10 Ways To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist

[@wheelerpat8]

If boundaries don’t work... Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don’t need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus. You don’t need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself FREE.

[@davidslocum9536]

Love it!! 😁

[@MaynardsSpaceship]

I believe "Pushit" by Tool was written about a narcissist...

[@TurtleHillTx]

Funny! My narc mother's name is Lee!!!!!

[@pisces_chick2511]

That's great! Gave me a great big smile as I sang it while I read it 😎

[@marierose6792]

That song " 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover", has been referenced by me so many times during the discard and finally no contact. Free is the final word.

[@carolynjaynes36]

The best boundary, No Contact.

[@Valentina-Steinway]

Hard to do with your own kid....

[@marleenvanderlaaken1721]

Then the teribble consequence dont see my little grandchild thats her power

[@heleavesthe99]

Not always an option

[@novastariha8043]

@@heleavesthe99 I really 👂 you…. Yet I strive everyday to that “End” … “No Contact” Any & All Cluster B .

[@novastariha8043]

@@marleenvanderlaaken1721 So Wrong. I’m sorry …..

[@richardwalker1405]

This is a special place in Heaven for therapist like you who help us get our sanity back. No contact or grey rock works! These sick and pathetic people (narcissist) need to be replaced with people who love us for real. Thank you Dr. Carter! 👍🏻❤️🙏🏻🌹

[@luvinme9271]

You are right, get out. They make you feel like you never want to get involved again

[@bertzerker747]

True Richard, sick for a reason or two. Your treat is obviously for a better life.

[@marysalvi242]

@Richard Walker I understand your emotions - though in this video, remember what the doctor is saying, "scared little boy or girl" your dealing with, so would you really think a scared child was pathetic? I don't think you would..this doctor does know the burden, so as you watch other tapes, you'll get in a healthier place within yourself and not be pulled in by the narcissist in your life. I'm 72 yrs old and have all the ways that is perfection for this type of person. I've done a lot of therapy and boy finally found my solid ground again...now in relationship about 7 yrs and over time, back to the child in me who was a frighten child...that's why I'm here and just remember it takes time and I love that these are focused on us..how to pace ourselves. There are so many videos I just started with something like, How to spot or know when someone is a narcissists..if your looking at that, yeah, most likely your involved with one. You take care ~

[@jungly8103]

I agree with the first part but not all narcissists are sick and pathetic I think some of them just had certain experiences or predispositions that made them that way sometimes they’re good people and close loved ones but learning about establishing boundaries and identifying these things is extremely helpful I think there is a spectrum of narcissism some are sort of narcissistic some of the time and some are beyond repair, sometimes I think you find out they’re not so bad once you know how to deal with their antics

[@ThisIsMe155]

I second that! A special place in Heaven does exist for people like Dr Carter who preach (and practice) fairness and goodness. 🙏😊💕😊💕💕🙏

[@shodack5124]

#6. When the narcissist is your husband and you can't discuss anything significant or emotionally important with them... :(

[@cymbolichuman433]

Lots of us feel that way. That's why I have friends apart from my spouse.

[@Tsip89]

I finally left my narcissistic spouse 4 years ago after 27 years of marriage. And how did she react to it? By attempting to gaslight me as having had something "snap in my brain" for having left her. In her mind, why on earth else would I have left her? Dr. Carter describes her to a tee on practically every one of his videos.

[@dshe8637]

🌻💐🌺

[@sahdogwrangler5594]

That's where I am now, & where I will be for the foreseeable future. For some of us, there is no out. I'm glad I found a good therapist & these videos but I still daydream sometimes about having a partner who truly loves & cares about me. Thank goodness I have dogs!

[@judyjones6304]

Happens to lots of us. Exes smear you and blame you when you discard them because they want to be the discarded. So they revenge and lie to lawyers to secure all for self and become more victim fast. Creeps to marry who fake to hook you. Then devalue and get extras for supplies. Liars.

[@salliegallegos918]

1. Understand what you’re dealing with behind the scenes with the narc. 2. Know your limits and establish limits 3. Make sure you’re listening to your emotions; feeling anger is the red flag 4. It’s okay to ignore their overbearing personality 5. Okay to say: I’m not interested 6. Do not share personal matters with them; they will use it against you. Keep yourself a mystery. 7. Don’t gossip with them. 8. When narc insults you, don’t defend yourself. They are projecting. ( Agree with them. 😂) 9. Don’t try to change their mind or join your way of thinking 10. Invest time and energy in healthy people and who make you feel good.

[@LightBeing369]

😊✌🏼

[@DrPat-mx9nn]

TY

[@rebeccadeaguilar4258]

Thank you ❤

[@whatsinaplant4417]

Thank you much 😊

[@pocketearwig]

Narcissists: I love boundaries. I especially love the cracking sound they make as I break through them 😎 Narcissists have no shame. If you ask them to do things they’ll go out of their way not to. No one tells them what to do!!!

[@sadareed7838]

Omg!!! So true and rather annoying. I've become very quiet around here and avoid any interactions that led to arguing/fighting

[@brindageorge701]

They are resistant even to legal intervention. That fact is scary.

[@sadareed7838]

@Mary Carroll thank you. I'm pretty much stuck in this relationship which is more of a friendship at this point. There's really nothing I can say or do to change things. Therapy is a great tool but what if only one person is actively trying to make changes???

[@salliegallegos918]

The no shame statement is exact. Narcs are simply brazen enough to forego all norms of decency.

[@PreciousRural]

I Love your Tenacity. I can see immediately you are untouched by narcissistic people. My goal is always to fly above. I'm working on it. Thankyou for the inspiration.

[@m24_4]

I wish I was able to be this calm and collected in the heat of the moment. My husband twists me up in knots with his incessant rambling and I get so flustered.

[@betsyhood1206]

And don't respond when they start to tear down the healthy people you spend time with.

[@exhaustedwife862]

It is a daily battle. One has to literally reset boundaries every day, sometimes multiple times a day and then be prepared for an over the top reaction when they are thwarted.

