Autism and Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever find yourself wondering things like, "Am I really all that I say I am?" or "When is everyone going to see through me and call me a fake?" Imposter Syndrome can affect anyone, but today we are focusing specifically on how it affects people on the spectrum. 🌈
For a better idea of the topics we'll cover in this video, scroll down to see an outline with timestamps you can click on to jump to any particular section that interests you. Or just watch the whole thing! You know I'm gonna have a pep talk in there somewhere. 💪
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⏰ Timestamps 🕰
What is Imposter Syndrome (1:34)
Misconceptions About Autism (2:38)
A Note About Levels of Autism vs. Support Needs (5:19)
Masking (5:52)
Dismantling Stereotypes (6:48)
Where do I fit in? (7:16)
Gaslighting (8:39)
Autistic Accommodations (8:54)
Imposter Syndrome Post-Diagnosis (9:39)
Autism and Empathy/Feeling Other People’s Feelings (10:17)
Life Without an Official Diagnosis (12:05)
Imposter Syndrome and Career (12:50)
How Comorbidities Factor In (14:01)
Am I Autistic Enough? (15:15)
This is an important point in history… (15:33)
3 Simple Practices to Combat Imposter Syndrome (18:03)
🖥 Links and Resources 📚
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Accepting My Autism Diagnosis: • Grieving My Autism Dia...
How to Join ASDirect Autistic Community on Discord: • Autistic Community - H...
Top 12 Autistic Strengths: • Top 12 Autistic Strengths
My Favorite Books on Adult Autism: • Autism Books for Autis...
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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")
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#autism #autistic #aspergers

[@jeskafm2929]

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I'm in nursing school and I had a meltdown in front of my clinical instructor. So I thought that would be a good time to tell her I just got diagnosed with ASD. She said "well you are SUPER high functioning if you are!" I had someone else tell me "Honestly you look normal to me". I guess I am just sharing that even nurses, medical professionals, do not have that much experience with interacting with autistic people. Because I was just diagnosed, I haven't developed a clever way to explain myself yet. It'll come to me someday.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for this perspective! Yes I have a friend who went to the emergency room recently and told the nurse she was autistic and the nurse didn’t change anything to accommodate her. We have a long ways to go. Sounds like you will have the opportunity to make some changes in your profession! Thanks for the work you’re doing. Nurses are saints!

[@jeskafm2929]

​@@MomontheSpectrum Yea I just watched your other video about that! I thought your card was really creative and honestly I kind of want to make one just for when people say "you LOOK normal". The card would say "just because I don't look autistic doesn't mean I don't have autistic problems". I can't ever come up with the words in the moment lol

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is a great idea! Thanks for sharing. It’s got me thinking. Let me know if you create one you’d be willing to share!

[@waterdragon5418]

@@MomontheSpectrum Can you please do a video on "I can't ever come up with the words in the moment" Is this an autistic thing as well?

[@skrungy1428]

Ever try to point that you didn’t know you weren’t supposed to function?

[@mbm8404]

I’m a retired Naval Officer (Commander) and I just found out I’m autistic at the age of 52. That, alexithymia and other ASD related things. I always wondered how people can keep going given how difficult life was for me. It was while I was in therapy for PTSD and other mental health issues. I’m like so many who just thought life was terribly difficult, and fought and fought through life. I have 5 university degrees and I hate school! Always have but I did it because it was the right thing. I’m just glad there’s a support network to help me especially at my age.

[@Cherylcoder]

Im 71, and didn't know i belonged to this community until a year or two ago.This video almost made me cry, it rang so true. I love you and appreciate what you are doing here more than you know. You are so insightful!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you’re a part of the community. 💓

[@Eli_the_fiend]

I remember when I was younger when I'm struggling with things like school or chores and I very clearly need a break and I only can get the words " I can't do normal stuff." My mom would say "You're normal enough. " And that still messes with me as a recurring intrusive thought that comes up a lot.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing your experience

[@joycebrewer4150]

Wow, me too. Only when I said it, Can't DO normal was emphatic! The frustration, decades before I knew my dx!

[@Summer-sc1ph]

This is the best. 2 years ago I told my very close friend that I was pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum and he laughed in my face. He said "no, you're not autistic. I've known a guy with autism and you are nothing like him". It hurt so bad and really damaged our friendship. and then it made me question myself so much that I stopped looking into autism at all. I thought that I must be being dramatic and attention seeking (how everyone has always referred to my behavior and sensory needs in particular). I'm so grateful to have found your channel because I know that I know that I know now that I'm on the spectrum. You have had an awesome influence on my life!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your kind comment! I’m so glad this video was helpful. Welcome to the community! Glad you’re here.

[@LaceyMyriah]

I’m sorry your friend made you feel that way! But I wish I didn’t know how it feels to be called dramatic and attention seeking :/ did you pursue a diagnosis?

[@passaggioalivello]

Thank you Tay, perfect timing, I needed this video. Impostor syndrome is a serious thing. Next week I'll finally have an appointment for the first step to legal recognition. But now my mind is filled with doubts: maybe I'm not autistic, maybe I'm just a weirdo, or possibly my traumas made me the person I am today and, in that case, maybe I'm overreacting. And also if I'll have the diagnosis I'd think I'm not autistic enough. I'm just a fraud. And also very scared for this appointment.

[@whitneymason406]

Good luck pass! ❤

[@passaggioalivello]

​@@whitneymason406 Thank you Whitney, you're so heartwarming.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad you left this comment! I know it will help others who see it feel less alone. Next week sounds like an important week! I am sending you good vibes. I know that at least through this channel you communicate very well, and I feel you will be able to use this skill to advocate for yourself in getting the recognition you need. Trust in yourself!!

[@passaggioalivello]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you Tay. My speech communication isn't as good as the written one. And, most important, I never was able to stand up for myself. It will be a very hard week I guess.

[@Robin-kd7qu]

I can relate to having trauma and feeling like an impostor. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18. For a long time that took precedence in my mental health journey (I suspsect this contributed to my lack of ASD diagnosis). But there have been so many things that seem "stuck" and I've yet to understand. Things that seem completely unrelated to my PTSD or trauma because they've been around for longer. I think I might be autistic, but I'm financially unable to pursue a diagnosis. I feel like a gigantic impostor - especially this early into my journey - but so far I resonate with this community. I just hope the different outlook (of perhaps being neurodivergent) will help me better understand myself so I can function better, regardless of diagnosis. Wishing everyone peace and happiness 👍

[@pdpUU]

I grew up with an autistic sibling. Autism was right in front of me from an early age. But I was told over and over and over that it wasn’t my experience; my experience of distress was a choice (according to my mom). From my POV, my sibling and I weren’t all that different. I was always confused at why they were treated differently than me. Their meltdowns were understood, but I was “being difficult” when I had “tantrums”. As an older sister, I learned to mask and socialize like a “good girl”. I internalized all my autistic traits as things that were wrong with me. Meanwhile, my sibling was praised for their endless knowledge of special interests. They were accommodated at family gatherings; they could go into another room if it was too much. I was always supposed to be on my best behavior. The more I’ve grown to love and understand my sibling, the harder it’s been to ignore my autism. But the imposter syndrome is so deep to my core. My metaphor: It’s like I’ve been looking at my reflection all my life, but was told the girl in the mirror wasn’t me. Now I can see, I am who I knew I was. Thanks for giving us a place to see ourselves in this channel.

