Steven Seagal writes creepy letters to Polish children | So Bad It's Good

[@JasonBrant]

Get 50% off your first order of CookUnity meals - go to cookunity.com/jasonbrant and use my code JASONBRANT50 at checkout to try them out for yourself! Thanks to CookUnity for sponsoring this video!

[@mot13ymotley55]

Little john yes but also DARTH VADER from a littleknown scifi series

[@u_so_swayze]

That was David Prowse I believe

[@Corungil]

Hey, I'm from Romania and growing up I've seen a lot of men with the one longer nail. I've always imagined it to be for fights but, honestly, I think it was just something people picked up without knowing why. Cheers.

[@kingbaby8761]

Confucius say: if you snatch pebble from hand, you should snatch dead possum from sifu head.

[@mikes567]

....thats his cocaine nail .

[@wimvanderstraeten6521]

Seagal even has a stunt double for his voice.

[@samholdsworth420]

Lmao

[@JasonBrant]

Haha, so true.

[@inspectortanzi]

His double stunts with an air of confidence that's rarely seen in this day and age.

[@BaldHeadedManc]

Don't wanna waste any calories

[@bobthejedi]

Okay comment if the week!

[@TMMReznor]

"Steven Seagal writes creepy letters to Polish children" is a nightmare tagline I never expected to read today.

[@JasonBrant]

You're welcome.

[@hissatsu4937]

Maybe his best friend Putler told him to do so

[@MrJamaigar]

Maybe he wants to be "a modern Oskar Schindler"; which totally sounds like Seagal. He might fight neo-nazis someday, in defense of holocaust survivors 😂😂😂😅 "Time for me to finish what Schindler started. Every one of you nazi rats is on my hit-list."

[@boodleboy]

"She's writing a code with food - the best way to get to Seagal!" Lowkey the best riff of the whole episode. A++.

[@JasonBrant]

He killed it with that one.

[@madarab37]

It's like shining the bat signal.

[@kingleech16]

@@madarab37The Fat Signal…

[@wallymazur9396]

I'm from Poland, Warsaw. I remember when Seagal was was shooting this straight-to-the-garbage bin movie. A friend of mine saw him once hanging out in a mall. He was flanked by his bodyguards who were even bigger and fatter than him. A Polish kickboxing champion at the time did one of the scenes with Seagal and in an interview he gave a few years later said he'd lost all respect for Seagal (who was his childhood hero) seeing how much he relies on his own body doubles doing even simple things like walking up the stairs.

[@SirHilaryManfat]

It's a shame the Polish kickboxing champion didn't offer him out for a fight, and kick his arse. I'd rather watch that, than 'Out of Reach'

[@Jtoob-z5n]

Steven Segal is a Kurwa Muç

[@Parasiteve]

segal is the epitome of "never meet your heroes" he made one good movie, his first one, and after that everyone just thought he was amazing AF but once people met him they realized what a scam he was. its the one time ive ever really heard people meeting their hero and hating them after. i dont think any other "celebrity" has had that lol.

[@kevinprzy4539]

@@SirHilaryManfat lmao seagals bodyguards would have killed him

[@thcdreams654]

Did you see the winged Hussar armor in the brothel?

[@ExUSSailor]

"Out of Reach", the story of Sensei Seagal's quest to find out what happened to his toes.

[@ExUSSailor]

Geez, his hair looks like black dyed steel wool!

[@JasonBrant]

His hair is horrific in this.

[@Humongous420]

@@JasonBrant it's a toss up between a horse tail and the master splinter costume from Turtles unshelled musical tour after it was drowned in a sewer

[@_thechosen]

Eew his hair! Eew his nail! Eew he's touching her! Eew etc.

[@ChachoGSX]

​@@Humongous420I saw that live at Astroworld in Houston when I was little.

[@MarekGodzimirski]

I’m Polish. I feel violated. This should be called “Out of Ideas”. You guys are doing damn good job. 🤙🏼

[@Rotionu]

The legendary line: " I built this cabin with my own... money." depicts a rare moment of reality in Seagalverse.

