Midweek with Dr. C- You Have Discovered The Narcissist Can’t Reason

[@michelemucha2212]

I am 5 weeks and 4 days out of my relationship to a narcissist. 8 years of this has really taken a toll on me.

[@tanyabell7748]

Im very happy ur out Stay strong!❤ Im 1.5 yrs out of 6 yrs of hell. It gets very hard at times. Gather ur tools and educate urself to heal.❤ U can kindly search Healing post narcissist relationship... staying away ... learn who are the flying monkeys & rid them as well. Now the real work begins ❤and important to not try to talk people who haven't been thru it. They will just think ur the crazy one...lolol!! Let them know it was horrific withou too much detail. Again, support & understanding will come from other survivors. ❤ Don't be embarrased to speak ur truth & speak it loud ❤❤ U weren't the hollow shell of a human who is weak empty & shame filled. Lol 😂 I pity the next one.😂 And U will learn a lot of red flags to nevrr let this happen again. ❤ 😂❤😂❤😂❤😂 ALL THE BEST!🎉 WE'RE ALL HERE TO HELP KEEP U ON RIGHT PATH ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@caroleminke6116]

You’re stronger than you know! I’m a year & a half out of five years but broke the trauma bond ❤️‍🩹 also survived the inevitable hoovering attempts… it takes a yearlong cycle to get through that bond with no dating or substance abuse but you can do it & after that you’ll begin to remember who you really are… not an enabler & certainly not the mother of the narcissist! Stay strong ♥️

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

It does take its toll on. you. I am dealing with a similar situation. So often I didn't think I would get as far as I have in my healing process, yet I have. With Dr. Carter and my therapist, I'm slowly feeling a difference. You are not alone and please don't give up.

[@rwdchannel2901]

I have narcissist parents. I started smoking weed when I was 12 years-old. After I went no contact I never felt the need to smoke weed again.

[@DJH97]

I’m 3 years out of a 30 year marriage to a covert narcissist and had narcissistic parents. I walked away from all of them. Don’t allow the death of a child happen before you realize what you are dealing with.

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr.C. and Team Healthy: My experience with the narcissist for 45 yrs, has been that even when they are unmistakensble shown their wrongs, they only make minor adjustments, hoping that they can improve your view of them. But NO REAL change. Its very sad to watch them. The ending is true distruction of self. My take us to back away, and let them do theirselves in. Save yourself, stay out of the way!

[@carefulcarpenter]

The result of a life not examined...... is a compliant life of conformity to group values. We can see many cases of destructive compliance to cultural consciousness in addictive habits.

[@carefulcarpenter]

Sugar and an overweight body is one of the addictive indicators. I totally quit eating anything sweetened with sugar, and carbohydrates in general. I lost 50 pounds and 2.5 years later am in good shape again. I don't drink, smoke, eat too much, or cheat. 😊

[@tanyabell7748]

@@carefulcarpenter dark pop...the men around here,...their women want these basketballs gone from their men's gutts. And WOW!!! Some quit other things too...and they all quit pepsi & coke-a -cola.... its AMAZING what these two toxic concoctions do to our bodies...THE WEIGHT THEY LOST!?? Omg let alone a rusted seized bolt on ur truck... rust on precious old metal decor... some places the police carry pepsi in squads because it does the most efficient job at cleaning blood after accident. The soda syrup, is transported in a hazardous toxic control vehicle... lololol!!! Mmmm gotta get me some of that! Chuckle* SOUND LIKE UR DOING WONDERFUL!!! GOOD ON YOU ❤☺️👍🏻😉

[@MichelleH-cc3dh]

Dr C: “I don’t want to make it all about me” the complete opposite of narcissism 😊

[@koma4050]

“Narcissists don’t keep relationships. They keep hostages.” -Unknown

[@carefulcarpenter]

Thank you for the context, which is often burried in our stories. Thank you! "TRUTH is context-driven; deceit is agenda-driven; those not interested in accurate evidence are not interested in truth." Those not interested in your story are not interested in your context.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

You can't reason with the unreasonable!!!

