Steven Seagal

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Audio is from Cum Town, Episode 36 - Goatee Era Seagal (1/18/2017), with guest Ben O'Brien
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This is the music at the end of the video:
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[@ClangersTV]

Nick Mullen: The Year of the Dragon - FULL COMEDY SPECIAL: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHPPgnWjatWFm7M

[@bong_water_chug5515]

Hell yeah dude

[@youtubeviolatedme7123]

I don't know if I enjoyed Nick's or Stav's special better. Both probably make my top 10 specials of 2023 for sure though.

[@Scott-fy7fm]

This seagal review is one of my favorite videos on KZbin, it is absolutely hilarious, well done

[@no-zz3br]

"fatly coming around a corner"

[@alexsullivan2957]

Stellar

[@RussellIser108]

Priceless

[@jasoncalicaveman]

Exactly! I fell out of my chair 🤣

[@heyimgoingtoplaysomegames]

Holy fuck I gut chuckled so hard at this

[@lea-rw5cb]

Come on the guy is 68 yrs old

[@dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554]

He's sniping from 5 feet away, shooting at a devout taliban islamist I'd presume, who is drinking liquor, out of a flask. it's amazing.

[@lukeg452]

Why Would you ever hire him instead of vandamme

[@TheSchematican]

Uteop He served two tours in Foreverever Land with Frank Dux bro. Jokes aside does the first bullet hit the flask and dent it? Lol

[@lukeg452]

M Lo i thought it was some type of anti material rifle or some shit

[@dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554]

@@TheSchematican Oh man, I'd forgotten about Frank Dux. Thank you for mentioning him. And it looked like it may have, which I imagine it wouldn't in real life, it would completely over penetrate and leave a very clean entry and exit.

[@evanabbott2737]

I like how he needs to shoot the flask first....😁

[@TheValorous]

"34, he isn't a.. young guy.." That got this 35 year old's eye a bit teary.

[@spets4265]

Don't feel bad, when I was 21 everyone older than 25 was 'ancient'. I can guarantee you its the same with the guys commentating.

[@CrazyPlatinum92]

I'll be 31 in a week...

[@mikewood4242]

@@spets4265 When I was 26 I was callled an "old man" by chicks 20 at the bar

[@jellybean4049]

I just turned 32 and people call me a kid still. Some woman said "Ahhh! Your still a baby." Little strange but I guess theses guys are all 20 - 24 or so.

[@mikevandemark1993]

They have 35 is middle aged 😂

[@Mhammerable]

they should have cast him for Tropic Thunder and just told him it was an actual action movie

[@incogn3gr0]

That would have been brilliant

[@balefulbunny]

The idea of Big Seagull in that movie has my imagination running wild! Woulda been great!

[@bob3007]

@@balefulbunny if reality ever gets reset, i vote @Mhammerable to be in charge lmaoo. my head is spinning with the possible hilarity that idea entails. SHANE GILLIS!!!! IF YOU READ THIS!!! steal this mans idea and make this a sketch lmao... a concept this good can't be squandered by the likes of... _network television_

[@Lulzorz125]

I love the way he holds guns. The stock is like never in contact with his shoulder. He's so fuckin strong he just absorbs all the recoil with his limp wrists lmao.

[@marcusg3824]

I thought I was the only one who noticed. It’s amazing

[@DONALDSON51]

Or the way he swaps sides with his rifle without a care for the empty cases that will fly into his face :)

[@ken7165]

🤣🤣🤣

[@roblangada4516]

He puts the stock over his shoulder like its an RPG, amazing.

[@anonymousdoggo8982]

You can shoot any gun that way no problem. Especially a 12 gauge..... No shouldering required. You barely hold the gun and your trigger finger absorbs all the recoil for best accuracy. All 65 year old ultra special undercover secret black ops guys know this.

[@Gumfondle]

“Are you really as good as they all say you are?” “eryaghfjwnbs”

[@musiclaboratory9694]

Goddamn it that was fuckin hilarious

[@andreipulosul1492]

What did he actually say lmao

[@weedwin7356]

@@andreipulosul1492 'every once in a while' lmao

[@fpsrtsgaming708]

@@weedwin7356 *EVRYONCEANAWHILE*

[@babbisp1]

4:32

[@sebastianlightcap2764]

"Well, it started with Glimmer Man and now it's progressed to the point where he just talks like a slave" had me dying laughing

[@marthaw7664]

Making movies in Moscow…….he is Шлях трафи

[@Kgcottawa]

“Fatly going around corners” Omfg I died from laughter

[@caseytodd7632]

A lot of people don't know this, but Steven Seagal actually knows karate, taekwando, judo, jiu jitsu and many other types of dangerous words.