[@DJKEVINEBADD]

The “ food on the plate “ scene took 68 takes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@JasonBrant]

🤣

[@19delta32]

Hey come on, Steve was hungry. 🤣🤣🤣

[@Parasiteve]

"we gotta do another take, this one had a hair in it" "guyyyss we gotta shoot it again there wasn't enough butter on the toast!!!!" lmao

[@langleymneely]

Lmao! “Sifu was just warming up, THIS plate is going to be the final take!”😂🤣

[@VerveQuest-zc4ri]

The orphans played "scared trafficked underage girls" so well bc the actresses had the memories of being cast by Seagal

[@tigrecito48]

whenever you hear a girls voice in his head, he is just making it up that she wrote him that.. what the letter actually said was "please stop bothering me, and stop sending those pictures"

[@eldritchmorgasm4018]

For whatever reason I imagined Steven Seagal being the main character in "The Mandalorian", wobbling around in that armor, his one-liners... 😂

[@kingleech16]

He’d be the Hutt even other Hutts think is a creep.

[@michaellopez2070]

That is truly dark and twisted.

[@mareklame8589]

The "Coloseum" space with impressive staircase is the Main Auditorium of the Warsaw University of Technology (Polish: Politechnika Warszawska). The blonde policewoman is Agnieszka Wagner (b. 1970), not the first class in Poland, but she has achieved long lasting career with many films and TV roles (most notably MC in polish drama Dark Side of Venus, 1997). The young girl is Ida Nowakowska (b.1990), actress, but during last years she primarily is the TV celebrity. The bald guy is Krzysztof Pieczyński, really accomplished actor.

[@genecanfield3681]

Seafood's mullet has the texture of cotton candy. Secondly, his interaction with children should be outlawed.

[@JasonBrant]

It's gross watching him act with... well, anyone.

[@AliceBowie]

This comment made me gag. I bet his "hair" is as sticky as cotton candy, and it probably melts into a sticky paste if it gets wet.

[@werdna_sir]

@@AliceBowie But is smells like Brut aftershave and curried sausages.

[@oldmanjenkins771]

@@werdna_sir so don’t use brut aftershave?

[@itsyagirl6549]

5:03 Thank you for pointing out the creepy ass grooming. I have no idea what the hell the director was thinking trying to have us believe that their relationship was meant to be "wholesome". 🤮

[@chrisbuttonshaw2088]

if it was someone else it might've worked better. Segal is just ick

[@evilswissy]

if you need someone else to point out obvious evil subliminal intention, because you lack the intellect to think for yourself, than you deserve to be fooled. I bet you still think televangelist are good humans too

[@JasonBrant]

It's horrifying.

[@nomsdeguerre315]

what i like about him, is that he is so humble in his movies, not full of him self he keeps his ego in check, such a class act

[@UberNeuman]

lol. That file cabinet full of illegal actions folders is like something out of a Naked Gun flick.

[@jasonmcmurtry7812]

Wow that thumbnail of 3 Sifus almost made me throw up my lunch lol 😂 The thought of 3 of him is enough to make anyone go crazy lol

[@JasonBrant]

🤣

[@narratorjack7868]

Hell yeah Steven Seagal at this point has became a running joke with my Therapist lol

[@silverwolf761]

"Steven Seagal can't hurt you, narrator jack"

[@JasonBrant]

🤣

[@Rayliotta7631]

That's funny cause I actually had a therapist who would always talk about martial arts with me and what a clown seagal was. He was a good dude

[@Uncle_T]

Shitfu's letter reading voice is the voice of his natural fat suit that has become sentient over time (I mean it weighs the same as a man), and his fat suit self is the one of the two who is clever enough to read and write. ;)

[@vasari9198]

When I first saw Seagal (in a previous video) walk round a door preceded and attended by the word Waddle, I laughed so hard it might have been one of the happiest times in my life. Thanks, Jason.

[@JasonBrant]

My pleasure.

[@theaikidoka]

"Everyone else seems to understand acting" Erin, you savage 😂

[@soljwf5664]

Press F for the ferret that gave it's life when it was glued to Seafood Seagal bald, melon dome

[@lopaka76]

The couch was eventually made bullet proof from a lack of cleaning. It had many extra layers added.

