The Impact Of Trauma Bonding On The Body, featuring Caroline Strawson

[@julianterris]

I'd be interested to know if there is a list of physical illnesses that are associated with narcissistic abuse.

[@greenfairy4894]

This makes complete sense. I wish I had known these things earlier. I’m 50 now and really wasted so much of my life on something I now see will never change. I was always very hopeful of things being better.

[@skinnyway]

amen. 50's here. wish I had known then what I know now. I would have allowed my wings to extend fully when I got emancipated at 17 after running away. I would not have stayed here, stagnant, for so many years. thats what makes me cry - all that wasted time.

[@rikkicmgs]

Keep healing honey ❤

[@Rose-246]

Narcissists are a total waste of time and energy. They will suck the soul right out of you if you let them.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

In the eternal scheme of things, these are things we must learn anyway. So it is not a waste of time if you embrace it and recognize your advance in wisdom.

[@curiousc9259]

55 here and just coming to terms with the last 25 years of my life being spent with a narcissist husband 😢 I'm not even sure what to feel. I'm so broken.

[@Chahlie]

"I'm a nice person".... this is actually the number one criteria for being a target of narcissists :) The bonus is that for most of us there is literally nothing we cannot cope with. This has been a huge benefit in my work life.

[@JackieSuz91763]

brilliant take away...thank you!!

[@npdsurvivorsmith9962]

Many thanks for having your guest speakers, especially Caroline Strawson and Dr Ramani. Many of us follow several channels as you each teach from a slightly different angle. And pulling the communities together is beneficial to the professionals and viewers. Thanks so much 👍

[@jenp5759]

I agree.

[@sturobertson6791]

Well said 👍

[@SnarkasticSunny]

That is so true. The benefits multiply & kinda' build each other up, I think

[@teresacotton7923]

Agree

[@patriciafry8634]

I strongly agree

[@amischair]

I was in my trauma bond addiction for 26 years. I called it relationship addiction. How it’s explained here makes perfect sense. Detoxing from the trauma bond addiction is extremely difficult and healing is a lifelong journey. Always staying in a mindset of healthy habits and positivity is key for ongoing recovery.

[@leeboriack8054]

After my narcissistic dad divorced mom, her migraines stopped. After I broke up with a narcissist I lost 10 lbs, as the stress eating stopped.

[@grandmatoo]

Yes, yes, yes, I was terribly trauma bonded! I love the book "The Body Keeps The Score". It makes very logical sense that our bodies are where we store our painful moments. Caroline you are fluent on this subject! I love that you're using Family Systems and Somatic interventions. May we all continue to heal ❤

[@nancytwigg4631]

Very relatable to have a guest who is a covert NPD abuse victim AND such a learned guest of her many modalities that help heal victims of narcassistic abuse. What a rare treat you made possible for Team Healthy. I'm indebted to you, for sure. This session was very helpful. Thank you both!!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!

[@lindahallstrom8297]

The partner of a covert narc response...."I'm a fairly intelligent woman, this all seemed like a normal relationship to me, negative sensations in the body-chronic diseases, frozen, etc" are so right-on... sadly. Such an incredibly valuable presentation!! Thank You Caroline & Dr C 💯❤‍🩹❤

[@SendItForward]

YES, unheard is AWFUL. I developed talking out loud to myself, when alone, after "I won't hear you" episodes bc I needed to get it out. Keeping it inside felt like doom and despair and I didn't need to go there.

[@mareeamor3596]

What an informative interview! I was in the same situation as Caroline, from childhood, in my marriage and after my divorce (also after having two children). I developed anxiety/panic attacks then a chronic physical health problem. Caroline's physiological descriptions confirm how these things happen. Kudos to both of you.

[@goldilocks3593]

Love what she said about healing being a journey. One step forward, two steps back I have found. Ultimately what you are trying to do is rewire your brain by creating new neural pathways that reward health instead of destruction. It is indeed the journey of our lifetime - and with each day, week, month and year that goes by, with effort and diligence those wounds do become less and less and less to the point where they are almost, but not quite, gone 😇

[@sturobertson6791]

Well said. I like your description of our journey. If we can think of your words each day, we'll keep on the right path. Thanks for that🙏👍

[@fruitpandaa]

Very well said with rewarding health instead of destruction. One year after ridding myself of my trauma bond my friends think I'm more withdrawn, but in reality I pick my experiences more carefully and in turn life rewards me with peace and true happiness instead of anxiety and all of the bad stuff daily.

[@sturobertson6791]

@@fruitpandaa Well said too. My friends think the same as you said. I also laugh a bit less, but when I do laugh it's more genuine. And I think we learn to listen more (so we can choose how to respond, instead of reacting), this is maybe why others think we are more withdrawn, as you said. All the best 🙏👍

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Being withdrawn and being content with time alone is slightly different. We have to enjoy our own company before we can enjoy anyone else's or anyone else can enjoy ours. Sometimes it's 3steps forward and 2 half back but it's progress none the less. Take care 🙏

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I think it is more forward steps than backward steps, as Amanda relates to it. Common mistake in the expression is to focus on the backward and give it a higher number.