[@alfredroa9437]

King of improv

[@Gibbernak]

Nice

[@waitaminute-113]

I’m not gonna lie you got me in that first half

[@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd]

He's been doing martial arts for 85 years

[@Hastur876]

@@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd Marshmallow arts more like

[@geekers8644]

the way he just says 'whats happenin' to a 5 year old romanian child killed me lmaoo

[@devintariel3769]

"CHE MA FARTS"

[@zachary4279]

“Was hanin”

[@KimchiMaster]

Hahahaha

[@TheLordZoka]

He might as well been like “How’s it hangin, lil’ n*gga?”

[@SomeRandomJackAss]

Does she even speak English? And if so, why?

[@only1smally]

About every six months I check in on this masterpiece.

[@reriks03]

This is so gold.

[@ryh5169]

4:33 "Are you really as good as they ALL say you are" -- The fact she added "all" ("they say" wasn't enough -- no, it must be UNANIMOUS) is proof Seagal himself wrote that line

[@ZX-ou5op]

"Fatly going around corners..." I'm fucking dead.

[@morzus6027]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@M1tjakaramazov]

“His body sucks...” 😂

[@kevinshaw4569]

can tell u do not know what respect is shure can tell your mom and dad did not teach u it

[@mrdantruckerman]

One of the greatest lines ever said.lmao

[@lucian5389]

@@kevinshaw4569 I bet you walk fatly

[@nvm7438]

Him wearing his sunglasses while sniping is the funniest thing ever

[@falkenfluegel]

They even had to retouch the reflection of the sunglasses. You could probably see the camera in the reflection or something.

[@OldSchool82]

not to the guy he fuckin shot from 50 yards away,he was thinkn "thats the coolest mutherfucker ive ever see"**** (pink mist.)

[@chrisvig123]

It’s so realistic come on 😀💩💩💩💩

[@anthonymiller934]

@Southern Fun haha

[@mikehawk1673]

Jules D lol that’s not super far fetched I’ve shot my scoped rifle with my glasses on

[@YouMakeItHappen]

I listen to this probably once a month

[@filmer197]

lol me too,still funny :)

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

Same my favorite clip from CT

[@threesixn1ne]

I had a dividin' rods tells me there's gold in dem hillz.

[@markusneulaniemi1704]

at least tenth time for me.. everytime I hear his name I wound up here

[@awildwildwes]

"There's three human transactions in this movie" 10/10

[@caffeinatedbuffalosauce883]

I love how the Muslim Islamist is drinking alcohol in his movie

[@joeschmoe9154]

You'd drink too if the only operations they sent you on were against Fat ass Seagal/

[@hangukhiphop]

Muslim Islamist? lol

[@ridalger16]

@@hangukhiphop makes sense not every Muslim is a radical

[@ridalger16]

Hahaha

[@ginogatash4030]

@@hangukhiphop I was about to say exactly that.

[@NCRRanger7753]

"He's fatly going around corners." Lmfao 😂

[@bluecheesehasmoldinit]

He's gotta be very careful with those corners. He might pop like the balloon he is.

[@corygriffiths4394]

Steven should be respected he’s the greatest Buffet Master of all time

[@Simp_Zone]

Sounds like yo mamma!

[@legitbeans9078]

I feel bad for the corners. His weight could do some serious damage if and when he loses his balance while fatly moving near them.

[@glenneric1]

Best adverb yet.

[@siegoloko7981]

“Limp wristly firing the gun” is brilliant

[@jamespuffer2889]

“He talks like a slave” My fucking sides are in orbit, I’m dying 😂

[@MohammadObaid52]

Fun fact: Seagal has claimed once to be immune to any chokeholds. In order to prove it, he had a stuntman put him in a chokehold. Seagal promptly lost consciousness and also shit himself.

[@ChucksSEADnDEAD]

Good Ole Gene Lebell

[@user-vs6oe8fl3m]

Hahahahahahahahhayahahahahahha

[@JamesMooreMarketing]

No Gene also put him in a hold. There was a stunt man who's team complained Seagal was being too rough. When Seagal heard the stunt guy was some belt in an art form he told him put him in a choke and he get out of it. The stunt guys boss said go ahead and old steven could not get out of it and after a bit of straining he tapped and headed straight to the toilets 😂

[@MohammadObaid52]

@@JamesMooreMarketing Hahaha, thank you for the clarification on the story mate :)

[@alexandermccarthy]

The true (skid) mark of a great warrior! 😁 😁 😁

[@thedillonsmith1]

I literally fell on the floor when I heard Seagal's voice and realized that they weren't exaggerating at all.

[@norsemanbushcrafting1621]

Proposition steve

[@GochaProductions]

I thought he was fucking kidding when he said they sold her to a pedophile.