[@kingleech16]

😧🤢🤮

[@leonilliann]

I'm pretty sure this movie is from when Seagal was trying to make his music career happen. He played the acoustic guitar - hence the long nail. I don't know if you can still buy his music, but he definitely made albums and toured with his band.

[@JasonJohnson-yu8zf]

There's a few videos on KZbin

[@dunxy]

Yeah, you beat me to it! Its for his retarded method of picking with only his thumb. His guitar playing is much like his acting, horrible (when its actually himself) and often he uses "guitar player double" out of view. Anyone who actually plays can spot his fakery instantly. Before i get hate on, yes there was maybe one or two famous players who used their thumb only, they were talented however, unlike Seafu. Its an incredibly inefficient way to play, remember we talking thumb ONLY not traditional fingerstyle where you use the thumb as part of your picking, but not solely for it.

[@refinedsugar]

He actually plays music in an band during 'Ticker'. Which is odd because it's not his actual character in that flick doing so.

[@leonilliann]

@@refinedsugar That movie is so bad I was absolutely baffled after watching it.

[@refinedsugar]

@@leonilliann Agreed. A cheap Albert Pyun film through and through and I like Tom Sizemore & Dennis Hopper.

[@Rayliotta7631]

I'm surprised they didn't use a stunt double to prevent Seagal from eating the food message

[@sofiyums]

20:06 A yes, a classic example of a Japanese art/Polish armor room. I think I have one of them in my house as well.

[@geofff.3343]

Watching Seagal limply use swords and knives is always so freakin' hilarious. I promise you if I gave anyone who didn't know anything more about swords or knives than the pointy end goes into the other man, they would put up more convincing fight choreography than old Sifu Seagal. These things are meant to be used for purpose and as such they will feel a certain way in the hand. Watching him waggle a sword is like watching someone not know how a cup with a handle works.

[@kingleech16]

You hit the nail on the head with the cup analogy. Well played.

[@mostvaluableproduction]

After hearing Matthias talk about Seagal's entourage, I'd think he would be making enough money to do his damn ADR 😂

[@chrisbuttonshaw2088]

he REFUSES to.

[@Michael_Smith-Red_No.5]

I liked the ham-fisted symbolism of the falcon representing the girl Seagal's character was communicating with, and the bog-standard eagle cry sound effect when he makes his fatal strike on the main antagonist. Sifu set her free. I was touched.

[@ericseitzler81]

Tell Erin she needs to start her own pinky ring company.

[@JasonBrant]

You're a genius. This needs to happen.

[@rtlovcdd]

I’d buy one.

[@kingleech16]

“Generic Bad Guy Inc”?

[@HeteroMeatLoverPetrolLov-nk8qx]

With Cook Unity and Babble

[@zatozatoichi7920]

At the end of the swordfight scene, he was preparing for a major poop, but suddenly realized the cameras are still rolling.

[@COPYCAT_GARDENER]

The long nail focus is fantastic, he wanted to make shure that the audience knows, that he's a guitar player... heard a few of his playbacks :D :D

[@jimmyjawbone]

Definitely, many wanna be guitarists use the thumbnail signal. I’ve seen very few actual guitarists grow their nails unless they play classical with vinyl strings.

[@robotrix]

I tend to associate one long fingernail with Carrie Fisher's in RotJ.....and it wasn't about guitars

[@Fardawg]

@@robotrix She said it wasn't a drug thing (I believe she specifically said that's not how she did coke) and we know she would have admitted it if it had been.

[@dunxy]

@@jimmyjawbone Big nails get in the way and are more than likely going to unintentionally hit other strings. The way Seagull "plays" guitar its probably not as much of a hinderance, because he's incompetent.

[@COPYCAT_GARDENER]

@@jimmyjawbone i agree, but i think he doesen't know that :D

[@bruceleeds7988]

15:37 COME ON NOW!! That trembling lip deserves an Oscar! 😅

[@CaptainCalculus]

There is no government agency called the CSA--the closest thing to it is the Canadian Space Agency. Also, I've been to Poland, and I can confirm that all Polish people talk perfect English, and they talk English to each other, just with a slight accent.

