WHY THEY ARE PICKING FIGHTS WITH YOU!

#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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[@AM-xe4iq]

I just don’t agree that they’re not aware of what they’re doing. They know exactly what they’re doing. They might not understand why, but they know that their behavior is purposeful. Here’s proof…..watch how they pull it together in front of others to put on a good face when needed, and then when the coast is clear, they go right back to being abusive toward you. They know.

[@mootsooblankson9294]

I agree! They are fully aware of their behaviour

[@skylar6818]

They know exactly what they are doing!

[@heatherlicious8224]

They do and even if they don’t in some situations it’s still subconscious. I’ve seen both but mostly they know what they are doing at all times.

[@sidgrover8628]

I can dig it it’s like a dual personality like two-face from Batman movies…she can be such a beautiful person around the people that she cares about…the people she wants to impress with her beautiful side…but then when she’s alone with me and my young kids she acts like she has no self control at all…I think she actually has a demon that lives inside her and has for probably most of her life..she can switch faces and behaviors in an instant….it makes me look at her and say wow is that the same person I saw just a few moments ago…it really weird and scary at the same time…going thru a divorce now after being married for 17 yrs and 2 young children 10 & 14 I thank God for these videos and others that are showing me I’m not alone and I’m not crazy….I’m finding strength in educating myself about what to look for and how to set boundaries now and in the future as she’s going to be around for awhile…at a distance 👍🤠

[@meriembengana787]

Yes they know! And they chose to do what makes them feel good despite others wellbeing

[@steadypace1262]

Narcissists are troublemakers not peacemakers, they will always pick fights with those close to them. They can't live in peace for long it's too boring for them, they like excitement positive or negative. Don't react to the narcissist when they push your buttons for narcissistic supply, give them nothing.

[@damonw2286]

exactly! trouble makers...not peace makers...my soon to be ex-wife thrives on absolute chaos.

[@steadypace1262]

@@damonw2286 Yes narcissist's are all clones of each other. They are very impatient people especially with their partner's, when it comes to others though they have all the patience in the world.

[@damonw2286]

@@steadypace1262 Thx Steady Pace...I also noticed (for example) if I say "Hey we need to save and invest" I'm insane because I'm not living for the moment and Dave Ramsey is an A Hole----But, If someone down the street says "Hey you should save and invest" it's Gospel! Can't express how many times this has happened to me with my wife on almost every topic.

[@steadypace1262]

@@damonw2286 Yes female and male narcissists are similar to each other in so many ways. Narcissist's play down what you say to them, they hate to validate you in any way. They come home from work etc and tell you the very same thing you told them before only now it's suddenly important almost like a revelation because it's come from someone else. The covert narc did that a LOT to me. Narcissists withhold things from their partner on purpose. Midnight here will check back in morning in case you reply. Enjoy the rest of your day.👍

[@qq84]

They don't pick fights with everyone. They do have their accomplices and flying monkeys.

[@deehall47sdadjokes]

Because they're miserable with themselves and like to take it out on others. Simple

[@danyelleterry2138]

Sad,but true...

[@ShareTheMystery]

Simple😢

[@Michelle-ld9vj]

lol true it's sad

[@caseyoliver165]

You are absolutely right about that and that is so true indeed.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

I think as soon as their initial obsession with us inevitably disappears, they are back in their default mode, constantly irritable and angry at their life, so they take it out on us. Picking fights distracts them from their own thoughts of failure.

[@maravilloso002]

Definitely an obsession. When they're pouty and bored w/ you, you seek them sulking and having. melancholy. They try super hard to make themselves more visible. I tactically ignore ppl, showing no outward signs of interest in them. They slam things, whistle, always bringing their "flying monkeys" around to seem cool in your presence, so you join in, but they really don't want you apart of their clique.

[@susanaustin_filmproducer]

Exactly 💯 % this is what I know also! x

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@susanaustin_filmproducer sad but true 👍

[@stevensteven3417]

I am a little older so not a tik tok generation, back in the day we simply used to call it to just f... with somebody. They are bored and want some fun and they dont see you as equal to them they know you are weak so they will f with you, for no good reason but just because they can. And also they are like vampires and feed on from your negative emotions they will cause you.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@stevensteven3417 I think some actually believe their latest victim can bring them the peace and happiness they crave. But once again months down the line they're bored and irritable again. They're too stubborn and blind to look within for the answer to this continuing problem in their lives. So they blame and rage and look out for someone new.

[@DNTCreativeMedia]

"The gaslighting allows them to not be accountable." This is SO true.

[@diningroomfish5470]

That's the exact reason, because my wife is good with everyone who just let's her think she's the boss, but me the husband tells her I don't like how you talk to me, and treat me, then that's it she avoids me because I don't just go alone with her BS

[@dougfredricks2017]

If the narcissist wets the 🛌 bed it's the Mattress fault... 🙄

[@dougfredricks2017]

@@diningroomfish5470 the best way to, well IMO to trigger a Narcissist is telling them the Truth

[@diningroomfish5470]

@@dougfredricks2017 it works every time

[@diningroomfish5470]

@@dougfredricks2017 exactly

[@Meggiebeth19]

Refuse to argue with a narcissist. Walk away. Remain silent. Ignore them. Do not engage them. You give a narcissist an inch they’ll want a mile.

[@democratictotalitariansoci1462]

yeah, just behave like ostrich.

[@ZenZone-li4fr]

Our attention to them is their fuel.❤

[@democratictotalitariansoci1462]

yeah, world would've been much greater place if everyone just had ignored Hitler.

[@jeffcastetter6122]

Some truth in what you typed. But, it is impossible to Ignore them when they keep getting worse and worse until you react.

[@propheteyebert7063]

I force my narc friend to debate logically whenever he starts an argument. If he flies into a rage, I end the interaction and NOT be the first to make up. This deflates his ego so much that he has stopped that behavior.

[@lucylu9083]

Narcissist pick fights because they want attention, if you argue back then that’s what they want, they then have your attention, They love to gaslight to stir you up , Best thing to do is ignore and stay ignoring them, then block them. Break all contact with them

[@BAKER22-l4u]

EXACTLY

[@petekdemircioglu]

Exactly

[@petekdemircioglu]

Build that Wall to all Narcs!

[@keithwittman4741]

There are a few that say, with regular therapy a narcissist can be helped. I hope to find a way to get my wife to the dr. Frustrating that a narcissist refuses to believe they are not the problem!

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@MrsM222]

Narcissists thrive off chaos. It makes them feel alive. If they're pushing your buttons they're getting a thrill.

[@heyoldman2003]

my ex’s fav place was the bowling alley.chaos indeed . loud , 100 things going on . yeah , sadly her comfort zone

[@daverhee5034]

True that

[@idid138]

Arrested development. Eternal children. Heck mine had "Forever Young" tattooed across his shoulders.

[@adopteeonamission]

My dad always kept things in a state of constant chaos while I was growing up. If I got 10 minutes to relax he would immediately begin calling me lazy and dig up some non-sensical chore for me or start complaining that I wasn’t involved with enough activities. I was in constant survival mode trying to avoid his criticisms and ridicule. It was hell, and it all came back to me after he passed.

[@gabbypage6929]

@@adopteeonamission Same . My father kept the family in a constant state of chaos. Later in life I’m still suffering from the abuse.

[@danthesquirrel]

The only thing that works with narcissists is to have enough self love to remove them from your life. Working to stay in a relationship with anyone working to destroy you is called codependency, and it’s a problem that has to be fixed before being emotionally healthy is possible.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

EXACTLY

[@deannestjames5590]

It is so difficult to do that..When she has your two grandchildren!