[@chunyi1618]

norseman bushcrafting ooo

[@JB_inks]

Did you literally fall on the floor?

[@Parrskey77]

man what the fuck am i missing with his movies XD

[@discingaround]

40 years later he’s still flipping dozens of opponents by barely moving his finger, and sometimes he’s even seated. Some will say that it’s all staged and not real at all, but the Steven Seagal School of Pinky Fighting certifies each match so you know no cheating is happening. What an inspiration for us all.

[@psplayer1344]

It's really noble of them to do that. I'm just not used to the big guy looking out for me. Perhaps we should worship him as a god?

[@thewardenofoz3324]

I gotta say, the editing here is top notch. When Nick switches gears, the clips also switch to match exactly what he's talking about.

[@jacksonmacpherson6101]

Seagal is just the navy seal copypasta in human form.

[@111Moose]

😂

[@reesesbeanses]

more like gravy seal

[@monke6776]

More like Navy meal

[@notinspectorgadget]

More like big fat fuck

[@wilfordbrimleypranks]

More like buttered veal

[@TukTukWorldwide]

"this is my sister" "WHATS HAPP'NIN" holy shit i nearly fell off my chair

[@Tom135]

"Stranger danger!"

[@FridgeLoud]

😂😂😂

[@TheWatchFrogs]

I was laughing so hard I started to cry hahaha

[@afrocoolio25]

I about pissed myself. Wtf greets a little 6 or 7-year-old kid like that?

[@Shadowboost]

@@TheSchematican the little sister? Open up, this is the FBI

[@warframeees8013]

The way he shoots the gun has me dying 😂

[@chrisbardolph264]

I would have coughed an eyeball out of my socket from laughing if I was in the same room. "Weelll, I got a divining rod says there's GOLD in them hills!"

[@GarrisonFall]

"Fatly going around corners". A brilliant description.

[@MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis]

Dude that was so fucking hilarious because then they show the scene and that is EXACTLY what’s happening. It’s such an apt description.

[@DefendYoungstown]

​@@MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis yeah, just gut and gun barrel. A close second is where he's "limp-wristedly firing" and they show him just turn the gun like he's nonchalantly turning off an oversized water valve to shut off the yard sprinkler instead of actually participating in a firefight.

[@jonathankeith6971]

It’s seriously one of my favorite lines. I come back to it every time and still giggle.

[@Flat_Earth_Addy]

lol

[@mandlakei3053]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@caseytatum5837]

steven seagal sounds like hes physically exerting himself just by talking

[@Ramsey276one]

HE EVEN LAGS LIKE A CHEAP COMPUTER!! XD

[@johnt.campbell316]

He is.

[@aaronm97oh10]

at this point in time - he's killing himself by simply talking outside of "slavery" accent

[@Jeneric81]

I can swear I saw a Seagal movie where it was obvious someone else was doing his ADR with a half assed impression.

[@KEN-1991]

No wonder why Seagal whispers everytime he talks, I can never hear a thing he’s saying most of the time.

[@Kellylovescats576]

You guys are hysterical. I could listen to this a 1000 times. 😂

[@cardinalbeast24]

It’s a podcast called Cumtown lol, has since turned into The Adam Friedland Show

[@hardcoreclassicenjoyer]

I've been back here twice in two days and a minimum of 5 times since I first watched it. It's pure joy

[@andrewmyles4712]

Stav’s laugh around 4:15 is my favorite thing and brings actual joy to my life. That and my wife and daughter

[@skarloeythomas5172]

That’s gay. Literally, so well done.

[@D00dman]

I thought you were gay

[@hydraliskin]

yeah its contagious :D

[@Kevin-mx4vm]

Same, your wife and daughter.

[@jaysalisbury193]

I can only agree with half of that sentiment. If you could see my wife, you'd understand why 😢 Turns out a once solid 3 doesn't get any better after 10 years, 4 kids and 50lbs, unfortunately.

[@UhYeahNoThanks]

The fact Seagal choses to remain completely clothed during the sex scene says to me that he's aware of how he looks

[@terrybird993]

or the woman only agreed to do the scene if he was fully clothed... dudes a real sleaze ball...

[@pingpongpogo]

Pretty sure the leather jacket is now a part of him.

[@roberttimothy1338]

Maybe just maybe he comes from the old school of thought that you don't get unclothed with a woman unless you are married to that woman. Dummy.

[@thiagohenriquecoelhodesouz1795]

@@roberttimothy1338 LOL

[@ralphfi9591]

Or may be his belly weight might physically prevent her from getting close

[@paulmarchano7238]

The way Seagal holds his rifle is completely embarrassing.

[@smuketherealbigboyman]

Paul Marchano “fatly going around corners”

[@patrickstar6458]

"Stock propped up on his shoulder"

[@jeremylim2421]

A little higher and he'll be holding it like a rocket launcher.

