well be like this.

[@Culterin]

LMFAO I LOST IT AT THE MULTIPLAYER

[@rykerhall3523]

Me too

[@meowistforlife]

@@rykerhall3523 I would play that as would you Ryker Hall

[@jessical4866]

Someone in a chair with an air of superiority is describing the action scenario to you? And there’s 800 pages of dense flavor text? This is just automated DnD.

[@erj7386]

Onion is ahead of their time.

[@stevesb97]

I DOMINATE in multiplayer in this game.

[@Zelousmarineinspace]

The challenge has been set then...

[@lordofthecats6397]

My secret is that I know how to turn captions on

[@josephd183]

Wow, on the real, 2nd person shooter would be really interesting. It would basically consist of glimpses from the enemies' points of view before you aim in their direction and kill them, and then it would switch to a different enemy. That would hurt your head, but I can imagine it being really interesting too.

[@madnessbydesign1415]

It wouldn't have to be an enemy. It could be through the eyes of a companion...

[@owenliquidnitrogen]

500 extra adverbs? SOLD!

[@YelloDello]

Bethesda should release all of its games in book form from now on. Imagine a game like Fallout where you can create your own character through a series of 1,000 or so choose your own adventure directories. Adjusting the bridge on your character's nose using a slider should open the possibility for about 100 choices alone.

[@Monsuco]

A game that tells your character what he will do? Wait, isn't that the plot of Bioshock?

[@stalecornchips9968]

This is what dungeons and dragons feels like to me

[@SnowyNowak]

Are they sure they're not talking about The Order 1886 2?

[@Weldedhodag]

this is the future of video games if movie games keep being released

[@jasonhatt4295]

0:57 I want this guy to do second person mode on every game!

[@sharkoroblarto]

Honestly that sounds like something I would play. I know it’s a joke but I love this sort of thing. It’s essentially a visual novel.

[@XxDTownxX91]

This is how you make a damn sponsored video. Collegehumor's sponsored videos are so bad.

[@EsmeeHulskamp]

Its not sponsored

[@leithesocialistyuricon8981]

Esmee Hulskamp But still, this is a good precedent

[@EsmeeHulskamp]

@@leithesocialistyuricon8981 True

[@madnessbydesign1415]

I've been playing video games as long as they have existed - but I never thought I'd live to see 2nd person technology achieved. What a time to be alive... :)

[@OB.x]

The scene from Driver San fransisco where you being chased is 2nd POV. You control your car but its from the chasers pov

[@dr.jonathancrane1233]

There are so many problems with this: 1. It's not a slider 2. Who presses x to shoot

[@nandoman4769]

Yeah this game sucks. There’s not even any online multiplayer.

[@AxVxI]

Ultimate fly-by gem line: "The game's AI is really good at responding to what you're told to do."

[@teeds88]

wouldn't second-person shooter be just like first person but from the enemies' perspective?

[@redchris05]

No, that's still first-person but from an opposing side. Second-person is where you are entirely disconnected from the events but are being informed of them by someone who DID experience them.

[@teeds88]

i was thinking about the camera perspectives in games. first person is through the character's own eyes and third person is through the eyes of a (imaginary) person who watches the character (mostly from behind). so second person should be through the eyes of the person that the first person sees (namely the npcs, in most cases enemies).

[@redchris05]

teed no, because that would also make first-person games second-person, because your character is seeing every NPC's experience from a second-person vantage point. Think about it: what would be the difference between the perspective of your third-person example and your proposed second-person example? Both would feature the actions of the same character from the vantage point of someone else. They are the same in everything but the camera angle. The difference between the viewpoint of two different NPC's would be identical to the difference between one of those NPC's and the third-person viewpoint. The only exception would be if you were focused on the actions of the NPC you are controlling, which would convert that third-person perspective to a first-person perspective. Second-person is not seeing the events from a different (non-first-person) perspective, it is having it described while disconnected from the events in question.

[@teeds88]

Christ J "third person" refers to an entity that observes an action but does not directly participate in it. however both the first and the second person (or "parties", if you prefer) _are_ directly participating. there's your difference. since the first person view is tied to the first party (by definition), the second person view can only belong to the other participating party, i.e. the npc. the third person is then a third party that observes the action (not taking part in it), a fourth person would be a person observing the third person (taking part in neither the action nor the observation of the action) and so on. i understand your opinion about the second person (which is also the opinion held in this video), but it doesn't seem logical/consistent to me. _seeing_ the action though someone's eyes or _hearing_ the action through someone's description is really the same thing, only a different "mode" of information conveyance.