[@gloverfox9135]

The confederate states of America

[@CaptainCalculus]

@@gloverfox9135 So, the Sefu Seagal universe is set in an alternate history timeline where the south won the civil war??? It all makes sense now. That's why he randomly starts speaking with a southern accent???? It makes sense!

[@gloverfox9135]

@@CaptainCalculus yeah he’s been friends with Robert e lee for 45 years lol

[@HarryFlashmanVC]

There's a Child Support Agency in the UK agency that comes after you if you fail to pay Child support.

[@kingleech16]

Those evil Soviet Canuckistanis!

[@DANGASM]

Me and my wife are watching the scene when he's heating up the knives, and my wife is like. What the hell is he getting ready to take knife hits or something....lol

[@mrnobones01]

I too said “oh shit knife hits” out loud at that part

[@harpersclubhouse5326]

I’m sure someone mentioned it, but I bet the long nails are for guitar playing. He’s a master of that too, obviously 😅

[@tigrecito48]

the good thing about Steven Seagal is pretty much everyone more than a metre away is out of Reach of him cos he usually can't be bothered to stand up.

[@realpolitik01]

Seagal is currently working on 2 new movies. One called "Tip of the Spear" and believe it or not, "Above the Law 2" LOL

[@SteeleZack]

Yet another addition from the "widow's peak with scruffy mullet" era added to Seagal playlist. His hair style and overall look is the way to determine the era of the films in his filmography .

[@FlyboyHelosim]

Wait, Jason's allergic to seafood? I thought he was only allergic to sifu! 😂

[@doccholo905]

Food is never out of reach for Sensei Steve

[@JasonBrant]

Definitely not.

[@seanpoulton2446]

I am amazed this man doesn’t have a documentary yet

[@adman1381]

The only way he’ll have a documentary about him will be if he makes it himself.

[@seanpoulton2446]

@@adman1381 you’d think with all the lies and horrible stuff he’s done someone would compile it into a documentary

[@adman1381]

@@seanpoulton2446 The moment Gene Lebell is mentioned, he will shit himself.

[@seanpoulton2446]

@@adman1381 lol I mean it won’t be the first time

[@davidtatro7457]

Half of youtube is a Seagal documentary. Just not a flattering one.

[@rickyd-lux9067]

25:42 This pose right here, wow. If this moment was the only thing I knew about Seagal, I would think he had a sense of humor. If Will Ferrell made a movie mocking Seagal, he would for sure do this exact pose.

[@eeyorehaferbock7870]

You came up with the idea for Will Ferrel playing Seagal. That idea is awesome. I now order you to write that pitch and send it to Hollywood. No objections.

[@aysada]

It’s a good thing that young girl in the beginning took that class in expository letter-narrating

[@EvilWhiteColonialist]

it's like he doesn't really know what a good person is, but he just googled "Good deads" and started writing plots based on that.

[@7woundsfist]

Low key, high key this is probably the most uncomfortable movie ever.

[@michaeldavis2001]

That last shot was terrifying.

[@RevanAlaire]

Did anyone catch that the CSA badge doesn't even have Seagal's character's name on it?

[@sharpfalcon6196]

It must've been a prop from a older Seagal film and forgot to get rid of it in order to make a new badge.

[@BlindPeatch]

When the thumbnail alone has me in stiches, you KNOW this is going to be good! 🤣🤣🤣

[@keithdogg]

Another masterpiece of humility from the master

[@JasonBrant]

He's the most humble of all time.

[@luminousdragon]

@@JasonBrant Tied with Trump

[@joelspringman523]

@@JasonBrant Ya, just ask him.

[@asmautollc]

Every time someone brings up Costner in Prince of Thieves, it reminds me of Cary Elwes’s line in Men in Tights: “Unlike other Robinhoods, I can speak with an English accent.”

[@DamonSuhler-p5h]

Another fantastic SBIG episode!! The only thing "Out of Reach" for Sifu is a respectable movie career.