[@donnajanecastle4807]

Why keep doing that? Is this person really worth all this toil and effort?

[@mazziedimond4042]

@@donnajanecastle4807 It is when it's my son BUT I have gone no contact, sad but need it for my own mental health, I now realize due to these videos, me trying to get through was a waste of my time he will NEVER get it, I know that now.

[@BarbaraBowenPhotography]

I share an office trailer with one. It is exhausting. I set boundaries daily then have to reset them. I tried the placate them but cannot get my reports out on time. I dread going into the office and have to constantly be bombarded with there lack of boundaries and manipulative games. 😷🙈

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Sometimes, by the minute!

[@lovinglife2232]

I wish I had a healthy guidance growing up.

[@sclogse1]

Time changes the relativity.

[@suelos2948]

I wish I had known about such personality disorders growing up before I got involved with a narc for 28 years and I finally stumbled on to what NPD was and then everything in this relationship made sense...

[@donnawoodford6641]

I'm about to start a new life after dealing with Narc ex for 43 years. You get to the point that you want to finally finish 'em off, but you have to be careful around these sneaky, cunning ppl. They can provoke you into anger making you lose your good judgment which can then easily make YOU look and feel guilty. Keep your cool until you can get away forever.🤔✔️

[@suelos2948]

A lot of us have dysfunctional family and parents that ain't never home or are sick and gone in the hospital like I did.. never had the proper guidance and direction and had to learn everything for myself which made for a hard life here at 62 but if you're strong and determined and you're willing to learn things for yourself like how to behave as a proper conducting adult... then you're going to be okay... And sooner or later you do overcome the narc and after their bad behavior for so many years... You finally say the hell with this and break Free...I was involved with one for 30 years before I found out what this personality disorder was and then everything made sense to me in this relationship .. good luck whoever you are...

[@melissah6235]

It's so difficult for children. Hugs

[@Herbs-4-life]

It’s so nice to see Gus awake in the background looking at us. I feel like he is offering support. He is such a beautiful dog.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus thanks you! Dr. C

[@IndigoBellyDance]

Maybe support.... maybe he’s just like what is the hoomans doing again ♥️♥️😆♥️

[@lilithschwarzermond7342]

The only dog worldwide who has a job which he can do while he is asleep! 😅🤣😂

[@helengrubel8706]

I love seeing Gus there, too. He’s like a therapy dog!

[@maryoleary5044]

'THEY CHOOSE' to use emotionally intimidating behaviour!/ covert or overt bullying!!...let's make this CLEAR...IT'S 'THEIR CHOICE' TO BEHAVE TOWARDS OTHERS IN THESE DESPICABLE WAYS...AND THEY KNOW IT!

[@Itsmeandiamok]

Not today, narcissist. Not today. 💪

[@ickidierlam7364]

Narc narc go away don't come back another day.

[@MicheleLHarvey]

I can't believe how blind & naive I've been my whole life! What is sadder than sharing your life with a narcissist is NOT KNOWING you're sharing your life with a narcissist! Thank you Dr. Carter for nailing this home.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I am happy and relieved not to be dealing with my narc dad! He can't be bothered, anyway. His loss of me: narcissistic supply", this ATM is out of service, permanently, so he can't do transactions!

[@cakeboiplayz_rblx4042]

When I set a boundary this is the response. "You are getting aggressive"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

My response to that: "You may have any interpretation you want." Dr. C

[@carolbell8008]

Laetitia Steyn Hi, same here! “ you’ve changed!” !!

[@carolbell8008]

Hi, When I set a boundry, he told me That I’ve changed! 🤔

[@terryblanchard5842]

Block them. Quiet aggression speaks volumes.

[@johannahw1943]

My ex would say "You have an anger problem." "Why do you have to be like that?"

[@thekellers5041]

There is nothing more therapeutic after narcissist abuse than seeing the world through the eyes of healthy people. Feeling their shock at what we’ve endured their outrage helps us feel what we ought to feel instead of going numb. Then the feelings of peace and joy take over soon after Thank you so much, Dr. C (and Gus) and others in these comments

[@cnpf312]

This is so true!! Who could ever think life could be so easy, right? It is truly refreshing.

[@SurvivorC]

It’s through seeing my situation through the eyes of healthy people helped set me free. It took a long time. Honestly as I processed it it was shocking to me.

[@joywebster2678]

People I share a bit with for help, just stare slack jaw, and then full withdrawal

[@user98dlk7hg6vc]

@@joywebster2678 I know that feeling! To them, they just can't understand what you went through. I ended up finding great support from reading other people's comments on youtube videos..because they were written by people who actually experienced what I experienced, and I finally found validation and support through both the videos and the comments. So I would say, choose who you speak with, not everyone will understand it, and those that don't understand it might actually make it worse for you. All the best 👍

[@cestrumnocturnum7771]

Linda S I’m so grateful for the eyes of healthy people...

[@narcfreeatlast6975]

There's no such thing as boundaries with a narcissist. Their sense of entitlement and haughtiness enables them to think they're above that. Boundaries are for their inferior counterparts to follow. You can never get a narcissist to respect your boundaries, but it's fully possible to establish them, enforce them, and not give a kahoot about how it affects them.

[@rhianjaques9997]

I wanna be you!!! That gives me hope🙏🏽

[@judyjones6304]

Yes.

[@cestrumnocturnum7771]

Narcfree At Last Brilliant,yes!

[@ickidierlam7364]

You got it right on. They feel nothing is they don't feel the need to do. Boundaries with them matter to everyone but them.

[@Samrules4ever]

They hate it when you set boundaries, and may abandon you. But as somebody with standards, you cannot go along with them. It’s ok to let them go. Don’t let them push you around.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

It is most definitely OKAY to let them GO once you discover how high the toxicity is. In fact, hand them their hat and Open The Door for them to speed things up.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I set boundaries, my narc dad tramples over them. I am not in contact with him for this and other reasons. I am free of his controlling, sarcastic, bullying behavior. What a relief for me! I claim the victory of me versus the narcissist!