[@jonbaker2868]

I’m going to need to listen to this several times. Just learning about living with a covert narcissist who is done with me after 27 years. Totally get the trauma bond neurological addiction!

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

We wake up from what has become our love equation.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Wow, Jon prayers for ya. Hurt like hell for me, and I only had 4 years of the covert before his discard. I'm so sorry you experienced the discard. One year NO CONTACT for me. I'm practicing self care. Even at 60, I can learn healthy pathways and positive non-harmful additions. Hang in there. You are better to look forward, not behind. Stay Team Healthy.

[@katejones2172]

Yep me too

[@paulamorris4204]

Excellent discussion!!! So sad when women think they can’t survive without a man and try to live 😢their lives with narcissistic person. Trauma bonding is such a difficult position to be in. It is not an authentic life.

[@kathleenbristol6747]

Thankyou for this video! my big mistake was I was involved with a negative person.I'm married to him for 16 yrs.he's always negative,and I was mostly positive.I was going through trauma one time,and how many yrs later I realized he was love bombing me.a lesson to learn about the red flags never ignore your gut feelings!

[@brianlane9534]

WOW! At the two minute point she reacted exactly as I did. It wasn't until I went to see a marriage counselor (my ex refused to partake), after I explained a few things, it was suggested to learn about narcissism. When I 'guugled' it, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. It all started to make sense. *** What's amazing is that I've heard that exact same response from countless others.

[@mama1bear65]

Exactly the same thing here! It was like an alarm clock like she said!

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

My sudden realization of the syndrome came from guugle when an article appeared in my feed, "Fifty reasons why you are married to a crazy person". Launch.

[@curiousc9259]

😢 I'm experiencing that right this moment! I was told from my therapist to Google it as well and here I am. I'm soooo angry and in tears. I've spent the last 25 years with a husband that doesn't give a d@mm about me. It's all about control. I'm too embarrassed to even talk to anyone I know about it because I feel so stupid! How am I going to handle this. I'm so broken on so many levels now. 😢🥺🥺

[@brianlane9534]

@@curiousc9259 Be careful. Don't let on you know. And most of all, protect yourself. Find an attorney who understands this. Unless you feel you can continue and deal with it, find an attorney who specializes in this area. Best to you.

[@curiousc9259]

@brian lane thank you. I don't really have means to do that, but I'm going to start trying to figure out a way to make it on my own financially (I've terrible panic disorder with agoraphobia so I don't work) and in the mean time I'll be watching more of these videos to hopefully help me learn how to cope with him with the least amount of stress possible. Thank you for your thoughts and advice.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

My area. I have a genetic issue I turned into a profession. I got sicker and sicker w his abuse and I am now recopperatinng from the trauma . I have helped literally helped 1ks but understanding his covert cheating retraumized me. He's dying. I'm thriving. Glad to learn of Caroline's work. I call trauma initiation if we are open to exploring and self care. This is what epiginetics is all about. Now I come first.

[@kimgordon3695]

💞

[@Juamo-tn8we]

I’ve had quite a few epiphanies as I’ve been listening to Dr. Carter but THIS ONE: Oh my word! This is one of, if not the one that made not only a penny drop but a dollar coin. I’ve listened to it 3x already.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased it resonated!

[@bonniehonchell9963]

Thank You whole heartedly for bringing this beautiful person to us. At my age,a young 71, going through what she did, & going through it myself, twice, it would've been wonderful to have anyone who had the knowledge to help those of us suffering at the time. We just had to suck it up. A song from the '70's, Carley Simon, "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you", keeps rolling through my head. Read the lyrics 😂. This shows how prevalent the Narcissistic World was even then. Having come from a Medical background myself, this was not the path I wanted to take. But, the years of abuse, (verbal & attempted physical), from men & women have now caught up to me in ways that no one could ever imagine. I've always been able to deal with it & release it. B/C the "Medical Field" has become an Ick Factor in our life, & ageism is running rampant, a lot of us are definitely being left out in the cold, where Medical attention is needed. So, is Narcissism & greed running the Medical Profession now? Thank You Always. 🕊💫

[@SendItForward]

Yes and the only ones who seem immune to the ugly is the narcissist. It's almost as if there would be no issues if we all just said I quit and joined the narcissist bandwagon. What kind of world would THAT be?

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@SendItForward Sadly, many I see are giving up. When you're in constant physical pain & can't get medications or surgery, your priorities change. Throw in being a caregiver for someone else & you have to pick your battles. The whole picture has to be looked at.💖

[@SendItForward]

@@bonniehonchell9963 I keep reminding my Lord, I'm ready, anytime now. You said You wouldn't put more on us than we could bear and I am dragging... how can I be fit to help ANYONE when I am struggling so myself???

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@SendItForward 🕊 Amen

[@SendItForward]

@@bonniehonchell9963 my youngest's name is Bonnie. I heard it was Irish for pretty and knew it would fit my little precious perfectly.