[@danthesquirrel]

@@deannestjames5590 When my marriage ended I had to break all contact with 3 kids that called me Danpa. Protecting the kids from the fallout of me trying to say "I still love you" was what I considered the last way my ex-wife would ever hurt me again. If your partner is a narcissist there is no way you can maintain contact with those kids without you regretting that in the end. Even if you stayed with a narcissist your feelings for the grand-kids would be weaponized at some point and your relationship with them sabotaged. Keeping them was never an option. Exiting the meat-grinder you are in is.

[@deannestjames5590]

@@danthesquirrel,Thank you for responding so throughly and astutely! Your words are filled with knowledge and Wisdom. It is painful to think of my grandchildren and not feel sad. I hold out hope that my relationship with them remains intact. However, concerning their parents, I am beginning to feel a little better each day. I took my stand, I should have done it much sooner. Your response is so thought provoking’✨🙏✨

[@samuelbarbary8603]

Bingo. I wasted 40 years of my life adhering to for "better or for worse, in sickness and health " My marriage vows seem like for worse or worse and in sickness and sickness.

[@blurglide]

They pick fights for negative supply. They crave the attention, and get off on hurting you. Make's 'em feel powerful/important.

[@speciallife2900]

Want a supply to make them powerful and suck ur blood for their survival.

[@73kristilee]

It's pretty evil. Pushing your buttons again and again until you react then they sit back and humiliate you like you're the crazy one with issues. Then when you call them out for it, you're gaslit again and told you're too sensitive taking it the wrong way. Really messed up. They have a long hard road ahead of them don't they

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Kristi Lee,Hope you are not with a narcissist

[@73kristilee]

@@oscarwilliamson1128 not any more. 4 years ago.

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

@@73kristilee You deserves better.I will be glad to know you.Are you on Facebook?.If yes what’s your username let me add you

[@marlenevideos8666]

That which you said "you're too sensitive", tells me what is being said is meant to be mean. Is that what you're saying?

[@73kristilee]

@@oscarwilliamson1128 no I don't have any social media other than KZbin

[@kiefajordan]

“I either get my way or I get you apologizing to me for something I actually did” !!!!

[@hhsg11]

Exactly what happened here about 2 months ago (well he’s been like that for a year) its what broke the camels back as they say. He yawned so loudly at 6:30 one morning that I’m sure the people down the street thought it was a ship’s fog horn, just to waken me up because he was. I ignored it at the time as I was tired. When I got up at 8, I made a joke about it and that I’m sure he woke the dead, he went ballistic. I went to work and when I came back he flew up the stairs to the room I was in demanding I apologised to HIM. I didn’t and got a torrent of abuse for over 2 hours. He threatened to follow me around the house and annoy me until I hit him and he’d call the police and have me arrested for assault. He told me he was capable of being horrible and was very good at it and make me ‘f’ing suffer’, it went on and on. What he didn’t know was I was recording him on my iPad as I had done since 2 months earlier. He threatened to put the house up for sale (again), we were only in it 3 months, I told him to do it. He’s now buying me out and I move 2 weeks on Friday. I’ve been to a lawyer and the police who asked me to put the 100 recordings of rage and threats onto a hard drive and hand it in, which I’ve done. This may well end him in having to go to court now.

[@maryheaster2784]

Nailed it

[@SentinelOfTruths]

Narc-psychology in a nutshell👍

[@hhsg11]

@@SentinelOfTruths absolutely. I had that on Saturday from the narc (I move out in 11 days 👍), he told ME to apologise to HIM for the last year of torment.

[@lisalynn9696]

This is my life I'm constantly having to apologize for arguments that they have started and twist them to their likings of what I did as I see how I enabled my caretakers over decades it will not change I have finally seen the light after too long it still goes on. On my birthday which is not the first time but it happened in ( March )where they started to fight and they are still looking for me to apologize over and over and over again. We are in late ( November ) now and I still can't get over it. Remind you I did apologize just to get along and also because I was threatened that they would cut me off. Absolutely nonsensical evil and disgusting

[@nickf9392]

Well, for starters they are arrogant, selfish and self entitled. Their mind set is...."they are above you" already.

[@rosalindluper2801]

Absolutely in a nutshell. My sister always starts conversations with "I think you ought to..." "Have you done such & such yet?" "What have you done about..." as if I ought to be following her commands, with no consideration of my lifestyle or circumstances. I have led a very successful, balanced life and I don't need to be pushed around, but she still thinks I do, it's unbelievable.

[@nickf9392]

@@rosalindluper2801 Do you notice any of these traits in either your mother or father? Just curious, I have seen where Narcissist traits are commonly inherited, or passed down by a parent. Its tough when its a close family member because of the time you spend with them.

[@toomanymodz]

"this is when you are supposed to say....". You wouldn't believe how many times my ex would start a conversation with those words.

[@amandatarkington6877]

Sigh...this gets really old!

[@nickf9392]

@@amandatarkington6877 The sad fact is narcissistic personality disorder is becoming more prevalent than ever. There is a lot of crap driven by the internet and media that promotes class division, that devalues others for any host of reasons and none of it is good. What ever happened to accepting people for who they are, being humble and understanding of others.

[@bobchevallier8456]

The narcissistic smirk when they know they have put you down or caught you in a situation that makes you look stupid or whatever their opinion is of you makes me believe they know exactly what they're doing because they even set you up for it. Karen here

[@mysticjen379]

Yes they try to make us squirm. Even when they do that I overcome it by thinking how pathetic they are, how they have to grasp at power in such a way because they haven’t got any 🤷🏼‍♀️😆

[@joanmcadam2627]

What is it with the evil grin Or that smirk ....... 😈

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@ebony41441]

It’s actually called the narcissist smirk. Look it up. They all do.

[@brigittereddin1096]

The smirk was a give away. They know exactly what they are doing. Nasty.

[@maggie6]

They KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING! They have a need to be the boss to run the show and have full control. If someone steps out of line they KNOW exactly how to push that persons buttons to bring that person under control again. If you say they don’t know why they have this insatiable need for winning and control, ok. Maybe. But they damn well know exactly what they’re doing.

[@melissajenniferjones9959]

They are consciously aware of what they are doing. They enjoy putting people down. They don't care if they hurt you mentally or physically.

[@nv_chino]

Sad they do it to their own friends

[@taniayager3361]

@@nv_chino They can also do it to their own families!

[@daboxer181]

Yes they do! I wonder if the video creator has ever dealt with one or just studied them. They know ....

[@xmannythakidx]

@@taniayager3361 they mostly do it to family or ones closest to them. They are snakes in the grass ALWAYS.

[@sarahs5340]

They pick fights for a number of reasons. One is they may have another “love interest” or other supply. A fight means they can spend time elsewhere. Also, they like to pull energy from you and a fight will insure they are on your mind. A fight may allow them to get their way even if it is unfair or a-moral. Negative attention is better than peace. Peace is an enemy because it shines light on their inner world too acutely.

[@vickijohorne9695]

Yes! wow! That's very insightful and so very true! That's why they're always blowing and going, keeping busy so it's to avoid true intimacy of heart.

