Spoon Theory and Autism

Spoon Theory is a useful concept for sharing the invisible struggles experienced by people with certain illnesses, disabilities, and/or differing abilities.🥄 This video explores the origin of Spoon Theory as well as how it works and how you can apply it to your life as someone on the spectrum. Scroll down for timestamps you can click to jump to specific sections of the video. 👇
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⏰ TIMESTAMPS 🕰
The Origin of Spoon Theory (0:38)
How It Works (1:23)
Different activities cost different amounts of spoons (2:45)
You’re in Charge (3:33)
Budgeting Spoons (3:40)
Borrowing Spoons (4:25)
Replenishing Spoons (5:09)
Practice Makes Perfect (5:38)
Spoon Theory and Parenting (5:57)
Executive Functioning and Spoon Theory (6:23)
Autism as a Disability (7:38)
The Purpose of Spoon Theory (9:35)
Sharing This Info With Your Loved Ones (9:44)
“Spoonies” (10:37)
More Spoon Theory Resources (11:03)
Online Autistic Community - ASDirect (11:44)
Special Thank You (12:14)
📚 RESOURCES 💻
ASDirect Community on Discord: / discord
Christine Miserandino’s Website: butyoudontlooksick.com/
The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino: butyoudontlooksick.com/articl...
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard on Spoon Theory: • What Is A Spoonie? // ...
🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴
I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")
/ milky-wayvers-mountain
#autism #autistic #aspergers
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☝🏻I have a partnership with ASDirect and am listed as one of their sponsors in exchange for sharing this information with you. I am also a member of the community and feel it is a safe and welcoming place for anyone and everyone on the spectrum! 🦾
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

[@SailorYuki]

Fun fact: according to specialists you need energy (spoons) to sleep. So you need spoons to sleep, which is why people on the spectrum and people with chronic illnesses can have trouble sleeping. Your body actually won't fall asleep if you don't have enough energy to do so. The brain is scared that if you fall asleep when you're too low on energy, you might not wake up. Which is why insomnia is sometimes treated with adrenaline.

[@susanmargaretwills6432]

Ah so that's why sometimes I feel "Too Tired To Sleep"

[@gaolen]

oh is that why sometimes i can get very anxious when im too tired to sleep?

[@herahagstoz6934]

Probably the same neuro-chemistry going on here with ADHD, the adrenal system, and why stimulants are calming for those with ADHD. I have always had issues falling asleep. I never understood how other people can instantly fall asleep. It takes my mind forever to get to the pre-unconscious (hypnogogic) stage of sleep. Like over an hour or more and this can restart if I’m interrupted by something (like husband snoring 😵‍💫) and I end up with insomnia. But if I drink a coffee or am taking my meds for my ADHD, my mind is better able to be less distracted and irritated by everything and it can use all of that regulated focus on falling asleep while I’m listening to an audiobook. With my fan on, all lights off, everyone else in their bedtime space, blinds closed, doors closed, my five pillows, my husband sleeping quietly on his side, and finally and most importantly, I’ve gotten up at least three times more to get a drink, pee, and tell whoever is also midnight marauding all about the new KZbin video that I just watched and commented on. So much easier than laying awake in a state of irritability and anxiety for hours until finally falling asleep as the sun rises and the alarm is set for the next ten minutes. I spent more than half of my life dealing with this problem.

[@jo-annahicks3324]

That is so well explained!

[@jo-annahicks3324]

OMG!!!...I have ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) & I have never heard that before...but it makes SOOO much sense!...I'm going to share this with my Doctor and the ME/CFS Community....thank you

[@passaggioalivello]

I didn't know the Spoon Theory. It's interesting. I have very few spoons, but masking makes me pretend it doesn't matter. And usually, I can't recharge my spoons shortage during the day.

[@passaggioalivello]

@@luciaelenang9939 Exactly, thank you Lucìa.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love that idea "masking is like pretending you have more spoons than you actually have." yes yes yes. Accompanied by a meltdown or some type of crash/overwhelm (at least for me!).

[@sueannevangalen5186]

My non-verbal autistic son used to have long days that started with school from 8:15 till 2:45, and then a walk home to immediately start working with his therapist at 3 (till 6). And the poor kid was just go, go, go all day. What we did, starting last year, was take him out of school an hour early so that he could have a break. And his therapist reported that he's been doing much better since we incorporated the break. Now he gets a break and a walk before having to sit down to therapy sessions. Spoon theory explains why this has been so successful for him -- we gave him the chance to replenish a few spoons. Thanks for the shout out (love this channel) ❤️❤️❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Oh wow what a great illustration of this point! Thank you! And so glad your son is finding more success with this route.