[@cherylvanesch3086]

I am learning to 1. Notice my feelings, 2. Stop everything and find my thoughts behind those feelings, 3. Find the beliefs I’m believing behind those feelings, 4. Replace those false beliefs with the truth, which leads to different thoughts, which leads to different feelings. It’s quite a process but when I do it, and replace false beliefs, from the pit of hell, with God’s truth of how much He loves me, how much He values me, how He will lead me and protect me and provide for me, then I can settle down. I have actually felt the peace that passes all understanding finally now, after 25 years of being a Christian wondering why I didn’t feel that, when He promised it to me. It was because I wasn’t believing right, I wasn’t believing God and all of his amazing promises and in His amazing character. The Bible even says we can have joy and peace IN BELIEVING, so now I have been able to process the junk and trauma, past and present and come to a much better place. So now I have that tool to help me when I’m lost and struggling. I have been physically separated from my abusive spouse for a year now, i am 1500 miles away from him, with loving family, so I am not in physical danger anymore, so when I get the fight/flight, anxious/fearful feelings, I use Truth to get the help I need, and stop playing those false, destructive belief tapes in my mind. Definitely a work in progress, but a huge milestone has been reached in handling those trauma response feelings

[@janpressler1491]

Everything word you have said is what I'm going through with my husband of 33 yrs! And it's so debilitating to my soul, always trying to please my husband which in turn NOW I realize that anything I do for him is just one more NAIL IN MY COFFIN of my SOUL! Screw HIM! I'm taking BACK my Soul and he gets Silence, no eye contact, no interaction at all I stay away as much as I can for my OWN PIECE OF MIND. And at 73 he's getting more controlling because he knows he's losing his grip on me...He knows I quit loving him when I found him cheating on me, but now I know that he never LOVED me at all..

[@mariannethames962]

Absolutely wonderful video. Thank you so much Dr. Carter for giving us the opportunity to listen to Caroline Strawson. Calmly and gently straightforward steps and remembering to be gentle and and accepting of our feelings as we grow and move forward.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

"Narcissists are among the most deeply wounded people" They are so good at the cover-up [covert] we should not overlook the strong pairing of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It can explain their lack of memory of their horrendous behavior, and it also means that somebody else[one of their alters] did that thing that was so hurtful.

[@enraegen561]

Thank you! ❤ I weeded out every narcissist of my life, and today I am crying rivers, missing the strong closeness of the fighting and the mistreatment... 😢 I don't know who to talk to at the moment, because it's so hard to understand: I don't want the narcissists back, but there is so much pain and sorrow inside, grief, even. No regrets, but I am just so sad today...

[@anonymous_for_my_safety]

I read an article that said healing from narcissist abuse is 10x worse than heroin. Please dont over criticize yourself or gaslight yourself. Build a healthy support system and learn to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence. When you rebuild with a healthy team you will be stronger and more informed then you ever were and this my friend will help break the addiction. Narcissist mental abuse is hard because it's not like we just don't buy the drug of choice.... its embedded in out minds, we can't escape it. We MUST push through it. And you can..... keep educating yourself and build a personal support group with trustworthy people. You can do it! ❤

[@Rose-246]

Just stay strong and enjoy the peace and stillness within your soul. You will feel so much better eventually.

[@suzannebryan1194]

Take good care.

[@enraegen561]

​@Dawn Kikong It's like the new me already walks through this world. Consciously I moved on fast. I decided what traits I want in a partner (empathy), I monitored how I felt around new people (looking to feel safe and calm). That's all the logical part of the brain, that was not hard after all the information I gathered online. But I can't tell my soul to just drop it. The anger is gone, the desire for things to have been different is slowly dying, there is an acceptance, and a letting go. Those things somehow overshadowed (until now) the deeper pain over losing the bond, the closeness, which is finally ready to be felt. At least that's how I see it now... Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate that you took the time and effort to reply me and feel with me, even more so that we are just internet strangers! ♥

[@enraegen561]

​@@Rose-246 ​ @Suzanne Bryan thank you!♥

[@RaggedyA]

the assessment of addiction to the chemicals of cortisol and adrenalin is SO accurate!!! It is MY responsibility to change my perception of what attracts me.

[@ro7547]

Caroline, thank you! You just explained how I feel to a T. Thank you, Dr. C for inviting her.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

The trauma bond was the love equation. Pleasing that abusive person at all cost became our mission. As we see our own folly in this and determine to heal, we gain eternal wisdom that will never leave us.

[@Francie315]

My narcissist family member definitely reminded me of my mother, and all the emotional abuse that me and my siblings endured. I experienced: depression, loss of interest and hope. Feelings of loss as if I was grieving a death. Because I realized that I have no family left with this last loss. I was diagnosed with Lupus and RA and dealing with a narcissist only caused higher stress and fueled the inflammation in my body. It was walking on eggshells and feelings of anxiety, distrust and feeling being unsafe! And having these feelings all day long and year after year! I am healing! It’s a slow steady process. Being fairly new that I have separated from the narcissist family member. But just gaining peace from the separation, makes a huge difference! Totally cutting them off, gives me my power back and with it a sense of peace that I had forgotten! I am lesser and less anxious. And I am just at the beginning stages. I need to change locks, make sure that those people who are attached to her understand that their ties to her have determined that they can no longer be in my life. I am not totally out of the trauma woods! But I now have so much hope! I sense the light at the end of this long dark tunnel! So grateful too that I can logon and gain knowledge from experts!

