When Your Partner Wants ‘Time and Space’

Anon writes, “Recently, an eight-month relationship came to what feels like an “end,” when my partner said that she needed “time and space” to herself. Since then, text messaging slowed, and then stopped completely. She won’t answer my phone calls. Can you please comment on one of your outstanding videos as to what the other partner should do, when it comes to a request for “time and space?” Is it best to move on? Is it best to be patient, and wait? Is a request for “time and space” an end-all?”
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[@bubot17]

I hate dating astronauts

[@SusanWinter]

😂

[@jaquelinejimenez2740]

🤣

[@mytinyhomestudio]

Oh man this made me laugh out loud 😂

[@DivaDivine88]

Just the chuckle I needed upon coming to a video like this ☺️ 😊❤

[@iwonderwhatmydognamedme4000]

I was so confused at first LOL

[@beccawhite1887]

Give them peace, walk away, and never bother them again. 🤷‍♀️

[@Lana-dv2uf]

Usually one spouse is smothering the other. No hobbies, no friends of their own, and etc. Every second of the day they want to be underneath you, and if you ask for space they will manipulate you into thinking you’re asking for something bad. Most people get into relationships and lose their sense of self. Give your partner time to miss you while you’re doing self care activities without them.

[@magebta1924]

Very well said.. 👏

[@ladybird761]

Or a flaky person.

[@arielle7557]

I need space buy still want contact, my space is letting me enjoy my own apartment to myself and you go to your mom house for a few days or this weekend I'm off I Want to be alone or spend this weekend with family or friends. My space isn't nothing more nothing less just I need my personal me time for a little bit

[@virtuoso9214]

My boyfriend asked for space and 12 days later came back to me. We’re now back together and things are better. Just wanted to share my story for the other ladies ❤ this video helped me cope. The space was hard but he needed that. I worked on myself during that space and learned to love myself.

[@yumnanasywa7341]

i give him space and time almost two weeks since we're not talking. The last time i sent him a paragraph "if youre needing some time for yourself then thats okay not to replying those messages." i tried to text him "Hi its been a week. how are you feeling?" but he hasnt replied yet till now. So i think he might really needed some more alone time

[@yumnanasywa7341]

ur right the space was hard esp when youre in LDR (11.287km) i hope he always doing well

[@Tom-ud8js]

how are you doing now? @@yumnanasywa7341

[@kristi4848]

@@yumnanasywa7341 I am currently going through this...I'm on day 11, we're long distance, and I made a mistake by taking a joke too far in a group chat and that caused him to get angry with me, and hasn't talked to me since. I have bad anxiety and OCD so these have been the longest 11 days of my life.

[@lyde.official]

@@yumnanasywa7341any update?

[@Iamsam-jl5fn]

Give them all the space they want. Don’t wait. They will come back after time and space. Usually means they just want to use you. Don’t give them the chance. Screw their six month rotation. Grown adults should know what they want. Time and space is manipulative IMO. I refuse to be stonewalled.

[@SusanWinter]

Agreed. There are legitimate times when someone needs space. But the time apart has been decided upon in the beginning. And normally, both parties are willing to try a temporary separation only for the reason to come back together stronger

[@m_jay5]

Hearing the words "I need space" has always indicated a breakup to me

[@mlantieri]

……then they will say, “It’s not your fault” and that makes you feel worse!

[@ytravi]

These people who ask for time and space just don't know what they want.. so stop dating people who are looking for entertainment from a relationship. Only date people who are looking to start a life long journey together.. Time and space is BS.

[@unearthlybeing9894]

I agree

[@ronn5650]

Dear Anon, take it from someone who waited without a definite time needed apart- run!!!!!! It’s not worth it:

[@m_jay5]

The words "I need space" has always led to "it's over / we're breaking up" in any scenario I've been in with a woman!