[@NebMunb]

I had to rewind every time he held a rifle, just to laugh at how bad it was

[@theDudeOfDudes]

The fact that it was still so out of control and flipping around in his limp hand when firing BLANKS was hilarious.

[@chikitabowow]

7:35 I love that line so god damn much, "Fattily going around corners" made me cry laughing because it so encapsulates all of Steven Seagals movies from the last 30 years 🤣

[@DodgaOfficial]

Steven Seagal is definitely the movie star of all time, every movie he makes is a movie and it really shows the imagery on screen

[@hardcoreclassicenjoyer]

Truly an actor of time.

[@anthonyrosa4973]

HE KEPT HIS JACKET ON FOR THE SEX SCENE LMFAO

[@nickmattio3397]

He’s got a lot of fun hidden things in his pockets

[@adhhxgxhhg]

It's a tactical move.

[@brucewallace1600]

@@nickmattio3397 whoop. Like that

[@joeschmoe9154]

Good lord ,,, Do you really want to see him without a shirt?

[@sloaneisenbart9347]

prolly pulls it out through his underwear to pee

[@djesun1]

Steven Seagal is the kind of guy that wakes up the entire family to let them know that he's going to bed

[@lhaviland8602]

WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE!?

[@planes3333]

ughhh "immm going ....to....bed...ok uhhhh🤣

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

I’m na get me maaa slippers motherfuckers

[@Prototheria]

I'm totally ripping off RCR here, but I think it fits. Steven Seagull is the kind of guy that shits himself but keeps singing happy birthday.

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

@@Prototheria I would love a pet Seagull called Steven Seagull 🤣. I have a Miniature Schnauzer called Arnold Schnauzernegger 😊. Yes I agree 😂

[@Stravalnak]

I’ve only seen this video about 50 times and it already is one of my all time favourites.

[@Jukkala]

I've easily watched this video five times and it still cracks me up. Using "fatly" as an adverb is the best part. Edit: I find myself watching this every day. It's better than an anti-depressant.

[@MerkinMuffly]

Don't mess with the Gravy Seals

[@MrAdamske]

bringing a whole new meaning to 'hot insertion' xD

[@FreqBand]

gray seals ?

[@ArcherOmix]

Meal Team 6, Semper Pie brother

[@plmokm33]

"The goddamn cook's a seal?!?!"

[@Cocoponya]

Lmao

[@DieForDethklok11]

he talks like robert downey junior in tropic thunder talking about the jeffersons

[@anthonymiller934]

YES!! That's exactly the character I was thinking. Downey killed that role!

[@M2Mil7er]

and looks like Danny McBride has been playing him for the last 15 years,

[@scottthomas9022]

@@M2Mil7er Now I want to make a Steven Segal Movie but swap out Danny McBride and not tell anyone. Put Segal in the credits, and on the poster. But when you see the movie it's Just Danny McBride

[@Salamander676]

He's got a little Chicano twang in his voice too

[@NickHunter]

"whayddya mean 'you people'?"

[@karnagilgamesh3095]

"Just fatly going around corners." Incredible 😂 This guy's amazing.

[@subkreature]

Seagal also insists on this editing technique that involves removing frames in action scenes to make him appear to move faster and hit harder. I love it.

[@pvanny]

To use “Fatly” as an adverb genuinely kills me

[@joeyeulo1489]

I think "fatly" is my favorite new word 😂

[@mattholt1388]

I use it all the god damn time now

[@HorizonPerson]

And it fits perfectly 😂

[@Neo2266.]

Fatly, dumbly, uglyly

[@euroshopperbier1337]

rip

[@hamnchee]

Segal sounds like Robert Downey Jr as the black guy in Tropic Thunder.

[@kevinthomas2906]

Ha! Lincoln Osiris!

[@franmadaraki616]

RDJ is far more better

[@tehrobotjesus]

@Rocky Dennis do you mean Robert Downey Syndrome?

[@PaulieAFantoneJays19]

That's an insult to the character in Tropic Thunder! 😂😝😂

[@CharacterMatterz]

@Michael W there you are... I knew I wasn't the only one 😁

[@oneandy2]

The old guy is Dale Dye, retired USMC captain. He sometimes plays minor roles in films but his primary thing is consultant/trainer. He's been involved in a TON of great stuff from Band of Brothers to Platoon. I'm amazed he lowered himself to this level. I hope he charged Segal a shitload of money.

[@itsconnorstime]

Being in the same room as him must have been a huge blow to Seagals ego.

[@KPsTboy]

If they were ever to make a biopic of Steven Seagull he should be played by Danny McBride.

[@itsconnorstime]

McBride would have to put weight on.

