Narcissists Who Are Trapped By Their Own Stupidity

[@OmniTarget13]

It’s funny how narcissists think they’re the smartest in the room but don’t even know the basics of self-awareness.

[@mildreddavis1684]

🎶 "Isn't it ironic...🎶

[@SterileNeutrino]

Actually frightening. What will aliens think of us?

[@gordonanderson3111]

Are we talking about Donald Trump here? Sure seems like we are. He has shown us all how certain rich republickens can do any crime and no prison time - from business fraud to serial rapes, he just grins, lies, threatens, and it all goes away. So we need to step back and let him have his way with US?

[@EnergizedHealingfitness]

​@@mildreddavis1684Dontcha think.

[@SterileNeutrino]

@@gordonanderson3111 You have TDS and/or have fallen for the currently fostered media mass psychosis, seek help. Seriously. It's the mindset of a cult.

[@sarahstrong7174]

It is interesting how they can be extremely bright when it comes to finding ways to really hurt you.

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@Lb-jm6wi Crocodiles attack in order to eat . Narcissists attack in order to harm others & make themselves feel powerful.

[@melanytodd2929]

Oh, yes...

[@sharonrichards5203]

so funny because people always told me I had the upper hand in this relationship because I was the “smarter“ one but in the end, I realized he was smarter in his manipulative tactics that so often would get me so angry and then came the smirk and that is where he succeeded. The irony.

[@sallyshaw3203]

I confess that the manipulation is what really gets to me! I think “was anything about this relationship, genuine?” 2:37 Or was it all just designed to control my life. I’ve never before experienced anyone that devoid of empathy or concern for others yet I kept making excuses for him and saying it was because he was traumatized as a kid. I was raised as a people pleaser…I kept quiet to avoid the constant bickering in my home…and when my ex started to demean and even physically attack me, on some level it seemed normal because it was all I knew. This is why I’m swearing off relationships for good. It’s been a lifetime pattern for me and how can I change it?

[@souxcasa]

I don't think that's cos they're bright, I think it's cos they are practiced

[@michellepurcell8703]

Nothing they say make sense, and when you try to have a grownup conversation with them , they turn to their childish mindset 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[@maxineheller9345]

@@michellepurcell8703 absolutely

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Agree 💯

[@alurone1]

🎯

[@whatgoesaroundcomesaround]

Then there asking why your shutting them out or not responding to text and have all the nerve to say can we act like adults and talk this out

[@tlovesgreens8244]

@@whatgoesaroundcomesaround😂😂

[@sallieturner8771]

Your growth and health are more important than trying to maintain a sick relationship

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

You can’t fix stupid. Ignore, don’t defend, engage, explain or personalise and walk away as fast as you can. Thank you dr Carter ❤

[@caroleminke6116]

Emperor’s new clothes 😉 leave then laugh it off

[@pennylynch913]

Yes well said.

[@elcee7800]

That is hard to stick with when their deliberate stupidity is insulting or damning or damaging to us and we have to deal with the consequences of what is meant to be insulting, damning or damaging to us!

[@sararichardson737]

@@elcee7800practice grey rock

[@malwads1836]

This applies to all stupidity in all it's different forms too.👍🏻

[@Hynez]

I had to completely cut my 'stupid' narcissist out of my life. They were not a spouse, but a long-time "friend". The stress that I felt after every interaction with them was impacting my health. The relief and peace I felt after I no longer had to interact with them was amazing.

[@davidfincher490]

@@Hynez I need to do this. I blocked them for 2 weeks and it was the most peaceful I’ve felt in years. Unfortunately we live together but there’s hope

[@nanettehebert2359]

You can’t argue with mean

[@deliawebster2142]

I just went through this experience with a "friend" I had for over 50 years. I always felt irritable, anxious and even lower self-esteem than usual after interacting with her. I secretly wondered if there was something wrong with ME. Such a relief to out of that!

[@yazajag]

I feel like I'm in a similar situation as this. I am cut down and invalidated and cut off whenever I speak or share something then spoken over/steamrolled in conversations and have cptsd (diagnosed) this Pierson jumps in to debate before even hearing 2 words out my mouth. They can talk about what they want for how long as many times as they want, and I can be supportive, but I can't even finish one idea without even being cut down or gaslit. It's exhausting and pointless, and I'm feeling the need to distance myself.

[@sarahscalpel561]

it's way easy to dump a narcissistic "friend" moreso than a romantic relationship/trauma bond, or where you have children with them...I'll drop a narc friend so hard. lol and not even blink.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

I think this topic is what is SO hard to wrap your mind around. It's like you're talking to someone on another planet. Except when they talk to friend and strangers, they seem to understand things just fine 😂.

[@kky.x]

Has me listening to alien by veela

[@1980shameka]

Exactly. It’s all games. They play many games and this is just one of them. There’s also many reasons as to why they do it but personally from what I’ve experienced and seen done is they enjoy being the victim and having someone/something to complain about and it feeds their need of supply.

[@Ratgirl2]

Yes so real yet so fake it's all surreal.

[@kky.x]

@@Ratgirl2 He actually used that word with me during idealization. “i’m so in love with you it feels so surreal”. Its disgusting how fake they are

[@Ratgirl2]

@@kky.x It has to be a mental issue you will never win it's disgraceful and tiring. Hours into bitterness.