[@kaminibulkhan7859]

Absolutely true

[@Aaine784]

My ex narc picked fights constantly while he was having an affair - gave him an excuse to storm out of the house and see her/call her. Six years divorced and he still does it when he feels like he's not getting enough attention. Most recently our 18yo daughter has celebrated two major milestones within a few weeks (highschool graduation and 18th birthday). He picked fights over both events because he literally could not stand that she was the centre of everyone's attention rather than him. Obviously I ignored all of it but I warned my daughter he would do it and of course, as predicted he did.

[@Michelle-ld9vj]

That is so true they do that when they r talking to someone behind ur back

[@sweetlikeme]

Fight for what why won't they just go be with that person

[@Doug5614]

I dated someone like this. I used to tell her she's got to stop creating these ridiculous fights between us. I seriously used to stop and think, "Is it me, or is it her?". I gave her a lot more chances than I would normally give to anyone. Wanted it to work, but she was impossible with those arguments she'd pick. Finally walked out on the situation.

[@kalintini]

Good for you ! Congrats !

[@catherineellis9511]

U will not regret it trust me i went through the same thing to long found Jesus and haven't look back so stay focus and Be Bless

[@liberilibri2710]

@@catherineellis9511 According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@erikrudolph5769]

Should've had kids with her

[@ThurmanStantonII-mh9qd]

Geez you nailed my situation.

[@actionpls.]

The person closest to them and does everything for them like a spouse they abuse mistreat and neglect. But ,They prioritize and cater to everyone else that does nothing for them. The narcissist will find anything to get upset about everyday. Just to engage you into an argument. It's absolutely insane!

[@DrPhilGoode]

Last week the cov narc in my life teared up while telling me that she had recently researched “gaslighting”…and since she wasn’t educated in mental health, she didn’t know what it was and that’s why she did it. My response “no one ever told me to not gaslight people, decent people just don’t do it”.

[@Michelle-ld9vj]

wow good response it's so true they just don't get it

[@denisedevoto5703]

Good for you!

[@MattMussett]

🤯

[@nv_chino]

Real

[@catherineskis]

Sir, you are saying that no one taught her not to lie and that's why she did it? Are you also saying that no one taught you also not to lie?

[@laabsenceofcol8079]

It's all about control. Nothing else. They must be in control otherwise their false self will crumble to dust. They live through you because their scared child real selves are locked away in a prison cell inside them. The way they learned to cope is deeply ingrained in their behaviour. Some narcs can become self aware, others never do.

[@rseals9895]

Well said!

[@charlotteclark6061]

...Most never do! You're correct though!

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@FLAVCO]

Yep it’s totally in their interest to keep you down because they need you way more than you need them and they know it!!

[@xmannythakidx]

Oh how they love to judge EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO.... And the verdict.......always negative.

[@michelebrown5142]

I'll never forget how when my dad died and we were standing over his body in the hospital, my mom's first words were "now who am I gonna argue with?" I told her she better make it her dog. Nope. As soon as the funeral was over she tried to pick me as her target. I just cut her loose and that was 11 years ago. I just finally got fed up. Let her current husband take the blows.

[@gradetrend8138]

Good for you!!!

[@eriomnyc6073]

♥️

[@karlascott3569]

So true! I was with someone who could spin anything into a5-6 hour argument. He'd deprive me of sleep to keep it going. Always accusing me of not owning my $h!t. I began to say I was sorry everytime he had a complaint to avoid the argument. So much so after a while he told me to stop apologizing. It's been 4 years now. I'm thankful I left.

[@tristamarie7115]

I knew a guy who didn’t like I when I apologized. I’m thinking you said ____________ bothers you, so I would say I’m sorry. He didn’t like that.

[@karlascott3569]

@@tristamarie7115 it was more like, there are crumbs on the floor ( I didn't make the mess but I knew better after a while not to defend myself) I'd just say I'm sorry and clean it up.

[@flysensi]

Omg!!! How many times I’ve heard that- own your $h*t! Even when I’m not engaging, he just keeps coming back for more and more and more and more and more….. and more.

[@iammarycarter]

Omg are you serious? He would argue for days and I never understood how this was possible. I would apologize to shut him up and he would never stop.He was always smarter,right and never would apologize. He would twist everything around . He was full of ego and never listened to me. He would get excited it seems for an argument. I stayed with him for 8 years and I cried for most of them. He drained me and he knew it but I'm so thankful that I am healing and moving on. I've never experienced that with a man before and I pray I never again.

[@iammarycarter]

@@flysensi absolutely I heard own you S?!t daily. Of course I was always wrong and he never was.

[@maggie6]

They pick fights because they are unhappy miserable people and as the saying goes MISERY LOVES COMPANY they’re miserable so their life’s plan is to make everyone who crosses their path miserable too.

[@akhusal]

A narcissist doesn't have any power, unless you decide to give it to them. Whatever they say, it is your choice of how you react. Consider that they are behaving according to their lack of intelligence/ wisdom so you should treat them like they are disabled - with compassion and love. So no need to get upset, but also no need to allow your emotions to be a slave to their whims.

[@mysticjen379]

This lol! Their grasping at power is pathetic really. Grey rock all the way 🪨👏

[@blossom1643]

Oh Yeah. That’s Easy to Say.

[@idid138]

Yes, easier said than done, but if you hang in there long enough, this is what generally happens if you strive for any inner peace.

[@jackiep5009]

Try this with you partner inched from your face screaming at a pursed lip. The emotional abuse is a 15 out of 10

[@blueberrycornbread]

Yes, chipping away at you. It is also known as contempt which is #1 predictor of divorce. They tear at who you are as a person the core of who you are to where you down. And it is about control. The fruit of the Spirit are in Galatians chapter 5. Seek after peace. Life is too short. Blessings~

[@mysticjen379]

Indeed. And their master is already defeated. Today of all days ☀️🌸

[@4x4girl40]

Been dealing with this since January, criticizing or nagging everything I do down to how I walk, talk, chew food, even breathe.

[@dotdashdotdash]

They want your death, essentially. The only solution is No Contact.

[@leegorringe5580]

The narc man I was married to many years ago used to tell me while we were having dinner at a restaurant 'You Swallow very loud and then he would start swallowing very loud while laughing' Even worse and unbelievable He would stand outside the bathroom door and make sounds like peeing when I got out. It was so very humiliating. I tried even not to use the bathroom when he was at home. Nightmare and so so sick. Thank for this video. Also thankfully this awful person has been out of myself for years. I sometimes wonder that I didn't totally lose my mind but I didn't by some miracle

[@someoneyoudontknow7705]

@@leegorringe5580 ​ Wow, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! I’m glad he is out of your life and I hope you’re doing much better now (which I’m sure you are!) 😊💜

[@KL-pq3mz]

This type of person has ZERO chance of changing. It took me years to realize that this is PURE nonsense. Love yourself and love your peace enough to not waste time battling this person for just you being human. It’s ridiculous. ❤❤

[@maggiemarseille7599]

P😊😊😊p

[@KR-os6nn]

Absolutely. My mother did this in my teens and twenties. I tried everything I could. As I developed my own independence, she hated it and gaslighted about it. Finally just moved out a couple of years back and never looked back. Been on a journey of healing myself now. Thank you for explaining.

[@amiblack8294]

Good for you :) Thank God you didn't waste another couple decades dealing with that kind of behavior in your life. I didn't figure it out until my 50s after wasting years navigating narcissistic bs from mine so good on you!

[@mariaroncara2132]

Maybe YOU did this to your mother to escape the responsibility to be near her in her later life. Go on on your journey until YOU get old and lonely. i

[@Akcd11r2002]

@@mariaroncara2132 Shame and blame much??? Spotted the Narcissist... Abusive parents deserve NOTHING. They had children because it was the thing to do... NOT because they were qualified to love and nurture.