[@CarbonGlassMan]

Seagal says I'll do the movie but I want to show that I am a nature lover, a wildlife rescuer, a mentor, a ladies man, a karate expert, a sword fighting prodigy, a gunslinger, and a child lover.

[@Anynom]

If it wasn't Seagal, this would actually be a fun guilty pleasure movie.

[@19delta32]

That is little John, the actor's name is Nick Brimble. That other guy is Matt Schulze, from The Fast and furious franchise, the 1st Transporter movie, and one of the Blade movies, if I'm not mistaken. 11:37

[@will4688]

His voice is beautiful. Long love Steven! Thank you for this video.

[@JasonBrant]

So beautiful, lol.

[@marctestarossa]

I don't know if anybody already wrote this, but I suppose that Sifu sports the long nail on his right thumb because he needs it for his guitar playing technique extraordinaire.

[@lollisamich2]

meal company sponser for mister seagal how ironic

[@TheTomatenfisch]

I think he might have this long thumbnail, because in his spare time, when he is not busy with making"movies", he is playing the guitar as a "musician"

[@MarkindVGA]

Let's face when it comes to Segal movies even if it's the shortest one ever its going to feel like the longest

[@00tree]

That stance that seafood seagull was doing at 25:40 was damn epic. Lol.

[@jonbranch710]

I was looking forward to Dave's laugh. It's intoxicating.

[@JasonBrant]

Sorry to disappoint you.

[@jonbranch710]

@@JasonBrant I can honestly say I have never been disappointed with this channel

[@Im.David.Robert]

YES! You brought the Sifu intro back!!!!!

[@dirtycrewman]

That's how he grooms them to become actresses in his...... *ahum*...... movies.

[@JasonBrant]

So gross.

[@kostasviper]

The fact that you recognized that that actor was Little John in Prince of Thieves is simply ashtounding, man..!! All my today's movie-expert kudos go to you!! *clinging of beers*

[@uptown710]

If it was his pinky, it’d be his coke nail. I honestly believe sifu’s hair has taken a life of its own, like venom or carnage’s symbiote

[@funtourhawk]

It's for the eye gouge

[@alexanderkantakusiniii8411]

nah it's his coke nail...he keeps his pinky trim for his asshole

[@trel]

I think the long thumbnail is for playing guitar. He does that too (albeit poorly).

[@alun7006]

He actually died in a terrible accident on the set of Under Siege 2. The hair is a parasite, and has kept his increasingly bloated corpse animate for the last thirty years.

[@alexanderkantakusiniii8411]

@@trel haha that's what I thought too

[@Doom-if9xd]

This is a great day, both you and Space Ice put up a new Seagal video.😆

[@ducomaritiem7160]

I think Brian is F*%\ing funny. Always!

[@JasonBrant]

He is.

[@rickastley2308]

He is great.

[@HeteroMeatLoverPetrolLov-nk8qx]

Brian

[@peterhospodar7876]

The long nails are for guitar playing...because Si-Fu is also very talented blues singer.. :D (if the long nail is on pinky.. that si sign of substance abuse... but in his case it's to act as guitar pick).

[@doctorthirteen1700]

Alternate title: Out of Ranch

[@JasonBrant]

🤣

[@jamesnorman9160]

If you watch close enough at the start, you can see the exact moment that Erin's soul leaves her body when Jason says they're watching another Sifu movie. But yeah, the whole 'sending letters to a 13 year-old girl in a coded language only the two of you can read' is highly suspect...and you're the supposed hero in all of this.

[@AMortalDefiant]

The long thumbnail thing is common among classical guitarists on their strumming hand to facilitate fingerstyle playing. That being said, I can't imagine Seagal having the manual dexterity required to play a guitar, let along be breaking out flamenco licks. Maybe he also had a "I'm 1/16th Spanish" phase I didn't know about?