[@KPsTboy]

@@itsconnorstime Fair enough 😁

[@Drazakhan_Dynasty]

SEAGAL: A Life. Starring: Steven Seagal.

[@austincanady4670]

@@Drazakhan_Dynasty guys, it should obviously be Will Sasso playing Steven Seagal in the biopic.

[@blenderguru]

fatly going around corners

[@tinman3747]

Damn Andy didn't think I'd see you here

[@ernstthalmann4306]

An example of English morphing for the better.

[@svengangert2683]

You taught me how to blender. Thank you.

[@GLITZandGLOOM]

I died at that 😂😂😂

[@Terence.McKenna]

The greatest adverb

[@MeshuggahDave.]

I would bet money Segal watches his own movies, often.

[@babymammoth34]

I have very little difficulty believing he does.

[@zyala]

I remember one story of segal’s talent agent walking in to see him sobbing in front of computer. He asked Segal why and segal said, “I think I just read the best damn script ever written.” His agent replied “Hang on, I didn’t forward you any new scripts. Who’s this one by?” And Segal turns to him to whisper, “Me.”

[@geneambas8714]

@@zyala The story is from Rob Schneider

[@Sandwich420]

I bet he's never even seen a movie in his life

[@MOON1388]

Narrating along the way

[@SwissSauce]

“the russian mafia sounds pretty reasonable” FUCKING GOLD

[@sumpterino]

7:34 I love that line so god damn much, "You see him sneaking into some building, fattily going around corners" 🤣

[@quezbot3663]

"That means one of us has to die." Said Steven Seagal to the bacon double cheeseburger.

[@leighbelk769]

The burger got revenge later, by giving Seagal terrible diarrhea.

[@leighbelk769]

@Casey R. Fair.

[@quakethedoombringer]

@@leighbelk769 more like a cardiac arrest

[@leighbelk769]

@@quakethedoombringer Yeah, makes sense.

[@thanktink4328]

Hahahahahahahah

[@Cracktaculus]

Much respect for this man of men. Former Meal Team 6, Gravy Seals AND Green Buffet.

[@ismay33l]

😂😂😂

[@ieat10kittens94]

Ace in the chair force too

[@LaithNight]

Overdosed on laughing by this one 😂

[@Cracktaculus]

@@ieat10kittens94 Top Sirloin Gun

[@northstarsixtysix]

brilliant

[@rebeccageorgesisto8965]

Oh my god…that discussion was one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while. I was DYING

[@_TheDarkHalf]

The accuracy of the voice impression before hearing him talk literally ☠️

[@Barbaroossa]

"he's just fatly going around the corner" - that's fucking brilliant, nearly shit myself laughing at this

[@zk0rned]

unlike Seagal that actually shit himself

[@StarHarvestOfficial]

@@zk0rned *Adam

[@zk0rned]

@@StarHarvestOfficial Seagal*

[@Zergrush66]

I died hahahahahah

[@SubjectE57]

"fatly" is my new favourite adverb.

[@ColinFowler]

Neighbor: "This is my Sister" Seagal: "Whats hannenin"

[@StewartLucrative]

I read this comment before I saw that part of the video and it made it so much funnier.

[@Binford-ei6ge]

My future pick-up line for all eternity.

[@phillipbailey70]

100% honestly - I laughed at this comment for over 30 seconds, and every time I re-read it I start again (laughing as I type even) 😆😂🤣

[@terminal.man02]

3:08 old man impersonation is too funny 🤣

[@TonySkittleAlive184]

Lmao 🤣 this is gold 🥇!!!

[@T33K3SS3LCH3N]

This part cannot be said often enough: They used a body double whenever he had to walk stairs. They never show his face and he's noticeably thinner in those shots.

[@jorgvonameln7819]

but the double has to wear a fat suit to look like old Stevie :)

[@Brandon-bc1fz]

@@jorgvonameln7819 and has to walk slower to keep the same pace that Stevan would.

[@maliant16]

Please say this is a joke.

[@RenegadeShepard69]

What, so he just never moves at any point in his life? Haha what a human sloth.

[@DefendYoungstown]

"We need to send our *best* Special Forces guy, and he spends half the movie in a chair!" ... and the other half he apparently spends off set while the body double moves around a lot.

[@jamiecunningham7248]

"fatly going round corners" hahahahahahhahhaa

[@scuba9273]

7:36

[@scottcantdance804]

Yeah, I laughed my ass off at the invention of the adverb "fatly".

[@hakont.4960]

@@scottcantdance804 Best part is that the adverb really describes how he's moving.

[@hardcoreclassicenjoyer]

This is a roast for the ages. I come back to this from time to time out of pure joy.

[@decgar07]

The fact people keep funding his movies is amazing and I'm so thankful to them.