[@jeangentry6656]

My mother did it to me literally until she died this yr.

[@r3sfernjbb]

@@mariaroncara2132 so, in other words, the narcissist only has children to take care of them in the future. Sounds kind of narcissistic , doesn’t it?

[@indiesindie1984]

I believe they are consciously aware! They thrive on one upmanship!

[@melissajenniferjones9959]

Yes ..agreed 👍

[@deannestjames5590]

One up ya!!! They are highly competitive and do not like feeling that they cannot control you. Now in their crazy thinking you are a Huge Threat! If you are a reasonably happy person they will seek to undermine you.

[@Eman-vp5wk]

They know that their one-upsmanship never lands.

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@s.d.crockett486]

Oh they are aware, meaning their personality and ego, but I don’t think their soul is aware, or they can’t find there way to the part of them that could be a good loving person capable of true emotional intimacy because they need to develop that with themselves first- and their pain is too much in the shadow of the subconscious to emerge. It would take deep digging and I don’t think they want to face it- hence why they are the way they are.

[@skylar6818]

They are aware because if they need to get something from you they are consciously aware of what to do to get it. They understand right from wrong and they know when they are hurting someone so please stop with they don't know what they are doing.

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@petermaloney8138]

A narcissist will show fake empathy. They claim they want to help people but the reason is they want people around them for supply where a good person would help just because they want and not expect anything in return.

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

Are they do it too get something out of you they are manipulators

[@blueskies6475]

Sorry, the Narc drains you of your good intentions.

[@nv_chino]

So sad

[@mysticjen379]

This. It’s predatory and about control.

[@FREEDOMGUNNER]

I've been married 28yrs and my wife has NEVER said sorry or admitted being wrong even one time! She's never consoled me, or shown any compassion when I genuinely felt sorry and accepted the pain and responsibility for unknowingly hurting her. Even when I became ill, she occasionally helped me, begrudgingly, while pointing out the mistake I made that caused the illness, as I'm physically sick. I finally realized this woman has disdain for me and hates when I'm happy when she's not. (I can't be happy unless she's also happy, but she's NEVER happy. Thus, she expects me to be imprisoned with her misery because I'm the source of her misery and responsible to fix it!) NEVER ENDS!

[@mrrobert6173]

This is what I believe on this subject as to why narcissists pick fights. Having been with a female narcissist for ten years. The reason why narcissists pick fights is because they enjoy it. And they take pleasure in it. They enjoy making you angry. And they enjoy hurting your feelings. And they enjoy breaking your heart. And they enjoy driving you crazy. And that’s not love. That’s wicked. And that’s evil. And that’s because narcissists are wicked and evil. Crazy making is wicked and evil. Mind games and guilt trips is wicked and evil. Driving someone so crazy that they have a nervous breakdown is wicked and evil. Driving someone so crazy that they contemplate committing suicide just to put an end to the mental abuse and emotional abuse and the verbal abuse is wicked and evil. So don’t defend these narcissists. They are wicked and evil. And they belong to the devil. They act like the devil. And they’re full of the devil. And there for they are doing the devil’s work. They lie, deceive, trick and betray those who they claim to love. And that’s not love. That’s pure evil. It is only by the Grace of GOD that I’m still alive today. And I thank GOD the HE gave me the sense enough to walk out on her and divorce her and shut her out of my life forever. No more arguing. No more fighting. And no more fights. She is the one who enjoyed antagonizing and provoking me with her hateful, spiteful, hurtful words. And she’s the one who enjoyed provoking me with her vicious name calling and insults and threats. And she’s the one who was out to destroy me mentally and emotionally and financially from day one when she seduced me with her lies and empty words and empty promises. Kissing me and hugging me and telling me that she loved me. And then fussing at me and arguing with me and fighting with me and picking fights with me over and over and over again until she broke my heart to the point that all I wanted to do was to get away from her to put an end to her crazy making behavior. Narcissists are manipulative and deceitful. Don’t trust them with your heart. And don’t believe them for a minute that they’re sorry for hurting you. They are sick minded and sadistic. And the only one that a narcissist loves is themselves. Love is kind. Love is not hateful and spiteful and mean. And love is not vengeful and revengeful and vindictive. So don’t give these devils and she devils a free pass to continue their wickedness and deceitfulness. Because one day they will have to answer to GOD for their actions. And for all of the people that they have destroyed in their lives. And that’s the only comfort that I have in this life is knowing that at least GOD knows the hell that she put me through. Help those who’s hearts are breaking. Not the heartbreaker and the emotional manipulators. My heart goes out to those who’s lives were destroyed by these monsters. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. That’s what they are. And never, ever trust a narcissist. They will always break your heart. And that’s because they enjoy it. And they take pleasure in it. And that’s just pure evil. May GOD have mercy on us. Not on them. The devil came into this world to steal, kill and destroy. And narcissists belong to the devil. So protect yourself from these people. I only wish I knew now what I didn’t know back then about these people. And I would have saved myself from a lot of heartache and heartbreak and misery and grief. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO WERE LIED TO AND DECEIVED AND TRICKED AND BETRAYED BY THESE PEOPLE. And remember this… You’re all winners. And never believe them when they call you a looser. They’re the looser’s. And that’s because they lost the best thing that they ever had. A good and descent person who has a heart and a conscience. Narcissists have no conscience. And their hearts are cold. Cold hearted and heartless and cruel. And you deserve to be treated with kindness and treated with respect. Not disrespected. Narcissists disrespect others and tear others down because they believe that they’re better than everyone else. And who wants that in their life? Thank’s but no thanks.

[@mrrobert6173]

GOD IS GOOD. And Jesus Is Lord.

[@penelopefcollins4528]

AMEN!!!

[@penelopefcollins4528]

AMEN!!!

[@cynthiajohnson1914]

💯

[@shepink6204]

I felt that 💯💯

[@puremaledark8305]

The gaslighting is what got me. I just waned a calm, cool relationship. Never started fights, but i did try to resolve problems. Then she would flip that on me saying i was the one starting fights.

[@barrybleich3455]

I hear you same thing 25yrs if your not married run.

[@dakoderii4221]

Narcs start fights and then say, "I just want to get along. Why don't you want to get along?" 😢

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

Same here! I always want to resolve our issues but if I disagree with him, then it's me starting a fight. I realize for him, a fight is someone disagreeing with him and not going along with his choices.

[@laurahall992]

God it sounds like you’re in my relationship 😂 That’s exactly what my partner does ALL the time to me and it’s sooo frustrating and angering and sad! We will NEVER win 🤷‍♀️

[@laurahall992]

@@berlizgonzalez6736 that is so incredibly true! How do you deal with it if I may ask

[@elizabethbowie9753]

Master Manipulators. SO TRUE. 😡 First they're nice to you, but they end up taking everything you say, twisting your words & lying about you behind your back. Pathological Liars. When you're out of the picture, they target someone else. "Bully," is too polite a word, to describe them. 🙄🙄🙄 They Know dang well, Exactly what they're doing.

[@ebony41441]

Also if you are feeling happy we all know they don’t like that so they have to attempt to bring you down.

[@CLTHIKER]

This defines my Father. Took me 38 years to figure out why he always fights with me and my siblings. It is enlightening once you understand why they act the way they act. Time to heal and ensure I become a better person then he ever was.