[@TehaniBlitch]

So true! Oi!

[@tanyabell7748]

@@amandaliverpool3374 amen!

[@bodaciousbethany0]

28:00

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@bodaciousbethany0 Indeed!

[@miraclehands9040]

A year later and these videos with your insights and depth of understanding are still so valuable! I am so grateful for you Dr Carter. God bless you always ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome! I'm encouraged for you!

[@wendychavez5348]

I've been free of the narcissist since 2017, and am still getting full value from Dr. C's videos!

[@debbiefreund349]

I was born in 54 too, and 2 blocks from my house we had a drugstore with a soda fountain, and we used to get cherry, lemon, or lime phosphates.. loved them!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That makes me smile all over again!

[@theyellowshoe]

Since I'm in a narcissist marriage, (can't leave cause I don't have funds to leave) I have a "normal" friend that I vent to, I know she can't help, I tell her she helps by just listening to me.

[@rosalindr4975]

Priceless!

[@tanyabell7748]

@@theyellowshoe I wasn't married, however I got tired of venting on my friend. She helped me leave. I went back. I felt so bad. I was soooo sick without him? She seen me! I didn't get why I was being like this. When I went back... not long after I finally googled his behavior. Im reading it out loud to my friend who was visiting... cause this guy was TOTAL Jekyll & Hyde. Meth user I suspected cause of sudden weirdness & verbal cuts for no reason?? When I read EXACTLY everything it did, does, it said!? THEY QUOTED IT!?? I put the phone down & we started looking for the cameras. LOLOL!! SERIOUSLY! How did these... strangers ...on the net POSSIBLY know what I was LITERALLY going thru? IT WAS A TEXT BOOK COVERT TO MALIGNMENT NARCISSIST He said he had ADHD but his vyvanse took care of that. Yah, government prescribe cocaine that makes his typical 4, 5 beer & some shots feel like a 12 pack. Just sooo bad continually, plus being alcoholic... i ran. Im homeless/ couchsurfing, fighting for disability as i go to 2 pain clinics week & bi weekly. So no income to be independent & mental health sooo bad im tryin heal myself last 1.5 yrs. Had cognitive therapy however walking on the grass wasn't taking care of the things they knew nothing about cause never asked me what i been thru. Lol! Never...thought in my 50's with less time ahead, that this would be my mere existence. And no "Good man" wants an old woman with no home, who always coping with pain & brings nothing monetary to the table. Im sooo deteriorated. And still, Ill never go back, ever. Ill die out here before it gets another opportunity too! Im hopeful that soon ... perhaps... u may start to possibly consider ur advice if the roles were reversed. If u can save any $$ and leave. By all means, save & live for urself. The universe didn't intend on u being a verbal punching bag, abused in this existence. I pray u continue to manage as best u can. Disease is two words.. Dis, ease. U ma think ur coping and yet ur very cells & atoms are invaded by hatred. I hope u get regular check ups & live a good life besides the interactions with that. *Google coping tips! Bless you!☆ I can't wait to read ur post some day..."I LEFT". HUGS!!!! ❤😁😉☺️🤞🏻👍🏻💞

[@koma4050]

I recommend connecting to a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse and/or trauma. It can be extremely helpful. ☘️🦋

[@wendychavez5348]

That friend is a treasure! Please let her know how valuable she is to you.

[@mday3821]

We care about you too Dr. C & Gus, & your family. You have been a bright light to us that have been walking through the darkness. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!❤️🩵

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@rossanderson5243]

Big thanks DR C. I’m re-listening to your videos with more discerning ears. Beforehand, I held onto my virtues no matter what and even empathy. But now, I’ve just realised to be more discerning with my empathy. It gets me into a whole heap of trouble. It’s principles I need to stick too like family come first.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Ross. The one thing that gets empaths in trouble is an overemphasis on appeasement when strong boundaries are needed instead. I suspect you'll figure it out!!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I continue to learn so much from you.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for your invaluable support and excellent advice dr Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome, Izabela.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you 🙏

[@wissn2112]

You can have ideas. Explain steps needed. Add variations for adjustments. And the benefit. Even a worst case scenario isn't that big of deal. They still find something negative why it cant be done. Or they divert to other objects to place blame and such. Like if you discuss important things to clean/organize. They divert to well you have that stuff in the basement. Well that doesnt get this main living area cleaned. Start with this first. Then move on. But they put up roadblocks to not even get started.