[@PanasonicTooth]

I like that Steven Seagal either has or will see this video, and he'll inevitably say the words "Cum Town" out loud at some point.

[@AlbertoGonzalez..]

😂😂😂

[@papayer]

*inhale* cum townuhh *exhale*

[@zaab-yaoh9302]

Y’all play too much

[@JonnyInfinite]

The title of his next film should be Cum on Town

[@timcosgrove707]

"Whozis Nick Mullen muhfugga?"

[@deathknigt3000]

Seagal really looked at a 6 year old and went “wus hapnen?” like she’s an old friend of his.

[@dotson9118]

Alpha move

[@tommygunmitvierm724]

He was just geniunely confused about what was going on. His age is taking a toll on him.

[@breadwilson9865]

I thought the same thing.

[@frecklenuckle4450]

highkey autistic as fuck

[@mrniceguy7168]

I immediately had to pause and go to the comments section to see if anyone noticed that. That’s how I say hello to black guys at work

[@nyceplayz8051]

9:14 😂😂😂 he says to the little girl "wus hapnin'!?" 😂😂😂 Oh, ow, my spleen 😂

[@kev1734]

This puts me into fucking tears EVERY time I watch it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@grantvanosdel1747]

That female actress deserves an oscar for keeping a straight face during that scene asking “if he’s as good as they say he is”

[@iainrickwood2623]

That 'female' actress; as opposed to those male actresses I guess

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

I think the woman in the sex scene deserves an Oscar 🤣

[@qupation7296]

@@iainrickwood2623 ey, listen. These days gender is a tricky topic. You COULD have a male actress. Don't ask me how please.

[@yrudonking]

@@TheReelDealFilmReviews she deserves free therapy for life

[@pedrovara4712]

@@TheReelDealFilmReviews that woman deserves way more than that

[@uome20bukz]

I swear I saw a scene somewhere not long ago from one of his recent movies where his character walks up some stairs, only it was an obvious stunt double. Literally used a stunt double to walk up some stairs.

[@DavidLoveOfficial]

🤣🤣🤣

[@eli3197]

Do you know the name of the movie?

[@Odinsday]

Seagal is on the verge of having a heart attack every time he stands up. No wonder he has his stunt doubles do the walking for him.

[@Yoda-em5mt]

No that was when he was young and fat he climbed a stair thats one stair then sat down .

[@uome20bukz]

@@Yoda-em5mt idk what you’re talking about but, no. Whatever you said is absolutely not what I’m talking about.

[@jayvavircek]

It’s amazing how many details these guys can remember and quote off the cuff

[@dslrjunkie]

if Steven Seagal was a nurse he would wake up patients to give them sleeping pills at 2AM.

[@maximumcutsandreps5833]

He talks like RDJ in tropic thunder.

[@youwebz]

SURVIVE!

[@brandonbueno6623]

Looks like him too without the fro

[@michaelalfandary1643]

I believe he went full black like Ben Stiller went full tard

[@MrRoss-jz7fx]

Yes but RDJ was GREAT!

[@Opi_812]

For 300 years... That word has kept us down...

[@jonathankozenko]

My favorite quote about him is “With every movie he makes, his gut gets bigger and his audience gets smaller.”

[@rickkarsan4491]

because he eats them.

[@novemberalpha6023]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@bullfrogboss8008]

His eyes also get smallee

[@PrincessofPower84]

I think i heard it first on MXC

[@jonathankozenko]

@@PrincessofPower84 Hells yeah! That's indeed where it's from!

[@digitalta]

This is exactly what I needed for my sunday morning. Thank you!

[@rog9317]

I was linked to this video from Reddit. This made me laugh harder than a good stand-up comedian. I was crying! This video is so good! Keep up the nice and funny work!

[@user-dg1jq5rd2c]

Lmao same! The question was who was the most pathetic washed up actor. This has me deceased. Best thing I’ve seen all day.

[@wade6282]

That's because they are good stand up comedians.

[@noaht5191]

Steven Seagal is just living life doing what he wants, doing what he loves-Being fat and pretending to be a badass.

[@TheChuckFina]

It's the american dream. (Wipes tear)

[@blyxx7450]

Just like the rest of us lol

[@noidontlikeu]

@@TheChuckFina Russian, Serbian, and American dream

[@arnaldogonzalez1678]

The ideal lifestyle

[@Zach_Wiberg]

While also human trafficking and money laundering.

[@jennyanydots2389]

Seagal is very successful at being unintentionally hilarious. Imagine if he had even the slightest amount of self awareness, he'd be making a fortune as an action-comedy star.

[@WorldWidePatriots]

Glad I came back to see this comment. Do you think it would still be funny?or lose the magic of he knew and did it on purpose.

