Mastering the Art of Letting Go: How to Move On When You're Not Ready- Dating Advice

[@truecrimecurator9874]

Thank you for this wise guidance! Very helpful words to hear today 🙏

[@SusanWinter]

You are very much welcome. Thank you for supporting this channel.!

[@YouTubeUzername]

Susan always says, “keep the dream, replace the person”. If you ever think about reaching out or letting them pull you back in, think about how awful their behavior made you feel and all of the awful things they did.

[@Isla612]

But I’m bettering myself, this time for myself. I hope he meets my future me. I’ve realized my mistakes finally, it took me too long, maybe too late

[@SusanWinter]

Trust that the universe is working in your best interest. ❤

[@silvermine2033]

I struggle with this as well, but know it's time to let them go.

[@SusanWinter]

This is a terrific place to begin. I applaud you for that admission. And it means that you're on your way to the second phase, which is doing the right thing for you.!! Please let me know if there's anyway I can help

[@m1nor1_]

Please move on. Your life really gets put on hold and sometimes you don't realize it! Even if you don't find another partner life has much more. Please move on before your realize that after wasting 1 year or 5 or more! You put your life on hold but theirs move on. It's a lose for you.

[@coach_amy]

Thank you for this video. I am one who left someone who I have loved very much for over 13 years. This person would have stayed with me for forever. Yet, they are unattainable (compartmentalize, lie, gaslight, maladaptive daydream, microcheat, etc). I was not happy being with this person, though the structure of the relationship was perfect in so many ways. It's hard being the one to walk away, to give up the lifestyle, to give up on someone who I love, to give up the attraction, and to give up on the potential of this person who I picked out of a crowd. It took years to accept that this person will never change and doesn't want to. At least I've accepted that now--that is what keeps me from running back for the fifth (or more?) time and keeps me from having any contact. I feel like I had to remove a part of myself when I ended it. I want that part back. Keep the dream, as you say. Trust that my person is on there, and this relationship was just a stepping stone to them. I want to let go so I can fully move on. The resistance to that is real.

[@SusanWinter]

I would use the dream that they fostered to recognize that it is only your dream. They were the catalyst. They do not need to be the partner. Take the best of what was wonderful. Remove the micro, cheating, gaslighting and compartmentalizing… That is not your perfect match and I congratulate you for realizing that it is a "them" issue not a "you" issue. if you need assistance, I am here for you. Check out the consultation page if you like. Try and catch our live shows every Thursday at 2 PM Eastern. It's a very good group of people there.

[@coach_amy]

Thank you for your concern and input! I love your live shows as well. I dug into this more and this is where I’m at now: I see how I kept trying with Ex for these reasons (some of which was subconscious): 1 - I was hoping Ex would change and prove that I was right to pick them (avoiding shame for picking a player and a shallow, immature person...i.e. my “enemy”) 2 - I was trying to make myself be someone who wasn't bothered by the things Ex did (I'd be really "enlightened" if I could do that! avoiding shame for being too particular about my needs and desires, and for being too sensitive and aware) 3 - I did not want all my efforts and investments in Ex to be wasted (avoiding shame for being a sucker) 4 - So Ex couldn't trash me behind my back with the parts of myself I left behind * (avoiding the familiar childhood shame of existing and for being me--i.e. avoiding shame of being the target of a bully) * Parts of myself left behind include their knowing things about me which they could use without my permission--even just in their minds. I exposed myself and offered up to Ex many things that I know, in my right mind, I'd never want them to have access to. I did this with my family-of-origin as well. My Ex and family-of-origin have smeared my character as a result of my sharing and exposing vulnerabilities with them; they even joined together to trash me. So now, I’m addressing the shame-which is very obviously from childhood wounds and programming. I know now to not cast pearls before swine. It took decades to peel away at this, layer by layer-and that’s with my being relentless to get to the bottom of it. This is really disturbing. --------------------- Background: I have always been the scapegoat in a very toxic family-of-origin. It feels like always being the target of bullies. Thankfully, I am no-contact with those who are bullies (as well as those who are compliant with the bullies-which is just as bad). As such, the subconscious belief I developed in childhood was that it's a good idea to befriend my enemies so at least I wouldn't be their target. That's something I tried to do as a child and as an adult with my mother--and with plenty of other people. The thing is, it has always failed; they might be nice to my face (sometimes) yet trash me anyway.