[@m0L3ify]

I've noticed that the most stressful, aggravating moments with narcissists are when I feel like my boundaries are being violated but I'm not speaking up and reinforcing them. Once I start calmly defending those boundaries and stop playing into the narcissist's game, the stress goes away. It still takes a lot of practice, but I'm getting better at it. It may not happen right away when a random narc catches me off guard, but I'm at least able to quickly steer the ship around once I see what's going on. It's really empowering to beat them at their own game by refusing to play the game at all. 😊

[@rhianjaques9997]

Brilliant 💯✌🏾

Good going!! Me too. It takes practice...staying calm and not silent!

[@elisabethpritchard3396]

The word GAME seems to be a key🔑word to narcissists... When I now “rewind” the STORY of “my” life , I can still hear my EX-husband (after over 30 years of marriage...) say on our Wedding 👰 🎩 Day : “Always keep a TRICK up your sleeve” . And yes , that’s been / is the scenario of his life towards anyone he aims to gain benefits / supply from (even towards the authorities...) , 😞...

[@mazziedimond4042]

that may work with some but after I hung up the phone on my son's abuse he would text me nasty texts, I have had to go no contact for my own peace of mind.

[@m0L3ify]

@@mazziedimond4042 Yes, there are many where that's the only recourse, sadly. I'm so sorry to hear this is happening with your son. I have a friend who's had to do the same and it's very hard. I hope you find peace and healing.

[@ElizabethScottStress]

It took me YEARS to figure out #9 (Don't try to win them over to being a good person by being kind to them)! I wish I'd realized sooner--I kept thinking they just needed to feel better about themselves and tried to build them up, but they don't change. Thank you for the great advice, Dr. Carter. I wish I'd had access to you years ago! (And Gus is SO cute!)

[@mazziedimond4042]

I realize that now due to these videos the kinder and more helpful I was to my son the more the abuse escalated!! NO contact now is peaceful......sad but needed!

[@m0L3ify]

You're right that they need to feel better about themselves, but their addiction to external validation is exactly the problem. We can't fix them because we didn't break them. Their wellbeing has to come from inside, not from us. I just wish I'd learned that a lot sooner than I did.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Greedy people-Any relative or user friend-can NEVER BE BOUGHT BY $, they are empty-greedy, never satisfied-like trying to put water in a BUCKET FULL OF HOLES...

[@carolnahigian9518]

My cousin “w’- is “ let me tell you when you wereSTUPID”! She is so BLUNT-obnoxious-rude-toxic TOXIC TOXIC cousin-I am DONE DEAR COUSIN!!!!

[@m0L3ify]

@@carolnahigian9518 Go no contact!

[@IndigoBellyDance]

Heard my neighbor listening to one of your videos.... I recognized your voice. Narcs unfortunately r Everywhere

[@PoyTroy]

They are everywhere lol

[@marlamartenson5312]

Not sharing personal info, feelings, interests etc is crucial to avoid a lot of grief.

[@CaptLibs]

I wish I had known this beforehand! You are absolutely correct. What a tragedy.

[@nancytrotter4086]

Challenging when the people are your sibling and spouse. Exhausting.

[@jesusislukeskywalker4294]

if i only heard this advice 10 years ago, or when i was a child at school. he really explains it well, and provides great stategies.

[@starlitnites3075]

@@jesusislukeskywalker4294 I hear you, been in a relationship for 5 years after being on my own. He mentally wears me out, I walk on eggshells . Thank goodness he works all day. I literally lay in bed waiting for the truck to start at 6am and sigh relief hearing it pull out of the driveway.

[@mdmmalou]

@@starlitnites3075 It is better to live alone than to wait every morning for a stranger to go to work, and maybe a stranger coming home for diner, and a stranger to sleep with every night...🥶? It is realy quite a process to leave the gateway yourself, in my experience. I lingered far too long hoping it would one day get better. Not, only worse. Great lesson for me! Dont blame the stranger, dont blame you, things happen for a reason. Take good care of you and your future.💖

[@KastenBuleleng]

And elderly mother who I really cannot dump but find overbearing and manipulative

[@nancytrotter4086]

@@KastenBuleleng I completely understand. My mother passed away several years ago.

[@sushi603]

Kindness is taken for granted..the nars look at it like weakness...

[@gigiziggy2006]

So sad but true😞

[@calcunningham48]

Good fences make good neighbors. Robert Frost

[@robertataylor5794]

I love my new saying "Whatever" in a light but polite tone.

[@ickidierlam7364]

That's my new response to her as of tonight. It's late in the evening. Thank God I found these videos.

[@jungly8103]

haha yes! I started doing that after studying these videos also

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

Good tip! Will put it into practice now

[@gerrysatrapa4586]

My my current response is ‘understood’. A Grey Rock response should not invite a response, but show the message is received (not necessarily agreed). Whenever appropriate or possible, ‘no contact’ is the best option.

[@maryscarnecchia2753]

Lol mine has been ok She will keep texting and texting like 8 times so I just put ok every time 😂😂😂 she got so mad she told me to grow up 😂😂😂😂 yes I need to grow up but you can’t stop texting someone to “win” an argument every time. I’ll send one text in response and she will send 8 texts 🙄😂😂

[@meggallucci5300]

You win the tug of war when you go no contact.

[@PfeifferProductions]

Going no contact is like letting go of the rope used in the tug of war.

[@janetstonerook4552]

I went no contact on a bunch of 'em in my family of origin several months ago. I wasn't afraid of them but I was really exhausted from all their silliness. They took, took, took and tried to guilt trip me when I didn't want to give anymore. I'm truly happy and at peace even in these harsh pandemic times. Their lives have stayed chaotic as they keep going from person to person looking for a new source! If a person doesn't feel.good about themselves, they spread their misery wherever they go!