[@blue.5058]

The most infuriating thing is, along with the stupidity, narcs claim to be experts at EVERYTHING when they simply aren’t. The often times gum up the works and otherwise cause more trouble than they’re worth. It gets worse with family too, especially with narc parents- one will claim to be an expert while the other will enable (and otherwise placate the narc’s actions) and will groom the kids in every way to believe the narc is “the expert” when he isn’t. I’ve had to deal with situation since childhood, and it’s particularly infuriating, especially when they change history to cover for ineptitude (they claim YOU are to blame).

[@TheMazinoz]

So true. Everyone but them realises it usually. Zero insight into their behaviour.

[@MarianneCatherine]

They are oblivious and beyond ignorant 🙄. Sometimes, it's really hard to believe what you're hearing!!! 😮😅😳

[@LeahIsHereNow]

My ex “guessed” a very specific MISdiagnosis I was given and when I asked him how on earth he possibly could have done that, he said because he “reads a lot.” This was a very nuanced diagnosis. It was a subset of another illness. There’s no way that anyone could guess it out of the blue unless they were perhaps somebody with a doctorate in psychology, and even then it would be almost impossible. And he doesn’t read. Somebody CRYSTAL CLEARLY told him the diagnosis… I don’t know exactly how my HIPAA rights were violated, but they were. I’ve never seen that idiot read anything a day in his life. I would be surprised if he even COULD read. 🙄

[@mday3821]

My narcissistic mother used to go into stores and buy crap she didn't need or use, then she couldn't pay her bills. She ranked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Dr. C, I don't understand why Narcissists believe in scams or faulty information, but they don't believe the people who love them!

[@NikkiGregory]

Great point. I deal with that all the time.

[@dzanderallison]

@@mday3821 the scams hit them right in the places they like. "you special person, this offer is only for you".

[@MarianneCatherine]

@@mday3821 it's because they think we're the stupid ones!!! 🙄😲😳

[@rickhoyle671]

I could tell what would be in my mother's shopping basket simply by taking note of every advertisement she had watched on TV the previous week. If I challenged her, she would lie about why she bought the item.

[@mday3821]

@Delacari it is exhausting...because you can see the negative impact that their speeding is causing, then you get anxious and/or angry. They always lie about what they bought & why. At the end, you're stuck cleaning up the financial mess from my experience. I'm just sorry you're in that situation.

[@patrickkelly2451]

"There is nothing more dangerous than willfull ignorance and conscientious stupidity."Martin Luther King

[@loishendricks9720]

Never argue with a stupid person. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[@maxineheller9345]

You said it. My son. Im.aging and he talks to me like I'm road kill.😢

[@andreacook6000]

Absolutely brilliant video. Thinking about it like this takes some of the sting out. What about the evil element that is involved? How does that come out of the stupidity?

[@francesbernard2445]

Sometimes the person is very intelligent with a high I.Q. except for their emotional intelligence quotient.

[@judystevens6039]

I absolutely understand im 80yrs old and get treated like a gutter rat have let him go hes 60​@maxineheller9345

[@bigm383]

Like playing chess with a pigeon. When they’re losing they kick over the chess pieces and defecate on the board.

[@slanjbo]

So accurate, trying to slow down the anger level during a normal conversation. And immediately being responded to with the same 10-15 blaming gaslighting sentences from every attempt to have a normal conversation gets so redundant, you just want to give up.

[@lucius4556]

I did give up, best thing ever.

[@apainterlyhome]

Call it willful ignorance.

[@texaspatty458]

I agree 👍

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed!

[@Chrystal-nt2wc]

Precisely.

[@MarianneCatherine]

Well said!!! 👍👍

[@lobsterbisque7567]

Agreed! It explains so much

[@Dana-gj5hr]

Strangely my Nm has two habits. 1. If you tell her a piece of information or a fact, she gets a vague look on her face and says, "Well, I don't know about that...." and she doesn't. In one ear - out the other. If she's ever told the same information again...same response - like she never heard a word the first time. She truly doesn't take in new information. 2. Ironically, starts many conversations (when she wants to gossip about or deride people) with "Well! I'm not a stupid person...."

[@caroleminke6116]

Still a toddler but not a nice one

[@MarianneCatherine]

That's a good one!!! She's not a stupid person!!! You could never make this stuff up 😂😮😅

[@MarianneCatherine]

Also, at least she keeps you amused with her conversations! That's a good thing she could be worse. 🤗

[@yazajag]

I have a few "friends" who do the same "Well I don't know about that..." comment when you would give them a fact or talk to them about something you know well. Like they just want to have a disagreement, show disinterest, or be lazy minded. No point in even talking any longer because if they wanted to know they would make the effort.

[@brianplord]

It’s absolutely a trap of their own making. But it’s not to be measured in this physical world. These people have demons inside of them. They need to feed off or your positive energy. It’s very real.

[@anndra1160]

I somewhat disagree with the "low level of curiosity". They can be very curious when it comes to finding out your fears, insecurities, flaws... just to use them against you later! 😕

[@Couscous77]

Any curiosity they feel regarding flaws or insecurities is the same way they look at a cup to check it for holes or dirt before filling it with water. It is purely mechanical/ control oriented. Curiosity involves mental playfulness in my opinion and willingness to then accept their findings openly.