[@richardeliasjames5190]

I had a bad experienced with this Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality disorder can't handle taking the blame themselves, so they accuse other people in their lives instead, usually because they are not feeling secure. Because narcissists' inner guiding voice is so critical and harsh, narcissists try to avoid all responsibility for anything that goes wrong. In order to avoid self-hatred, they project the blame onto someone else. If they are lying, then they will accuse others of lying. If they are cruel, they will say that others are cruel. If they are stealing and scamming, then they will accuse others of stealing and scamming. They never take responsibility, and it's always someone else's fault.

[@joeykrauza5216]

Facts

[@mariaisabelsantos55]

Yes, it is always the other person’s fault. No matter that the issue was out of anybody’s control (late to happy hour because of traffic, unexpected rain ruined the barbecue, the contractor didn’t show up, the computer is acting up, etc. etc) I am convinced that I married a sick individual: mentally, emotionally and morally insolvent. And, people like that can make you feel small, never, ever let them!

[@Juicingwjade]

ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@marcialussier2467]

They don't have a hard time handling blame. They did it on purpose. So of course they're not going to take any blame. They don't feel guilty about it. They enjoyed getting you upset. It's not that they can't handle it, it's that they did it on purpose

[@WolfKing158]

Word up, I normally get this when I explain my issues and get the "I can say the same thing" yet she never said anything about it until I brought it up smh

[@davidrahman389]

We all suffer from toxic personalities but seeing Narcissism fully blown out in people is a deep study!!!! Yes, I have had to deal with Narcissism on a personal and professional basis. I am helped when I see experts like you take on this subject.

[@samuelbarbary8603]

Great explanation. Loved it.

[@liberilibri2710]

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

[@JoeyBvr]

They have no remorse or mercy either, spinning something out of nothing. They will punish u as worse as possible. They hate u for what they do to you

[@Andypandieful]

It’s a way to get the internal environment and external to be cohesive. The brain likes that. So they stir up chaos where there is none. It’s actually soothes them. Where as a non narcissist would be on pins and needles, triggered, upset. The narc has that Cheshire Cat grin on its face.

[@mr.samurai901]

My ex was a "mental health therapist". We were together 10 years. She was my caseworker at a transitional housing program. A demented sick narcissist. I just left here with nothing but a backpack, crossing the entire country. I let her have everything. The worst thing that ever happened to me. She ALWAYS had that cat grin when she would ruin a perfectly fine day.

[@mmommo10]

they pick a fight to justify the bad behavior they just had....helps them feel better, they can blame me for it all.

[@thelovechannel7236]

This is so hard when my body won’t stop shaking and mind racing from all of the previous pain and trauma coming up . I end up looking like a mad women .

[@kirsikka3752]

I hope you can get out of the relationship. You need a peaceful life. ❤

[@danilaroche1156]

Call on the name of the Lord Jesus. He will help and heal you. It's His job, man!

[@ceeceethatsme9769]

...That was the whole purpose of their abuse. To break you down. Eff that. Who is ANYONE to subject you to emotional destruction just because THEY are screwed up?...

[@paulw7647]

My body starts shaking too when I am able to speak about this with my therapist. You’re not alone.

[@bomgodd]

Just don't take it out on the black guy at work.

[@tbunnyshy1]

They hate truth tellers. ☠️😂

[@MattMussett]

Especially when they make problems 🙄 Basically they are someone with a large ego Self centered and always needs to be ✅ and hate losing . Yet overlook anyproblems they cause and shift blame or make up vivid story's from a 3 years old perspective They always will make ammo if they don't have any to get out of any problem they dig themselves in

[@hhsg11]

I’ve had enough of the narc’s behaviour for the last year, escalated more so in the last few months, I move out 3 weeks today. I started secretly recording him for the last 4 months with his rages and threats, I went to see a solicitor last week and had eventually to go to the Police and report all this on Monday. I have 100 recordings of his rages and I had written them into 2 notebooks by hand. The police officer photocopied all the pages and asked me to put the recordings onto an external hard drive and hand it in which I have. I should get an appointment soon for a video interview then if there is sufficient evidence for them, it will go to court. At the weekend he said I owed him silly money for utilities and that I had to find somewhere else for my frozen food as he was switching off his small freezer if I didn’t pay. I owed him nothing and was even in credit, but he switched it off and ruined over £30 worth of food I had in there. It’s called Coercive Abuse and in the U.K. since 2015, it’s a criminal offence.

[@NopeNotTodaySatan]

I’m so sorry you had to experience this!! You were incredibly smart to do what you did!! I pray that everything goes in your favor, these people need to be held accountable. Hugs to you! ❤

[@GodiscomingBhappy]

i hope you win... but even if the court does not agree with you, you need to get out of there.... even if the Court grants you money...... there is no amount of money that can buy your peace of mind.... i left with a suit case despite me having accumulated lots of things for over 10 years.... (with "the beast" it went on for 4-5 years) i must have "lost" in material possessions and money but the beast could not keep my soul. Now i am wiser happier, better (and yes poorer too but i have all i need) i hope you understand what i was trying to say.

[@aju3842]

Helen sorry for it. Fighting or proving them right or wrong will be at your cost and time. Whichever is going to court or police makes you attached to the person and that's the attention they want. Working to leave the excess baggage and moving forward with new and productive things only can renew your ownself. Presently I am also going through such a thing of emotional and mental torture; removing cards from my wallet and house key ect (many to pen)

[@hhsg11]

@@aju3842 thank you. 💗. He won’t want me attached to him, he wants me gone. I’ve exposed him and have been for weeks now and he’s doesn’t want the attention of this. However, will see what the police say in the next few weeks.

[@hhsg11]

@@GodiscomingBhappy thank you, yes I totally understand what you are saying, I’m not looking for money. I move out 3 weeks yesterday. 👍

[@fenderblue9485]

When I see the patterns of their behavior brewing, it gives me the excuse to walk away and do my own thing. I love it when the ignoring phase starts! Funny I took it to five weeks living in the same house. PS. I didn't cook for them either, been out of sight. They get the message silently loud and clear.

[@oh-get-real]

EUREKA!!! That's it! "patterns of behavior brewing" ty 4 that. I can SEE the patterns, so I can just walk away b4 I am drawn in

[@juliegervais8278]

Wow! I really needed to hear this. When you spend years with someone with these behavior issues, you get used to their toxic personalities. It's called being with someone, yet you're alone. 😢 Autopilot 😢

[@jackiep5009]

Lonely in a relationship- yep this is a thing

[@robinsmith4499]

Absolutely win at any cost! If she gets caught being mean, the learned behavior of manipulation flows from her. She never struggles with telling lies, making up stories, and creating chaos. 😔☹️😚

[@BQ900]

It’s shocking to encounter these types of relatives. Then I go over everything I did to try to figure out if I did something to upset the person.

[@kisigma1011]

No contact trust me I've dealt with these people since birth it sad when u gotta deal with this through out ur child hood and adult hood every where u turn there a narcissist

[@Liz-in8lu]

Oh man, the last four months of dating my ex… every night I would go home feeling terrible and mad and confused and thinking what did I do wrong? How did I not support him properly?

[@EstherH85]

My husbands mother is a narc, last time she started getting at me, lying, manipulating, I told her “believe what you will” She stopped and hasn’t talked to me since (thank goodness lol)

[@lynnebucher6537]

Your response sounds kind of like what some call "grey rocking"... Basically not taking the bait.

[@mysticjen379]

Excellent response OP. Spot on Lynne 👍

[@jonb4722]

Fantastic stuff. You have to remove yourself from such people at all costs.