[@BaraSchmidt]

I am grateful for the lessons these individuals taught me. I'm more grateful for the knowledge gained and my decision to walk swiftly into the arms of Healthy! Stay Healthy!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks as always, Bara!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@BaraSchmidt At least when we learn lessons from these awful experiences/individuals we can turn a negative into a positive 👍

[@RickGarvais]

Dear Dr. Carter, I’m a keen follower of your content from Germany and would like to thank you for your insightful and profound as well as very likable presentations. They really cut close to the bone since I am the son of a father with more or less narcissistic traits. It took me over 50 years to realize that I was emotionally abused as a kid and at the same time learned that toxic behavior myself pretty well. It was like waking up since I had always wondered what it was about me that had put people off all these years. Thanks for your work. It is highly appreciated.

[@jeankipper6954]

Dr. C, my mom, a deeply damaged and greatly narcissistic person, impossible to be around, towards the time that I went completely no contact, said that she knew the damages she diligently inflicted, and understood why I was pulling back. With tears in her eyes, of seeming sincerity and regret. Was that really true? I don't think so. That is, sincere, ok. Any intention whatsoever to change? Because the next words were, "I just don't understand why you were hurt." And no evidence of trying to change, or make any repairs. Far too little. Decades late. She wanted forgiveness. And construed that as permission to continue. Never a glimmer of acknowledgement of how her behavior damaged everyone around her.

[@koma4050]

“If you avoid conflict to keep the peace you start a war inside yourself.” -Cheryl Richardson

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great quote!

[@koma4050]

@@SurvivingNarcissismThanks Dr. C and I’m not suggesting we intend to confront the Narcissist’s but we need to express our anger and frustration in healthy ways. That’s why I watch your videos. Cheers!

[@NikkiGregory]

Nice story to start out with. Your grandfather is very proud of you. ❤❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I certainly hope so. He died when I was 15. I wish I could have known him as an adult.

[@tanyabell7748]

@@SurvivingNarcissism lost my dad at 15. I feel the same loss of not knowing him, from adult perspective 😥💞

[@butterflycomb]

I got all this growing up. I'm from a dysfunctional family. Yet I am highly empathetic a decent person.

[@DiscipleofHim]

My narcisster is the reason I tune in to learn to handle her manipulation attempts.

[@gardenia77]

Dr. C, thank you so much. I think my next step is going to be taking your boundaries course.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

This Is Me has been one of my favorites. I hope it meets your expectations!

[@DawnSelby-k5w]

I love This is Me. Changed my world view for the better ❤

[@cairosilver2932]

I have to say, I do look externally for supports in the form of looking towards trees I find beautiful, or sunsets, or nice cloud formations, or nice headges, the earth beneath my feet, some man made structures (maybe a statue or such) that are permanent and other stable, long term things that have beauty in them. I think this is viable and a support to me. The narcissist seems to reach externally, it's towards people and the big thing is they have to have those people act a certain way.

[@wendychavez5348]

I enjoy the chats before the livestreams! This is a beautiful community. Wish I could catch them more often!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm with you on that, Wendy!

[@patricksicard_psy]

I just love that painting on the wall by your bookshelf. Beauty.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks!

[@PinkRoses58]

Just out of a 3yr relationship and it’s been hell. I’m badly shaken up but at almost 66yrs young I’m going to succeed and love myself more. Thank you add C.

[@hartofnixie7060]

Glad we invoked a good memory.😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes indeed!

[@kimberlys.7097]

Dr. C. I saw a study recently about the connection of narcissism and dementia. I’m sure this is very new territory and unproven but interesting to think about. They say narcissists produce more proteins in their brain related to dementia because of their behavior.

[@JimKJeffries]

The answer is no. They will not change for the better. They will get worse, because it is what they practice. The word you are failing to accept (I did this) is pathological. They will be broken in the same way forever.

[@laurielaurie8280]

Hope you have a great day Dr. C 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You too!

[@laurielaurie8280]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thankyou :)))

[@cindynimmo]

Talk to a narcissist and you waste your precious life. Just agree to disagree and move on with your life.

[@andreacook6000]

Thanks so much Dr C! Thank you team healthy! Missed you all this morning, managed to sleep here in NZ. Blessings to all🪺🌺🪁🌻🐾🍃

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's why we keep it on tape delay!!!

[@andreacook6000]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank goodness! I love tape delay! 😂🤣😂🤣

[@Shawnatdawn]

Thank you Dr. Carter for changing my lifes trogetery

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you!!

[@rebeccacory7945]

Bless you, Dr. C!! Your insights and suggestions are always keenly helpful!! 🙌❤️🙌🙏🏻 I HAD to watch this one (so sorry I missed the live 😢) because while it was clear my snarc had huge emotional reactions to what seemed to me to be pretty small & ordinary stuff, I NEVER understood why LOGIC and REASON just made him madder!! Like, how many times do I have to stay calm and reasonable only to get raged at all over again?!? Now I know - and knowledge IS power!!! Thank you for this insightful episode!! I appreciate you!!! 😘❤️

[@richellepeace4457]

They lack, by choice, to be accountable for what these really cost you. Just erase and forget the past and rename the 20 yard line that they pushed you to the 50 yard line. Its all about them winning. They know no shame or fear, its not in their dna...

[@davidhynd4435]

A comment about the "complaining abuse victims". In Australia constant griping is known as "having a whinge" (rhymes with hinge). Nobody wants to be thought of as being a whinger. However, in my experience of having left the covert narcissist I found an overwhelming need to have somebody understand. My wife was (is) very good at projecting a public image of sweet innocence, despite being cruel and vindictive in private. I got so many looks of disbelief and close friends just wanted to find reasons why the failure of the relationship was my fault. I don't claim to be perfect, but it's very disheartening when people look at you like you're crazy, when you know perfectly well what kind of hell you've endured. So, it's very understandable why these people keep wanting to talk about the abuse.

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Wow. Wonderful insights. 🙂 Thank you. ❤️

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Dr. Carter, I was married for 41 years and endured a lot of abuse. The abuse got so bad, that I made him leave the home. I filed for divorce and I'm three months out from the final divorce hearing. My ex-husband said he didn't trust me during our entire marriage until I made him leave. He said that it took guts to do what I did. Can you please explain why it took making him leave the home before he began to trust me?.

[@DawnSelby-k5w]

He's just working another angle. Don't take his words on too deeply.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

@@DawnSelby-k5w Thank-you. And there will always be another angle, too.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

OK, I've got a lot of questions lately. 🙂 When a child grows up in a malignantly narcissisitic family, are they sometimes inclined to keep their parental bond (pathetic as it is), as the primary bond, rather than making their bond to their spouse their primary bond? Some sort of, "I'm not ok until mother says I am. I've been working on that for 50+ years. Once I get her approval for who I am, then I can attach to my spouse." Like being way more focused on his bond with his mother, even though he spends almost no time with her...