[@Snsjdjjj]

I think that’s just you overthinking because you don’t really understand the difference between a break and a fucking break up

[@elizabethmccaul2223]

You can't loose what you don't have

[@jenniferr8394]

"Space" is code for "I want to break up, I just can't get up the nerve." I have learned that if the s-word is mentioned, you might as well immediately break up and move to Pluto and definitely never speak to them again. I don't think there's coming back from space (cowboy). Signed, Person Who Thought Space Was A Legitimate Request Once Upon A Time.

[@SusanWinter]

Jennifer! I absolutely love your commentary. And your sense of humor. Thanks for writing this note to all of us

[@airbubble.]

My ex went silent for 10 days. I knew he was having some sort of emotional withdrawal thing going on, so when I eventually messaged him to see if he was okay and wanted to talk, he broke up with me, because I didnt give him the space he DIDNT ask for. Apparently he didnt need the space from his previous ex though.....

[@lilylife4426]

I'm the one who requested space. I love him deeply. It's not a precursor to a breakup, it's to think about some external factors that have nothing to do with him specifically, but more his life situation, relatives. A request for space should not be seen as a threat. Someone who respects that will most likely be welcomed back with more love and more understanding. I need space to process things, not look elsewhere. Space can make a relationship stronger. If the other party blows your phone off and act irrationally, it's easy to pull away for good. Space is healthy. The way then other party handles a request for space has a lot to do with the outcome.

[@musasnueve5119]

Your bangs are on point. You look fabulous!!!! (And thanks for the info!).

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you. Trying something new

[@Will4fun]

A coworker was dating a woman who said she needed some time and space. He told her to take the rest of her life to find it.

[@SusanWinter]

What a great answer!! Tell your coworker I really like their style

[@shanehester5317]

when a person says they need space many times it means they arent mature enough yet to deal with the complications of a relationship.move on and forward with your life.if that person later says they are ready to begin again u tell them lets just be friends.

[@rowoman4455]

Love the bangs Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

🙏

[@redsol3629]

When people need space they might not have the strength or desire to put some real work into the relationship. Abuse aside, people want easy happy lives.

[@RT-fs3tt]

Thank you for acknowledging that sometimes asking for space can have nothing at all to do with the other person.

[@theaaroneby]

Love the middle part bangs! 😍😘💥

[@jasonverchinski4703]

Yup everyone was right, the time and space is just a way for her to leave without saying goodbye. Time to be a hermit!

[@brego12317]

Thank you Susan. I needed to hear this. Excellent advice always!

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome!

[@JustMe-sj2oe]

As always, very enlightening! Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so happy to hear that you enjoyed it!

[@tt7753]

Great video and love the new hair! Bangs look absolutely fabulous on you!!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you, Catherine! I’m starting to like then a bit more everyday!

[@lucyloo7457]

Bravo 👏 Susan! Great subject, amazing advice. You hit this one out of the park!! Thank you for this Gem!!

[@SusanWinter]

You're welcome Lucy

[@carriejo5225]

Love your hair, girl! Also, I love your wisdom...

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you! Many virtual hugs to you!

[@kevinkoperniak7062]

Yep, saw it coming a mile away in my situation. Cancelled dates at last minute and she was becoming more emotionally distant. My gut instinct was right.

[@serenaroseauthentics1391]

Loving that hair style. The bangs are so cute on you, Susan. ❤

[@usash19]

God bless you susan!

[@OkJess0404]

You are 1000% correct! The guys that have said this to me in the past-I absolutely gave it to them and did exactly what you said to do-released all of my energy. They came back and yep, I was angry! So manipulative on their part. Ladies, RUNNNNNNNNNNNN! Thank you Susan! Btw, you are divine! Looking just beautiful! ☺️

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you thank you thank you Jess. And I love what you wrote

[@OkJess0404]

@@SusanWinter you are most welcome Susan! Please keep doing God’s work. Us subbies need your wisdom!

[@writerwannabe8778]

Hey this came just in time. I love you Susan! Your videos are really helpful.

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent. I’m so happy that it helped you and I’m so happy it arrived on time

[@writerwannabe8778]

@@SusanWinter Hi Susan! I hope you are doing well.

