Stop trying to change yourself | Ien Chi | TEDxBerkeley

Ien Chi dives into perfectionism culture and how it can impede your life.
Ien Chi is the Chief Creative of Mindset, a venture-backed wellness platform at DIVE Studios aimed at revealing the deeper humanity of celebrities like Eric Nam, Summer Walker, Tablo, Keshi, Aminé, WOOSUNG, etc - through more vulnerable audio-based storytelling. He is the former Creative Director of Jubilee, where he led the team to make some of KZbin's more popular shows such as Middle Ground, Spectrum, Odd Man Out, and Versus 1 - which have collectively garnered 1B+ views. In the past, Ien has also created works for NASA, Apple, Nike, The New York Times, NBC Asian America, and KZbin among others. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@IenChi]

Whoa, I just found out my talk was released today! It gives me so much joy to be able to share a sliver of my life experiences with the world in a way that can hopefully spark reflection. To all of us: may we feel all things within ourselves to its full profound depth, talk back to those often ruthless inner voices with even more powerful acceptance and compassion - and illuminate the core of who we are underneath the chaotic noise of this world. Wishing all of us continual un-learning and unfolding wonder at it all!~ Grace and peace, -Ien

[@jasoncampbell1464]

Hey Ien, I appreciate the time and effort you put into this talk but I believe you're sending the wrong message -- perhaps unintentionally -- and I'd like to be corrected if I misunderstood you. If you can, kindly read my comment (which I posted apart from this one) and let me know what you think. You've already done much for a lot of people and maybe you don't need to be told to try to change yourself. But this does not apply to the majority. All the best.

[@aj6025]

Ien! What a brilliant, cool and moving performance! Thank you this perspective and the warm honesty with which you delivered it. I'd love to see your previous films and more lectures in the future. All the best to you!

[@countrystud1986]

You are a fantastic speaker. Both your worldly experience and personal growth and pain were so clearly and honestly communicated. You spoke what many of us have a hard time even thinking to ourselves, much less speak of it publicly. Thanks for inspiring so many people.

[@towardsspirituality1431]

Good luck mate.. And cheers to path you chose to know yourself! I have been doing this for last 6 years and in last 1 year i started getting some clarity. In my words, you don't have any purpose of life, you just live and die here. But to make this journey pleasant we still need a purpose to spend time beautifully. The purpose should be bigger than the life itself so that you don't lose the enjoyment of life before you die. We can't change the world for sure. Many gurus, emperors, influencer, even incarnations of god came and gone - this world remained as it is and will be as it is...

[@thementalself]

How can I wu-wei the day? My best days unfold when I ask myself this question. ☯️✌️🤓

[@__isixda]

"The reason I was trying to change the world was because I couldn't accept the world as it was. And the reason I couldn't accept the world the way it was, was because I couldn't accept myself the way I was" -- that is POWERFUL !

[@clairechristinemermet8264]

Exactelly

[@clairechristinemermet8264]

Powerful exactelly

[@huangruhu9633]

thank you

[@ThuLe-VN]

Yes from the moment I accept my self, I also feel be fine with everything and everybody 😅

[@thepieguylol]

I cried really hard watching this. I’ve been going through a lot lately and beating myself up over things. Trying to be a “better version” of myself. It just puts a lot of pressure on me and only increases my anxiety and insecurity. I think I’m gonna watch this video every day for a little while

[@IenChi]

🙌

[@Tryingtolovemyself107]

I truly hope you are better now. Your comment really made me realize how I put too much pressure on myself to become someone worthy of love and appreciation. Because I don't genuinely love myself. Yet! 😢

[@eyeswideopen7777]

If you struggled with self love, the answer isn't trying to love yourself harder. Love isnt a matter of effort. Love is matter of awareness. it isn't a matter of trying harder, it's about letting go. Powerful quote ... Ian

[@CC-sp6kl]

This is the TED talk I really needed today. I’ve been dealing with self hate and trying to change myself for years and years

[@cesmith48]

Me too

[@oneworldonehome]

"Accept the world today as it is, not as you want it to be. With acceptance comes love, for you cannot love a world that you want to exist. You can only love a world that exists as it is. Accept yourself now as you exist, and true desire for change and advancement will naturally emerge within you. Idealism justifies condemnation. Recognize this great truth, and you will begin to have a more immediate and profound experience of life and of that which is genuine and not based upon hope or expectation but upon true engagement." _Steps to Knowledge, The Book of Inner Knowing » Step 55: I will accept the world as it is._

[@IenChi]

Thank you for sharing this, Ivan - I'm putting this book on my to-read list

[@johnchapman5125]

Thanks for sharing!