[@robinpresleywoodward]

It doesn’t matter if the people involved in her life understand your decision. If they are flying monkeys, they will side with her. If they believe in you then, they will respect you. Making a clean cut away from the narcissist is also making a clean cut from their circle of control.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Weirdest thing happened as i read your 1st paragraph. When I got to the part about having Lupus & RA, I literally had to stop & scroll up to make sure I didn't write this! That was a weird feeling. That's never happened before. I continued reading, glad to read what i feel, but it's not me - not only me. At same time, sad, cuz' i know how that feels all too well. Does that make any sense, or do i just sound crazy? LOL ...or both?! With RA, Lupus & i also have Fibromyalgia, i find that the emotional trauma factor is a huge trigger for "flare-ups" & was shocked to find out my husband knew this & was using that in his arsenal of weapons against me! (& he calls this "Love"?!) The Fibro & Lupus have been 'flared-up' & raging thru my body for more than 2yrs now -- NO remission! -- Just as hospital nurses said would happen if nothing changed at home. They explained without less stress/triggers, Lupus could remain active, attacking my body 'til day I die. In past month, RA has flared up with a vengence, after years in remission, so now all 3 are active...leaving the narci likely impossible now (+ nowhere to go). Too many days when can't do things for myself. But then, I'm 64yrs old now, maybe it's time to quit fighting & just take whatever comes & pray for a quick ending?!

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Congratulations on great beginning on healing journey! Since I cut-off narcissist sister from my life, there has been a sense of peace ~ not always instant dread when phone rings IS NICE! Narcissists stick together I guess, or just play victim card very well, as no contact from 2 other siblings since then. But that's ok too. Got tired of walking on eggshells, hurts my feet. Ha! Best of wishes as you continue healing journey & enjoy that feeling of peace, tranquility. Dr C. & guests he sometimes has will be a big help in that journey. Today's guest was great! ...& Dr.C is the best!

[@sturobertson6791]

Caroline and Doc C give such excellent practical help and knowledge in this vid. For those who still feel stuck, or who crumble under the love bombing or the surprise call.... Stay strong, resist and have hope!! And turn your hope into an exit strategy. And use the support and knowledge here to gain the strength to act on your exit strategy. I did. Never thought I could. As soon as I started really LISTENING the light flicked on and I stopped enabling the abuse. To all those still suffering....Listen...Learn...Act you DESERVE and have a right to have a normal healthy life free from abuse 🙏☀️☀️🙏

[@msmacmac1000]

I love it, Caroline! I am finally experiencing that divorce is my superpower. ❤️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My health conditions have made me feel isolated at times. From a baby I grew up in 'atmospheres' there was always stuff happening. To look at me I look perfectly ok (but not perfect). Sometimes people will say "You're looking well" when I feel like a bag of 💩 But, I've learned to just say "thanks" Also, I've learned it's ok to not be OK. All major narcs are out of my life. And, I continue to work on my health. Being on Team Healthy and my RL friends have helped me with confidence and reinforcing boundaries with my grown up sons. I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. Long standing health problems don't go away and I'm OK with that but I always try to improve. And, the last thing I need is to be around people that are judgemental. So I surround myself with like minded positive people. Thank you Dr.C, Caroline and Team Healthy ❤ and not forgetting Gus 💤 ❤ 😊

[@sturobertson6791]

👍👍 So many helpful points in this message that could apply to lots of folk, with and without health issues. So powerful to read and take on board "it's OK to not be ok" And "surround yourself with like minded positive people" Along these lines, I've also found a nice peace of mind feeling with learning and accepting that you'll get on with some folk, and not others, and not everyone will agree with you, or like you, and that's OK too. The people pleaser in me used to stress if I thought someone "didn't like me". Cheers Amanda. All the best 👍🙏

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

So true, what dwells in the spirit is manifest in the body. I get a lot of healing while I am sleeping by requesting experiences of health during dreamtime.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@sturobertson6791 Sounds like you're on the right path 👍

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 Quality sleep is such a key factor. Especially the R.E.M. Time of sleep. I think the better your day is managed then good sleep will follow and vica versa 😴 Take care 🙏

[@teeh.6907]

Only 7 minutes in, and I absolutely am blessed to hear this! Thank you for sharing this with us ❤!

[@LoriEarp]

WOW ! She explains all that very well. Such good information !!!!!