[@noellabella05]

Susan, you’re just too magnificent and intelligent. Looooove what you teach the world. Excited for your next live on this topic (and all your lives) and always your videos!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you thank you thank you dear Noelle

[@elisazouza]

For me it confuses me because it’s like if you need space to figure out if you want me then that’s confusing? Like you should know already…

[@LittlePoet]

When my husband told me he wanted more " space" I locked him outside...( always so good to see you!!!)

[@SusanWinter]

You’re too funny! That is certainly one way to do it!

[@amytiffanyhemingway]

hahahahahahaahhahaah good job 👏

[@acd1168]

I love Ms. Winter. You are awesome.

[@SusanWinter]

You’re a sweetheart!

[@theguynextdoor4978]

People are what they do, not what they say. If our gut is squirming, and their actions say that they're losing interest. Well, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck. Then it probably is a duck!

[@zztop8592]

Anything over 3-4 days space is a red flag to me.

[@joshmceachern251]

If she leaves you it’s a blessing level up!

[@aistyle6688]

You look fantastic Susan! Thanks KZbin algorithm for always sending ur video in a perfect situations! Always!!!

[@SusanWinter]

Hey, I’m lucky! We have to take the algorithm gods for putting us together

[@High_Priestess1111]

Looking hawt Susan!! 🔥 The bangs have come into their own & are now perfect!👌

[@euniceuwode4739]

"Hello dear do you wish to manifest your ex back or someone you love dearly?

[@euniceuwode4739]

±2348103378310⏯️⏯️

[@cinemaria]

I love you Susan you are the best!

[@SusanWinter]

🤗

[@dominiccobb6470]

Awesome video, thanks Susan :)

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome! Thank you for your love and support!

[@mitchellrocha3028]

Thank you this helped me go through it

[@vincentruffo5948]

Susan you look great ❤️😘

[@angelaone5350]

I love you Susan❤️

[@SusanWinter]

💜💜

[@aceofmen.]

Thank You so much

[@blissfulllife7625]

Amazing as always !!♥️♥️😘😘

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you, doll!

[@ninabond172]

Great advise

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so glad you think so!

[@nl6781]

Very deep and authentic insight. Absorbing every word of it..by the way, you're beautiful. 😍😊😘

[@SusanWinter]

Aww shucks! You’re very kind! I’m glad you enjoyed the video!

[@margueritecurtis2168]

Love your advice always and also your hair it's nice and soft. 💕🌹

[@SusanWinter]

You’re welcome! And thank you! That’s lovely of you to say!

[@normanmacfarlane6724]

From bitter experience. In my POV it's time to walk. Claim back your power. Agree with what your " partner " wants and delete their number . If they want to see you then they can come and see you and discuss what is going on. No one has the right to do that to you.

[@Ilianavega]

thank you!! I would have liked this video a few months ago. it would have been of great help. Anyway, in the end, I’m much better without him.

[@SusanWinter]

Happy to hear it!

[@womenwhodate7643]

This is exactly what I wanted a video about haha 🥰 it's great that you are touching on this. All the best! ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

Great! Please let me know if there is a topic that you would like me to cover! ❤️

[@Jocelyn_Jade]

Hi Susan your bangs look beautiful on you!

[@SusanWinter]

Why thank you, Jocelyn!

[@gerryvandepol7630]

She wants time and space? Good idea, here’s all the time and space in the world… no maybes … enjoy the carousel

[@SusanWinter]

Love it. Yes I agree

[@tayloryoung2068]

My guy and I got into a situation where he was triggered by something we were talking about. His past relationship was very controlling and I had said something that triggered him when he was pretty drunk. He started to say things about not wanting to be controlled. I calmly tried to tell him “that’s not what I was doing that I just wanted communication on if our plans changed” and he tends to shut down completely and not talk. So he didn’t talk to me for the next two days. I did go to his place and drop off of his birthday presents because I was leaving for a trip for a couple days. I just needed some kind of communication before I left. He did hug me and kiss me and say “I’m not saying it’s over, I just need time.” And as he kissed me again he said “I just need time” he’s currently watching my house right now while I am on this trip and I’ve heard from him here and there.. idk where we are atm.. and I haven’t been writing him. What are your thoughts/input?