[@huangruhu9633]

thank you

[@ellenhendricks4606]

He has perfectly described the millennial/gen Z phenomenon of exhaustion.

[@hananqaddah7760]

" love is a matter if awarness and letting go of all trying " That hit deep.

[@crystalclear6660]

He created a good point. To accept oneself, flaws and all.

[@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702]

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ― Carl Jung Profound talk 🔥

[@jasoncampbell1464]

Did you read Jung or did you just quote that from the internet? It certainly means a lot more than "accepting yourself" and not trying to change in any direction. For a start ask yourself what is it that you truly are? You're a community of "selves" across time -- there's you tomorrow, you next week, you a few years from now -- part who you are is who you *can* be, especially when you don't betray yourself by doing things that you know make your life worse

[@brett__]

@@jasoncampbell1464 see, this is what i believe. instead of JUST accepting myself, i should do that and also accept that i CAN change, not just say “i’m a person with negative self-talk” and choose to live with that. THAT is insanity.

[@skyetai8348]

If everyone aims to improve oneself, not looking at others with judgement, the world is a lot more peaceful and harmonious. Thanks for sharing!

[@IenChi]

Amen! 🙏

[@huangruhu9633]

Thank you

[@user-tr5gw4ky8e]

Len, You just changed the World for thousands of people! God Bless!

[@ogeo.8966]

Aww he made Jubilee. I also grew up wanting to change things for the better. I made all this big plans that I imagined would be applied on a mass scale - detailed too - troubleshooting to find solutions to problems and refining them to make them better. I also realised one day I hated myself. Now I'm just in a weird place where I don't have anything I really enjoy. And my mind is not as occupied with 'changing the world' as it was before.

[@user-gm8uy5cc2g]

"The reason I was trying to change the world was because I couldn't accept the world the way it was. The reason I couldn't accept the world the way it was because I couldn't accept myself the way I was. I had been projecting my desire to change myself to the outside world instead of looking within and seeing what was there. I had been running away into the idea of changing the world as a way to run away from my own feelings." Whew. Thanks so much for this for talk. And for being so honest. You put exactly what I've been thinking and feeling into words.

[@samezidrovibes]

Just be. Be here now. All is well.

[@softerliving]

Beautiful sentiments. Struggles vs acceptance

[@HimanshuBhattShow]

Very inspiring, we keep thinking how to change ourselves. In fact no need. Be just yourself and you will get better and better each day. Thank you for sharing 👍 🙏

[@expressionsbytiara]

Thank you Ien... This came right when I needed it... Thank you Universe ❤

[@zoe5893]

I highly recommend the forgiveness through Jesus Christ to reconcile to God 🙏 and know where you rest for all eternity..... And give Him praise and thanks 🙏🙌👏🥰 instead giving thanks to a nonperson thing...... God became flesh in Jesus Christ is a person, human being to save us from our sins ! He paid the price on our behalf at the cross of Calvary! Your conscience tells you that one day when time is up, you gotta pay the price on judgement day, if you don't have someone who already paid for you! God loves you so much, He doesn't want you to perish instead He wants to save you and spend time with you and want to give you a new heart and spirit which only loves God and loving your neighbor and loving doing right and righteousness 🥰🙏 Choose today whom you will serve! God bless you and your house 🙌🙏🥰

[@IenChi]

I'm so glad it resonated, Tiara - thank you. Thank you, Universe! 🙏

[@quantum_man]

You don't have to change yourself, you just have to 'Be Yourself'...and the only way to Be Yourself is to connect to your Real Self, Your Soul Essence, or as You call it, 'Your Higher Self' and be guided by that, Unconditionally.

[@whatthefunction9140]

never stop never stopping

[@paulvalentine4451]

Beautiful insight Beautiful vulnerability Beautiful honesty Beautiful share Thank you

[@manuchaudhary9728]

I share same thoughts, one thing i want to add , great wisdom came through such common people , not from people who are running market in the name of spirituality, motivation, psychology and self improvement

[@kcmichealx]

Finally, a talk that has touched me deeply. Thanks, Ien for sharing this. You have reached the world, and I'm entirely grateful to have someone like you in this lifetime.

[@CoachLove]

Be the ever-evolving you and the right people will join your journey.

[@BananaPajamaGamer]

The lecture society needs, but not the one it deserves

[@deefee701]

It's taken me a long time to realise how destructive it is, but the mantra of the 1980's and 1990's was "you can change the world!" It's not sustainable as an individual but I thought I was supposed to change the world, too, all by myself.