[@kd2eat]

Spoon Theory is among the many things I wish my wife and I had discovered earlier. Neither of us really knew that there was a formal "Spoon Theory". I had just heard the expression "I'm out of spoons" somewhere, and used it with my wife a few years ago. It immediately resonated and it became a part of our daily conversation. "Let's not do that. I'm just about out of spoons" is something we'll say to one another quite frequently. Also, "I've got an extra spoon or two if you want me to take care of that.." For us, saying "I'm out of spoons" is basically an immediate end to any pushback or conversation about doing something. If you're out, you're out. No argument. We just try to help one another along. The fact that we can just say "I'm out of spoons" with no further explanation, and no pushback from our spouse is SUCH a game-changer for us. Again, I wish we had blundered into it years ago. I'm (mostly) neurotypical and I use it just as much as my wife. Sometimes, "using your words" costs a spoon all by itself. "I'm out of spoons" is a fantastic shortcut to help me (the over-verbal guy) from digging the hole even deeper by trying to talk about whatever the issue is. We love it.

[@inner_kundalini]

This. I started saying "I can't word" because I just CANNOT. It can cost so much. Glad someone else also understands this ❤

[@kd2eat]

@inner_kundalini Oh ya. As an aspberger, she often comes home exhausted and tells me "there were too many words!" That's an automatic signal that she needs some quiet introvert time to recharge and decompress.

[@KimKim-ev4sx]

This is so lovely! It is great, that you have such a good communication tool with just one phrase. ❤

[@NeurodiverJENNt]

Another great video. I'm sure NT's watching this would roll their eyes at the thought of saying hi to a crossing guard costing a spoon. I am guessing they mix spoon currency with physical effort. The woman that coined this phrase is probably even more understandable to an NT because their exhaustion is tied to something physical. People know lupus results in extreme lethargy. What they don't see is the thought process behind certain tasks that makes them so exhausting. NT people: "Hey there!" End of story. ASD people: "I am already tired and not in the best mood... I really don't feel like saying hi to this guy right now, but I should force myself to do it. Now am I going to have to say hi to him everyday? I'm opening up a social invitation for him to come up to my window and talk to me once in awhile. I look like crap right now. I really should try to be better about talking to everyone. I need to get my social life more consistent and more on track... I should try to be better connected and more involved with my kids school and all of the staff there. Am I a bad mom? Ugh! Oh no I'm getting closer to the crossing guard. Abort! Abort mission! No come on... you can do this just say hi it's not that hard... Engage fake smile, roll down window... Am I being too fake? This is not genuine. He seems like a nice enough guy..."

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Nailed the internal dialogue! Thanks for sharing this.

[@annakerr9105]

I am NT and I wouldn’t roll my eyes at the thought of saying hi costing a spoon. I have learnt so much about autism from video’s like this and ND people kindly explaining how things are for them, and whilst I can never experience what it is like to be ND, I am trying to understand and support.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for learning!! We need more people like you. 💓

[@nikkib317]

Spot on with internal dialog!!!

[@jackcroydon2772]

I’m nt and this sounds like me

[@bducore]

Thank you for this video! I heard a speaker with ASC once describe it as “I’m not inherently disabled; I’m disabled by my environment” which I felt was true for me. We have to live in an allistic world, and if we had designed it to fit us, we wouldn’t struggle!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yes I can definitely relate to this sentiment! thanks for sharing

[@sum414everuakn]

Was that maybe the Tedx talk by Jac den Houting? I hope I spelled that correctly, but I think her talk is called "why everything you know about autism is wrong", it's on the Tedx channel

[@galespressos]

My opinion, autism is a different personality and physical makeup. Trying to function in an inappropriate environment is what makes it especially challenging, and people can get damaged more easily in which case it becomes a disability. Thank you for this short simply explained video which makes it easier to show to others.

[@JD-xc4fm]

Having 8 children and a spouse that expects an amount of stuff out of me that an allistic person could normally do without really thinking. I end up giving him the idea that I’m “lazy”. This is difficult. I’m also assumed to have a “temper” when I can’t handle all the noise around me, and exhaust myself trying to figure out if people are serious or joking about things throughout the day. Just..... ughhhhh

[@esm1817]

Um yes! I grew up being called lazy because I was in a constant state of burn out.

[@tomsale5142]

@@esm1817 did you get pain symptoms

[@paigecraig8245]

8 kids is quite a lot for anyone, don't feel too bad

[@im1385]

Bro needs to go to therapy if he thinks he can just go to work and come back while you look after EIGHT F******** CHILDREN and that you should not have exhausted yourself, for real. Like, seriously, that's just emotional obtuseness and negligence.

[@paigecraig8245]

@@im1385 thats putting it lightly

[@sueannevangalen5186]

On whether or not autism is a disability: I love what you said about having to be respectful of each other. I personally go back and forth on the subject. It's just funny you were talking about this today because the past few days, I've just been so aware of the physicality of autism. Sometimes, it feels pretty physical. Like when I find myself feeling some emotion that I don't understand and I have to stim in order to deal with it. I have a lot of motion stims and sound stims. It feels sort of physical. Spoon theory helps me understand that maybe the emotion is distress at having run out of spoons, and the stims are helping take them back. This does sort of make me feel like a person who has less-than-common physical needs. I'm sure someone will comment if they can relate 🙂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes I think having the self awareness to realize you're feeling an emotion you don't understand is really something! I often don't realize that process is happening in me until I start approaching meltdown (that's another thing I meant to mention in the video that running out of spoons can indicate meltdown). But yes I relate to the sentiments you shared here!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@MomontheSpectrum All I know is, most evenings, after I've been dealing with all three kids for a few hours (alone because my husband works straight evenings) I often start feeling something that makes me want to get up and move or else I'll start crying. Today hasn't been so bad yet. 🙂 Little bit of imposter syndrome happening right now. Have you done a video on that? I'll search...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I haven’t but I’ve been dealing with imposter syndrome a ton lately!