[@UnknownSovereignty]

jfc watching him play guitar/in a band is like watching a train wreck

[@Chris_the_Balance]

We just need Chris Hansen to make his grand appearance

[@JasonBrant]

🤣

[@colonelkurtz2269]

Hi hiya doin'? Have a seat. 😅 Chris Hansen voice

[@sensfanin]

Picking out the little John actor from Robin Hood Prince of thieves was a tremendous get. Jason, I speak your name!!

[@hawker7488]

A KZbin Short of Steven Seagal is too long...

[@JasonBrant]

haha

[@jamessharpe406]

Dude, you recognition of actors is on point!

[@Lagim_]

Seagal is like the episode when SpongeBob keeps ripping his pants.

[@irvinmorales1409]

Big difference is that SpongeBob learned to be humble by the end. Seagal to this day, makes politicians look kind and honest.

[@joelspringman523]

Mixed metaphors are TIGHT! It saves time.

[@dorota-]

Now we can add Poles to the list of other nationals (e.g., Romanians, Russians, Japanese, Thai, Chinese) that Segal won't stop bothering.

[@juanserra1720]

They're blessed by him.

[@Oscypex]

The Foreigner (2003) was also filmed in Poland. Also, Exit Wounds (2001) was directed by a Polish director. Not that any Polish person would want to do anything with seafood seagull after chomping down on lukashenko's carrot, getting invited to vladimir solovyov's show and announcing a movie that would show "the truth" about the war in Ukraine.

[@chrisidoo]

From IMDB: "When asked about the "hiding a coded message in the caviar" scene, Seagal claimed it was his idea, noting that "most of my decisions in life are based on messages I find hidden in food." Gee, wonder what kinds of messages they are.

[@samholdsworth420]

Probably nothing but words of praise 😉

[@timothybrown2907]

0:10 I get a day off and I get rewarded with a Sifu Seagal movie. I don’t know how to feel about that.

[@JasonBrant]

My apologies.

[@whenwasthat]

"It's icky, the subject matter" "Way less gross than Segal though" You guys never fail in producing at least one gut laugh from me every episode.

[@mver191]

I love how Erin is secretely in love with Seagal

[@chadlutzke5509]

Can't believe I'm coming to SS's defense, but seeing how he's a guitarist, I've no doubt that single thumbnail is for picking. A handful of guitarists do that, including Zakk Wylde.

[@capester7278]

“Usually” when there is only one long fingernail (usually the thumb or pinky) it means they use cocaine and they use the nail to scoop it for a quick “bump”. Never used the stuff but new people who did. Good episode as always!👍

[@michaelevangatto1659]

21:45 Erin’s reference to the 90s commercial theme song from the board game “cross fire” ❤❤❤ top shelf shit

[@TheAdatto]

'That's a door big enough for Seagal' hahaha

[@stiLLa2000]

"i was here - ballsack" LMFAOOO

[@dustinlawson5882]

I can't believe the seagal episodes are this popular. I mean everything you guys do is great but your horror and sci-fi movie reviews are so much more fun.

[@DankkyChrizzz]

23:46 It’s the same guy from the party🤣. Also, I think that’s Seagal’s Bugar sugar nail😵‍💫

[@filipohman7277]

Awesome Work Guys, Thanks 👍👍👍 Greetings from Helsinki, Finland 🇫🇮🇺🇸🇫🇮🇺🇸🇫🇮🇺🇸

[@zionengine]

Any time Erin starts with "No no no no...noooo, no no no", I have to agree 100%.

[@edrimeikis9270]

The thumbnail is for his guitar playing

[@19delta32]

The fencing scene 😂😂😂😂😂, who the hell likes white that much. Can you imagine waking up in the morning as the sun shines in through the window, everyone is a vampire in that case, and just spontaneously combust. 😅😅

[@obesoivan]

12:38 I think the long nail is for those snow ❄ sniffs 😂

[@shawnc7808]

That one thumbnail is for a gauging your eyes out

[@stonecoldku4161]

12:29 "The f**k is my line. Screw it, I'll make something up."

[@joqqeman]

The thumbnail is awesome! And so is that auditorium, I wish I had studied there!

[@davidhunter1555]

Erin's callback to the Crossfire commercial song is the unsung hero of this episode.