[@maggiezhou4467]

Wow...moved to tears and learnt so much! Thank you for sharing your story

[@IenChi]

❤🙏

[@saltysosalty6040]

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change." - Michael Jackson I know it may seem like I've missed the point, but trust me. The point is, if you don't like the world around you, then very likely you should look into yourself and reconsider some things. Similar piece of wisdom is contained in "World is a reflection of yourself" (for those interested, the song is: "Man in the mirror")

[@HvnkRockCity]

"I would love to change the world, but i don't know what to do.. so i leave it up to youuuu"

[@gurudra]

Be yourself, your true authentic self and you will understand your uniqueness, your individuality🙏

[@juanmanuelgentili2152]

It seems like you were talking about myself. Thank you for this great, honest talk! We definitely need more sincerity nowadays.

[@jorgecaroortega8902]

It's powerful. I've been in the same place, the path is so long, but it's possible to get out of there. Excellent and thank you for let to know that other people are struggling with the same!!

[@annatworek2071]

hi, you shared with us very big, powerful words. Radical self-acceptance is an only way to start taking action and I could add: positive self-talk in front of the mirrow :''I like myself", may change our life for the better.

[@txiabneeb]

Well put brother. I have been and will be a better me from now on.

[@everitadave]

Trying to accept yourself or other is an act of will. Any psychological act of Will is leading to emptiness. One has to see what is (facts) and what is not (thoughts about facts) this understanding of what is and what is not, is love.

[@sivamshakthi]

Realisation of true nature/svabhava is true satisfaction, that comes from recognition and acceptance

[@silencemotivation7034]

Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Sure

[@thomaslindhansen7519]

I wish all people, especially those with powerful positions in society, saw this. Thanks for sharing.

[@zeinabawad2653]

It's one of the talks that touched me so deeply,,,well said .

[@Triston_Davis]

i haven't watched a TED talk in years... I'm glad I clicked on this one. Thank you Ien.

[@teodoratirlea4105]

wow, this just became one of my favorite tedx talks, love this message and its beautiful, gentle delivery

[@mercoledi_falco]

Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the Change you want to see in the world.” now I totally agree with him, Gandhi.

[@pamelapackardball2446]

Enjoyed your viewpoint

[@ShoshanaTova1]

This was so profound, beautiful, and moving. It was exactly what I needed for where I am right now. Thank you❤

[@aditigupta7526]

Thank you Universe, thanks Ien and tedx....after watching this i have a smile ...more love less hate...its calming to my nerves, thank u. Instead of trying to change who we are and the world 🌍 , lets be more accepting and enjoy the journey of improvement in our own pace, get more open up to each other & close to our selves.

[@timothychen754]

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Ien!

[@justinepress2118]

Great talk I needed to listen to. Self acceptance is an ongoing battle at any age.

[@genithblue4457]

Thank you Ian. This is a gift 💖

[@MrGeenID]

One word : WoW

[@briankivuti]

Man this hit home this morning ✨🙌🏾❤️‍🔥 it reminds me of numerous moments in my life, where I was able to let go all the trying and at once realised how ok I am and how much more rich the world became when I was able to to inhabit this space. My empathy and compassion expanded vastly, my heart open to so much more.

[@user-lo9cw6pq7j]

Beautiful words my friend!!

[@benjaminlorentsen2546]

Thank you dude.

[@jent863]

Thank you for being so honest and transparent.

[@bublikoff3004]

Thx, needed this kind of presentation

[@ghizoula]

👍👍👍thanks for giving us your experience

[@jmayed]

I appreciate your Incredible honesty and courage towards life. Loving your Ted talk. It's exactly how I feel at the moment.

[@tr1ckster726]

Ian, I’ve been down this path of trying to accept yourself for all your flaws. The problem is that, you have to keep solving problems, they will always be there - but you replace your bigger problems with smaller ones as you go. I started focusing on my health and nutrition by strength training and meditating, and this in turn helped me solve my problems of body image and reducing anxiety. Good luck on your journey.

[@NanaYKesse]

Thank you Brettt, I’m on this same journey…focusing on nutrition and strength training.

[@silviat8759]

I feel every single word .... deep in my soul! Thank you so much.... brilliant speech

[@IenChi]

Thank you, Silvia 🙏 Grateful!

[@michellequinn3122]

Very powerful thank you 😊

[@lina5699]

This talk was wonderful. Thank you, Ien.

[@vinithosmane5283]

Beautiful sentiments 💯❤️

[@ralsumaaji]

I got goosebumps. Thank you Ien

[@thementalself]

Beautifully said Ien, much wisdom here. ☯️✌️🤓

[@amaliakuba9000]

Such a powerful speech.