[@jennyanydots2389]

@@WorldWidePatriots Yes, I think it would still be funny if he became self aware and did it on purpose. It's not simply mocking himself that makes it amusing, it's mocking the fake tough guy persona and over the top absurd action movie genre that's amusing. Movies like the expendables still do just fine even though the actors and writers are aware of the self parody. By not being self aware he comes off as straight pathetic. Still funny, but, in a sad way that most emotionally healthy people tend to ignore, hence the lack of financial success and tendency for more of a mean spirited mocking then a good natured ribbing.

[@FOUL_TROUBLE]

by Seagal do you mean Tom Myers?

[@6slice712]

So very true 🤣 🤣

[@swans184]

JCVD has done exactly that

[@Aidanshaves99]

This made me laugh so damn hard. I can’t thank you enough

[@skelter1153]

He's very silly but he's a world famous, self made Millionaire. The immeasurable LUCK he's had throughout his career can't be overstated.

[@YouTubeIsNotGood]

You forgot to add Russian asset, because he wants his daddy Putin's approval

[@Flood520]

Some call it luck, some call it an entire lifetime of laundering money for the Russian Mafia.

[@byteme9718]

Seagal is the most convincing actor ever. In every movie he plays Steven Seagal perfectly, even the same voices are the same. He's a genius.

[@Sofus.]

Half of Steven Seagal's Film are dubded because he couldn't be bother to pronounce words properly.😂

[@sigismund1617]

​@@Sofus. Yeah what is that all about? There's that vampire film wherein he speaks maybe 2 minutes, the rest is bad, bad dubbing.

[@elithetruth23]

😂😂😂

[@elijahfreeman5299]

His range is extraordinary....

[@connorcamron1308]

He’s been a trained thespian for 127 years

[@KG-th3cr]

"Are you really as good as they all say you are?" -"Erreywonceanywhile"

[@heroblok6]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 HOLLLERIIIINNNN !!!!!!

[@activeone]

💀💀💀

[@777jones]

“Murph murph.” Belch

[@mjxw]

I feel so bad for that actress. Imagine spending your life at your craft, probably dreaming of acting in movies, working your way up through regional theatre, finally getting a break to appear in a movie with a decent budget... and you have to deliver a line like that. Just brutal.

[@KG-th3cr]

@@mjxw Hey I'm sure she used the 50 bucks she got for the role for something useful.

[@mitchellponder8834]

This is literally the funniest video ever!

[@Gabagool93]

I come back to this just about every month.

[@Epoch11]

"fatly" that is the perfect word to describe anything that Steven seagal does

[@4midable4ce]

😆😆7:35. That shit gave me the giggles.

[@seltzer30]

fatly fart noise at 52s

[@bobvel7760]

I feel like Steven farts a lot on set and the crew just has to deal with it.

[@ultrashortbus]

"It's like I always say, we have to blow it and we have to blow it now" ~ Steven Seagal [On Deadly Ground, 1994]

[@JimKuback2009]

He did shit his pants once after claiming his aikido training made him impervious to being choked unconscious. Somebody called his bluff and Segal let him try. Dude choked Segal out and Segal shit in his pants.

[@skelldoom4329]

Oh, thats a power fart. Thats how he asserts his dominance over the entire cast and crew.

[@dinglegonzo]

Sounds reasonable to assume that he farts on set.

[@TheAceSpaceman]

I think he's more the guy who shits with the door open and he even likes to talk while taking a shit...and he doesn't shit silent or normal, he might push and moan like a lot. But hey...he's the big star of the film.

[@cparkes92]

7:37 "fatly going around corners"

[@gicousinjoe6199]

You dare challenge me, the mighty Steven Seagal, the enlightened warrior of the silver screen? Your feeble attempts at critique in this "video" are as futile as a leaf floating in the wind, my deluded friend. While you sit there, engulfed in your ignorance, I have delved deep into the realms of ancient Eastern philosophies, harnessing their mystical powers to achieve feats beyond your wildest imagination. You speak of donuts and physical prowess? Ha! My physical vessel is a manifestation of divine energy, effortlessly flowing through the cosmos. Each move I make is a dance of transcendence, a symphony of power and grace that leaves audiences awestruck. Your mortal eyes can't comprehend the sheer magnitude of my magnificence. Comprehend, if you can, the celestial forces behind my films. They are not merely productions, but divine creations orchestrated by the universe itself. Steamroller Productions is but a vessel for the spiritual energies that fuel my art. It is a cosmic convergence of talent and destiny, guiding me towards the pinnacle of cinematic greatness. Oh, and my co-stars? They are not mere mortals. They are celestial companions, chosen by the cosmos to accompany me on my celestial journey. Their skills, honed through countless lifetimes, are like celestial meteors, blazing through the cinematic heavens. So, my misguided critic, let your words of mockery and disbelief flow like a river. They only serve to amplify the grandeur of my existence. I am the epitome of Eastern wisdom and martial prowess, a cosmic warrior standing tall amidst the mediocrity of the mundane. Beware, for one who underestimates the power of Steven Seagal shall be swept away by the cosmic currents of their own foolishness.