[@texaspatty458]

That's ammunition gathering ....they do like to stock pile that ammo!!

[@Victoria-c4n]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@texaspatty458Indeed!

[@caroleminke6116]

@@Couscous77perhaps a sense of wonder ✨

[@ladyvirgo013]

So much this! My now X husband and his lack of self control & his impulse control is Zero. That will be the demise of him. Hes no longer my problem, Glory be

[@caroleminke6116]

He was always his mother’s problem

[@carolnahigian9518]

my Uncle Peter says THEY KNOW NOT THAT THEY KNOW NOTHING! not a clue; they are obnoxious three year Olds!

[@mariehughey5390]

I loved being able to say, “He’s no longer my problem.” at the next big family gathering. I stayed out of his way and let him be his stupid self.

[@lilfairycupcake]

self destruction is a huge part of their sickness. they do so out of hate. not only do they hate you, hate everything they come in contact with, they also hate themselves.

[@ladyvirgo013]

@lilfairycupcake absolutely agree, as he disengaged from me, I witnessed just how much he hates me, no unseeing that

[@EnergizedHealingfitness]

They'll " hear" it but dont absorb anything.

[@thewaldronproject]

Hearing is different than listening 👂

[@Mein-Darth]

Oh they hear alright you but then they twist and turn everything you said so it fits they're deranged "reality".

[@natureshorts6657]

You just described both of my parents. Even as a child, I was often flabbergasted by and exasperated with them... It's really a bizarre thing to witness when it's present over decades. How can anyone just never learn, never wake up... Very, very difficult thing to deal with.

[@kickindow3140]

Yep. And have a sense of prideful ignorance.

[@chanchan5349]

They don’t want to know what they don’t know. They really don’t care except if someone they admire tells them the same thing. They never recall being told before. You’re right about not worrying about the future, they don’t care. Thick defense walls but so thinned skinned personally.

[@hjtres7261]

My dad always said "You can't fix stupid."

[@Salutimondo]

Some people are so stupid that they don't know or recognise that they're stupid. I ticked off every box of Dr Carter's list when thinking of the Narc that I unfortunately know.

[@aarfan44]

Great video. My aunt would always talk about how it feels like you have to hit our grandpa/my dad with a 2x4 (metaphorically of course) in order for them to understand anything. What I realized is that when we try to explain things til we’re blue in the face, it puts the narcissist at the center of attention and gives them a sense of power. You’re unintentionally giving them supply through expressing your frustration and being at your wit’s end. It’s exactly what they want. They may even understand what you’re saying, usually the first time. They just want to drive you insane, so it’s important to not feed the monkey. They love using weaponized incompetence as well. Say what you need to say the first time and only time and do not go to great lengths exhausting yourself with explanations or trying to manage their understanding. They don’t care and they just want to drive you nuts. Also, I love your dog!!!!!!

[@michaelcliffe562]

"Weaponized incompetance". What an excellent way to describe it! It's infuriating until you realize that their stupidity is intentional and there's some kind of method behind it. To every ever so simple solution there always has to be a huge problem, otherwise they lose their silly cause.

[@lessalonelouann]

@@michaelcliffe562 I was with a man that did this. I was doing ALL of the house work. I asked him to put some clothes away one day and he said, "I don't know how you want me to do it." I'd already explained it to him before. I said, "Look in the closet and figure it out." It was as easy as looking at the shelf and seeing the t-shirts here, pants there, and socks in the bin. He also did this with every other thing I asked. "I don't know how you do it." Hm, Idk. Maybe just pick the broom up and sweep the kitchen? It's done so you feel the need to take over every task and they remain in control not having to do ANYTHING.

[@ritalawson7020]

​@@lessalonelouann he should pick up the broom and fly away😂😂

[@susanfox-mx3nv]

I have to have seen a hundred of such videos. This is the most helpful. I would like to add another bit. The narcissist's lack of empathy creates more stupidity. Empathy makes one exercise one's mind in order to view the world through a new and more colorful lens. They don't get this exercise. The one bit that I've never heard before: gullibility. This is so true. I'm amazed at the bull my husband will accept when someone is selling him nonsense.

[@caroleminke6116]

Remember that paranoia plays a large part in the development of narcissists & you’re enabling the narcissist if you react in any way to it so just go gray rock for now as you practice responding without conflict if possible to take back control of your life

[@ClickerTrainer1]

Not a direct quote, but this part really hit home. I have experienced this SO MANY times: They're willing to buy into whatever bogus ideas might be floating around that will prop up their particular narrative in the moment. If you ask, "Why did you do something this way?" It's "Well, because this person over here told me." And you say, "This person over here doesn't know what they're talking about." "Well, sounded pretty good to me." (I would love a whole video just on this!)

[@SlobArt]

I am awful with small talk but I find it’s the only way to deal with narcissistic family members. The bright side is they talk over me so I do t have to try that much.

[@yazajag]

Yes, exactly.

[@alurone1]

They’ll say the dumbest shit, not caring at all how it obviously undermines their own intelligence and credibility at the same time.

[@margaretaklemming2492]

My husbands standard judgement of everyone, me or anyone else is brainless. How do you mean? Is he /am I rude, offensive, ignorant, unintelligent, dumb? No, nothing, just brainless. Which makes me very sad because not being able to speak of someone in any other terms than brainless seems to me simply.....