[@LaniLanilei]

So true your body keep the score. Emotional shut down than physical shut down.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Yes I was becoming like that I had to remove myself from the relationship in itself painful but now experience peace

[@skinnyway]

I would dare to say this is where all body pain comes from - fibro myaligia etc. I dont know all the names but I do know being held in constant terror affects the body as well as the brain. and its a lifelong struggle to come out of - even when you are no longer with those abusive people anymore. the world is full of them - the only way to avoid them is to not live your life - and that is not an option. its perfectly fine to be a nomad. ❤‍🔥

[@aliceroberts1980]

Well than I don’t understand why it doesn’t go away?

[@amandaliverpool3374]

It's like a bad fart. Even when the stress is gone you can still imagine it!

[@sturobertson6791]

​@@amandaliverpool3374 Hi Amanda. That's interesting what Patty said above. Do you link your fybromyalgea to emotional trauma? This is a topic I'm just beginning to learn about. Those N's have lot to answer for. All the best for your healing in all aspects. I read what you said about stress having a big impact on your life. Health and strength to you Amanda. You've earned and deserve a stress free life. 🙏🙏🤗🤗😊😊💐

[@Raven4508]

@@sturobertson6791 Fibromyalgia - it has been suggested that the fight and flight mechanism doesn't switch off in the parasympathetic nervous system ( which is the centre of the flight and fight mechanism) hypervigilence is a flight mechanism,as an instance.

[@sturobertson6791]

@@Raven4508 Cheers for that Raven. It's all good to learn and learning is what we need as we continue along the healing path. All the best 🙏☀️

[@catb445]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I think this is the most succinct explanation of the physiological experience of abuse and trauma that I have heard. It really helps clarify what is happening in our bodies and connects it to our emotional and behavioral responses. Understanding this is so essential to healing from any and all types of trauma and narcissistic abuse that results in a form of trauma that can have long-term effects on both our bodies and minds. Most importantly I think that this knowledge is so powerful in the healing process because it helps us understand what is happening in our bodies and this our minds so we can stop blaming ourselves and heal from the trauma and abuse that we have endured. It sheds a clear light and breaks through the baffling confusion that trauma survivors experience so we can stop feeling that toxic shame, blame and guilt. I really appreciate all that you, and others like you, do to help us on our healing journey, many blessings to you and yours 💜🙏

[@Ma-Says]

This video was SO helpful both in understanding how the trauma bond works for me and more about the root cause of narcissism for my spouse. It makes total sense that my body is trying to protect me from childhood wounds. I feel that I've addressed much of that in years of therapy and now I'm learning to recognize the freeze and fawn response and remind myself that I'm not in actual danger. What has also helped is finally realizing that I don't really care what they think or say anymore. They are a full-blown textbook grandiose narcissist, and now I can predict how they will react and what they will say. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny. Every bit of knowledge and understanding I acquire takes a back more of my power. Thanks!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very pleased. Caroline was a real delight!

[@lindahallstrom8297]

Neuro-reception!? That's why Clinical therapists ALWAYS ask 'How does/did that make you feel?' We FEEL before our BRAIN kicks in! Why did I not know this when I was 25-30 yo? The body craves that old familiar 'not good enough' feeling--UGH! The answer: INNER CHILD work & 'SOMATIC' body work. Incredible insight!

[@SendItForward]

Thank you for saying, you weren't good enough. That was my trauma as well, nor was I smart and my faults and failures were ALWAYS brought to the forefront as proof that I could never measure up not only to his standards but other's as well.

[@sh6460]

Never good enough, still like that. It seems like some npd persons pick a target ( maybe family member) and love bomb everyone else in that social circle to humiliate and devalue target socially. I've seen that in different circumstances. Seems vindictive and punitive. I still react with flight freeze fight, I think in some cases a total complete disconnect is necessary.

[@EnnPeeCee]

Jaw dropping revelation here. This explains why i felt so 'at home' with my ex before we got married. The journey of discovery continues - continuing to grow in healthiness here.

[@lisakaler4121]

Great interview. You should have her more often Dr. Carter. She has so many great insights.

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. C and Mrs. Strawson♥️🙏🔥 Wish you both and everybody here a beautiful Tuesday!! 💪🙂✌️

[@texaspatty458]

This is one reason I have had to address so much Anger from parental narc abuse . My body took the brunt of all the gaslighting & the toxic soup that is my family .

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

And the rest of the family will never[probably] understand why you are so cruel as to stay away.

[@rebeccawoolfolk5377]

This was really helpful. I have the same problems Caroline has. She could have been describing me when she described herself. The thing about not feeling heard is a particular trigger for me. There are some people who will completely ignore what you say and keep talking like you didn't say a thing. I'm a law librarian. Once a lady called and said she wanted to hire someone to do research on a particularly obscure contracts matter. I explained we don't do research for people, but if she comes to the library we'll help her get started on her own research. She ignored me and said I just needed to write up a short paragraph answering her question. I explained again. She continued to ignore me. After we went round in circles about half a dozen times, she asked if she should call back in an hour to get the answer to her question. It was literally as if I hadn't spoken at all - or as if I were agreeing to do this research. I'm sure a lot of people would find that frustrating, but I was literally shaking and yelling - right there in the middle of the reference area - by the time she was through with me. I couldn't understand why I was so massively triggered. (In fact, I'm feeling a tightness in my chest just remembering it.) THEN, she called back! I told my supervisor I just couldn't handle the call, and he dealt with it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!