[@faeriesmak]

I am sorry that you experienced that. As a parent with 2 kids both with ASD and ADHD I understand how yours could have been overlooked. Outwardly to them I am sure that you were very different and therefore they thought that you either didn’t have it or that you didn’t need as much or any support. It doesn’t make it right, though, and I am really sorry that was your experience.

[@pdpUU]

@@faeriesmak hey thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful reply, I appreciate it.

[@Didi......]

I'm just like you!!!! I am an older sister with an autistic nonverbal and high needs brother. I feel the exact same way, you are not alone..

[@pdpUU]

@@Didi...... thank you dear, I needed that today

[@missyrissy1110]

I definitely feel like I identify with the Autistic community. I have always felt like an outsider, yet everyone seemed to like me, the first video I watched of this channel was about being homecoming queen and Autistic and that video was really eye opening because you described an experience that I could never put in to words and nobody seemed to grasp when I tried. I have been Diagnosed with ADHD and Diagnosed with OCD. Both of those disorders explain very significant aspects of my experience but not all of it. I often gaslight myself and talk down on myself about the things I struggle with, that I’m not “X - enough”. I worry that I’m making up the parts of my experience that resonate with autism but the more I learn just gives language to so much of my life

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Keep following what helps you feel more fully seen and alive! 💞

[@LaceyMyriah]

ME. TOO. The more I learn, the less I doubt it, however. It feels like it’s just “me”, and to doubt it is to doubt myself. The masking is what feels so bad now! (Edit:this comment made no damn sense)

[@kendrasue7265]

I am attempting to find out about me, finally, after 43 years. I am a Mom of an 18 year old girl with epilepsy, a 14 year old girl with ADHD, a sister with epilepsy, a nephew with autism, and I watched my Mom struggle undiagnosed and untreated. Feels good to share as I cry, binge watch your videos, and wait for my appointment Tuesday. Thank you for helping the most when I most need it. 🦋

[@themustardseedfarm9570]

I definitely cry allot too whenever I let myself watch these videos. How did your appointment go?

[@kendrasue7265]

@@themustardseedfarm9570 appointment turned into more appointments but a very solid beginning and a work in progress. Also improving the way I take care of myself overall. Thanks for asking. How are you?

[@themustardseedfarm9570]

@@kendrasue7265 I’m doing better at just accepting the way things are and adjusting the way I live to reduce burnout. I did however completely loose my mind on my birthday because I couldn’t handle everyone texting me and coming to my house to say happy birthday 🤦‍♀️I ended up collapsed on the floor sobbing for I don’t know how long. My poor husband had to sit and wait for me to become verbal again so he could find out if someone died. 🤣

[@kendrasue7265]

@@themustardseedfarm9570 I am discovering that not all of my anxiety is just in my head, it may be physical as well. Still awaiting cardiology and neurology tests. Still difficult to realize when I feel abnormal to speak up at all, ever ( because it's my "normal".) I thought it was only mental burnout or a meltdown but my body crashed too. Hope all your future birthdays are less of too much and more enjoyable. Thankfully my husband also waits for explanations and helps me find solutions. Most patience and grace I've been given. Nice to hear from you. 🦋 Acceptance is key though, you are most correct.

[@shannantreasure]

As someone who just recently realized I was Autistic and sought an official diagnosis at the age of 44, I cannot tell you how much your videos mean to me and have helped me on this journey. The metaphor you use in this one of the key and the heart speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you for all you do!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your very sweet and kind comment!

[@whitneymason406]

My son is autistic, preverbal, and he has higher support needs. I think I often compare my autism to his without realizing it and convince myself that I don't really need support or that I should be able to handle everything since I don't have his challenges. I'm definitely a caregiver by nature too so it's hard for me to put myself first. I moved just before getting my diagnosis and haven't been able to put myself out there yet to find friends in this area yet, so the autistic community online has been so very supportive! Thank you for making this video! I know for me just having words for the things I've experienced like "Imposter Syndrome" "gaslighting" and "comorbidities" has really helped me understand and be more compassionate towards myself. Great video, Taylor! ❤️

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I have such a similar experience with my nonverbal son. I think his more obvious autism is also contributing to other people in my life doubting that I am autistic too. They look at him, with his hands over his ears all the time, chatting incomprehensibly to himself, unable to respond to "hello" and they think, "Well, SueAnne doesn't do any of those things so she's not autistic." Not that I'm blaming my wonderful boy... But it does make it harder to make my case, even to myself. But, given the fact that autism has such strong generic factors, it makes sense that he inherited it from someone. It didn't just spring up out of the ground. The fact that my brother's daughter is also diagnosed autistic helps me realize that yes, it is in the family on my side. This reply is longer than I thought it would be. All I wanted to say was i relate to your comment 🙂

[@whitneymason406]

@@sueannevangalen5186 My son is the 1st and I'm the 2nd one diagnosed in our family, but I now suspect many others are in my family tree. Our son was the first with high support needs and more overt stimming. Finding out he's autistic helped me see myself on the spectrum. I haven't shared my diagnosis with many extended family members in fear of their potential dismissive comments. I tend to write lengthy, thought out responses too so no worries!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for sharing this Whitney! I think many will be able to relate. I do feel that my son has more needs than I do, too, at least from what it looks like on the surface, and I play the comparison game a lot.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yep it's definitely hard to communicate that autism presents in many different ways for different people. It would be nice to have more resources for this... you've got my gears turning.

[@dustistreet5108]

@@sueannevangalen5186 I have a grand daughter with Classic Autism like the boys have. She just turned 20 and is nonverbal and still working on getting out of diapers. I went to visit for a week last November and one day she had a very bad meltdown and was getting a bit violent. She came up to me, biting her hand and I whispered to her “Nana is Autistic too. I understand your pain and frustration.” She smiled and rubbed my face with the back of her hand. She was the first person that I ever told that I’m Autistic. She knows she’s not alone in this struggle now. But they live in Texas and I’m stuck in South Carolina. That’s the sad part for me.

[@katbos4995]

Thank you for talking about how you are unable to stick with one thing. I have felt a lot of shame, and not being on a stick with one thing. I’ve been a nurse, a dental assistant, an 18 wheeler driver, a school bus driver, a public school teacher, an Uber driver, got my masters in divinity, to be a chaplain, now I’m doing a masters in behavioral therapy, and I start a job in a month in that field. I get upset that I can’t just stick with one thing. I feel a lot of shame in that. I am almost 57, and just took a bunch of tests online, and realized I’m a high masking autistic woman with ADHD. One thing, I am proud of though, as being able to break free from a cult, I was raised in, leaving, an abusive marriage, and marrying a woman, that’s the love of my life. I’m a woman too, we’ve been married 13 years. I am also proud of the two kids that I’ve raised. They’re both very successful. My son was born low functioning autistic, I homeschooled him, and now he’s very high functioning. He’s a manager, married and has two kids. My kids are my pride and joy. As are my five grandkids.