[@satrams]

Hey Susan I did a session with you once on slow fade. Truth is I ended right back with a “I need some alone time” in a text. That was all it took to see the writing. I gave her alone time and never looked back. She never reach out again and I never contacted her. I found it odd that she would just let it go with no respect. Btw, your hair looks great ;)

[@eveheart2876]

I’m glad u walk away

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!! Hey- so happy to see your message here

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks @satrams

[@jimcole6423]

Space? Tell'em Bezos is selling seats to the moon.

[@SusanWinter]

That’s quite funny!

[@azimhaz6400]

Some people do need time and space, back the i give it to someone who doesnt deserve it aka my stupid ex. Time n space is for him aka wanna breakup. But my current partner is the nicesy person ever..when he said he need time and space i freaking out but turn out he have BPD disorder. He really need time to charge his energy and battery mybe for few days or a week then he can good again to spent time and communicate. I cant be pushy to him ore else things get worse and i dont wnat to lose him.coz he is the kindest person ever..he never cheat unlike my ex. So yeah time and space do apply to the right people

[@Littlekitten_]

Been with my boyfriend for 10 years , he’s a southside cop in Chicago and his job is ruining his life , he told me he needed a break … i don’t understand, we barely text and we hang maybe twice a week … it hurts so much … Thank you Susan ❤

[@DandelionSpring96]

How is everything now? Is it okay between u two?

[@HENCHMARV]

As a person who asked for space = it's a nice way to say it's over move on !!!! You did something wrong.

[@camellia8625]

The time and space request should not be without a set time frame and some jointly set boundaries

[@asmith4179]

This just happened to me. I felt his distance and asked him about it. We met at a restaurant and chatted. He said he is so overwhelmed with work and dont know how to give me the time Our relationship deserves. He said he needed time to figure things out. He didnt specify how long. I told him i would give him that. Then I told him i needed to leave (i cant have a meal or regular chat after that). We hugged goodbye and i said let me know and he said he would. Then i walked out. Now im beginning to winder if he thinks I dumped him because i walked out of the restaurant. I cant stop overthinking. It’s only been a couple of days so far.

[@Littlekitten_]

How did it go ?

[@ronaldharrison3005]

With the guy I'm interested in, I'm not seeing him that often anymore and it feels like the variable reward principle is at play. I'm going to take my power back and find equilibrium again. If he becomes serious about starting a relationship, he knows where to find me.

[@SusanWinter]

It sounds like you’re on the right path, Ronald!

[@HammerFitness1]

I'm also wondering what specific thing you're referring to by the time frame. If someone needs space and they defined the time, when that time is up do they just get back together? Do they start re-introducing communication little by little? Do they check with the each other to see how they are feeling?

[@5455peaches]

My husband of nine years has asked for space with no warning with no time limit we have three kids. He has seen them. He has taken them out that and has time with them but we have had a very little contact. To give you more information on the situation. We live plural marriage. I am the second wife him, and his first wife have been battling divorce for a few years and the three years I have tried and giving him every chance to make it better with her, they are still 50-50 divorce, but he has distance herself from me and he’s been staying with her after he’s told me he wants space to find out who he is. But I’m the only one he is distancing himself from any advice on the situation.

[@emilytreu2312]

It’s fairly cruel when people slow fade. They’re not even thinking about you and what you need anymore. Anon you should have asked more questions to her. CommunicTe to her that this isn’t comfortable for you… you’re worried. Her answers would depend on whether you wanna stay or go and if she’s going to come back.

[@morrielpanopio6632]

holy shit thanks a lot

[@user-yv1fh3fc8y]

You want time and space - you got it!

[@m_jay5]

Space = Breaking up

[@samboriboun2213]

Is that the same as saying i need to be alone?

[@ShenaeGrace]

Susan do you believe in LOA/ Manifesting them back?