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Engaging in my special interest is what recharges my spoon stash.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Me too. A little creative writing does the trick.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Great suggestion!

[@zmommy4044]

I also find writing to refresh me and also prevent meltdowns by helping me clear my thoughts and express myself in a less draining way.

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I wish i had put more value on this with my highly functioning autistic son when he was growing up. My focus was on his grades and graduating homeschool. He did, but i created a world where he lives in anxiety state and pushes himself too hard. To the point of exhaustion and melts down daily.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Never too late to help him understand that he is valuable to you. 😉🤗

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this Victoria. I think it is really wonderful that you have some clarity about this now and agree with buttercxp that this information could still prove helpful in your relationship with him!

[@joshman113]

Burst into tears watching this. Im diagnosed adhd as im nearing 30 the social side effects of the disability are becoming unbearable and im losing friends rapidly trying to learn how to handle a full time job and a social life. Ill be showing everyone this video.

[@celestiafanforever]

this explains why I always feel drained after doing the dishes each night, and another reason why I hate doing them. Getting towards the end I feel drain and that I want to take a nap to recharge before I go back to doing what I see as fun, like playing Star Stable or watching youtube videos. I was told that I have Asperger's when I was in middle school.

[@JustWatchMeDoThis]

When you feel like you have 5 spoons for an entire week.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yup. Totally get that.

[@Bubbles_L]

For me school and academia completely took all of my spoons and more. If I had 10 spoons, it took 15. I was literally unable to graduate high school because of this. But no one on this earth seems to be able to understand that. Apparently I should have just "sucked it up" what they don't understand is that it actually really broke me that I was unable to graduate. I wanted to graduate so bad. Even the thought of trying to study math for a GED makes me want to rip my hair out.

[@annakerr9105]

Thank you for explaining this, I showed it to my daughter about a month ago and today she said to me “I am about half a spoon, what shall I do?” So I suggested she went and listened to her audio book and did some drawing. The spoon visual gave her the language and confidence to tell us she needed a recharge. Thank you

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing this with me. 💓

[@7Nebulae7]

I was so relieved when my therapist told me about the spoon theory several years ago. It made me feel validated with the fact that I don't have a much energy and resources as other people seem to have. That it's ok to not have as much spoons as a regular person has. Especially in the modern times where life in general is more hectic and taxing it's important to know that I'm not in any way a lesser person because I have my challenges that make me have less energy. The society sure makes me feel the opposite a lot of the time.

[@7Nebulae7]

And btw, I love you kitty, Tay! I was mesmerized by the flicking of it's tail around 6:40.

[@joybird144]

as an autistic person in burnout ive been thinking about spoons a lot to start to manage my burnout better… ive been having constant meltdowns and shutdowns and even was non verbal for most of the day. i am realizing that i start the day lately with at most 3 spoons. That is helpful enough because i now understand why i cant feed myself/shower/take care of my cat/socialize with family/do fun activities. Literally showering and hygiene alone is 3 spooons and that is all i have lately in this burnout. Then i have to rest to replenish them and sometimes sleep doesnt replenish spoons. It is a very tough spot to be in but knowing what is going on and having tools to demonstrate that visually helps…

[@bassafratz]

yesterday after accidentally saying something stupid out nervousness to someone I want to be friends with at work, I felt like my job robbed all of the little bit of spoons I had left and stabbed me in the chest with a fork

[@whitneymason406]

My husband and I call it "Bucket" Theory because a spoon just doesn't feel like it holds enough 😆 I kind of feel like I'm in the negative w/ spoons/buckets right now, my son is having meltdown after meltdown today. Thanks for covering this topic and explaining it so clearly!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

haha love the "bucket" substitution! thanks for sharing and I hope your son gets some relief soon!

[@johnbillings5260]

It's crazy how quickly my spoons can deplete. But it's also weird that I'm able to recharge by visually stimming. I'm interested in what happens with our chemicals and our cellular mechanics. It almost feels like suddenly the mitochondria screech to a halt when the spoons run out.

[@jimiwills]

I'm going to audiology tomorrow to see if they can help me cope with the sensory challenge I get from my kids. All my spoons can disappear in one go.

