TEDxIsfeld Bill Pozzobon Breaking the Boys Code of Masculinity

Bill has worked on gender and violence issues with youth and educators for over a decade. In his role as Director of the SafeTeen Boy's Program, he trains the new SafeTeen Agents for Change and co-leads Educator Trainings locally, nationally and internationally. With humour and skill Bill invites the boys and men he works with to step into their full humanity with dignity and courage.

"I am a strong believer in the power of personal choice and heart centered action. My own personal journey and the undeniable impact on the thousands of young men I have worked with, give me an enduring passion for this work."
Bill is also an actor, director, acting teacher and inspirational public speaker who brings powerful personal narrative and a vision for a better world to his work. Find out more about his work at safeteen.ca
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TED has created a program called TEDx. TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. Our event is called TEDxIsfeld, where x = independently organized TED event. At our TEDxIsfeld event, TEDTalks video and live speakers will combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events, including ours, are self-organized.
This independent TEDx event is operated under license from TED.

[@ilovehistoryn.a.h9446]

The person who told me that men do cry and it's ok to show emotions and affection was my dad. I never seen him trying to hide his emotions, good or bad. He says: I'm human, and that is being human. My dad is a good man with strong character and honesty. Thank you dad for the insights and teachings you gave me!

[@BrutusAlbion]

To sum it up. Men should not look at what society expects from them but what they expect from themselves.

[@BrutusAlbion]

***** Uhm how about best of both worlds?

[@_aidid]

BrutusAlbion However the society should change.

[@tinamckee1390]

Depends how they were raised

[@Ayatron34]

Masculinity is what I say it is, for me. I am self defining. And all men should be.

[@Ayatron34]

***** "I" is whatever I want it to be. I have little in common with my parents.

[@1995yuda]

+Ayatron34 That's an over simplification of a great ongoing war against men throughout their lives. This war have consequences that have to be reversed. Most men don't even understand or have the ability to self define.

[@Ayatron34]

Jennifer Grove How'd you figure.

[@DarkMoonDroid]

How'd you not see it? It's pretty obvious.

[@Ayatron34]

Jennifer Grove The leap between being self defining, to Adolf Hitler? Not obvious at all, no.

[@WinglessFeuer]

Everyone has a right to feel emotions and shouldn't feel judged for feeling them. It is ok to cry when you're upset, to feel vulnerable, and shame on those who force people to stick to one stereotype or another. With that said, it's also ok to NOT cry sometimes too. There shouldn't be pressure one way or the other, but simply to be able to express one's emotions in a healthy manner and not feel like a "wuss" for it. There's a difference between handling emotions, suppressing them, and expressing them in a unhealthy way (like lashing out). This is true for both men and women.

[@SoniKZooM]

6:05 "Let's take this idea of crying a bit further." *camera suddenly zooms in, as if the cameraman's attention was caught* Am I the only one who noticed that coincidence? xD

[@Cynthia-Landers]

I have believed for many years that men need a mannist or masculinist movement, for the same reason that women needed the feminist movement: To create support for the notion that "I will decide for MYSELF what kind of man I [BLEEP]ing please to be--not others, not society, not media, not the culture. I DECIDE what kind of man I am & want to be. Not anybody else." General masculine cultural myths say that men already decide that for themselves, but that's frequently not true. Consider Pozzobon's example with the hand-holding. He internalized his dad's dysfunctional example, with NO conscious knowledge of it. He had to do the work--as we all do, in increasing degrees of conscious awareness as we mature--of looking at what he had absorbed from others, & decide whether he wanted to keep it or not. All of this is the work of the life span; we should never get done.

[@TeacherPauloPontes]

I think this talk was great. Kids don't need to be told 'you're a big man now', they simply need to be explained how to deal with their emotions in a positive and productive way. We are hardly taught how to handle our emotions in many ways (e.g. getting rejected by a girl, being embarrassed in public) since we are kids. I believe that while it is practically inevitable to pass on our culture and beliefs on to our kids (it applies to men and women i think), we do have to consider HOW that information is passed on, and most importantly provide the tools so the children after us could be able to better manage themselves.

[@Sobrenossavisaodistorcida]

I agree. I believe men IN GENERAL - the ones who do not (try to) question "WHY" things are the way they are - have a very wrong idea of themselves. Probably because they were raised among people who gave them the wrong idea of who they are and how people think they should be. What they THINK they are is not what they express and show to others. At some time in their lives, if they are smart, they recognize that. What they want to be is simply what they want to be until they are able to do something efficient and understandable (to others) with their desires. Talking about society as a whole, women are making changes in modern and contemporary society, and because people have to live and deal with each other, many men and women who don't want to think or who are too comfortable or afraid hide behind a genre model (something that also changes with culture. Sex doesn't change, unless you have a surgery. The definition of masculinity and femininity do). Because changing is difficult and requires work. And nobody likes having to work on something. Resistance is expected and natural.

[@cicero1178]

Can you explain the point of your comment? it seems like you want boys to be taught how to be like women

[@samkapurfilmes]

I read all comments... that's exactly what I think should be done: both genres, or sexes - if you prefer that way - should be taught alike. Your question suggests that you think "women" and "boys" are not equally worth of the same teachings (I wonder why, in your point, are women/female adult and boys/male kids? Is that something to do with how you expect responsibility to be shared?). You think they should have different educations? Because if they are biologically different anyways, I think that if you educate them the same way, then we would know what is trully different, and not only what is socially different (the talk already explains that). Could you explain your point? Sorry if I misinterpreted you...

[@marcodavalos3203]

Cicero too many people now a days try to castrate men. Let me swing my balls!

[@wolfboy18]

Wow this was very thought provoking. It is amazing the baggage that society can thrust upon us all.

[@realnaveen]

💯

[@vivian4949]

Aaaahhhh 2nd video I've watched today of good male role models who actually get the big picture, thank you so much for all the good men who're trying hard to teach other men to change their behavior and helping women understand what's actually inside the male brain (I mean the head up top).

[@carmengeorgeweddings3906]

Men need the freedom, as women do, to explore what they want and need to be happily themselves. We all need to be aware of what codes others in our gender, class or skin color expect from each other and how that can be damaging to other genders, classes, cultures and groups. It's a conversation about making choices as an individual, beyond belonging to a group. I recommend Tony Porter's Ted Talk as well. I think his is more clear. He gives great examples.

[@blahdelablah]

***** The lines between nature and nurture are still very fuzzy, but more research into this area would be welcome.

[@blahdelablah]

***** You can't dissect the nature vs. nurture debate by saying "we are apes" because you don't know how behavior of apes is determined by nature vs. nurture. Scientific study into this area makes sense.