[@SusanWinter]

Yes and no. I have a different way of doing it- though I do practice metaphysics. If their energy is pulling away the best approach is to provide ample space by moving forward yourself. This creates space between the two of you. And as long as you are moving forward and away from them they would find the incentive and curiosity to want to know where you are now

[@alexandramaria7754]

Hello dear Susan, Great video as usually! I feel sorry for Anon. I truly do! I felt while watching the video that it is a game strategy to end a relationship coming from someone who has no skill set to be in a relationship in the first place. We've got to be aware of this, and we must carefully use the vetting phase to protect our emotional selves from these kinds of endings. For me, it is insane to "discard" someone after having sex and an intimate relationship. Even ghosting someone online is disrespectful. What should we say about the Anon situation? It pisses me off the lack of emotional responsibility towards another human being because it is the case no matter what. Hug, Alexandra

[@SusanWinter]

Alexandra, he wrote me. I received this Video Request in September -and it was so good I had to respond to him. He saw the video today and wanted to give us all an update. He went no contact. She has not been in contact. And he has moved on. He knew what to do instinctively but I think he really appreciated hearing it from me and also getting very clear on the strategy and reasons why we need to make those choices for our well-being

[@alexandramaria7754]

@@SusanWinter I'm glad he did it! I am so glad! Thanks for letting me know :)

[@cuddy00000]

Dear Susan, I'll try and give a good scenario of my relationship. I've started dating a girl for a few months. We were making plans about next night off and talking about how people just started to talk about us dating. And immediately she asked for time apart. When we talked about why she mentioned anxious about people talking about us, it being very new, and how she still needs to sort out previous relationship. She is fairly fresh off a 5 year relationship. From her 5 year relationship she has dogs that she still takes care of jointly. I've been as supportive as I can about the dogs and never stand in her way in doing this and still contacting the ex or helping with the dogs no matter what we have planned. I feel like this isnt doomed but is it?

[@igatti9923]

Time and space? That's what CERN works with. Nothing different. Jokes aside, I would lightspeed-quit. No question asked, nothing to discuss, I'd just run and hide as fast as possible. That's just my opinion.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

An indefinite wait time is a relationship that’s suspended and in a slump …. time to dump it.😒

[@SusanWinter]

It could be the time to do so, yes but a conversation is essential.

[@stephenn77]

It’s future faking and dangling the carrot! We have to heal and let go! Time on our side does much healing. I remember hearing from a previous toxic ex “Go on other dates”. See ya!! Bye Felicia!

[@juliamissgoolia2030]

Can you clarify that this person meant their partner asked…to have some space in the relationship? Not to like “take a break”?

[@preetamnegi3656]

Mam I am India

[@nicolejaja270]

I found this video just when I was thinking about telling this to my partner. Lately he has been distant and damaging and is just a cope mechanism to isolate myself for a while and think things until getting to a conclusion in what should I do.

[@sandrabendt3691]

I asked for space because he lied I asked for space because he was communicating with other women.

[@tenea24]

And still I sigh..

[@mlantieri]

“I need time and space”….another way of saying “I’m bored and I don’t love you anymore”

[@SusanWinter]

often times, yes. That's exactly what it means which is why we fear hearing those words

[@m_jay5]

"I need space" is just another way to say we're breaking up

[@gwynnielsen5081]

Too much space often turns into zero when it comes to effort. If there is no mutual engagement, a relationship is doomed.

[@marilynharper5854]

I had to tell my boyfriend this he really took it well ok honey whatever you need i am feeling stressed overwhelmed smothered need to step out take care of my emotional and physical well being first foremost need time away from you for awhile

[@FM-zg5hz]

Any update?

[@marmalinda3837]

I asked for space after an argument, he ghosted me.

[@TruLuv2023]

Hi Susan, I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. At first, he would text me regularly and ask to date 3 times a week. Then over the past week, he has said that because he was newly divorced, he is not ready for a committed relationship but he also doesn't want to get into "fight or flight" so he decided to be stoic. He wants to continue seeing me but wants to stretch out the timeline of the relationship. I feel that he is more closed off which in turn caused me to shut my emotions up too because I feel like I was falling for the authentic self that I was seeing during the first couple of months and it hurts to feel like he has pressed the PAUSE button on his emotions with me. How do I have us resume the emotional connection we had? Thank you.