[@terryblanchard5842]

The truth

[@darklord-bt8ei]

What about when they make contact playing the victim?

[@mazziedimond4042]

Sadly for me I have had to go no contact from my own son, I love him but can't cope with all the abuse and emotional blackmail or for that matter hate treading eggshells around him, trouble is he can't control me as I have a healthy view for my own life, I feel he would LOVE to control me but makes him worse since he can't, these instructional videos have helped me greatly, as a mum I kept trying and trying to get through to him, I now realize that fuels his bad behaviour, I believe he is wired wrongly and is more and more like his birth father as he ages, I divorced him after 3 years of marriage due to the physical and emotional treatment of me just went too far and also he couldn't control me, he did isolate me and kept emotional abuse as his pleasure, even though my son has had no contact with him since he was 2 years of age due to the violence, he is turning out to be him in the way he treats me, he has NEVER raised a hand to me but the emotional abuse isn off the charts, I now sadly have to have no contact unless he gets help for my own personal health, it's much harder to seperate myself from being a loving mother but realize I just have to. I do empathize with all who have this in their lives!!

[@luvinme9271]

I make sure, I don't share any personal info at all. That would be a mistake. Yea They constantly talk bad about people. Like they are above everyone

[@stankochman2558]

10 minutes with my narc and I felt like I had been in a 15 round fight. Stopped communicating with them over 2 years ago: Hard at first, has become a true blessing. Your assessment and strategy are spot-on, my best to you and everyone on this website looking to protect themselves from their own personal narc-en-stein.

[@luvinme9271]

Thank you soo much. I wish you all the best as well.

No doubt and it's generally strange, like seemingly caring or non sequitur. If I'm 1% uncomfortable I answer generically on a positive note. If it's too off-putting I ask, "Why do you ask?" Either way they know they've crossed a line without needing to be offensive. Ugh

[@IndigoBellyDance]

My narcs Luv to berate and demean me. I do not discuss anything personal w/my narcs

[@npflava]

Yes I realized that when I was discussing a job opportunity and they thought I should not apply bcuz it would mean possibly leaving them. It was disheartening but confirmed what I suspected when I added other things. NARCISSIST

[@davidp2888]

I'm so glad I found this channel. Along with my own therapist, it's helped me understand how and why my mother behaves the ways she does. I'm now building a toolkit to help myself become the happier, healthier person I deserve to be. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

[@karenjkampskamps5208]

He always plays the Victim Whenever he is off and home I feel so weighted down, like something is on my back holding me down.

[@brg2743]

Leave him

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad is the narc. He expects me to put up and shut up, while he dictates what he says to me. I have to be loyal to him, while he will tell others I am allegedly making things up about him. He set out to make me look bad. He doesn't need my help to look (him) bad. His problem!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

He's the anchor. My dad is too; but, I cut the cord on Easter of this year; no more dealing with my narc dad's nonsense!

[@Anchorman0427]

I think the most important thing I have learned from him is #9. Don't try to bring them around. Once you realize who you are dealing with, you just need to limit your interactions with them. Of course, it can be difficult to get away from them when they are your work colleagues or hockey parents on the same team but I have tried and failed miserably to reason and be the bigger person. Doing that is going to lead you to a bad place. Sometimes it is small consolation but knowing that the narcissistic behavior you are subjected to has more to do with the narcissist and a lot less to do with you. They can make you feel like it's all because of you. Stay healthy out there everyone!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Their toxic b.s.! I gave up on my dad's(narcissist) garbage and have peace and relaxation from strain!

[@purplecatconfetti3769]

Finding a Place of Peace is excellent advice.

[@angelanicoletti3330]

Thank you again Dr. Les Carter, After 32 years and 3 years trying to do boundaries I finally went no contact 2 weeks ago. I'm on my way and ok. Its just sad however I'm extremely blessed that I understand now what I'm dealing with! May GOD Bless you Doctor and whoever is reading this as your a miracle in Jesus name.

[@DrJonTam]

Timestamps 1:58 1. Understand what you’re dealing with behind the scenes in a narcissist's life 2:59 2. Know your own limits 3:57 3. Listen to your emotions 4:50 4. It’s ok to ignore their overbearing behaviors 5:38 5. It’s ok to say: “I’m not interested” 6:23 6. Absolutely do not share personal matters 7:09 7. When they speak poorly about others, don’t go into that space with them 8:12 8. When insulted, don’t defend 9:10 9. Make no attempt to reform the narcissist 9:54 10. Invest time and energy with healthy people

[@calvarez519]

Thank you for the listing. It is so nice to have. 😊

[@denicewilson6398]

Amen and Amen 🙏

[@cher8136]

Thank You Dr. Les. My mistake was always trying to make him happy. Losing battle for sure.

[@mazziedimond4042]

Dito Cher, these videos have helped me see my son will NEVER let me get through and now I know why I have stopped trying, sadly I had to go no contact for peace in my life.

[@katherinesolo3939]

Sharing data, data is power, power is control. Thank you for your wisdom.

[@YoastKaBoom]

I don’t want to keep running away from narcissists but live my life more confidently to my values. These sessions are helping immensely.

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

I agree - as a child i could not protect myself except by withdrawal and hiding behind a wall. As an adult i am having to learn to deal with these vile creatures at work & church (when 'no contact' is not an option), stand my ground, remind myself it is THEIR problem - trying hard not to react/give them fuel. It's not easy, although I try to appear 'bland/no reaction at the time of the insult & put down & mocking & belittling. I definately try to minimize my exposure to them. Later I go home, think about what really happened, lick my wounds, and mentally recover. I have to remind myself how pathetic and "small" they are in character and lacking in integrity.

[@miriamevans5200]

I had to remind a narcissistic family member, that an invitation is NOT a summons to appear.

[@jennyl7422]

My ex narc MIL would guilt trip you in coming by.. instead of directly asking if you'd come over, she would always say "you dont have to come by this weekend/on holidays; I would be sad if you dont, but Ill leave it up to you"

[@krisdelamora6399]

Yes!!

[@tandlreeve]

I married young and moved to the other side of the world. The word "narcissist" (my father in law) didn't even exist in my universe back then. The first crazy thing that started happening was exactly that, compolsury and frequent "invitations" to stay at my in laws house...

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad tells me how I'm not invited to things because he is "so busy", what a bunch of b.s.!

[@lisaveiga3780]

Thank you for your message, I listened to it 5 times and journaled! You have helped me so much in my journey in healing. Grateful for you.

[@jackpetersen7545]

Lisa Veiga,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@susantaylor1897]

Sweet dog napping in the background.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

I am looking foward to this video. This was something I really had to work on. Setting boundaries is what I learned and I am glad that I did. I have some ways or advice: 1) Don't respond immediately when a narcissist sends you a message. That is just what they want you to do. Then you join them in their game. The they have the feeling that they are so important and they control you. 2) Ignore them. I know, it is not easy but this is a good way to set boundaries. 3) Tell them when unpleasant situations occure: "I'll understand you, but this is not a problem I have to solve." 4) No is No. Keep your ground, a narcissist doesn't like that but they know that you will not change your opinion in this matter. 5) Just keep smiling whenever a narcissist tries to put you down, it just makes them more doubting if their tactic works. 6) Go grey rock. 7) Minimize contact only by email when necessary. 8) Don't go into discussion with a narcissist. 9) See number eight! 10) See number eight! Good luck everybody.

[@rhianjaques9997]

Killed it FLB🤛🏽

[@shamimoonshaik1395]

Thank you so much

[@ickidierlam7364]

You too merry Christmas 🎄

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

Great advice! Thanks! I noticed some I did instinctively and some I didn't know and I'll put them into practice =)

[@kats952]

Thanks for that.

[@thedelislestyle7070]

#6 hit me on a personal level! My husband is divorced to a highly combative narcissist. Unfortunately, he shared with her that I was in the hospital for a mental breakdown issue (due to her insanely toxic behavior; and trust me when I say I was bullshit mad when I found out he shared my private mental health battled with her). Sure enough, a couple years later she actually used that against him saying she didn’t feel safe with her kids around me! So yes, they will use personal info and collect data and use it down the road. They will stoop to any level to gaslight, manipulate, and hurt/control any situation. Btw, I am in a better place thanks to learning about narcissists dangerous behavior. She has no more power over me :)

[@rhianjaques9997]

TRUTH 💣💣💣💣

[@QuidamByMoonlight]

We LOVE Gus! Channel wouldn’t be the same without him! 😀

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is my guy! Dr. C

[@quietvalerie1]

Well said. I needed this today. Living with narcissists 24/7 can be challenging. ❤

[@brg2743]

Leave them.

[@nicksshitbro]

Same! I've been using my bedroom as just that for the past month. This used to be my happy place. My safe space to recharge. Now I cant even walk in the door without a wave of anxiety coming over me. I cant wait to get out! I hope you made it out!

[@hujinja]

Hope you guys are all in a happier place by now.

[@jackiewright4402]

Seriously considering getting out of here!

[@return2basics242]

What would we do without this YT channel?! 😁😃 THANK YOU DR. C!! We (viewers) looking for guidance get so frustrated, much like a cornered animal, and it's these thought provoking discussions that help us to better understand what we're working with and how to deal with the daily situations we find ourselves in no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Most of the time, removing yourself from the situation is the answer, to take a break, renew ourselves, & find peace within ourselves: to think about what the issue is that the problematic person has created, and THEN have a balanced, yet strict conversation with that person about the current issue, setting boundaries is the term I suppose. I've discovered that the narc I know tends to have a "crisis of the day" type situation happening on top of not getting along with someone they like to have close to them, so they lash out at everyone else because they are hurting, which only creates MORE issues with those still around them (who cannot leave). I think of this person as a 7 yr old child in a 70 something yr old body. It REALLY helps. Believe me, it does. It helps because you don't ever share your own personal issues with a child - you listen to them explain their problems & offer advice if you think it might help somehow but not your own life experiences that would go with it if you were speaking to another adult. I try to sway their negative opinions to a positive opinion - there's always 2 ways to look at something - positively & negatively. Because I've ended up having to spend more time than I would like to with this person, they are now taking on some of my more positive views, thankfully, in their own search of new "friends". (This is my M-I-L who I live with btw). All that being said, I'm ALWAYS on guard, realize that this person WILL bite again soon, but while I'm forced to spend extra time with them & their great grandson who likes to shadow me around the property doing "young man activities" (like learning to burn yard debris SAFELY, using my hubby's workshop tools for basic projects I'm supervising, etc), they are both learning from ME for once. Most times I feel like I'm babysitting a 12 yr old boy and a 7 yr old girl in a 70-something yr old body who wants to create any sort of drama she can when they're together and I NEED to intervene at times to split them up to stop the arguing about something STUPID for the sake of the 12 yr old. It shocks me sometimes that he has this natural compassion if he thinks I got hurt, like I do for him, but that just goes to show you how long I've dealt with "the 7 yr old". I don't want this comment to go on & on so I'll stop here. You get the basic point I'm making, I hope.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, and I'm pleased to be on your journey with you! Dr. C

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This has happened to me, a woman tried to get me to talk bad about someone she knew I was having trouble with because those people had spoken to her about me. When I realized what was happening I stopped the conversation and spoke about the principles of life instead of those other people or the details of their actions. I quickly blocked her as a friend. She was also a fighter about things that were unnecessary to fight about. She still had my e-mail and came to rail upon me for blocking her from Facebook with accusing language as though I was the one who did something wrong. I was shocked that she was like this because I didn't know her "friendliness" was fake and manipulative. It almost seemed like she was gathering information for those other people she knew didn't like me. I knew I could no longer trust her in any way. Knowledge truly is power, when we are discerning we can stop evil in its tracks preventing more evil from occurring.