[@CanadianMGTOW]

"Men need the freedom, as women do, to explore what they want and need to be happily themselves." -- They already DO and it is called MGTOW (men going their own way). Feminism has poisoned society and women have priced themselves out of the market. Instead of wasting our time and resources marrying women, we focus on our own development and growth. Society in general is toxic to men, and it will only be a matter of time before 50% of men identify themselves as MGTOW. It is already at those levels in Japan.

[@blahdelablah]

Canadian MGTOW Men focused on our own development and growth, great, not going to argue with that. Let's start by getting our house in order, yes? For one, misogyny has got to go, agreed? Doesn't exist anymore?? Search on KZbin for a video titled 'Do Nigerian Men sleep with the househelp' for what I'd describe as close as you'll find to misogyny in its pure form. Would like to hear your response. P.S. I'm a man.

[@blahdelablah]

Canadian MGTOW Feminists are irrelevant here, we're talking about men setting their own standards. I'm asking you, from one man to another man, to look at a video that displays attitudes that we should talk about for the sake of male honour. So let's try this MGTOW stuff... if you were in the same room as the men in the video I mentioned previously, what, if anything, would you say to them?

[@LJY08]

Guys that construct their own code, are always more interesting and charismatic...and therefore much more attractive as a partner. Not that this should EVER be a man's ultimate drive (to attract female/other male attention), merely to state that, if you are looking for a partner, you'll have a better caliber of relationship if you construct your own code, because your partner will really respect you for it. Good luck guys! I hope for all of you that you find your own code; it's hard, but it's worthwhile xxx ooo ;-)

[@ValarMorghulis...]

Exactly what "code" are you speaking of and what do you define the word code, in this case, to be? You are a female I take it so another question is who are you to define a man's "code" (again I have no clue what you or other people even mean by this word)? After I find out your definition of a "code" I'd like to know what "kind" of partner you're looking for and what you believe their "caliber" should be to attract your gracious respect? Also why shouldn't it EVER be a man's "ultimate drive" to attract female attention? From what I've gathered from my scientific and in depth research males "ultimate drive" is to mate and to take care of the most attractive and nurturing female they can achieve. "Good luck guys! I hope for all of you that you find your own code; it's hard, but it's worthwhile xxx ooo ;-)..." So maybe you are a male because you claim it's hard to find this "code" which I have no idea what that means. I know you aren't a male, though, but you say good luck! Thanks, we need good luck with women like you out there wanting everything we have but then claim you need/want nothing from men at the same time because you are "equal/superior" and that "men are just dysfunctional women" and we are unnecessary/not needed "anymore" and just "hulk angry/hulk smash" everything. Again when I hear your definition of "code" I'll also understand what you mean by "finding a code" and what you mean by "it" being worthwhile... I can make an assumption that you mean if a man has said "code" you approve of (aka it benefits you in such a way that you live a most spoiled, easy-going, and rich (rich as in plentiful not just money) lifestyle) he will find it worthwhile to transfer and place emotional and monetary wealth into your divine and angelic female being? Wait I sound very angry as if I'm trying to attack you while I don't even actually know you... But I'm just projecting my take according to my lengthy experiences with society and the "modern" socialist/feminist female.

[@ZosiaSamosiaOo]

***** My brain's just exploded.

[@ValarMorghulis...]

ZosiaSamosiaOo mine did too

[@LJY08]

***** Listen to the speech and try and understand. As for a partner? I already have one.

[@ValarMorghulis...]

LJY08 I don't understand what you're saying? Maybe it's because my brain exploded/explodes multiple times per day because I guess I have OCD ADHD philosophical brain that fires 30 trillion neurons per second. Sorry can't help it, but besides that I didn't understand your comment... "As for a partner..." etc?

[@carmensierra3935]

so many women support the men of today to be strong and confident in their beliefs and stand up for themselves! we are here supporting you, we know u can do it, and so much freedom will rush through you that doubts and fears will seem so very far away

[@yitzchakepstein2142]

I've never been told not to cry because I'm a guy. I just don't like expressing my emotion like that. Sure, I tear up out of frustration every once and a while, but I don't cry.

[@JaySomething]

You don't have to be verbally told. It's implicit in our societal norms.

[@yitzchakepstein2142]

SC Arm Cannon It wasn't implied either. Men aren't as emotional as women, and when they are they know how to control their emotions. It's just how our brain works. Liberals and feminists are overdoing this "equality", and they're taking something that should be excepted about individual others, and applying it as essential to the collective.

[@JaySomething]

Yitzchak Epstein you'd be very surprised at how malleable our brains are, how much society influences them, and how fragile gender identity is.

[@yitzchakepstein2142]

SC Arm Cannon I know. Believe me. However that doesn't change what I said.

[@JaySomething]

Yitzchak Epstein it kind of does.

[@joshuadaltilia8480]

I've always tried too hard to focus on myself on being very masculine as part of my pride of being a man

[@madmax9538]

Yea man I totally understand you

[@drizztwubwub4899]

Masculinity is definitely a vague concept

[@manysharptongues]

I know. A lot of people say that masculinity is inherent, but it isn't. We can see how it's different throughout cultures. In many cultures, women build houses and structures and men clean. Gender is what we make it.

[@hunterpowers317]

manysharptonues: i know htis is a very old post but im curious if you can tell me in which culture/s specifically do the women build and the men clean?

[@Tsymar]

Hunter Powers it was sarcasm I think

[@lukeb8045]

I think both sides (so to speak) are telling boys and girls they should be a certain way. I do actually see and it has been like this for most of my life that masculinity has been pathologized and it is not hard to see that in our culture and media. There also is a very strong thread in our education system to belittle occupations like firefighter, farmer or any of the trades, pretty much anything considered "masculine". You don't have to look far in TV and other media how men are de-masculinized. Is that not also indicative of the message that boys have to be a certain way and not strive for certain ideals? I think that we can avoid a lot of grief for both boys and girls to just let them be and express themselves naturally. I'm old enough to remember the 80's and they were saying exactly the same thing as this fellow is saying. I do get what the problem is, people don't like to be told that they have to, or should be a certain way. I agree, but why can't we just let masculinity and femininity present itself naturally?

[@kacperm6555]

+Luke B I think the problem is that he presents this 'code of masculinity' in a very one-sided and mostly pejorative way. For him masculinity = violence/aggression/suppression of emotions. It's no wonder that some men may feel he is a feminist attacking/criticisnig masculinity in general, it's because he seems to follow this mainstream trend which manifests itself in portraying masculinity as 'toxic' (to use feminist ideology) and problematic and at the same time glorifying femininity. It is the men who need to change - not women, which is bullshit of course. And nobody ever dares to criticize women in such a straightforward, outspoken manner even if women also deserve to be criticized sometimes. As regards emotions - I believe there's nothing wrong in boys or men crying and they should not be shamed for this, but I think BOTH boys and girls should not be taught it;s ok to cry for any stupid reason cos it won't solve the problem, rather they should be encouraged to control such emotions like eg. anger - and the same standards should be applied to both boys and girls.