[@loripage7734]

I’m 65, autistic, I’ve just hit my one year anniversary of diagnosis. I feel what you talked about. I want to say that I gaslight my feelings and needs surrounding needing security from my life circumstances. We talk about moving, and we have moved 5 times in 5 years. Very much too disruptive and yet when hubby gets it in his head to move again, I have a hard time standing my ground to advocate for my need to stay put and not go through the trauma it causes me to go through each move. He says I’m trying to get my way (as if I’m a spoiled brat) and I feel bad to force him into my need to stay put, when he has a need as well. Who gets their need met? I feel I have to give in. I always do to keep peace. But the real me knows I need stability

[@evelynm.8967]

“By breathing, by existing, you matter” - this got me 🥹🌼

[@IllyDragonfly]

As soon as my mom found out of my adult diagnosis she suggested me to apply for a special law which would give me disability helps like leaving the office a bit earlier. I have to deal with a very loud and not always well organized workplace, with many annoying things happening (angry customers, screming kids let run around, technology which malfunctions because it's old, used all day long by many different people, no right to take off days during December) and it would be cool to be able to leave when it's getting overwhelming. BUT the process of asking for disability makes me very anxious, especially going to the place and ask for it, the idea of having a committee looking at me, judging me by my still youthful and 'health' appearance makes me want to cry. I'm afraid that i won't look enough 'sick' to even dare asking for help and that I'll have to EXPLAIN why I need this help and that they will just raise their brows and think I just don't want to work and I want everything laid on a silver platter for me T.T

[@JessicaSmith-of2uj]

This was a much needed video! I was diagnosed my first month of grad school and had an older autistic peer in my field rant at me about how I'll never make it in this career as a an autistic woman and to just quit now. So the imposter syndrome and doubt in myself as an autistic woman AND a grad student has been debilitating the last six months and particularly hitting me this week. Thank you for this video!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Goodness! So sorry you had to hear that. Glad this video was helpful! Please let me know if you think of any other topics I could cover that might be helpful.

[@drakesmith471]

If you have the gumption, the will, and the passion, there is little that will stop you besides means. I hope you get everything you want from it, not to show them up because that level of dismissiveness is grotesque, but because your dream is worth being allowed to breathe and become and be realized. I wish you the best.

[@steveneardley7541]

Academia has a very high level of "acceptable" emotional toxicity. I had the head of my department scream at me because I suggested that we had treated an invited speaker very impolitely. That teacher was mugged while I was there, and had his jaw broken in the process. Everyone was absolutely delighted. What kind of a place is that?

[@stuckinchaselandia6427]

I have major imposter syndrome. My family and friends laughed at me when I said I was autistic. I feel all those things like I'm not autistic enough, and feeling guilty if I do call myself autistic because I have it so much better than others. Great video. Diagnosed at 48 two years ago

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for sharing! I You're not alone.

[@AProbablyPostman]

Therapist just told me I'm probably on the spectrum, and I didn't tell my family because of similar comments.

[@stuckinchaselandia6427]

@@AProbablyPostman I understand. Good luck to you!

[@moontraveler8954]

I just discovered your channel a few days ago. You articulate what I have been feeling so well! Thank you for creating this channel. I am 55 and just in the last few years began to realize I have a lot of autistic traits that really explain struggles i have had my whole life. For the first time in my life I feel there are other people out there like me. Having learned to mask for so long, I find it is really hard to stop doing it. Imposter syndrome is so difficult to navigate bc I feel trapped not being autistic enough and at the same time not being neurotypical enough.

[@nerdtubewtf]

same(but 52) My life made SO much more sense. It allowed me to forgive myself and learn to start loving myself. I can't begin to describe my self hatred. I hated no one more than myself. I'm learning to love myself via recognizing my autistic self dx self. Funny thing, I also imposter syndrome my autoimmunities. I have to read and see my lab results to show myself, that I'm not faking. That the pain in my guts(crohn's) and I don't even believe this dx until I either poo blood or I'm in hospital. I think it's the intermittent nature of my systems, both autism & autoimmunities. Oh, also ADHD and also T1 diabetes. My brain gets overwhelmed just trying to live to see tomorrow.

[@nellyefron]

I really relate to everything you’re saying. I’m not diagnosed yet, waiting for my assessment. Just like you said, I go back and forth between being in tears from feeling so seen and understood by the autistic community to feeling like an imposter. It is exhausting and confusing. If my struggles are a bit more manageable one day, I start doubting myself being autistic / thinking I won’t qualify for a diagnosis. But this exact gaslighting of myself has already caused me to delay pursuing an assessment for many months, and it pushed me deeper into burnout.

[@lurecourser]

My husband won’t respect my autism. I discovered it when I was researching autism for my grandson. I am 72 and just now figuring it out. I am so autistic I check nearly every box. It explains so much of my life where I have been considered weird and just not able to communicate “properly “. My husband says we are one bunch of screwed up people. To put it nicely! He uses the f word to describe us. I try so hard everyday, have had successful meaningless jobs to help support putting 2 children through college. I have succeeded in life but am not respected. And it hurts so much as I do everything for everyone. I don’t know which way to turn as my family will not acknowledge my condition. They say it’s just an excuse to not answer “properly “. I’m at a loss on what direction to take. They make feel terrible about myself. And my husband basically says I am the most irritating person he knows. Do sad😢

[@riccardoneri2037]

Jesus Christ, what a wonderful husband you have

[@ammitthedevourer7316]

I’m so sorry to hear that your family won’t acknowledge your struggles or what you’ve done for them. For the people you love and trust the most to invalidate you that way is a uniquely painful thing. It’s much easier said than done, but try not to let their insults and dismissal get the best of you. Their refusal to acknowledge and accept you for who you are is their own loss and reflects poorly on them. You seem like a lovely person and it’s a shame they won’t see that for themselves! It isn’t quite the same because the emotional bonds aren’t there (at least not at first), but I’ve found that finding community online through social media can help with the need to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Communities focused on autism and those with many autistic individuals seem to be more understanding and/or accepting of differences in social mannerisms and behaviors. After all, they know what it’s like too! If you can find local groups in your area, prefer real-time communication, and can find a way to attend physical or virtual meet-ups, that might be worth looking into as well. I know for me personally there are a few groups and clubs in my area dedicated to my own interests such as art, book reviews, gardening, and activism, among others. Perhaps there are groups in your area that focus on your own special interests? It’s been a few months since you posted this so I hope that you’re doing alright these days. Remember to be kind to yourself, you deserve it! ❤️🧡💛

[@lurecourser]

Thank you so much for your input on my dilemma. Since my family and husband won’t acknowledge my ASD I’m going to take your advice and reach out to some autistic groups to try and find some understanding and solace. I do appreciate your taking the time to try and help and I will certainly give your recommendations a try. Have a nice holiday and I really appreciate your input. Thanks again. 😊

[@lurecourser]

don’t know if you saw my reply as it looks like it went to the general comments. Thanks again

[@ammitthedevourer7316]

@@lurecourser Best of luck to you! I wish there was more I could do to help. And you have a wonderful holiday as well! ☺️

[@youngandthetasteless]

This is a great video 😊 I struggle with my diagnosis a lot. I often feel like I’m not autistic enough. It has been over 10 years since my diagnosis, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I keep trying to expose myself to different people on the spectrum to see that we all present differently even while having similarities.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Good reminder to experience different viewpoints! Thank you for your comment.