[@matthewmatt5285]

lol,.It's all VAGUE garbage,.No such thing as a Narcissist,.Just people dumb and weak enough to stick around terrible people,.. That's NOT their fault

[@ritafarris1618]

I have worked with a narcissistic woman for years and she makes my life hell with her criticism of everyone , her voice gets louder and louder as she basically gets excited when she has an audience. She talks about her customers behind their backs about the most trivial things that most normal people wouldn’t even think about. I wish I had more self esteem because I just shut down when she’s around because her personality is just too strong.

[@mysticjen379]

Her personality is toxic not strong. She sounds awful.

[@blossom1643]

Well one Good thing goin for you -it’s not your family. When it’s your immediate family it’s Even Harder.😢

[@catherineskis]

"Time to go on a smoke break." "I need to use the Loo".

[@ingelaperry2253]

I am from Sweden and moved over here to the US twenty years ago and even thou my english is very good my American husband is really good with words and at twisting my words. I realized just a few months ago that he is a narcissist and I am not sure if I can deal with him any longer. It is so exhausting and I am so depressed.

[@yoshi4691]

Hej Ingela! Do you have family in Sweden? Or a good friend you can stay with? When I left my Narc, I faked a family emergency in order to create physical space, started legal proceedings once I got there. Police were able to get a stop entry flagged at the border in case he tried to come into my country. I hope you can do whatever you need to keep yourself safe.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@yoshi4691 Great advise Yoshi❤

[@bekind2376]

Hej Ingela, Vet inte om du kommer ihåg någon svenska : ). Jag vill ge dig några tips på vad som hjälper mig. Jag är ur relationen sedan 3 1/2 år och även om man är ute ur relationen så behöver man arbeta med sitt mående, jag förstår att det viktigaste är att komma ut ur relationen, men för att göra det måste du samtidigt stärka dig själv för att orka. Traumat vid att vara i ett sådant hör förhållande bryter ned en både psykiskt och fysiskt då traumat till slut hamnar i kroppen. För att läka traumat i kroppen, för att du ska känna dig lugn och trygg så hjälper YOGA väldigt mycket. Tips på en bok: The body keeps the score: mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma" av psykologen Bessel A. van der Kolk. Han har en massa youtube klipp också som är bra att lyssna på, han säger bl.a att yoga är bättre än många mediciner vid behandling av trauma. Det är ingen avancerad yoga som behövs, bara att du gör någon yoga. Jag kör ett pass varje morgon på 20-30 min. Djupandningen är viktig. Önskar dig all lycka till!🙏

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Narcissists often choose foreigners because they are easy targets, especially if they can trap you and keep you there.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@pauladuncanadams1750 That’s sick to intentionally put someone in a place you know they can’t get out of.

[@tomkeeler4243]

Stephanie, you remind me of how I grew up, with values and respect. So cool to listen to you.

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ! ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ....

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

[@Maplecook]

Thank you for EXACTLY describing my ex-wife. Holy crap, as you talked, it eerily felt like you actually KNEW her in real life, you were so spot-on.

[@sanjeevbains690]

Witty Strong presence Good with words Likes confrontation Enjoys winning the fight (ego) Not able to own what they are doing Twist words Manipulate & Gaslight The need to be right (ego) Not open to other perspectives- control & win (thrives in an argument) Likes to feel superior (ego) I don’t want to treat you this way & I do love you … Desire to win due to inner Shane & insecurity (supply from outside) Give me attention Make me feel important No awareness (I need to feel good ) Not about being healthy vs addiction to winning No ability to self reflect Master manipulator Good @ gaslighting so not accountable for anything Enjoys hearing themselves speak - they are always a victim or interrupts others or not interested in what others have to say on a consistent pattern : 2 hour lectures where they repeat themselves 3 times over and it’s a monologue - they can’t discuss with compromise. It’s a two way street They chip away at you by picking fights because you are not agreeing with them. Discard - they pick on you because they are not getting their way or start to do things behind your back

[@donreitmeyer1966]

This woman is very good 👍. Spot on with her words. I wish you all happiness and healing. Don't let these horrible souls ruin you anymore than they already have. God bless you and all

[@gkfrandsen7739]

They turn everything into fights, act passive aggressive, or humiliate or laugh at you, because they have to be right, win, prove they are better, they are emotionally so immature they need this.

[@davidhinkson8856]

I think they get off on it TBH! My narc former wife and her mother could change the slightest thing into a big unnecessary argument, and whenever they saw you having fun - even in the case of my wife when I was playing with our daughter when she was little - she'd find something to criticize and ruin the moment. Now we are separated she still tries to look for issues to bitch about. They like to be the centre of attention so any time the focus is off them, they look to start something negative so you would notice them.

[@amberinthemist7912]

Narcs hate other people having fun. It's so hard to understand. My mom always makes the excuse that you'll make a mess - no making cookies, no doing crafts etc. I realize now that's just her excuse. She's so profoundly unhappy she can't stand seeing other people happy. I'm sorry you're having to deal with co parenting with a narc but I'm glad for your daughter that you're aware of what's happening. I wish my dad could have done.

[@barrybleich3455]

Yep sounds like my wife her sister spies on me wife's sister told wife I wasn't home who does she think she is I make the money she doesn't work wife was away so went out for the day it was nice outside not going to sit home this sister in-law is a big problem in my life she needs a life and get out of mine.

[@AEHudg]

My brother stalks, slanders and picks fights with me through other pple because I stopped talking to him 8 yrs ago. He admitted he was jealous of me, that he abused me, that he lied on me and he STILL WON'T STOP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

[@marysisak2359]

Near the end of my mother's life (it might be the last time I saw her) I was stunned when she said she liked to fight. Don't I wish I had known that like 50 years ago.

[@JayMcCracken]

Your advice is so solid. Going through a horrific breakup over and over because the attraction is so intense but when I feel the pull, and it is so strong, I keep reverting back to these videos and find myself ever so slowly breaking the pattern. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@EmpoweredPercussion]

Spot on here. I went through this a few months ago. A fellow narcissist was called out for a dark comment then found out we didn’t like what he said 6 months later. Then 2 years went by with this person holding a grudge… visibly keeping distance at family functions until a drunken bonfire. The gaslighting, accusations, rage, desperation, lies came out and I endured it calmly, rationally and sober. The next day he apologized and only because the conversation was being overheard by his wife, she made him conduct quality control which was nice but felt somewhat half hearted. The entitlement that night was head spinning. Seriously not sure how anyone could live with a person that has an ego so large that it borderlines mental illness. I’m not sure what draws the line between clinical narcissism vs narcissism as a personality but please feel free to share. In the end we still don’t speak much but I still have my joy around family and only wish people well who are under the cloud of the wounds that enslave us. I had an ego death in my 20’s through meditation and it was the hardest point in my life but I chose life and got through it stronger on the other side. Thank goodness there are things like plant medicine or near death experiences that might help people with injuries that enduce narcissism. It’s a total curse and believe it takes divine intervention for one to transparently understand the nature of who they have become unconsciously.

[@shackartionmchenry9516]

My wife for ten years broke me apart and smile why she was doing it, I am a Leo so I love hard and she took advantage of my heart. Took my child and moved out! Talking about pain! AZ)))

[@danscott2059]

Same here, but 3 kids.....

[@_VelociDad]

Same here… 4 kids. Leo and still in Covert Narc hell.

[@DJH97]

This is exactly what I went through when I started taking my power back and standing up to his BS. Arrogance and pride like I’ve never seen in my life. It was bad before but when I started standing up to him it got disgusting. Thank you for explaining very well.