[@MarianneCatherine]

You hit the nail on the head. They just don't care! One of my husband's favorite lines is, "I don't care!" 😢

[@lilfairycupcake]

dumber than a brick.

[@yazajag]

​@MarianneCatherine I have a friend and that is one of her favorite catch phrases, at least anytime I'm talking which i do very little now, but if she's interested in what she is saying, then she cares, :-/

[@MarianneCatherine]

@yazajag I hear you. As usual, it's all about THEM! They're very rude. 🙄

[@fred.k9875]

“My Mama says stupid is as stupid does” Forrest Gump.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Forrest's Mama was right.

[@anautisticsguidetotheunive4109]

My NarcMom IS stupid is as stupid does...

[@sunnybajoras4364]

She also said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you'll get..."

[@paulclinton6414]

Lol ​@@SurvivingNarcissism

[@tlovesgreens8244]

Run!! Forest!! Ruunnnn!!!! 😂

[@WisconsinWanderer]

Boy ,so grateful to you Dr.C for calling it out the way i’ve been feeling for a very long time. It’s so exhausting dealing with very stupid and dangerous people. But i’m so grateful for this community thanks everyone 🙏😊

[@taraarrington2285]

Ugh. And hypocrisy. It is very frustrating dealing with human beings that are supposed to be adults and in preschool we learn to do unto others as you would like to have done onto you. Very basics of human decency, but it seems to be way too complicated for some people to understand.

[@caroleminke6116]

@@taraarrington2285never even made it to preschool

[@yazajag]

​@@taraarrington2285 I was just saying this the other day, didn't we all learn this golden rule in kindergarten??? I guess a lot of people forgot??? It's ridiculous.

[@bethpage6696]

I get a sentence or two out and he said YOU'RE WRONG! Because I'm expressing how he hurt me. His eyes glaze over when I speak, he doesn't hear a word I say because he's not listening.

[@LeahIsHereNow]

My dad to a tee. T? Tea?! 😂

[@lessalonelouann]

I don't get the "you're wrong". I get the slow head shake that makes me stop talking because I know he's not even trying to understand.

[@lessalonelouann]

@@LeahIsHereNow Neither. You're wrong. I'm only kidding but I know how this feels!

[@ritalawson7020]

Insensitive oaf how do you put up with these creeps

[@margaretaklemming2492]

My husband is all this. So sad and I am very tired.

[@caroleminke6116]

He’s just wearing you down so start taking back control with the gray rock method then work on an escape plan in secret 😉 be safe! I did this & thanx to Dr C I’m now home safe as well as free

[@margaretaklemming2492]

@@caroleminke6116 I love to hear this. Thank you so much. And take good care in the future.

[@lynne-du9ql]

Me too he is horrible. 27 years for nothing.

[@margaretaklemming2492]

@@lynne-du9ql Yes, exactly as you put it, for nothing, that is what I feel as well. We must stay strong.

[@lilfairycupcake]

he will suck you dry. leave.

[@liveitup_GJ]

Dr. Carter you’re awesome! Wonderfully explained, they’re plain stupid!! It’s that simple and we give them more power by paying attention to them. 🙏

[@bigm383]

My mother is subject zero for the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Left school at fourteen yet knows more than highly educated people who excel in their fields.

[@Chrystal-nt2wc]

@@bigm383 😆. Delulu huh? They're the most opinionated, least informed, unpaid advisors.

[@bigm383]

@@Chrystal-nt2wc Always offering unwanted advice.

[@Chrystal-nt2wc]

@@bigm383 ...then get mad when you don't take their advice, because it's stupid!!!😆!

[@bigm383]

@@Chrystal-nt2wc 😃😂

[@elizabethmadron1336]

My mother and brother and uncle

[@Last_Green_Man]

The Oceangate guy is a textbook example that unfortunately led to fatal and tragic results.

[@angelinakitschedembek2425]

4 years after leaving, 2 years after being divorced from my ex husband, I am still in Recovery Road. Your Videos help very much on this way. Thank you! Angelina from Switzerland

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm so pleased to be on the path with you all the way over there in beautiful Switzerland.

[@hazeyoung768]

He stuck his head in a bucket 🪣 of stupid.

[@leonasweny1525]

Keep going forward one day at a time,xxx

[@BaraSchmidt]

Its like they live - mentally and physically - in a round room, with a spiral staircase leading to nowhere! And just for fun they add in their Incredulity and are intentionally obtuse! " Malfeasance for Malfeasances' sake!" - Dwight K Schrute, The Office Stay Healthy!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Dwight had his issues, but he could come up with some great one liners!

[@lilfairycupcake]

live on a hamster wheel of self destruction.

[@atomisum6445]

I'm so exhausted. This channel helps

[@christysplaine9779]

I've been away living my "Team Healthy Life" and popped in to check on Gus and there he is 💕 old faithful resting easy. Good message, I always say if you "Can't make Sense out of Nonsense" let it GO... love you Dr. Les

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Christy.

[@sukayna7026]

Managing anger while being with a narcissist works very well. I think this is a lesson for an empath to be done while dealing with a narcissist. But it is not easy.

[@leonasweny1525]

Certainly isn’t.