[@robertwarbrick7560]

Brandy, you are not the only one that feels this way. It's like having a foot planted in two realities but not feeling fully accepted/defined by either reality. It used to make me feel so isolated, until I realized that "high functioning" ASD is an opportunity to bridge gaps in neurodiversity. I am glad to hear that you can be around other members of the tribe. Good luck out there!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

“High functioning is an opportunity to bridge gaps…” love this! Thanks for sharing your perspective.

[@princesspikachu3915]

@@robertwarbrick7560 I ended up in a “human bridge” role with a family who had a level 3 non verbal son. He was 5 at the time and took a liking to me. I find I can “read” emotions better with others on the spectrum regardless of where they fall than I can with NT people. I ended up being a bridge for the kid. He had to sit with me at church and it shocked his family because he never took to “new people” as quickly as me. I ended up moving but I still worry about the kid. He would be about 10 or 11 now.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

We each have our own path that we take. My first evaluation came back inconclusive because of my OCD and ADHD. So, when my life started to fall apart again as the result of trying to mask all my waking life and it's not working. So, I'll get the formal diagnosis, but being "inconclusive" as a diagnosis does not mean that there aren't severe challenges. When I do get my diagnosis, I'll have already taken a bunch of the steps that would otherwise have happened afterwards.

[@buffalocrackerdong6978]

The worst thing about imposter syndrome is that I'm questioning my intrusive urge to break into singing Mr. Roboto by Styx

[@TheDeanKids]

For my psych eval I was told that my feelings/symptoms of ASD... are truly JUST CPTSD/childhood traumas... I feel like it was more like, I've always been experiencing symptoms related to autism but ALSO on top of that, EXPERIENCED the trauma that shaped me even further

[@amandamandamands]

Imposter Syndrome has happened to me a couple of times since my diagnosis last year. The most recent one was a couple of weeks ago when my OT sent me a quiz to fill in (I didn't know that she was going to so there was that too) and I knew that the way that I was answering wasn't 'correct' for someone that is autistic (it was a quiz about social interactions, practicing facial expressions, using scripts to interact etc) and so had a meltdown that I wasn't really autistic or not autistic enough. Thankfully I did reach out to my OT that I was going through that and she reassured me that me scoring low on this quiz doesn't change how autistic I am, just that I didn't feel as much a need to fit in when I was younger.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this!

[@AH-auDHD]

I don't usually remark on people's appearances but I love the tie, bow and sweater combo. You got a style that you pull off really well. :D

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Haha thanks!! 😎

[@nasihamarie]

This is truly one of the most VALIDATING and ILLUMINATING KZbin channels I've seen on women with autism. I was diagnosed early but it was sort of glared over because I was "high functioning" and considered "gifted." I learned to mask at an early age with a special interest in behavioral science and psychology, so I was able to adapt and get by, but I was just barely surviving and not thriving. I thought since my support needs weren't the same as others, that I had to just suck it up. I suffered though so much adversity. And at the time of my early diagnoses there wasn't any resources. I'm 46 years old now and lived my life as though I wasn't autistic. I am going to retest again simply because times have changed and there is far more resources now than ever and I want to learn more about myself. It's like discovering my TRUE self for the first time. Your KZbin channel changed my life. Thank you for this

[@T-Woman]

So much of my personal truth shared in this video. You have verbalized so much of my inner talk, experience and questioning. It is rather overwhelming to hear this spoken by someone else, yet on the other hand, it is incredibly validating. I am also currently grappling with the career/side hustle issues.

[@lisawillis3]

Not officially diagnosed but I am sure identifying with a lot of these autistic traits, and we think my son is Asperger’s, late diagnosed. This one really hits with me.

[@WaterFor3st]

The side-hustle issue is real. That is something I would love to get settled.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me. Too. 😅

[@martinhughes007]

I made a decision while watching this video Taylor; I’m no longer going to try and justify that I’m autistic when people say “Oh you don’t look/seem autistic”. I had a conversation this week when someone said just that and then later in the conversation the person told me that they didn’t know anything about autism. Such ignorance. I’m also going to be super careful about who and how much information I give people. I don’t need the approval of others (I’m working on that..). I learned so much watching this especially as I found myself thinking “Oh I do that - that’s an autistic trait”. Last part of my assessment is in 3 weeks time.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sounds like a super important decision to make!! Yes it's true, many people who say comments like "you don't look autistic" probably don't have much of an understanding of autism at all. It is important to only share this type of information with people who will truly listen and do their best to understand, and only if you feel safe sharing it!! Thanks for your comment.

[@bernadinenewland5100]

I've had people say that i'm lying. And yet I am so certain. It just makes my whole life make sense.😢

[@evanhines3812]

Thank you so much Taylor. This video had me in tears. That’s been happening a lot lately. The more I learn, the more I cry away all the years of struggle.

[@ZeatherMusic]

I am awaiting a diagnosis but I currently feel like I wouldn’t be brave enough to disclose a diagnosis to many people. People seem to think I’m trying to collect diagnoses, despite the fact that the physiological diagnoses I have are co-morbid with autism! I also already feel quite socially isolated and feel like it would alienate people from me further. Many people have called me weird over the years and that still hurts. I would love to feel brave enough to shout out my diagnosis to the world but I just don’t think I could and would still prefer to mask so that I don’t get rejected by people, who aren’t even that important to me (I know, it REALLY doesn’t make sense). My son is on the spectrum and is already not getting invited to parties and it makes me so sad and question if it’s me the parents don’t want there, or my son. I then question, ‘Am I not masking well enough?’ I have taken myself off Facebook and am so much happier not seeing what I don’t get invited to any more. I’m also happier with only a few people in my life but struggle when they are busy as I’m not as big in their lives as they are in mine. I guess, I feel like if I had more choice of like-minded people, I would feel less worried about being rejected by the ones who aren’t like-minded and not feel the need to mask so much.

[@boxleyBox]

hello.🙂 I just wanted to say I see you. I'm so sorry you've encountered so many unkind people- and watching your kids hurt and be hurt is excruciating! Especially when you recognize yourself in them (ask me how I know!). Getting off of Facebook years ago was one of the best decisions! I am still trying to balance being too isolated and choosing out of spaces that are likely to cause overwhelming distress. I have had many negative social experiences because I chose the wrong people to trust, the wrong time to share things, shared too much, too little...gah! It can feel like such a maze and conundrum to connect sometimes- but I really believe for us, it's about finding strength in connecting with the right people. I am just now starting to put feelers out for online communities of other autistic individuals. Anyway. I just wanted to send you lots and lots of virtual support! Don't stop reaching out- and I promise not to either. 🌻

[@radiumtam]

It took three assessment sessions for them to finally come to a diagnosis (usually it takes one where I am). After the first two times they told me the result was 'inconclusive' (just the right thing to tell a potentially autistic person right?). They also told me that I scored nothing on a test that was designed for children. They wouldn't come to a diagnosis initially because of that, which to me sounded like they just didn't believe my lived experience. I am also still learning to fight against the imposter syndrome after my diagnosis, especially when I am trying to ask for reasonable adjustments at work, or when someone says 'I would never have known', or 'everyone is on the spectrum' (no they are not!!).....