[@thegeneralissimo470]

Hear hear!

[@Al-ho1oo]

@@kacperm6555 Ps I know that feminine men and masculine women exist and that a lot of what is deemed feminine like skirts, makeup, heels has no logical explanation (considering the fact that these items had been used or often created for men). After all “The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations.” chimamanda ngozi adichie

[@coupiousblack4635]

so what exactly was the code? or is it more a set of guild lines?

[@TheJoelef]

after this i never want another woman ever complaining about not having a "real man"

[@ronette64]

You are very wise Bill. We do this to our children from birth. Too bad so many of these idiots can't see that.

[@7211_]

I was nodding in agreement all the way through

[@_aidid]

His speech is really encouraging.

[@ellennora5151]

I liked what he said about a person building their own code of behavior, and living their own truth(s). - Not going along with some preprogramed set ideas that basically splits the personality in half with “allowable” and “unallowable” thoughts, feelings and behaviors. As humans we are meant to experience the full range of emotions, not to cut our character in half, allowing only half of these emotions only for girls and the other half, only for boys. The vid doesn’t say what should we do different when a child {male or female} reaches a certain age and comes home crying and looking for comfort? It isn’t good for anyone to live in mommy-daddy-fix-it land and be all over coddled forever, and be encouraged to have no internal fortitude or insight what so ever, not after a certain age. They still need comfort, we all do, and even into old age, but we do also need to grow and deal with things more on our own, and by using our own thinking. Perhaps, at a certain age, we need to start to turn it around or redirect things a bit and, comfort them yes, but also ask them, “How are you going to handle this?”, “How are you going to manage this - How are you going to think about it?” “How are you going to think about yourself after someone did such and such or this and that?” Instead of mommy and daddy are going to make it better and figure it all out for you forever and ever. JC seems to have the most well rounded and balanced character of any person, woman or man. He experienced the full range of emotions, from love, to tears, to anger, and so forth. He also had so much love, in and as part of his being, that he transcended death. If men would please remember that a man is supposed to “Love his woman as Christ loved the church", (even to the point of laying down his life for her) “Never be harsh with her,” and “Have the proper understanding if she is not the same size and stature”, (these are all quotes from the New Testament)… we’d be a good step forward to a better society. As for the mascu-nazis posting on this page, I think they are just whining and complaining that someone else is not going to fix it all for them,… forever,… instead of figuring out how to think and understand for themselves. I also think they are trying to force from women what should only be freely given, and can only be freely given if it is for real. Also remember that there is only one proper way to conceive of a child, and that is through love and through freedom. You should be willing to look at a child every day for the rest of your life, and remember clearly and with healthy esteem and self-reflection how you “brought ‘em into the world”,… because you will remember it too, and every time you look at ‘em,… Or you are not a man. Thanks for Reading

[@davidkennedy6251]

This is excellent - a very articulate and clever speaker.

[@sarahbumblebee7740]

glitch at the start where it sped up and the volume went mute

[@usufq8348]

I totally agree with Bill, yes there exist (at large) lot of stamping down on emotions and it is also true that we are wrapped-up right from the starting point that decodes inversely (maybe debatable but i give a damn) though each gender carry certain tendencies, that doesn’t mean one is entirely a different species (am not generalizing)… yet the undeniable fact is most of us lack empathy & books at all major levels stand witness to describe how this has smeared into our social norms and how it has affected increasing instances of gender injustice, regardless of small or big. At times, it is so bizarre to see how one family member ruins the life of other fellow member just because of this phobia - it is indeed a global issue - it’s high time, we got to acknowledge at the grass-root levels & change sincerely & I think this is the right time… it is happening, it is under heavy discussions across… if not we, the generations ahead will change it anyway…

[@treadsurvival]

I feel like this talk is fundamentally and evolutionarily wrong once you see the way men and women think it makes sense how they focus their efforts things like this talk is making us devolve

[@carrow1057]

Covering this for 3rd year counselling/psych degree. Good stuff.

[@cybtb]

And now we are stuck with a society of overly emotional and anxious people who are unable to help themselves let alone other people. We have gone too far the other way which is arguably worse. Instead of facing challenges, we now need a safe space to escape it.

[@RichardHaukka]

Inspirational talk. Be yourself!

[@tattooism]

Great talk !

[@manysharptongues]

Men, it's time for you to stand up and redefine manhood for yourselves. Women have done it, now it's your turn. Don't let your fathers tell you what and who you should be, and don't let your masculinity be dependent on how much you can dominate women. It's time to truly be individuals, instead of just following blindly. Don't do it so that women will like you, and don't do it so that men will respect you. Do it for yourself and your own dignity.

[@andrewarnold9818]

Masculinity is masculinity. How the fuck do you mean redefine it? We are who we are, there is no hiding here. Anyway, the reason men don't cry in front of women is because it shows weakness. Let me explain from a biological standpoint. Women can only reproduce a few times. So they have to be careful. Men can reproduce a virtually infinite amount of times. So they have to be aggressive to get a female. The very fact that women have to biologically be picky in order to reproduce effectively means they won't pick weak people. And people that cry all the time are very weak. Therefore if men don't cry at all (in front of women, they do it in front of their buddies all the time when it comes to serious shit) there is less weakness about him. It is all about sex, and if you can't deal with it, fuck off,

[@andrewarnold9818]

***** Ok, but we are fundamentally different. The reason men don't cry is because it shows weakness, and whether you like it or not, a man who cries all the time isn't attractive to a woman. Also, we have testosterone and other chemicals. Our personalities are different.

[@andrewarnold9818]

***** Fine. But I like being masculine, I support ppl who don't want to be, and I am attracted to feminine women.

[@delvingdeep6979]

***** Your argument favors Nurture ( societal influence ) over Nature ( biological influence). It falls apart when you state society thinks feminine = female/weak/cry and masculine = male/strong/stoic. These are not weaknesses but attributes that serve a purpose in maintaining the species as a whole and its ability to survive. For the most part it's women who think there biological attributes are a weakness and something to be loathed, we can thank feminists for that. For what ever reasons our society has become self loathing when it comes to gender at this point. Men feeling bad because they just want to go out and shag all the time and women feeling bad because they have to have babies. It's gone completely mad, we just hate ourselves and each other for just being born into the bodies we have.

[@jinjitronic7457]

I've defined mine, and it's not to be more like women. Why does everyone have to fall into this feminine way of acting? Seriously?

[@austinwalker7354]

I would have added, "wow thanks for saying how you feel...I just feel like people should get an impression of what to say to me by how I am acting!"