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

Same

[@mysticjen379]

I noticed that too - they hate us being independent.

[@barbarawarner4645]

They derive energy/self worth from conflict. And they must win at all costs.

[@vittoriacolona]

Great video. Priceless. I sort of wish I had this when I was younger. But as I got older I gradually clued in that people who exhibit this type of behaviour do so out of fear, shame and insecurity and they want to take you down to their level.

[@valenciawalker6498]

Thank you, for explaining this. they love to fight and love attention non-stop conversations mostly revolve around them usually one-sided.

[@tracycrider7778]

Or them judging and bashing others

[@chosenonekay]

Ive learned that they pick fights methodically because its part of the devaluing and discard phase. So if they pick a fight prepared to be discarded altogether

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ! ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ....

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

That actually makes sense. So best thing to do is be silent, ninja like and remove yourself from the situation right?

[@chosenonekay]

@@SonicSpeedfan23 exactly, remove yourself first before they do it. Since when they do it its more painful

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

@@chosenonekay I see, thanks. it's just I feel somewhat indebted to them, and I'm wondering if backing away is the best thing to do.

[@ellesyncronicious969]

This is the best articulation of narcissism I've ever come across! Thank you so much 💗 it's very comforting to unravel the traumas with the formulas you give! 😊 God bless

[@MichaelMolli]

--- quote --- "They dont have any self awareness" --- unquote --- I thik this is one of the most important findings about narcissists.

[@revelationboerboels8578]

Mine would pick a fight to elicit a response from me so he could gaslight me into feeling I had done something wrong and needed to somehow make up for it

[@mysticjen379]

Control. He was wanting to bring your energy down because it had gone too high frequency and close to God’s plan for you for his evil liking. Yes 👍

[@schevalirae]

First time I've watched one of your videos and you are spot on about the narcissist. My adult son is my narcissist, and the last 30 years have been hell. It's finally gotten better after he moved to a city 4 hours away, which certainly didn't happen spontaneously. "Here's your sign," LoL, to not forget or let my guard down too much because he has been visiting me for Thanksgiving after not seeing each other for 14 months. It's early Sunday morning and he is still here, sleeping on my couch. Thank goodness he is leaving today because he works tomorrow. Primarily he has been stationery on the couch with his laptop and headphones, gambling online. He wanted to take me gambling in person somewhere, but I begged off because of the potential long drive, minimally 2 hours. I not only have moderate COPD but a 3rd cancer diagnosis for which I will meet my new Oncologist and a Radiologist this week. I'm not a gambler, but that is one of his addictions. So much concern for Momma! Ha! Isn't it touching? Yes, I am being a smartass. At this point I just want him to go home. I am also hoping he gets out the door and down the road without us having any kind of showdown. Wish me luck! Been a little while since I've listened to anything about narcissists, and this video resonates so much I downloaded it. I read through most of the comments. Sometimes I feel sure my son must know what he's doing and other times I don't know. To be honest, he's done such awful things to me that I think he must not be aware because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was. Maybe that is what shameless really is. Hhm... shameless = no empathy? No compassion...no concern for what others think or how others feel... what a complexity. Polar opposite of the Empath or highly sensitive person. Thank you for this video. ❣️✌️🥀

[@alexleghan8406]

Hi Stephanie my therapist and you really helped me get past the last five years. My goodness my x is in jail currently. She still blames everyone else for her actions. Amazing! Will she ever change? She lost her girls already, she actually tried be her own lawyer because she thought she knew all about the law. It was embarrassing to watch her do this type of stuff. Thank you for your KZbin it’s helped fill in the gaps of my therapy and helped me realize it’s not always me.

[@human_4real]

Sounds like my ex wife. I know how you feel

[@alexleghan8406]

@@human_4real is she in jail?

[@shecaptain3444]

Funny but sad when someone attempts to represent themselves in court. Funny because it's just funny and sad because their ignorance is astounding. Hilarious and pitiful at the same time.

[@alexleghan8406]

@@shecaptain3444 honestly I think it’s her narcissistic personality that makes her do these absurd things! Common sense is not in her control!

[@steffiekensley8743]

Oh wow, a covert narcissist did the same thing - represented themselves and lost everything doing it. They believe they're above the law, are the law or know the law better than the law knows itself. 😂

[@hawaiigirl8089]

RIGHT ON! They DO PICK a fights. Totally make up Foul Moods, insults

[@mikedunn3175]

This makes total sense why some close people in my life like to argue and never look at themselves

[@spaceted3977]

One of the Many Narcissists I met was always shouting and screaming all the time !!! He was always angry because he was Stupid and Uneducated. He always made a mess of anything he did, but it was always everyone elses fault !!!! Now I have nothing to do with him !!!! Narcissists are Cowards and Liars so the only way to deal with them is to Shun Them !!!!

[@rheahoover7004]

They tell you a bunch of bull shit and if you don't go along with it they blow up at you and call you names.

[@franchi8601]

Where it says 'a bunch of bull shit', I replace it with 'what to like or dislike'. And damn me if I don't like what the narcs want me to like, they blow up and falsely accuse me with made up character attacks.

[@AndreyaWryght]

He started a fight and got told to fck off because I started to see this pattern,we would be ok and he would just go off on one for no reason, happening for over 3 years. So relieved I don't deal with him anymore

[@Nathalieroy2624]

Thank you. I needed this right now. Starting therapy tomorrow… dealing with this all my life with my mother. Cannot go on. 53 years old. I need to breath, to live.

[@cynthiajohnson1914]

You will live and breath again...I have a narc mother too...I m 64 and didn't figure it out until 4yrs ago....hallelujah I m free...you are on your way 🎉

[@jean6370]

Stephanie has just described my brother in law….my sister has just had enough. She was always too good for him but taken her 40 years to realise it. I pray this time she don’t back down and resume any relationship with him. For 40 years I have resisted smacking him in the mouth every time I have to see his face.

[@heatherlicious8224]

Omg.. my ex finally saw I wasn’t gonna answer him anymore and kept texting and I felt happy and good. Then I felt guilty and finally answered this and then he took control and blamed me for everything and I lost it and he said hurtful things… even said he stopped drinking bc of me. I got him in therapy and medicine they felt he needed and he just played around. He at time would own up and apologized but he never changed…. Well changed for a teeny, tiny minute and then he’d giving me. He knew he started a lot of the fights bc he said his feelings for me scared him and he doesn’t know what to do so he pushed me away…. Moral of the story… no matter how good I was to him it never mattered he always in the end made me feel like nothing

[@johngurvan8279]

I had enough of my wife's abuse, it took me 30 years to kick her out but it was worth the wait. Downside I find I cannot trust women now. Been single now for 12 years.

[@AlphaTroll]

because you arent masculine. you see red flags in people and ignore them out of fear of loss. males who dont have high self esteem and are more desperate, choose teh wrong people

[@CC-br9qg]

Narc would always pick fights on Friday or Saturday nights like clockwork. I already knew he was feeling like a party person that weekend just by his behavior in the days leading up. He'd get cold and distance himself and then pick a fight when I reacted to it. Friday night, argument, blocks me, goes out clubbing with his cheater friends, blame me for his behavior, damage control, repeat.

[@c-fo3335]

CC, I cant lie-that was me at a point. I was a new father and really didn’t know how to coupe yet so going out was my thing. All it took was one day she flipped out to realize I was venting & using the club as a crutch. Got with other guys who had kids figure things out. Sorry it happened to you, but we do dum shit. Sometimes 🤦‍♂️😆😎

[@marilynminer677]

@@c-fo3335 The self awareness you display here indicates you are not a narcissist.