[@edniz]

I don’t know if I’m autistic but I relate to this a lot and wish to share a few more observations. - I have a time for every single kind of activity to balance my mental and emotional being. What I do at which time is everything when it comes to how much spoon an activity will take. For example, if I am in the kind of mood that it is time to take care of myself, brushing my teeth won’t take up much or could even give me energy and motivation. But if I’m in my dreaming time for instance, brushing my teeth will deplete me so much. But these moods aren’t predictable so I have a hard time doing something consistently. - When I am low on spoons and I have to do something, sometimes I’ll activate some sort of an energy supply that I cannot stop later on. It’s like I become neurotypical for that time but it’s actually not normal, it’s more like ADHD and I am feeling totally out of control. It wears me so much until it stops and I detest whatever I’ve done during that time.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Interesting! Thanks for sharing.

[@MizBroussard]

I relate to this as well - timing & headspace are everything when it comes to managing my daily supply of energy/focus 🙌

[@L5biszz]

Listening to this video and I can only think about "there is no spoon"-Matrix 😂

[@siminarae]

I have lupus AND autism. I have to track my chronic pain levels (physical) AND my mental energy (autism), which means my spoons get used really fast on certain days. Finding a balance is insane. I’m learning that I have to live by the “one day at a time” mantra because activities cost different amounts of spoons depending on how I’m feeling with both conditions.

[@remygallardo7364]

Another really useful trick for communicating and advocating for mental conditions/invisible conditions is to reframe your condition as a physical disability. I was actually discussing something regarding imposter syndrome and not advocating for my own mental health enough at work and she asked me to rephrase the situation as if I was in a wheelchair to better understand. I had never considered it from that perspective but it makes the situation significantly easier for someone to understand if it is tangible.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for this!

[@ashleyr.6953]

I do this for myself with my husband but with a cup. When I wake up my husband asks me “How full is your cup right now?” And after a few events during the day he keeps checking in..when I get down to less than 50% of my cup I know I have to start topping it up else I drain real quick to less than like 15 and that’s meltdown territory. We now know certain things can drain me 30%, 15% etc and it has been incredibly useful.

[@MountainRiverRunner]

I am 76 years old and have been suffering with Chronic Fatigue for the past 8 years. Because my friends and family remember the old me that had never ending energy, they don't understand what is happening with me now. This is the first I have heard of the Spoon Theory. I have posted this video on my Facebook page. Maybe it will help them understand that I am not just being lazy...

[@neurospicypisces]

I love the headband/hair bow! I have so many of them myself but struggle being confident wearing them 😫

[@mikehammerbach9413]

I didn't know about this. I always described it like spell slots in DND.

[@twn1701b]

I could recharge my spoon-o-meter a little just by watching Belts flomp his tail on the sofa for a while. Oh, how I've needed that recently. These last few weeks I've felt really low on spoons and more like a knife being perpetually twisted in my soul (as well as being repeatedly tapped on the head with a camping mallet). Really helpful video as always. Thanks Tay.

[@carolinebedford9836]

Hi.Mom on the spectrum. The way I interpret the spoon theory is that Autistic people become much more tired doing their tasks throughout the day than non autistic people & if we try to push ourselves into doing more than what our minds can.handle than this leads to feeling overwhelmed & therefore meltdowns are more likely to happen. Please note that I have only listened to the first couple of minutes of the spoon theory, please let me know if I have interpreted it correctly? Keep up the good work.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I think this is a fair conclusion! Thanks for your comment.

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I like the way you explain the spoons

[@sum414everuakn]

This is new, but interesting. My spoons vary a lot. It depends a lot on my mental health and sufficient sleep. I often exhaust myself though and then crash eventually...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yes i feel sometimes i have to amp up my energy and really drain myself so i can sleep...

[@debz673]

Great video! Thank you. Have you heard of energy accounting? I like this model because it allows for 'withdrawals' but also 'deposits'. As long a you plan for a day with more deposits than withdrawals you can come out net positive.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I like this concept though it is new to me!

[@jacqpinks]

I’ve been learning about spoon Theory, I’ve always known some people can do a lot in their day and I couldn’t do half of what some people do lol 😂 your video is absolutely perfect and I love the language you use. Your positivity shines. I also love how much you live those spoons lol 😂 💗

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for your comment! 😎👋🏻✌️

[@icequeen4136]

This is soo interesting. Even for neurotypical person. To learn and understand how to proactively manage their energy expenditure, being aware of ups and lows in energy, which affects a decision making a lot. Natural cycle of energy balance - work / rest / work / rest. To avoid a burnout. I am a workoholic, and outside of work also I tend to give it all for personal projects/activities I love, and keep forgetting about my body's needs. Trying to get more discipline and more self-care. Work in progress. Thank you for your content.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re very welcome! Thanks for your content. Yes I think this concept can be helpful for many different types of people!

[@sarahstudies8149]

I keep borrowing spoons fro my next day at work. I end the week exhausted, get headaches, meltdowns etc unable to care for myself anymore. But I can't find a way not to do that. Something always happens like having an unexpected visitor or I have to sit in meetings or something goes wrong. Then I've also got to be available to be social at any point. I just don't know how I am going to continue but after 10 years of working already I don't think there is another option. This video explains what I go through so well.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad you were able to relate. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@Drgnbaybee]

I just started seeing your content, and I have felt like I was different since my childhood. I have wondered if I was autistic on and off for the past few years. I noticed a lot of trouble coping after going through nursing school, but a recent series of family stressors seems to have really exacerbated my coping and behavior. When I started looking up info on female autism traits, I found your content, and this is the first time I have ever felt fully seen, heard, and understood. Almost everything you talk about resonates with me. I am so grateful that you post this content ❤

[@josephmartin1540]

Carry on, daughter. May you see even more revelation.