[@LoisPasinella]

I agree to a certain point about a narcissist being formed by an inner child hood wound. I would recommend reading the book by Lundy Bancroft, called, “Why Does He Do That” because it explains that an abusive person is an abusive person because they are abusive. Not all people who are wounded in childhood or treated as a golden child grew up to be abusive. Abuse is a choice, a conscious decision to overpower and harm another person. Not all narcissist grew up with a child wound. Not all narcissistic people were treated as a golden child. some narcissistic people grew up with narcissistic parents and model that behavior, and could have had a pretty stable upbringing, but the parental modeling is what they absorbed. But the bottom line is an abuser abuses, because they are abusive. I also learned from that book that narcissistic men love to play the victim, it promotes their self-absorbed lifestyle. Thank you for all the content you provide here.

[@sheilabest3652]

Thank you for adding more clarity regarding the dynamics of narcissistic relationships. Fight, flight, and freeze. Strangely there’s a portion of the abuse that I experienced is unseen and not believed by many. I realize it’s going to take many years for me to heal but I’ll take one day at a time.

[@itm4173]

Wow, what an incredibly informative and engaging interview. Dr. C., great questions, follow-up commentary, and pacing. Caroline Strawson, I was a little familiar with the Family Systems concept and somatic healing; however, the examples and explanations made the model much more tangible and relevant. To both of you, thank you for your continued work to heal the hurt. Each healing person helps to pay it forward.

[@lovesings2us]

."Each healing person helps to pay it forward." - What a deeply lovely thing to say! Thank you. I'll sleep better tonight, thinking of that.

[@lynnfincham6839]

So true, thru trauma I thought I was having a heart attack… outwardly I was as cool as a cucumber but my heart was beating massively fast. It was not a heart attack it was pure ADRENALIN . Totally agree with this, trauma and pressured relationships the constant pressure 100 percent effects you. It’s recognising the cause and then taking action. But withdrawing from the relationship is so painful but simply not healthy relationships . 😞

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

fight flight or freeze. Nothing like Earth School, eh?

[@krivoli86]

Yes, the withdrawal is SO painful and difficult. But I guess, there’s no other way … and it will get better. Some time.

[@joannajohnson696]

I am at the end of the yellow brick road with my marraige to the narcissist. It's painful to see him. Each time he bullies me, tears me down, sucks the energy out of me. There is absolutely nothing I look forward to when I am with him. Thank you Dr. C and Caroline. This was very helpful.

[@hawthorne1504]

I would feel highly nervous to the point of panic when with the narc and even when not in the presence of the narc but when thinking about him…I think I mistook the panic feelings (which was my body’s attempts to warn me)…with Love…. I thought it was love. It was never pleasant. It never felt good

[@SendItForward]

Yes, Dr. C, I will be listening to this several times and I appreciate her coming on so much. Just wish I could have had this 30 yrs ago 😒

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Same here. 🙂

[@SendItForward]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Hey Mander, hoping your day was good.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@SendItForward Why do you call me Mander? Anyway, as well as I can possibly make it thanks and hope yours was too 😊

[@SendItForward]

@@amandaliverpool3374 it's my personal friendly nickname I have for you that NOBODY else can claim. But I would NEVER want to offend, my apologies. I also will add, it's a southern thang.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@SendItForward ha ha right 👍 I just never been called that before. Been called plenty of other things.... Take care 🙏

[@srdailypracticeceramics]

So much of Dr. Strawson’s narcissistic abuse from spouse and childhood neglect from parents resonates with my experience… I am very interested in her approach to therapy and healing, will definitely look her up… Thank you so much Dr. C for having her as a guest and for the work you do.

[@borninlismore]

Thank you for saying the feeling comes first. That really helped.

[@FaithFashionFinances]

Many people minimize the physical impact of trauma bonding, especially if it was a violent relationship. The body can heal itself but we have to be aware of the actions necessary to do so.

[@leeboriack8054]

Very informative conversation. Pls create a talk on recovery after narcissist w type of therapy IFS vs CBT or other, exercise, meditation, etc.

[@thetopcat8946]

I was r@&#@ 5 years ago. It's taken this long to get over. Sometimes the anger in the past was so overwhelming, but letting go of vengeance helped a lot. I still get a bit of anger thinking of it now and then, but I let it go and I feel a lot better doing this. Thank you for this video.

[@jenniekotoff6772]

I truly loved this conversation! I had to stop and take notes, of course I had to rewind to get all gems of truth that were jam-packed in this short time. Truly helpful, encouraging and supportive. Thank you again Dr C for what you do and your wonderful interviews and resources.

[@amandagish5976]

I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling. This video is so full of healing! You've both answered so many questions and left many good healing sentences for me. ❤️

[@amgod40]

Nailed it Dr. C I saved it and have listened to it twice already. Love your collaborations!