[@redchris05]

teed you're still missing the point. When you experience the events through the eyes of an NCP you are STILL in first-person, you are just experiencing it in a slightly different way to the original first-person perspective. The story will be told from the vantage point of the eyes you ARE seeing through, because it is simply not possible to do otherwise and remain in first-person view. For example, if we were playing Mario Sunshine we are the third person. However, if there was a "Mario-eye view" option we would be in first person. But if we then switch around and see the game from the perspective of Bowser - through _his_ eyes - we are now seeing it in First-person, but from a different individual viewpoint. Remember, this isn't just about whether you are seeing what you're doing or hearing it, it's about _who relays that information to you_. If the information is direct from your character, via a first-person view, then it is a first-person narrative; if it is via the description offered by someone else, it is second-person. Think about it: how would that same scene be described by _you_ if you were actually seeing the action? You'd be saying "_I_ am walking along this corridor", "_I_ am firing at the enemy". The description would be in the form of a first-person narrative. Without this direct input from yourself this turns into a second-person narrative, as the events are relayed to you by someone who _can_ see what's going on. The second person is NOT a participant, they are an observer dictating the events to you. You should also note from this that a third-person camera angle does NOT necessarily indicate that you are playing a third-person perspective. Skyrim is a first-person game irrespective of your preferred camera angle. In fact, I can't think of any third-person games off the top of my head.

[@sufficient4834]

*the gameplay was lackluster but at least the story was good*

[@AnotherAvaibleName]

8/10 needs more words - Kotaku

[@olefredrikskjegstad5972]

2:19 "All preorders come with a bundles pack of 500 extra adverbs" holy shit hahaha!

[@issstari954]

This is like an interactive audio book with your own character

[@levisloan5796]

I didn't see it was the onion until 30 seconds before it was over

[@DougWIngate]

Ironically, this is basically what classic text-based games from the 1970's were like. Sorry, I just had to say it. I'm that guy...

[@daleryanaldover6545]

0:29 The Onion is really the goat, predicted Tesla self driving cars 9 years beforehand.

[@TheChadster789]

Funny thing is Bethesda did exactly this when the ported Skyrim to Amazon Alexa

[@Cruz7471]

New game felt soulless. These commercials only increase that feeling to be honest.

[@77Jabbawockeez]

DnD been doing that for years

[@jimmyshousevideos]

"X" to shoot? What kind of garbage control scheme is that?

[@Anastas1786]

Look, if you don't want to jump on the bandwagon, that's fine. You can just stick to your primitive but comfortable first-person shooters with their familiar and inviting control schemes while the _rest_ of us move into the _future_ with second-person shooters and their revolutionary _new_ control schemes.

[@lordofthecats6397]

I want to see an alternate universe where the Apple Pippin was sucessful and Apple is still in the console buisness. The latest controller might have 2.5 buttons, a foot petal, and voice recognition. So people with confusing names cannot be targeted ;P

[@ian_b]

Update: they did release Future Tense and combined with Passive Voice it's intense. *A grenade will be thrown. Nazis will be blown apart. Shots will be fired.* The tension is incredible.

[@ninjabaiano6092]

Driver san francisco did a 2nd person, it was awesome. You seeing your car and controling it. But the vision you see its actually another car in a chase its amazing.

[@jmooroof1769]

but does a person read it to you?

[@ninjabaiano6092]

@@jmooroof1769 "the you" read some of the dialogue in second person if i remenber it right.

[@jacobstaten2366]

There have been games like this, but they're usually text based and wouldn't have a narrator literally sitting in front of you, like a choose-your-own-adventure book. It's still pretty funny.

[@Phelan666]

Just like Dear Esther and Gone Home.

[@LightEvader]

Now collectors editions not including discs is standard

[@damageseeker]

It took me 1:30 to realize this is an onion news network.

[@callmeshaggy5166]

They accurately predicted Destiny 2

[@KamiNoRanger99]

You shoot him, he dies. You teabag. You teabag. You teabag.

[@Parzival-UK]

WHAT THE HELL HOW WILL THE MULTIPLAYER WORK

[@Parzival-UK]

I feel as if this is a complete troll

[@bruh7679]

@@Parzival-UK oh it definitely is lmfao

[@takebackall]

Does the manuscript version come with an instruction manual?

[@randomname9723]

The deluxe collector's edition not containing the game is fucking perfect

[@atomixfang]

So, its an audiovideo book.

[@cometfun1914]

This is literally what interactive fiction/text adventure games are like lmao

[@neverfearchrisishere]

Second viewer perspective.