[@oliverreads1536]

Can someone studying psychology please explain if it is more successful in the long term for married couples to live androgynously rather than in masculine and feminine roles? Or, are we headed towards a post-marriage future where androgyny reigns because marriage becomes untenable?

[@carlaricci8979]

amazing. Cool to see a ted talk on a topic that is just now in the forefront of acceptance. So excited to see men and women continue to gain empowerment by understanding how restricting gender binaries are.

[@aswaggyferret4280]

i didn't really get told im a big boy now when I was 10 i just stopped crying (for most things)

[@madmax9538]

If you are under a lot of stress or pain and you start crying that doesn't work for most men atleast not for me; if I am in that situation I take deep calm breaths and that helps.

[@RandHooks]

I created my own code, my own standards. Boys, and men of all ages no one gets to tell you what that code is. You have to figure it out for yourself. Then have the courage to put people around you that respect it, if they break it you can't be afraid to move on from them. It's the pursuit of a fulfilling life, when you find like minded people life's a bit more harmonious. The only problem I can see from a societal standpoint, is when we do things for acceptance and not for ourselves. No man has to bury his emotion, or be stoic on the other end no man has to cry at commercials. Feminism wants to blur that line (Your Code) for as many men as possible. Constantly moving their goal posts, manipulating you. STOP! Despite what feminists say, men talk. We have real conversations about our lives, our struggles and our fears. The problem feminists have is we don't do it in front of them. I say if you don't want to, you don't have too. The worst you (boy, young man, grown man) you can be is a watered down version of you that fits the narrative these feminists want. Here's what else to watch out for men, watch how women respond to these types of videos. She, whomever the poster is has to be at the center of the comment. Inevitably what that does, is take the topic (in this case masculinity) pour it through her feminine filter and give you whats left. Which will never be enough for you to thrive on as a healthy man. Essentially they (women) make it about them, and their POV and some silly personal connection from her present or past that doesn't matter. Here's why it doesn't matter.. ever talk with a woman and she says "I used to work at Hilton Gardens hotel back in ..." guy responds with oh I had a friend who worked at the same hotel back in "he goes into a story" .... immediately she's tuned you out. Why? She doesn't care about someone you used to know, that worked at the same place. She's not the center of the convo.. yet in still she will come and use a past experience to feel like she's has a stake in the discussion. They'll do the same crap that turns them off to conversations with me, to criticize you. In this case when talking about masculinity and how it relates to men specifically, she doesn't get to have a say. Men have to recognize this, more so they have to own it. Your masculinity isn't about her or what she thinks and it never was or will be. It's about your Code, and whether or not you have the courage to live by it. Example your one a date with a girl, halfway through you notice she's treating the waitress like a dog. Let's just say for you, that's not something you stand for, would you have the courage to tell her to she's wrong, and if she doesn't change how she's treating that server dates over pay for your own shit. Or.. are you worried about what she will think, thus filtering your Code through her and biting your tongue? Same thing goes for guy friends. A guy friend says he stole something and brags about it. Do you have the courage to look him in the eye and let him know, brag about doing some shit like that again and you can forget about being friends with me. Or do you cower because being accepted is more important. Now these are simple situations, but plenty of similar ones happen on a day to day basis. If you living by your code, unafraid of rejection you'll have a great chance at not being the around 40,000 men that commit suicide every year. You'll have the life you want, and the people around you that are right for it. Do that and you'll laugh at videos like this. FYI yes your Code does have to include following laws and shit. I mean we all love Omar Little but you can't do that shit and expect to live long! Be yourself man, everyone else is taken.

[@Lolly4twDasOrginal]

overthinking ones own believes is so hard, because it would mean that what you believed to that point was wrong, thats also why people so rarely change the parties they vote for

[@jessicashowalter6475]

The comments here, only seem to prove the very powerful system that has been put into place. Instead of taking the time to truly get to know oneself, and determine what is or isn't acceptable in relation to ourselves, people want to follow the standards that are set by society. It is of course, beneficial to be on agreeable terms with society (no one likes a rebel!). But it is important to recognize the harm that can be done through such enculturation. When we favor punishment and negative feedback over tolerance, it puts individuals at risk. It also further silences others that may relate or benefit from another person's unique story. I do not necessarily believe that gender roles are completely bad and that we should all be more androgynous. But I also do not think that restricting our children and, as they come of age, adults, to a simplified box of characteristics, labeled 'feminine' or 'masculine' is completely beneficial to the individuals, or to society.

[@killer4hire]

Jessica Showalter Why do you think that?Maybe it actually is beneficial to society. If you think it is not you should be able to back that up with evidence otherwise your position is merely emotional and/or ideological instead of rational.Furthermore you like the author of the talk seem to think a code of conduct is a problem and escaping from code is good. But would you still think this is the case in a society that would be according to your ideals? It seems probable you would object to breaking the code in such a society so all the arguments about how bad enforcing a code of conduct is are not arguments in favour of your position but instead are neutral arguments that under different circumstances would actually work against your ideals. If men lived in a feminist society breaking the standards and getting to know oneself that would mean opposing feminism and fighting that which is socially agreeable. I would say that such a society is not really far away given many examples of enforcement of feminist ideals. Take for example scientist Matt Taylor. He put a lander on a comet. An amazing achievement that put the progress of mankind in exploring space a major step forwards. What did he get after the announcement? Instead of glory he got a shitstorm about the shirt he was wearing (which he got from his girlfriend) which apparently was misogynistic. He was forced to an humiliating public apology. It seems society is already quite feminist today. School environment is already better catered towards girls (feminized) who dispite not being more intelligent are outperforming boys. Men are 9 times more likely to die in work related accidents. Dirty low paying jobs are almost exclusively being done by men. And so on and so on.Research has shown that gender differences already start at birth before any societal conditioning could have taken place. Female babies stare at faces slightly longer than males and male babies look at objects longer. There seems to be a biological basis for the different career choices and societal roles men and women make and take. If that is the case then all the political correctness in the world is not going to deliver equality as this would merely be a utopian dream.Perhaps things are in reality not as simple and straightforward as when viewed through a feminist lenze.Ideology is really poor at correctly defining, analysing and solving problems as such efforts require a lot of realistic insight which ideology cannot offer. This is why feminism works when the problems are very big and obvious (read undeniable) such as in much of the rest of the world but fails when addressing current first world issues where most women's rights are firmly protected by law and other issues are often not solvable by righteous indignation alone and feminists are not putting forth any practically useful solutions.

[@jessicashowalter6475]

And I thought that I wrote novels on the YT comments :/ Though I applaud you for making such a well thought out comment. Your first conclusion - regarding 'breaking societal code' is really only evolution. Obviously, historically, societies rise and fall. I have no doubt ours will be one of many to do the same - at some point. The only thing anyone, at any given moment, can do, is to move forward. As they say - we're only moving towards our death. And as is historically shown, societies and individuals can be misled or make bad decisions. Since women throughout history (with few exceptions) have been considered a weaker sex (which in some biological instances is true) - but you also have to take into account that without women there wouldn't be any society, until we come up with some other platform of which to build humans (which looks entirely plausible at some distant or not-so distant point). So moving forward with new ideas, technology, belief structures, is only apart of the process. Breaking 'code' is apart of that, sometimes such movements are small while others are large and can instigate much larger rebellion on a societal level (or even international). On to Matt Taylor - people should be held accountable for their actions, even if that is something as benign as their choice in dress. As for his 'humiliating' public apology - I have no more sympathy for him than I would someone who made a stupid political comment or anything else. I could care less what he was wearing - but apparently the media found it to be worthy of covering. Onto nature vs nurture. History proves that biological variables are not the sole foundation for what we have achieved. Society's evolution cannot be solely determined by our biology. Such factors - societal and cultural - have large impacts; gender roles being one of them. Furthermore, certain historical periods were more conducive to strict gender roles as procreation was less successful than it is today. Women needed to focus more on family and children to ensure they survived. But maternal and infant mortality rates are much better (especially in western countries). But such gender roles are less conducive, especially in a society that really needs more people to continue work in so many different fields. And in present times, gender roles do not harm only one gender, societal structure is intersecting on both small and large levels (macro vs micro). The tidbit about girls doing better in school - most studies show there to be no significant difference in intelligence (though I'll admit the studies I've read on the subject never quite measured intelligence in it's full capacity - there just seemed to be too many variables, some studies did better than others at creating a framework for them). Schools are more conducive to girls because of gender roles - girls are far more likely to be socialized (or even perhaps as you said, biologically more suited) to favor listening and quietly observing as opposed to being loud and obnoxious (many boys incur problems at school for lack of focus or for being rowdy, as opposed to a much smaller group of girls - this of course fluctuates some depending on developmental stage). As you eluded to, I do have a utopian dream. But I am also well aware that such a thing is unlikely to ever exist. And I don't propose to know all the answers - nor that what I believe is even best for society. But I'm not a fortune teller - and I don't suspect you are either. So in the meantime, I can only move forward with what I believe to be true, and continue to learn along the way. And of course, with no intent to harm - I'm not a crazy feminazi with the goal to wipeout either gender or even anyone who wants to take on more traditional gender roles - that's their choice and there is nothing wrong with that, I only seek to provide equal opportunity to choices among the gender roles, as well as with other marginalized groups within our society. Lastly, I will agree with you about first world (or third wave as some call it) feminism. It is a rather odd place to be, and one that provides no clear projection as many of the issues aren't on such a large scale as the early suffrage movement. Which is perhaps partly, why I am not a feminazi, it would seem rather poor judgement to be one in such a time as this. But just because I agree such a movement is harder to be in, and harder to capture in simplicity, I do not believe it becomes irrelevant. As with any historical movement, society is one large gamble and experiment. Only time will tell what works and what doesn't. Again - I applaud you for your well thought out response and respect how you went about it.

[@jessicashowalter6475]

** On women and men and intelligence - I forgot to add that there are in specific areas, significant differences. But not enough to classify women on a whole - as inferior to men. It's widely known that men are better at spatial recognition, and women are better at certain types of communication. Only to reiterate my OP, I don't claim we should completely abandon distinction among the genders. It is a biological foundation that we make 'judgements' on others. It is necessary for survival (being able to determine differences not just based on gender, but beliefs, origin, etc) to determine who will support us and who will be detrimental to us. Such categorization is how the brain works, and this does include being able to recognize the opposite gender (so as to promote and support procreation).

[@jinjitronic7457]

I.. as a person... follow the standards set by myself. The fact they don't fit in with the feminist worldview seems to cause constant backlash.

[@m.2891]

Evan Lindsay *facepalm* jesus fucking christ! how the hell do people drag 'feminism' into every goddam video about gender? when people like bill burr talks about similar same shit,the exact same double standards in his old charismatic,blunt fashion,eveybody loves it? but when this guy says it in a serious manner its something to do with feminism??:S...i honestly dont get it...i just dont...

[@ELusk445]

He's saying that you can determine who you are and how you want to interact with the world. To do this you have to look at why you do the things you do. Upon looking at that "why" you can determine whether you agree with it or not. Like, he's saying most men are told point blank that they're not supposed to cry, so they don't. But do they have to not cry just because they were told not to? And as people we have determine our own truths and figure out if beliefs like this are really best for us.

[@nicolebarnett4452]

I thought this was interesting. I am getting more into looking at feminism and violence prevention videos. I work with high school student and i want to challenge their thinking and my own. I am going to be drawing strength from various ted talk and youtube videos. This was useful.

[@nicolebarnett4452]

I mean yes all isms are connected in some way shape or form. I think that its the beauty of thinking critically, you can understand how everything is interconnected.

[@dermotbutterly-thecelticco1696]

Great talk Bill, lets keep helping our boys to become men :)

[@ayeshawindsong990]

Thank you Brilliant.

[@shubhraagarwal9250]

that blanket part tho

[@user-lv5xb5ug3q]

this guy is a great actor😄

[@ydela1961]

I cannot related with that guy speech. Crying. I don't remember being told to stop crying 'because I was a big boy'. I was however countless time told that I was allowed to cry. 'You know you can cry?', 'Don't you want to cry?'. To the point of thinking I was was a weirdo for not crying. That I was some kind of psychopath. To the point I felt ashame for not crying. To the point that I once forced myself to cry because society seemed to expect that. So much for the societal expectations. What I never heard was 'The reason why you don't seem to cry so often is because you are a boy.' And most of all: 'it is ok to be a boy'. When I was much younger, there were instances when I cried. It was mainly of pain and/or fear, when I had injured myself. My mother - she was a nurse - asked me to stop crying, not because of some big boy theory, but more in the sense of "As long as you cry, I don't know where it hurts, how bad it hurts. Please, stop crying and show me where it hurts, so can treat you, relief the pain". And it was the exact same speech to my sister. Holding hands. Like the guy in the video, I never saw my parents holding hands, hugging or kissing. The difference is that I noticed it. And it was my MOTHER who refused. I saw my father trying once or twice, but he was rejected by my mother. They were called by family and friends "inseparable", and their sleeping room was off limits... Not suitable for the children... But it was also ' Not in public', 'Not in front of the children'. So much for your man code. So, no, as a former boy, now a man, I do not related at all with the "Boy code" despicted in this video.

[@Chartoise]

I literally designed my personality with pen and paper.... I did it when I was 17. I was lonely and rejected... after my new design, I was popular. And then I'm mostly talking about the female crowd. They respond to certain characteristics. Show them those characteristics and you'll get acceptance. Being yourself is a falacy anyways... because you're always yourself, even if you play a role..

[@unplaceableface]

+Chartoise I think that yourself is misnomer, but I also think there are is an idea of self in a fluid sense. If there wasn't then operating day to day would probably feel like a foreign experience every time. A persona (which what I would call the subject your talking about) is just what you create to show the world, and it's useful because not ever situation should be handled in the same fashion. It's also part of effectively communicating with other, because when we don't have some framework of how we should be interacting we end up dumping whatever pops into our heads on to everyone else, which would make healthy relationships difficult. As for how Self actually exists, it might best be described as how and why we chose the aspects (parts of one persona) that we pick. That's only the conscious part of us though, there is also the things we pick that we don't realize we picked. Most of ones identity is unknown to us, which is actually how it natural should be. That was a roundabout way of mostly agreeing with you, but I though discussing the mechanics might be fun.

[@its_Luzci-fer]

I think alot of people have this man don't show much emotions completely wrong... just because we don't cry at averything dont mean we dont have emotions lol... but because your a man you naturally feel the need to tackle the proplem head on and fixin it instead crying about it... most men when they have problems they go to another men to see how he can fix the problem... if you go to a women she would say something like aww its going to be ok, have hope.. now thats a waste of time lol

[@losangels690]

I listened but heard nothing.

[@LJY08]

Why?

[@davidmoseley8244]

I think you mean you heard, but didn't listen.

[@briantoblerone9625]

I think it was a thinly veiled attempt to get manginas to practice more mind reading techniques of their female overlords.

[@CanadianMGTOW]

David Moseley Wow, you've been totally indoctrinated by femifascists. Shall we meet at Pottery Barn and go shopping for your new skirt?

[@er1081]

And at this exhibit, you can see the worst of humanity along with great ignorance. In other words, some of the humans found here should shut their sexist mouths.

[@ariananegron4679]

im a girl and i resonated with the story

[@grady1vicente]

inclusive masculinity is not evil or demonized. it is liberating.

[@ojberrettaberretta5314]

why should men cry more when they dont feel to cry i cant control if i cry last time i cried was when my dad died 4yrs ago why should i be crying when i dont feel to sayin to boys dont cry is not bad it makes them stronger and helps cuz if u cry when ur hurt and ur alone crying prevents u from thinkin clear and in a situation of danger thinkin clear can save lives

[@meggido56]

Checked out if the speech at 8:12 plus hand talkers are infuriating. I went to job training for Hera life that suggested the same strategy for crapy soy based weight loss product

[@Manu-wb2uv]

After they laugh at me so many times at the University, they decided to beat me, just for being VEGAN . This world is so cruel. There is a lie in that sentence.

[@lazyarrogance]

closest i have heard about bro codes .

[@nirvana_head]

why so many hate comments. he isn't forcing anyone. just suggesting.

[@perliva]

+nirvana head He is putting sick ideas in peoples minds. They then go and abuse little children. That’s it.

[@shaughnalangerak1137]

+perliva Are you saying that if men show any feelings then they are child abusers? I've been with my husband for 14 years and for the longest time I sort of assumed that men have no emotion at all, I HATE that my husband has this CRAZY idea that acting like a human being is not manly, it is one factor that has lead us to talk divorce in the past, If I wanted to be married to an empty robot I would not waste my time with a human, luckily my husband has grown and matured with time. The way most men are responding to these video clips makes me wonder if you all really are human or if you run around all day long without a single thought in your head. Almost all of the mens' responses to these types of inquires into the nature of masculinity seem completely irrational, like it is too painful to even conceive of a different way of being. But I guess I am just a woman and should just shut my ignorant mouth and make babies, Right?? By the way, if you want to accuse me of being anything other than a hard working american citizen who supports her entire family emotionally and financially in equality with a loving husband who has grown into a Real Man, go ahead and waste your time.

[@perliva]

Shaughna Langerak I’m saying that telling boys that they are not ok as they are, broken girls, that they are nothing but born problems and that they have to change when they are just boys is sick, vile, full of hate. Yea, that’s it. All those people can go FUCK themselves. I have nothing but contempt for people like him. *MASCULINITY IS NOT A PROBLEM!* We would never say to girls that being a girl is a problem and needs to be changed. There are even people trying to ban words because they might hurt our oh so perfect little princesses. And I guess masculinty is A-OK when the next princess needs to be rescued from the burning building. Then it’s: “MAN UP” all the way. Is it not? Fucking laughable.

[@Li9uidMang0]

One of the principal feminist ideas, as I see it, is that women don't have to be what society tells them to be. We men need to get us some of that.

[@janeryu5400]

thank God there's actually a guy who challenges the so called "status quo"

[@rgaleny]

Read, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," by Robert M Persig.

[@milkenobi]

This is why the patriarchy is a prison for me. I’m lucky I grew up off the masculine grid, then had a career that was very supportive of my creativity and softer sides. I have trouble relating to men who have anger issues, struggle to explore their emotions and cannot cry. I cry my eyes out in Disney movies, sing Let it Go at the top of my longs. I have several love of relationships, I love my kids and express it full and they do it back to me. Even though I’ve still had some of that toxic influence nipping at the edges of my life, I’m soooo thankful that I’m mostly free of that and just happy being my pretty well adjusted self.

[@queuesnake704]

Sinatra knows what I'm talkin' about! ;D

[@akkat2000]

LOL this comment section is hilarious. Men feel like they're being attacked because this TED Talk questions masculinity. Nobody is telling men that they're inferior, stop making up bs like that. All that's being said here is that this supposed man code holds back grown men and enforces an idea of conformity, making both men and women who can't conform to this code feel terrible as well. Emotions, by the way, are not a female trait! You've seriously gotta be desperate if you're coming up with bs like that. Emotions are a human trait.Holding them back can hurt people and make them feel horrible about themselves, so WHAT IS YOUR NEED to suppress it??? I understand that some men naturally do not want to show emotion or cry, fine! No one is forcing you to go and cry. But it's NOT okay when you force other men into this so-called masculinity code and tell them they're weak and girly if they do cry. Furthermore, why are you so obsessed with calling this TED Talk speaker a feminist? GET OVER IT. Whether he is feminist or not, he makes good points in his talk, most of them barely concerning women or women's rights. Instead of being so afraid of emotions or women, please try to be a part of the solution, not the problem. Not all people want to follow this masculine code, so leave them be! If you were actually brave or tough, you wouldn't need to feel so threatened by the idea of nonconformity.

[@santotiago80]

akkat2000 I think I just fell in love with u :D

[@akkat2000]

***** You completely missed the point of my entire comment. About whether he is a feminist, I frankly don't give a shit. What I'm saying here is that people are getting way too hung up on that. Your very reply is an example of what this Ted Talk is about. Because the speaker talks about men having to suppress emotions to fit into "masculine" standards, you call him a "mangina". You are indirectly saying that emotions are ONLY a female trait, which is really terribly sad, considering that they are in fact very human traits.

[@Radiojane1]

***** And if you really were a grownup, you would know that controlling one's emotions does not mean suppressing one's emotional responses. And if you had control over your emotions, you wouldn't be calling this speaker names, because what he is talking about wouldn't challenge you or make you feel uncomfortable.

[@surfkellyslater]

***** No, stop. He is simply a man, talking about what its like to be a man.

[@EdmacZ]

+akkat2000 Nobody is missing the point of your comment. You're just full of shit. Feminists are the very first people to slam into a man who shows emotion or complains. If a man shows concern for something, he is told to suck it up or take it like a man, or he's called names like misogynist or woman-hater. Just to shame him into submission. Your initial "Men feel like they're being attacked" condescending, shaming post is proof of that. Fuck you and your disingenuous "concern" about men. Emotions are a very real thing, but there's a difference between having emotions and being CONTROLLED by your emotions. Immature people are controlled by their emotions, like children. Women are like children, they are CONTROLLED by their emotions, this is why they are referred to as "emotional" and "irrational". Women don't use their brains to make decisions. Every decision they make is based around how they are feeling, and just like emotions, they can turn on a dime.

[@realnaveen]

4:50 Very practical discussion! Fact is real life begins when novelty wears off and time and age is totally irrelevant in natural evolution. Wait for AI. I highly recommend watching human-like conversation between robot male and female prototype.

[@IamtheLexx]

He's talking about the consequences (good and bad) of a man breaking the boy code. He should have given concrete exemples though, it would've been clearer for the audience. By breaking the codes I guess he meant things like crying outside of the permitted occasions, maybe choosing a traditionnally feminine career, not liking traditionnally masculine things like sports, things like that.

[@joshuadaltilia8480]

I'm already in the journey of being a man cos I'm 30 now and within my journey I'm looking to find a woman to romantically share my life with and I'm always grooming myself to try and make myself as manly and as attractive as possible as it's all part of being a man

[@nfinn42]

Good talk. Anyone who's interested, google for "Act Like a Man Box". This is a conceptualization of the performance of masculinity developed by Charlie Glickman that is also a useful way of framing and discussing some of these toxic and limiting stereotypes of male expression, especially when trying to reach out to other men who are still trapped in the box. If you liked this talk, you'll probably like Mr. Glickman's writings.

[@missmyoldhandle24]

it's actually by Paul Kivel not Charlie Glickman (who is a sex educator) Just want to make sure the correct people are credited :)

[@tomjoness4631]

feminism is simply the belief that men and women should have the same rights and opportunities. why are so many men threatened by that????? it is men who punish men for not adhering to "the code" and it is a damn shame.

[@ShadowriverUB]

Man is defencive, because feminist movment is offencive toward them, man is blaimed for all evils of this world and they trying to reshape the man, so its not going only after rights... oh no no, equal rights are not enoth for them, they going after complete fundamental redefition of society by destroying concept of gender, create society where there is no man or woman, and XX and XY will become just something like blood type ; p look what they doing in Sweden where feminist gone viral in political influence, there they even have crazy ideas in there heads to regulate that man should pee sitting on toilet not standing, most likely because its insult to woman since they cant pee standing ; p

[@simonjohansson1065]

Instantly skeptical when i read the title "the boys code of masculinity", It's women that defines masculinity mostly, in much the same way men have defined femininity, although there's been relatively much more focus on women themselves defining femininity.

[@aKindMelon]

Thanks for that insightful, contradicting comment simon.

[@Stratahoovius]

You can't seriously be offended or hurt when a women demonizes your manhood.

[@livingwithabuse652]

Five minutes in and he hasn't said anything yet. Moving on.......

[@654321poiuytrewq0987]

in the us you can't be charged with a crime passed seven years legally anyways

[@RhianKristen]

Bravo mate, keep talking.

[@pendulousphallus]

So nothing gets said here.

[@Reciomane]

man, one of the oldest but cleanest speech on emasculating our youth

[@LesleighHart]

interesting how some men people got defensive on this talk.

[@mostirreverent]

It’s kinda funny that his demeanor is so masculine

[@joydot7620]

does he need to wear a skirt? some women dress similarly, exactly how is he hyper masculine?

[@thechuckydoll3264]

Wowwwwwwww

[@ejpmooB]

Where is his sister's talk about getting more masculine?

[@laclochard]

Daniël Boomsma Women don't have that kind of problem.

[@Radiojane1]

Daniël Boomsma You mean the sister that was murdered??

[@ejpmooB]

By the guy that was loved so much by his mother?

[@CapsLockinger]

But why is it wrong to give the baby boy blue and baby girl pink blanket? What is the point to change the way we have raised our kids for thousands of years?

[@tessabeebout1200]

Don't you guys love how when people talk about feminism all the guys are like "we have it hard too!" but when the problems are pointed out, everyone denies it, saying that its everyone else's fault. People say, "oh we just want to please women and women don't like men to cry!". But women are usually the one's who want men to feel, to start showing their emotions. "Women shouldn't define masculinity," others say. But men are defining what's feminine to me, what I should be doing. So again, the excuse doesn't make sense. And so the whole of everything doesn't make sense.

[@hoodpriestessphilosophy7669]

Women are absolutely craving the sensitive man, not that that should be why men choose to know their feminine side. But from a female perspective, women are tired of being hurt and harmed by the super toxic masculine male mindset. The men hurt because they can't express themselves. The women hurt because men can't be what they need; safe, loving, protective, and yet not possessive or inherently abusive in some way or another. It surprises me that even "the good men" still don't understand how they are hurtful. Time to wake up the divine masculine. ♥

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

"The Way of The Superior Man" by David Deida.

[@meggido56]

I know a company shill when I see one

[@veganspace]

Just be yourself, man or woman, if you feel like crying then cry, don't let anyone tell you what to do, if you don't feel like it, then no one cares. Tell them to suck it (and by suck it, i mean suck my poop!) Anyways you know society be crazy, learn to think for yourselves, but also be true to yourself, and to others.

[@acroyogawithdao7416]

opens up with authenticity and vulnerability. that's how to be a man.