[@toaojjc]

Oh my.... N*Sync.... One of my special interest is Backstreet Boys since 1997. Thanks for this video.

[@santerraniccals]

I agree with what you said about using spoons for things that seem like you wouldn’t need spoons. I get so overwhelmed when I have a list of things to do. It’s like I can’t conceptualize time.

[@mtcrun]

A compassionate person sent this link to me yesterday and I just finished watching it now. My personal analogy as a well and buckets... I really appreciate how you explained this so simply with positivity, realism, and inclusivity. Thank you.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you have a compassionate person who cares about you!

[@mtcrun]

@@MomontheSpectrum 🙏

[@spotandgarfieldsadventures6331]

Your ginger kitty is so adorable 😻. I have a ginger too.. his name is Garfield.. I am his surrogate mom and support human.. he is an anxious, but very affectionate and friendly kitty❤️❤️. I believe cats can be autistic as well❤️😻

[@bryanmerton5153]

Super cool video Tay. I have never heard of spoon theory but I love the concept. Oh and I have to mention that I love the pictures on your wall of Mario, Luigi, and the Game Boy! Super cool! Its funny about brushing your teeth as I have the same issue. Sometimes it seems like a major hurdle for me. I have a daily reminder to brush them as it always slips my mind. In my life I feel normal, different, and disabled. Some days I wake up and carry on no road blocks etc. Some days I wake up and everything feels difficult. Some days everything feels impossible. And of course some are a mixed bag. I feel disabled when I have to go to the market by myself, as I have mentioned before, and can’t go in. I feel disabled when chatting with a neighbor and can’t find an end to the conversation because I didn’t plan ahead in my mind. So yes Autism for me can be a real disability and I have decided that that’s OK. Like you said there are tons of good points as well. Wait I have drifted away from the spoons! I love the idea and will try and figure out how many spoons I need. I think it will be a great way to pace myself better! I really love your channel! It has been a great source of support for me. I have just returned to work after 20 months off and because of channels like yours I have been more open at work with colleagues and the support from them has been amazing! When I share some of my struggles it makes it less of a burden for me somehow and quietly spreads the word about the various faces of autism and neurodiverity. Its late and I am not sure I have said that right🤪. Until your next post!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I think you have said everything very well, indeed! It's good to hear from you Bryan. Congrats on going back to work after 20 months off! It makes my heart so happy to feel that by being more open about your struggles you are feeling more supported. That's wonderful news. I can totally relate to being upset with myself for not knowing how to end a conversation because I didn't plan ahead. This exact thing happened to me with a neighbor a couple of weeks ago and I was so uncomfortable. As you think about spoon theory, sounds like you will wake up with a different number of spoons most days, from the way you describe how each day is different (it is for me too). I hope it will help you navigate your schedule and give yourself lots of grace!

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

We approve of Christmas sweaters!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Well good because otherwise I would have to block you. 😉

[@josephmartin1540]

"You've got to always know where your towel is." :) :) :)

[@roxanes43]

Thank you for sharing the spoon theory. It also made me wonder if when we have opportunities to unmask in safe spaces that not as many spoons are required for tasks?

[@mysticquantumalchemist]

This was such an amazing video!!! I’ve tried to explain how brushing my teeth and showering, getting ready takes so much energy and is like a mission - now I can explain easier with the spoon example! 🥹🙏🏽 thank you so much!! And I agree about not borrowing spoons bc you also don’t know what could happen tomorrow, so you may need that spoon tomorrow more than today. This video brought me so much peace & really allowed me to feel seen & understood 🤍

[@9crutnacker985]

Yup getting up & ready takes ages & is a big drain. Can be done very quickly if needs be but there's a heavy surcharge for that & gets into spoon debt. It's not sustainable. One of my favourite memes is 'no spoons left - only knives'.

[@jella_joe]

Spoon theory is so hard for me to get. Just call me a small battery. There are big batteries out there. I am a smaller one. I can discharge quickly, but then I need a massive recharge and that can take time. If I discharge too quick then I will catch on fire or just stop working. Lol

[@sylviebrazeau3040]

I just came across this video today. I really appreciate it and what you said about autism being a disability at some moments. I'm 55, and it's been about two years that I've figured out that I'm probably autistic. I've just started the assessment process. I've passed over 50 years of my life with no major issues, getting by and winging it. But recently, I've just been so frustrated with myself, not being able to cope, and finding autism to be a disability. Change of subject: The spoon theory is interesting... for a year, I've started comparing the energy push-pull with cars and gasoline. Depending of each person's abilities, there body might need energy like a sub-compact, or like me, an old gas guzzler like a Ford Thunderbird. ... sorry just rambling on... Thank you again for this video

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love this comparison. Thanks for sharing

[@christineh4192]

Absolutely!

[@tobyisaracoon]

I have about 5 spoons i use them all throughout the day. Work takes up 3, school took up 4. Getting ready takes 2. I need more spoons but i need time to get more, and thats ok for now. I will gain more once I understand myself more, just have to be patient.

[@sunflower7045]

I’m new to the channel and I feel so Blessed to have found it! I’m one of many people who was diagnosed on the spectrum later in life, so I’m really learning a lot. I didn’t realize it was a trait for hygiene to feel draining. I’m a clean person, but holy moly it annoys me how much time it takes! And I don’t bother with hairstyles or makeup. Thank you for this video! I LOVE learning commonalities. It helps me give myself a break, too. I can be hard on myself. Am I alone on that? Best wishes to you from Kansas 🌻🌾

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Definitely not alone on that! I am also hard on myself, and also tend not to mess with hairstyles or much makeup. I have like 2 ways to wear my hair and they both take 30 seconds.

[@ashleyien1222]

I understand the theory (and have heard about it for a few years from some of my friends) but it still confuses me. I have absolutely no clue how many spoons I have or how much anything would use up. 😅 If I have no clue how to figure out how many I start with in the morning and no clue how many are used for activities, I feel I can't use this at all. Other people seem to get this all figured out easily... but for some reason I just can't and it's frustrating. I just know I'm always exhausted and tend to lay down in bed for 30 minutes when I get home from work before I make something for supper. I wake up tired. 😅

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

You’re a sweetheart, Tay. Nice video 💕

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you!

[@raggamuffin2013]

Thank you, this helps me understand my partner and myself x

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're very welcome!

[@bradrasmussen7297]

You have such an awesome channel. Thank you so much for these videos! :)

[@CutesyBubblez]

I LOVE the shirt!

[@ms-literary6320]

I’m in burnout. Most days I have few to no spoons to work with. I still try to do events occasionally (visit friends mostly). That takes a lot out of me. The trouble is I never know exactly how many spoons I’m “borrowing” to do it until after. It can be days or weeks worth. I don’t know in advance so it’s hard to make an informed choice. Becoming a hermit doesn’t feel viable for the long term though :/ Doing even basic things can be “borrowing” without me realizing. It’s frustrating

[@beccajoy5445]

Thank you 🙏

[@ViniSouza93]

Awesome explanation, thank you for the video 🎉

[@maeveelizabeth9739]

I think just being at work? in general? takes up spoons for me. I'm currently struggling with a very intense depressive episode at 24, and I'm losing so much energy by just simply *being* at work. Even if its slow, and I have very little to do, I just feel so exhausted and drained as the day goes on. I'm out of spoons by the end of the shift before i even get home

[@Marty656]

Thank you for the video, the theory is a great tool how to explain energy levels and I will try to incorporate this into my life.

[@ednafernandesyi]

Thank you so much such great info and insight ....so amazing seeing the support of a community and different individuals of different abilities....amazing ....

[@leeboriack8054]

Please create a talk about Spectrum folks and handling money.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for the suggestion!

[@jennifergauthier3282]

So happy to have discovered you! :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Jennifer! So glad you're here! Thanks for the comment. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for future videos and be sure to check out my Meltdown Survival Guide! taylorheaton.gumroad.com/l/meltdownsurvivalguide

[@anonymousplayerz]

Lately I’ve been exhausted. I have a really hard time getting to school and getting home. School has been making me exhausted and going home has been exhausting. I have been using too many spoons lately. I borrowed so many spoons from so many days that I’m always tired from it. It sucks how I’ve either run out of spoons or have a low amount of them. It’s weird how I figure out how many spoons I have left mostly I start with 15-20 spoons, because I have a really bad attention span due to me also having ADHD so this makes it even harder sometimes because I could have 5-10 spoons on some days

[@beckymesky]

Well said

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Great job! 🦾

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks Jared!

[@sonoftorin]

Hi Taylor I am so thankful for your channel. I am recently self diagnosed and I am about to go through a divorce. I learned that you went through one last year but I am scared to book a 1 to 1 session because omg social interaction wtf but I feel so scared and alone I don’t know what to do. Everything is awful right now. Thanks again for being so good at what you do. :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi sonoftorin...thanks for your comment. I'm so sorry to hear you're also going through a divorce. It is a tough road but there has been a lot of healing on the road for me and I hope there will be healing for you, too. You are worthy of support and love and respect. You may want to check out an online community at aspergerexperts.com for a free option for connecting with others in a controlled and predictable way :)

[@galespressos]

Spoon theory works fine. I used to describe the situation as having enough fuel or sometimes as a walk-A-thon.. Always thought it was bizarre that just because I did something before and was fine before, that after an exhaustive experience and enormous effort, I should be able to continue up doing the same or do the same again. Think about a vehicle with so much fuel, and you are about out and know it but someone pushes you to keep driving because after all the vehicle was able to drive before. Your fuel is gone and you have a backup for emergencies but it isn’t good to use it as next emergency it isn’t there. So trying to be responsible, you pace it, but people keep pushing. It’s dangerous and it isn’t respected that the fuel is about out even if the vehicle, me, is there. Another way I used to describe it was to talk about it as a 42 kilometer walk-a-thon where have already walked 42 kilometers and then are ridiculed because we are too tired and sore to walk a few blocks.