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

He woke up at 1 am decided to clean and put his laundry away at that time. 2 hours later, i got to sleep for 4 hours. He was yelling and swung a big tire gauge he almost hit my face. Denied it. In rage is this normal? For a narcissist rage? He was yelling last night i am a monster. I need you to stay and not run. Oh my gosh. He keeps checking to see what I am doing. I am taking baby steps to get away from him.

[@aaronkwolfe]

He knows. His calculated actions might be designed to set you up as the oppressor and him appear the victim Classic DARVO. Keep up the steps. Quietly.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I know what it feels like not being able or deprived of sleep. There is no rest with a narcissist unless you escape. Stay strong 💪 and stay safe 🙏

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

@@aaronkwolfe thank you he was just here for the 5th time today. Said he had to use the portable toilet. Public bathrooms are gross. Yet he refuses to pull the bags out and dispose of them. After day 3 i did it. So disgusting. 🤮 Dear God hear my prayers. I can't handle this much longer. Gotta take it on the run but disabled. Gonna be eventful for sure. There are all kinds of homeless here . Sadly there mostly over 63. No housing openings. We are all worried. Winter coming and all. If you leave your car, other homeless people passing through will break in and steal whatever they can. They live in the woods behind where we are. All men of foreign descent in military tents. The American nightmare!!!!! FJB

[@Dj.D25]

What kind of person decides to wash their clothes in the middle of the night? 😐

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

@@Dj.D25 dumb ass one

[@LBGirl98]

"Stupid is...as Stupid does." Forest Gump. You nailed it again Doc! Does not matter about their education level either. 😮

[@lishmahlishmah]

_"The stupidity pattern"_ 😂 Thank you so much dr C for the funny (100% perfect) definition and for your way of speaking together with a highly informative psychoeducational lecture. Your sense of humor is international 😁

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I love the way Dr.C put things into words. It helps put things in perspective 😊

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Glad you chose this job and double glad that one day you decided to go on the internet for all the people around the world

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@amandaliverpool3374 For sure!

[@caroleminke6116]

@@amandaliverpool3374yup

[@wissn2112]

They don't listen. Only to respond. No matter how much deflection they need.

[@stephbyerly9491]

Thank you for saying this! It really is unbelievable how stupid that narcissists are! My ex is a malignant narcissist, and I wish I had known all this stuff when I was with him because it really would have helped. I always say stupid is bad and evil is bad, but when you put them together, you really got a super toxic combination!

[@clarecollins2547]

😢

[@MrClintL]

Well, Dr.Carter, you’ve just described my late mother. Everything was stuck in her skull on an emotional basis. The facts, reasoning, logic, cause and effect just didn’t compute with her.

[@loridillon1617]

Their fear keeps them stubborn, which keeps them ignorant and unthoughtful.

[@Greenwings701]

Yeah, the word dumbbell comes to mind. Unthinking, loud, cracked ideas.

[@ChildoftheLIGHT]

Perfect topic timing!!!

[@PR-kd1sc]

So funny…and also reassuring, my mantra is “I don’t do stupid!!” ..implied…anymore!

[@BushcraftQuebec]

Ya call them to make them understand simple stuff they change the subject and act like you said nothing

[@dnwitte]

The absolute blankness when you confront them with something indisputably true is really amazing to see.

[@christinabrowne7275]

Or they reply with word salad.

[@tracydanneo]

More proof they are stupid 😅

[@BushcraftQuebec]

​@christinabrowne7275 word salad . If Kamal keeps it up she will get arrested 😅

[@klc1997]

@@BushcraftQuebec so true!!

[@cynthiastrader8169]

Thanks!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@viewer-xyz]

Best to keep your distance from stupid people, as much as possible.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Thank you for this message Dr. C. ! Foolishly got sucked into the pool with them, got burned, crawling back out and they've grabbed onto my ankles, won't let me go, and still trying to pull me back in with them!

[@burnthepalo9416]

My narc partner accuses me of never wanting to hang with his family…the ones who drink and smoke all day in the hood until 5am. Yet when I talk to his cousin who has a stable life, graduated college with a good job he gets so angry about it. Just today I told him I planned to go walking with her on a trail this weekend and he was so furious about it and told me I shouldn’t hang out with her bc she’s an alcoholic. I’ve never seen her drink.

[@rainncorbin8291]

Arrogance leads to stupidity.

[@wendychavez5348]

I shy away from the word "stupid," though often I would find myself telling AG, "You're a smart man--I wonder why you thought this was the right thing?" He liked being told he's smart (which is true--I picked up on that within 2 minutes of meeting him, and never lost that impression), and then he'd start to feel a glimmer of embarrassment for having made an unsmart decision. That was so much more productive than saying, "Well, that was stupid!" It is with non-narcissists, too.