[@biddiemutter3481]

It's awful, but for me, it's remembering that God loves me and that nothing can separate me from God.

[@texgibson3062]

I gave up on fitting in a long time ago, and instead look to belong. I distinguish between the two as- fitting in is being/thinking/looking/acting like those around me; belonging is being accepted/invited/included/valued as my authentic and unique self. With that goal in mind I can unapologetically be the real me, and surround myself with people that don’t demand that I be someone I’m not. I like the real me, and the communities I belong to do, too, and they’ve got my back in a world that would demand conformity. Looking to belong rather than fit in made it possible for me to feel free to be me. So far, so good.😅

[@leslietinyhousebuilderwann3851]

My family does not believe that I am on the spectrum. I think they don’t want “that” for me. I’ve had this for 53 years. What is another 50? But then the imposter syndrome comes rushing in and the copacetic feeling flies away. I need to give myself some grace. Thank you for understanding me. I needed this.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Imposter syndrome always comes back to haunt me. It's a roller coaster of doubting and doubting myself and then one day, I'll do something totally autistic and I'll be like, "Okay, it's real." Like the time I didn't recognize the nurse who had given my daughter her flu shot ten minutes earlier (I wish I could blame masks for this but face blindness is a significant part of my autistic experience and I knew about it decades before I knew I was autistic). Or the time I experienced a noticeable verbal processing delay when this receptionist I was talking to went off the medical office script. Or yesterday when I was watching a KZbin video on eight dead giveaways that someone is on the spectrum and one of them was tip-toe walking as a child/teenager/ youth. I did that all the time when I was younger, especially if I didn't have shoes on and it was a hard floor. I didn't even realize it was weird until a college flatmate pointed it out. I hope this is going to help someone with imposter syndrome today: there are not many conditions associated with tip-toe walking. It is a definite autism marker. Not that every autistic person does it -- you absolutely can be autistic without having done it. But you know what I mean. IF you do it/did it, you can have a bit of assurance. Anyway, what I'm saying is, we should remember that imposter syndrome comes and goes therefore it is not to be trusted.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Very helpful info!! Also my son walks on his tiptoes all the time. And a new autistic friend I met recently does the same thing too. So interesting.

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

What you said about finding your true self is so accurate-I am in my 60s, self-diagnosed, and I have masked so much for so long, I don’t truly know who I am, or what is really ME and not the Academy Award performance.

[@maartjehuisman2558]

Thank you so, so much for this video. This is the first ever comment I have ever posted anywhere on the internet, but I felt I had to. I found your videos two days ago when I was home from work because of an autistic melt down. Ever since a psycologist said I must be on the spectrum (not diagnosed yet) I have struggled with imposter syndrome. I have watched so many videos and read so many textst about autism in females and every time I found myself questioning whether or not I am alowed to call myself autistic, I am actually physically unable to say that word to describe myself because of my doubts. Everytime I found myself thinking: I do not have the same experiences as she does, therefore I am not autistic and this is not 'the answer' for me, I'm just broken. I do, however, feel that autism is the answer, but everyone around me seems to think "allright now you know, keep calm and continue as you did before", and I just can't. Thank you for telling me that this is not proof of me not belonging here. I have a long way to go yet, but now I feel a little less alone :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your comment! I can relate to so much of this. It took me such a long time to be able to use the term for myself, because I didn’t want to take attention away from others who really “needed” or “deserved” to use the label. I didn’t want to overreact or make things more problematic than they were, because I had masked for so long that I was gaslighting myself about how hard life actually is for me to navigate. Sounds like you are slowly finding the pieces and putting them together to build an understanding that better supports your needs. It’s a challenging journey but so worth it. Here’s a post about the stages of autism realization that I really resonated with: instagram.com/p/Cbdlsv5MPmb/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

[@Christine-gh9lf]

I self-diagnosed by watching your content. There's one in particular, where you mention that whatever the word, if ot makes me more compassionate, caring towards me, that's enough. I paraphrased here, your wording was much more elaborate. 😅 Since I made the following experiences: 1) with myself. A deeeeep sense of relaxation in every tissue cell. Relieve. I got to be me, not forcing myself into anything else. Very physical. 2) I shared it with an acquaintance when our conversation was about our perceptions of things, world etc. He was interested and surprised, asking how it manifests for me, that then led into deeper conversations. A very positive experience. 3) i shared it with a close friend of mine of 5 years- that responded: Yeah I have that too, I always suspected you too. :) it definately brought us closer as we discoered sharing so many more ways. Very loving experience too. 4) I shared it with someone I met on the train when meeting again for a coffee. We didnt have much time that day so went right to the matter of "who we are" 😂 I mentioned it right in the beginning and his eyes lit up - asking me how it manifests - and then confirming our experiences!! Because it turned out that has been suspecting himself to be on the spectrum for a while now! We spent about 30min with each other, listening to each other in awe and laughing hysterically 5min until the end. Felt like we've known each other forever, like, a deep recognition of being "of the same kind" :) This has been taking place in the course of a week - I watxhed your content some weeks ago and just came back to it last weekend after a very painful emotional experience after that I cried unstoppably for 4hrs. When I realised my true nature, there was a song playing, "the healing day" by Bill Fay. I felt coming home to myself, after 36 years and many tragedies, and have not left HOME since. The challenges changed, it's not rosy fluff 24h, but almost 20h and I feel deep peace for the first time in my life. ❤

[@mortenle]

I don't have a diagnosis, and I'm already dealing with medical people more than I want to be. I've joked about being on the spectrum, but I never believed it at all until February when my wife said she thought I was on the spectrum. She wasn't joking. It was during a very, very stressful hiring committee search where I found out someone in my department hates me. I've gotten hate all my life for being a fat, queer woman, a formerly religious woman, and now a handicapped person. I just wasn't expecting it, and with all the online teaching stress, I had a serious meltdown. I casually watched one of your videos, and I knew then that that was me. Me!? Me. I have a legal MMJ card because of my back pain, but MMJ has made a huge dent in my anxiety which has always been off the charts--if my pain stopped, I would have to get a diagnosis so I can keep my card because MMJ is the only thing that seems to give me a true break from all the thinking and planning and masking and script writing and self-judging and "burnout."

[@fluffypenguinbabe]

I'm not crying, you're crying >_>

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

I was going to leave a comment but it was turning into a short story and I can’t put my thoughts into words so I’m just going to say Thank You so much for this video 🥰

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're very welcome 🙏🫶

[@ruthanneluvsvacuuming6653]

@@MomontheSpectrum 🥰

[@Pamsywhamsy]

Yesterday I spoke to my parents a bit about me getting this diagnosis a month ago and they still aren't convinced that I am autistic, this made me doubt myself today so I really needed this video to remind myself that I am not the only one feeling his way. So thank you so much! I am 32 years old and I got my diagnosis this year along with ADHD, so I can really relate to all that you're saying in this video. It's very hard knowing what to do next. Fortunately I have a lot of things planned with my psychiatrist so it can only get better from here on. It just makes me a bit sad that my parents might never believe me...I hope they will understand someday but I doubt it...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad you’re looking into support for yourself. 💓

[@meharmira]

It’s like you are telling me my own feelings that I have been burying all my life and invalidating.