[@donna-colorado8443]

This was amazing. Thank you, Dr. C and Caroline, for sharing this information. I have people tell me all the time to just get over it. It's not that easy. It's a process. Thank you both so much.

[@denicehaley9902]

Thank you Dr. Carter for bringing special guests on. Ms. Strawson opened my eyes about my out of whack nervous system, especially now dealing with Long Covid on top of narc abuse all my life. You both are a godsend. 🙏❤️🙏❤️

[@naomis3141]

What a great video !! Thank you so much !! This describes so well what it is like and what I went through in healing after I kicked my ex narcissist out on my counsellors advise . So grateful for these videos and the counselling I received . Now living narcissist free and continuing to heal

[@franceshaggitt3104]

I'm five weeks free. I kicked him out again. He was angry.. worse... Projecting obviously more. He said he would change ...nope

[@naomis3141]

Stand your ground and keep him gone ! You will be better off in the long run .

[@naomis3141]

My ex narcissist came to me pronouncing undying love after less than month of my being widowed … he preyed on me … got to live for free in my house and I also worked for his businesses for free … I was in mourning and trying to escape that pain … Life is better now thankfully but I too took him back numerous times and realize now he used to poke at me to get me to respond . In hindsight I should have kicked him out the minute he came to me while married and pronounced that “love”.

[@kaseywilliamson228]

Caroline, you are fantastic! You related what’s going on inside, to what’s happening on the outside of me, so beautifully and with detailed accuracy. I do all of these things against my best interest, and against my better judgement and I couldn’t understand why I would this do over and over. That’s the definition of addiction! This is Such helpful insight!!!’ Thank You!

[@delenafranckenberg9639]

I'm in the beginning stages of tackling the "addiction". I'm right there with u when u say u couldnt fathom why one would stay in it and continue. In a podcast I listened to, the woman said that, when she finally decided no more, it felt as if someone pulled the heroin needle out of her arm.

[@k.silberberg5137]

Yes, the body decides for you once it has become addicted. Understanding this was a turning point for me. I started to treat this ʼlove` for what it was. From then on the only way was up. „The slower you go, the faster you grow. “

[@cherylduckworth8185]

Something just clicked for me. I couldn’t understand why when we had a disagreement it would turn into a complete blowout or I was asked to move out. I guess he had to hit that level for him to feel on top of things. I have studied a little biology and science and I do understand the signals the body can give you. I love hearing the science behind. It makes it all seem doable.❤

[@ryuhayabusa5222]

Dr C Caroline explained this so well now I understand why I could sweat feel uncomfortable n my spirit was bothered just by a phone call, this wonderful lady is a God send she explained n answered questions I could not figure out now I know why I dreaded even answering phone and how it affected me, the Lord gave me a dream of this narc strange but like a double blob showing me there are many layers I want peace which the Holy Spirit in me gives this narc ruined my peace so agin no contact over 4 mths and now I know do not answer phone or u will have to start the healing process all over no thanks Caroline so blessed me as u do thanks a narc surivor

[@ThePancakeJedi]

What a great video. In depth perspective of narcissistic behavior combined with medical and experiential information. Very helpful once again. Thank you Dr. C.

[@suzannebryan1194]

Really enjoyed this, appreciate that healing is a lifelong process. Appreciate that their inner wound is triggering ours.

[@krivoli86]

„When you notice a sudden emotion and there is no obvious cause for it, question what your body wants to tell you. The feeling comes from the wounded child.“ 😯 I am so sad all the time.. now what does this tell me?

[@helpingothers1643]

My husband and I were narcissistic and spiritually abused by a covert narcissistic preacher in our church where my husband was on staff as the music minister. We went through this while our only child was diagnosed and died from stage 4 cancer. My husband resigned from his job of 10 years just to get us away from this wolf in sheep’s clothing so we can heal. The last 2 - 3 years if our life has been hell while some covert narcissist in “the church” did this to us. The trauma is very difficult, but I am learning to work through it by watching Dr. Carter’s videos. Thank you for all your videos and guests, Dr. Carter. I am 62 and happy that I may find some peace in this world before I die by learning about how to keep away from toxic people.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Religion attracts them because of the inherent nature of power relationships. What could be more powerful than being the agent of your relationship to the eternal. Your wisdom gained will never leave you. Keep-a-goin.

[@fred.k9875]

Thank you Dr.C and Caroline Strawson for this educational presentation!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

She was a delight!!

[@LynnZB]

I have always felt that my fibromyalgia came from the narcissistic relationship I was in for 15yrs

[@Jazzysaz8910]

This makes so much sense

[@kf4722]

This was a very informative video. It makes sense as to why these dynamics play out. It will certainly help me in my continuous journey towards healing from my dysfunctional family. With gratitude ❤️Thanks

[@brendataylor7524]

Thank you Dr. Carter for having your gusset on your podcasts. She was very interesting.