[@mabuyaa8627]

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏 I can relate.

[@rosemarykariuki4820]

What makes us feel exhausted is us trying to be perfect all the time.Stop trying to be perfect because we live in an imperfect world

[@mikely7354]

Profound and helpful for such seekers of similar circumstances, which is a lot of us.

[@leo-emmanueljoint155]

That's a new understanding I haven't had, thank you for sharing this with others.

[@aibasei3254]

yes, everything starts with acceptance.

[@beverlyxu7806]

damn straight!!!! Only by introspection can one truly find their true purpose in the world. I'm so glad to find some resonance in your talk! Changing the world isn't a way to self-loathe or to pamper our ego, but giving genuinely simply because we are all a part of something bigger, and we cannot envision doing anything else that would make us as happy.

[@christopherholvenstot9624]

Nice shift from mind to heart.

[@emmaoyes]

OMG, this is great.

[@bekixsr]

Thank you for this inspirationa💖

[@joalblo9581]

Thank you for sharing your personal life to gift to us such profound wisdom and truth about our human experience. This kind of message will change a lot of lives. It will empower people with the knowledge they need to be free. You tried so many times in many different ways to make the world a better place but in the end all that was needed was to share your story.

[@tmmk7903]

Thank you for publishing this. I was thinking this way myself right now, and this video gave me a lot of courage. I felt like I was crawling around in pitch darkness, but now I feel like I can feel the ground and the world. Thank you.

[@rgee10173]

🔥🔥🔥 Thank you

[@MariaRodrigues-sf9pv]

Loved it❤🙏

[@stefanywashington3994]

This was soo needed 🔥⭐️

[@dewimaria2143]

this is speaking to me. Thanks Ien ❤

[@brendansstorytime7552]

After my master degree, I did my PhD, and then postdoctoral training, and published many many papers. Now I feel like I need another PhD… I never say good job to myself. I always live in this self doubting and self attacking mindset.

[@Saavycupcake]

Good job on all your very very hard work. You deserve to find joy and pleasure in things. You’ve worked so hard and sought knowledge.

[@brendansstorytime7552]

@@Saavycupcake thank you. You made my day, my friend.

[@Saavycupcake]

@@brendansstorytime7552 of course. I myself am looking into a phd program. As a woman of color with disabilities, it’s been hard to be taken seriously sometimes. Look at you! You have done so much work many of us desire. It was not an easy task I’m sure. I too don’t celebrate my straight As or give myself enough credit, but we can change that and start talking to ourselves as if we wish others would. I admire your hard work and hope I can do a fraction of what you done. Not everyone can do what you’ve accomplished and it’s magnificent! Best of luck to you out there. You deserve to be proud:)

[@brendansstorytime7552]

@@Saavycupcake you are the most amazing person I have ever met on the internet! I truly mean it! Thank you for your warm words. Good luck with your PhD program hunting! The research community needs good people like you!

[@Saavycupcake]

@@brendansstorytime7552 and the world is lucky to have a bright mind like you in research! I hope I can be as badass as you one day:)

[@pamelaventura8565]

Thank you ❤

[@hoomayunyaqooby1992]

it was really great I've also tried to change myself which ended in more pressure on me. we should accept ourselves the way we are. we are the best version of ourselves the way we are. thanks

[@gracenelson5019]

wow i needed to hear this

[@Somomemory]

Thank you❤

[@Povlennebo]

Thank you

[@1sanremy]

Deep and humbling discours . Thanx

[@mrp-1]

Like how each and every emotion and word resembles what a lot of us are going through!

[@MuhammadBilal-ol7vf]

That was a great session which create a deep impact in my life and thought process. Thank you so much Sir.

[@NhuQuynhh]

This was inspirational

[@mytruth3777]

Touched me

[@aljosacebokli]

bravo Ian

[@FlairLessonsFlairStepbyStep]

Thank you 🙏

[@strawberrie8099]

Thank you for this. Ien, you are great!!

[@IenChi]

Thank you!

[@leyz9777]

That is so powerful

[@hilwnasamuel566]

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😣😣😖😖😖Ur speech is very beautiful thank you 💕💕💕!!!

[@Habibsharifalfaz]

Hello Mr Len ,, I hope you be healthy and fine, great talks Mr, Allah bless you..

[@thooyamani2835]

Thank universe ❣️

[@stanleywatson6494]

Amazing

[@uaeappliancerepair]

Fantastic

[@jean-claudetjitamunisa2297]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you❤️

[@kaykim7252]

Brave story come from beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your story