[@mysticquantumalchemist]

I REALLLLY appreciate your talk on the disability part bc I feel the SAME way as you and although I love my unique traits, I think it’s super dismissive & invalidates many autistic peoples reality and hurts bc it IS a disability for many of us and we can’t do many things that we truly want to do and feel like life is against us. We do have to make accommodations everywhere we go, and are hindered or sick bc of our sensory issues. So thank you so much for speaking on this bc while I love being autistic and am proud, I also feel holding space for it being a disability is important & necessary 🤍 You’re amazing!!! I’m so glad I found your channel!! ❤

[@karminaluna3438]

I feel like I couldn't count my spoons because I can feel like there's a lot and suddenly very few, or the opposite (depending on events, spaces, people, sounds etc.; my state can change very quicly)... I don't really understand what gives or takes me energy, so counting it doesn't make sense to me. (but I'm happy if it helps others!)

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

It is very new to me and all so interesting thank you ☺ Have only just learned about this for the first time ever today through your video 💗 Now I know about the spoon theory am going to put it into practice, what an excellent way to monitor how you're going : )❤💜 xox

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad this sounds helpful to you! I really get a lot of out thinking of my energy and resources in this way. Thanks for your comment!

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

@@MomontheSpectrum you're very welcome ☺❤ xox

[@sadshyguygaming125]

So I understand how doing different things requires different amounts of energy, how the amount of energy required for a task will vary from person to person, how the total energy one has for the day will vary from day to day and from person to person, and how energy can be consumed or gained depending what one does and how one spends their time throughout the day. But I don't think I am able to judge how much energy I have and how much each task consumes for me personally. I am not able to put a number on it. I think for me personally it's more like a "Energy Gauge Empty" light, where if I still have a little bit of energy then the light is off and everything seems fine so I keep going until the light turns on and I have a meltdown/shutdown, then I know that everything is not fine. Maybe that's something I need to learn to develop and get better at, but I find trying to put a number and evaluating how much energy is really difficult and feels like guess work for me. I don't like stating numbers that are guesswork as if they were facts, when in reality I have no clue how accurate they are. That task in of itself requires a lot of energy. I think I understand the concept of spoon theory, but I don't think I can assign a numerical value of spoons to myself. I suppose I could still ask myself do I have enough energy for the task at hand, and try to get better at gauging that.

[@conniegarvie]

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard's channel is amazing! She's been a fave of mine for a while! Plus, she's LGBTQIA+!

[@lilykatmoon4508]

Jessica andPurple Ella are both two I follow also! I hadn’t heard this term before and will definitely do more research! Thank you for sharing.,

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome!

[@stacyaugust331]

I love your cat!! I have a ginger and a grey one.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you! I am very proud of him! 🐈

[@mdailyJHU]

Great concept I can definitely relate too. Most days I feel like I can manage my spoons but if things get too chaotic or I have to have too many messy interactions with others they can deplete quite quickly. As I age and do therapy some things cost me fewer spoons than they used to. Anyone have thoughts on how to make your spoons go farther, or better yet increase how many spoons you start the day with?

[@mightykiddos]

Hey Taylor, this was a very informative video. I will do some more research on this topic as this was all new to me, thank you for presenting it in such an easy straight forward way. I love your voice, it is so soothing. I do have a question though, do you think this can be a theory that can easily be taught to children on the spectrum or is this more for the parents to be aware of how demanding daily tasks can be for their kiddo?

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I think it would be a pretty simple illustration for kids (depending on age and cognitive ability) but all it would take is some spoons and a little bit of patience! Thanks for your comment.

[@isispearl]

At my Home we use a cookie jar with cookies in it. Same point as the spoons just cookies. Thanks for a grate Channel.

[@23respectme]

I have such a hard time knowing how many spoons I have left. Most days at some point they are suddenly just gone...??

[@LAmusicprodz]

Me after watching the video: ''So, where did life hide the spoonshop?''

[@MomontheSpectrum]

😁

[@coriwade4]

❤ the NSYNC shirt!

[@authordanplouff]

Thanks... Good job. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome. And thanks!

[@beadingbusily]

That orange cat has a huge stash of spoons.

[@gaolen]

not all spoon are spend through action! sometimes a stormy day can cause a loss of 5 spoons just because its exhausting to have to listen and to feel the wind all day

[@narriparri]

I would love for my closest people to use the spoon theory when figuring out what I have energy to do. How many spoons do you have? What a lovely question. ❤

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

Small talk costs a lot of spoons. So does coming with responses to stupid "jokes."