[@chiaradina]

Thank you so much. Beautiful conversation, grateful for all the work from Irene Lyon and Peter Levine.. some gems 💎 in here.. another phrase I feel is so important when one gets out of Trauma Bonding “every accusation (of the narcissist) is a confession.” Be blessed you all…

[@violetgypsie]

Dr Sarno with his book on back pain, Dr David Burns with his book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for anxiety and depression and this lady are all coming at from different directions but coming to basically the same conclusion. The brain/body stores and deals with physical and emotional pain /trauma as the same thing. The brain must be retrained to heal the body/mind.

[@sandrawamerdam2219]

I just sent a copy of this video so my daughter can start understanding. I'm glad she has moved away from him though and going to college , getting a job and becoming independent with love from those who can

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope you and your daughter can find the better way of life, Sandra!

[@lindahallstrom8297]

Healing is a life-long journey

[@teacup1703]

Welcome. 🗽🤝🌹and yes. Please post this episode so I can tape it to my forehead!

[@ezbless100]

I have 4 kids, only 1 a full on narcissist. Born that way. I knew something was different from the start. No particular trauma. My sister is a malignant narc, and yes, the nurse who delivered her picked it up at birth, according to my mother. Not by the label narc, but she was definitely honorary. My ex is a malignant narc and sex addict, he definitely stands out from his siblings, and his father was a malignant narc big time. I see them across my family and yes, they were born that way, full of entitlement, lack of empathy and a number of the identifiable narc behaviors of control, manipulation and other personality traits that identify them.

[@richardgoreilly4706]

Love the tag team help squad format. Thank you.

[@sandragalloway3275]

Thank you for this information. Makes sense now and helps one to cope better. Keep up the good work.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

My brain also doesn't work. I get nervous at my new work and forget things or feel not awake enough. I forget to put onions for example in the beef stew when they are just there and I don't think to put them in.

[@helenenorman3598]

God bless you both. 🙏 Greetings from Sweden 🇸🇪

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you!

[@janpressler1491]

wow Caroline 💡 moment! I was sexually abused at 8 yrs old while my sister was being born by my stepdad, I was so scared and terrified that, whenever my mom was out of the house I was outside up in a tree hiding form my stepdad, if my mom was home I would stay in my room in my closet because I didn't want any eye contact or I was too to scared speak around him. I now I find myself in the same place, ny husband cheated and the pain I felt has now turned into nosey contact no speaking or having to do with anything with him. So from 8 yrs to 70 yrs old my world has been unhappy. The only thing that keeps me going is my SON!

[@juneelle370]

Loved this! & it was so great that she added that it’s not always thoughts leading to the emotions and physiology… it can, and often is, the other way around! I’d known that because when I got into new age thinking, I did banish negative thoughts but saw later I was still having to deal w the emotions and physiology… psychological understanding needs to be combined w energetic/emotional/physiological experience! And years ago I read an fmri study showing that emotions/physiological states can affect thoughts and actions and that this is the most common direction (though it can be bi-directional) and yet still most experts are saying just controlling your thoughts controls everything~So, it was great to hear her teaching this truth! I hope this word gets around psychological spaces! 💜

[@jimburcheri682]

This is a wonderful conversation so much of it true to my relationship and all that I have been for so many years. Thank you so much helps clarify things that is what I seem to be doing for clarification and strength.

[@drkarenswrld]

I have literally said divorce is my superpower!!! Changed my life and nothing can hurt me now.

[@xsilentg]

This was helpful in the most productive way. Thank you for your work 🌻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So glad!

[@foxflower9560]

This was one of my favorites! Thank you!

[@djdiniya]

This interview was amazing … I felt like she was describing my life spot on with my ex and family members experiences with narcissists…. Thank you so much Dr.C & Dr.S The healing process is exactly that a process but I’m going in the right direction having your resources God Bless you !

[@christinadennis1223]

Hey another Brit! 🎉Thank you for bringing this conversation together Dr C 😊🇬🇧

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you enjoyed it! She was a delight!!

[@franceshaggitt3104]

I'm from uk...

[@frau_ic]

The body's score, I feel it more and mor, can serve as a starting point to the insights of your s and other's brains.

[@Itsmeandiamok]

Wow 🤯 great episode !

[@JTMary]

This is amazing thank you both ❤️

[@MarionFiedlerMusic]

what a helpful interview, thanks!

[@lealea6020]

I love these interviews/collaborations between two great professionals! It makes the videos a lot more interesting. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you like them!

[@lealea6020]

I had a borderline mother with narcissistic traits, I thought when I'd leave the toxic household everything would be ok but I fell prey to different individuals due to poor personal boundaries that I was not aware of such thing as boundaries existed... . I later developed ME-Cfs due to constant stress at home and at work and was disabled and could not for 7 years. Right now I am healthy again but I can see how all these failed relationships connect to my childhood. I don't know if I can trust another person again, at the moment I feel overwhelmed realizing maybe I will never have that safe loving relationship I longed for.

[@jeannefarrar621]

Excellent! Thank you Caroline Stawson and Dr. C.!

[@LaniLanilei]

Good morning Dr Carter and Caroline Swanson