[@TJ-fe7rr]

This comment is gold.

[@KidCorporate]

Fun fact: dude I shoot with was an armorer on a few of his direct-to-landfill films, he said Segal would stack two McDonalds chicken sandwiches one on top of another then eat them both at the same time.

[@bradleyruest6863]

You’ve never stacked 2 McChickens and scarfed em down? Lol what a loser

[@fazerfaze]

That's normal

[@jthreefingers8445]

Heard Steven Seagal is going on a diet. One cow instead of 2.

[@ThjyuGaming]

Bruh McChickens hit different

[@jthreefingers8445]

@@ThjyuGaming And I'm sure it was just a snack.

[@jasoncampbell1507]

'He's fully clothed and she's naked, he's still wearing sunglasses.' I had to grab a glass of water because I choked a little on my own laughing tears just now.

[@Joecbg100]

That's very Neil Breen of him

[@lookronjon]

He only wants to do himself.

[@goodallbeckman944]

I was watching at the bus stop and I legit dropped on my knees. Good shit

[@davidpowell6098]

Easy ride, though, smack his arse, and ride the ripples. Job done.

[@hansonjames3792]

@@Joecbg100😊😅

[@smon4164]

"That's the good man" gets me every time 🤣

[@maat826]

He craps these movies out for the foreign market. Seagal is literally and figuratively huge in Asia. They love the “black cowboy” voice

[@stproducciones9140]

he's the last bastion for the classic american action heroes the world fell in love with. ain't that sad? foreigners want Arnold but all they get is Seagal

[@chvishal]

maybe 20 years ago

[@EliasPoint]

Super popular with older Filipino men here

[@lkcdarzadix6216]

@@EliasPoint true with older Filipino but the young or that saw his peak in 90s can't stand him

[@keithklassen5320]

If you watch any animated Ghost In The Shell, the character Batou is based on him.

[@Szeptun]

This clip was so good it made me listen to Cumtown podcast for around eight months which almost destroyed my life.

[@Trisket]

I've been listening for about 16 months and my life has improved, which tells you how shitty it was before.

[@nateoxchoa7649]

Hell yeah dude

[@thomasgourd8294]

Sounds about right brother!

[@josephskinner4973]

Same here

[@gasjuice390]

@@Trisket huh

[@kimbonice]

This is the video that got me into Cum Town. Thank you sir!

[@willgamez5555]

You guys had me cracking up! 🤣

[@addictionhypnotherapist1241]

Woman: “And this is my sister” Steven to 5yo child: “whazz hapnin” 😂😂😂

[@br0mouzone]

I died when I heard that

[@Deadassbruhfrfr]

Bro, I was in sitiches

[@Pr3st0ne]

He sounds more like a Tom Segura impression of himself than he sounds like Steven Seagal lmao

[@gregorteply9034]

So awkward.

[@retron99]

2:59 Believe it or not, That old man is actually more badass than Seagal ever could be. His name is Dale Dye, who is a legit U.S Marine veteran, fought in the Vietnam War and served as a captain, awarded the bronze star medal and 3 purple hearts, and founded Warriors Inc., an organization that helps actors portray soldiers in war movies more accurately.

[@Boomerangi13]

Oh damn, never knew this. I knew he looked familiar, he played Col. Sink in Band of Brothers! Brilliant series and casting on that one.

[@TylerWardhaha]

Well. He failed in that movie. 😬

[@MassEffectFan113]

Yup, Dale has done more for people than Cum Town ever has, lol.

[@MassEffectFan113]

@@Boomerangi13 Yeah he's done a handful of war films. He was also in Saving Private Ryan.

[@nathanlight2818]

He was in "Platoon" too

[@strife9878]

The boys made it to Joe Rogan , I’m gay

[@imadequate3376]

I respect what Steven is doing He's helping get retired wrestlers some beer money.

[@onthefaultline]

*SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK*

[@relentlesschaos7445]

He's getting RVD weed money

[@mrarivv0007]

@@relentlesschaos7445 you mean pill money. Lol

[@tobieolson242]

AyeRaxX710 Nah RVD is just a Stoner baby. He saw enough of that hard shit in the locker room tho

[@Thor-Orion]

@@tobieolson242 nah, he did take pills for a period, but he was able to get off them before he got bad with them when he saw what was happening to guys like Jeff Hardy and shit.