[@acpren]

Thanks for pointing out to NOT share personal info with that kind of person. He asked a friend of mine how many children she has and she told him, but then added that she lost one. His shocking response? Unspeakably cold and cruel. We can only give extra love to those injured and hurt by him.

[@MaoyunXiaohuoziniao]

There was a young girl said to a stranger who tried to ask too many questions about her personal matters-- “Do you know asking this kind of question is not very popular(acceptable)anymore. “ She said it calmly, The other person stopped immediately.

[@cymbolichuman433]

The hardest thing to do is say "NO". Their insistence and even insults in order to sway your decisions just angers me more. But now since I've been watching these videos, I realize that I must stand strong because I have my best interests at heart.

[@christyswink4222]

They usually have atleast one family pulling you in their direction...No! period.

[@cnpf312]

Oh, his dog siting sweetly on a chair is the cutest think I have seen today!

[@mrelk2000]

Thank you for all these videos! I can’t express how much they help.

[@jackpetersen7545]

Jennifer Gilbert,You look cute 🌹🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

[@len1045678]

Narcissist in general does bulldoze your boundaries to get what they want, you literally have to snap at them so they get the point

[@carrie8541]

Yeah they have zero respect for other peoples boundaries. Its meaningless to them. Although they expect others to adhere to their boundaries though. They are very sensitive when it comes to their own needs and expectations of others. They are selfish in the extreme.

[@len1045678]

@@carrie8541 these ppl are like spoil children trap in an adult body, and what you say is so true they surely want you to respect theirs like wtf

[@rhianjaques9997]

Carrie PREACH🙏🏽

[@carrie8541]

@@rhianjaques9997 Its true. They have double standards these cowards. They rape other peoples privacy by hacking, stalking, surveillance, and snooping.... while insisting on their own right to privacy. They don't even resemble a human being

[@michaellovell2739]

I see them as dopplegangers, not even human.

[@sunshineyates3668]

I have been there with the INSULTS! More times than I can count.

[@AnimalsMatterMorally]

I've made a lot of mistakes by not having conscious boundaries or even knowing I needed to have some in place. I've learned so much and Dr. Carter, you're a big part of it. Thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! Dr. C

[@1lizromero]

Dr. Carter- you have helped me so much in the last 6 months. I am extremely grateful. God bless you :)

[@darklord-bt8ei]

Good for you. These videos have been such a support for me too x

[@mervyngreene6687]

No. 4 was my salvation. I realized that my mother used this practice a lot. As a black woman in Alabama, heavily involved in politics back in the 1980s, she was frequently exposed to fake alpha types. She wouldn't argue or explain. She knew she wasn't going to do it. Also, with No. 7, she never participated in gossip. She would just say: I don't know her that way.

[@jacquesjems8527]

Thank you for these wise words! I’m married to a narcissist and with the pandemic, it’s hard to extricate myself totally. However, I do go into another room to give me some “alone” time with myself.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I like Gus, but I like all dogs. It's their true heart that gets me every time.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I like dogs too, but I like Gus best. Dr. C

[@thekellers5041]

This was a particularly good one. I long ago learned that just bc he emailed that did not require an immediate response from me. Which is PRECISELY why he prefers phonecalls more immediate more intrusive so he can set your pace of response. Taking control back so you decide and give yourself time to be thoughtful and true to yourself instead of reactive helps preserve your chosen values and personality and goals and avoids falling victim to the high pressure salesman of the narcissist relationship

[@mazziedimond4042]

my doctor advised when my son started to abuse just hang up, so I did!

[@KonjikiKonjiki]

@Mary Carroll oh my gosh, exactly this! I have specifically and deliberately structured my world so it's uncomplicated, and I don't have to think too far ahead or answer every phone call. It's really great to hear the perspectives of other people who feel the same way. It's such an important part of my life now, never connected the dots to it being the result of my narci.constantly making everyone dance to their tune, on their timeline.

[@jodi777yadu]

This goes out to anyone who’s ever had a narcissist try to muscle in on your project I feel ya man

[@debascher7089]

I’m 9 months sober...still married to the Narc for 37 years. I see very clearly now Alcohol Free. I am strong.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Congrats on your milestone. Keep leaning forward! Dr. C

[@ldoiron18]

Yes, Gus is quite the cutie pie, love to see him in the background.

[@LoisPasinella]

These are very helpful points in retaining your own sense of self as you progress toward becoming a more healthy person. What is difficult in applying some of these points is if you are married to a person with narcissistic tendencies. Making this more difficult is the pandemic, the loss of outside contacts, or the spouse's loss of employment resulting in closer proximity and dealing with a narcissist more than before without the 'breaks' that employment bring. "Nothing is impossible with God" though. While getting healthy ourselves, from a Christian perspective, and because of the work of the Holy Spirit, we can be praying that our spouse will become aware of unhealthy patterns (just like we are), and that God will bring about the change in them. We accept responsibility for our own behaviors and choices, and we let God work in the other person's heart.

[@ardent9422]

Phenomenal work Dr. C, this is incredibly helpful! I’d like to add one that works for me if you don’t mind and that is “think and plan ahead” if you’re familiar with the narcissist’s behavior and ways they might violate your boundaries, you can plan 2 or 3 contingencies to prevent them from violating your boundaries. When I know how the narcissists operates I think of ways I can operate around them, even if it causes a narcissistic injury and they kick and scream, if I’ve prevented them from inconveniencing me then I consider it a success.

[@rhianjaques9997]

Only good thing about a narc is they’re PREDICTABLE 😬

[@ashawthing0520]

So true, you always know their next move.

[@eege742]

Never give up hope! My narcissist older brother finally gave his signature for our deceased mother after 2,5 years. I needed it for government, her tax etc. He, strong and 6 foot 9, tortured me physically as long as I can remember, suffocated me many times so am happy to be alive. He did the same to all his girlfriends and first two wives. I asked all his friends, the government etc. to contact him so he would be ashamed. That finally worked, as much as I disliked to tell third neutral parties such details. I can finally close that chapter for good. I have always been extremely calm and relaxed despite his behaviour. I helped others all my life and can look for somebody in need again now. Was stuck in the country where my mother last lived and I was her caretaker during her last 6 years.