[@hinayum]

Susan you helped me let go of someone who I was so deeply attached you which was so unhealthy for me and took over my life. Thank you so much ♥️

[@SusanWinter]

YOU are welcome!

[@morpheus3190]

Thanks Susan. I am trying so hard to move on. Dating again, trying not to think about her, but her memory keeps sneaking back into my mind.

[@SusanWinter]

oh Morpheus, I know it can be hard to get out of the loop. Have you downloaded "Breakup Triage: the cure for heartache? It is often times listed as free for audible subscribers and if not, it's only a couple of dollars on Amazon. It will really really help you. Trust me. It is the best of all my work. Here's the link. www.amazon.com/Breakup-Triage-Cure-Heartache/dp/B01KOTN5AI

[@mjtwinsyoj]

😢

[@richard-wg8pt]

Susan, thank you for this video. I discovered your videos years ago when I was in this situation. A woman I loved very much ended our relationship with no advance warning, and I could not let go. I begged her unsuccessfully a few times to reconsider. Then by coincidence, I saw one of your “dream” videos, and that helped me let go and move on with my life.

[@SusanWinter]

Oh Richard! I’m sorry you had to go through that pain! No one deserves to have a relationship negated in such a way! I’m glad you found resolution through my videos and hope your heart has found closure! ❤

[@richard-wg8pt]

@@SusanWinter Thanks Susan. I did finally get closure. Your video helped me do that. 🌹❤

[@trinityp8575]

“Unable to stay, unwilling to leave” this is my situation now. Trying desperately to let go. It’s so painful. I feel empty. ❤ I know I am stuck in the past of that 1st year of falling in love. It’s so hard to forget, it’s so hard to live as if that never happened. I cried and cried and I am making a mental decision to stop.

[@Micha-pf2pl]

I've made a right decision about disconnecting from a person , it was more of a situationship , which was providing a lot of of support , now going through depressive episode it hits me so hard after half-a-year from blocking her on social media ( I could not handle it differently at the time, then going complete no-contact), I do not now that those emotions can come again to me out of the blue ... thanks for the videos like this

[@Herbs-4-life]

What do you do if the person is not leaving but there is an emotional distance? You want to honor their need for space but it is so hard to see how to respond. Is the answer to just focus on your own needs and see what happens?

[@soleater5916]

always right on time

[@SusanWinter]

🤗 positive virtual hugs coming your way!

[@lostieaddict]

that pink blouse is so pretty

[@SusanWinter]

Aww thanks!! I love pink!

[@sheilasantiago3804]

I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

❤❤❤

[@eesperos7321]

Thank you Susan, I teared up a bit while listening to you, you’ve been so helpful, as always. It’s so hard to do the thing you know so clearly to be right but also you know you want so badly to just be real, to just work out. I’ve been struggling for so long with this but in truth, as you said, it’s all a matter of trust in oneself, self-confidence. Believing in the worth of my own choices, trusting that I’m doing the right thing. I really hope, every day, I’ll find someone who won’t leave me hanging and questioning :) Thanks again, you’re a marvelous human.

[@StonyStevenson75]

"..he said he could only concentrate on me/us fully, when he had resolved those issues." = He wouldn't accept my ultimatum but I still like him so now I'm sad. Stop it, you know I'm right :)

[@catherinegardener9511]

Your the best Susan!

[@juliapinheiro4063]

I needed this video! Thank you so much, Susan! 💖

[@marakinane2097]

Even at 75?

[@susanhaines7358]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@beachgirl4]

Great hair❤

[@lostieaddict]

I agree.

[@SusanWinter]

🙏 thanks so much!

[@omniadarweesh2013]

Thank you for your wise words

[@Aesthetic_leen]

Hi Susan , new subscriber here, do u take private online session for relationship advices. If yes, can you tell me how can i approach u... Im from India

[@SusanWinter]

I do offer consultations! You can book directly on the consultation of my website www.susanwinter.net!! I look forward to hearing from you! ❤

[@Aesthetic_leen]

@@SusanWinter thank you so much

[@amitkumarpatel2667]

Really helpful video, Susan Thank you

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome