Obsessing over, “Why don’t they want me?”

They wanted you (or so it seemed). What happened? The loop of obsession over this question can feel like a downward spiral.
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[@YunKwokLeung]

I guess the reason why we would often have this kind of obsession over an unattainable person is because they once made you feel as if you were so close to them before they decided to pull away from you and it made you feel as though this relationship might still work out if we had done something on our part, forgetting that in reality any relationship only works when both parties are present and have the same goals or want the same thing.

[@ironangel69]

So true 👍

[@whosyourdaddy4579]

You said it so well!

[@Snailmail1]

I know this might be a dumb question but could you explain how some people would not have the same goals/want the same things? Does it have to be something important?

[@YunKwokLeung]

@@Snailmail1 Hi! Thank you for your message and I hope I can help answer your question as best I can: By “sharing the same goal/wanting the same thing”, I meant that, in my opinion, the two people in a serious relationship have to have their views on what they want in a relationship at least somewhat aligned (i.e. the goal), like: “do they want a long term relationship or not?”, “how do they like their long term relationship to be?”, “does it have to be full of excitement?” or “do they find security in having a rather stable but mostly routine life?”, etc. These are all a matter of preferences and there is not necessarily a way or need to say which choice is right or wrong, or better or worse, as long as we own both the good and the bad as we make those choices in our lives. To me, getting to know - and hopefully understand - what the other person truly wants in a relationship is tricky. As much as I wanted to play it safe and make an informed decision on whether or not to invest in a seemingly possible relationship before investing anything first, I find that I always had to at least put some effort in it before I could confirm if the relationship was going anywhere or not. In other words, we risk being hurt whenever we try to love someone with our true heart. What’s more, even if a person was initially interested in us, it might not always mean they have to stay interested in us because people do have a tendency to change as life events happen to them. Sometimes, they might realise in the course of being in a relationship with us that they didn’t really want what they were getting out of the relationship. For example, someone I used to love was also hoping to have a long term and stable relationship, but then they realised they didn’t want a routine life (having more or less the same timetable each day) but for me, it doesn’t matter that much as long as I know the two people are in love with each other- I can understand small surprises and “sparks” can help energise a relationship but not necessarily the single most important priority in order to sustain a relationship. If I am being honest I have to say that I am not an expert in love, but I guess the best thing I could do would be to keep in mind that we all have our differences and if you love someone for real, you would try hard to find common ground with the one you love while being true to yourself. Back to the original question: yes, it is important to have these values and expectations aligned in order to stay happy and content in a relationship with the other person. I do believe love is somewhat like a contract in terms of setting appropriate boundaries and expectations so that both parties in the relationship are happy with each other. And by doing this right, it contributes to the longevity of the relationship. I know this answer might be a bit long but I hope this sheds some light on the context in which I wrote the previous comment. :)

[@happygolucky9004]

I wonder if we dwell on why someone doesn't want us is because maybe somewhere in childhood we felt that way.

[@craigjeffries]

I love how the content of this channel challenges us to take the control back in our lives because we can't control another person's feelings, responses, getting closure from them, etc. After having subscribed to this channel for over a year, I feel more empowered than I ever have. Thank you, Susan. ❤️💙

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Craig!! thanks for the awesome comment and your support.

[@Saljarba87]

Happy for you Craig. Stay strong♥️

[@maceyr.6583]

I'm already tired waiting for someone to love me back. My heart is so tired right now. 😔 I don't deserve this.

[@aleayh]

I absolutely feel this 💯. It’s sickening that so many of us are going through this across the globe. I’m at a point of giving up on love even reading the word ‘love’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@maceyr.6583]

@@aleayh *hugs* 🥺🤍

[@coolqh]

Same. Hope you can move on and feel better soon. We don't deserve it.

[@SusanWinter]

Hey Macey. Put your eyes and attention in the future forward.

[@garthye4024]

I feel exactly the same, I feel defeated and exhausted from being heartbroken 💔 I didn’t realise that being on my mid 30’s and single would be so painfully lonely 😔

[@morpheus3190]

Quit chasing your DA ex, it is just not worth chasing these types of people. I like Susan’s analogy, don’t keep putting more money in the pot thinking things will get better, they won’t. If your ex doesn’t realize your value find someone who does. Find someone that values you and do not chase your ex who doesn’t care about everything you did for them. Stay strong everyone!

[@ronaldharrison3005]

Thanks for addressing this frustration. I’ve felt it before and I’ve felt flustered by it before because it’s a situation that can’t be fixed. You’re right the best solution is walking away from the person and staying open to other people.

[@SusanWinter]

There is someone out there that will see you for the amazing person you are!

[@MonicaSancio]

You are so right, Susan! Wow, the impeccability of your words to describe the mind loops that we sometimes have over men who are not showing up consistently. When we have others who are crazy to date us and be with us!! Let’s be smart & go for the ones who actually do want us!!

[@SusanWinter]

It’s not always easy to control our impulses and stop the cycle of constant evaluation. Even if you’ve never gotten closure from them, you can create closure within yourself and appreciate those you adore you!

[@rohanbhate1]

@@SusanWinter Woww Susan such a grt advice

[@MonicaSancio]

@@SusanWinterThank you, Susan, and you look amazing! I love that beautiful dress! 🤩

[@manassrivastava1048]

I literally ended up in tears as i was progressing through the video!

[@valeriewalker5831]

so on time! Thank you, Susan~

[@SusanWinter]

Perfect!

[@CrazyKatie89]

My family doesn't want me. My dad's side nor my mom's side. I just don't understand. 😢 I need out of this cycle.

[@sumitsharmaamor]

Great👏 woman 👩great thoughts salute you🙏

[@appleitree]

When we fall in love, we 'fall' in love. I feel that when we see someone, we put our standards high, or cutting down the sense of satisfaction for that goal which we can identify

[@elizabethlaughlin5111]

amazing video!!

[@eyabrock]

You are a blessing ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

🥰 As are you!

[@SF-pm1ov]

Thank you

[@niiskuneitiBANAANI]

I am enough but you people are enough not for me if you don't like me, hehe put it this way. Not my piece of cake, maybe someone else piece of cake but not mine.

[@camillabartlett9128]

🙏🙏🙏

[@AnkitShome]

♥️

[@akjvnkjvankjvnivnlt7122]

And they think you could be transfestite transexual or homosexual gay lesbian or biosexual qeer

[@runningwithscissors1564]

If these low vibe people think you are too much, let them settle for less. If you were good to them and they completely disrespected you and made you feel like you were nothing, know that you are probably too good for them. Pick yourself up and focus on you and your self growth. You will eventually look back on these people and see how much better off you are without them. Let them sit in their mess while you expand beyond what you thought possible.

[@llararulens8895]

There are no low give ppl, that's ridiculous

[@stephencostello8792]

It is so hard to see oneself as better than the treatment you get but your right. Watching this video has opened my eyes. The pedestal is broken now

[@colinheaton6934]

Thankyou perfect

[@secretlyclever4062]

Thank you so much, I needed to hear this. Perfection!

[@Seattlegal2]

I stopped obsessing the minute I realized that obsessing had nothing to do with them but it was looking for a way to blame myself. I refuse to blame myself for anything I cannot control. Thank you for a wonderful vides. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

[@SusanWinter]

Wow, SeattleGal. That’s intense. Why do we always think it’s our fault? That we lack? That we are not enough? I guess it’s most peoples go to… But it certainly isn’t true

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

It's always good to examine ourselves to learn if we did them wrong, even we were only 1% of the problem. With that said, yes, if they left us, it is out of our control and to me, it's a clear sign it's over, (closure) and I'd never take them back. They/we had their/our chance.

[@biegebythesea6775]

@@mikyl-fo8rh I don't think it is, especially not for women who have such a huge tendency to self blame.

[@scottkingston]

Very timely video for me. It almost felt like you were speaking directly to my situation. Thank you, Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

Scott, I love it when this happens. Perfect timing! I wish you well.

[@FITGAL1968]

Same for me, perfect timing. Whenever I’m going through something, you seem to pop in with a video that speaks to situation. Thank you

[@DJDM7778]

Definitely what I needed to be reminded this morning. I am picking myself up & have to remember to appreciate the experience, value those memories, but realize it’s time to let go.

[@Saljarba87]

She is truly the best. If you believe in God, I perceive Susan as a gift from him♥️💋

[@MadDogxbg]

yea me to

[@LharaBarnig04]

I used to blame myself if someone I love doesn't love me back but after watching your videos for a while, I realized it isn't my fault. It is now my biggest turn off when someone I like doesn't like me back. Thank you, Susan. ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

I’m pleased to hear that you have solidified your personal value and know what you deserve! Thank you for your love and support!

[@coolqh]

I mean, you can understand with your head but your heart is a different matter.

[@SusanWinter]

True... it takes a while to accept that the outcome isn't as you'd wish.

[@MrDrslump]

If I ever get the love of my life in the future , I will come back to share it with all of you, because right now I’m going through hell.

[@Lexie-c8z]

I moved on cut the guy off. Still a year later I revisit the situation like why does he still not want me even after I left he didn't miss me

[@Ckyt572]

Why, why why. I had FINALLY found a guy that wanted a serious relationship and everything was so good, the first month, good chemistry, attraction... And I thought, well, this is my last try, it was too good to be true, "What's the catch", I asked him. "There's no catch". "Is your heart open for me?" -"Absolutely". After a month he showed his true colors: turned out he was a dismissive avoidant. He didn't want intimacy, love, affection. I gave too much, I cared too much. I wanted him to see me. I was too much for him. He found excuses to pull away and break up. And of course, dissapear...

[@Amylynnklh900]

Hi, any update with that situation?

[@louisaklimentos7583]

You know how to make a person feel better . I had this problem when I was single but unfortunately I didn’t have enough self worth and married an abusive husband . So please young ladies listen to Susan Winters. I always wondered why someone wouldn’t date me or commit to me . I thought it was because I was a plain Jane and when I met my husband, I was so happy that I finally was in a committed relationship .I failed to see the red flags due to my low self esteem and self worth. Thirty years later , I am struggling to get out of my marriage . So please , if someone doesn’t want to commit to you , just let that person go and don’t rush into marrying someone unless that person treats you with respect . Susan Winters , you are a gem .

[@stillaweezerfan]

bringing tears to my eyes. i needed to hear this today.

[@SusanWinter]

Kara this is beautiful. Thank you for this lovely message

[@philipc4353]

Great advice. I'm slowly starting to get out of the "why don't they want me" mindset. And this can also apply to all parts of life. Job, friends, family.

[@SusanWinter]

Your worth is so much higher than you can ever imagine.

[@carter7937]

I'm obsessing over someone who told me that they can't give me what I want. I don't know why I can't get over them and the imagined life that I thought we could potentially have. But I also know that if my friend was in my situation then I'd tell them to not waste their time in someone who isn't invested in them and to move on! Your videos are so helpful!

[@M4nvrs]

I've been embroiled in this loop for a very long time! For a number of reasons; some of which I know and others that I do not. What I always find interesting is that there are many others in the same boat, but those people don't seem to meet! The cycle keeps repeating for people independently and in an isolated manner. This is a great video and message. I expect nothing less from the profound Ms Winter!

[@SusanWinter]

MMM!!!! thank you!!

[@sarafonfria]

I guess we want unattainable people because it's the closest we are to "having" what we want, which underneath it all is just to love and be loved, having a partner, a love story, a life project with someone... It's not about the person themselves, it´s about what being with someone happily brings to our life. It's hard navigating the uneasiness of not having that at the moment, and the discomfort it brings.... plus the idea of "what if I never find anyone"?. So we fill our heads with someone, even if that someone is the absolute worst person to fulfill said needs. I see it almost as a survival mechanism to keep us going, until we finally find what we want and the neurosis is over... The best thing that can happen to us is for said people to never want to be with us, because if they would, that would most certainly be a real tragedy

[@dreamergirl4294]

Exactly this is what m going through right now.. I ve tried my best... It's painful to knw that they don't care .. Now m ready to move on

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent news

[@erikpeltomaa9747]

I think the reason why we fall for someone that does not want you/us because we think that ``this person is so handsome/beautiful and kind im never gonna find anyone good as he/she is i just gonna find something worse.

[@MaryJane-hr9vn]

Yes! Very hard to believe there is someone out there that could compare to them.

[@SusanWinter]

BUT, there are billions of people on this world. And the one who has provided problems for us is only 1

[@NickiDiaz]

This message came just right at the right time. Felt cosmic. Thank you, Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

Love it Jin. thank you for letting me know

[@melissaa.7970]

“Think well of yourself” …. 💜

[@SusanWinter]

Yes

[@Pacifica74]

Because you've chosen them. You decided "this is the one for me." They just need to choose you back. It's like you're half-way there!

[@34Heldin]

I cried so much when you asked why do I need a person who doesn’t want me

[@karenwade6713]

So timely as I was struggling with this today. And I also heard the following verse this morning when having my prayer time: Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. Philippians 3:13.

[@SusanWinter]

Beautiful!

[@paredescax]

I kept asking and blaming myself for just over a year why this person had broken up with me. It took me a lot to put myself together and move on. Decided I had to start working on myself, and made quite some outstanding changes. Yes. Of course we know what happens when we improve ourselves after being dumped. That person came back into my life claiming willing to take things seriously this time. Though this time I set boundaries for that. Not so long did it take for the cold and distancing to make its reappearance followed by a block on everything after I made an ultimatum. I couldn't believed had gotten heart broken again though this time I felt I had no longer anything to blame myself for. Getting slowly back on track again, and really not feeling the urge to date anyone anytime soon but to getting comfortable again with who I am and be happy with it. In this process of healing and growing, the insight and sense of self-awareness I get from your words Susan is fundamental. Thank you so so much for being amazing.

[@SusanWinter]

It sounds like you are on a positive and steady path! I’m so proud of you!

[@datingdiaries1681]

We have to let these peoole GO. The why does not even matter.

[@analuisamaia8368]

Thank you! I so much overthink about the "why". In the end, it doesn't matter that much... it's just a way of not accepting reality as it is.

[@SusanWinter]

Acceptance can be difficult but is one of the necessary elements to move on

[@Optimystik]

It reminds me of a quote from the great book The Portable Therapist: "At some point we have to let go of the why and get on with the living."

[@FITGAL1968]

But it’s right after another that trick me into thinking they want a relationship and after the sex leave Make up excuses. Men in My age group are a mess. They want someone shiny and new back to back (50 and up) And they are no prize themselves. I’ve gone out of my preferences bc I thought a heavier not so good looking man will be sincere and that is not the case. All users and players that I’ve come across So I am now abstaining from sex when I meet the next person and will make them wait at least three months. If they don’t want to then they can leave. I cannot be fooled again. The dating world is abhorrent. I don’t do hookups Seems like that’s what they all want but lie and say they are ready for exclusivity and monogamy and commitment The only way to stop them is to abstain from sex. Woman are giving in much to quickly One even told me he had it on a first date in a car Come on, this is disgusting

[@runningwithscissors1564]

I’m abstaining from the dating, as well. It’s just so trashy and I want nothing to do with it. People just want to be casual about everything and want to have no personal accountability for anything. I dated a man 18 years my senior and I was just disgusted how he tried to justify his bad behavior toward me. I’m 28 and this man just turned 47. I felt like I was the older one in the mess I called a relationship.

[@FITGAL1968]

@@runningwithscissors1564 they’re all emotionally crippled, they lie on their profiles, just looking for sex Quite vulgar in their approach

[@Kloutkulture]

M I’m a DUDE and this has happened to me multiple times. Im tired of sleeping around and want commitment and all these girls play games! Hookup culture DESTROYED THE WORLD.

[@FITGAL1968]

@@Kloutkulture yes it did. The dating apps are awful

[@kendolynow]

I had to rewatch this video twice just to get it into my mind that I shouldn't blame myself for his actions, his bad behavior, treating me bad like I'm disposable and questioning maybe it's because I wasn't good enough or etc... why should I tear myself down like this? It's really sad and heartbreaking. I'm so glad I came across this video to remind me that it's not me. Truly isn't. I might have to keep replaying it to remind myself until I get over it because I'm really soooo hurt by him and this situation that I really feel so depressed. 😞

[@camillabartlett9128]

It’s not easy to realise that whatever you give or praise That person might still be in healing ❤️‍🩹 It’s not your time Be brave Don’t waste precious time Someone who waiting in the wings for you to close that door Soo another opens And behold there is the partner who is more attuned to you Patiently waiting Be blessed We are all loved 🥰

[@Imiolz]

Currently going through this and I’ve never felt this weak in my whole life. I feel like they strung me along. I’m struggling so much. I already know all that you said and I think well of myself but this hurts. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. The worst part is that I see this person everyday. I’m so emotionally drained 😊

[@lizzierose007]

They dont value you because if they did they would have a sense of responsibility towards you and most men want to hit & go. Having a guilty conscience is something they don't want in this life of swiping left & right.

[@runningwithscissors1564]

Just wait until it happens to them. Karma has a way of knocking these people down a notch or two. One can’t go their whole life treating people like objects and not have to pay for the endless hurts they’ve caused.

[@desertrose111]

You can be the whole package at the wrong address, you are never too much for the right person. Most of the time you are lying to yourself about being in love with them when in fact thats childhood trauma bonding being triggered because this person brought out a pattern for you to look at and heal. It could be you needed to seek love and approval from external source and you can not be happy internally.

[@skizzler1232]

Damn you on spiritual timing Susan. How you be knowing what's goign on in ppls lives? 😳

[@SusanWinter]

Hi there. 😊Thanks for this! I work with over 400 one on one counseling sessions, and this is a really common issue

[@skizzler1232]

@@SusanWinter wow

[@Mcmeggers]

I’m stuck in the cycle right now it’s been over a year I can’t seem to get over him . I was to much for him I know it because he told me multiple times ! My emotions scared him and he set up his life to not have to do to much feeling . But still knowing that I love him .. because In the beginning he was onboard with us , we had a connection, we had promise …. Then he changed his mind and pulled the rug out from underneath me and shut me out .

[@oussamayassine1377]

It's not a question of why they don't want me .is more like a fear of not finding someone like them .but we forget that we could do even better 🙂

[@SusanWinter]

Have you written down everything that you want in a partner? You might be surprised as to what you think you want versus what you actually need! Once that is complete, the universe will position you to find the right partner

[@starlee3376]

I'm really tired of looking for the signs, reconfiguring the situation in my head, the hoping, the longing and they make no effort and I get up everyday looking for signs ..... I want to be free. Thanks for your videos!

[@janebraun4482]

I think because there was once a special felling or connection with that person, so you can't understand why it all had to stop. She is right though, they may even feel unworthy of you, not up to the challenge, and this is so sad, as they don't really know you well enough.

[@davemaurer7341]

BAM ! Outta the ballpark on that one... Susan...you may have popped my bubble and broke that cycling of thoughts of "why not me, how can she choose a stranger over me".....thanks Putting good money at a bad investment. Known as SUNKEN FALLACY! #emptyspraycan

[@AbiBrown-q9k]

Susan, you are a breath of fresh air-love your insight-thank you for sharing with us

[@bibliothek8911]

Having a crush is so hard because of this and ı keep having them even tho ı dont want to. And this video just came in the right time. I am so sad about not being over him.

[@ursulatroxler7428]

I’m need to stop hurting myself I’m crying right now I’m in so much pain

[@TheClumsyTinkerbell]

Is it any better now??

[@dianepopnick5850]

I was told I was too good. I realized I was too.good and never looked back.

[@SusanWinter]

🥰 good for you!!!

[@panpandesbois9924]

Susan, thank you so much for this video. It's so funny because I've been learning how to value myself for some time now, and I've been over his rejection. But for some reason I clicked on your video and your messages became the starting point of a whole other process: forgiving myself, the person I was in the past, not so long ago, for not having respected myself in the face of his rejection and unavailability (whatever reasons it might be as you rightly said). I feel like I'm recovering parts of me. Thanks so much for that. Hugs from Paris.

[@lisakleva2229]

Because it hurts when your not loved back I keep saying why doesn't he want me after we were so close talked every day and felt so close it makes me sad 😢

[@annief.9256]

SusanI love your hair today!

[@SusanWinter]

Annie, thank you. It's so dry out here that my hair goes flat. 24 hours in NYC and I'm puffy and full again... so thank you!!

[@neroinka]

I don't think you actually have an idea about how powerful your videos are. The amoud of knowledge all of us can receve from you FOR FREE, is incredible. You're an angel and I truly hope that you feel proud of your work, because you surely should! Wish you all best, thank you Susan for everything you're doing!

[@SusanWinter]

Neroina… 🙏🏻!!!!!!!!

[@busterfrank1818]

This woman has a good head on her shoulders and gives good advice. I'm glad I came across this. It helped me to hear her explain it like she did. She gave me a "better view" of what I couldn't see or didn't see. I'm taking her advice and moving on with my life, I'm too strong for this. I had a moment of weakness, a deep sadness in me and I cried to someone I shouldn't have, I reached for support. It was hard, I never ask for help and never cry. I was just very sad. I still am but I'll keep it to myself now. I don't need to show anyone my tears

[@MA-yz7ef]

The continuous failure to establish connections over the past seven years has started to mess up with my head, even though I receive great appreciation from people in terms of friendships. I want to express my gratitude for the insightful advice, we appreciate you Susan! Been a long follower and hopefully someday I’ll finally get to learn something😂

[@valtersvilnis1113]

The right video at the right time, with a timely message . Thank you so much. 🖤

[@SusanWinter]

You are welcome

[@Baheieujlsksnen]

This is such a good video.

[@NCardude]

I needed this message today. Thank you for this beautiful reminder, Susan!

[@vforsejrv7801]

You are so good and so sweet❤🙏🏼

[@bibliothek8911]

Please talk more about unrequited love. I really need that.

[@SusanWinter]

Have you searched for particular videos using the search bar? I have quite a few

[@bibliothek8911]

Oh, susan ı have watched them all and going to watch them again for your kind comment. Love you so much.

[@thk5317]

How beautifully you described the situation... Of course it is harder to do it than to say it (hear it). I lately have this question in my mind constantly... Why do I like the person that doesn't like me? Although I now know this person is unavailable why I keep thinking of them? It is more like we make stuff in our minds, idolize the others and then it is hard to put them down of the pedestal we put them on. I wish my healing process be a bit faster this time. I am losing way to much time and energy for a person that doesn't like me back... Thank you for your wonderful video!

[@ava-jl1ll]

Susan thank you for the recent session on first date convos. Getting back into dating after heartbreak and previous disappointments is scary esp now in mid 30s. All those tips are so appreciated and welcomed

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome! I hope those tips helped you! Dating again after awhile can be very tricky!

[@Lexie-c8z]

A guy promised me all these things he would give me(love affection etc)if I gave him the chance, never did. Got sex from me then completely changed like he literally just became a body. And I can't understand it. I cut ties but after a year I'm still like how????

[@nestae7446]

i’m crying

[@greuser]

I'm attracted to good looking women and maybe this applies to many men. Most of these women have so many options so the one time you do get lucky with one and it's short-lived, you're devastated because deep down you feel you can't find another one of a similar caliber. I think that's why we tend to obsess over these partners who are perceivably of a high value (because they probably are). You can settle for someone of a 'lower caliber'(less good looking/poorer/less educated/less sophisticated whatever that is) but that also makes it less exciting. I don't know if there's a solution to this besides 'settling' (which is again not interesting/doesn't spark love). Relationship experts like to pretend as if everyone is of equal value and that's just not the reality.

[@gatagraciela5]

You are right, but do you feel intimidated standing next to this gorgeous person and asking yourself do you deserve this?

[@janebraun4482]

This applies to women too. High caliber or high value is rather rare so yes you will obsess over one person as people are unique in this world. They can't exactly ever be replaced; Susan have even spoken about meeting 'your dream'. It could be that each side doesn't feel worthy and one or both will mess it up.

[@neuchaos]

The solution is to stop thinking someone is “low value” because they don’t fit the beauty standard, don’t make as much money, aren’t as educated. All those things can eventually fade with time and for the average person they do. If you want something that last beyond money & looks you have to dig deeper and stop thinking you’re “settling.” A lot of people would find their soulmate if they really placed actual compatibility & companionship before looks & money. Not saying looks and money and status aren’t important but way too many people center that in what they want in a partner.

[@joedesktop8546]

Well, I got a better job, gave up the look and style that I liked and copied others on the street,was never overweighted, read books to learn how to comfort others and spent lot of time reflecting on what I did that might push people away...and still no one wants me,I don't think I'll ever find love. it only gets more frustrating everyday

[@Liz-in8lu]

The reason we focus on “this one “is because not every single person is interested in us. The myth that there’s plenty of fish in the sea is not accurate. So many people are broken that it’s hard to find anyone who remotely is interested

[@Elena-wh4sz]

You’re so beautiful adorable angel! Thank you for your work and your authenticity!❤️

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Elena. I really appreciate YOUR beautiful message!

[@haikalyusuf4058]

Thank you, I needed this :( I thought we really connected on so many levels - shared values, dreams, we vibed well & I really cared for her. Then all of a sudden she cut it off. Hurts so bad because I truly thought she was the one. Thank you Susan, it’s been hard to forget her but I need to move on.

[@Jakilyn]

I struggled with this because he relentlessly pursued me for 5 months, then got me, and dropped me. It's literally dizzying He says I "check off the list on everything he wants" His "dream girl" But drops me when I set boundaries on female friends It was a sad time waster for me😊

[@edithmatsane2932]

Thank you...

[@kevinkoperniak7062]

She did… then didn’t. I think I may have become too needy and she lost attraction to me. Then could tell and feel it was going to end. As soon as I got the “I need to find myself text,” I knew what was coming next.

[@arbitrarylib]

❤

[@Photo-ms1mo]

I'm attractive, fit, successful, sexy, kind, funny, energetic but calm, emotionally mature, having great personality and why still nobody wants me🤔 Maybe except some total weirdos 😄😒

[@SimbaAliaye]

Thank you! Nose in the corner. Ha!

[@SoAwSoMeLyAmAzInG]

Susan, I am anew subscriber thank you for your content it has been so helpful! So basically the last four weeks have been tough because of his job stress. I have been trying to be there for him, affectionate, cooking every night, keeping up with cleanliness, etc, sending supportive messages once a day (not too much, we are both busy). But I have a few concerns and he has a few concerns: -My concerns: he doesn’t handle stress well, and he is the type to bottle things up or be passively aggressive, and he’s been turning to alcohol a lot, and doesn’t seem to have the bandwidth to reassure me or communicate kindly when he’s upset (he has said things that truly hurt when he doesn’t mean to, due to cultural barriers) i feel like he may be blaming me for being unhappy due to all the stress, I have a reason for needing more reassurance due to a mistake of his recently where he was texting his ex and lied to me. -His concerns: he feels like the way that I communicate is too direct, and I’m too pushy (I e I don’t have patience to wait on a resolution, I always want to fix things asap) He feels like he needs space, and that he can’t relax lately when I’m around him because of me asking for reassurance, he also feels like I could be cleaner with my things (he would prefer I throw my clothes in the wardrobe then leave them on a dresser) and he currently feels like he doesn’t know if he sees a future in this country because of the stress culture. He feels worried about job security and providing as a man and feels like me asking for emotional support is unreasonable (like I’m expecting him to be a woman and listen to my problems) So, all in all, it’s been a struggle. I stayed at my aunts house last two nights because I feel like with all of this I need some space and time. I feel like he needs it to. But it’s hard and I wish I knew what I’m supposed to do.

[@kentjohnson873]

I'm not quite there. When I date women, 95% of them are unattractive so I don't really care if they want me or not (ego notwithstanding). When I meet a women that I am attracted to, the next question might be "why is she being nice to me?" Usually it is just a female coping mechanism. She took one look at me and decided I was not the guy for her. Fair enough but why waste the next two hours being nice to a me? That question will NEVER be answered. Ever. that's not what women do. If i see right away that she is not into me and cut the date short, I am an asshole. It's either that or waste two hours. That is the male experience.

[@Ravikumar-nc9bz]

Thanks Really love this message, it's one of those things that you wish you knew. We all know this but for some reason we choose to ignore it. THanks

[@fun2speakenglish431]

Susan my problem is the eager and interested ones aren't charismatic as the one whom I am chasing is more charismatic charming? So the I am chasing after I feel so much love towards him and not the same feeling for who is eager and interested!! Can you explain this please and I am a woman

[@dhowarddaboss]

This really is how it is though. I've been on over 20 dates in the past 3 months and of those only one has stuck around. I tend to be one of those guys who dress very dapper with a vest, dress shirt, dress pants and shoes as well as a tie and it seems like it intimidates a lot of these Women but I'm not willing to change how I dress for anyone. I love my dress attire and if they don't want to stick around then bye. Susan your videos are great and help with these things.

[@nathalieattard782]

Susan rejection also comes from family, friends…..not only lovers……. So how does one deal with rejection from family members……they are now too busy with their own lives…..they have forgotten hiw much i supported them in their younger days…….and now that I am elderly and alone…..i seem to be out of their thoughts and their lives How do i deal with that?

[@jspin6871]

Susan, I adore your content. I wish i could justify affording your help, haha. If you ever have a poor folk special discount, let me know❤

[@vixter28]

I know it’s not about me ! He needs to get his Sh*t together Yup I’m more than he can handle! I know he doesn’t feel worthy of me

[@butchknouse8316]

How about addressing the singles of both sexes who constantly get questioned by older relatives about not being married??

[@annbelcar65]

Unreal!! Was gonna look up Susan's channel about this very subject- still obsessing- and before I could this video just popped up! Always relevant, always insightful, always so so helpful!! Thank you Susan for your calming and down to earth advice! 🤗

[@SusanWinter]

I truly hope you found it helpful! It’s so wonderful how the universe works and puts things in front of you that you need.

[@thatboringdude9429]

This lady is so wise. God bless you, Susan. Sending you a big hug from England.

[@HandmadeItalianLeather]

What are some ways a single mother working full time that has to have a bicycle for transportation and never any extra smoney at all after bills and what little food I can get be and FEEL successful?

[@waggawaggaful]

If you look like a lingerie model and he doesn’t want you, there’s something wrong with HIM, not you!

[@Loch1210]

There’s definitely something about me she just doesn’t like. I’m interested because she is super pretty and her seggs game is amazing.

[@mr.soundguy968]

It's really to be recommended to read about attachment styles. In many cases, it's not that you're not attractive enough, intelligent enough, nice enough, but the person on the other end just can't receive it.

[@asahel980]

Be mature enough I guess , one of the many facts of this life of ours not to get what you want/love the most and I learned that the hard way and I was too stupid back then , I shouldnt have chased her after a break up .

[@kate9653]

Sometimes we are just different people. It has nothing to do with someone’s value. People who are emotionally smart and have practiced self discipline and can logically look into the future to see we are not aligning, then that’s it. That’s literally it. It hurts. Especially if this is with someone who is a game player and pretended to want the same things and then got scared or changed their mind. At this point I think it’s the way this is discussed with the other party that is so important. If you just leave by ghosting and avoiding and don’t give a reason to someone out of fear of hurt peoples or fear whatever/ this leaves the other person feeling incredible pain and confusion. Let’s leave relationships with Grace and respect by having an honest conversation. With gentleness and kindness. It’s not difficult to do. Another thing is: scarcity. It’s a biological survival tactic human beings have instilled in our brains started at the beginning of time. If we can recognize that the power of LOSS is the primary motivation and recognize that maybe this person isn’t even that great, it’s just the losing part we are feeling. This can be big to a persons healing.

[@loredanamunteanu5834]

So beautiful message 🌸 thanks ✨

[@SusanWinter]

🙏🏻

[@jackiehall__7275]

Beautiful truthful video's I'm new to your channel and I enjoy it thank you 😊