[@robertabarnhart6240]

It doesn't help when people say, "You're just faking so you have an excuse to be lazy and stupid!"

[@exploringdimensions4all853]

I'm 59 and started looking into this recently after a new friend, (2 years ago), asked me if I was autistic; and another new friend (recently) assumed I was autistic. I told them both: NO, I HAVE OCD! I took some online tests recently and came up very autistic. (85% of my answers on one test.) I felt greatly relieved to have a name for all of these things I've been experiencing. Before exploring what Autism really was, I had wondered: "Does everyone feel like an imposter (related to nearly everything - mother, student, boss, friend)?" Thank you so much for helping to raise awareness about this! (I'm an English-speaking person in a rural area of Ecuador. Professional diagnosis would be super tough). My special interests are: Microscopy research, Remote Viewing, and Metaphysics.

[@allisonyoung5626]

I haven't finished the video but I got excited and wanted to mention how not feeling your needs physically and emotionally is an autism trait so when it comes down to it, I will always choose not to spend money, time, or energy on my needs because I don't understand that I am important the way I think everyone else is. I know better but still struggle to take that step without a lot of help.

[@annsaugustine1956]

I've recently found your channel after doing obsessive research for the last few months on Autism, as I'm positive I've finally found what makes me "me". Though I didn't realize what I've recently been struggling with has a word- imposter syndrome. I've found myself questioning my thoughts, actions/reactions, emotions, etc.. especially since sharing with my husband my self diagnosis-- things like "am I faking this?" , "am I over thinking this?" , "have I always done this?". But, my biggest anxiety is what my husband is thinking. But, then I remind myself that these parts of me have been present my whole life but I am JUST NOW (nearly 29yr old) paying attention to these "things" being "unusual" Lol! Stemming has been my biggest hurdle realizing I do nearly nonstop. & just how down right awkward I am 😂 All the "quirky" parts of me I've insecurely laughed off about myself are merely parts of this bigger picture I never knew existed truthfully. I'm in awe daily at how fit I am for this amazing community & how badly I've longed for what's felt like this endless need to "fit in". Plus, I can't mask online 😜

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hey anns! Welcome to the channel! So glad you’re here. I also love interacting with people online because I don’t have to mask! It’s awesome. In many ways I feel like I’m truer to myself when I can communicate in writing. I can relate to many of the thoughts you shared here! Please let me know if you have suggestions for future video topics and again I’m so glad you’re here!

[@annsaugustine1956]

I wanted to share this link! It feels like a more "socially acceptable" stemming object. I had one similar to this years ago that I constantly spun on my finger. Ordered myself one last night now that I realize im constantly stringing a necklace or opening/closing a hair clip nonstop Lol

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I do not see a link on my end. Does it look like you posted it from your side?

[@carolaneromanini7250]

We're kind because we know way too much how deep things can hurt

[@rhomboidman]

Don't pay attention to fools, you're doing such an amazing job!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I love what you said about how we are writing the narrative about autism right now. I also feel like it's an important and exciting time to discover you're on the spectrum. Revolution is in the air. One of my goals for this year is to write my autism memoir with a view to publishing it. I want my story out there because we need as many autistic voices as possible to be heard right now. I also thought about making KZbin videos but writing is more my thing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Would love to read your story! What an awesome goal.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@MomontheSpectrum I have just started. And I keep thinking I need a diagnosis before I can even think about approaching a publisher. But I hope I'll have my appointment date soon 😊

[@alanguest1979]

I experienced Imposter Syndrome inbetween getting my verbal diagnosis and receiving my written diagnosis. It was no doubt caused by the anxiety produced by not believing what I had heard and waiting for confirmation. It got to me so much that I had to email the psychatrist who saw me, to be reassured of my diagnosis.

[@amandamandamands]

That was a big one for me too, that it wasn't real until I had it in writing. I kept questioning if I had heard him correctly even though I knew that I had. I told the people that had helped me get to the process of getting diagnosed but outside of that it wasn't real until I had it in writing

[@staygroundedinchaos]

“Special interests may be a weeklong or monthlong” -purple Ella !! Omg 🤠 thank you very much for this video and for your channel, this space

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're very welcome. Thank you for your comment.

[@talesfromthespectrum]

You said SO much of what I went through and still go through. Exactly.

[@piixeltune]

I’ve been kind of spiraling with impostor syndrome since getting my diagnosis just a couple of days ago, and this is the only thing that has actually made me feel a bit better. Thanks so much for this

[@addi2578]

I'm also ADHD and autistic, diagnosed at 23. I think something that's really helped me with imposter syndrome is realizing that every person has a different set of experiences, abilities, and challenges. Comparing one of those sets without considering the others will only lead to an incomplete assumption, which is neither helpful nor truthful. When I stop to actually consider my full story, I know my diagnosis was 100% correct and I belong here. Loved this video. Tay, thanks for being an encouraging and supportive voice for autistic women 🙏

[@MomontheSpectrum]

PREACH! Love what you're sharing here. Thanks for watching and for the comment!

[@anmask865]

This perfectly sums up my thoughts since hearing last year I might be autistic from my psychologist who isn’t an autism expert and cannot give diagnosis. Thank you for the video, you said what I really needed to hear. I so often feel like my struggles are not enough

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're welcome and thank you for your comment and feedback

[@ianthistlethwaite]

The thing you said about gaslighting yourself because other people have a greater support need resonated greatly. Also, I realy like the look of your piano :) Have a lovely day

[@MomontheSpectrum]

the piano was my grandmother's and she won it on an ABC radio broadcast as a honeymoon present in 1949!

[@imlds231]

I have not had an "official diagnosis," but a psychiatrist resident i saw for med managment and therapy gave me "permission" to say i have it. She saw it. Her classmate saw it too. But being students they did not have training to diagnose ASD I was always told it is Borderline personality, depression, anxiety and "attention seeking." My Dr asked if my treatment would change. I told her no, but maybe i would have people in the medical field to have more compassion and understanding. I literally have been saying to myk care givers that being able to say ASD that it has been so freeing. I have more compassion and understanding from most others. I have noticed i have more SELF COMPASSION and understanding that i am not crazy and if i am unable to sleep i used to OD and Self harm. Instead i tell myself it is my ASD and that i will get sleep soon and to just relax and accept what is and not fight it.

[@wtfhappenedtome]

Hi Taylor, this video (as all of your videos do) speaks to exactly where I'm at right now. It's so incredibly helpful thank you. At 55 I'm going through the joy of understanding myself for the first time ever, the peace of things finally making sense, and the grief of so many past lost opportunities. But not dwelling too much in that. To comment on something you only mentioned briefly... I've listened to other Autism channels and find them difficult to follow or understand for various reasons. I know they are great for some, and it's just a personal preference, as we're all different. For me, you explain things in a way my brain finds so easy to understand and very relatable. I also appreciate some of the accommodations you've made in more recent videos for us your subscribers, like dropping the music, and being aware of avoiding distracting noises that the mic picks up. Thank you from my heart... all of it, not just the bottom… your channel continues to be so affirming and life-changing for me, you have no idea HOW life changing in such a good way.