[@mariewilson6402]

Your advice has been instrumental in showing me the way to have peace in my life, in spite of the men in my life. I am deeply grateful for you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased. Keep learning. Dr.

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

Thank you for this, yes, you are right. I felt like becoming someone I am not, becoming insecure, betraying my values and so after many discards it was time to truly let go and it has been 7 months since I left, still healing. Thank you for your valuable help and very educational videos❤

[@mycheriamore9698]

I learned years ago not to share personal info with my husband. He stores info up to use over and over again. Always to his advantage. When he insults me I usually ignore him. Eventually he finds something else to complain about. My husband is also very jealous of my friends. I'm currently working on my exit plan.

[@shari247peace]

Another powerful lesson Dr. C! And I look for Gus in every video. He is living in ☮️ you can tell. Funny enough, I’ve noticed most of the times I’m viewing your videos, my Golden Retriever, Gracie, comes and sits on my feet. She knows your voice at this point. Plus she lived with a narcissist too, so she is learning tons just like I am. Blessings Dr Carter and Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks Shari, and I hope your Golden gets good doggie counseling too! Dr. C

[@HerbandCindy]

Thank you so much, Dr. C....The boundary violations!!! Ugh!! This just happened to me last night. I’m separated from my husband of 32 years after he physically abused me. He came to my apartment last night. At that moment I was taking trash out, I walked back into my apartment and he was standing there!! Scared me to death! I said he should have waited to be invited in, he said, “I know. I knocked and when there was no answer I tried the door and it was unlocked. I just wanted to say hi!” I said, “you shouldn’t have done that. I’m terrified of you and you shouldn’t scare someone that’s already afraid of you.” He turned around and left, angrily. Then sent me an apology by text. But he’s also demanding an answer by email, “ are you saying there’s no way out of this? No hope?” He won’t change his behavior, so.....🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ I can’t say that because he just declares, “I’ve already changed a lot.”

[@ashawthing0520]

Be careful. That was scary.

[@mazziedimond4042]

He has NOT changed and knew exactly what he was doing...time for an AVO I think!

[@sage9836]

This is interesting because setting boundaries seems to be based on inner awareness instead of focusing on what you can do to get the narc to join you in being normal and constructive. It really shifts the power over your own life with you, and that's where your choices are effective. I have to keep that in mind!

[@alanwood5857]

I have a golden child narcissistic older sister who is planning every detail of my dad's funeral that's up coming next week. I'm the oldest boy and I'm completely shut out from any planning. Plus, my 2 other siblings are shut out as well. Incredibly hard to take, but I know I can't win if I try to step in. She seems to be in her element as this is probably seen as a platform where she can really shine and there is no room for anyone else. Pretty sad when I am trying to grieve.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They can show their colors at all the wrong times! Hope you are able to have a meaningful time of memorial despite the sis. Dr. C

[@alanwood5857]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, just today I started grieving my way, thank-you, I watch all the time and it helps greatly!

[@mikeray1544]

I hear you man..oldest male here..same deal..

[@mazziedimond4042]

We have a friend who did the same at both his mother and father's funeral he took control of everything and just felt SO important, I thought her eulogy was NEVER going to end she went on and on about people other than her parents from people who were late relatives from 2-3 generations, she waffled on and on and people were getting to fidget etc but she must have felt SO important she was running about the funeral home like a chook with it's head cut off, the whole two experiences of both funerals left the funeral directors on BOTH occasions wishing they never met her, she made it all a nightmare for them.

[@mazziedimond4042]

SORRY I meant SHE not he, after all the trouble she has caused he is cutting her off for life! NO contact again ever!

[@suelos2948]

Thank you Doctor less Carter for all that information on NPD... Those that dislike these video are probably one themselves...

[@TheGreatWerebear]

Videos like this have helped me reach a point where the bad experiences I had feel like distant past, instead of continuing to occupy my present emotional space. Also, I'm amazed at the extent to which the content of these videos also pertains to conflict patterns with people I know who aren't narcissists, but aren't healthy, either.

[@bertzerker747]

Don't set yourself too far aside. Enable yourself with healthy boundaries and a fearlessness to engage. Draw it all into your present sense. The narcissist always does but the narcissist only wins on a petty level of concern. Expand all sense and reasoning,, passion is of course purpose 🙏💙

[@toweypat]

A lot of people who are just plain immature very much resemble narcissists.

[@sadareed7838]

My partner has changed so much since moving in together, back in her home town. I have no friends or family here and moved us to a place with mainly old ppl with a lack of diversity. Everytime I set a boundary it always becomes a fight/argument and nothing changes except my mood. What's sad is my relationship is pretty much every point touched on in this video

[@jasonsneeden5934]

I wished I knew this in my 20's. Now 50

[@kniveschow5754]

I keep dealing with them finishing MY tasks and it is so frustrating even after I confront them maturely and it does nothing and now I know what my anger is telling me and that ignoring them is an option and that I don't have to correct them. Thank you for your videos they really really help.

[@counseling3863]

Very enlightening. Thank you.

[@debrahall7793]

Thank you Dr. Carter! You gave me the tools and understanding to set boundaries with my Sociopathic Narcissistic mother. 65 years of abuse is enough right. Luckily she lives in another state far away. I have decided that she will never do that again to me. Boundaries are now set, which I know she won't be able to keep, so no contact is the next step. You gave me the confidence to finally do this. I can't thank you enough. You are a kind soul.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased, Debra. Thanks for including me on your journey. Dr. C

[@darlenerego70]

Boundaries have been tough for me. Maybe it's my not setting the boundaries! Thanks for these video's concerning boundaries, especially!!