[@mysticjen379]

This!

[@mysticjen379]

@@c-fo3335 What Marilyn said ⬆️👍❤

[@LisaRichards_123]

Being g with a narcissist is like always being in court, and being charged with something

[@JB111-b4d]

Well said 👍

[@henrysmith8012]

My older brother resents me because I retired a year ago. He called me a bumb and says he cant ever retire because he is close to half a million in debt. Who's fault is that ? He is a beast and has Raged on me for the last time. He cant control me and it kills him. I have cut him off totally.

[@amberfreitag42]

Thanks Stephanie I just needed someone to have my back I moved to the South a year ago and I’m a cashier and I have usually older people hating on me every day they come in and insult and criticize me and I’m not doing anything it helps to talk about it

[@Judexkybeatz]

I told my ex, if you want happiness then give happiness first...that statement was like a sharp knife in her soul...also every action has an equal reaction, meaning there are consequences to our actions

[@rtacher]

Wow this was my ex Fiancée. She had me in a discard phase for about two months and finally got tired of it and broke it off. I have suffered a lot over the break up but it was probably for the best. It started once I held back in providing them money thst they wanted. I was reacting towards the end and I figured enough is enough

[@TheVenom46]

When you decided that enough is enough, you chose a path that heals you and keeps that person at a distance where they can't hurt you anymore. You chose the right path. Their petty passive aggressive putdowns can't damage you for their benefit when you control the distance and amount of attention they get.

[@rtacher]

@@TheVenom46 yes you are very right. I just couldn’t stand the abuse anymore . What is incredible is that I did so much for her and her daughter and it means nothing.

[@Wdeane1957]

@@rtacher I was in a similar situation with my ex-wife and her daughter. I did so much for them, yet when I was financially stretched so much and wouldn't help any more I was accused of being selfish and not caring. Thankfully left her 4 years ago and finally divorced this year.

[@rtacher]

@@Wdeane1957 i am sorry Wayne? Where was you wife from? Mine was from Colombia.

[@Wdeane1957]

@@rtacher we are both Australian. I knew nothing about Narcissism and thought the love-bombing was a genuine liking for me. I'm much wiser and far more careful now that I've learnt so much about NPD, particularly through Stephanie's channel.

[@guyreid8692]

Picking fights is a great outlet for all that anger, jealously, resentment and shame.

[@judithgannon5642]

I'm tired of being the outlet or receptacle.

[@JessicaCave-hm9rm]

I agree 1000% also the multigenerational fliparoo, is of no consequence, you are highly attractive, to go with a great mind... You've helped me a great deal.

[@blueberrycornbread]

Yes, and they just keep talking and talking and talking...it's control and domination

[@RealLadi228]

The mental health aspect of "not knowing" is connected to the lack of empathy or lack of their own accountability and so therefore the manipulation is so natural for them and this is why when they switch gears it seems as though it's very conscious but like a toddler they are truly stunted emotionally. It's that duality that confuses so many.

[@mavrotv3409]

the narcassitic weapon is pride

[@mararamitchpeace]

You are so precious and intelligent! I'm soo glad I found your channel 🥰

[@ronaldguffee8696]

As an awakened former Narcissist, I caused the greatest pain to my dear wife and children. And undoubtedly many others as well, I have been working for 30+ years to repair that damage with mixed results. As far as knowing exactly what we are doing...I will say I wanted my way all the time and I was unwilling to compromise. I no longer live that way and when I occasionally tell people of my past they don't believe I could ever have been that way. My progress doesn't in the least make up for the damage I caused.

[@mandymcclure717]

Thanks sweetie. I'm Mandy. I greatly appreciate you. I sometimes talk about this but I am a jeweler/ retired nurse. I grew up with a very narcissistic parent. My mom. The entire family is in her complete control. So..my entire life watching her as such a talented and very educated professional who the entire town trip toes around. But it has taken me to age 45. I have sat in pity for way too long. Crying and wondering why my mom and dad never loved me and now it is awful feeling for my children wishing that they had grandparents. Other family explained as I grew up that she just wouldn't ever care for me. I actually was stopped by her just last week from entering my hometown to see my two close family members who are on hospice. I have been starting to realize. I thought " since she has my brother, one of my kids ( grown and every other person in my family out of touch w me. It makes her feel good when I beg for unity and beg for a holiday Skype between cousins. I really believed im the issue. You know, I just now realized that they are also being manipulated She had a traumatic accident before I was born. She had me and left my dad at 2 months of age me. She never let me ever meet him until after age 12. But the man who raised me she called and told me after we began a bond that I am not considered his. Im 1/8 th a child is exactly 💯 what she said She years back would tell her 8th grade students in class things about her horrible daughter. I was angry for a while but since being grown all I want is family. Shes standing between me and everyone else. I have absolutely no idea what to do. You know, it seems like when I am distant with her ....then my other family eventually gets back in touch. I feel for her past however it didn't give her any right to make history repeat. I will never understand. My mother actually turned my grown daughter against me. And she told me that I need to write a letter to her and my other family members to APOLOGIZE TO THEM FOR "UPSETTING HER FOR ASKING TO SKYPE LAST YEAR ON CHRISTMAS. I just refuse it anymore. I love that you are helping people ❤ ♥ 💛

[@jamesrutter4100]

Why would you want to associate with anyone who would treat you that way. Spend some time by yourself you'll enjoy it better if you stay gone long enough to relax. Then try to NEVER GO BACK

[@joanlaterza657]

Gift gh

[@Eman-vp5wk]

“Narcissists“ aren’t the problem. Gangstalking and gangstalkers are the problem. Evil is the problem.

[@clairevogel8213]

Narcissists pick fights to upset you and to let you know they still have power and control over you and you had better not deviate too very much

[@Eman-vp5wk]

@@clairevogel8213 They’re easy to put back in their place

[@MattMussett]

🤡💩💯

[@KL-pq3mz]

Just toxic. On every level. Toxic.

[@alex-cf4dy]

absolutely awful people

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ! ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ....

[@user-qf8uz2ul7n]

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

[@jamesfrancis303]

I think it’s a constant need for validation.. they are almost always disagreeable, the conflict feeds that need..

[@blueskies6475]

It's the lack of identity and numerous other issues.

[@mariaisabelsantos55]

Yes, they need to feel validated. And anything that contradicts them is cause for a fight, even when it was out of anyone’s control. They don’t want to be confronted with logic, they prefer to have their way. When I called him out on something that was obvious, the response was completely unrelated to what I said.

[@ibeballintv8228]

Its amazing to think that sometimes you are not dealing with a person but dealing with their pathology at a given time...

[@dionnejordan3588]

They will pick and pick and pick because deep down their reality eats them alive. They are not that naivve they know they are wrong but that need YOU to take responsibility for it. I don’t think it’s due to lack of attention from parents I think it’s to lack of ACCOUNTABILITY from parents. It’s very sad when you see adults walking around who cannot grasp that their actions come with consequences. Sometimes permanent ones. There is no winning of losing and that’s what they can’t understand. You have done something wrong and that’s it. They turn it into a game to cover their shame. Anything to hide the shame

[@icalotdonthide2646]

Beautifully said. There is no game, there is only life and all choices have consequences, good or bad. They absolutely know what they are doing.

[@adamcefalu9430]

I can’t amen enough.