[@user-hr1ci1gq8i]

None, a lightbulb has to want to change

[@jazzsoul1695]

I will tell you what: Their reasoning is all twisted. They need to make you wrong, and themselves right! My landlord has like 50 reasons why she can't fix my windows. She uses excuses that they have to tear up the walls etc. It's causing me much sadness and depression. She forced me into a signing out of my tenancy with her attorney. If not she was gonna give a 60 day notice. They bamboozled me. My son's dad did it with custody. But I do stand up. Took him to court hundreds of times even with no attorney. I just need to say: be careful. She almost gave me a nervous breakdown, so I had to sign. I'm in later 60s. I need to live.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

Dr. C, in this video you talk about compassion fatigue. Would you address the dynamic in which someone gives some time to self-care and the narcissist treats them as if they are being lazy? I pour myself into understanding our relationship dynamics and understanding the effects his abusive family had on him and us. He likes talking about how is family has done him wrong, while he remains more emotionally tied to his parents and sister than to me, his wife. When I want to do some self-care, to destress and enjoy life, he acts like I'm lazy. Unless I am doing something with a group, such as going birding with others. But doing something by myself for myself? Lazy. And, the things I tend to do for self-care are reading, meditation, dog training, taking online courses (Great Courses, Coursera, etc.) I love to learn and I find it relaxing and calming and invigorating at the same time.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

OK, as I work through Anger Games, I'm finding answers to this. 🙂 Though I wouldn't mind more detail on this specific one.

[@pattymisch9676]

Good morning Dr Carter. You commented on a Facebook post I made this morning. Lovely, but I'm pretty sure you Don't have time to read through and comment on random fb posts. Just thought I'd let you know someone is impersonating you. BTW, your info helped me wake up and get out of a horribly toxic situation. I'm well on my way to healthy and happy. Thank you!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're right, that wasn't me. I often go weeks without looking at FB. I encourage you to block it. Thanks for the heads up.

[@KathyGarcia-r3p]

Exactly!!!

[@mac4830]

When a buffalo mum has twins (it's rare) she pushes one calf out of the herd to die. If people take the discarded buffalo calf and feed it (do the calorie math) an iron fence between the calf and people as well as high calorie food is required or 'bunty the buffalo calf' would seriously injure the human feeder. Some narcissists remind me of bunty the buffalo with their feed me or I will charge you behaviour.

[@thereisnoninadria]

Hi Dr. C! I loved the stupid video!! Thank you!❤❤❤

[@SlobArt]

My older sister has “followed” me from trying to be employed at the same company, actually applied to jobs I left to “replace” me. Has “followed” me to numerous hair stylists, to copy my style. She has called my childhood friends to hang out and never told me; under the guise my friends thought I was invited. I never got that invite. She actually fixed me up with someone with whom she worked. I dated him once or twice. Nothing happened between us. She ended up having a 3 year affair with that person. I could go on…. It is scary actually. I feel like I’m being stalked. Is this a form of narcissistic behavior or just plain nuts?

[@caroleminke6116]

No conscience period

[@heathermixson1265]

Checking the root of the family tree will tell you the pattern of growth they do, as well......brace yourself though.

[@michelepascoe6068]

I appealed to my mother, saying, "I am sorry for any way I have hurt you. I'm not sure why, but I understand that I'm a big disappointment to you. Please tell me if there's anything I can set right, or change. I want to be a good daughter." She shrugged and responded, "You were more sinned against than sinning." But she would not explain. End of conversation. I suppose that was her glimpse of her unjustified hatred and mistreatment, without changing. She was not about to try to reverse her decades of smear campaigning and playing the victim. She was not going to tell my daughter, whom she'd alienated from me, that she'd been lying about me.

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

You know you’re definitely dealing w a narc .. when they literally smear campaign you out of your children’s lives … my husband tried this , only a subhuman would do this .

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@victoriavitoroulis3273 yes, it is wicked. I learned about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation too late, but at least all my questions are answered and I've stopped being a doormat to my mother and her flying monkeys. Personal boundaries and peace at last! Peace and courage to you

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@michelepascoe6068 What an answer 😳💓

[@mday3821]

After my narcissistic mother died, I found a note stating, "I'm sorry for everything I did. I know you don't believe me, but I do love you. Maybe now after I'm gone, you can heal. I want you to have a good life. You're not a bad person. Love mom! Well, that is not a real apology, and it's fifty years too late to have a good life. Never married, had kids, and could never get myself together to have a career...and now I have Complex-PTSD & my Anxiety is worst! Oh, she left me with a mess of a house that I been working on since 2020 and probably will take me another two years to finish! So much for a good life! Narcissistic mothers are the worst!

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@mday3821 oh dear yes. So strange that she apologised, but show she knew to some extent, how harmful she was. I hope you can find freedom and peace and enjoy the rest of your life. Yes, these mothers are poison.

[@user-hr1ci1gq8i]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

[@bongofury333]

It sounds like realizing that you are not toilet trained... at 6o

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hadn't heard it put like that before.

[@GraceDeHaart]

Can a narcissist be in therapy, and still give into their narcissistic tendencies?

[@triciadreas9835]

I work ar a soda foundation like that in Vienna, Virginia

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to know there is one still out there!!!

[@rwdchannel2901]

I started smoking marijuana when I was 12 years-old. I wonder if that had anything to do with trying to cope with my narcissistic parent's abuse? Smoking it didn't become a daily thing until I got to 11th grade. I stopped smoking when I was 20 years-old and never felt the need for it after going no contact with my parents. My parents got divorced when I was 15 years-old and I moved in with my narcissist father. He relied on me for emotional support, but I didn't get any emotional support. I could have been kidnapped and I doubt he would have called the police for at least 3 days of not seeing me around.

[@PinkRoses58]

Dr C i mean 😊

[@marywratten416]

Can narc ever love

[@fred.k9875]

🙏

[@marywratten416]

How do I know if he is a narc. He was diagnosed with mixed personality disorder in the military. Will he ever apology to me for what he's done by leaving me for another. Advise pls

[@stlukes09bymycreator98]

🤚

[@davidparker5439]

👍

[@seascape185]

Sounds like Trump!

[@RobSlopezJr]

804 thousand views and only 609 likes. Wth? I often forget to like Dr. Cs videos, too. I admit, i am often processing the greatly beneficial info I have just received and do forget to like his videos. I am trying to start a new habit, and like Dr. Cs videos when I open them. I have yet to watch one of his videos I haven't liked. 2:47 about the trolls, I feel like Superman now, giving them short and direct common sense answers and it shuts down any "supervillain." Thank you, Dr. C.

[@pascm564]

HELLO, THE BOYYOM LINE IS THAT MY DAUGHGER MARRIED SOMEONE THAT AFTER WHAT I'VE HEARD ALL YOU'VE SAID SO FAR I DO BELIEVE HE IS A NARCISSIIST. OUR DAUGHTER FOR SEVERAL YEARS WITH HIS ASSISTANCE I'M SURE HE HAS HELPED WITH IT. I DOUBT IF HE CARES BECAUSE HE HAS ALWAYS WANTED HER TO HIMSELF. THE REALLY BAD THING IS THT THEIR FOUR CHILDREN HAVE LEFT US AFTER HAVE VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP. AS THEY GREW UP. WE DON'T HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF EVER SEEING ANY OF THE FOUR GREAT FRANDS. IT IS TRULY A HORRIBLE SITUATION. I RECENTLY FOUND SOME NICE LETTERS I HAD WRITTEN TO HER AND I WAS PRETTY SURPRISE. SHE NEVER RETURNED A RESPONSE. SO, I'M ABOUT REACY TO GIVE UP. I DON'T CARE FOR HER HUSBAND AND I FEEL AS THOUGH THEY BOTH KNOW IT. HOWEVER, I TRULY HAVE DONE SOME KIND THINGS TO STRIVE TO MAKE THINGS DIFFERENT. HE BASICALLY LIKES TO HAVE HER AND HIS FAMILY ALL TO HIMSELF. HE WANT TO BE VERY ADMIRED AND IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING. I AM NOT SURE IF YOU HAVE AN ADDRESS SO I COULD WRITE A LETTER ?? THANK YOU FOR YOUR GREAT TEACHING SO OFTEN. PENELOPE