[@cynthiaseavers1444]

Thank you for EVERYTHING Dr. Carter and Gus.

[@gladyssosa4333]

Yes, I over shared personal things which were used against me later in arguments and the discard phase.

[@immaculaterome2481]

Thank you. You just saved my life. I didn't know what I was dealing with . No love,time,care,Respect, silent treatment, manipulation,

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased this resonated. Dr. C

[@immaculaterome2481]

@@SurvivingNarcissism God bless you Dr

[@nataliaferminacosta5288]

So much kindness, positive energy and knowledge! Thank you, Dr Les Cárter

[@gregburgin7098]

Thanks for all your advice in your videos. It's helped a lot. One thing works for me better than any other. My narcissist is my father and he's pretty toxic for me. I already think I have a reduced affect because of my lifetime of trauma. A while back, after trying everything to make the situation better to no avail, I just went totally flat. No matter what it was, I was flat. Birthday? Flat. Insult? Flat. Put down? Flat. Praise? Flat. No emotional reaction at all. Just the words. I refused to feed the narcissism. No matter what. In a while, it worked and he stopped coming for me. Then, he announced he was moving to my be close to my sister. What a relief!

[@wendysnipes8800]

May God bless u more then u cld ever ask. U r a wonderful dr and a great, genuine person. Thank u

[@noelquinlan159]

Thank you

[@cindys9491]

5:10 or so: "that's your position, that's not my position." Right.

[@xanthebelsky4984]

Love the sleeping dog on the chair behind him.

[@andrewdeehan6292]

These videos are extremely helpful. Thank you for making them. Narcissistic rabbit holes are difficult to get out of but NOT impossible. Heed the warnings from this good doctor and use these videos to navigate through the mine field of a narcissist.

[@Teacher369]

I’ve been watching and rewatching Dr Carter’s ☀️ videos for the past 5 years. ❤ They never get old. They are always relevant. And as I grow in understanding, I also grow in acceptance. Thank you, Dr Carter and Gussy-Gus. ❤️ ☮️ 🐕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such encouraging words. Thanks!

[@adamneeds4530]

I think that it can helpful to just let go of your side of the rope so to speak when dealing with conflict with a person who is a narcissist.

[@michelepascoe6068]

It's taken me some time to learn to put this into practice, with calm confidence. Thank you Dr Carter. I had to realise that I couldn't repair the damage done by the smear campaign, and detach emotionally from the accusers and other I lost. If your loved ones don't love you, it's better to find other people who reciprocate love and kindness. I was groomed to take responsibility for other people's feelings and that is a lie to discard. Be free!

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

“They set the pace for you.” Literally the perfect lead in, Dr.C! Narc: calls to wish me a happy bday (hasn’t called in ages) Me: hey, let’s talk- it’s been ages Narc: no, i only called to wish you an happy bday True story.

[@carolbell8008]

AlwaysStampinVideos This lockdown is bringing them to social media in droves!

[@missym5196]

Bc they manipulate everything... UGH

[@barbaramarshall5271]

@@carolbell8008 never a truer statement was said, the sad part is that it's real.

[@enricosanchez894]

They always do the opposite of what's expected of them. Had you told them you needed to end the call, the narcissist would insist on having a long, one-sided conversation about his glorious existance.

[@HypnotizMindZ]

It's the dog Comfortably resting on the couch for me lol love him❤😂🐾

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I just took Gus out for his evening walk and now he's back in my study with me. Life is good when you're a Gus!

[@LadyMngwa]

Me: "I do not care for your bs at all, let me work please" Narcs: TOTAL RAGE AND WAR DECLARATION

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

haha xD

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Nuclear landfills are not equipped to accept the narcissist's toxic b.s. I'm free since I went no contact with my narc dad, on Easter of this year!

[@NikkiGregory]

Watching this again because this 'person' left me message at 7am this morning & wants me to drive him to Dr appt. Says, "I'd rather give you the 20 bucks rather a cab, ha ha," Of course NEVER take $ from a narcissist. Your video helped ease the guilt if I decide to ignore this ride request. Yes, he lost all his $ (whole inheritance if $60,000) and nice vehicle because of his narcissism by showing off to strangers, pretentending to be rich and alot of drinking. Now he's living in hotel and needs rides and $ all the time. If I ignore him he'll say he's broke this month because he had to pay for taxis which he only had to take once. Thanks for having a place where I can learn about how to deal with this. You are so kind and have really helped me through this. This is father in law. His son and I are all he has left (no surprise). There's no pressure on me to do anything. I'm very grateful for that. It's almost 8am. Still debating the ride. Thanks a million. ❤ ❤ Will watch another video.

[@judysangregorio2787]

Whoa! Is this video right on the money, or what? I TOTALLY wish I had video lessons like this when I was in my “confused” twenties.....but it’s never too late to learn and make better choices! You can’t fix or fully trust a narcissist. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom. Love seeing Mr Gus! 🐶🧡💛❤️

[@jolly7728]

Dr. C is spot on here. We all know, however, if at all possible, that we should get away and stay away from the narcissist. What we are learning here is extremely valuable; yet, doing these things on a regular basis, that is, coping with a narcissist, drains your energy. Being around them is simply unsustainable. Plan to leave, and then do it, safely. Hard to do when married with children, I know. Work with a trusted, qualified therapist to help ensure your well-being. We keep calling narcissism a personality disorder, which makes the condition sound pretty harmless. I think of it as a disease that sickens just about everyone who comes near a narcissist.

[@GermanShepherdDaphne]

Just block them.from your life.

[@IndigoBellyDance]

Yeeeeeessssss

[@judyjones6304]

Protect yourself

[@katarzynalindner594]

Familiy...

[@ickidierlam7364]

If we didn't live across the hall from each other in a nursing home it would be easier to do that. I've applied for a transfer to another home but with covid-19 going on it will be awhile. 😢🤔😷

[@marlenebtagelman2451]

A friend will always have something bad to say about someone. I will always say something nice about them.