[@skybright9447]

Thank you for this video. Never has a video so deeply resonated with me before. I got diagnosed quite early for a girl (14yrs old) and am nearly 20 now. I still have imposter syndrome. It is very hard. Unfortunately, especially for females on the spectrum, it is a very hard mindset to break away from.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

definitely a daily challenge that i continue to struggle with! but i feel I'm getting better at recognizing it. so glad to hear you got a diagnosis pretty early on. thanks for your comment!

[@sachadanielle6596]

I needed this video!

[@Alicia-cq9si]

We were at a holiday dinner one time and my mom sarcastically announced that I thought I might be autistic (during a time in my life when I was obsessively researching autism). A cousin said, "Oh I like to spend a lot of time alone too" trying to rub it off as me overreacting. I also used to label my boyfriends as Asperger weirdos until I realized why I was probably attracting them. Trying to diagnose them, I ended up diagnosing myself. I do not dare tell anyone. My best friend's sister is profoundly autistic, practically mute, on disability, and can barely take care of herself, so I constantly compare myself to her. I gaslight myself daily because I am damn good at masking most days and on others I shut down and won't leave the house for up to a week, or more. I tell people I have "health issues" when I don't show up. Knowing there will be a big party/family gathering I will literally make myself sick dreading the event, so I have an excuse not to attend. On facebook, you would never know I am autistic from all the activities I do with my son. I am even starting to think my son's dad, who is quite extroverted and quirky, may also be on the spectrum along with my little social butterfly son. Just realizing you don't have to be introverted to be autistic. Also, one thing I keep reminding myself is that you can be suicidally depressed or just mildly depressed and can still call yourself "depressed." Just different levels on the spectrum of depression, as with autism. People are not educated enough. I honestly think most of my friends and even family members are autistic but never knew.

[@dianahiggins9385]

Another eureka moment, thanks Tay! I have shared that "I can be autistic" with closest friends and family: "you cannot be autistic, you are "normal". All change the subject.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sp frustrating. Keep leaning into your truth! You don’t need approval from others to know who you are. 💓

[@lindseyreyes983]

The labeling thing really bothers me. I was undiagnosed and got labels like stuck-up, shy, weird, doesn’t apply herself, lazy, etc. I would so much have rather had a medical label and then the help and accommodation I needed rather than those negative labels that only made me feel unworthy of even taking up space in the world.

[@roxanes43]

Word 💯 challenges behind the scenes that makes it harmful to compare with others. A struggle is a struggle. At 54 y/o finding this to define my experiences is such a positive thing for moving forward with information. Imposter syndrome is no stranger in so many aspects of my life. This is such a relief and motivation to not gaslight myself.

[@user-rh4gl3yn5q]

Thank you so much for this 🥺😭😭

[@kylejuve5494]

Thank you for these words. I was diagnosed at 45, and haven’t been able to explain it to myself.

[@wrayoflighttube]

I love your channel. Thank you

[@theloudpetite]

Thank you so much for doing what you do. I truly appreciate it. I haven’t been diagnosed, but know 100%. Just moved to Thailand and definitely don’t trust the doctors here when it comes to diagnosing autism. It’s either anxiety / depression, which is not the whole story…I’ve always felt different from everyone and masking / being a chameleon to fit it. I tend to get along better with others who are neurodivergent or from the LGBTQ community. In school, I was painfully shy, hated eye contact and suffered from selective mutism. Teachers didn’t pick up on this. I was the ‘good’ girl. I also didn’t understand how girls play with each other naturally. I wanted friends but didn’t have the social skills.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your comment. Yes it's very easy for autism to be misdiagnosed, which is frustrating, invalidating, infuriating...

[@jennbridgman]

Thank you. "I am here". Gave me warm fuzzy tingle/chills..I'm going to remember that the most out of every helpful thing you said today.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad it was helpful!

[@patriciagarrity8220]

Again, thank you for what you are doing, Tay. It is so, so, so needed & is truly groundbreaking.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! Thanks so much for this very generous comment.

[@cherrystoltz1557]

I'm a self-diagnosed 73 year old woman who is vision-impaired and only discovered I was autistic a year ago! Almost veryone tells me I'm imagining things, except my sister, who loves me unconditionally and knows me better than aznyone else. Sometimes, I feel so helpless and lost and I'm sooooo tired of pretending to fit in. If I don't, people closer to me are sometimes shocked or confused by my weird behaviour, comments or spoken thoughts. I wish I could speak as well as I think or write. Sigh ......

[@JnPSteen]

Yes!! I absolutely have felt this way for years! Thank you for this video ❤

[@alexandrafrancis4220]

Thank you so much for this video in particular 🤗 xx

[@turtleanton6539]

Agreed

[@mayliig6908]

I just want to say thank you. I am seriuosly crying right now. Just feeling all sorts of feelings. I have been watching many of your videos after i found your channel this afternoon. I feel at home ❤️

[@josephmartin1540]

Thank you so much for this one. Some of the things you said were SO VERY kind as to help me cry! That is, in areas where I’ve never received kindness!

[@daphnia7159]

I relate so much with your experience. Loved the video, I think you have a nice and calm voice.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much!

[@Shecravesrevenge]

This was so incredibly validating

[@jennifergauthier3282]

Yup, all the time. Thank you for this!!!!!!!! 💗💗

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! Thanks for the comment.

[@Tbrettingbaby]

This. All of this. Someone finally put into words how I've been feeling. I haven't gotten a diagnosis from s doctor, finances are a huge factor, and part of me is like who am I trying to prove it to? But in the same breath I'm like but am I for sure? I've also had close family tell me I was lying. So tough

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It is definitely a tough spot to be in. Be kind to yourself. Pay attention to your intuition and take things one step at a time. You're not alone!

[@Tbrettingbaby]

@MomontheSpectrum did you feel any more secure in your diagnosis after a medical professional said it? 🤔 I don't think it'll make me feel any different and if there is not much they can do then why waste the money? I'm in texas and it is thousands of dollars to get a diagnosis. Why is insurance not covering this? So frustrating

[@speardagger]

Thanks for sharing!

[@pncast]

I found out after a lifetime of struggles, misdiagnoses, and terrible insomnia, at 59, that I'm autistic/ADHD/OCD. This was March 2023 and I’m struggling so hard. I don’t know why I’m writing this…i have NO support. And nothing makes a difference. My 7 siblings don’t believe me and passive aggressively hurt me. My two adult children deserted me and actively persecute then ignore in a cycle. My counselor missed all this, until she answered my question last March, after 6 years of therapy, “do you think I’m autistic?” Her answer, “Oh, yes, you are.” I have no friends… I’ve come to realize this past year that I just creep everyone out. No one enjoys my company. And I’m deeply caring and empathic. So much confusion. Oh and at the same time my husband, at 60, found out he was autistic at the same time. Thank you, this was so hard to watch.