[@jaawellfaggins6898]

DLC would include the narrator wearing different costumes

[@SchmuckMartin]

I wish bethesda would add this as a joke to the game.

[@arturslunga3415]

When he said "You" I really felt like he was talking to me.

[@stellarx20]

I stand by the fact that follow cam usually called "3rd person" is second and real third person is freecam, as in second it's toward *you* as the camera is looking at you in specific, while freecam can be viewing someone else or you and you're more of a bystander, as with 3rd person.

[@maninredhelm]

I was about to comment that the Onion predicted The Stanley Parable, but it turns out that came out a few months before this video. Might have even inspired it.

[@pwnmeisterage]

I'm not sure if Stanley Parable properly fits any technical definition of a "game". But it is an entertaining interactive "narrative". With a lot of overt inside-jokes and subtly embedded commentary (of sorts) about popular games.

[@Eldor-117]

The last boss fight would be reading Mein Kampf.

[@hunterdevries6195]

You get this for free when you talk to that one kid at school that has a beard, a pony tail, and wears a fedora.

[@gabrielwright3343]

Second person would just be looking at your players face, like one of those f3 modes in Minecraft

[@asdgashash]

A week after release is a weird time to release a second ad.

[@polygonalfortress]

I'm gonna play on the internet: WOOOAAH I'm gonna play on this book:

[@schtuff.8207]

One of the few sponsored comedy videos ever made that isn't total pandering garbage

[@kr0x158]

second person is the minecraft view where you can see your character front

[@SpiritofAloha11]

The manuscript lore is just called a book

[@jeremytheoneofdestiny8691]

Second person passive voice mode sent me

[@MRE_Pizza]

I think my copy is broken, mine doesn't have a 2nd person option

[@ОлегЕршов-м3с]

Isn't it just table-top RPG, actually?..

[@JukaDominator]

A variation of this could be interesting, like a narrated audio version of a text adventure game.

[@marksman314]

Onion 2009 actors >> Onion 2014 actors

[@vrgamer3896]

Anyone come from Nicks video?

[@HouseOPainShow]

Needs more CNN talking about how it is turning our kids into monsters.

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

Yawn-Be-Gone but not Fox News right! It’s just cnn? Shut up idiot it’s all corporate propaganda Fox is the worst everyone at onion is left wing you fucking moron

[@drstraw1368]

How is killing Nazis bad?!?!!!??

[@immortalsun]

The Onion as already done that.

[@SoulSukkur]

i thought it meant you had to try to control your character from the eyes of the nearest enemy

[@IanR1205]

A game like Resident Evil is sort of second person. The different angles of each area your character walks around in is from an arbitrary viewpoint. As though someone else was there watching you. Now that I think of it, it would make a great twist in the game if it turns out the perspective you see the game through is actually someone spying on you and you’ve played the entire game through their eyes without realizing it.

[@filipfilipovic2974]

That self-driving car really needs to be a thing.

[@originaldave8216]

Sounds so dope 10/10, cant wait for the hemingway and dickinson dlc

[@ankharahallstrom1580]

I know this is a joke because it's The Onion (and pretty funny) but there _is_ a type of second person game. Maybe. Those text-parser games from the olden days like "you enter a dark room with a locked door" and you type "look for key" and it says "you can't see, it's too dark" so you type "take unlit torch from wall", "light torch", "look for key", "take key from table", "unlock door" and then it says "you enter the next room guarded by a cave troll, what do you do?" you type "run" it says "you can't run, there's nowhere to run to" so you type "hit troll with axe" over and over.

[@BeastOfTraal]

They really took this to the next level. In a couple years we should see a Third Person mode.

[@kevgmei]

Ahh, beautiful. Reverting from cutting edge video games right back to books!

[@Psilomuscimol]

And it can be run even on a smartphone

[@darylewalker6862]

That's not what "second-person shooter" means.... This is more like the narrator from Bastion (I've seen only clips on TV.), but here the narrator takes 100% of the visuals too. A second-person shooter would have the camera from the enemy's perspective. There was a PS2 game called (Forbidden) Siren that had this. The game was more sneaking around than fighting, but the team members can check what other people see, including the zombie enemies. Another poster here mentioned an indie game, Second Person Shooter Zato, that actually does as given in the title.

[@Crossfire024]

So Wolfenstein: The New Onion is the next Stanely Parable without all the 4th wall breaks?

[@modder15]

You get shot again You duck You shoot You get shot again

[@HydlideS]

They already made that game. It's called the second disc of Xenogears.

[@KingOfGamesss]

I would like the First-Person and the Third-Person to team up to hunt the Second-Person while the Fourth-Person watches the Fifth-Person watching