[@7buddha]

The impact of nurture is SO blow out of proportion in this talk and nature is completely ignored. The fact is that men by nature are less prone to crying than women, raising them differently will not change that fact much. Sure, some men might feel emotionally inhibited, but generally men are simply not interested in expressing their problems, because they find it to be a pointless exercise. Men prefer to search for solutions instead of dwelling on their problems, as the research on the subject shows. I have been raised in Sweden, where I was always told to express my emotions by every single person in authority I had around me, with one important exception: my male friends, who were neutral. So while you might think that this would, based on Bill´s talk, make me much more expressive with my negative feelings, since everyone always encouraged me to be expressive and to cry, it did NOT. That is simply not in my nature, and I am convinced that me being a male has a lot to do with why that is since I have a sister who is very expressive with whom I share the exact same upbringing. All that this nurturing has done is to make me think that I SHOULD cry, which has made me try to force myself to do so when for example very close relatives have died. BUT, all I could manage was to make my eyes slightly moist, that´s all. And these were people who raised me... So, please allow me and other men like me to be the stoics we actually are and stop trying to convince us that we should have feelings that we are unable to have. (sorry about the long rant, but portraying maleness as generally negative makes me mad)

thanks Adam Levine

[@kimbye1]

what the hell is this guy talking about? Can he be more vaque or nebulus?

[@agameofthrones666]

Don't be afraid to step out of the borders that have been set for you by society and/or your family.

[@justneedapassword]

This blackburn9 is in all the comments of these videos and I am affraid he is the perfect sample of all of them talk about... you don't even see the videos? they always talk about the need of surpassing the limits of gender on both sides to adress subjects that affect both sides. Both man and women have a responsability to stop those situations, it just happen that now, in this time, is still men who are prominent in the society, then it is logic to put more preassure on them, just because they are the only ones who are most likely to start the change, nobodys bashes man, but they are telling them that thay must participate and get an acting role, is not only "woman" thing, the idea that they have to save themselves wothout any help from the fellow "man" is deeply sad and deeply anti-woman and anti-human.

[@rgaleny]

See; The Kabalion of Hermes Trimegestus on YT

[@queuesnake704]

Level 6 moral development, muthaf-ckas, what's up!?!?!!???

[@gorkyd7912]

Premise #1 is that men and women are essentially the same and any difference in their behavior, like not crying, is taught to them in some sort of social code. And it's false. Premise #2 is that biological masculinity is essentially negative that should be challenged or even reprogrammed. It is challenged, it's not negative, and you better know exactly what damage you're causing before you try to reprogram it. I believe in the Creator but I would even trust 3 million years of evolution over the moralizing of academics.

[@alexeygermakov2197]

I think he is generalizing his life experiences and trying to make sense of the world using his western views. What is exactly the idea worth spreading he is talking about?

[@nicolebarnett4452]

I think the idea that hes talking about is men taking a deeper look into why they do the things that that they do. What habits do they currently have that feeds into the ideas of masculinity and disrupting the patterns and notions of what it is to be a man.

[@alexeygermakov2197]

yes but it feels like there is some kind of self-interest in his own behalf, people are product of their environment, there are different societies and notions of what it is to be a man.

[@toastykuma8225]

Masculinity and femininity have both their good and bad sides. It's pointless to generalise when you could just point out particular behaviours in humans that are unhealthy and work on those. I think a lot of people who try and tackle these issues by gender and race, either don't have the words/technical or scientific terms with which to tackle them, or they're too lazy to focus on individual cases or the complexity/nuance of psychology. He's attempting a broad sweep of men and ideas of "masculinity" but then fails to encompass it all. It also seems like a lot of speculation and assertion.

[@LisaGindi]

This was excellent . Interesting ..

[@DanutFlorian]

It applies to women because there's a woman speaking on stage.

[@boliussa]

thanks . By the way, do you ever think girls should be told not to cry so much? as crying is what babies need to do, but not adults. And it is manipulative, particularly as a lot of females have a sweet look that looks borderline childlike.

[@frecklefingers]

I'm more interested in breaking the mangina code of beta males.

[@ZombieZeen]

Lol why? Why not just worry about yourself? I mean, you are a piece of garbage already i'm sure you could use something to help you.

[@ZombieZeen]

XD YOURE A REAL MAN. YOU ACTUALLY CALLED YOURSELF A REAL MAN. AHAHAHAHAA. WHAT A JOKE. YOU THINK SOMEONE CARES ABOUT WHETHER YOU RESPECT THEM XD oh gosh. what a chat. fucking lunatics out there man.

[@ZombieZeen]

XD youre so scary nico oh no what is the world gonna do with tough guys like you around we're all so afraid of morons who have no inner strength so they just harass and insult people they dont like. Boohoo. Go cry yourself to sleep. Guarantee no one in your life cares about you and youve probably been cheated on countless times. fucktard.

[@brainplay8060]

I found it odd at 5:01 that he's complaining that at birth we're being wrapped up in "someone else's idea of masculinity" while giving a talk on what is his ideal version of masculinity. /facepalm

[@brainplay8060]

compromisedreality Yeah I got that and he's still doing a poor job of trying to sell his form of masculinity. Not only is he ignoring infant studies that have shown predominance towards certain activities and behavior but he's ignoring the influence of single parent households and the lack of adult male mentors who would normally teach camaraderie and teamwork. Instead they have to make it up as they go and gather what confused bits from females on how to be thus creating a warped form of masculinity.

[@santotiago80]

brainplay Precisely he's saying "masculinity" is not one static, rigid idea or concept, masculinity is plural, as plural as every male that listen to his "inner voice" so it's not really his "ideal version"

[@brainplay8060]

San Tiago The problem is that masculinity isn't plural. Plural versions are "insert idea here" kinds of flip floppiness which feminists love since they can play with the concept to fit their narrative as they fee like it. "Inner voice" is an amorphous concept and belongs in those ying yang "were sorry" videos we make fun of..

[@santotiago80]

brainplay Yes feminist love plural versions, but give a reason, for me masculinity it's plural cause we have evolved enough to leave behind the roles of males and females only present in other "not so evolved species" Furthermore I think a proof of this are bonobos, in theory sex it's only what leads to reproduction-preservation of the specie but bonobos even have homosexual sex just for pleasure, they have left at least a small part of these roles, or not?

[@surfkellyslater]

brainplay Wrong. He's talking about breaking down the destructive ideals of masculinity placed on people at birth and throughout their lives.

[@myrichardinyoumyrich9743]

You can just not to any woman unless it's your daughter

[@exp3905]

The prince of the none sense...

[@candicewinner]

what are u a muslim. Then islam is king of nonsense

[@exp3905]

cheah su ann Bug-Eater, what religion has to do with this? Indeed Peeled Banana.

[@nohvahburn8123]

My real issue here is the idea that men are some how broken. Some of what is in this talk is just basic, "make up your own mind" talk. He had good point but he left out the biggest punishment, female shaming. Worse than anything another man can do.