[@-whiskey-4134]

Well I did research for ears, looked at myself asked my family about my childhood, read medical papers listened to people talk about their stories and sat on it. No official diagnosis yet, but considering it. I decided to talk to the few friends and family I have, some of my fiancée’s friends, a few who are actually diagnosed or have family that have been. I was expecting them to say I’m crazy or over reacting or something. I was actually shocked that the responses ranged from “I could have told you that.” “That makes so much more sense.” “You sound just like me” “only an autistic person would do something like this” and “Oh, I thought you knew?” Soooo like had everyone known this about me and never told me? At this point i dont even want to go after basically everyone in my life confirming. Not a single person even tried making a joke, not even my best friend who is ALWAYS messing with me. They were all dead serious and didn’t even question my suspicions. One of the only times in my life where I was actually taken seriously. Talked to my dads wife after years and she basically confirmed it but said I managed well so I didn’t need the help. I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. But after certain health things cropped up in my early 20’s (sudden chronic migraines and stomach issues, and my insomnia got way worse). Doctors couldn’t find answers for years so I did my own research for myself. This was my conclusion was scared to say anything, and then I have actual Autistic people not even getting mad like I’m faking, they were just like “yeah we know” basically. So i mean, I guess thats some kind validation when they were all formally diagnosed themselves. 2 told me to just accept it and not waste the time and money for a diagnosis because it wont do anything for me anyway. Just make the proper adjustments and live my life happily. Idk what to do cause I feel like if I self diagnose, even with everyone around me confirming it makes me feel like I’m lying to myself all of a sudden. It’s not like I was looking to be Autistic. I was looking for answers to my other medical issues that doctors couldn’t figure out. Also, I should add it runs in my moms family, apparently the majority of my cousins are Autistic, ADHD, BPD or a mix of some kind. That’s what has me wondering. And yes, I have ADD/ADHD traits, but I have a large number specific to just ASD. Idk what to do or think. Not in a bad way. It’s just reality breaking. I see my life in a whole new perspective and it makes so much sense.

[@MissBliss818]

Hi there.. could you by chance do a video on how someone on the spectrum can both be an empath and pick up on others feelings -- but at the same time, not understanding social cues? I feel like I know how someone feels through subtle cues, yet I have a delayed reaction to recognizing facial expressions, yet I can pick up on someone's feelings without interpretating it through their tone or facial expressions.. it's difficult for me to explain to others because I feel like I'm contradicting myself. 🙄 . BTW, I just found your channel and I love it! You seem like someone I'd want to be friends with.. haha

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi! Thanks for your comment! I'm so glad you're here. I do have one video already that might be more of what you're looking for... I believe it's titled Empathy and burnout. Thanks for your suggestion! I'll do my best to make more content about this topic in the future. It's definitely a commonality among autistic people.

[@matthewcruz1709]

Hey, pausing the video at 12:48 to write this in the hopes that someone hears me... I'm trying to get a diagnosis. I spent $1500 and have been waiting 6 months only to find that my mum is one of those people who really doesn't know me and so she has essentially stuffed the developmental part of the assessment, so now I'm $1500 down, 6 months later with no diagnosis despite the psychologist telling me verbally that I'm on the spectrum and the observation part indicating 'moderate to severe concern'... I've just come out of a year in which I've been completely broken professionally, with stuff happening in my extended family, financially and psychiatrically. I desperately want to love and accept myself, but I just can't get to that place. I'm trying to follow the drug advice. I'm doing the therapy and group therapy. I'm also now on a carer pension as my wife has chronic health conditions and we have 3 boys (6, 4 and 2), two of whom are definitely on the spectrum, but only one disagnosed. Anyway, that's way more than I intended to share, but man, is this tough. I have this constant, seething fear that says if you're not autistic, what the hell's wrong with you, you loser...? Man, it's rough. Hopefully you understand. Thanks for reading this.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Matthew, it sounds like you're in a tough place. I'm sorry to hear about the troubles you've been going through. I think it is encouraging that you have the self awareness to realize that you WANT to love and accept yourself, but realize you might not be where you want to be yet. That is a big step toward healing and the self love you're looking for. It sounds like you are taking positive actions towards better understanding and caring for yourself. Hang in there! You are not alone.

[@gordoncooper2481]

Thank you for this episode.

[@chloebunde4455]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your videos. I am a self-diagnosed 24 year old woman and your videos have brought me so much comfort and hope in this process. Sharing your experiences and wisdom from all of your engagement with the autism community has helped me immensely in understanding myself. Thank you!!

[@Wendy-pv5pl]

You have changed my life 😊

[@TanyaDee]

Such a great video. Thank you.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome!

[@DisturbsOthers]

Wow. Thank you. I am 64 years old and a month into the epiphany of my autism. I am very intelligent and my perception and communication skills have allowed me to mask, cope, and accommodate my entire life. However, when it comes to social and relationship skills, it's quite another matter. I've lost friends, careers, family, and a 25-year marriage. Once I'm around people for awhile and begin to "be myself" it's only a matter of time before I screw something up. I've lost the will to work at a job and I live alone, on my social security only, in an elder/disabled complex. I may be waiting a couple of years for diagnosis through medicaid and Medicare. Age and isolation are making it harder for me to soldier on as I have in the past. Executive function is declining, anxiety is increasing. I think, there are so many young people out there with their lives ahead of them and I don't wish for anyone to end up like I have. At the same time, I think about all the other elders out there who don't even have the comfort of knowing this about themselves. Although I do battle with imposter syndrome, I know what I know. I'm not a bad person, I'm not broken, I am autistic. I'm trying to find a way to help others and honor my needs too. I started a page in Quora on autism in boomers in hopes it might become a place for elders with autism to share, or their family members. It's believed autism has a congenital component which may mean if you're autistic one of your parents may be, or other members of your family.

[@KMx108]

I see it in my dad. He's 70. And I now see it in his mom, who recently passed at 88. My dad was lucky enough to have a wife who pursued college classes in psychology in an effort to understand her husband. It was not easy for her. That was in the 80s and we as a family are only now understanding what this is exactly. I see it in my young nieces, too. I know my life would have been much different had I understood earlier so I'm hoping I can help them manage better than I have.

[@haroldgifford852]

Very informative! Good video👍

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for watching and for the comment Harold!

[@pezsworld2909]

😭 thank you for the encouragement. Touched a feeling deep inside that I didn’t realize needed encouragement.

[@ann-charlotteholman7843]

Thank you. I need to look after my needs, because nobody else does.

[@azureruiz78]

Another great video that deeply resonates with me and my daily experience. You are a great voice for the autistic community, and I am loving your recent content. Thank you for validating my struggles. :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for this very kind feedback!

[@chloebenson8849]

This video is so helpful!! Thank you for making it. I've been thinking I'm autistic for almost a year now, after a lifetime of wondering what's "wrong" with me. I just got my ADHD diagnosis last month at age 30, and the doctor told me she agrees and thinks I'm autistic too, but that the assessment criteria for autism is intended for children so she couldnt formally diagnose. That sounds like a bit of BS, given how many people online I've seen get diagnosed as adults. But anyway, I've been trying to mask a lot less in my life recently to be more true to myself and I definitely feel the imposter syndrome. Thank you so much for this :)

[@satadrumahapatra1113]

Thank you so much

[@kristinstewart5556]

Thank you x 100!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You are welcome x 100!