[@queenielamah3147]

I stay with my partner in his own house he is now saying, he wants space but he wants to be the one to go away from the house and I don't know for how long. Is it okay if I rather am the one to leave his house to actually give him his space and I also try to work on myself?

[@echschmidt]

When your SO requests "space", chances are very high someone else is filling it! Break -> Time to try out the new guy/girl!

[@ogdeuce4934]

What if they changed they number but never said it was over is it over

[@ciggytwiggy]

What if i am the one who asks for it even when i love them

[@questshun808]

What if we live together?

[@denizcelestin7700]

New relationship and I got no time frame from him. He was annoyed with me for a simple thing and said "I need a moment." That was a week ago. Very little contact from him but his dad is dying. He asked to get together yesterday with no notice after not hearing much for a week...I already had other plans. I'm just releasing him at this point...I like him a lot but I'm not in the space to do mental gymnastics, trying to figure out what he thinks or what kind of time he needs.

[@levicook8787]

My girlfriend, also 8 months, said she wants to see me less. So instead of 5 or 6 days a week to 3 or 4. This feels like a big step back and not good. She's still acting in love when we see each other though

[@FM-zg5hz]

Any update?

[@DandelionSpring96]

My partner wants to rethink abt our relationship when he did asked for a break up bfr but then he says he loves me i dont get it

[@kingofzombies656]

How long is space and time last for ?

[@kingofzombies656]

@@user-ys4ts7wk8f it’s a breakup

[@mobill93]

Anyone have advice on fighting the urge or guilt w.e it is that drives me to want to txt or just fight through it? Is silence better

[@HammerFitness1]

My girlfriend recently told me that she feels she has missed out on a lot of her youth, she didn't go to college and she was in a relationship for a very long time. She was single for couple months before we got together, and we have been together for five years. Just recently she mentioned to me that she wants to gain a sense of independence and responsibility for herself, a medical condition has kind of made her dependent on me for a while and vice versa, but she also mentioned having confusing feelings about sleeping with other men. I surely understand that lust, romance, sexual desires etc. can change over time, they can even temporarily change during certain periods of time. Initially, I was pretty heartbroken. I don't think she's on attracted to me, that's what I felt initially, but we've talked a lot and it seems that she just has some desires that she's afraid she's not gonna be able to get rid of. She's talked about it and wrote me notes saying how it's all about making sure she's the best version of herself, her focus is always on just improving herself etc., I think I think about the sex stuff a lot more because my sex drive is rather high and I just know that we can have good times, we just have to put together the right recipe for it. This video really helped me gain some perspective. I've been talking with my younger sister who is just a brilliant mind, and watching a lot of your videos. This one in particular gives me a really good guidance, I don't want the relationship to be completely over. Our relationship has been good And we both love each other very much. But I think for whatever reason, she feels she needs to experience the "single life". I do not want to lose her. I can't even text this kind of stuff without tearing up really bad. She's the love of my life and I wish you didn't have these feelings. Susan, if you read this by some miracle, thank you so much. Wondering if you have any piece of advice, even if it's generic. This video was absolutely incredible for helping me

[@lunaleiwhite6756]

Someone once said 'Incidentally the space required is your height, and width'

[@SusanWinter]

😂

[@euniceuwode4739]

±2348103378310⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,.....

[@aniketsoam8225]

But what if She wants a large space like for 6-8 months ? Should i wait ? Or i just call it quit? In between both of our exams are their and i can accept that much time period of break for exams and all but why 6 months ? Thats just a long time . She didnt even explain why ? What's inside your head .

[@armandobrasil7880]

Time and space also means they want to go cheat on you and don’t wanna feel guilty and if they get caught, they can say they’re on a break which is what most women do when they say that

[@nathantaylor2521]

My wife asked for time and space i asked her if we are done and she wouldn't answer me, does that me I shouldn't contact her ?