[@sunny201160]

I needed to hear this, I have unfortunately been exposed to a few terrible narcissistic people in my life. Currently trying to move on from my husband 's narc sister who have always been controlling or try to control him and our marriage. 18 yrs of marriage and my marriage is strong and I think she feels I took her brother from her. Well as of recently she told my husband that our financial situation or downfall is because he was stupid to have married me . She felt very confident to insult me to him instead of just tell me directly. Pretty stupid person His mom also a year ago insulted me quietly when my husband left the room and it only took her two min to say I don't deserve her son. Covert narc right there. So of course all the gaslighting and insults and feel like both of myself and my husband is insane. Needles to say no contact is the future with these two individuals. I have already lived through 2 nervous breakdown in my life . I don't need a third one. Thanks for your videos I don't feel so crazy now. 😊

[@leonasweny1525]

No your not ,they are the crazy ones

[@LadiesOfThePleiades]

It would almost be funny when they come out with the “you’re so stupid” card in the middle of a disagreement - except for the hurtfulness of such a comment. They don’t get it when you don’t defend yourself by walking away. They just don’t get it! When walking away they think you really must be stupid since you didn’t defend yourself. In their mind, this makes them smart. 😵‍💫

[@duromusabc]

I told my narcissist sister in law that I earned my diploma and pointed to her the diploma hanging in a picture frame on the wall - she went to the frame and said “where?” Stupidity! 🤦‍♂️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Lol 😂

[@cairosilver2932]

Amazing they can block out reality so much, it can be there in front of them and they will blind themselves to it

[@mintyfresh084]

😮 Exactly, they will act stupid and think it is ok 😊

[@elizabethmadron1336]

My father thought that he was the only one ( in the family) that could earn a master's. He bragged about it. Left out that he had a low B average. Until my bf got one from USC. Graduated with a 4.0. He asked to see his degree. Like he LIED ABOUT IT. We showed it to him. He was examining it like it was forged. I thought only a serial narcissist liar like you Dad would lie about your grades. Which he did by omission. BTW my father was a Somatic Narcissist. So is my mother.

[@lilfairycupcake]

wow! talk about 1st degree arrogance. did you do it just to sh it test her?

[@v4756nb1rs]

Boy, Dr. Carter -- did you hit the nail on the head! The willful obtuseness is astounding. Thanks so much for your content. Your videos are really helpful. I hope one day you might be able to make more videos on how to cope when you're not able to leave the narc just yet.

[@caroleminke6116]

Go gray rock 🪨 you learn self control as you disengage 😉 always stay in control of YOU! Dr C saved my life & his calm voice of reason kept me safe ♥️ the narcissist simply disappeared & now I am in sole possession of my life as well as our home!

[@cazjay017]

Their perspective is the only perspective. 🎯🎯

[@lauracoussens6207]

To a genuine narcissist, their perspective is their reality and truth...right or wrong or in between...what other's think will be used against them...and to move from that perspective and admit they are wrong about anything is too painful for them to do. If you go against them, you are the enemy and need to be neutralized. If you agree with them it puffs them up and powers their ego. None of that is health operating mode.

[@anitaself9870]

My father is mind bogglingly stupid. He continues to make decisions that are damaging to others and himself. I have never seen a video on this subject….thank you. This is him to a T.

[@duromusabc]

Is this part 2 of your earlier video “Stupid and proud of it” narcissists? lol 😂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep! That was at least 2-3 years ago!

[@duromusabc]

@@SurvivingNarcissismthat video was hilarious but educational- narcissists are truly cartoonish in their stupidity 😂

[@mandybloom]

I just watched that one a couple of days ago!🤣

[@lyndabrown1626]

This video takes me back to the day when a friend of mine said to me that my husband was "really stupid," and I replied with "I know," and then my friend looked at me and again said, "No, I mean he's 'really stupid,'" to which I replied again "I know," and then my friend said emphatically one more time, "No, I mean he is 'really stupid', Lynda," and I said again as I laughed "I know." Back then I laughed thinking it was funny that my friend had repeatedly said three times that my husband was "really stupid," but much later on, I realized that he really meant what he said... that he was "really stupid"... and this video speaks to that day way back then perfectly.

[@photosagainstanxiety4722]

Alternate reality so true. I have narcissistic siblings who live in an iron clad bubble of denial. They are perfect and the world needs to believe everything they say. They prop up their own lies. I cut off all contact for peace of mind ❤

[@linduiaero4310]

That is a very comforting way to look at it. When I think about engaging with "my" narc (we meet in public at certain events etc.) I already dread the situation and become agitated internally but just respectfully regarding him as stupid as a piece of bread makes me feel more calm and secure.

[@denisesatt7044]

Thank you, I will try this. I have to really prepare myself for the rare family gatherings.

[@mulletheadbanger]

Perfect timing for me ,I'm executor of a will .Always heard people say things like " it's a nightmare " etc . Used to assume they were talking about the legal side of things , not the case its family, and all I'm dealing with and how to deal with has just been explained I this video .

[@Rabswood296]

It's wilful ignorance. Narcissists are never wrong, that's what they believe.

[@a.pepper6687]

LOL! I love your terminology, Dr. Les Carter! Your videos have opened my eyes in the past year to understand "STUPID". I was journeying along towards understanding before I find you, but I was going completely ALONE and deeply struggling. Thank you for the opportunity to understand my situation and not have to be alone with my own thoughts but rather to learn, change and adjust to them. I am learning to seek out new opportunities and embrace my talents and abilities; I am not only surviving, I am thriving!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you. I'm glad to be on the path with you!

[@marinat187]

Thank you so much. You've helped me not to feel guilty.❤

[@shirleyhunt8769]

Yes it's hard to ignore them and not feel guilty 😮

[@cleaningtim]

Hello Dr. Carter and Gus! Thank you again for sharing your information with all of us here. I greatly appreciate you, Gus and the info. I watch/listen to your videos every day to keep my foot firmly planted on the ground with the narcissist I have been dealing with for so very long. Your videos have taken me from knowing sort of what I had been dealing with, to acceptance of what was, is and will be. They are bringing me more peace and calmness for myself in dealing with this. Peace is always what I have wanted for myself/family for over 45 years, but the narcissist has ruled everyone and made this impossible up until recently. Peace is what my goal is for me, with or without the narcissist. I think it will be without, but I am at peace with that too. Thank you again so much for your advice, help and for sharing Gus with all of us. Have a Great Day!

[@caroleminke6116]

You can’t fix stupid 🤦‍♀️ so why try 🤷‍♀️ it’s above our pay grade! Let Dr C & Team Healthy lead us to our peace ☮️

[@juliaagnes7]

Very accurate description. At first I got lost with the covert asking me questions thinking he cared. No, just gathering data to manipulate me. I am not confused any more.

[@prohumanityperspective]

Mr. Carter, Could you do a video on how parents use pets as a narcissist supply? Or on how parents will get pets for kids and use that as a weapon to judge their kids. For example a little kids is given a dog they are not able to train or handle and then all the dog related problems are blamed on the kid

[@sandrawamerdam2219]

After years of begging and trying to compromise im just letting my son feel his own consequences. Just stopped.

[@caroleminke6116]

👍

[@CatladyActionFigure]

🎯👍

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

Thank you for explaining DARVO. I learn so much from this channel. I am not going crazy.....

[@strangequarkproductions4942]

I think we're seeing this with top executives in the entertainment industry.

[@LordMondegrene]

After a stupid remark, I'd ask them, "Did you say something intelligent?" Shut them up for TWO WONDERFUL YEARS. ❤❤❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me chuckle.

[@Hatbox948]

My nex definitely had a low level of curiosity. He never wondered about anything, and if you tried to discuss something with him his pat response was "I don't pay attention".

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@Hatbox948 same. My son asked his dad what his internal dialogue says and he stared blankly and responded, “I don’t know what an internal dialogue is.” Ok

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Duh.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

🤦‍♀️

[@caroleminke6116]

@@amandaliverpool3374🤷‍♀️

[@caroleminke6116]

@@SurvivingNarcissismyup

[@Yun1Kip0h]

I am surrounded by several narcissists in my own home and the bad thing I have done by not knowing this (and because I had memory lapses thanks to narcissistic abuse) is to participate in their toxic conversations, they make me angry and I tend to agree with them (since I don't know anyone healthy yet) when I don't know if the people they are talking about are narcissists or not (for example, my "brother" speaks badly of the director of the clinic where he works and I spoke badly of him too, but now I rationalize it and I'm like "but I don't know the reality of that person that this LIAR is talking about"). Thank you very much for describing the incredible stupidity of these robots.

[@jennyhewitt3472]

If someone deals with conflict like a child, stupid is really the only word I can come up with for them, so you're right on Dr C! And since you can't fix stupid, don't try.

[@joannejohnson7006]

You have wonderful common sense and knowledge regarding this difficult situation 💯

[@caroleminke6116]

He shared it for free as well! 🙏💙😇

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you!

[@mikediamond353]

Joanne, are you aBOT?

[@user-ho2zh5hn2y]

You described at 8.Gullible, open to bogus ideas, some I knew very accurate. He immersed on highly dangerous - and maybe sociopathic - PUA (Pickup Artist) content and theories. And I saw him crash and burn.

[@mattblaircomedy]

“you can’t fix stupid.” - Ron white

[@kristinehendel-markey6050]

I did let my husband reap the consequences of his own stupidity. He is now a quadriplegic and I am his caregiver.

[@andreacook6000]

I just realised how stupid I have been in my reaction to him. I have to be careful because I’m being made stupid by the fact I’m putting in so much emotional energy into this situation. Fred’s comment Stupid is as stupid does. I better be careful to look at my own reactions and responses. When I didn’t understand this block they have but at the same time how manipulative they are it’s so confusing. I have been tripped up in the chaos and pain it creates. It’s this terrible combination of stupid, manipulative and evil. How does the stupid play into the evil? I need to be so careful to look at my own stupid in the face of this situation.

[@caroleminke6116]

Plz follow how Dr C teaches us self control through the gray rock method 😉 if safe for you begin to not react but respond with no emotional energy as you create a no contact plan for the future but secretly 👍 then disengage & stay away! He’s saving lives this way & now I’m home safe as well as free

[@marinat187]

You are right. As soon you understand it , it is in your power to live life without chaos and confusion. All you have to do now is leave him.

[@privateprivate8366]

One of the things I’ve noticed about narcissists, is their inability to look at the trajectory of something.the question becomes, “How’d you think that was going to turn out!?” What is described here is how I’m also handling my latest neighbor issue. The neighbor and her mother want to rope me into being the child’s nanny. Have tried guilting me and appear to want access to my apartment, by the questions and statements they’ve had. No was the first and final answer to all of it. But, I don’t engage. I do try not to cross paths with them. But, I ensure they make no leeway. While I may “hope” they come to a proper conclusion that nothing’s going to change, just because they arrived, I know that, the way they’ve handled themselves so far, the adults in the home are, yep, stupid. One of the things you have to recognize with stupid narcissists also, is that, when you try to argue with them, you’re trying to reason with them. I don’t need any reasoning. I just need to tell them no, as it’s a complete sentence. But, the other reason is that, when you see someone who feels that they can just bulldoze into your life, they’re not seeing you as human. They’re seeing you as an object. They’re not about to reason, with what they consider to be nothing more than a chair. To them, you’re wrong and out of place, by the simple act of asserting yourself. So, although I’ll obviously cross paths with them, no matter how much I try to avoid them, the best I can do, is the mitigate and not engage, even though I know they likely see it as weakness.

[@caroleminke6116]

Get a restraining order plz then those who respond can arrest

[@privateprivate8366]

@@caroleminke6116 i don’t think it’s at that point. I think they “may” have a bit of a cultural difference and don’t quite understand, although that’s not my problem. For the previous neighbor, who was also a problem, I didn’t need a restraining order as, I made sure I added extra security, she eventually lost mobility and even when she started taking t packages, I had the police speak with her. She later died anyway. My other narcissistic situation is a former sister. But, I don’t know if a restraining order would be granted, as we’re still in probate. Yep, that many and it’s not because I typically invite these people, except for another, which I’ve gotten rid of. You can end up knowing these weirdos, by family of origin, work and by themselves being a neighbor. I have relationships with none and two, including my narcissistic mother, are now dead. Also, it doesn’t take long for me to catch red flags and patterns. When the latest neighbor moved in and said, “What would we do without our neighbors!?”, I get the immediate lean towards codependency, for their benefit and my deficit.

[@TheMazinoz]

​@@privateprivate8366I'm dealing with next door family of narcissists. You have my sympathy. Avoiding, written communication or record everything. They don't understand that in an apartment block they don't make the law.

[@gingeroo5765]

I see , understand, and agree with everything you said doc about this.. but, when you’re stuck married (due to religious reasons) to a narcissist, it is often impossible to separate yourself from the consequences of their stupid actions or out from under their suffocating power.

[@elizabethcalef6225]

That's an excuse, not a reason. No honest religion would require you to stay in this situation.

[@chaoswitch1974]

​@@elizabethcalef6225 honest religion?

[@dorothy792]

Well Christianity does not require you to put up with abuse.

[@denicewinders1521]

BINGO. Their thought process is shallow, stupidity is not being able to reason at a basic fundamental level. Very impulsive, close minded, the binary thinking, not curious, or willing to learn self reflection. Super video as usual!!! Brilliant!!! Hey Gus!... you're the best Doc🙏💘

[@ivorybatiste581]

This is accurate and they are closed minded

[@shelliekay5257]

Thanks for helping with the term stupidity..❤❤❤❤❤

[@malwads1836]

Excellent video, this applies even in it's own way to people that aren't narcissistic... There's a big chunk of folks out there that simply make mistake after mistake & can't be reasoned with despite their life repeatedly going down in 🔥 due to their unhealthy life choices.Those people aren't intentionally harmful but they still need to be kept at a very safe distance so they don't drag your mental well-being down with them.

[@Rain9Quinn]

this is so spot on... tho stupid (sometimes) doesn't capture it when they are actually intelligent (just not in all aspects)

[@brg2743]

Appreciate all I have learned from this channel. Thanks Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to hear it!

[@elegua9160]

Another great message Dr C. I haven’t tuned in a lil while but wherever I do you always come through. 💯💥💪🏾✅

[@brettself]

There is an aspect of narcissism I would like to see explored more. I refer to it as “deflective malignant narcissism.” Maybe you’ve discussed it before. In my family, all four of us kids were victimized by our father, who used his Christian faith to justify his behaviors, used scriptures to back up his abuses. The idea is that the narcissist uses a “higher power“ to justify their abusive behaviors.

[@caroleminke6116]

His higher power comes from not separating from his mother @ 2 & he sees everyone else as mommy supply including kids because he cannot relate to the real world except as an enmeshed infant for whatever reason so plz go no contact if possible or gray rock now ❤️‍🩹 same dad, same problem

[@susanfox-mx3nv]

Brilliant. One of the scariest creatures is a narcissist with a Bible. This problem is epic. They seem to have moved into the extreme right wing, which further justifies their misguided world view.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

They know that they're not likable people, so they go overboard with their act of all-knowing. Without a doubt, they're miserable souls, desperately trying to hold onto anybody that will listen to them.

[@melanytodd2929]

Yes....while discrediting everyone else, usually family members. Who'd actually care, if they hadn't been so abused... emotionally, mentally, sometimes even physically/sexually.

[@rogercarl3969]

11:15 "you know stupid people are inside a trap of their own making"

[@KahnDoo]

Since becoming a caregiver to my wife I have also had to deal more with the sister-in-law who was described to a "T" here. She is stridently and purposely stupid, and I have limited contact to the utmost, and it helps! Thanks again Dr.C. for the wonderful insights.

[@vivicardona7204]

Dr. Carter, I like to use this quote "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups/gang" just be aware and laugh..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense!

[@62WILDCAT]

Thank you so much. Been FREE of legal ties since 2010 after 30 years of marriage. Still dealing with with the after effects ! Being ditched by my grown children ( 2 daughters who I birthed & nurtured ) and all the Grandchildren,many grown adults too. Seems they believed his lies. Am eternally grateful to my "Bonus" Granddaughter who chose to continue loving me as her Grammy , from before she was born ❤