[@josephmartin1540]

Question, sort of partly unrelated... how do you ever look into the camera that much? I can't even look at a camera hardly, much less a human? Does it take a lot of editing??? Proud of ys for being able to make the vids,

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Actually it is very hard for me!! It’s exhausting. Thanks for noticing 😆

[@janetservos7637]

I enjoyed your video, but my questions are WAY off topic (sorry in advance). I was completely distracted by the art behind you on the wall. It *looks* like Mario on the left, and Luigi on the right, but then I was TOTALLY confused as to what the middle one would be (assuming they are related). Q1) was I right about the left and right picture? Q2) what is the middle picture? Thank you in advance!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Janet! Haha you are correct, Mario, Luigi, and a gameboy! It was a handheld gaming system when I was a kid.

[@josephmartin1540]

Oh, Lord, you know it!

[@sugoiharris1348]

I don’t like spoon theory. It’s hard for me to actually understand it no matter how many times people have tried to explain it to me. I prefer to use a video game analogy because I play those enough to understand it better. How much health do I have and how much is it going to take to do something and how long with it take to refill my health and what do I need to do to refill my health. I picture it a bit like hearts in Minecraft or a health bar. Actually, maybe I would think of it more like pickaxes in Minecraft. There are a few different kinds and some are more durable than others. Take a stone pickaxe, if you’re mining stone, you can go for a while before the pickaxe breaks, but if you have to mine coal or iron it will break faster. If you have an iron pickaxe you can do a lot more and go way faster and if you have an enchanted diamond pickaxe you can use it for a long time and mine all the different kinds of materials with it. So maybe you have different kinds of pickaxes, but maybe you only have 1 kind and maybe it’s wood. You’ll be very limited in what you can do and how long you can do it for. Yeah I like that better. Can you tell one of my special interests? 😛

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love this! Thanks for sharing.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I forgot to say hi to Beltre and say how nice it is to see him 😺

[@MomontheSpectrum]

He says hello back!! :)

[@tomsale5142]

Spoon fulls d ribbose lol to help a little

[@victoriajohnson3034]

Do you have any suggestions on great utube sites for adhd? I'm the researcher of the group. And was asked to help my adhd friend.

[@nicholaslandry6367]

'how to adhd' is generally the go to and I think she has a video on others or at least has others in the description of (some of) her videos

[@lionmuesli4321]

Maybe Chloé Hayden would be a good option. Though she talks more about autism more she also talks a bit about ADHD

[@whitneymason406]

Purple Ella talks a bit about her experiences with ADHD

[@victoriajohnson3034]

What's your take on the zing method by wynford dore? Looks interesting. Not sure if legit

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is the first I'm hearing of it! I'll add it to my list of things to learn about. :)

[@ImagesofJosephSmithJun.]

So, I totally believe high functioning autism is real, but I also believe Depression and many mental illnesses are misdiagnosed or overly blamed (meaning someone can have what I am about to tell you about next, as well... but many of their symptoms are actually from a chronic illness, common with autism); have you been screened for POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) and EDS (ehler's Danlos syndrome), easy for some to be Dx as they can be genetically linked doing a a genetic test for this chronic illness, if not you should be. I thought I might have (back in the day, when I thought I had it, it was still the name) Aspergers, mostly because I am sensitive to sound and sensory sensitive in general, however when I saw a specialist for autism, she said she wouldn't even test me, because I just didn't have it-- saying I am so shy and grew up so shy that likely that caused similar problems, but after reading BOOKS for YEARS and reading the DSM, working with autism and aspies- literally right as the DSM changed, I agreed with her- I missed some major qualities, that actually were my strengths (I can read people very, very well, I can read micro facial expressions, but still sometimes totally suck at socializing). POTS can cause sensitivity to sound, I was put several medications for this form of autonomic disfunction, which oddly is common with autism but is LIKELY OVERLOOKED because... it's just "autism". Secondly EDS is common with autism, is a connective tissue disorder that not only causes frequent and painful subluxations and dislocations, it also causes internal problems with your gut; this can all be overlooked because the symptoms overlap, being clumsy, bad gait. Depression is the worst, as these illnesses cause symptoms similar to depression, and many with POTS have severe fatigue and pain, but are dx with depression, are gas-lit and NEVER get proper help, struggle to work, have little to no "spoons"... anyway, not to negate your dx of autism, just anyone reading please google these diseases common with autism and or see if this is what you have, which mimic many very odd and common signs of autism and depression. Not to be overly blunt, but some forms of EDS (I have hEDS) can have facial traits and you seem to possibly have some of the facial characteristics, so just get checked, out, I love watching your channel and do not believe that I will ever get Dx with autism, I DO have many traits of it and can relate non-the-less, I just want you to rule out some health problems before you let a psychiatrist throw it all under the umbrella of autism, when it's not and possibly something that needs serious attention and might help you a lot. I definitely think having POTS can affect someone's ability to pay attention when socializing, I get brain fog like crazy, severe fatigue- which I can see in home videos and am now... not surprised I was bullied for, I would space out and look half alive, but I remember the symptoms of POTS, back then... I was tired all the time...

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Can you say 16 subs from 900??? :D